💔11 signs you're an emotional monitor (trauma, autism & adhd emotional hypersensitivity)

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  • čas pƙidĂĄn 6. 07. 2024
  • This video explores the term "emotional monitoring" and 11 signs you may be outsourcing your emotional life/well-being- via a form of chronic hyper-vigilance which is common for similar and different reasons in Autism, ADHD and Trauma. We explore the signs, how it plays out in your attachment style, and the cost in your life, and what you can do to deep dive into your own history to being changing these patterns in your life.
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Komentáƙe • 194

  • @Patriciaparanormal
    @Patriciaparanormal Pƙed 26 dny +129

    My mother was very emotionally abusive. She shamed me every chance she got. At 26 I married a man who did the exact as my mom. I'm now 43, in the process of divorce, was recently diagnosed with autism, PTSD, and ADHD. This video was perfect, I'm following your channel because I need help. My trigger is words. I try to read between every single word anyone says, always checking to make sure they're not shaming me. Thank you for this video!

    • @ewamariamajdan6200
      @ewamariamajdan6200 Pƙed 26 dny +17

      My story is similar. I am waiting for the diagnosis of ASD and ADHD. I also have very critical mother and married a man who was emotionally abusive.
      He is not in my life anymore.
      I can say one thing, life gets better. Mine did after I rebuilt my identity and created distance, mostly internal, from the damaging comments I still get from my mom.

    • @Patriciaparanormal
      @Patriciaparanormal Pƙed 26 dny

      I removed my mother from my life, she took everyone with her. I'm happier without them. Soon my ex will move out as well, and I can heal from that and find myself again. I just want to feel free to be me, because I'm pretty awesome under all the damage they did. Thanks for the comment, sometimes this journey can feel very lonely.​@@ewamariamajdan6200

    • @KDMeowmmy
      @KDMeowmmy Pƙed 26 dny +2

      I hope you receive the help you desperately need. If you have health insurance I would look for a trauma expert. I had an EMDR session and it worked. I have chronic ptsd. I hate it. Same experience with me. Shame crippled me until I was 45 with therapy.

    • @LisaMarieB
      @LisaMarieB Pƙed 21 dnem

      I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone, so therefore, it is not you.

    • @Catlily5
      @Catlily5 Pƙed 10 dny

      My mother was like that too.

  • @divinetrouble66
    @divinetrouble66 Pƙed 24 dny +25

    I clicked on this with a bit of skepticism only to hear my life experiences laid out. This will need several viewings to process.

  • @Aerial.Imaging
    @Aerial.Imaging Pƙed 26 dny +80

    People in general are my Triggers. it's horrible.

    • @janetcorbin2642
      @janetcorbin2642 Pƙed 25 dny +2

      Since retirement finding it stressful after being out, also tinnitus doesn't help either. I love the quiet being alone, feels human, without any sounds just peace and tinnitus. Ten months after retiring tinnitus, supposedly is when it starts after a huge altering life change such as retirement.

  • @Boo-BoosMom
    @Boo-BoosMom Pƙed 26 dny +55

    People make me tired. I find most incredibly draining.
    My issue is people flock to me and tell me their life history. Complete strangers. It's always been that way. They tell me I make them feel better and quite frankly I don't understand?
    At present I'm working in my front yard at 4:45 a.m. to avoid one neighbor who comes over and goes on and on. I've always been a listener but since my husband passed I'm learning who I am for the first time in my life.
    For example, when my neighbor complains she doesn't like the color paint in her new home, i found myself thinking, I watched my husband battle stage IV cancer for 8 years. He died a slow very painful death and you are freaked out about paint color. Of course I don't say that but I'm secretly judging. And this is a first. I always put everyone ahead of myself. Now I'm learning to rewrite my story and live a happy life. I can't change my past but I can move forward and think of myself. Still feels a bit odd and quite frankly selfish but in my heart i know that isn't the case.
    I'm so grateful for your channel.❀
    Thank you for the time and effort you put into your content. It's very helpful.

    • @lyra2282
      @lyra2282 Pƙed 20 dny +5

      I'm glad to hear you are on a path to healing. It takes time and effort but it works, and it's worth it. A lot of people happily take advantage of those of us who were conditioned into fawn and emotional caretaking. They expect us to always abandon ourselves and turn our attention to them. The only way out is to learn to set boundaries, and to get accustomed to these people's disappointment and disapproval. Your anger at your neighbour is a great sign. For people like us, anger is the great liberator. It reminds us to put the blame on the right people and not ourselves, and it helps us bring back the parts of us that had to be abandoned or hidden while we were in the midst of our trauma. Our anger reminds us that we have a right to our time, space and resources and that saying no is enough. At the end of the day, discovering your true self is the greatest gift in the world. I wish you well.

    • @Boo-BoosMom
      @Boo-BoosMom Pƙed 20 dny +4

      @@lyra2282 thank you so much for your kind words. You are correct, anger does have a place. I've always been afraid to show that emotion. Can't upset the apple cart you know. Perhaps one day I might work in my yard during the day. As you said boundaries.
      Thank you again for your reply.

    • @alexanderlapp5048
      @alexanderlapp5048 Pƙed 16 dny +2

      Do you want to tell people like that to shut up? I get annoyed when people ramble on about a bunch of stuff that I really don't care to know. It especially annoys me when I am trying to think about something else when they rudely interrupt my thoughts.
      I try to avoid some people just because they talk too much when they have nothing interesting to say.

    • @Sunny-DeeLite
      @Sunny-DeeLite Pƙed 3 dny

      đŸ«‚đŸ€ŸđŸŸ

    • @francescafrancesca3554
      @francescafrancesca3554 Pƙed 15 hodinami

      Bless you sister. May you remember yourself, and live your life for you. Thank you.

  • @knit1purl1
    @knit1purl1 Pƙed 26 dny +60

    Fear and never knowing when the next rage would start. My mother could literally start an insane rage out of nothing. Then horrible words screamed, name calling, put downs. She ruled that whole house. Horrible. And blame. Someone else was always blamed while she was the out of control maniac.

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  Pƙed 26 dny +10

      I’m so sorry you had to grow up like that - đŸ’”đŸ™đŸ»sendingđŸ©·

    • @cyndimoring9389
      @cyndimoring9389 Pƙed 26 dny +12

      omg, I had the identical upbringing. For years I thought I was the only one in the world who had to endure such a mean awful mother. Thank you for your comment. You're not alone.

    • @robbiegibson4112
      @robbiegibson4112 Pƙed 26 dny +6

      Mine to. I realize now that my mom probably had undiagnosed ADHD and possibly autism. Emotional disregulation can look mean and crazy probably especially if the person experiencing it doesn't know or understand what it is. Certainly made a huge difference to me as far as how I deal with intense emotions.

    • @KDMeowmmy
      @KDMeowmmy Pƙed 26 dny +1

      Same

    • @shmck2018
      @shmck2018 Pƙed 25 dny

      My exact childhood

  • @Love2all-tz3fh
    @Love2all-tz3fh Pƙed 25 dny +16

    Not autistic, definitely not adhd, traumatised for sure and hyper sensitive and vigilant....much love to all of you finding yourselves, we rock!
    Thanks for the video xx

  • @happygucci5094
    @happygucci5094 Pƙed 26 dny +36

    I’m 44 - and it feels like I am never going to break free from this and live

    • @ST-ff1zd
      @ST-ff1zd Pƙed 26 dny +5

      Al-Anon may be helpful.

    • @happygucci5094
      @happygucci5094 Pƙed 26 dny +1

      @@ST-ff1zd thank you. I will bring this up with my therapist. 💗

    • @sharonvaldez9059
      @sharonvaldez9059 Pƙed 26 dny

      @@happygucci5094also Celebrate Recovery. It’s for anyone recovering from emotional abuse, mental health, addiction, etc. Everyone is welcome, and most of all it is a safe place to share, and also hear others share -in different stories
you’ll realize you aren’t alone, and there is a tribe.

    • @jrbracy
      @jrbracy Pƙed 25 dny +7

      45 here and struggling as well - I am learning where it all came from but overwhelmed with how to heal

    • @happygucci5094
      @happygucci5094 Pƙed 25 dny +5

      @@jrbracy THIS flipping part. It’s like having tsunami and after tsunami of grief knock you on your ass - to get up and be pelted by another one. On repeat.
      U r not alone. Thank you for your comment. Sending love

  • @sandilynn8010
    @sandilynn8010 Pƙed 26 dny +47

    I was brought up in a high demand religion where you are taught to do for others before taking care of my needs. So I feel I will come across as selfish. Surprised I’m still here at 58 years old. Constant mind “F’s”. Your channel has helped me so much. I had a narcissist father and siblings, adhd, autism and complex trauma. I spend a lot of time alone. Can’t get hurt when im alone

  • @RM-zj5sx
    @RM-zj5sx Pƙed 26 dny +25

    Yeah exactly. Then regret the decision to say anything. I’m exhausted. Emotionally exhausted and cynical anger is bubbling out. The walls have fallen and I’m afraid of what I might decide to blurt out.
    I’m pissed off.

  • @Silvermoonscorpion
    @Silvermoonscorpion Pƙed 24 dny +12

    Honestly, I'm not sure I'm always aware of my hypervigilance. I'm just always on. Maybe that's why I want to move away so badly. I'm just damn exhausted. I need a break. I like people and ppling. Yet it's too exhausting. I care so much in one hand and am completely apathetic in the other. It's weird. And small talk, I just can't. Hmm I'll re-watch this a few times and meditate on it.
    Thank you.

  • @VickiCampbell-1216
    @VickiCampbell-1216 Pƙed 26 dny +35

    Thank you so much for addressing this. I've been aware of my hypervigilance for a long time. It is exhausting. I self-isolate to regain some calmness. I know this began from my childhood, but never quite figured out the "proper tools" to "overcome" these feelings. Thank you for your kind words and helpful information. 💗

  • @Heather74.
    @Heather74. Pƙed 26 dny +22

    I do not believe in coincidences and I truly believe your CZcams notification I got out of nowhere was meant for me to see today. I believe God let me see this to help me. I am one who suffers from this and I didn’t even know there was a term or name for it. Thank
    You so much for sharing this. God bless you 💝

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  Pƙed 26 dny +3

      â€â€đŸ™đŸ»đŸ™đŸ»

    • @flutterbree
      @flutterbree Pƙed 22 dny +1

      I'm glad you found this side of CZcams! Welcome!!

  • @alisonwhite9588
    @alisonwhite9588 Pƙed 25 dny +7

    Holy moly - I do this but absolutely didn't realise it!
    "I'm only good if you're good"
    Wow!

  • @arabellacox
    @arabellacox Pƙed 20 dny +7

    I grew up in a violent home and from a young age (5) I had to know what mood my Dad was in and what was going on in the kitchen where he would spend a lot of time at the weekends and I'd listen out for something 'kicking - off'! It was a survival mechanism.
    I lived like that for 7 years, day-in, day-out and I've never been able to relax completely or know safety.

    • @THEtechknight
      @THEtechknight Pƙed dnem

      I grew up in nearly a similar environment, except it was mom and not dad. Dad was basically transparent, took a back seat and that's also equally as bad. I always have to be hypervigilant to what mood mom was in, and that could vary by the minute as she was a diagnosed manic. Also, addiction ran rampant in the family as well which didnt help matters at all.

  • @Canaday291
    @Canaday291 Pƙed 26 dny +12

    Oh wow! You just described me and my whole life which has led to all of my relationships being ultimately sabotaged and attracting relationships with abusers .

  • @ST-ff1zd
    @ST-ff1zd Pƙed 26 dny +10

    It was probably the First Skill I acquired.

  • @phoenixaz8431
    @phoenixaz8431 Pƙed 26 dny +12

    I was brought up a Christian, and it just dawned on me (with what you were talking about) that as Christians our focus is *always* on God : Does this please/displease him, am I praying enough, am I striving eneough, am I fighting sin enough, am I selfless enough to keep Father happy?
    I realized very early that life is not for me, but it's still fun to see what fuels ideas, patterns, feelings etc. I never received a formal diagnosis, and somehow always assumed it was ADD/ADHD, but autism describes me pretty neatly. IF someone malicious had wanted to wire me in such a way and put me in an environment where thriving would be as likely as winning the Powerball, they couldn't have done a better job than God. Hats off to God!

    • @alexanderlapp5048
      @alexanderlapp5048 Pƙed 3 dny

      We are all sinners. Jesus came to pay for your sins. Maybe your church didn't explain this to you. Just give your heart to Jesus and let everything else go.

    • @phoenixaz8431
      @phoenixaz8431 Pƙed 2 dny

      @@alexanderlapp5048 Jesus/God do not truly have my back. Sure they can have my back today, tomorrow, but the next, they may choose to do something else. Or put me through the Job test and destroy my life. Of course I have needs just like any other human being who is smart, well-adjusted, popular, gifted, but that's not happening for me.
      But I will more than gladly settle for security. And you can't live in security without money, financial freedom. A life without money is actually worse than a life with no love. I hit the jackpot, I have both.
      Jesus offers nothing but adds demands and requirements, a yoke, on top of a life that crushed me ages ago. A miserable life *without* the thrill, comfort and relief of sin. There is NOTHING in God for me, apart from eternity. God screwed me that way, too, because loving and obeying him is the *only* ticket to Heaven. If God is for me, then Satan is my biggest fan. If you,re going to pray for me, pray for this to be my final year and for me to die reconciled with God. Or pray for my financial freedom. One or the other.

  • @indiegogogirl2662
    @indiegogogirl2662 Pƙed 23 dny +8

    Has anyone here watched The Bear episode "Seven Fishes" with Jamie Lee Curtis as the mother?
    I was completely disregulated after it. During Christmas Dinner, Sugar (the daughter) asks Donna (the mother) are you okay? Total chaos ensues. Trigger warning for anyone who is an emotional regulator. Some say one of the best episodes in television history.

    • @BranchDavidian-
      @BranchDavidian- Pƙed 19 dny +1

      It was excellent and so real, enough that it can send your heart racing

    • @ElectroAnnie
      @ElectroAnnie Pƙed dnem

      Yes! That episode filled me with anxiety. It was an amazing episode though.

  • @Somusicais
    @Somusicais Pƙed 25 dny +50

    Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

    • @BestOffer-ii9ny
      @BestOffer-ii9ny Pƙed 25 dny

      Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

    • @BestOffer-ii9ny
      @BestOffer-ii9ny Pƙed 25 dny

      Yes he is dr.porassss.

    • @MohamedZaitoun-mh9ht
      @MohamedZaitoun-mh9ht Pƙed 25 dny

      Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.

    • @user-nh5ze8hq5e
      @user-nh5ze8hq5e Pƙed 25 dny

      Does he make delivery across the state??

    • @BestOffer-ii9ny
      @BestOffer-ii9ny Pƙed 25 dny

      Absolutely, his offerings extend to global delivery, prioritizing complete confidentiality for individuals valuing their privacy.

  • @kathysue9890
    @kathysue9890 Pƙed 25 dny +7

    As usual, another video that is pure gold. My last employer the director's used shame, intimidation, scapegoating and projection. Everything that I had as a child. It wasn't until I went to a counselor that she would have to tell me that their statements were shaming. I knew it did not feel good but I could not identify it.

  • @tracirex
    @tracirex Pƙed 26 dny +12

    thanks for connecting the psychology vocabulary to the autistic experience.

  • @Datb2
    @Datb2 Pƙed 26 dny +21

    I walk on egg shells with everyone

  • @janetcorbin2642
    @janetcorbin2642 Pƙed 25 dny +4

    So interesting re isolation, I do this too much, so painful. Am sure did as a toddler as well. Never had the physical and emotional parental attachment desperately needed, needing. ❀

  • @LOVE_ALL_AROUND
    @LOVE_ALL_AROUND Pƙed 24 dny +4

    Sitting here sobbing in relief and grief as I have done this all my life. Appreciate your content as always.💌

  • @pipwhitefeather5768
    @pipwhitefeather5768 Pƙed 26 dny +9

    That's me to a T. What does that expression even mean? Thank you, I'm not alone in this.

  • @karenkuske5567
    @karenkuske5567 Pƙed 22 dny +3

    As an adopted child
.this became my life. The illnesses are real

    Can’t find a therapist who even gets it đŸ˜¶ the first thing they do is blow off the adoption trauma which was huge as I first went into foster care 4 months before adoption

    I don’t trust anyone and probably scanning all the time😔
    Ty for your time and information Dr. Kim!❀

  • @sophie4636
    @sophie4636 Pƙed 26 dny +14

    I just automatically assume something is my fault or I got it wrong. It's so automatic that it's baked in. I know it originates from my mother telling me i was a 'bad girl' when I got things "wrong." It took until i was 50 to realise what I was doing.

  • @LisaMarieB
    @LisaMarieB Pƙed 21 dnem +1

    Wow. Thank you. The constant burnout. The never feeling safe or being known. Really helpful.

  • @MauraONeill-xj7or
    @MauraONeill-xj7or Pƙed 26 dny +3

    I don’t believe you’ve spoken about OCD in relations to these topics but I believe my upbringing in an emotionally unsafe and sometimes physically unsafe environment with a possibly BPD /autistic mother and narcissistic father and addict siblings played a huge role in my developing relationship anxiety and ocd. I have a hard time trusting when I am in a safe relationship and do mental compulsions to reassure and question over and over. This type of background makes it very hard to know when you are emotionally safe and can trust your surroundings. Would love to hear you talk about ocd in conjunction with trauma and adhd! Your videos have brought me so much understanding 💜

  • @Emliy1111
    @Emliy1111 Pƙed 26 dny +9

    Thank you so much for these videos they really help in understanding myself more and more ❀

  • @hazelweddell6871
    @hazelweddell6871 Pƙed 26 dny +3

    I have BPD and can identify with all of this thank you for sharing this

  • @nurturingnature8641
    @nurturingnature8641 Pƙed 25 dny +2

    I could listen/watch your videos all day every day. You have almost painted a portrait of my behaviors. No one has ever made this much sense, until you, Dr. Sage. Thank you for this channel and all of your wonderful videos. What a treasure trove! I am a female that was diagnosed in my early 40s with ADHD. I have identified in many ways with HSPs as well as Empaths but unsure if that’s just some of the overlap of ADHD. I have always described myself as a ‘barometer for other people’s moods’, but especially my own mother’s. She had text book bipolar and was either very high or very low each lasting weeks to a couple of months at a time. Anger seemed to be the gateway for the switch-up of her moods but a part of me thinks there could have been some BPD mixed in as a possible comorbidity. I adore my mother, but felt that I always fretted so much over her that I didn’t focus on myself. My Dad was an absolute saint and we were so lucky to have him stick it out as during Mom’s illness, she was hard on us but especially hard on him.
    I also have a narcissistic older sister, I could write a book on the abuse she served me as a child and still attempts to (just via different techniques) even though we are grown women. Not knowing things earlier in life like what your videos teach, is so unfortunate. Thank you so much for putting all of this helpful content out for those of us that struggle without the benefit from support or understanding; often not understanding ourselves as to ‘what’ or ‘why’ we feel and behave as we do. I commend you for what you have accomplished in your own life, so much success growing up with a BPD Mother and trauma. You are brilliant. ❀

  • @elzanneshepperson6729
    @elzanneshepperson6729 Pƙed 25 dny +2

    Oh wow. All through the video I kept saying " Yes, yes I do that. That's me." I ticked all the boxes you mentioned. I knew I was screwed up but this much ...?! Lol. Thank you for explaining this. It makes sense to me.

  • @ST-ff1zd
    @ST-ff1zd Pƙed 26 dny +6

    Off topic, but... lovely background!

  • @cinderella4499
    @cinderella4499 Pƙed 26 dny +6

    Yes. So true and explains so much!

  • @TheBeautyBehindTheBlackness144

    This was an excellent video. And you have an authentic gentile, yet confidently informed energy about you. Thank you.
    Much Love to all
    Kathleen

  • @karmelitable
    @karmelitable Pƙed 26 dny +7

    This is really great informative stuff! Thank you

  • @seed.meditation
    @seed.meditation Pƙed 26 dny +2

    Beautiful video & healing with all the people

  • @duakibbaariyan1042
    @duakibbaariyan1042 Pƙed 26 dny +8

    Your videos make me understand myself very well. Thank you Dr Kim

  • @donnaferrara521
    @donnaferrara521 Pƙed 26 dny +1

    Thanks for sharing this awesome video your always right on point đŸ˜Šâ€đŸ˜Š

  • @sherricannon9407
    @sherricannon9407 Pƙed 26 dny +1

    So beautifully and helpfully explained-thank you, Kim🙏

  • @marthomas851
    @marthomas851 Pƙed 22 dny

    This video is absolutely spot on, I didn't realise I was doing it! ❀ Ty so much xx

  • @arab6745
    @arab6745 Pƙed 3 dny

    I didn't even get to the signs before clearly realizing it applies to me. This tie things together for me. Thank you.
    Btw you are the most precise and nuanced professional I've found on CZcams. It's always satisfying to hear you explain things.

  • @mistermoog
    @mistermoog Pƙed 26 dny +2

    I wasn’t sure if this video was all that relevant to me as I watched the intro and first two points. And then Point 3 came along and every single point after that is relevant to me! Thank you so much for this, and your other videos. They’re really helpful for me and often overlap with, and inform, topics I explore in therapy.

  • @ryannesumbry4130
    @ryannesumbry4130 Pƙed 26 dny +5

    I exhibited all 11 signs of emotional đŸ„Č monitoring and bilateral stimulation and EMDR has helped me

  • @LadyRobertaL
    @LadyRobertaL Pƙed 26 dny +3

    Great video. Thank you

  • @laurah2831
    @laurah2831 Pƙed 26 dny +2

    This was such a great summary of so much of what you’ve covered in the past year. Must remember to re listen!

  • @marniejane88
    @marniejane88 Pƙed 2 hodinami

    Oh ya im always concerned making sure others are ok and not angry or mad...absolutely a trauma response

  • @flyygurl18
    @flyygurl18 Pƙed 26 dny +3

    So incredibly helpful Dr Kim ❀‍đŸ©č

  • @icesisblack9383
    @icesisblack9383 Pƙed 26 dny +2

    I love this video. More imp you mentioned disorganized attachment style. Thank you.

  • @donaldhenderson9918
    @donaldhenderson9918 Pƙed 19 dny

    Thank you. I found this video enlightening and helpful. ❀

  • @username46100
    @username46100 Pƙed 25 dny

    Thank you, well-said!

  • @liz6445
    @liz6445 Pƙed 9 dny +1

    This video was very very helpful.

  • @rhaudmacdonald4610
    @rhaudmacdonald4610 Pƙed 17 dny

    Thank you
 so much of my life has been lived this way
 so the journey to clarity continues.. gratefully yours.. đŸ™đŸ’—đŸ„°đŸ˜ŽđŸ‘

  • @user-ev2bc9nw4k
    @user-ev2bc9nw4k Pƙed 26 dny +3

    Thank you this helped me

  • @JWGB1956
    @JWGB1956 Pƙed 24 dny

    Thank you so much. I really identified with this content and appreciate your insights. I'm in my 50s and just figuring out that I check so many boxes with ASD and ADHD. I already have a diagnosis for PTSD and CPTSD. I isolate all the time. I've learned a lot from your videos, but this one hit home the most. Thank you. You are a gem. đŸ„°

  • @spottedfawn639
    @spottedfawn639 Pƙed 26 dny +1

    Thank you!

  • @elsathal7359
    @elsathal7359 Pƙed 26 dny +1

    Thank you for sharing âœŒđŸœđŸ’–đŸ€ŸđŸœâœšïžđŸ§šâ€â™‚ïž

  • @stferret
    @stferret Pƙed 26 dny +2

    Enjoyed your video, Thanks! I admit to feeling the Need to share this with my sister...
    Also, thanks for including the three citation article links, as my brain;
    · Craves ever more information to better interpret and ascribe meaning, without regard to probability of future use
    · Zero compunction hijacking attention from current/urgent tasks
    · Aptitude with magical words of power such as [prestidigitatiNO] (counter responsible action) and [WHYb] (hold in place) at every rabbit hole...

  • @ZiggySmallsss
    @ZiggySmallsss Pƙed 2 dny

    Both my parents were eggshell parents and still are to an extent. I was told by so many hippies that i was an empath. Recently, though, i heard the pov that being an empath is actually a trauma response, and it truly does make sense.

  • @abstractvlog
    @abstractvlog Pƙed 22 dny

    SPOT ON.

  • @amyalbers4195
    @amyalbers4195 Pƙed 25 dny +2

    This describes me 100% wow....
    What makes me like this?? 😔

  • @2cmeb
    @2cmeb Pƙed 19 dny

    Thank you very much. đŸ™đŸŒđŸ™đŸŒâ€ïž

  • @robbiegibson4112
    @robbiegibson4112 Pƙed 26 dny +3

    I spend to much time living like this. My oldest son lives with me in my mother's house and my other 2 adult children are narcissist. I am in a bad situation until I relocate even though I took care of my mother until she died here and I was also a single father for my 3 adult children for about 9 years after their mother left them the second time when I was in nursing school , seeking a minor in psychology aswell and studying martial arts within a year of becoming a teacher at the most probably. I was writing songs well learning to from friends that had already written # 1 songs etc working on movies etc and I gave up everything to be there for them and they are closer to their mother now or something. My daughter didn't even call me on fathers day or on my birthday. She makes sure her husband takes her mother something. I feel as though meeting her was the destruction of me .I am just tired of it and want to be free from this dysfunctional crud after 40 years. I know I can find happiness again if I am living somewhere instead of just existing like I do here. I've done this emotional monitoring to the point of it being self destructive. I had no idea.

  • @BrittanyLynnOfficial
    @BrittanyLynnOfficial Pƙed 26 dny +4

    Please pray for me. 🙏 đŸ€Č

  • @cassiestevens8382
    @cassiestevens8382 Pƙed 26 dny +1

    Thanks. Yes. Wish you had a thanks option.âŁïžđŸ•ŠđŸŒč

  • @ajbartley3432
    @ajbartley3432 Pƙed 16 dny

    THIS IS ME! Ive never seen anything that answers so many questions...now to try for actual testing.

  • @pixywings
    @pixywings Pƙed 9 dny

    Just discovered you today. This might sound odd... but I love that you use Gymnopédies as your music!

  • @user-ku2nx6bm7b
    @user-ku2nx6bm7b Pƙed 26 dny +3

    Monarch butterfly now thanks

  • @arcticarcanum
    @arcticarcanum Pƙed 13 dny

    I feel very called out from this video

  • @synystergates07
    @synystergates07 Pƙed 9 hodinami

    First thirty seconds, yep. I ask people CONSTANTLY If they're okay. Once a friend actually kind of scolded me for always asking. I do it out of my own insecurity and feelings of uncertainty of how I feel. I can't stop.

  • @aliabobalia
    @aliabobalia Pƙed 25 dny

    Thank you so much Dr Kim Sage. This is the exact lesson I needed at this point in time. I met a really wonderful man but im having trouble staying regulated whenever he has any emotions that aren't happiness, even when it's not directed at me. I keep pushing him away and now I see it's because of avoidants emotional monitoring. I just keep looking for reasons to vilify him. I feel toxic. Figuring out these triggers seems like it won't be an easy task.

  • @Muchaspass
    @Muchaspass Pƙed 3 dny

    I truly see what happens when a wide variety of standards are upon old teachings. Many people in my age seemed to continue life with the old stuff of our Native teaching,but not all is bad or doubtful that is where your message on this subject makes sense now. O what a difference between my natural ablitiys and possibly change it up at your convenience. It's not too late for me so I am going forward with making sure I don't give the right for family members lives to overlord my true self. Forgive me if i seem to lack a wide range of vocabulary. Your Awesome Dr.Sage and of course My you all continue life. I'm just looking in from the outside.

  • @Kelbelle-gt3dl
    @Kelbelle-gt3dl Pƙed 15 dny

    âœšđŸ•ŻïžđŸȘ·đŸ’«đŸ«¶đŸŒâœš thank you. this is helpful 🔆✹

  • @iabergils
    @iabergils Pƙed 25 dny

    😳...I think this was the most helpful video I have ever seen... đŸ€”đŸ€”yes, pretty sure for real. I don't know what to say...except thank you of course. ❀

  • @daisy.g1979
    @daisy.g1979 Pƙed 19 dny

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It all fits with me so much and I feel this is so important to me.. Could you please advise me any book that you recommend about this topic if any? Thank you!

  • @2cmeb
    @2cmeb Pƙed 19 dny

    Constantly, and it is absolutely exhausting and life thieving and relationship thieving. How can someone be 58 and hardly know who they are anymore. It was so much easier to mask, monitor everyone else & everything else, when I was younger.

  • @AnnWilson-pi6te
    @AnnWilson-pi6te Pƙed 20 dny

    yes

  • @marijkevv11
    @marijkevv11 Pƙed 23 dny

    Always checking, scanning my surroundings... im only good if you're good now learning to focus inwards,.. experience my experience is a hard one, feeling my body etc also very difficult

  • @evapavlou5296
    @evapavlou5296 Pƙed 22 dny

    No one whose gone through this toxic life will never ever be ok !!!
    Scars are there forever !!!
    They tortured us !!! đŸ„ș
    No words used will ever fix people , even if it makes sense, words - actions / understanding Won’t/ Doesn’t Fix things now , no cure , sadly too late now !!!
    😼‍💹

  • @JKDVIPER
    @JKDVIPER Pƙed 22 dny

    3:42 I think I was about 17, and my mom and uncle were with me, and I knew I could trust them in a sense, but I still got massive anxiety and fear of them, everything for that matter. As I was learning about the world, taking in cues, I formed my brain as a worrier because mom was and nana was. Plus I got raised by a single parent. When we get used to people doing a sudden flip, and coming out like a fire hydrant of energy/negative emotion. We worry about the future, stress about the past, pay no attention to what’s going on now. And seek comfort. Calm, peaceable feelings and isolation. What made the change in me was attitude changing. Then results looked slightly different. Over time, I got better at not caring if it wasn’t fair. I stopped feeling guilty for being angry too. But I have to make sure I’m not ruminating. 14:07 that was major helpful. Apprehension is what we’re talking about. That uneasy fear you’ve somehow missed the boat/memo. Confused, afraid to rise up and make a truth known. It sounds good, but now try it n see.

  • @ElectroAnnie
    @ElectroAnnie Pƙed dnem

    Man..this is me. My entire life.

  • @randomtube8226
    @randomtube8226 Pƙed 10 hodinami

    No im not ok thanks for asking

  • @LindyLooo99
    @LindyLooo99 Pƙed dnem

    My mother was violent and we learned to watch her. She was very fair, so when she got mad, her neck, cheeks and forehead got red. I watched because someone was gonna get beat when that happened. I also tend to watch everyone around me to keep them away from me, not get behind me etc.

  • @kim5754
    @kim5754 Pƙed 20 dny

    I have this issue

  • @StevenBaker-l6s
    @StevenBaker-l6s Pƙed 14 dny

    Thank you are you ok

  • @auycharxernaighn7893
    @auycharxernaighn7893 Pƙed 26 dny +9

    Can you be between HSP and autism ?? Because I am 100% HSP but don't know if I am autistic or not .. I read so many things about autism but really so confused therefore cannot really decide ... and no therapist/psychiatrist in this part of our country😱

    • @katiem7688
      @katiem7688 Pƙed 26 dny +1

      I’ve taught kids w autism for 20 years and I definitely don’t know if HSP is part of the spectrum.

    • @DrKimSage
      @DrKimSage  Pƙed 26 dny +2

      My last video is about this topic ❀

    • @JMA864
      @JMA864 Pƙed 25 dny +1

      @@DrKimSageDo you mean June 30, 2024, “5 signs you might have ADHD and autism”? In my experience, someone can be HSP but most definitely not ADHD.

    • @penelopequinn1604
      @penelopequinn1604 Pƙed 25 dny

      ​@@JMA864No.she has an actual video about HSP and Autism...the similarities and differences.

  • @betsymerrill923
    @betsymerrill923 Pƙed 26 dny +6

    I’m not ok

  • @user-pn3gl5jf5d
    @user-pn3gl5jf5d Pƙed 23 dny

    I wonder if this is what the world calls codependency. I am intuitive and tend to read people but I spend as much time trying to stay on goal and focus and forget the feelings thoughts or whatever I'm picking up about others or myself reacting to being around others. As someone would say you do you. Very good video however thank you

  • @CatherineDavid-xv4qd
    @CatherineDavid-xv4qd Pƙed 25 dny +1

    What if you have no childhood memories for 98% of childhood?

  • @TarkMcCoy
    @TarkMcCoy Pƙed 26 dny +2

    You might want to use a lighter color for the text titling. The black letters over your black top makes it hard to read. THX!

  • @thomasserna9378
    @thomasserna9378 Pƙed 10 dny

    With being autistic, this explains a lot about my marriage and other people. Its no wonder why i feel so defeated, expecially when people promote that bad behavior.

  • @richtigersoan
    @richtigersoan Pƙed 26 dny +1

    12:20 you're describing me, 100%

  • @Truthfully537
    @Truthfully537 Pƙed 26 dny +4

    Are People with Infj personality type, a result of childhood trauma/ neglect?

  • @lightfaeries7
    @lightfaeries7 Pƙed 23 dny

    I used to ask my friend at school was she OK...not even REALISING I was saying it.xx

  • @arabellacox
    @arabellacox Pƙed 20 dny +1

    You talk of childhood trauma and autism as two separate things, but I believe the former causes the latter.

    • @BranchDavidian-
      @BranchDavidian- Pƙed 19 dny +1

      Trauma can cause very autism-like signs, this is known.
      But I do believe autism is from birth. But autism also gives you a nervous system that is more like that of a traumatized person, that is even more prone to trauma.

  • @MsEllaMae
    @MsEllaMae Pƙed 18 dny

    You have been very helpful, I am hsp/ASD dyslexia gestalt. I also have 16 yrs of hardcore sobriety from alcohol and illegal drugs. I know before I struggled with many of these things but I'm also trans gender intersex trans female. I've faced abuse mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually. Ive beaten by my Parentals an neglected, I've had 3 hates crimes committed on my, I have SI with 8 real attempts no premeditation, I've been in 46 psychiatric hospitals including 3 state hospitals, cops have beat me for my autism in FL jail. I've transitioned in full public view for 8 yrs as transgender Activist and have faced many mean ppl haters constantly everyday online an in real life. I'm still here but I am completely messed up. I know who I am, I masked my feelings to avoid pain I still have to. I was born with deformed legs an wore leg braces until I was I had asthma and was also hit in the head at 11 with a brick by my sister, I had a cat 3 concussion. Im poor and trans there's nowhere safe nowhere and then I just got robbed/hacked. I can't function if I can't stay safe which apparently every attempt to figure out life has failed. The fact that this Gen x survivor is still alive speaks for my strength not a weakness but I'm tired

    • @dianeatpeace337
      @dianeatpeace337 Pƙed 19 hodinami

      You are strong! I'm sorry life dealt you such a tough hand. I believe we are all here to help make the world a better place and to help grow conscious awareness and kindness by modeling it for others. Thanks for telling your story.

  • @svp3rn0v47
    @svp3rn0v47 Pƙed 18 dny

    “Okay”. In a world like this one?

  • @Olesaa
    @Olesaa Pƙed 25 dny +1

    Dr. Sage I've been wondering if it's possible to be autistic and at the same time be very attuned to emotional changes in other people. I am officially diagnosed yet really often I hear from people that I understand emotions too well and therefore I present to function ok socially. My hypothesis is that I'm good at it because of the emotional parentyfication - I had to learn to identify feelings of my mother precisely to survive. Could this and autistic pattern recognition and intrest in people's behavior result in developing this skills above average even if I'm autistic? I would really appreciate your answer, and please excuse any language mistakes, I'm not a native speaker 🙏🙂

  • @StevenBaker-l6s
    @StevenBaker-l6s Pƙed 14 dny

    Deep cover