Being married to a psychologist | Answering your questions about our relationship
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- čas přidán 12. 06. 2024
- What's it like being married to a psychologist? We're answering your questions about our relationship!
Here's an update to this video, one year later: I Quit Being a Therapist so I Could Be a Better Husband - / i-quit-being-a-therapi...
Special thanks to Elizabeth S., Tyler D., Anna H., Arnt J., Collin P., Evan A., Imran M., Sam D., Ryan L., Sophie Y., Ahmed Y, Israel P., Neuro Transmissions, Eric E., Eve P., Lauren K., BrainCraft, Aaron F., Samuel H., Marisa H.,Tae T., Steve M.,, Bryan T., Nicky C., Samuel A., Anton T., Jennifer C., Shanda W., and Saleem H. P. for making this episode possible! Learn how you can help me make The Psych Show and get exclusive behind the scenes access in return at / thepsychshow .
Learn more:
* Coming Out as a Geek Is Hard to Do: brainknowsbetter.com/news/2013...
* Our Geeky New York City Bookstore Wedding: brainknowsbetter.com/news/2014...
Connect with Ali:
Twitter ► / alimattu
Facebook ► / thepsychshow
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Snapchat ► / alimattu
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Email ► ali@thepsychshow.com
Website ► alimattu.com/
THE PSYCH SHOW! Creating mental health videos that educate, entertain, and empower! Produced, written, and edited by clinical psychologist Ali Mattu, Ph.D. All videos are provided for informational purposes only and do not constitute clinical advice.
If you or someone you know needs help immediately, you should take one of the following actions:
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"I think it get's annoying because he's always validating me" LOL
I didn't think you could get TOO much validation but I guess I was wrong!
I feel this. I'll say something like "I do all this work and nobody even cares" and my partner will say "That sounds awful, I'm sorry you're dealing with that" when what I want in that scenario is a different perspective, because mine isn't working for me.
I love it. This is hilarious 😂😂
@@drali Sometimes they just dislike the calm man and want an emotional person, like they are!
I’m a psychc major and I already did this before I even was in school 😂
Really appreciated Nhu-An's thoughtfulness and honesty. Never seen someone talk that way on youtube before and it's so refreshing.
I’ll let her know you said that 😀
She’s one of the most honest and authentic people I know! ❤️
@@drali that's very true , it was refreshing cause it's as realistic as it can get
His processing face is so familiar to me!🤣👌 Its the dr look when they are both listening, processing, and finding solutions while still attempting to be present. 👍
So familiar *because of my constant needing to talk to doctors*. I'm not a doctor myself lol
"I like to say I grew on her like a fungus
...it's not very romantic"
*crying laughing*
For the record you guys do in fact come off as a wonderful sweet couple. Which is kind of perfect in its own way. But not annoying mostly life-affirming and inspiring.
From Nhu-An: Awww this is so nice, thank you!
I completely agree with this sentiment
I love how real this is 💕
Thanks! I intended the video to be closer to 10-20 minutes BUT I was editing late into last night, ran out of time, and decided to post it as is. So the video you saw it WAY more real than it was originally intended to be. Glad to hear it resonated with you!
I really like how you're such a good listener (part of your profession I know.. but a lot of people can really learn from this) . The way you look at your wife when she answers questions ..so sweet! And the way you don't interrupt her at any point is great, and even when you do speak on your part, you are really respectful and understanding. You're an amazing human being and are perfect for what you do. Your compassion and empathy really shines through! Keep up everything that you do because you are truly inspiring so many people out there, thank you for your videos :)
Such a great episode. They seem so good. She’s right it’s great they are showing a real normal genuine relationship.
This was great to watch. It made me laugh and smile so much!
Glad you enjoyed it!
He's very attractive, sensitive, understanding, and emotional.
What a dream man. Shes so lucky 🤣
@@JoeHan268I agree he's not my type. But everyone has their different types.
well maybe he's lucky too , you never know , don't assume things based on videos
@@JoeHan268 oh my gosh! Really? I think he is very handsome
@@beckyhaynes-turner4249 I agree. He has a very masculine face
A dream man ? I question my masculinity because of my sensitivity
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I will have my PsyD in August and one of the biggest challenges I’ve experienced is trying to support my long-term partner while I go through this whole exhausting process. Thank you both for your honesty - this is such an important aspect of life as a psychologist.
Your wife is beautiful, real and very likeable. I loved her honesty ❤️
You guys are so normal. I love this!
I love that “Be a good human being!” Put down the notebook!
I like how couples give each other balance. I like it when they work together, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy :)
OH. MY. GOD. That question about conflict resolution and the different approaches is just my life 😂😂😂
My boyfriend is also a psychologist, and at the start of our relationship It was REALLY hard to get used to his take on conflicts 😃😄
"Liz, stop giving me solutions! I don't care about them! I just wanna talk about my feelings!"
But I mean, it paid off to get used to this and be patient 😊 I think it's a much better approach then to try and jump in with 1001 ways to figure out somebody's situation 😄
Glad to hear we’re in good company 😆
What do you want to ask Nhu-An about our relationship and being married to a psychologist? The top 10 most upvoted questions after 24 hours will be answered by her!
Hi. "Nhu-An " ! Really? :) Do your wife come from Vietnam ?
What is your wife occupation ? How has covid changed your relationship ? During covid was your relationship stronger vs before COVID-19 ?
That little movement she does at 4:08 when you try to lean on her HAHAHAHAHAHAHA it's just so cute it cracked me up
Please please please Do a part 2 of this!!
I love how you both balance in personalities and strengths. What a great partnership!
I see why you married Nhu-An, her smile is absolutely radiant- even when she's giving you the side eye. 😂
This is one of the best videos that I have seen related to couples/psychology (and you almost never see those 2 together, well at least your a couples therapist) Just have to say thanks for this amazing video it doesn't only shows that relationships don't have to be perfect and that people don't agree with each other every single time to have a strong bond and be there for each other (something I think EVERYONE should learn because as Nhu-an say so accurate social media is portraying some standards I can only describe as toxic) but also the whole experience/feelings of actually being with a psychologist how it affects your day to day life it's more than refreshing to hear because its not only the joy of he's a good listener or he's really empathetic but also the struggles that you guys are able to talk and feel ok expressing about, that for me makes you a great couple, so both of you thanks for have shared this part of you.
I appreciate how real, authentic and sweet this is. Thank you 😊
I love the honesty and the willingness of you and your wife to be in this video together! This is so valuable and humanizing. Thank you!!!
You guys are such a cute couple💕
From; Nhu-An: Aww thanks!
and i love how honest you are with eachother!
Always sweet to see a quality couple dynamics
This was fabulous. Thank you both so much for being honest and sharing with your viewers. Keep it real! :)
This is totally adorable and so refreshing! Authenticity. Thank you.
Wow I appreciate this interview You really compliment each other. I like your frank, transparent responses- your realness.
love the transparency. great video!
this video was so chilled , I usually can't stand videos where couples are crazy about each other all the time , I mean good for them , but I just don't find that pleasant to watch , in contrast of this video , I did not expect to finish it all , cause it looked so long
It is a known clinical intervention to write down what a client is saying to achieve multiple goals:
1. it slows down the client and makes the narrative more thoughtful
2. it allows you to give back phrases and words to your client in a powerful way - shows the impact of story telling and the words we use
3. it helps with visual aides when we make connections between stories, how similar, how they may impact, etc.
I'm not good at writing while my client speaks either but a supervisor of mine is. It's like wanted to be more Sue Johnson like we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
I loved this! Very well done and some excellent questions! I have been a therapist for 21 years and I can definitely agree that it can take a toll on the spouse and be an enhancement to the relationship! It gets easier over time to leave work at work, particularly if you have a good peer support system.
So happy to hear it resonated with you! Thanks for taking the time to watch and to comment. Also agree - having a good network of supportive colleagues makes a BIG difference.
@@draliAre you able to do video therapy now that Covid-19 is here?
Thank you for this honestly, really helped me get a perspective for my architecture studio project where we had to understand the relationship between a husband who's married to a psychologist. SOOO THANKK YOUUUUU FOR THISSSS
Nice job you two! Y’all have such great chemistry, fun to watch.
Awww thanks Nabil! Appreciate your question and comment!
You are intellectually compatible which is relevant. I also quite liked hearing that you had a disagreement (17:45 "last night") but remain connected throughout, and so fluid with each other. This is exemplary.
This was brilliant - thank you! One question I'd have is about the "manner of disagreements" - do arguments get heated, quasi forgetting the calm, problem-solving nature of psychology and you find yourself displaying normal human traits, or are your arguments "managed" differently because of your psychological training? As a follow-up: If arguments get heated, how do you (as psychology influenced couple) reconcile?
From Nhu-An: The moment we get into a fight, Ali's psychological expertise is thrown out the window. He defaults to his basic instincts. I want to discuss everything, list out all my points, and Ali retreats, then I push more. We only reconcile after Ali has had a chance to calm down, reflect on what we've discussed, and THEN we can have a calm, rational discussion.
@@drali AXAXAXAXAXAX
It's been a while since I was last on your channel (or even really on CZcams altogether). I love this video and what an incredible couple you are!! I think about you and your channel often though. I'll definitely dive back in when summer rolls around. Just wanted to say hi!
Awesome discussion - you are a brilliant honest wonderful couple. Thanks for sharing.
You are such a beautiful couple! What a lovely video! And the questions were very insightful!
Thank you!!
The pressure of knowing what you can do wrong, not wanting to do it, and ultimately doing it because of inevitable reactions makes it harder on a relationship. Especially when it involves a professional who helps recognize and stray away from those actions.
a relationship thet can read both minds.
As an LPC I appreciate this video so much!
Thank you for this video. A lot of fun yet very inspiring and eye opener♥️
Glad you enjoyed it!
I love watching your videos! I want to pursue a career in this field just like you and your videos are AMAZING!!!
I wish you would be a professor and I could learn from You.
Love your passion towards psychology !!!
Lol. You too are so cute together! :) It did make me feel better hearing that being a psychologist doesn't make relationships better / worse. It's just a different kind of struggle. I think all people struggle with their relationships, so it's helpful to see that with two people like you who clearly love each other. :)))
Are there ways to learn how to be more empathetic and supportive of others? I think I eye roll more than I should IRL. :P I know this video is a few years old, but I just saw it today, and thanks for it! Loved seeing you both!
loved it, thanks!
I definitely take notes during most all of my sessions. Most my clients don't seem to care at all. At times I will put it down and other times I am taking notes, things I want to come back to and so that I know later when I have to document.
Love this video and love the way you look at her! You're so in love
Awww...thanks Jenny!
This was a very interesting video Dr Mattu. It's interesting to see the point of view of someone who it not a mental health professional in the relationship. My fiancée is also is a psychologist, so while we do understand one another, it can surely bring in some difficulties.
So happy to hear you found it helpful! Congrats on your engagement. We wish you a lifetime of good mental health in your marriage 😀
What's it like to be always supportive instead of trying to fix things?! I try to be as kind as possible but I can't avoid telling the truth and it can be hurtful sometimes, and part of being a good psychoanalyst is to get to the bottom of things and deal with the issues. There is a quote that says "truth is bitter but always better" I think the key is to say it as less harsh as possible but it gets tricky.
Awesome video and I was stoked to see my questions come up first!
I couldn't wait to watch it all and see everyone's great questions being answered and was curious to see if one of mine made it in. I was near immediately and very pleasantly surprised haha
Thanks heaps guys, and it was great to hear all those answers!
All the best :D
Glad to hear you enjoyed it! You had such great questions! We wish we could have answered all of them.
@@drali Thank you very much! :)
My god your wife is gorgeous. God bless you and your married life!
This is so good.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I'm heartbroken! You're married!
I think being married to a psychologist would be awesome because they would have emotional empathy! 🔥
From Nhu-An: For sure! That's the best part!
I wish you were my therapist😁 You helped me so much. I see a therapist, but I seem to vibe better with your videos.
So what stand out to me is you two are emotionally intelligent and in my experience 98% couples it's either one or none so congrats🤗🇦🇺💕
I feel like too much was learned during these questions 😂 thank you so much for sharing. Love your vids! Going to be a clinical psychologist by 2030 😤
Good luck
Thank you for this channel, this is truly amazing haha. I laughed at the part where you said you fed a cockroach cheerios to keep it alive :)
I have that shirt--both the short and long sleeve versions!
Thanks!
You bet!
Ahh it sounds like I can be understood as an MSW with a HUGE LOVE for SciFi.
I love how you try to balance life together. I’m still trying to make my husband my Chakotay. He and my 2 boys think I’m so strange.
I'm really glad I found this show. Great channel!
Started watching because of the thumbnail pic and the original Connie class Enterprise on the desk
“The geek shall inherit the earth”
Then carried on watching based on the work/ marriage challenge.
Both my wife and I get compassion fatigue (she as a rehabilitation for ex-prisoners, me as a doctor in primary care, both with three autistic sons)
As a psych student, I can say that the "people will hate you if you tell them how unreliable memory is"-part is very true and kinda annoying
Good job. You both are so amazing. Oove the energy and chemistry.
Thank you,
Soon to be: Dr. Tirrick Obadiah Smith
This video actually brought both of you together as a couple and probably helped you grow individually.
Being a nerd about psychology, I love this thing the most: a person from any other background sharing their inspiration or coping techniques arising from their personal beliefs and being able to get through it. It turns out to motivating to me by showing a different perspective.
Thank you, Dhruvi! It was wonderful to hear how understanding and supportive Nhu-An is of my life as a psychologist 😀
I'm really late to comment, but - "I like to help her self-soothe, help her with her emotions". Gosh, I so wish my parents had wanted to do this for me. What a wonderful thing for your daughter to have two parents who can offer such support. Thank you for sharing a bit of your family and relationship with us :)
A great video! I am a psychologist and learned a couple new things here. It turns out you can make FAKE VOMIT! And, once my husband comes home from work I'm going to ask him some of these questions. And I am definitely one of those psychologists writing things down (I work with kids, and whenever I see their parents I absolutely must write down their answers very precisely for the evaluation and documentation purposes). But I wouldn't write as much (or hardly at all) in a therapy session. Oftentimes I actually feel writing is a sort of validating action since the person I'm talking to feels that the things he or she says are important and valuable enough for me to write down. So I guess it all depends.
Beautiful honest helpful couple.
she is so beautiful and honest wow
What I gained from this... Don’t compare your life, to someone else’s highlights.
Glad to hear you got value out of this video!
The Psych Show WAIT A SECOND!!! YOU REPLIED!!!! Ahhhahahhh! Thank you for replying to my post!
Good to know.
Love it !
“Imagine being there for someone else…”
I’m a teacher. I can relate.
He said "Yea we're not about to talk about that". :):):). This is really good content for me
"It's everything. It's your whole identity." My long-term memory sucks. It's so random. I forget words that I need while sometimes random words just pop up for no reason. (Basically the same thing with every language. I built an "impressive" English vocabulary somehow, though.) The same applies to any sort of information. Oddly, I have a good memory for faces and places. In fact, I'm likely one of those super-recognisers. (Not a common autistic trait? Prosopagnosia is an autistic thing, wouldn't you say? Body Dysmorphic Disorder is apparently somewhat common. I admit that I worry about my appearance too much. I just can't help but notice the sort of things that others miss or ignore.) But I don't spend much time looking at faces IRL, only in visual media. My episodic memory isn't the greatest. I feel like I don't remember things that I should from my childhood. I can't trust my memory. (Abuse and such.) And dissociation obviously has an effect. Depression has left some holes in my memory, but that is probably a good thing. At least my working memory is excellent (on days when I don't experience brainfog much). With BPD and all, it does often feel like I have no identity whatsoever.
I love your wife! ❤️ you are amazing too. 😀❤️😘💰
Wow, I wish I had a family member who knew about psychology. I'm jealous.
My husband and I also struggle to find time because he’s the day shift and I work 3-8 about 4 days a week. Although, our schedule has been helpful in caring for our boys during this pandemic.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but have you guys ever faced any sort of stigma pertaining his career choice, since you come from an Asian background? You guys look amazing together!
From Nhu-An: Sometimes people in our families don't see Ali as a "real" doctor. We also run into stigma related to mental health. People don't talk about going to see a mental health professional, let alone being a mental health professional. That being said, there are also a lot of people in both of our families who reach out to Ali and ask for mental health advice because they don't know anyone else or how to even get started with mental healthcare.
The Psych Show Thank you for the response! I hope there's a day where mental and physical health are viewed as equally important components of overall wellbeing.
Thanks for your comments and questions!
I love how honest this video was. I think a lot of people just assume that studying psychology must just make you a pro at handling relationships and all sorts of emotions at all times, but at the end of the day we're humans too and we should be allowed our moments to unravel too. Psychologist or not, handling such matters requires a lot of effort. And at that end, I'm glad you let Nhu-an give her answers and didn't make her or expect her to put you on some pedestal.
I would pay this guy any day to tutor me!!! I start psychology in September.
27:24 the thumbnail! Haha 😂❤️
Great video! You two are a blast!Nhu-an, do you active refer to him to people who talk about wanting/needing to go to a psychologist?
From Nhu-An: Nope. I can't introduce someone I know to him for treatment. It would be breaking some type of psychology rule...I can't remember which one. But I do ask Ali if he has any recommendations for a therapist they could see.
hahaha I love how she answered the questions.
Hey, maybe if you started the video with the funny question at 34:40, it would improve your intro? Just a suggestion. Btw i like your videos and i hope you could post something like this in the future. I'm going to become a psychologist and information like this is relevant for my life.
Thanks so much for your feedback! Good to know that section might have made for a better intro. I'm going to keep Tuesdays for the more "serious" topics and Thursdays for the more fun and behind the scenes of my life videos so you'll definitely see more in the future.
that's a very good idea , it's like an intriguing preview to convince viewers to stick around for their potential fav/interesting parts
Also, yup...y'all are going to be together for a long time.
Interesting stuff !! 😂😂😂
I think you need that combo in the parenthood.
your wifes bluntness is beautiful!
Wait, what does your wife do? Because her answers are insightful, especially 21:47 and now that I've noticed your "update" to this video I'll go look at that but before I jump over there, I wanted to ask this question because I feel like it would help me better understand something better.
Edit: Okay I'm back! Great read, I'm sure it wasn't an over-night decision and I commend you for your courage in taking the necessary steps to quit, at least for now, being a Therapist. While watching this video (first time to your channel) and reading your Medium story, I had some ideas come to my mind about my own life. But, I've realized that sometimes my ideas aren't for me and may be for someone else, so in response to your hope to "reboot psychotherapy" I'd also dare to ask, what's your take on talk shows that attempt to help people with their psychology problems? Now I'm not saying or suggesting for you to do a talk show in the traditional sense, but it's closely related and hence, why I'd like to know your opinion on the matter before making any wild suggestions.
You mentioned being a ball of anxiety before. How did you overcome it? Did Ali actively help you on that? By the way I looooved watching you together. You guys are super fun.
From Nhu-An: Yeah Ali helped me! He's hella chill. It's hard not to be relaxed around him. For someone like me who was so anxious it was so nice to be around someone who is so relaxed. I definitely had to work on it and Ali consistently helped me to do so. I went to therapy myself and that was also a big part of what helped.
@@drali this comment is so late, but your husband kinda looks anxious through out the video x'D
LOL watched this with my partner and she agreed with much of it.
Haha, happy to get the peer review 😂
uhhhh you guys are so cute !
Well, it isn't just psychological ways to correct the behaviour towards your child, some of the improper ways of dealing with the child can have a lasting negative effect on them, it has nothing to do with him correcting you like you are stupid, that's not the case at all! I think one of the most difficult things living with a psychologist is to learn to not take things personally when they are using the healthiest approach when it comes to raising a child!
Oh! And a video on psych TV shows and movies?