No.1 ADHD Psychologist Shares 2 Proven Ways to STOP Overthinking + People Pleasing - Dr Mark Rackley
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- čas přidán 8. 08. 2024
- Alex chats with Dr Mark Rackley, a leading psychologist who specialises in ADHD. Dr. Mark shares his techniques to manage overthinking, people pleasing, RSD, emotional dysregulation, perfectionism, intrusive thoughts, shame, anger and sleep.
Topics:
00:00 Trailer
01:26 If a new patient were to come into your surgery, where would you start?
04:14 ADHD shame can lead to not wanting to share inadequacies, what is the hidden cost of repressing emotion?
07:19 What is happening in our brains when we experience RSD?
09:11 Is there a difference between how men and women deal with feeling inadequate through the school years?
10:44 How can emotional dysregulation manifest itself in a person who is undiagnosed?
16:34 A girl with undiagnosed ADHD, what might her struggles be in pre-pubescence, vs adolescence and then young adulthood?
19:46 And a boy with undiagnosed ADHD, what might his struggles be in pre-pubescence, vs adolescence and then young adulthood?
21:06 Do you think it's beneficial to have an ADHD diagnosis if someone is exhibiting characteristics of ADHD?
23:18 What reaction would you commonly see for someone who has had a diagnosis later in life?
25:47 Do you think there's an evolutionary reason that we as ADHDers overthink?
27:22 Is there a benefit to overthinking which no longer exists and otherthinking is a hangover of human nature?
30:47 3 tips to help a busy ADHD mind fall asleep
35:48 How to manage your intrusive thoughts
39:57 Washing machine of woes
43:09 The link between ADHD and perfectionism
46:32 How to assert boundaries and stop people pleasing
51:17 What are 3 major traits someone with ADHD has trouble controlling that negatively affect their lives?
52:01 How do you think feeling inadequate at school can affect people in their later life?
52:53 We spoke previously and you mentioned how some schools are really well versed in ADHD and others aren't. Where are the schools who are not so good at dealing with ADHD going wrong?
Follow Dr. Mark on Instagram 👉 / drmarkrackley
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This episode has been produced for entertainment purposes only and is in no way meant to be taken as medical advice or advice in any way.
I was late diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago and with all the books I’ve read, podcasts listened to and videos watched about ADHD, I have never in my life felt as understood as I do right now listening to this psychologist. Thanks for another great video Alex
I only discovered that I am ADHD 18 months ago at the age of 63.. 😩
Suddenly I understood why navigating 'normality' has always felt so complicated.
I wish I had known 40 years earlier...
@@sohosteveuk 🫂
I agree. He is able to see and feel us struggling.
I only realised that I'm ADHD about 18 months ago, at the age of 63... 😩
At first it came as something of a relief and some kind of justification for my lifetime of random actions followed by regret.
And then the depression arrived at the realisation that navigating 'normal' life would have been so much less stressful and easier to traverse if I'd had a diagnosis decades earlier.
Just feels way too late now..,
I was DX at 58. I feel the same way, but it's never too late to lead an easier, better life. The what ifs are normal but will kill you if you stay in that head place.
The people pleasing piece has been so detrimental to my life. I've suppressed my authenticity and needs for so many years. Working on setting those boundaries, saying no without guilt and shame. It's such hard work and the shame of feeling like an awful person is killing me.
But, I am working through it. Trying to do so in a healthy manner. Not lash out at people.
@@marissaproulx3516here with you. I recently set very good boundaries with my bery very narcissistic brother. His angry response that was meant to diminish me was. Uhhhh I believe you need therapy. Made me laugh so much as I've been in therapy for 2 y now to deal with my post partum depression and well I learned a lot more ;) and rhen I said. This upsetting no longer agreable behaviour is a result of therapy. Now your turn to deal with it. The shock he was in, priceless. Keep on the work, it will be rewarding.
Exercise is the answer. Get out of your mind and into your body
To a point this helps, with emotional disregulation
This is so true…exercise is a life saver…I personally have struggled with this due to chronic illness (debilitating fibromyalgia pain)…it’s a vicious circle as when you can’t exercise the anger builds and there’s nowhere to defer the excess energy to and this causes further issues with my illness.
exercise is great. however, with ADHD it isn't necessarily the entire answer.
@@ferncurtis2437I can relate, I've got chronic pain in my foot that is a result of a bad treatment when I was a teenager. Re fibromylagia, have you ever investigated parasites? I know oersonally a case where it was mistaken for for years. Worth trying. I have seen so many cases in family and friends misdiagnosed that I always seek a second or third opinion. In any case I hope it can somehow get better. Havent lost hope for my foot, just trying to figure out what will help me :)
I'm 67 yrs old, as a 5 and 6 year old was shut in a cupboard at school each time my difficulty arose. ADHD wasn't even a thing back then. Diagnosed in 1997.
Ironically it’s 1am watching this 🙈😂 I want this man for a doctor. Scotland’s psychiatry on understanding adhd is horrendous, which causes medical trauma.
Fantastic interview. Thank you. I feel normal ♥️🤜🏻🤛🏻
Get dr RusselBarkley books he’s extraordinary as well as his CZcams channel he had a twin brother who died with ADHD so he experienced first hand 🤚 the issues we face! Good luck to you - it can get way better! Keep searching! ❤
Pretty sure he’s Irish
@@thinkmirror8507 That’s relatable & thanks 🙏🏻
@@dafflor Yes Irish accents are great 👍🏻
Not just scotland but the whole uk mental health services are terrible
Lol I loved the Huel joke😂 I keep being like I swear to god if I hear about this dirty mud juice one more time!
Really interesting chat! I only ever feel potential understood as an ADHD woman when I hear things from others that really resonate with me. Im a 42 year old female, diagnosed last year. I’ve had a lucky existence living with this condition. I say luck my because I’ve had a lot of support and help, not the correct support and help but I managed. How the perimenopause hits and it’s a game changer, I’m practically disabled 80% of the week. I work quick and fast, then live in waiting mode at home with paralysis. Not a fun existence
I tend to interrupt a conversation, then if I start to talk I may start at the beginning then end, then the middle of my conversation I hadn't realised how bad it was until someone pointed it out; now I try not to talk to people and I try to stay away from people. I'm also very anxious and start to stutter.
I'm also suffering from trauma through narcissistic abuse. So I can't stop telling myself how pathetic I am, I don't remember very much about my childhood.
Positive self affirmations can help. And most important you deserve to be happy, you deserve to feel worthy, you deserve to live the live that you want just as much as everyone else does.
We are all born with the same birth right, of course in very different circumstances and for some life is more challenching than for others but aside from that you deserve to be just as happy.
Doing positive affirmations and therefore starting to believe in myself, my abilities and even start to like myself has helped me personally the most. I still have ADHD but can manage situations much more relaxed and with much more comprehension for myself.
I believe you, life and people weren't treating you always fair but as mentioned you deserve to be happy and truly feel that way.
You can do it, you kind of have to help yourself and start to believe in yourself. Let the self blame go and start living for yourself 😊 ✨️
I know exactly how you feel, sending ❤
sounds like you have unresolved childhood trauma. I would suggest doing some inner child work. btw, empathic, pleaser types are magnets for narcissists. It's not that you're pathetic, it's that you trusted a smooth operator. Like I did a couple of times.
I hear that ❤
OMG, I have the same thing going on in terms of butting into conversations, and then my sentences not making complete sense. I stay to myself an awful lot and am mindful of my contributions at work due to the non sensical sentence structure of mine. When I feel self conscious in a group setting I have a stammer, too or I worble my words.
I’ve been diagnosed for over a year and have been in my own journey and finding Councilling is helping so much but this video I really connected with. A really good channel about ADHD and I often watch the videos, so so informative to understand yourself more
This is the best channel for Adhd content... really insightful guests will real advice
This man knows what he is talking about. Amazing guest!
15:00 Yes! I yhinl this is very accurste! That feeling of injustice and invalidation flares the trigger very quickly! 27:24
Absolutely oxytocin! There's a trick if you have to be alone that I use all the time lol. I learned it from a dr at children's hospital to help my preemie nephew calm down and/or sleep. Crossing your arms in front of your chest and resting your hands near each shoulder calms you/them down bc it releases oxytocin. I often don't cross my arms but just have them both up in front of my chest with my hands under my chin lying on my side and that works very well and is much more natural and comfortable.
If I'm having a really hard time I will cross them and do slow deep breathing at the same time and I can usually calm down enough to sleep. A gentle heating pad or anything warm on your chest will also do the trick, as long as you're not hot lol.
Interesting interview. Hope the podcasts like this continue. Thank you and Dr Mark💖💖
43:10 Oof, definitely fear of failure. The worst kind of fear. It stops me from doing literally anything. Maybe that's why I make tasks as difficult as possible. Just to have a little excuse in case I fail
huh
I think fear of rejection is underneath fear of failure. All the time I don’t take a chance and do something I have the potential to still accomplish it and accept myself for my achievement. Unconditional love and acceptance unlocks the padlock (I found this through my faith as my family have always been achievement focussed)
Excellent. Thank you. Your description of rejection sensitivity is one of the simplest and spot on description I have heard= and I've heard a lot!
This is so kind. I've never been diagnosed, but my husband of 24 years says he's known I have this since we met. I'm in tears relating to this ❤
This is such a good channel. Thanks
Thank you, Mark. I really enjoyed this interview. I am still in the process of receiving a diagnosis, which is taking forever despite my current struggles. My jitteriness is particularly bad at the moment. I keep leaving things behind, making silly mistakes, and not managing my time well with appointments. Recently, I missed my return flight from Copenhagen, where I was running a 3 day Osteopathic seminar for doctors and physiotherapists, which cost me all the money I had just made over the weekend. It’s very frustrating, to say the least.
I am an Osteopath, Lecturer, Clinical Educator, and Medical Assessor. You are right, Mark. When we talk about medicalising the diagnosis of any condition, we often miss the point. While it is vital to identify pathology in our clinical setting, we also need to recognise when the problem is functional rather than pathological.
In this case, the term that comes to mind is NeuroPotential (a term I have coined myself just now) to discuss the full potential of people like me, who have parts of the brain that have developed at a different pace than others. We could talk about overdevelopment or underdevelopment. Much the same as muscles, when underdeveloped or overdeveloped, can cause problems. I use these analogies with my patients who struggle with persistent pain that can not be attributed to any pathological causes and have hypersensitised pain centres.
I would love to share my understanding of health and how to find it from an Osteopathic philosophy point of view one day.
In my 30’s
I was able to go for free learning maths and English at a “learn direct Centre ” (I was on unemployment benefit.)
I left school with no qualifications
In my 30s I got above-average GCSE English and maths.
Then went on training at college for Customer Service.
Then went to work at a supermarket.
The Maths+English was multiple choice answers for both
and weeks of study by going to the computer room at learn direct.
Familiarising myself and re-establishing my knowledge of English and maths.
Took the tests at the end gaining G.C.S.E in those two subjects.
I am Recently diagnosed female with ADHD in my 50s
(1970s schooling was fear and punishment)
I can look back now and think I recognise a lot of people in the same boat as me who were probably ADHD at school when i was.
THIS IS epic !! Information ! 😮😮🎉🎉 i love the mentioning of the symptoms & the validation for teenagers they go through as well as adults !
I really gained a lot from listening to Dr Rackley, what an amazing guest, thank you!
Great guest. Thank you
How do ADHDers become fulfilled if don’t know what to do , like jumping from interest to interest. 😅
Phenomenal interview, I took 8 pages of notes!!! So many times I almost got whiplash from nodding, going 'Yup, that's me, I do that!' Great job 😊
I have just scrolled through the video looking for the 2 proven ways to stop overthinking, but I can find where they talk about that, except for when falling a sleep
30 mins in, distracting the brain
Hooray hooray 🎉it’s adhd chatter day !
Woop woop!
My favourite episode so far, I found him very relatable in what he said as well as the advice you gave! Thank you so much!! #HappyAuDHD 🤓💙💃🏻
Great stuff 😊
Being a much older adult with undiagnosed adhd I’m going through a high disassociation stage I rarely leave the house because I’ve over internalised over the years I’ve now seen the physical health rapidly decline. At 50 is it worth getting the diagnosis???
I’m 58 and realised I’m adhd around 10 months ago , I’m waiting on a psychiatrist assessment after being referred by my gp , he said he thinks after looking at my life in retrospect that I just need to hear it from a psychiatrist
I got diagnosed at 51. It was a relief. Better than just carrying on thinking I was defective.
Bless you…yes…absolutely get diagnosed. I’ve found that my physical health has begun to improve with as my self compassion has developed…the shame and frustration I felt towards myself hugely contributed to my physical deterioration.
Yes! 💯 I’m 45 and having my diagnosis has helped me so much. My mum is 70 and is on the waiting list now, she thought she was too old but after spending decades with inner turmoil and struggle why shouldn’t she? If it was any other physical or mental condition nobody would give a second thought about how old a person is, and I’d say this was equally important, if not more.
Yes! Read my comment❤Go for it!!
Thank you
New subscriber!! Love this!!
Super content🎉 thanks to you both🎉
He’s been my favourite guest everrrrr
It is the recognition of having a super sensitivity and ADD and tools to manage it are life altering. Internal boundaries to stop everything from entering and disregulating you is a super power. Jerry Wise on CZcams has a " You called me a Coka Cola" with family systems theory. Great lecture. Thank you.
I can’t thank you enough for this! All of your guest’s are amazing but this Dr is absolutely outstanding! This has made me feel so positive about trying to manage my ADHD, I honestly have watched a thousand interviews and reels hoping that one would help me come to terms with my late diagnosis and show me some light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I cried!
Thank you Alex for the wonderful people you are interviewing and of course the amazing questions you ask that we all desperately want answering! 🙏🏼❤
1:00:25 be angry but sin not. Means dont worry about the anger. Pay attention to what you know not to be 🙏
I am this exactly! I hate myself most of the time.
So was promising to never let this podcast to be sponsored by Huel a shot at Steven Bartlett. If so keep in mind I was keenly interested in this, until that line. I subscribe to many podcast that share self improvement information. What gets me other than quality content , confidence ethics and service. You’re missing the confidence and ethics. I love Lewis Howes and Mel Robbins too. They support each other.
Now maybe I’m wrong, but here I though oh it’s Steven cause I wasn’t looking at the screen and this into was identical but it was you, man I’ve not considered the name of.
You had me pegged immediately.
Yep.. my kids were really damaged by the schooling process..really did a number on them
What I'm finding hard to understand is how fellow neurodivergent people especially with Adhd that I'm coming across, have still managed to get a life. What I mean by that is a career and a husband or wife, and children. I got diagnosed this year and yes I did the look back and anger at the life I felt robbed of. I did rubbish in education and struggle to focus, I have two children, 26 & 10, raised them on my own. I have never had a 'proper' relationship, probably due to insecurities and a feeling of inadequacy because of my Adhd. My career is none existent. I know part of the emotions and problems I have stem from my childhood, but had I been diagnosed, helped and medicated earlier on, I would probably be married with his children and have a career. That's why I'm finding it so hard when all these people come forward with their later in life diagnoses but have still managed to carve a life out for themselves. What am I missing? I need help understanding what even they are doing that I am not.
Being diagnosed and medicated often makes it worse for children. They get discriminated against and isolated using the legal paperwork set up to help them.
They end up with no school, they get told they can’t have counselling because they are neurodivergent.
I don’t believe knowing gives people the ability to finally succeed in life.
I think they can use that information to help themselves sure, but ultimately it’s the individuals ability to crawl out of situations they recognise as being unhealthy for them mentally that makes them a success. Also leaning into what you know you are good at.
Focusing less on what you can’t do and more on what you can.
Read Daily Word every single morning of your life. You are the only person you need to love and accept! I am 71- beautiful, talented and totally ADHD.. diagnosed at 37. It’s work but soooo worth it.
Just a little bit of feedback about the Aesthetics of the staging, if you don't mind me offering my two penneth 😮 you have two vertical lines between the two chairs which makes me feel like you're both divided and not properly connected to each other.😢 don't know if that's something you want to consider looking at but Aesthetics are everything, to me, a visual person❤
I have so much trouble with shame since my mother had NPD and my ADHD made her furious. Even though I wasn't DX until an adult. I wasn't the perfect child she demanded and she made sure I knew it. Every day.
The only way I've found to distract myself from my thoughts so I can fall asleep is to listen to an audiobook. I set the audiobook to stop after two hours, and if I'm still awake after that, I play it for another two hours. It has to be something that interests me enough to keep my mind from wandering, but it can't engage me so much that when I do become sleepy, I might try to keep myself awake because I'm so caught up in the story. It's a careful balance. Therefore, it's best if the book is informative, as opposed to a novel. Sometimes I listen to "adult bedtime stories" (not that kind of "adult" 😄) on a podcast or a youtube channel.
I hope someone finds this idea useful.
The Huel comment is brilliant, fking tired of hearing about Huel.
Glad you like it! :)
BetterHelp or AG1 might be even worse 😅
This is the best guest so far. So much great information
its like he knows me better than I know myself
I wish I understood earlier in life that I have adhd
Sadness was huge. DX at 58
Great question as far as how it presents differently with girls, he could have said the truth that they don’t really know because sadly it’s not as studied in girls or women
I have ADHD and also significant c-PTSD. What is the difference between an intrusive thought and rumination on something bad that has already happened?
Sleep with cats! Following a good petting of each❤I rock adhd for great career success...and understanding my kids. Love this psychologist...hard to find good ones.
Or dogs!
Can we please acknowledge what underpins failure which is the very real risk of precarity and destitution for many people.
That would be true if people only feared things with big consequences like that. Not when they also do it for things that would have no real consequence. Or when they cause their own precarity and destitution because of ADHD related anxiety and behavior. It's the ADHD and related experiences that's the real cause, not the "very real risk of precarity and destitution" (else this tendency for anxiety and avoidance causing failure would apply equally strongly to people without ADHD, but it's much less pronounced for them).
my grandson who has ADHD. was constantly bullied by more than one student. the teachers and some administration ignored what was going on and my grandson is no longer the happy sweet boy he was when he started school. Would i be able to sue the school or district for emotional trauma my grandson experienced?
I really felt that I wasn't alone watching this video and reading the comments.I recently got diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 23 and life (past and present)all of a sudden makes sense❤
59:56 do they care? Because there is a way to go back and to fix this. If you cared.
ADHDBPD depression anxiety 😬 I’ve struggled to be here. But it’ makes me stronger, feeling like I may need help from a psychologist or therapist.
Thank you 🙏
how do I find a good psychologist/psychiatrist. in San Antonio Texas. I knew I had it no one believed me, they miss diagnosed with depression. Recently widowed has created trauma and my ADHD has gotten worse. I am stuck and my children call me lazy and say i am mooching but I have appled and applied but no one calls for an interview, I used to be super woman Please Please help. I wish I had your guest for my doctor. Sandra Torres - stuck genius - who wants to be successful and rich so I can help others.
While this is really good information..a missing componet..There is a absolute genetic basis an ways to support your genes an your environment.
I know personally I was full blown adhd into early adulthood. Took lots of courses an learned to manage my life well! THEN, life got a crazy stressed completely disrupted...Then the ADHD was dx an obvious! Still a struggle to remake.. but wish id known I was capable at much earlier age.
From loads of videos I know this is my Mum. But my sisters believe she's a covert narcissist. Those videos apply to her too unfortunately. Is it possible she's both? How bad can ADHD become for someone that it looks like covert narcissist? We have so much mental health issues from grandparents to grandchildren. It effects so many people and quality of life is destroyed. It's this reason why any conditions should be taken seriously and there be treatment/support/advice given at the earliest age possible. However, we've got riot and hate promoting governments so individuals having their best life isn't going to happen anytime soon. UK
16:26 wokies.
Why is he No.1 ? Did they have a race of ADHD Psychologists?
I've had adhd for a long time. There is no cure.
Vvvvv well thought out answer
This nice guy know his stuff
Vvv user friendly
I wander is it a irish thing
But he's grounded and seems vvv loved within himself
Send more of him o. Pod
Well done both.ɓrdaodwyer
Vvvv much cud repeat his chat I'm even sleeeeepy🎉
I CONTROL MY OVERTHINKIN BY PLAYING GAMES
Thank you