my niece is secretly my daughter (w/ LaurDIY & Jeremy Lewis) | Perfect Person Ep. 68
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- čas přidán 1. 07. 2024
- Lauren Riihimaki & Jeremy Lewis from Wild Til 9 join the show to take some truly WILD calls about throwing up in your crushes car & a deep family secret.
@WildTil9
@LaurDIY
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PERFECT PERSON
A flawless call-in advice show in which Miles Bonsignore answers your calls, solves your problems, and helps you achieve perfection.
MILES BONSIGNORE
Miles is an internet creator, comedian, and podcast producer, known for his work at The Try Guys, on The TryPod, as a commentator on Pretty Much It, and for being real cool
EDITOR
Rob Laltrello
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as one of the (presumably few) straight guys who listen to this, how in the fuck did you get a draftkings sponsorship?? what do they think their product overlap is with your audience lmao. amazing. god though they're fucking infiltrating EVERYTHING
The little girl's parents should never have made this a shameful secret. Caller is not a dad and he doesn't have a daughter. He has a niece and he was a DONOR (he needs to make that word a part of his vocabulary).
He needs to tell his brother and sister-in-law to let go of that secret. The brother's insecurity about it not being his sperm that fertilized the wife's egg should have no bearing on the little girl's sense of identity. There's nothing shameful about not being biologically related to one or both of your parents and the brother and sister-in-law are wrong for treating it like it should be hidden.
Now the brother is messing up Caller's relationships and his daughter's future by keeping things a secret all for his insecurity. This is how you create intergenerational trauma.
Well said. 👏🏽.
I agree with the expanding his knowledge on the matter.
++
You worded that perfectly! They need professional help and they need to set boundaries around this huge lie. He especially needs to set boundaries with himself after continuing to call her his daughter. It's like dude, you're the donor, accept your place in this relationship as her uncle.
I agree. This should not be kept as a dirty secret. If the girl finds out she will likely be devastated, feel completely lied to & betrayed by everyone. It could be VERY traumatic for her.
the way the uncle kept saying "my daughter" and not "my niece"....I think therapy is needed for everyone in this situation
I was just about to say that, that's his niece not daughter he needs to stop thinking of her as his daughter at all
Exactly
Yeah, I think he should look into/connect with other surrogates/sperm donors so he doesn't dig himself rabbitholes on his own. @@heythereitsme
Also, (I haven't finish the episode and I'm tinfoil hatting this rn) I wonder if the reason Roger hasn't compartmentalize it all (idk if it's the apt English word to use but hey) is because he donated in any other method than scientific. There's a movie in country a bit related to the concept, lol.
Agreed
Jeremy was 100% on point with the last call. I'm glad he stuck to his guns, because that caller needed to hear that.
So did Miles and Mz DIY!
As someone who was conceived by a sperm donor, you absolutely need to plan on telling the child. With so many services like 23 and me, available, I promise she will eventually find out. I have several half-siblings whose parents did not disclose that they were donor conceived and their relationships have been ruined forever. 23 and me will tell you siblings percentiles and whatnot. Sperm donation is not shameful, but lying to someone for their entire life about their existence is.
💯💯💯💯 this!!!
yesss
Almost in tears at the beauty of what Jeremy had to say about the biological child situation, that your highest obligation in this world is to the people that you choose to bring into it. As someone who started out with a single mom, had a stepdad who adopted me and who I consider my dad, and have attempted to reconnect with a biological father who I didn't end up wanting to have a relationship with in the end, I absolutely agree with Jeremy and Lauren that 9 isn't too young and is in fact starting to be too late to reveal the truth to the little girl. I believe that she'll figure it out one day for sure, so my heartfelt opinion is that telling her now would be the best thing to do.
Damn, I'm basically in the same situation. My step-dad married my mom when I was maybe 4, I consider him my dad. When I was maybe 9 or 10, my mom talked to me about my biological father, and around age 13 I ended up finding that side of the family online. My dad and I talked on the phone twice before he had a stroke when I was 25, then he passed away. He had a whole life without me -- I have half sisters, a half brother, aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews who I've since met. I'm glad we spoke, but it's hard not to feel rejected -- he had 13 years to find me, and another 13 years to do anything. I don't even think I got a birthday card. When I met his sister, she gave me some photos. It's hard to respect his decision, but it's also hard to say my life would be better with him. I love my step-father and his two kids, we grew up together. My opinion is that the third caller owes his daughter the truth, even if it hurts. And his future kids should know their sister.
i BRAVELY waited to finish the episode then came to the comments to say this only to find it the most liked comment. every time roger said “my daughter” my stomach hurt like… that’s not your daughter, and im sorry thats your reality. that’s your niece. stop calling her your daughter.
I think he terribly regrets donating sperm to his brother because now he feels a fatherly connection to his niece, and feels a little entitlement over her existence, which doesn’t make him a bad person its just a sticky situation.
I believe therapy and family counselling would do them and most importantly this little girl justice to growing up in a healthy family dynamic and boy if they prolong this any more than they have…. they might even risk losing her all together once she finds out as an adult (and she definitely will) and decides to go no contact :/
I am really shocked they let a 22 year old be a donor like that. That is way too young to fully understand the gravity of how messy that situation is. There’s so much legal paperwork in place for donors that you know for this reason. I feel like 22 was way, way, way too young to fully grasp what he was doing.
@@orthenight i totally agree he donated too young and now he’s not processing going through all that properly . it was kind of selfish of his brother to ask him but also his own responsibility all those years later to acknowledge that there’s a problem
I think he just addressed her like that to make it less confusing for the listeners
@@duqial what would be confusing about saying “my niece” like theres no other niece in the story, i would like to believe hes well intentioned but i cant just ignore the insistent “daughter” when he calls her niece a couple of times so they clearly would get it
I would love an uno reverse card special episode and the special guest has a problem and the caller in has to give the advice 👀
YES!!!
I am ALL about this idea.
Please! i would love that
Yesssss
Yo uncle bio dad STOP REFERRING TO YOIR NIECE AS YOUR DAUGHTER. shes not your daughter, shes your niece. The entire family needs some family counseling PLEASE GET THERAPY
He needs to accept that he is the DONOR, not her father. She has a father. This is just sad. Therapy and boundaries for everyone!
Right. Also the brother should have never asked his 22 year old brother to be the donor. At that age he couldn't truly comprehend what it means to see the child that often.
Here’s the thing though. He is her father. He isn’t her DAD. But for medical purposes, which she will likely need to know later in life, he is her father. End of. Shame on the entire family for even going through with this to begin with instead of getting an anonymous donor.
Sorry but Roger and his family need to spill the beans cause his NIECE is gonna find out, there’s no way she won’t, and she may react negatively to this secret and so will anyone that was kept in the dark about this. Like everyone else in the comments is saying, they all need to go to therapy.
That’s what I’m thinking. There’s no way she is g going to figure this out and it would be horrible for her to figure this out on her own.
thank goodness for jeremy. so often children get left behind and adults don't consider their reality. i can't really sympathize with the baggage around sperm donation so there must be some cultural values that aren't being disclosed. like yes, that's his biological daughter but i don't know why that matters. if he's not taking care of her or parenting her, she's her niece. sperm are sperm, not soul connections. that's why presenting it to the niece in a neutral way makes it not that big a deal, it could also help open up the definition of parent/guardian and it's a great learning experience.
As someone who found out via DNA test that my dad was not my biological dad at 19, please tell that little girl. When you find out on your own, it feels like your world was a lie, you have an identity crisis. There were people in my life who knew and didn’t tell me, and they deeply regret that now. I appreciate Jeremy advocating for her, she should be centered in this situation and handled with care.
Lauren and Jeremy holding hands through the secondhand embarrassment of the first call is so cute
No one giggled at Jeremy's "conserve on the budget" line and I'm up in arms
9 years old is old enough to not only be told about this, but also start putting pieces together yourself. I think they need to tell the kid. Especially with all of the details revealed over this phone call 😭 someone at her school could hear this and start putting the pieces together and start teasing her about it.
Yeah, you definitely don't want to piece a family secret together in your teenage years, that ripe for resentment!
Yeah for sure she needs to be told tbh…
There's no world where the niece/daughter doesnt eventually find out. She is probably watching this podcast 😂
Way better to take control of it now.
I have personally seen a family drama like the Uncle Dad situation and it was not great because the child was so upset everyone kept them from knowing. You gotta just be honest from the moment the baby is born. It's also healthy to have those conversations. Families are created in many ways.
Not only did they not tell the child, but no one else in the family knows except her grandpa! I would feel even worse knowing it was so shameful my parents wouldn't even tell my grandmother or their siblings about it. At the very least I would look at those family members differently, wondering if my parents had a reason to not tell them like knowing they would be judgmental or against it to begin with and now that they know, do they feel differently about me?
During the last call, my first instinct was to tell the partner. But I think jeremy is 100% right. The more people know the more of the risk that little girls world will implode. Jeremey is also 100% right, people need to recognize that when they decide the bring kids into the world priorities change.
He’s also right that they already should’ve told the niece the truth!
Bro they’re the only black haired people in the family. She’s gonna be more devastated when she thinks her uncle and mother had an affair.
I rly need Roger and his family to go to therapy and talk this all out together! I hope this situation resolves ok for him, but I do agree w Jeremy that the kid trumps all and I hope they take the necessary steps to not set her up for massive heartbreak in the future. That kind of revelation down the line would've made me spiral as a teen - my current 30 year old self, so I get why Jeremy is saying it almost feels like it's too late!
Idk why they wanted to keep this so secretive like children aren’t dumb they could have explained what a diner is and she probably would have been ok. But now the longer the secret is kept the more deceived she’ll feel when it if she finds out.
IMPORTANT NOTE FOR ROGER: My dad was adopted by his biological aunt, and didn't find out until a few years ago (when he was about 55). The situation was different, because his biological mom was 16 and his adoptive parents were like 20, and they said, "We're going to adopt this child to give him a good life, but you can never tell him." But it was a really emotional journey for him and especially difficult to learn that others in the family knew and never told him, not to mention the fact that his adoptive father and both his biological parents had passed away by this point, so I think he'll never fully have closure on it.
My opinion: There's already enough people in your family who know your secret, that the secret will come out eventually. Talk to your brother and his wife about the possibility of just telling the niece, at the very least if she ever asks (which she probably will). It will probably be more difficult for her the later she finds out.
And by the way, my mom is also adopted, and I plan to adopt kids in the future, so I am 100% of the belief that your adoptive parents are your parents. I think if you approach telling her in such a way that she understands that they love her and are her parents, and you just donated your DNA to help your brother and sister-in-law, I don't think it will be a big deal.
actually they didn’t mention that this situation you explained is EXACTLY the situation of Jeremy’s adoption. Except his mom told him early on & it helped him understand more. You make a good point that it shatters the perception of trust to that child, which is way scarier than just talking about it.
I hope you have Lauren and Jeremy on again, I’m not super familiar with them but they were fun and offered lots of perspectives and layers, especially with the last call.
They just put up their podcast episode with Miles today 😊 it’s called Wild Til 9. I don’t listen to miles podcast. But this was the first thing they brought up so I came straight here from it haha.
i wasn’t familiar with lauren until i got into the try guys but she’s so bubbly and fun. agreed, they should be on again
Donor conceived children should know the truth. Study after study and first hand accounts from donor conceived children state that is the healthiest route.
please tell the child. good lord.
And they need therapy
the whole family needs therapy. Him calling her daughter instead of niece. The little girls grandpa knows but not the grandma? none of this okay.
The person who needs to know the most is the niece and then the girlfriend because she needs to know what she's getting into
@jordbanana this has been made a bigger secret and situation than it needs to be, so many people use their siblings stuff because they're in a queer relationship or are infertile it's not that taboo in today's times
every time Roger said “my DAUGHTER” i cringed
the way Jeremy holds Lauren’s hand during the first call when Sandra is detailing the throwing up 🥺 I know it must’ve uncomfortable for you Lauren but thanks for holding on!!
It was super cringey that the last caller kept saying daughter. He is a donor and the kid is his niece, that’s it. How he was talking about the situation made it seem like he did something wrong too.
I'm so with Jeremy. This needs to stop being a secret, full stop. Tell that girl what's going on.
So glad Jeremy was there, I'm also adopted and this is so vital that the kid needs to know. It is better, like Sarah said, things may change but she has parents who love her and things will feel honest and truthful moving on only for the better!
With all the DNA testing out there, this little girl will find out eventually. Having the people in her life be the ones who lied to her will be a betrayal of trust she may not come back from.
Yeah it would only come up if his newer kid,him or his brother did the test.
Everyone else that tests would make sense to her but those specific tests would show the truth as it would show they’re siblings, uncle and dad.
I was listening on Spotify but wanted to come here to comment on how eloquent and a great communicator Jeremy is. I used to listen to WT9 forever ago so it was nice to hear them again this time
9:30 college kid threw up in crush's car
27:29 couple cant compromise on wedding guest list
42:44 time sensitive uncle dad story
Uncle dad story lmao
thank you for your service 🫡
thank you!
The wedding story: y'all could consider an RSVP situation. If her fiance hasn't had contact with their family for 10 years, they probably won't even show up.
Thank you for this since the creator was too lazy to include it
so happy that if my roommate asks me why i’m having cake for breakfast, i can just tell her it’s part of my journey to become a ~perfect person~
I swear that last caller was divinely guided to call in, i think it was perfect that Jeremy was there and Miles had helped with Sarahs story.
It really shouldnt be his responsibility i think the parents really need to consider their child and Rodger more.
SHE'S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!
Has no one watched Wayne’s World? “I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.” -Wayne Campbell
They have to tell that little girl. They just do. Medical history and all that. It’s the right thing to do.
Lauren and Jeremy matching outfits is giving nineties boy band.
It's also giving couples merging into one person
@@heythereitsmeomg plz it’s the most basic outfit possible, black top and jeans like it’s not that deep
It’s really interesting that no one picked up on that Roger was essentially manipulated into giving a part of his life to his (clearly) much older brother who knew what he was asking for.
Any woman he could ever have a chance with has to also overcome and accept that her children will be half siblings with their cousin. He didn’t get to think about that at age 22.
54:17 WELL THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD!!!!!!!!
Roger could tell his partner that he's donated sperm without disclosing who he donated to specifically
But also, it sounds like this whole family needs therapy to help understand why they're insisting on so much secrecy about a non-shameful thing
Ooh! Love that. It could be a good conversation opener, gauge the gf's take on the whole concept without going into the details.
@@cheesecakelasagna Exactly! Also she can have the info in general that may be relevant to her without knowing the niece's business specifically
I came over from Spotify for the last caller, the parents NEED to tell that little girl, if the women in the uncle/bio-dad/donor’s life are questioning and putting two and two together what makes the parents think that friends and other people that come into that girls life aren’t going to do the same and she starts to question things & if the truth comes out that way, things will get messy! Also the uncle really needs to stop calling her his “daughter” that is his niece and unless that little girl (after she knows) is okay with him calling her daughter; he should modify his vocabulary especially when mentioning it to his partners
That poor girl☹️ she should know. She’s entitled to know the truth about her own health history. She is definitely old enough now that finding out could really mess with her. Also, how are all these people finding out so easily?
If telling her that the uncle was a sperm donor makes them uncomfortable, then maybe they shouldn’t have gone with someone within the family-that part’s pretty bizarre to me too.
It just seems so selfish. They decided they wanted to have a child. THEY decided it would be the uncle. THEY wanted to keep it a secret. THEY don’t want to tell her now because she might resent them for it.
jeremy and miles clearly need to nurture this friendship. love laurdiy, but the vibes between jeremy and miles were excellent
Good lord that last call was the most scalding tea I've heard in a very long time
This was actually really therapeutic for me. I was also born/raised in a situation where my true paternity was kept a secret. I agree with Jeremy, 9 is getting to the point where it's too late for the truth to come out without any lasting damage. I think I was told around 12/13 and I haven't been the same since (obviously) but especially in terms of feeling secure in my place in the world. I have huge trust issues and I'm always questioning peoples motives, which makes me paranoid. I didn't ask to come into the world, yet I'm the one who has to pay for the therapy 🤦♀
Wow, sorry to hear that. I hope therapy helps you overcome your feelings of doubt about your place in this world ❤
roger should've never been asked that question at 20 years old and been told to just act like he didnt do it
This episode is so interesting!
I've only ever seen Lauren on tg stuff and I feel like she was so thoughtful for each caller especially Roger. Jeremy too, as an adopted child he had such an interesting and considerate perspective on the last call. Everyone on the Roger call did a great job really, trying to help but also respecting him and his family's wishes while trying to help.
Can u imagine finding out your uncle is your dad? And finding out that info from anyone besides your parents? They have to tell this girl before her reality is shook and she never trusts anyone ever again.
That little girl needs to know too. As someone who found out about an older half-sibling at 25, it’s earth shattering and shakes the foundation of everything you thought you knew. Everyone needs transparency in Roger’s life
Perhaps another perspective if the Uncle is reading any comments:
My mom told me for as long as I could remember that my father was not my biological father, and she had a photo album (which I now own) full of pictures of my biological dad with me as a baby. I grew up knowing and so that was always my normal. I was like “oh okay makes sense” basically lol
My sister was raised separately by her mom. Her mom didn’t tell her about our dad until she was 8 years old. Until that point she thought the man raising her was her father. Her reaction was much more intense and it impacted her greatly.
We do not make contact with any of the fathers involved anymore.
If you don’t tell her, I agree with Jeremy… don’t destroy her reality.
But also I deeply, deeply believe she needs to know while she’s still young. Maybe seeing a therapist with the family to get a professional take on how to navigate this situation (though I know that’s not always an option). Wishing you the best, I hope that little girl lives a full and loving life.
Sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, good luck to Professor Uncle Dad
Lauren having vomit phobia and having to give advice about how to Sandra made me nervous lol.
That’s immersion therapy for sure
The uncle dad situation is absolutely bonkers... WHY is this a secret?? Why is there so much shame and guilt and lies embedded into this family?? This did not need to be a secret in the first place. There's nothing wrong with having the brother be the donor and the child to grow up with that information. And to flippantly call into a podcast about it when you're supposedly concerned about secrecy... calling her your daughter... this is all kinds of fucked up...
Like seriously get therapy.
Yeah I’ve heard a lot of gay couples having a sibling-in-law donate or carry the baby, it’s no big deal. And she will probably find out anyway since she has dark hair and her parents have light hair. Kids deserve to know where they came from (when it’s age appropriate)
Yeah I feel like the kid could and maybe even should know. That’s not so out there that they have to hide it from the kid
i think part of the reason it is a secret is bc of his brother being infertile? theres probably shame and insecurity behind that, however, "roger" mentioned that even his other siblings and mom dont know that he donated sperm, so they likely dont know that her son/their sibling is infertile. honestly more than his gf of eight months knowing, how did his mom not find out yet?
That's insane tho because there's nothing wrong with being infertile either. I get that men have this weird shame around infertility and masculinity but this is just bonkers.@@accountdeleted2064
Yeah, it doesn't seem like he's really trying to hide it around his partners. They're probably finding out because of his mentality around this situation, like continuing to refer to his niece as his daughter when he was just the donor. That is not okay. The entire family needs therapy.
If the girlfriend can tell that the kiddo is likely his daughter with one time meeting of that little girl, the girl is going to grow up and put 2+2 together - she's likely not going to stay naive for long so the fact that the caller is dark hair with blue eyes and they have the same features, it's going to be hard to avoid the truth.
I am recommending hiring a family therapist to deal with all of it.
The literal best choice is to tell everyone. It's already way too late, but way better now than later.
About WHERE to have the conversation with the niece: this needs to happen in a THERAPIST’S OFFICE. The three most important people in her life are about to fuck her world up royally. With the way they all talk about this, they are not going to handle this conversation properly. Uncle will talk about being her “dad” rather than being a “donor.” Dad is still stuck in his shame about conception. Mom doesn’t even WANT to talk about it. This little girl needs a therapist RIGHT THERE for the conversation to guide EVERYONE through this conversation and become a safe person for it. Unfortunately, with the way this has been handled, you are all no longer going to be safe people for a time because of the years of deception to her. She needs a neutral adult in her life to process this with. Go tell a therapist, have a session without her, and then have the PROFESSIONAL tell you how to have the conversation.
THIS^
Jeremy is so right. As an adopted person, the child should know the truth about her father and if not, dont tell anyone.
*FOR* *THE* *BRIDE* - I have 13 aunts and uncles just on my father's side and dozens of cousins. None of us have ever invited every single one to a wedding. At my brother's wedding, it was grandparents, parents, siblings, and friends. Definitely, weddings are for close family and friends. Also, getting invites from people you're not close to kind of feels like a gift/cash grab 🤷♀
thank you jeremy for providing the adoptee perspective ❤ truly needed in this conversation, the truth for the kid is definitely the most important thing here. having the truth to our existence is something most people take for granted
as a person with a huge family… there’s no rule that says u can invite some aunts/uncles and not others - ESPECIALLY if you don’t see or talk to them often. my family all lives local and mostly all talk so I’m sure some ppl would be a little butt hurt upon finding out I didn’t invite them (which I wouldn’t rlly care about anyways lol), but it seems like his family is so broad and not tight knit that I can’t see any issue with inviting some ppl and not others. you deserve to have ppl you actually like and know at your wedding, fuck what anyone else thinks or feels about it !
i agree with the lauren. last caller's girlfriends are likely assuming he hooked up with his brother's wife. but also, if there is that much resemblance, the niece may one day assume something similar too. i like the idea of revisiting the truth with everyone involved
I fully agree with what Jeremy had to say on the last call, and many of the comments here. Holy wow. Roger, you can't keep this up the rest of your life. You won't need a plan a, b, c, d if the truth is out there. It's effecting your relationships, your family and definitely this child even if she doesn't yet realize it. Her existence is not something shameful but if it's treated that way, imagine how she will feel WHEN she finds out. Or if everyone around her finds out first. She is the priority and I really hope the parents are open to letting her know the truth.
I think an important thing to point out is the duncle (dad-uncle) can’t manage other peoples decisions. He has to be honest with the girlfriend and allow her to choose. By keeping a secret he’s taking essentially taking away her choice because HE doesn’t want to lose someone again.
Im so glad Jeremy put my exact thoughts into words so well with the uncle story.
Never disclose it to the child?! There can be serious health ramifications to that!!!
Im a cancer previvor due to a genetic mutation and a lot of really important determinations are made for my health and screening based on genetics of my parents specifically. Just because they are brothers does not mean they share the exact same genetics (for example my sister does not have the mutation I have)
I really hope Roger sees this or Miles can get this info to him or something because I guess its something you may not know or consider if you haven't faced these sorts of serious medical situations before, but this child absolutely needs to know who her parents are for medical reasons. 😢
Roger!!! I personally would not be upset if my partner helped out his family the way you did. I would appreciate the honesty about the situation too. The right person won't react poorly.
the possibility of a follow up with the last guy alone makes me want to upgrade from premium to platinum 👀
This was probably the best group of people to discuss the sperm donation situation. So much understanding, empathy, and perspectives!!!
this is meant from a genuine, good faith perspective: i think the last call would have really benefitted from voice modulation and bleeping of identifying details (eg physical features, professions, maybe ages? and so on). maybe you could even reupload a more heavily edited version? every time the caller disclosed new personal info i found myself getting more worried about her somehow finding out via this episode. of course it was roger's choice to call in and disclose those details on a public platform, but miles also chose to keep this call in the edit, and so i think he then also bears some responsibility in trying to reduce the possibility of the child finding out from a third party. i agree with jeremy that the child is the top priority in this situation and i think that also extends to the way this call is aired/consumed. thank you miles for taking this feedback into consideration!
also mentioned this is another comment, but I feel that Miles modulated his voice a bit. listen to the typical tone each time a call ends. sounded a bit different, at least to me.
I loved the three person screen split so we could see all their reactions at the same time for the laughter and then for the "woooow" lol 😂
The way they just skirt past how rich Lauren and Jeremy are in the wedding story 😭😂
'Did you have to make some tough choices?'🤓🤔
'Nope. Having a SMALL FAMILY makes it's SOO much easier!' 😊🙌🙏👅💁💁💁
Also, like, a MUCH larger budget than the caller/the average person/under-privilidged groups... 🐘🤣
Also Jeremy was the PERFECT guest for the last call. Feels like uncle would've gone away with much more self-centred advice if not for him!!!
Omg the collab I didn’t even think to request but IMMEDIATELY WANT MORE OF
I’m also adopted kid. This dude calling the girl his daughter is SO wildly triggering to me. My bio dad had tried to claim a father or parental role over me and it’s so misogynist and gross. All of y’all have to STOP calling this girl the callers daughter.
If I was dating this guy I wouldn’t care if he were a sperm donor, I would care if 1) he kept calling his niece his daughter 2) had been lying to me for 8 months and 3) has such fucked up family dynamics that it’s spiraled out and impacted so many of his relationships.
Wow, Miles noticing Lauren wanting to talk. When he had things to say… thank you.
re: the last call, I guess I'm a little confused as to why people in his life have jumped to assuming/guessing the caller is the real father. My niece reminds my mother a lot of me when I was her age, and I don't look my sister much. They're all still related, so it can be explained away somewhat easily I feel? So I wonder if it's more about his behavior. Regardless, I'm so glad Jeremy was present this episode because he gave the best advice for the situation, and I really hope the caller took it to heart.
personally, Roger & his brother/sister-in-law are making this wayyyyyyy bigger of a deal than it ever needed to be. sperm donation is not some shameful secret; it happens! and it's normal! getting a donation from a family member isn't the most scientific way of going about it, but they're hardly the first ppl to do that. it's not as strange or weird as they're treating it; and everyone treating this like a huge secret MAKES it a huge secret.
secondly, that little girl should absolutely be told about this. there is no scenario in which keeping this from her is a good idea long-term. she WILL find out, regardless of how much safeguarding her family puts in place; AND if she finds out a significant portion of the ppl close to her have put in a huge amount of effort to keep this 'secret' from her.......she WILL feel betrayed. it's important info about her life, her lived truth, and no one else should be able to keep this vital info from her on the basis of "well, we didn't think you could handle it." that's her life!!!! she has to handle it either way!!!! and it would be significantly easier for her to deal with it if she's given all the facts as early as possible.
thirdly, (and this is my own personal gripe) there should probably be some further boundaries put in place regarding Roger & his brother. I know his heart's in the right place, but him continually calling this girl his 'daughter' doesn't sit right with me. it feels like he was never properly briefed on how big of a deal this process was, and is still reeling from the impact it's had on his life. this sort of situation is only as big of a deal as you make it. so if it's a big deal to him then that's fine! but it's also fine to feel completely distant & hands-off; Roger just needs to figure out where he stands on it, and then figure out the boundaries his brother & sister-in-law want to have.
So interesting Rodger kept saying "my daughter" ... But also genetics are weird. If his brother and him have the same dad, than all those same genes are kicking around in there... I have a suspicion his "bad lying" plays a big role in his girlfriends just spontaneously figuring it out.
I can tell Jeremy tweeked Miles' lighting and cameras. LOL
This was one of the most interesting, heart felt, intriguing episodes of this show so far. Roger’s story, and the advice given was just amazing
I think the big problem with the niece/daughter thing is past gfs know that he's the sperm donor but if he didn't explain it they probably think he slept with his brother's wife. Really gotta explain that situation
For the wedding gal with the big in-law family, stream that wedding for people out of state, and tell them we're keeping it local!
Getting WILD with Perfect People! Happy Wednesday everyone. Stay healthy and safe out there
If Roger ever reads this comment: what you did was so beautiful and generous, and I'm so sorry that your niece's parents have created this problem for you, because they could be handling this so much better. I think other people have said it better in the comments, and I'll just add my two cents: If my partner revealed something of this nature to me, it would only make me love them more for being so selfless. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, so long as the child's well-being is prioritised above all else.
I love PP, but sometimes I'm distracted when listening and realize I need to re-listen to the beginning of a call. If you'd put chapters for each section, that would make re-listening much easier!
Now we need Miles + Sarah on WT9!!!
Lauren being frozen for several minutes after the family secret had me dying with laughter!!
loved hearing the first caller get less nervous as they hyped her up about her crush liking her back
I’ve watched Laurdiy for many years, but haven’t seen as much stuff with Jeremy and he is honestly very insightful. It’s good to see Lauren with him.
And, I completely agree with Jeremy on the Uncle dad story. I had a friend who’s daughter was told, by her parents, that her “dad” was not her bio-dad and she did know her bio-dad, but distantly. She was 8, and still struggled with some of her realities, but luckily they got her into therapy. So, the girl in this situation is old enough, bordering on it needs to happen ASAP.
i usually listen to this in another tab and jeremy sounds so much like ryan reynolds to me it's crazy
With the uncle/father guy though, recessive genes are a thing, like my mom has brown hair, my dad has black, 1 brother of mine has dirty blonde, I have dirty blonde hair, (both of us had very blonde hair as kids that darkened over time) and my other brother has a dark brown almost black. That last brother with the almost black hair is the dad to a little girl that looks just like me. Despite him getting a girl also with dark brown hair pregnant. So in public, I definitely look like my nieces mom, but I'm not.
The way that everyone keeps figuring out the secret, it seems like keeping it a secret is out of the question 😅
Regarding the uncle story, if anyone asks why they look so similar: recessive genetics. An offspring can come out with a genetic trait even if neither of the parents has it. I'm literally studying for my veterinary boards right now, and that is a fact that Merck Veterinary Manual will back me up on.
I mean, my horse is gray/white, his sire is white, dam is a dark bay. His full sister is a liver chestnut. Does not look anything like him, but has the same exact parents.
Also: I would edit this to modulate his voice, as Lauren pointed out, girls figure out everything, and 9 years old is old enough to be on youtube, she will find this video one day.
He could say that but then he wouldn't get to be found out as her biological father. I think he wants people to know, especially with how much he called her his daughter, despite him being the DONOR.
I had a friend that looked nothing like her immediate family. She had fair skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, and they did had tan skin, dark hair, brown eyes. When people would remark on how different she looked, they explained that they have other family members (great/grandparents and aunts/uncles) that look like her. It's that simple. Dude really just wants to be her dad and for her to be her father. It's sick. He needs to learn boundaries for her, his NIECE.
about the voice, for some reason I felt like Miles did change his voice that Roger sounded a bit like an hidden or protected informant in crime shows. also the sound each time Miles ends a call sounded a bit off to me
I think the uncle actually dad is not as much of a problem that they are making it out to seem on the first glance
with lesbian couples it is fairly common to have the brother donate for the other partner to carry so that both family genes are included
Yeah, I was sensing he didn't have any other confidante regarding it so he feels lonely in navigating it.
I 1000% agree with jeremy on this. Make it a joke about how crazy genes are & its not far fetched. My nephew realllly takes after his dad's brother & we all know its just due to wild genes & not a big family deal... ❤❤❤ much love to roger & family
I was thinking the genetics thing too. He doesn't seem to want to actually hide it. He calls her his daughter, instead of the uncle he actually is. He doesn't seem to want to accept he is the donor, not her father. He could easily say "genetics are wild, right?!" but instead, he folds when his partners ask. He probably puts out the vibe that he views her as his daughter and he probably isn't subtle about it.
My niece looks exactly like me, and not like her parents. If it's just her and I out and about, and someone refers to me as her mother, the face I make and the reaction I have immediately tells the other party that I am absolutely not her mother without me even having to say "I'm the aunt". Instead of denying, he probably leans in because he doesn't have boundaries around this and does actually view her as his child, but then wants to act surprised (insert surprised pikachu) that the secret was found out. He probably instigates all of this when his partners are most likely just commenting on similarities because you know, they're family, so it would make sense. It's like he actually wants this to come out so he can be referred to as her father. This is bananas.
This is what confused me about people in his life guessing the truth - the niece looking like the uncle is not all that strange. My niece looked like me when she was a little girl, and my sister and I don't look all that much alike. It makes me wonder if the reason people close to him guessed is because of his behavior, not because of the looks. Maybe some subconscious part of him wants the secret to be out?
Wow I’ve never really heard Jeremy speak before now but he really won me over on that last caller. So insightful and mature.
Anyone gonna mention that Jeremy and Lauren are matching ??
"Be my Boo" basket....
For the last caller, i do have a very similar family situation. We all call it a “very modern family”. The difference is that everyone knows, including the kids. My aunt’s sister is the biological mother of her (my aunt) and uncle’s son. And the kid looks EXACTLY like the sister (bio mom) who now has kids of her own that know he is not just their cousin, but their half sibling too lol. And they also have another adopted daughter who is in an open adoption situation with her birth mother. The kids adapted perfectly to it and that is because they were upfront from the very beginning about these things. In fact, I think it makes the kids closer knowing they have such a unique and BIG loving system of people. I do agree that keeping a secret like that from the kid could completely backfire in the future. If some of his exes have already picked up on it, who is to say the little girl won’t grow suspicious too in the future?
Lauren & Miles' faces reacting to that last call made my day
ROGER! my mouth was open the entire time of that call!