The Fear of Intimacy
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- Having ‘a fear of intimacy’ is considered a great sin, but it’s a very natural one, which deserves sympathy and understanding.
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Produced in collaboration with Alex Morris
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I was distracted by how adorable the narrator sounds.
same
That's just insensitive. I can only surmise the voice was selected to reflect the way ppl with legitimate fears of intimacy feel. By framing it that way, you're belittling the producer/director, and establishing yourself as a creep.
Good job?
@@DoKtaTre how on earth was it insensitive? You made no sense. He just pinnted out how cute the voice is.
@@juliuskingsley4434 I have no reason to repeat myself.
@@DoKtaTre sure bud.
I fear intimacy. I can't look directly on someone's eyes and I absolutely cannot stand when people look into my eyes. I fear getting close to people but at the same time I have the need to feel close to people, is that weird?
Anyway, congratulations I really love this video.
Edit: I no longer relate to these words I wrote 5 years ago, not a single bit :D things can change if we are willing to
P.s. I now LOVE to look deeply into someone's eyes
***** I never met someone with this fear, but I'm glad to know that it isn't that werid
I have the same thing..
Joana Silva Same w/ me, I thought I was the only one.
Robert Crawford III Wilson wow that is so accurate for me as well. I can really relate to that kind of fear of intimacy. Even though I’m just a kid and I don’t have many life experiences, I know that I have this deep rooted fear that’s so hard to get rid of.
Yesterday I was sitting with someone and I realized I was about to have an intimate moment with them, but instantly my brain screamed at me to take the window of escape, and I did. I escaped and didn’t look back. Although I value the other individual involved, I just cannot bring myself to open up or become closer to them. It’s just too difficult.
You look like a sweet and beautiful person.
I have fallen in love with those videos... I feel like a child being reshaped again and learning the secrets of life
me too 😍
that's 100% , you are a great one who wrote this comment.
Not like an adult being terribly patronised?
* hugs* me too! All the best in being the person the little girl wanted to be ❤
I'm tired of being so timid and awkward.
+Ross Armstrong then change it.i did or rather, am doing it.
***** you need guidance and tools.for guidance i recommend the channels of Arash dibazar (for women/business/communication) and Sadhguru (for inner wellbeing). for tools , exercise,yoga,meditation. Most important of all, you need practice. A master can show you the way,he can't walk it for you.
+Ross Armstrong See I always feel timid and abused when I keep quiet or let others take advantage, but then I feel like an asshole when I confidently speak up and stand up for myself. I feel bad with either of those strategies and I don't know where the perfect balance lies that allows one to be fair to oneself and others simultaneously.
+Ross Armstrong I got really tired of mine too, till I realized it was my resistance of it that I was tired of, rather than the shyness itself! Dont change it. EMBRACE it! OWN IT!. Another words, the main reason you dont like it is because you and the world judges it as "wrong". I tried to change it for years, but shy is who i am. And you know what, as soon as I accepted that and allowed that, rather than resisting that. I started to enjoy my shyness and so did other people, because it now made me SMILE rather than cringe. BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO LOVE MY SHYNESS!! (that and listen to Alan Watts, will change your life!)
It's alright to be that way. I am like that too
I'm so utterly terrified of falling in love...
Yea it's seem I'm da same way even though I want love. It's so confusing😓
darius ward I'm not sure I even want it,
+Félix “Jack O'Neill” Veilleux-Ouellet wha why??
darius ward Because of all of the stress and responsabilities that come with it. I don't think I can handle it. I don't think I can deal with it. I have trouble dealing with my own life for fuck sake.
+Félix “Jack O'Neill” Veilleux-Ouellet u sound like ur talkin bout a wife and kids just get a girlfriend. I understand where u coming from but i feel like u shouldn't give up on love.
Yes, of course there is that fear of intimacy. Years of low self-esteem, self-loath, and feeling of unworthiness have lead to this and it is now so hard to escape.
Finding yourself in your mid-twenties, realizing all that time you have wasted, how unexperienced you are it all just adds to the anxiety of it. Yet you still long for someone you can share your life with... Although it seems very dreamlike and out of your reach.
Will you be forever alone, or is there really someone out there willing to take the chance to accept your flaws, insecurities and understand you for you?
_Holy snot, you got it._
I feel messed up.
This is me too. And I've no idea...I just as easily push people away as not let them near me, they'll never accept all my flaws and insecurities, my fear is so ingrained in my character, eventually they all reach their limit. It all becomes too much. God help me - please. And, I'm in my mid forties.
mymcy trust the thing is, I want to IMPROVE myself. Why do I have to accept my flaws when I can try to change them?
Waiting for someone won't do shit, that's just entitlement. You got to go out there and find them yourself
@@thedasher98 dear john. No one's to blame for not ACCEPTING & TOLERATING ur flaws. Neither should u accept those flaws. Cause everyone (& you) DESERVES intimacy. Having a compassionate friend to UNDERSTAND ur flaws and exerts some patience to help u getting unstuck is something great to have, but acceptance will lead to maintaining the same situation forever. Only justifying the problem won't solve it. Action and reaching out for help is needed. Wish u reclaiming ur freedom and enjoy ur life ❤️🙏🏻
This is me... and I had a beautiful positive childhood yet I am incapable of letting people in.... :((
please don't do that , just open it and force yourself to share your feeling with other and let other people share their feeling with you. i know it is very hard as i;m struggling with it this exact moment , but i promise to do it , you can too.
You probably didn't have such a positive childhood, sometimes we lie to ourselves to ease the pain. Be honest to yourself and discover what you truly hide underneath.
Maybe you havent met the right person. Getting hurt by someone you trust is awful
Bijan Love I agree
Bijan Love Many people like you believe they had a wonderful childhood, but have actually repressed very painful memories that shaped your emotional landscape as a defense mechanism. Almost every person in therapy for intimacy fears reports having great childhoods only to discover upon reflection that it wasn't always so great.
Being an introvert is NOT the same thing as fear of intimacy. Just wanted to put that out there because some of the characteristics named in the beginning of the video are introversion, not fear.
Exactly ! I'm an extrovert and I've never been comfortable with intimacy. I'm good at making friends, I'm good at small talk. But whenever relationships get too intimate it scares me and I just run away
No one cares stfu..
im just like you :)
to add your point, being a very strong extravert becoming intimate with anybody is hard for me as well. Rational understanding that I can walk away from anybody who is not conducive to me becoming intimate with them just doesn't seem to work yet.
I'm an extrovert with fear of intimacy. i can be outgoing and extremely confident but i don't let people get too close,
I fear relationships. I fear getting attached to anyone. I fear someone I love is going to hurt me :( It's so difficult to not trust anyone :(
I thought this would help those who have fear of intimacy but instead this video only helps those who have to deal with people who have a fear of intimacy. Very frustrating.
+Erik Dixon Well it did say to accept your feelings as normal and try and figure out where they came from.
+Erik Dixon probably you wanted the magical formula to solve your fear of intimacy?
Family B Why did you click the video?
Erik the reality is that you have to learn to live with yourself too
Family B You see, the problem here is that you have access to the internet..
I think that fear of intimacy is often based on a fear of rejection.
Just yesterday I tried flirting with a girl, and she flirted back, I panicked and I cut off the conversation. As soon I got home I cried myself to sleep for not allowing myself to be loved by someone who I wanted attention from.
Fear is a bitch.
lol sorry not laughing at you, laughing at how relatable this was. i had some girls flirt with me once in a store and i got so scared i basically just became quite and they got bored and walked away. talking to people, especially girls, is so hard sometimes
I met a girl on campus. I got her number and never called. Ran into her again about a week later, and she was upset that I ghosted her. And my dumb ass said what ever I could to get her to lose interest.
I've always been shy and introverted. My mom was very fearful and protective of me, my dad constantly criticized me and almost never praised me, and I was ruthlessly made fun of by other kids in school for years. I was never popular. Half of the time I never had any friends and had to sit at lunch alone every day. When I did have friends, they were also quiet, and many of them mysteriously flaked out on me and stopped being my friend. It seems it's only gotten harder, not easier to connect with other people in real life. I absolutely hate being touched. I wish I could get better at it, if I could just get anyone to date me.
Wow... I went through almost all of what you went through. woah that's crazy 😮
Haha, glad I'm not the only one.
Ah same here, mine is a little bit ''worse"
+Kaleidalee Same with many people man! Me too! Not to feel bad!
You just described my life
I don't like someone deciding for me when a hug, handshake, or deep discussion will be had. It's not fear, it's simple respect for boundaries. Not everyone gets attached at the same rate or expresses closeness the same way, that's all.
+Palace Of Wisdom do you feel emotional reaction to touching or hugging?
+GodricThe Yes, which is why it feels invasive when uninvited. For me it is reserved for those I feel close to.
same here. i need to love person for a hug desent matter is it love to a friend of someone who is little more that a friend.. kida fu but i like it and dont want to change it
+Palace Of Wisdom I believe the more different 2 people are, the more intimacy they can create, but the fear is also stronger.
+Palace Of Wisdom "It's not fear, it's simple respect for boundaries" :)
there are no boundaries without fear.... just sayin... :)
Why did you get a child to do the narration?
I like that they chose a child as a narrator because children are often quite non-judgemental and open to learn about something they don't understand which fits perfectly with this video
***** I think it's the art PhD's voice, edited.
***** The style of this and the procrastination video is familiar but I'm not sure I can place it. All I have are those rather haunting BBC 'Charlie says' public information broadcasts - but these videos evoke rather warmer, more optimistic sentiments!
***** I liked the child's voice idea. It made me feel uncomfortable but that says more about me than it does about the video. What ever it did, it worked.
carte blanche It brought a tear to my eye.
This video actually made me cry a little bit, my girlfriend is like this, to a tee. It was hard to understand at first because I'm the exact opposite, I love her for all she is though. Thanks for sharing :D
Mike Curtis me too :(
How did you approach her? I m in lobe with someone that is dealing with the same stuff. And even though he admits that he wants me, it's so difficult for me to approach him.
This is so relatable! I'm mostly introverted (which is not a FEAR of intimacy) by nature, and I used to be friends with someone who didn't respect my need for alone-time and privacy. She also couldn't be trusted with things I told her in confidence, and that resulted in a fear of intimacy.
While I have no problems connecting to my partner because we also have romantic intimacy, I am very scared of becoming close with friends. It's not that I consciously don't trust them, but I'm afraid of what might happen when I tell them something personal or tell them I don't like something they're doing. To be completely natural around someone is so difficult and stressful.
+Scarlet Scarlet As painful as it is to me, I have been that "friend" before, it is very possible that she also has a fear of intimacy, whether it is with friends or people inn general.
"Initially you are close to the world, I think, but if confidence is broken, one seeks refuge inside oneself, cut off from the world outside, and the distance that is established takes a lot to overcome" - from part 6 of the autobiographical novel "My Struggle" by Karl Ove Knausgård.
The video is describing fear of intimacy, introversion, and shyness. These are entirely separate things. Just because someone has one, does not mean they have the others.
+Blood Angel Yes, I'm an introvert but don't fear intimacy. I find extroverts, who are more comfortable around groups of people, struggle the most with true intimacy. Needing your space is not fear of intimacy.
+Eileen Hurley Pretty much sums me up . love socializing with groups, playing sports with people, and partying but I'm just down right bad with intimacy and being affectionate.
Yes! I'm a shy extrovert who fears intimacy and people automatically assume extrovert=outgoing.
*sniff*
that was beautiful
robin khan I applied the procrastination bulldozer method and it gave me a rash.
there is a lot of compassion in this video. thanks for sharing
I have this problem and it used to be worse... When I was in high school, I am very uncomfortable when my friends try to hug me or touch me. I can't really say I love you. And I can't even hold my boyfriend's hand. I think it's just a way to protect myself, there is nothing wrong with it. But I am doing better now :) Its hard to change, and its scary... I still need lots of space but I am happy I can tell my boyfriend how much I love him, hug him and kiss him.
I don't care to have a terribly boring conversation about the weather, that's why I'm quiet. If you want an actual meaningful conversation that isn't wasted breath, let's go
❤ You sound exactly like the man I love ^^ ! Hahaha... Still... You watched the video... Can I ask if you have this fear ? (:
Not saying this is you, but having this kind of attitude can make you come off arrogant and believing yourself to be "better" than everybody. Not everyone wants to have deep, meaningful conversations all the time, a lot of times people just want laugh at dumb shit and have a good time.
Lately I only have boring conversations or "meaningful" ones where after disagreeing people insult me. I feel like it's easier to avoid to answer.
There is great sentiment in those words! People often ask me "are you okay?" because i am very quiet. I just don't say much because i only see the point in speaking the most valuable thoughts.
Was nice to read a comment from someone who feels the same. Thanks!
yo man can i add in a perspective?
It can be inconsiderate of the other view, unless you understand the desires of the other view. I don't know the true desire of anyone else, so I've developed a deep form of sarcasm that helps to get smiles/laughs from most of my interactions. It may not fulfill their desires, but there's harmony and laughter for the moment.
Reflecting, I definitely had a fear of intimacy. It’s something that’s no longer an issue, but last year I began to love someone and then they became distant and uncommunicative right after we became closer. We parted ways today, and now I’m starting to understand. I really enjoyed the initial closeness we had and desired more, which she just wasn’t comfortable with.
love the kid's voice of narrating
There's nothing I crave more than the idea of being intimate with someone I love.
Something I've never been fortunate enough to have.
Who in the world could ever fear such a beautiful and pure feeling?
I dunno why I cried on the last minute of this video ...
I cried in the first
last sentence got me like a wrecking ball. i really need some gentleness and understanding!
yes, me too , felt huge feeling inside me. I love you who read this comment, you are an appreciated one and you can be open to people to share with them you feeling , YOU ARE AN inter-independent where you feel want to share you feeling with other and other can share their feeling too.
I bursted out in tears at the very end.....how this kind, little narrator says that we should all get gentleness and kindness to face our fears just made me cry oceans...It's so true but we don't dare to be ourselves because we experienced that most of the people will go away instead of accepting us....
Everyone has some degree of "fear of intimacy"...just as everyone has a "need for intimacy". It is an odd state of human nature.... To want to be together, but still independent. Thanks for the well thought video.
Felt like I found salvation in the narration
yes , me too . i believe every one who watch this video seem to have this problem of not being able to share his/her feeling with other ,because what other people would say would hurt. i'm one of them, but i will pass it . I LOVE YOU ALL. and will not allow any one to stop me from sharing my feeling and be very intimate with people
Welp, I am recommending this channel to everyone I know.
Quality content and great lessons to boot; fantastic work.
+The School of Life You always reply to positive comments but never to negative ones. Why?
Please reply to camo splatter's comment too.
+JSavacado Wow, I just love how the armored knight metaphors at 1:35 onward are just perfectly accommodating the narrative!
I finally found a man who i could trust love and feel safe but im having trouble falling asleep with him... i genuinly get nervous sleeping with someone next to me and he is no diferent... im working on it as best as i can. I dont want big fairie tales, big exciting dramas or life or death .adventures.. i want the simple things of life: having a couple of kids be happy have a good job at helping people and lots of learning, and sharing my daily life with my love and my closest friends thats all
Thank you for being so attentive to detail to the point where you used such a lovely child narrator. It really relaxes the mind; I guess children are the only ones our modern brains will accept to be seen with intimacy.
i have to say that these videos have made realize I'm not alone and that i may need counseling.
Im not afraid of intimacy, im afraid of being intimate with the wrong person
School of Life, I love your videos. In the high-energy, fast-paced and, frankly, entertaining style of most CZcams channels, your channel and videos offer my only retreat into deep introspection, quiet self-discovery, and unabashed meaningfulness into the more intimate, sensitive and hidden parts of myself.
It is nothing like my other subscriptions, but I am fortunate for that fact.
On the one hand, they are so different from what I am used to, compared to the rest of the channels in my feed; and yet on the other and, they feel so necessary to my betterment.
Your videos take me away from the energy that I am used to, and deliver me to a place where I can take a calm moment and think about myself and others, without fear or judgement, about some of the most intimate things; even when sometimes I start to doubt myself thinking about a sensitive or seemingly private topic, I keep going, because I know that it is exactly what you wanted us to do.
Even if it takes me out of the groove after watching a series of other energetic videos, despite feeling out of place, sometimes it is just what I need
Your videos have definitely made a difference in my life. Thank you so much for your unique, unrivalled style of videos. In the end, it has definitely made me a better person overall.
I also tend to see relationships as inherently conflictual and so it never fails to strike me as a miracle to see a love relationship in which the two live and act in harmony with one another.
I really needed to hear this today. Was feeling borderline abnormal and so inadequate.
I never thought I could love Someone like this.. the emotional high I get from being around him is like a phenomenon.. it sounds crazy but I see his emotions and I feel it. Of course people might think it's your mind playing tricks on you or it's the potential. Maybe it's the addiction that has set in from the highs and lows experienced.
I can't let him go, I don't want to. But each day that passes by I miss him. I would give anything right now just to kiss him and feel his arms around me. The thought of never having him again makes me instantly sad that I repress those feelings.
The worst thing a person can do is fall in love with a man who has an avoidant dismissive attachment style. I don't even want to change him. I want him to see that I won't leave him or make him feel less then what he thinks he is. I want him to open up to me and know it's always a safe space. I want him to know that I accept him and he would always be apart of me.
To experience unconditional love is probably the worst and most rewarding feeling. My guy is amazing. He is passionate and he is loyal. BUT he can't love me and he won't let me love him. so as I lay here tears in my ears I can only dream of having him...
Until then
Eternal yours handsome
the cute liitle girl's voice was so sweet I almost cry for nothing. great video, great lesson
her voice is so gentle and warm, which helps me open my mind more to this clip. beautiful voice.
I want a boyfriend, but I ran away when a guy starts making move on me
people can be scary sometimes, i understand. i want a girlfriend, but i'm likely to run away from them if they get too close lol. btw not hitting on you, not really something i'm capable of lol, just saying i understand, at least in a way, where you're coming from :)
I was asked out by a friend I had kept a secret crush on for 4 years. We “dated” for 8 months. I wanted to be physically affectionate but a pit in my chest opened every time I thought about it. He broke up with me and I agreed calmly that it wasn’t going anywhere. We still chat, but it seems that as soon as someone tries to get close to me in that way, I am filled with such raw fear that I can’t do anything. It sucks.
Did u kiss him?
yes, but it always felt like i was performing instead of really wanting to
I don't fear liking other people; I fear other people liking me..
I have this with potential friends, not relationships. I don't even bother with friendship anymore.
I'm like this with both but especially romantically. I had a friend once who was amazing. She was a bit of a rough girls who will knock a fool out if she needs to. I was trying to isolate myself but she kinda forced her way Into my life and Im absolutely grateful to her. Once during a meeting at our dorm she silently approached me while I was sitting in a chair and without a word she sat on my lap. As ashamed as I am to say this, it was honestly an incredibly wonderful feeling. She was so warm and soft. Like when a cat touches you with their paw for no reason. Just to make contact. I swear, I felt it on my bones. It wasn't sexual or anything. I don't know how to describe it but it felt like I was taking a relaxing bath. Just from sitting there for a couple of minutes.
Another girl witnessed this and tried to sit on my lap the next day. I wasn't feeling it. I didn't really know the girl. No emotional attachment. Just some peasant butt. I'm good. Thanks though.
Nothing compared to yesterday's golden cheeks.
age has taught me that a fear of intimacy is a very healthy n real fear 😱
I recently ended a 5 years friendship with a lovely, beautiful and smart girl, super cute when she wears her black glasses. It happened so fast and completely unexpected it left me shattered and broken right now. As it turns out my friend has a "Fear of Intimacy", and I only found that out after I read her breakup text to me. I have always suspected she may have a mental health issue like anxiety or bipolar disorder but I never really confront her about these things. I am not entirely sure if she even knows she has these mental health issues. She's always friendly, polite and kind and never raise her voice at me, not once in the 5 years we have known each other. Unlike me. Throughout the years I wanted more than just a friendship, I wanted an intimate relationship. She outright rejected me every time. No kisses, no hugs, no holding hands and told me friendship is all she has to offer. We don't even exchange Christmas presents because it scares her. Recently a third party was trying to divide us apart so he can be with her, he may have succeeded. I highly doubt she wants to be with this guy person, they only recently met through me. He secretly asked her to go to events with him, she may have gone with him. When I confront her about this I yelled at scream at her. I am really ashamed and embarrassed by this and regrets it deeply. I shouldn't have lost my temper. We have known each other for almost 5 years, we went to Vietnam, Japan and Quebec city together for the winter festival. And now we are no longer friends, I am completely heartbroken and fearful that I may never see my lovely and beautiful friend again. What should I do now? Is this over for us? Will there ever be a chance she'll reach out to me in the coming weeks/months? I like to help her and support her and do what I can. I don't want to reach out to her anymore because she's a very timid person, so I don't want to scare or terrify her in any way. Had I known what I know now, I would have been less forceful. I know mental health is a serious issue and it was completely unfair to her, what fool I am. I may have lost the most important person in my life.
reach out to her
Literally me, and I don't think I'll ever recover. I might be too far gone.
“They just find a difficult thing tricky.” Thank you.
the most active channel I've ever seen so far and the quality is there too
I just want to say, thank you for this video, it is nice to see these traits being kindly embraced, for a change.
I think it's good to try to understand and accept such persons as they are.
We don't have to be perfect.
Great video. This is me, and on top of everything else I have no compassion for myself either (but I have little trouble demonstrating compassion for others). I also was an introvert as a child and still am quite a lot now. Takes a lot to truly let anyone in, when I also don't see myself as an attractive person...confirmed every time I experience romantic rejection. Have to love myself before can love another they say. But, learning to love myself feels it'd take the rest of my life to achieve. It all hurts very much.
We have fears of intimacy and we get the satiated...fast food nutritional equivalent though social media like facebook
The only catch is that....empty calories catch up, son!
A lot of this seems like introversion, and to have that called "a great sin" is really insulting.
+TheMadisonMachine and i thought being celibate is a virtue
themissinglambsauce I'm not overly impressed by celibacy, but I know some people who take it seriously. Like Tesla. You know, one of the greatest scientists to ever live.
+TheMadisonMachine I agree, and I really don't understand why it's a "great sin". :(
idk
+Celine KD I think more of a social sin not a religious one
I LOVE THIS VIDEO. Especially with social media nowadays that makes I easy to hide behind a phone it’s hard to know how to build it. Intimacy is soo important to build real relationships. Thanks for sharing!
I just prefer to be alone. Im not anti social. I dont have social anxiety. Just prefer to be left alone
I'm over 40, and have never felt close to other people.
me neither, not quite there but i'm close to your age, its hard
This sums me up very well. I always thought intimacy was only for a romantic relationship. I always say I don't get close to many people because in the end I will be left alone. I am glad I have the correct term. Also thank you so much for making this video it has been a great help.
This is what school should actually teach...
I am so happy this channel exists. Thank you!
I'm one of these people, it's nice to know I'm not alone
Thank you school of life and Alain, that was a beautiful video. You guys are genuinely making the world a better place. I have teared up watching so many of your videos and Alain's talks because the things you say are so true and beautiful and helpful to so many people. Thank you. I hope the School of Life becomes a main source of influence in the world, because you guys hit so many marks! You have taught me so many important things. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Xxx
They have a picture of a couple in a bed, and I'm going. HOW DO YOU EVEN GET THAT FAR WITH INTIMACY FEAR??
The fear of intimacy can come later, that's what happened to me.
I had a deep crush on this girl and when she finally repricricated the feelings i felt a deep need to distance myself from her when we were already all cuddled up in bed watching a romantic movie..
I regretted it so bad..
this was nice. i'm, i wouldn't necessarily say afraid of intimacy, just uncertain, conflicted. all right maybe i'm afraid, afraid of admitting i'm afraid. too afraid to smile, compliment someone, ask to be friends, ask them on a date, be myself. likely mostly from years of bullying that i never managed to move past, and now i see everyone as either a stranger or potential threat. wish i had the courage to step out of my comfort zone, let down my guard, its just so terrifying. being "real" is hard to do.
same
We have disconnected from each other as a society we live apart, our houses are apart, we build walls to separate us, we are taught that talking to strangers is bad, etc... We must rejoin in the old practices of interacting with others :) P.S. technology has made this worse
True Humour Technology allows us to be closer to the important people we love and respect more than ever...
agreed. i think instead of telling kids don't talk to strangers, it should be don't talk to strangers when i'm not around, or when someone they do know and a parent or guardian is around. i mean kids are very social, usually, so its counter-intuitive
This video has me in tears, it describes my life to a tee.
I'm an introverted man with aspergers, I've got love for my family and close friends, but every notion of romantic love has been nothing but a waste of time, energy, money, and peace of mind. I'm just a man going his own way, I don't view sex or relationships as the ultimate standard of success that society peddles down our throats.
I can relate
It really is about finding the right kind of person. There's people you will never be on friendly terms with.Some are either too normal and bland,others - the wrong kind of screwed up.It takes an indefinite amount of time within unspecific conditions.Sometimes, what you have to share really is much more than others can take.You're gonna have to hold that when it happens.
I’m 44 this month. I feel nothing in terms of intimacy. My abusive covert narcissist mother showed me no love or affection. I repeated the same pattern in my adult life. I gave up on relationships. I think I need to try again
Omg I'm just like you.
My mom is also a narcissist
Who miss the usual comforting voice?
I feel like this channel could really lead to a more understanding and productive society
I’m an introvert and I have terrible social anxiety, in addition to also having an extreme fear of intimacy. I think my parents have just put me through so much that I’m unable to really let others in anymore. When I become an adult I will seek therapy and hopefully that helps.
Just subbed this channel after seeing it mentioned on Wisecrack. Love this channel just as much already. Great content.
Fuck CZcams So are you gonna change your username now?
ImanAliHussein Nah. I picked it when CZcams forced me to enter a first and last name. I stand by it.
"Having ‘a fear of intimacy’ is considered a great sin" i read that in the description box and felt really bad about myself lol. Never thought of it that way, EVER.
The only reason I fear intimacy is because I feel myself less worthy of being in relationship with any girl. It maybe because of my past experiences but it's a vicious cycle.The more I avoid my feeling of having relationship the more the loneliness haunts me and in return the more I feel worthless. I have no idea why I commented this. But if you feel yourself falling into this trap lol get Outta there soon.
Same here I get you. Imits time we work on it before we regret it.
One day I want yo be in a loving relationship and hce kids
So its better to work on the issue now than later.
Yep exactly me
Anyone else begin to cry while watching because you finally hear what you’ve been wondering what was wrong with you your whole life?
I enjoy myself being alone and I don't even bother if people told me that I have my own world. But in this world full of challenges we should always have someone to lean on, it could be our family and friends. Don't be afraid to get close with someone because it's part of mankind to depend on each other as what they say that no man is an island.
I want to love someone who seems to have a fear of intimacy.... but don't really know how because I seem to suffer from it myself.
WOW, me too
I have always feared intimacy since I've been a s/a victim at 9 and it even made me fear not only romantic relationships but meeting new friends
I would really like to see the school of life's point of view on fear of commitment.
This video reminds me of me. Which is why I've never been in a relationship before. Plus growing up, I wasn't shown affection or told I love you. So when people ask me how I feel, it's like I don't know how to respond because I wasn't ever asked any of those questions growing up. My grandmom she tells me she loves me,and I say it back, but sometimes it's hard to, because I was never told I loved you from my mom or dad growing up. So it's hard.
Woww..im just like u..
I have a fear of intimacy and no one really understands it
don't worry, it seems like people do understand it, its just a matter of finding them. and sadly people who are afraid aren't likely to just say it out loud, cause well, that's the opposite of something such people would ever do lol.
the death recogition is the best medicine for the fear of intimacy , the fact that you need to express your love to the people that you care about , because you don´t now when are going to die
1:01 If a plane did that with me on board, I would not be just a little afraid, I would totally lose it! lol
Whys it always women with this fear in videos? It makes me as a guy feel out of place and role
I know.
each video is only showing the gender that is most likely to have a fear of intimacy, because they are only choosing one person to show.
Reuben Hopper But that makes me, as a guy, feel like I shouldn't have this fear.
+goodfilmful Sounds like you're trying to force what is your own insecurity onto someone else. Shut up. You have an issue just like anyone else... cool! Deal with it.
Yes Pls What?
Wow ... I wasn't realizing i had this fear until I saw this video and identified myself with every single one of the signs ... this chennel doesn't know me, yet it knows me so well. It would be great to have tips on how to improve myself :(
All your videos give so much hope about love and relationships! Thank you!!
Quoting from the video: "Nowadays, we're pretty tough on people who have a certain kind of fear..."
"... and that's not a good thing to have. It can get you in trouble."
and quoting from the description for this video: "Having ‘a fear of intimacy’ is considered a great sin..."
Seriously, anybody who is tough on people with fear of intimacy, and anybody who considers it a great sin, needs a lot more therapy and self-improvement than we do!
I don't know I get the point of the video but I'm honestly not a big fan of being lectured by a child
10/10
***** I call em how I see em. Good job guys.
***** Hi, I love your videos and I would love to help with the Spanish translation. for free, just because I think many of those who don't speak English are missing so much by not being able to see them! I'm a native Spanish speaker, I live in Colombia. Contact me :)
Carolina Becerra totally agree
i can't believe how much this video describe me exactly.
And for the 100th time, physical touch can be a *PART* of intimacy, the physical intimacy, but it's NOT the only meaning, since intimacy also means emotional bond, whether you agree or not, I'm sorry ^^.
Blu I very much agree with you. I have somewhat of a fear of intimacy. Such example, would be I could wrap my legs around someone's waist (someone who I trust on would not physically hurt me, abuse me. Basically we both agreed to do this, nothing more.) without a blink of an eye and then continue on my merry way. However, if someone comes up to me and says "I care about you." and holds my hand, you will hear a small yelp of shock and see my legs quickly carrying me to closest restroom where I can have some privacy. While I try some breathing exercises.
Are you by any chance also French Charle Magne ?
But yes, what is at stake means way more, so it is way scarier ^^...
Nope. I am not French. I know its because of my name you are assuming I am. :)
Yes hahaha, silly assumption (:
I have that fear. As long as I can remember I feel awkward and uncomfortable when I talk about intimacy or hugs or just closeness. Fortunately my boyfriend of 8 years understands me. I can now see that I am a lot better at handling it, and being intimate than 8 years ago. Still have set backs sometimes.
She sounds like that little Mormont girl from the Bear Island in Game of Thrones.
oh geeze i only realized that when you said it lol, she was such a great character :)
I'm an introvert AND I have relationship phobia. I never understood why I have problems in relationships until now. It's refreshing to see I'm not the only one having a hard time.
How do you overcome a fear of intimacy? I've been struggling in friendship and relationships for years
idk myself, but i think its taking very small steps towards being open or friendly with people. a smile here, a chit-chat there. asking people how they are, without trying to force a conversation about how we are down their throat (speaking from failed experience lol).
This channel explains many of things I couldn't explain what and why.
I feel like I have the exact opposite problem.
Confuzzled Tomato Ah, the Ted Mosby personality.
***** My God just the name alone is enough to make me irritated. One of the most annoying fictional characters ever.
***** uhh I dont watch HIMYM. but i just tend to over share and that kinda scares away some people. Idiotic, sometimes, but i dont believe in destinies. I guess i feel like i have nothing to lose by being intimate, except for the other person thinking that i'm a complete idiot, which it something i'm fine with. mostly.
Confuzzled Tomato you use the word "confuzzled" too OuO
this makes me happy
***** lol i picked the username 3 years ago.
That hit right home :’(
Someone help me out here now. What exactly is intimacy? I used to think I knew what it was based on the academic definition of it that I've had since college; but now, the more I hear people talking about it, it's starting to confuse me. I have friends and have sex on a regular basis. I have no issue being completely alone, in fact, I prefer it. But I also have no issue at all being in crowds or having a bunch of friends or having sex. I just can't place myself in the behavioral spectrum of introverted/extroverted because I feel like I am both yet none, if that makes any sense to anyone. So I just want to know one thing: What exactly is intimacy?
+xm377Moyocoyatzin Hello Moyo :) I'm like you... i consider myself a "social introvert" although it may not be totally accurate academically speaking :P
Intimacy for me... is the ability to be completely open and comfortable with someone, in order to reveal your emotions (your true self). Being naked and having sex is one aspect... it IS intimate but that doesn't mean you can share emotions just because your are fuckin with this person. You need to respect and trust someone in order to fill intimate with them. I hope this answers your question. :)
Dimitrios Vegeta That sounds like the definition I had been holding on to for years. I find it impossible to be intimate with anyone for one giant reason: I lack a solid identity of my own. What I mean is that I adapt and then project a different persona to different people as a way to compensate for a lack of a solid ego.
+xm377Moyocoyatzin But.. why? what makes you believe that the real YOU is not enough to be liked and loved?
Dimitrios Vegeta Because there is no real me. Anyone who thinks they love me are in love with a fantasy. This is because, as I said, I create personas because I lack a proper ego. I do not have a solid identity, something I can call "me." My personality changed with my environment. The only part of my mind that stays consistent is my memory, my intellect, my reason and my emotional knowledge. Everything else changes depending on who I am interacting with.
To certain people I am an extrovert, an attention seeker and an outgoing go-getter. To other people I am shy, reclusive, and introverted. To others I am moody, to some I am emotionless. I change personas the way I change clothes. When I was a kid I actually believed that changing clothes meant I was changing who I was, the way I looked was the way I was. If I looked cool I was cool. If I looked boring I was boring. It wasn't until i got older that I figured out that people only have one personality.
To be loved requires a foundation, a personality or identity to be loved. If someone lacks such a foundation then by definition love cannot happen. It would either be love of an illusion or misplaced affection. In either case, the persons giving love are setting themselves for a big disappointment.
Dimitrios Vegeta Yes I see what you're saying but my preferences and core beliefs are layered and mutable. My set of core beliefs are not set and they are subject to change depending on context. For example: I believe that humanity as a whole is both contemptible and admirable. Whether I lean towards one extreme of the other depends on the circumstances.
I would like to say that I am self-motivated, as in, I am motivated primarily by what benefits me; but I am also apathetic of my own self interests and very often act selflessly or suicidal. On a deep level I do not care for my own life or interests yet on a very basic and instinctual level I only care for myself. I completely lost trust in humanity when I was a teenager.
I say I have no ego not because anyone can manipulate me into anything. On the contrary. I am the most extremely manipulative person that I know of. And I do this as a basic survival method when I was still a kid. I am manipulative not in the sense that I manipulate people into doing my selfish bidding, but in the sense that my entire personality is a a sham. The best way I can explain it is like being an actor on a stage. Everything I am is an act. It is not the real "me." I can control and invent emotions the way an actor does, except in my case I can genuinely create, suppress, or erase emotions on the fly. I know that psychopaths do this as well but psychopaths cannot feel or create the genuine emotion of empathy; but I can. I can also read emotions on other people and comfortably guess with good accuracy their mood, thoughts, passions, prejudices and emotions.
This sounds more complex when I spell it out but in fact it's not. I have been doing this since I was a kid, and as I got older I only got more efficient and natural at it. Even now as i have explained all of this, does this count as intimacy? Knowing these things about me doesn't really allow people to know me, or much less predict my behavior. I can guess what people expect of me and I can either play along, contradict, or reveal a new trait. Intimacy cannot happen when the other person has no true identity: A core set of beliefs that are used as a combination lock. I can acquire or discard any core belief that I hold.
You can extroverted, center of attention, love attention in fact and still have a huge fear of intimacy. Like me I don’t like being vulnerable but I still love meeting people. I struggle with commitment but I fine talking to someone as long as we move slow. Honestly, I could be in the talking stage forever and never get close or vulnerable. I also struggle with actually having sex with someone, its very hard for me. I dont like sharing intimate parts of myself. I also dont like talking about my past, in fear it will be used against me someday. I prefer causal relationships or ones that go very, very slow. (Over the course of years, tbh) I like my space and I dont like being invaded. I dont like when people can read what Im feeling and I prefer to not tell anyone whats on my mind. I also hate when people help me or do favors for me. I like doing it alone so noone can see my struggle. I am very proud and I have very strong views. Maybe this is fear of intimacy. And maybe this will help someone who feels the same ways as me.