Why Narcissist Hates it When You Look Good
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
- Book Your Seat: Workshop on Heal After Surviving a Narcissistic Parent www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
CHAPTERS
00:00 introduction
00:56 Clip reaction
02:12 clip discussion
02:37 A Narcissist does everything to destroy you
04:24 You start minimizing yourself !
05:17 when does Fawning happen ?
06:36 You had to alter your personality to survive
07:28 You need to be compassionate towards yourself
08:54 Rebuilding yourself is deep work
Book Your Seat: Workshop on Heal After Surviving a Narcissistic Parent www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/pna
hello Danish!. I truly appreciate the work that you do in spreading awareness about narcissistic abuse. Your videos made me feel liberated after experiencing so much abuse. I hope to gain insights and tips on how to safely leave the narcissist, for those victims who are planning to redeem themselves and start a new life without their abuser. Huge thank you again Danish, for the work that you do, we appreciate you.
Imagine how creepy it would be if you found out how badly your narcisstic family had been talking behind your back your whole life?
Even after you established no contact or boundaries. It's like they created a false version of you that took in it's own life form. One that they're so emotionally entangled with.
OMGGGG I remember this, my clothes would disappear from my closet , I liked being dressy and shoes so he would put t shirts and men’s shorts lol so ugly and I wore it to buy a outfit and I always kept buying, even if it was new from the thrift store so he stopped and disappear my entire sexy bra and panties so I wore none! He got tired so he put surveillance cameras and stalked me everywhere
The narcissist doesn't like you look good. It's jealousy and nothing more.
Which is why they may try to make you give up the little things at first that make you, well, you, and then it just gets bigger and bigger.
Jealousy and HATE !!!
In middle school my mom forced me to cut my hair short cause "your face is too fat for long hair". Right before our yearly sibling pic. I refused to wear anything but my nkotb tshirt for it. She made sure to make that pic with my awful short hair the main pic on the picture wall in the living room, it was still there when i moved out at 21. I have that little "f you" secret of I wore that tshirt on purpose as my own little way of getting her back for the haircut she forced on me. Lol also, i lost 131lbs and that made her loose her mind. I have been no contact for a long long time so i guess i can say i lost at least double that weight now 🤭😂
I feel you. Mine still tries to take ugly pictures of me or catch me off guard and will post those instead of good pictures of me @@Ginabina76
@@Ginabina76Glad you’re ok ! 🫂 💕
Life after leaving a narcissist is like a roller-coaster ride; full of ups and downs. Eventually that ride ends and you can review it objectively and step into your new self; wiser and stronger.
I can relate to the roller coaster ride. Looking forward to eventually stepping into my new self
Amen 🙏
All I want is my ride to END more than nothing😖I'm not with him nomore and I'm still dealing with things. It's so frustrating and I'm beyond tired already
But why even if after leaving him why am I not happy. Why am I not happy even after leaving him.I just hate him but still not able to leave him . Oh God I destroyed my kids life also in the process
So true
My spouse called my clothes "booty clothes" if I wore something and looked "good," but if a "hotty" walked past us, he would break his neck to follow her down the street with his wandering eyes. #psychopath
My Ex literally threw away almost all of my clothes and gave me no money to replace them while I was in the hospital giving birth!
I know what you mean...
Just curious if you found yourself trying to dress more sexier to get his attention because he was giving it to other women in the streets?? I have a friend who’s married to a narcissist, the industry he works in he’s constantly surrounded by younger, half naked, beautiful women. She’s practically starving herself, constantly trying to work out, constantly doing her hair and make up trying to keep his attention.
@@Me-mn4nw How horrible! I'm so sorry!
My husband expects me to dress like a frumpy grandma. He flirts and talks to anyone but me. He has literally followed half dressed women in the store .
He'd say he doesnt want his woman to wear makeup but stares at Instagram women with their face BEAT
Evul
Many of the narcissist can only see you through their jealousy, so never buy into their hatred and insecurity!
Can't remember the narc EVER telling me I looked good!
I was looking for this comment.
Looking in the mirror and regularly telling yourself, "I love you" out loud really helps.
I call myself baby right now.❤
Thanks😊 🥰 I will try this ❤
Every day I wake up and thank God for peace, and then tell me I am a good person.
Thank you 😢
Then Narc will tell you "you are the narc!
My ex narc would be horrible whenever I looked good because he hates his grey thinning hair. He blamed me for causing him stress, causing his hair to get grey.
He used to say that I think I am so great. Trying to knock my self esteem. He hated that I refused to listen to his crap. He wanted me to feel bad about myself ( projection)
This is exactly accurate. He did not allow me to wear make up, nail polish, even my skin creams were disturbing him. Also he was mocking and never allowing me to wear colorful clothes. I had to wear all black when i was with him. Whenever i looked beautiful he was starting a fight, attacking me outside and made me cry and turn back home. He was a horrible person. I really hope he will go to HELL.
The last few years of his life will be hell. Eventually most narcissistic people drive everybody away, and they will be too old or sick to trick anybody else into tolerating their abuse anymore.
Don’t worry, he has already bought his one way ticket to hell…..
Yup, he will. Cruel people can't play their games with God. It is a choice to hurt other people.
Yeah my ex would mock me to even broke my sunglasses many times and hid my contacts and hair extensions, now my hair is nice and long and skin is radiant everything is shining 🤣 leave these people they're soul suckers.
I went through the same
You must never look better in any way! You need to be under them so they shine bright! Get them out of your life so YOU can shine!!!
Amen 🙏
True!!!! ✌️😅
Yes
Today, I smiled at myself in the mirror for the 1st time in 5 years. It only lasted 5 seconds, but it was nice to finally see myself again. Thanks for your videos Danish.
Ohhhhhh that’s great 😁 😊
Keep smiling at yourself every day until it becomes a habit!
My mother had always had poor impulse control, and so she was really fat my whole life. She couldn’t stand other women being thinner than her, including her own daughter.
When I was small, she kept trying to get me to overeat. And when I hit puberty, she started to mock my appearance.
She hated that I wouldn’t wear makeup, but then would get upset if I wore nice clothes rather than my usual streetwear. She started making rude comments about my face, called a dress I wore once slutty. And I wasn’t allowed to lose weight, because according to her, if I lost too much, I would look stupid.
It also went as far as my eye colour. She had blue eyes, and so did her new husband and their kids and I had brown. She didn’t like that.
I didn’t understand it then, but now I see her as a pathetic woman who couldn’t be bothered to exercise or eat properly, so it was a crime for the rest of us to look how she wanted to look but didn’t, thanks to her own laziness and gluttony.
It's shocking how many mothers despise and are jealous of their own daughters. Sick, really.
It’s SAD😢
I think we must have the same mother.
We have the same monster of a mother
@@loryjones7220Very sick
I remember thinking im so ugly now, but it was what i let him create that was who he was.
I had 21 years of this. He controlled my hair color, I was lucky I could wear makeup to work but never outside of work. I couldn't get my nails done even though I could afford to do it, god forbid I wore cropped pants!!!! I could go on and on. This video was really truly how it is. I'm 6 years out of my hell. Just when you think you're all healed and feeling good a trigger occurs......
All dressed up for a wedding, looking beautiful. He came to pick me up and said nothing. He even appeared to be in a bad mood. " Aren't you going to tell me that I look beautiful ? " - I said. " I don't feel like doing so " was his response.
Even on our own wedding my husband said nothing to me. No, you look good or something like that. He only was getting upset about the traffic, while we were driving to the registry office. This was twenty years ago. Today I am still in this marriage...
Shame on him
Miserable beings they are imagine all of us here , surviving meanwhile they do have there own good points but still hurt others. . Never Enough ..
That’s so painful. I’m sorry.
@@sabineenibas6051I’m truly sorry that happened to you. My own mother couldn’t bring herself to part with any form of compliment on my wedding day of my wedding dress. But she could bring herself to tell me that I needed to put weight on and that I should have worn a veil 🤷♀️
Thank you - your work is AWE INSPIRING- I am 69 years old and finally have gone NO CONTACT WITH MY 90 year old mother - I continue to step forward in my HEALING ❤️🌷👏
You should be so strong to be in hell till 69
I am 63 years, since 14 years NO CONTACT. She hate me, she did silent treatment.
I feel better and better. Healing.
My best wishes to you ❤
GOD bless you! You are stronger than you think! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
What happens when she dies , no worries I'm in same situation.. so many of us are here ... Horrible experience.. takes almost a lost life leave a person near end of there lives to pull back to push forward. Best wishes 🌺
It's shocking how many mothers despise and are jealous of their own daughters. Sick, really.
It's envy, they envy everyone that looks better than them, they always comparing with those around.
BINGO ENVY they even go extreme whatever you do cook dress up anything they come an do same very thing .. meanwhile there doing fine .. look okay they cant live n let others do same !!!
The more and more I watch your videos and other videos I laugh more now than staying upset. I think Im flattered! Every video that I watch hits every single note perfectly. I love it! The more I learn the more I grow stronger. Thank you to you and the other docs on youtube for educating me, making me stronger,making me smile and laugh and setting me free.❤
I'm just watching today...and I have a relief I haven't felt in years...a single video of his just literally allowed me to breathe with my husband who literally thinks I'm doing everything wrong. I could breathe, I didn't allow his words to torment me for a moment, I literally smiled to myself when I heard that I wasn't doing it right... wow
My narc ex liked it when I looked good if it made HIM look good. But I couldn’t look *too* good, or yeah, I was trying to attract other men so I could cheat on him. He convinced me that I was endangering myself with men if I dressed too nicely. He even had a way of making me feel worse when he complimented me!!
Now I wear whatever I want, and although I DO love it, it also make me nervous sometimes. If a random man says, “Nice outfit!” I don’t feel quite safe accepting the compliment, even if he is clearly not leering at me. Thank you for explaining this, Danish! Now I don’t feel guilty for being uneasy with the attention. It makes sense.
It takes time to heal. You're on your way.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Your constant response of every video leads me to believe you have some issues
@@Thenextpersonthis is probably a scam given the email they’re trying to plug at the end. This reads just like comments I see on investing videos where they try to scam people into contacting a ‘financial advisor’ to steal their money.
@@Anon-vu4ii this same comment is on many narcissistic informational videos. It’s a dead giveaway something isn’t right.
My mother would pass the bathroom while I was brushing my hair and she would always say in a very sarcastic voice” yes, we all know your beautiful” it left me feeling embarrassed and devalued & from years of similar sayings, I spend as little time as possible in front of the mirror, I hate to have my picture taken or see a picture of myself, it’s hard to accept a compliment & I cut my own hair because I want it to be easy to take care of so I don’t spend time in the mirror, I’m 72 and I don’t think I can change the way I feel at this point, thanks mom😤
I am so sorry that happened to you. How sad.😢
I was told to stick out my should blades while walking backwards in order to have a shape. I was asked what are those strings hanging down from your shorts with Oh! Those are your legs! You don't need a bra just get a bandaid after she literally halfway starved me being as I was teased for being anorexic by others. Almost killed her when I was offered an unsolicited runway modeling job as well as my narsasistic sisters which they had to ruin also.
Please try standing in front of the mirror and take a good, long look at yourself. I am sure you are beautiful inside and out. Perhaps even treat yourself and go to a salon and have a professional style your hair. They are very good and can work with your hair and shape it according to your face and neck. I am close to your age too. It's not too late.
My upbringing was very similar, sadly Mum was the "matriarch" of the family and I now seem to be looked down on by most of them.. I do wear a bit of make up daily and am starting to realise without being conceited that I can look fairly attractive!! Luckily I now have a wonderful hubby, a great career I enjoy in Care & the confidence has built. Think back to your Moms childhood & teen years and try to forgive her unhappiness and ignorance and jealousy. Sending best wishes, you are are an amazing survivor.
Yes you can challenge I dare you to defy your jealous mom and grow your hair out and look in the mirror every single day and tell yourself you love you and f*** everybody that ever told you different even at 72 and start celebrating yourself more and take more pictures and dress up and feel beautiful everyday
More like I allowed the Narcissist to destroy my identity. Now, I'm changing that. ;)
Good for you 👏🏽🙌🏽💯 💪🏽 🥰
💥 truth 💣 incoming!
Exactly
Same to me,I love my self and I will love me till the end ❤
They ask you "who are you trying to look good for? You must be cheating" Then when you let yourself go "You don't try to take care of yourself, I can't be with you"
😳🙄😳
Exactly
"Who r u looking good for, u r cheating." These were the exact words. It drove me to a point where i actually felt guilty even looking into the mirror.
@rowenabanerjee100 Facts! Projection at its finest! Thanks to videos like Danish, I finally know it's not me. I used to have tears in my eyes whenever I looked nice, and I couldn't figure out why. Now I know.
The smiles on our faces is the best thing after the breakup. I got my hair cut differently, lost weight, got a few new clothes etc. But just being happy again is the best improvement.
👏🏽😊💯🥰👏🏽🤗
💯 AGREED.
That's awesome for you! I'm glad to hear you are moving forward and looking good while doing it. Keep up the great work!
Amen
It's the body shaming at discard that was alarming, after being told so many times 'i like you just the way you're ' so not to improve. When the awakening happened it was a great relief.
When he would comment on how I looked I would say to him this is about me not you or anyone else. His response! Not a damn thing!
@@Helloitsme328 yes short & sharp ... my ex was the non responsive kind too
Well said!❤
You lose your identity and peace of mind while with a narcissist which is their goal because they use it to boost their ego and low self esteem.
Loose or lose??
@@jackiepowell7513 definitely lose
@@jackiepowell7513who cares you know what she meant this is not a damn college dissertation
@@jackiepowell7513why are u here u must be a narc lol
I got my hair done and the narcissist's reaction was an angry>>> "You think you're So cute."
lol
My spouse would take our dog to be groomed at $45 per month, but I was not "allowed" to get my hair colored or cut unless I had permission, and with permission, I was only allowed to go once or twice a month.
Him trying to convince me i look better without makeup on so that i stop wearing it 🥴
Those kinds of decisions are meant to be of your own accord. Because you are naturally beautiful both ways.
Him telling me he likes me a little plump
Unfortunately mine was right about that. I saved a ton of cash and self esteem, spent it on healthy food and now as an old lady look younger without makeup over wrinkles and am already fine with it and have good skin and hair from the lack rather than the abundance of gadgets and product x
@@louisemorgan3237 Look at her handel and read what the photo and name shout out.
Some girls look better without makeup? That doesn’t make someone a narcissist for liking the way you look without makeup better tf? 😂
My sister organised a group family photo, 16 people. Fortunately or unfortunately I came out looking good in the photo. Everyone ordered copies except my sister, the one who wanted it. She couldn't bear that anyone looked better than her.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaa?!
My sister once told me she liked it when I was out of shape or doing bad in life because when I was, she was usually in shape and doing better.
Oboy. This is so painfully true. He did all this. Ex constantly criticized or made snide comments about my appearance, and would love it when I looked good with him (making him look good), but also would criticize me for looking good to other people -- totally crazy-making. I stopped caring completely. He controlled my artistic and academic interests ("you should organize this and do it every day at 10:00 for 15 minutes - why do you have to go out to a class for this?" And I am not kidding. I couldn't get away from him for even an hour).
What a nightmare. Hell on earth. These videos remind me how lucky I am to be free of his torture. Now earning my PhD and painting and learning to garden. Life is good.
This is exactly what happened to me when I was married for 20 years. Except I hid from the reality of it at the last in an addiction to prescription pain meds. When I finally got free from him and from the pills I began experience all the negative emotions. When I started recovering my true self, I set boundaries! Boundaries saved my life! It’s been 20 years since my escape. I’m in a better place mentally and emotionally. Physically it’s another story. Being with him for 20years destroyed my health. But with the things I’m learning here I’m hoping will make a difference God bless you Danish and thank you ❤
Well said, To survive we shouldn't show our real personality.
My ex husband used to make me feel ugly an insufficient in so many ways. When I left him I was 48 and hadnt much self esteem regarding my apperance. In time I realized that Im a very attractive female not only getting many compliments from men but also younger women who tell me 'When I am 50 I want to look as good as you'. And I realized that I was attractive all during my marriage years and that was the reason why my ex never took pictures of me when I was dressed up. The only pictures of that time existing are when I got out of bed or being on a windy place with messy hair and tears in my red eyes.After having healed from this marriage I got into a relationship with a rich good looking smart succesful man for 6 years and my ex husband hated it so much 🎉.
Same. I am attractive as well. When he went to treatment after his narcissistic collapse and insisted I check his phone every day to make sure he was getting all of his messages conveyed to him, I saw 10 Years of photos on his phone. So many pictures of him posing in all different kinds of bizarre ways, including something called thirst trapping. He actually mimicked Martha Stewart during a thirst trapping photo and it is freaking hilarious. But there were almost 0 pictures of me, two pictures of us together and mostly just pictures of me that he had taken without my awareness that are completely unflattering. I noticed that I am also not listed in his phone as his wife or anything that would suggest were actually a couple. And the photo he uses for me is our boy dog. There are more pictures of strangers butts, coworkers who didn’t realize they were being photographed, wives and girlfriends of people we knew, black men less than half his age with big huge hard penises. He is such a freaking weirdo. Free at last!
@@dontbeadogsbody3564They are freaks !! Who does this crap but a freak ? You deserve much better ! His opinion means zero!!!
I don't know why but your explaining my situation am in now the only difference is I have realized now am going against everything he's trying to put me through.but believe me it's not easy
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This The Narcissit Destroyed My Life They Hate Everything About You!!!
This is literally me. I went through (and still am) a turmoil of emotions and grief when I started finding myself again. Grieving that I had lost myself for 14 years.
I am now enjoying dressing up cute and doing my makeup and looking good. Everyone sees the change in me and compliments me on how good I look. I am finally proud of how I look.
When he sees me looking good he scrowls at me and his face darkens with such animosity and jealousy.
I will not let him control me or make me feel bad about myself /worthless ever again.
My MIL will notice every single thing I have or wear to a point where I would rather not wear them. It always feels like her praises are a “seal of approval”.
Ignore her, do you!
He would tell me I looked good before we were married. After, his favourite expression seemed to be, ‘if I think you look good, I’ll tell you, don’t bother asking me’. Which he never did. In one instance we were dressed up for a family gathering and he told all his relatives that they looked good, but not a word to me. Once I asked him why he never said anything nice about my appearance and he said, ‘do you want me to lie?’ I pointed out once that if he loved me, as he claimed he did, then I would be beautiful to him, regardless of whether I was objectively. He had nothing to say. Eventually I went to a psychiatrist because I was becoming ashamed to be seen in public. She said, ‘but don’t you realize you’re better looking than normal?’ After that I turned around and became much more confident just generally. Although I still wear mostly black everything.
Even if your a very strong person you become shy in public. As if everyone is judging you. It is debilitating. I get your comment completely .
I can't even read all of what you wrote right now bc my eyes immediately welled up with tears when he said, "I'll tell you if I thubk you look good". That had to hurt.
😢😢😢😢
Narcs have their own insecurities but will always find the time to make you feel less than or inadequate..It used to bother me especially when it was my mother, she made me feel horrible growing up, always making comments about my shape and making me feel like it was something wrong with me, I was bullied at school and then came home to her condensending tones, mean remarks and side eye stares and looks of disgust...I still struggle from time to time a bout my weight and looks but I'm learning to accept me just as I am...I encourage anyone whose dealt with abuse from a narc to know "That you are enough" and there's nothing wrong with you and their issue is their issue, not yours ❤
My narc. Mother did the exact same thing.
It’s true. They hate when you look good they probably scared
Yup, my husband would also accuse me of cheating or that I wanted to get attention from men when I wear makeup or perfume, he would criticized my clothing, I dress simple and conservative, but he would even came to said that "a married woman, or a woman of my age shouldn't be wearing those clothes"; he stopped doing that the day I caught him having an emotional affair with his cousin, and also find out about him sending messages to other women. That opened my eyes, and I realized how I had let him control me; now, I'm determined to take care of myself, to look good and feel good for myself as I always intended.
This is heart-breakingly accurate. 😢
My sister in law said "you need to stay with him"
Danke für deine Worte Danish! Es ist unheimlich, genau so war es bei meinem Ex Partner! Vor 17 Jahren hat das ganze Drama begonnen, jetzt habe ich es endlich endgültig beendet. Ich sage endgültig, weil ich schon einmal längere Zeit von ihm getrennt war und er mich wieder "eingefangen" (Hoovering) hat. Und das zweite Mal hatte er dazugelernt und war viel subtiler mit seinen Manipulationen. Ich habe es bald durchschaut und konnte mich trotzdem erst nach Jahren von ihm trennen. Also eine Warnung an alle: Narzissten lernen dazu und ihre Boshaftigkeit ist unendlich.
Das kannst du laut sagen, meine Liebe! Ich wünsche dir viel Kraft und Zuversicht!!!😘🤗
@@vadablue Dankeschön 💖
After Narcissist abuse ...it's really difficult to trust people... intense mood swings..... insecurity people suggest you to enjoy but ..they never imagine what we have been through still hopeful and optimistic Insha Allah ❤❤
I keep my torch on my mobile when I sleep
It’s not just about jealousy, it’s about control. They don’t want others being attracted to you. They want you feeling lucky to have them. They don’t want you realizing that you have options.
Another pretty hard to swallow video. Just seeing outside of what I went through makes me speechless. I heard many of these. I was never accused to cheat on him because it was what he always wanted me to do as a cerebral narcissist. He pushed me away, after we had a child, we started to live in different countries. But this never stopped him insulting me, how I look, what I wear, how I talk to people (I'm kind person and many times I was accused not being kind while he was naturally rude-arrogant person), how I behave, what I say, how I say, what I did, what I did wrong (everything I do was completely wrong and I was totally a failure). He used every way to belittle me, insult me constantly. Many times I heard I look disgusting and he was not even walking next to me because of that. I was said that my high heel boots make me look like a barrel walking on chopsticks. Just yesterday I saw the photo of a day which I was heavily insulted for being disgusting, even if I'm extremely insecure about how I look, I just thought that I'm looking beautiful in the picture, even that particular day I was shining.
Even his compliments were small insults. He criticized me about everything I did. My hair, why I have short hairs, why I wear make-up, what I have pink nail polish, why I wear mini skirt while I look awful, why I wear bikini, why pink, why colors?
"It would look good better on you if you had long hair, if you loose 10kg (I did and I never had a compliment at all :D)" was the best he could do as a compliment.
I know how he bent my own reality, how I see myself, how I think about my own look, how he created my own insecurities. I'm still not so comfortable about these topics unfortunately. But I'm doing my best. At least I know very well that I shine. And I saw with my own eyes how he was feeling insecure and confused while he was telling me that I look happy a few months after we divorced.
Since I started listening to you. I am having a totally different life with myself and my outlook on life. I have much less pain. I am by myself but I am happy. You saved my life. Everything you spoke about I expected. Much thanks and blessings to you.
My narsistic husband demotivated me a lot,I truly felt insecure,now I am working on myself
This episode really hit home with a bunch of folks here, and myself included!
Truth Danish!💯
Thank you!!
If I tried to put on make up & want to feel nice about myself, I would get a remark like, You’re just asking to get “hit on in a bad way” or worse, I can’t put into words here.
They would make fun of my hair because it was “different from their’s.”
If I sang, “in tune” to lighten my mood, after getting degraded, they would tell me to “shut up.”
Needless to say, they didn’t like to sing, at least not in front of me.
The twisted part was they would wear make up later, curl their hair, and not invite me to concerts they went to.
They are just projecting their negativity & sickness on to me!
Broke free from the bondage!
But, I wasted too many years being around sick people!
Life is too short to not be happy!
God is the greatest restorer!!
Peace, health and give yourself love, without guilt!!
There definitely needs to be a “rebirth” after leaving them!
God is the best restorer!!!🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹
They can never compliment me. They will go out of their way to NOT compliment me. It doesnt matter if you just put on the most flattering piece of clothing or just got the most beautiful hair style etc.
And just when it seems that they are about to give you a compliment, it goes something like this:
"Hey, you dont nornally allow your grey hairs to go that long before coloring. That's unusual"...
Or, "are those jeans new?...."..." i like your others better"...
Or " theres a red mark on your face "...(when youre wearing blush)
Comments are made to make you doubt that thing you may have done to make you feel beautiful. Not in a directly nasty way, like calling you fat, no no. Not my narcs. They will just point out what you did to make yourself feel good but it will NOT be a compliment. Or theyll just completely ignore what you did, when most other normal people would give a compliment.
On the rare occasion that i bring it up to question why, the answer is "i dont want you to get a big head".
The other way this is done, is never ever ever taking a photo of you. Or when you ask them to take a photo of you they roll their eyes or hesitate and then purposely chop of parts of your body in the photos or make it blurry. Anything for that photo to turn out bad.
Sick!
Their destructive plans weren't long term and it burns a narcissist up🤣
lol , true, is why one absolutely Must know the difference between good and evil when you interact with it, When we know for example the ‘Golden Rule’ well, of treating others the way we want to be treated and it’s not applied to us as we apply it to others , that’s the Red Flagg telling us that person is toxic, When we live by high standards of treating others we must recognize the bad, lower standards in others, don’t lower your standards of common good behavior
My husband would cut me down while we were gone so that I felt horrible being out in public. He loved to use the words “fat B.” I’m going thru hell, but I have a fabulous counselor now & feeling it will help. My husband is not with me now.
I was called this and was definitely not fat at all but wore me down exercised control out of safety if I wanted to walk and control the money or overspend so I could not pay a gym in turn manifesting his lie and I did gain weight! He’s gone and I’m starting to lose the weight and not let up control of things I can reliably provide for myself. Nobody can take me away from me ever again
Just because we try to look our best to feel good, does not mean we need others to feel the same about us. Narcissists do this for Attention!
This is very true, i was always the type to fix myself up when i was younger, and my NM and 2 flying monkeys sisters would always look at me with jealousy and would say "why you have to get all dressed up to go to the store" or would rush me so that i won't be able to fix myself, but the funny thing about it is that they would go and buy what i had, copy what i did, steal my things, my sister even went to nursing school with me because i was always intrested in the medical field, she ended up doing it and between her and my narcissistic mother they both made sure i didn't accomplish anything or thrive, as my younger sister is the golden child, they make sure you have no support system, they take, take and take from you, and make others think got it together, narcissists steal your goals your life, they are delusional and very manipulate and controlling, my younger sister is a copy of my narcissistic mother. 🏃♀️✂️
Now I understand when I used to get ready for a party or any good occasion my narc husband used to tell me that dress was not suiting me and it was totally unfit for that party. Thanks for this eye opener
Thanks, Danish. The other day I heard a motivational video and one thought was one beautiful heart is worth a 1,000 pretty .faces. This devaluation starts in childhood and progresses until I literally could not see myself in the mirror. Sounds nuts but others have posted this in your comments. This video is great advice, you help us heal🙏🏻❤️
I don’t have criticism or harshness, but no affection, No gifts, No compliments on Anything, disrespect, and disregard. Is that enough to consider him a narcissist?
Yes
I don't think so. Everyone is diagnosing these days. At this point...seems like everyone is raising hell.
I went through all these things 😂very painful
Thank you, I truly am grateful 🙏 your words give me so much clarity and are also so uplifting.
It's been so difficult, then I will listen to you and know it was never me.
I wish you much love and many blessings 🙏
😢reminding me of my journey a year back.. the EXACT same things, o lord!! But, i am taking it positively, i will never never mess up with my self concept again, like ever again
I'm so sorry to have discovered this to late. They control everything and it's all about being jealous. It takes a long time to go back to being what you were after being totally controlled 😢😢😢😢
Such a great video....I cried out a lot. While watching this video...
because...it's exactly what happened in my life
Your truly R my Hero!
Blesings to you Parents for bringing you into this World 🌎 & Bless you for your wisdom Etc🫶🏾👏🏾🙌🏾
I fall into tears with this episode. It’s very very true to me, what hurt me the most is that i cannot find back my true self. They destroyed me since i was a child and now I am the lost person in my life.
Whoever it was that hurt you badly, that is what they wanted, devaluing you just for their own evil, spiteful intent....You look in the mirror and say to yourself, "They will not DEFINE the real me ever, ever again!" Then you make a list of the things you want to do and be and go from there. Remember, it is your life, your well-being that matters!😊
@@francalatona591 thank you, i understand what you suggest. In my mind there’s always a voice telling i cannot success…. It’s so difficult to move on
@huonglt206 Yes, sometimes we are our own worst enemy. But remember your own self-worth is what matters. Start with simple things and move on from there. When those distractive thoughts pop up. Remind yourself that you can push through this. Narcissists are bullies who are cowards, which you are not. Stay well, and I hope the best for you. 🙏
@@francalatona591 I’m trying to heal day by day, I’m very thankful for your kind words which give me stronger belief in life. May god bless you and your loved ones.
Your Welcome 🙂
Thank you Mr. Danish. Love from Nigeria
Hi Danish! God prepared you to do this wonderful work of helping so many people, including myself. You are so wise. Thank you so much ❤.
Have a nice day 🌼
My NPD husband actually loved me to look good because in turn it made him look good!
Im a handsome guy, and was beatifull child, my brothers used to hate me for that, since i was the younger brother they just to belittled me and bullied me, i was traumatize for years untill i figure it out that i was a wonderfull beautifull person and i started to love myself, now i become older and wiser but still with childhood trauma when im close to my older brothers.
Thank you for this video!
My mother has spent my whole life manipulating me and destroying my self esteem.
I have been in therapy for several years now and I don't know if I will ever be able to fully get over how she and my dad treated, and continue to treat, me (and my sister).
I think i understand them--but that makes me frustrates, because they never tried to understand me. 😢
I found this video very insighting .Everything you had to say was so accurate. Thank you so much .
Whoever wrote “Looking well is the best revenge” must have dated a narcissist. If you are here because of a narcissistic partner…be grateful that you can escape and cut this person out of your life. When the narcissist is your parent, the self-loathing, insecurity and devastation to your self-esteem is foundational and inescapable. But I’d venture that if you are drawn to narcissists as romantic partners, chances are nearly 100% that you already have a narcissist in your family.
❤ This hits deep. I've finally stopped, by cutting off contact. It's the only way I can be the real me. I am grateful God made me the way I am. Only authenticity from now on. 🌄
Thank You 🙏What u tell here, is very precise, very helpful and comforting, too....
I left the narcissist 9months ago, and since 2 months ago i started loosing weight. I was always thin my whole life but after 3kids i wasnt thin like i was used to obviously. So now im really thin again, i do my hair daily, dress how i want! And get my nails done every 3weeks. When i was with my ex i was not thin knor i would get my nails done or do my hair daily. I can see it bothers him when we have to coparent and see eachother. He asked last time "WHO DO U WANNA IMPRESS" and i said "MYSELF!!!" And ignored him completely
Such a tiny question but loaded with poison "who do u wanna impress", really? 🤨
This is so true. 🥺 You feel nervous when you fix up after they're no longer in the picture. I lost most of myself and didn't even realize it until i noticed how ugly I started to feel atound him and how little time he started wanting to spend with me. 10 years wasted. I was only his supply. 👀
4:25 minimizing...à narcissist favorite thing to make YOU DO‼️‼️
Spot on! Again !
Ex narcissist boyfriend, approached me today at work just to tell me straightforward: 'women at your age don't wear so tight jeans, they are too provocative (46, slim,I work out)'. He added: 'and I can see that you go out with young men, so, you like young men?' ( I just grabbed a coffee nearby with one of our young colleagues).
I'm still here trying to heal and he says that, seeing me looking and feeling better than before.
Oh! He cheated me with young pretty women.And flirted with others in front of me.All the time.
Don't give up! Dress to please yourself. My sister and I (both of us still fitted into our original uniforms for our last secondary school reunion!) are in our 70's and still wear jeans, and intend to continue doing so into our 80's. I ignore narc hubby's comments now re dress and grooming - they no longer matter to me as I avoid going anywhere with him and he has cultivated plenty of other supply. I just dress for comfort around home and spruce up a bit as I see fit when going elsewhere.
Oh my God, I don't know you, but you sound amazing !
Thank you so much for your kind words and your time❤
You must be a very active and full of life woman!
Yes, I will keep on wearing the pants that the cheating, emotionally abusive, arrogant ex criticized.At least, I work out at my 46 in the evenings,when he is out drinking and partying with other women.
Keep on being beautiful outside and inside of you❤
My exhusband hated me for having greek roots, kept telling me how ridicilous and cheap greeks are,and how i must forget about my roots and be more like his people. He forbid me to talk greek or watch greek movies, critiziced my looks, my behaviour,food, everything until even i did not know who i was anymore.. i was a shadow of myself in the end..I even relocated far away ,to make sure he cannot control me anymore
He is an idiot.
You awesome Greeks have an amazing history, Greek people have contributed so much to the world, Greece left a permanent mark on philosophy, government, and cuisine, just to name a few. The Greece has made a huge impact on human civilization. You also gave us great stories about your ancient gods. Also ya'll gave us the stunning Marina 😊
I hope you always have people in your life who respect you and your heritage.
"his" people? How sick is that? Glad you escaped!
Very helpful❤
I've suffered these experiences 😢😢😢
The narcissistic relationship has brought the DPDR even further. Now trying to get out of this state that has me stuck. 🙏💝🙏
You are saying correct. He hates me when I look good
I'm still building up my self-esteem.I hope I get it together fast...
You nailed it again. My partner and I went out and he actually said I look better than you they are looking at me. And he will say are you wearing that?? After I spend an hour getting ready. ..Lol..omg I just laugh now it's become comical at this point.
I completely agree with this statement! My ex, who was a covert narcissist, had a habit of making me feel small and insignificant. He constantly belittled and criticized me, even for small things like my choice of shoes, perfume, and even my sports car, which I had bought with my hard-earned money. He would smirk every time he did this, and his behavior towards me was extremely toxic and hurtful. Despite his negativity, I refused to let his words get to me. I knew my worth and I was proud of my choices. I stood my ground and did not allow him to diminish my self-esteem. I knew that his behavior was a reflection of him, not me, and I was determined to rise above his toxicity and hold my head high.
Thank you I didn't realize I wasn't myself
I can't agree more. If I took care of myself my covert narc would guilt me "oh your going to get skinny and leave me" oh no one's stopping you from doing xyz but I'm not doing that with you. You lose all hope and they take everything that makes you happy at least mine did. I left in Dec and I'm not looking back. I completely lost myself and it is the most painful process ever.
Like a toxin. It may take a while to get it out of ypur body and you must do body work to feel good and normal again. It is like a sense of deja vu to feel good again. Bless us all ❤😢🖐
It is the feeling of freedom.
How are they all the same? Where do they learn to behave this way? There all the same.
I think It's demonic.
Legion.
Ephesians 6:12. Spirits. Mark 5
It's a disease.
That's how and why it's so consistent. Kind of like how physical diseases usually have the same symptoms, so do malignant personality disorders and (for their victims) trauma disorders.
They are broken people and their mental "programming" is stuck in this horrible cruel way of thinking, but by the time they're really dangerous, they are incapable of understanding or even noticing their own actions or words.
It’s not learned. It’s a pattern that proceeds from a certain mental framework.
Yes, yes, and yes! When I would wear my workout clothes to go for a run he would “jokingly” ask “are you going to meet your boyfriend”? He came home from work when I was mowing the lawn in nearly 100° heat. I was wearing a loose tank top and basketball shorts and he accused me of giving the neighbors a show.
Everything is something with them🤦🏽♀️
I simply smiled and said have a good day to the GREETER at Walmart and his response was “I guess you want to date him!” I was like WHAT!?!? Where on earth did that even come from. He was the GREETER. Lol
The relationship didn’t make it a year. Praise God.
@@HisHeart glad you got out fairly quickly. It took me 23 years to finally figure it all out.
Seeing her reminded me of what I went through reconnecting with myself after my relationship.... It's such a hard but rewarding process.... Realizing how much you put up with, how much of yourself you lost or hid away, realizing how abusive he really was.... And how much better off you are now.... It's such a painful process. Wishing and praying we all find & stay true to ourselves and heal
The people are very hollow inside. They need JESUS.
Anyone who Puts dollars before AlmightyGod has a empty heart
They do. Unfortunately they will get Satan. He wants to finally meet them.
i noticed they dont like to compliment you when you look good neither… say if you walking together with a narc , occasionally they will walk behind you like this “🚶🏿♀️🚶🏿” and admire / or give you evil eye from a distance … but they wont verbally give a compliment tho because they are jealous . you will catch them looking alot tho 😂 just got to pay attention
Thank you for this video it really help me know better about narcissist this type of person it so bad they what the person think he better than anyone in this world other person have no indentity of their own that is true .
I used to be responsible for a huge event at work. This happened at two separate positions i had. These events gave me a lot of exposure and compliments. The events were almost monthly
He never showed up. Always made excuses about why he should have been there but couldn't get away.😮 I never understood until recently why he never showed up. Same with my mother. She missed my college graduation and was the only person that was coming. One was overt and one covert but both are the same. Still trying to extricate myself from this horrific marriage but at least i left.
When I met my ex wife, I was working out regularly and she liked what she saw. About a year into the marriage, I got a job at a gym. I got to work with new drive and we found out we were going to be parents.
I decided to get in shape to be healthier for the sake of my family..from the day of the news to a week before the birth, I got to work...I lost over 60 pounds and everyone noticed and was complimenting me.
I continued to lose pounds and she hated all the attention I was getting. She turned it into a competition.
Oh man this is 100% spot on!❤