Narcissists won’t let anyone else’s light shine, not even a child’s. They have to one up you on everything. Tell them nothing. Go no contact as soon as possible. Thank you for you videos. They are helpful and validating.
If they do not have anything intelligent to say in a group, They privately ask you to shut up and say nasty things like I thought u r busy at work, u seem to be enjoying chatting with all of them.
At 41, I realize that I attract dominant and bossy women that want to be friends. Many of them have reminded me of my mom. Its like they pry to find out my issues to tell me how I should feel or give unsolicited advice as if I'm a child. Nowadays when I sense those qualities, I distance myself quickly.
They ONLY want to find out your issues to throw it in your face later, that's what narcissist always do. The magic answer here don't tell them anything negative about you, and check their mind going...it's laughable.
I'm the same now, I stay right away from them people, I'm at the point that I really don't want any friends, that way I don't have to deal with the drama, It's really sad that it has come to this, just sick of being used.
Thanks for this. Usually toxic or narcissistic relationships are only discussed in terms of romantic partnerships. Toxic friendships can also take a huge toll on a person's well being.
Just dropped a 14 year friendship. Went no contact. It feels yukkie but so free. She is all of these things. I have participated fully in this relationship. I have a major part in it as well. I have never felt less entrapped or more proud of who I am now.
Parting with a 14-year friendship this week too. It’s sad to lose a long friendship but also it’s so hard partly because you’re like “Were they really this asshole the whole time? And I really didn’t fully get it until now?” Sometimes yeah. The older I get the less petty BS I have patience and energy for, so this kind of friendship just couldn’t last.
@violaclem9704 I have in this autumn of 2022 done the same as You with a friend (now an ex friend) as I had for about 18 years. I felt a HUGE relief for now and like "tons of stones" get of my shoulders. I did one mistake for a couple of weeks ago and called her phone number (of mistake) and immediately she text me in sms: I'm working but I can call You later. Well I answer in text that it was an mistake and that I was trying to call another person - but she still insist that she wan't to talk etc. I repeat my text and she did not answer that text of mine - Than God. Now I have blocked her phone number and everywhere she can contact me and she also live about 15 miles away (Swedish mile's) and also working and do not have a functional car (I do not either have a car) so I think she hopefully do NOT gonna to contact me again. Otherwise she has to write a letter but I will not answer it if it comes. No more and again I will have with that toxic "friend" any more. We are both 60+ but I have some other friends also and some very few more special and healthy friends to relay on - Thankfully
If you're a people pleaser then it is possible to attract Narcissists left and right. But if you see your role in attracting and enabling Narcs then you'll be able to take responsibility for that. For most of my life I thought most people could reciprocate in relationships and friendships. But now I recognize when I'm being strung along, when a "friend" is repeatedly using me as a sounding board etc. Because I finally understand that not everyone has good intentions or can't reciprocate - I no longer allow people to take advantage of me. I have attracted crazy people all of my life. BUT I understand what my wants and needs are (finally) and can quickly spot and end one sided and manipulative relationships. If a people pleasing Codependent is recovering they'll understand how they contributed to being exploited in the past. It was as much my failure to know myself and have strong boundaries that resulted in my decades of Narcissistic Abuse. Recovery has little to do with avoiding Narcs. It's more about getting clear of who you are, validating your sense of self, and making those internal boundaries external by enforcing them.
John thanks for your story. True.. by working on our innerworld we become strong and honest towards ourselves. 💪💪 In my case: From scapegoat to doormat, to the bottom, getting up again, climbing without looking back towards freedom and direction world wise. 😊
I agree! I know I have enabled the narcissistic friend in my life. I 'broke up' with her today. It has been breaking my heart because I think she is very unaware of what she does to others. But I had to end the exploitation and stand up for who I am. Ironically her being in my life has taught me that.
I noticed the lack of respect for my time. Trying to make plans, they ghost or cancel at the last minute. I'm done with all these type of relationships. Lack of reciprocity... After I cut off all these relationships, just last night I was hoovered... I didnt have her blocked because I was hoping she would just go away after I told her last Aug I was done ! Once again, she cancelled plans an hour before we were to leave for the beach. I ment it... I dont want to talk bad about these people because they are disordered but common... The last time we spent time together I felt the depletion of energy. I have also noticed these "friends" get completely "dickmatized!" Excuse my analogy but I've noticed that these people will throw their best friend under the bus for penis... They are only loyal to themselves and their needs. I've saw it in many "friendships" I've had.
Guys do this too. In retrospect, your friend probably bailed on your for that exact reason; so she can get laid. I am currently reevaluating a relationship with a friend now who displays the same behavior. In this case I don't think he is NPD, but he is also very highly insecure. Highly Insecure people are not trustworthy in the long run..
Damn! That's what think happened with my friendship. It was like lovebombed then she got a guy and it was bye!! Specially cause I said there was redflags on this guy. Well! That was it, I was every freaking thing on the list. It hurt but I am better now.
Narcissist friends are so awful!!! My Narc ''friend'' until this day even though I cut off all contact with her is extremely Jealous and Envious of me to the point it's dangerous!
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you!! She is so obsessed with me. She keeps finding ways to get in contact with me it's almost like she is watching me. She has no friends and I guess is desperate for friends? All I know is she is pathetic and an embarrassment and I don't want to be caught hanging around her. Life has been good without her in it
Narcissists....make you feel like you're trapped in the Fun House Hall of Distorted Mirrors. I'm a narc magnent and have learned to be extremely observant when meeting new people. I dont give much information to people at all anymore...except to very long term, close non-narcissistic friends. When those red flags appear, I end the friendship. They aren't worth keeping around. A relationship with a narc will always come with damage, trauma and betrayal. They just aren't worth it in any way. A healthy done of cynicism or waryness when meeting new people never hurt anyone, except toxic people you don't want in your life anyway.
I am actually afraid to make new friendships because I know I am vulnerable and still healing from being in a narc relationship for years. I am still keeping my distance until I feel stronger.
I take ownership over blame for removing myself from a friendship that was never true to begin with. I don't even argue. They do not deserve my time to explain. When I now do not feel consistent love and support I am out. When I see the pattern I have learned and get out ASAP. Time is precious as is my happiness. I have come to like my own company over people who do not value me. I am so sorry about your sharing and then the betrayal of information. It has happened to me as well and I know the pain. A great trust is broken. I ignored far too long because of loneliness at the time. Thank you.
Yes, trust your intuition. A friend I had since school always made everything about her. She is very controlling and seems to have a heightened perception of her own self importance and is always saying how busy she is. No one can be as busy as her. I hardly see her now and when she messages she says nice things like ‘well I hope to see you soon and love you lots’ but it seems so empty. She compartmentalises and has put me into the category of a ‘school buddy’ even though I saw more than 20 years after we left school. She organises her friends as she organises her business.
Thank you for this. I spent 13 years in a close friendship with a narcissist. I didn’t realize that she was one, or had the traits, until a year and a half after I cut her out of my life. By the end of our friendship I doubted my parenting, marriage, faith, intellect, and my other friendships. She had no boundaries, calling me even if I told her not to, and usually she was in some sort of dramatic event. She used flattery and isolating tactics to keep me hooked. She would fake interest in what was going on in my life, usually talking about herself first, then sighing deeply before asking me how I was. She almost ruined my relationship with my own mother, calling her “controlling,” when deep down I now realize she was jealous, as she herself had a horrible mother. One of the biggest red flags toward the end of our friendship was a dramatic event that happened in her family. Her sister’s child died in a horrible accident, and my friend made it all about herself. That was when my eyes started to open. I knew something was wrong, and I knew that when she called I would have heart palpatations, but it took her swearing at me before I cut it all off. I could vent about this forever, as 13 years is a long time to have endured this relationship...but all I can say is that I am grateful it’s over. Thank you again for this video. Narcissistic friendships are not mentioned much, and these videos are so helpful. Bless you.
Isn't it wonderful that you liberated yourself from that level of toxicity! Surround yourself with people who will have your back, empower you and inspire you to be the best version of yourself. That's authentic friendship!
I can’t believe I just let these things happen for so long. Constantly reminding me that she’s more attractive because she’s Hispanic, causing drama with my family by flirting with the married men in my family, never hearing me wen I was going through things, the mind games of saying I wouldn’t be her best friend and that she’d found another if I didn’t answer one missed because I had so much anxiety talking to her, love bombing and blame shifting any time she felt a distance between us, no other friends and constant drama that she put me in, always looking at herself and being self absorbed in public or even in the middle of me talking, being a no it all about EVERYTHING, me not ever feeling comfortable telling her anything personal because my gut knew what I tried to ignore.....God I’m so happy I am going through my healing and recognizing that although I need to resolve my childhood trauma, there is nothing wrong with me! It all started from leaving a toxic ex and realizing I still felt so down and depleted by trying to find solitude in what turned o it to be a narc friend. No contact with either once everything came to light.
I just reconnected with an old friends and I notice she’s all about herself and we usually hangout for at least 9 hours at a time just talking but I’ve noticed very quickly it’s her talking the whole time and whenever I say something she doesn’t listen.
I feel like I am just realizing how narcissistic my old "best friends" have been. In the end I was broken and also traumatized. Couldn't see clear anymore. I feel like I am slowly coming out of my confusion... Also with "no contact" and can put together an image of them from the outside.
At the end of years of accumulation of shame, feeling inadequate, worthless, subtly mocking me, one day I saw this person and felt my hands shaking and realized that was enough and never looked back.
Phone hijacking has been one of my experiences. Don't even ask how you are, go right into their complaining, gossiping, whatever the case. Can't get a word in and now I speak over her or say her name to get her attention or say excuse me I am speaking. This does work. But its not fun.
Hearing you is so so sad(( because I realized that, this world is full of narcissists (( You think that you "find" a great human being... who's actually a... narcissist... So sad ((( Thank you so much for listening and all that you make for me ❤️
Yes, that's true....the flip side of the coin is that the world is also full of great people! Follow your intuition and trust yourself to make the right judgement. Don't let a couple of toxic people disable you from opening your heart to people who are loving and caring.
Maybe I missed this part, but another thing I noticed with narcs is that they imitate you yet it doesn’t feel like flattery, it feels more like they’re literally stealing from you. Stealing your life, style, your ambitions, phrases, lingo, sentiments. They not only copy you but they copy others. They copy bits and pieces from people to create this character they’re trying to portray
You couldn't be more accurate about being slapped upside the head when you ignore your intuition. I ignored mine about a friend I had that had some narcissistic traits. She had to be the center of attention all the time, bragged about herself constantly , she faked concern, I ignored all the red flags, even after she screwed me over the first time. I thought maybe Karma had humbled her a bit but I was wrong. I finally removed her from my life on Christmas when she slept with the guy I was sleeping with. She just couldn't deal with the fact that she wasn't the one getting the attention, and that's also how I knew all her empathy was fake because if she really cared, she wouldn't have done that. I threw him out on xmas and now he's living with her in the apartment right next to me 🙄. Please don't make the mistake I made, please trust your intuition, when you see red flags with your friends, cut them out of your life before they do something so drastic and painful that you end up regretting not listening to your inner voice.
I understand exactly what you mean trust your intuition it never lies I have ignored minds in the past but now I've learned to listen to God when he's telling me something Thanks for your message
Thanks for this video🗣 after years of Narc abuse and decades of study’s of narcissist abuse I just go back to my intuition asking ‘ Does this make sense?’ = Narc all day everyday 🗣🚨
You have an incredibly calming voice, and I love the pace of your speaking cadence. Most people talk so fast and so neurotically and they put my nerves on edge. You must have healed so much, because I do not feel the anxiety and damaging effects of drug addiction you at all, and I'm an empath and would sense that. My hat's off to you!
Here is another reason they will NEVER change....they KNOW they have done & said E N O U G H behind your back that they can't Risk the world seeing them contradicted. It IS and has ALWAYS been about them Only. ✨
I would love to hear more of your videos on narcisistic friendship. I'm 62 and have recently accepted that my mother had narcissistic traits. Now, I find I'm surrounded by a few long-term, narcissistic friends. It's crazy making. Thank you for your insight.
Thank you! Needed this a few years ago! 😉 Made myself always available at every beck and call. I was "being a friend!" But a moment in time I really needed support they were no where to be found. Plenty of excuses and being ignored. Even then I made excuses to their reactions towards me. Finally, I just let the "friendship" die. They made small efforts to get to me via communications with my child and I kept my boundaries and grateful haven't heard from them. Simply time to put me first!
When you mentioned that some of these people were coaches I thought, how awful! There are predatory people even in the self help realm. I relate to much of your video. I got rid of all of my toxic narcissistic friends. But, they are always lurking.
I blocked a CZcams "coach" who I ended up paying too much money for trauma healing coaching and is totally a narcissist. She was gaslighting me when I politely turned down booking her services again months later. I was thinking of a way to say no to her because I was already anticipating the type of response and she was extremely abusive and rude towards me.
Hi Petra! Wow, spot on. I have experienced every flag you mentioned in my previous narcissistic friendship. When you talked about "followers" I remembered a comment someone wrote somewhere: "Narcissists don't want friends. They want fans." I think this is very true. I was never a "fan" of the toxic ex, I thought I was a friend. It all became very, very weird in the end. :) Great video, take care!
What about those who mimicked your every word, and then say it in front of you, almost telling you that it was her idea. It really is shocking and yet you still give them that chance because you value friendship. Yeah, I agree with you, I didn't saw that coming. Using your private conversation, as a weapon to gain sympathy from our other friends, since she cannot withstand defending the lie she made. We do learn the hard way. Thank you for this powerful insights...
The problem with trying to turn all the attention towards them is they can even speak about their persenol relationship to everyone even their secrets 😱 so they do never ever keep secrets
Wow, Petra. This just spoke so clearly to me. Thank you so much for this. I love watching your videos. I have become so much better at detecting toxic people early on, which to me is such a gift. Therapy and videos like this have helped me so much. Just as a side note. It scares me to think that your ex friends are somewhere coaching vulnerable people. The amount of damage that can be done in that kind of a dynamic worries me.
Yes Lisa, I share your concern with vulnerable people interacting with covert narcissistic coaches/healers. Again.....follow your intuition in any situation, that is the only way to go, as you can never detect them at first glance.
@@PetraVanDeijl we could’ve possibly had the same friend 😅 me ‘ex friend’ is a qualified Councellor and life coach! Imagine the damage she’s doing to others! Thanks for these videos about narc friends. I can relate to everything you say.
I think it is rare to meet people who can truly be a friend; especially with the epidemic of codependency and narcissism these days. I have found in myself that my codependency issues attracted relationships that were disfunctional either with other codependents in general with same sex friendships-;this seemed to manifest with women who would become motherly, or even start to have romantic or overly-intimate friendships in their minds with me...and my attraction to men who have narcissism or narcisstic tendencies. And also occasionally women with narcissism but it was mostly men. The rare thing woman who did this seemed to always cheat on their boyfriends or lie-and that was easy weed out. Whereas codependents just seem to have boundary issues but less morality issues.
One of my fave videos on this topic. Intuition is really the dealbreaker. The way you describe it as this thing at the pit of your stomach and the anxiety it’s like yeah … I’m probably done with this friend.
Hey Petra!😊 I am happy to see you again and thank you for your work. Narcissists can't handle the truth and can't stand failure, so they say it must be the fault of others (that they are unhappy). And they are perfect manipulators and will reflect all their anger and despair of their shallow heart onto you to finally bring you down or at least, if you don't walk away and go NO CONTACT, destroy you. No boudaries and remorse, these ppl are small devils. Stay aware, keep your strength and health! 💖💖💖
They are so sly the friend from the beginning said I was her friend for life and it made me feel very uncomfortable as I did not want her in my life forever smothering me sending me six voice notes in the morning before university also not accepting that she is clingy and her energy is to much. Always call them out.
I am so grateful you are still making videos. Especially since you highlight narcissistic friendships...which was my issue...not a romantic situation. Anyways...I found your channel over a year ago and still come by and watch you videos. Which really are a giant help.🥰
You're on point as usual, Petra. Another narcissist has emerged in my workplace. The vitriol has been brought forth as well as all the red flags you've mentioned. It's good to see you back. ☺
Thank you for this video! I had heard of these red flags, but the last one had me speechless. You just completely confirmed me what I've been thinking: I defended this person! Wow.
Natural boundaries that you set for your well-being in the conversation will be trappled on as you reflect on what your body feels next day and know oh I'm feeling this way because their was no respect for my verbal boundary in the conversation
You're so right when dealing with This kind of person it's like a GPS Is going off inside sometin ain't Right especially when you're around them awhile ? And also when you start to Get info about people like them . Therlr actions fit .
This is so accurate to what I have been through with a past best friend looking back. Thank you, I’ve been trying to find more content about narcissists and their close friendships and there isn’t much in-depth content on this platform. You’ve really helped me with this information. I’ve been trying to heal after everything and they’re harassing me because I am no longer in their life. I have no remorse for the friendship ending, but because she has continuously harassed and slandered she’s made it harder for me to move on. I’ve been a bit stressed and in need of answers and guidance to understand and heal.
Had enough of an old draining friend? Just say you won't be using your phone for a while, you need to focus on your life. People change. A narc won't make sure your ok, nothing. They just lost one of the best, you don't care it feels wonderful and they don't care, 👌 perfect. Great vid. 😁
Oh...oh my. I wish I had found this video sooner. I JUST recently ended a 13 year friendship where I had to choose me, my mental health and (to some degree) my fiance over my insanely narcissistic friend. I was completely wrapped up in her tactics, and manipulations and I was always putting her first, and defending her. She hit every single flag you mentioned and then some. I deeply appreciate the topics you brought up that I have not heard before. Two years later, this video has brought me some peace, thank you.
Needed this today- Thanks our dear Petra. These times have made it too easy to be vulnerable in a high rise in England quarantine. One question: Has anyone ever been in an abusive triangle with TWO narcissists: one very Covert & 1 an outriight malignant one? She said:"I'd never let that happen...!" Ie running to him & she has! As he had sent me a barrage of vile texts! There was a total change in her character! They're both been hospitalised for severe mental health issues. I have one above & one below (them) & I'm now away from them.. as I saw it. No apology...nada. She's basically just swept in on him as kids did at school...they can have each other! So so evil. Total betrayal. Like you: I sensed something was not quite right with her: The Huge portrait photos x2 of her: once as a "great beauty "? And smaller ones of her adult kids! Plus very odd red Massive "Betty Boop" statues ....everywhere!!! & I have NEVER seen some one have and show repeatedly old photos of themselves from fb. as if they are in love with themselves. So when that didn't work against me: she literally walked right in to my close friendship with the Gay man I introduced her to & betrayed me: to push me out of the 3 we were in! She Knows what she is doing. So does he! They are both very cruel & I belief evil and very mentally ill. I got away . I feel crap but got away. I couldn't handle both of tjeir constant need to see me daily...& I like space To paint & read & study etc. They don't.
My older narc frienemy ordered me to not get another dog after my 14 year old Weim passed. She wanted me to have more free time so she could control it. She’s no longer in my life.
Wow! I respect and admire you for being so honest about yourself when you talk about your addictions. Thanks for your helpful video and your lovely vibe:)
I became friends with the parents of one of my childs friends. I felt like I was being loved bombed by them but gave it a chance. Noted red flags. Recently started dating a mutual friend I met at one of their parties. They expected me to share everything about the relationship with them. I am 44 years old! I received a massive text the other day about how they are upset Im keeping it private, they deserve to know everything, he is their friend first. I was shocked. I blocked the guy I was dating as its not worth it (only dating a month) and am going low contact to no contact with the couple.
This was so helpful, insightful and you explain it with such a calming presence. Thanks Petra. I'm realizing a lot now from my past and present, from myself, my self-image, my self-esteem, and others in my life, to be able to continue to trust my intuition, instead of focusing on the doubt and insecurity fueled/created/projected through and by others onto me or by/through conditions, or through past trauma. Following the intuition guiding me safely, out of limiting, fear-based and reactive relationships, and more and more into relationships and experiences that allow me to grow / expand / value / care for myself and learn me to love myself and my growth and insight even more, genuinely, and be confident in my own feelings, and trusting them/me. Such a wonderful surprise this video and it's exactly what I needed to understand both things going on currently in my life with certain people as people from the past, family and friends, and a lot of those relationship dynamics becoming more clear to me. Time to break free, and be free from them by not feeding them my own energy.
I no longer speak to an ex-childhood friend and I think she smear campaigned me because our mutual friends no longer speak to me (some even have me blocked...). it makes me so sad to lose friends because of her superiority complex but were those people friends in the first place?
Noor Abbas, SOOO sorry this occured. Coming from the mind of a genuine normal thinking brain, soul, heart... Dear precious soul, dear Noor, no. They weren't your friend/s. I just don't see how. If you were my friend, and I don't even know you, I would never turn my back listening to someone else's words/ gestures/ body language etc... Friends are discerning, they think on the situation, they care because they love us as friends. They check on us. Plus "narcissism" is todays buzzword, people are learning but I guess some still haven't learned narcissisn. If you tried to discuss it w former longtime friends who you've known longer, they'd just become flying monkeys. Probably what the narc is hoping for. If you've ever said, and not to further disturb you, but anything you ever said to the narc, weather it's about you or former longtime friends, can and will be used against you. The narc is actually hoping the others start being flying monkeys. I say this bc it's true and true bc narc isn't trying to actually be friends w these now ex longtime friends, either. It's all about the narc recieving entertainment/supply. They cannot care about anybody, they killed off the true self, all that's there is a imposter/a alie/a droid/ empty vessel/robot. Wishing you love from my heart to yours. There are normal people, we do exist. A Learning about narcissism, it takes years, decades to get all into it, but this is what my wish is for you... Please keep studying narcissim from all angles. Avoid narcs Make room in your life for good people. Wishing YOU & everyone 🤍
This type of situation happened to me too. True friends who know your heart, wouldn't believe the lies told about you. You are better off without all of them.
Thanks for posting this. Very helpful, as cautionary advice for getting through life, and for not-doing those things--to be watchful about slipping into those red flags (they seem like good ideas at the time!).
I met my narc friend when I just started high school. After our first time hanging out together, he insisted we be best friends. I laugh at it now because of how outrageous it was. I have gone ALMOST no contact just because it is hard to do since his brother is now my fiancé...talk about complicated...but my relationship with my fiancé is the healthiest relationship I have ever had and I am very happy. I could relate to every one of these red flags, so thank you for the reassurance. I suppose one other red flag for me was triangulation. He would constantly use his then girlfriend, and now wife, to get me to cooperate and do what he wanted. It really sucks because his wife and I grew close, but I just feel like it's hard to be her friend. She always fights his battles and thinks he can do no wrong. She obviously doesn't understand this because she is one of his greatest enablers or "flying monkeys", but I'm healing and really trying to understand who I am as a person without him having to make every decision for me. I'm learning that I can be a good friend, even though I was constantly told that I never could be. It's been one of the hardest emotional battles I have ever had to fight, so thank you for this video. Even three years after going partially no contact, his words and glares and mind games still linger in the back of my mind. I wouldn't wish a narcissistic friendship on anyone.
One of the best videos on recognising narcissistic friendships!!! I personally have been tried to be blamed, love bombed, future faked, tried to be guilt tripped and all the above mentioned tactics by a very close friend of decades..but as you say intuition, has always helped ..also Gut feeling has helped me a lot... Thanks so much Petra !!! I feel sad for him though..he doesn't realize what he does!
WOW!!. Mine said the same thing about praying/asking God.. when she was with her old supply... apparently it was so bad she went outside, looked to the stars and asked God to save her and let her get out from this relationships (now old supply)... and lo and behold I appeared in her life.. .I saved her and helped her escape from him from what I was told... but now looking at what I've been through I'm positive he wasn't the crazy one as she always described him as... He is still trauma bonded to her nearly 4 years later from what I gather.. man knowledge really is power.. thank you for educating us all..
tried to book a holiday with a relatively new friend. We had a minor disagreement and she then proceeded to blame me for everything, I wasn't putting enough time into it, was lazy about it. She started to put conditions that I couldn't meet, e.g. I had stated clearly I could only go 6 days but she suddenly said we have to go 9 days which was impossible for me due to a new job. I pointed out that I was not satisfied with the way things were going, and suggested to meet up again which she didn't want. She then got angry and started to preach to me how all I did was wrong, how I clearly was totally unempathic, not a good friend etc. etc. Just things that are not true at all. She also was like ok I'll see you around then, ending our friendship as if it had been nothing. I didn't even reply anymore, agreed with ending the friendship and never saw her again. Too many red flags and too much drama.
Thanks for sharing your experience with me I have set boundaries like you explained I don't even care anymore about the relationship I'm focusing on my goals and helping people who need me ❤
This video explains everything about my abusive npd cluster B ex husband. He still continues to triangulate and alienate my children from me. He is the definition of pure evil
recently set boundaries yesterday on a close friend who matches all of these red flags, already can feel the shaming and guilt-tripping that's going to come my way very soon lol; i really felt the fake concern + lovebombing + blame portions as i realized that they do this before i even discovered this video, but this has continued to inform me and not make me feel guilty/crazy about my decision. thank you
defintely sounds like my neighbor across the street. becamed freinds with me way too fast. i am pretty sure it was a love bombing. and i recognized him as a maniploatr and has no buonderies, the only thing that makes him not seem narcisist is he never ever went into any kind of rages ever , but i went no reponse, cut him off without warning and i think he is semi stalking me. the main problem is he lives like literally 200 feet from me
Oh my god , the 1 on the no friends , just followers ? My brain exploded . This is so true . Why would they have real friends . Real friends challenge you and don't bullshit you , telling them truths they can't hear . Totally goes against their purpose . So true . That feeling of realizing you actually dated someone like this and being somewhere between feeling good because now you're educated and damn i should of knew better
Right on Petra am glad this is talked about and it needs to be talked about more because yes I been through it to and it’s heartbreaking because the narcissist woman was always about her and not even about me she pretend to care about me and I ignored my real feelings because I didn’t know about narcissistic behavior at that time now I know much better and yes back then it did slap me in the face I woke up now the narcissist is out of my life for almost 5 months!💪🏻
Thank god I found your channel ♥️♥️ I just discovered that my “best” friend(for 30 years )is a text book narcissist who had wound me all those years with help of my ignorance 💔 now she is giving me the silent treatment because I set a small boundary to her to not interfere in a specific subject in my life😅. I am trying to heal myself and set more boundaries in general to avoid letting her manipulate me and getting back to my life again.
I was called selfish just because I couldn’t bring them the things their Boyfriend bought for them. I live in a country where her bf lives and I told her I would be bringing everything except for the tablet because of Emirates guidelines and I told her very nicely. She called me pathetic and selfish and called me “rude” and even though I was not at all rude!!! Also they blame shifted and twisted my words! And they never ever ever respected my boundaries
Yes they future fake for business & was mad at me for not being into that or wanting that at that time in my life. & they get mad at boundaries and take it very personal. & taking info they learned about me to justify their smear campaign. Also looking into my personal accounts. & false check ins. & talking about me behind my back as well as her other friends.
I am in the process of getting rid of a narc friend. They just called and I didn't answer the phone. I feel guilty, but I know that it will be the same thing all over again. Just can't stand it anymore.
Narcissists won’t let anyone else’s light shine, not even a child’s. They have to one up you on everything. Tell them nothing. Go no contact as soon as possible. Thank you for you videos. They are helpful and validating.
Tell them nothing
If they do not have anything intelligent to say in a group, They privately ask you to shut up and say nasty things like I thought u r busy at work, u seem to be enjoying chatting with all of them.
Yes indeed. My friend would cut me off when she joined a conversation I was having with others and then say be quiet once she had my attention.
At 41, I realize that I attract dominant and bossy women that want to be friends. Many of them have reminded me of my mom. Its like they pry to find out my issues to tell me how I should feel or give unsolicited advice as if I'm a child. Nowadays when I sense those qualities, I distance myself quickly.
A
Me too! I'm still healing from the toxic relationship with my mother. I attracted those figures more than once, unfortunately.
They ONLY want to find out your issues to throw it in your face later, that's what narcissist always do. The magic answer here don't tell them anything negative about you, and check their mind going...it's laughable.
Me too! It is because they feel so familiar.
Now if anyone gives me too many compliments all my red flags go off because I feel they are love-bombing me.
I'm the same now, I stay right away from them people, I'm at the point that I really don't want any friends, that way I don't have to deal with the drama, It's really sad that it has come to this, just sick of being used.
eye see yea God tells us that flattery is deceitful
@balenxy Troll.
Thanks for this. Usually toxic or narcissistic relationships are only discussed in terms of romantic partnerships. Toxic friendships can also take a huge toll on a person's well being.
Yes!
Yes they do !
When they send you ''gifts that are broken and slashed'' but tell everyone how kind they are sending you gifts and they receive nothing!!
"Don't give your pearls to the swine"
Just dropped a 14 year friendship. Went no contact. It feels yukkie but so free. She is all of these things. I have participated fully in this relationship. I have a major part in it as well. I have never felt less entrapped or more proud of who I am now.
Parting with a 14-year friendship this week too. It’s sad to lose a long friendship but also it’s so hard partly because you’re like “Were they really this asshole the whole time? And I really didn’t fully get it until now?” Sometimes yeah. The older I get the less petty BS I have patience and energy for, so this kind of friendship just couldn’t last.
@violaclem9704 I have in this autumn of 2022 done the same as You with a friend (now an ex friend) as I had for about 18 years. I felt a HUGE relief for now and like "tons of stones" get of my shoulders.
I did one mistake for a couple of weeks ago and called her phone number (of mistake) and immediately she text me in sms: I'm working but I can call You later. Well I answer in text that it was an mistake and that I was trying to call another person - but she still insist that she wan't to talk etc. I repeat my text and she did not answer that text of mine - Than God. Now I have blocked her phone number and everywhere she can contact me and she also live about 15 miles away (Swedish mile's) and also working and do not have a functional car (I do not either have a car) so I think she hopefully do NOT gonna to contact me again. Otherwise she has to write a letter but I will not answer it if it comes. No more and again I will have with that toxic "friend" any more. We are both 60+ but I have some other friends also and some very few more special and healthy friends to relay on - Thankfully
@@oitatidid you ever get away from her. I hope you did.
If you're a people pleaser then it is possible to attract Narcissists left and right. But if you see your role in attracting and enabling Narcs then you'll be able to take responsibility for that. For most of my life I thought most people could reciprocate in relationships and friendships. But now I recognize when I'm being strung along, when a "friend" is repeatedly using me as a sounding board etc. Because I finally understand that not everyone has good intentions or can't reciprocate - I no longer allow people to take advantage of me. I have attracted crazy people all of my life. BUT I understand what my wants and needs are (finally) and can quickly spot and end one sided and manipulative relationships. If a people pleasing Codependent is recovering they'll understand how they contributed to being exploited in the past. It was as much my failure to know myself and have strong boundaries that resulted in my decades of Narcissistic Abuse. Recovery has little to do with avoiding Narcs. It's more about getting clear of who you are, validating your sense of self, and making those internal boundaries external by enforcing them.
John thanks for your story. True.. by working on our innerworld we become strong and honest towards ourselves. 💪💪
In my case:
From scapegoat to doormat, to the bottom, getting up again, climbing without looking back towards freedom and direction world wise. 😊
I know the feeling and I totally agree.
I agree! I know I have enabled the narcissistic friend in my life. I 'broke up' with her today. It has been breaking my heart because I think she is very unaware of what she does to others. But I had to end the exploitation and stand up for who I am. Ironically her being in my life has taught me that.
I noticed the lack of respect for my time. Trying to make plans, they ghost or cancel at the last minute. I'm done with all these type of relationships. Lack of reciprocity... After I cut off all these relationships, just last night I was hoovered... I didnt have her blocked because I was hoping she would just go away after I told her last Aug I was done ! Once again, she cancelled plans an hour before we were to leave for the beach. I ment it... I dont want to talk bad about these people because they are disordered but common... The last time we spent time together I felt the depletion of energy. I have also noticed these "friends" get completely "dickmatized!" Excuse my analogy but I've noticed that these people will throw their best friend under the bus for penis... They are only loyal to themselves and their needs. I've saw it in many "friendships" I've had.
I agree, but for me I've cancel last minute because I have bad anxiety at times. And o over think situations.
Wow its like I told you my exact issue cuz everything you said here was spot on
Shit, it's what my friend does all the time.
Guys do this too. In retrospect, your friend probably bailed on your for that exact reason; so she can get laid. I am currently reevaluating a relationship with a friend now who displays the same behavior. In this case I don't think he is NPD, but he is also very highly insecure. Highly Insecure people are not trustworthy in the long run..
Damn! That's what think happened with my friendship. It was like lovebombed then she got a guy and it was bye!! Specially cause I said there was redflags on this guy. Well! That was it, I was every freaking thing on the list.
It hurt but I am better now.
Narcissist friends are so awful!!! My Narc ''friend'' until this day even though I cut off all contact with her is extremely Jealous and Envious of me to the point it's dangerous!
Maintain no contact and shower yourself with self-care.
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you!! She is so obsessed with me. She keeps finding ways to get in contact with me it's almost like she is watching me. She has no friends and I guess is desperate for friends? All I know is she is pathetic and an embarrassment and I don't want to be caught hanging around her. Life has been good without her in it
Frenemies....
Narcissists....make you feel like you're trapped in the Fun House Hall of Distorted Mirrors. I'm a narc magnent and have learned to be extremely observant when meeting new people. I dont give much information to people at all anymore...except to very long term, close non-narcissistic friends. When those red flags appear, I end the friendship. They aren't worth keeping around. A relationship with a narc will always come with damage, trauma and betrayal. They just aren't worth it in any way. A healthy done of cynicism or waryness when meeting new people never hurt anyone, except toxic people you don't want in your life anyway.
They're very hypocritical! Also they'll try and "fix" everything about you.
I am actually afraid to make new friendships because I know I am vulnerable and still healing from being in a narc relationship for years. I am still keeping my distance until I feel stronger.
Same here
Ditto
Me rn !!
God knows
Trust in God . Love this channel. You can watch Cassandra Mack on you tube. She gives us advice how to deal with people like that at work etc.
I take ownership over blame for removing myself from a friendship that was never true to begin with. I don't even argue. They do not deserve my time to explain. When I now do not feel consistent love and support I am out. When I see the pattern I have learned and get out ASAP. Time is precious as is my happiness. I have come to like my own company over people who do not value me. I am so sorry about your sharing and then the betrayal of information. It has happened to me as well and I know the pain. A great trust is broken. I ignored far too long because of loneliness at the time. Thank you.
Had a friend who would go on saying how much our friendship meant to her, but then would disrespect my time.
Yep.
Yes, trust your intuition. A friend I had since school always made everything about her. She is very controlling and seems to have a heightened perception of her own self importance and is always saying how busy she is. No one can be as busy as her. I hardly see her now and when she messages she says nice things like ‘well I hope to see you soon and love you lots’ but it seems so empty. She compartmentalises and has put me into the category of a ‘school buddy’ even though I saw more than 20 years after we left school. She organises her friends as she organises her business.
Yes .... they "collect" friends ! But of course - don't actually have real deep friendships.
Thank you for this. I spent 13 years in a close friendship with a narcissist. I didn’t realize that she was one, or had the traits, until a year and a half after I cut her out of my life. By the end of our friendship I doubted my parenting, marriage, faith, intellect, and my other friendships. She had no boundaries, calling me even if I told her not to, and usually she was in some sort of dramatic event. She used flattery and isolating tactics to keep me hooked. She would fake interest in what was going on in my life, usually talking about herself first, then sighing deeply before asking me how I was. She almost ruined my relationship with my own mother, calling her “controlling,” when deep down I now realize she was jealous, as she herself had a horrible mother. One of the biggest red flags toward the end of our friendship was a dramatic event that happened in her family. Her sister’s child died in a horrible accident, and my friend made it all about herself. That was when my eyes started to open. I knew something was wrong, and I knew that when she called I would have heart palpatations, but it took her swearing at me before I cut it all off. I could vent about this forever, as 13 years is a long time to have endured this relationship...but all I can say is that I am grateful it’s over. Thank you again for this video. Narcissistic friendships are not mentioned much, and these videos are so helpful. Bless you.
Isn't it wonderful that you liberated yourself from that level of toxicity! Surround yourself with people who will have your back, empower you and inspire you to be the best version of yourself. That's authentic friendship!
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you!! I have rekindled my friendships with friends that were isolated from me during this time, and it’s a healing process.
I can’t believe I just let these things happen for so long. Constantly reminding me that she’s more attractive because she’s Hispanic, causing drama with my family by flirting with the married men in my family, never hearing me wen I was going through things, the mind games of saying I wouldn’t be her best friend and that she’d found another if I didn’t answer one missed because I had so much anxiety talking to her, love bombing and blame shifting any time she felt a distance between us, no other friends and constant drama that she put me in, always looking at herself and being self absorbed in public or even in the middle of me talking, being a no it all about EVERYTHING, me not ever feeling comfortable telling her anything personal because my gut knew what I tried to ignore.....God I’m so happy I am going through my healing and recognizing that although I need to resolve my childhood trauma, there is nothing wrong with me! It all started from leaving a toxic ex and realizing I still felt so down and depleted by trying to find solitude in what turned o it to be a narc friend. No contact with either once everything came to light.
I hear ya !
Not listening to your intuition is equal to willful blindness, which never ends well.
Yes indeedy 😊
I just reconnected with an old friends and I notice she’s all about herself and we usually hangout for at least 9 hours at a time just talking but I’ve noticed very quickly it’s her talking the whole time and whenever I say something she doesn’t listen.
I guess she was gossiping about her other friends? She was always saying that people are envying her or jealous of her?
🎯
I feel like I am just realizing how narcissistic my old "best friends" have been.
In the end I was broken and also traumatized.
Couldn't see clear anymore.
I feel like I am slowly coming out of my confusion... Also with "no contact" and can put together an image of them from the outside.
At the end of years of accumulation of shame, feeling inadequate, worthless, subtly mocking me, one day I saw this person and felt my hands shaking and realized that was enough and never looked back.
Phone hijacking has been one of my experiences. Don't even ask how you are, go right into their complaining, gossiping, whatever the case. Can't get a word in and now I speak over her or say her name to get her attention or say excuse me I am speaking. This does work. But its not fun.
Hearing you is so so sad(( because I realized that, this world is full of narcissists (( You think that you "find" a great human being... who's actually a... narcissist... So sad (((
Thank you so much for listening and all that you make for me ❤️
Yes, that's true....the flip side of the coin is that the world is also full of great people! Follow your intuition and trust yourself to make the right judgement. Don't let a couple of toxic people disable you from opening your heart to people who are loving and caring.
@@PetraVanDeijl The only place I can find the great people in the world is on CZcams. We all seem to be surrounded by the toxic variety.
Thank you for your kindly reply ❤️ Yes, I will definitely try to awake my intuition and trust myself more...
Maybe I missed this part, but another thing I noticed with narcs is that they imitate you yet it doesn’t feel like flattery, it feels more like they’re literally stealing from you. Stealing your life, style, your ambitions, phrases, lingo, sentiments. They not only copy you but they copy others. They copy bits and pieces from people to create this character they’re trying to portray
You couldn't be more accurate about being slapped upside the head when you ignore your intuition. I ignored mine about a friend I had that had some narcissistic traits. She had to be the center of attention all the time, bragged about herself constantly , she faked concern, I ignored all the red flags, even after she screwed me over the first time. I thought maybe Karma had humbled her a bit but I was wrong. I finally removed her from my life on Christmas when she slept with the guy I was sleeping with. She just couldn't deal with the fact that she wasn't the one getting the attention, and that's also how I knew all her empathy was fake because if she really cared, she wouldn't have done that. I threw him out on xmas and now he's living with her in the apartment right next to me 🙄. Please don't make the mistake I made, please trust your intuition, when you see red flags with your friends, cut them out of your life before they do something so drastic and painful that you end up regretting not listening to your inner voice.
I understand exactly what you mean trust your intuition it never lies I have ignored minds in the past but now I've learned to listen to God when he's telling me something Thanks for your message
So true not listening to your spirit that is showing you over and over will definitely come back to bite you 😮
Unfortunately, these type of people can only be friends from a distance. They cannot be your bestfriend.
Thanks for this video🗣 after years of Narc abuse and decades of study’s of narcissist abuse I just go back to my intuition asking ‘ Does this make sense?’ = Narc all day everyday 🗣🚨
You have an incredibly calming voice, and I love the pace of your speaking cadence. Most people talk so fast and so neurotically and they put my nerves on edge. You must have healed so much, because I do not feel the anxiety and damaging effects of drug addiction you at all, and I'm an empath and would sense that. My hat's off to you!
Here is another reason they will NEVER change....they KNOW they have done & said E N O U G H behind your back that they can't Risk the world seeing them contradicted. It IS and has ALWAYS been about them Only. ✨
I would love to hear more of your videos on narcisistic friendship. I'm 62 and have recently accepted that my mother had narcissistic traits. Now, I find I'm surrounded by a few long-term, narcissistic friends. It's crazy making. Thank you for your insight.
Thank you! Needed this a few years ago! 😉 Made myself always available at every beck and call. I was "being a friend!" But a moment in time I really needed support they were no where to be found. Plenty of excuses and being ignored. Even then I made excuses to their reactions towards me. Finally, I just let the "friendship" die. They made small efforts to get to me via communications with my child and I kept my boundaries and grateful haven't heard from them. Simply time to put me first!
I’m going through this right now.
When you mentioned that some of these people were coaches I thought, how awful! There are predatory people even in the self help realm. I relate to much of your video. I got rid of all of my toxic narcissistic friends. But, they are always lurking.
Believe me they are coaches or huge consumers and preachers of self help
I blocked a CZcams "coach" who I ended up paying too much money for trauma healing coaching and is totally a narcissist. She was gaslighting me when I politely turned down booking her services again months later. I was thinking of a way to say no to her because I was already anticipating the type of response and she was extremely abusive and rude towards me.
Hi Petra! Wow, spot on. I have experienced every flag you mentioned in my previous narcissistic friendship.
When you talked about "followers" I remembered a comment someone wrote somewhere:
"Narcissists don't want friends. They want fans." I think this is very true.
I was never a "fan" of the toxic ex, I thought I was a friend. It all became very, very weird in the end. :)
Great video, take care!
Once you know you go.
Yes,the intuition does know.
Get out and stay out.
What about those who mimicked your every word, and then say it in front of you, almost telling you that it was her idea. It really is shocking and yet you still give them that chance because you value friendship. Yeah, I agree with you, I didn't saw that coming. Using your private conversation, as a weapon to gain sympathy from our other friends, since she cannot withstand defending the lie she made. We do learn the hard way. Thank you for this powerful insights...
The problem with trying to turn all the attention towards them is they can even speak about their persenol relationship to everyone even their secrets 😱 so they do never ever keep secrets
Thank you Petra. The shame game...oh yes. All these.
Wow, Petra. This just spoke so clearly to me. Thank you so much for this. I love watching your videos. I have become so much better at detecting toxic people early on, which to me is such a gift. Therapy and videos like this have helped me so much.
Just as a side note. It scares me to think that your ex friends are somewhere coaching vulnerable people. The amount of damage that can be done in that kind of a dynamic worries me.
Yes Lisa, I share your concern with vulnerable people interacting with covert narcissistic coaches/healers. Again.....follow your intuition in any situation, that is the only way to go, as you can never detect them at first glance.
@@PetraVanDeijl we could’ve possibly had the same friend 😅 me ‘ex friend’ is a qualified Councellor and life coach! Imagine the damage she’s doing to others! Thanks for these videos about narc friends. I can relate to everything you say.
I think it is rare to meet people who can truly be a friend; especially with the epidemic of codependency and narcissism these days. I have found in myself that my codependency issues attracted relationships that were disfunctional either with other codependents in general with same sex friendships-;this seemed to manifest with women who would become motherly, or even start to have romantic or overly-intimate friendships in their minds with me...and my attraction to men who have narcissism or narcisstic tendencies. And also occasionally women with narcissism but it was mostly men. The rare thing woman who did this seemed to always cheat on their boyfriends or lie-and that was easy weed out. Whereas codependents just seem to have boundary issues but less morality issues.
> less morality issues.
A LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOOOOOOOOOOOT LESS 😭💖
One of my fave videos on this topic. Intuition is really the dealbreaker. The way you describe it as this thing at the pit of your stomach and the anxiety it’s like yeah … I’m probably done with this friend.
Hey Petra!😊 I am happy to see you again and thank you for your work. Narcissists can't handle the truth and can't stand failure, so they say it must be the fault of others (that they are unhappy). And they are perfect manipulators and will reflect all their anger and despair of their shallow heart onto you to finally bring you down or at least, if you don't walk away and go NO CONTACT, destroy you. No boudaries and remorse, these ppl are small devils. Stay aware, keep your strength and health! 💖💖💖
They are so sly the friend from the beginning said I was her friend for life and it made me feel very uncomfortable as I did not want her in my life forever smothering me sending me six voice notes in the morning before university also not accepting that she is clingy and her energy is to much. Always call them out.
I am so grateful you are still making videos. Especially since you highlight narcissistic friendships...which was my issue...not a romantic situation. Anyways...I found your channel over a year ago and still come by and watch you videos. Which really are a giant help.🥰
You're on point as usual, Petra.
Another narcissist has emerged in my workplace. The vitriol has been brought forth as well as all the red flags you've mentioned. It's good to see you back. ☺
Yeah my ex always tried to make me feel crazy all of the time.
Thank you for this video! I had heard of these red flags, but the last one had me speechless. You just completely confirmed me what I've been thinking: I defended this person! Wow.
Natural boundaries that you set for your well-being in the conversation will be trappled on as you reflect on what your body feels next day and know oh I'm feeling this way because their was no respect for my verbal boundary in the conversation
You're so right when dealing with
This kind of person it's like a GPS
Is going off inside sometin ain't
Right especially when you're around them awhile ?
And also when you start to
Get info about people like them .
Therlr actions fit .
This is so accurate to what I have been through with a past best friend looking back. Thank you, I’ve been trying to find more content about narcissists and their close friendships and there isn’t much in-depth content on this platform. You’ve really helped me with this information. I’ve been trying to heal after everything and they’re harassing me because I am no longer in their life. I have no remorse for the friendship ending, but because she has continuously harassed and slandered she’s made it harder for me to move on. I’ve been a bit stressed and in need of answers and guidance to understand and heal.
I feel the same
Had enough of an old draining friend? Just say you won't be using your phone for a while, you need to focus on your life. People change. A narc won't make sure your ok, nothing. They just lost one of the best, you don't care it feels wonderful and they don't care, 👌 perfect. Great vid. 😁
This happened to me. I suggested I need time and don’t really want to chat on phone for awhile. She said great, no problem and I never heard from her.
Oh...oh my. I wish I had found this video sooner. I JUST recently ended a 13 year friendship where I had to choose me, my mental health and (to some degree) my fiance over my insanely narcissistic friend. I was completely wrapped up in her tactics, and manipulations and I was always putting her first, and defending her. She hit every single flag you mentioned and then some. I deeply appreciate the topics you brought up that I have not heard before. Two years later, this video has brought me some peace, thank you.
You are very spot on with these traits of a narc Petra great work xx
Needed this today- Thanks our dear Petra. These times have made it too easy to be vulnerable in a high rise in England quarantine.
One question:
Has anyone ever been in an abusive triangle with TWO narcissists: one very Covert & 1 an outriight malignant one?
She said:"I'd never let that happen...!" Ie running to him
& she has! As he had sent me a barrage of vile texts!
There was a total change in her character! They're both been hospitalised for severe mental health issues.
I have one above & one below (them) &
I'm now away from them.. as I saw it. No apology...nada.
She's basically just swept in on him as kids did at school...they can have each other!
So so evil. Total betrayal.
Like you: I sensed something was not quite right with her:
The Huge portrait photos x2 of her: once as a "great beauty "? And smaller ones of her adult kids! Plus very odd red Massive "Betty Boop" statues ....everywhere!!!
& I have NEVER seen some one have and show repeatedly old photos of themselves from fb. as if they are in love with themselves. So when that didn't work against me: she literally walked right in to my close friendship with the Gay man I introduced her to & betrayed me: to push me out of the 3 we were in! She Knows what she is doing. So does he! They are both very cruel & I belief evil and very mentally ill. I got away . I feel crap but got away. I couldn't handle both of tjeir constant need to see me daily...& I like space
To paint & read & study etc. They don't.
My older narc frienemy ordered me to not get another dog after my 14 year old Weim passed. She wanted me to have more free time so she could control it. She’s no longer in my life.
OH Lawdy! Enjoy your new dog!
This is so good. Thank you Petra for posting.
You're most welcome ❤
Wow! I respect and admire you for being so honest about yourself when you talk about your addictions. Thanks for your helpful video and your lovely vibe:)
I became friends with the parents of one of my childs friends. I felt like I was being loved bombed by them but gave it a chance. Noted red flags. Recently started dating a mutual friend I met at one of their parties. They expected me to share everything about the relationship with them. I am 44 years old! I received a massive text the other day about how they are upset Im keeping it private, they deserve to know everything, he is their friend first. I was shocked. I blocked the guy I was dating as its not worth it (only dating a month) and am going low contact to no contact with the couple.
This was so helpful, insightful and you explain it with such a calming presence. Thanks Petra. I'm realizing a lot now from my past and present, from myself, my self-image, my self-esteem, and others in my life, to be able to continue to trust my intuition, instead of focusing on the doubt and insecurity fueled/created/projected through and by others onto me or by/through conditions, or through past trauma. Following the intuition guiding me safely, out of limiting, fear-based and reactive relationships, and more and more into relationships and experiences that allow me to grow / expand / value / care for myself and learn me to love myself and my growth and insight even more, genuinely, and be confident in my own feelings, and trusting them/me.
Such a wonderful surprise this video and it's exactly what I needed to understand both things going on currently in my life with certain people as people from the past, family and friends, and a lot of those relationship dynamics becoming more clear to me. Time to break free, and be free from them by not feeding them my own energy.
Well said Petra. You are a blessing 😇❣️
Love your videos so much Petra! Keep them coming. You are such an amazing person for sharing this with us ❤️ much love!
Thank you Sunita. Love and blessings xxx
I no longer speak to an ex-childhood friend and I think she smear campaigned me because our mutual friends no longer speak to me (some even have me blocked...). it makes me so sad to lose friends because of her superiority complex but were those people friends in the first place?
Noor Abbas,
SOOO sorry this occured.
Coming from the mind of a genuine normal thinking brain, soul, heart...
Dear precious soul, dear Noor, no. They weren't your friend/s. I just don't see how.
If you were my friend, and I don't even know you, I would never turn my back listening to someone else's words/ gestures/ body language etc...
Friends are discerning, they think on the situation, they care because they love us as friends. They check on us. Plus
"narcissism"
is todays buzzword, people are learning but I guess some still haven't learned narcissisn.
If you tried to discuss it w former longtime friends who you've known longer, they'd just become flying monkeys. Probably what the narc is hoping for.
If you've ever said, and not to further disturb you, but anything you ever said to the narc, weather it's about you or former longtime friends, can and will be used against you.
The narc is actually hoping the others start being flying monkeys.
I say this bc it's true and true bc narc isn't trying to actually be friends w these now ex longtime friends, either.
It's all about the narc recieving entertainment/supply. They cannot care about anybody, they killed off the true self, all that's there is a imposter/a alie/a droid/ empty vessel/robot.
Wishing you love from my heart to yours.
There are normal people, we do exist.
A
Learning about narcissism, it takes years, decades to get all into it, but this is what my wish is for you...
Please keep studying narcissim from all angles.
Avoid narcs
Make room in your life for good people.
Wishing
YOU
& everyone 🤍
This type of situation happened to me too. True friends who know your heart, wouldn't believe the lies told about you. You are better off without all of them.
Thanks for posting this. Very helpful, as cautionary advice for getting through life, and for not-doing those things--to be watchful about slipping into those red flags (they seem like good ideas at the time!).
10 times Right 👍
Thank You for sharing dear Petra 💜😘
Thanks SO much for this most valuable information, Petra. 💝
I met my narc friend when I just started high school. After our first time hanging out together, he insisted we be best friends. I laugh at it now because of how outrageous it was. I have gone ALMOST no contact just because it is hard to do since his brother is now my fiancé...talk about complicated...but my relationship with my fiancé is the healthiest relationship I have ever had and I am very happy.
I could relate to every one of these red flags, so thank you for the reassurance. I suppose one other red flag for me was triangulation. He would constantly use his then girlfriend, and now wife, to get me to cooperate and do what he wanted. It really sucks because his wife and I grew close, but I just feel like it's hard to be her friend. She always fights his battles and thinks he can do no wrong. She obviously doesn't understand this because she is one of his greatest enablers or "flying monkeys", but I'm healing and really trying to understand who I am as a person without him having to make every decision for me. I'm learning that I can be a good friend, even though I was constantly told that I never could be. It's been one of the hardest emotional battles I have ever had to fight, so thank you for this video. Even three years after going partially no contact, his words and glares and mind games still linger in the back of my mind. I wouldn't wish a narcissistic friendship on anyone.
One of the best videos on recognising narcissistic friendships!!! I personally have been tried to be blamed, love bombed, future faked, tried to be guilt tripped and all the above mentioned tactics by a very close friend of decades..but as you say intuition, has always helped ..also Gut feeling has helped me a lot... Thanks so much Petra !!! I feel sad for him though..he doesn't realize what he does!
If I acted like them or treated them the way I was treated.....nooooo way would I have been aloud in their lives again
You’re right - so much talk about romantic relationships but not ordinary friendships, they can be upsetting too!
I love your voice! So reassuring 🌷🌷
WOW!!. Mine said the same thing about praying/asking God.. when she was with her old supply... apparently it was so bad she went outside, looked to the stars and asked God to save her and let her get out from this relationships (now old supply)... and lo and behold I appeared in her life.. .I saved her and helped her escape from him from what I was told... but now looking at what I've been through I'm positive he wasn't the crazy one as she always described him as... He is still trauma bonded to her nearly 4 years later from what I gather.. man knowledge really is power.. thank you for educating us all..
Petra, well said and organized. This video I will listen to a couple of times because the information is so accurate and thought out.
Yes you have to follow your instincts.
hi PEtra! im so glad to Know your channel! grettings from Mexico! i love your videos! thanks for all your work and light!
Thank you for your support Lolis! I love Mexico, I had an incredible time in Playa del Carmen a few years ago xx
tried to book a holiday with a relatively new friend. We had a minor disagreement and she then proceeded to blame me for everything, I wasn't putting enough time into it, was lazy about it. She started to put conditions that I couldn't meet, e.g. I had stated clearly I could only go 6 days but she suddenly said we have to go 9 days which was impossible for me due to a new job. I pointed out that I was not satisfied with the way things were going, and suggested to meet up again which she didn't want.
She then got angry and started to preach to me how all I did was wrong, how I clearly was totally unempathic, not a good friend etc. etc. Just things that are not true at all. She also was like ok I'll see you around then, ending our friendship as if it had been nothing.
I didn't even reply anymore, agreed with ending the friendship and never saw her again. Too many red flags and too much drama.
Thanks for sharing your experience with me I have set boundaries like you explained I don't even care anymore about the relationship I'm focusing on my goals and helping people who need me ❤
Some huge, massive reality checks… i feel I need to own yet some absolutely opened my eyes to start to heal..
This video explains everything about my abusive npd cluster B ex husband.
He still continues to triangulate and alienate my children from me.
He is the definition of pure evil
Very true points! I will checking with you often on this subject.
recently set boundaries yesterday on a close friend who matches all of these red flags, already can feel the shaming and guilt-tripping that's going to come my way very soon lol; i really felt the fake concern + lovebombing + blame portions as i realized that they do this before i even discovered this video, but this has continued to inform me and not make me feel guilty/crazy about my decision. thank you
I love your honesty. Thank you for helping us.
Oh jesus christ I so resonate with everything you say, thank you so much for this video!
Awesome 👏 I’ve had many friendships as well!! I’m free!
Great, great video. Thanks
defintely sounds like my neighbor across the street. becamed freinds with me way too fast. i am pretty sure it was a love bombing. and i recognized him as a maniploatr and has no buonderies, the only thing that makes him not seem narcisist is he never ever went into any kind of rages ever , but i went no reponse, cut him off without warning and i think he is semi stalking me. the main problem is he lives like literally 200 feet from me
Thankyou Petra for all the very helpful reminders 😍
😘
Wow, thank you so much for this! You are amazing.
You're most welcome!
Oh my god , the 1 on the no friends , just followers ? My brain exploded . This is so true . Why would they have real friends . Real friends challenge you and don't bullshit you , telling them truths they can't hear . Totally goes against their purpose . So true . That feeling of realizing you actually dated someone like this and being somewhere between feeling good because now you're educated and damn i should of knew better
You know better NOW, that's what counts!
Thank you for your videos. Helping me heal my friendships.
Happy to help!
Right on Petra am glad this is talked about and it needs to be talked about more because yes I been through it to and it’s heartbreaking because the narcissist woman was always about her and not even about me she pretend to care about me and I ignored my real feelings because I didn’t know about narcissistic behavior at that time now I know much better and yes back then it did slap me in the face I woke up now the narcissist is out of my life for almost 5 months!💪🏻
Thank you. It all rings very true!
Thank god I found your channel ♥️♥️ I just discovered that my “best” friend(for 30 years )is a text book narcissist who had wound me all those years with help of my ignorance 💔 now she is giving me the silent treatment because I set a small boundary to her to not interfere in a specific subject in my life😅. I am trying to heal myself and set more boundaries in general to avoid letting her manipulate me and getting back to my life again.
Thank you! Petra ☺
You're welcome ❤
I was called selfish just because I couldn’t bring them the things their Boyfriend bought for them. I live in a country where her bf lives and I told her I would be bringing everything except for the tablet because of Emirates guidelines and I told her very nicely.
She called me pathetic and selfish and called me “rude” and even though I was not at all rude!!!
Also they blame shifted and twisted my words!
And they never ever ever respected my boundaries
Yes it's called gaslighting.
Very clear examples of behaviours to watch for, thank you 🙏
Yes the soulmates thing is very odd when first meeting someone!
Yes they future fake for business & was mad at me for not being into that or wanting that at that time in my life. & they get mad at boundaries and take it very personal. & taking info they learned about me to justify their smear campaign. Also looking into my personal accounts. & false check ins. & talking about me behind my back as well as her other friends.
I am in the process of getting rid of a narc friend. They just called and I didn't answer the phone. I feel guilty, but I know that it will be the same thing all over again. Just can't stand it anymore.
Are you rid of him/her by now or are they still hoovering?
I'm hearing you Petra. I did the same had the gut feeling and knew it but chose to ignore it.
me too,
thank you so much, really. xx