You Don't Think You Deserve It | Mel Robbins
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 4. 03. 2018
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You know what to do, but you just can't seem to do it. You have a million excuses as to why you can't, the idea isn't good enough, you aren't good enough. Maybe there's something bigger here holding you back, and for good reason.
In this video, I talk to an alumna of my Power of You course who wanted to know WHY she just wasn't making her website she knew she needed to make for her business.
I think some of you will see yourselves in her story because it is not always about the surface-level issue of "procrastination" or "indecisiveness," sometimes it is much deeper.
Sometimes it's because somewhere in your past someone made you feel like you didn't deserve it. But you don't have to stay there forever. If you identify with this video and the feeling of unworthiness, I want you to know that everyone is rooting for you, and the only person that can make it happen and prove that you truly do deserve it...is you.
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"Trying to self improve in isolation." Broke my brain!!! Story of my life.
3yrs later.... I hope youâre doing well & have your village of positive supporters.
going through it rn
Oof me too
Damn, me right now
Truth for me!
The reason why you wont change is because you think you dont deserve itđ. I've felt that way for 29 yrs. It is so hard to believe in yourself and truly do it and commit to it
True!đ
But it's true. I don't deserve or capable of accepting and getting it
True, I am 29 and I feel the same đ
Im Iâm the same position. I hope you believe in yourself now âš
We got this guys! Including me too! We're gonna lift our heads up and we're gonna be the kings and queens that God made us all to beđȘI don't care who doesn't like it! I'm here for it!đpeople can talk and be jealous allllll they want to but it's okay bc God sits High and He looks low! Only He knows and sees what's going on!âšđđŻWe're Royalty, y'allđđ„đȘâšđđ đŻ
I don't think im not good enough, I just always think I could be doing more than im doing so I never feel like I deserve to be carefree/happy.
As a survivor of emotional abuse, I am so grateful that Mel Robbins is sharing her wisdom on this topic. I know that so many people need to hear this.
Yes allow your brain to recover and you deserve to be happy and focused best wishes.
Exactly what I feel
She's telling the truth. A lot of it is our parents. Mine is or was.
Unfortunately.
You look like a adult. If you still live with your parents, get out. Then take responsibility of your own feelings. NOW!!!
Same here, but it is time to change
Let's hope to do better with our kids, but let's not forget to honor them as parents or to take responsibility for our own future.
Mine started with my dad, he was emotionally abusive which sent me into a chain of abusive relationships trying to find someone who would show me the love he never did and because of the things he always said I never thought I deserved better thankfully at 30 I finally realised I was, found someone who shows me everyday that I am worth it and it changed my whole life.
5:03 "I don't think there's anybody in your life but you that's saying it." like WOAH
Fear of success is a real thing it's why many people myself included subconsciously or consciously self sabotage
Oh my God! This is me! I never seem to finish anything I start. My mum always said to me growing up and when I wanted to do something âyouâll never do thatâ or â I canât see you ever doing thatâ Now Iâm so scared of failure I donât try. I donât want to prove my mother right. đđ
You only fail if you donÂŽt try. And if you try, you may make mistakes, but youÂŽll never fail... itÂŽs just in our heads that we fail... because even if some business idea doesnÂŽt work out, youÂŽll have learned so much from that experience and especially the mistakes, that it wonÂŽt be a mistake at all... at least you will have tried and IÂŽm sure you wonÂŽt regret it in 1 year, or 5, or 10. Best of luck to you :)
I so feel the same... this vid helped me though its a stepping stone
This exactly. So scared of failure that I donât even try. I already failed in my head.
I had a similar experience growing up. There is a saying that "those that say you can't are scared that you will". This is your life. You are the one responsible for it. I realized that every time I worried if I was going to disappoint my parents, I was chained to their expectations. In order to break free, I had to start making my own decisions regardless of their opinions. There will be times where people won't be happy with your decisions, but the important thing is figuring out what you want and not letting those people's opinions hold you back from your dreams and goals.
I experienced the same thing except I went the other way. it made me not try and prove my parents point of not being able to do it. I was also discouraged from many things because of my personality they just didn't believe I could do it. I was painfully shy as a child and even my teachers discouraged me the one time I volunteered to get involved. I was really upset but I didn't realise until recently I was just constantly told by others what I could and could not do and as a result at the age of 29 I feel like I never "grew up", I never went through the phase of exploring things and discovering my likes/ dislikes and who I am as a person.
Like Julia said in Pretty Women, the negative stuff is easier to believe.
Truth.
Woman*
finally i have a reason to watch pretty women
omg this!! always have related to this line
Sad but true.
â(Donât) try to change in isolation.â ~ Mel Robbins. đđ»
Self confidence begins with positive self talk! Thank you, Today, I take action!
This video spoke to me on a cellular level. Thank you for posting this.
cellular! that's cool :) thanks for watching!
@@melrobbins I was in a Abusive relationship for 5 years. It was emotional and mental abuse. 1.He was my childhood frnd ,we loved each other. 2.got committed after School when i was preparing for my Medical entrance exam.
3. I failed badly in exam coz i was too much distracted,he supported me....4. I tried again but could not make it....then He also started preparation for his job...5.then after he started ignoring me ,i got into depression and anxiety.... After getting job he finally said i am his friend only.
I was shattered into pieces đ....i was a brilliant student before and then after getting with him I become a failure and he became successful..
I also left him
Now i have Self doubts, Regrets of wasting 5 precious years and my parents Money I feel ashamed and worthless..
But still trying to achieve my goalsâïž
My father was and is verbally abusive. I am almost 50yrs old and I still believe I don't deserve good things and sabatage jobs, relationships ect. I just today started a new job. I am soooo afraid I am going to do or say something or not going to do something. I started last Monday and so far I have been on time except 1x because I got lost. I know I need to be on time and do the paperwork. Thank you for your advice. I Do Deserve a job, a nice place to live and healthy relationships!!!!!!!đ
You sound like a really awesome person, wish I knew you so we could talk abt your job anxieties. I have that too, have sabotaged lots of stuff too. But also have walked from really toxic situations bc I loved myself Enough to do That anyway. But then seemed like whatever I left behind was fine, & I was the one who got hurt; stay or go. Don't know what to say abt That exactly, but I know that there must be a job/relationship/hobby I can do/enjoy/succeed at w/o feeling inadequate, so I keep at it. I'm sure your job is working out great, you might even find something you like Better Thru your current job. I hope we can train ourselves out of the negative programming; it's hard, but why Not us too?!? Why Not!! :)))
I'm the master of self sabatoge.
50? I'm so sorry. I myself just ask God to take me nothing changes and I don't want spend more decades in loneliness why put me on this earth to suffer. Someone more important could have taken my place instead me nobody here
Good advice! A decade of "Spinning in Place"
Laura Laine me
Same
Yeah, and will continue to spin
True.. Mine was "You don't deserve to have anything that I don't have" I still struggle with it. I need physical evidence that I deserve itđđœ
This makes perfect sense about my life. I wasnât in a bad relationship, but I grew up with an alcoholic father and whenever he drank he would go on rants and lectures about my life and never felt good enough. I am almost 30 and I finally have come to these realizations about my thinking and past behaviors
I'm almost 30 too. Feels I'm still nobody a child in grown man body was alone still feel alone will forever just asking God to take me soon how many decades of wasting on this earth
@@rol407 i feel you, you are not alone. Find some people to support you! Best of luck!
Same here, alcoholic father and narcissistic Mother. So much emotional abuse throughout growing up years..
@@ruzicaremy6154 here alkoholic father and a woman beater brothers molesters school bullying other brother making me even more scared his way of helping me
Same here and three abusive relationships đ
Iâm beginning to think you are psychic Mel. Once again you have talked about the exact thing I needed to hear this week. Although I donât feel I was in any kind of abusive relationship at any time, I did live with parents who had high expectations of me, and I now know that my âthingâ is that I think I must have been a disappointment to them. They never told me that, itâs a story I made for myself and am still choosing to believe it. Thank you for bringing it to the fore this morning.
Gail Armstrong I am in the same boat... As an adult I now understand why my dad was hard on me... unfortunately the residual effects of our difficulties linger in my adulthood... stay strong!!
It's great you were able to get to the root of how that core belief was born! Try to work on forgiving yourself and forgiving them so you can move on and grow stronger :)
Stacy Rocklein thank you! I have worked through the forgiving them phase, but now I think the disappointment is mine, and not theirs, I chose to shift it to them a long time ago. Thatâs where Iâm stuck now. Thatâs what I need to work on. đ
So happy you had this moment of clarity. I promise your parents are not disappointed xo
I have gone through this same thing
Yes i feel guilt about myself and I feel I dont deserve things.
Same I wish get some pills and sleep forever
Holy shit - 1 minute in and I already feel like sheâs talking exactly about MY life!
Ok, Jordan Peterson is my father figure, and now you, dear madam, is my mother figure. It was a very clear and true message. Thank you a lot!
I love this and I agree!
my mother always told me that ever since i was born, there was no blessing in her house. I constantly hear those words in my head decades later. everytime i get close to things finally working out in life- i massively self sabotage to keep myself in a state of failure. Ive pushed myself to take action before- but eventually fall back into the same pattern. Im going to watch this video everytime I start going this way- this video is a godsend!
I experience trauma from previous work, my current relationship and still unable to overcome, I always know what to do but unable to do it. I have a job that I dream of but feel don't deserve to have it. My life is ruined because of my self sabotage. I need an action, consistent in a week for me to break this pattern of negative mind. No one will come and push me, I have to parent my self.
I know how you feel. It took me several years to get over a bad workplace environment. But in that space of time I wasted with negative thinking, the others got on with their lives not even realising or caring I imagine what their actions did to me. In the end you only sabotage yourself by not moving on and pursuing your goals. I read somewhere, "No one cares about you". Obviously people do in your life but not to the extent you can to do what you need to do to make change happen. So it is up to you. Don't let others define your everyday goals.
This CD is absolutely wonderful! czcams.com/users/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq I liked it so much that I bought a copy for my sister who also liked it. It is very well done. I like the fact that there is nothing in the background to disturb - no music. I am able to concentrate on the various steps of meditation. The pauses are perfect, and him's voice is soothing and encouraging. I would highly recommend this, especially for beginners. I think I will always be a beginner.
At age of 44 i realize that all my life was based on insomnia and depression, panick attacks etc. I used to call this all as i am highly sensitive and emotional person and this is bullshit. I did not understand how to deal with my emotions, with the World. Now Mel Robins at this age is teaching me how to manage the life. I am single Mom now and feel like i am first class student at Mels Academy.
I'm actually crying watching this because it's so true. I am literally just a year away from my dream job that I've worked damn hard for 8 years to get to and STILL 13 years out of a mainly emotionally abusive relationship I'm projecting on myself what he projected onto me. I thought I was over it. Clearly I still have some work to do on my self esteem! I love these videos so much. Thank you â€
When I was at the gym today I did this high knee marching exercise while lifting weights above my head. While I was doing the exercise I kept envisioning the weights I was lifting above my head were my life goals. It was interesting that all of a sudden the weights felt precious and my goals felt more achievable. I mean if my goals were those weights than my goals were not that far away and were achievable. Afterall they were right there over my head and I was the one holding them. Thank you for your insightful and inspiring videos.
Maria Christina thank you for reminding me of what I experienced and what I wrote. Itâs so amazing the positive effect we can have in each otherâs lives. Peace Maria thanks
Maria Christina thank you. I know you have what it takes as well. Onward and upward! Peace and love to you
Good visioning.
I never thought about it like this before. I need to let go of the past.
Hi Mel, I really needed to listen to this. I went through extensive therapy to heal from a decade of emotional and physical abuse. In order to move forward with my life, I had to cut ties with toxic people. I realized that while I'm free from those people, I still deep down feel worthless a lot of the time because of the tapes that replay when I am not performing to my best of my abilities. Since I was a child, I was constantly told that I just didn't have the talent in math and science and was not good at anything. I used to believe those lies, but through therapy I finally understood how they deeply impeded my success. After some self reflection, I figured out that I want to get into digital marketing and want to learn more about apps. At first I dealt with a lot of self doubt. I thought, "nah I can't learn how to code. I was never good at math or science. It isn't realistic." However, I pushed through the fear and signed up for an online beginning coding class! In doing so, I showed myself that I believe I can learn this new skill! Thanks for all your videos. Your Ted X talk was really inspiring!
This literally brought tears...thank you Mel.
Omg. This connected. My childhood, I do to myself what I felt others were doing to me as a kid. Holy shit
Realizing old, unhelpful patterns are great, right? Now, you can make a good change.
Itâs like this message was a pure godsend that happen to be in my feed at the same time I decided to look... crazy.
Thank you, Mel. And to your guest in the audience for being vulnerable, and sharing her story to help others see themselves in her place. I've got some work to do! â€ïž
She is the sister i wish i had..
I was thinking parent đ
I grew up in an abusive home where I was told that I was stupid and unlovable it has crippled my life
Not always the WORDS people have said, but the way they treat you, like you can't do anything right or you don't have anything worthwhile to contribute. There are many ways to make a child (or adult) feel small. Even a well-meaning parent can screw with a kid's head by pressing too hard or by not letting them accomplish things for themselves. I wish I could take back about 5000 impatient "Here, just let me do it"'s.
"Only 2" abusive relationships, she says?! Damn...
Resonated 100%
I agree!
Omg! All of this! đ really needed to watch this. Thank you
I don't think there is anyone else now who says your not worth it apart from you..... you know Mel, you're right xxx
I am literally in tears, this resonates so much with me, and it is really helping me through a hard time right now. thank you.
I had so many "ah ha" moments during this... Love this woman!
I got so emotional hearing this, this was extremely profound. Favorited this and need to listen to this over and over every day.
I honestly don't know where this feeling has come from. I had wonderful parents and a great family, but I honestly don't believe I deserve nice things. I have some really cute clothes, but I wear sweats almost every day because I'm scared of ruining the beautiful clothes I have. And I feel guilty for even buying the clothes in the first place. I rarely wear makeup because I try to save money.... if I don't wear it often then I don't have to spend money on it. My husband and I are in the process of renovating our house, and it's going so slow because I honestly don't feel like I deserve to live in a beautiful home. I feel guilty about the money we are spending. My dream is to be a writer, but I continuously sabotage my writing because I feel guilty for writing when I should be doing more productive things. I feel guilty every single day about almost everything I do, and I just feel like I don't do anything right. I find myself distracting myself with TV because it's the only thing that makes me feel not guilty.... however, when the TV goes off, all the guilty feelings are even worse because I wasted all that time and didn't get anything done. Ugh.... it's a horrible vicious cycle.
I can totally relate, but in my case family is just half wonderful :).
@@Arkannah It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I'm really working on my guilt issues this year. I've started wearing at least minimal makeup every day and trying to wear my nice clothes at least sometimes. I've been doing Yoga With Adriene's 30 day Home series which has been awesome. I'm still struggling with writing/home I renovations, but I'm at least making progress, and I'm trying to stop guilty thoughts from taking over. I'm sorry your family is only half wonderful.
Thank you, Mel. I think for a long time I pushed away the idea of mental and emotional abuse. Particularly because it was a supervisor that was doing it and would do it in a weird way. He would create a narrative to point out that I couldn't do things based on how he thought he was better than me. This went on for 8 years. I mostly tried to keep my head down and just get my work done. But after all that time it exploded to the point were it was very clear that he never had any respect for me. Meantime, I respected him and I thought that because he was my supervisor that he knew better. I think it was mostly due to the work environment (scientific research and academia). I don't currently have a way to afford therapy. But it's videos like this that allow me to access resources to battle the self doubt and feeling of worthlessness that has been left residual of my experience. One of the things I regret the most is not standing up for myself and letting him bully me.
Thank you so much for this. I already changed a lot but i struggle with keeping myself positive and i do 10 things that i never thought i will do but just because 1 of them perhaps didnt do that well i got demotivated... Also i abuse myself. No one is saying anything bad about me but myself and that reflects to others. It's incredible how difficult can become sometimes!! As i said thank you so much!
Saludos desde Argentina! (Salutations from arg.)
This is literally my case! Thank you very much
Preach, Mel! Preach and teach...love you!!
One of your best Mel! Thank you!
This was spot on for me! Love your 5 second rule audiobook. I listen to it everyday!
This touched me so deeply, it was jarring to be told that my behaviour patterns and incessant failure to meet expectations of my own (currently for university studying for my career as a visual artist) is because I'm deeply affected by the way my mother perceives me and my successes. She is SO dismissive of my achievements, I got my art accepted into an overseas published artist collaborated book and she didn't even bat an eye. I constantly feel UNDERWHELMED by all of the things I DO achieve so why should I ever continue to try? Obviously my work is not making considerable waves because my own mum fails to see my potential... and she's one big reason I'm even doing art, she's exposed me to it my whole life. I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship for most of my teenage years (my first boyfriend from age 16-20) my whole personality now has been formed around that partner I had and we recently broke up, I feel so empty and worthless. He called me selfish and a horrible person because I told him I couldn't spend time with him if I had homework. I was so caught up in his opinion of me that i never even got my work done in the end and he'd waste all of my time by mentally ruining me. And now I'm living alone, both my mother and my ex are largely separate from my life, but those sentiments and feelings I am so used to continue to weigh me down, and I cannot exercise self control and to even tell myself I deserve the time spent to work.
Thank you so much. Now I know that it's not just me. I know that it's because of my situation and I am experiencing time of deep healing and it's going to be a process to pull myself out of it.
Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. đ
This video came at such a good moment, seriously. Thank you Mel. x
LOVE THIS! I did not realize until I listened to this of my self doubt! I know how it started and how it keeps happening. I am always sorry and I shouldn't be. Thank you so much.. You make me think of new ways to do and say things and this is amazing! I guess I can say you have become a mentor for me... Much needed
Wow this is MUCH needed!! Thank you đđŸ
Thank you. In tears.
I havenât even finished this video and you have no idea how much you are helping people... Iâm so grateful I found this really changed my life...
OMG !!! Eye opening !!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU !!!!
Gold, this advice - every piece is GOLD!!
AMEN, THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!
Exactly what I needed to hear, right now. Thank you Mel.
This took me out of a really dark place
Thank you sooo muuuchâ€ïž
This seriously was SO freaking helpful. Holy crud. Thank you.
Thank you for this very powerful message.
Thank you for this Mel Robbins! I just had this phone call with a friend and know so many people who are crippled in their growth because of this. Game changer!!
Please never leave this planet! You are so amazing!
This hit home exactly what Iâm going through
Great video as always, thank you x
I just found this channel yesterday suggested by CZcams after watching a video from Jim Kwik and I'm so glad that it exists. I watched your TEdtalk some couple of months ago but I didn't know you owned a channel. Subscribed and keep on the excellent work it is helping me to change things.
It's so important the tone of the voice, the way you make empathy with people. Thank you!
You are just a discovery to me, I needed every word you said, thank you.
Iâm so glad I found you Mel. Really sound advice. Hope youâre well in these times
Love how you explain this! I'm in major need of breaking these habits.
That was awesome Mel..it speaks to me so much..
Thankx so much Mel!!! Gr8 advice!!! I also self sabotage sometimes!!! Universe send me the right video at right timeđ
Thank you Mel, you are a healing energy
Mel, you're amazing! Thank you for this!
Made me cry, it is amazingly true. Life changing video
This is so incredibly powerful and profound. This hits home so deeply
This is exactly why Iâve been stuck with not working out. Being told there is no progress for years was damaging and Iâm ready to defeat that negative tape
Idk how I came across this but I really needed to hear this I love the delivery of the message thx u lots I'm now a subscriber looking forward to checking out your other videos
Such a powerful and crucial message! â€
Excellent advice
Thank you, Mel. This session could have been me. You've got me thinking!
I'm glad I found this. Thank you very much.
Love your work sooo so much mel,thank you a tonđ
It really does relate a lot. To me it was all the â what a disappointment ! I thought she was so intelligent but it was just a random happeningâ and being bullied cause I liked reading at school. Plus all the you will never be able to do that, I really donât see you doing that, you donât even know what it takes. All the pressure from the you could be doing more, lead to a constant fear of disappointing people and self sabotage, cause if people stop expecting so much from you then you wonât risk disappointing them.
Mel! Thank you so much - I really needed this reminder. đ
Thanks Mel! You rock! I use your 5 second rule every day. I'm going to try this too. This made quite a bit of sense to me.
Thanks so much! I'll keep you posted.
Thank you Mel. You're spot on once again!
I have been spinning wheels for a week. Since I read your book. 54321 move! Isay! And sometimes I really get going. But the big stuff? My big goals? Im paralyzed. And not liking myself.
And then there you go Mel. You really, really gave me that aha! I got it answer today. The abuse is over I won't stand for it. But boy can I be mean to myself. Youve given me the realization that I dont have to stand for that either. I feel so fricking relieved right this minute I just had to tell you. Thank you Mel!
THANK YOU SO MUCH Mel for this information. It hit's the nail right on the head for where I find myself time and time again. It was such a vague thing that I couldn't describe - and you've nailed it. By the sound of it, many people have this running in their lives. I am so excited about doing (yes, actually 'doing') this first thing tomorrow - and finding my steps forward out of the merry-go-round of monotony... and yes, from an abusive relationship that I found the strength to leave behind 25 years longer than I should have done. THANK YOU SO MUCH, AGAIN! :)
Thank You Mel. You have no idea how much you've helped me overcome one of my many personal issues.
Oh my God! Mel this is so spot on with me! Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency oh God! I am tearing up
So powerful! Hit me today in the nicest possible way. In tears. Revelation! Thank you.
That really hit home with me,, thank you
You're awesome Mel thanks for the straight to the point no B.S. and no pretending. â€
Thanks for the video Mel! Please keep it up.
Nodding my head, yes. Thanks for this video!
Thank you so much. I've spent most of my life so far trying to understand why I don't move forward!
Love you Mel! Thank you!