Narcissistic Family: Why They Made You Their TARGET
Vložit
- čas přidán 14. 07. 2024
- In this video, I explore why your narcissistic, dysfunctional, or emotionally immature family has made you their target. You'll learn how to cultivate resilience against their unjust treatment and discover strategies for self-differentiation, empowering you to thrive despite their continued targeting.
If you're finally ready to get your dysfunctional, narcissistic family out of you and enjoy a life free of their toxic grip, here's how I can help👇🏼
🔥Access my FREE Training - ‘Build the Self You Were Never Allowed to Have!’ jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webina...
🔥🔥🔥 Join the 'Road to Self' Program
program.jerrywiserelationship...
🔥🔥🔥 Coaching packages
www.jerrywiserelationshipsyst...
🌐 More free resources available on my website: www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
➡️ Recommended Playlists: Outgrowing Dysfunctional Family Patterns - • Outgrowing Narcissisti... Break Free from Narcissistic Parents & Families - • Breaking Free from Nar... Adult Children of Alcoholics: Heal & Change the Pattern - • Alcoholic Narcissistic...
➡️ You can also find me on: Instagram: / jerrytwise Facebook: / jerrytwise Twitter: / jerrytwise Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/3DKjGLp...
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 1000s of people in the same situation as you. As a family and self-differentiation coach, he uses his 45 years of experience to help clients get permanently unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
🔥Access my FREE Training - ‘Build the Self You Were Never Allowed to Have!’ jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webina...
Get your narcissistic dysfunctional family OUT OF YOU with my ‘Family Differentiation Program: 'Road to Self’. Join here>> program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
In many families, there's [initially] one narcissist who does his level best to drive a wedge between the rest of the members of the family. Unfortunately, sometimes, this effort is successful on the part of the narcissist.
Thank you Jerry and also all the people who responded to my comment you just don't how good the comments made me feel now I don't feel alone any more 😀
I stopped being the target by ghosting my family.
I just recently dropped my mom. I keep my dad at a safe distance both physically and emotionally.
Same here
Same here ❤
Same.
I’m still the target, but I’m not there to witness, which I’m good with lol
Good move
Jerry the title might be better "Stop caring what a bunch of losers think of you." I walked away 52 years ago and never looked back. God is good. Life is good. I have had a productive good life and the Devil can take the whole rotten bunch.
Agreed!!!!! I had to come to this realization as well !!! Why did I care what abusers and assholes & narcs thought of me! Huge wake up moment !!! ..
Well done. I did the same.
Walking away from them is only the start! Then you must learn to not believe what they have told you all your life! Then you must learn to react to others in a healthy way and ways! You have been a part of a dysfunctional group of persons now you must teach yourself how healthy people react and interact! No contact! Is only the beginning! Fixing you now that is a road less traveled!
If their would be a god, narcs wouldn’t get away with their abuse and crimes.
Number 1: They don’t see me as an adult
Number 2: They don’t see me as capable of doing anything
Number 3: They want to control my every move
Number 4: They feed of from the information I give them about myself
The truth is that they know that you are more adult and capable than them 😉
Thank you 🙏😊 I never thought of it that way
@@sevenseconds8652 It’s a weird mixture with my parents of lecturing & criticism as if they think I’m incapable of anything, as well as emotional disregulation on their part - looking for a parent in me. They can’t seem to make their mind up if I’m an idiot or good enough to serve as their parent. Such a bizarre relationship.
@@jmvwegnerpriestI wasn’t as smart as my brother & as independent as my sister growing up. OK, so why is it that you call me & expect me to take care of every little thing that you don’t know how to handle. You don’t ask your son, who still lives with you & you don’t ask your other daughter 🤔. I’ll tell you why because you know full well they won’t help because they’ve never had to. You can’t control them but you’ve always felt that you could control me. I’ve been no contact for 4 yrs & my health is getting better. Certain health problems are incurable but at least not progressing as quickly as when I was controlled by their “guilt trips “.
@@jmvwegnerpriest My parents also have that continuously shifting perception of me : I'm either all good or all bad.
Just run.. don't worry about it.
Never look back. They will never change
Exactly after my mothers funeral I made a conscious decision to NEVERRRRRR RETURN.
Yes. Run tf away
Just run where? I had no where to run to. I lived out of a suitcase for many years, drifting from one City to another trying to fit in somewhere. My family never appeared to even miss me. No phone calls. No letters. No visits. I held down jobs & supported myself, but , it was a nightmare. I was fortunate to eventually marry someone who brought stability into my life - tho I dated this person for 4 years before marrying them as I didn't want to deal with finding myself "trapped" in a bad relationship. So, run "IF" you have a safe place to go.
@@srozaardnet5630 you were better off..
My DH said, "I see this isn't your first rodeo." ONE MILLION percent accurate, both his comment and yours. : )
It’s tough knowing that my mom considered me a threat at 4
If you already saw her clearly and pinged her shame, it was done. Same for me with a parent.
I was a threat at birth to my entire family & their lust for doing harm to me for their harmony began on the Friday the 13th I was born.
So did mine. Age 4 is when I first remember challenging her beliefs, like religion and racism.
It's actually a compliment, because it proves she saw you as superior to herself in some way, even though she was an adult and you were only 4.
@@margaretcraigvaI wholeheartedly agree with what you’ve said. When I was 4 yr old it was 1968. I had seen a commercial about those UNICEF containers (pennies for feeding the hungry children). I wanted to help & I got an empty coffee can went out to neighbors to collect pennies. I went 3 doors down & the neighbor brought me in & asked me if my mom knew where I was? I said no & she proceeded to call my mom to let her know that I was with her & what I was doing. She then proceeded to go in her purse & empty out her change purse. My mom shows up at the house & scolds me in front of her & demands I give the money back. The neighbor says to her I don’t want the money back I just thought you’d want to know where your daughter was. So basically my mom didn’t want to look like a horrible mother for not knowing where her 4 yr old daughter was & so she had to shift the shadow on me & make me feel like I was wrong & was stealing money from neighbors. 🙄
I wish @prettypuff1 and everyone responding to Jerry Wise's video profound healing.
I have a similar experience with my mom. I'm not sure what did she see as threatening in me.
But many years ago, she said the following to me with disgust in her tone of voice, "You... were...SO...SOFT!" When I later asked, "What did you mean by "so soft" and why did you feel disgusted by me?" She denied having expressed disgust for my younger self.
Towards the end I couldn't take it anymore and started telling the truth to everyone in the family. They became so violent that I received a death threat by a family member and no one spent a word in my defense.
I finally ran away with no job and no money but God helped and didn't leave my side for a moment.
Life is great 😊❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
I lost so many people that I’ve had close relationships with because I left the family covert narc. They didn’t believe me that I was running away from abuse. They just keep insulting me because now the narc has made them the scapegoat and is blaming me for their behavior.
Praise Jesus! (It's the one good thing I got NC with haters from my family of origin..I as a former atheist found my savior)
@sevenseconds8652 I am so glad you made it out safely.
@@GuitarMatt “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” welcome home ❤️🙏
Very similar to my experience - if it’s ok to kill me then i may as well leave anyway
This dude is WISE , very intelligent. No wonder his last name defines who he is!
The truth will not set you free. It will turn you into a pariah and a scapegoat.
The truth is that being made into a pariah and a scapegoat is the best outcome for you because you are the most likely to get healthy and eventually lead a happy life. Those who buy into the illusion stay in the illusion.
@@mkthinks7455 There are no happy endings, my friend. It all ends in death and destruction, aware or not.
@@greenhornet5186 well if that is your attitude then indeed there is no point in living this life. But such attitude is a sign of being hurt and weary. Life is full of beauty even in pain, only sometimes we can't yet see it.
You have a long way ahead of you.
Sounds just like a bullying older former ex sibling of mine. Why are you even here?
They make u think your messed up.
They try.
They are the delusional messed up ones,not us
Yes they gang up on u . Every fkn second ur the pawn of some fkry pay attention ther operating against only u .
And you might even be because THEY messed you up
Yes. They groom you to take their abuse.
‘Narcissists have to shame and reject the good in others’. WOW! That is a powerful insight for me. That is a huge key! Thank you!
Their accusations are really confessions.
Wow that statement gave me the “Why” answer after all these years.
Wow.... This makes so much sense
Omg this finally explains this horrible conversation I overheard my mom and sister having about me!
I am all of those things: truth teller, insightful, empathetic… no wonder I was the target! If only I had your teaching back when I was young… my life could have turned out much differently. Anyway, I keep going for my kids and hopefully I have broken the evil generational cycle.
Same here 💯 Grateful I found him now. Better late than never. 💛✌️
❤🩹I focus on the same. If my kid doesn’t feel like I do, and has a happy childhood that leaves him feeling good about himself-that would be awesome.
That has been my goal: To break the cycle.
SMH.
How do you propose to break that cycle?
There are two narcissists in my family of origin. I went no contact with them years ago. I finally refused to be their target. My life has vastly improved since then. We can't expect narcissists to ever become decent human beings who will treat others with respect and dignity. Narcissism is infused into their personality and is part of their soul path. If you have been the target of a narcissist, your best recourse of action is to sever ALL relationships with them and never look back.
My Mom would slap my face when I blurted out the truth
They always advice the domestic violence victims to: walk away. Leave.
What else is there to do??
most of us starve as a result of leaving, some don't make it. That is the part you sheep don't understand. You think you have it hard when you can walk away without starving or freezing to death and dying from cancer. Families don't want to believe that vaccines are causing cancer and heart problems so we end up homeless more then anyone else. Narcs are sick from vaccines to but are too stupid and cowardly to take back their lives from the slavery they were born into.
Get into a shelter!!! Move in with people who have your back! Gain marketable work skills, get education, Save your money up. Go on to live your best life!!!
I was the family target for both my narcissist mother and my ex's narcissist father ... because I refused to obey them. They very effectively slandered me to both extended families. In turn, I very effectively cut off both extended families. Sometimes an enabler will try to guilt or shame me, usually with "what about the grandchildren?" The grandchildren don't need toxic, manipulative grandparents who will use them, but never care for them. I cut off the enablers too. Ruthless? Perhaps, but both my physical and mental health have improved greatly.
Well they'd be more ruthless to destroy you to no return. Better be ruthless to save yourself than ruthless destroying others
This is what I don't understand: I'm the only one on my dad's side that gets abused because I am the step child. Other family members know what is going on but they keep quiet
It’s soo sad that people realize what’s going on but keep quite. Try your best to speak up for yourself especially on the spot. The more you keep quiet the longer they continue. Save yourself, if you don’t save yourself nobody is coming to save you. I’m sending you so much love and support ❤❤❤❤❤
@@kiv_daniels You are so right. Thank you
@@mercedesvallar3384 You’re welcome ❤️
@@kiv_daniels What's the point of speaking up when you go no contact. When you know the truth, that's all that matters. Stay out of their misery
They are quiet because they are afraid to speak out about it, if they take up for you, the target it will put the target on them too! This is how my husbands family works. They all know, but they look the other way, because they are relieved it isn't them. A bunch of cowards is what they are! My bible verse is Psalm 91:1-2 He who shelters in the shadow of the most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.
I always wondered why everyone woukd target me yet i was there in their time of need .Thank you so much .i have found closure
Very insightful
Cheers from Zimbabwe
"Those who target. TARGET."
If I hadn't been there, they would have targeted someone else bc that's what they do. It wasn't about me, it was about the abuser needing to target someone.
@amberfuchs398 I also have arrived to the same conclusion about them. They also target people outside the family. If someone is friendly, warm, joyful, creative, or successful; they target them. If someone expresses or has any vulnerability; they target them, too.
I the scapegoat for awhile escaped, came back to a complete madhouse. The madhouse soon calmed upon my return
They probably have targeted someone else.Now,it’s you.
Some of them actually bond over targeting.Youll likely find out there have been other targets.
I could write a book on this one. Started with my father making sure I was the family sh1theel. Everything was my fault. I did everything wrong. I made my sister cry, made my mother sad, infuriated my brother. Somehow I was responsible for every negative event and feeling for 4 other people. I couldn't hold the flashlight correctly when my dad was under the hood of the car. It's a messed up way to treat a 7 year old.
This works…. I see they are not going to change….so my goal is to become as self differentiated as possible and as happy as possible so I don’t care what they do….freedom!
As a child i realized truth telling got me hit so i learned to take hits- I never stopped telling the truth
My pride is in knowing since i was a child you could beat me in the face but you couldn’t get me to lie your lie for you!
Jerry, from the bottom of my heart: thank you for your work
Cheers from Germany
Thanks for listening
They are abusers and criminals which should mean more than so many being abused having to “understand” their non redeeming conduct.
That’s correct.
Absolutely. This is all true..Sadly the older I get (I'm 40), the more disfunctional my family looks and the less I want to be arround them. I jokingly told my sister I was taking a 5 year sabbatical from any family related activities unless it's death or life threatening.
😁
I haven’t been to any family gatherings for a year now bc of two family members. I’m just tired of them. I go to friends house or husbands for holidays etc. I went out of turn for my birthday this year. I have no plans of going to another family dinner or gathering anytime soon. I guess it makes it a little easier since I works out if state a lot.
There was a smear campaign by narc family after they had got rid of me. It never bothered me, I was just glad to be far away and focusing on myself.
They targeted me. I remember hearing my father tell his friend that my brother was better than my sister and I, put together. It was never an easy start. It hurt my feelings and I was 8 yrs old. That was 60 years ago and the parents passed on, but my memories of the past aren't good ones.
When I do this, I am accused by them of being violent and ugly
Target threat🚩
Jealousy🚩
Contemplative/aware🚩
Target empaths and truth tellers🚩 (naive)
(my own cousins didn't even know my parents split up in my childhood)
Shame and reject the goodness in others 🚩
Self-differentiation ✔️
Go no contact. Work on the self differentiation after that.
They get in thier own danged way. If they had left me alone, I would have not said anything to begin with.
One thing I've noticed with my crazy narc family is that the best thing to do is to let their targeting of me wind up working out for my good. And while they're wasting their lives by letting me live rent free in their minds because of doing things like thinking of ways to trigger me -- I continue to move forward in the working out for my good aspects of my life. The aforementioned has already worked out for my good in terms of things that I no longer have to do for my crazy narc family. Which, those things cannot be done anymore because of their triggering efforts backfiring so bad that it resulted in a condition where I couldn't do those things even if I wanted to. And I have more time to focus on myself and what I really want/need to do. It's been a step by step process in terms of the working out for my good process. The final step of that process is going from limited contact to full out no contact.
I have recently realized I must disconnect because every phone call stresses me out to the point that it flares my autoimmune diseases. I've literally become allergic to a holes!
@@amberinthemist7912
I relate to this, the phone calls stress me so much I start getting panic attack symptoms, that's even with no sound on phone...just the fact they are trying to reach me sends me into a depressive dive,upset for hours. Even just sms, bc I won't answer calls anymore,stresses me out bc there is always something negative, a complaining whine or a sarcastic dig...the 2 sister narcs r the executors & they love the power. Once inheritance shared with 6 of us, I'm seriously considering blocking 2, with no contact at all.our parents cursed us by choosing their favourites who have no boundaries & bully me esp, the Scapegoat. I'm Eldest...
You can run, but you can't hide. That's why it's important to realise why it happened, and that it's not you, it's them. Thans, Jerry. ❤
Yes you can hide and it’s a good idea.
- [0:30] 🎯 Narcissists groom targets within their families and shape their reality to make them targets.
- [0:55] 🔍 Narcissists target individuals who they perceive as threats to their reality and emotional system.
- [1:54] 🗣 Narcissists target truth tellers and empaths, perceiving them as threats when they speak the truth.
- [3:46] 💪 Building resilience and separating from family enmeshment can help individuals develop a resilient self.
- [4:28] 🚫 Don't emotionally absorb being the target; remember that those who target, target.
And go no contact.
Truth telling, definitely. I remember writing in a letter to my mom the reality of our childhood home- dysfunctional- and she left with an unpleasant voicemail and upset about me addressing the issue.
In other words, she would bear with hearing it once but no more. But the reality is that the home that she created for us played a significant role in what became of her children, especially two of them. I am the only one who was still able to make productive life.
I can relate to this.
I wouldn’t address anything. We often don’t realize it but they already know what they did. They already know they are horrific abusers. They already know that they messed up their children for having a productive life. They will express no regret or guilt because they have none. We will interpret this as “they’re not aware” of what they did to us and it’s long reaching effects. But they ARE aware. We are surprised at what happens when they get the big speech from us. If you’re lucky there will be either denial or no reaction at all. To others who may have a “big announcement “ planned - don’t do it. Just leave. They will know exactly why you left.
Targets are only targets if they can be hit. The best way to not be a target? Be unhittable! 😂
🧚♀️
I tell them to hit me they all run away scared .
Ok.
Not possible when you are a child.
You become the target if you're strong. Ironically, they may love you more as well, but "narcissists" are scrambled personalities, and they may destroy what's good and maintain what's bad.
My mother forced me to go to school without pants on when I was 7. It wasn't even long enough to cover my bum so I spent the day pulling it down. The school didn't call home or help - but I don't know if it would've been done anything. Kids started wolf whistling and bullying as I got onto the bus. I was convinced that I had speakers installed into my teeth and told that they didn't like what I was saying at school - but wouldn't tell me that I was saying wrong. I believed it for years.
Such a wicked mom. Shame on the school teachers and others that enabled her.
We will never be family. How ya doin over there stranger?
@@NothingNew4You How absolutely beautiful my heart is fluttering like a butterfly? 🦋.
dont talk to them
@@Lauren-vd4qe Fine I won’t. But all the random thoughts you can hear are me talking to myself. Yea so no more comments on here from me then.
They target our virtues, because they injure their ego, and also because it becomes problematic for the target to explain to others that they were in fact abused because they were virtuous. It makes the target look like the narcissistic one.
These days if someone ever asks me why I was abused, unless I really know and trust them, I tell them only the abuser can answer to that. Never going to humour a justification on their part again because other narcissists will just lap those justifications right up and use them against you.
How did these people know to ask you why you were abused? Consider not discussing it with anyone but a therapist. You will not find empathy out there. They will always blame & accuse you. Why do people do that? Because they were also abused by their parents but cannot face it.
@@Bronte866 Sometimes it becomes relevant to explain what happened during "those years of your life" and I'm not about to protect my abuser by staying quiet for them. The abuse has been a big part of my life and there is no knowing me without knowing about the abuse.
That being said, I know better than to bring it into any context.
Explains my now deceased father.
I had been thinking about Truth Tellers and what happens to them in a Narcissistic Family. I am so thankful for this video.
I’ve been the main target by my narcissistic family on my mothers side of the family since I was 4 or 5yrs old. They don’t even try to hide it! And my mother has always allowed them to treat me HORRIBLY; even still to this day I’m the most hated “family” member. They’ve made it clear that I’ve never been or ever will be accepted! It has destroyed me on so many levels how my own mother will sit back and let them do this to me and instead of protecting me, she MAKES EXCUSES for them! Now they are passing this same treatment onto my children, and once again my mother does NOTHING about it!!
I’ve cut these people out of my life yearsssss ago, but they still bad mouth me. I have a very sick and twisted family dynamic on my mothers side!! Thank God I have a normal loving healthy relationship with my dad and his side of the family (my parents divorced around the age of 5)! I decided a long time ago I was determined to break this toxic cycle I was brought up in, I will NEVER allow my kids to go through what I went through!
Sounds like me. We will get through it
❤Thank you Jerry!!!💯
I knew it! They had it out for me since I left my mothers womb, Day 1.
I have a twin. My Narcisstic parents groomed me to feel unworthy/less than, no boundaries, no self love (they didnt have it, how can one instill it) and to be their caretaker.
PLOT TWIST- Scapegoated child trumps narcisstic family
and escapes to be highly successful.
Scapegoat reveals she is a Truth-teller and detonates a nuclear truthbomb on said family 45 years later.
Truth-teller eliminates 4 steadfast generational curses.
I had to live with/in that ratchet environment because those people were my parents...I grew myself up; inspite and despite them.
@paintressmaya1450 👏
PRAISE JESUS ❤🎉
Thank you sir. I am highly empathetic, have a lot of good in me, and shoot straight from the hip. The perfect target. I've been no contact for a while. Understanding WHY I was the target is very helpful
Stay no contact.
Just been on a family holiday. Love decompressing with videos like these. Spot on. My 6 year old daughter is next in the firing line in the scapegoat role after me! and the truth teller in her turned to my mum and said 'you really enjoy seeing me fail and you always want me to fail' or something like that. this is by no means verbatim. My mother obviously got more livid and my daughter was not exactly holding back, although she didn't say it aggressively. the danger is that my daughter does what i did and goes into super rebellious mode to counteract as much as they dominate, control and manipulate. when we are not in such close quarters and see them weekly for a few hours, it is easier to help guide her (whisper in the toilet to her that the demons influencing them want a reaction out of her so the best thing she can do is not go DEEP (don't defend, don't engage, don't explain, don't personalise), it is at the end of the day not flesh and blood we war against (I'm a Jesus freak), but powers, principalities and wickedness in high places). Incidentally, i had commanded the strongholds over our family to be bound for the week we were due to holiday. Unfortunatley we were two days delayed flying back due to bad weather, so my stipulation of binding ran out on the last day haha... i had forgotten to top it up, so to speak!) I probably sound like a nutter, but this is what has worked for me thus far.
Oops, I rambled. I just wanted to come and give a quick thank you. That was all... As I learn to get the family system out of me, it gives me hope that my daughter will also be able to follow suit in due course. God bless you mightily Jerry.
SMH.
Focus on these 3 tips, and I'll be my own person in no time. I need to set and keep my boundaries up to protect myself from the narcissists I interact with.
This reminds me of Colin Gosselin. He was targeted out of all 8 children.
I remember that! She shipped him off for behavioral problems!!!! Kate no longer lives in her million dollar house in PA. She was forced back to work! HaHaHa
One of my earliest memories was my parents teaching us that hitting was bad, until one day one of my siblings did something and got smacked by my parent. So I reminded them that hitting was bad, and boy that did not go well for me. That's when I learned that telling the truth was a problem in my family and that there were different sets of rules for different people. I was also very protective of my siblings and I tend to get super upset at injustice so yeah, I was never going to be anything other than the scapegoat.
Thanks again for another very insightful and validating video Jerry! I see now that there was never something wrong with me, there was something wrong with them.
I was ALWAYS the "black sheep" on both sides of the family but since I broke tides with ALL of them, I feel peace. Thank you Jesus 🙏😊
Pigeons do what pigeons do..
Don't be a statue, run! Lol. Very funny comment about pigeons, if we don't laugh we'll cry.
@@joeythebushkangaroo1 you got that right
I'm the only empath in my family, my heart is big, loving, kind caring. I'm always a target by my sisters, my mom sees it and says nothing to them. I walked away, I'm done, I healed from 2 naristist marriages, and I have boundaries. My mom is 87, lives with the worst one. It's hard, but I will never go see my mom again because of her.
You got this!
Embrace your awareness, integrity, and love. Too bad for the family, friends, and foes who want to diminish and demolish you . This childhood rhyme seems like a good mantra to keep you intact when pinged by the N fake ❤- see ya, don’t want to be ya
Ditched my family 😂 with quickness , left apartment, left job, change my first and last name, goto Google search settings and about me get my name off Google searches and Facebook. I'm lonely at times but I'm free ❤
I grew up in real poverty. All through my neighborhood people would have large families. Inevitably one or two kids have the spark to work hard. Once they start getting ahead, it’s like a feeding frenzy. Either the kid would figure out what was happening and he’d move away, or would get drug back down into the pit with them.
I get so much out of your videos, thank you Dr. Wise 😊
I think it's due to the fact that I was first born and Mom needed a scapegoat more than she needed a golden child (and or I could function as both until sis was born) but also, I was a natural truth-teller from a very early age. I never let mom forget she was passing down her abuse. Not to mention I'm naturally self-examining and insightful (or does that come from being scapegoated?)
And how has that worked out?
@@Bronte866 Not so fun.Seemed ok after mom died, until my GC sister had a midlife crisis. Now she stepped into Mom's shoes.
YES, they always punished me for good deeds...It was severe. Thank You!!
You are so welcome
So Very true , both of my parents are Narcissists.
take the target out of us
My family 's go-to insult is that I only get in touch when I need money. What they don't seem to process is the abuse was so bad from all sides that I will literally only contact them if I HAVE to, because EVERYONE needs a safety net. I was born autistic and have PTSD from the years of abusive behaviour towards me. Yet they refuse to see how they failed and betrayed me at every turn and continue to do so to this day.
I appreicate your videos; you're doing great work for a lot of hurt people.
I appreciate that
Split from the madness 20 yrs ago and haven't looked back. Best thing I've ever done.
When your family targets you, it opens you up and leaves you vulnerable to targeting from outside the family too. I know.
Both my sisters stole from me after my parents died. I’ll never see or speak to either of them again. I focus on my grands and grown kids and managing my own life and focusing on my creative work and hobbies. Whole families and even businesses are narcs or sociopaths. Avoid at all costs
Running is a good idea, but it's what they do to you emotionally and psychologically that reverberates. In your own house and in work situations you are still waiting for the carrot stick routine..
Thank you Jerry 💕I don't know how you do it but you take the words that I have in my head and you put them out there in understandable terms where my words would not be understandable.
🎉💛✌️
Hey Jerry, This Was Me, Sounds very Familiar. Except it wasn't my Parents, It Was Two Oldest Brothers, My Parents Could Not Protect Me or Our Family from those Two, that Laid Waste to a Family with No Problems Except them. Narcissist Siblings are Not Brought up Enough
The one that is targeting me is my son. I have had a stroke about 10 years ago and a heart attack 8 years ago. He has targeted me because he feels I am weak. Since the health issues he tries to upset me with being better than me and tries to push my limits to try and cause more problems. I recently chose to go no contact and feeling better about myself.
One of my mother’s fav stories to tell is how much of a “nightmare” I was as a baby. And I’ve been a “nightmare” ever since. Been no contact for 2 years now.
My husband is the target in his family and I became the target more so than him since we were married a mere 43 years ago. My mother was a N too, I don't play well with those types. We walked away, no contact. And yes, its all MY Fault, they claim😂😂😂Not.
My brother and his wife abandoned me because they only want to keep their false image in the "high" society, while I was fighting the law to protect my own family and didnt receive any type of support from them. So I simply cut-off them forever and now I feel way better. Even though it hurts me a lot, still pain can sometimes set you free
You can also be considered a truth teller, just by them telling you something, they later wish you didn’t know and they’re terrified might get out, even within the context of you being seen as any other type of threat.
I believe that, in my situation, with me being my mother’s confidante during her 3rd marriage, she somehow became highly-threatened, that I’d ruin the family name, because of things she told me and what I saw, over the years. That, other than her becoming more and more jealous of various positive things about me and the goings on in my life. Whole thing was ridiculous. I didn’t even have any reason to do that. It winds up being some crazy circle because, it’s only been since she began targeting me, that I’ve been likely to open my mouth. I also know few people so, it’s not like I would’ve stood in the town square and tell my family’s story. The only reason I’ve even said anything anonymously online, is because she became abusive.
I’ve had this from my narcissistic brother. He’s always seen me as a threat to his what I deem an unhealthy co-dependant relationship he has with my mother. My mother now has dementia but he systematically managed to break down the relationship I had with my mother over the 10 years prior after I had moved away. He saw this as an opportunity with me not around to lie to and manipulate my mother so she saw me as a problem and trouble maker. He even went as far as refusing to be part of any family celebrations for her 80th on the grounds I would be there which resulted in my mum not wanting anything, then he proceeded to take her out for the day and celebrated with just the two of them present.
I GHOSTED MY FAMILY 1 year ago recently got a call 📞 that my dad got injured and was getting surgery I went to see him after the 3rd day that he felt better they stopped updating me and didn’t text me or called me anymore about anything they ghost me even tho I went to see him 1 hour and 30 min drive I decided that after this phone call I will never ever pick up there calls again they did me dirty again with there narcissistic tactics that shit hurt 😢 I thought they changed since they were dealing with something critical guess I was fooooooled Wish them well but I needed this to open my eyes and not to be FOOOLED AGAIN
“They don’t want to hear you tell the truth…” So true, sir!👏🏼👍🏼 Your video discussion helps me clarify why they are so staunchly opposed to it. And my answer was to simply remove them from my life. I go where I’m 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙, not tolerated. It’s the only way I’ve been able to heal from the years of trauma and pain of rejection.
💯 Well said!
They target potential threats before they are actual threats to nip it in the bud. Their goal is usually to mess you up and weaken you so that there is no potential for you to be a threat.
Spot on as usual ❤❤❤
Wow, now I understand why my narcissist mother always suppress my career path or my liaison business or any business ideas, even if it never cost any family members any money to start my business.
Jerry, thank-you for your videos. And extraordinarily I am guided to fall on words you say when I need to hear them. I am 65 this year, and better late than never I guess, only now breaking away from my narcissistic family. God bless you !
I was a target of being a scapegoat due to jealousy of my higher education being college educated, my stubborn truth telling, better life way above my fathers! strange I became a threat at work a lot too! I was unaware of all the narcissists targeting me that way! I was just a honest good high quality employee and never understood why I was seen as a threat at work?? I am only now starting to understand that and the family scapegoat from only YOU Jerry!!! You are amazing in helping me figure out some issues I overlooked and never understood! 🤗
I walked away last year and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I wish I'd done it 30 years ago.
I haven't been back to my Father's house for more than a decade now. I will never go back, never. They can shove all their b.s where the sun don't shine, I refuse to be their target.
@lundsweden A decade of No Contact? You are an inspiration to me. I am so happy for you.
@@pinkazure808 I got sick of being the punching bag so to speak. There was only so much abuse I (and my wife) could take. I've found out recently that our Father abused my brother too, so that really cements it.
Well done. Never, ever go back. ♥️
My family "dis-owned" me after i spoke truth to them, and called them out on their hypocrisies. I was always the "black sheep" growing up. Havent spoken to them in a few years now.
Those with Great REWARDS in Heaven have suffered so much PAIN (Psalms 34:18). This is why we are to count it all joy, but it is OH SO MUCH HARDER than one can imagine.
Thanks I appreciate what you just said. You reassured my decisions to stay away from family. Even in another state I’m the target. Not talking to any of them anymore
Mental health is real some ppl don't think they have mental issues bc of societal norms patriarchal matriarchal systems that have been put into place for centuries its norm to some but this new generation aint taking no bs from nobody....
They lie through their teeth.. and everything you're saying is true, to your face they're so nice and then you feel that knife twist in your back .
Talk HEAVY💪🏿Jerry Smh story of my life.
Jerry Wise, your Videos are so much great help. Grateful to you !! I was thinking another good Video would be listing all the things Narcissistic people Fear. The Ego is Fear based....and they live by their Ego and always trying to make sure their Egos look and feel inflated. The Bible says it "Arrogance before a Fall"....so eventually they do fall down and now they need a Scapegoat to blame. And they also have a Fear that the Scapegoat will leave and not play their games or fear they can't control the Scapegoat anymore. I was the Scapegoat and I quit playing the Narcissist games.
I have a video on the topic-
Narcissistic Family: 9 things they are afraid of
czcams.com/video/7B1gUjg_6bY/video.htmlsi=LLI3sN7BFCkQ5Vr4
I told my older sibling about my abuse as the scapegoat. Response ,"whats the big deal, that was yrs ago" in another breath " you should go see dad ..."
Thankyou
You’re welcome 😊
I wish I had this advice 50 years ago.
🩷🙏🩷 Jerry Wise your sharing Wisdom is a Blessing! 🩷🙏🩷 Gratitude Sir~
I appreciate that
You always have some very interesting videos. I've reacted to one because it reminded me of what my aunt is going through. She's married to her narcissist. I wanted to watch this video to understand why she was targeted.
Its the same dynamic in a social circle or job. These toxic groups have a group think mindset and tend to gossip about others who are a threat to their views. I think sometimes its generational or conditioned in some way to be like that. So if you start pointing out dysfunction or obvious truths they werent allowed to without punishment, then why should you get away with it? Its not fair for you to live freely and live genuinely when they work to fit in to the status quo.
I was made the Target of my Narcissistic family ....MyvMom, Dad, Sister & Step Mom
Thank you Jerry! You are so right as you create a stronger you they do not have the hold on you that they once had!
100% spot on! Thank you.
Seen family, because they don't have the spirit/courage to change them-'selfs' as 'human-beings', they strive very much to secretly oppose the natural good, by undermining and killing (humane) character in others, especially members of the same family for envious and evil reason of personal/social comparison.
God bless.
❤️
Thank you very much Jerry for explaining my nightmarish childhood. I knew they made me the target, but I didn't know why. They always blamed me for everything. I threatened their system. Now I understand. Thank you for your explanation. I was very aware, and very insightful, and a truth teller. WOW!! Now I know. It was such a toxic environment growing up. I am "no contact" now and just learning what happened to me as a kid. I'm 63. Better late than never, right? Hahaha. Thank you so much Jerry.
Jerry is the best narcissistic family scapegoat expert. You are really spot on. I appreciate your videos. ❤
Wow, thank you