@@Milk-ck1wvseriously it's insane, I'm dealing with a neighbor who clearly abusive towards his children period then I get told I'm the weird one, because I don't think abuse is okay. It's horrifying too, because they're young girls, and I know what it's like to be a young girl who was abused by my father. It led me to accept abuse in relationships as I got older. It's honestly horrifying, because when I told the cops what was going on they said but you don't have x-ray vision, when obviously they should look at the context clues and are breaking the law, because they are mandated reporters and are not doing what they're supposed to do. It really just makes me so angry to see all these kids go through so much pain, when it's not necessary. There's no reason to beat or ever hit a child, there's not a reason to scream at a child daily. I know, that we all lose our cool sometimes, but when it's excessive it's disgusting. Not to mention it disturbs the piece of the entire building. But the kids are the main people who are affected. It just reminds me of all the stories I hear, were apparent loses their pool and ends up killing their kid, and people are like where are the neighbors? Where are the police? The problem is, cops and most neighbors just don't care. They literally said to me, because nobody else reported it it doesn't matter, that it is a social issue at this point. I was reading online, that's the problem with a lot of police with these cases, when they are called out to abuse allegations, instead of dealing with it as an abuse allegation, they deal with it as a social problem. It is truly disgusting how many people think it is okay to put their hands on a child which is absolutely insane. It is never okay to put your hands find someone, unless you are defending yourself from bodily harm / your loved one.
It's also remembering that the little human is a child and needs to have stuff explained, so 'no, don't do that because i said so' becomes 'no, don't do that because someone could get hurt'. Or having discussions with a teen to agree on boundaries, rather than setting an unmovable rule without explanation
Yeah, basically. It seems to be based on the principle that kids are human beings and that you can respect them as such in age appropriate ways. What a crazy concept!
@@alexcrazy1492 he wasnt even real and i hated him. And real life parents make kids like him willingly more and more. Its sad. If they got the proper love and attention they would be so much happier.
This is a very clear, description of what gentle parenting is. So many people don’t understand that there are boundaries and consequences with this method.
I just think of it as treating your child like a human person rather than expecting them to be perfect all the time and punishing them when they aren’t. I’ve found usually “misbehaviour” is the child being unable to communicate their needs and therefore using the only tool they have (“I want attention so I’m going to break this” “I’m exhausted so I don’t have the ability to make myself and my emotions cooperate right now”) or simply being too young to understand natural consequences that cause adults to act how they do (“Why do I have to come inside when I’m having fun? Frostbite? That can’t possibly be a real word…”) And look, there are going to be exceptions to that rule, but no kid is born being bad
Also, remembering an important part of parenting is teaching. Kids will always take more away from how you act than what you say. So you have to show them how to regulate emotions, how to problem solve, how to treat and interact with others.
@@Jynxxy13ravedoll Hell yeah! I’ve had to explain to some much older people how to just.. Step away, really? Surprised she didn’t know that one, she’s a mom-
Yep, I'm not a parent, but I have taught swim lessons and some kids are clearly acting up for attention. Not reacting to it was extremely difficult at times and made me want to pull my hair out, but by just responding the same way it showed they don't have to misbehave for attention.
Okay but if they break something there need to be consequences, I don't mean physical but at least a go sit in the corner... the shit I see as a waitress, parents trying to rope me in in their dysfunctional parenting no ma'am I'm not going to gentle parent your child with you I'm not a caretaker please make your child stop chewing the menù
@@brintesiacirce9414 Gentle parenting still includes consequences for the child's actions if they break the rules or do what they are not supposed to. It also means explaining why something is wrong and yes it's not perfect but no parenting method is perfect
I’m gonna start calling it respectful parenting (that’s another common name for it) because it’s really about respecting your child and treating them like a person
But if I don't strike the fear of God into my child's heart. How are they gonna know when to lie to authority figures as a survival tactic? Thanks for your lovely advice but we are a house of fear and shame. /j
I know it was satire, but in some situations that is literally the case. The book Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry is an interesting example of a situation where the children needed to fear punishment from parents to protect them from much bigger threats.
My mother basically gentle parented me and my siblings. She'd always explain why we weren't allowed to do stuff, or why the rules where there. And if we fought she'd make us reconcile after hearing both stories individually and then explain the situation to us.
I'm so happy that there's knowledge and acceptance of different parenting styles. In previous generations they didn't have phrases for these concepts but over time we've been able to basically write to parenting manual we all wish came along with becoming a parent lol
Oh, so my parents used gentle parenting. Never heard a name for it. Workes well for us as family 😊 I always knew there is a good reason for my parents to say, do or want from me something. They always explained why it was good to do so
I absolutely advocate for gentle parenting! I work with kids and have seen the benefits of gentle parenting on children. However one thing I struggle to know is how to deal with kids wanting to play with me and push the boundary of how long we play together. I like to be able to give each kid my time but when I need to go to do something else I try to divert them to play with the teddies instead but I feel bad for that because I don’t want the child to feel like I’m not interested spending time in them anymore and trying to push them off with distractions. If anyone has any advice for dealing with this kind of scenario it would be much appreciated!
One thing I found has helped is letting them know up front how much time we have together and why. So when we start “Auntie is going to play with you for twenty minutes and then I have to go make supper,” and then give follow up warnings “We have ten minutes left to play and then I have to go make supper.” They may still be disappointed at the end, because who wouldn’t be when you’re having fun, but it doesn’t come out of nowhere or feel like you hated playing with them and that’s why they stopped. I then don’t give in to pleas for five more minutes, just name the emotion “I understand you’re disappointed because we were having fun. I have to go make supper now. You can keep playing until it’s ready!”
I like telling my little one what our time limit for something and then setting a timer to have some external stimulus to signal the time the activity is over. Ex. "Ok, we have 15 minutes left to play before bed", then set the timer. You can even let them set the timer. It's also good practice to give check-in times. "Ok, we have five minutes left. Is there anything else you want to do before the time runs out?"
@@Jynxxy13ravedoll yes checking if there’s anything else they want to do is a great tip. It helps avoid meltdowns over “but we never got a chance to…!”
I remembered this clearly in psychology class. Permissive parenting is low expectations and high emotional responsiveness, and there is authoritative parenting or “gentle parenting”, which is high expectations and high emotional responsiveness, and I remembered it was more democratic in how rules are decided.
People just don't understand. They hear the word "gentle" immediately think people are letting their kids run wild and calling it gentle parenting. What is permissive parenting? I've seen people mentioned in the comments but no one said what it was.
I’ve told my dad that I don’t believe in punishments, but I do believe in consequences. He told me that he doesn’t believe in consequences either. I’m 13.
My mother used gentile discipline and my step father used corporal punishment. My mother's form of discipline worked a hell of a lot better than having my butt beat nearly every day.
Great! Some people these days choose the style of "no parenting" and it's all dumped into gentle parenting, simply for being the alternative to authoritarian styles 😒
People are blown away that my 18 month old shares. Unprompted. At a recent playdate with a bunch of other kids he ran up and gave a toy to his new little friend. Then walked away. About 20 minutes before that kids mom was telling me i shouldn't worry about teaching my child to share. He took books off my shelf yesterday. I didn't get around to putting them away. I heard him my room. I came in expecting a mess. No. He was putting the books BACK!! And triumphantly cheered for himself. He likes to help clean. He's an only child but his pediatrician is impressed that my first child, who has little contact with kids his age in my family (because they either don't exist or live too far away) is very social and acts more like a two year old. Why? How is my child like this? I'm not perfect. I find myself yelling more than I'd like. Typically when he's engaging in life threatening behavior, or terrorizing the dog. I slip into old parenting styles I'm not a dan of. But!!! I'm working on incorporating gentle parenting. And he is proof it works. Whereas people I've met who parent in the traditional authoritarian style actually have worse outcomes. But, hey, you do you
I like that you clarify that explained and negotiated where appropriate. Hopefully using communication at a level equal to the child's communication level.
And the consequences of those actions are learning why it may not have been the best choice, understanding how that choice effected others, and how to make a better choice in future. Id say that is pretty constructive, and a healthy way for people that are new to being human to learn the ropes.
Gentle parenting is just normal parenting but people don’t realise that because they associate the role of a parent with a controlling dictator rather than a teacher and mentor
I had read about someone "free-range parenting" their teenager by allowing them to be responsible in doing what they need like making appointements, but still be clearly there if they need help about something.
Yes!!! OMG no one would be having this damn issue if all these parents would just use the right language. You're not a "gentle" parent you're an authoritative parent.
@@NightRainPandaI disagree. I think most of the resistance comes from the fact that historically authoritarian parenting has been very popular, but people simply refer to it in the same way that they refer to authoritative parenting. The amount of people who I have heard admit that their parents straight up abused them who call it "strict but fair" is absolutely horrifying. People call it gentle parenting because, in contrast to the widely normalized authoritarian parenting, it IS gentle. Personally, I think both terms are kind of bad. I think a term that kind of bridges the Gap would be something like "communicative parenting" because it accurately describes what's going on, but also doesn't have the same connotations that the word "authority" does with how that word has been historically used colloquially in the past.
@@pennyforyourthots I agree the name isn't the best, but knowing the name authoritative gives parents access to more scientific resources, as that's the name it's been studied under.
Omg ty! My kids now 20 and 17 were raised with love, respect, no yelling, autonomy and yes boundries when needed. I can't count the number of times I was met with "well your going to have the most spoiled kids ever!" simply because I wasn't going to "discipline" them (I even had a new peds Dr say that to me, which was the last time we saw them) I have the most amazing relationship with my teen/young adult kids that I wouldn't change for the world... they're respectful, kind, really cool, independent individuals. Gentle parenting is so worth it ❤
Anytime someone gets outraged about gentle parenting I just know they scream at and hit their children behind closed doors. "I was punished physically and I turned out fine!" Well, good for you. The majority of us didn't turn out fine. If you're like me you developed lifelong c-ptsd, depression and anxiety. 😊
What about like an in between like I definitely wasn’t in “gentle parenting.” I would get a belt up until I was like 7 I wanna say which was kinda fair. My parents totally warned me it would happen. But also my parents were great. Feels like the boundary is strange to me
@@chainlinkfence4963 Yeah, that's not up to you, not like I'd use a belt though this isn't the ''80s-'90s I also wasn't saying that's how I'd parent my kids. I was trying to ask someone who went through an experience about something.
I've seen a lot of gentle parenting videos and I follow a lot of gentle parenting people. Essentially it's treating your kid like they're a normal human being while still being their parent. You listen to their emotions instead of telling them not to feel. You don't get violent with your child and calling it "discipline", You talk to them and tell them what they did wrong and talk about how they could have done things differently.
@@rumpeltyltskynthat's authoritarian parenting. It's why I personally hate the term authoritative parenting, because it's far too similar despite being nearly the exact opposite.
quite. They think they turned out well and that the abuse somehow made them better as a coping mechanism, so they think it's natural to dk the same to their own kids.
Omg i would've loved to know about gentle parenting when my dad fractured my knee in anger, i genuinely didnt know there were parents out there that treat their kids with respect, i kinda just thought every parent was the same
Interesting! I really enjoy all of your content. I don’t have children yet. But I look forward to learning more what genuine “gentle parenting” looks like.
When I was little my family members would say my mom was "giving in" to my fits because instead of yelling at me, (which will never stop a little kid from crying) she would calm me down and actually listen to what I needed. People need to find a middle ground between treating ur kids like they aren't people and letting them walk all over you.
My mom usually did stuff this way. If I wanted something or to do something and couldn't my mom would explain why and what bad things could happen if I followed through anyway. We didn't fight much when I was a kid because I understood and trusted my mom had my best interests at heart like she did.
I have heard bad things!! And it's annoying!! Thank you for sticking the word "permissive" in my head it clears up the confusion of what I'd rather call it cause gentleness is not bad
i would say my dad was very good at gentle parenting, he was always so encouraging and loving and when we had stupid ideas he would say "lets not and say we didnt" and while it confused me as a kid, i laugh at it and say it all the time
⭐⭐⭐⭐❤ In my youth (in the 70s and 80s) that diffrence was a problem. Both in actual parenting people mistook gentle parenting for permissive, indeed one has to say extreme permissive parenting! That brought gentle parenting into discredit and it parents overwhelmed by the behavioral problems of their kids. Though one has to say that it was the first time that people had tried yhis on a larger scale. And it was a reaction to the extreme authoritarian culture of postwar Germany. Keep up the good work! I am convinced there are many parents who profit from your videos!
I totally agree with the video Jessica, I think you and Claudia are doing a great job raising your kid. I have to ask if you were closer to the mic this time though? I could hear a lot more of your mouth moving to enunciate different words and my misophonia was like “Nope, nuh-uh, no” Could just be my ears are more sensitive today, but other videos were fine. Just wanted to let you know if your setup changed that could bother other people as well. Anyways have a nice day, your videos are great!
I have a chow chow mix and the only thing she responds to is gentle parenting. I didnt know what gentle parenting was until recevently and have accidentally been doing it for the past 10 years lol
Personally, I think both the scientific terms and the colloquial terms kind of failed to properly describe these parenting styles. Here's the scientific terms, compared to how people usually talk about them colloquially. Authoritative parenting = gentle parenting authoritarian parenting = abusive/strict parenting permissive parenting = lazy parenting neglect = neglect Personally, I think a better term for a gentle parenting is "communicative parenting" because it accurately describes the main difference between it and most other forms of parenting. Authoritarian parenting is probably best described as controlling parenting, permissive parenting is probably best described as inattentive parenting, and neglect I think most people understand pretty well.
Gentle parenting is also known as Authoritative parenting, and it's been found that kids who grow up under this parenting style turn out as much more independent and self confident when they're older- as opposed to permissive or authoritarian parenting
My son is 16 now and everyone keeps telling me about how good he is and how I've raised him so well compared to other teens. I'm always so confused because I just treated him like a person and had been gentle parenting without knowing.
Gentle parenting can be a reasonable approach for some kids and some situations, especially highly verbal children in physically safe environments. It can be dangerous when the environment has serious safety hazards that the child is not old enough to truly understand. It can be overwhelming and frustrating for a child who struggles with language, either expressive or receptive. When it goes wrong, it's often because a parent treats a child like an adult, then gets frustrated because the child thinks and acts like a child. In my experience, this tends to devolve into passive-aggressive tactics that over time can become borderline emotional abuse. There's no overt punishments or yelling, but the parent obviously regards the child with anger, disappointment, and disgust. Kids are pretty smart, and being regarded in that way by a parent is far more painful than a time-out, a scolding, or even a spanking. If gentle parenting tactics are working well for you and your child, FANTASTIC. Keep at it! If it's not working out, try something else. There's nothing inherently "good" about the Gentle Parenting approach. There are many ways to raise kids. Find strategies that work for you. Good luck! 🤞🤞🤞🤞
Wow. So many people are misunderstanding gentle parenting that we evolved 2 new words for it (at least, thats what I heard) the responsive parenting which is a new word for what gentle.parenting was suposednto be and now the permisive parenting for the missunderstood veraion. Interesting how language evolves nefore our eyes
My family is of the opinion that if it’s not ok to hit adults it’s not ok to hit children, and that young children should not be punished for not having a fully developed brain and thus not being able to understand consequences or able to control their impulses.
The thing is, there's a difference between the academic understanding of what gentle parenting is and how people tend to use gentle parenting. I study child development and education (since September so Im in no way a professional lol) and in our classes they told us gentle parenting is bad, since it's permissive. It's interesting because all social media I've consumed about gentle parenting has explained it as not being permissive at all. So there's a disconnect in definitions between groups of what gentle parenting actually is
I think it's because there's often a disconnect in the way science uses words, and the way people use words in their daily life. Academic terms usually focus on extreme accuracy, so words like "authoritative parenting" accurately describe what is being talked about. Colloquial understandings usually focus on the ability for The Listener to recognize implications, so while the words used tend to be less accurate, they bring to mind images of what's being talked about. Because of this, the term gentle parenting is used because it brings up a contrast to the widely normalized authoritarian/abusive parenting. I think there really needs to be some sort of Gap bridged between the two groups. I think something like communicative parenting for gentle parenting makes sense, since that's the key defining thing that separates it from other styles of parenting. I think authoritarian parenting is probably generally better called abusive parenting or controlling parenting, because a lot of the people who use this style and parenting value authority above all else, and so the negativity of it needs to be emphasized. And permissive parenting is probably best described as inattentive parenting, because it describes what the parents are doing to cause the problem.
@@pennyforyourthots agreed, except on the authorative parenting being called abusive parenting since not all authorative parenting is abusive and since other parenting styles (mainly neglectful parenting) can also be abusive. But yes agreed on calling gentle parenting communicative parenting, that really seems like the best word for it :D
@MirA12334 Yes! And way more often than the other way around! So tired of all the strawman arguments. People are literally inventing parents with permissive parenting styles (after whitnessing one single mistake a stranger made in public). There ist one particular urban legend circulating in Germany, where I live. First time I heard it, was 30 years ago in my home town, and the story took place in a bus (a child misbehaves and bothers a grown up stranger, the mother parents permissively, the stranger is stunned!) Moved to Berlin (hundreds of miles away) 25 years ago, and heard the exact same story dozens of times since then. Taking place in a tram, a subway train, etc. etc. Other than that: The same story, word by word! Every time I ask the person: "Did you yourself whitness that?" (of course not), "Who is the whitness? Someone you know?" (No, it's always only a story they heard somewhere). When you have to make sh!t up to bring your point across, or need to grasp at every silly littly anecdote you hear (whithout even checking, if it's actually legit), when you ignore studies and statistics - Ask yourself, why your're doing all of that. Maybe your own childhood wasn't as "normal" as you think it was. Maybe (just maybe) your're simply afraid to face your own demons.
Honestly, I was raised with permissive parenting until my teenage years... And when I hear descriptions of gentle parenting, I never picture anything like how I was raised? I don't know where this idea comes from?
I like this definition. But I must admit, when she's using her posh voice, she could probably have me thinking gentler towards any number of things. Maybe that's how they achieved an empire?!,, 😂😂😂
I don’t understand the “and definitely not positive discipline!” in this context. Gentle parenting and positive parenting/discipline are extremely related and follow the same goal, to raise responsible, loving and respectful children.
95% of the videos about gentle parenting that I see appearing on my recommendations are just people explaining how permissive parenting is not gentle parenting. At this point, if someone doesn't get it, it's because they don't want to. (Pls, stop making this videos and do actual content 🙏 Sincerely: me) Pd: to all of you who make gentle parenting videos: pls; don't put children in the videos. Children have a right to privacy. You can do the videos without putting your kids on the whole internet. Sincerely: me again
I confess, I've never understood what makes "gentle parenting" an actual thing, that gets its own name. As a philosophy it doesn't really stand out (at least not to someone raised in the '80s and '90s)
Basically, in Gentle parenting you actually treat your child like another human being and you take time to explain things and communicate with your HUMAN child.
If it doesn't "stand out" to you that means you got lucky and were parented in a healthy way. The majority of families think hitting and screaming at your children is normal. I grew up in the 90s and I was hit with belts and hangers as well as forcibly fed soap as punishment.
@@Raven74408 I'm really sorry that your parents treated you that way, and that they lied to you about the social acceptability of it. The good news is that they did lie about it - I've always had a hard time finding data, but I did find a study that stopped just before my age - I believe the youngest participants were born in the early 1980's, and there was a general downwards trend in people being hit by their parents. In the youngest age group people who had been hit by their parents were still in the majority, but only just, and the vast majority of respondents either were never or rarely hit. (Note that this isn't even a case of "well some countries are stand out about this", because it's Canadian, and we're hardly a leader in that area - spanking is still legal for children between the ages of 2 to 12. While there is obviously a reasonable person test in the law, there is nothing other than using an object to hit the child that is explicitly illegal.) So by the time you and I came around it was even rarer. That aside - whether or not you hit the child isn't even indicative of gentle parenting, based on the usual definition of recognizing your children's humanity. There are people who will use physical force on adults in altercations. There are ways to not recognise that your child is an independent person without physically abusing them.
This misconception comes from netizens giving this parenting style the new name "gentle parenting", which gives others a lot of preconceived notions of what that means. Academically, its called authoratative parenting.
The thing causing this issue in the first place is uneducated parents rebranding authoritative parenting to a more confusing, permissive-sounding name. I also think parents would be able to find better data on this parenting style using the title used by the scientific community for decades.
I guess the question is, did your kid consent to have you as their parent and make rules for them? If not (and if you spoke to your child before they were born let me know how) then I don’t think that you have a right to be telling them what to do.
A child needs at least one emotionally stunted parent who can't self reflect or communicate, otherwise they'll never be able to deal with the real world
Why are you punishing your adorable son? Rupert?! Really? That name went with Murdoch! His life at school will be miserable with a name like that. Still… could be worse. You could have named him Indigo. (In-ego)! Or Apple. Or Orange! He would be so much better off with a saintly or angelic name… Michael… Nicholas maybe Gabriel 😉 Or even just Me… a name he would call himself😊
![Nah, I'd Squid [Splatfest Team Save the Day]](/img/n.gif)
Gentle parenting is simply treating a child like a human being from what I've heard
and people are against that. isn't it crazy
@@Milk-ck1wvseriously it's insane, I'm dealing with a neighbor who clearly abusive towards his children period then I get told I'm the weird one, because I don't think abuse is okay. It's horrifying too, because they're young girls, and I know what it's like to be a young girl who was abused by my father. It led me to accept abuse in relationships as I got older.
It's honestly horrifying, because when I told the cops what was going on they said but you don't have x-ray vision, when obviously they should look at the context clues and are breaking the law, because they are mandated reporters and are not doing what they're supposed to do.
It really just makes me so angry to see all these kids go through so much pain, when it's not necessary. There's no reason to beat or ever hit a child, there's not a reason to scream at a child daily. I know, that we all lose our cool sometimes, but when it's excessive it's disgusting. Not to mention it disturbs the piece of the entire building. But the kids are the main people who are affected.
It just reminds me of all the stories I hear, were apparent loses their pool and ends up killing their kid, and people are like where are the neighbors? Where are the police? The problem is, cops and most neighbors just don't care. They literally said to me, because nobody else reported it it doesn't matter, that it is a social issue at this point. I was reading online, that's the problem with a lot of police with these cases, when they are called out to abuse allegations, instead of dealing with it as an abuse allegation, they deal with it as a social problem.
It is truly disgusting how many people think it is okay to put their hands on a child which is absolutely insane. It is never okay to put your hands find someone, unless you are defending yourself from bodily harm / your loved one.
It's also remembering that the little human is a child and needs to have stuff explained, so 'no, don't do that because i said so' becomes 'no, don't do that because someone could get hurt'. Or having discussions with a teen to agree on boundaries, rather than setting an unmovable rule without explanation
@@daniellaherget3878have you called cps? I think you can call in and ask that they check on the children’s welfare.
As someone raised with gentle parenting, I can confirm that it’s pretty good (especially if your kid is autistic like me)
“Gentle parenting is just parenting without abuse” is a quote I heard
Yeah, basically. It seems to be based on the principle that kids are human beings and that you can respect them as such in age appropriate ways. What a crazy concept!
@@scoutlaceharding The fact that not abusing your kids is "revolutionary" should be alarming
Lmao so accurate
Gentle parenting is like Mr Rogers. Permissive parenting is letting the kid do whatever they want and there are no rules.
I love Mr. Rogers. Clear, consistent, structured communication with appropriate boundaries.
Permissive parenting is like Caillou
@@alexcrazy1492 he wasnt even real and i hated him. And real life parents make kids like him willingly more and more. Its sad. If they got the proper love and attention they would be so much happier.
This is a very clear, description of what gentle parenting is. So many people don’t understand that there are boundaries and consequences with this method.
Gentle parenting, also known as treating your children like human beings and respecting their autonomy.
I just think of it as treating your child like a human person rather than expecting them to be perfect all the time and punishing them when they aren’t. I’ve found usually “misbehaviour” is the child being unable to communicate their needs and therefore using the only tool they have (“I want attention so I’m going to break this” “I’m exhausted so I don’t have the ability to make myself and my emotions cooperate right now”) or simply being too young to understand natural consequences that cause adults to act how they do (“Why do I have to come inside when I’m having fun? Frostbite? That can’t possibly be a real word…”)
And look, there are going to be exceptions to that rule, but no kid is born being bad
Also, remembering an important part of parenting is teaching. Kids will always take more away from how you act than what you say. So you have to show them how to regulate emotions, how to problem solve, how to treat and interact with others.
@@Jynxxy13ravedoll Hell yeah!
I’ve had to explain to some much older people how to just.. Step away, really?
Surprised she didn’t know that one, she’s a mom-
Yep, I'm not a parent, but I have taught swim lessons and some kids are clearly acting up for attention. Not reacting to it was extremely difficult at times and made me want to pull my hair out, but by just responding the same way it showed they don't have to misbehave for attention.
Okay but if they break something there need to be consequences, I don't mean physical but at least a go sit in the corner... the shit I see as a waitress, parents trying to rope me in in their dysfunctional parenting no ma'am I'm not going to gentle parent your child with you I'm not a caretaker please make your child stop chewing the menù
@@brintesiacirce9414 Gentle parenting still includes consequences for the child's actions if they break the rules or do what they are not supposed to. It also means explaining why something is wrong and yes it's not perfect but no parenting method is perfect
I’m gonna start calling it respectful parenting (that’s another common name for it) because it’s really about respecting your child and treating them like a person
Thanks for sharing. I’m still learning about this and hadn’t heard ‘respectful parenting’ yet. I agree it is a more descriptive name to use (/genuine)
Respecting your child is the bare minimum
It's about:
You make a mess? Let's clean it up.
Instead of:
You made a mess? I'm gonna yell at you and now you won't get to play your game.
But if I don't strike the fear of God into my child's heart. How are they gonna know when to lie to authority figures as a survival tactic? Thanks for your lovely advice but we are a house of fear and shame. /j
Yep. I'm an excellent liar, all thanks to my parents.
I know it was satire, but in some situations that is literally the case. The book Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry is an interesting example of a situation where the children needed to fear punishment from parents to protect them from much bigger threats.
My mother basically gentle parented me and my siblings. She'd always explain why we weren't allowed to do stuff, or why the rules where there. And if we fought she'd make us reconcile after hearing both stories individually and then explain the situation to us.
I'm so happy that there's knowledge and acceptance of different parenting styles. In previous generations they didn't have phrases for these concepts but over time we've been able to basically write to parenting manual we all wish came along with becoming a parent lol
Gentle Parenting = Mr. Rogers
Permissive Parenting = Regina George
Gentle parenting is not un-parenting and just letting your children be feral. I wish people would get that.
Oh, so my parents used gentle parenting. Never heard a name for it. Workes well for us as family 😊 I always knew there is a good reason for my parents to say, do or want from me something. They always explained why it was good to do so
I use gentle parenting techniques on adults that I work with in the school system. You’d be surprised how well they work on Principals and parents.
I absolutely advocate for gentle parenting! I work with kids and have seen the benefits of gentle parenting on children. However one thing I struggle to know is how to deal with kids wanting to play with me and push the boundary of how long we play together. I like to be able to give each kid my time but when I need to go to do something else I try to divert them to play with the teddies instead but I feel bad for that because I don’t want the child to feel like I’m not interested spending time in them anymore and trying to push them off with distractions. If anyone has any advice for dealing with this kind of scenario it would be much appreciated!
Very interesting question, I do want to hear advice on this matter too !
One thing I found has helped is letting them know up front how much time we have together and why. So when we start “Auntie is going to play with you for twenty minutes and then I have to go make supper,” and then give follow up warnings “We have ten minutes left to play and then I have to go make supper.” They may still be disappointed at the end, because who wouldn’t be when you’re having fun, but it doesn’t come out of nowhere or feel like you hated playing with them and that’s why they stopped. I then don’t give in to pleas for five more minutes, just name the emotion “I understand you’re disappointed because we were having fun. I have to go make supper now. You can keep playing until it’s ready!”
I like telling my little one what our time limit for something and then setting a timer to have some external stimulus to signal the time the activity is over.
Ex. "Ok, we have 15 minutes left to play before bed", then set the timer. You can even let them set the timer. It's also good practice to give check-in times. "Ok, we have five minutes left. Is there anything else you want to do before the time runs out?"
@@Jynxxy13ravedoll yes checking if there’s anything else they want to do is a great tip. It helps avoid meltdowns over “but we never got a chance to…!”
@@silversleeper1193 Thank you!
Gentle parenting is not getting pissed off at a child for being a child
Excellent explanation, Jessica! I have learned so much from you about parenting well!
I remembered this clearly in psychology class. Permissive parenting is low expectations and high emotional responsiveness, and there is authoritative parenting or “gentle parenting”, which is high expectations and high emotional responsiveness, and I remembered it was more democratic in how rules are decided.
People just don't understand. They hear the word "gentle" immediately think people are letting their kids run wild and calling it gentle parenting.
What is permissive parenting? I've seen people mentioned in the comments but no one said what it was.
Permissive parenting is letting your children do whatever.
I’ve told my dad that I don’t believe in punishments, but I do believe in consequences. He told me that he doesn’t believe in consequences either. I’m 13.
My favourite source for this is @mommacusses and her shorts on "what I thought gentle parenting was vs. how I actually gentle parent".
I love her
My mother used gentile discipline and my step father used corporal punishment. My mother's form of discipline worked a hell of a lot better than having my butt beat nearly every day.
Great! Some people these days choose the style of "no parenting" and it's all dumped into gentle parenting, simply for being the alternative to authoritarian styles 😒
People are blown away that my 18 month old shares. Unprompted. At a recent playdate with a bunch of other kids he ran up and gave a toy to his new little friend. Then walked away. About 20 minutes before that kids mom was telling me i shouldn't worry about teaching my child to share.
He took books off my shelf yesterday. I didn't get around to putting them away. I heard him my room. I came in expecting a mess. No. He was putting the books BACK!! And triumphantly cheered for himself.
He likes to help clean. He's an only child but his pediatrician is impressed that my first child, who has little contact with kids his age in my family (because they either don't exist or live too far away) is very social and acts more like a two year old.
Why? How is my child like this?
I'm not perfect. I find myself yelling more than I'd like. Typically when he's engaging in life threatening behavior, or terrorizing the dog. I slip into old parenting styles I'm not a dan of. But!!! I'm working on incorporating gentle parenting. And he is proof it works.
Whereas people I've met who parent in the traditional authoritarian style actually have worse outcomes. But, hey, you do you
People are surprised that an almost 2-year-old knows how to share?? What the hell is wrong with this goddamn world.
Thank you for this video. So many people don’t understand this and I actually believe this is how everyone should parent ❤
I like that you clarify that explained and negotiated where appropriate. Hopefully using communication at a level equal to the child's communication level.
And the consequences of those actions are learning why it may not have been the best choice, understanding how that choice effected others, and how to make a better choice in future.
Id say that is pretty constructive, and a healthy way for people that are new to being human to learn the ropes.
Gentle parenting is just normal parenting but people don’t realise that because they associate the role of a parent with a controlling dictator rather than a teacher and mentor
I had read about someone "free-range parenting" their teenager by allowing them to be responsible in doing what they need like making appointements, but still be clearly there if they need help about something.
Gentle Parenting = Authoritative Parenting!! The best type for development, backed by years and years of research!
Yes!!! OMG no one would be having this damn issue if all these parents would just use the right language. You're not a "gentle" parent you're an authoritative parent.
@@NightRainPandaI disagree. I think most of the resistance comes from the fact that historically authoritarian parenting has been very popular, but people simply refer to it in the same way that they refer to authoritative parenting. The amount of people who I have heard admit that their parents straight up abused them who call it "strict but fair" is absolutely horrifying.
People call it gentle parenting because, in contrast to the widely normalized authoritarian parenting, it IS gentle.
Personally, I think both terms are kind of bad. I think a term that kind of bridges the Gap would be something like "communicative parenting" because it accurately describes what's going on, but also doesn't have the same connotations that the word "authority" does with how that word has been historically used colloquially in the past.
@@pennyforyourthots I agree the name isn't the best, but knowing the name authoritative gives parents access to more scientific resources, as that's the name it's been studied under.
Omg ty! My kids now 20 and 17 were raised with love, respect, no yelling, autonomy and yes boundries when needed. I can't count the number of times I was met with "well your going to have the most spoiled kids ever!" simply because I wasn't going to "discipline" them (I even had a new peds Dr say that to me, which was the last time we saw them) I have the most amazing relationship with my teen/young adult kids that I wouldn't change for the world... they're respectful, kind, really cool, independent individuals. Gentle parenting is so worth it ❤
Anytime someone gets outraged about gentle parenting I just know they scream at and hit their children behind closed doors. "I was punished physically and I turned out fine!" Well, good for you. The majority of us didn't turn out fine. If you're like me you developed lifelong c-ptsd, depression and anxiety. 😊
What about like an in between like I definitely wasn’t in “gentle parenting.” I would get a belt up until I was like 7 I wanna say which was kinda fair. My parents totally warned me it would happen. But also my parents were great. Feels like the boundary is strange to me
@@scouthedogdon't have kids
@@chainlinkfence4963 Yeah, that's not up to you, not like I'd use a belt though this isn't the ''80s-'90s I also wasn't saying that's how I'd parent my kids. I was trying to ask someone who went through an experience about something.
I've seen a lot of gentle parenting videos and I follow a lot of gentle parenting people.
Essentially it's treating your kid like they're a normal human being while still being their parent. You listen to their emotions instead of telling them not to feel. You don't get violent with your child and calling it "discipline", You talk to them and tell them what they did wrong and talk about how they could have done things differently.
Something I’ve started explaining to people is gentle parenting is just the rebranded title for authoritative parenting!
That, doesn’t seem accurate? Isn’t authoritative parenting “do what I say, no questions asked”?
@@rumpeltyltskynno, that's authoritarian parenting
@@morganw2492 Ah gotcha, I see
@@rumpeltyltskynthat's authoritarian parenting. It's why I personally hate the term authoritative parenting, because it's far too similar despite being nearly the exact opposite.
@@pennyforyourthots Yeah it’s pretty confusing! I don’t even think I’ve heard the term authoritative parenting.
THANK YOU so many people do not understand this critical difference ❤
The worst things I hear about gentle parenting are from people that had been abused as minors. And think they should pass that on.
quite. They think they turned out well and that the abuse somehow made them better as a coping mechanism, so they think it's natural to dk the same to their own kids.
This seems very nuanced and interesting. Is there a full video ? Gonna see right away
It’s from the “How positive discipline helps your child” video she posted in October. ❤
@@jennifers5560 Yay I did find it and watch it right away. Thank you very much :)
@@loup4119 oh good!
Thanks for making this clear.
My goodness, you literally can explain anything to the world and it sounds so reasonable. Please, please, please use your powers for Good.
Omg i would've loved to know about gentle parenting when my dad fractured my knee in anger, i genuinely didnt know there were parents out there that treat their kids with respect, i kinda just thought every parent was the same
Interesting! I really enjoy all of your content. I don’t have children yet. But I look forward to learning more what genuine “gentle parenting” looks like.
MommaCusses on yt has a lot of great videos on it
Thank youuu! So sick and tired of people making fun of gentle parenting when it’s really just treating kids as human beings worthy of respect
It's good for teaching children how to handle emotions, among many other things❤
When I was little my family members would say my mom was "giving in" to my fits because instead of yelling at me, (which will never stop a little kid from crying) she would calm me down and actually listen to what I needed. People need to find a middle ground between treating ur kids like they aren't people and letting them walk all over you.
Thank you! Gentle parenting needs a re-name.
My mom usually did stuff this way. If I wanted something or to do something and couldn't my mom would explain why and what bad things could happen if I followed through anyway.
We didn't fight much when I was a kid because I understood and trusted my mom had my best interests at heart like she did.
So it's authoritative parenting, which is very well researched. It just got a new name.
I have heard bad things!! And it's annoying!! Thank you for sticking the word "permissive" in my head it clears up the confusion of what I'd rather call it cause gentleness is not bad
i would say my dad was very good at gentle parenting, he was always so encouraging and loving and when we had stupid ideas he would say "lets not and say we didnt" and while it confused me as a kid, i laugh at it and say it all the time
Never heard of it. That's how I brought my kids up
⭐⭐⭐⭐❤ In my youth (in the 70s and 80s) that diffrence was a problem. Both in actual parenting people mistook gentle parenting for permissive, indeed one has to say extreme permissive parenting! That brought gentle parenting into discredit and it parents overwhelmed by the behavioral problems of their kids. Though one has to say that it was the first time that people had tried yhis on a larger scale. And it was a reaction to the extreme authoritarian culture of postwar Germany. Keep up the good work! I am convinced there are many parents who profit from your videos!
I'm a combo parent... I am like a crunchy outside, soft inside, pretty salty, 😂😂😂
Gentle parenting, also known as parenting yourself first and keeping your cool around your kid
🙌PREACH🙌
Thank you!!
More! More of these. Explain all 4 and give examples
I totally agree with the video Jessica, I think you and Claudia are doing a great job raising your kid. I have to ask if you were closer to the mic this time though? I could hear a lot more of your mouth moving to enunciate different words and my misophonia was like “Nope, nuh-uh, no” Could just be my ears are more sensitive today, but other videos were fine. Just wanted to let you know if your setup changed that could bother other people as well. Anyways have a nice day, your videos are great!
Okay, this is off-topic but her voice is so soothing and nice :)
THANK YOU
I have a chow chow mix and the only thing she responds to is gentle parenting. I didnt know what gentle parenting was until recevently and have accidentally been doing it for the past 10 years lol
Personally, I think both the scientific terms and the colloquial terms kind of failed to properly describe these parenting styles.
Here's the scientific terms, compared to how people usually talk about them colloquially.
Authoritative parenting = gentle parenting
authoritarian parenting = abusive/strict parenting
permissive parenting = lazy parenting
neglect = neglect
Personally, I think a better term for a gentle parenting is "communicative parenting" because it accurately describes the main difference between it and most other forms of parenting. Authoritarian parenting is probably best described as controlling parenting, permissive parenting is probably best described as inattentive parenting, and neglect I think most people understand pretty well.
This this this this!
Me being beaten up as a kid: 🧍
Gentle parenting is also known as Authoritative parenting, and it's been found that kids who grow up under this parenting style turn out as much more independent and self confident when they're older- as opposed to permissive or authoritarian parenting
My son is 16 now and everyone keeps telling me about how good he is and how I've raised him so well compared to other teens. I'm always so confused because I just treated him like a person and had been gentle parenting without knowing.
Is there/will there be a full video on this?
It’s from the “How positive discipline helps your child” video she posted in October. ❤
@jennifers5560 thank you!
@@Picklescape you’re welcome!
Gentle parenting can be a reasonable approach for some kids and some situations, especially highly verbal children in physically safe environments. It can be dangerous when the environment has serious safety hazards that the child is not old enough to truly understand. It can be overwhelming and frustrating for a child who struggles with language, either expressive or receptive.
When it goes wrong, it's often because a parent treats a child like an adult, then gets frustrated because the child thinks and acts like a child. In my experience, this tends to devolve into passive-aggressive tactics that over time can become borderline emotional abuse. There's no overt punishments or yelling, but the parent obviously regards the child with anger, disappointment, and disgust. Kids are pretty smart, and being regarded in that way by a parent is far more painful than a time-out, a scolding, or even a spanking.
If gentle parenting tactics are working well for you and your child, FANTASTIC. Keep at it!
If it's not working out, try something else. There's nothing inherently "good" about the Gentle Parenting approach. There are many ways to raise kids. Find strategies that work for you.
Good luck! 🤞🤞🤞🤞
Wow. So many people are misunderstanding gentle parenting that we evolved 2 new words for it (at least, thats what I heard) the responsive parenting which is a new word for what gentle.parenting was suposednto be and now the permisive parenting for the missunderstood veraion. Interesting how language evolves nefore our eyes
My family is of the opinion that if it’s not ok to hit adults it’s not ok to hit children, and that young children should not be punished for not having a fully developed brain and thus not being able to understand consequences or able to control their impulses.
The thing is, there's a difference between the academic understanding of what gentle parenting is and how people tend to use gentle parenting. I study child development and education (since September so Im in no way a professional lol) and in our classes they told us gentle parenting is bad, since it's permissive. It's interesting because all social media I've consumed about gentle parenting has explained it as not being permissive at all. So there's a disconnect in definitions between groups of what gentle parenting actually is
People just simply don't understand. They hear the word "gentle" and immediately think It's parenting style that just lets your kids run around wild.
@@dragonire_dino0856 yeah but it's so weird that the entire academic understanding of it is sooo disconnected from what the Internet says it is
I think it's because there's often a disconnect in the way science uses words, and the way people use words in their daily life.
Academic terms usually focus on extreme accuracy, so words like "authoritative parenting" accurately describe what is being talked about.
Colloquial understandings usually focus on the ability for The Listener to recognize implications, so while the words used tend to be less accurate, they bring to mind images of what's being talked about. Because of this, the term gentle parenting is used because it brings up a contrast to the widely normalized authoritarian/abusive parenting.
I think there really needs to be some sort of Gap bridged between the two groups. I think something like communicative parenting for gentle parenting makes sense, since that's the key defining thing that separates it from other styles of parenting. I think authoritarian parenting is probably generally better called abusive parenting or controlling parenting, because a lot of the people who use this style and parenting value authority above all else, and so the negativity of it needs to be emphasized. And permissive parenting is probably best described as inattentive parenting, because it describes what the parents are doing to cause the problem.
@@pennyforyourthots agreed, except on the authorative parenting being called abusive parenting since not all authorative parenting is abusive and since other parenting styles (mainly neglectful parenting) can also be abusive. But yes agreed on calling gentle parenting communicative parenting, that really seems like the best word for it :D
Sadly not all parents get thr difference and end up becoming permissive parents
Or abusive because theyd rather be that than permissive
@MirA12334 Yes! And way more often than the other way around! So tired of all the strawman arguments. People are literally inventing parents with permissive parenting styles (after whitnessing one single mistake a stranger made in public).
There ist one particular urban legend circulating in Germany, where I live. First time I heard it, was 30 years ago in my home town, and the story took place in a bus (a child misbehaves and bothers a grown up stranger, the mother parents permissively, the stranger is stunned!)
Moved to Berlin (hundreds of miles away) 25 years ago, and heard the exact same story dozens of times since then. Taking place in a tram, a subway train, etc. etc. Other than that: The same story, word by word!
Every time I ask the person: "Did you yourself whitness that?" (of course not), "Who is the whitness? Someone you know?" (No, it's always only a story they heard somewhere).
When you have to make sh!t up to bring your point across, or need to grasp at every silly littly anecdote you hear (whithout even checking, if it's actually legit), when you ignore studies and statistics -
Ask yourself, why your're doing all of that. Maybe your own childhood wasn't as "normal" as you think it was. Maybe (just maybe) your're simply afraid to face your own demons.
❤😊❤
Just don't be too gentle when it comes the inevitable boundary crossing.
Say it louder for the people in the back
Honestly, I was raised with permissive parenting until my teenage years... And when I hear descriptions of gentle parenting, I never picture anything like how I was raised? I don't know where this idea comes from?
I wish I could subscribe to you I love your content but my parents don’t support you 😢❤
❤
I like this definition. But I must admit, when she's using her posh voice, she could probably have me thinking gentler towards any number of things. Maybe that's how they achieved an empire?!,, 😂😂😂
I don’t understand the “and definitely not positive discipline!” in this context. Gentle parenting and positive parenting/discipline are extremely related and follow the same goal, to raise responsible, loving and respectful children.
where were you when my parents decided to hmu with a bamboo stick 🥲🥲
Boundaries? Nah we don’t get those here
5:36 no way cure for autism?!?!
95% of the videos about gentle parenting that I see appearing on my recommendations are just people explaining how permissive parenting is not gentle parenting.
At this point, if someone doesn't get it, it's because they don't want to.
(Pls, stop making this videos and do actual content 🙏 Sincerely: me)
Pd: to all of you who make gentle parenting videos: pls; don't put children in the videos. Children have a right to privacy. You can do the videos without putting your kids on the whole internet. Sincerely: me again
I confess, I've never understood what makes "gentle parenting" an actual thing, that gets its own name. As a philosophy it doesn't really stand out (at least not to someone raised in the '80s and '90s)
Basically, in Gentle parenting you actually treat your child like another human being and you take time to explain things and communicate with your HUMAN child.
If it doesn't "stand out" to you that means you got lucky and were parented in a healthy way. The majority of families think hitting and screaming at your children is normal. I grew up in the 90s and I was hit with belts and hangers as well as forcibly fed soap as punishment.
@@Raven74408 I'm really sorry that your parents treated you that way, and that they lied to you about the social acceptability of it. The good news is that they did lie about it - I've always had a hard time finding data, but I did find a study that stopped just before my age - I believe the youngest participants were born in the early 1980's, and there was a general downwards trend in people being hit by their parents. In the youngest age group people who had been hit by their parents were still in the majority, but only just, and the vast majority of respondents either were never or rarely hit. (Note that this isn't even a case of "well some countries are stand out about this", because it's Canadian, and we're hardly a leader in that area - spanking is still legal for children between the ages of 2 to 12. While there is obviously a reasonable person test in the law, there is nothing other than using an object to hit the child that is explicitly illegal.) So by the time you and I came around it was even rarer.
That aside - whether or not you hit the child isn't even indicative of gentle parenting, based on the usual definition of recognizing your children's humanity. There are people who will use physical force on adults in altercations. There are ways to not recognise that your child is an independent person without physically abusing them.
My family strictly and conservately catholic and they always teach me how to do the things to build the character XD
This misconception comes from netizens giving this parenting style the new name "gentle parenting", which gives others a lot of preconceived notions of what that means. Academically, its called authoratative parenting.
The thing causing this issue in the first place is uneducated parents rebranding authoritative parenting to a more confusing, permissive-sounding name. I also think parents would be able to find better data on this parenting style using the title used by the scientific community for decades.
That is my gay son
I guess the question is, did your kid consent to have you as their parent and make rules for them? If not (and if you spoke to your child before they were born let me know how) then I don’t think that you have a right to be telling them what to do.
Wtf? Rewatch the video because none of that did she imply nor say
Are you on drugs? It feels like you are
A child needs at least one emotionally stunted parent who can't self reflect or communicate, otherwise they'll never be able to deal with the real world
No.
I can't tell if this is a joke or not lmao. This sounds like the kind of thing I'd say ironically.
@@pennyforyourthots it was a joke, just not very funny
Why are you punishing your adorable son? Rupert?! Really? That name went with Murdoch! His life at school will be miserable with a name like that. Still… could be worse. You could have named him Indigo. (In-ego)!
Or Apple. Or Orange!
He would be so much better off with a saintly or angelic name… Michael… Nicholas maybe Gabriel 😉
Or even just Me… a name he would call himself😊
Rubbish.. filling people head with nonsense
Oh no, how dare you treat your child like a human being and properly communicating with them, so terrible, truly.
It is literally scientifically proven to be the most effective form of parenting lol
Dude when you grow up I hope you don’t have kids. Gentle parenting is just loving and respecting each other healthily
@Dfayethegay9 I'd give you nasty looks but you've already got one... idgaf
@@user-tl7gx1gx8q worst come back in the century 💀
The BEST explanation I’ve ever heard was from @pleasantpesantmedia 😂 so funny