Jordan Peterson - Advice for People Who Aren't Social
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- čas přidán 27. 08. 2017
- A bit of advice for people lacking the necessarily social skills to make do with everyday life, provided by mister Peterson.
Source: • Q & A 2017 06 June
Support Jordan: / jordanbpeterson
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I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and not try to defend yourself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best ignore them and find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy coward bums ever win.
Lol
😂😂😂wtf
"Get the hell out there and practice man!"
*closes video and cry
Be hopeful, brother. I followed his advice, and started to involve myself in the social world. In the beginning, I made awkward mistakes fairly often. Like ending the conversation in a weird way, or saying meaningless things. The trick is to take it with a grain of salt, and to take note of what went wrong so that you dont do it again. Gradually you become better at it. Good luck! Slay the dragon!
Also, dont push yourself too harshly. If going to a crowded mall, and talking to someone working there, is enough for you, then start there. Gradually increase the challenge.
*ignores drivel from new age fake socrates
im not interested in practicing because it stinks out there.
fix the stink please. its flipping 2021 already
Me too ...
@@TheGamerFrom I still cannot make friends though, even if I now can talk and be more confident, I just can't make friends. It may be because I already know everyone in my school, it's a small school, and they all have their friends to speak to, and hang out with, if I went somewhere else where no one knows me I may had the chance to have a better start with people and I may managed to make friends. Right now though I just don't see how I can do anything, especially now with corona virus I don't even see people anymore.
"I used to walk into a room wondering if anyone would like me. Now I walk into a room wondering if I will like them" - Britney Spears
Reporters and papparazzi :)
Lmao, sounds like Bitchy Spears turned into a self entitled narcissist.
@@DarkLight-sz1vp ok
@@DarkLight-sz1vp she's always been like that tho
Maybe Spears was Jordan's patient.
the only time I feel lonely is when I'm around other people
why did this comment hit so hard
I’m a very anti social person myself , went through some of my lowest times alone and I always really isolated myself from the crowd. But sometimes i imagine myself talking to everyone with confidence, I imagine myself influencing a group in a public speaking manner, i imagine myself having a voice and being something. Idk what it is, but maybe it’s the same for others who have some kind of social anxiety. We deep down want to be confident and outgoing, but something is holding us back.
It's the same for me. people seem to dislike me, or at best to ignore me. But something inside tells me that if they knew and understood my pain, they'd care about me. Even though I've been proved wrong many many times on this
Same my guy
I can't even speak loud when I'm talking to a person.
But at home I could speak loud
The same was for me i had social anxiety really awkward but i also used to believe i am not this this is due to the enviroment i grew up in and the past experiences i had in my life so when i go way way back i see my self happy and socially skillful so during this phase i used to beleive in me when no one did i made a plan how to overcome this and i came up with this solution change my enviroment so i went for 4 months in which i would live with these groups of people of 10 to 12 people i would live with them eat with them talk with them these group of people you would be would maximum last 28 days and theleast wouldbe 10 days when i was with first group of people for 28 days i was seeing major changes inme after 20th day and then little by little when i met different people after 80 days there was huger difference in my and at last when it was 100th day i changed alot all of that anxiety went away all of that shyness went away and after 120 days i felt like peacefull and same now i used to think they would like me weather i would like them or not.but when i went to the same enviromet i saw this that the enviroment i was living in had fault i could differ between the enviroment i used to live in and the enviroment i got in those group of people and then from then on i got out of that enviroment and made my life great.
Your piss weak
@@chrisacd5895 wht do you mean?
When I was younger I was very social. But, as I got older, I realized that most people are assholes and I don't want to deal with that.
Same dude
It becomes frustrating being fake.
Taking and behaving what they want
😑
damn, i'm not alon lmao
Same here! my cousins told me that i used to be socially active when i was young during family gatherings but now im not
the world is a dangerous place. do you want to just stay inside in fear? just go through walk through into chaos. Comfort breeds weakness.
Will Yu
I disagree...I was a beautician for 36 years....
Most people talk about what their grandkids had to eat...or problems that could be solved and they make the problems worse...
Now I barely talk to anyone....life is peaceful and good.
I have no anxiety, i'm not shy...i just don't know what to say in 90% of situations.
Edit: I appreciate all the people still replying and sharing their feelings under this post! I read all of them and wish you all the best. I'm doing much better socially at my new job and just embracing my strengths (listening and relating and being funny). Love you all and we're gonna make it!
Sameeeeeee
Then don't say it.. nobody should tell you to speak even when you don't want to.. not even a therapist or psychological "guru".
@@somethingsomethingsomethingg Why do you have a video about BTS in your science playlist?
@@genmapi that must be a mistake
Same lol.. Dont get me wrong i am listening to you. I am paying attention but i just cant find the words i want to say..lol i mean i would throw in some questions here and there but to carry out a full blown conversation.. I dont know what to say. And its not even that i dont want to talk to you...i get this a lot..
74 now. Been introvert all my life. No regrets. Too many people are toxic.
Either that, or they’re stupid and/ or boring.
Im sorry for you having experienced life like that. Its true some people are toxic, protect yourself from them, but it would be wonderfull to be surrounded by people who love you, and it starts by opening up and being interested in other people's souls and not surfacely judging everybody as bad
You hear this a lot and while true, my experience as a part-time Uber driver for 3 years gave me faith in people once you have them one on one, most people are decent. Like Peterson just said, ask them questions and they'll open up quite a bit. Restores your faith in your fellow man. Now the rich, upper class, or corporate minded are a plague on society. They are the new Kings and queens, acting as divine creatures who know more than you. That's what needs changed.
Found the bitter old man.
I think i might be heading in the same direction. With time it starts to grow on you. I don't think it's such a great thing that this happens.
My issue with not wanting to be social is that it's hard to find genuine people. It's easy to find people who just want to hang out and do social activities and come together in social gatherings. It doesn't mean they are your genuine friends. They can just be smiling in your face and being fake with you for many years, while they really have negative feelings towards you and will probably talk shit about you behind your back. The only real use for having good social skills is for survival. So you can get connections with people who will help you move ahead in life or give you some type of benefit. It seems all human relationships are transactional.
It’s really hard finding a true friend who wont stab you in your back. I find if you’re able to talk about sensitive topics with people you can tell it’s genuine.
True friends are rare. And sometimes you can be thought of as a bad person which can pressure you to act up and be more social. But there are stakes, being something you are not has a stain on one's integrity. You just have to be you.
But it's hard. Sometimes what others think can have an overwhelming influence which should not be so.
Probably at least 80% of people have no conscious moral framework, or at least do not have a sincere one. Plenty of people pretend to be virtuous, but nowadays that merely seems to take the form of virtue signalling, or holding socially fashionable opinions. The test is to watch what they do when principle clashes with self interest. It takes time, patience and caution.
However, the #1 reason not abandon all hope in other people is that at least 10% are genuine, and demonstrate virtue in their actions and behaviours. Those are the people to cultivate because they can add tremendous value to your life and are worth all the effort of sifting out the others.
The remaining 10% are criminals.
Approximate numbers!
so true...I have 2 good friends....thats all I trust....
yes same and when I go to this Meetup and recently toastmaster .It doesn't mean these people want to be friends . Many simply want to meet as part of group. However I was doing some group activity for a common interest and I made some friends there but plenty wont really meet you outside of the group. So sometimes I dont want to be social but I m trying to make more friends , then I have some genuine friends but the connection is not totally there and yet they are willing to hang out but the conversation can suck. I did have better friends in the past where the conversation was better. At the same time I like alone time too.
Me before clicking: "he's probably gonna say just get out there and practice"
:(
EternalDensity ahhh not that far off huh lol
What do you want to be told? It might be hard for you but hey theres no other option than face your demon , imagine he's probably not that scary :-) Life is too short just be aware of that
@@xrealy5700 With the greatest of respect, that's not true, there are lots of options of how to tackle something like social anxiety. Otherwise there would be only one type of therapy based on 'Just do it'. The strategy of 'facing your demons' is only one approach amongst many. The best help for any challenge like this is usually very individual.
@@goldeneddie No, I am sorry, but you are wrong. Probably wishful thinking? The only way to overcome social anxiety is to try to socialize, like the only way how to learn how to skate is to put on your skates and get on the ice. And it's not " just do it ". That's not what he said. He gave a tool, to focus outward. Because the problem is that one is focussing to much on his or herself and the anxiety itself. There probably can be some differences in the individual approach, but the key element is get in contact with other people. It's inherent to the problem. By the way, what are the other options?
@@pvdwal Perfectly elaborated.
I'm introverted but being isolated for so long fucks me up. Even just going outside becomes a huge obstacle that I struggle with.
work out, people naturally want to talk to you once they see you care about your body etc, i've talked to people more at the gym then i have for the past 10 years.
And working out helps push that energy and anxiety out of you. It calms you psychologically. Very important.
@@Justaguywithglassesok best answer I ever heard. This is just so great advice.
WHAT?
Marselluswallace - one trick I do is just go to the mall and find a place where I can sit and people watch. I usually hate every second of it, but it means other human interactions aren't quite so challenging.
This may not be the case for everyone, but it sure was the case for me. Awkwardness in social situations comes from a learned behaviour of suppressing yourself. That is, not wanting to let who you are as a person be truly seen by others. This is a habit people develop as a means of fitting in with a group, usually after experiencing the feeling of its opposite. So, when you are around people you fear might judge of perceive you in a certain way, you feel like you have to watch your back and watch what you say. This ultimately leads to a feeling that, no matter what you say, it's likely to be wrong. Hence shyness and social anxiety develop.
Any kind of 'get yourself out there' scares people, because ultimately all you're doing is numbing that fear you have of being seen - smothering it. For me, I get much more mileage out of the mantra 'allow'. Allow myself to be seen. It's ok now. It's safe. That feeling of being unsafe is only felt because I'm holding myself back. I'm bracing in preparation for some kind of emotional wound. If you subscribe to the mantra 'allow', then you will very slowly begin to release yourself from that prison of bracing and protecting yourself everywhere you go.
@patakanz, this Such a helpful perspective. Thank you for sharing, I sure can relate andthe allow mantra sounds safe. See what I did there? 😅
I have high functioning autism, and social interactions, though something I can observe and learn thru example and study, doesn't come naturally and requires active focus. I used to be a near shut in with massive social anxiety.
One day, after a very difficult period in my life where i learned to jump in situations and learn to swim, I got a job serving at a bar. The first couple weeks were _rough_ , but I noticed that I began to understand and be able to read people's social energy, and integrated what I saw into myself.
Suddenly, people were gravitating towards me, so much so that it was alarming at first. I learned that true confidence is going all in, knowing you might fall flat on your face, but knowing you'll be fine. I went from a deer in headlights to being able to walk into a room, read the energy and redirect it. My greatest weakness, that I have to actively pay attention to do what other people do without thinking, became my greatest asset.
Never be afraid to jump.
That's so encoucorgaing!
Ask them a question?
“So, um... Do you like stuff?”
ngl , that was me in highschool
Would you like some tap water?
Mystic Clover just ask them what they’re up to and build off from it
Oh god yes I love them!!!
hahaha I remembred The episode of the simpsons when ralph started dating liza and said that lmao
Personally my problem is that I get bored talking to people. I know I sound like a jackass but talking to people just for the sake of being social is extremely frustrating because I dont really care about the life of a stranger. I dont know. I can fake it but it is very tiring. I wish I could have fun knowing other people :/
Then don't talk pointlessly.
Rather, what I do is I discuss things with people or tell them stories!
I might tell them about some family history, or discuss something historical, or just contemplate the beauty of life!
While not everybody enjoys such, there are many who do, it's quite easy to find them if you try!
Good luck, and remember that being social for the sake of it is not necessary, and it's better to have real conversations, especially as an introvert.
Talk to people who have something to offer you.
I feel the same way
You are talking to the wrong people! Or you are just a bit stuck up yourself perhaps!??
Dude I thought I wasn't the only one you know, like i try to enjoy it but it's just so boring and I don't even think I'll ever need this info which basically means I'm a terrible person :/
I love it when he answers questions without getting too intellectual, mythological, or psychological. His less academic sounding videos are among his most powerful. This one is straight-forward and something I can run with.
Advice for People Who Aren't Social:
-be social
There's a huge difference between social anxiety and introversion
Pb 2000 Agree
I have both
@@vorphine4185 Same here
Yes and as a therapist he should know this. Makes me question him
@@CreativePublisher Why is introversion even a topic here? He says nothing about introversion and everything about social anxiety. Introversion isn't really a mental disorder. Also, you do realize that the more familiar you are with something, the more comfortable you become right? I put myself out there and it became a whole lot better for me because I wanted to get rid of my anxiety not flaunt it and he's right, my natural social instincts did kick in and my social anxiety while still being present, has lessened tenfold.
I'd question your reasoning more than anything here.
I tried going outside and talked to strangers. I am now in FBI watchlist. Thank you Professor!
he said ppl not kids
fuck
Jiahstrike I guess you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
The amount of people who gave a serious response to this joke is hilarious. Well done
@@DMBlade4 I don't think any of the responses were actually serious. Maybe one of them, at best.
I'm social when I need to be but I also value my alone time. That's when I do my thinking, planning and de-stressing, which I value very much. Most people that know me outside of work think that I am depressed or abusing drugs and alcohol and avoiding social situations to hide the fact that I need help and that I'm unhappy because I'm single and haven't replaced my ex wife yet (I was married but my wife thought something was wrong when I wanted my alone time which would cause arguments and accusations). They genuinely think that I get lonely as easy as they do but I have always been the "lone wolf" type even as a child. I also have no desire to fit in, I like what I like and know who I am.
Man i was just scrolling these comments and yours hit me. I feel very similar dude. Lone wolf since i left high school and lost ties to friends. That's when i do my planning/thinking - yes absolutely. The desire to fit in has mostly gone these days too. I have the same final thoughts as well - i like what i like and i know who i am ( so screw them ).
Nice one dude.
Yes, I definitely need to decompress and recharge by myself too. My grown daughter lives with me, but that’s a different story. Her presence is welcome always.
I have two friends and some family that i’m grateful for. Those friends I talk to on the phone quite regularly (Too much for me actually, energy wise) but see them in person about once every other month on average. My close family (😅), most of them about 3/4 times a year except my dad who I can handle more often. Must in part because he’s a lot like me. Not a lot of small talk and he also gets tired of me after 2 hours or less so that’s perfect “Time to go home Fuzzy!?”
I love people and I love my space. It’s an absolute must that 90% of my free time is spent by myself. I find busy environments and social engagements extremely draining when it goes on for too long.
I’d love to live like my grandfather after he stopped working: he’d just take off to his log cabin and stay there by himself, go hunting, fix things in and around the cabin.. Talk to the birds a bit.
Enjoy your space 🤗
I am exactly the same
I hear you, I understand, I'm exactly the same. Was identified even as a very young child as a lone wolf. The frustrating thing is that society thinks of lone wolves as somehow socially inept, or attach negative traits to us. Most people think I'm an extravert, socially comfortable, often lead at work & socially. But I like the majority of my time alone. I've never experienced what people describe as 'loneliness' or 'boredom'. I'm very creative, and need time to think and make things, and recharge. My long term partner is a bit more sociable than me, but autistic, and we have the perfect arrangement whereby we live separately, but get together every week. When we're together, we're happy each to do our own thing. He writes, I'm an artist. Neither of us is suspicious of the other's need for solitude, we get it.
I hope I can have the mental strength like you. Pls teach me how to be mentally strong mate
In college, I made a group of 4 friends who got me through alot of difficult phases of my life. Before that in highschool, I was a really awkward person with low self esteem but after meeting them I changed into this bright person with great humour and personality. They helped me find myself and feel comfortable in my own skin. A few weeks ago I started university, and we all changed paths so now I'm alone all over again. I met some new folks but they couldn't really match my vibe. I felt lonely for some days but quickly realized that I can't let myself fall into the same hole of self pity and depression again. I picked myself up and started to focus more on my studies and hobbies. Ever since then I no longer feel bothered for having no real friends. On weekends, I meetup with old college buddies and that instantly fills up the gap in my heart. For anyone who is struggling to make friends, don't force yourself to hangout with just anybody especially if they don't match your vibe. That relationship won't go anywhere and only exhaust you. Give it time. Focus on improving youself and the right people will come around just in time. With real people, you don't have to put extra energy or seek validation.
Mate waiting for people to come to you is not a good option. You have to put yourself out there not just wait for that random person to come in your life.
If you can just get a dog. A good pooch helps you with love towards others.
Also proven to lower blood pressure etc. Known fact.
@@robertdoble7665nah, pets are overrated. They simply cannot provide the same level of satisfaction that socialising with humans can. They're not a viable alternative or replacement for it.
@@FriendlyNeighbourhoodSpidey Then stay alone and think you are better.
@@robertdoble7665 I'm not alone, I have the company of humans and I prefer that to animals.
I can get totally comfy with total strangers. It's neighbors and acquintances that make me nervous.
Lol that's so true
Same here! It's like I fear the known.
Damn straight
👌💯
Same for me lol! Why do yall think thats that? From what i think, isit cause well, a stranger doesn’t have a perceived image of you and so like you’re totally a blank slate. And u know that and so u just be yourself or whatever kind of image u want to give off. Idk😶 what do yall think?
To all ranting in comments about how high and mighty they are on being introverts by choice, the video is meant for introverts who doesn't want to stay that way. Frankly I am an introvert or kind of was and tell you what, i hated it, being associal for so long, an unbearable life experience, when I look back at my school years I regret being so awkward and unable to properly interact with everyone else.
I couldn’t relate more!!! I had NO friends throught college and am now, at 32 trying to build friendships
Well if you hated it then you're not an Introvert, By Defenition Introvert is Someone who love being alone and being Tired if Socializing, You aren't Introvert, you just having a Social Anxiety
@@zee446 i think being introvert with extrovert mind is a thing. Like someon who behave crazy and having fun with very small circle of friends
@@msguwi4111 I think you don't know what an Introvert is, Ok let me explain, Introvert is Someone who love spending their time alone, if you often getting Tired in Conversation by just a few minutes then you're also an Introvert, Introvert also usually still has Friends but not as many as Extrovert, And Some Introvert actually Good at Socializing they just feel Tired By Doing it
@@msguwi4111 And actually having a Small Circle of Friends doesn't make you An Introvert, what make Your an Introvert is 'Do you love Spending your Time alone?' if yes, Then you're an Introvert
I'm a salesman, I talk to people every day, and I STILL get crushing levels of social anxiety. It's just something you manage, its not something that ever leaves you.
I quit pron and my anxiety levels went down like 80%.
@@Chunkyjalapenoexplain
I personally get overwhelmed in crowds and large groups. While there is fear (social anxiety) there is also a feeling of being different. I’ve never related to people and never understood why people have this need to share. Practising being social only made me feel more different and left out
i have been isolated since mid adolescence and young adult and I agree with ur statement. Like evolution if u walk off the path of thought and common ideology and take interest in ur own when u come back to the crowd u will be even more differed t than u were previously. When the previous u still was quite different now ur a whole alien. But that probably isn’t a good perspective to hold despite half truth. Learning to chill out more and get into my hobbies, literature, film which makes me care less about others in tern making me more relaxed in social situations so my “natural social abilities” can kick in.
Once my mind is a little more straightened out I will also pick up fitness related hobbies, with gym, basketball, martial arts, overlap with nature all being possibilities.
So there is plenty of room for me to make myself feel better, ideally I could do this with other people but I can’t due to slight innate difference and long term Isolation as my coping behaviour. I may or may not get over this (it’s quite bad) but atm focusing on this self isolation does no good in solving the problem!
@@user-wm1lx9sg2p Thanks for sharing. It's good to know we are not alone in the struggle to connect to society around us. Let's continue to aim to become the best version of ourselves and see where our life goes :)
"Go out there'"- too hard :D
same
Do it do it
Instructions unclear, went out to a local store, got lost. Send help.
“Go out there” * *National* *Lockdown* *
@@themissinfowar6629 now i have an excuse to not go lol
I like people who are a little introvert. They are rarely annoying and are usually good people who are just more shy than others, but I prefer that over noicy people with a need to talk nonstop.
Bless you.
I'm an introvert, and I'm not shy at all. I just fucking hate other people 90% of the time.
Iomza, you are an introvert as well.. that explains it.
Sawyer R
That's pretty silly reasoning. You must consider yourself stupid if you're here being outspoken. I reckon you'd probably consider that morsel a "valuable thought" too right?
Making friends with an extrovert is extreme hell!!! I'll never make one again!
Social interactions with human beings spark something within me, I suddenly feel a sense of confidence and courage. But I do not have many such interactions. Most of the time, when I'm not alone in my room, I just observe and listen to other people talking and socially interacting. I enjoy hearing their stories, stupid as they may sometimes sound. I cannot deny the feel of envy that arises then within me. And so I return back to my room, with envy turned into sadness, and every night before sleeping I imagine a world where I am not so lonely and anxious, a world where confidence and courage are ever accompanying me.
As someone who has intrinsic social limitations in the form of high functioning autism, I want to say this. This man is a genius, a humanist and a compassionate person. And I appreciate his advice as it has helped me already.
For those who dislike his remark about getting out there and practicing: he's only speaking to those who want to be sociable, but don't have the skills to do so. He's not speaking to the people who are content with being alone.
Edit: this is only the second time in my internet life that I've been hoisted above 1,000 likes. So thank you all, and I'm happy you appreciate me pointing this out
Thanks to God
Thank God
Thank you God
Lol what are these comments.
Thanks to Dog.
Tip for extroverts: appreciate the peace and quiet of solitude
💯
And respect others
I think there is a correlation between being extrovert and not being good at solitude, in a sense that there is some "needyness" in it
@Lady Red Peony I meant respecting other people's peace and quiet, as many don't.
Learn to appreaciate* it’s hard to do, but definitely worth it at the end
I'm an introvert and this is exactly the method I used if I get socially awkward at a lot of situations. I act all bubbly and friendly, ask them random questions as I put a smile on my face, even though I'm a nervous wreck. But most of the times, my social anxiety kicks in and proceed to go back to square one.
The more I get out there the more I realize how introverted we are as a society. Everyone needs their alone time including myself. But I think that’s why it’s hard to make new friends nowadays. Everyone is in their own little world
Speaking from experience, what he's saying is exactly true. I was raised in a highly toxic and sheltered way. I had no social skills, zero confidence, and my anxiety was crippling. But once I reached high school, I put myself out there. I embarrassed myself more times than not, even to the point of getting bullied. (a trio of girls pinned me behind a large projector screen and kneed me in the stomach.)
But I very slowly got better. I volunteered to give speeches or perform singing solo. I sat next to people alone at the cafeteria. I'll always make mistakes, everyone does, but I'm always improving. Now my major is education, and I'm excited for what the future will bring.
I want to know u
💕
Gj!!! What a warrior
Congrats. Keep making efforts to improve.
You should be proud of yourself. What you are doing is not easy.
👑👑👑
He’s totally right. Social anxiety comes from being overly self conscious, so focusing that energy externally rather than internally is a great start. Jordan knows his stuff.
Bro can u explain how to focus that engry externally a advice will be very helpful....
@@foreverprince_ You asked the right guy. Focusing your energy externally can be done by letting go of the negative, self conscious thoughts you may feel when talking to people. For instance, when in a group setting, worrying about what others are thinking about you only makes you look worse and awkward. Whereas letting go of those feelings and not giving a crud will make you more relaxed, thus making you shine more around people. Being good at socializing isn’t about controlling how you act, it’s about controlling your mindset, which will naturally make you attract more friends. Let me know if you have any questions.
@@JoshuaCastillo6309 Thank you so much man... I always get very curious when I go outside now i will keep that in mind
@@JoshuaCastillo6309 How do I do this? I keep reading and watching stuff but I don't understand. Is there special drugs I can take to make it easier?
@@graphs1524 There are drugs for anxiety disorders but it’s not recommended unless you’re experiencing debilitating anxiety and it’s ruining your life. For regular social anxiety though, simply not giving a fuck what people think about you, yet being nice until it’s time not to be nice goes a long way.
No matter how many social interactions I go to, I dread every single one, the anxiety and fear I feel before the event is draining. Its like i have a demon on my back sucking the energy and joy out of me....I hate it so much...wish I could get rid of this feeling.
Everyone except for my wife and kids can take a back seat as far as I’m concerned. Some things happened recently with my family and made me realize some people aren’t as close as you think and that made me reevaluate every relationship in my life and I’ve determined that my wife and kids are the only people worth the effort.
THIS.
I hate how social interactions have to be funny all the time.
Because fun gives you Dopamin and that's a drug of your body
Oh yeah, so true
Agreed. Serious talk is the best talk!
dude you're goddamn right
They don't have to be though
Friends are overrated. Having a really good pal is great, but quality pals are very rare.
Absolutely, and completely true. I can second this, from my 60 years of adventuring on this world.
Giant Robots are even better!!
THIS! Oh shit you're right, man. This fucking pop culture we live in where we're supposed to have 3+ friends that are more important than family, so unrealistic and unhealthy. Family is everything, if your family sucks and you're literally without a family, then make your own, no kids necessary, just find a special someone and BOOM, most problems solved.
Friends are definitely overrated in this day and age of use-dump relations in every social spectrum.
People are looking to Peterson for far too much. Hes a bright guy but there are tons of bright people around. Smart people are often wrong about many things. If somebody gives you good advice in one instance you need to understand that that doesnt mean hes going to have the correct answer in all cases.
Friends are overrated because you never know which ones are backstabbers
This Video was kind of inspiring. I’m 46 and have delt with Social Anxiety all my life. Because of that I have been alone most of my life. I’m at the point now where I really would love to have People in my life other than immediate Family. My anxiety issues are pretty crippling. One of my major problems is fear of being judged.
Most people are only thinking about themselves. One solution is to go into every social situation in an attempt to love others, encouraging them, rather than thinking about yourself.
Great Video! this is some advice I had formulated for myself a while back before watching this vid and Mr. Peterson describes it all so perfectly such a truly intelligent individual
I'm not very social but it doesn't really bother me. The majority of people I'm confronted with make alcohol the centerpiece of their social interactions and I just can't relate to these people. Every time I'm sitting with them trying to make conversation, all the conversations gravitate toward someone telling a story of a drunken night with so and so.
Thats what im saying. Everyone around me only talk about drugs, alcohol, and sex. Topics I dont care to constantly discuss. These are mostly coworkers too, not even close friends :/
Don’t follow, don’t consume, don’t watch, don’t believe. Stop following the culture and be the change you want to see in the world. Make your own culture.
Not everyone is like this my friends have the best conversations over drink, maybe it’s the people you hang out with
VPX4 dude so you‘re basically me
BULLSHIT. U ARE FULL OF EXCUSES AND BULLSHIT
I'm typically not that outgoing around people I don't know, especially when I'm in familiar surroundings. But when I travel alone to big cities, I come right out of my shell, it's like I'm a totally different person. As you walk around a city, your feet will start hurting so find a bar, have a drink and start chatting with the folks around you. You'll meet locals and other travelers, so there's always something to talk about. Some of the best conversations I've had were when I was traveling. There's no pressure that way. If you make say something stupid, who cares? You'll never see these people again anyways, just have fun.
I think some people like yourself are more outgoing around unknown people in small groups because you have nothing to lose by being yourself and telling them what you think. It does not matter because you are likely not going to see them again and also they are more like a mirror for you because they too tell you what they think.
I myself noticed such tendencies like you described but they do not always occur around strangers. I can't get a grip on what exactly determines when I act that way though.
I'm the same way, I love traveling. It also might be because people in big cities are more open and liberal and less judging
I'm exactly the same. It's because I feel like they don't know who I really am so I can be anyone. Which is absolutely fucking ridiculous because why the hell can't I be like that normally? Haha, humans man, what a weird bunch.
Same. That phenomenon became apparent to me early in college (I'm 29 now) and it's driven me crazy since.
Same here! Just wish I could travel more... I'm a free bird stuck in a cage.
Thank you so much for this video man! May god continue to bless you🙏🏽♥️.
If people are not social, I think we should leave them alone and not try so hard to change them. We have lousy and loud individuals who are overly noisy and don’t even pay attention, I hardly see the world trying to change them.
I'm probably one of the most antisocial people you will ever meet in your life. I don't have anxiety I just have nothing to say and no interest in small talk.
but you had to tell the internet?
Tshanot imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png
nespith nice try not clicking ur link
Tshanot you got me, totally going to hax you with a meme.
I'm both, anxious and don't like small talk.
This guy literally described my whole life in the first 30 seconds
MrBudulius Mine too untill I started meditating. Everything changed after that 😀
Mike Oxenfire Dude masturbation is like the worst solution. The only path to strength is THROUGH pain, not around it.
Yeah same tbh it sucks
Mike Oxenfire If you haven't already, search nofap. The reddit community is awesome
lostbraincell .... trick is to dont give a fk... dont worry about what others are thinking...just dont ever give a sht. Trust me. Nothing to be anxious about.
Thank you man. I really needed this
Excellent advice. To have a friend, be a friend. That's the essence.
I find socializing exhausting after a while.
congratulations you are an intovert
Heh no shit :D
Yeah, without much to show for it in the end. Relationships are brittle, even after years.
Dont we all?
I was at a party yesterday, maybe i was too early but when the party really started i was already exhausted by socializing, and i just left.
My best interactions with people is when I'm yelling at them to get off my lawn.
Go to bed Clint.
@@LousySob it's not 7 yet, and get off my lawn!
Sidney Fein !!!! Get off my lawn
Sidney Fein 😂😂😂😂
ahahaha.. i like that
I’m 72 and socialled, not a word, out. I just don’t feel like being social anymore. Even though I’ve moved back to my hometown to be near my daughter, I don’t really know many people here as I have moved away several times throughout my life. I was widowed, for a 2nd time, 5 years ago and he was only 59. I then moved from a small Caribbean island, bought a motorhome, traveled out West and up into the Midwest before having to have 2 more shoulder surgeries that forced me to sell the motorhome. I built a tiny apartment attached, but, not connected to my daughter’s home out in the country. I don’t have a problem public speaking or meeting new people. I actually did the Eulogy at my last husband’s funeral. I realize grief has left me isolated, but, I do have lifelong friends that I communicate with daily through PM with 4 of my hometown friends that live elsewhere. My days are full of taking care of a dog that’s 108 lbs with Addison’s Disease and is on Thyroid meds. And 2 kittens I’ve rescued. One was a day old when I got her. I do believe I like my pets more than most of the ignorant people I come in contact with.
I was very shy and antisocial, eventually learnt to overcome my thoughts and became confident in groups. Soon after i realized most people expected way to much from our freindships so i went back to being antisocial but now, i have a better relationship with my mind and enjoy being alone with myself.
The older I have gotten the less social I want to be. Grumpy ass old man in training. :)
Same here :(
Hah that really made me smile 😁
Hahaha xD
As long as you don't start shittalking about millenials...
Boohoo, [they] are so entitled, ambitious, so much better looking than I ever did and they have such cool stuff now too...
@@paulgoogol2652 ambitious ? Lol millennials are just the opposite of ambitious.
My social skills aren’t bad. It’s just that I miss the feeling of being alone a lot quicker than the feeling of being around others
Yeah I find my highest happiness by myself
nice excuse
@@user-rw4zy6ho9x good excuse
@@jveerf8573 excellent excuse.
@@-Vitalis- astonishing excuse
This is the most useful advice ive ever gotten. Thanks.
That's literally the answer to everything in life. "Just do it". It isn't easy in the beginning and it might take years to get better but over time you become desensitized and it becomes easy. The more you practice the quicker you become what you want to be. It is how we evolve as humans. All things are a process.
I get anxious when I'm forced into a social situation and I don't have a reason to talk to the people. A conversation without a reason is just empty small talk imo.
Hououin Kyouma! Thats just an excuse
Tyler Swanson
No, it's a perfect reason not to talk to people.
Well then you get to understand one more person and maybe learn something from them and add to you tool belt of knowledge ... or make a friend.. the opportunities are endless.
I’m not social by any means and I have a lot of work to do but at least I’m not lying to myself to protect my ego
Small talk has value
Tuturu
Today's society is not social friendly and that's the basis for so much depression today. marriage rates have gone down and people stay single for longer periods. If you actually try to go out and make friends in person you're often seen as desperate or weird while sitting in front of your computer alone in a cubicle is considered normal. Ironically, you're more likely to make a friend if you're seen as normal and for this reason many people avoid actually trying to make friends. If you go out by yourself you can be seen as weird too so you need to find a friend who wants to do the same things you do just to "get out there" and not be seen as a social pariah. Unless you were lucky enough to be born into a emotionally secure environment and were able to grow up with childhood friends, it's very hard to make meaningful social connections later on in life. I'm speaking as someone who routinely meets people and hangs out with them so I don't have social anxiety and I do have friends, but it is difficult to maintain relationships. It's just that today's world doesn't support social bonds the way our DNA meant for us to have.
Sad but true
You explained the factual or realistic sociatel environment, out there.
I agree with it, more than what jordan peterson gave as advice for non social individuals. ,♤
Seems like it’s just not on the cards for me to have a good social support system. I’ve tried for years intermittently to create that for myself. I form a very close friendship for a year or so then they just disappear. My partner suggested I have a large group of friends so that when a friendship inevitably ends it’s not so painful for me. But it’s hard enough ‘securing’ one friend let alone a bunch. It takes a lot of effort and time to maintain a single friendship. I just don’t have the energy. It’s hard when I look around and I see people seemingly easily maintaining social relationships, having fun and laughing. I feel I need that too but it’s such a struggle, particularly because of my gender, sexuality, etc I’m not a typical person
@Oliv trees i always go out alone and i enjoy it and am normal
Indeed.
I totally agree
Love this man. I could hear him talk for hours
Thankyou sir jordan
This was really helpful
I hope i can get better with my social interaction from now on after such an awesome advice
I agree with this. I tried it. It works. Made friends and lost some of the social anxiety I grew up with. But then I made a 180 degree turn and regressed back worse than ever before. Because yeah, it's cool, people like being around you since you're a good listener. Even your responses are more thoughtful than most others since you really listen to them. But then you just realize than in turn, no one listens to you instead. It's cool to them when they're the ones talking, but when you start talking, they faze out, grew disinterested, giving lackluster responses. Why should I go on like that? Fuck them. And fuck it because most people are like that. Better listen to Peterson lectures than listen to them boasting or ranting with no effort for listen on their part.
Mad Fik very true, i could listen to someone talking about his struggles for an hour to understand them better and learn from them but in return they cannot even bear two minutes if i talked about personal struggle, properly because they cannot relate to you or they do not want negativity around them, so i speak about something they could relate too.
Mad Fik The key here it that you’re recognizing people aren’t listening to you. The response you had is that you should regress, but that means you’re taking their disinterest to heart. You have to realize that it ultimately doesn’t make a difference to you whether they listened or not because it’s their loss. They missed a chance to make a connection, not you. You’re going to have duds, bit that helps you recognize the people who do genuinely listen. Your goal shouldn’t be to befriend everyone.
To me, that says more about the individuals you were speaking to then it does you - they're not worth the listening time since they're not interested in you. That's actually a great lesson, although disheartening. From that you can say 'Okay, they're not worth bothering with and in future I'm going to test new people I talk to by finding out if they'll listen TO ME very early on in interactions with them. And if they don't, then I'm not investing my time/energy/effort with them'.
Probably the best tip I can give you is that if other people are genuinely interested in you, they will ask you questions - they won't expect you to do all the work. If they don't ask you questions, they're just interested in having someone to talk 'at'. You can find better people to talk to, and to get this far is excellent. Best wishes for the learning journey ahead (I'm on it too).
Very good, true advice. I neglected to think of more than one possible reason for OP's situation.
just get to know more ppl, you'll surely find someone who can do both
I hate chaos, I like peace and quiet.
Chaos is a ladder...
In short you don’t speak to others due to your superior thinking, in other words to smart to interact with such people, the same concept of which some say there to smart to be successful, they deserve it automatically.
Idk I got rapid adhd... this one is taking me Rn... 2 mabye 1 minute to type,,,,,lol I gotta go to bed wtf am I doing lol. Shit I’m still fking typing....lol didn’t I write something like this 20 mins ago. Idk wait I just came up with something!
Someone could write the best book in the world with amazing writing story telling diverse attitudes of character with many attention payed....but it’s in a foreign language no one knows. And to those people deemed useless. It doesn’t matter how good you are if you can’t put to those results.
Idk.....ima go to bed. Shit it’s late. K bye. Oh and I was thinking
If yo u reply that means you are as dumb as I am if that is the very concept of me wasting my time rn. The point is you took your time to type it.....fk ima sleep now zzz🤧. Ok it was 9:00 now it’s 9:08 I gotta sleep bye ima paste this cuz I fed superior to YT commenters and stuff. Lol I’m joking. Actually wait....LOLOL
what sensible person likes chaos, Captain Obvious?
Most people are toxic nowadays,it's much essential to be alone or have few.
I like being peaceful and quiet in chaos
I remember vacationing in Miami Beach with my family in July 1978, and sitting at the bottom of the stairs behind our hotel that led to the beach. I was with my dad, who is rather social and who just had a brief conversation with another hotel guest. A few moments later, I tried to emulate my dad and asked the vacationer if there were sharks in the water, which was the best conversation starter I could come up with. He answered me, and I left it at that. I remember it feeling like such an exercise to make myself ask a question even as dumb as that just for the purpose of making conversation. I was a young kid, and even then I realized that making small talk with strangers feels like more work than it’s worth. I still feel the same way 43 years later.
The minute he said “if you have questions, ask questions, people love questions bc it means you’re listening”, I said “yeah just don’t ask a ‘dumb’ question” and sure enough a minute later he said “there’s no dumb question” lol. I agree, but most present day humans make automatic misjudgments about your character if you don’t quite know the subject they’re talking about, or don’t connect dots immediately. (Ppl would like to think they’d be kind and patient, but most ppl have a inflated sense of their own morality, so don’t be so quick to assume you’re kind and patient). So anyways, you stop their storytelling to ask them to explain and they secretly make judgements to avoid convos with you. He then says “if ppl think it’s a stupid question, go find other ppl”……yeah when most ppl are impatient or turned off by those who don’t “get it”, you quickly run out of ppl to be so-called “be social” with. Solitude is king; sue me.
Yep, tried it all over the years, everything he says in the video. Still have no new friends. Introversion is not the problem, the problem is how society is now. Dependency on phones and digital interactions, people changing jobs quickly, ditching relationships faster, moving cities often and the massive shift to the service industry which pressures everyone to be extrovert or suffer for it. We live in a disposable society. If you are still lonely, try turning to nature and spirituality.
Dan Richards I wish I could find a friend like you! Someone deep to talk to about art, nature, spirituality, society and philosophy. That would be all I really desired from a social life.
In my perspective, I would not blame "society". It's my fault for being unsociable, it's simple as that. I'm my own friend.
TRUTH!🙏
True and true! There's a lot of problems in our society. "Nobody thinks what it's like to be the other guy", that line from the movie Joker hit me really hard last year, because it was spooky how accurate it was as portraiting the mindset of modern people.
Yea, especially schools now, evryones so selfish.
The problem is the lack of humanity I observe in the majority of people I meet. No compassion. No empathy. No depth. No interest in anything other than the appeasement of their own desires at the expense of genuine human interaction. Judging me for trivial things like what I wear or what I look like. I don't consider my self to be inherently more valuable compared to others because of my personality but I face continual disappointment when I interact with people in my age group.
The problem isn't that I fear them. The problem is I fear my ability to control my disgust for people who treat me like I'm beneath them which happens often. If you look at me like you're better than me or refuse to show me basic decency and respect as a fellow human being intentionally to tend to the wounds of your own insecurity then I feel and think about hurting you back.
This doesn't happen with older people but the millennial and generation Z age groups are just awful when it comes to these things. I don't want to be specific in the instances I've faced but there is almost a underlying evil to a lot of people I meet that they don't even seem to be aware of. People have become so arrogant, selfish and empty.
Justus T - I couldn't have said it better. Everything you wrote is spot on.
Agreed wholeheartedly. Well put
Sadly this is true. Empathy is rare to find especially in my generation of millenialls. Its usually the ones who have been through a lot of crap in life that have the most empathy I've noticed.
Wow. You just put into words my underlying thoughts about people these days. Thank you
Dude spot on comment. My thoughts exactly.
less friends less bullshit...
Great advice I love the bluntness it’s what I need
This is what I'll do in job interviews when I get nervous - ask the interviewer questions!! 😂
Have fun with all those rejections!
Actually it works, usually I say “ok so let me ask you questions” they love it, it’s not about they interviewing you, you are interviewing them too. I guess someone might say “well you might not have job” or something like that, trust me I’ve got all of the jobs I wanted. (I never had chance to be interviewed by google tho 😂)
Mr. JustAGuyWithALightsaber
No homeboy, you also 'hire' the boss - you're not a slave. You may be, but you can still choose what 'master' you'll serve. Be bold & you'll like yourself much better.
unknown unknown
Well said!
Some companies (or basically any group) look prestigious on paper, but inside can have a dysfunctional family dynamic of sorts ha ha.
It's good to vet the people/place you're potentially going to be spending many hours with/at. Of course, doing it as tactfully and professionally as possible.
A few questions can often immediately raise red flags to your benefit & save everyone's time and energy if it's not the best place for you:)
You're basically interviewing each other, they keep you at your word, you keep them at their word. They may especially appreciate your questions if they are new at hiring, and forget some details.
Yes ask questions in interviews. Interviewers love that. It shows that you are interested I'm the job and that might separate you from other job hunters
"Face your problems in order to solve them"
One of the truest advices of all
But I just can't solve them. So that's it!
@@Av3nger747you don't know until you tried.
Being an introvert isn't a problem. It's a personality type.
did this from 17 to 21. only made things worse
I stopped socializing when I was in my teens because I didn't enjoy it. Many people suck and so do I. I'm 49 and I enjoy the simple things in life. Other than that, I'm basically waiting for death. No Serial Killer.
Wow he just perfectly described my exact journey from terrible to great!! This is perfect advice exactly what worked for me.
I’m an introvert and one of the things I think constantly is “why are people so bad at being alone?” I think it’s much worse being a person who can’t be alone then be a person who loves being alone. I have a very small group of friends that I’m fine hanging out with like once and week. But otherwise I love being alone. Being around people for to long seriously overloads my brain. I can’t handle it.
I’m the same, honestly I enjoy hanging out with a small group of friends once in a while, but once I stay for too long around them, my brain goes into introvert mode again and I lose all my social skills. Also, If I start hanging around with a large group of people, I just feel like I don’t belong, idk.
Cuz you're assuming everyone else is in a situation where they can hang out with people one a week. One a week is a very good amount. Lot of people out there where they might hangout with someone once a month, more of a challenge.
Good comment, Mary
because humans are social animals, that's why we live in a society
Yeah but do people really like being alone for extended periods of time? I can’t imagine people want to live alone their whole lives. We’re social animals
“Learn to listen better” and “ask questions” are the two best pieces of advice for getting better at socializing for both socially anxious people or people who are just really introverted, imo. Very easy way of turning small talk into a good conversation with someone too. Worked great for me when I was in high school at least. It’s how I made some close friends there.
When I like someone a lot, I always want to talk to that person. I usually ask a lot of questions. I don't care what kind of questions they are, I just want to be talked to. And now everyone thinks I'm a girl who asks a lot of stupid questions.... I'm shy to ask now...
The thing about questions is so true. Even before watching this video that was my go to plan when I ran about of things to say. And practicing is also true. For the last 3 years I have had some amazing people around me and it's very easy to talk with them and practice. Some people aren't this lucky though so I am very grateful for what I have.
I feel fully competent in 1 on 1 interactions, and enjoy them. Groups are my problem. Not only do i get anxious and awkward, but in my mind the quality of interaction goes down (becomes less interesting and engaging) in large or even moderate sized groups.
Can anyone relate or is this my own little pathology that makes me feel better about having poor social skills in group interactions?
It's not pathological. It's logical. In a group it's harder to listen to everybody, one dominant speaks each time, harder to seize opportunists to control the topics. But I think Peterson's advise applies even here: listen, blend in, and then lead and come up with things of your own. First let them think you are one of them, then when you're accepted as a legit member of the group you start lead and they follow. I got this idea from Adam Scott, who is expert in hypnosis. He argues Donald Trump did this with the right-wingers: first he made them believe he is one of them, then he started leading them making them accept his ideas that otherwise they would've never accept such as gays are ok etc. Controversial example but that's the idea in a nutshell.
Rickity Cricket for many ppl its the opposite. 1 on 1 the other person's focus is all on you when you re talking. 1 on 1 ur supposed to talk more and bring more to the conversation because you re the only person the other is talking to. And if you show any symptoms if anxiety or showing you re uncomfortable that person will notice it
Totally agree. Egos tend to distort things. But you can also learn to accept the low quality content for what it is rather than rejecting it in the moment.
Rickity Cricket #1 nice name ya god damn street rat, #2 research shows that when being in an outgroup, the ingroup is viewed as a collective form of judgement, a dynamic and fluid entity that represents power. One person in the outgroup feels as though he has to appease all of the individuals in the ingroup in order to be accepted.
Another Jordan Peterson video can be help for you: czcams.com/video/M8GSf5cYCvE/video.html There is part about interactions in group.
As an introvert who has experience in social situations as well... The older I get, the more selective I get about the company I keep.
If I find the right group of people, I can be totally comfortable and happy.
If I don't vibe with the group, I'm like a cat that refuses to be held.
I find that to be true about becoming more selective over time. With true friends, it doesn't require a lot of effort (or stress) to be with them. Friendship in which one person puts forth too much of the effort needs to be reassessed ...
I've often found that within different social groups there tends to be one fucking asshole whom I just cannot tolerate and it really sours my perception of other people within that group when they either cannot see or straight up embrace said person's behaviour.
And within time I found nobody around... I had found that the ones who aproach me ... Always were looking for something then no payback!
So had stop insisting on relations and they just vanished!
HoSmokes
@@horysmokes3339 You just described why I spend most of my time in my room alone. Nobody stood up for me and when I did it for myself I was told to kill myself.
"If you're nervous, learn to listen better and ask questions" ... best advice in the video imo
this advice is 100% spot on
thank you sir!
Less people you know = Less problems, less crap.
Not if those few are crazy. Then you get concentrated drama
I mean. That might not be good in the long run. But I do agree with you, as well.
You could be right👉
Less people = less life experiences, miss out on potential friends
rockyp32 true, less support, more anxiety, more depression
I always lose friends because they want to hang out every week, and that seems like a lot to me. I just need someone who is also an introvert, who likes to eat burritos and play video games.
I would love that too.
I'd like someone who I could go to gigs with, talk about movies, music, books, life and stuff. Who knew with nearly 7.5 billion ppl in the world it would be so difficult to meet someone really well matched to you lol
The problem is, they rarely go out and talk... So chances are very slim for two of the opposite sex to meet and know anything about each other. 🤣🤣(Wrote this at the comfort of my room alone😑😑)
So much this. I just don’t have time to “be there” for anyone who isn’t doing what I’m already doing so I’d rather have a friendship that doesn’t require that.
Yeah, man. Let me stop working on all this stuff I’m doing so we can “hang out.” If doing that stuff were “hanging out,” then things would be much, much smoother. ;)
You should come hang out with me then. Introvert paradise here and it's nice to be in the company of the opposite sex, for obvious cuddle buddy and sexual reasons.
That Was a good advice. Thank for the video
Hi Sir, I’m really glad to see this. I always feel its the guilt that comes in between, while interacting with others. It may feel like we are not perfect or there is something wrong in our eyes while we speak.
Good advice -- but once you start making friends, you have to hang out, do things with them, and remember their birthdays and stuff. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I concur.
yeah then you just need to be more upfront when you're becoming friends, and say basically what and who you are. For instance I cannot meet all the time etc, just be yourself and honest about what you can and cannot do. And then much like a love interest you have to work to find the right person who can be the right kind of friend for who you are.
That is unless you are subconsciously pushing people away through this because of deeper trust issues.
i honestly can't even remeber how I old I am.
snailspace
Yup!.....hanging out is so annoying expecially since all of my "friends" are married with kids so there's more people to be around than "necessary".
Plus they just happened to have a Single-Male-Friend visiting them while I'm visiting.
*Yeah, coincidence.*
So I don't feel free to talk about things I would like to.
((They are my coworkers from a previous job, that they worked first-shift while I worked 2nd shift. So we always have limited time to talk. And planned 'meet-ups'))
I haven't visited anyone in 2017. And hardly did 1-3 times all the years priors.
In my new job, I'm friendly but quiet.
I have noone's phone.
I try to make the relationships as dry as possible. Only talk about work.
I'm really helpful, I prefer to meet up to help someone move or whatever than sit on a couch with their families around.
I feel more comfortable around introverts and people that aren't from my home country.
Turquoise Cheetah I'm exactly the same. I love doing my own thing, and can never be bothered to go out with my friends. But when I end up going I do enjoy myself. Its strange.
I'm not social as in I don't spend a lot of time with people but when I do, I naturally ask a lot of questions and want to know about them. I think many introverts are just this way, naturally good listeners, but the social challenges lie more in being in the spotlight, taking your place, keeping a relationship (initiating contact regurarly) etc. I guess this advice covers some type of social unskilledness.
Txtspeak Yes. I completely agree. Public speaking is simple because you're there to deliver a message without having to worry much about a reaction or response. A relationship, on the other hand, is like an unpredictable roller coaster ride. You have ups and downs, and you have to know how to deal with them as they come.
S E UOTILA
Agreed
Txtspeak Relationships are so much tougher .. Its like Confidence VS. Boldness
simone solandres well said :) i agree
simone solandres "Most of my friends are Jewish!" -- Jordan Peterson. Of course they are or we'd never hear your neutered jew usury caste system supremacist cabal-free conversations. The next time someone tells you that jews aren't leading us all around to be enslaved or slaughtered, show them this. Anyone indulging jews or are jew, should be closely monitored by their military, in every nation. The very nature of the words jews, "Chosen Ones" is repugnant and regressive from the word go!
czcams.com/video/eiYNX_8j4SQ/video.html
Sigmund Freud plagiarized Friedrich Nietzsche on the topic of mans suppressed aggression, see Friedrich Nietzsche a Philosophical Biography by Julian Young. "Bob Dylan never had an original thought." -- Joni Mitchell. In 1977 Jew Jonas Salk testified he inadvertently caused more polio to a much wider population. To this day jews say he cured polio. "Never Trust A Jew!" -- Nikola Tesla Henry Ford wrote an entire book on Int'l Jewry's wickedness as well as Cicero wrote thousands of years ago. When there was no Zionism Bolshevism or Khazar Theory, Israeli Army bulldozed Peace Activist Rachel Corrie, not once but twice. USS LIBERTY torpedoed by Israeli servicemen killing 34 and wounding 174.
Jewry is regressive, not evolution. "Jewishness is public masturbation!" -- Gilad Atzmon ex jew, he denounced jewry. Usury (Jew) vs Labor (Gentile) Labor must prevail...
Go to Perth, Hamptons, Hilton Head, the Middle East, they plot for prime real estate coastal properties are their favorites.
Can you imagine having exclusive Malibu property and still wanting a land grab thousands of miles away? And a population indulging such a premise? Jew' Michael Douglas, Kirk Douglas' son, would utter these prophetic words in his movie🎥 "Wall Street", "Greed is good!" Yes, jew shit is a 'contagion type' of demonic possession.
Starts at 1:27
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Thanks for this.
He is 100% correct. As an introvert who went from tech to sales. Ask questions. I usually start by saying tell me about your self. Huge difference. People love to talk about themselves.
People are cruel, that's why I like my own company.
Some people are but yeah I completely understand you. I think it shouldn't be a must having lots of friends and lots of occasional conversations. But if your social anxiety is interfering in other areas of your life then you should do something about it.
Well yah but find proper friends :)
@@senior7407 bullshit , I’m not shy or anxious like I would have a conversation with any random person but I’m socially inept I make people bored to the level that since years I haven't met someone who is interested in being friend of mine , unwanted neglected everywhere I go
@Tyler H that depends on what you consider cruel besides you are not living in the same society + maybe he socially inept and targeted by sick people who take advantage of desperate lonely people
@@Mohammed-yd4uc are your problems long gone by so far?
I think I'm somewhere in the middle of not caring enough to interact w people and also wanting to interact w ppl more. On one hand, it'd be nice to have a bigger, better, deeper social life but on the other hand, once I'm actually doing it, forcing myself to socialize w people, I feel so bored to death by all the interactions, I begin remember why I'm antisocial in the first place.
philip j. cry you need to meet people that have the same interests as you, it's the only way.
I feel the same way. 😕
Its crazy how you can practice virtually anything. I used to be very shy and awkward when it came talking to strangers. It took me about 4-5 years until I attained the social skills I have now (not feeling uncomfortable and fairly eloquent). Used to work in all sorts of jobs where I had to talk to strangers, plus in a formal way. Obviously I still get irritated after I had a long day of work and lots of chatter (I‘m very introverted). As of Jung‘s concept of the „persona“, you can build up your persona that much, its crazy how much potential is in you. I wouldnt recognise myself from 7 years ago to now.
Honestly, I'm not as anxious as I used to be but man asking questions was unbearable, it took me like 10 minutes to prepare myself to put my hand up in-class, being picked by a teacher to answer something was like death, literally, i dreaded it. I forced myself to put my hand up and eventually it subsided. But I can't lie, it was all within one year that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone like I have never done before, although I think it happened too fast, as I'm struggling still and new problems have arises, stronger problems. I really don't understand how confidence works, one day is like heaven on earth, the next is like you falling into the ground head first. My confidence was really peaking during the pnademic for some reason, I don't know why, but after the pandemic ended it has only hot much worse. I feel that I have the ability to talk to people but something pushes me aside all the time, I don't care about getting embarrassed that much either, I don't care about what I look like (I used to care), but yet something much stronger is pulling me down and destroying me from within. My confidence is honestly like the stock market, rise fall rise fall and over and over again...
My life has improved dramatically since I’ve isolated myself. All the pressure is off when you remove yourself from the hierarchy and stop the social games. I basically do what I want, when I want and have had the most amazing experiences.
I believe the biggest problem introverts have is they don’t accept themselves. They secretly wish they could be popular or likable. Accept yourself and let go of these desires that the rest of society and evolution tells you you need.
That's a really sad way to look at things.
@@cwheels01 in your point of view it is. Me, i think this person has a point. I have experienced bad relationships but still strive for better. I believe a certain amout of isolation for an instance a lonesome hike can help a person thinl through problems.
@@PetteriWar I'm introverted myself. I still don't live in complete isolation. And I think it's pretty clear that he's not talking about alone time in the woods. And I agree, it's definitely a good thing to be alone sometimes. Again, I don't think that's what this guy means.
His attitude is more than negative, it's unhealthy. Furthermore, it's foolish. People who live alone die alone.
I completely agree and understand :)
I also think when you accept yourself-it takes the pressure of and then your social interactions improve. You don't have to be isolated to take the pressure off. I will say that being 'social' with family or friends involves compromise and your willingness to want to do things for and with others that you may or may not want to do. For example, going out for someone's birthday because you know that's what they want (even if it is not something you would do). If you are unwilling to compromise like this, then you are right isolating yourself does take pressure off because you are no longer doing what others want. That's your prerogative but it's definitely a behavior that will lead you to no friends or close family-I don't know if that is the objective for most people.
As some one who used to be very social in my early teens and 20s I can tell you now it’s all overrated. I’m 28 now and have 2 solid life long friends who I know I can trust. Towards my mid 20s I started waking up to the fact that all these people I was having fun with on nights out and enjoying their company and having them enjoy mine aren’t really ever your friends and are just associates. I’m actively less social now than I used to be and o enjoy the mellower, calmer life. The thing is when you have so many “friends” so much of your time and energy is being spent on them that you sort of lose your own identity and passion for yourself and your own life.
Not to mention that if you have a busy social life then not only do you get all the good times but all the bad too. You end up being burdened with everybody else’s life problems.
My advice for people who aren’t that social. Seriously don’t sweat it, your suffering from the illusion of missing out. If you have one or two solid strong friendships them role with it because your golden. Spend all the remaining free time you have to work on building yourself and the future you want and doing the things you enjoy, the funnest of which you will find can be done solo.
I just want 1 good friend I can hang out on the weekend with if I feel like it. No pressure. We go out when we think we can do something fun together. With too many people friendships are a job.
Thanks brotha
Yeah I'm 19 and i learned to keep to myself a long time ago. Groups just don't work because of the asinine drama over meaningless things. I've never understood the reactions people to have to small things. It's not the end of the world, stop getting pissy and let everyone go about their day.
To me, the stress and drama of hanging out with a group is not worth it. Like you said, best keep it to a few reliable friends. The only person I've stuck with is my best friend who i met 10 years ago and we still talk and sometimes hang out despite moving around alot
But you made those friends by socializing and now youre saying socializing isnt important?
@@ren.8137 yeah because I’ve been there to experience it and understand how over hyped it is. Like I said I used to be social but now I’m older and not so much anymore I understand that my life is much more peaceful and I don’t really miss all the taking and excessive “friends” got three solid buddies who I see a few times every few months n that’s it
Personally listening and asking questions is the key. Whether I’m nervous or confident, trying to take the lead socially is equally as likely to fail. I’ve experimented so many times. Listening and asking thoughtful questions is key.
"Get the hell out there and practice"
No, I don't think I will
Captain...is that you!
I used to be so outgoing as a child and then I would slowly start to get bullied a lot for being annoying which completely destroyed my confidence. So from that point foreword I was quiet bc I didn’t wanna annoy anyone. But then in highschool even tho I was so quiet I got made fun of for how I look??? So ya this is why ppl scare me now and make me sad lmao
All of this bullying or insulting can be avoided if u were a loner everyday of ur life
The more you love yourself. I always start my day with me🤗
Same tbh. I'm 29 now and my best advice is to work on asserting yourself and putting your own needs before those of people you do not care about.
Most people are selfish, horrible creatures going about life on autopilot preprogrammed to take a mile every time you offer them an inch. Actually I don't think most people are like this, I just think it's how they act most of the time... which you can fix by being assertive.
I find I stay away from people because they always seem to dissappoint me with their greed, lack of kindness, and so many other negative aspects. Better to have a dog
This exact same situation and scenario is happening to me rn
I'm scared of crocodiles
JP : fight with crocodiles
Difference is, people don't bite.
...well, unless they're on bath salts 😦
The joke is funny, but I think anything you want to do or have to do, you should practice. Unless it’s going to kill or maim you
You can ask him questions too!
Exposure therapy. It really does work!
Patricia LaCroix whats that?
I agree 100%. Just put yourself out, it's like taking a risk, it's like stepping out of your comfort zone and it may not even work the first few times. I was so lonely a couple of years back but I needed to feel more social so I joined a freaking gym, talked to a lot of people there, some talked back some didn't, I embarrassed myself by saying a few things and felt bad, but I picked myself up and tried to socialize again, despite feeling wrecked. And look at me now, no one even believes me when I tell them that I used to be socially misfit. Thing is, stop self-loathing when you mess up, remind yourself that everyone messes up, and so do you, but there are also so many amazing things you do and can do. Always talk positively about yourself in your mind. You'll be boss.
That's nice but people can be genetically introverted and no matter how hard they try being extroverted , it's not gonna work. They might have a few extrovert moments here and there but eventually their gonna slip back into their introverted shell. If they do turn extroverted, they won't be comfortable with it because that's not who they are. People who are born extroverted flow naturally with socializing. They don't have to worry about being taking out of a comfort zone. These types will probably faint or go insane if they were forced to sit down and shut their stupid mouth for 5 seconds. Going on and on about nothing. Yesterday I'm in the office with my extrovert co workers. Them fools just kept talking layers upon layers upon layers upon layers of jibberish. I'm sitting there on the computer, I felt like yelling out "shut up already! Jeeez, sum real annoying bums. It was torture sitting there listening to that mess for almost 3 hours.
He's right everyone. I recently got an allotment, and getting out definitely helps with most things