You Can't Be Friends With The "Opposite Gender"
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- We push this narrative onto young men so much that they are unable to understand that platonic friendships are not only possible, but an important part of being a well-rounded person.
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This idea that just because you find the other person attractive that you would absolutely want to hookup with them is insane?!?! It’s like they don’t see other people as people just objects. Sexual objects, caregiving objects, financial objects, sports conversation objects, do they have any real relationships? They are pitiful! 🤦♀️
Clearly they emotionally stunted and have intimacy issues.
You can also find someone physically attractive and NOT want to bang them. That's also a possibility.
But, yes, this kind of thing always boils down to, ultimately, not believing that friendships with women provide any benefit. They may love their mothers, they may even love their wives, but they don't respect them, as people.
Being attracted to women doesn't mean you're not a misogynist.
I think what people don't often get is that the kind of person who will sexually objectify a woman is likely willing to objectify others for other purposes. If you're willing to see a human as an object with a single purpose that revolves around you and your pleasure, you have a lot more problems than "just" sexism.
👏👏👏@@commentercommentypants7904
This is a comment from someone who is 18 and hasn’t experienced the world. Even the most loyal women can be swooned. There’s 1 reason men are friends with women. I’m here to tell you it isn’t so that we can share good laughs and drink beers.
I'm so done with this argument. There's so many holes in it that it looks like swiss cheese. Bisexual, pansexual, and nonbinary people exist and make friends. Having a preferred gender doesn't mean you want to date EVERYONE that classifies as that gender. Even if only one person is attracted in a friendship, they can still be cordial and civil. The list goes on, and men are only making this argument because THEY CAN'T SEE THE VALUE IN BEING JUST FRIENDS WITH WOMEN!!
I honestly suspect that in these people's minds, their implicit LGBTQ+ erasure isn't a flaw of their argument, but a feature.
Yeah these are cis men though if you ever want to piss a straight guy off put him in the Cis zone. Not the friend zone so they understand why some women put men in that zone because we're not really that attracted to any of them.
I never really connected to any of them on a deeper level because there close minded and homophobic a lot of them. There also over opinionated and there some of the same ones that push marriage and kids on women and then take off. Big turn off.
Chances are he won't have an open mind and chances are he's going to get more attached to you the uglier he is that's the problem with them the men that want kids are always men you wouldn't want to sleep with and that's a problem because women need some kind of attraction there in order to mate with you.
It's not shallow it's just a preference some women might have a thing for old men but I just don't because there annoying I don't even understand why people try to say it's natural because men and women are total opposites.
There's this really bizarre belief prevalent in so many of these men; they believe that if they're attracted to women, in relationships with women, or, even, if they love their mothers, they can't be misogynists. They're wrong. They are completely different things.
@@ThePurpleCheeseMan I honestly suspect that these guys see the implicit LGBTQ+ erasure in their argument as a feature and not a flaw.
Maybe because men like this are attracted to 90% of women they meet, like horny teenagers with zero emotional intelligence and self control. So they can't be friends with anyone who moves and has matching body parts for them to make a move. Maybe it's actually safer for us they think like that, even if it makes no sense.
Sorry couples and married people, you can't be friends with each other. Banging only nothing else.
😂 😂 😂
There are people who are also in a relationship with their best friends. Whether they started out as friends and then over time fell in love, or were attracted to each other and over time developed a deep "friendship" also. But there's a reason why there are so many divorces/breakups, as the "attraction" wears off and you actually are around each other enough to see the real person, and don't like who they really are.
@bondockable Right? Lol my boyfriend is my best friend, and I'm his. Why would you choose to be with someone you aren't friends with?
@@sharibigay4712 Your last point is why I don't get why many cultures try to push people into getting married before they are allowed to live together. I'd never marry anyone until a few years into the relationship and having lived together for most of it. (If even then.) Nothing wrong with wanting to get married, but I'm very happy there's no rush to do so anymore where I live.
@@sharibigay4712 Yeah this happened to me! Me and my gf met through a mutual friend and were joined at the hip for years before we realized we were lesbian.
Even in some fantasy land where he was correct, people who are attracted to each other can *still* just *be* friends. I'm bi and there have been plenty of times when I've looked at a friend, thought "oh wow, he/she is really attractive, wonder what it would be like to kiss them...." and then just carried on being friends without a care in the world.
Yeah, I've had friends I'm attracted to, who thought I was asexual.
Exactly.
Weird how ✨️people can do that✨️
Right. I feel like that's just part of being a mature adult.
Been there too, but since I valued the friendship more and didn't want to risk it going away (especially when I was young), you just ignore the usually fleeting attraction. Some of my best friends were of the opposite sex, and there weren't any problems. If you become a "fake " friend cause you really are attracted to them, that's totally different. And will usually led to hurt feelings.
he’s basically saying that he only likes women who he feels physical attracted to.
No, he is saying that he only really likes men.
He's basically saying he only sees women as sex partners. If he's not attracted to them, he can't be friends, which means he can't treat them like people. And after all, if he's not attracted to them (he thinks) they're attracted to him, which shores up his tiny, weak self-esteem.
@@annainspain5176 Nailed it.
Lets say hypothetically I was bi. Does that mean every breathing being on this planet is just a sex partner?
Also what about people who are platonic? The don't want to put anyone's tilted tower inside anyone's hobbit hole. Do they need to have a desire to divide cheeks to make friends?
Unfortunately this is the mindset of a LOT of men. I've lost so many "friends" that stopped talking to me once they found out I wouldn't sleep with them, and some of them were married 🤢
I’m attracted to 99.9% of people so this explains why I have no friends.
I wouldn't say that I'm attracted to 99.9% of people but I do believe that most people are pretty.
@@LunarOverdrive yeah that’s fair.
@@LunarOverdrive There are a lot of attractive people
I mean, I guess I'm glad I'm in the top 0.1% of something
How many partners do you have?? 😂
So to keep this simple this kind of thinking technically means I can’t have friendships with my mom, my sisters, bosses, coworkers, etc.
Maybe he was born and raised in SWEET HOME ALABAMA...
Also why cant people be friends with people they are attracted to? Being attracted to someone is not the same as being in love with them. Two people who are attracted to one another can still be friends as long as they dont want to be in a romantic relationship with one another, which can be for many reasons.
Im happily married and bi, and yeah most of my friends are attractive. Just because they're hawt doesnt mean I want anything to do with them romantically or sxuaIIy, and it doesnt mean I cant be friend with them lol
Absolutely agree with you. I'm pretty sure he means "attractive" to mean that you secretly want to be with the other person though.
This! I have, almost exclusively, hot friends but just . . don’t hook up with them? You can def be attracted to someone (or vice versa) and organically become friends, but the person in the clipped video would probably call that being “friend zoned” or used/led on.
Yup! Same OP. My friends are all lovely looking, interesting, talented and so kind. I love them all. I see their unique beauty and hawtness but we're buds. It's that simple. I'm best buds with their partners now too and we're all just a bouquet of little rose buds together. 😊
This idiot is also by extension implying that there's only one type of attraction- eros sexual attraction. There's also a friendship chemistry that I've experienced several times with other women. (I'm straight, so I'm not eros interested in women.) Some women I just hit it off with as friendships. I was (eros) set up with a friend of a friend. We did have chemistry- but not eros chemistry. We had philio (friendship) chemistry. We had a few dates, and I asked him if he could see a romantic future for us, and he said no. I agreed, so we parted on good terms. My husband on the other hand, we spoke about deep topics before we even met for our first date so I knew we had friendship (philio) chemistry but it wasn't until our first date that we learned we also had electric eros chemistry! Greek has more than one word for love and as such, it makes sense there's more than one type of attraction.
I would bet the Speech Prof knows very well about the multiple words for love in Greek and can likely explain it better than I can.
Romantic and sxual r seperate
When I was a preteen and teenager, I used to think guys and girls couldn’t be friends because every time I tried to make friends with a guy, they assumed I had a crush on them. I was like, “No dude, I just want to trade Pokemon.”
When I was teenager almost all my friends were guys (i'm a girl) and so much people was assuming something more is happening : nope, only friendship, speaking about videogames, animes etc, or more serious things.
Oh and once time a friend saved me from a toxic relationship. A boy didn’t know he and I were friends and told him he wanted to go out with me while his girlfriend was gone. To break the relationship when she came back. He immediately warned me and no longer spoke to that boy who wanted to use me.
And fun end of the story : his ex learned about it, spoke to me, came to him and slapped him in front of everybody : got my revenge.
Of course, his girlfriend discovered it when she came back and broke up. He lost.
Hey, those version exclusives won't trade for themselves.
I can kinda relate, except for Pokémon 😢
Girls genuinely trying to make platonic friends and guys taking it the wrong way, a tale as old as time
Even if one is attracted to the other, it doesn’t mean they can’t still be friends. We have a choice to have self control and not act on our impulses. We have a choice to accept how things are and not try to make it into something else. There’s nothing wrong with thinking your friend is gorgeous and wonderful and a very good friend, and leaving it at that.
Apparently only real adults can do that.
Wait … let me make sure I’ve got this … in 2024, it is possible to have and exercise self-restraint, in order to keep a good friend to whom you’re also attracted? Holy socks, Batman!
@@aoford5351in 2024 I'm supposed to be okay with my boyfriend going out with someone who finds him attractive who he finds attractive alone? Y'all will never normalize this haha.
I find this especially damning because that man (the man in the video being commented on) is Christian. Like, my guy. You've heard of self-control. *It's supposed to be your whole thing.*
I have had good platonic friends with guys since I've been 12. While at school, I seem to have always had one guy that I sat close to that I became friends with. (This was 7th grade.) In 10th grade, I made a very good friend who ended marring a friend of mine from our friend group. At work, I made friends with a guy at about the same time I met my later husband. I guess in today's terms, people might have called my friend my "work husband," and yes, I did sometimes think that in a different time and different circumstances I might have considered something with my friend, but noting ever happened. He would go shopping during lunchtime for things for my future home and then carry my shopping bags for me. He go invited to a matric dance(like a prom) as someone's plus one. He had me go shopping with him for an evening shirt, bow tie and a cumberbabd.That was fun. We used to swap books to read, talk about music and movies we liked (or not), and never did anything inappropriate even come up.
I'm nonbinary and pansexual. I guess I can't have friends.😢
Same
Ah, but you're forgetting that men like that 100% don't respect pronouns and believe in binary genders, so according to him you'll still be a man or a woman.
I’m nonbinary and asexual. Think I need some guidance - can I have friends or is now everyone attracted to me? 🤯😵💫
@@annarichter484 Everybody is attracted to you. You are like fudge given human form. Everybody dreams to eat you up even if you are bad for their health. You are the single most desirable being on the planet. People who don't know you are attracted to you still... or something like that.
/joke
@@annarichter484 Im not non binary, but i am ace & can confirm Numerous ppl have made my existence uncomfortable by trying to make moves on me or flirt with me whilst fully knowing... granted i wouldnt have called those people friends in the first place
My mother held these beliefs too, and it took me a while to really figure out why. She was so damaged as a person that she only wanted attention from men, and the slightest bit of positive attention is all it would take for her to find them attractive. Common courtesy was viewed as sexual interest in her, and that's all she needed to be interested. All females, regardless of age, were competition. It's a very warped way to view the world, and it seems to be a mindset some men hold as well.
Thank you for sharing. Your comment helped me understand someone in my life, more. I consider her my friend, and she loves me as a friend, but she keeps withdrawing. She is a Gen X-er and has never had a close friendship. She never stayed at one school long enough to make friends.Betrayal of trust and lack of mental and emotional intimacy when young, is why. Sexual intimacy is sometimes a replacement for love, and emotional intimacy. Especially if that was messed up as a child. I am sorry your mother didn't work through her issues. It must have been extremely difficult for you. ❤
That's the foundational mindset of the "pick-me girl", who then sometimes becomes a "toxic boy mom" and then a "monster-in-law".
Too true !!!🎯@@gymnasticsgirlie0647
If you can't handle friendship, that's on you. Don't make it a universal shortcoming.
It's not a shortcoming, I don't want them.
@@facthunt2facthunt245 exactly, why have a female friend in these difficult times when you can have male friends cause those Bros are gonna be much more understanding of your feelings and much more helpful than their female counterparts. A simple street fight would be much easily won or totally negated when you have men on your side. Also, men mostly aren't people pleasers so you can expect them to be much more honest to you than females. As far as debts are concerned, call it my ego or self respect but I'll never take debts from females other than the ones who I am related to by blood, cause that just doesn't feel right to me. So, why would I need a female friend for? Anything that I could ask them for(debts, help on how to deal with a woman I like, sharing feelings), I can almost do the same with my sister.
@@Gods_bane If you don't like female friends, that's fine. But your experience is not everyone's experience.
@@ANonyMouse627 conversely, If you have like female friends, that's fine but your experiences isn't everyone's experience. 🤷
Think about being so pathetic about yourself that you can't be friends without an ulterior motive
Not only that, but you are so pathetically shallow that you can't imagine spending any time with a person you *aren't* also immediately attracted to, because they obviously aren't worthy of your time.
That is a detritus human, admitting it publicly.
Exactly. I HATE it when guys (women too sometimes but as a woman I see guys doing it more) pretend to be interested in friendship and then "dump" you the second you clarify you're not interested in anything more than that. Or even worse, they say "it's fine 🙂" and then proceed to very obviously flirt and attempt to seduce you. 🤦🏻♀️
@@tenshimoon Right! Besides, one of the most "attractive" things a guy has done for me was respect my wishes and boundaries. We were both teenagers, he had a crush on me, and when he told me I had to tell him it was not reciprocated but I'd love to be his friend if he still wanted to. He said he'd love to stay friends and MEANT IT.
We remained friends and even got closer for a couple of years, and even though he still liked me a lot he never pushed or even asked me again. Eventually I fell for him, and since he still felt the same we started dating.
When i asked him if he'd had feelings for me the whole time, he said yes. So i said "Wow... and you never mentioned it again?" "You had said no." In that moment, I fell for him even harder. Respect and kindness go a LONG way in making you feel appreciated as a person, not as an object.
@tuononnovainbici aww that's beautiful and wholesome! He definitely sounds like a keeper 💖
@tuononnovaibenbici be honest, he was watching other men plow you right?
I have been friends with someone I was attracted to. More than once. Sometimes the person was a gay man who I know was not attracted sexually to me, but did find me good friend material. In the case of a few straight guys, in each case, I have no idea if they found me attractive sexually too, but it didn't natter, because they were married. I don't do married guys. So instead I can just be friends with a married guy. And often I was also friends with their wives. And no the wives were not worried about my friendship with their husbands because their wives were not immature, insecure idiots.
Yes same here! I've had crushes on platonic friends before and guess what? I STILL WANTED TO BE PLATONIC FRIENDS AND RESPECTED THEIR BOUNDARIES.
Execpt with one dude who literally freaked out and accused me of all sorts of bs when he found out I had a tiny crush on him, and falsely accused me of being "in love" with him and blah blah blah. He clearly couldn't handle it like an adult and had to go all manchild on me and throw a tantrum over a simple tiny crush that I was perfectly happy to ignore until it died, especially if he was with someone else.
Yeah, this is the same kind of stupidity that comes into play when someone finds out a friend is gay and immediately gets triggered because they think that person finds them attractive. For no other reason than that they now know the person is attracted to the sex that they are. Imagine going through life thinking anyone near you is attracted to you. What ego it must take.
Exactly. Guys like this don't see women as people.
And why they should be even seen as people in first place lmao?
@@user-xi5ej4ox5swhat?
@@user-xi5ej4ox5s wait what?
@@watcherwlc53 YOU CAN'T READ WHAT I SAID?
@@user-xi5ej4ox5s Damn you're so edgy for suggesting women aren't people!
Totally…besides which, attraction can come and go, but it doesn’t affect whether you like them as a person. I know people of opposite genders who’ve been friends for many years. There were times they thought about dating, but the timing never seemed right, and eventually they each found their person (not each other) and they were still friends.
My roommate and friend is a guy I once dated. We decided that we liked being friends more than being a couple.
We never actually dated but I had a crush on one of my best friends for a while. For most of the period he was dating someone, and when they broke up I thought "Now's my chance to talk to him! After a couple weeks of course." And then I thought "...and what if he says yes?" And I became suspicious. And I ran it through in my head, waking up next to him, getting married to him, picking apartments together as partners (i genuinely wouldn't mind being his roommate as friends), all seemed terrible. I would hate being in a romantic relationship with him. Crush was evaporated instantly.
@@nyandoesthings that is exactly my reaction related to my best friend
She got some things that made me think that she is better than other girls, but she is so f*cking repellent, so i promised to myself to not try any romantic move on her (i broke it once in 2022, but it does not matter now)
I'm friends with lots of people I'm attracted to. Just cause he can't handle it doesn't mean I can't.
So real XD 💖🌟
i mean, that's technically what he says though, he said that if you are friends with a person of the opposite sex, one of you is attracted to the other, your comment kinda serves as evidence for his ludicrous idea, i don't agree with it, just pointing out what i believe to be a misunderstanding
@@San-lh8us He said we can't be friends, though. We are. Doesn't matter if we are or aren't attracted to each other. That's the whole point. The only reason he thinks we can't be is because he can imagine being attracted to someone and not feeling entitled to acting on that attraction. Despite being both bi and polyamory, I feel no such entitlement, or even a need, to share those desires. Most of them don't even know I'm attracted to them. They don't need to, because I don't want to be in a relationship with them for other reasons. Therefore, we are friends, because I still value them as people. What a concept, I guess.
@@faith-by-faith i believe what he meant was that it wasn't possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex and not be attracted, he seem to be the kind of not considering it friendship anymore if there's attraction involved, which is still wrong, but i do get your point
@@faith-by-faith but that' the thing, he wouldn't consider those relationships you have as friendships, because you are attracted to them, to disprove his argument you would have to present a case where you are friends with someone, and neither you or the friend are attracted to each other.
Again, i see your point, and i agree, but to not recognize his interpretation on the situation is simply to not argue with him, you may be arguing with someone else, but not him, because he does not consider a friendship when there's attraction involved.
I'm very fortunate to have a lot of female friends. They're all beautiful, but I'm not attracted to them, BECAUSE THEY'RE MY GOD-DAMN FRIENDS.
The wonderful advantage of having lots of female friends, is that they introduce you to THEIR female friends. I'm being set up at the moment with a very lovely lady who I'm determined not to let down, and it makes me feel very loved by my surrogate sisters.
It also says how highly they probably think of you to introduce you to said lady.
Wow exactly
Yeah, the "Look, it`s great to be friends with women, they deliver you your dates". makes me barf as much as men who say you can`t be friends with women. It`s the same thing with one extra step. Women are ultimately only in your life to get you laid.
@@anthill1510 no, you prize plum. My point is that it's an unexpected and unrequested bonus of having lots of female friends, just as an unexpected and unrequested bonus of having male friends is getting to meet THEIR friends.
Not all of us view every social interaction with our crotch, pal.
@@anthill1510 I view it more as an unexpected bonus of having nice friends. I didn't ask for them to set me up, they just did.
Try not to view everything as manipulation. You'll just end up becoming quite unpleasant.
My wife is my best friend, and I'm hers. Of course it can work, he's totally nuts
I have 20+ female friends and my wife have 20+ male friends. And neither of us have any reason for jealousy. I have met most of her friends and they are now also my friends.
I have friends ranging between 23 and 83, in all kinds of shapes, sizes and colours. But there is only one that I find sexually attractive, and I married her.
I don't know how anyone can have 20 friends. I don't even know that many people.
@@facthunt2facthunt245 I've just been very engaged in different associations over the years; Scouting, Orienteering, a political party, and several charities. I've also picked up friends from some of my workplaces.
This is a talking point that always annoys me (a man) because some of my most valued friendships have been with women
Damn I have close friends who are girls but I end up getting attracted to them. Is there something wrong with me
@@redfatseal2407if that attraction is a sexual attraction then it means something wrong for you !!!
@@redfatseal2407It can be normal to feel attracted to your friends. But if both parties are favorable you can still continue the friendship.
The first sentence from that guy and I was already like “oh my god”
The assumption that at least one person is attracted to the other is ridiculous in itself.
But, for the sake of argument. Even if that was true . . . Nothing would ever happen, so why wast time pursuing someone who doesn't want you. Therefore, remain in the dreaded "friend zone" and find someone else to be attracted to who is attracted to you.
(I'm generalizing, as others have said, finding someone attractive doesn't mean a desire to date. And yes, I'm aware finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone are two different things.)
The fact that y'all are fine with your men entertaining other women he finds attractive is alarming 💀. I did that and was cheated on because I listened to all of y'all who say I'm crazy.
@@Alixir1228It’s called having trust, maturity, and commitment in an adult relationship. I’m sorry you didn’t have that, but cheating is not the norm.
@@Alixir1228What was the alternative sweetie?
Controlling his social circle?
Not allowing him to have friends?
Keeping him locked in the house?
Cheated will cheat. You can shatter your entire being into million pieces and beg him to be faithful and he would have still cheated.
Its so bizzare, he looks 70 but his IQ is that of a preschooler.
Nah scrathch that, the pre schooler is probably smarter than him
The preschooler probably pulls more than he will.
The preschooler also probably has more friends that he ever will
I’m a woman, and a large majority of my friends are male. I guess I’m just a tomboy because I happen to share more interests with men than I do women. Whenever I hang out with my guy friends I’m one of them. There is no romantic or sexual chemistry between any of us. Even one of the guys I’ve been friends with for over ten years and the only bond we have with each other is still completely platonic. Nothing weird has ever happened with us. I’m so tired of this argument.
I've had four persons in my life who I'd call my best friends, the first two were men, and the last two were women. One of the women, I was not attracted to her and neither she was to me, the other, which is the one I've had the most profound and long relationship with, I was attracted to her, and her not to me.
In my perosnal experience, you can be in a friendhsip with a woman you're not attracted to, AND you can even be in a friendship with a woman you're attracted to. You just ahve to not be a dick and not think about sex all the time :p
Don’t date guys who don’t have good relationships with at least some other women. He and his sister go out and have fun together? His ex and he still phone each other to check in? He has attractive women friends? These are green flags that he sees women as people.
Also and here's a crazy thought, you CAN be "attracted" to someone AND BE THEIR FRIEND????? Like wow it's almost like this guy is saying you shouldn't see ppl as your friends no matter what!
True story i bet this guy has ZERO FRIENDS. Of ANY gender.
Well he might have equally sexistic make friends. They do then to attract each other (pun intended)
I just spoke with my ex about this. She's been seeing a guy, and he recently hung out with a woman he's friends with one-on-one. My ex decided that either he's attracted to her, or she's attracted to him, or, and this is my favorite one, if he isn't attracted to her now, he will be in the future. People really do think this way.
It’s insecurity not reality.
@@ariaflame-auhaving boundaries in a relationship isn't insecurity. Y'all are naive AF.
@@Alixir1228 No, boundaries are about how people treat you, not how people treat each other. What you're implying is controlling and abusive behavior, and you're insulting people who disagree with you. I'd recommend you seek therapy to help deal with the trauma you've experienced when you were cheated on. You aren't "wise" because you were cheated on, nobody is "naïve" for disagreeing with you.
Exactly. 1.) You're not going to be attracted to literally everybody of the opposite sex, and 2.) even if you ARE attracted to someone, you can usually decide how much to feed that attraction and/or whether to shut it down if you're already in a relationship. Your initial feelings might not be up to you, but how you behave absolutely is, and ruminating on someone is a behavior.
Behavioral modesty (for lack of better word) isn't that hard. Respect proper boundaries about how much time you spend alone with someone or how late you stay at their house, don't flirt with other people or talk about inappropriate stuff with them if you're in a relationship, don't spend inordinate amounts of time texting people other than your partner, don't feed little crushes so that they turn into big ones, don't badmouth your partner to others and don't hide things from your partner.
You can hang out alone with a married person, just not all the time or at eleven at night at their apartment. You can go to dinner with your attractive coworker on a business trip, just split the bill evenly and keep the chitchat away from inappropriate topics. You can have friends of the opposite sex; just mind your behavior and don't behave in ways that aren't platonic. Deep down, you know where the line is. Don't cross it.
People who say "you can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex" are telling on themselves. They're admitting to everyone that they don't have sufficient self-control to be in a relationship.
Coul'dnt have said it better my friend.
The side to this that so many people forget about is how men are told that not pursuing every woman possible for sex makes you gay or less of a man. For so many of guys like this, not pursuing a female friend for sex will lead to their male friends mocking them. It is fucked up, he is stupid, he deserves to be made fun of, but this is something larger than just him. It is a manifestation of a larger social issue.
This is so fucking stupid. Just because Im a guy doesn't mean I HAVE to enjoy splitting cheeks.
This is the same reason male rape victims don't talk about their issues, because of the stigma that comes with it.
I am so confused how its not normalised for men to talk to women for non-sexual reasons.
tbh I haven't been told this so I can't exactly verify. But it is kind of true and it is very sad.
What is really annoying is that there are so many pressures on men to "be manly" which I find pretty annoying.
like tf you mean purple is a "girly colour" ITS JUST A FUCKING COLOUR AND A FIRE ONE AT THAT, I CAN LIKE IT IF I WANT.
That's hilarious and sad! I married a good friend I'd known for almost a decade. The only reason our marriage lasted 9 years was because we became best friends. I loved his soul with my whole heart, but he was a dude. If he had been a woman, we'd still be together 🤣
I guess you indirectly prove him right
I am a hetero female. My 2 best friends are a male gay couple and I am on the asexual spectrum. Win win!!! 🤗
But I as a man do have female friends? Is he saying I dont? Or that I secretely wish I could be in a romantic relationship with them? It makes 0 sense. What a loser
If being trans is a choice, he just chose you to be trans whether you like it or not.
Who knew it was so easy? /s
He's trying to gaslight you into thinking your friends aren't genuine so he can isolate you and drag you into his cult.
@@cassandrabelyeu2419😂😂😂 Good one!
@@tarvoc746 thats basically every "SIGMA BRO SWOLE ALPPHA MALE ESCAPE THE MATRIX" type shit.
@@Stxvn Pretty much.
Im female, my best friend is male. He is straight. We have been friends for 20 years. Neither of us have ever been attracted to the other. Its not even remotely an issue. I don't understand why some people find this so hard to understand or think its impossible. Other than, as you said, misogyny.
There is difference between childhood friend who are basically siblings
@@shaktimishra9710 you literally proved that the video is wrong with that argument
@@marcosgonzalez4207 Exactly.
Maybe that guy should read a dictionary because I don't think he knows what platonic means
The thing about this arguement is that in order to believe it, you have to completely forget that queer people exist.
Exactly. There are so many holes in this guy's argument.
Can the gays befriend ppl of the opposite sex or can they not befriend the people of the same sex because they are romantically attracted to that sex?
Can bisexuals not have friends at all?
Or the trans, what about them? Is it based on sex or gender?
And I don't exactly believe in the multiple gender stuff, but if that was the case, what would constitute as "opposite gender" for them?
I mean, he’s also is under the impression that men and women can’t be friends because of said attraction which is completely untrue. It’s perfectly fine to be friends with someone you find physically attractive as long as you’re not only friends with the intention to eventually date them. I’m attracted to a lot of people I have absolutely no intention or interest in dating. Attractions don’t necessarily mean you need to have a relationship.
Edit: this also means that gay people just can’t have friends ever which is an insane thing to think.
I've gotten friends b/c I was attracted to them.
It just means that my h∅rn1es aren't reciprocated, so I slam them in a drawer and carry on.
Odd. It worked for me as a child. Worked for me as a hormonal teen. It wasn’t a problem as a married adult and it’s not a problem now as pretty much everyone I trust the most at least IDENTIFIES as female. My male friends didn’t understand. I didn’t care. Even if I was attracted to them, so what? If I liked their company that much, romance was just cake i didn’t need.
I was a weird kid, sure. I’m turning into a weird geezer. But it’s the kind of weird where my wife never has to wonder what I’m up to. I’m either working on our DND campaign or working on my own TTRPG. If not that, I’m watching heads explode in my favorite television show… on and off screen, especially lately, or I’m discovering new music and becoming utterly obsessed for weeks on end.
Right now it’s Volbeat. Discovered them like two days ago and it’s still astonishing I can focus on anything else with The Bliss roaring through my head.
Hard rock Danish Elvis, wot?
The only person I can share my musical finds with is the future DIL, who uses them on her stream.
I pity the fool who can’t have a woman for a friend.
Yeah. I’m old. So what?
And even in the cases where *both* persons of opposite gender are mutually attracted to one another, and are aware of each other's physical attraction to one another, they can both choose to not act on their feelings. They could both agree to intentionally keep things platonic if they are mature enough and in enough control of their own feelings to do so.
Bi here,so I guess I'm screwed if I have friends? And ONLY friends?
Don't you see? We don't have friends. There is only prey.
Imagine how he think bi people act.
"Oh shit there is a human. Maybe I can be friends with them. But Im attracted to them. Oh well, time to seggs"
Imagine eliminating half of the world's population from friendship eligibility! And since this
I am literally friends with a dude who has multiple female friends, one of them being one of my childhood friends.
I have a gay guy friend. He also happens to be very attractive. I guess I'm going to have to tell him we can't be friends anymore. 😭
Go ahead and destroy your friendship lol
And even if you want to act on that attraction and be in a relationship, them turning you down doesn't mean you are unable to be their friend, it just means you are unable to be their partner.
There are a bunch of people who break up but still have good relations with each other.
@@Stxvn That too.
Just came to say that my best friend is a man. He's going to be my Made of Honor at my wedding and is also friends with my fiance, also male. People can absolutely be friends with the opposite sex though people like the man in the video tend to pretend to be your friend so they can try to move into your bed sooooo yaaaa
Ive seen like 3 of your videos but you’re just like the dad I wish I had, it’s such a weird thing to be tearing up over but goddamnit thanks for these, you’re just like my father, your voice and everything reminds me of him, but you don’t hate me for who I am, and you don’t say you wouldn’t care if I committed sewer slide, I know you won’t see this and it’s probably not the best coping mechanism but just thank you ❤
I'm (closeted) 31yrs old trans person, never learned to speak to men without getting berated and criticized by my parents when I was younger. The only time any cis-hetero man has ever spoke to me was to "put me in my place" with hard punch to my nose (I look quite masculine). It is night and day on how they treat me and how they treat my women-friends. After many tries to socialize with people, I am coming to conclusion that friendships with men literally don't exist.
Sounds like you have not encountered any good men.
@@ariaflame-auright as you may be, this wouldn’t be the thing to say to someone who has only had bad experiences with men
Do good ones actually exist? Lol
I just want to say this as a cis/het man, I’m so sorry that you’ve encountered so many assholes out there. I hope you find better people to spend time with, and hope that whatever circumstances are blocking you from living as your true identity will change for the better
I dont keep up with this kinda stuff, but on the topic of trans people, what constitutes as the "opposite gender" for you?
Like this guy's logic is stupid on its own but when you include the transes (or whatever the plural for trans is), It makes no sense. Because if its gender based, you can't be friends with women and if it's sex based you can't be friends with men. But we know It's utter bullshit. I'm sure you have atleast one friend, right?
Soz if its kinda goofy of a response, but that guy's logic is so stupid I don't even know how it would apply.
Anyways, good luck to you.
I am a distance runner, and I train on my own during the week but meet with a group on the weekends for a bit longer run. I am the only man in a group of about 8 people. I am married and have children but all of the women I run with are my friends. There is nothing about any of them that isn’t beautiful, I love them all but I would never make a pass at them…our friendships are bigger than anything
Something I've realized about myself is that I find familiarity attractive. So the more I know someone, the more attractive they are to me. But I'm also aroace so I'm not going to pursue a relationship with someone even though I find them attractive. So maybe my definition of attractive is different to other people's but I don't see why people can't just be friends even if they do find each other 'attractive' in whatever way that means to them
Ooh!
What you are describing is called “demisexual”.
It’s on the asexuality spectrum, but it causes attraction to people who you have existing emotional bonds with, and only them.
As emotional connection and familiarity change, so can the attraction.
So you might find yourself developing romantic feelings for someone at some point, even if it’s never happened yet.
Or not.
And then you ask him if he has been attracted to every female he has ever seen in his life, and when he says no you go and ask every single female that has seen him and ask them if they were attracted to him, and when they say no, compare and contrast to find the many many pairs of no’s next to each other.
I’ve had crushes on male friends and still put the friendship over a potential romantic relationship. Friendships are valuable relationships in and of themselves.
Aside from the original thought being BS, this concept may have also a devastating impact on people whose relationship ended. Either they feel a need to destroy the relationship completely (to prove nobody is attracted to anybody anymore) or if they don't many future partners feel threatened by the ex (in the sense of "they cannot have nice relationship without still expecting more" or what).
Either every single man in my entire life is lying to me and all my female friends, or these people are making an inaccurate sweeping statement. You can decide which is more loony of an idea.
I had two best friends in high school, one male and one female.
As a bi, I had a crush on my female friend but ignored it until it went away and never told her until afterwards, my male friend (also bi) had a crush on me, told me over lunch one day but said he'd get over it and he did and my female friend (ALSO bi) had a period where she had a mini crush on him and then on me and then on neither of us.
We separated at graduation but are still in contact and they are two of my most beloved people in the whole wide world. None of us are crushing on any of the other two anymore but can wholeheartedly say that 1) the other two are still hot and 2) we strongly love each other in a platonic matter.
Who the FUCK can dictate that our friendship shouldn't work for such arbitrary reasons??? If that were the case, NONE of us would be friends and I'd be far more depressed and near-suicidal without the impact they've had on my life!!!
I hate it when people say stuff like that. Ive been friends with girls ever since I was a little kid and it has always sucked being told that im weird for being friends with them. Even as an adult there's still that underlying pressure. It's so dumb. Be friends with who you wanna be friends with people!
They did that bit in When Harry met Sally, which I never saw, just looked up that clip 🤣
I'm a single female who has friends who are *gasp* male! And not friends with benefits either.
I hear this "you can't be friends with someone of the opposing gender" shite and just shake my head. Not everyone is out to get laid, no matter if it breaks up a relationship.
And when someone's partner is automatically suspicious of intent, how much is justified suspicion & how much is needless insecurity?
🤯🤯
I was gonna say "woah I wonder what he thinks about us aspec people" but you just know he wouldn't even accept nor comprehend our existence
I recently made the distinction between finding someone attractive, and being attracted to them. That may seem like splitting hairs but to me it's the difference between recognizing that somebody has an appealing look, and actively wanting more from them than platonic friendship. Recognizing that somebody is attractive and actively being attracted to somebody maybe a small bridge to gap. But there are so many elements and experiences in life that it is entirely possible that one could have other things to do than fulfill an obligation to try and be intimate with an attractive friend.
Faxxx no printer, finally someone said it!
People of the same sex can recognize someone is attractive, without being attracted to him. Fx, mamy straight men think Ryan Reynolds is an attractive looking man, that does not mean they're attracted TO him
I don't get this: why can't you be real friends with someone you find attractive or finds you attractive? Does the "they are hot too" feelings suddenly make you not care about the person? It sure doesn't in my reality!
Hope everyone has a lot of love in their life! ❤️
Its just kinda awkward
Depends on how long youve had the freind and how many freinds you have. Could just be easier to kinda distance yoursl3f from the person depending on circumstances. Hang8ng with a person your attracted too but that doesnt feel the same back doesnt feel great and you have to personally decide how much the "freindship" is worth
We also dont use the word acquaintance enough which may be part of it
@@dozergames2395 oh, wait... You're talking as if physical attraction is the same as crushing on. I think those two are not the same thing! I mean, most people have a nice butt I like to look at, but that doesn't mean I can't see the person too. I'd be completely isolated if I couldn't hang with anyone I could see beauty in because most people have attractive sides. That doesn't mean I want to marry the whole world. Well... Some days I do feel like that, but I don't think that would be legal, or practical.
agreed as long as we acknowledge that friendship with people we are attracted to have plenty of hurdles to overcome which makes it difficult for most and functionally impossible for some to be friends with them.
And that there often another reason for that aside from being unable to see the other persons value other than for sex.
I would definitely be friends with guys I'm attracted to! Maybe as a woman we think differently, but it bothers me so much that most guys would agree that they can't be friends with a woman they're attracted to. I truly believe men and women can be friends.
I'm asexual and feel no attraction and I think I might be like grey-aromantic so most of my feelings towards literally any gender is "hey buddy let's be friendoes".
Different types of attraction exist guys
So … does that mean…every woman on the planet that I’m not attracted to wants me bad? Lesbians too? Ace women too?
Something’s not right there. 🤔
I once had a crush on a friend who had a crush on another friend who was already dating another friend of our's so my crush couldn't/wouldn't confess. Guess what happened? We were still good friends to each other and never let our attractions ruin good bonds. This was high school. How come a bunch of horny teenagers can understand this concept better than a fully grown man?
I have to say that in my experience, a guy who was my friend usually ended up hitting on me. In fact, only one didn't. We have been together 32 years now.
As a female, I have never been friends with a guy that didn't end up "confessing his attraction" to me or a desire to be together, even when I was in relationships and even as a now married woman. I have since given up on friendships with men because of this. There may be exceptions, but it's never worked for me.
Edit: I think it would be different if they could be attracted and not say anything. It makes it awkward when you have no feelings for someone and are in a relationship for ppl to tell you they want to be with you. That's just me
Yeah the guy in that vid seems like that type for SURE which is why he thinks that way. It def wrecks stuff when they act like all they were doing all along was trying to "prime" you to be their eventual partner. So then the entire friendship becomes sus. It's similar to when you find out someone is cheating & you don't know when it began [truly] so now the entire relationship becomes hollow going back to the beginning.
I'd also like to add that, despite the obvious arguments of non-straight people existing...just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you want to do it with them or date them? They could just be easy on the eyes?
This argument is so heteronormative it’s painful 😭 like. I’m bisexual. Am I just banned from having friends now?
ive been attracted to all my friends at least once personally but i fucking respect them as friends 😭😭 and i value their friendship and them as people so i just leave it tf alone and go about my day and eventually it goes away like. are these men just animals??
"You can't be friends with the opposite sex"
This is the stupidest argument I have ever heard!
Why would it matter if you are attracted to that friend or not?
I‘ve been told by so many people that my best friend and I would soon either get together or fall out because one of us was in love with the other. They’ve been saying that for 15 years. And despite both of us going through our hoe phases at the same time and hooking up with all of our other friends we never even drunk thought about getting together. That seems to bother people. He‘s gonna be a wonderful fun uncle to mine and my fiancés kids.
Doesn’t matter if there’s attraction. Even if both people are attracted to each other and both are in relationships they can still be friends. Why? Because of two simple things. 1) Self control, we learn it as children and 2) The ability to value others for more than their f@ckability!
It depends on each situation.
I am attracted to every one of my friends... I'm attracted to their sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, taste in music, etc, etc. I've had crushes on most of my friends in the beginning of getting to know them, because I thought, and still think, they're pretty awesome people. There are different kinds and levels of attraction. Even if I wanted to bang someone at first, but that's not a connection they felt with me, all that means is that we get to be just friends. That's still pretty sweet. I place a really high value on friendship, and it's so clear that people who hold opinions like this just don't.
Yeah, fax. It’s all stupid, has always been stupid, and will forever be stupid.
I am friends with a former coworker. He's 17 years younger than me and we've stayed friends since I left and moved away with my husband 13 years ago. We do not fancy each other.
I have literally zero problems being friends even with women who I am attracted to. Like, it never comes up. It is mutually decided (or most often clear on the onset) that this is going to be friendship.
The amount of friends you could have with the sex you are attracted to if you stop thinking about it only in terms of romantic love... Heterosexual men who think they can't be friends with a woman without it becoming romantic are robbing themselves of meaningful connections.
It's also, honestly, such a cultural thing. Men like that have been conditioned to think like that, and hey, many of us, progressives, had to unlearn that too. But once you do, it's impossible to go back. The indoctrination is just so nonsensical.
I think in general our culture suffers from focusing so much on romantic love. There are all sorts of other things! Platonic relationships are totally a thing too!
My partner has a close friend who happens to be a sex worker. He's straight, she's straight, idgaf, they are buddies.
That first man sounds like he cant be friends with anyone.
Of course it's possible! How can anyone say it's "impossible", just because they can't or they don't want?! I'm a heterosexual woman and I have male friends. Not all guys are stuck teens who just think about s3x all the time! 😮
THANK YOU. SO MUCH.
And you can be friends with someone you are attracted to but you can be respectful and not act on it.
A key that unlocks many doors is an excellent key, but a door that is unlockable by many keys is not a good door
Good thing people are not keys and doors, and this analogy proves and justifies absolutely nothing, because it isn't at all applicable to any real world scenario
For some reason were talking about body count now??
I've been friends with people I was attracted to and not ended up in a relationship with them. The attraction faded and it became just a regular friendship. It really isn't hard and I honestly believe that if you couldn't have seen yourself as being friends with your partner if you hadn't dated, that it might not be a good relationship fit.
I hate this topic with a burning passion
There are no radio of television friendly words to describe how much I dislike the assumptions people will make about perfect strangers and spread these opinions that make friendships more difficult
I have more than enough difficulty making and keeping friends as is
without prejudice from stupid internet arguments like this adding baseless assumptions to my genuine interest in certain people for who they are.
Because his unspoken point is that if a woman is unattractive to him, she is worth nothing to him.
By this logic, there's a lot more men attracted to me than I'm aware of, since there's a lot of wonderful men in my life that I feel no attraction to.
Somehow, I sincerely doubt it. We're probably just friends.
I actually agree with the fact that men and women can't be friends. I used to think we could, I had male friends, and I still speak with a couple guys, one from my high school days and the other I met randomly online.
The one guy friend I had that I used to hang out physically with after a couple years of "friendship" started hitting at me, this made me super uncomfortable, and I tried to give him hints that I wasn't interested but he kept pushing, until I lost my temper and told him to leave. He had mentioned for some time before that that he's lonely and he wants a gf and he was bummed that he couldn't get one. He also kept asking me if I didn't feel the same, in hindsight this was probably the earliest sign he wasn't actually a friend but wanted a convenient fuck buddy.
After he hit on me and I rejected his advances he started acting like a complete asshole to me and kept saying how women only like men who treat them horribly as if expecting me to fall head over heal with him because he was being an asshole. Around the same time I had started being an activist and participating in protests, organizing them etc and he was the complete opposite of supportive, he kept trying to tear me down and advised me to stop doing everything that brought me joy (he saw how excited I was about that and that triggered him I guess). After a couple months of this he actually stopped talking to be altogether, as if I was the one who did something wrong. It was for the best since I was running out of patience myself and I did not look forward to seeing or talking to him anyway but that just goes to show that men generally don't see women as humans and unless they get to use us the way they want to we are less than irrelevant to them.
The other 2 guys I am speaking with have also showed signs of being interested in more, albeit much more subtle than this other guy. I try to keep our interactions at a minimum because now that I know what their after I can't trust them anymore but I also don't want to be an asshole and just ghost them.
It seems to me men will only spend time with women if they are after something, oftentimes it's either sex or a relationship. I think the difference between men and women is that men only befriend women they want to fuck (are attracted physically to) while women only select men they aren't at all attracted to for being friends and this is the main reason shit ensues after a while in these types of relationship dynamics.
You had a bad experience with one guy, and I'm sorry about that, but that doesn't mean ALL guys are like that.
I've got a very good male friend I've known for nearly ten years. I've dated other guys in our friend group, and ended up marrying one of them. This guy and I? Never in a million years. He'd be even MORE disturbed by the idea of us dating than I am, and I know that because he's said so to my face (we play D&D and there was an occasion in a game where our characters had to pretend to be a couple for plot reasons). My feelings weren't even hurt. That's how radically incompatible we would be as a couple. But he's a great friend and a good man.
@@MySchoolProject15 Congrats, you've just proved my point. Also he might be gay or just an exemption in a sea of rules... I've had multiple experiences with multiple guys, this is just one example that fit the video because I didn't have endless parades of male friends over the years
I know that there are men out there who are emotionally healthy enough to be “just” friends with me, but I’ve given up on actually meeting one of them
You can find traits of other people attractive without wanting to get into a physical relationship. If you equate friendship with physical acts, you're missing what intimacy actually is. Just because one guy can't spend five minutes with a woman without thinking she wants to sleep with him, or he wants to sleep with them, that doesn't mean everyone thinks the same way.
Some of us just enjoy the company of certain people... and some of us wouldn't know if someone was flirting with us unless they explicitly said the words, "I'm flirting with you!"
Dude, my best friend is 100% my type. And they know this, it's no secret, there's no unrequited angst, no one's making moves. We don't meet in person much these days now that we don't have the same occupation, but I don't know where I'd be without they're friendship. It's fucking hard to make friends as an adult, why draw these arbitrary lines. I mean he's basically admitting that he either wants to bone the women he works with so hard it would hurt his current relationship, or that because he thinks they're ugly he doesn't value their companionship.
You can be friends with someone your attracted too. I am a man who works in healthcare, almost all my friends are women and the majority of them are quite attractive. I’m just you know, not a creep.
i do think that's what's wrong with a lot of the world, if you just grow up being friends with any gender you start seeing them as regular humans. When I was in school (I'm dutch) I had a male best friend and girls would sit in boy's laps in the morning and cuddle as friends. The guys earned that right by not being creepos about it. If teenage boys can act like that, why can't adult men? We also dated a lot less in highschool than seems normal in the U.S. and sex wasn't "cool' in the same way.
That sounds like a healthy and somewhat wholesome relationship.
@@Stxvn Yeah and it's not that different from other countries around us, it's the ones that split up the men and women that get the social issues.
Men and women have enough natural communication issues without increasing it by avoiding early contact. Dutch men like opinionated women and expect to do their share of the housework and childcare. In fact if they go out it's probably the father carrying the baby carrier as he's the strongest.
@@Iflie Yeah I see what you mean. Like We all know women and men are different and they have their own struggles, but I don't like it when like poeple like try to define a seperation between thme to such a degree you can't think of them apart from "they're are the opposite gender."
Gender wars probably ruined this generation a bit if you ask me.
@@Stxvn I think in the past the women got the rough end of the stick and the men were either happy or expected to shut up about it. You still hear beautiful stories about men who did not stick to their asigned role.
Like one man helped his wife give birth and took care of the babies too. Men like that would certainly not tell the public about that but such things made the love and respect grow in their relationships.
Women now have far higher standards, they know they don't have to put up with the manchild sitting on his butt after work like she should be grateful. Equality can feel like a downgrade to men, after all their grandfathers didn't have to do all that work. But then who did it all? Grandma and now women often have full time jobs and more too.
A guy has to prove she's better off with him than without him. A guy who treats women as equals and friends will always have a far better start.
@@Iflie yeah true. I agree with you man.
You know the age of information is really a double edge sword sometimes. On the one hand we have guys like that getting a platform to spread misogyny, hate, and bigotry. While on the other we now can practically see the red flags from space so it's easier to avoid these people.
Keep up the content btw, love your stuff 👍
I once had a philosophical debate on this topic (whether or not relationships between different genders is possible).
And let me tell you, it wasn't in secondary school or whatever. It was in high school. We were all adults (or a few months from turning 18 at least).
We proposed a few topics to discuss, and then we needed 1 person on one side, and 1 person on the other side. The other topics seemed interesting. Not that one. But it was picked by the majority.
I had to bring my gay friends of opposite genders to make my point clear that this wasn't even a debate and based on some reactions it kinda felt like some people thought I was cheating with that argument. But even then, I have friends that are girls. I am not gonna fall in love just because they're great friends.
At least the person arguing against me told me she just wanted to try to find arguments for it, but in reality she is in my side too.
I've definitely had friendships with the opposite sex where neither one of us was attracted to the other. We're human beings, we're capable of many different kinds of attachment. It's only your hangups that prevent certain ones from being possible in your own life. Get rid of the hangups and life and relationships become much more diverse.
Even if one person IS attracted to the other, why can't they be friends?
I can acknowledge that I'm attracted to someone but the feeling isn't mutual and just move past that (or recognize that we're mutually attracted, but for whatever reason don't want a romantic relationship (maybe one of us is already in a commited monogamous relationship)
I've had male friends for decades. We have never been interested in dating each other but we get along great and have enjoyed our friendship.
Heteronormativity is wild.
You've never been so wrong. Even when one is attracted to the other they can be friends, as long as the person isn't an entitled, demanding douche.