@@missstranger7697omg were living the same life. my mom was a teacher/professor for 20+ years yet when it comes to her children she says she “doesn’t believe in positive reinforcement.” horrible to me and my siblings our whole lives, but wonderful surrogate mother to children our ages. 🫠🫠
Mine was also like this and now has plans to raise a group of foster children.....i wonder how come she never loved or cared for her 4 biological kids that way.. Like what was wrong with us? And how come kids who were perfect strangers always got to experience best of her.
A narcissist mother can take your life...trust me....I don't feel safe in my own house...each day I am counting to go away from her...she has distant everybody from me...she is totally mad and 24/7 tries to pick fights with me..she always wants me to bow down to her..that I will never ever do...
I can forgive my mother for the times she talked down to me and my sister, trying to protect us from the world. She was a person who was making mistakes. But what I can't forgive about her, is ignorance of my (and my sister's) feelings towards her. Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall. Indeed a toxic narcissistic woman my mother was.
I battle with "honor thy mother and father" my dad was my rock, best friend, and the best dad ever. Honoring him, NP. Honoring my mother has been critical to my heart
@@tashacherry1480I believe in scripture too its very difficult to obey that one when they test you constantly. I'm so sorry. I just go back to well Jesus didn't deserve his treatment either but he was faithful to his Fathers will which included alot of mistreatment. My unbelieving friends get so mad and say that's why they hate religion they think it traps you in abuse. I can see what they mean but I know that we will have a greater reward in the end when we endure faithfully. Just remember sis one day we will meet in a place where there are no more tears or sorrows 👐 Can't wait to see you there.
My mother change her whole personality in a second a person enters the house. All smiley smiley , joking, best caring and shiet but once they leave she's gonna talk shiet about that person , she's all mean and take it out on us, absolutely disgusting. I ended up being blamed by literally EVERYONE around that I'm ungrateful brat and how wonderful she is, that's why I had to distant from whole family who don't live with her and know her mask only.
This is probably why my grown ass ex almost 30 kept leaving me every time he talked to his mom on the phone he would end up having a panic attack start being mean to me and end up getting picked up by her and leave town. I don't know why he couldn't just cut her off. He had narcissistic qualitys too hard to figure out what was going on.
But eye opening. Not ever women is fit to be a mother nor a man fit to be a father. Having toxic parents sometimes do create better ones but the chances are always slim.
Right? I was 45 before I found out that other mothers actually LIKED their kids and told them how proud they are of them and how beautiful they are! I know more people with screwed up mothers than the opposite though.
well yes, we are all humans after all. really move on, theres nothing you can do about them, nothing. take careof yourself as they would lie no matter and manuplate it in such a way that it seems your wrong, and when you accept it, she will fking break you to the core to make you feel bad about who you are and not who ywhat she wants you to be.
@@sirijanthakur I understand your sentiment but “just MoveOn“ are you simply not good enough advice. For the suffers of narcissistic abuse especially in childhood they need extensive healing and therapy before they’re able to truly “move on“. Being a victim of a narcissist in your most sensitive years reeks havoc on your nervous system and even worsens your health.
You aren't alone, it really is unfair and cruel that our own mothers have done this to us. But you matter and it's not your fault. You matter and are worthy of love and happiness.
@@aprilcunningham7246My father didn't protect me from my abusive mother and aunt...The public should be educated that evil parents or guardians do exist
Stay strong, & pray to God to help you. I think they are possessed by evil spirits. My 91year old mother was always like that. I moved to the different continent at 25, to get as far away from her, as possible. I am 60, but still struggling not to be like her. Don't let evil win☦️
And the 3rd thing is that she constantly reminds you of your failure, about your traumas. she will constantly talk about those things and you would just end up feeling suffocating under her presence. Your eyes will start to get teary but you are afraid to cry even.
Yes it does. Especially if she attempts to bodyshame you. She did that with my sister as well. But she was luckier than me, because she escaped faster.
Self esteem was In complete hell. You become an insane people pleaser. You have ZERO boundaries. Can't express anger or irritation without the cptsd being triggered. You don't even know that your insane people pleasing, nice girl ways is a complete facade/mask that you were forced to adapt and the real you is EXHAUSTED. You just don't know how to change it. I feel soooooo bad for anyone with evil so called parents or any scapegoat who had no access to the internet and didn't know wtf was happening. I cant imagine the number of people in psych wards or prison bc of their evil ass so called parents
@@JessAnonymous It's not in the topic, but even girls in relationships with bad boyfriends and women with terrible husbands are in a bad situation. Don't forget about them!!
@@mindfulperspective111wait, BPD & narcissist are two entirely different things and meanings. Just what is your job that you don’t know the difference and claim to treat patients?
❤ Just love yourself more. Forgive her. We can't change or moms but we can change ourselves. Now that I'm 68 and she had been dead for 28 years I finally broke free 3vyears ago. Always called names, in front of people the nicest thing. Wow! So I had a nice mom in my head. My whole life. So since I so good about me, my fake mom left in my mind and said she always loved me. When my mom said she loves to torment me, never good enough, and said when I finally had enuf she actually said its about time you got a spine. I quit overeating. Started exercising lost 60 pounds. I feel so good I can't tell you. I love u too. Just take care of the little girl when we were tiny. I make myself buy stuff I always wanted and have a clean happy home. 🎉🎉🎉take care 🥰
@@videorocketzmillar007milla5 Sounds so familiar. I just recently realized how much damage they do to us. I'm actually beginning to feel like maybe the best years are ahead... I've stopped the pattern of narcissistic marriages and relationships, I deserve better. I feel like I'm learning I have value. It's always been her, and she won't change. We've been estranged for 20 years now!! It's such a sick pattern.
Girl I'm so sorry you're still going thru it...I turned 20 now and I feel like I never lived a day of my entire childhood...all I can remember is her yelling at me, slapping me and making me the villain I hate myself so much
@@sidrahareem3808 You're so young, at least you know what the deal is. It's taken me 55 years! Please don't hate yourself, you're not the problem and you're worthy of being loved and being happy. I know the struggle, it's horrible. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. They aren't going to change, but we can choose to not tolerate the abuse anymore and begin to heal.
I saw everything today. For the first time in my 22 years of living I’ve realized my mom is an abusive narcissist. I used to always give her a break before because of how bad my father was. But I understand now. I’m genuinely scared now. All I can do is save a lot of money and hope I can move out fast enough.
Same here. Our mother would treat me and my older sister poorly with lies, because our father would be absent. When we became adults however, our father saw how wicked she was so he tried to comfort us instead...
My father was also bad to her an was also abusive towards me growing up until they divorced an he moved out...when I would spend time with my dad after the divorce I started to notice even as a young boy that he wasn't near as angry as he was when he was in a relationship with my mom
bro, i actually went to the other side and tried to fix her, it does nt fking works. Good job on moving out, take care of yourself, no science no information and no gods plan works for this women, I had psychosis due to her and thats when i saw her true color, i asked her to give me space yet she did not, ffs can you realise that she doesnt fkign cares. My dad is always angry at her too, i can relate with you. Im just moving out now, in the hopes to never see her face again, idc about abusers
My mom acts like a angelic Christian Saint in front of other ppl. It's so painful to watch. Then when we're at home and she a few wine glasses deep, she yells at my step dad like he's trash. Treats my older brother like he's an idiot. She doesn't yell at me much cuz she knows I wont put up with it but it's still so painful to watch her treat the ppl she's supposed to love like garbage.
I feel your pain. My mom is like that but she doesn't have a partner. She tries to do that to me but when I don't put up with it and confront her with facts she starts the sobbing and the pity party and always calls me ungrateful and a narcissist. I don't care anymore though. If not putting up with bullshit makes me a narcissist then I guess I'm a narcissist.
It all makes so much sense to me now. I have dreams where I’m being attacked, stalked, or violated. I now realize that I grew up always feeling unsafe, on guard, and to expect a huge traumatic event to happen. She hunted me for sport. A sick twisted game she played without my consent. She was the type of darkness to lay over my body and suffocate me. The type of human that shapeshifts to fit into their surroundings. A cruel hell that I was born into.
Same. That's how i see my parents. I keep feeling guilty for this once they buy me something, because I'm a minor, I can't basically work, make money, live alone.. so I'm grateful when it comes to money. But parents aren't just supposed to buy you food, or clothings. They're supposed to raise you with love and care, help you when things go bad, not laugh at you while you're clearly telling them that you're suffering. So no, I'm sorry, but my mom.. doesn't feel like it. And my dad just feels like a man who would do anything that his wife says. It's a little romantic, not gonna lie. But if I'm being a little honest to my mom, he gets mad. He even wanted to beat me once, or more. I may be lucky that my mom isn't that worse to letting my dad harm me. But he did once harm me, physically. And mentally.
Pretty much my entire life I had to fend for my self and protect myself my mother always attacked me, she ever loved me, people would say if it wasn't for your mother you wouldn't be living here, like bish my mom only paid my deposit and I paid her back for that, so technically I paid for it.
They also single out targets to abuse. One week it could be the dog the next you. The fixation with control and showing you they are the “alpha” is truly disturbing.
Shudder, never forget the whip of a leather belt on a sweet wee doggie. I could cry forever it's actually more traumatising when they do it to another sentient being that doesn't deserve it. It hurt to write this😢😢😢😢😢 especially cause you can't go back in time ,throw them out physically and beat the shit out them with a leather belt,there,that's how it feels to be hit by a leather belt. That's what they make you,sad and angry. I'm actually a very kind sensitive person but I can't bear cruelty or unfairness and I'm no coward,I'll turn into a raging cat,but only to monsters. So sad how they can break through and project these thoughts I'd never have. ❤ To all animals and people who have been defenceless and the abused who've been made to watch others abused and stand by for their own survival and if you jump in,they threaten to make it WORSEfor the other victim. Next day,sweetness and light like nothing happened,trauma bonded to just forget and stay in their PTSD now slowly becoming yours.not talking about my mum here but someone else equally trusted,not having an empathy chip,it's pointless to try to resolve or talk about it,a I'm really sorry,truly sorry maybe genuine tears ,but,nope,nothing. I'm wrong to not forget abuse because it was "years" ago, people just don't understand your consciousness is damaged maybe forever with no justice. The beastial persona that did that to the abusers mind goes back generations,abandonment trauma they share it with you. You now have their anger for what others see as nothing. Tears are streaming down my face reading these comments and remembering this. I just had a cruel and nasty call with my mother,no compassion,no support just told to get over it. She tolde to gtf yesterday and nobody would believe she's capable of that for no reason. She is a different person with others ,but I'm the dysfunctional person ,I walk home nearly crying every so often and yet some days she can do really nice things for me. I'm pregnant so I just burst into tears going to the shops after being told to get to fck , I went and bought her new teddy bear fur bedding by silent night,hoping to stop her cruel moodshe just raged at me for carrying things when I'm pregnant...true but maybe if she'd come with her trolley I wouldn't need to struggle. I'm the black sheep but the only child family or friend that's literally across the road, my child will never be treated with anything but love.
My mother saw me as a competition and as a target to shoot down. No matter how bad she could be, I thanked her for at least protecting me and my sister from the world, when we were younger.
It is soooooo disturbing and they think everyone is fazed by everythinf they say and do like main character syndrome my mum literally lost her temper over the freezer having food in today she didnt want all the draws full considering there were 2 empty ones... god give me strength to deal with this witch lord knows her and her parasite boyfriend have sucked the good nature out of me. Too much mercy too much compassion will get you killed. I choked him out the other day and considering he offered me out in my own home. My mum still blamed me and was scurrying under the mat with him playing the victim. Abusive alchololics. Took such a toll on my mental health without even realising it. The nightmares that lay before me are dreams compared to whats behind me now. God bless u all
People who meet my mom would always tell me ”she is so nice, you should be lucky” when in reality behind closed doors she will pick on me for anything.
There are mothers out there that don't want to see you happy. Seriously, they get angry whenever their children are happy. They are not happy themselves. They cannot really relate to a happy people. Its impossible. They can pretend but they will always fall back to their deep sadness. It is better for people like that to be left alone. Lest they drag you into the darkness. The sad part is...we tend to become what we hate. It engulfs our thoughts and we subconsciously resemble it when we interact. My biggest fear was always to be like my mother. Now I am like her in my heart is scared of itself.
Spot on. Specially that thing where your friends think why you are so distant from her. The entire blame shifts on you. And if you are an Highly Sensitive Person like me then Bingo! Your life is beyond repair. And she enjoys the most out of all these.
Same. I'm sensitive, but what's even worse is that i always tear up when I'm angry.. it's like a cherry on top for them i guess. They think I'm just being dramatic.
When I was about 15 a friend of mine said to me oh you are so lucky to have a mum like that, I wish she was my mum. I basically told her that wasn't true and she wouldn't want her as her mum, this got back to my mother . My mother still brings that instance up to this day and tries to guilt me over it and say how wounded she was and how horrible I was to say that , I'm 48 now🙄
The narcissist will continue their patterns of abuse until their dying day. Luckily I was never subjected to daily abuse from The narcissist until I was 57 years old. I was absolutely appalled and now I'm 60, but learning quickly how to adjust to their BS
That's exactly why I have never said a word to anyone. I just know that if I did, somehow, some way it would get back to her and then all hell would break loose, it would be all about how I destroyed her as a mother and not once would it be acknowledged as to why I felt the way I did. Just know, someone understands and is going through it right there with you friend. I'm 46 and just now starting to understand what this is and that it's not because of me. I journey down a long road. Hope you're doing alright.
Very well described 👏👏👏 and I would like to add: when something bad happened to me, my mother not only didn't show any compassion, but she also turned the whole family against me to make my suffering even harder 🤦♀️.
My mother would tell my older sister, to tell me what to do and would constantly tell me that I am the trashy girl infront of my almost golden child big sister.
This video brings back so many memories. I used to cry at school that i didn't want to go back home. Home would be a hell. She would beat me while my dad was away and when he came back he would beat both of us. And she would somehow put all the blame on me to save herself. I would hide under the bed for long periods of hours. Sometimes getting food and sometimes not. Then I would save some food always for later and keep it with me under the bed.she definitely was the perfect mom with the worst daughter in the world. I tried so hard to be the best for her. No matter what I did I never was enough. To my horror after the arrival of the golden child, things took a worser turn. He was always the best no matter how shitty he acted. Now I had three people attacking me. Finally I gave up on being the best to maybe I slipped off enough to remind myself to try. I just made myself survive somehow. Few years later father got sick and paralyzed. I was given the role of the care taker. Where she and the golden child would blame all the misfortune on me. I worked hard for many years to take care of father, make things work at the hospital, home, office, school, board exams. Finally emerged as a hard working, self sabotaging over helping, over apologizing etc etc. Then finally when father died. She and the golden child discarded me. The way they shape our personality is beyond repair. I have lost all hopes.
I can relate to your story. I don't even call her "mother" anymore but "birth,-giver". I went no contact when I turned 50. The golden child has discarded me as well. They do not deserve our energy. I hope you can find a path to healing. I'm still healing at 56 years old.
@@Haveagreatdayight mine too, and I think this is one reason I find it hard to trust her. I can't explain it, but I just had to get that out to someone.
@@AB-gz5tu yeah that’s understandable. I stopped trusting mine in my early teens after she repeatedly kept sharing private info with my whole family then would get mad at me for getting mad at her for breaking my trust
My mother is the devil in person. She is always angry and full of hate and frust. Csnt even make a little smalltalk without her feeling attacked and bash you. Dont know how i could live with her for 8 years but i dont know were to go cant find an apartment..
I live with my mother for 12 years. Moved in here cause I didn't know where to go after I left my ex. She has been sick regularly for 8 years and bedridden for a few months a year. I get to play geriatric nurse, cleaning lady, cook, take care of our shop, etc. and I've never had days off (except for the lockdowns) for the last 8 years. Although the last years I had always suggested to her that we take turns in business. She takes a day off, then I have a day off. Financially, it's not possible to closeour shop for a few weeks a year, so that would be the only way to reduce that stress and burnout a bit. She didn't want that. I was always there, often she was there too and I had to listen to the nagging not only at home, but also at work... Only when I had a total breakdown, such as where I could only crawl around on the floor with severe back pain, or something similar, then she stepped in. But after 1-2 weeks it was too exhausting for her, then she was bedridden again. She hast attacks of weakness, often can't make it to the toilet, so I have to clean several times day, and her blood sugar is to high, but she doesn't want to go to hospital. And before I could really recover from my breakdown, I had to take care of everything again. I never get out of this burnout as long as I have to put up with this woman. She is not only toxic, she is steadily sick and has this stubborness of older people. It's all so exhausting and grueling. She doesn't make any compromises to make the situation any better. For example, I barely talk to her anymore, cause she is deaf, doesn't want to wear a hearing aid, and always repeating myself several times, cause she didn't understand, also sucks a lot of energy. When I yell, she complains: "Stop yelling." She lets the water run in the bathroom regularly, cause she doesn't hear it. And stuff like that. So annoying. I can only work halftime now, which doesn't make the financial situation any better. Everything hurts and I'm depressed. I need money to get out of here. I have like no personal live. I told her, if my dog wasn't there, I would've jumped off a bridge years ago, that she is making me sick and my life is like hell.
I used to listen through the floor boards, to my mother ripping me to pieces verbally to others. She also wrote in my diary, when I was trying to journal through my feelings and struggles.
When I was in my teens I caught my ma reading my diary on the couch when I came home from school I was furious then she use to wreck my room just so I can clean up my room better plus always sneaking through my stuff, I hated my teens and young adulthood with her bs
I live with my 84-year old aunt and I'm 60 years old. I looked up to her as a motherly type when I moved in three years ago. Boy did I find out the truth. My point is that even when I'm no longer a child, the damage they inflict and lack of support, can still be very traumatizing to their victims, no matter what age their victims are
I am also following to not talk to her for upcoming 20 year's till she died....I am so done ✅ she is so jealous of me, didn't want me to get married....🙏🙏 She said who will merry you you are dark....😈ohh my god...⚖️🪔
My mom is this exactly... She always blamed me for "being bad" but she says I'm the best one out of her kids... Her friends tell me she actually brags about me & how proud she is. That's not the way she's treated me EVER
My mom seemed like such an Angel to those who didn’t know her Sweet, caring, giving, going out of her way to help ppl and actually taught us kids to serve others to make our corner of the world a better place. She was often a caring mom And a very protective mom But she had this switch inside her where she would be absolutely insane and wanted to violently exert control over us if she perceived we were challenging her authority. She wanted total control She was both a gentle caring mom who cared about our growth and wellbeing and wanted to see us fulfill our potential… granted that’s always an unrealistic expectation. Other times, she was a monster and her obsession for control made her lose sight of our humanity We often never knew which mom we were getting any moment
So spot on with this, I went for therapy when I was a teen (my mothers idea to prove that I am the one in the wrong and she's doing things to help ) , and had the therapist tell me that I'm lucky to have a mother like I do , and I'm the one with the attitude problem and I'm just acting out for attention 😔 These 2 years have been hard for me finally seeing the truth and realising that the abuse has been real and not only in my head, she has always made others choose sides against me , having the whole family and extended family looking at you like you're a leper and should be "grateful" for what you have , if only somebody saw her for what she really is and said one kind word to me , I would be different today
Sadly, I relate a lot to this... My mother had the reputation of the "good teacher", but was talking down on me and my sister when we were younger...She was a very scary and toxic woman I couldn't escape from until I had a job and another place to live. I was the scapegoat in my family.
Emotional and psychological abuse is much harder to detect, I think, at least when it's more subtle and not quite as obvious. It took me forever. I'm 40+ now. I've always known that the relationship with my mother is tense, but I could never find out why. I only realized that, since I was with a toxic man for 2 months last year before I broke up, and these automatisms of always blaming the others (me), starting arguments over trivialities, for which I am then again to blame etc. are for the most part the same with my mother. Only then did I find out, what the problem is. But they don't listen, they don't show understanding, for them they are totally normal, and you are the bad, which always causes problems. And when you grow up with such stuff, you think your whole life, your the bad child, that always makes your mother cry. Whatever you do is never good enough. Only cause those people are nuts. 🤮These energy vampires suck you dry to the core. Although I think, when I was a few months old, I already realized that something was wrong. My mom told me, I never wanted to cuddle with her when I was little. I can't remember if I cuddled with her later, with a few years. As long I can remember, I know I didn't like it.
A while ago I went to the doctor to seek help because I felt my mental and physical health was getting worse. I haven't felt happy for nearly a half of the year and it's been causing problems in my life. Constant apathy, anxiety and sleepless nights. Something similar happened to me around 5 years ago, I told my mum I felt bad but she didn't believe me. That's when I started having problems with school. I wanted support but, instead, she would come to my room every evening and tell me I'm a piece of shit. She would also say that she's suffering because of me and that I spoiled her day. I almost gave up on my life three times. She was there for all of them. And all she said to me was: "You won't do it, I know it. You're just manipulating me." Since then I understood that once I fail, my mum will turn her back at me. Unfortunately, the same is happening right now. I told her I went to therapist who implied I was showing signs of depression. My mum reacted pretty badly. She told me something like "I wish I had your problems", "I'm sometimes sad too but I get up and move forward", "Don't even dare to tell me you feel bad" and gods knows what else she says about me behind my back to her friends, my relatives, my own dad. Last time she managed to turn everybody against me. I think she'll do the same now. And I'm feeling so much worse.
Never tell your narcissistic parents your problems or your goals and accomplishments. They will make your problems greater or they will crush your accomplishments to make another problem to you. I was also in the same situation when I failed my university studies due to depression, caused by them. Took me a while to make sense of it. They forced me to see a therapist, but then I realized that it was a means for them to create more problems such as trying to make me seem that I was a danger to myself and others, so they always had the phone in front of me, saying that anytime they will call the police.They told everybody, even yelled it for others to hear. I was in recovery mode and they were forcing me to find a job the following week and to leave and find an apartment as soon as I got the job, denying the fact that I need credit, money, and that I was in no condition. This was also the time of the recession.
watching my mother be more of a mom to her students then she ever was to me is a unique and incredibly painful thing. she had it in her to be a good mother the whole time, she just didn’t care enough when it came to me.
100%. It makes sense now. I always wanted to have friends around and could never figure out why she was only extremely nice and tolerable around other people. Behind closed doors, well, it wasn't so happy.
I relate to the disaster part. Anytime something is wrong with me or even my wife, my mother gets angry and frustrated! We are 40 and 34 years old! I always thought, "she's just upset because she can't fix this". Now I realize it's just a way of making it about her- being unsupportive and hurting us along the way. Thanks for this bro.
Me too! She doesn't call me anymore because I am being given the silent treatment we had a argument that got really bad last year. And she has not forgiven me, even though I've apologized. But everything I said was true, and I really have nothing that I said that was wrong. So I totally get it. We can't be on the phone more than five minutes.
This is so true! She keeps grudge on her own kids. Takes revenge on them for offending her. Hit them so badly. Makes people think she's the best and you are a bad kid. She's so thankless.
Lol my mum changes in front of others, I mentioned how fake she was in front of her (now ex) boyfriend and he agreed so she didn’t speak to us for a few hours 😂
All of these things especially I got into a car accident in 2022 she made it all about her and her pain and how it made her feel. Still healing and realizing these things she does
My narcissistic mother has turned me into an evil version of myself. With time I learned how to give insults back to her and seem to always be getting better at it, scary. She is always kicking me out of the house stating how old I am and what my peers are doing. She uses my brother to partner up and make life difficult in all areas around the house, I no longer feel like I have a home or somewhere where I belong. To watch an adult behave so nice and human to other people, then turn around and switch back to her devil ways, is truly uncanny. She has separated me from her side of the family and is very proud of that. She doesn’t have any friends, any real relationships, separated from my dad and the way I see it wants everyone to be part of the misery that is her life. Narcissists never change, I just wonder if the things they do keep them up at night at all!
My mother's oldest sister is the beast who ruined my family. She created my elder female sibling in her own image and managed to make my poor parents unwitting enablers. In the past week I have realized and connected so many dots in my world... I thank Jesus everyday for this gift and for supporting n healing me as I untangle this dark web. 🙏🙏🙏
I went through this for a 28 years of my life. She is exactly all that is said here. Worst part was my dad also gave in to her behaviour who was abusing me physically to extract any thing that is of use from me. Staying away from her since 2 years, yet I wake up every night due to panic attacks and cry each day till I drift back to sleep and tried. The way she treated still haunts me to date each moment. I hope never I get to be treated like that
Fact … don’t forget victim blaming the scapegoat (the one that sees her) smearing that child so everyone always has a bad view of them and you don’t even know them…
when i had clear signs of depression and ptsd but i couldn’t reach out to her because she acted like my struggles were a way for me to harm her… if you can relate, we really did deserve better.
When I told my mum about my issues, she either made it about herself, treat pain as a competition like "Other people are homeless and have it worse than you" or Toxic positivity.
O.M.G. this is so spot on. It is incredibly painful being a narcissist's child. Most of the members of my family don't talk to me because of the issues she has created. Such a traumatic childhood. Sending love and support to all here.
Yes to the first one, but its also traumatizing bc it's living proof of how easy it is for them to be nice and yet they simply made the choice NOT to be nice to you, like you aren't worth it or something.
Lack of believing in goodness, lack of Christ, anxiety to spread her own darkness to others, so she can justify her despicable behaviour, as this is the “cruel reality of life”.
I think there are several toxic behaviours, it can be over protective, always making you down and blame your or whatever. It probably depends on their automatisms, which they have acquired due to bad experiences anywhen in their life, mostly childhood or bad relationships.
My deceased mil was each statement made😢. Back in the days, I knew it had to be some kind of abuse, but I didn't know what it was called or indeed was it abuse?. 1970-2010 Her son, my husband of 50 yrs, is also a narc. Do not hang about if you can leave. You are stronger than you think. ❤
One time my best friend whom I’ve been friends with for over 5 years was talking bad about me behind my back and I was sobbing and crying when I told my mother about it thens she made it all about how my dad and his side of the family were terrible people to her and how she lost her trust in all of them.
When I was a kid, once we went over to someone’s place for a dinner party when my mom was upset with me. She would be warm and bubbly with literally everyone else except me, with me she was cold and gave single-worded responses. At first it gutted me but then I decided to have a little fun. I flat out openly told the table my mom wasn’t really in a good mood and was mad at me about something ridiculous. Her eyes widened and people just kind of looked at her quizzically like “why are you mad about that”.
So true! When I finally got the courage as a child to tell her that a family friend was molesting me, she turned it into a pity party for herself because "she should have known he would do that because he raped her first". So messed up, and for decades I internalized and believed that I wasn't worth protecting because she already knew how much of a monster he was, yet she still made the conscious decision to have him babysit me and my siblings.
And the kicker is narcissists~who are incapable of introspection never feel remorse, do not internalize anything are never plagued by self doubt or riddled with guilt consequently live on avg LONG HEALTHY LIVES FREE OF STRESS AND SICKNESS BECAUSE THEY JUST KEEP STEPPING OVER THE BODIES...
Thats not true. My mom is older now and sick for 8 years on and off. I have several months of super stress every year when I can play geriatric nurse, cleaning lady, cook, I do the laundry, put new sheets on her bed several times a day, or clean the appartement up to 10+ times a day when it's really bad and she doesn't make it to the toilet, altho she wears diapers, and on top of that I take care of our shop, but never have days off. To her toxic behaviour comes her sickness and the stubbornness of older people. It's unbearable. She sucked me dry. I'm suffering from burnout and everything hurts, so that I can only work half time at the moment. Everyday I pray that she doesn't suck energy from me anymore. Also I barely talk to her anymore. Only as much contact as is needed. If I had money for an appartement, I'd just grab my dog, my stuff and go. Years ago I thought: This is so terrible, how can some people don't have contact with their families for 20 years? Now I know why!
Me too. Because that my pathetic, arrogant, and toxication mother, she's not part in my life. And she doesn't care she always blame at me that all the time and other my family. And also for she's stealing money and she took everything.What a shame 😡
My Mom does all 3 of these things. I’ve gotta start revealing what she’s actually like when it’s just me, my sister and my Dad. As well as the way she subliminally treats my 3 month old niece.
That’s exactly what my mother-in-law does in public and when her grandchildren are sick she’s no where to be find and later says no one helped her with her kids,forgetting that she already told me her own mother in law was helping her 😵💫🤯
I am just waiting for my mother to die. Aaaaa. Why is it taking so long. I'm so done with all the abuse. Either I should die or she should.. I'm totally fed up.
@BAP-qd9gu thats what my narc mom said when i tried ro tell her about something 🙄 oh whatever i had it way worse! Me: Like u don't even know whats going on how can u say that u just cut me off?
Oh my, you are spot on. More my father, he abused me mentally and physically, but everyone would say what a wonderful man he was! I never had the courage to speak out and tell the truth.
Mines was mad at me so she missed my middle school graduation ❤ I was accepted into a highschool magnet program and she refused to enroll me there. It is hard believe me but you have to be stronger, I’m in school but moving out soon.. I pray everyday for myself and for her
This is my DAD 🙄 I want to go out with my friends but I can't. If possible, he want to keep me at home until I don't know what's going on in the outside world.
Both my parents are narcissistic and my mother throughout my childhood always tried to paint herself as the good parent and always taught me to hate my father. Now as an adult, I learned how toxic they both are, and I'm distancing myself.
Arrghhhh this is so my mom!! She acts like a saint in front of every damn person except me but hell breaks loose when we are in the same room! I just cannot stand her. She just finds reasons to criticize me, blame me and put her life’s frustration on me! Once after so many years I asked her to make my favorite dish and she yelled at me saying how I eat a lot 😶😶
I live with my mom and brother. Ive always been the least favorite. I wasnt even allowed to have my belongings in the house at one point when my abusive stepdad was still alive. I'm on the autism spectrum and i think thats why she hates me. I dont have anything to my name, not a car, no money, nothing. I love snacking. I have foods that i keep in the fridge as my only privalage and enjoyment. My brother goes out of his way to eat them. I finally stood up to him today. I confronted him and said why did you eat my sandwich when I literally cook dinner every day and you dont want it but i specifically told you not to eat my sandwich, so my brother screamed in my face and punched holes in the wall and lunged at me. I was balling my eyes out because my ex husband used to beat me and it set off my PTSD. Then i went to my mom for emotional support thinking shed comfort me but she screamed at me and told me that not everything has to be about me and told me to get a life when all i wanted was hug and some empathy.
Yes my mother is the same. You describe her jer perfectly😂 besides that she lies about me infront of others when im not there. Then they dont like me anymore because of her lies. Then they ask me why i dont help her more. I should be happy having a mom like her. And she even lies to my face. I act like i dont know the truth and she still lies.
So true. My mom is worser than this. Sigh😖 she would even question my friends about me in a very doubting and unfriendly way. Even my friends avoided me when they found out about her. They got scared. She would follow even them to find out things about them. She would somehow make my friends her flying monkeys. When I cut myself off her radar, she totally smothered the golden, enmeshed child. Now she and the golden child hangout with the golden child's group of friends who are all boys. She in a competition with me tries to try on my type of dresses or maybe try on extremely short ones(lol) and think herself as a teenager and hangout with them. She will also out of her grandiosity pay for all the treats, party and trips of the group. But she never cared if her daughter had anything to fill her stomach. Sometime back I even learnt that she caused a rift in the group 😳😲😆 am shocked at the level she can stoop. The golden child is in deep soup as he has to take his mother at a friends gathering. Not that a mother shouldn't or can't go but everytime and treating her like an equal is quite weird for me. Especially in India where we see mothers as reserve of love, care, support, guardian, the elder, the senior and nrot one of our batchmates. The golden child says "who needs a girlfriend when you have a mother". What!? Ewww! It's not that she cares so much about the golden one. Just cares as much as she can keep him. I just shudder at her behavior towards her children. These days she even mistreats my dog who I rescued. But she treats her own dog with that extra care. My poor baby doesn't even understand why she has separate set of rules for her in the house. They can be so spiteful. Sigh.
Bro let it go Go to therapy or counselling There are lots of videos on CZcams about this particular topic I m not trying to tell u that ur experience is invalid for the hate you feel for her. But it will DESTROY your other RELATIONSHIP 100000% Break her curse 😊
Yes, my mother was always a fantastic mother……. to other ppl’s kids.
Same with mine, especially since she was a teacher.
You're not the only one. Mine too 😢
@@missstranger7697omg were living the same life. my mom was a teacher/professor for 20+ years yet when it comes to her children she says she “doesn’t believe in positive reinforcement.” horrible to me and my siblings our whole lives, but wonderful surrogate mother to children our ages. 🫠🫠
Same. Mine has always had a surrogate daughter or two in the background. It‘s so disturbing. I always feel bad for those girls.
Mine was also like this and now has plans to raise a group of foster children.....i wonder how come she never loved or cared for her 4 biological kids that way.. Like what was wrong with us? And how come kids who were perfect strangers always got to experience best of her.
A narcissist mother can take your life...trust me....I don't feel safe in my own house...each day I am counting to go away from her...she has distant everybody from me...she is totally mad and 24/7 tries to pick fights with me..she always wants me to bow down to her..that I will never ever do...
Same here. If she's not mean or critic me at least once a day, it's because she's sick and can't go out of the bed.
i understand you, I can totally relate to that. hope you're doing well now
I'm going through the same, counting my days to leave this place ASAP and never look back. 😥
@@preetitoppo8941 God bless you..I have also left my home....hope we all get what we deserve! ❤️❤️
I can forgive my mother for the times she talked down to me and my sister, trying to protect us from the world.
She was a person who was making mistakes.
But what I can't forgive about her, is ignorance of my (and my sister's) feelings towards her.
Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall.
Indeed a toxic narcissistic woman my mother was.
Children deserve parents
But some parents don't deserve children
I battle with "honor thy mother and father" my dad was my rock, best friend, and the best dad ever. Honoring him, NP. Honoring my mother has been critical to my heart
@@tashacherry1480I believe in scripture too its very difficult to obey that one when they test you constantly. I'm so sorry. I just go back to well Jesus didn't deserve his treatment either but he was faithful to his Fathers will which included alot of mistreatment. My unbelieving friends get so mad and say that's why they hate religion they think it traps you in abuse. I can see what they mean but I know that we will have a greater reward in the end when we endure faithfully. Just remember sis one day we will meet in a place where there are no more tears or sorrows 👐 Can't wait to see you there.
Fr
💯💯💯
@@tashacherry1480my father is the best I wish children only had fathers
My mother change her whole personality in a second a person enters the house. All smiley smiley , joking, best caring and shiet but once they leave she's gonna talk shiet about that person , she's all mean and take it out on us, absolutely disgusting. I ended up being blamed by literally EVERYONE around that I'm ungrateful brat and how wonderful she is, that's why I had to distant from whole family who don't live with her and know her mask only.
Yes! Spot on. Mine does the same thing. Ive always been hurt and confused but deep inside i know it's her issue & she will never change... or care.
Same to same...
This is probably why my grown ass ex almost 30 kept leaving me every time he talked to his mom on the phone he would end up having a panic attack start being mean to me and end up getting picked up by her and leave town. I don't know why he couldn't just cut her off. He had narcissistic qualitys too hard to figure out what was going on.
Mine does the same thing. My stepdad does this as well. It’s crazy af how the mask falls off when company leaves. 🤧😐🤦🏽♀️
I can understand ❤
To see so many comments that relates to my situation with my mom let's me know im not alone. This is so therapeutic
But eye opening. Not ever women is fit to be a mother nor a man fit to be a father. Having toxic parents sometimes do create better ones but the chances are always slim.
Right? I was 45 before I found out that other mothers actually LIKED their kids and told them how proud they are of them and how beautiful they are!
I know more people with screwed up mothers than the opposite though.
well yes, we are all humans after all. really move on, theres nothing you can do about them, nothing. take careof yourself as they would lie no matter and manuplate it in such a way that it seems your wrong, and when you accept it, she will fking break you to the core to make you feel bad about who you are and not who ywhat she wants you to be.
@@sirijanthakur I understand your sentiment but “just MoveOn“ are you simply not good enough advice. For the suffers of narcissistic abuse especially in childhood they need extensive healing and therapy before they’re able to truly “move on“. Being a victim of a narcissist in your most sensitive years reeks havoc on your nervous system and even worsens your health.
THIS
I want to disappear...I can't stand the trauma .....
😢 😭
You aren't alone, it really is unfair and cruel that our own mothers have done this to us. But you matter and it's not your fault. You matter and are worthy of love and happiness.
@@aprilcunningham7246My father didn't protect me from my abusive mother and aunt...The public should be educated that evil parents or guardians do exist
Stay strong, & pray to God to help you.
I think they are possessed by evil spirits. My 91year old mother was always like that.
I moved to the different continent at 25, to get as far away from her, as possible.
I am 60, but still struggling not to be like her.
Don't let evil win☦️
Same. I just want to delete my existence, but I can't even die in this house.
The trauma will still remain. We have to work on it. We will.❤
And the 3rd thing is that she constantly reminds you of your failure, about your traumas.
she will constantly talk about those things and you would just end up feeling suffocating under her presence. Your eyes will start to get teary but you are afraid to cry even.
🥺😭
My mom does that. That's why I never shared anything with her anymore.
My mother did that
Oh and then she talks to other people about them as a way of garnering sympathy
Yes, the failures and traumas that she herself caused or made worse.
Struggling with self love, confidence, fear of talking to people, self doubt. OMG having narcissistic mother completely destroys your self esteem.
Hello I am here for you
Yes it does. Especially if she attempts to bodyshame you. She did that with my sister as well. But she was luckier than me, because she escaped faster.
Yes it does 😢😢😢
Self esteem was In complete hell. You become an insane people pleaser. You have ZERO boundaries. Can't express anger or irritation without the cptsd being triggered. You don't even know that your insane people pleasing, nice girl ways is a complete facade/mask that you were forced to adapt and the real you is EXHAUSTED. You just don't know how to change it. I feel soooooo bad for anyone with evil so called parents or any scapegoat who had no access to the internet and didn't know wtf was happening. I cant imagine the number of people in psych wards or prison bc of their evil ass so called parents
@@JessAnonymous It's not in the topic, but even girls in relationships with bad boyfriends and women with terrible husbands are in a bad situation. Don't forget about them!!
So true they worsen with age
Do they, I’ve heard they mellow with age
@@jamesbreeds1255 borderlines do
@@mindfulperspective111 touché
@@mindfulperspective111wait, BPD & narcissist are two entirely different things and meanings. Just what is your job that you don’t know the difference and claim to treat patients?
Stop the balonga with this ugly liberal BS. Not BPD but full NPD and a lot of whamenz simply have NO BUSINESS being mothers.
This is exactly my mom.
Same here
Me too
Same
Same
Same
I feel alone a lot. Narcissistic mothers strip out lives away. I'm 55 and still struggling. It's agony 😢.
@danswhite8544 Absolutely correct.
❤ Just love yourself more. Forgive her. We can't change or moms but we can change ourselves. Now that I'm 68 and she had been dead for 28 years I finally broke free 3vyears ago.
Always called names, in front of people the nicest thing. Wow! So I had a nice mom in my head. My whole life. So since I so good about me, my fake mom left in my mind and said she always loved me.
When my mom said she loves to torment me, never good enough, and said when I finally had enuf she actually said its about time you got a spine.
I quit overeating. Started exercising lost 60 pounds. I feel so good I can't tell you. I love u too. Just take care of the little girl when we were tiny. I make myself buy stuff I always wanted and have a clean happy home. 🎉🎉🎉take care 🥰
@@videorocketzmillar007milla5 Sounds so familiar. I just recently realized how much damage they do to us. I'm actually beginning to feel like maybe the best years are ahead... I've stopped the pattern of narcissistic marriages and relationships, I deserve better. I feel like I'm learning I have value. It's always been her, and she won't change. We've been estranged for 20 years now!! It's such a sick pattern.
Girl I'm so sorry you're still going thru it...I turned 20 now and I feel like I never lived a day of my entire childhood...all I can remember is her yelling at me, slapping me and making me the villain I hate myself so much
@@sidrahareem3808 You're so young, at least you know what the deal is. It's taken me 55 years! Please don't hate yourself, you're not the problem and you're worthy of being loved and being happy. I know the struggle, it's horrible. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. They aren't going to change, but we can choose to not tolerate the abuse anymore and begin to heal.
I saw everything today. For the first time in my 22 years of living I’ve realized my mom is an abusive narcissist. I used to always give her a break before because of how bad my father was. But I understand now. I’m genuinely scared now. All I can do is save a lot of money and hope I can move out fast enough.
Same here. Our mother would treat me and my older sister poorly with lies, because our father would be absent. When we became adults however, our father saw how wicked she was so he tried to comfort us instead...
Your peacefulness is the most prior thing....bless you!
Don’t let her know you on to her
Gather your stuff quietly and escape while she is not home
Good luck
Been there done that
It’s definitely possible
My father was also bad to her an was also abusive towards me growing up until they divorced an he moved out...when I would spend time with my dad after the divorce I started to notice even as a young boy that he wasn't near as angry as he was when he was in a relationship with my mom
bro, i actually went to the other side and tried to fix her, it does nt fking works. Good job on moving out, take care of yourself, no science no information and no gods plan works for this women, I had psychosis due to her and thats when i saw her true color, i asked her to give me space yet she did not, ffs can you realise that she doesnt fkign cares. My dad is always angry at her too, i can relate with you. Im just moving out now, in the hopes to never see her face again, idc about abusers
If people say "isnt your mother wonderful?" I say, no she is a narcissist - it has taken me 62 years to get to this point tho'
Same…..and I’m mad as hell and sad
55 years here
My mom acts like a angelic Christian Saint in front of other ppl. It's so painful to watch. Then when we're at home and she a few wine glasses deep, she yells at my step dad like he's trash. Treats my older brother like he's an idiot. She doesn't yell at me much cuz she knows I wont put up with it but it's still so painful to watch her treat the ppl she's supposed to love like garbage.
I feel your pain. My mom is like that but she doesn't have a partner. She tries to do that to me but when I don't put up with it and confront her with facts she starts the sobbing and the pity party and always calls me ungrateful and a narcissist. I don't care anymore though. If not putting up with bullshit makes me a narcissist then I guess I'm a narcissist.
You should film her
Get some hidden cameras
@@thiccredgyal3404 I considered that but i dont live anywhere near her reign of terror anymore.
It all makes so much sense to me now. I have dreams where I’m being attacked, stalked, or violated. I now realize that I grew up always feeling unsafe, on guard, and to expect a huge traumatic event to happen. She hunted me for sport. A sick twisted game she played without my consent. She was the type of darkness to lay over my body and suffocate me. The type of human that shapeshifts to fit into their surroundings. A cruel hell that I was born into.
At this point she's NOT your Mother
She's just a random woman who gave birth to u...😞
Same. That's how i see my parents. I keep feeling guilty for this once they buy me something, because I'm a minor, I can't basically work, make money, live alone.. so I'm grateful when it comes to money. But parents aren't just supposed to buy you food, or clothings. They're supposed to raise you with love and care, help you when things go bad, not laugh at you while you're clearly telling them that you're suffering. So no, I'm sorry, but my mom.. doesn't feel like it. And my dad just feels like a man who would do anything that his wife says. It's a little romantic, not gonna lie. But if I'm being a little honest to my mom, he gets mad. He even wanted to beat me once, or more. I may be lucky that my mom isn't that worse to letting my dad harm me. But he did once harm me, physically. And mentally.
Yes
@@zncnxxtry to work hard and get a good paying job, 😊and leave them
Pretty much my entire life I had to fend for my self and protect myself my mother always attacked me, she ever loved me, people would say if it wasn't for your mother you wouldn't be living here, like bish my mom only paid my deposit and I paid her back for that, so technically I paid for it.
true
They also single out targets to abuse. One week it could be the dog the next you. The fixation with control and showing you they are the “alpha” is truly disturbing.
Shudder, never forget the whip of a leather belt on a sweet wee doggie. I could cry forever it's actually more traumatising when they do it to another sentient being that doesn't deserve it. It hurt to write this😢😢😢😢😢 especially cause you can't go back in time ,throw them out physically and beat the shit out them with a leather belt,there,that's how it feels to be hit by a leather belt. That's what they make you,sad and angry. I'm actually a very kind sensitive person but I can't bear cruelty or unfairness and I'm no coward,I'll turn into a raging cat,but only to monsters. So sad how they can break through and project these thoughts I'd never have. ❤ To all animals and people who have been defenceless and the abused who've been made to watch others abused and stand by for their own survival and if you jump in,they threaten to make it WORSEfor the other victim. Next day,sweetness and light like nothing happened,trauma bonded to just forget and stay in their PTSD now slowly becoming yours.not talking about my mum here but someone else equally trusted,not having an empathy chip,it's pointless to try to resolve or talk about it,a I'm really sorry,truly sorry maybe genuine tears ,but,nope,nothing. I'm wrong to not forget abuse because it was "years" ago, people just don't understand your consciousness is damaged maybe forever with no justice. The beastial persona that did that to the abusers mind goes back generations,abandonment trauma they share it with you. You now have their anger for what others see as nothing. Tears are streaming down my face reading these comments and remembering this. I just had a cruel and nasty call with my mother,no compassion,no support just told to get over it. She tolde to gtf yesterday and nobody would believe she's capable of that for no reason. She is a different person with others ,but I'm the dysfunctional person ,I walk home nearly crying every so often and yet some days she can do really nice things for me. I'm pregnant so I just burst into tears going to the shops after being told to get to fck , I went and bought her new teddy bear fur bedding by silent night,hoping to stop her cruel moodshe just raged at me for carrying things when I'm pregnant...true but maybe if she'd come with her trolley I wouldn't need to struggle. I'm the black sheep but the only child family or friend that's literally across the road, my child will never be treated with anything but love.
My mother saw me as a competition and as a target to shoot down. No matter how bad she could be, I thanked her for at least protecting me and my sister from the world, when we were younger.
@missstranger7697 if u call that protection
It is soooooo disturbing and they think everyone is fazed by everythinf they say and do like main character syndrome my mum literally lost her temper over the freezer having food in today she didnt want all the draws full considering there were 2 empty ones... god give me strength to deal with this witch lord knows her and her parasite boyfriend have sucked the good nature out of me. Too much mercy too much compassion will get you killed. I choked him out the other day and considering he offered me out in my own home. My mum still blamed me and was scurrying under the mat with him playing the victim. Abusive alchololics. Took such a toll on my mental health without even realising it. The nightmares that lay before me are dreams compared to whats behind me now. God bless u all
Omg I'm becoming like my mother
This is my mother all the way ...
And the more im silent when she provokes me the more she attacks .
True
Thanks for speaking sense. People think mothers are some kind of saints. They can be the worst of a persons life. Not every parent deserves a kid
People who meet my mom would always tell me ”she is so nice, you should be lucky” when in reality behind closed doors she will pick on me for anything.
There are mothers out there that don't want to see you happy. Seriously, they get angry whenever their children are happy.
They are not happy themselves. They cannot really relate to a happy people. Its impossible. They can pretend but they will always fall back to their deep sadness. It is better for people like that to be left alone. Lest they drag you into the darkness.
The sad part is...we tend to become what we hate. It engulfs our thoughts and we subconsciously resemble it when we interact.
My biggest fear was always to be like my mother. Now I am like her in my heart is scared of itself.
Spot on. Specially that thing where your friends think why you are so distant from her. The entire blame shifts on you. And if you are an Highly Sensitive Person like me then Bingo! Your life is beyond repair. And she enjoys the most out of all these.
Finally someone who gets this part of it
Only reason I can't leave her as an unmarried girl with no father 😢 help me guys what should I do?
@@ninii394Get a job and a roommate you trust than move out.
@@Hayata_dair_hersey95 ok then ? I'm not married how will I marry and people won't accept me in Indian culture
Same. I'm sensitive, but what's even worse is that i always tear up when I'm angry.. it's like a cherry on top for them i guess. They think I'm just being dramatic.
When I was about 15 a friend of mine said to me oh you are so lucky to have a mum like that, I wish she was my mum. I basically told her that wasn't true and she wouldn't want her as her mum, this got back to my mother . My mother still brings that instance up to this day and tries to guilt me over it and say how wounded she was and how horrible I was to say that , I'm 48 now🙄
The narcissist will continue their patterns of abuse until their dying day. Luckily I was never subjected to daily abuse from The narcissist until I was 57 years old. I was absolutely appalled and now I'm 60, but learning quickly how to adjust to their BS
That's exactly why I have never said a word to anyone. I just know that if I did, somehow, some way it would get back to her and then all hell would break loose, it would be all about how I destroyed her as a mother and not once would it be acknowledged as to why I felt the way I did. Just know, someone understands and is going through it right there with you friend. I'm 46 and just now starting to understand what this is and that it's not because of me. I journey down a long road. Hope you're doing alright.
Same. My friends are jealous of me. They don't know her true mask.
@@rexwillhite4751 Same.
@@rexwillhite4751 its so unfair we never get an apology or justice
She loves to embarrassed me. 😶 Says nice things to other girls but mock me.
Same
Very well described 👏👏👏 and I would like to add: when something bad happened to me, my mother not only didn't show any compassion, but she also turned the whole family against me to make my suffering even harder 🤦♀️.
My mother would tell my older sister, to tell me what to do and would constantly tell me that I am the trashy girl infront of my almost golden child big sister.
I can't understand why moms do this. We are their children, not some random person. I don't know what's going on in their minds.
@@K-Production17 👹
This video brings back so many memories. I used to cry at school that i didn't want to go back home. Home would be a hell. She would beat me while my dad was away and when he came back he would beat both of us. And she would somehow put all the blame on me to save herself. I would hide under the bed for long periods of hours. Sometimes getting food and sometimes not. Then I would save some food always for later and keep it with me under the bed.she definitely was the perfect mom with the worst daughter in the world. I tried so hard to be the best for her. No matter what I did I never was enough. To my horror after the arrival of the golden child, things took a worser turn. He was always the best no matter how shitty he acted. Now I had three people attacking me. Finally I gave up on being the best to maybe I slipped off enough to remind myself to try. I just made myself survive somehow. Few years later father got sick and paralyzed. I was given the role of the care taker. Where she and the golden child would blame all the misfortune on me. I worked hard for many years to take care of father, make things work at the hospital, home, office, school, board exams. Finally emerged as a hard working, self sabotaging over helping, over apologizing etc etc. Then finally when father died. She and the golden child discarded me. The way they shape our personality is beyond repair. I have lost all hopes.
Oh Dear, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I pray and hope your life is better and you receive blessings.🫂🙏🏽♥️
@@iamaleo247 thank you so much for your kind words🥰😘
I can relate to your story. I don't even call her "mother" anymore but "birth,-giver". I went no contact when I turned 50. The golden child has discarded me as well. They do not deserve our energy. I hope you can find a path to healing. I'm still healing at 56 years old.
Can relate ... She is no more .. but i always wonder still y.. n icing on the cake i m married to her male version
@@kritikaroy5058 Hugs 💛 I am so very sorry you had to go through all of this
My mom shows so much suppressed glee at others’ tragedies.
Mine too omg
Same she loves criticizing others and loves when others are going through trouble
@@Haveagreatdayight mine too, and I think this is one reason I find it hard to trust her. I can't explain it, but I just had to get that out to someone.
@@AB-gz5tu yeah that’s understandable. I stopped trusting mine in my early teens after she repeatedly kept sharing private info with my whole family then would get mad at me for getting mad at her for breaking my trust
@@AB-gz5tu they make us regret being the same g ender as them because they make the E V E story in the garden TRUE 👹
She’s never gonna change, I have to move on with my life and love her from a distance
It made me feel like something was wrong with me, i wasnt loveable.
My mother is the devil in person. She is always angry and full of hate and frust. Csnt even make a little smalltalk without her feeling attacked and bash you. Dont know how i could live with her for 8 years but i dont know were to go cant find an apartment..
Same with mine! She even has the red hair to prove it!!!😂
How are you doing?
I live with my mother for 12 years. Moved in here cause I didn't know where to go after I left my ex. She has been sick regularly for 8 years and bedridden for a few months a year. I get to play geriatric nurse, cleaning lady, cook, take care of our shop, etc. and I've never had days off (except for the lockdowns) for the last 8 years.
Although the last years I had always suggested to her that we take turns in business. She takes a day off, then I have a day off. Financially, it's not possible to closeour shop for a few weeks a year, so that would be the only way to reduce that stress and burnout a bit. She didn't want that. I was always there, often she was there too and I had to listen to the nagging not only at home, but also at work...
Only when I had a total breakdown, such as where I could only crawl around on the floor with severe back pain, or something similar, then she stepped in. But after 1-2 weeks it was too exhausting for her, then she was bedridden again. She hast attacks of weakness, often can't make it to the toilet, so I have to clean several times day, and her blood sugar is to high, but she doesn't want to go to hospital. And before I could really recover from my breakdown, I had to take care of everything again. I never get out of this burnout as long as I have to put up with this woman. She is not only toxic, she is steadily sick and has this stubborness of older people. It's all so exhausting and grueling. She doesn't make any compromises to make the situation any better. For example, I barely talk to her anymore, cause she is deaf, doesn't want to wear a hearing aid, and always repeating myself several times, cause she didn't understand, also sucks a lot of energy. When I yell, she complains: "Stop yelling." She lets the water run in the bathroom regularly, cause she doesn't hear it. And stuff like that. So annoying.
I can only work halftime now, which doesn't make the financial situation any better.
Everything hurts and I'm depressed. I need money to get out of here. I have like no personal live. I told her, if my dog wasn't there, I would've jumped off a bridge years ago, that she is making me sick and my life is like hell.
I used to listen through the floor boards, to my mother ripping me to pieces verbally to others. She also wrote in my diary, when I was trying to journal through my feelings and struggles.
😢❤🩹🤗
When I was in my teens I caught my ma reading my diary on the couch when I came home from school I was furious then she use to wreck my room just so I can clean up my room better plus always sneaking through my stuff, I hated my teens and young adulthood with her bs
@@starchild7820THIS exact thing happened with me omfg
Same
The diary reading is massive red flag.
I live with my 84-year old aunt and I'm 60 years old. I looked up to her as a motherly type when I moved in three years ago. Boy did I find out the truth. My point is that even when I'm no longer a child, the damage they inflict and lack of support, can still be very traumatizing to their victims, no matter what age their victims are
I didn't talk to mum in 2 years. Last January I had a stroke. It took an entire 2 minutes to make it about her. It became about the parking for her.
I just want you to know it has never been your fault that your mother is sadly incapable of loving you.
It's ALWAYS about them!
I am also following to not talk to her for upcoming 20 year's till she died....I am so done ✅ she is so jealous of me, didn't want me to get married....🙏🙏 She said who will merry you you are dark....😈ohh my god...⚖️🪔
@sheetalfulmare2071 wow hello so sorry vanity is a woe-man's addiction they are filled with s p I t e
My mom is this exactly... She always blamed me for "being bad" but she says I'm the best one out of her kids... Her friends tell me she actually brags about me & how proud she is. That's not the way she's treated me EVER
Same with mine. Always tells people, what a great daughter she has, but she treats me like crap.
My mom seemed like such an Angel to those who didn’t know her
Sweet, caring, giving, going out of her way to help ppl and actually taught us kids to serve others to make our corner of the world a better place.
She was often a caring mom And a very protective mom
But she had this switch inside her where she would be absolutely insane and wanted to violently exert control over us if she perceived we were challenging her authority.
She wanted total control
She was both a gentle caring mom who cared about our growth and wellbeing and wanted to see us fulfill our potential… granted that’s always an unrealistic expectation.
Other times, she was a monster and her obsession for control made her lose sight of our humanity
We often never knew which mom we were getting any moment
i’m sorry but bipolar/BPD women should not be allowed to have children. that is so dangerous for a child’s psyche.
This is 100% my mother and why ive cut her off.
😮
Same, No Contact was the best decision I’ve ever made 💯
Lord knows I need to do the same
I made the mistake of letting mine back in even tho she was trying to hide her manipulation it soon reveres it’s ugly Head
No contact = No conflict. Works like a charm.
Narcissists every freaking where
So spot on with this, I went for therapy when I was a teen (my mothers idea to prove that I am the one in the wrong and she's doing things to help ) , and had the therapist tell me that I'm lucky to have a mother like I do , and I'm the one with the attitude problem and I'm just acting out for attention 😔 These 2 years have been hard for me finally seeing the truth and realising that the abuse has been real and not only in my head, she has always made others choose sides against me , having the whole family and extended family looking at you like you're a leper and should be "grateful" for what you have , if only somebody saw her for what she really is and said one kind word to me , I would be different today
👁❤🩹🤗
Sadly, I relate a lot to this...
My mother had the reputation of the "good teacher", but was talking down on me and my sister when we were younger...She was a very scary and toxic woman I couldn't escape from until I had a job and another place to live. I was the scapegoat in my family.
Emotional and psychological abuse is much harder to detect, I think, at least when it's more subtle and not quite as obvious. It took me forever. I'm 40+ now. I've always known that the relationship with my mother is tense, but I could never find out why. I only realized that, since I was with a toxic man for 2 months last year before I broke up, and these automatisms of always blaming the others (me), starting arguments over trivialities, for which I am then again to blame etc. are for the most part the same with my mother. Only then did I find out, what the problem is. But they don't listen, they don't show understanding, for them they are totally normal, and you are the bad, which always causes problems. And when you grow up with such stuff, you think your whole life, your the bad child, that always makes your mother cry. Whatever you do is never good enough. Only cause those people are nuts. 🤮These energy vampires suck you dry to the core. Although I think, when I was a few months old, I already realized that something was wrong. My mom told me, I never wanted to cuddle with her when I was little. I can't remember if I cuddled with her later, with a few years. As long I can remember, I know I didn't like it.
You perfectly described my mother. When I was in kindergarten, I knew something was wrong.
Still on my healing journey . Abuse makes a man very sensitive! 😅🥺
True bro...
Hello I am here for you fine gentlemen 😘
A while ago I went to the doctor to seek help because I felt my mental and physical health was getting worse. I haven't felt happy for nearly a half of the year and it's been causing problems in my life. Constant apathy, anxiety and sleepless nights. Something similar happened to me around 5 years ago, I told my mum I felt bad but she didn't believe me. That's when I started having problems with school. I wanted support but, instead, she would come to my room every evening and tell me I'm a piece of shit. She would also say that she's suffering because of me and that I spoiled her day. I almost gave up on my life three times. She was there for all of them. And all she said to me was: "You won't do it, I know it. You're just manipulating me." Since then I understood that once I fail, my mum will turn her back at me. Unfortunately, the same is happening right now. I told her I went to therapist who implied I was showing signs of depression. My mum reacted pretty badly. She told me something like "I wish I had your problems", "I'm sometimes sad too but I get up and move forward", "Don't even dare to tell me you feel bad" and gods knows what else she says about me behind my back to her friends, my relatives, my own dad. Last time she managed to turn everybody against me. I think she'll do the same now. And I'm feeling so much worse.
😢❤🩹🤗
That's awful, I'm so sorry you went through that, truly.
Yout not alone, on the brightside you can still create the life you deserve. Also put the pain into pushing through a gym workout it helps me.
Never tell your narcissistic parents your problems or your goals and accomplishments. They will make your problems greater or they will crush your accomplishments to make another problem to you. I was also in the same situation when I failed my university studies due to depression, caused by them. Took me a while to make sense of it. They forced me to see a therapist, but then I realized that it was a means for them to create more problems such as trying to make me seem that I was a danger to myself and others, so they always had the phone in front of me, saying that anytime they will call the police.They told everybody, even yelled it for others to hear. I was in recovery mode and they were forcing me to find a job the following week and to leave and find an apartment as soon as I got the job, denying the fact that I need credit, money, and that I was in no condition. This was also the time of the recession.
watching my mother be more of a mom to her students then she ever was to me is a unique and incredibly painful thing. she had it in her to be a good mother the whole time, she just didn’t care enough when it came to me.
This is definitely my mother, she always does this every day 😔
I know the feeling hang in there
It's a fucked up feeling
I don't know what to do
My mother is like that and I keep her at a distance. I'm thankful my Dad, my Aunts and other family members saw right through her.
Same here...
My own Dad didn't even believe me when I talked about my narc mom. That's how good the act can be.
That's what my mother was! I'm so glad she is not here anymore!
My mother is just like that and I don’t really feel safe around her anymore because she does stuff that makes me wanna run away
100%. It makes sense now. I always wanted to have friends around and could never figure out why she was only extremely nice and tolerable around other people. Behind closed doors, well, it wasn't so happy.
I relate to the disaster part. Anytime something is wrong with me or even my wife, my mother gets angry and frustrated! We are 40 and 34 years old! I always thought, "she's just upset because she can't fix this". Now I realize it's just a way of making it about her- being unsupportive and hurting us along the way. Thanks for this bro.
I agree. My mom is a narcissistic person. I can't even have a conversation with her
Me too! She doesn't call me anymore because I am being given the silent treatment we had a argument that got really bad last year. And she has not forgiven me, even though I've apologized. But everything I said was true, and I really have nothing that I said that was wrong. So I totally get it. We can't be on the phone more than five minutes.
This is so true! She keeps grudge on her own kids. Takes revenge on them for offending her. Hit them so badly. Makes people think she's the best and you are a bad kid. She's so thankless.
Lol my mum changes in front of others, I mentioned how fake she was in front of her (now ex) boyfriend and he agreed so she didn’t speak to us for a few hours 😂
As depressed as I was as a teenager, I didn't end myself because I knew that my mother would make it all about her.
My older sister would do the same thing. She took it from our mother.
All of these things especially I got into a car accident in 2022 she made it all about her and her pain and how it made her feel. Still healing and realizing these things she does
My narcissistic mother has turned me into an evil version of myself. With time I learned how to give insults back to her and seem to always be getting better at it, scary. She is always kicking me out of the house stating how old I am and what my peers are doing. She uses my brother to partner up and make life difficult in all areas around the house, I no longer feel like I have a home or somewhere where I belong. To watch an adult behave so nice and human to other people, then turn around and switch back to her devil ways, is truly uncanny. She has separated me from her side of the family and is very proud of that. She doesn’t have any friends, any real relationships, separated from my dad and the way I see it wants everyone to be part of the misery that is her life. Narcissists never change, I just wonder if the things they do keep them up at night at all!
Your mom is jealous of you
Some people should never be granted the gift to have kids 😢
My mother's oldest sister is the beast who ruined my family. She created my elder female sibling in her own image and managed to make my poor parents unwitting enablers. In the past week I have realized and connected so many dots in my world... I thank Jesus everyday for this gift and for supporting n healing me as I untangle this dark web. 🙏🙏🙏
I went through this for a 28 years of my life. She is exactly all that is said here. Worst part was my dad also gave in to her behaviour who was abusing me physically to extract any thing that is of use from me. Staying away from her since 2 years, yet I wake up every night due to panic attacks and cry each day till I drift back to sleep and tried. The way she treated still haunts me to date each moment. I hope never I get to be treated like that
Absolutely TRUE. Thank you for confirming this reprehensible behavior
Fact … don’t forget victim blaming the scapegoat (the one that sees her) smearing that child so everyone always has a bad view of them and you don’t even know them…
I believe I'm the golden child and my younger sister is the scapegoat
She’s the devil. I really got screwed in life….Omggggg 😭😭😭🥺
Yep same here... My mother was the definition of a devil. She even had the ginger hair to prove it.
@@missstranger7697 Mine also has red hair 😳
@@cheflynne1359 😶 I see... I wish you the best of luck!😇🍀
@@missstranger7697 Same to you my friend 🙏💖 We never deserved this 😘🌹
Same absolute sick as a dog
Yeah just realized lately that I grew up with a narcissistic mum.. realized it just now that I’m in my 40s…
41 here. I knew at age 4😢
when i had clear signs of depression and ptsd but i couldn’t reach out to her because she acted like my struggles were a way for me to harm her… if you can relate, we really did deserve better.
When I told my mum about my issues, she either made it about herself, treat pain as a competition like "Other people are homeless and have it worse than you" or Toxic positivity.
O.M.G. this is so spot on. It is incredibly painful being a narcissist's child. Most of the members of my family don't talk to me because of the issues she has created. Such a traumatic childhood. Sending love and support to all here.
Yes to the first one, but its also traumatizing bc it's living proof of how easy it is for them to be nice and yet they simply made the choice NOT to be nice to you, like you aren't worth it or something.
I don’t understand why she would treat her own son like this
Lack of believing in goodness, lack of Christ, anxiety to spread her own darkness to others, so she can justify her despicable behaviour, as this is the “cruel reality of life”.
Me neither. I thought toxic boy moms were more protective of their sons, than their own daughters🤷♀️
I think there are several toxic behaviours, it can be over protective, always making you down and blame your or whatever. It probably depends on their automatisms, which they have acquired due to bad experiences anywhen in their life, mostly childhood or bad relationships.
My deceased mil was each statement made😢. Back in the days, I knew it had to be some kind of abuse, but I didn't know what it was called or indeed was it abuse?. 1970-2010
Her son, my husband of 50 yrs, is also a narc.
Do not hang about if you can leave. You are stronger than you think.
❤
One time my best friend whom I’ve been friends with for over 5 years was talking bad about me behind my back and I was sobbing and crying when I told my mother about it thens she made it all about how my dad and his side of the family were terrible people to her and how she lost her trust in all of them.
It's always about her, I know how feel
@@Jwa-fo6nb I’m sorry you do thank you for comforting me
@@avishabajpai6317 💛
When I was a kid, once we went over to someone’s place for a dinner party when my mom was upset with me. She would be warm and bubbly with literally everyone else except me, with me she was cold and gave single-worded responses. At first it gutted me but then I decided to have a little fun. I flat out openly told the table my mom wasn’t really in a good mood and was mad at me about something ridiculous. Her eyes widened and people just kind of looked at her quizzically like “why are you mad about that”.
So true! When I finally got the courage as a child to tell her that a family friend was molesting me, she turned it into a pity party for herself because "she should have known he would do that because he raped her first". So messed up, and for decades I internalized and believed that I wasn't worth protecting because she already knew how much of a monster he was, yet she still made the conscious decision to have him babysit me and my siblings.
Thank you I’m glad I’m not the only one and I have a narcissist mother
The wickedness is plentiful!!! 💯🎯😩
And the kicker is narcissists~who are incapable of introspection never feel remorse, do not internalize anything are never plagued by self doubt or riddled with guilt consequently live on avg LONG HEALTHY LIVES FREE OF STRESS AND SICKNESS BECAUSE THEY JUST KEEP STEPPING OVER THE BODIES...
mini Adolfs 👹
Thats not true. My mom is older now and sick for 8 years on and off. I have several months of super stress every year when I can play geriatric nurse, cleaning lady, cook, I do the laundry, put new sheets on her bed several times a day, or clean the appartement up to 10+ times a day when it's really bad and she doesn't make it to the toilet, altho she wears diapers, and on top of that I take care of our shop, but never have days off. To her toxic behaviour comes her sickness and the stubbornness of older people. It's unbearable. She sucked me dry. I'm suffering from burnout and everything hurts, so that I can only work half time at the moment. Everyday I pray that she doesn't suck energy from me anymore. Also I barely talk to her anymore. Only as much contact as is needed. If I had money for an appartement, I'd just grab my dog, my stuff and go. Years ago I thought: This is so terrible, how can some people don't have contact with their families for 20 years? Now I know why!
Me too. Because that my pathetic, arrogant, and toxication mother, she's not part in my life. And she doesn't care she always blame at me that all the time and other my family. And also for she's stealing money and she took everything.What a shame 😡
Watching the act is crazy. 😁 All her children "disrespectful" lol. Its not even worth the time of explaining whats happening. Time will tell.
My Mom does all 3 of these things. I’ve gotta start revealing what she’s actually like when it’s just me, my sister and my Dad. As well as the way she subliminally treats my 3 month old niece.
That’s exactly what my mother-in-law does in public and when her grandchildren are sick she’s no where to be find and later says no one helped her with her kids,forgetting that she already told me her own mother in law was helping her 😵💫🤯
Yes! My Mother, Father and Brother! Destroyed and Destroying my reputation, health, life and FUTURE in EVERY SINGLE way!
I am just waiting for my mother to die. Aaaaa. Why is it taking so long. I'm so done with all the abuse. Either I should die or she should.. I'm totally fed up.
lol why I said this also
Option number 3
Go no contact
Cut off contact from her
Live your life without her in it
@BAP-qd9gu thats what my narc mom said when i tried ro tell her about something 🙄 oh whatever i had it way worse! Me: Like u don't even know whats going on how can u say that u just cut me off?
@PrincessBabykinz yeah some narcs in here too go figure 😮💨
Oh my, you are spot on. More my father, he abused me mentally and physically, but everyone would say what a wonderful man he was! I never had the courage to speak out and tell the truth.
Mines was mad at me so she missed my middle school graduation ❤ I was accepted into a highschool magnet program and she refused to enroll me there. It is hard believe me but you have to be stronger, I’m in school but moving out soon.. I pray everyday for myself and for her
Do what makes you happy
Also try to go to counseling
God Bless 💖 You got this 🙏💖
“Your lucky to have a mom like that”. That’s BS
Please do more videos on narc mothers. 🙏🏽
Please make more of these!!! They need to get exposed
This is my DAD 🙄 I want to go out with my friends but I can't. If possible, he want to keep me at home until I don't know what's going on in the outside world.
Both my parents are narcissistic and my mother throughout my childhood always tried to paint herself as the good parent and always taught me to hate my father. Now as an adult, I learned how toxic they both are, and I'm distancing myself.
my mom and my sister. thank you sugar
Same situation.
Arrghhhh this is so my mom!! She acts like a saint in front of every damn person except me but hell breaks loose when we are in the same room! I just cannot stand her. She just finds reasons to criticize me, blame me and put her life’s frustration on me! Once after so many years I asked her to make my favorite dish and she yelled at me saying how I eat a lot 😶😶
So, you’ve met my “bio egg donor”?!
WAIT STOP YOU TOO??🥲
I also call her egg donor she is not worth title of being called a donor
Must be related to my sperm donor.
I live with my mom and brother. Ive always been the least favorite. I wasnt even allowed to have my belongings in the house at one point when my abusive stepdad was still alive. I'm on the autism spectrum and i think thats why she hates me. I dont have anything to my name, not a car, no money, nothing. I love snacking. I have foods that i keep in the fridge as my only privalage and enjoyment. My brother goes out of his way to eat them. I finally stood up to him today. I confronted him and said why did you eat my sandwich when I literally cook dinner every day and you dont want it but i specifically told you not to eat my sandwich, so my brother screamed in my face and punched holes in the wall and lunged at me. I was balling my eyes out because my ex husband used to beat me and it set off my PTSD. Then i went to my mom for emotional support thinking shed comfort me but she screamed at me and told me that not everything has to be about me and told me to get a life when all i wanted was hug and some empathy.
Yes you are talking about my mother
Exactly, respect goes both way old lady.
This is 100% both my parents
Yes my mother is the same. You describe her jer perfectly😂 besides that she lies about me infront of others when im not there. Then they dont like me anymore because of her lies. Then they ask me why i dont help her more. I should be happy having a mom like her. And she even lies to my face. I act like i dont know the truth and she still lies.
The peace love and light is dead on!
My parent🎯💯 This is why I've gone no contact with them once again.
So true. My mom is worser than this. Sigh😖 she would even question my friends about me in a very doubting and unfriendly way. Even my friends avoided me when they found out about her. They got scared. She would follow even them to find out things about them. She would somehow make my friends her flying monkeys. When I cut myself off her radar, she totally smothered the golden, enmeshed child. Now she and the golden child hangout with the golden child's group of friends who are all boys. She in a competition with me tries to try on my type of dresses or maybe try on extremely short ones(lol) and think herself as a teenager and hangout with them. She will also out of her grandiosity pay for all the treats, party and trips of the group. But she never cared if her daughter had anything to fill her stomach. Sometime back I even learnt that she caused a rift in the group 😳😲😆 am shocked at the level she can stoop. The golden child is in deep soup as he has to take his mother at a friends gathering. Not that a mother shouldn't or can't go but everytime and treating her like an equal is quite weird for me. Especially in India where we see mothers as reserve of love, care, support, guardian, the elder, the senior and nrot one of our batchmates. The golden child says "who needs a girlfriend when you have a mother". What!? Ewww! It's not that she cares so much about the golden one. Just cares as much as she can keep him. I just shudder at her behavior towards her children. These days she even mistreats my dog who I rescued. But she treats her own dog with that extra care. My poor baby doesn't even understand why she has separate set of rules for her in the house. They can be so spiteful. Sigh.
Damn, this is intense!
@@KidCrowder haha sigh it really is too much at times.I just sit back in the background, watch and chuckle to myself. Haha
Bro let it go
Go to therapy or counselling
There are lots of videos on CZcams about this particular topic
I m not trying to tell u that ur experience is invalid for the hate you feel for her. But it will DESTROY your other RELATIONSHIP 100000%
Break her curse 😊
The "peace love and life" facade is their ultimate scam. If you dare say anything afterwards, you are now supposedly the "bad" guy all of a sudden
This my mother😢😢. Real talk
Fr my mom worked at my school and everyone always liked her except for all the kids I swear she turns into a whole mother person