Speedbal Addict interview-Dennis
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- čas přidán 30. 07. 2024
- Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Dennis, a speedball (heroin and crack cocaine) addict in Brooklyn, New York.
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When he said when I get clean for a bit you still only think about drugs. It's so true, I have been an addict since my late teens and I'm 45 now and I quit all hard drugs (crack and opiates) three years ago and finally this time I'm not thinking or dreaming about drugs. I was so tired of it that life and how much it's ruined me that I'm done. Who knows what tomorrow brings but I'm finally confident that I will stay away. I hope he can do it too!!🙏
👍👍👍👍
You should be extremely proud!
You and I are the exact same age and same kind of addict. I’ve quit all hard drugs “opiates” for 2 years now. I’m so happy about it but I honestly think of it at least once a day. I know I cant ever go back to it but it’s always there. Stay strong bro! You got this
@@dylantrippe9072 when you get those thoughts just think about all the bad parts that goes along with it. We don't need that hell. Stay strong👊
@@goldierule1350 thanks!!
This guy gets it. He seems like he's had recovery before. We're still here, Dennis. Waiting for you. Get well, brother.
Truth!
Impressive guy. I wish I was half as articulate and reflective as him. Crazy world!
Had a guy help me out roofing my house, he’s a self admitted addict. I believe speedballs are his mix of choice as well. Guy had insane energy but yet a calm about him. He says he needs to change so he can be in his kid’s life again. I’d pick him up and drop him off each day. Each day was around a different gas station. Was scared I wouldn’t see him after the first payday cuz I gave him $900 cash. He showed up the next day. Man of his word, dude just can’t quit.
I shot dope and coke for 16 yrs in Kensington Philadelphia. I was homeless and slept in a tent under a bridge. I ended up with Hep C. I've been sober for almost 17 yrs. I own 3 successful business's and I got cured of my Hep C. I gross almost 500k a yr and I max out 6 retirement funds a year. It's possible to get sober and enjoy life. I bow hunt. I shoot guns. I play music. I have a studio. Life is great. It's possible
You must have had guardian angels protecting you for those 16 years because most people don't survive that type of IV use and mixture. Glad you made it out.
Much respect! What types of business would you suggest ? And what did you start ? That’s amazing that you where able to turn your life around after that rough a life.
*MAYBE YOU COULD BE THE CATALYST TO WALK THEM ON THEIR JOURNEY BACK!. **#REACHBACK*
I also shot dope for 18 years and was homeless and ended up with HiV and hep c down by the river. I started 4 businesses and now clear 505k annually and max out 7 retirement funds.Keep grinding john you will get there
Please tell me how you cured your hepc I was stuck by a ex girlfriend I believe on purpose and it's hard to admit to myself and accept the reality of telling a doctor..I feel like I didn't deserve it and that makes it hard to accept. But its reality, what helped you?
Dennis, you are very bright, kind, insightful, self aware and seem to have a gentle spirit. You are full of potential, and I hope you’re able to find your way to a sober path.
I really got a sense of hopelessness, and I hope you continue to persevere and find ways to overcome your current situation!
I am an avid SWU fan and never really comment on videos, but this video really spoke to me.
Take care Dennis and thank you Mark for giving these individuals a platform to speak and share.
Very well said. I got the same impression and wish this man recovery and peace.
Agree, also have to speak, I don't know what kind of job keeps turning you down, but have to ask wouldn't starting at the bottom be better than staying at the bottom? You are the kind that will impress others with your consistency, just give it another try like when you were young!
one of the most coherent and intelligent people you have interviewed.
He’s a very bright and insightful man. Being a janitor would be better than the life he’s leading now. He needs to lower his expectations for a while and work his way up to opportunities that will come his way through sobriety.
well said, he needs to suck it up and be humble
A lot of places won’t even hire felons as a janitor. Too much access to everything in the building.
It seems borderline exploitive of Dennis and others struggling with addiction, to assume that the withholding of their physical display of self harm content would constitute as paid subscription worthy. I support Mark and his work but this may not be the angle he should go for in terms of attracting subscribers-at least those who are here for the love of understanding other humans and their inward struggles.
its possible he could get his video taken down or made invisible in some way by youtube if he showed direct content like that visually. Sure agree with that part, but its risky to show things like that on youtube without losing the platform due to censorship rules.
@@LooneyClipse I agree. They would have blocked the video.
Mark cannot show it here. From a recovering (45+ years clean) addict of the same 'combo' Dennis uses I can tell you that he has lost most of his veins to inject so he is now using his 'main vein' (penis). Has has no option but to inject there ~
🕊🌻
@@LooneyClipse
Exactly
I get the issue with monetization and while that may be part of it, it seems like the video would be just as effective without the added “bonus” material. It comes across to me as a luring technique for subscriptions as well, that’s what I have issue with. I’ve subscribed to Marks channel for a while now and something about this feels out of integrity with the direction that drew me into it originally. But this is Mark’s baby and ultimately his decision how he manages things. Just wanted to share my perspective for what it’s worth.
This was one of the most touching and honest interviews I've seen on this channel. I truly hope you will be able to find a job soon and a way to get out Dennis. You're worth way more than you believe.
Honest, no lol.
Someone never fails to comment this in every interview 😂
He says he had a great family growing up and a lot of love and support. If that abuse from his brother was happening, and he was being beaten up and jumped and emotionally abused, then he did not have a lot of love and support growing up. A healthy family with healthy parents, would not allow one child to do that to another child. You can say well maybe they didn’t know, but in a healthy normal, loving family parents would know what was happening with their children. Something doesn’t make sense….
In a healthy loving and supportive family, he would have been able to go to his family both immediate and extended and say, “this is happening with my brother please help me. If he didn’t do that or felt like he couldn’t do that or if he did and was ignored, and that was not a healthy and loving family.
I knew him growing up. He had a lovely family. His brother was a jerkoff but not the source of his problems.
@@yusufelashmawy3921 what was the source then?
South Philly In the building 30st baby
100%. Such a glaring contradiction - I immediately thought this guy's probably scapegoating his brother so he doesn't have to talk shit about his parents who are probably giving him financial support. Maybe he's telling the truth, but he should explain it better.
I agree 100%. I experienced something along these lines. If one kid is treating the other kid like shit then it’s the parents job to put an end to that. There’s always signs even if it’s not obvious. It’s usually obvious with kids and if you care enough you pay attention and protect them. They would have done both kids a favor. The one getting bullied and the bully because his brother might not grow up to hate him.
Very powerful. He is full of self hatred and pain. I hope he can make it past all that darkness and find a better life for himself.
I was addicted to IV fentanyl and cocaine in the same syringe for years. I’m 29 now, I got sober when I was 27. Going on 3 years sober. Not many people make it back from speedballing.
Not only did you see the mountain, you set out to get to the other side. That's great. Be proud of yourself. I wish you that love for yourself is always enough. :)
This stranger on the internet is very, very proud of you. I hope you continue to persevere. Hopefully I'll get there one day.
How did you do it? What gave you the strength?
Way to go Hunter. Proud of you. Keep it up. U have ur whole life ahead of you...
You're not wrong about that. My life completely collapsed but I also made it back. Functioning opiate addicts can basically hold things together, but that speedball rush is just too good and you spend so much more money than you plan to. Absolutely zero bills or rent was being paid back then. Glad you're doing better.
He really has a point with the lack of opportunities for recovering addicts. If your goal is to get clean and stay clean having a felony follow you around makes it 1000x harder. My dad was a polydrug addict for 20 years and finally got clean and has been clean for several years now and I am so proud of him. He does have a good job that the halfway house was able to set him up with however it's nearly impossible for him to move from his current home because many places do not accept felons and he has to stay relatively close to his job because he has to bike because he can't have a driver's licence anymore. Society and the law is very hypocritical in the sense that they say they want addicts to get clean and recover yet they put every roadblock imaginable in their way to prevent them from doing so. This is one of the many reasons I am for the legalization of all drugs (it sounds counterproductive at first thought but it makes sense when you really think about it).
I watch all your videos and this by far is one of the most impactful. Dennis you’re such a bright soul and I pray your future is kind and rewarding because you deserve it. I hope you find you’re strength because you’re words alone are so powerful. I’m a nurse and I see addicts on a regular basis and these videos really help you look at those people as lost souls that just need help in the right direction. They are so much more than what they appear.
I so strongly relate to Dennis's story, I wasn't expecting this first thing this morning. I spent 20+ years in active addiction & have a little over 5 years of freedom. When he spoke on finding his true love & at the same time all the "fun" suddenly being gone, I felt that on a level I wish I didn't know of. And when he said he would take a bullet before introducing anyone to this monster, he meant that. I can't wrap my head around how anyone could ever introduce even their worst enemy to that hell, even at my lowest point I can't imagine ever putting that gun into anyone's hand or not doing anything & everything in my power to stop the uninitiated from pulling the trigger. Once the bullet leaves the gun you find yourself in a whole new level of hell.
The pain that compelled the start of it all is ever present, compounded by the guilt that builds daily while in active addiction, and the self hatred adds so much more to that. The fact that so much of it was self-inflicted in my attempts to rid myself of the same is so ironic. I've found a strange pride in the fact that I'm strong enough now to take the pain all by myself, without anything to mask it or make me forget it temporarily, and on some bad days that is enough to keep me on the right path.
Addiction is insidious, those fortunate enough to never experience it aren't capable of comprehending just how all-encompassing and powerful it is, those of us who know and somehow survived to look back at it are fighting a daily battle that will never end, but can be secure in that we are stronger than we ever thought possible. My heart goes out to anyone still suffering from active addiction and I wish they could see how strong they have not yet realized they truly are, its an incredibly vicious, nasty cycle but it can be broken. Thank you for sharing your story Dennis, and I pray you soon find the way to break free and find some peace.
It's hard when you can relate to some of these stories and they come close. I don't have the energy for that lifestyle anymore and I probably couldn't handle it. Not to mention it seems like people die once they go back if they've been away for a while. Being sober is extremely boring and depressive or absolutely beautiful. Depending on the day
Thank you for sharing this. It’s such a perfect summary of your experience and very insightful ❤️ Sending you lots of love today. Keep up the good fight 💪🏼
I feel everybit of what you've just said..After hearing Dennis tell my story,i came to the comments and this was the 1st one i read out of about 20 before this and it brought me to tears..i was trapped for 15 years in this hell but i excaped 9 years ago myself.Nothing but a trail of destruction I've left..Peaple don't understand that just because we're sober everything's all peaches and cream but in reality the struggle we go thru every day is unbelievable but we're stronger than they will ever know..congratulations on surviving that hell and your sobriety. thank's for sharing
Very very well said!!! I’ve been clean from opiates for 11 yrs. I still have random dreams about pills but I don’t wake up in a panic!!
@@Alritealritealrite I couldn’t agree more!
I wish the best for you Dennis, I’m a recovering addict myself currently have a little over 1year and 4months clean, and your story made me want to comment and say I believe in you man, you speak with more intelligence than most addicts (considering your on crack & heroin) most can’t even string along a sentence and I was the exact same way a “functioning addict” so to speak which actually makes it harder to quit believe it or not, but it’s because we know we have a purpose in life, and even through addiction tried our best through thick and thin to be our best self at that very moment in time… once you get clean you will see everything fall into place with time and willingness/effort ! 🙏🏻
As an addict myself, I can see right through this guy, smart, cunning, sly as fuck, he may not be lying but he's not being fully truthful...he'd be violent as I bet
I agree with you allot of BS
Definitely agree. Not a "bad" guy, but most certainly in denial, full of excuses and only concerned with getting high. I'm also from NY and have seen MANY friends go this exact route, and some of them extremely smart. They'll talk you into (or out of) anything if you're not careful. Unfortunately, someone would have to be nuts to hire him in his present condition until he puts in some effort in getting clean.
That being said, I do truly hope he gets clean.
I didn't really see him excusing any of his behavior. He seems pretty self aware
I have to say I disagree with the public lauding of this guy. People seem so willing to be fooled. What difference does it make that he is articulate? When it comes to traumatic experiences parental figures play a much more significant role than siblings do, and though I don't want to trivialise the pain he must have gone through at the hand of his older brother, I'm afraid he may be the type of guy to blow it out of proportion in order to take less personal responsibility for his addiction. By that I don't mean being picture perfect sober, but at least actively working on the issue and taking responsibility for it. He could can take many small (emphasis on small) steps to begin overcoming addiction, starting with harm-reduction to support groups and so on.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to be around him if I was doing dope still. Ik he'd be begging for some or fucking me over for it
I was a speedball junkie.. You did a great job with this interview. Especially explaining.. I hope you get out of the hell. Try methadone program if haven't already. Saved my life.. I still fycked up for a while time to time but using less until none is inevitable. Keep your head up brother!
If you can find a good program, with decent counselors and a program that wont allow you to f*ck up, because lots of them do, methadone treatment truly will help. When you first get started, it can be a little sketchy, but if someone really wants to level out, its absolutely possible. As bad as I hate any addiction, including being addicted to methadone, its so much better than the alternative. Its legal, its cheap if not free, and in all honesty it has taken every urge for any substance use away. No alcohol, no weed, not anything. The main thing is that you have to want things to change. Mr.Dennis seems to be highly intelligent and really seems to want a different life. Ill be praying for you brother. God Bless
Methadone is poison too ..i suggest iboga bark
Yeah I guess it might of saved me idk but I was on it for more than s few years and kicking it was BAD .. worse than heroin but it is a cheaper alternative. I just wish the clinics would help you detox instead of up your doses, I guess I was at the wrong clinic who just wanted our money.
@@pjrichards3974 I started out on Suboxone 4 years ago. I was still struggling so I switched over to Methadone, and have been on it since. I kept dealing with withdrawal symptoms every night and morning before my dose. And yep- they just kept increasing my dose up and up. Then someone told me about split doses. I had to have this blood test done. It explained why I was getting sick so quickly. The doc said my liver was processing the medication in just over 4 hours. And that if he could have me dose 3 times a day, he would.
So at that point I was at 130mg, it got split into 2 doses of 65mg.
And omg that first night... I couldn't believe how well I slept! I wasn't sick and sweating all night. The split dose changed everything.
But then it was noticeable that my dose was too high.
So I've been coming down for a little while. I'll go down 10mg (5am, 5pm) at a time, and wait until my body gets used to it and then I'll dose down again.
I'm at 45 and 45 now. I'll drop to 40 and 40 on Tuesday. I really want to feel life without the opiates. I'm scared because it's been so many years on them... And I'm terrible when I'm sick... But I have to try. I just have to. I know it saved me, the MAT program, but I'm ready to let it go.
@@machinegunhippy how do people get to Iboga without going to South America? And don't we have to be off the opiates first?
Not everyone is blessed with a high IQ and lots of addicts have serious mental health issues that have no real cure. Dennis seems level headed he just needs to deal with his traumas, and paired with the fact that he has a support system in his family, that makes me believe it’s possible he could make it through this on the other side. There’s so much more life to live for this dude
The most heartbreaking, accurate and honest opiate addiction interview I’ve heard, but also depressingly accurate speech on the follies of the criminal justice system and lack of forgiveness in society. Life is not fair. It is often times a painful experience from birth to death. I don’t blame him for using. This guy is so introspective, his words sound like my thoughts did going into rehab for the 3rd time.
Dennis. Forgive yourself man. Forgive those who hurt you.
I know - - that's a tall order. You've surely realized by now that abusers are acting on the abuses they, too, endured.
"...getting and using and finding ways and means to get more...we lived to use and used to live." An addict is a person whose life is controlled by drugs.
As addicts, we are people whose use of any mind-altering, mood-changing substance causes a problem in ANY area of life.
We wore ourselves out in fruitless attempts to control everyone and everything. We couldn't just allow events to happen.
Those words will always stay with me. I'm a friend of Jimmy K. (that's how you talk about NA in public to maintain anonymity)
I promise you that I still know how, and often do struggle.
Man, when I see the hurt, listen to the hurt, I definitely remember hurt.
I grew up in Arkansas, youngest of seven in a family of alcoholics and addicts. My only brother was TWENTY years older than I and he wasn't a nice guy. In fact, I finally found forgiveness for him not too long before he died. He's been gone ten or twelve years now.
Another of our similarities is the suffering we achieved from loving. Saint John Paul 2 said that love will always be the richest source of suffering. I held my mom as she passed. I know part of me left with her.
I also met the love of my life, once.
He loved opiates more, though.
I surely hope the best for you, brother.
Your interview felt like home and, man, I understand. God how I understand.
Peace.
John - I wish you all the best. Keep your freedom - you Deserve it!! Your comment was compelling & loving ♥ Be well my friend! PS - My lover, my soulmate died In My Arms almost 5 years ago from an o d. Life has never been the same but he is free now & so am I.
Man, that was heavy and heartfelt. Sending strength and love to you.
Hugs
When a drug addict speaks negatively about a drug -believe them. How he’s still alive is a total mystery
Having been around people who shoot cocaine, I wouldn’t ever wanna be in the same room as someone who loads up a Coke shot. The rush/high/come up whatever you wanna call it, can make some people go absolutely paranoid insane and you never know what they’ll do.
Especially paying to see it possibly in the butt or groin or penis. I was like 😑 you want us to pay for that 😂 yuck. I'll just walk to Kensington and they do it right outside 😂
Guess I was fortunate. That time in my life I never saw anyone lose there cool. I found the people smoking crack were the sketchy ones. Peeping out the windows …you name it
@@christophermccall4299 in vino veritas: whatever drug simply brings out whatever is in that person already
@@christophermccall4299 yea, shooting Coke does the same thing. And it’s stronger
@@Just.A.T-Rex I’m not saying it doesn’t do that I was saying I feel lucky I haven’t watched anyone freak out like your saying.
I just want to thank everyone that tells their story on this channel. I've been clean since 2008 and when I feel a lot of anxiety sometimes I'll listen to these stories and they help keep me sober! It's just enough of a taste of hell to stop me from fucking up!
You’re incredible, that’s so inspiring to hear. I’m sure you’re thriving, I can’t even imagine. I’m sure you’ve created something beautiful from that once ugly time. Best of luck 🤍
Same!
@@8BitGamer4life now that's fucked up to say so someone who is trying to stay sober!!! How dare u!!
@@jessicalynn6576 You seem to have misunderstood but I have removed the post, Karen. You interpreted it the wrong way.
You’re meant to be here, you have a purpose. This is beautiful to read.
Man I hope he gets some healing so he can move past his trauma. God be with you brother.
Can tell he has been an addict for a long time with the descriptions and his self awareness. The fight is horrible. God bless you sir.
Dennis, hope your future changes and you can find a place in this world where you feel at peace. You seem like a kind person, intelligent and insightful...All the best
it utterly astonishes me that we can often trace much of our trauma and sadness to a mere handful of past experiences.
As always, you did an amazing interview!
This man is incredibly intelligent, articulate and with great insight on what led him here and what is keeping him here. He does not fit the stereotype and that is incredibly scary. Our children are vulnerable even when we raise them well and with all possible resources. I am petrified.
Ditto. Saw so much of myself in this guy.
Of the few speedball addicts that I've known, most of them were very intelligent people. Engineers and what not
Wow.. you just summed up in your comment why I made the choice to not have children. Of course there are other reasons as well but at a very young age I saw my brother turn into the BIGGEST liar and thief ever after he became addicted to crack and I knew then that you had no control over the choices your children make. Unfortunately I also became an addict. My doc are opiates and I now have 2 yrs clean after a 20 yr battle with drugs.
@@traci222 I commend you for your 2 years of clean time! Stay strong! You conquered something that those fortunate enough to never have faced it can never truly grasp. I also spent 20 years of my life in addiction & now have 5 years of clean time. We got this!
If you keep a strict curfew on them that will help and what what I’ve also helped with me is not to have given me a license to drive a car at 16 years old. I didn’t start doing drugs until my late 20s but in high school we would drive around in our tricked out Hondas back in the day early 2000s and bump music and smoke blunts. I thought it was cool and I loved it but if I could do it all over again I would’ve never ever tried marijuana. Pot ruined my life and made me so insecure that I did not talk when I was high and I was high outside of school every day. But at 28 I discovered heroin in 2008 and I thought I had the most outgoing personality ever and I could work any job better than the foreman because I felt like superman.
Dennis early life was filled with abusive trauma by his hateful brother. His PTSD from childhood trauma, is evident in this interview. His life lessons very true. Thank you Dennis and Mark. I wish Dennis would eventually find peace and comfort in this life🌺
I really feel for you man, if I had had a business I’d hire you, this video is enough of an interview. Top bloke
100% I was thinking the exact same thing
if you had a business and you hired him you'd be 300$ down everyday. he's a devious sly smack rat, he needs to change to get a job but he's far from that point in his addiction
He blames his drug use on his brother because he gave him his first joint. His brother didn't give him a needle full of heroin and crack. There's a huge difference
He is a jerk
But his brother also traumatized him in other ways. But until you take your own accountability for your life, yes you are right
He seems like a nice guy. He sounds smart too. I hope he finds a way out of his addiction . 🙏
Thanks for doing this, Mark. It’s easy to simply label someone by their undesirable behavior-Drug Addict. Sex Worker. But everybody has a backstory, a history. They’re much more than what they’re currently doing.
But... when a "strong" label is used that's accurate it tells a lot of the story.
Sexworker, you mean prostitute? And tbh, you are your actions, not your talk. Even all the old philoshophers knew it. Actions speak louder than words.
Labels apply to us all, whether it's Dr, teacher, mechanic, waitress, garbage man or junkie. There are choices involved in those labels. We create them, so don't complain if you don't like the label you or anyone else rightfully wears.
Facts over feels.
@@naelyneurkopfen9741 You just listed what people do as a job that they get paid to do as their label & then threw "junkie" into the list. That doesn't even make sense. If you are being real & did more research, you would know that people that are doing pretty much any job can be using drugs. So do you list them as a mechanic/junkie, Dr.junkie, teacher/junkie, garbageman/junkie, & waitress/junkie? Personally I think that everyone is a human being FIRST. Some human beings happen to be addicts. Some are very mentally ill. Some have had a TON of childhood abuse that is beyond most peoples worst nightmares. I do believe that most addicts self medicate. I'm not saying that they are great or any of that. I'm not an addict but, I also didn't have childhood trauma, thankfully!! I don't like to judge one entire group of people as if they are all the same either. ✌
Yes.
We need to be careful of saying that is the normal response to heartbreak, grief, low self esteem, PTSD, etc. Every single human who lives to adulthood with have their heart broken, will have periods of low self worth, will grieve loved ones, and over 90% of all humans on this planet will have PTSD by age 45. It's just part of a human life, so we need to teach kids that and that life will have low lows and high highs, and that is normal and has been a part of being human since the beginning of time. They are now being sent the message that it is unique and a valid reason to want to go the route of drugs and excessive use of alcohol. Our kids need to be prepared and know this so they can prepare to handle that life is not easy.
Well spoken but also deep in denial typical of addiction at this level. It’s a seemingly insurmountable task but sobriety is there for everyone. Reach out and make it your priority.
That's what I found. He seemed a long way from wanting to quit.
Yewah this guy seem to be extremely addicted to the drugs
Deep in denial
yes
its all within the person ... you have to want to be different before you become different ... if a man/woman WANTS to change they will ... regardless of opportunities or not ... WHAT THE MIND BELIEVES THE BODY FOLLOWS !.!.! i will pray for you Dennis that you find the inner strength to want to be dofferent ... if i can do it anyone can ... i had a $200 plus a day habit ... ITS POSSIBLE !.!.!
I see a smart, both emotionally and intellectually intelligent gentleman who I wish the absolute best for. And I didn’t just listen to you to hear the negative parts of your life - I could have listened to you for hours. Warmest wishes from Ireland 💚💚💚
This is by far one of the best interviews I've seen on your channel.
I agree. I usually know a few minutes in if I can keep listening. This was a good one for sure
@@tambourine36yes. He was very well spoken
My heart goes out to Dennis and I said a prayer for his recovery. The problem in hiring Dennis, for me, is that he’s still an active addict, a $300-a-day addict so the jobs that people would trust him to do wouldn’t earn him enough to support himself.
Imagine if Dennis - and any other addict - could access reasonably priced and safely sourced - drugs. His habit costs 300 not because his use is so high, but because street drugs cost 50x the farm gate cost. He's a smart, capable person it seems - if he didn't have to spend every penny for his fix, he would have a much better chance at a stable life.
@@chrischancellor7372 The issue is not how much his drugs cost but the fact that he is doing drugs at all. Giving addicts like Dennis easier access to the drugs that kill them makes people complicit in their demise. He needs to get clean and then rebuild his life, the help is there. He has to want to stop this madness. He is blaming his brother, a woman, job programs - everything except taking responsibility for his actions.
@@sjoelle3335 While this is a reasonable thesis, it flies in the face of hundreds of years of history and the vast majority of the data and evidence we have. Prior to the introduction of drug prohibition, there were people addicted to opium, morphine, cocaine and heroin. This is in both the United States and abroad. But they - for the most part - were able to live normal lives. They had no association with criminal behavior. Their families didn't see them as untrustworthy. All of the stigma associated with drug use is a modern invention. Just look at the results of the twenty year heroin assisted treatment plan used in Switzerland. Thousands of addicts are given as much free heroin as they want - and guess what? None of them are homeless, most have decent jobs and fulfilling family lives, and there have been zero overdoses. It's about uncoupling drug use from the financial, logistical and social pressures of obtaining an illegal, black market substance day in and day out. It's nice to imagine a world where no one uses drugs, but it's incredibly unrealistic and - as I mentioned - contradicts hundreds of years of history. Check out "Chasing the Scream" or "The Pursuit of Oblivion" if you're interested in learning about the subject beyond 12 step, abstinent nonsense.
Interviews like this remind me how incredibly important work you do with this channel. You Show us the humanity of the people marked as outcasts in society and give them a voice. Thank you.
Love your honesty.
Praying for you!
Overwhelmingly when you watch these interviews, you feel so much sympathy for the interviewed. I have sympathy for this guy. But he's throwing a lot of red flags. My instincts are screaming at me to run from this man. I'm sorry he's in this situation, but I don't trust him at all.
Hey Dennis, thanks for sharing your story. Wishing you health and wellness from South Africa. All the best, Man!
Speedballing was the sheet!!! I miss it. Don’t miss the train wreck it caused but dang that mix is by far the best feeling that exists. Pure euphoria
Dennis, perspective, is explained extremely intricately, I'm sober now 3.5 years, but I struggled for 21 years, on & off, the insatiable appetites, a addict gets can be so excruciatingly painful on one's soul, to suppress traumatic events that happened in childhood, by using drugs to numb the pain, only to end up with years of pain from trying to stop taking drugs, was even more painful, I no exactly how you feel Dennis, if I could take you for coffee or lunch I would bro,
Congrats on being sober. I am also.22 years sober. A daily drunk and cocaine addict
Thank u for ur story. I had the same exact addiction as u. I swore there was no hope, addicted to 2 drugs daily. Double copping, double $.... Not to glorify but the way u described speedball is spot on👍.... Back to the positive... I thought I'd never get clean. I couldn't imagine life w/o drugs and never started to hate the drugs like everyone else in group....wtf was wrong w me... After years and losing everything something just happened and I stopped. Ive been clean for a few years and am still in awe that I haven't relapsed. I was also told "I'm the worst they've ever seen" and I still got clean. I know u heard all this b4. But there's hope. I'm not happy every day, don't get me wrong, but it's better that the suffering that ensued from using. Someone finally gave me a job, a shitty one , but I have a roof and an old car and am content.... Good luck there is life after speedballs 😬
Sober person here, the one thing Dennis said that caused a heaviness in my chest and stomach was when he said that the only time anyone wants to hear from him or about him is the fucked up shit he's done and the addiction. His overwhelming feeling of dispair is felt through my screen. 💛
He is so right, our society does set us up to fail. I myself was an iv opiate user but now coming up in 5 years clean and that only happen because when I was ready to be clean, I was given beautiful opportunities. I remember one time that I got clean, went to the methadone clinic and was starting to feel good about life, CPS told me I couldn’t see my kids until I was off the methadone.That’s just one example. It’s 2022 and it’s about time that we start treating addiction for what it is, a disease. With any other disease people help you, care for you, have compassion. Ugh! I could go on for days. But like Dennis said, getting clean isn’t the issue it’s what has to be dealt with once the drugs are gone….
Sending love and prayers your way Dennis. I can’t wait for the day to hear about your new beautiful life!
VERY self aware and honest dude. Not trying to lie and impress. Super intelligent. I pray you get better and are happier than ever. If you really need to, you can and will. It won't be fun and it will suck short term, but it will be worth it. I promise.
To anyone that might be reading this, I wish that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. I wanted to give some positivity out to anyone that might need it. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, the doubt exit your mind right now. May clarity replace confusion. May peace and calmness fill your life... even tho current times are challenging and some of you might go through tough times now I sincerely wish everyone that happiness enters your hearts and let all the stress and sadness vanish out of your life...as you know nothing in life is ever easy, but what's important is that you keep going!
you're worthy of love and happiness, never allow anyone to tell you otherwise! It can be extra hard sometimes but stay strong and hang in there, your life matters, no one can replace you, I'm thankful you're born and I'm sure your struggles will pass soon! I wish all of you plenty of health and strength during any current tough times you face. Remember you are strong, you got this! never forget that!
sending much love over towards all of you, May god or what ever you might believe in bless you the way you need it to!
♥️🌟
Wow that was really kind :) thanks for putting that out there friend. Truly.
Thank you. Wish I had someone like you to talk to. I’ve been broken awhile now. And it hurts. Thank you I hope God takes care of you, your a special person
That is so beautiful of u 2 say! I've been struggling with heroin addiction since I was 14/15yrs old, I'm now 39yrs old. I hate it, myself, situation, life, etc. It takes me everything I got, 2 barely keep going! The more I keep going on like this, the more I stress, the deeper I get, the more I hate myself & the harder it is 2 stop, the higher the level of overwhelmingness... A few years back, I was clean for 2wks shy of 4yrs! & for once I was so proud of myself, & my family was too! It was the best feeling ever!!! Then things went south after an extremely abusive relationship. Now here I am again... I wish I had the strength to get 2 that place again...
Amen
@@PhuocTran-sw6km I believe you can get back to that
He has a gorgeous soul it shows in his eyes,He looks like he can help you with his last penny,i pray for you Dennis that you see how much light you have,I don’t know you but I love you Dennis.
When Mark asked him how he supports himself, he said that his family helps him out. As long as that is the case, it will be much harder for him to get out of that situation. Because codependency kills more addicts than addiction. I hope he can make it to recovery and keep up that change. I think recovery from anything is honestly the most badass thing a person can do. Those people fight for their lives every day in ways most people will never understand. I believe in his potential, hope he does as well.
A lot of responses are the sugar-coated answers to the truth.
He says they help when they can. I doubt he's saying to them "I need 300 bucks a day to inject crack and smack into my dick".
Us addicts are expert liars and manipulators, I'm sure if his parents knew the full extent they would act rather differently.
@@ginacampbell8766 its only human to sugar coat most things, especially the tough stuff.
Not necessarily, when I was on the streets hustling up drug money, motel money, food etc... the only time I got in a life and death jam with psychos trying to kill me was when I was cut off completely from family members helping me out on occasions where I couldn't street hustle. Back then we didn't have cell phones, internet. We has pagers, lol.
Mark never sleeps
Speed ballers are as reckless as it gets from my experience. Ive done it but it's so dangerous. If there's a trophy in the junkie world it's being a speed baller. God bless you home boy
It's so sad and tragic to see how he copes with his addiction.He's spot on about how society views his jail time and the lack of support he needs..God Bless you brother..Stay strong
Exactly, every time he fills out an application that felony reminds him of how people will reject him because of his past.
@Skippy Now that you say it like that I see he has a choice but the cancer kids do not. Oh wow.
This guy needs to just take responsibility for everything in his life and move on. Pathetic
I believe his problem stems from his relationship with his brother. He sure built negative self worth from him. Got to resolve that for him to be healed.
@@pjrichards3974 Don't blame the application, blame him.
People working these jobs have a right to know who they're dealing with.
I was managing a restaurant, the GM was one of the "everyone deserves a second (3rd,4th) chance." types. All well and good, but there's a right and wrong way to go about it.
She hired a convicted, violent armed robber to work nights/closing. He was frightening. A couple of times it was just the 2 of us, me counting money, dealing with the safe and him roaming around, sometimes watching.
I shouldn't have been put in that position.
I've not been a problem for society,I shouldn't have had that extra concern as I worked late at night.
She hired more like him, I left.
Those guys should have been working jobs without a cash register, they shouldn't have been allowed to come in and make the crew uncomfortable.
I have been dealing with a serious addiction for a long time. In that time I’ve amassed numerous felonies, but I’ve never really had a hard time finding a job when I’ve truly tried. A lot of places, especially now, are more understanding than most would think.
I grew up in Brooklyn , I spent most of my late teens early 20's in Dyker Heights. My x husband lived in the rich section of Dyker ... drugs don't discriminate.. Drugs are the Devil and I hope this man finds God. We should pray for him.
I think the road to recovery is when you stop lying to yourself and take a good hard look at what's brought you to this mess. He seems very together, but I suspect he's got a very long way to go.
Been watching these videos for a minute, I can relate to these people's lives and addiction. I just thought that drugs FRIED YOUR BRAIN LIKE EGGS ON A HOT SKILLET, but I find that almost all these people are highly intelligent and articulate.
I’ve watched a number of your videos Mark, this is my first time commenting: I think around 11:00 you say : “I don’t think addiction is a drug problem, it’s a self-worth problem.”
I feel the need to speak to this statement. For me, trauma is the root of all addiction, and there are many ways of compensating or coping besides drugs. Many people are living with their trauma in many different ways. Different ways of coping are more or less noticeable or detrimental.
If by self-worth, we mean how we FEEL about ourself and our experience of life, then, I agree addiction has to do with self-worth…
For me, saying it’s a “self-worth PROBLEM” brings in a judgmental evaluation. The more I am learning, the more I see coping adaptations to trauma as the wise action of a traumatized nervous system. From inside the nervous system, the emotions and experiences feel like more than it can tolerate or survive. Fortunately, we are resilient and often able to handle more than the autonomic nervous system determines, AND miraculously and naturally, when safe, it is possible to meet with another person and our nervous systems can co-regulate so that we can have a new relationship with the emotions which once felt overwhelming. It’s similar to jump starting a “dead” battery by hooking up to a “good” one.
Once we have a corrective experience we are able to integrate the sensations and emotions, effectively learning that we CAN and are able to handle these feelings and that they aren’t as threatening as we once felt they were.
Compassion and understanding have helped me along the way. Judgement and condemnation has yet to help.
🙏🏼
Such a great explanation. Thank you.
This dude has a chance to get out of his addiction lifestyle. He's clearly still got a sharp mind; perceptive, organized, well spoken. I knew a dude just like him, my former dealer, even looks like him. Last I spoke to him, he moved away from the city and the scene and got off drugs. I hope Dennis can, too. He has the goods and the ability, he just has to make up his mind to get his life back and do the work. I think he will.
Clearly smart and well spoken. Amazing that he can earn $300 a day just by hustling. What he said about his felony conviction following him around for life, I'm sure it's true but it also sounds like an excuse for not getting clean. As hard as it is to find a good job as an ex-con, it will be much harder or impossible while addicted.
It’s an excuse. Especially in California. I have 7 felonies and am in college. You’re dead on about the addiction holding them back more than the felony. Most felons don’t have any marketable skills required for the companies that don’t hire felons in the first place lol
Anyone who squirts their first speedball wants that feeling over and over again.It's so hard to stop.I wish Dennis all the best.Love from germany
So intelligent. Hope he can get the help he needs. Great interview Mark! Greetings from Miami.
How many times has he used the "I just need a chance" line? It's delusional to think he'd be sober if he didn't have to check that felon box on applications. I hope he finds a way out of this darkness.
Try applying for a hundred jobs and being rejected every time without ever getting an interview, then tell this guy that his drug felonies aren't keeping him down.
@@GiordanoBruno42 I've been there. Plenty of people want to give felons a second chance. I'd say the speedballs are hurting him much more than his history. There's always an excuse if you want one.
It's a little bit of both actually. I've had been clean for years, good job, money, supporting myself and my kids, and to some people like family/ society you'll NEVER have an opinion that counts. If I tried to stand up for my mistreated mother for example, I'm STILL just a DRUG ADDICT. I've had to disconnect myself from caring and from their judgement. Basically from them altogether. They're addicts who point the finger at me because I'm thee only ADDICT who has gotten help and got clean every time. Coming up on my year. ✌ ☮
@@tonysslime7633 Absolutely the speedballs are the biggest problem, but that does not magically make having extreme difficulty finding employment a non-issue.
You can sit here saying it's just the drugs keeping him down, but during the job application/interview process the employers have absolutely no way to know about that.
Unless he's admitting to currently using speedballs in interview
@@GiordanoBruno42 I'd guess that with a $300 a day dope habit that he's not going on interviews at all. He is a drug dealer that shoots people up for a living and a 9 to 5 won't be possible until he helps himself. There's a lot of people that want to help addicts but he's not looking for them he's looking for an enabler. Also the story of getting caught with 4 pills and getting a felony is obviously bullshit. The only people I know stigmatized as bad as he's insinuating are child molesters. There's even people who want to help sex offenders.
Like all addicts he's an incredible bullshitter, especially to himself. He needs to let go of the things that are no longer serving him, like lying.
I hope you find peace and come through this ❤️
Hes so easy to listen to. He seems like such a good hearted guy. Very insightful. Hope he does well and finds happiness 🖤✌️
Dennis I hope you get that opportunity you are searching for at the end of the day. You sound like a solid guy if you will leave the drugs alone. Wishing you the best and I will pray for you.
I hate how we can’t see the full video not all of us got enough to pay a 10 monthly fee! I been here since mark first started his channel so sad honestly
For all of those who grew up in the 80s and 90s, speedball equals death. All the celebs who died, like River Phoenix, John Belushi, Chris Farley, etc., it was the speed ball which took them. It shocks me when people still mix like that, None are healthy or safe, but at least pick one or alternate. A speedball is a death sentence.
King George V was euthanized by his personal physician with a cocaine and morphine speedball. Must have been a decent way to go.
river phoenix was poisoned. there was half an ounce each of coke and H in his drink. i believe it was someone with the initials JD who did it. lots of evidence points to it. but the fact remains he wasnt an addict. and the tox showed extremely high doses, ones u woudnt possibly be able to do . it was in his drink . and he wasnt aware of it.
My heart goes out to Dennis. He is a very intelligent man and I think there's kindness to him. He seems to be a good person. I sincerely hope he can get a handle on his addiction and be given a chance to show his great potential.
What an interesting and intelligent kind of guy, who is also refreshingly honest.
Thank you for providing a censored version of this interview. Always interesting, thanks!
I’ll never understand how society puts people in cages for possession of a material that is harmful to no one but the user
@@jacobus57 then help them get clean? It’s on average $73 a day to keep people in prison. That money could go towards rehabilitation, therapy, sponsors, etc
Dennis, when you were talking about people you love hurting you I really could relate. I feel many of us have felt that isolation, but what I wanted to share is those people are living life in fear. There are people that live in alignment with love, those people are the ones that have learned to love themselves unconditionally without needing validation from other people. Anyone that suffers from this, stop looking outward and look inside… you are love… you have the power of love.
❤
very intelligent man. I hope he puts his mind to something productive and finds out, how much he's worth as a man, and as a human being. All the best
it started to come to the surface right at the end. There is a 'determination' to this unfortunate man's addiction that may prove a danger to himself and others. There is a lot he did not say. Deep, deep trouble here.
Stigmatising drugs and drug users is the problem. Also making them/us criminals doesn't make sense.
Yesssssss 10000%
Dennis is very attuned in thought and lucid in conveying honest answers. It is difficult for me to see the depth of addiction in his being as he is a gifted, genuine speaker.
Amazing interview Mark, thank you for asking great questions
Addiction is hard, life is hard, find something that keeps you occupied and doesn't break the bank. Grab a fishing pole and get the hell away from shady people all together. Dennis and everyone out there struggling, I wish you the absolute best!
No joke, I’m 4 years clean off methoadon/xanax/liquor addiction and teaching myself to bass fish has been a HUGE part of getting off dope . I’m not gonna lie, I smoke weed still so I’m not 100% “sober” but for me catching a little buzz a going top water fishing in the afternoon after working all day, is light years ahead of where I was. Spending 12 bucks on a stupid floating frog is so much better than hustling left and right all day for some ten dollar bag of powder
I think that is very good advice. Sometimes the simple things in life are the finest.
@@abinormal1410 I’m with you 💯! A simple approach that we can all afford and provides an escape from the everyday pressures life can put on our shoulders.
@@Aqua_Holic_Fishing Well said!!!
Friend of mine for 40 years love u bro
What a deep insight. There’s so much to unpack here. Omg
Dennis is so very intelligent and articulate, WOW... Just mind blowing the points he explained. I wish people could understand how strong addiction is. God Bless you Dennis. Mark , Thank You for all you do.🙏
Every story I've seen so far is about trauma. Sometimes the trauma is so bad that the only escape is drugs. I wish people were more compassionate when it comes to drug addicted individuals. The worst thing is throwing them in jail and thinking they will come out better for it. Next time you see a person asking for money give it to them and don't wonder if they will use it for drug and drunk. In that moment of generosity you are showing them kindness because most people have given up on them. Mark your passion for what you are doing in my eyes equals love❤
I don’t feel sorry for addicts at all , it’s a lifestyle choice ! I quit drinking , it was all my fault ! Addicts are selfish people , all they care about is themselves !
The warning (beginning) thing really had me worried. My god, I wish him some form of recovery.
I didnt catch that the first time. Good lookin out! Dangit, this was already difficult to watch. Im so glad we have a censored version. I have the same wish for him 💗
Dennis..... you are a lighthouse .... thank you for being you and sharing your story .... thank you for still being on this earth xooxoxo
He is so well spoken and so much is he said is so true!!!❤️
Ayahuasca got me off dope (opiates) and I don't think about it drugs. No programs, no rehabs, no maintenance....simply freedom. I've even found old dope in my house and wasn't tempted to use it at all.
Sending love and strength to all suffering.
I have a class X felony.. And a great Job/Life.. I've been where he is also.
Hes using that felon BS as an excuse
He's still correct though. Drugs need to be decriminalised, full-stop.
@@gSWG3R No they don't.. some drugs definetly need harsh penalties
@@chipsammich2078 No. No they don't. Try justify sending someone to jail over possession of a substance. It only worsens the outcome and sets the stage for relapse and recidivism. You are 10000000% wrong on this.
@@gSWG3R Don't break the law don't go to Jail.. 🤦🏻♂️
@@chipsammich2078 Okay boomer. Surprising ti see that someone watching this channel hasn't seen the obvious link between trauma and drug-use. Alot of these people are born into disadvantaged families and aren't as rational as you'd like to think.
You're being lazy, and have no clue what you're talking about. Smh.
Thank you Dennis for sharing your story with us. Hang in there. Hoping you can get clean and find peace in your life.
Dude, I really wish you the best. You truly are brilliant and are worth living.
I, for one, want to hear your best stories ♡
5 bags of H in one shot and all that crack in one shot?? Can't even imagine staying alive after that.
Get this man a job! He seems like a smart and genuine guy, I can feel his pain. Thanks for sharing your story Denis, hope you will find an oppertunity to get sober.
I understand what you are saying but a job will not help him
How he explains things is right on point
Great video thanks for sharing this interesting story
This is such a deadly combination!!!! Please if your suffering seek help immediately!!!! You are worth it!!!
Actually showing this man injecting himself? More and more these videos are turning into trauma porn. I really hope these speakers are being helped
Thank you Dennis & SWU
My heart go ones out to him big-time. I saw my brother in law trying to find a vein, speed balling too. It will never leave my memory as long as I'm alive. My brother in law took his life later in life. It's so tragic.. never give up! 🙌🍃