Our Dating Life | Racial Struggles & How We Found Balance
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- čas přidán 14. 03. 2019
- Hey, Welcome to The Cole Life! Thanks for tuning in :). So this is a S U P E R Sensitive Topic. We wanted to be open and share our dating experience especially during a time where there was A L O T of racial tension (well... its still happening today but you get it). We dated for 5 years and we put in a lot of work BEFORE marriage to get to a place we are today. Hopefully this helps people learn how to have the conversation. Thanks again and tell us what you think!
L E T S C O N N E C T
Instagram: instagram.com/?hl=en
Facebook: / lexi.lasha
Facebook: / brian.cole.986
I’ve never witnessed an interracial couple get this deep!...their always like “no your family never had an issue with my skin color etc..” but this is level of conversation is so refreshing and needed ❤️
Usually most families do not have a problem with this. Black people are always looking for racism.
@@ms.bubs4fun506 Provide the proof of your statements.
Yes I cannot stand the heavy ignorance and denial so many people are in line the commenter here🙄 I mean we have parents alive and well today who are older than their civil rights. They're less than 60 years old for goodness sake but we're supposed to act as if it's so over with. Anyway great video, very different from the rest.
My relationship is more like this. We need to stop being surprised at love like this because even our surprise is ignorant. Of course race shouldn't be a barrier to love and we should make our best efforts to remember that 💙
I enjoyed the video as well! Also my name is Candace too lol.
Thank you for talking about this in an honest way. My boyfriend is Norwegian, I am a Zambian living in the USA. My interracial issues have mostly been with some church Christian people, who have thought because they are nice to people of color at church, that means they do not have racial bias in their thought processes. They would quiz me about my africaness, and about my how I am enjoying my life here in the USA , but would never really take the true step to open themselves up genuinely to me to get into the inner circle of their lives, nor want to really come be a part of my life to really see the human beyond the skin. They would even point out any single person of color to me as a dating partner without really caring if I am compatible with each other, only people not looking beyond skin is asking for major problems.
Whew potent comment here! We differently need these convos in the churches
This is so true! and one hundred percent accurate! I am a Liberian married to a German , living in Austria and find your statements so painfully true. Let's see beyond the skin colour. Many people stop at the surface and categorise you. I have made so many wonderful friends because I look a little deeper.
Church people please they are a bunch of hypocrites. They are using church to show the world that they are good people. You don't have to claim a religion to be a Christian.
All people professing to be Christians are not. Keep living your life and walking the path God has placed you on.
My first impression of your channel: Authentic, Christ-centered, and realistic wrapped in love, truth, beauty, and blades. Speaking from experience, REAL interracial dating and marriage is not for the faint at heart, weak, fake, or immature folks. Ya'll all grown up and still growing. God bless you and your families and I look forward to viewing more of your content. I pray all your relatives, extended family, and friends on both sides (who still live in a bubble) will move forward and continue to grow with you both.
Y'all are so refreshing, and I must say that you two are mature beyond your years. I am so happy that your channel showed up on my screen.
Marie Taylor thank you so much for checking us out, welcome!
Yes, they don't seem like millennials by the way they speak & carry themselves.
@@TheColeLife How. About. NOBODY. Black or White, saying certain things? Things "only Black people can say" but others can't, fall BELOW GOD'S STANDARDS so NOBODY should say them. #Selah #PauseThinkAboutThat
God Bless!💙
Bravo 👏🏽!!! It’s NOT easy to tackle this issue, especially in marriage! Keep the positivity coming!!
Drea Frost Thank you!! It’s easy now because we talked through it in our dating years .... I couldn’t imagine working through it in marriage 😱😱
Ur natural hair is goals honey !!!!!!!!
I'm a "farm boy" from Ohio. I rely on wife for her to explain to me the real meaning of everyday situations of what happens. I learn something everyday from her about the black view of things that are really going on. Been married 44 years now and wouldn't trade it for any other life style. Keep asking her questions. You'll be a better person for it.
daniel fruth I love that! Thank you for commenting. It’s so important to be open to hearing her perspective and open to learning and empathizing. Thank you for your perspective. I think it’s beautiful when two cultures collide together and find unity regardless of differences but also find understanding.
Daniel I have great respect for you... May God always bless your marriage. 44 years, Awesome!!!
The reality is that there are many ignorant black people not just other races. Not all of our people are educated and aware how things can be offensive to this day. SO many example of things we support in this country today that are offensive or wrong to people of color. Congrats to this man for evolving. I had to evolve as Black woman and stop accepting offensive slurs and saying to people that hey that is not ok what you said or did. Taking a step back and reevaluating how we think, and do was a major stepping stone due to the history. Love this video.
Just found you guys. Love the maturity in the conversation. Your love for God and each other shines through !!
Cherry Ervin wow we definitely appreciate that!
You hit the nail on the head “maturity”
@@TheColeLife
Are you Non Denomination?
le os yes we are!
@@TheColeLife Um that trayvon Martin case his own father sacrifice him to Satan for satanic Freemasonary. That Zimmerman guy was the fall guy. You can practically look up trayvon Martin dad wearing his Freemasonary hat and all. People let's not be so blinded.
my heart skipped two beats when you told Brian what if it was your kid. that's when I knew he will get it
I sent this video to my hubby of 15 years!!We have 3 kids ,2 boys and 1 girl. I'm Liberian and hubby is Syrian,Sicilian&Scottish so this was an awesome video .
Josephine Young wow, that is so beautiful!! I’m sure we could learn a number of things from the two of you. Where do you live now?
I appreciate your transparency on this topic. Tough topic but it's something that needs to be addressed in many relationships. I got a lot of take aways from this video.
Jonathan Johnson thank you for this! It is but it’s necessary to talk about it. Thanks for being apart of the conversation
They are so complete. When she talks the way he listens to hear and look at is mesmerizing and the same he talks . I really that they took time to listen to each other. I hope god bless you more . Love from a black girl from nowhere.😍😍😍
Yeah, I hate the couples where the girl always talk over the guy
So true but it’s a shame that normal traits like listening to your woman when she speaks or admiring her as she talks is more rare nowadays that’s why it’s so refreshing. But you’re right they are beautiful just found their channel today 💕🙌🏾💯
I noticed this too. They both know how to LISTEN to one another. They are very balanced.
I am so glad you touched on this topic. I have never heard or seen an interracial couple speak on how they work toward an understanding, especially when it comes to race relations. Thank you for your openness and honesty.
JD Cheeseman this is such a HUGE part of who we are and our story. We love talking about it and sharing because like you said, so many don’t. It’s not an easy conversation but one that needs to be had.
This is definitely a conversation more interracial couples should have. Heck it is a conversation that people should be having in general. I think it was easier for you two to have it because of how you feel about one another. Had it been two co workers I am not sure it would end so well. But it is a conversation that we need to have with our friends, our families, our co workers, people at church etc... White Privilege is hard to explain to a White Person who chooses not to understand it. You should do a video on that and how you really came to realize and maybe coming from Someone White other White People may get it too. There has got to be a way to make others understand it without having to personalize it like you experienced the epiphany.
4daluvofnikki great perspective. That is absolutely a conversation and future video we want to do. These types of conversations between co workers or friends can definitely be challenging especially because people have their walls up when it comes to racial discussions. Learning to be open and let your walls down is the hardest part.
I love your comments. .yes the only way we can learn from each other...is to actually talk to each other..co-workers. .church members..neighbirhood interaction...etc...thanks for making these suggestions..when its all said and done...we all have red blood..once the oxygen is mixed in....and we really are more alike ...than different. ..but you only learn this truth thru communicating with one another. .. I'm just keeing it real..
Whewwww Chillleee 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽 you two have got me in my feelings with this vid (bringing back those memories). So I have my own Travon Martin “ahh moment”.
To set the stage, at the time of the Travon Marin murder; I’d been married to my husband for 6 years, we have two children my daughter is 13 and my son is also 17, my children are bi-racial (and not my biological children, they are my step-kids) we live in the South in a very diverse City, but we happen to live in a less diverse neighborhood.
So I’m very very upset about the Martin case and the more we learn about it the madder I get. Now, the media has begun to dig into this child’s (the victim) background and started the negative reporting.
So I’m talking to my husband and getting ever more visibly and verbally upset....when my husband says to me “What? He was a bad kid...he got kicked outta school for marijuana...” Y’all... I almost went completely HAM on this man, clearly the look on my face told him he had said the wrong thing. In my anger all I could do is burst into tears, but through my tears I proceed to tell him in quick succession that anything Travon did before that moment didn’t matter, he was walking down the street minding his own business and that man picked a fight with him - a child...”AND PLUS IF YOUR SON SMOKED MARIJUANA, WOULD HE DESERVE TO DIE FOR IT?!!!!”
That was a defining moment...for him. He was able to see Travon in his own son. When the story about Travon hit, I talked to my son about how society sees him (to White ppl he’s Black and for Black ppl he may never be Black enough).
When (not if) he encounters a Police Officer (for any reason) he can’t be a smart ass teenager - that behavior may very well get him killed. He needed to be UBER respectful and quiet, tell the Officer that he’s a minor and that he would like his Father to be called / present.
These are difficult conversations WE (as POC) have to have with our children about race, that frankly White people more than often can’t fully understand or appreciate these circumstances.
When I was younger I use to be so obsessed with idea of being in an interethnic relationship because I thought that it would be all sunshine and rainbows, but now at 25 and also no longer having a weird fetish about white men and being open to marrying whoever God chooses to send me I know that this mindset is so far from true and watching your videos have truly opened my mind to that. Mixed marriages are hard if not harder than same race marriages.
This would have been better in a diary cause what...
y’all understand each other so much, i want a relationship like this
The realest interracial (interethnic) couple I've seen on FB! Granted I've only watched just a few but y'all top my favorites!
It's wonderful that you can talk about racial issues and I'm sure other issues as well concerning dating someone of a different race. May God guide you two and no weapon will formed against. Stay with God always.
Phyllis Ferguson thank you so much He always will ❤️❤️
I wish definitively we as humans could agree that all human beings ARE 1 race......ethnicities vary.
Your conversations captivate my attention. They are deep and light at the same time... Probably because they come from a real place. May the Lord keep you!
Interracial couple since 1992! Wouldn't have it any other way. There's a beauty that happens when one chooses to look beyond themselves at the endless possibilities of who and what God has created. Getting to know other cultures and traditions can make for such a rich life!
Thanks for this REAL talk . God will use this .
Josephine Young ayyy real talk!! Yes! Thank you
Bridging the gap...great work Brian and Lexi! 😍
Kicking it with Kim Brooks Thank you!
You remind me of the Grimwades from the UK. They are an "interethnic" couple who have serious talks like these with their 5 children. They truly try to place God above all things. Excellent vlog re: racial dialogue. This is what is needed in America TODAY!! Consistent racial dialogue until we understand each other. It should be a daily task until we get it right .
I am going to keep you guys in my prayers because when you are as transparent as you two are the enemy will try to come and mess with. I thank you guys for being so open to discuss this topic. A lot of people won't talk about it .The kingdom of GOD has no color, be encouraged.
I am so grateful to the Lord for y’all. I’m in an interracial relationship and my boyfriend have been praying to find a couple here on CZcams that is authentic and would refuse to be colorblind and we found y’all😭😭😭Thank you for normalizing this conversation as so many people have made it seem as though we were off base for having it. Thank you for reminding us that there’s beauty on both sides to be honored and celebrated. Thank you for being y’all! Two new subscribers on board💪🏻💪🏾
Man I love “woke” White people. I’m proud of you for at least attempting to understand bc so many people like to be blissfully ignorant
Amazing grace. This what America need to hear, see and acknowledge that racism is systematic, and real. Much appreciation to you both for taking the time in your personal relationship and Vlog to articulate the importance of walking a mile in the own persons shoe as part of the process for acceptance and understanding of racial/cultural divide that exist in America. Very empowering discussion.
I thoroughly enjoyed this vlog! It was so real and refreshing. Culturally diverse couples should be open to talking about topics relating to cultural differences and experiences. ESPECIALLY with the unfortunate climate we're living in today. My husband and I are also an interracial couple and there is NOTHING we leave off the table for discussion since day one. You have to be. I'm glad your channel popped up in my feed looking forward to more of your vlogs.
I have been in a interracial marriage for over 31 years. I appreciate your relationship and willingness to want to understand each other. I couldn't help but feel a little envious watching you two interact. Unfortunately, my spouse has his mind set and refuses to try to understand systemic racism, white privilege, police brutality etc. I think he believes that he's ok since he's married to a black woman. We typically avoid the conversation because of his cognitive dissonance. There is no question in my mind that he loves me and our family but it breaks my heart and honestly, makes me angry, that he just throws a wet blanket on a fire because it makes him uncomfortable or because he feels somewhat guilty for the past.
Keep the line of communication open.
Esther Fairow I’m so sorry to hear about your frustrations. I think that “openness” that I developed did take some time but I can imagine after 31 years, it is quite difficult for you. We will be praying that he begins to soften his heart in that particular area. 🙏🏻 believing with you!
I love y’all energy!!!!
Beautiful couple.
Jeanette Desenclos thank you!
They do lol. They just seen so chill
I’m in an interracial marriage coming up on 25 years now, my daughters are aged 22 and 19 . I have great in-laws. You all are gonna be ok😘
Love y’all channel! So real and fun to watch!
You two are an amazing couple. Glad I came across your video. I also grew up around mixed community. My family was racist in certain ways. Never a word of it when I was around. I just don't like it and I let my feelings be known. Sorry family but ignorance is not the way.Now I never used any racial words or tried acting "Black'. But I also never dug into finding the struggles of those in my community. I have best friends that are of all different races. I see color and the differences we all have. To me it's what truly makes the world beautiful and worth learning about. If we were all the same, how boring would that be. GOD made us perfect just that way we are.
What helps your relationship is that both of you articulate and express yourselves extremely well. Communication and looking within is half the battle and you're so committed to that.
This channel is such a blessing and truly thought-provoking! Really enjoyed this conversation and all the discussions you guys have had. So glad that your channel popped on my feed. You guys are out here talking about real issues that couples like you face and situations and circumstances that y’all go through. You guys are like a breath of fresh air in this very saturated niche. I’m excited for more content from you guys. Keep up the work and God bless!
Loved this topic! Loved you guys even more for your commentary. Usually interracial couples get super defensive and keep pointing out whether their partner is racist or not. However you didn't do that. You taught through showing your mindset and growth. I wished more couples were like you
This was deep. Thanks for sharing. Appreciate the honesty. We need more convos like this.
I love the honesty on both you guys part. Anything that’s personal and applies to your situation will take on a different meaning. Your love and respect for each other will keep you together. Beautiful couple
This is a beautiful transparency. Thanks for sharing your story. Your hair and skin is beautiful, flawless.
Your hair is GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're a beautiful couple and I'm so proud of the conversations you're having and . . . I can't stop looking at your beautiful natural hair. Thank you for being so generous with yourselves and sharing how you relate to life and to each other.
Wow. I have mad respect for you guys. Brian I respect you for the boldness of coming to this place of understanding, teachable spirit and willingness or having to change what you felt or felt you knew e.t.c and condition of heart I perceive. Lexi acted out in such wisdom and love your example as a woman , wife , daughter of God e.t.c. you remind me of like strength and maturity of a " black woman" ... this video was so resourceful and educational. I love how you wanna work as a team to tackle this topic and more. Thats what i understand to be God's agenda. He wants Unity of His church. I appreciate how intelligent you both are emotionally especially. I feel I've gained much just through this video. Bless you guys and your union in Christ. Continue to seek His steering over your lives/ marriage.
Refreshing how u two have made learning every aspect of each others culture to better expand your love for each other
I think you all were smart in addressing this conversation with each other. You did an awesome job presenting it to us. It’s hard but couples need to know the truth about blacks before marriage. Thanks for sharing. The best conversations that’s been talked about among interracial couples. So thanks.
YAll are amazing ! Support the movement we are a blended family as well!
i love the way she pays attention and the looks ,all eyes on him whenever he's talking. i like you two!
What you guys are doing is crucial to you family dynamic!!! Good for you guys!!! 🤗🤗
Thank y'all for being so transparent and courageous enough to talk about such an uncomfortable topic.. especially in this day and age! Truly enjoyed listening and was quite informative! God bless you and keep you both! 🙏💕Philippians 4:8
I appreciate y’all. This video is great. Transparency and growth!
It's good to hear this convo. I like how honest you are and how he admits his growth journey. We never have it all together and when we learn how to do things differently its okay to acknowledge that we've grown and think differently.
You two remind me of gabe and babe t.v channel thankyou for this video
I agree 100%, I have been watching them since before Ceej and Reagan came along.
Thank you thank you thank you. Content that is thought provoking yet a positive side to it. It's great that you are both willing to understand and work together on theses and other issues. Blessing on you guys. From your new found friend in England. It also blesses my heart to hear young Christians folk talk this way. Only just found you. Look forward to other vlogs. God bless
Esther Kirby welcome!! Thank for your support ❤️ ENGLAND! we want to visit there soon 😩🙌🏾
Thank you so much for being transparent and sharing your story. Your story represents how God loves the world - every creed and every culture. Continue sharing because you are truly making an impact. God bless
Thank you guys for having this conversation on CZcams. Many people need to hear this. God has truly brought you guys together, God bless you both!
This was such a beautiful conversation. Thank you for sharing guys ❤️
Sibongiseni Khumalo thanks for listening ... it means a lot especially with this
I love you guys. My life is pretty different racially because I was also adopted but me and my husband are interracial and we had no issues with our family "accepting" the relationship. It just is. We are very blessed but we know others aren't. We have definitely had these conversations but we know who we are and that love is love and it's a process for everyone.
Loved that y'all shared on this issue from your personal experience.
I just found you guys and I love the love you have for each other and your relationship together in God. True relationship goals. You both are beautiful souls. Many blessings to you and yours.
I really appreciate the way you both were willing to approach the topic of racial relations from a place of wanting to learn and grow. That is clearly reflected in your personal relationship in how you approached getting to know one another. Talking about how you process situations in life on your worst and best days. What does that entail and why? Continued success, love and happiness in your marriage and as individuals being open to dialogue with others on this particular topic even when it's a difficult conversation to have.
Love your channel. Can listen to you guys talk all day! Such a mature couple with the revelation of the Lord. Love you guys! Looking forward to more content & discussions. Especially love that you guys let each other talk and finish your sentences, etc (not talking over each other in a bad way). You guys just know how to communicate clearly with great knowledge & understanding one another. Can feel the love between y’all’s relationship. So good! God bless you both.
I lovvvvvve this! Soooooo I watched you an Nae’s video Lexi, and decided to check you guys out. 😩😩😩😩 I’m so happy I did. Sooooo! glad you guys have this channel. The love between you guys is REAL. I love it 😩😩. 🗣Lexi you beautiful girl! God bless y’all ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Airikah Faith Wow Thank you girl I appreciate it, welcome! ❤️❤️
I love how u guys get deep into every topic, I appreciate every topic that u speak on.
I'm part of a fb group that's waiting and seeing this video made me post a question about dating outside of your ethnicity. Some of them were like "i don't care God sees the heart not the skin" others were real about knowing there's differences in culture. Made me realize even more that this conversation needs to be taken more seriously
I have so much respect for you guys! You are so REAL and down to earth . I’m christian too and it’s refreshing to see you guys talking about these difficult or taboo subjects !God bless you 👍🏾❤️
Stumbled on your family and I am so impressed, you leave all on the table with your heartfelt talks, thanks and may God continue to bless your family.
Wonderful conversation! You two touched on so many necessary topics especially raising children. I believe that people go into it thinking “we just want to have children who love others and themselves and we just want to raise great human being”. I think that’s great but for the parent who is not black, you need to prepare your children for life as black children. Period. They will be seen as black and they will come up against some things that could really shake them. You guys did a wonderfully job and I pray that God will continue to speak to and through you.
Thank you. I really needed that healing. If we all stay open hearted, if we do the soul work, if we continue to love & have patience, then maybe there's still hope for our nation to be united once more. Best Wishes everyone.
P.S. Your videos are relevant, deep & important work. May you be blessed
I just found your channel and I’m amazed at your maturity. This was candid, poignant and as a viewer, I appreciated this conversation. Many blessings to a lovely couple.
This video made me cry, so heartfelt the mere fact the you all openly discuss race and hear each is the beginning I thank you for this conversation God Bless
You are so refreshing. Love your openness. Keep up the good work with each other. Love your channel.
This is such a wonderful vlog. Such an education. A wonderful way that God is using you. Blessings
I agree! Dating someone of another race has its struggles. My Ecuadorian-American boyfriend and I (Caribbean/Afro-American), have discussions on race, all the time. We are in our early 40's, both previously married to people of different ethnicities. We both have biracial children, from those previous marriages, and still think so differently in racial topics. Thanks for sharing! You guys are beautiful!
Good stuff guys!! I love your channel! You guys are a beautiful couple! ❤️💕
This is truly a power couple. Knowing where they came from, willing to grow and learn together, and prosper into the future.
I will add as an aside, it always irks me to hear someone, tell another individual to not be emotional about, something thar does not personally effect them. So glad she pointed out to him, what if it were his kid one day. Knowing full well, all the emotions come out when it is your own cub on the line.
I appreciate you going deep into these issues, I almost feel like I have had the same conversation with my husband about how our kids will be perceived regardless of our difference in race. It's really deep and I appreciate you sharing.
I truly love this video.. thank you for being so open
I totally understand you. I’ve had such talks with my husband and it’s been extremely difficult. Race is such a deep topic for interracial relationships especially black and white because of the past.
I love the candid discussion. Thanks to you all for this.
Marie I agree with you. Thank Coles. You both appear to be a loving Christian couple. God be with you both! Thanks
Lisa Foster well thank you so much!
Great vlog! I just started following you. Happy you can see and respect each other's differences that made you who you are. Being my relationship looks like yours, ask each other what your vision is and how you want your family to look once you add children if you already have and have that conversation
You all remind me of Gabe and Babe from Gabe Babe TV....i've only watched two of your videos so far because I just found you...but so far so great!😊
I'm new to your channel and I'm glad to be here. God led me here by sheer CZcams suggestion. Looking forward to this journey. Thank you for sharing! God Bless!!!
Wow. This discussion is deep. Wow. I found this channel from the recent shorts. The shorts. This is some great content.
My past relationship was interracial and this was a topic we definitely struggled with, he couldn’t put himself in my shoes , and I can say I would definitely gave him a lot of grace with the things he said when I probably shouldn’t have since it’s something he’s going to continue to do. Overall loved the video and it’s something I will use as a reference in the future when the conversation comes up.
I absolutely LOVED this conversation!! So important! Love your family!
You two are absolutely adorable and a true testament of what God’s love can do when we get out of His way. This is needed. We need to talk about it in our homes, jobs and churches. Keep doing what you’re doing. I hope that your marriage is continuously filled with love, peace, joy and God’s favor. May you both continue to speak truth with boldness and courage, and may God enlarge your territory. What God has bought together may no one tear apart. Congratulations on your new addition to the family. May you have a healthy and happy pregnancy and delivery.
I truly enjoyed your video because it was of its rich content. I've viewed other couples addressed this subject but they sounded superficial. No couple that I watched went so in-depth. They basically looked at how their families view each other and not really how issues in society could potentially impact their relationship. Thanks your sharing.☺️
I live in the UK and have just found your channel. What a beautiful couple and a beautiful conversation, so refreshing to see this. I am now a newbie suscriber! 😊 Xx
Thank you for going there, I relate to Brian for sure, I appreciate you reaching out and helping us understand more and know how to approach things as well! Amen
Rocio Stewart we appreciate you watching. There’s so much for all of us to learn about each other. Have to start somewhere
You 2 are awesome blessed to have such good conversation.so caring,I love this.💕
I’m so glad I found you guys! Can I say binge watching!
Y’all are beautiful and not just physically, spiritually, mentally and just over all humanly beautiful!!!
I love you guys channel. And this is nice to talk about as a interracial couple. I am not in a interracial relationship. But you guys can teach and love one another. And what problems may arise. That way you know what's coming. Bless the both of you! And you guys put God first!
Y’all are awesome! God bless your transparency
Thank you. I appreciate the approach on taking time to working out these issues.
Wow, God Bless you both because you never hear a couple from different backgrounds to have such a deep deep conversation about the real society that we live in. It is great that both of you have God first in your lives and God will protect and lead you both for His service to do for Him and the glory goes to God. God Bless you both.
Wooow!!!just wooow!!!amazing...bless you
I can appreciate the candidness in this video. Its always interesting to hear both perspectives authentically. A lot of channels talk about cultural differences in a joking context, which i feel sometimes diminishes the actual complexities and sometimes struggle associated with being an interracial couple. I feel this topic is explored even less with BW and non BM.
I'm a BW, i suppose on the lighter side, from the Midwest married to a pretty fair skinned / white passing Latino (Mexican and Cuban) from the West coast so logic would dictate we wouldnt have a lot in common. He was raised predominantly Catholic and I was raised predominantly JW (although we are now both agnotic). We're expecting our first child in March.
My husband was raised in a predominantly Mexican environment where they make up like at least 80% of his hometown's population. I was raised in a predominantly white environment, but even then, at least a quarter of the population was black, so I had a more "balanced" experience. Latinos were definitely the minority in my upbringing.
Because of my husband's upbringing, there was a lot of ignorance and straight up racist ideals towards blacks within his family and community. Furthermore, it was so casual and normalized that i dont even think they realized how intolerant they were. If im being honest, ive experienced more racism from that community than i have from white people, and i think that speaks to racism's tendency to brew in more homogenous communities. In fact, there was never a huge expectation for me to marry a black or white man, which i really appreciate. In fact i think the first school girl crush i had was on a brown arab boy.
I cant recall the first "moment" where our differences became a point if conversation (my "trayvon martin" moment if you will). The earliest moment I remember was when my husband told me things his coworkers (surprisingly not the white ones, but the latino and black ones) said about either black people or black women. My husband never really felt a need to "correct" or challenge them, which bothered me, because i obviously wanted a man who would defend me, and his kin in those situations.
Almost 10 years later, we are happily married and expecting a son. We've come together in the most beautiful way and we both celebrate each other's cultures. Honestly, it doesnt feel like we're in an "interracial relationship" because we bond so well.
I am a new subscriber just familiarizing myself with your journey. I think you are making excellent points that so many people will benefit from. I am an AA senior in a multi-ethnic family with a daughter married to a white man, a granddaughter in a very serious relationship with a white man and another granddaughter in a serious relationship with a Latino young man. I love them all and look at the opportunities the circumstances allow for all of us to grow! The truth is that most human beings at the core, have more in common than they usually take time to discover.