Tips for Creating a Peaceful Household When Mom Has ADHD
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2020
- More than four million women have ADHD and many of them are mothers or are raising children. It can be difficult to “keep up” with the multiple priorities of their homes, their careers, and their families’ lives and needs. Learn practical tips to help create a calmer home for your family while still meeting your needs.
Terry Matlen works closely with women affected by ADHD, and she has developed practical tips to create a calmer home for your family while still meeting your needs.
Terry Matlen, MSW, ACSW, is a psychotherapist, writer, consultant and ADHD coach with a special focus on women with ADHD She is the author of the recently releases book, The Queen of Distraction and is the founder of the social networking site, WomenADHD.com.
Ms. Matlen is the immediate past coordinator of E. Oakland County CHADD chapter in Michigan. She is the founder and moderator of the first internet mailing list for ADD professionals.
A nationally recognized speaker on the topic, Ms. Matlen has a passion for raising awareness of the special challenges for women with ADHD and the unique issues they face as parents when both they and their children have ADHD. Ms. Matlen is certified through the Institute for the Advancement of ADHD Coaching as a Senior Certified Coach. Married with two young adult children, one of whom has ADHD, Ms. Matlen also has ADHD herself.
#ADD #ADHD #AdultADHD
I sobbed when I received my diagnosis at 41. I felt like a worthless wife, a terrible mom, a horrible employee, crappy friend all my life I was the failure that could NOT get life right & that only amplified once married and a mom. I have 3 kids with ADHD. None of us present the same fully. It took me breaking down and going in for help because "my anxiety is getting worse especially in public. Im overstimulated and angry. I cannot remember crap, Im lashing out and weepy, I zone out, I lose everything, I cant sleep, or complete simple tasks for myself let alone my kids. I dive into random hobbies then poof out after binge shopping for all its trappings. My house is an exhausted wreck." Everything was broken down for me and it was life altering to realize why I am the way I am. This is still really emotional for me. I see myself in a more authentic light and I forgive myself for not being better because it wasnt my fault.
Wow what a great way to describe me over the past -15 or more years... still raising the last one of my7 (& the only one also diagnosed with ADHD) + I'm single. That book sounds perfect for me though my latest diagnosis of cancer takes precedence. I'm 59 & having ginormous issues in life with ZERO POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT from most anyone but my wonderful teen son💜💙💚💛🧡❤️✡️✝️🕎🛐
Sending you a big ole hug. ❤️ ILY!
I also sobbed when I finally got my dx/rx at nearly 36. All the negative self talk and beating myself up over every perceived failure and shortcoming bc I'm not "normal"..... hope you're in a better place now. ❤️
I got diagnosed this year at 41 as well. It explained so much in my childhood and life in general. It’s extremely emotional because I WASNT a bad or annoying kid. I wasn’t intentionally “not living up to my potential”. I wish someone had recognized and helped me earlier so that I could’ve done more with my life, but I’m working on it now
Oh wow 😭 This is ME. Thank you for writing this and helping me not feel so alone out here. I'm awaiting official diagnosis. It's only been a couple of weeks since I had the "lightbulb" realisation that I have ADHD. I was relieved to know I'm not a complete loser, but that relief only lasted about 20 mins and ever since then I've been a complete wreck. So much grief, anger and shame at how I've struggled through life to be in my 40s believing I'm broken beyond repair and it's my fault. I want it to get like good news - knowing I have ADHD - but I'm finding it so hard to get past the pain and loss I feel. My self confidence is in negative numbers. I feel like I've been conned out of my life. Like I've been playing a computer game that's secretly stuck on "hard mode" wondering why I can never get past the basic levels while everyone else seems to zoom past and just get on with it. But now I know that I really have been playing life on hard mode, all this time, and it's not likely to change, I'm so pissed about it I don't even want to play anymore 😭 Seriously, this last couple of weeks has been sooo much harder than it usually is. I've just quit trying. What's the point when it seems like my best efforts look like I'm half-assing it anyway? I'm decades exhausted of this groundhog day of rowing against the tide. I just feel like giving up... and drifting out to sea.
Is this a normal reaction? I've cried every day. Most comments I read from other newly diagnosed people sound more optimistic and grateful to know there's a reason for their difficulties, but I just feel doomed and discouraged like things really aren't going to get better. Does it get any better?
@@mercysmartt9765 I hear you Mercy. You say you are exhausted from “rowing against the tide.” I know just what you mean. I always say that I always feel like I’m “walking through quicksand” just trying to do the basics in life. It shouldn’t be so hard and I wonder what it feels like for people who can just function. And I know they can never really know what it feels like for day to day life to be such a struggle. I hope you are still hanging in there Mercy. Let us know that you’re okay please.
It is also time for women to stop being ok with being expected to do 75-80% of the childcare and housework. You aren't always overwhelmed because of ADHD its also because you and your family expect you to do too much.
If we're in the house 100% of the time, it makes sense to take 100% of the household responsibilities.
@@myranaam8562 no, it is actually not. You have needs outside of the house and someone has to take charge when you are gone. Also, it is not good at all for kids to see their mom doing all of the housework and their dad doing none. There is a lot of research on how it affects kids and their success in relationships when their parents have equal duties at home. Boys that don't see dad do laundry don't think they have to do laundry and girls that don't see it don't expect their partners to do it. Also, parenting and taking care of a house is MUCH MUCH harder and more work than going to an office job every day. MUCH MUCH more work and responsibility. Just because you aren't getting paid does not mean it is easier.
@@myranaam8562 if you live alone you do 100% of the household responsibilities but if there are other people there you do more than if you lived alone. Adding people to a household adds more work but going to a job requires the same amount of effort and responsibility whether you are single or are married with 10 kids. It is absolutely NOT reasonable for anyone to refuse to do any household or parenting duties because they have a job outside of the home but their spouse doesn't. So they get to work 8-10 hours a day because they get paid and you work 24 hours a day because you don't get paid? Assuming you are the only one getting up at night with the kids then you are literally on duty 24 hours a day with no financial compensation or accumulated job history.
@@myranaam8562 as a Man I could not disagree more with this, this is unhealty not only for your partner but also for your relationship.
If you take on 100% of the household responsibilities your become a Mom not a partner/gf/wife there needs to be an equal share even if he is the main stream og revenue you got a place together you also choose to have kids together.
There needs to be an expectation of both partners helping each other with all of these tasks, now I am not saying if you go home you should put your feet up and do nothing no if you have an agreement that one of you go home and the other is working then you have some things to do durring the day just like your partner has their things at work but at the end of the day you need to be a team "playing" together.
When he/she comes home from work it is okay to pass the ball and say I need a break!
@@myranaam8562 sure, if you were to *only* work a 40 hours week, but no mother does that!!! Time for men to pull their weight, and clean, do laundry and cook. It’s 2022
Thank you for this. It's so hard to be a mom with ADHD. If your husband sends the kids to school with mismatched clothes, all the other moms think it's really cute that he dress them that way. But if you send your kids to school in mismatched clothes, all the other moms start sniping and gossiping behind your back about what a terrible mother you are.
I've done a couple things that some other people might find helpful. My husband and I both have ADHD and so do our kids.
At dinnertime we eat in our dining room which we have converted into a computer room. We each sit at our computers and eat. This works out really well because we're all together but we're all doing their own thing. If someone's watching a video that's really hilarious they'll turn their monitor around so we can all watch. It's unconventional but it really works extremely well for us. It's great because we're all together, but we all have our own space.
When my husband was undergoing chemo the smell of food made him sick. That Thanksgiving we had cold deli meat turkey sandwiches and potato salad. It turned out to be one of the best Thanksgivings ever. Instead of freaking out over food prep, we all got to spend more time with each other and our relatives. And isn't that what Thanksgiving is supposed to be about anyway? So since that time I completely gave up on having fancy dinners for any holiday.
I gave up on sorting socks many many years ago. I buy one type of the same brand of sweat socks for each member of my family. Hanes are nice because each size has Hanes written in a different color on the toe. Most of the time my family wears jeans, t-shirts, or sweats, so they can always just wear sweat socks most of the time. Soooo much easier to sort!
I hope someone found some of these ideas helpful!!!
I have felt so bad I can not be the perfect mother. I'm glad there is no perfect
Omg you're me lol we eat at our computers too and I just throw the socks in the drawer loose. I can't fade it lol
Neuro typical mom's can be such basic bitches. Loved your suggestions 💞 I'm trying to figure out our way of living atm. It's super liberating to think outside the Neuro typical social structure box..... we can't actually think inside it when we have adhd soooooooo. ...... 😆 Joy!!!! My kids aren't the only ones with devices at dinner, hair styles they choose themselves and alternative ways of celebrating holidays.
Glad I’m not alone on the socks my mom and even my MIL have helped me sort my batches of mismatched socks 😂😂😂
For family pictures I reccomend a documentary family photographer, no posing just the family being themselves. Messy, crazy, silly whatever goes.
I need this. I have ADD and a daughter on the spectrum, and am currently pregnant. I can’t seem to stick to a schedule, can’t stay organize, and feel overwhelmed with everything. People who don’t have ADD or ADHD call people with it lazy but they just don’t know.
This!! Literally you took the words from my mind.
Don't know if you'll see this, but how are you doing now? I worry for my fellow moms with adhd. Best wishes to you all! ❤
I’m a 71 year old senior that was just diagnosed with ADHD. Now I understand why things were crazy!!! My children survived and thrived in-spite of their messy mom. My youngest also has ADHD. This combo, her and me was a mess, lol.
I was just diagnosed at 38. It has given me so much understanding into myself. But also why my mom is the way she is and was always disorganized and overwhelmed when I was growing up. I give her so much credit now! She raised 6 kids, most of whom neurodivergent. She had no idea she had adhd, no idea most of her kids were autistic or adhd or both. Don't get me wrong my childhood was far from perfect. But I get it now and I am so grateful for my parents and all the effort they put into us. They didn't always do the right thing. But they always tried to do the right thing. My daughter has adhd, I am sure of it. We are working on getting her assessed. She's only 6. And if one day she has kids she will know what to look out for from the day they are born. Progress! 😊
As an adhd Mum of 2 teens. I hate having all responsibility put on me. I work full time, yet am expected to do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, organise holidays etc. Everyone thinks I'm their personal maid including my husband. It's overwhelming. What's worse is my sister is one of those perfect mothers so everyone compares us...
I can't even feel like I can take my kids to sports because its just another responsibility that I won't be able to live up to due to me forgetting things like games, practice, uniforms, paying fees. I'm medicated but it's still so hard
My GOD I FEEL YOUR PAIN✊🏽😕
🥺🫂
Women never got liberated. Lol so true.
Get therapy and get help in asking for help. Teens need to be responsible for some of their schedules. If they can’t help, they shouldn’t participate in the activities. I’ve been in your shoes. Not a fun time.
I don't know if I will ever meet you but you have saved my life today. I was in one of the worst emotional breakdowns ever and just kept thinking THIS IS TOO DAMN HARD!! I decided to go on You tube as I sat on the bathroom floor. My plan was to stay in the bathroom all day and not come out. I just didn't care and had nothing left to give. My kids would just fend for themselves today. I wasn't even going to eat just stay here in peace on the floor. I couldn't deal with the norm. Tired of not getting it right. Simple day to day tasks, and trying so hard. Thank you for such practical tips and being my beam of light today. This video sincerely changed my life. I appreciate you posting.
I just read your post and hope you're doing better today.
Awesome! So glad she was able to help be there sending love!
❤️❤️❤️ I've been here and am here often ❤️❤️❤️ You are not alone and are awesome!
Trust me , we have been there before . If you were raised in a dysfunctional household, it makes things worse ☺️
Hope you're doing well, mama.
Thank you. I’m a single working mom of 3 with ADD. I have a masters degree & successful career but the rest of my life is a mess. I’m getting worn out & loosing my strength to fight to keep moving forward
I hear you..., I'm 59 now.....1 of 7 children left at home, thank God. He is amazing and also has adhd from me & his dad ( pos he has never known) May God bless both of us richly & miracles shower our lives with joy today!💕💜✝️🕎
@@remnantmombaker2076 amen sister! Todays been a good day. Actually it’s been a good week 🙌
We need more CZcams videos like this… those for mothers with ADHD because life can become super overwhelming most of the time for us. We need guidance.
Diagnosed as a child. My daughter also has it. I've been told DESPITE my diagnosis "You're so lazy, why do you do this, or that, or this other thing?" and I've also found my daughter been told that too. I'm working on getting us our own place so we CAN make things work for us without having to mask 24/7
I’m almost 60, this past yr I found out I have ADHD, what a shock! I wish I had known yrs ago when I was raising our 2 daughters, who found out they have ADHD. In fact, that’s how I found out I have it bc they both were diagnosed w it. It’s truly a revelation to find this out so late in life! My past makes so much more sense to me now. I will give myself credit bc I’m realizing that I didn’t do too bad when I was in my 20’s &30’s raising my kids not knowing I had ADHD. I managed ok considering. But now I have a decision to make…do I get on meds for this or just stick w my 59 yr old brain that I’m very used to. Just researching ADHD is making a diff in my life. I think I’ll wait a lil longer to get on meds. Good luck to you all who are on this ADHD journey!
I am in tears 💕 Thank you for validating and advocating for mums with ADHD.
Where have you been, my angel?!?! 😭😭😭 I've NEVER felt so understood! I'm 32 whole years old and never before I thought ADHD was a possibility. I truly thought I was just a lazy, angry pos. I feel hope for the first time EVER.
I've been getting so depressed because of my ADHD this was very validating thank you so much
I literally just realized I have ADHD two days ago. I'm totally overwhelmed with how to structure my life. Thank you so so much for posting this as a resource for those of us that are trying to make a change. Thank you.
I’m a stay at home mom with adhd and two out three kids also with adhd - one who has the complete opposite kind as me. I’m tearing up.
Wow! It's amazing I just happened to run across this. I need serious help with not having sense of time! I set alarms but will dismiss them and then forget to move on once I'm fixated on something. Yesterday I wrote out all of meals for the week. This included sides, drinks, snacks, condiments, etc. Then I went through EVERY MEAL and wrote down every single ingredient for each recipe. I even sorted the ingredients by the aisles they were on so I could quickly run in and out. So proud!! I thought it took about 45 minutes but once I finished and looked at the clock it taken me over 3 hours! I could've cried! It was too late to even go to the store or do anything else and we ended up just eating fast food for dinner. So FRUSTRATING and DISAPPOINTING. I brushed it off and decided I would go this morning. I had one hour before the store opened so I decided to clean my car and my floors and then head out. Started on the car and took a break to check the time. Had been 5 hours. I'll sum it up, leaving out the rest out the day and finish by saying I went to store at 330p (started the day at 445a) and stayed for 4 hours!! How?! Sometimes I feel great and like my treatment is successful and then having NO SENSE FOR TIME CONSTANTLY screams how incompetent I am because I can't succeed at the most basic tasks. It took me 31 hours to freaking grocery shop!
I have an app called Platejoy. It plans your meals, creates your grocery list, and will even send it to grocery delivery services if you want. It's an ADHD mom's lifesaver ❤
I'm sorry I have experienced about the same thing!
I found a create app for task with alarms recently, it helps me a lot with its nagging feature. Its called Alarmed on the App store. Hope it could help you too.
Please don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up either, your doing your very best , I used to do the same thing ,
Then I started to simplify .
if it was me I’d keep the list and reuse it … stick it into a note book …
I have a note book labelled food .Mines bright green and I keep it in a drawer right near where I sit to organise.
On the back page I listed every meal we regularly have .
This is also where I do an inventory ( when I have time)
I do my meal plan here too
I never have to do the whole list again or waste energy trying to think things up , my mind is way busy enough.
We only have so many spoonfuls of energy
Your not incompetent, anyone with add does better with structure and tips tricks and helps
It takes us more energy to get the same things done, stop comparing you are on your journey not someone else’s , awareness is the first step .
❤️ good luck
I can SO relate about the time it is supposed to take to get something done and then when you figure out the actual amount of time you spent, you’re horrified or annoyed and out of time to do anything else… so frustrating… sometimes I try to set an alarm that goes off maybe every 15 minutes to remind me so I’m sort of aware of the actual time passing - sometimes that helps, but sometimes it makes me annoyed when it keeps going off and I’m not further ahead than I expected to be…
I'm going through the homework issues right now. My oldest and I both have ADHD and it's like he's another person now. He has no motivation to do anything and it makes me explode. A tutor would definitely help
I’m going through this now with my 15 year old… I basically have to sit down with him and talk him through a whole assignment, which is very difficult when I already have 900 things to do because I’m a single mom of 2 and run my own business from home… if only I could afford a tutor! And a maid! 😅
"....not someone who's lazy stupid or crazy." Thank you ♡ the abuse from others is enough to bear. I need to stop believing these negative thoughts. I will keep these words in mind.
Just realizing how blessed I am. I just git diagnosed inattentive type at 38, after post natal depressions, anxietydisorder and 3 burnouts. Everything makes sence now. But I'm lucky that my husband is my rock. We divide the complete care load, we work both part time. He has also all the appointments in his agenda for both of us, in case (often) I forget something. He knows what my ADD struggle is and looks out for me. But poor fella went through a lot with me. 😅 Sending out so much love to all the ADD moms.
I am always (99%) on top of my kids homework, library book return day, dress up day (which is at least once a month) only because of the pain I had from not doing it myself and not having help remembering. I see a school project and I panic, that feeling of procrastination urgency kicks in day one even if I have a week. It’s like adhd ptsd!😅
I feel this so much. I'm really trying hard to stop panicking about homework on my daughter's behalf.
Listening to this makes me feel so validated. Thank you!
Same
Omg! I needed this so much! 😩❤️I am a single mother of 3 with ADHD and complex PTSD and a survivor of sexual trauma and domestic violence I have no support system aside from doctors and therapists and nobody seems to understand and I am pretty sure my 14 year old son has ADHD and possibly ODD.
That must be so incredibly tough....:-| I would just like to send you some love, a virtual hug & tulip-bouquet from The Netherlands to give some mental support...Stay strong, you can fight and win this battle and live your best life one day! Keep on believing in your self and your strength.
I second that! You will get through this. Make lots of room for self care.
@Andrea Milioti thanks sure
@@deuroelthekaiblepe thank you
@@JaimeGstl thank you
Thank you for your video. I am 50. My daughter is convinced I have adhd. When I tell others. They say it’d really make sense! I fit all the adhd sterio types. I have 2 speeds- go go go and crashed out asleep from exhaustion! I have been getting into minimalism over last 2 years. I’ve gotten rid of most of my clothes and stuff. It has helped so much with getting out of the house and finding things. I just couldn’t take my disorganised place and being late always. My children are grown now and god bless them. Somehow they grew up to be marvellous! I am a stay at home artist but am finding much difficult focusing on a task at a time. Do you have a video on running a business with adhd. I feel like am failing my beautiful supportive husband😥. I use timers they are helpful. But sometimes I walk in circles and get upset when I’ve not done much in the day. I can even hate myself😥. I’m convinced I ha e adhd and so are others. Do you think it’s worth getting it confirmed? Thankyou for being lovely🙏🙌☺️✌️
Dear Kerry, you might be suffering from ADD brain fog, if you have not had your ADD diagnosed just because simply you have assumed the symptoms as your nature and found strategies to overcome them, I found this article very useful about women experiencing similar symptoms. It could also be simply brain fog typical of peri-menopause.
@@fadwaa.h7564 oh yes I’d. Not thought of that! Thanks. I should get some menpause vitamins then , maybee that will help. Thankyou 🙏✌️✨
I wish I could post a picture of the 6 (literally six) loads of laundry I was finally able to fold as I listened to this magical video!!! THANK YOU.
You mentioned single moms briefly, and really most mom issues apply to all mom's , but I think I am a rare one, almost 33 y.o single / solo mom , classic textbook ADHD, (not diagnosed til last year although I had it since birth I'm quite sure)to my 4 year old son ,who also has classic textbook ADHD, (still not a great match as it presents so very differently in males and females just sayin)but also a widow.. a recetn widow, lost my husband less than 6 months ago.
You really have no idea how much this video just honeslty changed my life and my self esteem and it just came at the most perfect time when I needed it so badly THANK YOU!!!
Sending my compassion to you. They need to start awarding capes and medals to us ADHD mum's 🦸♀️
God, Jesus and all your Angels see everything, catch all your tears and cheer you on for kind acts & love💜
How horrendous I'm so sorry. How are you now? ❤️
I'm a young millennial new mom who just got her ADHD diagnosis and it feels like so much more about my childhood and my relationship with my (also likely ADHD) mom makes sense. Thanks for making a stripped down, classic, no-frills discussion about this. I've got all these conflicting expectations for being a mom and being a "modern, have it all" mom and I've been going insane trying to manage it. This has been really validating and helpful, thank you!!
to all who have had the privilege of being mothers: GOOD ON YOU!YOU ARE BRILLIANT! and every ordinary day is a great achievement. espeicially with add dffficulties, where nothing simple, is simple.
Our brains have not been able to adapt to the overstimulation of today's society.
Our brains would have been exceptional in the days when humans needed to just survive.
ADHD brains may have been responsible for many of today's new innovations..... but now they overwhelm us.
This video helped me understand my childhood.
At 51 and now only identifying my own ADHD I'm grateful I could not have children as I would have repeated the same behaviours of my mother.
And now onto a better life.....🥰
Thank you for this. Im a working single mom of one 5yo child, Im bipolar 2 and i suspect i have add too. Really tough to sustain life during quarantine.
Thank goodness for a resource with Mums WITH adhd… not moms of kids with adhd
It's hard to find, but it exists!
I’m not crying...yes I am. Thank you ❤️
I have a lot of anger and feel horrible about yelling at my kids. I just lose my temper easily. I'm always overwhelmed by there engery 😪 I feel like the worst mother.
Try not to beat yourself up, hope you have reached out for help, you can't fight this battle on your own. Wish you the best and hope things look up for you :)
@@taralee6798 Thank you ❤
@@8656737s ;)
Remember, your trying really hard, harder then most. Remember that your giving it your all, your falling short by no fault of your own making. If you have adhd, you need to seek help. Give yourself a break, pat yourself on the back for all you accomplish despite the struggles you face. If you do not have a diagnosis, plese seek one out and educate yourself it will give you the power you need to comfront it. Please take care, and try not to beat yourself up, this disorder destroys the self esteem when untreated xo
@@taralee6798 I was diagnosed as a child. Thank you so much for the encouraging words. It means a lot! Take care! ❤
I’m just watching this today. This is so me and I never realized that my ADD was still relevant now. Thank you so much!!!
Yes that is so me! Procrastinates, disorganized, hyperactive, daydreamer/spacey, overactive, and very annoyed/irritated by stimuli!
Tick diseases for decades esp the last 8 years made it so much worse!
Apparently I went thru menopause this year- early! And the tick diseases seem to be controlled/in remission yet all the brain issues seemed to get so much worse!
I’ve been learning about menopause and the relation to dopamine & adhd symptoms.. makes so much sense and allowed for a super quick & easy diagnosis.
Now it’s a matter of finding the right medication and learning the strategies to move forward in a more functional way.
I can’t do this but I can do that . I loves hearing this .. I’m 20 years married and I struggle with the hole cooking thing .. they laugh I do too rather it bothers me or not but I can only use one eye at a time when I cook on the stove
Thank you for this! I needed this as a validation and reminder of what I promised myself...So note-to-self! !
This is honestly one of the most helpful videos on managing every day life with ADHD, thank you for this!
🙏 THANK YOU 🙏❣️ I am profoundly grateful and feeling BLESSED beyond words ‼️ So relieved but also need to cry and catch my breath ❤️❤️
Thank you for this.....
Thank you so much!!! Words cannot explain how much this has helped me🙏🏾❤️
Amen
Parenting with AHDH is so hard, especially when you're not diagnosed or newly diagnosed. When you start to understand how AHDH impacts you and your parenting style you begin to have a bit more compassion for yourself and learn methods and tips that work for you instead of trying things that don't work for someone with a unique brain ❤😊
This is awesome. Thank you so much for this 🙏🏽❤️
Ok this is SO helpful. Thank you so much!! I feel so much less alone
You are awesome. I’m so glad I found this video!
Thankyou! I am just learning about adhd, my eldests father has adhd and my daughter shows the same symptoms, I know recognise these symptoms in this video in myself! I am a full time stay at home single parent and I recently started to homeschool due to it being the right choice for my daughter as she also displays sensory process disorder symptoms along with rejection sensitive disphoria
Thank you!
I seriously needed this. Thank you.
This was pretty helpful. I need to find something more in depth with the patience with my kids. The constant interruption, not being hyperbolic, is debilitating. I can't get anything done and I then shame myself and start to boil over. All before lunch time.
Thank you.
I'm a mother of 2 , a 8 and 10yo I thought I was just a terrible mother... my good is never clean... I never feel satisfied I lose everything. Over stimulated ...over emotional
..I don't feel normal but can't figure out why
..I accidentally watched this and started crying... I'm 42 and nothing has felt so true to me.. I've never identified with anything so much mm..God hopefully I finally have an answer and can find a way to cope
Like what you say ,very balanced and comprehensive.
Excellent, thank you so much
Sadly, not all of us can afford a diagnosis or delegating tasks. 😢
Yes. The first time it was suggested that I might have ADHD, I was 20. I'm 45 now. I couldn't afford counseling until last year! That's 24 years of my life left to struggle alone. Besides being cost prohibitive, the stigmas attached to affective disorders kept me from even wanting a diagnosis. I just kept telling myself to power through and get it together. Whatever that meant. When you keep losing jobs, you also keep losing insurance coverage. Even when I did manage to hold one job for a whole year, only 6 counseling sessions was the max covered by private insurance. And government healthcare wasn't any better.
I'm SO GRATEFUL that government health care in my state will FINALLY cover my counseling and group sessions! I truly don't know what I would have done this year without them. But I know I'm lucky and not every state offers decent mental health benefits. I worry that the program could be cut at any moment and I'd be on my own again. So I'm trying to make as much progress as possible while I still can, just in case.
@@themaggattack How was your experience with using state Medicaid? My fiance has ADHD and has not been medicated over 10 years. We are raising her young siblings in our household and we have realized she really needs treatment again. Best.
I needed this! Thank you so much for this video.
YESSSSSS.. well said.. thank you
Great information 🙏🏼 thank you!
Thank you was really great
A thought - if you have adhd the content might be better absorbed in shorter clips then 30 minutes straight of heavy content.
Some of this reminds me of FLY Lady. Great stuff.
Haha, anyone else pause videos at like 1 minute in to read the comments? 😅
Thank you thank you thank you
Was kind of hoping for ideas to help my son figure out how to deal with taking care of a house and running a household as he is starting a job and at that age he can move out soon.... kinda feels like these tips would fit anyone that is a visual macro organizer with too much stuff that wasn't taught to run a house. Or maybe he got this gene from me instead of his dad.... 🤷♀️ I've started doing most of this stuff since I started learning to actually run a house and decluttering so I can actually manage the inventory I have well.
A lot of these apply to if you have a lot of extra money. Those of us living paycheck to paycheck cannot afford a tutor, a maid, take out, etc.
I do like the suggestion to do a self induced time out, and carving out downtime, and visual reminders.
I'm not alone!!!!!!!
no ma'am! there's millions of us out here!
I don't even have kids and this still helped me!
Wow, single mom her with 5 girls who all also have adhd/add and or combined type 😯😘 think I am just not good enough glad to hear this thank you! Also all of us are untreated .
you were given those 5 amazing brains to care for because you understand them. you're not giving yourself enough credit!
Teachers need to be fully educated on ADHD…they are the ones who can spot the symptoms in the early stages
That’s fantastic, thank you so much.
I’m looking for resources to help my wife and my family as a whole. Your tips are gold for me. Is there any video/testimonials or educational material aimed for those who doesn’t have add for want to support their beloved? Something to picture the other side of an add family so I could learn from someone’s else experience and offer a better support to my family?
Paulo it’s so amazing to me that your trying to help your family..
I am unfortunately on the add side too but I do know some things that work, routines and habits could it be more important, if I can make a habit to put my keys in the same place Every time I won’t loose them twice daily …if I get up at the same time daily and go to sleep at roughly the same time I sleep better….if I have an alarm for medication or habit like breakfast lunch and dinner I miss a lot less .I keep my days simply structured, I know if I do a pick up , wash up and washing regularly I can keep my home mostly in order .
I use clear storage containers and try to have a designated place for things… so much time and frustration is wasted looking for things, and I won’t remember but if I am asked , do we have something … I can reply if we have it it will be in a certain place ….I use post it notes as reminders and set alarms for important things because I have no internal clock.😊
I plan meals once a week and put a list on my fridge, I usually cook enough for 2 meals often so I get plenty of nights off cooking , we also have fend for yourself nights …
Sometimes the simplest things make a world of difference… I am sure you are making a difference too
We are GIFTED Persons!!!
Not a character FLAW.
ALWAYS LATE. ALWAYS SCOLDED Belittled, shamed, TERRIBLE treatment from people WHOM ARE ABLE.
Hit the nail on the head.,... 🤷😭
My daughter is 15.5yo & we both just recently diagnosed.. she had been diagnosed with sensory disregulation as a young child tho and one thing I did was have her sit at the table on a yoga ball instead of a chair, that way she could wiggle without causing too many issues.
She was also on a sensory diet so had many movement related sensory breaks throughout the day.
I really wish we had known about our adhd and all that it entailed tho. Would’ve made life together so much easier!
We had been both diagnosed with executive function dysfunction, a special brain scan showing “damage” to that part of our brains yet the psychologist said she didn’t have adhd when I asked him about it bcs I thought at the time that she did- I didn’t think I did tho, the thought never crossed my mind bcs we both had tick diseases which can cause pretty much all the same symptoms and I had it way worse than she did…
Learning all about adhd now tho explains sooo much about our lives, ever since childhood!
And I’m so thankful for all the videos here on CZcams that explains it all as well as offering all kinds of strategies to help us function better and create more friendly home & work environments
I'm letting go of my children having to learn to eat neatly. It's a battle I'm done with at least for now.
What specific book did you mention? 3:48
The best help for ADHD MOMS: SINGLE POT MEALS and Slowcookers. Cook every two days an amount that will cover you for 2 days.
I would love to get “ Queens of distraction” but is there a way I can get it in audiobook?
Yes it’s on Audible
Americans need to mediate and they need to teach their children to do the same. It truly helps.
I’m slowly breaking down I’m a mom of 2 very energetic boys and it is so exhausting let me tell ya. My boyfriend is also adhd it’s like they create chaos inside of me
It's crazy how Leave it to Beaver has messed with our minds.
Cass from the yt channel Clutterbug gives good tips on a more organized home and recognizes everyone operates differently. Cass also has adhd.
Minimal Mom or Dana K. White are much better imo.
Oh my, eat b4 the kids 😮 I feel vindicated!
This is exactly why I don't have kids. I can barely manage my own life let alone kids.
What? Ahew, sorry you feel that way. Ask your parents if they were able to manage themselves before they had you? No one is ever ready for kids, but don't not have kids over a silly reason as mess or not being able to manage. That's what Life is... & The joy and love from them is so much more than anything you'll ever experience in this world. 💓
God Bless You (=
@@alony88 LOL It was actually a sarcastic, exaggerated remark. This video is about the struggles of having ADHD.
"but don't not have kids over a silly reason as mess or not being able to manage."
I think a lot of people whether, they have ADHD or not, realize that juggling life with kids, a spouse, work, etc...have decided that this is not the life they want. It's not "silly" when you know what you want & you know that you don't want that. Having ADHD, will undeniably make these dynamics even harder to manage.
I have ADHD & I have no kids & this has been an ideal life for me. No regrets at all. I know for a fact that I would not have enjoyed parenthood. Not everyone wants to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent. The fact that you have kids & love the joy that they bring means that it was the perfect decision/situation for you. :-) Even as a little girl, I never dreamed of having kids but I liked the idea of marriage. Strange, huh?
@@moneybags999 Hahaha whoops, Im not the best with scarsam as you can tell...
Ah, well that's what I meant. Your not picking because of mess your picking because that's what you've always wanted. Just didn't want anyone who does want them to be discouraged into not having them over mess. That's all, sorry my comment came off rude or whatever, English and I do not agree in that same sense of you and kids hahaha 😆 😉 I have been speaking it a while but sometime my words and thoughts don't line up. Yeah definitely agree with you though, Good Luck if you haven't found a spouse, not sure you age either but there are many like minded people like yourself and sometimes like the Old Folks I use to care for they say you sometimes find them at 80 or 90 ! :o
@@alony88 Well, to be honest, it's a combination of both. As a kid, I never really wanted kids. My parents are/were good parents. I had a good childhood but I always knew that I didn't want to have kids even though I did enjoy playing with baby dolls. Lol
As I got older & dealt with the typical struggles of ADHD (most of which are echoed throughout these comments), I KNEW that I didn't want to deal with kids on top of that. Also, if I had had kids who had ADHD, too, I imagine I'd be making comments like most of the women here. I honestly don't think I would have enjoyed my life very much.
I'm in my 40s & still have no regrets. My boyfriend is the same age as me & we're on the same page. It works for us. We do have pets, though, so those are like our kids. Lol I've always been a dog person so dogs bring me "joy." I know it doesn't compare to "real" motherhood but it does give me the experience of being "motherly" but without the struggles that I KNOW I would have had raising a "real" family. It has been an extremely happy medium for me.
@@alony88 "English and I do not agree in that same sense of you and kids hahaha 😆 😉" LOL Good one! Your English is great! What's your native language? Guessing by the last name...Dutch, Belgian?
Gonna be a mom soon. I’m scared of failing her.
It's okay to fail sometimes, just keep trying and your little one will see that. Lots of cuddles and lots of love, good luck!
You got this!!! I have 2 daughters 15 months apart and routine saves meeee! So find a routine, set alarms on your phone and do it! 🙏🏻🙌🏻
@@sydneyamachado8021 thank you 💛
Omg 32 minutes 😭
ADHD best friend =1.25 speed. 😌
Can someone timestamp this and be a hero pls lol?
😢
I made it this long to realize it's for moms not for dads
Bruh I can’t flipping read to my baby and it makes me feel like a terrible mom
I got into the habit of taking books in my car I’d go 10 or 15 minutes early to pick up my older kids and use that as my reading time ..it wasn’t time I missed .
My daughter had hearing problems and a speech delay . She didn’t talk till she was five that 15 minutes 5 days a week was all I could manage…. Finding a set time like an appointment , or Even if it’s not you lovely … it all makes a difference… my son had add and dyslexia, I read to my grand babies who I suspect have similar problems when they have sleepovers ..
I could not do that for my own, night times I was just too tired.
And what are you good at Maryam? we tend to replay what we're terrible at instead of noticing what we do well.
Im never having kids
god i love how much $ i seem to need to have to be an adhd mom, LOL i'm a single mom, this advice is for rich people, but thanks for trying i guess
I get that these are great examples. Your solution for dinner is to get take out? HIRE someone for homework? Yeah, ok, we aren't all wealthy enough to afford that. I don't think I heard even one actual and practical solution. First dislike I've ever given on CZcams. :-(
Doesn't have to be take out could be a microwave meal anything to make your life easier basically
A mom with adhd will never have the time or mental space to watch a presentation 🥹💔💔💔
Thank you.