Leaving a Narcissist- Biggest & Most Common Mistake
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2024
- micheleleenieve...
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The biggest misconception nice people have is that they have to "justify" leaving a relationship to others. YOU DON'T. Being unhappy is reason enough. You don't owe anyone a relationship and you definitely don't owe outsiders an explanation.
This is so true. 100% facts God sent message✍🏽🙏🏽thank you.
Wow yes. That's something I definitely needed to hear. Thank you for saying it 😊
Thank you
My thought of considering contacting the sister of my abuser to explain to her everything that her sister has NPD.
Thank you for saying this! I always go around and around in my mind trying to justify a “good reason “ to leave! When I know there is 100! I keep looking for cheating thinking that’s the only reason I would be justified 😢 I hate that I think that ❤ it’s so maddening.
Narcissists lack both respect for their partner and empathy for their partner.
My narc used to demand that I respect him. He'd get so pissed off. The more he yelled and demanded the less respect I had for him. I said respect is earned. You cannot demand it. He was simply projecting his total lack of respect onto me until I had zero respect for him.
And, will accuse YOU of being the one who lacks respect and empathy, because you are done with them and are leaving. He says *I* am the narcissist, because of the way *I* am behaving.
Very true they treat their partner like sexual object's its disgusting wenever i refuse sex he gets mad & u useally agree to keep the peace its horrible😢
Right! Mine actually says that the word "empathy" means that I agree totally with him. Doesn't get it.
@@unapologeticella4540 jup.. If I said no to sex my narc ex would accuse me of cheating on him "you don't want to have sex with me because you are sleeping with someone else" or he would say "you don't want to have sex with me because you don't love me anymore".. or his favourite "I bet you're actually a lesbian, since you don't want to have sex with me anymore"... so I ended up feeling disgusted every time he touched/kissed me or when we had sex.. I just couldn't relax anymore (why even bother to do some foreplay, just ram it in) and I ended up having pain every time we had sex.. so that resulted in me never wanting sex anymore.. it became a vicious cycle, caused by my ex himself, but he kept blaming me.. (and his ex lol, because what happened to me, happened to her too)..
They push you to break and get upset then turn it back on you. It's so evil and messes you up so much. Will take me years to get over the pain and emotional abuse.
Yes this is very true .They are from hell.
David Webb rTold this bitch that I told senators to rejectkauvanough, she was talking about the good he has done @ 6.am on the too of her lungs.D ont kneed drama fm,cant vote and only care about policy.
My brother tried breaking me when our father was recovering from having major surgery, just after our mother died. I am a single parent to a then 7 year old girl and my brother put all the responsibility for his care on my shoulders, whilst he would visit and do a 5 min tidy-up (hoovering to be exact) then go on his merry way, whilst leaving me to continue with my job (12 hour nights), a university course, caring for my daughter and now father, what the said during their visit really was an eye-opener, when he cornered me in the hallway and said 'if you cant handle it give me a call'. It was the way they said this that really gave me the creeps. There is much more that happened before this that was really disturbing such as walking out of my parents after trying to turn our mother against my daughter, her exact words and much more. All in all a really horrible and disturbing experience being around someone who's only goal in life is to see you suffering. The only option with these people is to go NO CONTACT.
I left him after a 2 yr relationship and took.me.3 months to get over him because I was doing things he dint let me like going to the beach,museums etc.)
They set you up to fail
Just came accross this video and all that you say is so true. My Narcissistic husband was such a master of manipulation and an abuser of myself and the children, he was a street angel and a home devil.When I left him he blackened my name so much that family, friends and colleagues rejected me , I did not speak ill of him as I knew how dangerous he was and no matter how alone I was in my truth I just kept myself to my self and created a lovely home for the children with peace, pets and friends. All the while I was self healing and practicising self love because I knew the truth. I stood in my self power and my strength lay in the fact that I survived the worst type of Narcisstic possible.
Wow... so spot on. I've gone back so many times feeling like nobody else understands and doubting myself.
don't feel bad, I went back alot times and always pray for God to open my eyes.
Wow, didnt know this happened to super hot people too. Im still trying to get away from one but at least i dont feel so alone. Sorry for all u went through and know someone understands.
U are not alone
Diane God helps those who help themselves.
Don’t play with the devil , let God deal with them, don’t get in the way and go No Contact!
I have gone back to many times they never change i also felt like it was me but now.i know better.
Bottom line is most people do not care about your marriage or relationship anyway. They don't want involved in your drama unless they can use it to gossip or feel superior. If you have 1 or 2 good friends to support you and share with them alone. As for the rest just smile and move forward. I just don't let people provoke me into talking about him. If they think the worst of you because of what he says then they likely don't need to be in your life either.
exactly, people dont give a shit unless they are a close friend, and really u dont have to tell anyone ur business anyways since they dont care anyways and wont help u. its none of their business and i wish people would stop asking when they truly dont care
This is such a truth, so well stated!
Tera Clouse W, your drama is free entertainment for them. Don't change the program😮
Tera Clouse it’s a narcissist why biggest mistake? she missed the guy’s narcissistic dick
Loony Linn get a life ffs
I learned the hard way about people not understanding narcissism and the abuse I was going through. I’m a guy so imagine the difficulty everybody had with believing me. I was treated like I was blatantly lying and that I was more likely the abusive one in the relationship. The frustration you go through makes it difficult to heal.
Thank you ❤! Nobody still believes me.... but I'm happy to be no contact!
I believe you i suffered
I sure believe you, I happy tooo! finally!
Keeping preaching don’t give up
You hang in there sweet heart you worthy Iam going though same thing an it been ducking crazy how ever each time I remain strong don’t win calling then out soon come if pack shit call off paid dogs in gang staking including my ex husband who iam sure been paid fun fuck his time coming well
You know what...if you believe that’s enough...
I've just realized what I was dealing with, 20 years in and I am exhausted!!! I'm in pain all the time always angry, people are always telling me how mean I look, so I might just look like the bad guy, but they don't know what I'm dealing with, Im a 40 year old depressed, broken woman living in hell!!! This video is so insightful. I sometimes think I'm the reason why he's this way because of mistakes I've made. But I've come to realize he will never change o matter what. I will continue to do my research and find a way to get out of this!!!
Hope you got out.
i am the same just leave please. I am planning to escape too
We who live through this know a deeper darker side of hell that most cannot imagine.
Lost a lot of my university friends by trying to expose my Narc friend (who was actively playing Mind games and attempting to manipulate. Apparently I was the jealous , obsessed one and that "everything was in my head". After finding your channel , It really helped make a huge difference in the recovery process. Thank you very much!
Pixelteriyaki yeah it like I was obsessed, but now I know better.
I believe you, we believe you.
Ooh I feel u 💔
Pixelteriyaki truth must avail and the video should make you take your side Objective events ,they were never your friend Who knows your motives
Those people weren't your friends anyhow people come and go sometimes it's a big deal sometimes it's not there's a difference between friends and acquaintances
OMG, how does such a devil make himself into such a saint? I have been in this relationship for 31 years. How does a narcissist get to be so crafty, yet is able to paint a picture of beauty upon himself? Yes, I am proving to myself that I can get through this. Time for me, I'm on it! I send a big hug your way for the encouragement.
ka ta ra 32 years time for me too blessings on your escape good luck to us both
bugs hugs for everyone in this journey and God bless you all
In one word camaflouge
✝️ II Corinthians 11: 13,14,15
For such are false apostles, deceitful workers transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.
And no marvel; for Satan himself Is transformed into an angel of light.
Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works. So now we know that these types of individuals who claim to be christians but yet behave like the devil's they are have another spirit. They are not the children of my Lord, Jesus Christ of Nazareth. They have their father's rebellious nature, Satan himself. As the saying goes, " The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree". Religious narcissist have a Jezebel spirit with Satan's sinister charm. Their day is coming. Be encouraged, Christ's servant ✝️🙏🤗
It's an act that crumbles in the end....
I just left 2 hours ago. There is a heavy sort of sadness, but I feel empowered. I have to hold on to the belief that my future, however uncertain, will be better for me than this last decade was. I know this is the right decision.
Oh my ...spot on. I think it shows the only person who matters, in this situation is *yourself. Just get out . Even in domestic violence, it is the exact same scenario. Don't expect or hope for others to validate you. Just realise that you deserve better.
Excellent insights! When you're standing on the truth, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, even if the whole world is against you. Everyone has their karma, including the "perfect narcissists."
Breakthrough Moment Amen
Like Gandhi said, "The truth is the truth, even if you are a minority of one !!" x
Yes!
Very difficult to escape or leave a narcissist. Fight him/her out, the right. Beautiful video.
I have told my self its my life. One doesn't have to stay in the nightmare rollercoaster to please everyone... Who is everyone ANYWAY?!
I need to just say how thankful I am for you and your videos. I’m 33 years old , lost my husband to a car accident 2 years ago (almost exactly, on the 19th of this month) and I began dating a friend of my late husbands about 1 year ago. I just had my ah-ha moment. This man has put me through hell. I just want to say everything you’ve said in the vids I’ve seen has been spot on to my life. This video especially... I feel so hopeless because I don’t have anyone anymore. The very little family I had has turned on me and i don’t understand what I did except date this man and fight to survive it. I feel myself pulling away from him but I feel his magnetic pull and I don’t know if I’ll be able to break away.
Such a powerful video; Mrs. Michelle. It is mind over matter with the narcissist. The best thing you can do is move forward with your life. His “friends”-birds of a feather flock together! We become so emotional from being manipulated that the narcissist will continue for as long as we allow. This is why we must love ourselves enough to say no more!
J.C.D. Amen, T y.
J.C.D. well said. thank-you
Amen only feed off what given , truthful don’t understand how can you want one feel so far less then other r one self then be jealous over the one you so tried put down
Cast not your pearls unto swine!
So true on the “birds of a feather “!
Good timing on this video for me. The very thing that put us in this situation in the first place, looking for validation and support is keeping us in a mental prison after the nightmare has ended.
Such a great piece of advice. This is just so true, the narcissist has charmed everyone around you, it’s so easy to make the victim (survivor) look like the crazy one. Thank you!
Michele, spot on!
I have learned that the only thing that matters after living through narc abuse is that you alone have to accept the truth as YOU understand it.
There is no use in trying to get others to see it from your point of view, because they have not lived it.
To thine own self be true.
Believe what you know, and don't worry about what others think. Remember, the narc always sells themselves as wonderful people to the rest of the world. Let them be fooled!
Stay focused, get strong, and be you,,, again!
Love you Michele!!
@@iniubongnkanga9390
Thanks for the information, I am sure it will help others in need of closure and the truth
As for me, I simply don't care what the hell she is doing, has done, or will do.
I am soooo over it, and so thankful that I discovered this community to help us all deal with it in our own way
I revel in knowing what I have learned, and I am delighted to be in and to stay in no contact FOREVER!
ive been keeping to myself. I dont want to emotionally dump on others,. Ive been through hell. i will soon change my stars and heal without the need of others or there validation.
Great advice Michele! Because once 'the penny has dropped' and you've finally seen the narc's true identity, you feel the need to let others know as part of getting justice and re-establishing equilibrium, especially explaining the whole scenario to their family or friends who seem oblivious, and whose endorsement you relied upon when you first met your narc partner. ..... Listening to you at 3:45-4:30 really sparked this thought:
- Having been discarded, encountering (illogical, smear campaign-fuelled) rejection from her associates, and then discovering that my former partner displayed classic NPD behaviours, even intellectually coming to terms with it, the emotional trauma bond still made me question it for quite awhile. The cognitive dissonance takes a long time to resolve, especially as you know you haven't done anything to deserve the treatment you've received, and you still haven't in any way tried to harm your former partner.
- Then thinking about the subtle abuse only you as her partner would have experienced - I realised that her friends, followers, associates hadn't experienced the same and had only seen her 'public persona'. So why on earth would they even think that my revelations would be true? And coupled with the fact that you've probably been misrepresented with an 'unhealthy agenda', means you are pretty much on a 'hiding-to-nothing'. Withdrawing to a safe distance and not engaging as you work it all out and heal is def. the best advice in a situation like this.
I am glad I am no contact, going back with him I might as well get ready to leave this world I am actually scared of feeling like that ever again in my life, I don't think about that price of shit. I thank so many people on u tube narcissist is a sick personality disorder I thank God I am narcissist free.
dee flowers you and me both, I will never to talk him ever, I don't trust him. he is so evil, I thank God he opened my eyes, I'm so peaceful now.
You stay strong that what they do
You have seen the face of evil!!
Hi Michelle! You are totally right. I tried to talk to my yonger sisster about the abuse my parents are doing to me. I got an aggressive response back. She said, yeah but you at least got a good childhood many other children got worse. She was not prepared to listen to me. And now I know why. Normally the abuse is done when I am visiting my parents alone with my husband she don't see what is going on. And also she is the golden child in my family. She got an much better treatment than I ever did. Now I know not to talk to anyone but my friends. Thank you for this information. Sending you my 💝.
Annette Weber secretly start recording your visits with them. Also, it may be hard to go no contact with your parents but you may need to seriously consider.
I wasn't the golden child and can relate with the affects of that mentally. But just know that you don't have to give energy to that family ordained dysfunction anymore!! You weren't born to be labeled by ANYONE, including your famjly!! With time and loving ourselves more, our family will not hold any power over us with that role play. Stay brave and strong!🌹
Yes, and the golden child gets abused in a different way that is also very harmful. My sister (golden child) started to do inner work in her 40's and now she's very supportive to me (2 years later). She doesn't fully understand but she surprisingly looks up to me and looks to me for guidance because she knows I never conformed and called out the family crap. I NEVER thought that would happen!! Beautiful when that happens.
My friends hated him, they saw him abusive before I was awakened 😊 Good Friends I have!!!
I endured my narcissist coworker for years before changing schedules. During our separation, she contacted me, and was acting nice. I almost fell for it and consider the idea that we could still be friends. Thank goodness, I kept reminding myself of what she was capable of and stayed away from her. She was finally fired after bullying new employees and not following her new supervisor's instructions. The women in our group, who she has victimized, see her for who she is. I swear she has something against certain women. Unfortunately, she had the men fooled with her sweet talk. I did the mistake of trying to expose her to our mutual male friends. I'm now view as someone with low self-esteem. After watching your videos I have a better understanding of the situation. I'll take the advice to heart and let it go.
Thank you Michele your videos help a lot of people and we all appreciate what you do.
Love how you are speaking with so much compassion I'm focusing on me and mine healing after 18 yrs of being in a narcissistic relationship
The above video clip "Leaving a Narcissist- Biggest & Most Common Mistake" is perhaps the most important you have made to help me and so many others I am sure, complete their journey to solid recovery and reconstruction. I thank you for this extra effort and the extra care it represents on your part and your dedication to save as many as you can. This is what I call love, genuine love. ♥
Unfortunately, there a ton of videos about Twin Flames and a Twin Flame relationship. Most of these so called Twin Flame relationship, i would say 80% , one is a narcissist and the other a codependent. So sad that the codependent thinks or believes they met a TF. They are stuck, sometimes for years. I hope those people can find your video's.. blessings
this happened to me lol
I agree that whole twin flame shit is a lie. It describes narc/empath to a tee.
@@crysvicious sure does! I met a guy who claimed to be my "TF" and because of dealing with so many narcs throughout my life, i knew it was BS, and told him so. In fact, i told him specifically what you just said. He got SUPER pissed because after the conversation, i blocked him for life. Lol. Good riddance to trash.
@@flamingsword777 right it's narc enabling propaganda. I believe in soul mates and true love. But twin flame relationships is just glossing over and repackaging and normalizing of empath/narc relationshits
Oh no.... My ex used this phrase in the first months of our relationship... Im an empath, drained the life out of me.
A ephiny moment of many but most recent for me is that first round with miss narctriss is that I had to be discarded because she knew hers was coming. Not an easy thing to do for us, which also keeps you in too long. They know how shitty they've treated you...& don't care, your just a compliant supply mule. So knowing traits on round two & after a sincere effort made at reconciliation, the same DSM traits reoccurr. Ofcourse they do. So this time I call out the pathological lier, blah blah blah all that shit & ghost. Gone. The hoovering is losing its intensity, empath played out, target #87 says game over. 7 months past, your healthier, happier & slowly killing all the esteem erosion & evil projections of a self loathing soul.
Brad McEwen
You're so lucky you're free I wish I were you
Susanne C There reachs a time despite all invested to save yourself. One of us was going to be dead. When your emotionally attacked you are physically attack internally. Her emotional sub human passive aggressive behavior is pathological. To think another that you adored ( although that was my delusion ) is triggered to intentionally harm you is still astonishing. Through much research, she is not borderline by choice, she is borderline. The complete psychosis from fine to rage instantly. Scary as hell. Your traumatized. Your unable to react. I feel bad for those kids or married having to dissolve this union. As first line ssys again, there is a point in time you know your done. Once you've emotionally divorced yourself. Life will begin again. Heal self to attract someone real. You don't need to wish you are someone else. Be yourself. Be free Suzanne. I bet she's a pretty nice gal many would love....to love.
Brad McEwen
Oh God bless you. You are so kind to reply. You are right. Thank you for the words of inspiration. You bring tears to my eyes but in a good way.
Susanne C. You can always vent to me. We are all here connecting in ways that is immpossible to do with those we had hope to with. None of us asked for this crap. But we shall beat it. A hug of encouragement.
Brad McEwen Brad, Thank you, reading your post is encouraging for me. I also reconciled after a 3 month break. Moved back to the house only to find out that he has been cheating. Probably has been our entire relationship of 24 years! When I asked him why he cheated he said " because i thought i could get away with it" WTF
So then I asked him what lead to him wanting to get away with it and he said he was depressed! REALLY! If you have any words of advice for me I would so very much appreciate it . I am so worried that he has convinced my 18 yr old that I Am the crazy... she told me last night that she is worried about me.. i just dont know what to do or how to explain all this stuff to her.
Worst parts of the whole relationship; ending it with no contact, I am at the mercy of others to NOT talk about me. Abuse is abuse but after a childhood full of abuse, family can not see that THEY were the reason I couldn't leave. When brother asked me "why, especially the 1st time he put hands on you." All I could say was "Look at how you treated me, and Mom was no help. Our own father used to hit us, c'mon, all y'all profess to love me too." So, really?! Why don't abused "children" grow beyond what they know? We are Loved by hands that do NOT love US. We are never loved by a hand that touches us, so we don't know healthy love as any thing more than a myth. FYI, Cinderella wasn't looking for Prince Charming, she was looking for a night off.
lack of love is reason enough. much less the emotional abuse. great video michele. thank you.
They're good at planting seeds with people at a distance. It seems crazy to me that people believe what they should know they don't know about.
This is the strangest crazy making part of manipulation. Other people really are confident in their opinions about a situation they can't begin to make sense of considering the people involved are such a mess.
Thank you for sharing. You're simply right. I was in the past victim but also flying monkey. Dont try to convince people. Most wont believe. They are good at manipulating and masters of disguise and fiction. You're energy needs to be directed at yourself and people that reciprocate life with you. Your power and attention have great impact in the world. Dont waste in trying to change anyone but you, only you can change your world. Of course we feel lost and hurt, we finally got it after all this time but others are not inside of you to see it as you see it. We just want revenge, i know, they truly deserve it, yes they do and they will. If not in this life, the next ones will come so their soul balances what was created and other people will see what happened sooner or later, on this side or on the other. We are all connected, our souls are meant to evolve
I suspected all along there's something not right in my relationship. Came across the word " narcissist" totally by accident while searching for "behavior in addicts". When i literally studied the word narcissism, it hit me like a train. I think God guided me to find this word. Otherwise I'll be still in this relationship and clueless. My mistake in 5 years was telling some of my friends and family about my misery with this man, just to find out i poured my heart to other narcissists. 😆
So on point, no one can understand unless you have been through it, they didn’t even want to see the videos and just said move on. I finally walked away from everyone and focused on me, I cut everyone off until I got the help I needed. I made the narc look like this great guy so of course no one really cared or believed me because they just heard how great he was from me. I had one friend who supported me and this was because of her knowledge of dark spirits and she said The was a stronghold, she just listened, encouraged me to distance myself when I felt weak and prayed for me. I have finally getting back to myself but not sure if I will be 100% me but I know I am wiser, stronger and so grateful for the Word of God, these videos and and that one friend.
Exactly what my EX has done to me!!! Exactly 100% My life with my EX
Omggggg!! Word for word!!!!!
GREAT ADVICE!!! At the end of the video👍👍👍
Really good advice! So true. Get yourself safe and healthy. It's a long process. You'll get to a place where you don't need validation.
I love the way you've explained this. I was a participate of hiding his abuse due to shame, trying to protect my ministry, and after several attempts to get others to empathize with what I was going through, and his constantly "shinning" , I just then tried to survive until he threatened to continue to use scare tactics to frighten my newly widowed mother if I did not reconcile and be at his beck and call. I managed to escape eventually but not without his making or getting the last lick, what I call exit wounds. Admittedly, I blamed myself for allowing myself to marry again a narcissist. They consume so much of your time via their acting out and constantly causing emotional upset, and physical trauma, all of which is staunchly denied. Thank you for encouraging to focus on healing and recovery instead of trying to convince others you are not the crazy one as the narcissists labels and convinces others concerning you. Not everyone is blind to them, but no one but you actually experiences the direct impact of their abuse.
just ranting here, EVEN after my ex walked out on me and left me without rent money. People were still telling me, 'you should just talk to him, he feels really bad'. I couldn't believe it, i had to fight so hard and cried so much trying to make them believe that he was toxic.
When the narc tells them they feel so bad that they are crying, they are crying trying to save their reputation. They only say they love you to make themselves look better. If you were to take them back they would get even more abusive, very fast, because they did not say those things cause they love you, it was to make them look good, cause they are ashamed to be exposed. You must realize their profession of love is not love, it is only to save face. A woman would put herself in grave danger to foolishly take a narc back, because he is a manipulator. It will make him have even more scorn for the victim if the victim is stupid enough to believe it when he says he is sorry and how much he loved you, Yeah right!
You are right. I came out of a 22year abusive marriage. It's really sad that one feels "nobody understands me, or nobody wants to hear. This is really hard because, as you say here and I remark, 1- abuser puts it as a one time even, or people do. 2- abuser turns into victim saying he/she pushed me to be mean, and even reinforces it "she kept pushing me...to be mean" and 3 - Because we thee victims were part of the problem because we kept hiding him / her and playing our role in his / her act.
Thank you so so much for this video, it has helped prepare me emotionally &mentally for I'm on the verge of leaving my toxic Narcissistic Mother and going no contact and it was very helpful to hear this!❤❤
Thanks for adding the flying monkey explanation too.
I always wondered what kind of stories he must of told about me to others, to get people I have never met/upset to dislike/hate me so much.
I wondered and imagined really horrible things/ stories that he might have created and told. I need not of bothered putting myself through that torture; also. It appears flying monkeys aren't too bothered about the truth, just like Narcs. Narcs are a species of their own; if they think and behave the same then their evil doings make them a species all of their own!! We have monkeys,apes, humans and then somewhere in there are Narcs.
Bless u... Very timely message! The past 2 weeks have been complete hell, compliments of the narcissist hiding in plain sight these past 22 years. Everything u have said rings so crystal clear & true, it is no coincidence that this popped up in my feed! Very useful, vital info here, and it is uncanny how similar many scenarios are compared to my situation...this resource is priceless to me & I am LEARNING that it's time to reclaim my inner strength! It is the most painful thing I've ever faced.
Physically, mentally, spiritually...hands down! T y 4 doing what u do!
Focus on becoming. Well said👍
If you have depression and don't have any friends or family to contact Take 2 or 3 day is to meditate and that should help as well, and if you have weight problems just think about how much weight you lose and that should be a good thing.
Michelle ! Yes that’s what I’m going thru now. I nod my head when you were saying we try to share with friends .. yes oh yes !
One of the best teachers of Narcissistic abuse on YT. Always insiteful,never bias to one gender or the other and easy to follow the flow of information. Divorced and Blocked the Narc 2 months ago and I swear I can feel myself slowing starting to come off life support and breath on my own.
The core of this is we don't need anyone else's opinion on our side because we have been taught that by the Narcs. We can learn to trust our own judgement again.
Wow!!!!!! I could have used this knowledge earlier.
Michele, you are totally right about this to the hilt. Once I figured out what was going on in my marriage. I tried to share my discovery with everyone. I did not try to smear my wife, who is a Covert Narcissist. I just tried to disclose the toxicity of my relationship by sharing the videos.
No one truly believed me at all; especially those who found my soon to be ex-wife charming. The evidence was clear in the videos, and matches my life experience throughout the years. Yet most people (including my direct relatives) found it incredible.
I only have one supportive friend who has stayed in my corner to date, everyone else has basically abandoned me. This has been a very painful journey for me, thus far.
My own twin brother still gives my soon to be ex the benefit of the doubt and chooses to reverse the content of the videos against me every time. This is so frustrating.
My twin and his wife are my Covert Narcissist’s biggest advocate. Next to my narcissistic wife, they cause me the most emotional trauma and harm. (It doesn’t matter that my wife physically bit me on my lip one day; my twin saw the results of the injury. I still can’t make sense how I stayed married to my narcissistic wife after the assault. My twin says this incident was my fault.😩)
I always thought my twin brother would be my biggest supporter. In reality, he is my worst detractor during my healing process while I’m on this road to going from “surviving to thriving.”
I’m having a difficult time going no contact with my twin; I’m breaking free finally. This is hard, after all I have known him all my life, and yet he is the last toxic person I need to separate from. I realized I was just looking for a crutch, which is not good to have, if one desires to become truly healthy.
Yes!!! You are absolutely right! All that matters is that I know the truth, and I just need to focus on me and my own personal healing. I do not need others to believe the truth that I experienced.
I’m just glad that I figured out what was going on in my toxic relationship, and found your channel and others to help me to put words to the situation.
Now I’m healing and on the road to recovery after 32 years in a nightmare with Jekyll and Hyde.
I’m not crazy!!!!
Thanks!!!!!👍🏾😀
Thank you, God is good having you speak about such heartless peoplea year 3 months I understand now, it took me a while to reason take control of heart, keep up the good work
It's so embarrassing to have to tell some people what's going on as you mentioned in your story Michelle you have to tell some people even though you don't even want to
Because the human brain always believes the one who was first to complain.
Excellent video Michelle, so so spot on!! It's almost always this text book reaction---to try and explain & validate yourself and save others now that you "see the light". Narcs seem to always be 2, 3, 20 steps ahead; they implement their damage control scenario when they smell you're on to them.
Thanks again, God bless you and yours.
Amen , but think little slow on me kinda return gas lighten thing !
Thank you for doing these videos. I really needed to hear this right now. I'd been with my partner for2 & a half years & a friend suggested I look up narsisists because when she looked at the traits my partner was the first person that came to mind. And thank God she did because it was a lightbulb moment. So this is what I'm living with. This is the cause of the craziness. He is a narsisist. Iv been watching your videos & researching narsisist partners for the last couple of months. I now no he will never change. And today he got violent on top of him raging for an eternity & I said enough is enough. I packed all his stuff & left it outside the door. I'm done. I'm free of this bullshit. I can breathe. I can focus on me now. Getting myself back together. Back to me. Again,thank you your videos are so helpful to me. I would be lost without them. 🙂
People believe them until they slowly but surely gets every last one of them. Then, they'll see you and tell you their story. My example, his employer didn't believe me. I warned him of the narc being a thief because the narc stole my diamond ring. The guy laughed in my face and said, "he would never steal from me." Almost two months later, last week, I seen the guy. He said he fired the narc for stealing, smoking drugs and selling them on the premises. Ladies & Gents, there's no way in hell he could be doing those things and being with me too? Hell to the naw. I'm glad I left him. Oh, the employer stated that narc went off on him and tried to get violent. The narc has someone else. She's stolen, quite a bit of money from him and giving him, the narc, the blues. I love her so much and don't know her. I want her to be everything he lied and said I was when he knew I was good to him and Saint like. Let's send the other chick cyber prayers by liking this post. Trust me, she's going to need them. He's known for beating the hell out of women. NOT ME THOUGH!!!
Thanks - Great stuff - 3 years with a Narc Girlfriend and finally left - its so evil
Addiction to researching!! Oh so true - so much validation and finally understanding.
Completely agree. You want to share your newfound knowledge with everyone around you but those that haven't been through it themselves, look at you as if you're obsessed. I learned quickly that I couldn't talk about what I'd been through with everyone. Helps you filter out more unhealthy people in your life, too.
Oh yess. I've been the scapegoat all my life until i finally realized it wasn't my fault
Thank you Michelle! I really appreciate your video. It makes my tears dropped. Tomorrow is my first day at work after so long been unemployed but I can see I’ve been focusing too much on him - to prove like recording his abuse, but I started doing that right after I returned to him because all the evidences of his abuse in the beginning have been deleted by him without my knowledge. I don’t feel excited for tomorrow especially he created another scene today and threatened me that I will never start my first day if I don’t cooperate. And I also can see how our mutual friends who were helping me getting out that relationship are now turning back on me
its simple....people dont want to believe others can be so evil, its very painful and furthermore most people dont really care about eachother and their problems. thats the core of the issue imo
My friend finally got away, then gave him her new address! I was so shocked, but I've been there myself and know that I felt like I still had to answer to him for the longest time. Mine stalked me, brought me gifts, cried, said he'd go to counselling and even asked me to marry him. I did finally get away after he trashed me to all of our mutual friends. I ended up realizing I had no real friends, even my family kept contact, and couldn't understand why I left him. I'm actually more concerned about my friends X trying to suck her back in and destroy her life. Thanks for your great vids, wish I had this kind of support 25 years ago!
Excellent video, Michelle!
Yes, it seems to backfire; but, their refusal to believe, must not change you!
Everyone has to learn to deal with denial! DO IT IMMEDIATELY, get over THEIR denial NOW!
When you leave, to build a new life, people there will respond the same way. You need to be able to recognize other abusers, whom recognize your vulnerability, and will seek to abuse you also! If you have some experience early on, it can be easier to move on, until you BUILD a community of safer people, whom are aware, watching for us!
Your friends, don't need to agree; it is ok. Just keep your footing, and keep going!
DO NOT EVER GIVE IN TO THOSE TYPES, nor deniers! People who deny your observations, may come back decades later, with a bit of understanding. But, we don't have time. We need to leave, and build anew!
Michelle is right, focus on you and getting better! I started the job of reporting to others this truth, and everyone had already been gaslighted for numerous decades! This proved to me, I should have never trusted those people. This made it easy to focus on my recovery, alone, and not need their lies! That is freedom! I can find a nee life, by educating new people, and see who is the right mind!
Even with what I know now, I would get you focused on your part, and your defects of character, to heal those first, and become more mature and free.
The Narcissist or victim question can be a two way street? But, it still means it is abusive, and dangerous to successful recovery!
Please, prepare and leave! I am. I'm leaving my monstrous siblings behind, but have done the work that the community, friend's, extended family, the police & FBI, as well as legislators and community leaders have information about their Hives, and Swarms!
I just need a young lady, whom doesn't put up with this kind of deviance, and is self managed well - to finish this last few decades of life with! LOL
I gave all that up, to privevthis out. It was not worth it, unless I can protect my lover, my new family, our friends, my spiritual and social communities!
Vote Joseph for Mayor, Governor, Senator, President/Vice, or CEO!
LOVE Y'ALL!
Love yourselves too! 👍
😎
Yep! That’s part of the reason I kept going back. Friends saying he’s a good person and hope it works out.
After 911 I started looking into the obvious questions surrounding what actually happened. When I showed others most of them reacted to me as if I hate America or maybe I'm just a paranoid "conspiracy theorist". (A term brilliantly weaponized be the CIA after the JFK assasination) It has been soooooo frustrating trying and failing to point out that our world is under the control of psychopaths that I changed my approach. I have been focusing on my own healing first. I chose to take the Alchemical path which starts with deep and totally honest Soul searching. This results in coming back to your True Self and seeing how denying reality lead me away from that which is most sacred and into a world of confusion and pain. Almost 100% of humanity has chosen the dark path of untruth and until they turn back towards the light they will continue denying reality and even rush to the defense of anyone who gives them an excuse to keep on deliberately denying reality. This is why they won't listen even with undeniable proof right in their face.
Yes! This video is great- every single video I've seen of yours has been great! Really, really appreciate that you make these. :)
This could not show up on my feed at a better time. Just a few days ago, I consulted a close friend about getting over being completely ghosted by someone I knew for seven years and she responded with the implication that his ghosting is justifiable despite indicating I've done all I could to retain the friendship (e.g. giving him all the space he wanted). Thank you, Michele, for uploading your videos.
Thank you so so much. This video is definitely definitely probably saved me from reacting in ways that absolutely I can see are not in the best interest for my recovery and especially not in the best interest for my future in rebuilding my status in the community or reputation. I really appreciate you and others who speak about, such a horrible place to be in.
I've been having the accusations and slander and harassment through my phone as well.horrible, but God is good.
Of Light And Truth.Jesus is the bridge. all the time.God bless you.....
Use the *Block* button!! Stay strong!🌹
I'm so grateful that I was only with him for a year from the time we met to the divorce. I am a Muslim woman so we don't spend a long time together pre-marriage. I think part of the reason I've been able to heal is because we only lived together for six months and because of amazingly supportive family and friends. He hasn't spoken to me now for almost three months. That was really hard at first, I'd message a lot and cry so much. I found the lack of closure so difficult. But now I'm so glad he didn't contact me. And now I've even accepted that closure is not even possible because none of our relationship was real, so there's nothing to close when our 'love' never actually ever started!
Nel hope you’re ok now x
Hi@@fariwari1 Thank you for asking :) I am much better now. I didn't realise I shared so much in a youtube comment!- it's a little embarrassing. I obviously hadn't healed like I had suggested in my comment!
I'm in a much better place now. It's been 11 months since I left and I have a lot of great things in my life, so all of that has made processing everything that happened easier. I think a person will always have that little bit of hurt that they feel when they remember certain times, but I think that's okay. It's possibly even a good thing otherwise we might forget why we left in the first place and feel unjustified regret.
I appreciate you asking. I hope you are okay too.
Hey sweet! I only just figured out how to see replies lol..I’m so happy you’re in a better place now xx I’m only two weeks in no contact and I feel like I’m coming off drugs. I’m not doing great but I know I need to give myself time to heal. X
Wow I am currently going through this. I have only shared what I’m going through with a few close friends. The light bulb had gone off and you’re right it all makes since. I have played a major role in hiding who my husband really is out of embarrassment and wanting to portray a happy family. Thank you so much I will take your advice and continue to work on my goals.
Absolutely truth! One good thing is that I have two really good friends where I live that have known for a long time that I was being abused/something was wrong with him. He WOULD show his ass from time to time in front of ppl. When I had private time I would share with them and my sister. When he did get out of jail he tried running his story on what happened, and didn't like the response he got from my friends. They of course didn't buy it. But, my friends sister did, and they argued over it, because her sister said, "oh but he's always so kind and calm!" My friend told her right there that she witnessed him flipping on several occasions. My friend told me this, and since then, I DO know who my REAL FRIENDS are! If she thinks he's telling the truth, then she doesn't know me like I thought. I never even said a word to her about what happened, and she never even asked me.
My biggest mistake was telling him that
It's over & I'm going to find a place of my own then I'm moving out.
He cancelled the insurance on my car to make it even harder for me to find a job & if I manage to make any money, he's telling me what bills I have to pay.
7 yrs of misery, not sure how much more I can take.
Hi Michele - I hope that you get to read my comment here. I don't everyone to believe anything, and I already did and continue to worry and take care of me, I know it wasn't my fault. The advantage that I have is: please 🙏 listen to me. I'm, or was the lover of a Married, Extremely Beautiful, Charming Covert Narcissist Woman. I continue with my healing, I read tons of books, tons of videos, and I know the disadvantages of exposing the Narcicist and watch her squirm. I have no kids with her, no responsibilities, but I did fall in love with her deeply. She was able to fool me at the beginning, but I always knew there was something off. Through this journey I also discovered that I am a Super Empath, and yes I am mad. But calm enough to confront her, calmly without giving her any supply. I already started to corner her, and make her nervous. Remember I'm the holder of all the cards in this poker game. I will Threaten her of exposure and also to tell her husband that she was unfaithful to him. With me, after she told me that she was separated and in the process of getting a divorce. It has been 4 years, and went back to saying that she loves her husband and she is NOT getting divorced. Please, I will appreciate any advice. I do want to subscribe to your program and videos. After much research with many Experts, you are the most knowledgeable of all. Thank you and I look forward to your reply.
Thanks for these wise words
Getting into backbiting on a narcissist is detrimental to the victim
Thank you so much for sharing and educating me. You are so right . ! Unfortunately the lawyers , court system and outsiders doesn’t understand this type of behavior. Unfortunately the become the victim after you leave them that’s what the show to the world.
some have very difficult circumstances and can't get away...... and you cant heal and build yourself up while they are tearing you down....this will end badly
Thank you for being a light for all of us it's not easy trying to change a lifetime of bad thinking of yourself
It took me years to know I was dating a narcissist. Only thing that saved me was no contact. But even that took a year for him to stop harassing me.
One day I realized I had married a man who was just like my mother. Years later, our son chose a woman who was just like his father. All three narcissists: we are drawn to the familiarity; we know the scapegoat/victim role from infancy, so sad, so consistent, such a waste of time, energy, and spirit for living! If we can educate our kids on these issues BEFORE they fall into the narcissistic abuse trap- wow! Time well spent!!!
How do you break the cycle?
I manipulate mine into being nice, 3 years of hell and I decided "well I'm out the door anyway so let's have some fun😈" I didn't realize I was fixing them.
Short n sweet tools that work for me going on 2 years now I started by completely ignoring ALL tantrums and even when he was screaming I acted so emersed in my tablet or book or sewing or whatever that he would actually confirm I was listening...
Him:hello!!!
Me:(just nod, smile, wink n wave) 😁
This might piss em off at first but keep at it till they charge off (most likely they will give a verbal stab soooo ACT like THEIR opinion doesn't matter and continue doing whatever you were doing). It messes with their head.
Silent treatment and ignoring when they are mean, nice and self esteem boosting when they are nice or when they do nice things.
Do NOT cry or show them ANY emotion besides mysteriousness and aloofness....PERIOD.
I know it's hard but YOU CAN DO THIS!
They will threaten to leave, yell, try to make you feel dumb or crazy...just cock up one eyebrow n crooked grin like the look you'd give a silly child and go on about your day. Yep you're flipping the script but unlike them YOU are smooth 😎
100% worked for me, if it works for you it will not be over, over night it took a month before I even started to get anywhere with him. FINALLY he figured out the pattern. He starves unless he is behaving normal and kind.
PEOPLE have fed the narc all it's life, taught/reinforced that if they behave like this they get what they want (ego boost) YOU are trying to REPROGRAM them. If not for you than to save or make it at least a little less damaging to their next victim...and it's just good payback and therapy for you really. Warning, this is a LAST resort so better be prepared to lose them because I'm willing to bet some are too weak to handle having a little of their own recipe fed back to them.
HEY just being honest. Don't agree, don't care 🤣 just saying it worked and continues to work when the rare occasion happens again. I am not a narc I'm a slightly damaged survivor and proud of it, remember this thread and if it works for you...😁👍
💖 Healing and strengthening hugs for you 🤗🤗🤗🤗💖
Michelle, everyday watching your videos. My narc husband complained yesterday to my mom making me look a bad guy. When I told my mom how psycho he is, and he has illness, my own mom didn't believe me and told me to live on and all is my mistake
This is the best video yet to help me realise that I don't need to prove that he is who he is.... I was blanked be his adult children even though they saw the physical abuse
important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that mike helped cloned my wife, i used to think that love could cure anything but it only fed my narc's enormous ego. I got access to all her dealings both on the phone and social media without touching her phone. I’m here in Nevada USA and able to access my wife’s phone with a cloned app even while she was away in the UK and cheating on me. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with mike and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch her phone. My wife was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all her secrets and infidelity with the help of mike. My wife also tried to use this coronavirus outbreak as a means to get back to me but I’m not stupid enough to allow someone so toxic back into my life. I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against her. I read all her deleted and recent chats on Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram and the GPS location of her phone at all times. You can contact this mike ” via text / WhatsApp : +15182175945 or on instagram @mikeswilfred and thank me later!
Thirty five yrs.of sheer hell. For so long I thought it was me and that I deserved it. There was a straw that broke the camel's back and with research I realized that I've been tormented for so long. Thanks for your videos I need all the information I can get.
God bless u good luck to u I'm a disaster after 2 years but I have experienced abusive or disfunctional relationships b4, but with a true narc u just KNOW it's a whole different thing mine was so awful he tried to fucking jail me secretly recorded me invaded our privacy n our own home he's one of those monsters who probly put our sex on the internet I mean he SAID he did he also said sumone prolly his nasty side bitch/flying monkey watched us from a closet how SICK is that he said he drugged me and I better "watch out" I could get poisoned ....so 6 months later I'm still dealing with the aftermath n very weird ways & that's why I can't move on no one would even believe mine was so evil he did sumthing that even others n narc abuse recovery wouldn't believe
They are charming charismatic always say the right words , mess with your head , your survival is paramount thankyou reader , a wise beautiful lady ,
Thank you so much for your help, I don’t have a problem with anyone taking sides but I’m now staying with my mom, a week into the break up, and she’s pushing my kids and I so hard to get unpacked and fit our entire home into hers seemingly overnight! I found your video by searching “how to stop crying after leaving a narcissist” and it was exactly what I needed to hear because of so many other dynamics of my situation as well as trying to convince my mom that I’m going through a crazy time that I’ve never been through before and it’s hard when I lost everything for this man and now I’m living with my mommy while his house is huge and empty with the ghost of my dreams! I’m devastated and feel like I lost my soul in that house after only 2 years, I feel very lucky to have recognized and escaped with some dignity intact after only 2 years, that’s probably a decent average for most women idk? I feel better knowing I don’t need to convince her that I’m hurting and not myself, I will just leave or take a walk when she becomes irrational but I’m terrified she will push my kids away too! What a mess these sick people cause in people’s lives they should be in a mental hospital for the criminally insane! FML, I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the summer to save for my own place! She might not be able to handle it with her demanding personality that never wants to talk about “it” whatever it is! I can not stop crying!
important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that mike helped cloned my wife, i used to think that love could cure anything but it only fed my narc's enormous ego. I got access to all her dealings both on the phone and social media without touching her phone. I’m here in Nevada USA and able to access my wife’s phone with a cloned app even while she was away in the UK and cheating on me. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with mike and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch her phone. My wife was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all her secrets and infidelity with the help of mike. My wife also tried to use this coronavirus outbreak as a means to get back to me but I’m not stupid enough to allow someone so toxic back into my life. I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against her. I read all her deleted and recent chats on Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram and the GPS location of her phone at all times. You can contact this mike ” via text / WhatsApp : +15182175945 or on instagram @mikeswilfred and thank me later!
How true u are telling, I am also facing this and feel so alone
took me 30 years to recognize the signs I always thought it was weird how he always wants to start an argument every holiday are special occasions. Every argument we got into he always brung the kids into it and he still does. Thank you for this video
This reminds me of your old videos they were wonderful and so comforting because they were so causal and I could relate so much as you told personal stories that I really understood. I love your videos now but I also loved the old as they were raw from the heart❤ love you Michelle now and then
I agree. People dont get it and they dont even know why you stayed or why it hurts so badly to leave. They just think there is something wrong with you! Good video.
My wife and I went to show our baby to my mom's best friend. The woman said "You two sure are messed up but you have a beautiful baby" After that, I avoided having contact with anybody associated with my mom. I've learned to put toxic people out of my life or at lease deal with them as little as possible.
T&M's Backyard Creations wow so sad. I’ve been through that as well. Hurts
I have found that people with a high need to appear perfect but are abusive behind closed doors can’t see narcissism in the others who are also abusive.
Sadly, I've had a few narc exes and when the breakup occurred they took all my acquaintance friends with them. Or I should say, away from me, they didn't keep or maintain the friendships, they just took them from me in a smear campaign. But my true friends stuck by me.
Hello, thank you for the video! My mother doesn't believe me that my ex and father of my son is a narcissist. It hurts because she was also a flying monkey after the divorse. Now she has no contact with him. But she is a psychologist and should know. But here in Germany narcissists are not that known as abuse people :-(
Excellent advice. Thank you.
It took 10-15 years for my family to start believing the truth about my ex. What convinced them was the growth they saw in me, and how his actions/Life showed who he really was. Yes, I tried to explain my side, and it was a very dark time that I had no one believe me,(my own family). I had no friends because he had kept me so isolated and I was very young.
This woman is BRILLIANT.
Who gives a shit what other people think? Stand your ground! PROTECT YOUR SOUL.