Victim Mentality: Mental Health Isn't An Excuse For Self Victimisation - Inner Work Library [92/500]
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- čas přidán 21. 07. 2024
- How Do We Heal Victim Mentality and The Victim Mindset? In this episode of Inner Work Q&A, we're exploring the unfortunate side effects of modern mental health culture - with a specific focus on how to effectively heal from your traumatic experiences over the medium- and long-term.
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⏱️ TIMESTAMPS ⏱️
00:00 My Issue With Lazy Labels
01:11 Warning: Controversial Video
02:22 Why Do We Accept This?
03:13 How I Healed My Own Depression
05:09 What Should We Aim For?
06:30 Less Shame, More Potential
08:30 Self Diagnosis & Self Castration
10:28 Existential Dread & Spiritual Bypassing
12:42 Victim Mentality Doesn't Work
14:55 Heal Yourself With Hope
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Topics explored: inner work; jordan thornton; how to heal yourself; trauma healing; how to heal trauma; trauma therapy; how to heal from trauma; how to heal addiction; self love; carl jung; jung; childhood trauma; cptsd; ptsd; mental health; mental health awareness; male mental health; victim mentality; victim mindset; self victimisation; self victimization; self victimizing; stop self victimizing; overcoming victimhood; victimhood psychology; victim psychology; self healing; how to heal;
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📸 - Follow me on Instagram: / thorntontheory
DM me for 1:1 consultations & private mentoring.
#traumahealing #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth
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*1-1 Mentorship Information: Price & Structure (Maximum Capacity = 20 Clients Per Year)*
It's an absolute pleasure to film these CZcams videos, and I feel fortunate to receive an abundance of meaningful messages every week, but I am unfortunately faced with the disappointing reality of turning away the vast majority of people who want to work together.
I have significantly limited availability and can only support twenty people per year because I do not offer one-off calls or drop-in consulting sessions.
Twenty individuals might not sound like maximum capacity, but the last few years of teaching have taught me the importance of maintaining tight energetic boundaries if I want to keep uploading these free videos in addition to serving my current clients to the best of my ability in 2024.
To minimise confusion and enhance transparency, I've spent several hours writing this ridiculously long comment to help you decide if my Inner Work Mentorship is the right choice for your development & what you could reasonably expect from working closely together.
Please take the time to read this service description before contacting me on Instagram… or feel free to stop reading right now if you’re not interested in my fees, session structure, client expectations, etc.
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*READ BEFORE SCROLLING FURTHER:*
I'm interested in long-term change and structural transformation, which is why I've never offered one-off sessions.
Complex issues cannot be resolved in a few hours, but we likewise need to define an upper limit for containment and collaboration.
I've learned that deep and enduring self-integration requires at least four months of immersive effort. Why four months? It's enough weekly contact for us to work through multiple complex issues and developmental possibilities, but short enough to mitigate against unconscious co-dependency and motivational stagnation.
I'm currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month - message me after reading the following section to check my availability.
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*HOW I WORK & WHO I WORK WITH*
Unlike other coaches and teachers who take an understandably more relaxed approach to healing and integration, my mentorships are characteristically intense.
This is a highly-demanding, high-investment process which requires our consistent combined effort over a period of four months.
If we were to start working together, I would reasonably expect you to be excited to show up for a minimum of 10+ hours of self-motivated transformative practice per week (daily reading, fitness routine, creative exercises, spiritual reflection, etc.) while also maintaining full-sobriety (no drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no vapes).
These strict standards of discipline and sobriety are plainly unsuitable for most people in most situations - even genuinely motivated individuals who resonate with my CZcams videos may not be the right match for four months of structured mentorship.
If you want to get deeper, I've noticed that there's a certain type of ‘temperament' & 'timing’ to get the most out of me.
I'm interested in alert, creative and purpose-driven individuals who aspire to exceptional standards of self-maturation and would enjoy the feeling of going through week-on-week of progressively stacked transformative experiences for a third of a year: my ideal client is somebody who is willing to bring forward their internal complexity with a sense of courage and transparency with the intention of nothing less than full-spectrum transformation & rapid acceleration on their personal path.
I am yet to discover another supportive figure who offers something comparable to this mentorship: a four-month, structured yet flexible 1-1 container which is simultaneously therapeutic, academic and action-oriented; with primary focus placed on tangible improvements in your felt sense of self-knowledge and self-integration; in addition to making consistent and meaningful progress towards your unique goals and mentorship aspirations.
I prioritise contact, compassion and accountability, which means that your work never really 'ends' at the end of your session. You can reasonably expect to be fed dozens of customised reading suggestions and follow-on perspectives outside of the formal sessions via friendly and informal messenger contact, where I am active and available four days per week to cultivate an intimate personal connection while likewise enhancing your positive momentum via accountability check-ins and additional support as required.
By way of conclusion for what feels like an extraordinarily long comment and service description, I feel compelled to once more emphasise that working directly with me is unrealistic for most people in most situations.
I often support people who are accustomed to wrestling with the emotional challenges associated with working through complex wounds in previous therapeutic relationships before we begin our coaching work together. Even individuals without 'hard trauma' can expect moments of pressurised darkness and heaviness during periods of shadow contact as you begin to restructure your personal unconscious. We will be exploring your psyche and soma at scale and depth, and it will be your responsibility to keep me informed about the emotional texture of your internal reality, especially if you encounter negatively charged experiences, and I will of course do everything in my power to support you through the hard times as we integrate the darkness and move forwards together.
CZcams is a wonderful place for me to share free research resources and offer accessible inner work invitations; my private mentorships, however, are the place for collaborative partnership and emotional security as we identify, navigate and restructure oftentimes confronting and challenging conscious and unconscious physical, emotional and mental material.
Ultimately, this is a highly-demanding but highly-rewarding process which requires the best of our shared intentions.
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*SESSION STRUCTURE & FEES:*
The total fee for an Inner Work Mentorship (including 12 x 2 hr sessions) is £7,400 GBP or approximately $9,400 USD. This is my only coaching programme, and my mentorship pricing is liable to adjustment over time.
Each private session lasts two hours, and is facilitated via Telegram video call at an ideal time for both of us. Your mentorship extends over a linear four-month period, with a total of twenty-four hours of structured session time, in addition to four days per week of unlimited messenger availability for accountability updates, voice note exchanges and informal calls upon occasion. I do not work on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but I am fully-available across all timezones for regular calls and messenger contact on Thursday - Sunday.
If you’ve scrolled this far, and resonate with what I’m offering, I invite you to message me on Instagram. It would be my pleasure to start exploring your goals and intentions in real-time.
IMPORTANT: I am an intentionally independent coach, and not a licensed therapist or associated with any professional bodies or coaching institutions, and therefore enjoy the freedom to collaborate with my clients across all areas of life in an intimate, direct and highly involved coaching style. I work with no more than twenty people per year, and am currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month. I also manage my own inbox and do not use automated systems or employ people to pretend to be me on Instagram, which means that it usually takes four to six weeks for me to respond to new messages and begin the interview process. Although my approach takes time, I hope you ultimately appreciate my personal emphasis on authentic and confidential communication from the very beginning of our relationship. I once again encourage you to message me immediately if you want to start working together within the next two months - bump yourself to the top of my inbox, and I’ll send you some voice notes to get our conversation started.
Jordan, I hold deep reverence for your story. When I was 13 my father was “diagnosed as bi-polar" after suffering debilitating burnout. Witnessing his journey into the allopathic mental health system deeply traumatized me. In 2017 when I followed in his footsteps and descended into my own burnout, at the same age and for similar reasons, I vowed to holistically heal my Self by all means necessary…and I did. Accepting that the world had to go dark for a minute so I could find my own light, saved my life. It also broke a cycle in my family because it gave my Father a new point of reference to change the trajectory of his journey.
The collective attachment and worship of diagnosis psychosis is creating profound barriers to the self-accountability and responsibility required to make meaningful, impactful and life-saving, individual changes. I refuse to pander to self-harming victim-consciousness, and appreciate your commitment to tackling these agitating conversations head on.
It's such a sad state of affairs, and can often seem somewhat hopeless from an institutional perspective. These kinds of conversations take dozens of hours, and I still fail to see a way that mainstream mental health could account for a genuine self-healing narrative... what do you think, Nicole?
@@jordanthornton It's deeply unsettling and something I’ve been ruminating on for a few years. Curious to hear your thoughts on my current contemplations. I feel like the power of mainstream narratives are a direct consequence of the genocide of Elder-hood - a function and foundation of community, not an annointed or appointed title handed to an aged demographic. A true Elder knows the reality of death, failure, and limits, and can weave stories that create realites based on this wisdom.
The absence of this embodied wisdom appears to have created a death-phobic culture that causes us to rush to solutions, which appears to be THE problem, because then we outsource our power to false authorities who profit off of our pain. A pain that have been cultivated and reinforced over centuries and beyond as a consequence of not respecting natural limits.
All this to say, in my opinion mainstream doesn’t improve, it dissolves through the ressurection of Elder-hood. A capacity which is cultivated through levels of self accountability, responsibility, honesty, acceptance, loyalty, and trust, we’ve never known. A function alchemized by the student/mentor relationship which we must choose to agree to enter in pursuit of self-mastery.
The world we know has been narrated into existance, so we must consciously and thoughtfully narrate our way out and hold faith that stories like this will reach and inspire those who need to hear them. While respecting that only nature can dictate the results of these efforts. Placing these conversations and modalities in concentrated areas (like adjunct health benefits in businesses) can increase the exposure rate, while simultaneously shifting power into the hands of people and away from the system.
@nicoleconnor_ sorry you've had to go through all these hard ships and fair play to you for seeing through the veil of things.. Diagnosis psychosis is definitely an apt term for this
I’m neurodiverse - ADHD and in the time waiting for help via the NHS I found that connection was the most healing experience, challenging yes but worthwhile. I found other people who were thriving with it and have started to examine how my childhood trauma led to a lot of the shame and consequent hiding rather than my intrinsic difference. I’ve learned to make friends at age 38, turns out I’m very sociable. This after decades of thinking of myself as broken and socially inept
Inspiring story, thank you for sharing - I’m glad that you’ve formed the connections you wanted 🌲
Within all of us there is a secret little pressure we get out of playing the victim and suffering. To discover this you have gone deep into your shadow, very few will ever make this journey, nobody wants to admit that deep down they’re an emotional masochist. The ego is an injustice collector that loves the blame game.
Umm, not necessarily. Perhaps if playing the victim did win caring attention in early life, but that's not universal. By masochist, do you mean derive a rush? By blame game, do you distinguish blame others vs the self
I understand your sentiment here, and likewise support the shadow work process. It would, however, be an overreach to call the ego an injustice collector alone - paints a rather negative image of an important aspect of our identity which has many redeeming qualities. Wishing you the best 🌲
@@jordanthornton I wouldn’t call it negative is just what it likes to do, a cat meows and the ego likes to blame and be the victim is just it’s nature. I would never say that’s all it is, if the ego was that simple we would all be enlightened. if it wasn’t because of the ego we wouldn’t be here to lament his existence, we owe a lot to the lower mind evolutionary speaking.
Great video! I feel so deeply involved with that topic. Mental illness runs deep in my family and I lost my father because of it. Since as long as I can remember, my only goal in mind was simply "survive". I understand so deeply the sentiment of the people who feel invalidated by such messages because I know better than anyone else - not everybody defeats the illness (or not). Like Bukowski put it:
"nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t."
But after years of protecting myself against everything that fires up my own symptoms, I discovered exactly as you say - "self-castration", I started to legitimately believe this is reason enough for me to lay down and do nothing about it. Nothing deadlier than that, I'm afraid. The cure is, as you say - hope. Living an actual life chasing after my dreams that make me feel alive. It was namely the song "HOPE" by NF that evoked such an extreme cathartic experience in me that I felt it was time to live again.
Thank you for taking the time to share this hopeful message, somebody will find inspiration here.
I was diagnosed with PTSD (To keep it simple) and the therapist got mad at me because I... was too hopeful? Like, that I could learn to at least deal with it a lot better. I was just starting my career, too. She yelled, "THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE IT. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS." That's when I shattered; it became my life- along with all the other trauma that was regularly ignored. But... I healed the 1-event post traumatic stress. I don't battle that specifically anymore. I'm taking credit for that, too, because it was supposed to be a life-death sentence and I just forget how tenacious that is, I guess. Thank you.
Sounds horrific, I’m glad that you’re finding the path you need 🌲
Love the opening joke. Seriously you expressed concern that a listener might feel unvalidated. Not at all, i feel supported. Definitely my 1st therapist (1974) and subsequents all gave hope i could improve. Puzzled by the idea neurodiverse don't need to get socialized. I grew up so alone, developing social relations was necessary to survive. What i loved about being a dancer is it's a social art. Re my neuro-diversity🤔a wrinkle developed as i saw shadowy evidence, repeatedly, of a severe head injury in early childhood (flashbacks; dreams of head injuries & decapitations), leaving me with not only emotional hyper-reactions, but a disruption of hand-to-eye coordination on the right side. All babies bump their heads, we are the big-head species. We can infer some are worse than others. Re taking one's life, have you discovered the scathingly brilliant Night Falls Fast
This video was excellent. I feel like everyone knows at least one person who is struggling with this without realizing it
I think so, thanks for taking the time to comment here
This resonated with me so well. I just feel so overwhelmed it feels hard to imagine how I’m going to implement these necessary steps to get me out of this stuck, unorganized, adhd head space and overcome it.
Plenty of suggestions & many books recommended on this channel if you’re looking for some direction - the best I’ve got, hope they help brother 🌲
I absolutely agree wholeheartedly as I have also gone through this firsthand..
Thanks for being here and doing the work - keep going 🌲
totally agree with your perspective! hope more people will come to accept this.
Appreciate you taking the time to comment and let me know! 🌲
Some tough love (very needed for I) thanks jord
Always welcome brother, keep going and doing the work at the right pace for yourself 🌲
Empowering video. I appreciate this and do believe this belief in our and others' capability is spiritual. Is love. Thank you.
Agreed - things can truly improve 🌲
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey through all this. I have gone through this personally and seen this struggle in loved ones. I also can not fathom this. Just give them a pill and walk out the door. I have an undergraduate degree in neuroscience, so I understand the complexity of how that medication can help. Still, with this, I also understand how, in some instances, it can make it immensely worse. Most people will not do any further understanding and leave it at that.
There must be more balance between nature and nature in medical and mental health. Our brain is not just an organ; our mind must also be part of the healing. This is one of the reasons I have decided to return to school and get a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. To continue the 1980s discussion, I wonder if Prozac influenced this. Phew, this topic gets me going. Requested the books through my local library. Thank you again, Jordan. 🐢
Wishing you all the best with your PhD and continued studies! Great discussion here, and thank you for getting involved 🌲
This one was a doozy!! Thank you, Jordan 💖
You're so welcome! 🌲
Thank you for naming all this out loud.
Hard topic to address, but it shouldn’t be avoided!
In my case I can easily talk and socialize but it is an upward hill. If I stop putting the minimum required effort, no one really calls me, or invites me out or to anything. I guess it is more about my personality but it is also very disheartening it always happens.
Socialising will always require effort, I suppose there could be shifts you could make regarding personality which could feel empowering rather than inauthentic - keep looking & good luck 🌲
@@jordanthornton I'm on it. Thank you! You have great content.
Iam very greatful, for all the things you do. It takes a lot of braveniss and strength to dont give up on making reach this points of view to as much possible people.Thank you!!! And yes,be angry its the life force in us😊
Wishing you the best, thank you!
Just Thanks for Everything !!!
Much appreciated, thanks for taking the time to comment.
Keep it up Jordan !!!
Thank you Jordan🌲
You're so welcome, thank you for your continual support.
Beautiful, inspiring!🥰
Thank you! Cheers!
Fantastic video
Truly welcome!
Thank you Jordan ❤
My pleasure, brother. Wishing you the best with your next steps.
vreau mult să te aud! nu știu engleza, traducerea ar fi bună! chiar vocea ta, fără să înțeleg îmi face bine! mulțumesc ❤
Thank you
You’re most welcome, good luck with your next steps forwards 🌲
Coincidence? Not?
I've just had a conversation with a family member recently, I've tried to express my needs and boundaries, and the answer that I got was "but you know I am sick"...
Very often when I listen to your videos I get an unreal feeling, because some aspect that you mention just happened in my personal life. Intriguing...
Hmmm, that’s a tough situation 🤔
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