Reacting To My "I Don't Love Being A Mom" Video || One Year + One Baby Later
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- čas přidán 27. 11. 2022
- I Love My Child But I Don't Love Being A Mom
• I Love My Child, But I...
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#idontlovemotherhood #motherhood - Jak na to + styl
This combo of these two stages in your motherhood journey is like anthropological gold. The honesty of the first video helps new moms to feel like they're not alone and to also trust you enough so that the second video can be a TRUSTED light at the end of the tunnel. The videos are also a good reminder to the moms who can't remember how hard the beginning stages of motherhood were and maybe need to have more empathy and understanding for new moms. Thank you so much for both of these videos!!!
I have found it to be super helpful to make a safe place for your younger child. Being able to set them down and know that even if they don't like it they will be safe while you get the chance to meet your needs or just being alone.
Yeah, that is such a great tool! In the Netherlands it is almost standard for people to have a 'kinderbox' (basically a wooden, permanent, pack-n-play) in their livingroom. It is só helpful to be able to set them in there when you need to go to the toilet, or cook, or whatever. My kid really did not like it that much, so we didn't use it very often, but it was a lifesaver nonetheless!
I fell like when matrescense hits it’s is all clear. Giving in to motherhood and slowing down for the sake of our babies is not a weakness. You don’t have to “boss babe” and be super mom. It’s totally a mindset shift knowing that children do need us, and giving up freedoms is part of it until we find our new identity. We change as people and with circumstances, so to expect to have the same freedoms or have the same interests does us no favors as new moms❤
I really love that Ashley is really genuine in her videos- even though at first I thought it was so bitter and harsh, but that is my dumb opinion on her circumstances and life (it’s not fair of me to have reached that conclusion just on a video!)
Your perspective now is so refreshing because only you know exactly where you were at in that stage of life. I will always have such respect for you and your honesty!
Wishing you the best with two babes ❤
I’m having my second soon and I cannot wait, though I know it will come with challenges.
I think we just need to give ourselves grace as new moms knowing that any challenge that comes our way is a season and we will survive it
Being a mom of a one year old who sobbed for an hour yesterday while my husband holds me because I also feel stuck between motherhood-cooking-cleaning-working full time, this video was everything. I feel the same as your first video, adjusting to minimal freedom. It’s so reassuring that things get better around the corner. I love my son soooo much, it’s just a season…
I NEEEEEDED to see this video. Omg I've been struggling sooo much lately and can relate so much to 2021 you. I definitely needed to hear it gets better at some point. I always hear about how difficult two and three is, but I've never heard anyone talk about the taby phase. It's brutal. I just want a freaking shower!
Oh I’m so glad to hear this helped you! I’ve seriously been loving age 2. I hope it goes just as well for you!
I identified more with the previous video a year ago when I saw it….I’m still in the thick of it and it’s all soooooo hard 😞and yes I just want to shower too!!!!!!
That’s why I just put my kid in the shower with me while I shower haha
It's so amazing seeing the growth in just one year! You're a great mom, Ashley! ❤ So thankful for your sharing your experiences in motherhood.. it gives a very real and honest perspective of motherhood, which you rarely see on social media. Thank you for sharing!😊
I was in the thick of it with you last year when you put this video out. This vid with that title popped up in my explore page and I knew I had to watch because that’s how I was feeling as a first time mom. It is so restorative and affirming to watch this follow up and see my own changes since then, it is SO much better now as a mom of a two year old than last year being a mom to a one year old. The mindset shifts you mention- yes! The season of “Taby”- omg yes! It was so hard, but short lived even though it felt like it would last 17 more years. Im starting to feel like I can handle a newborn again and I truly feel it will be so much easier this time around because at this point I don’t just logically “know” that hard things are temporary, but I have been through the hard things and came out better for it, so I can do it again. The tunnel is a lot shorter than expected! So any first time moms feeling this right now, just keep reminding yourself that it does get so much better, hang in there, you WILL feel like yourself again and it will be gradual so you barely notice your happy until one day it finally clicks and you realize it deep in your core.
So much depends on the child!! I had a very difficult baby, so I’d take my 1 year old any day. I’ve felt trapped home since day 1 cause she cried all the time. But I like being home so it’s ok. Good to hear it does get easier. Just being able to communicate with them changes everything.
Same. I remember watching this video being terrified of what was to come because I was struggling through newborn and baby phase. I love this age so much! After 12 months became so much easier for me.
Friends of mine that loved the baby phase struggled through the toddler phase and vice versa
I was looking for this comment bc same. Honestly i was bored out of my mind until my son could crawl. What do you do with a baby who can't really move? My son is almost 11 months old and I'm so excited for when he can walk or help in the kitchen or build with blocks etc. I never carried my baby around. In fact I didn't even take him to the grocery store until he was like 6 or 7 months old.
I really appreciate this update Ashley! The taby stage was so hard for me too. The older my kids get, the more I understand how all things - the things I love and the things I struggle with - will eventually change. I’m so glad you’re in a healthier spot!
Going through taby right now, and oh my God I needed this video so much. It. Is. SO hard...
This video makes me want to write in a diary about where I am at now so I can look back a year or later and see how far I’ve come.
I’m one year ahead of you in parenting with a 3 and 1 year old, while pregnant. And it’s so rough. My two fight all the time and my one year old is in the kill myself or destroy the house phase. It’s a lot while being pregnant. But I constantly remind myself that he will grow out of it once he starts talking and hits 2 or so. So this is another good reminder.
This was such an interesting watch, and truly heartwarming to see you react to your past feelings with compassion. It's so easy to look back on ourselves with annoyance or regret. If only more mothers were able to look with such kindness and retrospection on themselves.
Your old video was so valid and this video is also so valid. Motherhood is seasonal and it’s unrealistic to expect to love every season. Thank you for being real and sharing your reflections ❤
Being pregnant during the 1-2 year old stage is definitely so hard! The hormones, lack of energy, pain, etc. on top of new developing toddlers with big feelings. I’m due in 2 weeks with #2 and have a 22 month old. Although I’m definitely nervous about the transition, I’m soooo excited to be not pregnant! I love this video💗 I loved the first one. I relate so very much. Motherhood is such a wild thing!
I love the raw honesty...its nice to have someone to relate to. Motherhood is not all unicorns and ice cream. its friggen hard. Im about to have my second babe and im terrified, but its reassuring to see that you are doing better now even though you have TWO! Thanks for sharing.
Love the follow up ❤ A beautiful reminder that especially in motherhood there are many seasons and they will always look very different
I had the same social flip in covid/quarantine, and it’s so good to see your mindset shifts within motherhood! I think it’s often times imposed to maintain this ‘internet persona’ that you began with, but it is so refreshing and healthy to see a shift through the stages of motherhood, especially first time. I also related Hey Shayla’s matrescence topic!
As a pregnant mom of an 18th month old, I feel you on the ‘light’ at the end of it!! ♥️
Also a mom pregnant of an 18 month old ❤ All the emotions!!
I have 5 homeschooled kids, and I absolutely love motherhood. It definitely gets easier. Also, your perspective changes and your priorities change. And here is another fact -- many of us who have larger families feel that we cannot ever talk about hard things. We automatically get the response "well, you're the one who wanted to so many kids." It just feels easier to keep those thoughts to ourselves. Final thought, I do think it is important to keep pursuing your goals and interests. I was in grad school full time when I had my first two children, and I have continued training in karate. Those things have kept me feeling like me!
I actually really love this perspective of you looking back and reflecting on yourself. Just seeing how much you've changed, things changed or maybe how you don't really remember some of those bad times. I felt a lot of hard feelings from probably 4m to 12m and felt like baby toddler was a little easier for me. My toddler still doesn't really speak so that is definitely a challenging time. Thank you for sharing! I think this will help new moms see that it gets better, they may not understand it but if they can see it for someone else, it helps to know you're not alone.
I really relate with this idea of the shift in mindset. For me age 0-1 was so so hard. My daughter cried so much and was such a clingy baby, and I felt like my life completely turned around. I lost basically all the freedom I had. After she turned 1, things just got so much better, and my mindset shifted so much. I'm very thankful for that because I feel like I understand to importance of motherhood now and how special it is to get to spend this time with them.
In France, it is customary to use a small set of barriers to create a small enclosed space where a toddler can play safely. It is very practical and enables you to do what you have to do while chatting with your baby or toddler who is safe inside with his toys.
I’m 20 weeks pregnant with my third and I am terrified of having 3 even though I absolutely want 3 kids haha. My second will be 2 and first will be 7. Those two play amazingly well together already which I am so grateful for. I’m not too nervous about the baby stage, it’s definitely the 10 months - 3yr stage that I find so difficult. Once my first hit 3 I absolutely loved motherhood and it was so much fun! I can’t wait to get there with my next two, but in the meantime it’s just a struggle.
Thank you for sharing this! I enjoyed it because it gives me reminder that this is jist a season in motherhood. My boy is about to turn 1 this month and this video is such a gem. Almost what I needed to hear to keep my mindset strong and see the bigger picture. Also almost like a glance of the next light in the tunnel.
Went through the same thing. Thought I was going crazy.
Now I have a 2 year old and I am loving it!
I also have a 1 month old and I have a new perspective knowing it’s just a phase.
Loved watching both of your videos knowing I was not alone and you were the oooooonly one I could relate to.
So, thank! Thank you a lot for always being so open and honest.
Hi! This is my first time ever commenting on a CZcams video. I’ve watched your channel since the beginning of your pregnancy with Rook. I have a daughter almost exactly one year younger than Rook and now I’m pregnant again. So I will have kids with the same age gap. I have been struggling so bad during the one year stage and have been so afraid of what adding another will be like. Your first video helped me feel not alone and this follow up gave me so much hope and confidence for the future. Just wanted to say thank you for being real and honest on here. I needed to see this! ❤️
Love this, I remember your original video when it first came out. It's cool to see how our perspectives change over time and how you even feel more freedom now with 2 kids than you did with 1. Motherhood is ever-changing and I'm learning to try to embrace that fluidity, and try to be content in each season because the seasons ALWAYS CHANGE. It's chaotic but also pretty relieving to know that no season lasts forever. Kids grow, we grow, priorities shift, perspectives change, etc etc. So glad you're at a more peaceful place it seems in motherhood!
It was comforting to watch the original video and it's comforting to watch this one 🥰 going through matrescence is so hard, especially when you think you've figured it all out and then things change and you don't know how to navigate that stage all over again
This is the best video you put out because I struggled with being a mom to a 12-13-14-month-old tabby. It's so refreshing and helpful.
Thank you for being so realistic and honest and showing growth :)
Thank you for doing this. I truly loved watching your content since pregnancy! And I also love realism with CZcams maternal content. But it was a challenge for me to remain enthused about my role in motherhood when the atmosphere in the channel changed. I love how comfortable you felt to be vulnerable with your audience, and I relate to the lows so much. But for me, I want to grow in my love of motherhood (ultimately why I watch videos, to find tips, tricks to thrive and happily survive) and I felt like I may not be able to do that here anymore. I’m super excited for this season you have entered into and look forward to seeing what gems you have to share and hope your team here can bounce ideas off each other to help us all overcome motherhood challenges as best as possible!
Thank you for being so raw & honest 💖
It’s great to see the change. It can be a lot when you are in the thick of a hard time but I think this video in particular can be helpful for mothers who are struggling. Seasons are good and bad and when we are coming out of a good season I just try to keep perspective(as much as I can)
Between 1 and 1.5 was super hard and depressing.
Then she caught on to potty training and left cloth diapers behind. Things perked up after that and now she's trying to talk which also solves a lot of issues. I asked her to help me find my cell phone because I set it down somewhere and misplaced it during housework. That girl pointed up to the window sill and there she spotted my phone first me. She also gets mad if I clean without her. She fights me for the broom.....compared to tearing down the house a year ago.
Currently in the "tabby" stage 13 months and this gives me hope that it gets easier even adding another baby 😂 I'm still enjoying playing with my son but the constant whinning bc he still can't communicate is overwhelming everyday🥴
This was so enlightening, I can relate to everything. Thank you for sharing
It's been great catching up on all your videos from the past year. Especially now that my second son is 3 months. It's all so relatable.
Thank you so much for both videos! I have a 11 month old baby and I am totally feeling like you in the first video 😅 good to see the future version ❤ it’s crazy how quickly we forget the hard times 😳
Love to hear you've found your light at the end of the tunnel, there is hope!
I relate to this on so many levels! I've had a similar "character arc" if you will, except it took me a bit longer, my child is over 3 now. Still struggle with completely leaning into motherhood, but I feel I've turned a corner and am embracing this stage of life.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been putting off kids for so long because I’m so scared of regretting my decision and longing for my old life for 18 years. It is reassuring to see this follow up!
I started watching you when you were pregnant with Rook and I had just found out I was pregnant. I've always really appreciated how raw and logically you express your experiences and I really feel like you're speaking for so many of us on so many levels in ways that we aren't able to describe. So thank you for that. Thank you for always being honest and sharing your experiences ❤️
I hope you react yearly!!! Thank you for your truth!
Last year at this time I had a 1y5m who had just started getting easier and a had just given birth to my second. There’s still not a light at the end of the tunnel as this year I’ve got a 2y5m and a 1y while in my third trimester. Someday there will be light again.
When I watched this video originally I thought how selfish you were to want your own life and have goals after your kids grow, now I’m working to build a life I enjoy with my husband along with having two babies, almost three. I see now that it’s not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s necessary to have some sort of self to stay alive and try to thrive through this time of early motherhood.
Very insightful content here! Thank you for opening your home and thoughts to share with us.
It struck me that you said, “Sometimes it’s a lot for Husband to come home after working a full day and cook…”
… funny that woman have been doing this since woman began going to work. Woman work a full day, come home and cook, and then tend to the kids. We are still trying to shift the weight and balance equally but we make passes for our spouses. Spouses can encourage us to take time for ourselves but that doesn’t always mean they will accept roles and responsibilities of being the full time cook or cleaner or caretaker like we automatically fall into.
I still thank my partner for the work he does around the house and he thanks me as well once in a while. My previous relationship had none of this and we fought pushing the bucket of responsibilities between us… then whenever he did something I had to jump for joy and reward him. It was exhausting.
Instead, I’d rather a partner say to me, “I will make this and this my job and unless I am unable to (working late so can’t cook dinner) I will be responsible for this without asking.” It does take honest conversation about both participants being members of a household that requires fulfilling lame responsibilities.
Exactly, it's a lot for a mother to cook a meal after looking after children all day! It's both partner's responsibility to do those things, whether they take turns or work out something else.
Wow I am so so happy you posted this video! Congratulations on having the courage to face the past! I'm so happy you are much better now!
I went through quite similar story. Being very overwhelmed having a baby in pandemic (for me toddler.stage was slightly easier, I hated the baby stage - she didn't want to latch, i had to exclusively pump, the baby kept crying, wanted me to carry her around, room to room, etc) I was desperately searching CZcams to see how others do it, maybe I find out some of their solutions working for me too. But some people only show positive things, made me feel like it's me who is the only one incapable, then I saw you, same overwhelmed as me, it also made me feel helpless and no light at the tunnel. I was pregnant at that time, unexpectedly, and I encounter your video, when you talk about your pregnancy too.. it was too much for me, that was when I stopped watching you (and any other parents on CZcams). It didn't make me feel any better. I tried to find any other topic, far from motherhood. Because my own situation was already too overwhelming.
Things got better after I gave birth to my other daughter. Pregnancy fatigue finally ended, handling my second baby was much easier. Sometimes I would still think about you, like: wow, there was this other girl, who was also going through the same tough time, I wonder how she is now.
I'm so happy to see you are better now 🥰
Yes, having 2 kids is oddly easier than having 1. Especially after 1 year.
My daughters are 2y.o and 11 months old (the younger one already walking, playing).
They started playing together, and although older one sometimes push her, she generally tries to protect her as well: takes away forbidden objects from her in case i don't notice, so on. They recently started playing together, keep each other entertained, it's really amazing to witness it. It really gets much better with time. I'm so glad you posted this update. Wish you all the best!
My baby is 15 months and I'm loving this stage! The one nap change thru me through a loop too - but I plan an adventure everyday out of the house. He loves to explore and I love seeing him run around and discover things! But I did hire a nanny 2 days a week and it's really giving me the space to do part time work I love. Everyday full on toddler is a lot!
There is no going back. Matrescence is real. I appreciate this video!
This video is really good and insightful
It was definitely post partum anxiety i had it too for untill my boy got 2 year old. Now i wannahave a second kid , I didn’t for long time. You are doing great ashley . I love you and your family…. Please i wanna see more of rook. It was so so good seeing him ❤
I thought I was going to love the school years. Just to find out it takes up so much of my headspace. Keeping track of schedules and school activities, birthday parties, etcetera. Answering a gazillion questions from my six YO spurred by topics covered at school. I love the development in my child, but next to my job (as a single mom by choice I don't get by, being a stay at home mom) there's endless lists of things to remember and address 😂. Six years in I still feel like my pregnancy and the years since have left me in an ADHD state of mind, whereas before I was much more organised. I still am, according to bystanders, but feel so over stimulated that I'm not feeling like I am managing to stay on top of my own thoughts. Am sure that's a passing phase as well 😉
I don't even get why this video exists or why you had to defend yourself so much for your comments and mindset through that. The taby stage is HARD. When will we have to stop apologizing for not liking or cherishing every single second of motherhood? I related so much to that original video. Glad you feel better now.
I have three kids. At this point when I’m just watching one, its easy.
But having one child at age 1 was sooo hard. That 0-1 kid transition and loss of freedom was seismic.
I think its about integrating motherhood into your life and evolving into a new identity. Shedding.
This video was good for me... I'm in a tough season with an almost 2 year old.. I have 2 other children, 12 and 16... So, we kinda started over from square 1 a little later than some... But I wouldn't change it but it can be a struggle and this reminded me that it does change so fast.
Currently six months pregnant and have an 18 month old boy. This video put me at ease about life with a baby and two year old ❤
This was very interesting to contrast last year vs this year.
I'm in a similar stage as you but I just have 1 child. My 1 year old was easier (only meal times and sleep was hard, the rest of the time super) but I still feel you as the mom of a `1 year old vs a mom of a 2 year old. Last year or two I was in a similar place of fighting the changes to my life vs accepting young-motherhood. It also took me that time to realize, hey, this baby toddler time is SO brief, I need to enjoy and roll with it because it will pass and I'll have more of myself back again. And then before I know it my child will be a teenager or moved out and I can do whatever I want. When you zoom out and look at your whole life, we are only in all-in motherhood for maybe 10 of those years that's just a blip, though have your first child it kinda feels like you've lost your life forever.
My daughter almost died from a traumatic brain injury when she was 21 months old and my whole entire perspective on motherhood has changed. Of course it doesn’t take away the hardness of it but it’s made me view and approach it differently ❤
My son is 17 months and it's such a fun age. There is a lot I loved about the early 1 year old phase, but it is a different level of work and anxiety. So true. Finally able to do a few hours a week of stuff for me.
Don't worry about what people think. We all hate motherhood lol the one who act like they don't are lying
Learning humility, nice 👍🏻
Now that my baby is 10 months it’s actually much easier. My little love didn’t sleep unless she was laying on me until she was 7 months and still wakes once a night. She was very clingy and always wanted to be held and I couldn’t do ANYTHING. I lost too much weight I was so run down but it’s sooo much better now.
I seriously just want to give you a huge hug.
I've never related more to a video than you 1 year ago. My son is 10 months old and it is just sooo hard.
I want to give 2021 you a hug because I think most of us have been there
🧡🧡🧡
Also for me it was way tougher around the 3-4 month mark (also a pandemic baby), because of nap strikes, regressions etc with limited meaningful interaction cos baby is so small they can't communicate. I'm not a SAHM though so could be been different. This time I'm still scared of the new born phase, but am prepared for that kind of desolate / low feeling from months 3-5. I prefer being a mama to toddlers for certain, so far!
I found 1-2years the hardest. Baby was easy and now the bigger he is, the easier (in general) it gets. Or maybe I'm just more versed. But yeah, 24/7 keeping him from injuring himself at 1-2yrs ... can't say I miss it lol
I’m childfree by choice but I respect your opinion and choice ❤
Same, it's refreshing to hear a real mom talk about how hard it is vs. "you'll change your mind".
No I won't, but I celebrate mothers all the same.
Do you have a video about how you weaned Rooke?
So not relatable with twins 😑 always one sleeping and one awake no matter what I do. Btw pumping, and the nonstop baby train… I’m lucky to get two hours of sleep consecutively and I’m 6 months in 😑
I have a toddler and a colic baby 😅I can’t do anything in my house. It is only chasing my toddler and trying to help my colic baby
Gosh, are we the same person? Hopefully my light at the end of the tunnel is like yours.
Would love a video with tips for surviving the tough bits. Or is it just a matter of white-knuckling it?
❤
Nice video
Some people decide to not child proof in order to teach kids early to be careful. Buy that makes the 1 to 2 much more stressful and full of struggles and loss. So I figure child proofing unitll closer to 5 is a way better way to enjoy the younger years.
I think it really depends on the child. Mine is the opposite of careful. And yeah, I also enjoy not having to put Everything back from Every cabinet Every day, even if the stuff isn't dangerous per se.
It’s hard too when you’re an introvert are you INFJ?