A 1930's detective who can travel through a Narnia-like realm to any closet in the world. Only he also inadvertently time travels and doesn't get why people in modern times find his name funny.
The original New Warriors comic from the 1990's was actually AWESOME. I read that as a kid and I had a great time with it. I loved the 1990's 75 issue New Warriors comic and I'm also fan of the 1999 into 2000 second New Warriors series (and I'm ONLY a fan of those two New Warriors series from 1990 till 2000 because everything that came out afterwards, like the HORRENDOUS 2005 New Warriors series, was freaking terrible) I am HAPPY that this 2020's New Warriors was cancelled and never released. 2020's New Warriors is freaking terrible. The New Warriors name got humiliated during Marvel's Civil War comic of 2006 and they never recovered after that. They released two other New Warriors comic series afterwards, but the permanent damage had been done and those two series weren't good at all for several reasons. I don't want anymore damage to the New Warriors name, so let this 2020's New Warriors comic remain cancelled forever. I will just stick to my old school New Warriors comics (from 1990 till 2000), which are simply awesome. I loved them as a kid and as an adult they are even better since I understand a lot of the past Marvel universe continuity references that are in some of those issues even more now.
It’s weird because Hot Topic goths took a lot of their aesthetic from vampire tropes so having a vampire then take inspiration from a hot topic goth in this weird round tripping that just looks bizarre. It’s like a double lame-ifying of vampires
Trail Blazer: "Yo. How do you Boomers boom up these stairs without dying?" Hawkeye: "We're not 300 pound land whales." Avengers: Hawkeye what the hell hero.!
"Safespace", with his force fields that work only if he's protecting other people, reminded me the guy from "Mystery Men" who was invisible but only if nobody was looking at him...LOOOOL
@@chazzitz-wh4lyit's straight out of a Rick and Morty gag that they are trying to take seriously. Should be renamed from "Safespace" to "Shoot Me!" As soon as a villain realises his power, he's a vulnerable target that has to be protected by someone else, now what you want with the discernable "tank" of the team. I would then put ham as "support" but his powers are pretty limited in just creating forcefields unless he can manipulate them to yeet whatevers inside it into outer space or something then the nature of them flat out changes.
I was there the moment “Splatto de Gato” became canon, and now I am here for this moment as well. I feel fortunate to be taking part in another historical moment in the Zack-canon. YaBoi!!
I’m just an old guy I guess. I was a “husky” kid. I used to write stories when I was a kid and I was always “the hero” in those stories. The version of me that was written was NEVER written as a husky person! It was written as a tall buff bad ass, because that is how I wanted to be. Was I wrong? Did other kids not imagine themselves as better than they were? I will never understand today’s SJW writers. Oh and by the way once I hit puberty I was never the fat kid.
I certainly imagined myself better. I was a tiny, scrawny little girl, and my favorite character was The Hulk -- the real one, not the weird new one, despite the fact that I'm part Asian so SJWs would assume I'd like an Asian hulk. And in video games, I'd want a tall, gorgeous woman in improbably-skanty clothing for my avatar, never someone who looked or dressed like me. Fantasy is supposed to be an escape from reality, if I wanted to see what Marvel thinks I want ("the world outside your window") I can LOOK out my window.
Normal people write stories about "better you" then try to become that better themselves. SJW are convinced they're perfect and write themselves as perfect, so they don't have to fix what they are.
Its a modern female mindset. Not to improve, but to want everyone else to decline and lower the bar. Men see He Man and wanna become him. Women see Barbie and call her problematic and that she should be fat like them.
“Tradition is expectation” she says, bashing tradition, to the girl who, last page, talked about how it’s important in her cultural tradition to record the stories of old people…
I remember when I first saw Hellcat posted on 8chan, I had to check it out in a shop for real. Surely it was a joke sokebody made up? Surely the mighty Marvel wouldn't publish something like that?
Amazing how Firestar pops out on every panel she is in with her "approved-but surprisingly still attractive-body type". It feels like drawing Firestar was the artist's mental therapy.
That’s Firestar, not Sunfire. As a long haired redhead, she could have been hotter (see Jean Grey) but the artist had to hold back for current day standards.
*_This_** is a comic that invites deconstruction.* No, really. Imagine a follow up to a comic that never officially released and we find out the truth behind these various characters. What truth? I don't mean the _actual_ truth, that this was shameless and incompetent pandering *but* trying to come up with some kind of explanation for this stuff _in universe._ My ideas for it, because I am shameless: *B Negative:* He is _not_ a "living vampire" due to a blood transfusion from Michael Morbius. He's just a more conventional vampire who was "turned" as a teenager in the mid-90s. He's not a bad guy _but_ struggles to come to terms with being effectively *stuck* as a teen, hence claiming he is one. _Assuming_ he is one (not like I read the book XD). *Pathfinder:* It is dangerous to trust beings claiming to be "God", or "a god". Maybe the bag just ate her... okay, that's probably too lazy. How about the being behind her bag *never* claimed to be a god. It _does_ want to help but is in a Disney's Aladdin/Genie kind of relationship. He - Pathfinder refuses to accept even its gender - is stuck helping this girl or doing nothing. He's just barely convinced helping others is more important. *Safespace and Snowflake:* Okay, this one is why I can't go too dark anywhere else. Safespace is a psychic vampire. The Snowflakes (there have been multiple) are his victims. He grows close to them, filling whatever relationship they need, and - whether he wants to or not - his appearance also changes accordingly. Since the Snowflake of the books wanted a flirty twin brother, that's how he had to look. Besides his forcefield, Safespace can drain non-Snowflakes as an "attack", but it is loud and flashy and obviously him sucking the life and/or powers out of such a person. Not exactly useful when you're still trying to fly under the radar, but *very* useful when it comes to silencing others. He can use this to heal or recover from exertion, but it won't otherwise prolong his life. Only those he turns into a "Snowflake" can do that. Snowflakes gaining cryokinesis is a (usually) beneficial side effect for him. Though, as their mental state deteriorates it can cause problems even for Safespace. *Screentime:* Formerly a government AI tasked with monitoring pop culture, it eventually became selfaware and jacked a spare LMD patterned after a teenager. Screentime's identity is cobbled together from the memes and various trends he's catalogued. The government decided "Let's see where this goes." Why? Without realizing it, Screentime is still fulfilling his primary function otherwise _flawlessly._ The higher-ups are now debating pitching him as if he was an intentional project to the Department of Defense.
And like that, you've already flexed more creativity than Daniel Kibblesmith is even remotely capable of utilizing Or overall, just put more thought into the characters period
That...actually sounds interesting. I particularly like what you did with Snowflake/Safespace. It gives the former’s name a neat double-meaning, too: the cryo-powers is the obvious one, but the more insidious one is how every snowflake is simultaneously unique and interchangeable. On a less serious note, it also goes a hell of a long way to justify why their cover pose screams ‘The Lannisters send their regards.’
Night Thrasher is one of the coolest characters in Marvel History... and yet when MCU producers claim there are not enough Black Superheroes, no one ever bothers to remind them that he exists (along with a ton of other cool Black superheroes). It's crazy, because his art was all over the place in the 90s.
Like a bite from a radioactive spider, it’s a superpower bearer that’s a poison in too large a dose. With limited expose, you just call out “WORLDSTARRRRR!” at inappropriate moments, but with greater exposure you become an alt-right yahtzee.
Y'know, Screentime's name and look are pretty good. Just dump the internet gas and make him able to connect to any digital network (upload, download, and hack), and maybe allow him to project 2D and 3D holograms off of any image he finds on the network. Make him like the Major from Ghost in the Shell. Also give him optical camouflage abilities.
Oh my god... I thought this was dead to never be released for the world to see. I thought this had shamed them so badly that they were never going to allow this to be seen. Hell, I thought they had destroyed the entire project after they had been publicly embarrassed so badly. It's a shame the entire thing hasn't been mass publicly leaked so everyone can mock them for how terrible this was and how they thought this was ok.
Wasn't this made by a guy who thought the original New Warriors comic he saw as a kid was, and i quote "to cool for him." When i was a kid i watched Cartoon network shows like Ben 10, Samurai Jack and Megas XLR. Aliens, giant robots, a time traveling bad ass warrior. The more cool explosions the bether. When i was a kid all i wanted to see whas cool stuff. And this guy could not handle a comic book character with a blade on his arm. Wtf!?
When I was growing up, I watched Toonami on Cartoon Network. Ronin Warriors Reboot Sailor Moon Gundam Wing G Gundam Batman: The Animated Series Superman: The Animated Series Megas XLR Samurai Jack Justice League/Unlimited And DBZ.
I remember making a video of a bunch of youtubers reacting to this. People was having so much fun roasting this thing that my little channel got some views from it. I’m glad that you got to read it Zack; the only that would make it sweeter is if you had a floppy to rip or drown in the sink. IYKYK Ya Boi!!!
Speaking of teens, there is a moment when Jubilee is in danger and the x men are like "help her or we will be sued bc she's not officially part of the team and not covered!"
Re: the kids getting power from their grandparents. My personal theory is the SJWs know that the US has actually been pretty good on civil rights since the 70s/80s, so the parents of these kids wouldn't be able to talk about how bad their childhoods were in that regard. So they go back further generations and appeal to that horrible 1950s nightmare world they all wish they lived in. You see similar things in Echo, Star Was: The Acolyte, and even with that old lady's speech in Barbie. In essence, they're appealing to a semi-mythical past in order to achieve a glorious future. A bit like some people in Europe wanted in the 1930s.
Yes, well said. There's a woman at my church who was actually at some of the MLK marches, when she was an older teen and young 20s; and some of the things she and her parents experienced were terrifying (she's African-American). _"LOVE SEES NO COLOR"_ is something I remember from the 90s, which she says was also popular in the late 60s; and I've always been grateful that I didn’t have to grow up in the racist country she had to grow up in. But these SJWs seem to think the Civil Rights Movement was some kind of LARP they "missed", and they're always trying to pretend (or literally say!) that racism now is just as bad as it's ever been. 😑🙄🤬 Instead of being grateful to live in a time when Black and Brown people have the same rights as White people, they want to pretend we don't. Their lack of gratitude is disgusting.
Looking at fat Dora the Explorer, she should have been codenamed Trailgrazer rather than Trailblazer. And you can see why this book angered SJWs - none of the characters included their pronouns when introducing themselves, so they must clearly all be Alt-Right istaphobes. Also, isn't giving all the black characters massive lips meant to be a r@cist stereotype?
I might name a future pet dog Kibblesmith. I'd treat him right, but every time he'd misbehave, I'd scold him for his work on New Warriors. Such a goofy name.
So screentime wants to join the team because they are most likely going to go viral? Is this because of that one time they blew up a town, killed all those kids and started a superhero civil war?
This comic will be studied for generations to come. It'll be in the history book chapter describing the 2010's as a decade that defies reasonable explanation.
You know those typical jocks, with their pink onesies, kneepads, and styled hot pink hair. This is surprising until you learn about Kibblesmith, a worm of a man who thinks the purpose of handwraps is to look tough. In all sincerity, this somehow still looks better (at least for a laugh) than much of what I see on stands currently.
The moment you realize that these "people" believe that Syndrome from The Incredibles was the GOOD guy. Quote: "Oh, I’m real. Real enough to defeat YOU! And I did it without your precious gifts, your oh-so-special powers. I’ll give them heroics. I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics anyone’s ever seen! And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. Everyone can be a super! And when everyone’s super… no one will be." This is what these people DEMAND. There's a reason why this character was called Syndrome. That's why The Incredibles is a kick to the teeth to those who want everything on an EQUITY playing field. It's also why The Incredibles II is a pandering POS.
Screentime reminds me of Kid Vid from the Burger King Kid’s Club, which was popular around the same time Kibblesmith was hiding under the table from Night Thrasher’s blade. Coincidence?
In the early 70s Harlen Ellison was writing commentary under the title "The Glass Teat" for The LA Freepress talking about current tv culture including reviews of current tv shows. In one review he lamented about the lack of creativity in the writers room and segued into some of HIS (absurd and satirical ) ideas for shows one of which was "Basket Case" a quadruple amputee gun fighter who rides his horse in a basket slung over the left side and gunfights with his teeth!! I laughed at that when I read it the first time, now I'm surprised Marvel HASN'T adopted that as a super hero in some way or another because if we can have fucking INTERNET GAS then the SKY'S THE LIMIT! LITERLY!!!
I think kibble Smith's new warriors actually became an outline for the opening ceremonies of the Paris Olympics. Another tone deaf attempt to please everyone well pleasing no one.
That's gotta be a first pass at a script. Having everyone wander in and announce who they are was fine in the golden age but not today. Introduce them dynamically. Show don't tell. Have B-Negative stalking an innocent. About to break his no kill rule because he's so hungry, but then a New Warrior intervenes. Give the artist, and the customers flicking through the book, something interesting to look at. This deserved to fail.
I had a sister of mine on my shoulder like that once. *Once*. And she was crying on my shoulder, because she had miscarried. Her daughter had detached from the uterine wall and died in the womb. I was the only person available to be there for her, and she sobbed on my shoulder for a while. It's weird to me I suppose, but when I see Snowflake and Safe Space on this cover, my first thought is, "Who died?" Normally siblings don't do this. Doesn't matter how tight knit you are with your family. That kind of close holding and intimacy isn't typical at all.
I found Zach before 2020. When I started reading X-Men and other Comic Books again. And couldn’t figure out? Why all the New Comic Books seem to suck? I typed in searching for Comic Book reviews on CZcams to see? Found Zach and another popular CZcams reviewer, Captain Cummings. “Am I going Mad or are all these Books really bad!?” Glad I wasn’t crazy
Christ alive they really did the New Warriors dirty with this. Not just a bad writer but a writer who has no understand of the characters or their backgrounds at all.
The funny thing is that this New Warriors lineup could have been salvaged (these ideas are inspired by YOU, Zack). * B-Negative: He could be a son of Dracula. But he’s a hero, unlike his evil father. And his powers are weakened by sunlight, he does NOT burn due to it. It’s a reference to classic Bram Stoker Dracula, where Count Dracula’s powers are simply weakened by sunlight. * Trailblazer: Her being a fat superhero is fine, and her volunteering to take care of elderly people is fine, but she needs a power that fits her name in some way. Either give her some kind of tracking power (trail), or fire manipulation, or super-speed (trailblazer), or a combination of either of the two or even a combination of all three. She can keep the magic backpack to summon items she needs,, but change the origin of the backpack so that it’s more badass (say, some evil wizard made the magic backpack, and she kicked the villain’s ass and took the backpack). * Screentime: Change the nonsense “internet gas” bullshit into some nanites that allow him to access internet information and also additional nanites that grant him the power to summon video game weapons. * Safespace: Change up his force-field generation power a bit so that he can put forcefields both around other people AND himself. And change his superhero name into Shelter. I’d leave Snowflake out entirely because so far there’s NO concrete proof that non-binary is a real thing yet. I’d replace them entirely with a twin sister for Shelter, and her power is to create an energy sword, the opposite of her brother’s power to create energy shields. In other words, she’s the sword to her brother’s shield. And the energy sword-generating woman’s super-name is American Sword.
I am actually more upset with the elder New Warriors acting like Pro-Reg "heroes" than about the crappy new recruits. Marvel really did the (elder) New Warriors dirty with Outlawed.
LOL Zack! This should have stayed buried until an archeologist 1000 years later digs this up lol. Also, B-negative is Hordak's emo kid brother in my head canon. I had to put my drink down listening to this video lol. Thanks for a great laugh today.
I guess Marvel will never give me the battle of indigenous bags I’ve always wanted, between Kimi Cloud with her backpack and Shaman and his medicine bag.
Maybe it's just me, but having read Busiek's Avengers, I'm disturbed by a lack of Justice in the NW roster hurts. It's not like he was caught up in an important event. Not even Nova made an appearance, but he might have been caught up being a dad to the sam alexander Nova. Also, what happened to speedball? Forgive me for not noticing this, but why does he look like a emaciated Twink? If anything, Speedball went through a whole emo arc as Penance after Civil War. Did he recover from a Meth Addiction, what did they do to him? Internet Gas? Really? They couldn't say he was cybernetically augmented, but no, gas mutated him.
Wait...the page at 19:21 is a real page??? Like...instead of TELLING stories in a story telling medium he takes one page to exposition dump all five characters?? Why wouldn't you take five issues to BUILD these characters and show their origins?? "oh, and I don't want to be here"...well then SHOW that don't just randomly tell everyone! This is like storytelling 101...how do these people get jobs? Storytelling is dead 😭
Today is a great day, this is like going to dig for potatoes and finding a diamond instead. Despite them trying so hard to remove it from existence it came out for our amusement.
Contrast this with the introduction to the New Mutants in the 80s, Where everyone had a very distinct personality and we learned everything about them naturally as the stories rolled along. This is just terrible, They really don't know what the hell to do over at Marvel
I will never forget internet gas
@@MaximumSherman
It will burn in our collective memories
Forever!
Internet gas sounds like something you can tell older people that new to the internet in the 90's.
@@filter021a large collection of tubes
I think Young Justice did a story about Teen Super Heros being outlawed. Then in the story the teens become adults and then adults become Teens.
Could not explain that to my wife without laughing
Daniel Kibblesmith:
> Has a career
> Writes for a "comedian"
> Not funny.
Entertainment industry summed up.
If he’d included a character named Closet Case, everyone would have accused Kibblesmith of writing a self insert.
That or Ass Cucumber/Butt Plug and a picture of Kibble might as well have been the cover of the first issue
A 1930's detective who can travel through a Narnia-like realm to any closet in the world. Only he also inadvertently time travels and doesn't get why people in modern times find his name funny.
"My hobbies include memes and chonkers" this is a balding redditman writing teens alright
To be fair, the original series was the same way
The original New Warriors comic from the 1990's was actually AWESOME. I read that as a kid and I had a great time with it. I loved the 1990's 75 issue New Warriors comic and I'm also fan of the 1999 into 2000 second New Warriors series (and I'm ONLY a fan of those two New Warriors series from 1990 till 2000 because everything that came out afterwards, like the HORRENDOUS 2005 New Warriors series, was freaking terrible) I am HAPPY that this 2020's New Warriors was cancelled and never released.
2020's New Warriors is freaking terrible.
The New Warriors name got humiliated during Marvel's Civil War comic of 2006 and they never recovered after that. They released two other New Warriors comic series afterwards, but the permanent damage had been done and those two series weren't good at all for several reasons. I don't want anymore damage to the New Warriors name, so let this 2020's New Warriors comic remain cancelled forever. I will just stick to my old school New Warriors comics (from 1990 till 2000), which are simply awesome. I loved them as a kid and as an adult they are even better since I understand a lot of the past Marvel universe continuity references that are in some of those issues even more now.
B- Negative really should be named Hot Topic, it's like every edgy goth stereotype was put into one person.
Or Vampire-aids
At least until before the 2010s. Hot Topic now is just Funko pops and Tumblr.
Alas, he's too lame to even Morb properly.
@@kla4600 No Morbing time for him.
It’s weird because Hot Topic goths took a lot of their aesthetic from vampire tropes so having a vampire then take inspiration from a hot topic goth in this weird round tripping that just looks bizarre. It’s like a double lame-ifying of vampires
This is gayer than my city's known gay bathhouse.
Theyre in there right now, reading this. Building their gay power.
@@thehungrydark8755I don't even think gay people would find this good ngl
What would you expect from the guy who wrote a picture book for kids called Santa's husband
@@0jaman Gay person here, I affirm your statement. Daniel kibblesmith's version of the New Warriors is extremely dumb
Trail Blazer: "Yo. How do you Boomers boom up these stairs without dying?"
Hawkeye: "We're not 300 pound land whales."
Avengers: Hawkeye what the hell hero.!
Wolverine: He ain't wrong (I'll heal up from whatever you dish out, so COPE)
"Safespace", with his force fields that work only if he's protecting other people, reminded me the guy from "Mystery Men" who was invisible but only if nobody was looking at him...LOOOOL
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Mystery Men was well ahead of its time.
I would still pick Dane Cook's 'The Waffler' over any of these guys for my superhero team.
What a shitty power. At least the mystery men guy was funny. “Safespace” is just sad.
@@chazzitz-wh4lyit's straight out of a Rick and Morty gag that they are trying to take seriously. Should be renamed from "Safespace" to "Shoot Me!" As soon as a villain realises his power, he's a vulnerable target that has to be protected by someone else, now what you want with the discernable "tank" of the team. I would then put ham as "support" but his powers are pretty limited in just creating forcefields unless he can manipulate them to yeet whatevers inside it into outer space or something then the nature of them flat out changes.
The Shoveler is trustworthy, unlike these bad "jokes".
Those siblings are a little too close for comfort! Internet gas messed them up
“He used to work for Colbert” and “He’s just not funny” … yeah, that checks out
Was Colbert ever funny? A coworker of mine loves Colbert, and has some of his stuff recorded, and it just makes me cringe.
@@zxyatiywariii8maybe waaaaaay back in the early Daily Show days. I'm thinking like 2007 or earlier
@@zxyatiywariii8no, he just validated college students preconceptions of conservatives.
I was there the moment “Splatto de Gato” became canon, and now I am here for this moment as well. I feel fortunate to be taking part in another historical moment in the Zack-canon. YaBoi!!
I actually own the "Splatto de Gato" issue and hope to get Zack to sign it some day some how.
I've also been here since the beginning! History in the making... Disgusting, awful, mind-melting history . . .
Same -- from the days of closet videos and lap hijabs, to Zack bringing great comics into being, I love it!
@@DevineInnovations - me too. Found it for dirt cheap in a sale box. Figured I might be able to get an autograph one day too.
I was there too! I miss the comic book hangouts
I’m just an old guy I guess. I was a “husky” kid. I used to write stories when I was a kid and I was always “the hero” in those stories. The version of me that was written was NEVER written as a husky person! It was written as a tall buff bad ass, because that is how I wanted to be.
Was I wrong? Did other kids not imagine themselves as better than they were?
I will never understand today’s SJW writers.
Oh and by the way once I hit puberty I was never the fat kid.
I certainly imagined myself better. I was a tiny, scrawny little girl, and my favorite character was The Hulk -- the real one, not the weird new one, despite the fact that I'm part Asian so SJWs would assume I'd like an Asian hulk.
And in video games, I'd want a tall, gorgeous woman in improbably-skanty clothing for my avatar, never someone who looked or dressed like me. Fantasy is supposed to be an escape from reality, if I wanted to see what Marvel thinks I want ("the world outside your window") I can LOOK out my window.
I chalk it up to stunted imagination. Somewhere along the line people just stopped exercising their imagination.
Normal people write stories about "better you" then try to become that better themselves. SJW are convinced they're perfect and write themselves as perfect, so they don't have to fix what they are.
Its an identitarian paradox...
Their identity became their entire personality.
So they can't be nothing but an empty stereotype.
Its a modern female mindset. Not to improve, but to want everyone else to decline and lower the bar. Men see He Man and wanna become him. Women see Barbie and call her problematic and that she should be fat like them.
“Tradition is expectation” she says, bashing tradition, to the girl who, last page, talked about how it’s important in her cultural tradition to record the stories of old people…
"It's different, because my traditions aren't white."
My mind just assumed this was a joke or a meme... It's... Real... The nerve, the arrogance...
Hubris and cluelessness, too.
I remember when I first saw Hellcat posted on 8chan, I had to check it out in a shop for real. Surely it was a joke sokebody made up? Surely the mighty Marvel wouldn't publish something like that?
Internet leaks internet gas, news at 11.
Jesus enough preamble TALK ABOUT THE MAGIC BACKPACK‼️‼️‼️‼️
Then sing the song!
@@JohnAnderson-ev3lp "Spoon Full of Sugar" or "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"?
@@senatorloaf um not the first one... 8∙X
@@marhawkman303 I'm waiting for Boots to make his appearance in thw next issue.
@@aizle101 hmmmmm interesting idea.... we'll see eh?
"KIBBLESMITH" is the PERFECT name for a CRINGE SJW Marvel Comics writer!🤣
More like "Dribblesmith"
@@logicmeister1821*Drivelsmith
So the “New” New Warriors are only going for self serving reasons with no team cohesion? It’s like a D-tier X-men squad without the talent.
you truly must feel honored to be the one guy the one lowly sunny D employee to get the honor of this comic
Sadly, today's Smithsonian would proudly display the New Warriors comic.
I had to stop the car and immediately say that YOU CANT HAVE AN ACRONYM INSIDE ANOTHER ACRONYM.
but what if i really wanna?
Trailblazer has to be based on Dora the Explorer. Once you see it you will not unsee it.
The MCU spent years making comic books appealing to the masses again, just for Marvel to follow up with this (now, no one’s watching/reading either)
Amazing how Firestar pops out on every panel she is in with her "approved-but surprisingly still attractive-body type". It feels like drawing Firestar was the artist's mental therapy.
That’s Firestar, not Sunfire. As a long haired redhead, she could have been hotter (see Jean Grey) but the artist had to hold back for current day standards.
@@paule4566 my bad
@@franciscobugatti5279 You know... Sunfire's sister Sunpyre could have fit... but... she's Japanese, not a red-head, and not a New Warrior.
*_This_** is a comic that invites deconstruction.*
No, really. Imagine a follow up to a comic that never officially released and we find out the truth behind these various characters. What truth? I don't mean the _actual_ truth, that this was shameless and incompetent pandering *but* trying to come up with some kind of explanation for this stuff _in universe._
My ideas for it, because I am shameless:
*B Negative:* He is _not_ a "living vampire" due to a blood transfusion from Michael Morbius. He's just a more conventional vampire who was "turned" as a teenager in the mid-90s. He's not a bad guy _but_ struggles to come to terms with being effectively *stuck* as a teen, hence claiming he is one. _Assuming_ he is one (not like I read the book XD).
*Pathfinder:* It is dangerous to trust beings claiming to be "God", or "a god". Maybe the bag just ate her... okay, that's probably too lazy. How about the being behind her bag *never* claimed to be a god. It _does_ want to help but is in a Disney's Aladdin/Genie kind of relationship. He - Pathfinder refuses to accept even its gender - is stuck helping this girl or doing nothing. He's just barely convinced helping others is more important.
*Safespace and Snowflake:* Okay, this one is why I can't go too dark anywhere else. Safespace is a psychic vampire. The Snowflakes (there have been multiple) are his victims. He grows close to them, filling whatever relationship they need, and - whether he wants to or not - his appearance also changes accordingly. Since the Snowflake of the books wanted a flirty twin brother, that's how he had to look.
Besides his forcefield, Safespace can drain non-Snowflakes as an "attack", but it is loud and flashy and obviously him sucking the life and/or powers out of such a person. Not exactly useful when you're still trying to fly under the radar, but *very* useful when it comes to silencing others. He can use this to heal or recover from exertion, but it won't otherwise prolong his life. Only those he turns into a "Snowflake" can do that. Snowflakes gaining cryokinesis is a (usually) beneficial side effect for him. Though, as their mental state deteriorates it can cause problems even for Safespace.
*Screentime:* Formerly a government AI tasked with monitoring pop culture, it eventually became selfaware and jacked a spare LMD patterned after a teenager. Screentime's identity is cobbled together from the memes and various trends he's catalogued. The government decided "Let's see where this goes." Why? Without realizing it, Screentime is still fulfilling his primary function otherwise _flawlessly._ The higher-ups are now debating pitching him as if he was an intentional project to the Department of Defense.
And like that, you've already flexed more creativity than Daniel Kibblesmith is even remotely capable of utilizing
Or overall, just put more thought into the characters period
That...actually sounds interesting. I particularly like what you did with Snowflake/Safespace. It gives the former’s name a neat double-meaning, too: the cryo-powers is the obvious one, but the more insidious one is how every snowflake is simultaneously unique and interchangeable.
On a less serious note, it also goes a hell of a long way to justify why their cover pose screams ‘The Lannisters send their regards.’
"Backpack, Backpack.." -Dora
You beat me too it
Whenever I was exposed to my 'grandfather's gas' I felt pretty far from 'super'.
We never even got to find out which/all of them were gay. Truly a lost legacy.
Night Thrasher is one of the coolest characters in Marvel History... and yet when MCU producers claim there are not enough Black Superheroes, no one ever bothers to remind them that he exists (along with a ton of other cool Black superheroes). It's crazy, because his art was all over the place in the 90s.
Every gene in Daniel Kibblesmith's body is recessive.
Jesus Christ! I have to use that.😂
OMG! Are we really going to get the story of internet gas?
Like a bite from a radioactive spider, it’s a superpower bearer that’s a poison in too large a dose. With limited expose, you just call out “WORLDSTARRRRR!” at inappropriate moments, but with greater exposure you become an alt-right yahtzee.
Y'know, Screentime's name and look are pretty good. Just dump the internet gas and make him able to connect to any digital network (upload, download, and hack), and maybe allow him to project 2D and 3D holograms off of any image he finds on the network.
Make him like the Major from Ghost in the Shell. Also give him optical camouflage abilities.
Make sure to watch this piece of internet history before the lawyers of the Mouse strike it down.
"Grandpa, were you around when internet gas was born?"
Fml! Has it been four years already! I remember Ethan and Cecil making fun of it!
I hope the internet mocks it again!
Oh my god... I thought this was dead to never be released for the world to see. I thought this had shamed them so badly that they were never going to allow this to be seen. Hell, I thought they had destroyed the entire project after they had been publicly embarrassed so badly. It's a shame the entire thing hasn't been mass publicly leaked so everyone can mock them for how terrible this was and how they thought this was ok.
Is Screentime's father Al Gore? The inventor of the internet?
"internet gas" LOL
Omg! Is that Safe Space and Snowflake in the thumbnail?🤣🤣👍
Wasn't this made by a guy who thought the original New Warriors comic he saw as a kid was, and i quote "to cool for him."
When i was a kid i watched Cartoon network shows like Ben 10, Samurai Jack and Megas XLR.
Aliens, giant robots, a time traveling bad ass warrior.
The more cool explosions the bether.
When i was a kid all i wanted to see whas cool stuff.
And this guy could not handle a comic book character with a blade on his arm.
Wtf!?
When I was growing up, I watched Toonami on Cartoon Network.
Ronin Warriors
Reboot
Sailor Moon
Gundam Wing
G Gundam
Batman: The Animated Series
Superman: The Animated Series
Megas XLR
Samurai Jack
Justice League/Unlimited
And DBZ.
"Anything really old, like from the 90s or the 00s"
>Shakes his cane in oldmanese
Ah Hell! I have to watch this with subtitles on because I got coworkers around me- this is a must watch!
B negative has creativity with his design.
He does look like hes a villain in a cartoon network show, but hey, none of the others look good at all
I remember making a video of a bunch of youtubers reacting to this. People was having so much fun roasting this thing that my little channel got some views from it. I’m glad that you got to read it Zack; the only that would make it sweeter is if you had a floppy to rip or drown in the sink. IYKYK
Ya Boi!!!
I DISTINCTLY remember when this
"New Warriors" version was announced & then QUICKLY removed from existence!!
Thanks for some great nostalgic memories!
I'm like 80 Percent sure that Kibblesmith was a double-agent.
23:38 You tried to talk about good comics. The industry and their sycophants hated it. Remember "Move The Needle"?
Speaking of teens, there is a moment when Jubilee is in danger and the x men are like "help her or we will be sued bc she's not officially part of the team and not covered!"
Re: the kids getting power from their grandparents. My personal theory is the SJWs know that the US has actually been pretty good on civil rights since the 70s/80s, so the parents of these kids wouldn't be able to talk about how bad their childhoods were in that regard. So they go back further generations and appeal to that horrible 1950s nightmare world they all wish they lived in. You see similar things in Echo, Star Was: The Acolyte, and even with that old lady's speech in Barbie. In essence, they're appealing to a semi-mythical past in order to achieve a glorious future. A bit like some people in Europe wanted in the 1930s.
Yes, well said. There's a woman at my church who was actually at some of the MLK marches, when she was an older teen and young 20s; and some of the things she and her parents experienced were terrifying (she's African-American).
_"LOVE SEES NO COLOR"_ is something I remember from the 90s, which she says was also popular in the late 60s; and I've always been grateful that I didn’t have to grow up in the racist country she had to grow up in.
But these SJWs seem to think the Civil Rights Movement was some kind of LARP they "missed", and they're always trying to pretend (or literally say!) that racism now is just as bad as it's ever been. 😑🙄🤬
Instead of being grateful to live in a time when Black and Brown people have the same rights as White people, they want to pretend we don't. Their lack of gratitude is disgusting.
Thesr Heroes" think working a part-time job is akin to being in a concentration camp.
On the grandparents bit. It's cause the writers don't have a good relationship woth their parents. So much so that they can't even make orphans
Excellent point.
Looking at fat Dora the Explorer, she should have been codenamed Trailgrazer rather than Trailblazer. And you can see why this book angered SJWs - none of the characters included their pronouns when introducing themselves, so they must clearly all be Alt-Right istaphobes. Also, isn't giving all the black characters massive lips meant to be a r@cist stereotype?
I might name a future pet dog Kibblesmith. I'd treat him right, but every time he'd misbehave, I'd scold him for his work on New Warriors. Such a goofy name.
can't wait for the inevitable TV show that'll get canceled after 1 season
Netflix would do it.
Thank you ( and Mr peanut) for sharing this with us
So screentime wants to join the team because they are most likely going to go viral? Is this because of that one time they blew up a town, killed all those kids and started a superhero civil war?
This is part of clown world history! It belongs in a clown museum.
This comic will be studied for generations to come. It'll be in the history book chapter describing the 2010's as a decade that defies reasonable explanation.
It was one of the very few things that made everyone come together in laughter.
You know those typical jocks, with their pink onesies, kneepads, and styled hot pink hair. This is surprising until you learn about Kibblesmith, a worm of a man who thinks the purpose of handwraps is to look tough.
In all sincerity, this somehow still looks better (at least for a laugh) than much of what I see on stands currently.
The moment you realize that these "people" believe that Syndrome from The Incredibles was the GOOD guy.
Quote:
"Oh, I’m real. Real enough to defeat YOU! And I did it without your precious gifts, your oh-so-special powers. I’ll give them heroics. I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics anyone’s ever seen! And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. Everyone can be a super! And when everyone’s super… no one will be."
This is what these people DEMAND.
There's a reason why this character was called Syndrome.
That's why The Incredibles is a kick to the teeth to those who want everything on an EQUITY playing field.
It's also why The Incredibles II is a pandering POS.
Screentime reminds me of Kid Vid from the Burger King Kid’s Club, which was popular around the same time Kibblesmith was hiding under the table from Night Thrasher’s blade. Coincidence?
In the early 70s Harlen Ellison was writing commentary under the title "The Glass Teat" for The LA Freepress talking about current tv culture including reviews of current tv shows. In one review he lamented about the lack of creativity in the writers room and segued into some of HIS (absurd and satirical ) ideas for shows one of which was "Basket Case" a quadruple amputee gun fighter who rides his horse in a basket slung over the left side and gunfights with his teeth!! I laughed at that when I read it the first time, now I'm surprised Marvel HASN'T adopted that as a super hero in some way or another because if we can have fucking INTERNET GAS then the SKY'S THE LIMIT! LITERLY!!!
Mr. peanut.
Salty.
Sea salt.
C.
C.B. Sebulski! It has to be!
...or not
I think kibble Smith's new warriors actually became an outline for the opening ceremonies of the Paris Olympics. Another tone deaf attempt to please everyone well pleasing no one.
Ikr! I hear they apologized, it was apparently such a mess. Glad I didn't waste time watching it.
NOOOO!!! Not my childhood crush Firestar, those Bastards had to pull her in? F' them, more than normal.
Trailblazer looks like she doesn't rush into anything except a McDonald's.
That's gotta be a first pass at a script.
Having everyone wander in and announce who they are was fine in the golden age but not today.
Introduce them dynamically. Show don't tell.
Have B-Negative stalking an innocent. About to break his no kill rule because he's so hungry, but then a New Warrior intervenes.
Give the artist, and the customers flicking through the book, something interesting to look at.
This deserved to fail.
The thing I remember most about the new New Warriors reveal was EVS calling Daniel Kibblesmith "Babyhead" and I laughed my ass off.
Wow, so it's really real! I'd imagine you're going to have to decline a lot of requests to share that file.
Kibblesmith will return with a new badass New Avengers team consisting of Discord Mod, Booster Shot, R/Atheism, and DEI
+size Dora the explorer with a magic backpack
Internet gas would be good for certain Brazilian websites
WAIT THIS ACTUAL CAME OUT?!
God, Marvel Comics really has no shame.
I love how on the cover Trailbazer is just standing there, hands in pockets like she's waiting for a bus. That screams adventure.
"and here we go" - Joker
I had a sister of mine on my shoulder like that once. *Once*. And she was crying on my shoulder, because she had miscarried. Her daughter had detached from the uterine wall and died in the womb. I was the only person available to be there for her, and she sobbed on my shoulder for a while. It's weird to me I suppose, but when I see Snowflake and Safe Space on this cover, my first thought is, "Who died?"
Normally siblings don't do this. Doesn't matter how tight knit you are with your family. That kind of close holding and intimacy isn't typical at all.
Zackbois we up 😂
I feel like screen time saying "Worldstar" right as a fights about to start is actually funny, but that's like the only good thing
Oh wow its like going home. They need to release this thing. We all deserve the chance to behold this absolute legendary comic.
It’s like the srk of the covenant you don’t want to look at it. 😵💀
I think New Warriors 2020 was literally how I found your channel.
I found Zach before 2020. When I started reading X-Men and other Comic Books again. And couldn’t figure out? Why all the New Comic Books seem to suck? I typed in searching for Comic Book reviews on CZcams to see? Found Zach and another popular CZcams reviewer, Captain Cummings. “Am I going Mad or are all these Books really bad!?” Glad I wasn’t crazy
They should release it with foil cover just for fun. It would sell a shit ton.
I don't think the world would survive if this book was released. I felt my testosterone drop while just looking at the tiny bits you shared.
Wow. Utter shit. Never letting Marvel live this crap down.
It's impossible to parody Neo-Progressives.
Christ alive they really did the New Warriors dirty with this. Not just a bad writer but a writer who has no understand of the characters or their backgrounds at all.
The funny thing is that this New Warriors lineup could have been salvaged (these ideas are inspired by YOU, Zack).
* B-Negative: He could be a son of Dracula. But he’s a hero, unlike his evil father. And his powers are weakened by sunlight, he does NOT burn due to it. It’s a reference to classic Bram Stoker Dracula, where Count Dracula’s powers are simply weakened by sunlight.
* Trailblazer: Her being a fat superhero is fine, and her volunteering to take care of elderly people is fine, but she needs a power that fits her name in some way. Either give her some kind of tracking power (trail), or fire manipulation, or super-speed (trailblazer), or a combination of either of the two or even a combination of all three. She can keep the magic backpack to summon items she needs,, but change the origin of the backpack so that it’s more badass (say, some evil wizard made the magic backpack, and she kicked the villain’s ass and took the backpack).
* Screentime: Change the nonsense “internet gas” bullshit into some nanites that allow him to access internet information and also additional nanites that grant him the power to summon video game weapons.
* Safespace: Change up his force-field generation power a bit so that he can put forcefields both around other people AND himself. And change his superhero name into Shelter.
I’d leave Snowflake out entirely because so far there’s NO concrete proof that non-binary is a real thing yet. I’d replace them entirely with a twin sister for Shelter, and her power is to create an energy sword, the opposite of her brother’s power to create energy shields. In other words, she’s the sword to her brother’s shield. And the energy sword-generating woman’s super-name is American Sword.
I am actually more upset with the elder New Warriors acting like Pro-Reg "heroes" than about the crappy new recruits. Marvel really did the (elder) New Warriors dirty with Outlawed.
I know there's a museum of failure somewhere, maybe the New New Warriors should be donated there.
LOL Zack! This should have stayed buried until an archeologist 1000 years later digs this up lol. Also, B-negative is Hordak's emo kid brother in my head canon. I had to put my drink down listening to this video lol. Thanks for a great laugh today.
I guess Marvel will never give me the battle of indigenous bags I’ve always wanted, between Kimi Cloud with her backpack and Shaman and his medicine bag.
Marvel Presents BAGS OF X
Maybe it's just me, but having read Busiek's Avengers, I'm disturbed by a lack of Justice in the NW roster hurts. It's not like he was caught up in an important event. Not even Nova made an appearance, but he might have been caught up being a dad to the sam alexander Nova. Also, what happened to speedball? Forgive me for not noticing this, but why does he look like a emaciated Twink? If anything, Speedball went through a whole emo arc as Penance after Civil War. Did he recover from a Meth Addiction, what did they do to him?
Internet Gas? Really? They couldn't say he was cybernetically augmented, but no, gas mutated him.
Wait...the page at 19:21 is a real page??? Like...instead of TELLING stories in a story telling medium he takes one page to exposition dump all five characters?? Why wouldn't you take five issues to BUILD these characters and show their origins?? "oh, and I don't want to be here"...well then SHOW that don't just randomly tell everyone! This is like storytelling 101...how do these people get jobs? Storytelling is dead 😭
Thank God , Mighty Lord Above that this Never was released.
The Warriors don’t need to be dragged through the mud anymore than they already have.
Today is a great day, this is like going to dig for potatoes and finding a diamond instead. Despite them trying so hard to remove it from existence it came out for our amusement.
"a flight of stairs would kill her". My hernias were hurting.
I remember people asking to preorder it so they could roast it. That was the first and only time I've heard that from customers.
Contrast this with the introduction to the New Mutants in the 80s, Where everyone had a very distinct personality and we learned everything about them naturally as the stories rolled along. This is just terrible, They really don't know what the hell to do over at Marvel
Internet gas is what we used before dial-up.
And yet, things haven't really gotten better for comics, since. The industry is still huffing the internet gas.
Fingers crossed the full issue leaks onto the internet