Male Weepies: A Misunderstood Genre
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- čas přidán 28. 04. 2024
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SOURCES:
Scott Allison and Jeffrey Green, Nostalgia and Heroism: Theoretical Convergence of Memory, Motivation, and Function” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 11 (2020).
Christine Emba, “Men are lost. Here’s a map out of the wilderness” The Washington Post (2023).
Caitlin Flanagan, “In Praise of Heroic Masculinity” The Atlantic (2023).
Martin Fradley, “Maximus Melodramatic” in Action and Adventure Cinema, Routledge (2004).
Conor Friedersdorf, “21 Reader Views on the Masculinity Crisis” The Atlantic (2022).
Sarah Hughes, “Creed and the secrets of a male tear-jerker: From Field of Dreams to Good Will Hunting” Independent (2016).
Idrees Kahloon, “What’s the Matter with Men?” The New Yorker (2023).
Majorie D. Kibby, “NOSTALGIA FOR THE MASCULINE: Onward to the Past in the Sports Films of the Eighties” Canadian Journal of Film Studies, Vol. 7 (Spring 1998).
Tom Lutz “Men’s Tears and the Roles of Melodrama” Boys Don’t Cry, Columbia University Press (2002).
Peggy Orenstein, “The Miseducation of the American Boy” The Atlantic (2020).
Peter Rainer, “COMMENTARY : A Touchy-Feely Summer of Tears and Testosterone : Movies: A new character emerges for the ‘90s--the sensitive male. Even the Terminator qualifies.” Los Angeles Times (1991).
Heather Stewart,, ‘Andrew Tate is a symptom, not the problem’: why young men are turning against feminism, The Guardian (2024).
Chuck Tryon, “Rebooting the Politics of the Sports Melodrama: Creed vs Rocky” Film Reboots, Edinburgh (2020). - Zábava
![[Vowel]물고기는 물에서 살아야 해🐟🤣Fish have to live in the water #funny](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3G9MH063Cx4/mqdefault.jpg)
An interesting companion video about heroic masculinity when it ~doesn't~ take on a pro-social aim!: czcams.com/video/RKdT_d-_vYs/video.html&ab_channel=LikeStoriesofOld
halfway through the video but waiting, waiting for you to mention About Time
was caught off-guard by the JP comment tbh
Masculinty is a spectrum like femininity. Moonlight was a rare film that showed different types of masculinity. Its rare to see any mainstream film cover the nuances of masculinity that doesnt involve sports
Unpopular opinion, but I don't think masculinity or femininity are useful concepts at all.
@@user-ny1wo1vp9r Possibly not, but a lot of men, and a not small amount of women, value their gender identity deeply, so when speaking to the average layperon who doesn't watch hour long video essays, gender shouldn't matter comes off as a tone deaf, 5head take. I think to talk to most people about gender as a social construct, we have to try and meet people where they are, and for many that starts with validating their feeling of identity and recognizing it's important to them and treating it as such. I say that as a person to whom these days gender identity really doesn't mean that much to me anymore.
@@gregvs.theworld451based greg
Beau Travail is also a great example.
@@user-ny1wo1vp9r They *are* useful concepts when analyzing a gendered society where humans are valued by how much can they uphold to their assigned role. This isn't even about gender identity. As long as gender roles exist "masculinity" and "femininity" as conceptual tools are incredibly useful to understand how the roles work.
This reminds me of Contrapoint's latest video about Twilight and female fantasies - the ability to be able to receive pleasure without autonomy relieves the burden of shame (hence why female fantasies often have "problematic" power dynamics). Maybe for men this fantasy involves the ability to show and feel VULNERABILITY without shame (being thrust into war / sports competitions).
great incite
Great point!
@@anlimeow9693*insight
really good connection
Just wow, this blew my mind
im a man, and when i watched the iron claw i cried for two hours afterwards. seeing that movie made me realize i had deep rooted issues with my father's death when i was young and the way i see myself as a man because of it. when zac efron finally let go of his grief and his despair at the end of the movie, i did too. i realized that there isn't a set definition for what a "real man" is, it is only what you need it to be. thank you for this video broey, i now have a deeper understanding of myself and others.
beautiful
ha! gaaayyyyyyyyyy!
- seno'r chang
Really loved that film and so glad it did you so much good
yes! that movie was so i good i cried multiple times thought the movie and it definitely stayed with me (although im a girl haha) i urged a few of my male friends to check it out
Same as a woman who lost their brother unexpectedly and too soon, that film was impactful and the ending felt cathartic.
Man, that guy who couldn't cry for his parents' divorce so he watched a bunch of films about genocide... that's so deeply sad
Sometimes we're just not in the proper stage of grief to be able to cry. Sometimes it's blocked by anger or our feelings are shut down (depressed) or we're in denial.
@@everope funnily enough, ascribing to the concept of "stages of grief", a catch-all book-filler that has never been proven to actually exist, is exactly the misaligned poor emotional management that the example itsell was highlighting in the first place: experiencing wire-crossed emotional states that prevent you from dealing with emotional issues accurately and appropriately.
iirc, there's a hormonal difference between men (or more specifically, testosterone-dominated physiologies) and women (likewise, estrogen-dominated physiologies) that makes it harder for them to actually produce tears, even with the same emotional state/stimulus that makes women successfully cry. I think the characterization that men are relatively emotionless or even just suppressing their feelings is actually deeply patriarchal, in the bad sense of course.
@@kf8113 feels important to point out here that the research you are referencing (prolactin increases susceptibility to crying) was studied and observed... in ducks. preliminary research into the human factors associated with prolactin/testosterone has largely been abandoned because it appeared at the outset that the same biological factors were not at play in human physiology.
When my dear and only grandfather I had died, I couldn't cry. I had to listen to "sad music" to force anything out.
I still haven't cried for him, and years later I'm still filled with this... frustration.
This is just the way most men are, and it doesn't help I'm autistic...
And it's not even socialisation, that's just the way we are.
Really surprised that “It’s a Wonderful Life” wasn’t mentioned here. It’s the movie that always makes me and my dad cry and George’s struggle is deeply rooted in the masculine idea of providing for your family. He has spent most of his life sacrificing his personal goals to help out his loved ones and when it looks like everything is about to collapse, he’s willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to provide for his family. It’s only when he’s shown the positive impact his actions have made that he reconsiders sacrificing himself. I feel as though the movie is very ahead of its time in terms of portraying masculinity through loving and pro-social behavior which is eventually rewarded by the end. Still makes me cry to this day.
This comment is spot-on! If you don't cry at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life," you don't have a heart. I'm not even a middle-aged married man, and I could relate to George's struggles.
This is, so far, the only comment that actually came from a masculine man. George Bailey continued to do whatever it took to make the world what it was. Women struggle to keep families going while men struggle to keep the world going. But women get thanked endlessly while men get berated, ridiculed, and insulted. Society needs to change its view of masculinity and respect traditional masculinity again. It is not a spectrum, it is not "toxic," it is why we can all be here on the Internet right now even having the luxury of civilization. The best thing to do for men is to thank them, stop telling them what to feel, and stop making up interpretations for their actions.
@@mervjackson3957You got further and further away from the plot there.
@@mervjackson3957Men also don't need men with little dog syndrome to define what is and is not masculine, and what is traditionally women's work is also berated, ridiculed and insulted. You're doing it here, like running a family isn't part of running the world more than the average office/manual labor job. Modern life sucks for everyone. You're not special for being a man, you are in the same boat.
it's because the selection is careful compilation of movies that will hel her to highlight her point. Wonderful Life is harder for her to make a case.
black man who loved this video. the two films to ever make me cry: good will hunting and moonlight.
i will be forever haunted by the barbara kruger piece intricate rituals, where she says "you create intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men" and i think it links with male weepies. the movie genre creates an intricate ritual that allows men to cry openly
I think that’s kind of why boys and men tend to love sports so much. It gives them an acceptable way to care for other men, bond with them, and be somewhat vulnerable around them.
Wow. That quote instantly makes sense of alot of the psuedo-homosexual joking males make with each other. Excuses for basic platonic physical contact with the pretense / armor of assuring one another its not gay. (Yes, of course its silly, its emotions we don't comprehend)
Not really, men touch each other without the need of sports, thats why we even make gay jokes and hug each other, how do I know this? Cause' Im a man. The nessecity of sports is because of the nessecity of competion that comes with testosterone and to compite for reproductive sucess with women just like other species of animals, but nice try tho
Another interesting example is Rambo: First Blood (1982), co-written and starring Sylvester Stallone. John Rambo is a broken man, depressed, isolated, and suffering untreated severe PTSD. He doesn't want confrontation and violence.
In the closing scene he breaks down, crying and explaining that he never got the treatment and counselling that he knew he needed. That no one would listen to his cries for help, and no one understands his pain.
At at the end, after all of the violence and death, he receives the hug that he's always needed.
When I showed First Blood to my friends, one of them said she never expected that the emotional climax of a Rambo film would be a sobbing fit followed with a hug
@@NoMoreCrumbs it surprised me too, i went in expecting a numb brained shootey movie but i ended up really liking it
@@SousaphoneMusic It's unfortunate that numb brained shootey movie is all Rambo became or was remembered for right from 2 onwards :(
4 tried to get back to being more, but it was basically just a dark (but fun) gorefest.
Rambo is a perfect example of a strong, masculine man who was ruined by society. They send him to war and make him an enemy for fighting it for them. He was irrelevant to women, irrelevant to politicians, and used by society. The only thing he did wrong was to not die back in the war so the people who used him could feign concern back home. If he had never been part of society, he would have been a beast of production, not violence.
Treasure Planet is an underrated male weepy and my personal comfort cry movie. The arc of a young man finding a surrogate father who is proud of him, and an older man being softened and bettered by that respect and love. I always cry buckets at that movie it hits me in a vulnerable place as a man.
I felt seen by this video thank you.
You not alone, anytime I watch the scene with Silver telling to Jim I see greatness in you. Gets me every time.
Treasure Planet def underrated gem.
Omg I was just thinking of treasure planet, I'm trans masc and recently watched it for the first time and idk It really stuck out to me
Treasure Planet is sooooooo underrated, I feel!
As a male in his 30's, at first I kinda bristled at your description of these films as "male weepies". Then I teared up every time you just showed snippets from these movies, even when it lacked film audio lol
The Holdovers felt like a recent addition to this cannon too, every man I know loved it.
It has everything: male lonliness, career dissatisfaction, abandonment and sacrifice.
Brilliant movie
One more thing...
Columbo is an underrated example of heroic masculinity
a good example.
I see what you did there 😊
I'd also add original 1980s Optimus Prime in there too -- Peter Cullen once shared in an interview that his older brother, before he went to audition for the role of Optimus, told him that Cullen should approach the character as someone who was "strong enough to be gentle", especially in lieu of a more bombastic and forceful personality. Optimus would go on to become a major father-figure for those 80s kids, because he was the ideal father: strong enough to be gentle.
Yes!! He's one of my role models honestly lol
Watching this video made me think of the way the original Lord of the Rings movies deal with similar themes of brotherhood, purpose, men struggling against all odds, achieving something bigger than itself. I'm old enough when people would call these elements of the movie "gay" as a way to dismiss their emotionality but I've seen those movies really hit men hard in the feels in the same way Field of Dreams and Rocky do.
"You bow to no-one" absolutely wrecks me every time, I'm tearing up even now writing this comment. Aragorn and Sam are the some of the best representations of positive masculinity in all of fiction and we as men should aspire to be like them.
@@mikester4896same here.
I feel anger grip me whenever I think about how Sam and Frodo's relationship is so often seen as gay.
Women calling them gay is the worst because they're the gender that you actually care about recognizing your masculinity. It doesn't really matter if another guy thinks you're gay. You're not trying to date him.
@@downsjmmyjones101 Its their hobby to turn wholesome and meaningful relationships into toxic love triangles. Try reading a Harry Potter fanfic if you really wanna go into the trenches.
@@downsjmmyjones101 your angry that gay fans of the work read it that way, or angry that other people use that term to express that its lesser?
Peter Jackson is another filmmaker very tapped into this, especially in Lord of the Rings & King Kong. His King Kong worked largely because it reimagined Kong into an outside threat dangerous to civilization, but also tragic in its loss to making him into the hero & an old-fashioned masculine figure whose tragically unable to figure out how to function in the industrialized world.
What makes me emotional watching Rocky or other such movies is the vicarious feeling of victory and a sense of fulfilment. Not in an external sense, but living through the character as he triumphs over oppressive socioeconomic hardship to achieve greatness and do so with a loving partner by his side to share in his glory. I think that is probably a uniting fantasy that men, especially working class men, can buy into in a movie or other fiction, and one that almost none of us get to experience in reality.
I think you just explained why It’s A Wonderful Life gets me every single time.
@theidlemindsAU My late grandad's favourite film. Yeah that'll bring on the man tears for sure.
A good parallel to Pop Culture Detevtive's "Boys Don't Cry: Except When They Do" video
Thank you for mentioning this !! I immediately thought about it
Uncle Iroh is my male role model and leaves from the vine is the most i've wept through a tv series (well, then Bluey came along)
Definitely a great example of a masculine father figure. He cares so much about Zuko, and is always pushing him to think about his actions
You... wept at Bluey?
A lot of the themes and ideas you touched on in this video reminded me of 90s British films ‘Brasssed Off’ and ‘The Full Monty’- both films are about working-class men from industrial towns in the North struggling due to the de-industrialisation of Britain in the 80s and 90s. These films celebrate male friendships and camaraderie through a shared purpose, just like the films you talked about in this video. The ending of Brasssed Off left me sobbing, and The Full Monty is genuinely one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen. Two essentials of British cinema 🫶
OMG! I loved Brassed Off but, unlike The Full Monty, I feel like it didn't get as wide a reach (at least not in North America).
I see those two as part of an unofficial trilogy with Billy Elliot, a holy trinity of wonderful, sentimental British filmmaking.
The Full Monty is such a funny and wonderful exploration of masculinity.
Im not british the movie “pride” about the gay people who fundraise for welsh miners on strike in the 80s and visit them.
The end when the miners show up for the gay pride parade with their union banners in support and to return the favor. Im tearing up just thinking about it.
4:19 This AMC ad is going to be studied by future generations.
Hi!
It's because "heartbreak feels good in a place like this." 😂 Legit though, I love that ad both ironically and unironically. My theater recently seems to have retired it and I am *devastated!* I haven't been so sad to see a theater ad go since we lost "Inconsiderate Cell Phone Man."
As a 20 year old young man without a real father figure, this video hit. A related anecdote that some may find interesting: I've got a group of friends I'm a part of that are all young men around my same age; none of us fans of the toxically-masculine rhetoric of those such as Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. Many of them are broadly disillusioned towards things like feminism and social justice in general, however, largely due to feeling like they are left out, and those things are against them. Being into the theory of intersectionality myself and how it interacts with areas of social justice and can liberate and help us as men, I try to push them towards these ideas, but it is certainly difficult when there seems to be a lack of male figures in these spaces pushing for more positive and inclusive masculinity that doesn't invalidate the modern male experience. There's a general vibe of kinda just fumbling around, trying to not be a bad person, but not really knowing exactly how to be a good one. We can all certainly come together for a "male weepy", though, and they give a general sense of direction, as you say.
well said,
Awesome comment!
Fd signifier has a lot of great videos on the plight of masculinity and he does a good job imo of analyzing the real issues toxic figures are responding to. Foreign man in a foreign land is also a good one, if you’re trying to find male content creators that try to bridge that gap.
@@ollybygolly9326 Thank you for the recommendations!
This makes me think of the barbie movie a bit, I enjoyed a lot of it, but I remember leaving it wishing that there might have been more discussion about what "heroic" masculinity would look like
how do i send this to my dad without sending it to my dad
Do you have an uncle who can send it for you?
I’m trying to concentrate on what you’re saying but you keep showing stuff that makes me cry.
Gonna need windshield wipers for your eyes
I went into this video bracing for a bad faith deconstruction of the male experience, but was very pleased to find a nuanced, empathetic take on masculinity, both in its toxic and heroic archetypes. You walked an excellent line with this video, holding the toxic parts of masculinity accountable while celebrating the heroic virtues I think a lot of men strive for. Im lucky enough to have a number of heroically masculine role models in my life and this video has made me all the more thankful. Thank you so much for this, God Bless.
Same, was completely shocked it was so fair
Although they are obviously many other things as well, the LotR films are definitely prime male weepies.
i’m not a guy so i can’t speak to the experience of not being allowed to/able to cry while not watching movies, but fr! The you bow to no one line really gets me :,)
“For Frodo”
@@herryami "I made a promise Mr. Frodo; a promise! 'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee', and I don't mean too... I don't mean too..."
To me, the greatest male weepy of all is It's a Wonderful Life. An ambitious, goal-driven man is constantly kept away from his own desires and wants out of his duty to provide and protect the people he cares about. The tears at the end come not from him achieving any of his goals, or even from him succeeding at providing/protecting, but simply from him being seen, recognized, and loved for all his efforts.
To be fair, he does provide and protect. He gives away his own honeymoon money to provide for his community.
But yes, I've thought as an adult that movie should be called "it's a wonderful life-when you're a paragon of your community that everyone knows and likes and relies upon"
Iron claw got me bawling in a cuddle puddle with my homies.
I thought I was numb to it since it became too much that all the brothers were dying (worst that this happened irl tho) but the moment zac efron's character broke down I too broke down, maybe I was just containing it like he was during the entire film.
Bravo‼️
As someone who has spent the last 20 years educating troubled young boys let me say: This video essay is not only an excellent and explorative media analysis but also an cojent and prescient commentary on the male gender and its place in our society.
Thank you so very kindly!
👍🏾🎯💯🧠👏🏾
_Rocky_ can be particularly affecting to people of _any_ gender, who struggle with anxiety, self-esteem issues or depression because of how hard it pierces to hear Rocky speak of himself as a bum. His goal is only to prove to everyone that he is worthy, that his existence isn't useless and that he will persist through any hardship even if that means losing publicly to show that he means something. As someone who is severely self-critical and lost all their confidence and sense of self during the recession caused by the pandemic (being unemployed has felt so shameful and made me seriously depressed as I viewed myself as a financial burden on my loved ones), seeing Rocky do his best not to be beaten down by life makes me cry, even though I'm the furthest thing from an Italian-American in 70s Philly. In this economy, I think a lot of people, not just men, can relate to Rocky. We too want to be loved and respected, and to have meaning in our lives. I hope I can have the courage and persistence of Rocky!
The best movies tend to have universal themes and touch on human emotion in general, but certain films (like Rocky) may strike a particular chord about masculinity for many men. Depending on who you are, people take away different things from the same story!
@@mickis8075 I'm sure Rocky hits different for men, but I just meant it's so often talked about as a "dad movie" that I didn't expect it to be so specific yet universal. Indian girl here who watched it in her early 20s with my dad and I was sobbing by the end. I think it's a movie that would hit so hard for people of my generation too, particularly the economic struggles and mental health and all that, so I don't want people to put this movie in a box!
Broey says in the video that Rocky is one of the most effective and good films ever made, or something in that vein. The essayist is not saying that any of these films are meant for or enjoyed by men only and is just analysing and exploring them from a particular perspective. I can think of many beloved Indian melodrama films (Mother India, Deewar, Shyamchi Aai etc.) that were meant to be commercial and as approachable for mass audiences as possible but fit into neither the female nor male weepie categories that are presented in this video and Maia's May December video, exclusively, since they are centred around mothers and sons (what it means to be a good mother to sons and a good son to a mother) instead of mothers and daughters or sons and fathers. But that doesn't mean that the central topic of this essay and the exploration of it is wrong.
Yeah I wish Rocky became the new model for men to relate to, and not Taxi Driver. Like I get the loneliness of the latter is very relatable to some but god the way only the worst most despicable perverts (while obv sympathetic/tragic) are the ones that become popular for male communities, especially sigma/literally me edits, is depressing. Rocky is a great flawed lonely person who finds meaning, I think so many people could find meaning in that movie, I can’t deny I cried watching that ending,
For me, it is Rocky IV specifically.
Most of the time when I was younger, I would watch the last fight, and I would relate with Rocky, how he trained so hard and used pure endurance and ingenuity to outlast his opponent. I related with the guy who trained in a shed more than the guy training in some fancy laboratory in Moscow or wherever. But as of late, I relate more with Ivan Drago, having trained hard and punched hard yet gained little in joy and become tired in a way that leaks down, fluids from the brain flowing down to the muscles themselves.
"If I can change, you all can change. People change," or something like that, -Rocky Balboa
I think in both global politics and in life, to change is not very easy. We know how hopeful that movie was (from the late 80's?), and we now know what has happened since then. I wasn't alive for the late 80's, but I feel like I am in my own personal glasnost.
Great video! My fav in this genre is Lord of the rings.
“I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I only love that which they defend.”
“Are you surprised by my tears, sir? Strong men also cry.
Strong men… also cry.”
😂😂 yeah I don’t know if that movie would be considered a weepy
14:55 This goes both ways in my experience; suffering from BPD makes me turn to literally anyone for emotional support (which i need very often), but i have found that my male friends are much less willing and able to give me emotional support than women.
i often find conversations about masculinity uncomfortable, mostly because i genuinely do feel sad for the modern boy, the modern man, but i also get upset at how often feminism, and inclusivity in general, are centered as the problem and blamed for ruining centuries of traditional masculinity. or at times i feel that men are lamenting all the wrong aspects of their 'lost manhood', or as you put it, their 'stolen valor'. i really like the way you spoke about masculinity in this video, i think you made space to grieve for the tragedy of the modern man but made sure to differentiate between the concept of toxic masculinity and the concept of heroic masculinity, despite the very thin line between the two. this video is one of the few times i havent felt itchy while listening to someone talk about the male plight, and i will definitely be taking so much of this with me into conversations i have in the future. male weepies really do provide a lot of insight into a male mentality that is otherwise a struggle for women to fully understand, especially considering how little space men give each other and themselves to speak or even just feel about it. really phenomenal job, as always :)
@@jj112499the ideas within toxic masculinity: “be stoic, don’t cry, if you arent providing ur failing, dont be vulnerable, dont be weak, etc.” can be expressed by both men and women, toxic masculinity is not a “man problem” its something that comes from the messages within our society, and is harmful no matter the source. what aspects of feminism are “toxic” and hurting men today, and in the past?
@@jj112499would be curious to get your thoughts on my take here, i question that there aren’t major feminists taking men’s experiences into account, a lot of men just aren’t open to the explanation feminism provides for diagnosing these pressures and why these toxic dynamics persist today, even when that explanation is given by male feminists sharing their own first hand accounts. for example, a tooooon of pressure that men face is rooted in avoiding at all costs anything that would make them seem feminine and therefore womanly/gay. masculine perfectionism demands little to no expressions of what we culturally deem as feminine, and it consistently results in people of either gender demonizing femininity as well as any men who are seen as expressing it. our homophobic and misogynistic slurs and insults for men who wear pink not salmon or play the flute not football, come to mind. and gender-reversed slurs aren’t really a thing bc masculinity is valued that much more; a woman liking football is seen as less strange than a man liking ballet bc one gender-bucking transgression is seen as more understandable and respectable than the other. i have my criticisms of feminist rhetoric/tone and how that message gets presented but for a lot of guys there is literally no way to express that particular message where they’ll consider it might be true.
the feminist perspective on wanting to dismantle gender roles is also a prescription that often falls on deaf ears for men who hardcore internalize, say, the provider role as the key to their self worth. telling them they’re inherently worthy and that their self esteem is being robbed from them and making them confusingly desperate for intimate connections with others, also doesn’t get received well no matter how it’s said or who’s saying it. a lot of these worldviews are cultish in how deep-seated they are in people’s heads, (tons of women included)
k ted talk over hope i said anything mildly interesting to ya. feel free to ignore but would love a chill chat with someone who disagrees with me on this stuff and likes thoughtful discussion 🍻
@@aviibaby1473 I never said they cant be expressed by both men or women but you are referring to those behaviours as 'toxic masculinity', but why not just toxic behaviour? If we as a society think that those behaviors or ways of living are 'toxic' then why are we referring to it as toxic masculinity? Well that's because that perspective is associated mostly with men. So then it is a man problem because then men have to find a more consturctive ways of navigating life through its up and down without developing harmful beavhiours and opinions, that's not to say that women perspectives on male issues doesn't matter. It should go both ways, men arent telling women that the issues with feminism are wrong, but there are aspects of feminism that are toxic. Just like males can be misogynistic to women, some women can be misandristic to men. The idea of feminism is to advocate for women to be treated equally to men, however if some feminists are degrading men then arent we treating men unequally? I do think its constructive to recontextualize masculinity through a feminist lens, because then we can start to recognise and remove toxic aspects of masulinity but we shouldn't degrade the good parts that make men the best parts of being men.
@@jj112499 the term toxic masculinity is specifically used because it is describing what a sexist society has pushed as the masculine ideal. both men and women have to ensure that these patriarchal ideas are not informing their ideas of what being a man or being a woman is. because it is specifically talking about performing gender, not just any behavior, we use a gendered term. anyway my personal opinion on gender is more along the lines of it being a fun thing to play around with socially, but we’re all ultimately flesh bags, so i don’t find qualities inherently tied to your gender. what are the aspects of feminism that are degrading men? i know you mention individual feminists but some feminists i know have been misogynistic as well, but i dont think that means that feminism is misogynistic, it means that people are people and their politics might not be perfect.
@@jj112499Is toxic feminism or toxic femininity the peoblem? What is problematic about them?
I feel like this video came at the right time for me. I’ve struggled for years as I’m more emotional than most other 40 year old men I know, and often made fun of for it, and hence I try to bottle my emotions in.
The parts that make me cry in movies are not just the feeling of being seen, but also the scenes where a parental figure shows that care about the main character and the main character finally sees that caring.
I know I’m a dork for saying this but the scene that I finally allowed myself to cry to was Finding Nemo, when Nemo hears that his dad is looking for him.
You kidding? Literally every Pixar movie is designed to make people cry. I’ve only seen Up once because the first 20 minutes just demolished me.
Finding Nemo gets a whole different perspective when you are an adult, so I don't blame you. I cried a little at the intro with Marlin holding Nemo's egg while saying "I promised I won't let anything happened to you"
You are just one of the best video essayists out there
Watched Paris, Texas this past Sunday a whole week after watching Femme and oh boy have I been shedding some tears these past two weekends.
Thanks for this video and your thoughtfulness. I'm a dad of four boys and I work in an all-male kitchen where I feel a pretty close bond with most of my co-workers, so I'm grateful for more tools to navigate those relationships.
This is good video that in many ways helps articulate some misgivings about common feminist critiques.
Even in works that speak to our vulnerabilities as men, that help us find our noble aspects and portray our struggles on our terms, it demands that we defer to women's priorities and distastes. There is a tendency to be quick to judge our stories as toxic or backwards-facing, even when they help us come in contact with the very feelings we are supposed to be more open about.
It is understood that women's media speaks to women's needs and that common male criticisms are unfair, uncharitable or just plain misogynistic. I wish men's media was given similar understanding.
For a movement based on a plea for understanding and respect, it often comes across as very uncharitable when it comes to men's psychology and worries.
I am grateful for this show of understanding and openness.
The videogame series Yakuza has the best men crying of all works of fiction, so much that it makes me cry constantly and Im a soulless automaton.
Dropped the intro 15 minutes in like a mission impossible movie
Great video as always, and timely.
One thing about the "roman empire" meme, a meme which I think is silly but also kind of important and a good pull for this essay, is that the fantasy isn't only or even primarily about physical violence. If you go one layer deeper on the popular discourse, it's mostly about politics--a very masculine institutional politics that enables the expression of masculine mastery in fields of military command and logistics, infrastructure, economics, etc. It's a place where most must have a mastery of physical violence as a fail-safe, but where it doesn't actually take up a majority of one's time--think of an all-American football star turned senator or WWII general.
In some ways this may seem healthy, as enabling the exploration of a more diverse set of interests, and I think this is true to an extent. Weirdly, I think this is also part of what makes the Roman Empire a fantasy that's more vulnerable to toxic masculinity, even a bit more pernicious. The fact that the masculinist view extends beyond combat, although violence (physical and otherwise) toward conquest and expansion is a constant undercurrent and even the foundation of the society in the popular conception, allows one to conceive of it as a society without women which functions as a grand machine. In this view violence is not an outlet for male aggression but the basis for a society, a highly successful and venerable society which functioned largely because women were mostly absent from public life (again according to the popular view).
Missing the main point of the video but maybe an interesting tangent. That's why the meme always kind of rubbed me the wrong way, especially because it's so obvious that no one actually knows shit about the Roman Empire, so it seems like this popular concept must be what they're referring to.
Amazingly put, it's a fantasy of a society solely based on the drive for male excellence and ambition, in all its glory and horrifying actions that lead to millions dead and civilizations burnt to ashes
Not sure if it’s considered a Male Weepy but the first time I watched “Billy Elliot” I absolutely broke down. Put in anything about a father and son relationship and most men are going to get very emotionally invested.
Like you mentioned in the video it was less about the actual events, I mean this one has a happy ending, and more about feeling seen.
The inability to cry can be baked in pretty deep. Being in a dark cinema or entirely alone doesnt necessarily break down that barrier, nothing I know of does and Ive lost family members.
Your eyes might glisten and throat gets sore, but nothing comes out. At this point in life, I doubt it ever will.
Ahh well, in the grand scheme of things its not the worst constraint your environment can place on you.
Have you maybe considered therapy of some kind?
@@Littlebeth5657lmaoooo #normalizemenintherapy
@Littlebeth5657 a lot of people don't have the money for therapy. And I find the supposedly free options are often underfunded systems with people who are rarely that qualified to dig deep into these issues. Despite popular belief, I think a lot of men have grown okay with therapy. They just don't have the means to.
I feel this comment in my heart man. I turn to movies and art to make myself cry for sure. But just crying about things in general is really hard to do. I desperately want to go to therapy but it doesn't feel as easily available without insurance.
Not sure why crying has to be the benchmark with which we measure men’s perceptiveness of their emotions. Even if you were to remove all the cultural stigma somehow, there’s no way it’d then be as common in men as women.
my crying movies:
field of dreams ❌
good will hunting ❌
shawshank ❌
Finding Nemo✅
Same here. At some point Broey did a (twitter?) survey of her following and the conclusion was that the male weepie trigger in this particular cohort was paternity (daddy issues). Finding Nemo one of the all-time best dad-son stories. I just recently shown it to my son and tears were shed.
The only time I've seen my dad cry was watching Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants
@@alexandrumircea personally I think its a lot simpler to exxplain. Men need a background score to weep
@@noteventherain haha
@@akshayde could be! From my weepies, some are score-heavy, almost melodramatic (All About My Mother, Finding Nemo), but others do it in perfect silence (Children Of Men, Next Stop Paradise)
2:12 All Of Us Strangers but make it baseball
What an excellent video. Well written and with good examples. It's really difficult in this day and age to have nuanced discussions on where toxic masculinity ends and "heroic" masculinity begins. In this age of rage and hyperbole, it's hard to think of how ingrained ideals of masculinity can still be good when they're not being wielded as a weapon to harm others.
I watched Rocky 2 with my husband a while ago and was shocked at how hard that movie hit me. I related so hard to the feelings of trying to adjust to being married and the disappointments that happen when you expect so much and hope for so much from someone you gave your heart to, and yet they make the wrong choices over and over. But I think that’s what I find so compelling about ‘male weepies.’ You /want/ to see a man who does wrong but regrets it, wants desperately to fix it, is wracked by the guilt of failing those he cares about. The reality of most men I’ve been connected with is sadly that they just don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves. And I want it to be otherwise. I know it can be otherwise.
My male weepie of choice is Donnie Brasco. The friendship between Pacino and Depp is so well played and believable, but the plot (one's a mob guy, the other an undercover cop) means that betrayal is inevitable. The scene where it dawns on Pacino who Depp is, when it goes from threatening to sad, jerks my tears every time.
23:57 That quick cut to _Bend It Like Beckham_ ... I hope someday we get a video essay on this classic - do it for the Indian girls, the lesbians and football fans (all 3 me) please!!!
The amount of research done to come this conclusion was fantastic. Thank you all for making this fantastic video because right now, men need this kind of content.
In my personal case, most of these movies make me cry of gratitude. Being born with two loving parents who have been nothing short of transparent about their lives and struggles in something truly priceless. To think of all the boys and girls that haven't had even one is what breaks my heart. I've seen in my friends' eyes what longing for parental or fraternal/sororal love looks like and it's not something that you can forget easily.
Wow, really like the format. Usage of a variety of films perfectly sets the groundwork for what movies I want to watch next and keeps me on the lookout for the themes mentioned. Thanks for the thoughts and movie recommendations!
Love your stuff. This was brilliant, not only in its execution, but in its awareness that this is a topic that is current, relevant and needs more nuanced attention. Great job.
Already saw this gem on the Patreon and am now immediately sharing it with my friends, who embrace their masculine identity far more than scrawny sensitive I!
I appreciate this insight into masculinity, as someone who’s been routinely fascinated by the manosphere and am always trying to understand why my fellow men turn to the toxic side of things, it’s really nice to see someone finally acknowledge positive aspects of masculinity, and in a way, I think it felt validating to feel almost understood while also understanding what makes me feel masculine.
It’s even more relevant because my trans friend and I were discussing masculinity, and she asked me what made me feel masculine. And it boiled down essentially to providing and being a pillar of strength for others in the most positive way possible, whether emotionally, or even physically to stand up for others.
I guess my point is, thanks for making me feel understood to an extent. As a modern man trying to be conscious of toxic masculinity and doing his best to grow and be the best person I can, I can’t help but admit that being thrown in constantly with the stinkers can be a bit disheartening and soul crushing at times, even if it is often valid. So to hear that there are positive aspects about my sex/gender, felt good.
How do you view women that provide and protect if that’s a masculine trait?
As a man with a dead father who can't cry even if i wanted to, this got me close to tears. In another words, great video.
thank you for this video, as a quite effeminate straight cis male, it means a lot that someone can so eloquently explain parts of the male psyche that i can’t explain sometimes, male weepies only ever inspire me and make me feel better about being a man who is supportive of everyone regardless of who they are
This is truly one of your best videos till date and I was absolutely crying at the end of it. You really outdid yourself!
It really is about being seen for men. I remember my father bawling his eyes out to the last scene of the Pursuit of Happyness and even many South Indian films where men are shown through a more heroic lens that protect one another and is unafraid of being vulnerable. Male Weepies and Melodramas for the win!
Cinema Therapy has some great discussions about healthy heroic masculinity. Mad Max from Fury Road and Aragorn are two of the best that come to mind. The way Max supports the women in his life and takes their advice and their judgement and doesn’t let ego get in the way. Or the way Aragorn pretty much nails every healthy trait, of being empathetic, being vulnerable in touch with emotions, being romantic yet also being a warrior, but never out of aggressive excess but out of duty to protect those he cares about.
Very empathetic a nuanced take on a bad issue. Great video
I would have loved to see you bring up the movie "monkey man" in this video. I think it takes these same tropes of angry, disillusioned men and engages it in a way that produces slightly different results, to bring out this sense of community that I feel is lacked in many other identical stories.
(Obviously, I realise this video was probably scripted well before the release of that but you know-)
Top Gun: Maverick is a male weepy masterfully disguised as a high adrenaline actioner, or barely disguised depending on your Val Kilmer emotions.
As a 35 year old man i can confirm that i love gladiator, saving private ryan, and good will hunting. At this point i love a movie that makes me cry.
Best day of the month is when Broey posts excited to watch this one
i dislike the term "male weepy" but this was an astonishingly superb video essay. i will absolutely sub and watch more from you. masterpiece.
Why do you dislike "male weepy"
I think, as far as what’s being said at around 2:50 to a minute afterwards, that a notable piece of the puzzle is how many of our conceptions of masculinity were built up. A lot of masculine traits were done by men for the longest time because women were systematically not allowed to do certain things. Women were literally not allowed to provide, regardless of any skill or ability. Women have also historically not been allowed to lead. Many centers of masculinity were places that women were, quite simply, not allowed to even attempt to participate in. I think, in a lot of ways, for centuries even, masculinity was built by pushing women down in a lot of ways, and that’s not as much the case anymore. I even, purely emotionally speaking, wonder what my place in the world is if a woman can do exactly what I do while looking better than I do. Sometimes I feel like the boring default to a much more interesting counterpart. Of course, with all of this being stated, I think it is the job of men to define ourselves on our own terms without pushing others down. This is all just a rant on various feeling I have listening to this.
“…the boring default to a much more interesting counterpart…”
That sentiment almost seems encouraged in the modern world, and it weirds me out. I’ll be scrolling through and see BAJILLIONS of videos targeted to me featuring women in their cars talking about how men are useless, going on and on about their problems and “icks”, ect and I’ve become so tired of that lazy, mean-spirited genre of video. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Need I mention the elephant in the room that a man saying women are useless would not be respected or encouraged? Or, he would be, but only in the manosphere. (Are we supposed to capitalize manosphere?)
Our culture is going through a strange moment as we allow more freedom for women where, in a way, we’re babying women by allowing them to put down men in ways that men can’t put down women, as though a women’s voice isn’t as dangerous or harmful as a man’s. Anyone who stokes needless tension between men and women doesn’t deserve a platform.
Saying all this as a woman who finds both men and women equally interesting in different ways.
They were not allowed? or it was literally impossible given the world they lived in therefore they were not allowed. People really forget the pill, and birth control is still very recent. Never mind the thousand other tangible reasons women could not participate in society exactly like men in those times, but even still women occupied several positions of authority: Queens, empresses, baroness, duchesses etc, them and their husband's rules over the 99% of the population whether they were men or women.
tearing up several times during this video only serves the point. thank you for this video 🤗🤗
I'm not a man, but boy do I cry at these movie clips even without context.
That weirdly makes me feel like a human being far more than crying ever could.
this was fantastic. i'm so so impressed by your essays. thank you!
Waiting for the day we get a new Superman movie when he is heroic masculine. The new animated show seems to have done it well, when he jumps in front of the bullets and Lois asks him how he knew he was bulletproof he replies "I didn't but I knew you weren't"
I was day dreaming about having a sugar momma before she starts talking about the status of men declining.
Thanks for an amazing video on an incredibly important and over looked topic. You’re the best, bro
Shoutout to Dodgeball (2004) for having all the characteristics of a male weepie (except the weeping).
this is a discussion centred entirely on cis men, so i thought people might find this interesting: i do wonder how much of the inability to cry about real events but being able to for media thing is hormonal. i'm a trans man, and i used to cry when i felt any strong emotion at all - sadness, anger, happiness, anxiety, literally anything. it used to make me really dysphoric bc i couldn't control it at all. but since i've been on T, i can't cry about real-life events no matter how much they affect me. but i still cry just as easily as before in response to films and tv. it feels really weird when something horrible happens and i just know that, a few years ago, i'd have been crying about it, but now i just can't. nothing else has changed besides the dominant sex hormone in my endocrine system.
(inb4 pithy "have u heard of therapy lol" comments, i've been in therapy for 15 years. my therapist says she sees this a lot in trans men)
I wonder if it has to do with the fact that real events are just that... real. As a guy, we have to keep going. But, movies are adjacent to reality and so evoke the realness but is not tied to us directly. I imagine it's a kind of self defense/shutting down process. I wonder if it's evolutionary in some way. Like... yes, Billy dying by the jaguar is sad. But, I gotta keep the group safe mentality so really can't cry least we get jumped by some wild animal or rival party.
I’m a woman that doesn’t cry without playing any games with my hormones…. Why do you choose to paint all women as idiotic babies that don’t control their emotions?
@@RaveYoda That was my thought as well. I think the key is being in a safe space to feel vulnerable. When dealing with things in the real world, the mind is focused on whatever is happening. But then later, either alone or together in the dark staring at a bright screen, that's when the feelings comes to the surface.
@@RaveYoda i think i agree but in a sort of inverse way? like when you hear about a horrible event happening somewhere else in the world, it's not actually real to you but you have to do work in your mind to make it feel real, which gets in the way of having an emotional response to it. but when you watch Good Will Hunting, Will and Sean are right there in front of you bawling their eyes out, and you've been on a journey with them for an hour and a half that makes them real to you as you watch.
About Time represented to me a version of the heroic masculinity I think a lot of young men feel they lack, one passed on not by a "second teacher" but by one's own father. It's about loss of one's own personal hero, yes, and a bittersweet baton pass, but deeper than that I think the final scene destroys me even to think about because of the way it is able to have its cake and eat it: Your childhood is over, gone, forever, and you'll never be able to return -- but here's a moment you can have, just this one last time.
It's a film I find almost intolerable to think about. Having grown in step with my disillusionment and disconnection with my father, the image of this father who is perfect even in his imperfections, charming and yet dying, has embodied the nostalgic wishes any child might wish their parent to be and provides a place to escape where what you inherit isn't wealth or trauma or even the power itself, but an understanding of yourself as a link on a chain who will have to say goodbye to the previous link in order for the next to exist. It makes the way the final scene is shot all the more heartbreaking as, for the only time in the film, we do not see their faces as they play, only their backs and silhouettes. We are reminded of the impossibility, and it's presented as we might remember those moments ourselves. It's all a fantasy, and that there is no escape, not really.
ur videos r my fav ever, so well thought out, thank u for this🧎🏻♀️
Thanks for the video, this perspective is really what I wish more people would know about
As a guy I think I cry a bit too often at films, its one of the main sources of joy in my life to be honest, I’m not sure if Lawrence of Arabia or Heat would be strange to call male weepy’s in a way. Because they are movies that are definitively for men to enjoy and about these core fantasies and universal experiences or feelings of the male experiences in heightened circumstances. But whether it’s the ending of Heat with DeNiro and Pacino, or Lawrence of Arabia’s absolutely mind-blowing musical pieces and visual sequences that deliver such an emotional experience, I have to imagine other men also get somewhat teary-eyed for that sort of stuff given the way the movie appeals very much to specifically men. For instance when T.E Lawrence saves Gasim from the desert and the score swells to this ecstatic release after so much tension, i honestly cant help but be teary-eyes
I love this analysis, i was also thinking at the start when in that Atlantic interview where they asked a bunch of people of their thoughts on masculinity how love is easy to get but respect is earned, i find this fascinating as, to me, love without respect is either lust or just paternalistic- both forms of ownership. But love requires respect in my eyes, it's something i really want to dive into deeper now, it's really got my cogs going
As others have mentioned, Lord of the Rings is a major one, at least for me. Then there's Pixar... oh Pixar, why do you make me cry so much? As a 40+ year old guy who feels like I mostly have my act together I'm always heartbroken hearing the statistics on men and boys. For sure we need more role models in media and especially the real world.
Even as someone who wouldn't consider themselves a man anymore, but hasn't really lived any other way socially- a lot of that conditioning is still there and I DEEPLY relate to pretty much everything in this video.
That guy having to watch genocide docos to cry is sadly very relatable. One of the only pieces of media to get me to cry is the ""little known"" anime/manga One Piece. I find myself having to rewatch some of the more heart-wrenching and bittersweet moments over its 25+ year run to actually cry and let my negative emotions out. And with the father figure stuff it's definitely there with characters like Shanks, Whitebeard and Kuma, but in particular Rosinante resonates a ton with me. Despite the obvious fact he's completely fictional he gives me that masculine role model I never had in my father while still being relatable with the more ambiguous gender expression (make-up and colourful clothes etc.)
Basically you did a fantastic job with this video 💖
Overall this was a very refreshing take on an oft-misunderstood and more often misrepresented area of male media culture. It's promising to see a woman recognize that so much of modern male frustration has little to do with supposed outrage at advancing the roles and position of women in society. Men are losing their sense of communal role in society, and nearly no one shy of bitter male grifters or misandrist feminist pundits are stepping forward to offer a positive and empowering direction. Society demands the continued quiet labor of men while refusing to praise and respect them for it. Male excellence is now viewed as nothing more than as an obstacle for female advancement. It's no wonder that pessimism has taken such deep root in the modern male psyche.
I will say though, I don't agree at all with our assertion of Jordan Peterson's supposed "machismo." He's probably the least traditionally masculine figure in current men's media. He doesn't focus on superficial displays of masculinity such as excessive physicality or bedding scores of women. Instead he focuses on personal accountability and a clear set of values and purpose for one's own life. I don't agree with everything he says, but this prevailing idea that he's this alt-right sexist toxic male figure is way off base.
That quote from Caitlin Flanagan (“In Praise of Heroic Masculinity” The Atlantic (2023).", taken out of context, wreaks of the BS false-gotcha concerning protesting how police treat people but then calling 911 when someone tries breaking into your house (to say nothing of a female cop possibly being one or both of the officers to respond).
I hope the rest of that essay is not so shallow and politically motivated - but I also wont pay my good money to find out.
Red Dead Redemption 2 has such a great arc, not only for character development, but true heroic masculinity; especially juxtaposed against the outlaw/gang-life portrayal.
And I definitely cried after that game... wow.
Also, Season 3 of Clarkson's Farm... with the baby Pig's... if you don't cry, then, I dunno what to say.
My answer to the world I live in, which is Australia, was to drop out from the mainstream. At 43 yrs old I set out to and got a disability pension and a two-bedroom, two storey townhouse from the Government. I am now 62 years old, as fit as a fiddle and as happy as could be. My view of life is this, life asks too much from everyone, more from some than others, regardless of sex. We only have a limited time on planet Earth, and I didn't want to spend any more of it doing what 'others want for me' I wanted my life to be as much as it can be my own, which is what I have achieved, not everyone can be this fortunate.
Furthermore, I have been relationship free for the past 19 years, my choice. I have been married twice, and have two children, I saw no further need to get into a relationship. For me relationships are the issue, not women, not men, not any of the alphabet, its relationships, especially when they go bad and it's time to be rid of the relationship. I dislike it when people blame men or women for their problems when it comes to relationships when it's the relationship that is the problem. My tastes in the opposite half are not compatible with me, this is an issue, I like people I can't get on with, the people I like and get on with, well, I just enjoy their company for a short time over a cup of coffee, in other words I see them as friends not relationship material. lol Having said that, people obviously can and do have fantastic relationships, I am just a single/loner at heart.
The other issue is 'other people', and their view of what others should be doing, they feel they have the right to say whatever they want to put you down no matter how successful you are, no one is safe from being called a 'loser'. Everyone is a loser to someone. So, what others have to say just becomes noise, meaningless waffle that in the main should be flushed down the loo. The only thing in life that matters to me is what meaning I give to life, and everyone else including my children if they are toxic can go take a hike. My view is this now, please yourself, enjoy yourself and ignore the mainstream noise in this world.
When people say I am being selfish or not behaving like an adult, I know they are only speaking from their ignorance and self-interest. The Government only wants you to feed the machine, they don't care about you, no matter how much they profess they care for the ordinary citizen. Nearly everything that's said to coax you into the mainstream is BS. hahahaha Have a good day everyone. :)
I don't have much to add here, except to express my serious gratitude for this video. It comes just as I am questioning the role of masculinity in my own life, and is maybe the most insightful video I've seen on this platform. Thank you for making such well-made and thought-provoking video essays like this! Media is a reflection of the people who consume it, and I appreciate the expert attention you've put in here to show me about myself in a video essay. :)
Oh captain my captain!
Go meet your daughter!
You bow to no one,
You have bled with Wallace, now bleed with me!
I'm Spartacus.
Still holding it together?
I can't carry it for you, but I can carry YOU!
Not seeing any mention of Treasure Planet being a male weepy but we all know. Long John's Silver and Jim Hawkin's found father and son-hood! THAT SPEECH to Jim with that beautiful score overlayed 😭😭😭🥺 IYKYK
The only time in my life I was publicly ridiculed for tearing up to a movie (a documentary about human trafficking, not that it should matter) was in school by a girl, "omg junkfire are you crying?! no way, everyone, look! XD". We love to throw around "toxic masculinity" as if it's all on men, as if the expectations for men to be rigid, stoic & above it all aren't reinforced by ALL of society, especially women who benefit from it. The most severe indictments of my "lacking masculinity" in moments of weakness & vulnerability have come from women.
Oh men are lonely, suffering & killing themselves? Must be because they're so toxic. Nah, can't be an overwhelming burden to financially, emotionally and physically provide for a family, forever inadequate, hopelessly alienated from meaningful work & friendship, expected to embrace wageslavery with a smile & climb the corporate ladder while being vilified for doing so & having your accomplishments dismissed as privilege. You must be self-sacrificing, powerful, confident, competitive, but here are a thousand essays about how your very essence is "toxic". Anyway, pissy rant aside, thanks for being a voice of understanding in the sea man-hatred that masks as intellectual discourse
That's why they want you emotional and soft, to make you easier to control.
Obviously the girl who pointed it out is a moron, though I doubt you need that pointed out to you. Sorry that happened.
I still, on occasion, read passages from Robert Bly's Iron John. While over thirty years old, it still evokes, both humorous and poignant, a timelessness about what it means to be male/masculine. One of the best observations from this work : never give a sword to a man who can't dance. That, in brief, speaks volumes on what an emotionally balanced, centered masculinity is all about - and still worth pursuing. 🧔
As a guy who is in the process of self discovery as my life as an adult begins, I have grown frustrated by men like Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, and their followers. These grifters and their toxic fanatics have seemingly caused masculinity as whole to be viewed as an impotent or juvenile mentality. This has led me to question whether the positive (or heroic as you put it) masculine traits I value and aspire to are inherently toxic. Even though I resist such a notion, it is hard not to feel confused at times. Especially when there are so many bad examples of masculinity that have been popping up every day. Watching this video was very insightful and also helped to affirm what I already thought to be true, but found difficult to reconsile when faced with so many so many toxic displays of masculinity. That being that there is so much to appreciate about masculinity and how one can embody its greatest qualities. There is nothing inherently wrong with being or wanting to be masculine, so long as it is cultivates one's personal growth and their ability to connect with others. This is what I aim to achieve, to better myself and my relationships with those around me, and the values you outlined here (comradery, perseverance, purpose, etc.) have helped me tremendously in pursuit of that goal. You mentioned in this video about how male weepies help men feel found or seen. Well, that's how I felt watching this video. Thank you for making it.
You mention Peterson as toxic yet what he tries to tell young men is exactly what you are later declare you are aiming for. Don't get sucked in by the mob mentality of calling him toxic his main message to men is to grow as people and find strong/good core values to ground yourself in the chaos of the world
Tell me you've never watched Jordan Peterson without telling me you've never watched Jordan Peterson. You should try forming original thoughts.
I myself am currently experiencing loneliness and lack of purpose and this video made me more hopeful that I can find a way out of it. Thank you for making this.
The only kind of movies that get me weepy are extreme acts of heroism. The last one I saw that got me in the feels with Hacksaw Ridge, especially when they show footage of the real Desmond Doss as the end.
One of the biggest issues with delving into this topic is how men are encouraged (typically by women) to show their emotions, and then once we do we're usually maligned or criticized (also by women) as being gay/homosexual (as the video mentions in regards to the two friends in Gladiator). We're also criticized when we don't get emotional at the same things women get emotional at.
Also the prevalent use of "toxic masculinity" is extremely harmful to men and boys, because it's a blanket term to belittle and admonish anything a man does that women don't like or benefit from. Simply trying to talk to or help a woman is deemed toxic now, and men are withdrawing because of this foolishness.
Men have to be very careful who they show their emotions to or get weepy in front of because there is a really good chance it can and will be used against us in some capacity. Once it happens the first time we make sure it will never happen again.
Worth noting that trans men often report that it is not only about "permission to weep" but male hormones that lead to fewer tears in many cases. I've heard several trans men express surprise that after starting hormone therapy they found they were unable to cry at times they previously would have despite having already lived socially as men prior to that.
Hahahaha.
"Trans men" Jesus 😂
@@reservoirdude92 yeah Jesus must have been a trans man. I personally believe in that theory as what we know about asexual reproduction or virgin birth, is that the resulting child is a copy of the mother in at least 99% of the genes. Some phenotype differences might occur because genes are expressed differently under different circumstances, especially right before the birth, but the sex will be the same as the mother's, meaning always female. So yeah. Jesus really was a trans man and knowing this fact I have developed immense respect for him. It must have been really hard for him in that age and time.
@@reservoirdude92 What's so funny?
@@reservoirdude92why are you so triggered by the phrase “trans man” lmao
You really nailed this topic!
Watched on Nebula, but came here to say thank you... Thanks!
This video was so awesome, nice work! That scene about the homosocial aspect of the film cutting to pedro pascal crying made me laugh ajsjnshd
First movie to make me bawl was The Lovely Bones. Nowadays I cry like crazy to every new movie I like, but is that a result of chemo or growing up?
my comfort book series is the ranger’s apprentice by john flanagan. from the beginning, healthy masculinity is the forefront of the series. the audience follows will, a teenage orphan, grow into a man, being mentored by halt who becomes a stand in father for him. there is action, adventure, a lot of comedy, but also really touching scenes of men expressing their affection for each other and creating deep meaning friendships and bonds.
The only thing about Field of Dreams that stuck with me was the line... "Oh. Dog and a beer." A line I still occasionally quote when I can squeeze it in. I wonder what kinda man that makes me.