AITA for my son being gay?
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- čas přidán 20. 12. 2023
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One of my sons Kai(21M) is gay. He is not officially out but everyone knows he is gay. It's just so obvious. He also has a boyfriend that he claims is "just a friend" but we know the truth.
Last night all of the kids were visiting. We decided to order dinner and my daughter(17) was responsible for ordering food for everyone. I guess she thought it would be funny to order burgers for everyone but order a hot dog for Kai. She told him that "I figured you'd like this better" you know teasing him like siblings do
One of my other sons has a fiance Nora(29). After my daughter said that to Kai Nora made a face as if she was disgusted by the thought of my son being gay and told my daughter "don't joke about that it's not funny" this hasn't been the first time that Nora has said something like this about Kai. She is a firm believer that Kai is straight. She is religious so I don't think I need to explain how she feels about gay people.
Here is why I might be an asshole. Years ago I promised my son(Nora's fiance) that I will pay for their wedding but I don't want to do it. I have a gay son and I don't want someone who is against it to be a part of our family so I told them that I have changed my mind and won't be paying. As a matter of fact if she ever says something that slightly offends Kai I won't even attend their wedding.
They think I'm an asshole and I'm overreacting
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Definitely NTA.
NTA i think Nora is a disgrace to us people who are religious i don’t agree with LGBTQIA’s but I will not pressure others into my beliefs and I respect everyone and there beliefs because if I respect others they will respect me no matter what or who I believe in
Nah, that's pretty fair, I read the end. The poster is perfectly fine in what they're doing, they are in the right.
You are not the bad guy
“Sorry, when I promised to pay for your wedding I did not mean at the expense of your brother.”
absolutely what op should have said. very well put!
Well said
this is the answer
Exactly lmao
VenTea
@@venti2569venti is hot
No, you're not the bad guy. The wife-to-be, once legally part of the family will cause a rift within the family with her views and possible actions. Someone ought to have a talk with her before the wedding, as sometimes love doesn't conquer all.
Not really
@@MazeWinYeah really? Her beliefs really could cause some issues within the family and her beliefs might get passed down to her children causing even more problems
@@BearSmoothiebut from the ladies perspective, beliefs like yours could also cause issues for religious families? your beliefs could also be passed down to children, and it could be seen as a negative thing, its all about perspective.
@@bottom-shotta And that’s how I know that I can’t be around someone like that! I’m not disrespecting her beliefs but I won’t have my family around someone like that 🤷♀️
@@BearSmoothie Now consider, that i'm in public and i tell you that "I can't be around someone like that, i'm not disrespecting anyones beliefs, but i can't have my family around homosexuals"
People won't tolerate what i've just said. Once again its about perspective, you can get away saying things like that, but i will face repercussions.
Once he started talking about having a gay son, I thought this would be about not paying for his wedding because he's gay. I'm so glad it wasn't that. NTA, and good on you for standing up for your son!
I thought once nora was mentioned it would be a "getting married to pretend I'm straight" thing and that's why he refused
You mean his son who he thinks is gay because unless he’s caught the dude with another man, he doesn’t know and it’s kind of rude to assume about a person. One could say it’s almost homophobic.
@@charlottewalnut3118It literally said the son had a boyfriend, and I doubt the father wouldn’t not be paying for the wedding if the son wasn’t gay because the wife to be homophobia was the problem
@@charlottewalnut3118 😃💀
@@charlottewalnut3118How tf is that homophobic? 💀
NTA so glad to see a parent sticking up for his son, his brother should of stood up for him. I wouldn't want her joining my family x
What is the full form of nta?
@@A_human352not the asshole
@@A_human352 it means not the arsehole xx
@@A_human352 Not the asshole
@@A_human352Not the Asshole, as opposed to AH which means Asshole (or YTA which is Your The Asshole).
Nope not the asshole. Ngl you had me in the first half😂 i just hope your 17 year old ordered Kai 2 hot dogs because one hot dog is a snack lol
😂😂😂 should have got a foot long
@@victoriakiteley8337fuck me I was about to make that joke
Obviously this parent did a horrible job if the son is a homosexual. Definitely the AH because this parent went back on a promise out of being butthurt over an innapropiate comment.
@@svenolsen8184you’re so real a good parent woulda sent that homosexual son to a conversion camp smh parents those days
@@svenolsen8184I hope you never have children and if you already do its very obvious you're going to be part of the club of elderlies abandoned in nursing homes
Does anyone else think it’s weird to let one sibling choose every family member’s meal?
Maybe to some people. I let my brother choose food at times. He knows what I like and what I don't so it was never a problem to me.
😂 if they don't like it they don't have to eat it.
Nta it’s your money to spend how you wish. Things happen stuff changes just how it is.
Yes you absolutely are
@@leahketchum4078it's his money. His son isn't obligated to have his wedding paid for. Especially since he's marrying a homophobe with a gay sibling.
@@bryn1063 You cant call someone a homophobe just because their ideas dont align with yours
@@bottom-shottabut you can call them a homophone if they’re offended by the idea of someone being gay
@@bottom-shotta
You are aware what a homophobe is, right?
Her views align perfectly with the description of homophobic.
Nta, actually op sounds like a great guy. Supporting his son even if it means he seems like an ass
How is Kai an ass though?
@@anonymouscausewhynotthey meant the parent sticking up for the son even if it comes at the cost of the parent looking like an asshole to their other son
@@hotbread1004 oh ok. I agree, OP’s great.
Not really. The story makes it sound as if she could’ve found the joke in poor taste, and there’s no other examples of her possibly being a homophobe
@@Chadius_Thundercockhe literally says she’s made comments before? dude OP doesn’t have to spill his life out to the internet
At the beginning I got scared this was going a different way
Same
Same
"I have a gay son, and I am highly religious, so..." is how I thought it would go
Frfr
Likewise
NTA, actually it’s nice to see a parent defend their gay child, often times we hear about about parents who disown or abandon their kids when they find out they’re gay. Good for you.
He. Didn’t defend them tho. At all.
The family is actively giving the NOT OUT, NOR CONFIRMED GAY child shit and the poster did nothing about it.
Honestly it more reads like the future DIL thinks the HOMOPHOBIC “jokes” that ARE happening aren’t alright, and the poster is bothered they may not be able to make them anymore.
@@hakinsilver4877how are they giving the son shit about likely being gay? Granted I'm sure the parent could sit down with their son and have a nice conversation about like hey if you are gay it's perfectly alright with me and your siblings even if you are and don't wanna come out we love you none the less etc but idk, I'm not a mom nor am I gay so idk what goes on in those situations
@@hakinsilver4877are you talking about the sister-in-law to be or the sister's banter? Because frankly said, if it's the latter you clearly don't have siblings 😂
@@hotbread1004it’s not actually okay. If the son seems uncomfortable or not okay with it, that is literally bullying. Additionally, there’s bound to be a reason for him not wanting to come out, wether it be not ready or it’s an unaccepting household on some level (we don’t know everything so there may be missing context).
Either way, If the son hasn’t even said they’re gay and clearly doesn’t want to, and you’re teasing them for it, it’s not okay.
@@drenter477you most definitely are an only child so let me introduce you to sibling banter. It similar to a group of friends jokingly insulting each other except your siblings know how to cut deep but it never actually is supposed to make someone upset because in familial situations it’s a sign of love it kind of like “hey I love you and you are near and dear to my heart and I have expressed this to you on numerous occasions anyway I could land a plane on your forehead.” Which is typically followed by a response along the lines of “I love you as well but you talk a lot for a sh*t for lord farquaad look alike.” This will continue until boredom (tie) or until one sibling unleashes the ultimate insult which results in an instant win for that sibling the loser will have to listen to the winner until the loser gets a better insult this is how siblings work and without a doubt the sister in this story is the winner
For situations like this, it's best to double-check. If I were in the dad's position, I would take her aside to another room and ask, "Do you hate gay people?" as blunt as possible. There is always the chance that it's just a misunderstanding. If it's not, then you are in your rights to withdraw what you promised, if it is a misunderstanding then you may have just saved yourself from a rocky relationship with a good person
Yes, the sister teasing her bro could be light hearted, but I would ask her to knock off treating her brother different as a joke. TBH, I would have been upset not getting a buger... because I love burgers. And sometimes hot dog doesn't cut it! XD
Real christians don’t hate gay people, we just don’t support it.. we’re like this, “it’s your life, do whatever you want just don’t expect me to encourage it”
@@ebortz who do you _actually_ think you're convincing with that crap? it was transparent bs 20 years ago. it hasn't aged well since.
@@chudpunter womp
@@chudpunterSERIOUSLY! Like I know there are christians who are totally chill, but I'm losing it with people who are like "noooo we're all totally live laugh love over here be who you want just know we can't fully support it 🙏❤️✨" as if tons of christians aren't constantly fighting against every right and protection that gay people have. You can't pretend you're ok with gay people when you support groups that want them dead or forced into the closet.
So I am looking into more information on the story, but OP deleted everything and actually most commenters were curious why their was no other examples of Nora being homophobic, they were actually questioning the daughter and her "jokes" and that Nora was defending of Kai and upset at the poor joke tastes. I will edit if I find out anything else.
Edit: the reason people found the jokes the daughter pulls upsetting and is mad absolutely no one is outright defending Kai, is because whether they "know" he's gay or not, he hasn't felt comfortable saying it to them himself, so the jokes are uncomfortable.
So Nora isn't actually the bad guy, the story is actually out of context?
@@BettyAlexandriaPride I wouldn't be surprised tbh but even if she was the dad should still help his son in some way. Just because he doesn't like his future daughter in law doesn't mean he should take it out in his own son
This is exactly what I felt!! That her face was to ops daughters behavior and in defense of him. Op sounds delusional to their bad behavior to their son. It's clear how op is like "oh my sons totally gay" basically mocking him when he really hasn't said whether he is or not. And omg if he isn't... Wow that's really bad then...
It wasnt a funny joke-- it wss passive-aggressive and toxic. Prrhaps its the reason he's not 'officially' out of the closet.
Agree. The daughter (not the future DIL) is the a-hole. What a crappy, tasteless joke!
Im gay and that was funny
@EndercakeTheMessenger it can be seen as alienating. Like hey you are different to everybody else at the table.
Bro its his sister of course she made a joke like that, that aint even that bad tbh. Being offended by that says more aboght you not being able to handle the most mild insult someone could give (aka a joke)
Maybe she told her not to joke about that because she was standing up for him? Sounds like his sister is bullying him. Why do you assume she is homophobic because she’s religious? Did I miss something.
I initially thought that’s what happened but it seemed like with more context she just doesn’t feel comfortable with it. I also trust this guy’s judgement considering he is actually there IRL and knows Nora, of course. We’re simply just hearing a few sentences behind a screen.
@@Ryan-cb1ei op is full of it. His exmaples of ultra religious was her wearing a cross. When people kept questioning what she did that actually was homophobic he took down the post.
Perhaps read and listen again please. It's not the first time she said something like that and there are many more similar comments toward Kai.
@@yoru8815 I would read the comment above yours.
@@Ryan-cb1ei nah op thinks that hotdog joke was acceptable towards their "gay" son. You can't trust their judgement!! Plus they got mad at the girl for not letting them mock him? Bc well it must be for a religious reason and homophobic except the only homophobic action is ops daughters and the only other type of prejudice is op vs ppl with religious beliefs.
What's really bad is it's all ops opinion the son is gay at this point... What if he's not. And imagine too if he is and constantly getting made fun of and singled out bc of it. They don't take it seriously if they are making jokes about him being gay...
So OP...How is the daughter ordering the brother a hotdog not worse? She is teasing him about something she and you suspects and you are allowing that but angry at soon to be DIL for saying dont joke about it and she never said she was grossed out just she is religious and she made a face. Hmm. Maybe she is bothered by the sister tormenting brother?
One is ignorant & within the confines of sibling jokes, with the potential intent of making the brother more comfortable coming out one is hateful duh. My parents took my brother aside at 21 after he announced his engagement to his beard, to let him know when he was ready to come out they were ready to hear it.....he was a late launcher who was able to bring boys home for sleepovers until he finally moved out & got married to his husband in his 30s. Sometimes it's more important to convey acceptance in appropriately than to ignore an issue, it's ignorant of you to conflate homophobia with an inappropriate sibling joke with the intent to normalise her brothers sexuality in what is obviously a family that accepts him for him with a strong pro lgbtqia stance......they are doing better than you are.
@@mandylloyd only if the brother is actually gay.
@@mandylloyd also ordering one person something different than everybody else can be alienating, and doing it on the basis of sexual orientation can make it seem homophobic.
Are you perhaps an only child?
@@mandylloydI have two older brothers and if I recieved similiar treatment, especially if I haven't come out as anything, I would be somewhat upset or at least uncomfortable. So even if the brother indeed is fine, it's not unreasonable that an outsider might see it differently and react to it. It was said in thee post tho, that she had made other comments, so in this case she likely was reacting in a different way.
imagine if the son actually was straight though after all of that lmao
Thats exactly what I was thinking. Like just cause you do certain things don't make you gay. Like what are they basing this off
There’s probably a lot of context they left out if everyone in the family has unanimously decided he’s gay
@@youre764 true i just thought it was a funny idea
@@youre764But if it was so obvious, Nira would know it too, but still say it's not funny to joke about it. That still makes OP the AH who is totally fine with his daughter bullying his son and who withdraws his promises based on personal assumptions.
@@newlegend2402it’s literally stated he has a bf…
i want to point out that not all religious ppl hate/are disgusted by gay ppl. im religious and im gay myself
I feel like there's missing context. It seemed more like she was disgusted by your family's complete and utter disregard for Kai's right to his own personal private business. The first time he said he wasn't gay it should have been dropped. As the family member that got the fun poked at them for something like this, it's not funny. You're not having a joke with him, it's bullying. Leave the poor kid alone.
My thoughts exactly the little sister is a straight up bully and dads like kids will be kids and when fiancée speaks up and tells the daughter hey that’s not funny and something to joke about he gets his panties in a bunch. 🤦🏼♀️
Most people who are openly bullied have a hard time standing up and defending themselves I get siblings joking around but like even dad said everyone knows he’s secretly gay but hasn’t come out yet. Gee I wonder why that is OP???
Me and my siblings say kys as a joke gay jokes are nothing
@@rebeccaanamu812Exactly! The fiancé seems to be the only one who treats Kai with any respect.
Exactly
They specified though that the fiance Nora has said bad things about it before.
Is she against gay people or was she upset that he was being teased?
I had the same question, because I didn't like how the daughter gave him a different meal from the rest of the group, because he is gay. It's like making him feel excluded or treated differently.
Plot twist: he's not gay, after all, but just a bit "too" feminine... i have a good friend who's very feminine, and years ago, se where all sooo sure he was gay... he isn't. He might be slightly bi, cuz he did end up trying it out 20 years ago bc everyone was telling him he's gay. He prefers women to this day, he's over 50...
So, if he's not out of the closet "yet", he might just not be gay... just saying.
Yup how many people are pushed in the lifestyle just because they act “gay “ i have seen it.
@@MrSophire exactly, especially nowadays when it's being pushed and idealized like it would make you someone special...
Hold up! This is all being based on an assumption. He’s assuming because of a face she made and her religious background she anti gay.
I would have thought her words were protective, don’t say that, the man is not out, don’t out him.
But it’s 2024, we all immediately think the worst and respond completely insanely.
nono, op says she’s said things before. if he’s saying that, she’s probably said things more clear in her prejudice.
@@aspen34and when they adked him what did she say before he immediately called everyone homophobic and deleted his account.
@@aspen34 she said it's not funny to make fun about him for being gay multiple times and that's homophobic?? I'm hoping this is just a processing issue here. Bc it was clearly about her comment about his sister mocking him and to not joke about his sexuality...
Op assumes she's prejudice against their son but in the reality the only assumption we can make is that she doesn't find mocking someone's sexuality funny. Wether calling them gay when they are or arnt. Bc ordering a hotdog for a gay person bc they like objects of that shape is insulting and giving a hotdog to a straight guy and saying he likes it is also insulting.
Dad is nta, but he needs to sit down with his son without his fiance and explain that he(dad) will not tolerate her behaviour anymore. (In a calm compased manner)
And he needs to sit down his gay son and, not force him to come out, but tell him know in an indirect way that 1. He will always be his dad's son, 2. That he (dad) doesn't care about what his kids are into as long as its a human and they are happy, and 3. No one gets to talk down about him and pretend to be holier
I'm religious but that was very rude of them. Were still supposed to treat gay people with respect and love(like a sibling). Not like a wild animal. Not supporting is different from hating people. Some people need to learn that.
@@NessieLoveNessieLife as long as you don't say anything about being gay, you're fine. We more care about people being outwardly offensive. In short, you don't have to like it, but you do have to be as respectful as you would be towards a straight couple/person.
@@Moldy_Voldy_26 That's what I just said......?
@@Moldy_Voldy_26Thats a lie. I've seen people being called nasty names simply because they said they don't agree with it. I've been respectful to homosexual people my whole life but my best friend stop talking to me and even called me things like homophobe and misogynist, simply because i said i dont agree with homosexuality. Ironic that i was called the intolerant one
@@bottom-shottayou don’t want the gay person to be who they are and love who they love others want you to just realize that it’s the same as a regular relationship you’re the bad person here you can believe a kind of person is bad simply for wanting to fuck someone different than you and not be a trash person
Youre the bad guy for insisting hes gay while he denys it. And even if he is gay, hes never gonna come out to yall while you act this way.
Not really a supportive family will make him more comfortable when he comes out
@@JustinAdamson270 they're not being supportive. That's not what being supportive looks like.
@@pixiewixiechu false lol that's exactly what support looks like they're making jokes not calling him a fag or fairy
Yes you are definitely the bad guy
@ivel1os Yes he is. He says his son isn’t out yet but he had no qualms about outing him on Reddit. Plus, he brushed off the sister’s tasteless joke as “normal sibling teasing.” A lot of parents turn a blind eye to bullying among siblings because they view it as normal sibling rivalry.
@@avalasialoveExactly. And then when Nora called out the tasteless behavior, he now *suddenly* has a problem with her being religious, when clearly he was fine with her beliefs when he promised to pay for the wedding.
I thought the story would be him refusing to pay for his gay son’s wedding 😂
Yeah the title of the video is misleading.
Same 💀
I am religious and I don’t agree with how we are supposed to see gay people. I have a friends who are gay, trans and I don’t hate then
Nobody has ever really given proof that the Bible actually says anything about gay people.
And as an atheist I believe that if it does say anything homophobic then it only does because people changed the Bible to say it. I mean there's no telling how many times the Bible has been changed so it fits the majority of society's views and beliefs.
Yes you’ve accepted that and that’s good what people don’t understand is that there’s a clear difference between accepting something and supporting something 😊
I think OP is just stating she's religious, so we understand what kind of church they subscribe to.
I'm a Muslim and I agree. It clearly saids in the Quran and Bible to BE KIND
@@Wayward_Insomniacyou're right about the difference, but you can't make someone support another's decisions.
It's like abortion...you may not care if someone gets one, but you probably aren't recommending someone gets pregnant just to have one.😂
Fact, their own daughter bullies her brother by ordering a hotdog only for him saying, "I figured you'd like it better, " and in turn the commmentor flips their lid over the fiancee saying dont joke on him, all because she is religious and takes him at his word. This is called transference of anger from failing as a parent.
OP admited the daughter in law was never mean or homophobic to Kai she never did something that would be considered as homophobic OP is projecting
Yes, but comment section sees religious person = bad. I am against homosexuality but I also believe to treat everyone with respect even if I disagree with them.
@@MrSophire Thank you that is exactly my point.
But what if by chance nora was just trying to stick up for him? I dont see what a couple adults couldnt sit down and have an honest conversation.
Ah yes being disgusted by someone being possibly gay is definitely standing up for them
I was thinking that too. The poster said that she made similar comments but it's not completely clear to me. They also said that shes religious and assumed she's homophobic. Idk 🤷🏿♀️
@@emilyjohn2034OP said she made a disgusted face and told sister not to joke about that. She could’ve been telling her not to make snarky comments about gay people because it’s not nice. True, OP did say that wasn’t the first time she’s said “this kind of stuff” about the son, but he didn’t specify exactly what she said. We’ve only heard one side of the story.
@emilyjohn2034 it's an emotional memory for someone. So ofc there may be a misunderstanding. From the father's pov he thinks he's protecting his son but from the outside looking in his ex told someone to stop joking about his son. But it sounds like she's sticking up for him. Exactly why I'm asking why they didn't just talk things through. Dad let his emotions run wild and it seems like he ran from a situation his anxiety created.
@@nicograham532 even if she was it’s weird as the person only barely joining the family to make comments to the entire table about siblings joking with each other
Tbh for me it sounded like Nora could just think that making jokes about somebody being gay when he is closeted is not right... Idk about other situations though.
You failed to mention that you could just ask him like don’t make a assumptions 💀💀💀
For real
Kids are supposed to come out on their own. They don't want to and shouldn't be pressured to tell someone they are gay. 💀
Just for the record, I think it’s quite offensive to just assume religious people automatically hate gay people. That’s not the case at all. Like any group of people, there’s always going to be some people who hold certain view points and express them in a way that may not be kind to others, but please don’t go and tar everyone with the same brush because of some people you may have had a bad experience with.
Exactly no type of religion believes in the act of homosexuality but they don't hate people .I really don't understand why people just can't respect that.
I genuinely agree
@@TheSilentGal41Because it’s objectively not true? 😂 More countries have it illegal to be gay than have same sex marriage laws on the books. *The vast majority* of countries don’t have same-sex marriages legalized. Wanna guess *why?*
@@patrickhenry1249i will tell you why. Because marriage is a reproduction system. It suppose to help increase the population of the country and so, help in evolving from people working in economy and defending the country.
The same-sex marriage does not increase the population it actually decrease so basically wether they married or not it will just count as 2 people had sex and thats it. No need to count it as “marriage” because they are not reproducing they are actually stopping their bloodline. And so, same-sex marriage depend on adopting or sperm donation to have a baby. Thats a really big problem because it completely mess up the bloodline and the family tree and could possibly result in siblings marriage.
Thats also why some people dont want same-sex marriage. Its just pointless. They are basically just close friends but thought “hey we are super close! Lets marry!” No! You can still be close friends and even have sex if you want but no need to marry!
I was uncomfortable with the entire story. 1 - your son is gay but not out. 2 - your daughter chooses to tastelessly tease him in a group setting among his family, supposed partner and others. 3 - the fiancee's "face" is interpreted as disapproval of your gay son, not the tasteless joke or potential outing of your son. 4 - zero to 60, you're running with the worst interpretation and planning to deny your promised gift of paying for the wedding. 5 - you throw in there that the fiancee is straighlaced religious. Being a supposed gay is not the problem here, but he's hasn't acknowledged it, so are you sure? So sure that ribbing him can be excused and a laugh at his expense had without guilt? I will usually defer to a poster's interpretation of things unseen in a story (fiancee's expression), but I was grimacing at the sister's joke because I disapproved of it. I immediately assumed that could be what fiancee was doing, too. You know, if she is like me me, you jumped the gun and went where you wanted because (hey, big assumption) you are uncomfortable with her religiosity and the disapproval of gays you're sure goes with it. Not saying she is or is not anti-gay, but if she is, and never speaks to it or acts to it, why bother yourself and your relationship with your son? Dig into it. Is your elder son wrong? Are you angling to control his choices in life? Is this a whip to control his actions? Maybe the way so many readers advise OPs to abandon their toxic families has some merit here for your eldest son. He should view your withdrawal of wedding funds as toxic parenting and disconnect from you.
There’s so much entitlement in the last portion of this because assuming that the future daughter-in-law is grimacing at some thing that context clues wise was said hey she is homophobic you’re saying that he’s wrong for deciding to retract his money because he’s not going to support the union that is not to say he told his son that he can’t marry her he can go ahead and marry her. He can continue to disagree with her, which is usually the line of thinking with that, however he’s not going to financially support their wedding. That’s all he said his son is still free to marry her if he wants he’s just not paying for the wedding they can pay for their wedding.
@roseybunnii7924 I wouldn't say it's entitlement. The prior poster points about OP are all valid points to question. However, how do you know what the Sister in law is thinking? How did OP? "Making a face" about an assumed subject without calling the person out and assuming to know what a person is thinking is actually assuming to know what the person is thinking. Unless you are that person, you don't know if they are thinking about other things at the same time.
Did you not grasp the part where he said this isn’t the first time she has said something like this about his son? That she is a firm believer that he is straight only because of her religion and not from anything the son has said or done? You need to get over yourself.
Same especially the part were the sisters made the joke and saying that he is gay without the son saying that he is gay
@@VeronicaSm282 you’re missing the part where it was said that the future daughter in law had repeatedly been in situations where it would jokes about and say he’s not gay and that’s wrong 😑 I’m sure OP witnessed many other occasions where that’s how they drew the conclusion it’s not she disgusted by the jokes but the context and what’s being insinuated.
Someone in this comment section made a very good point. OP says his son isn’t out yet. So he made a Reddit post revealing his son’s sexuality to the entire internet while discussing a really private situation. How do we know the son doesn’t have any form of social media? So, OP is TA for outing his son before he was ready.
most people on AITA use burner accounts, and i really doubt his sons reddit is in any way linked to his - people don’t tend to use reddit the way they do other socials.
@@aspen34 That doesn’t excuse him outing his son before he’s ready. Also, there have been some cases where friends and relatives found the original AITA posts. Besides, he probably has CZcams. What if he stumbles across this video? What if the fiancé finds this video? If she’s really as homophobic as OP is making her out to be, he just put his son at greater risk.
@@avalasialoveit's such a generic, vague post though. I doubt even if someone finds it they'll know it's about them, unless they used their real names
@@amcuevas I think you’re overestimating the privacy of Reddit. There was a post where a woman made her boyfriend get her a banana to satisfy her pregnancy craving even though she knew it triggered his sensory issues related to his ADHD. Guess what happened? Her boyfriend found the post and revealed that she didn’t tell the whole story. She didn’t even use his real name. So you see, it’s not unlikely that the son could find this post and realize that it’s about him. Even if he doesn’t, that still doesn’t excuse OP from outing him behind his back.
you are the bad guy, because breaking a promise is still considered breaking a promise
I quite wonder how many promises you have broken over your lifetime.
She didn't like a crude joke. And she hasn't done anything jerky you are assuming she is going to be a jerk.
So as things stand now yes you are .
Imagine the son is actually straight😂
As a gay man you shouldn't do this unless your gay son asks you too. Also you need to be careful this could drive a wedge between the two brothers. You and your engaged son should sit down have a talk. Let him know how you feel and why you are considering doing what you are doing. Than have him talk with his partner, she might not have hate just been exposed to bad thoughts on this. Give her a chance to grow past her programming. It is good to want to defend your son but going nuclear often just causes more hate.
Also… it seems the OP is assuming that she made a face and said “Don’t say things like that” b:c she’s homophobic, but what if she actually was reacting to the younger sister’s tacky remark about the hot dog?
@@dianaprince3176 but the video specified that she is actually homophobic
@@dianaprince3176she then said stuff afterwards, remember? And OP said it wasn’t the first time. She’s likely been more specific in the past.
While they are talking to the sons, I would say talk to the daughter too. The son is not out and may not appreciate such distasteful jokes about his orientation. The family may think it's funny but he may not.
@@anonymouscausewhynotThen why didn’t OP specify exactly what she said? True, she could’ve been intentionally insulting. However, it’s possible that he misunderstood, or worse, took what she said out of context. There’s two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
I feel like the daughter is bullying the son too. Everyone in this family needs to sit down and have a talk
Nah, seems like a normal sibling joke. I bet the he'll get back at her with another equivalent joke.
@@totallynotpaul6211But how did the son feel about it? Besides, OP clearly said he wasn’t out yet but he still had no qualms about outing him to the entire internet. Even if his family is supportive, coming to terms with your sexuality is still an emotionally taxing process. Not to mention her ordering a hot dog just for him comes across as distasteful because it looks like she’s emphasizing that he’s not like the rest of the family. If the son was cool with it, that’s fine. But OP needs to understand that strangers on the internet don’t know his family as well as him. Therefore, there’s a lot of information they’re going to miss.
@@avalasialove most only child take I've heard
@@totallynotpaul6211 fr
@@avalasialoveI agree with this and I'm not an only child (two older brothers). I'm saying this as someone who indeed has experienced weird looks/jokes implying that I'm gay despite me never saying that I am and I do not appreciate a lot of jokes that my brothers make in general, so it's totally possible. Infact one major reason why some don't want to come out is because they were made to feel weird/alienated through jokes like that (once again speaking from experience, because they got it half right lol, I'm bi). I understand that this might not be the case for him, but there also is a chance that it is.
Imagine being so closed minded that you get offended when somebody stands up for your son simply because you don't approve of her faith
Umm, if he's not out how is this not bullying?!
NTA. gay or straight, you have no right to marry into MY family and then be rude to one of MY kids. not how it works around here.
How do you have a daughter in law and not already married?? This story sounds like a lying teenager type thing. Shit that didn't happen.
Devils advocate here... If Kai isnt out of the closet, but he's getting mocked for being gay (ie hot dog vs burgers) what's wrong with her comment? It was a shitty joke. She might just be choosing to believe the things Kai says about himself rather than what his family says. That doesn't make her homophobic. Neither does her religion.
If she makes inappropriate or rude comments THEN shes homophobic. The worst example in this post thus far is the sister.
Why assume that he's being mocked? Or was a simple joke and I'm pretty sure a dad that is willing to break a promise to one son to protect the other would not allow him to be mocked by his sister. This is what happens when strangers try and bring their views into a sibling dynamic. You cannot judge actions of siblings like you would strangers. It was non of her business and she made faces because of what the joke insinuates and not the joke itself. Why would the joke not be funny ONLY to her when she wasn't the subject of it?
Of course there are a lot of assumptions to be made here but I would like to believe he didn't just do it based on one comment from her that might just be her taking what Kai says as face value. Because usually, one such comment which does have several potential interpretations wouldn't be enough to reach a clear conclusion. Especially when it comes to something severe such as homophobia which is really an issue, especially when a family member is believed to be homosexual. Maybe she also just genuinely didn't find it funny that he was mocked as that kind of sentence has several connotations based on intonation, context, and so on. As you said, another person might just think she's trying to support what Kai is saying himself since apparently no one else believes him. And while I do trust the assessment that he is homosexual, it might not be that obvious to people who don't live with the brother nor know him well and those people may find it rude to attribute a sexuality that someone claims they do not have.
It's why I would assume there were more situations like these or at least more said which clearly showed she is homophobic. Because as you said, just saying this isn't funny doesn't inherently mean much. Some may just find it rude to tease someone who isn't ready yet to come out, no matter if everyone "knows". Others may believe Kai and just want to side with him because they don't understand the family dynamic yet.
One statement which made me believe there was more is him mentioning her religion. While some religious people certainly hold such terrible beliefs about any sexualities that aren't heterosexual, it also would be wrong to say that every religious person is homophobic. I'm not religious myself but my brother-in-law is and he's got no issues with other sexualities or beliefs. And I know he's not some rare outlier either but that religion doesn't automatically have to go hand in hand with bigotry.
Assuming that the father does not hold such a prejudice about religion, considering it also wouldn't be right to automatically assume that someone is homophobic just because they are religious, she possibly said something negative about homosexuality in regard to religion before which showed without a doubt that she is at least entertaining some very problematic opinions about other sexualities.
One way or another, I feel we are missing some context. I just deem it unlikely that the fiancée would only express homophobia for the first time at that point when they are already engaged it seems (which commonly doesn't happen that quickly. At least in most cases.) and the son has been suspected to be homosexual for quite a while now too it seems. So in my opinion it is simply unlikely that this was the first issue to ever happen regarding her and Kai. Otherwise they would have to at least talk to her and give her the benefit of the doubt until it's been cleared up what she had meant by that. Just to ensure there wasn't a misunderstanding.
There is just some information missing I feel. If something else happened which solidified the assumption of homophobia, then the whole thing makes sense. And then it also makes sense to go back on a promise because promises are always made based on the knowledge people possessed at the time. If new, conflicting information comes to light, then a promise can be void.
Allowing siblings to tease the gay son but getting upset when thinks someone else is not fully supportive of gay lifestyles. That's hypocritical
Learn to spell. It's hypocritical not hypothetical. Also, it's not hypocritical at all. Siblings will tease eachother and mean nothing by it. His sister has nothing against him for being gay, while his brother's fiance clearly does. On knows he's gay, accepts it, and is just teasing him. The other is against him being gay altogether and resents the idea.
@@BrothaLove-qw1ly According to the video, he denied being gay, but they still teased him for it. Imagine if he is not gay, and his "special" friend is just his buddy. This teasing and such would be very inappropriate and probably not comfortable at all for him. Even if he is same sex attracted, this teasing maybe isn't comfortable still, I know I myself was in such situations a few times, it was not fun, still I had to laugh along.
@@hampusboman7143They're not stupid to just assume he's gay out of nowhere. That's like saying that a family assumes their daughter is in a relationship with a guy just because they're friends. Its a stupid concept. They have CLEARLY seen the signs and he hasn't outright denied it either even if he isn't 'out of the closet' yet. Do you not have siblings? Teasing is literally just that, TEASING. Someone outside that dynamic has no right to decide you're being rude to your siblings when they don't know how your relationship is. Also a dad that would defend his son in this way would not let his daughter tease him of he had a problem with it. Pretty sure thw boy would stand up for himself as well. Learn to take a joke
Yet people do just assume. I have seen before.
@hampusboman7143 thank you for getting it, unlike @brothalove-qw1ly. Family teasing is not supportive of the gay lifestyles. The father sat there and defended the teasing of his son while a non family member called out how wrong it was.
It sounds like multiple Family and ( almost ) Family Members need to have open and clear conversations. Your Son needs to feel open and free around His Family ( without you know who ) about His relationships, that you love him and nothing changes based on who he loves and that as a Family you stand behind him. Then without Your Son present speak and get a CLEAR information on The Girlfriend's stans on Same Sex Relationships, and take it from there... Explain to the Girlfriend and the Son who is with her that in This Family EVERYONE IS TREATED WITH RESPECT AND LOVE AND IF SHE CAN'T RESPECT THAT THEN AS PAINFUL AS IT IS YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BLESS OR FUND THIS UNION. NOTHING MORE NEEDS TO BE SAID❤
Ideally yes but the son shouldn’t “need” to feel open and free. I have a friend who’s gay and has a sister who’s already came out and has been accepted by their parents but despite that he still just doesn’t feel ready to come out (his parents said some suggestive stuff that implied that they already know apparently). Even if someone knows they’ll be accepted, it’s still a difficult situation to go through and even if we can’t understand, we should just let them come out whenever they feel completely ready.
@@TomatoSoup263 True, and that's why an open dialogue is so important and time sensitive since there is a wedding coming up. If you reread My comment it didn't read that this is a "Big Family discussion "
Dude, the gay son just isn't ready to come out yet. It doesn't matter how open and supportive your family is. Everyone deserves to come out in their own terms.
Don’t make excuses for not doing what you promised even if you feel it’s right! And certainly don’t ask for confirmation because you want the moral high ground. The truth is if you don’t like the values of your sons other half! Live with your decision it really isn’t my concern. I personally wouldn’t have broken stride by telling her to Ef off!!
at first I thought the dad was the bad guy but as the story unfolded my opinion changed. I'm glad he sticked up for his son regardless of who he likes, he is a good dad.
Sticked? Stuck
He didnt stick up for anyone. Op admits the only big religious thing she does is pray and have a cross. He also never says what other things she does. And when people called him out he deleted his account.
Yes you are
Nah
He should pay for the wedding. Also it's not nice to joke about someone being gay that insists they are not regardless of what someone thinks. It sounds like this Dad was just trying to weasel out of paying and is using his "might be gay" son as sn excuse. Also it's OK not to support being gay. It doesn't mean one can't be nice to a person who lives a different lifestyle.
Hey, maybe double check that that’s the issue. Could be that she may not find it appropriate to joke and call people gay. Sounds like she doesn’t know the full picture so I’d say it could go either way.
He potentially outed his son if he finds the post. Has a horrible daughter who he ignores because shes blood. And assumes she’s homophobic when she couldve been upset that the daughter did that. Bad father and daughter, blatant favouritism for the daughter
Ngl if i had two sons one gay and one straight and either of them married racists, homophobes, ect I wouldnt even want to acknowledge them as family and Id be pretty disappointed in the child dating them.
Probably wonder where I fucked up that my kids would even want to marry someone like that let alone get past the dating stage 😔
No, but keep in mind not all religious people are like that. I'm christian and I hear that ALL THE TIME. I swear we are on your side and love everyone. The exceptions just use their God as an excuse to be hateful, bc most religions say to be kind and love everyone.
Of course love everyone but don't support the LGBT sin
Why do you think that you have to explain yourself? Stand up for your own religion.
@@musicallytalented16Why are you commenting on so many of the comments just to let everyone know that you’re an asshole? It’s not a choice to be lgbtq, so really how could it be a sin? That’s like a skin colour being a sin. Nobody chooses it, get the fuck over it and move on.
The Bible both old and new testament says homosexuality is a sin but that doesn't mean you stop loving the sinner.
@@musicallytalented16So, just to be clear, you also don't support woman asking questions in church, since the bilbe says that woman are only allowed to ask their husbands or fathers in private about any questions they have about scripture. You also shouldn't support women having short hair while praying, right? You don't support women cutting their hair short in general or men having long hair, correct? Seeing as how those are all explicitly stated sins as well. It would be rather hypocritical if you are indifferent or in support of these sins, but unsupportive of homosexuality.
Well if his son wasn't out of the closet he is now to the whole world thanks to dad discussing personal family matters 😂😂
Wow, I couldn't get a cent from my parents for my wedding- and I'm an only child!! But the parents need to have a proper conversation with the brother and his soontobe bride about the meaning of FAMILY otherwise this will be the last money they'll ever see from you, including inheritance. The fact that the brother hasn't put her in her place already is a bit worrying, she is spitting your generosity back in your faces and he seems to be just fine with it, very disrespectful, who cares who the gay son is boinking as long as he is nicer and less prejudiced than HER??! I mean, even the freaking Pope has relaxed the Catholic Churches stance on gay people, is the bride going to go sneer at Pope Francis too??!
The Pope is wrong. LGBT is still wrong
They always have two sides of a story. I don't trust him.
Good dad! Nta
It’s always weird to me that in the USA religious equals homophobe. The church my husband and I are in has a lot of homosexual pastors and has no problem with marrying queer couples.
It's the ultra conservative people that we are usually talking about when we say bad things about Christian people because they are the loudest. People who don't care what you do with your life are never going to be the loudest in the room, but the person who just has to say their douchy opinion on everything is going to. We also do have a larger amount of the ruder religious people because a lot of people here, no matter what they are, whether it be black or white, Christian or jewish, feel like their opinion or views are the right ones. Old people here also don't seem to be able to grasp the fact that traditional things have been left behind, so that behavior transfers to their kids and grandkids.
I READ THAT AS MARTYRING AND I GOT SO SCARED
No, in the US disagreeing with that lifestyle makes you homophobic. Getting sick and tired of that. I disagree with homosexuality but I still treat them like Children of God because news flash they are but I am not going to say their love is beautiful ether.
@@dewmilk7266 I am so sorry, I fixed my spelling mistake 🙈
@@MrSophire The reason why so many people in America believe that Christians are homophobic is because most of them are and have wormed their way into our politics. They're trying to make people being trans illegal and revoke gay marriage.
one of the few situations when being stern and firm is the right choice, def a good guy!
How did that piece of chicken rip apart so easily!?
Wait, it's not beef? o-o
ITS FUCKING RAW!
Its called slow cooking it,
That's beef.
Standing up for your kid? Absolutely NOT the asshole OP! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The hotdog thing was brutal
Plot twist: she’s grossed out by hot dogs lol
Way too many chives. Its a garnish not a salad! But it looked delicious lol
Its nice that your kids are close enough to joke around about it with. He knows he won't be an outcasts. And no, you're not an AH
I mean, a joke like that COULD be malicious. Although it clearly wasn't lol
@trithos7308
It could. But, they're not snowflakes. And they love eachother to joke like that. My a few of my nephews and cousins are gay, and we joke all the time. We just don't take it too far
@@YaoZerZIf he's actually gay but not out yet, he probably doesn't feel safe in his own home. If he is actually straight but effeminate, this "joking around" is probably a real pain.
Well, that’s one way to get the oldest son to immediately disconnect from the family. 🤷🏻♀️
i still cant get over the fact that the sister ordered him a hotdog
I would ask her outright if she has a problem with him before assuming I know what's going on. For all he knows the fiance has a problem with people saying someone is gay who isn't willing or ready to come out, who doesn't identify as gay or genuinely isn't gay. Secondly, your keeping a promise is on you, and not keeping it shouldn't be based on your feelings.
Nope, your money and if she wants to disrespect people she can pay for the wedding with that disrespect. See how everyone there likes her.
This is one of the few times where I don’t think the person is an asshole for not fulfilling their promise.
Nta, i'm glad he isnt paying for someone like her. He sounds very kind.
Lol im religious but i couldn't give af if your gay or not. Your not bugging me at all by liking guys 😂 idk why people act like it affects them
I wish more religious folks were like you. I hope you have a good day
I know right? What did gay people do to offend people? I dont see how liking your own gender is offensive. Aswell, people be hating about gay people because "its in *religious book* to be straight!!" like dann it does matter
No, anyone who is part of the family has to love every member. I am a Christian and that is what the Bible teaches!
Not just family. Everyone.
At least according to my friend. I wouldn't know
He is not saying that he can’t marry her, he just said he doesn’t support the marriage
“Love thy neighbor” that’s literally what your stupid Bible tells you. You don’t get to pick and choose what rules to follow.
@@not.rebecca1579she is talking about the soon to be daughter in law she’s not saying the dad is forbidding it. Just that he’s justified in not wanting to pay and that as Christian’s we are supposed to love everyone.
@@not.rebecca1579 it’s not that he doesn’t support the marriage, it’s that he’s not putting a red cent towards including a bigoted person in his family.
So glad to see this dad standing up for his son....❤
NTA- you set boundaries
I don’t think op is the bad guy and I get what they mean but just a note that not all religious people are homophobic, ofc it might be in some book cause idk all religions and technically cults also have their own religion (they just aren’t official) and there are so many different subdepartments in each religion but I’m pretty sure that there isn’t anything about not accepting gay people in any officially recognised religious book
Most popular ones like the Koran and Bible actually say to love and accept the people around you and to be kind, in the bible after Jezus is Born (Christianity) in the stories about accepting people it’s most often showed with a disabled person not getting accepted by anyone until Jezus helps them but this goes for anyone
So basically in most religious texts and books it says to love and respect everyone no matter the differences even if the difference is what gender you feel attracted to
For a gay person from a conservative country, the family OP has is a dream.
That meal in the end looks delicious
NTA that soon to be wife is gonna ruin your family after she comes in it.
As a christian person i love this type of religious people, pick what they want and ignore the rest, kai may be gay and the bible say you should not do that, but the bible also says no sex before marriage, how much you guys wanna bet she is not a virgin?
So in the Bible it specifically says “don’t be gay”?
@@BearSmoothie There is like 25 bible verses about homosexuality, just search them on google if you want, but if you want to know i will never judge a person for being gay, as i say before, 95% of the "christians" will also probably go to hell, the bible forbidden a bunch of stuff like sex outside of marriage, out of wedlock kids, adultery and a bunch of other stuff.
Most notable is in Leviticus, "Man shall not lie with man as he lies with woman; that is detestable." There are other verses that references homosexuality as an abomination and sexual immorality and condemns it. Specifically condemning the act, rather than the emotional aspect. I think the main reason is due to the high health risks involved, especially in a time without decent lube or any kind of antibiotics.
@@crystalcastle3489 right? Ancient gays were some hardcore people, that must have hurted 😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah both can be wrong. Don't agree but don't bully
NTA. You promised something sweet as gesture to someone who was supposed to be family, you can't accept and act like a bish toward family for something that they can't change and for just loving who they love, they're not family if they act like that.
Thank god this isn’t on instagram
W daughter. Let HER COOK
I would never marry someone who would disrespect my brother/sister like that. The son is the biggest a-hole imo
How is the son an AH?
@@Yoshikage-Kira2 by marrying someone who discriminates against their sibling
It wasn't discrimination, it was a harmless joke. If the son took offense from it I'm sure it would have been said in the story, besides this isn't real, how can the man be 21 and have a wife and a TEENAGE son?!@@Nuri-zv4gm
@@Nuri-zv4gmIt doesn't seem like she's discriminating though. Even if she wasn't religious and was the opposite she's right about that being rude. I'm not saying she's in the right but still, I don't see any discriminating happening
@@NessieLoveNessieLifeOP literally said that she's made several comments that proved she was homophobic. This wasn't just because of a small joke about a hotdog. This was a repeated pattern of behavior that made him question if his son was in a safe environment if he ever came out.
NTA !! You're a great parent who wants to protect your son from hate 💜💜
that food looks absolutely devine i don’t even remember what the story was about anymore
Good for you for standing up
No until Nora grows the f up she shouldnt get a free ride to openly make Kai uncomfortable on the off chance he is actually queer to some degree. If she is like this now once married she'll be insuffrable.
I'm a Christian and acesexual
I'm kinda hurt when people hear "religious" they automatically think homophobic
I know this can apply to multiple religions but to me God promises to love all of his children even if they have sinned (I'm not saying being part of the LGBTQ+ is sinning just to be clear)
If it was wrong it wouldn't exist and God never said only men and women can love one another
People who say "homosexuality is a sin" is the reason a lot of Gods children doesn't want to recognize him
And OP is correct
I don't think when people hear religious they automatically think of homophobia specifically, but bigotry in general. The problem is, you can justify pretty much anything with religion and have it make sense internally and there would be no reliable way to convince the person the justification is wrong. Doesn't help that lots of religious text has some horrendous shit in it.
Just a example, when segregation was ended in the US, many Christian churches argued why they should be allowed to continue segregation because it was against their religion not to. Did this make sense? No. Where the people that said this 100% convinced it was true. Absolutely.
No. It’s a blessing to have it paid for, not a requirement
They had me in the first half ngl, was ready to rage
I'm sorry but you kinda are the bad guy.
No?💀
@@Vent2922yes? he promised to pay for his sons wedding but to defend his other son he decided to not pay to ruin one of your sons wedding for your son just kind of seems like favoritism and then kai was even confirmed to actually be gay or be offended by what she was saying
@@RyanThegoat-fw7eb With the woman insulting Kai, it would pretty obviously cause a rift in the family and make his actual bio son uncomfortable. Bio family over your other son’s wife any-day. Not paying for a wedding is an issue that can be easily solved by the other son and his wife just paying for it themselves. Allowing someone into the family who intentionally makes your son uncomfortable is an issue that really isn’t easily solved and causes rifts and drama. Get better logic.
What insult? She doesn’t know and he is not out? What if, hear me of, Kai is just an effeminate man? What if Kai is telling the truth? So op could destroy not just one son’s relationship but his other son’s as well.
Or maybe, she was disgusted by the Joke your daughter made. Kai isn't fully out of the closet, so that joke was outta pocket.
Does your sense also not tell you that she will be just as disgusted when he eventually DOES come out of the closet? Why marry someone that will look at your sibling differently and cause a rift in your relationship because of their sexual preference?
@@Ebunoluwa13 I think it's more about comedic taste. I did not find the joke funny and even a bit rude 🤷🏿♀️
@Ebunoluwa13 I didn't find it particularly funny because they treated him differently over something he CLEARLY is uncomfortable with discussing yet. Even if he IS gay (he may not be) the sis was kind of out of line here. Lacking other concrete evidence, I can't call Nora homophobic for not liking an arguably homophobic joke.
I was more concerned about Kai being hungry 😂
But about the story YNTA
No you’re a good dad and you’re daughter is very funny 😂😂😂😂
Nora is definitely why he hasnt officially come out yet. She can go find someone else's money to use
As a person who is fasting (in ramadan) and about to faint bc I didn't eat b4 fasting,seeing the food in the back made me feel more hungry than I already am💀
Okay communicate with your son about her because from how it is phrased you promissed him not her
Your a great father for sticking up for your gay son. NTA
Nora needs to get a grip or get out. It's not her business, doesn't concern her, and it's not a big deal.