Please Don't Tell My Mom I Watched This

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  • čas přidán 14. 11. 2018
  • yikes merch - www.yikesshop.com/
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Komentáře • 2,6K

  • @EddyBurback
    @EddyBurback  Před 5 lety +3307

    woah pilgrim eddy just called me and said he wants you to follow me on twitter - twitter.com/eddyburback
    thanks for the shoutout pilgrim eddy that’s so generous!

    • @kevmacoin6
      @kevmacoin6 Před 5 lety +166

      Pilgrim Eddy is a pilgrim, where did he get a phone? 🤔

    • @EddyBurback
      @EddyBurback  Před 5 lety +335

      kevma Coin they invented the smart phone!!

    • @kevmacoin6
      @kevmacoin6 Před 5 lety +85

      @@EddyBurback top ten anime comebacks

    • @sarahmonkey99
      @sarahmonkey99 Před 5 lety +23

      Eddy, your moustache looks RAVISHING

    • @HyJENNist
      @HyJENNist Před 5 lety +17

      Pilgrim Eddy’s knees look familiar... 🤔

  • @PlumChally70
    @PlumChally70 Před 5 lety +2261

    Douche 1: "yo, there's blood"
    Douche 2: "ew"
    Douche 3: "ew"
    -Amazing acting.

    • @natalie5136
      @natalie5136 Před 5 lety +19

      Callahan Bullock I prefer
      “Vagina cleaner”

    • @pissdog3956
      @pissdog3956 Před 5 lety +6

      @@natalie5136 babe its not just for vaginas

    • @natalie5136
      @natalie5136 Před 5 lety +6

      Piss dog wait WHAT. WHATS GOING ON

    • @EldritchCow
      @EldritchCow Před 2 lety +9

      They deserve an Oscar for that

    • @Lucifersfursona
      @Lucifersfursona Před 2 lety +10

      Just think of how grossed out they’ll be when they find out how much blood they each have in their bodies. OooOOOoOoOo

  • @jameshughes7946
    @jameshughes7946 Před 5 lety +2605

    "I low-key gave my address out for this box so I hope I don't get stalked" I smell a spin off!

    • @viki4971
      @viki4971 Před 5 lety +77

      James Hughes my first thought when i heard this! there’s definitely like a strange clown or something going to show up in their videos and kidnap them

    • @irishmanrants89
      @irishmanrants89 Před 5 lety +55

      How do you “low-key” give someone your full address?

    • @stephanie4698
      @stephanie4698 Před 5 lety +84

      Irishman Rants They typed it out, but used a really small font.

    • @colehodgman9248
      @colehodgman9248 Před 4 lety +6

      Bruh I smell a snuff film

    • @punkrckr6889
      @punkrckr6889 Před 3 lety +9

      "I WAS STALKED BY SOMEONE FROM THE DARK WEB!!!!!1!!!!! (MYSTERY BOX GONE WRONG (GONE SEXUAL)) *VERY SPOOKY*"

  • @Gayjesus77
    @Gayjesus77 Před 4 lety +1011

    "Think about a crime right now"
    *premarital eye contact*

  • @levigervais1667
    @levigervais1667 Před 4 lety +2005

    “Wtf do you think is in a dentist glove that isn’t in a regular latex glove?”
    Dentists hands👀🤔

    • @jsdouglas2612
      @jsdouglas2612 Před 4 lety +78

      i’m absolutely livid that this made me laugh

    • @deereye87
      @deereye87 Před 4 lety +6

      *Very noice*

    • @justasmltwngir1732
      @justasmltwngir1732 Před 4 lety +34

      I just want to know that I told this joke to my grandma and it made her laugh so good job.

    • @levigervais1667
      @levigervais1667 Před 4 lety +14

      just a smøl tøwn gir that just made me so happy lol😂💕

    • @-undecided-1663
      @-undecided-1663 Před 3 lety +10

      @@justasmltwngir1732 pure

  • @Nowhere-Near
    @Nowhere-Near Před 5 lety +2548

    I looked on the dark web, they didn’t have anywhere where you can jaywalk, disappointed

    • @King_Dragmire
      @King_Dragmire Před 4 lety +116

      Then what is the point of the dark web?

    • @cyatram
      @cyatram Před 4 lety +33

      Khalil Kafieh I hate you so much right now

    • @evan6630
      @evan6630 Před 4 lety +29

      Khalil Kafieh why did I click on that

    • @lanj.3425
      @lanj.3425 Před 4 lety +14

      @@evan6630 I don't wanna click on it, but isn't it just the Sprite Cranberry promotional website?

    • @anon2234
      @anon2234 Před 4 lety +17

      Tell you what man go ahead and give me 50 bucks in Bitcoin and I will go jaywalk for you film it and send it to you encrypted on the darknet. If you can't do it you can pay somebody else to.

  • @maybemonday888
    @maybemonday888 Před 5 lety +4430

    "Is this fake or are they stupid?"
    Should be the official slogan of 2018

    • @select_input
      @select_input Před 5 lety +11

      caliwonder2087 w i s d o m

    • @finalcut612
      @finalcut612 Před 5 lety +24

      Is it bad that I read that to the tune of Human by The Killers?

    • @joeyconaton5872
      @joeyconaton5872 Před 5 lety +4

      Yes

    • @goompo
      @goompo Před 4 lety +6

      The official slogan of kids content on CZcams

    • @yeeN4W
      @yeeN4W Před 4 lety +6

      *2019 and forever*

  • @dylanstrickland546
    @dylanstrickland546 Před 4 lety +2556

    Always remember there is a difference between the deep web and dark web, deep web has really good privacy the dark web has kidneys

  • @scootertotheankle1126
    @scootertotheankle1126 Před 4 lety +528

    “I’ve just found out about this thing called the dark web.” *five seconds pass* “I’ve known about it for years.”

  • @aprillynn6810
    @aprillynn6810 Před 5 lety +8211

    the fact that he whispers certain words to not get demonitized is hilarious

    • @russellharrell2747
      @russellharrell2747 Před 5 lety +122

      ITS DRUGS. DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!

    • @madman1276
      @madman1276 Před 4 lety +177

      Next thing you know he'll be famous, but not for comedy; for asmr.

    • @noir6207
      @noir6207 Před 4 lety +14

      SHHHHHHHHH

    • @erikcarter9118
      @erikcarter9118 Před 4 lety +83

      The best part is that it works

    • @mk1k
      @mk1k Před 4 lety +42

      its my favorite running gag of his

  • @hm-fy5iz
    @hm-fy5iz Před 5 lety +2607

    i love when my dark web mystery boxes come in amazon packaging

    • @TatumBorealis
      @TatumBorealis Před 5 lety +186

      I love when they come with prime shipping.

    • @tam7254
      @tam7254 Před 4 lety +88

      I love when I find the Amazon Employee inside the box

    • @lindsaymosher4667
      @lindsaymosher4667 Před rokem +1

      Same 😊, I got a teacup puppy last time, ( dead obviously)

  • @jaboi7709
    @jaboi7709 Před 4 lety +554

    Dentist gloves are in fact made with teeth, making them extra protective

    • @_ikako_
      @_ikako_ Před 3 lety +16

      so that's where mine went.

    • @Lucifersfursona
      @Lucifersfursona Před 2 lety +7

      The latex glove industry is run by tooth fairies.

  • @nickcline3792
    @nickcline3792 Před 4 lety +570

    "They're latex gloves" nah bro, healthcare professionals don't use latex just in case the patient has a latex sensitivity. Nitrile is pretty much the go to

    • @MagikarpsSplash
      @MagikarpsSplash Před 4 lety +27

      Yeah we use nitrile in the lab.

    • @SomeOrdinaryJanitor
      @SomeOrdinaryJanitor Před 4 lety +40

      correct me if i'm wrong, but NileRed pointed out its good to use a variety of gloves in a lab, because certain chemicals react differently with other materials, like Chemical A reacts violently with Nitrile, but doesn't react with Latex. but Chemical B reacts with both latex and Nitrile but not with t other gloves. a poor example but i think that's what he tried to point out.

    • @theycallmeluvv
      @theycallmeluvv Před 3 lety +20

      5cm Pak38 auf PzKpfw II Sonderfahrgestell 901 ok correct me if i’m wrong but aren’t healthcare professionals and chemists? (doctors? scientists) people like nilered different. i mean like don’t they do separate things?

    • @francomasiniofficial
      @francomasiniofficial Před 3 lety +13

      NATURAL SELECTION! LET ME SEE THEM TEETH JIMMY!

    • @Liteweaver301
      @Liteweaver301 Před 3 lety +11

      When I was a dental assistant we used nitrile.

  • @tripletoruses
    @tripletoruses Před 5 lety +2261

    "Think of a crime right now"
    Me panicking: "uh...crime"

  • @okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
    @okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Před 5 lety +2846

    _"heywhatsupyouguys i just bought this mystery box from the dark web, there's probably gonna be some wild stuff in here, so lets just jump into it! First item is... woah, literal child porn! that's like, super illegal and one of the main things the dark web is used for, can you believe it? that's so crazy! and now i'm being arrested because the police wont listen to my excuse that this is all just for my youtube channel thats mostly watched by children! this is so crazy you guys like and comment if you want a part two where im vlogging from jail!" __#hype__ __#savage_

    • @ewwpoorpeople5684
      @ewwpoorpeople5684 Před 4 lety +232

      Nobody has commented on this in the past seven months and... Well. I get it. There's nothing to add. This is it. We have hit peak commenting

    • @user-tv3mc5tr9b
      @user-tv3mc5tr9b Před 4 lety +5

      ann onymous me too

    • @cannoncorn8557
      @cannoncorn8557 Před 4 lety +63

      This is a good and well thought out comment that complements this comment and expresses how funny it is

    • @neegas3490
      @neegas3490 Před 4 lety +4

      XD

    • @lakriz116
      @lakriz116 Před 4 lety +66

      I read that in jaystations voice.

  • @teasmish
    @teasmish Před 4 lety +699

    Now I'm terrified that if I have kids someday they're gonna go on the dark web and try to find a mystery box only to get the entire family kidnapped

    • @gingersnap189
      @gingersnap189 Před 3 lety +10

      Moussie Blue what child is competent enough to get to the dark web and yet believes he can get mystery boxes because 20 something idiots on CZcams told him so?

    • @teasmish
      @teasmish Před 3 lety +21

      @@gingersnap189 you never know lol

    • @DeathnoteBB
      @DeathnoteBB Před 3 lety +13

      @@gingersnap189 You ever had children? They’re both smart and dumb at the same time

    • @SheepUndefined
      @SheepUndefined Před 3 lety +22

      My mom's always used the phrase "smart when it comes to doing dumb shit"

    • @buddytheclark
      @buddytheclark Před 3 lety +14

      the last thing they want to kidnap is an entire paranoid suburbanite family

  • @timhook2086
    @timhook2086 Před 4 lety +355

    I almost thought the second one was going to be a NordVPN add at first.

    • @ME-tu9tw
      @ME-tu9tw Před 3 lety +1

      Same

    • @sososweet-cq3wm
      @sososweet-cq3wm Před 3 lety +3

      *ad (not to be rude, I just have a thing with grammer)

    • @timhook2086
      @timhook2086 Před 3 lety +1

      sososweet 1249 was using voice2text wasnt and didnt pay attention to spelling.

  • @nerdcity
    @nerdcity Před 5 lety +5674

    Flexing the Platinum Taco Bell VISA card on us, damn

    • @EddyBurback
      @EddyBurback  Před 5 lety +882

      you know i gotta flex my crunchwrap supreme on these haters baby $$$

    • @unknownusername5111
      @unknownusername5111 Před 5 lety +122

      Can't believe Eddy's a fucking SELLOUT

    • @shiznit9142
      @shiznit9142 Před 5 lety +34

      Eddie, does it feel amazing to know a channel as bad ass as nerd city follows your videos or what?

    • @anddoomsticeforall8140
      @anddoomsticeforall8140 Před 5 lety +19

      @@EddyBurback weird flex but okay

    • @sav-
      @sav- Před 5 lety +4

      Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaha

  • @sam_2095
    @sam_2095 Před 5 lety +3862

    “Think of a crime right now”
    Me: Loitering
    “You can do that on the Dark Web”
    Me: :O

    • @rednourr1020
      @rednourr1020 Před 4 lety +11

      Mmm hmm 💎💎

    • @nvan7891
      @nvan7891 Před 4 lety +20

      Try again but pretend you aren't a big fat vagina this time.

    • @TurtleGamers1
      @TurtleGamers1 Před 4 lety +275

      @Nocutiout Ok mr testosterone man

    • @Flo_etic
      @Flo_etic Před 4 lety +196

      The first thing I thought of was public urination. Fuck

    • @breadtos
      @breadtos Před 4 lety +52

      I thought of murder... so I guess I can murder someone without having to actually see them

  • @walt9327
    @walt9327 Před 4 lety +190

    Ok Bursnacc, I took your advice and ordered some mystery boxes off the dark web to my doorstep. Was kinda lame a knife covered in dried blood, 300 percs in a ziploc gallons bag and an illegally homemade machine gun, that looks like it's been fired a bunch. Anyway, kinda lame, but now a buncha black SUVs are parked outside my house. I guess they're here to deliver me my next one. I'll get back to you as soon as I open that one up.

  • @bigmoneyswager
    @bigmoneyswager Před 4 lety +170

    1:13 eddy you shouldn't have told me this, im going to go hire a jaywalker

    • @anon2234
      @anon2234 Před 4 lety +15

      Oh I just advertised in another comment. You give me 50 bucks in Bitcoin and I will film myself jaywalking across your choice of street level, however highways cost more, and then I will send it back to you encrypted on the dark net.

    • @DaRoachDoggJrr
      @DaRoachDoggJrr Před 3 lety +2

      Brother

    • @ariannamyrie9520
      @ariannamyrie9520 Před 2 lety

      Low-key what I was thinking of....but I already did it so.....

  • @markhesau
    @markhesau Před 5 lety +780

    My wife wanted to let you know that, though there is no difference between various latex gloves, he did likely go to an actual dentist and get those because of the sterilization bag they carried them in, which she works with everyday. She says it’s a point for stupid because it’s completely unnecessary.

    • @icurnvs776
      @icurnvs776 Před 4 lety +48

      Yep! Former hospital Pharmacy Tech here and for sterile exams and stuff we stocked rooms with those all the time! (Especially for the ER and other wings that were just too busy to stock supplies themselves) Also they’re probably nitrile, given the color and loose wrist grip.

    • @Stevenisbelieven
      @Stevenisbelieven Před 4 lety +32

      Of course, they wouldn't want to infect the nasty crap in the box.

    • @Jordando323
      @Jordando323 Před 4 lety +9

      Yeah but you can just order those on amazon

  • @GraceLane182
    @GraceLane182 Před 5 lety +1747

    *puts on latex gloves*
    Armor: 100

    • @alexandernoname6339
      @alexandernoname6339 Před 5 lety +42

      No ordinary latex gloves would give you 100 Armour only professional dentist gloves can do that

    • @jackschiro6269
      @jackschiro6269 Před 4 lety +15

      They must be not only dentist gloves but also professional grade!

    • @zar1290
      @zar1290 Před 4 lety +2

      Lol

    • @tylerdavis2435
      @tylerdavis2435 Před 4 lety +2

      Tell me if anyone gets this puts on laytex gloves 3 armour 1 speed

    • @UrMumsFavoriteBoyToy
      @UrMumsFavoriteBoyToy Před 4 lety +4

      They aren’t latex gloves they are dentist gloves

  • @generator314
    @generator314 Před 4 lety +246

    Eddy's search history:
    HoW lOnG dOeS bLoOd TaKe To DrY?

  • @NCcatlady
    @NCcatlady Před 4 lety +117

    Their fan base HAS to be 12 and under. Those are the only people who would believe this.

  • @_bug56
    @_bug56 Před 5 lety +761

    Ah yes, the classic illicit substances you can only find on the dark web :
    Old radio
    Picture frame
    Womens underwear
    and flash drives.

    • @wiliambanquiter8039
      @wiliambanquiter8039 Před 5 lety +66

      Uummm, you forgot
      DEMON IN A BOX!!

    • @goompo
      @goompo Před 4 lety +35

      Can’t forget tires, children’s car seats, and football trophies

    • @LittleNekoLost
      @LittleNekoLost Před 4 lety +26

      And magical forever fresh blood

    • @lanj.3425
      @lanj.3425 Před 4 lety +9

      @@LittleNekoLost with only five easy installments of $49.99, *you,* yes, *you,* can get your bottle of Forever Fresh Blood™
      *Call now* at 1-800-STILLBLEEDING within the next three minutes to get an additional carseat with your order!

    • @No-gz4kc
      @No-gz4kc Před 4 lety +3

      bug56 what about jaystations gay potion

  • @saucecat6607
    @saucecat6607 Před 5 lety +1143

    Eddie saying "dr*gs" is very ASMR

    • @natalie5136
      @natalie5136 Před 5 lety +16

      Emily ∂яυgѕ

    • @dwippity
      @dwippity Před 5 lety +16

      @Roscoe Patterson demonetized

    • @vitamins00
      @vitamins00 Před 5 lety +10

      I had to rewind it 4 times bc I thought he was saying frogs and I needed to be sure

    • @setboundarieskindly
      @setboundarieskindly Před 5 lety +6

      He's clearly the best ASMR channel on CZcams

    • @ulmerpark5079
      @ulmerpark5079 Před 5 lety +3

      His asmr is goals😤😤😋😋😍

  • @Methus3lah
    @Methus3lah Před rokem +22

    The most likely thing to happen when you order a dark web mystery box is that they take your money and don’t send anything.

  • @T-MOTH
    @T-MOTH Před 4 lety +304

    Dude on left: Drunk
    Dude in middle: Stoned
    Dude on right: Coked

  • @8jerasikapark8
    @8jerasikapark8 Před 5 lety +515

    I really love how NORMAL boxes that are shipped will have scuffs and dirt or damage but...the dark web boxes NEVER have anything on the outside hahahaha

    • @honeycatacomb1191
      @honeycatacomb1191 Před 3 lety +39

      Strange no shipping labels either.

    • @noizepusher7594
      @noizepusher7594 Před rokem +35

      That’s because the dark web uses mysterious demon teleportation too evil for UPS to use

    • @RhinoHorn7
      @RhinoHorn7 Před rokem +4

      Most packages I get are intact and clean

  • @sjgoaliekevin
    @sjgoaliekevin Před 4 lety +1141

    “I’ve just found out there’s this thing called the dark web.”
    “I’ve KNOWN about it! Like everyone else I’ve known about it”
    “What’s the dark web?”
    Just pick one angle and stay with it dude

    • @Lucifronz
      @Lucifronz Před 4 lety +92

      Come on, man, lying's hard when you're a moron.

    • @mariannecontrino6297
      @mariannecontrino6297 Před 4 lety +58

      Thank you, I was surprised Eddy didn't call him out on that. Too funny.

    • @gabe3dprint
      @gabe3dprint Před 3 lety +4

      @@Lucifronz funny numbers of likes my guy

  • @bleysmcnutt5500
    @bleysmcnutt5500 Před 4 lety +124

    Pretty recently when the "I mailed myself in a box" trend was a thing, I, knowing they were fake, watched countless hours of them. I just need to confess I watched kilem. God forgive me. Please.

    • @DaRoachDoggJrr
      @DaRoachDoggJrr Před 3 lety +19

      Don’t worry, my little brother used to watch Morgz. It could be worse

    • @bleysmcnutt5500
      @bleysmcnutt5500 Před 3 lety +14

      @@DaRoachDoggJrr Thank you for your condolences and kind words.

    • @llab3903
      @llab3903 Před 3 lety +1

      Bleys McNutt I do not forgive you

    • @willjim582
      @willjim582 Před 3 lety +4

      monday april 5 of 2021, 2:29pm

    • @bleysmcnutt5500
      @bleysmcnutt5500 Před 3 lety +1

      @@willjim582 True

  • @cameronwise-maas5610
    @cameronwise-maas5610 Před 4 lety +154

    There’s a 0% chance a kid would be able to successfully buy anything on the dark web.

    • @R3lay0
      @R3lay0 Před 3 lety +7

      Ding dong you are wrong

    • @Leibide
      @Leibide Před 3 lety +3

      @@R3lay0 what

    • @missbraindamage
      @missbraindamage Před 3 lety +6

      That's not true. Source: My little brother. Don't ask

    • @alastorlapid2365
      @alastorlapid2365 Před 3 lety +4

      I disagree. Getting cryptocurrency would seem to be the biggest issue, but I imagine some of the websites would take cash.

    • @waynejohnson1786
      @waynejohnson1786 Před 3 lety +1

      All you need to order drugs off the dark web is:
      1. A computer or smartphone with Tor browser installed
      2. Bitcoin
      3. A mailbox

  • @_skud
    @_skud Před 5 lety +1332

    is pilgrim eddy canon in the Burback cinematic universe?

  • @joelkrajnyak4701
    @joelkrajnyak4701 Před 4 lety +710

    Killem: "I dont want anyone to know I'm on the dark web"
    *makes video about going on the dark web*

    • @rileygabkcuf8798
      @rileygabkcuf8798 Před 4 lety +8

      Plot twist: He never even went on the dark web

    • @anon2234
      @anon2234 Před 4 lety +6

      Yeah, highly doubt people this retarded even know how to download/verify/install tor, much less connect to an onion address. Now let's add all the steps required in getting Bitcoin and then adding them to an account on a dark net website. Yeah it didn't happen.

    • @teethgrinder83
      @teethgrinder83 Před 4 lety

      @@anon2234 damn I like to think I'm somewhat intelligent and I still get stuck on the bitcoin/account part, thats the most complicated bit for me 😂 although thats more lack of patience on my part I think lol

    • @JoeMajewski
      @JoeMajewski Před 4 lety +1

      @@teethgrinder83 The bitcoin part is only if you end up wanting to make a purchase. You can still download the tor browser and visit the silk road if you're resourceful. Someone who isn't me tried using it once and it's surprisingly legit, while at the same time very shady. The legit part was that it has built-in escrow, so if you get screwed over, the seller won't be able to just steal your money. This is what happened to someone who isn't me. Ended up getting a refund on the purchase, and the escrow service tracked the purchase in USD (even though it was paid in bitcoin). Several days later when the item still hadn't been shipped, fraud was indicated and this person got their money back. But the money they got back was twice what they put in because the bitcoin price per USD went up a ton during those few days. Never tried a second time as this person was too nervous after the first time. Many won't ship to a PO box, so you have to use your home address and real name (as its apparently less riskier).

    • @teethgrinder83
      @teethgrinder83 Před 4 lety

      @@JoeMajewski yeah i can use tor and find onion addresses fine, I've had a look on a few sites, but just can't get the whole buying bitcoin, using wallets, putting in escrow part. More the finding a good trader for bitcoin and putting in a wallet part that was frustrating, when i bought coin it was a nightmare trying to transfer it to my wallet . I tried buying bitcoin once and never got it because I couldnt get it transferred and I lost patience lol

  • @izzcakes
    @izzcakes Před 4 lety +74

    is no one gonna talk about how he kept touching his face when he was opening the “dark web” package :/

  • @ouijacorn
    @ouijacorn Před 3 lety +10

    What really irks me about the first one is: they didn't even have a consistent story! It looked like they were setting up the box to be a bunch of murder evidence and then -BOOM- demons.

  • @TheAndieSixx
    @TheAndieSixx Před 5 lety +1368

    I got a farmers only dating ad on this. Are you a farmer

  • @vietnamgamer9490
    @vietnamgamer9490 Před 5 lety +804

    Imagine having the actual negative IQ to believe that the dark web sends mystery boxes

    • @Uncle_Jacob
      @Uncle_Jacob Před 4 lety +173

      But...but it does send mystery boxes....I just saw it...those guys opened one....the bloody tire....the broken picture frame....the...the professional grade dentist gloves....I saw it.

    • @lex1212
      @lex1212 Před 4 lety +40

      no but they just did!!!1!!11!!1!!!

    • @esobelisk3110
      @esobelisk3110 Před 4 lety +6

      Stanky Fish licker ŠŠP¨QR¡BB AQ 

    • @killerhippieodoom9599
      @killerhippieodoom9599 Před 4 lety +61

      no they do, they sent me three pounds of ketamine and an arm

    • @rinkokonoe8644
      @rinkokonoe8644 Před 4 lety +35

      @@killerhippieodoom9599 damn, good ass deal

  • @stoneseabolt
    @stoneseabolt Před 3 lety +18

    That Taco Bell card thing was spooky... I didn't know you could actually take cards out once they're in your wallet without ghosts helping.

  • @jevilcore
    @jevilcore Před 4 lety +33

    “Think of a crime” pfft. Like I’d let you know what crimes i know

  • @CrispLettuce
    @CrispLettuce Před 5 lety +759

    I can run a red light on the dark web?

    • @kevmacoin6
      @kevmacoin6 Před 5 lety +8

      is this a question?

    • @MrNightpwner
      @MrNightpwner Před 5 lety +57

      You can hack a red light and run it however you want. 30 min yellow light? Go for it!

    • @CrispLettuce
      @CrispLettuce Před 5 lety +22

      kevma Coin I mean traditionally questions are ended with question marks.

    • @kevmacoin6
      @kevmacoin6 Před 5 lety

      @@CrispLettuce but a question would be "can i run a red light on the dark web?" not "i can run a red light on the dark web?"

    • @CrispLettuce
      @CrispLettuce Před 5 lety +23

      kevma Coin I’m fairly certain you can word it either way.

  • @noahwilmott3957
    @noahwilmott3957 Před 5 lety +544

    Eduardo Burbackula give this to your mom without reading it.
    Dear Mrs. Burback,
    As we both know, Edmond is a particularly unique boy with a very special curiosity. However, lately this curiosity has gotten the better of him and he has been seen visiting the Dark Web in his free time. Luckily his limited capacity for complex thought means that he has not yet discovered why people would choose to visit such a place, but the clock is ticking and we need to intervene before it is too late. With your generous donation of just $60 monthly to pay my phone bill I will be able to phone the professionals that Edward so clearly needs. With your support we are mere months away from getting young Oedipus back on track producing the kid friendly videos you and I both know he is capable of.
    Sincerely,
    Hype Michael

    • @praisegfg2757
      @praisegfg2757 Před 5 lety +21

      This is the best comment

    • @BrazillianFOsho
      @BrazillianFOsho Před 4 lety +10

      I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. Whats your venmo so I can pay you for your services

    • @tylerandleahcanadian3888
      @tylerandleahcanadian3888 Před 4 lety +2

      @@BrazillianFOsho this is my main channel I promise ;)

  • @umno9830
    @umno9830 Před 3 lety +36

    I can’t wait for someone to see these and start a dark web box business using the youtubers that do these vids as free publicity and then stuff the dark web box with a bunch kinda weird trash. Wait, maybe I should do that.

  • @radlee974
    @radlee974 Před rokem +386

    I know that this video is 3 years old (I somehow _just recently_ discovered Eddy and his fire content.) but I thought that I could add a little insight as I have some experience with purchasing illegal shit on the dark web.
    First of all, the reason I was buying shit on the dark web was because I was an addict and the markets on the dark web were my only avenue for getting hard drugs at the time. (No worries, I’m clean and sober now!!)
    Anyway, before I launch into the more interesting stuff, Eddy’s totally correct in saying that all of these CZcamsrs are absolutely full of shit. Every last one of them, including all of the ones _not_ shown here, 100% packed up some boxes with weird ass shit and then opened them on camera, pretending they were from the dark web.
    Now, as for the question of: “Can you even buy mystery boxes on the dark web?” My answer? I don’t know. LOL. Personally I never really strayed away from what I was there for. This was also just before the whole “mystery box craze” took off, so it would’ve been hella weird to see one on there. Plus, 99% of the shit being sold in the dark web markets is fucking _expensive_ and 9 times out of 10 you’re there to buy something pretty particular. So it’s beyond me why someone who’s there for, say, crack, would wanna spend a bunch of money just to possibly have syringes and weed show up at their door. Mystery boxes just don’t make any sense here.
    Now, having said all of that, just because it doesn’t make any sense to me doesn’t mean that they were never sold on there. You see, the way buying shit on the dark web works is a _lot_ like a secret, illegal Ebay. There are _several_ different “shops” and they all pretty much work the same. They’re just the middle man/host for tons of different buyers and sellers. So, again, exactly like Ebay. The only real differences being that you could only access them on the dark web, most of the goods being sold are _highly_ illegal, all of the transactions had to be made using cryptocurrency, and you had to upload your crypto onto the site before you could use it to purchase anything. (These sites would frequently “go dark” and the owners/operators would just disappear with all of crypto currently still “in limbo” on the site.) So, since these sites operated just like Ebay, sellers could post truly whatever they like (Except pretty much every site I ever happened to use had a ban on purchasing/selling firearms.) so I really can’t see why sellers couldn’t post mystery boxes unless those too are banned. But even in that case, surely you could find at least _one_ site that sold them.
    Now as for the whole “giving your address to shady ass criminals” thing, Eddy had a great idea in that you should just get/use a PO Box. Unfortunately, most sellers refuse to send stuff to PO Boxes. I’m not sure if it has to do with law enforcement or scammers or what, but like 90% of them won’t do it. Another thing that pretty much all sellers require is that your address is encrypted when you send it to them. That way it can only be viewed _one_ time, while the shipping label is created and then never again. Which does make it harder for LE to trace anything back to you (Provided they don’t physically have _your_ package.), though, at the end of the day, you’ve _still_ sent your address to a shady ass criminal. (Something I did many, _many_ times. LOL.) Another interesting tidbit about sending and receiving is the fact that _all_ US sellers send their orders via the United States Postal Service. Companies like UPS and FedEx are privately owned and can open up a package anytime that they like so that they can see what exactly is in it. USPS has to have specific, reasonable suspicions to do so. Which makes sending illegal shit in the mail safest via the government’s option. LOL.
    Okay, I believe that that’s pretty much all of the interesting information that I’ve got pertaining to my time buying drugs on the dark web. I know that nobody will read this, but on the _extremely_ off chance that they do, I personally found all of this information _super_ interesting! (But boy was it fucking exhausting to type out! LOL.)

    • @annafune8867
      @annafune8867 Před rokem +41

      This was fascinating! Rip your fingers from typing all this 😂

    • @sowauszata2142
      @sowauszata2142 Před rokem +47

      It acually really is interesting. Thanks for explaining! I've never seen dark web, and luckily for me have nothing to look there for, but now I at least understand something about it

    • @tobers_is_lost
      @tobers_is_lost Před rokem +20

      that's some truly fascinating stuff! thanks for sharing all that, and i'm glad you're clean now.

    • @radlee974
      @radlee974 Před rokem +26

      @@tobers_is_lost It’s quite an interesting world, that’s for sure! LOL. And I’m *so* glad that you enjoyed learning all of the little tidbits and that I had to share. I knew that I would find all of what I had to say intriguing, but I wasn’t really sure if anyone else would.
      Also, thank you so much!! Every single day feels a little bit better the further I get away from that part of my past. My addiction had me chained down like crazy, so being free from it these days feels absolutely _incredible._

    • @AntiAngelJ
      @AntiAngelJ Před rokem +14

      Thanks so much for sharing! I've always wondered but never really looked for the info so this was super neat to read. Glad you're doing better :)

  • @lilybooth2503
    @lilybooth2503 Před 5 lety +471

    dude how'd you get a real pilgrim in this video?

  • @AlexChristian
    @AlexChristian Před 5 lety +359

    I'm going on the dark web to find Eddy's mom's address.
    So I can tell her he watched this.

  • @omeednowroozi
    @omeednowroozi Před 4 lety +42

    “I don’t wanna let anyone know I’m going on the dark web”
    *proceeds to make CZcams video about going on the dark web*

  • @rachelorellana7101
    @rachelorellana7101 Před 2 lety +7

    My 8 year old knows about the "dark web" but also understands that it's cheaper and easier to just summon demons in the living room the old fashioned way.

  • @nataliasikora7867
    @nataliasikora7867 Před 5 lety +713

    I need an ASMR channel with you just whispering controversial things

  • @datmando8861
    @datmando8861 Před 5 lety +159

    I do like that the first mystery box kind of told a story like the bloody tire, child car seat, etc and a frame of two people dead so you can connect the dots so someone got run over by a car or it was like a car crash and 2-3 people died. Most intelligent thing I’ve seen from these types of videos.

    • @anon2234
      @anon2234 Před 4 lety +28

      I hadn't even pieced that together. to caught up on the fact that they didn't get immediately scammed and get an empty box because that's what would happen if you ordered a mystery box on the dark net. You probably get some condoms and a pack of playing cards.

    • @riverfuture
      @riverfuture Před 3 lety +3

      69 LIKES BABEY YEAAAAA

  • @Peshy_
    @Peshy_ Před 4 lety +14

    12:45 that’s what not looking suspicious is like over here in England, all he need is a puffer jacket on top of that hoodie and he’s basically from East Manchester

  • @colepatterson8205
    @colepatterson8205 Před 4 lety +41

    Most of the “blood” is just grease from the tire

  • @verycloudy952
    @verycloudy952 Před 5 lety +600

    Pilgrim Eddy *JOINS THE FIGHT*

  • @ZacharyJTaylor
    @ZacharyJTaylor Před 5 lety +165

    "uhhhh use a PO Box" 4:50
    It's the simple answers from Eddy that are my favorite.

  • @magnetofake4564
    @magnetofake4564 Před 3 lety +7

    As someone who works with the shipping industry, I can tell you that no person on the dark web would ship a box that large and heavy. It would be outrageously expensive.

  • @tenelum9865
    @tenelum9865 Před 3 lety +10

    I’m awaiting the day that some unsuspecting kid actually orders a real box off of the actual dark web and gets involved in some serial killer case

  • @marblefrierer
    @marblefrierer Před 5 lety +181

    it’s weird how the killem one has actually some what realistic elements. talking about vpns and having things like drugs and women’s underwear in it instead of demon box and radio.

  • @dillpickle0583
    @dillpickle0583 Před 4 lety +214

    Guy says,”I don’t want anyone to know I’m on the dark web.”
    Uploads video to CZcams

    • @Uncomical_117
      @Uncomical_117 Před 3 lety +1

      What would you do not post it on the internet for every one to see

  • @Alice__Rose
    @Alice__Rose Před rokem +3

    I love how the second guy wears gloves, touches the items in the box, then touches his face. A work of art

  • @Efishrocket102
    @Efishrocket102 Před 4 lety +18

    Eddy: "think of a crime"
    Me: "Uh... Your Mom?"
    Eddy: "you can do that"
    Me: 😶

  • @bobsagetluvr1
    @bobsagetluvr1 Před 5 lety +64

    I love how at 13:40, he's touching the "dirty" underwear and then just straight up touches his face. Very convincing level of concern there.

  • @venuslowe
    @venuslowe Před 5 lety +130

    Another point for stupid: he gave his *ADDRESS* to someone on the *DARK WEB*

    • @anon2234
      @anon2234 Před 4 lety +8

      Well actually yeah that's how it works if you want drugs/illegal goods shipped to you. Vendors won't risk PO boxes, and of course your legal name is going to have to be on any goods that you have shipped to you because that's just the nature of using the USPS. it only gets sketchy if somebody asks for you to sign for a package because that's when you're getting stung.

    • @btaylerpackard2475
      @btaylerpackard2475 Před 4 lety +1

      @@anon2234 um. No.

    • @ElleCaszatt
      @ElleCaszatt Před 4 lety +6

      @@btaylerpackard2475 he's correct though. you encrypt your address and give the PGP key to the dealer so they can decrypt it.

    • @booty_hunter4207
      @booty_hunter4207 Před 4 lety +2

      That's literally the first thing he said

    • @veespa_
      @veespa_ Před 3 lety

      Elle Caszatt - Yea, people that are calling this stupid clearly have no idea how it works 😂

  • @ezslez8624
    @ezslez8624 Před 4 lety +26

    1:14 - 1:20 I'M GONNA PAY SOMEONE TO JAYWALK ON THE DARK WEB.

  • @sethy5410
    @sethy5410 Před 3 lety +7

    Them: what if we put some BBQ sauce on our tire

  • @gamerman360
    @gamerman360 Před 5 lety +178

    I told her and she said she still loves you she’s just disappointed

    • @abby9448
      @abby9448 Před 5 lety +1

      the lack of comments bother me

    • @madman1276
      @madman1276 Před 4 lety +1

      Nobody:
      Parents: I'm not angry, I'm just dissapointed.

    • @huhdotgov7937
      @huhdotgov7937 Před 4 lety +1

      @@abby9448 you've replied this on multiple comments

  • @maggiemaecrawley5939
    @maggiemaecrawley5939 Před 5 lety +117

    The only thing more disturbing than the fake mystery tire box is that you still haven’t used the $2 on the Taco Bell card

  • @cocok.291
    @cocok.291 Před 4 lety +13

    Those pills looked like coffee sweetener tablets 😂

  • @Jesse_Hartman
    @Jesse_Hartman Před 2 lety +3

    9:42 no that’s not a demon box. That’s the sacrificial alter from the binding of Isaac. You can sacrifice 2 familiars. So he can kill his 2 friends and get devil room items.

  • @TatumBorealis
    @TatumBorealis Před 5 lety +1110

    Eddy, please open the demon box. I think you could make a series out of it.

    • @anddoomsticeforall8140
      @anddoomsticeforall8140 Před 5 lety +42

      "MY FAMILY GOT POSSESSED?!! (Gone wrong)"

    • @ally3876
      @ally3876 Před 5 lety +13

      And Doomstice for all ***gone sexual

    • @maxwellgrimsley
      @maxwellgrimsley Před 5 lety +20

      WE HAD TO CALL AN EXORCIST?!? *EMOTIONAL*

    • @jmir1
      @jmir1 Před 4 lety +3

      Omg it's at 666 likes. If this answer gets 1000000 likes eddy will have to make the series

    • @heros5073
      @heros5073 Před 4 lety +2

      I wanted to like this comment, but it got 666 likes and it's too perfect

  • @Magik2702
    @Magik2702 Před 5 lety +21

    My favorite part of these videos is that they go the extra mile to put gloves on to protect themselves from anything in the box but continuously touch there nose, mouth and eyes with the "contaminated" glove

  • @spa-peggymeatballs4861
    @spa-peggymeatballs4861 Před 3 lety +2

    “Is it fake or are they stupid?” That’s what I want people to say about my chest.

  • @questseans
    @questseans Před 4 lety +35

    Probably on a list now for googling “how long does it take blood to dry”

    • @texamurai
      @texamurai Před rokem

      Probably not that unusual, think about cleaning up blood but being a little dumb and forgetting to mention what surface

  • @AnnabelBirks
    @AnnabelBirks Před 5 lety +89

    I can download a car on the dark web?

  • @Lthe1
    @Lthe1 Před 4 lety +172

    "think of a crime"
    Me: *thinks of ripping tags off of beds* huehuehuehue

    • @bevanadonis9732
      @bevanadonis9732 Před 4 lety +15

      So there's a more detailed explanation for this, but basically it isn't illegal for the consumer to rip the tag off a mattress, it's illegal for the person selling them to prevent product tampering. I think. I'd have to look it up again.

    • @rileygabkcuf8798
      @rileygabkcuf8798 Před 4 lety +11

      @@bevanadonis9732 You are correct, It says on those tags something along the lines "It is illegal to remove this tag unless it is done by the consumer" Fuck those tags first thing I do when I get new pillows is rip em off.

    • @soggy2371
      @soggy2371 Před 4 lety +5

      Oh shit I ripped one off a couple days ago.

    • @eldenemerald7962
      @eldenemerald7962 Před 4 lety +15

      @@soggy2371 your too dangerous to be kept alive

    • @samuelschonenberger
      @samuelschonenberger Před 4 lety +2

      With your track record in catching the most dangerous criminals, I'm sure you have seen worse, like people using books to kill

  • @jayjholmes7890
    @jayjholmes7890 Před 3 lety +4

    "I'v ordered some food just to make me look less suspicious" he says witha his hood on whispering to a camera

  • @jovietheelf3356
    @jovietheelf3356 Před 4 lety +66

    Can we just talk about, “I don’t want people knowing that I’m on the dark web.” Posts video to CZcams with your thousands of subscribers.

    • @willjim582
      @willjim582 Před 3 lety +2

      monday april 5 of 2021, 2:29pm

    • @dr.alphys
      @dr.alphys Před 3 lety +2

      @@willjim582 ayo time check

  • @joanneezibe2218
    @joanneezibe2218 Před 5 lety +65

    Pilgrim Eddy: "think of a crime right now"
    me: immediately visualizing someone stealing my pumpkin crumb muffins

  • @eggs7594
    @eggs7594 Před 4 lety +336

    Eddy; Think of a crime
    Me: Stealing a banana
    Eddy: You can do that on the dark web
    Me: :0

    • @breadbin4833
      @breadbin4833 Před 4 lety +4

      i love your princess bubblegum pride flag pfp

    • @stephen4967
      @stephen4967 Před 4 lety +5

      r/comedyheaven

    • @emrahalien2972
      @emrahalien2972 Před 3 lety +3

      eating ass.. you can do that on the dark web...chew gum?.. now that's a different story.

    • @stanstanstan2597
      @stanstanstan2597 Před 2 lety

      @@emrahalien2972 Not inherently crimes, just abhorrently disgusting

  • @georgepantello8065
    @georgepantello8065 Před 3 lety +3

    “Think of any crime”
    Drunk and disorderly?
    ITS ON THE DARK WEB

  • @lnt305
    @lnt305 Před rokem +2

    I feel like I’m missing out on just putting my trash in a box and selling it.

  • @stephanieparker418
    @stephanieparker418 Před 5 lety +107

    When in doubt, #Burback it out:
    “Is this fake, or are they stupid?”

  • @averyterrell3008
    @averyterrell3008 Před 4 lety +94

    eddy: think of a crime right now
    me: jaywalking
    eddy: you can do that on the dark web
    me:nice...

    • @_ikako_
      @_ikako_ Před 3 lety +2

      you cant do crime, that's illegal!

  • @penelopejohnson8042
    @penelopejohnson8042 Před 4 lety +6

    0:42
    What!?! Pilgrim Eddy was Eddy the whole time
    Omg that’s so like cray or whatever.

  • @db3951
    @db3951 Před 4 lety +3

    Man I’m so proud of eddy I know I’m a little late obviously it’s a year old but he’s finally getting the views he deserves

  • @mopthefloorezard4699
    @mopthefloorezard4699 Před 5 lety +66

    "So you just plug it in"- mystery box guy #3, 2018

  • @BennjkSyd
    @BennjkSyd Před 5 lety +26

    “I can’t have anyone knowing we were on the dark web, they can’t trace this back to me.”
    Posts it on CZcams.

  • @minervastarling1394
    @minervastarling1394 Před 2 lety +1

    I love that there's a significant portion of the internet that thinks these things are 100% real, and everyone who makes these videos is content with lying and making impressionable (or "dumb") people seek out the deep web and illegal or fake hidden services to either get themselves arrested or to get scammed out of lots of money.
    I can only shake my head disappointedly. I can't muster up any deeper emotion than that.

  • @TheShadesOfBlack
    @TheShadesOfBlack Před rokem +1

    That second one actually had a really good message. Never plug a random USB into your computer, because it could contain malware.

  • @ethanbrundeen1756
    @ethanbrundeen1756 Před 5 lety +134

    Eddy googled "how long does it take blood to dry?"

    • @BelleFlower15
      @BelleFlower15 Před 4 lety +15

      Got himself an FBI agent

    • @nvan7891
      @nvan7891 Před 4 lety +2

      How much blood
      That's like saying "water takes 45 minutes to dry"
      That's totally not how liquids work. At all.

  • @splorgan5696
    @splorgan5696 Před 5 lety +67

    To go on the dark web you need to eat a 10 piece mcnugget meal first

  • @nobenx
    @nobenx Před 3 lety +4

    i love how its presumably a text file that bricks his laptop lmao

  • @Pudding175
    @Pudding175 Před 4 lety +8

    I love his hype about opening it at the devil hour. All that old saying really means is that most bars clsoe at 2am, therefore buy 3am people are so drunk they do whatever. 😅

    • @TheEmbessyNetwork
      @TheEmbessyNetwork Před 4 lety +3

      That gives me a video idea:
      "I GOT DRUNK AND SUMMONED MY EX GIRLFRIEND AT 3AM CHALLENGE GONE WRONG"
      (Just get shitfaced and text my ex at 3am to see if she responds..then get hit with a restraining order.)

    • @rinkokonoe8644
      @rinkokonoe8644 Před 4 lety

      Actually, the devils hour is a lot older than that. Its said that Jesus was crucified at 3pm, so exactly 12 hours later is the most unholy hour. Demons are also said to be strongest at this hour and weakest at 3pm. I like the bar thing though, I've never heard that

    • @booty_hunter4207
      @booty_hunter4207 Před 4 lety

      Never heard of that. Always heard the biblical one, that demons are strongest at 3 am. Source?

  • @ukbow
    @ukbow Před 5 lety +48

    Eddy: “think of a crime right now”
    Me: “driving without a seatbelt”
    Eddy: “you can do that on the dark web”

  • @dragicka4c
    @dragicka4c Před 5 lety +55

    Please don't tell my mom I have a crush on Pilgrim Eddy

  • @viictoriaanna
    @viictoriaanna Před 4 lety +1

    the acting in this? *chef’s kiss* making me feel a certain sense of nostalgia from high school

  • @noodles5685
    @noodles5685 Před 3 lety +2

    The first guys kinda sound like wizards trying to be like regular people

  • @DevonPalmer98
    @DevonPalmer98 Před 5 lety +120

    How much you willing to pay to keep us quiet?

  • @polaroidphoenix175
    @polaroidphoenix175 Před 4 lety +40

    HOW DID YOU PULL THAT TACO BELL CARD OUT OH MY GODDDD

  • @TRIVIA5209
    @TRIVIA5209 Před rokem +2

    I figured out how the blood could still be liquid;
    The murderer was actually his next door neighbor, who didn’t commit the crime until they knew for sure that someone would purchase the box. Once someone did, and the murderer found out it was their next door neighbor, they killed someone, put it all in the box, and left it on his step in ~20 minutes or less.
    Or that all is bs and it’s actually fake but I’m not sure about that yet