The Most Common Domestic Violence Is Against Children - An Idea Not Explored Enough
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- čas přidán 15. 08. 2021
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Out of billions few are healthy human beings. Aliveness is killed off before we make it into " adulthood". The fortunate ones are as rare as a unicorn. It's madness.
👌
The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. "Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does." They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.
Aldous Huxley,
adulthood or life is how our society perceives it
@@idcb6718 A tragically beautiful quote. Thanks for sharing.
@Pat B agree… it’s sad, the few people I know that has great childhoods can’t cope with real life and the real world among the rest of us messed up souls 😔
Violence is violence. No matter how you try to excuse it in your own mind.
@@sudoku47 you’re capable of truly impressive mental gymnastics.
If it is true that theft is evil, wrong and criminal, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say or prove that a theft of one dollar is morally excusable but NOT a theft of 10 million dollars? If we apply the same reasoning to physical force, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say that a (fierce but occasional) slap on the face or bottom is (perhaps) justifiable physical force but NOT caning someone a hundred times?
A theft of one dollar is just as sinful, execrable and reprehensible as a theft of a trillion dollars and the same logic applies to VIOLENCE!!
@@Archonbuster Thank you for your compliment!
@@sudoku47 I rest my case
Very true. And when adults hit, attack or beat kids, they look maniacal and crazy.
Having taken care of many children, it's easy to see that they're very curious and just want to be heard, understood, included and treated with love and respect.
As a child I recall being smacked and also threatened with a belt (it was rarely used). At the time my father would tell me just how lucky I was to be hit by him, because his own father wasn’t as merciful and would always use objects to beat him. Needless to say I didn’t feel lucky at all! These are kinds of twisted justifications that parents used when they hit their children.
Hitting and mercy don't belong in the same sentence. I am speechless.
If it is true that theft is evil, wrong and criminal, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say or prove that a theft of one dollar is morally excusable but NOT a theft of 10 million dollars? If we apply the same reasoning to physical force, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say that a (fierce but occasional) slap on the face or bottom is (perhaps) justifiable physical force but NOT caning someone a hundred times?
A theft of one dollar is just as sinful, execrable and reprehensible as a theft of a trillion dollars and the same logic applies to VIOLENCE!!
Wow! Being hit in the face and dragged out of your house by your dad and from your mom not a peep?? Yup, I’d say that’s pretty violent abusive behavior on a child. So sorry you had to go through that.
Exactly. It was so painful for me to realize in my mid 20s, some years after I moved out from home together with my partner, that even though my parents always told me they love me and that me and my sister were „everything“ to them, their daily actions did not match that. They had mental problems and addictions and abused my sister and me physically and emotionally. It was so hard to realize that I was brainwashed by them, being convinced we had a nice childhood, just with „some bad times“. I think their behavior has a lot to do with intergenerational trauma- I‘m from Germany, so my parent‘s parents, teachers etc were literal Nazis, and they grew up in the debris from World War 2.
My friends were my safety net, and I still consider my friends my true family. My mental health improved drastically the more time passed since moving out, and having good friends and a loving relationship. Like in your movie „healing homes“, I am certain that a loving environment makes healthy and happy people, an abusive one makes sick and also abusive people.
Yeah, war messes people up and they let it out on their children. I'm still dealing with the "Nazi" fallout in my family... even. It's 2023! 😔
My therapist, in the 80's, flat out told me after endless crying sessions, that there's was nothing he could do, but my job was to survive until i was 18yo when i could move out. He didn't take into account I was groomed to be helpless without them so I would never leave.👀
oh dude that bad? I feel kinda bad for you. But it's true back then no one could anything. Your parents were pretty much excused with any behaviour, no matter how awful. But even these days, practically nearly no one does anything. Unless there is a bruise. There is no abuse. Just your word against theirs.
Or he didn’t know what grooming, conditioning was. A lot of knowledge and data of abuse trauma didn’t start surfacing until a little after the recession when ppl were studying the economic impact of financial trauma.
I was a psych major before I had kids. I remember my professor saying that adhd and childhood trauma have the same symptoms because they are the same things. Fix the parents before the kid enters a brain development window around about 13 and it won’t be locked in, they will grow past it out of it. I remember until the recession seeing pamphlets in family doctors offices for parenting boot camps to resolve adhd and oppositional defiant so it was kind of known.
But few parents now are brave enough to try to fix themselves. Everything is about sitting on a phone(which is funny cause I am now but I’m waiting for someone to arrive).
100% agree, Daniel. Violence towards children by their parents is more common than violence towards a spouse by the other spouse.
This was true in many families I know, and it makes sense in a sick and twisted way: children are unable to defend themselves.
If it is true that theft is evil, wrong and criminal, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say or prove that a theft of one dollar is morally excusable but NOT a theft of 10 million dollars? If we apply the same reasoning to physical force, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say that a (fierce but occasional) slap on the face or bottom is (perhaps) justifiable physical force but NOT caning someone a hundred times?
A theft of one dollar is just as sinful, execrable and reprehensible as a theft of a trillion dollars and the same logic applies to VIOLENCE!!
Shockingly accurate. Transmission of trauma and abuse onto children is compounded by its acceptance. We need more self awareness. More healing. Less excuses. Thank you for shining this much needed light.
A product of abuse myself, by all adults in my family. My questioning and big mouth got me beat, humiliated, shunned, taken advantage of, starved for food, and kicked out on the street. Did these beatdowns make me subservient? shut my mouth? hell no! I got a successful career and people who love me because of that big questioning mouth. Abuse destroyed love for my family, it caused depression and hatred in me, but what I won’t let it do is stop me from truly being free! Thanks Daniel, for all the years of great videos and sharing your story as I relate to a lot of it and has aided me in my self healing.
Nothing like Whistleblowing voicing reality to trigger abuse & scapegoating. It's the age old response by familiars & authorities alike... watch out for the "mental illness" accusations (especially when contradicted by your family doctor of 20 years!).
All of the years of weight lifting and MMA did nothing to make my inner child feel safe. Being attacked when I was physically small was the most terrifying aspect of the abuse. Then to add insult to injury, I was commanded that I wasn't allowed to fight back and exercise self-preservation. That was the aspect that made me feel enraged, that was my very first acquaintance with hypocrisy and injustice. Those scars permeate my psyche.
That's a good point. My father never hit my mother, but he hit me quite a lot from when I was about two until I was eight or so. I was sufficiently traumatized by it that it was gone from my conscious awareness until I was in my forties. When I did recall what had happened I was amazed. Thank you.
Daniel thank you so much for your work. You are making a difference in my life.
Daniel is a gift to all humanity world-wide. I am sure there are people / children / wives / husbands watching and, through Daniels video, beginning to understand that beating, hitting a child isn't right, correct nor is it good. Me: I look normal. I can carry a normal conversation. I look "social". I have my own business. Society would call me successful. I was beat often by my father and I am lonely, isolate, depressed, addicted to food, filled with rage, everything Daniel said. I decided not to get married b/ I didn't want to continue the multi-generation toxicity and dysfunction. And lets face it. Sometimes its easier to be alone.
Men's violence against woman can be physical and also emotional, but statistically, physical violence is reported more often and is evident, easy to prove.
Women's violence is often more psychological, emotional, very hard to prove, but after years of such violence, many men can respond using physical violence, because they are often unable to use games, manipulations, lies as good as their women.
Another problem is that man are ashamed by society, when they complaining about their emotional pain or they have problems with dealing with women's violence (mainly verbal or emotional but also physical or sexual).
There is a lot of discrimination in that field against man. We are all the humans, so distribution of violence is the same on both sides. There are only subtle differences between man and woman of how violence is expressed. Police statistics will never show the truth about different kinds of abuses. And no, it's not men's fault or guilt. It is on both sides always.
When mother is afraid to react, when seeing violence against her child by its father, she is in fact accomplice of that violence. I am also thinking that evil done by women is Taboo, while evil done by man is highly ostracized, becomes men's collective responsibility, celebrated by modern feminists.
Of course underneath that gender war are children. And here is everything what You said Daniel, and this is completly true.
I can only add, that there is no happy, and healthy children, when there is a war between adults, genders, parents. But finally, these things are only reflections, or shadow casts of toxic environment; society, values, priorities, education, culture in common. Maybe we are unable in most cases as humans to live in different way.
I want to recomend also this video:
czcams.com/video/osWWhF0nZnY/video.html
I was abused much more by my mother than my father, mostly just because I was with her more.
Thanks for the link, Sam Vaknin is great.
Such a deep, true description about the power dynamics of so many families, including mine. I remember thinking as a child, maybe 10 years old: "I don't want to have children, because a child is painfully and totally unprotected. This is no life to live, without dignity, and being able to even express my emotional needs and wants, or even whatever is good for me or bad for me." My loneliness as a child and teenager was indescribable.
But still today I have a horrible fear and self blame when I criticize my parents. They gave me shelter, food and opportunity to study. Their parents were so much worse.
I saw my father killing cats and bragging about it. He hit my mother more than his children, but my mother never did anything to protect herself or us by standing up or putting it to end.
I don't blame them. I just feel the pain what this made me to be, even in a "nice" well to do family. I have fear from people and it's very very hard to connect.
You are the evolving cog in your family wheel. You are ending generational traumas, I too feel as you.
I cut ties at 46 yo. I don't miss the suffering from their denial, resistance, gas-lighting, manipulation, blame shifting, defending, threatening, striking, mind reading, future telling, preaching, shaming at all.
Best of health to you. ♡
Absolutely agree. It's outrageous. What violence i got in my family as a child was unaddressed because parents are the law. What was done would have put the parent in jail if i was an adult. I have so much rage and zero relationship with that parent
Dad never, ever struck Mum (or any of the blokes in the pub)...hit me, though.
I was my dad's only target. He hasn't hit anyone else in his life. But when he hit me it was for real. Broken nose and hurting body and soul. He hated me and so did my mother. I still don't know why. But I don't care anymore, because I realized many years ago that it wasn't my fault. They were well educated and cultured, no alcohol, no swearing. And yet my house was a house of horrors. My neighbors think my mother is an angel. This is the only thing that hurts at this point. That everyone else think I was the troubled child and had wonderful parents so it's definitely my fault.
@@Rose_Ou
I am so sorry that you had to endure all that anger and disrespect that was released upon you. 💝🤗
Not only, "It wasn't your fault.", but the Adults involved Chose, to make themselves bigger by making you small. How sad..
The epitome of our screwed up system.
🙏 for complete healing.
They never hit the ones that can leave.
They do it because they can
"that rage doesn't go away".. Preach
2:30 Dome Дом in Russian means house, home
My mother was abusive toward me and my father. He never protected me. She still abuses him. I do not talk to them.
One of the hardest thing currently in my healing journey is tapping into those physical "discipline" moments from my early childhood. i know they happened but i feel so dissociated that i can't even tickle those memories as my own. Probably a defense mechanism from all the pain and lack of love by my parents.
From all of the healing and grieving topics, this one feels probably the most important. Just to realize how much deep of a wounding is done when a parent hits his own child at a very young age is sickening and deflating.
If it is true that theft is evil, wrong and criminal, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say or prove that a theft of one dollar is morally excusable but NOT a theft of 10 million dollars? If we apply the same reasoning to physical force, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say that a (fierce but occasional) slap on the face or bottom is (perhaps) justifiable physical force but NOT caning someone a hundred times?
A theft of one dollar is just as sinful, execrable and reprehensible as a theft of a trillion dollars and the same logic applies to VIOLENCE!!
I’m just discovering the root of my husband’s fear of commitment; enmeshment with his mother, and physical abuse by his father. His dad would beat him and his siblings, but would never touch his mother. And when his father moved out, his siblings became abusive towards him, and his mother never stopped it. Even now, at 43, 5 years after she’s passed away, my husband can’t acknowledge the role she played in his and his siblings’ suffering. I don’t know if he ever will. You really know what you’re talking about!
"For your Own Good" by Alice Miller is the best book I ever read on this subject.
My biological father was and is so abusive and I am not his wife. I am begging for mercy killing. Both of them were kicking me with their feet like a soccer ball and I was laying on the floor. They acted like Nazi on the movies kicking the hell out of their victims or slave owners.
I wonder what it is about children that allows society / adults to objectify them. Some thoughts I have: memory, inexperience and creation. Memory as a child is something adults have a memory of, and memory operates differently for children, time passes differently, things that happen to you happen differently in terms of their impact on you or how you understand. This seems to erase personhood to a degree.
Inexperience = child can’t contextualise messed up things that happen to them, and then also doesn’t have the adult brain required to advocate for themselves, or even use language like an adult to express themselves.
Creation = maybe it’s just the ego trip of the parent who has brought the child into being that gives them a god complex over their “creation”. The adult feels justified moulding the child how they deem fit, and parenting isn’t something like baking a cake, there is so much latitude in how someone chooses to parent… “Absolute power corrupts absolutely” - how much more power can a person have when they literally create a dependant who is totally reliant on them?
Anyway those were just my thoughts, I’m sure there must be other reasons for this dynamic as well. It is a strange sad thing, and a cycle like Daniel points out.
In my opinion, it is laws passed that allow dominion over children, as in you have every say over what happens in their life until they are 18. With the idea that you are their arbiter comes the idea that your child is your property. Once they make the connection that they own their child it is not a human anymore, and beating that object is removed from the general view of society against violence.
Thinking about this more, I remembered that "childhood" and "child" as a category are relatively new concepts - as our modern society understands them. I think of the children in Dickens novels who were treated as "Young Gentlemen" for example, or all that child labour in the factories for such a long time before laws were brought in to protect children from being worked to death. Child brides used to be much more common. It's very strange how children used to be treated like adults in many ways, receiving very little protection. I think we must admit children are much better-off nowadays, with protections enshrined in law - but a lot of violation and abuse within the family remains "invisible" / unacknowledged by society.
I wish I wish I wish you were on television as commercials , documentaries and more….
Mindfulness, breath control and self forgiveness saved my life. Mindfulness is the key.
+chanting and journaling and occasional fasting :)
Self compassion too 💜
@Sodium Chloride you can even take it up a notch and practice selfless compassion: when you realize there is nothing wrong with you - you can be totally selfless. Can be a bit scary at first but I have gotten incredible results because i guess i am giving my brain some rest not constantly trying to fix myself up and reassuring myself i am ok.
The Welsh Government banned smacking a few years ago, a policy designed to change people's attitudes seeing as it's practically impossible to enforce. However, they failed to define smacking, so a light tap is the same as a wallop.
My mum refuses to admit that smacking is in any way bad, but I'm sure my dad regrets what he did to us as kids.
Thank you for so eloquently expressing what I have always known to be true. My own catch-phrase, is "Children are people too."
Having been physically "disciplined" and abused as a child i made the early decision to never do that to any children I might have.
I try very hard to view and vaulue children for WHO they are and not merely see them as some 'thing' to be controlled. There are indeed much better ways to guide children as opposed to forcing them to comply with a sick societal attitude on how to treat others.
I enjoy your videos - your perspective aligns very much with mine....I've just never had the courage to say these things out loud.
I very much admire and respect you for that. Thank you Daniel. 🙏💙
Once, when I was about 8 I let my Grandfather know my Dad was making fun of him behind his back for not washing his hair often enough. When we got home from the visit my father said "Don't you EVER embarrass me like that again!" and slapped me face so hard I fell to the ground and knocked the wind out of me.
So sad :(
Thanks for sharing this.
Could you do a video on Gabor Maté? He seems to formulate a lot of values that correlates with your own, at least in terms of trauma
I think about this so much and it makes my head spin how adults just do not get it! CHILDREN DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HIT JUST LIKE MEN AND WOMEN DON"T EITHER! Why is this so hard to understand to over half of this grown world??
This one tapped all my shoulders. You make so much sense
Both, mother and father have been physically violent with me throughout all my childhood. I am an absolute mess today.
Daniel, I thank you for showing your truth & sharing your experiences and wisdom The way you explain honestly, I'm able to sink into these truths.
Why wouldn't I have stepped into a toxic marriage? I was conditioned to be a battered wife each time my stepfather unleashed his bad day onto me. I was programmed to endure, wince, and tolerate abuse since my first days.
Now I see how it was ok for them, how they raged and shamed me for ending my abusive marriage. They're fucking insane.
Thank you for giving me a space realize my own truth and to grieve with radical acceptance.
Punishment = violence
Raising a child in domestic violence will breed domestic violence in their adult years.
We will repeat the lessons until we understand.♡
Amen.
You said the truth for so many.
Daniel you spoke nothing but truth in this video. I knew prior to having my now 17 year old son that I would never spank him. We talked through frustrations and his emotions were/are always honored.
My own mother spanked me a few times in childhood and I recall it as a complete lack of control on her part. I grew up around domestic violence, drugs, incest, etc. sickening. Interestingly enough, her most brutal attack on me occurred when I was 21. She literally attacked me while I was driving, ripped out my hair and sod things no person should ever speak.
At 46 now, I am sometimes still shocked at my own ability to have made that “ok” somehow back then and then suppressed the magnitude of it all (along with the ills of my upbringing) until recently. Happy to have cut her off completely. Finally healing.
Thank you Daniel for producing this video. There are not many videos on youtube that discuss this topic. It's almost like a taboo topic. I was beaten up on a regular basis by my mother with every implement she could lay her hands on and it has scarred me badly psychologically. Although this video is a bit triggering for me it is necessary to get the word out about how damaging violence against children is.
Thank you for sharing this.
Exactly. That's outrageous. Children can't defend themselves, they can't leave. And yes, what the parents do to their kids, they would never accept themselves the same done to them. Your analysis is correct.
I am myself a mother.
I think the reason why most people don't want to look at the issue is because they are themselves parents and don't want to admit to be/have been victims OR/AND perpetrators.
it's hard to admit and change behaviour.
I think it has to do with the image we have of ourselves and the fact that we don't want to question it. But in reality we're not as "good", and funny enough not as "bad" as we think we are.
Right on! Thank you Daniel. Another great video and eye-opener. Got to dig deeper and see the root of not having self-confidence or self-esteem. Darn, it's so long...
You nailed it again! 👌
As the keeper of the family secrets, my mother told me of a conversation she and my father had before having children about who out of the 2 of them was going to hit the children. My fathers question was “well, who do you want them to hate”… He, an abusive Narcissist and she, a coo depend, and after being raised in an abusive household, I went no contact with both of them and the greater family system that supported that behavior. That decision backfired on them.
Lundy Bancroft , wrote many books about the dynamic of a family where domestic violence was perpetrated by the man and he said the same things as you said ….the perpetrator in that family domestically abused both , the woman and the child / children .Some of those children grow up to be an abuser and this is how the cycle perpetuates forever .
My dad was and is abusive to my mom. I never did anything.. well I tried but I gave up. It's a mess and I just wish their relationships would end. I feel so much shame
I appreciate you bringing up Peterson I bought his book and got upset reading it.
I mean just look how his daughter turned out
Absolutely agree about primitive. Developmentally arrested. Lazy parenting to put it mildly
Define domestic violence. If we consider only physical domestic violence, yes, men are far more executer of violence. But as you said and my personal experience, their is a emotional violence that is far more dificult to see because its not explicit.
Thank you for bring this up!
Thank you for the above video; it means A LOT to me!
If it is true that theft is evil, wrong and criminal, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say or prove that a theft of one dollar is morally excusable but NOT a theft of 10 million dollars? If we apply the same reasoning to physical force, then how can a normal human being of sound mind say that a (fierce but occasional) slap on the face or bottom is (perhaps) justifiable physical force but NOT caning someone a hundred times?
I am forever, wholeheartedly, unreservedly and uncompromisingly convinced that a theft of one dollar is just as sinful, execrable and reprehensible as a theft of ten trillion dollars and that the same logic applies to VIOLENCE!!
Perhaps the worst and most evil thing that my self-deluding and narcissistic mother “taught” me was violence, because I once earned a black mark for fighting with a fellow student while I was a student of the junior section of a secondary school. I always look back on the incident with regret and anger, because nobody ever gave my mum a black mark for caning me when I was a primary school kid.
Thanks for finally talking about this
I wish this video would go viral. We've got women's rights groups and men's rights groups more commonly heard about than children's rights groups, which address the most important rights of all.
I live in the south and it's sickening how open people are about their abuse of their kids, even proud of it sometimes.
"I would've gotten a whooping if I did that when I was little" is said with a laugh. Imagine saying something like "My ex-husband would have whipped me if I did that" in the same amused way.
And it's actually worse, more damaging for a child to be hit than an adult imo.
There should also be a video of abuse perpetrated to grandchildren by 'grannies'. Grandparents looking after their grandchildren have this aura of goodness, of innocence but it's not always the case
Daniel, what should I do if my dad is a bad husband to my mom but a good father to me?
Thank you for your content, you've saved my life.
Parental violence against their own children as means of punishment is simply an admission of the parent's inadequacy and failure as a parent.
As someone who was punished with a wooden spoon on the palm of my hand several times by a parent, it is something I have never quite forgotten. The tears and hyperventilating breathing made an impact on me. Do I hate the aggressor? Of course not. She didn't know any better.
Still, as an adult, I haven't seen her for several years now. Maybe there is a correlation, maybe not.
It's true some people really dont know any better & are trapped
You'd think that because they are supposed "Educated" people they would have a better way to communicate with people instead of resorting to primitive behaviors. Thank you for your videos. They affirm my thinking and often challenge it too. Your perspective of things shed's light on the screwed ways society thinks is acceptable. From the bottom up or top to bottom.
My dad punched me in the ribs a lot. I guess, so it wouldnt show. My mom would watch. Mommie dearest never helped me, or did a phone call. It seemed like she enjoyed watching that. When i left, age 16, they did nothing to help or find me either.
Wonderful, TY!! profound analysis
This is so excellent, I have no words. I ha e been feeling this for the last one year
Thanks and God bless you Daniel.
Jordan Peterson always recommends to go out and contend with people in the world, and also to marry a woman you have to contend with… if i were to follow his advice and go and find a contentious woman, and have contentious friends as some sadistic way to promote inner growth, maybe id end up like Peterson and telling people its okay to have anger, needing benzos, and saying its okay to physically attack your kids…. Peterson has gone uber intellectual now and only talks to high end academics, maybe he needs to focus on contending with his own ego instead of seeking out other people to contend with.
Take what is useful, and disregard the rest.
JP has some interesting things to say, but he is a typical, type-A, high-functioning academic: a workaholic.
I believe Peterson relied on benzos to deal with the stress caused by the constant attack from the media and students on campus, due to his stance on the use of certain required pronouns. Also, to deal with the stress of appearing on TV debate after debate, attacking him. Unless you are in that intense of a situation yourself, I would not judge others.
@@melissacoury9826 There are old videos online from over a decade ago when he wasn’t famous where he admits to using benzos … he says his use of benzos pulled him out of depression decades ago…. So… i think the media appearances were more about spreading the message and selling books, tickets, courses etc. Do you think women should be purposefully contentious to a man? Or is it better for both people to find someone they love and respect and partner with peacefully so contentiousness is not a feature?
@@threethrushes yeh i have seen him speak live, and absorbed a lot of content, and read his book and taken his course and in reflection as someone who has qualifications in these areas…. I notice with his thought patterns, he will say something extremely profound (usually just plagiarising Jung or Nietzsche, although he often acknowledges them) and then he will begin to explain it and the thought pattern degrades into an emotional appeal towards the end… so he seems to have this great formula where he takes a profound statement made by Jung and Nietzsche and then transplants it into literary sophistry that is highly effective to promote engagement, then tries to sell you his products. Essentially he is Tony Robbins for above average IQ people.
I grew up in a white middle class family in the 1960's. The prevailing mythology of the time said that child abuse did not happen in families like mine. It was a product of poor and/or nonwhite families, and it involved broken bones, cigarette burns and/or whipping with electric cords. Anything else was not really considered child abuse. So if you were white and middle class you could get away with a lot as long as the physical discipline did not require a trip to the emergency room or doctor's office.
My father was seriously abused as a kid. Like him and his siblings had broken arms from bats, broken noses from bats and fists, choke marks, black eyes. So he wouldn’t discipline us at all. It hurt him to see us cry so he couldn’t do any serious parenting. So it went to my mom, who says she hated it but I remember having my head slammed against a wall and being slapped on several occasions. I only ever heard spit the divorce from my mom. Of course I was like 12 while it was happening so I have my own memories of it and perspective. But as for my parents, I mostly heard my moms side. I wonder if my dad were still here today, if I asked him I’d he was put off by the violence my mother seemed to naturally perform. He was the bad guy after the divorce, and I regret pulling away from him. He’s been alone his whole life. Lived and died alone
Very interesting topic. I've never thought about domestic violance in that way but you are so right. Thank you for sharing this. I'm really learning a lot from your channel.
It's really amazing to find someone who thinks outside of what most people consider the norm.
.
Domestic violence towards children is prohibited where I live (Finland) and its not socially acceptable... When I was living in China I saw parents being violent with their kids in the public, it's terrible.
But when I was a child it was still quite common, but not in public. Nowadays it's rare, at least with "normal" but still quite traumatized parents. (They still traumatize their kids too but less. Excited to see how the next generation will function.)
My dad admitted later in life that he would hit us because he was afraid of our mother …. And because he did not know how to deal with his wife, he took it out on us instead and he now is ashamed for doing that because realises now into his second marriage, that he should have been protecting us from her insanity and not letting her make him go insane and take it out on us. And alternatively, in my opinion, my mum let him attack us because she knew it was a sign her manipulation of him was working.
Your father isn't taking accountability. He says she drove him and "Let" him attack you... he's blame shifting. Sorry, man.
@@alexisscarbrough4083 Perhaps, but still my mother was extremely high in neuroticism and was diagnosed borderline personality disorder.
@@personalfreedom2700 I too was propelled by my ex to abuse the children, however I stopped, knowing in my heart it was wrong to overlook someone else's suffering, my own children's pain. I hope he can some day take full accountability and validate your experiences. If he never does, you still seem to have a good heart that will forever flourish regardless the storm. ♡ you're a diamond, man. Your father is lucky to have you.
It's common in most of the world to beat/corporeally punish women and children. I was taught, physical punishment is important so when a child makes "mistakes" bad things can happen... and hitting us is the LEAST of what could happen.. and we should pray we do "good"!
Hitting women is just to keep us close (ironically?) and works in most societies.
I can relate! My father would punch me in the face as discipline as early as I can remember and even after I turned 18 and my mom witnessed it and did nothing.
How about the medical system and parents who torture their babies with circumcision. Still legal. Happens everyday. It's gross. All circumcised men were tortured as newborns. Then they grow up and . . .
So true 😞
The part where you said your mom liked it when your dad abused you, since it meant you'd go to her side. I wonder if my enabling father felt the same. My abusive mom has since past and I have been reflecting on my childhood and my father along with other traumatic experiences in my life. I've confronted my father many times, and what I see is that he didn't do enough for me not because he didn't care but because he was selfish. He admitted he should have done more, but has a vicim mentality where he feels he "couldn't" have done me. I am unsure of how to feel towards him these days. I believe he loves me, but he failed me. Harsh but true
In Sweden it became a crime ( a crime against the child) to have a child only witness domestic violence ( to hit children is already a crime). But it’s early times because the parents that hit kids just a little, are not removed from the family and I’m not sure if they get some kind of punishment ( not jail anyway)
Abuse comes in many forms and yes women can abuse men i see it alot they can be bullies and they can also do it phychologically to men.
My biological mother was torturing me when I was a little girl. I was born with the underbite and according to polish encyklopedia people with elongated jaws were considered to be of black or yellow race. She treated me like a slave. I am white with misaligned jaw.
I agree 100% with you Sir. If you look at monkeys, I believe they mostly hit and fight is over territorial rights. I believe this had a great deal to do with them just not wanting to have to bother with us. Unless we're a great source of entertainment for them and their friends and family. Like a little dancing monkey. They really were quite boring to me. Didn't have much to offer Me, come to think of it. Your parents couldn't hold a candle to your rational, reasonable arguments. We all deserved more than the clowns we had to put up with.
i wander if you ever read a book, Daniel, from Gloria Steinem, called "revolution from within". it may be the clearer book I've ever read about how paternalism-maternalism have the same root, but show differently to fit expectations of a polarized society. i would be really curious to hear what you think of that book, that I've loved
On the other hand, to complete what you said, many feminists take a stand against violence made to children, because it's obviously a part of the continuum of the same violence.
I agree with everything you said. I do get the sense that you misunderstood Jordan Peterson. He does not advocate violence against children. I think what he said was: "Be very careful of who you are. You're a mess. You may think you're a loving parent, but you're not, you'll hurt your child. That's why you better don't let them do things that will make you hate them." I never heard him say that you should hurt a child, quite the opposite, he's warning adults against themselves.
That being said, the comparison with animals hits home. My mom treated me worse than a dog. I was garbage to her, she used me to vent her frustration and her rage. Because I couldn't leave! I was just a kid! If I was a dog, a neighbor could have called the SPCA. But there's no such protection for children.
Peterson said children are little monsters and should be hit if " necessary". That in my opinion raises a red flag and voids his credibility.
I'm pretty sure Peterson is to child rearing what Cesar Milan is to dog training - outdated ideas about needing to establish dominance and use aversives like hard stares (on the mild end) to "correct" bad behaviour (he even talks about using a hard stare on his infant daughter that makes her cry...) It all amounts to aversive methods, rather than positive reinforcement.
@@L_Martin definitely
I agree. But also it is a problem for people who have children, when they haven´t figured their stuff out for one reason or the other. Because then they are overwhelmed with themselves and then have a child that is acting out, well what else are they gonna do? (I am not suggesting that they should go and beat them up.) They don´t know what to do. Like if your child would throw a tempertantrum at the supermarket. Idealism well and fine. But if you are in that situation and the child just doesn´t calm down and you are unable to sooth it. Well, what do you do? I would drag the child out against its will, if it doesn´t come running if I leave the supermarket. That´s physical violence. And not ok. But what else would there be left to do? Or if your ten year old starts beating you with a stick and you can try saying all you want to stop him. Ofc you are gonna take the stick out of his hand by force. I am not suggesting that letting it come to that is good, but what would be the short or even mid term alternative for people who happen to have children? I just don´t have any answer. I mean parents like that certainly should stop any form of intimidation and form of hurting, but it is not gonna go that easy if you already screwed up. That is especially a problem if they are adolescents and almost as strong as you bc then if they act out it is gonna be physically dangerous for you even sometimes or for younger siblings if you don´t go in between by force.
Much of this has to be resolved in the home, and long before children get to be this age, and long before you take them out in public.
Since that didn't happen, it's time to announce there are new rules to abide by from this moment forward.
Talk at great length with all involved as a group and one on one. You cannot continue this way, especially with older stronger children beating on the younger ones or hitting you either.
My older brother did that to me from my earliest memory, and my parents did little to nothing about it.
I hate his guts to this day. For reference, it's been over sixty years.
The lazy parent lets there children fight and says things like 'they'll work it out by themselves'.
An older sibling that is larger and stronger pounding on a younger weaker one is never going to work out in the younger ones best interest.
I thing both my parents rooted for my brother most times. I was painfully shy and friendless, even to this day, just so you know I wasn't a sneaky bully type.
Parents in our society are extensions of the state, giving orders and enforcing conformity rather than acting as a true mentor.
Animal rights were adopted long before children rights.
If this is true no wonder schools are like a prison
What was your feeling towards your mom for not stopping your father from hitting you?
Did you feel anger towards her at some point in your childhood.
Did this anger manifest in passive aggressive behavior?
i was physically punished as a kid, of course. then as an adult i discover my tendency to use violence too. hated myself for that. i think i've learned a lot but every time i fail to refrain from hitting my cat i know i wouldn't be able to rise a kid properly. :/
It's funny to me, rendering people weak and frightened is considered making them "strong", "teaching" them, so they "wont be too hopeful?" And so they can 'know the truth about life,? All while talking about jesus pretending they arent *literally* the people groveling to the Roman's, and obeying them, Lol.. and being proud of it. When it's funny, the dont even know how timid and stupid and ruinous they are, in a timeless, objective sense
Wait, Peterson actually encouraged the beating of kids? Wtf
physical discipline is good because at the end of the day everything is going to happen to you will be physical you'll be physically imprisoned in jail or you'll be physically killed for what you've done so actually people should be getting into fights for what people say somebody should get punched in the mouth for what they say and punishment is physical we know that