60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 21/33 - Dissociation
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2024
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People who experience Complex Trauma often survive by some form of dissociation. But this can cause problems in adult life. There are degrees of dissociation. Tim discusses the types of dissociation, the problems it can cause in adult life, and how to change to healthy ways of coping.
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This guy is brilliant in how he is able to explain abstract thought processes. Masterful. Much respect.
Agree!
Masterful indeed. The most clarity and compassion I've seen in a long time. Like Jordan Peterson for traumatized people.
Yes!
Yeah, for real, he's already made my relationships healthier. Crazy how you don't see it till someone connects the dots.
Yes agreed, I feel every thing he says and it’s a rough time but learning about it helps me cope as well
“It can be healed.”
So happy to hear this.
But how? That's the tougher question.
2 years later and continues being 1st rate material. You're a fantastic teacher!
You know what I think? The best revenge is to decide to be a much better person than what you came out of. There's no better way to make those who are against you small than being a contrast to them, making the difference visible. Proof that they couldn't crush you and that all their talking behind your back is in vain, it is they who went wrong.
Me dissociating while I watch this video
👁️👄👁️
This is a typical day for me. It has cost me my wife, past girlfriends and jobs. It was a cause of being bullied at school even by teachers for ‘day dreaming’ .
I have found improvement with Stoicism and You Tube channels such as this one.
I guess I’m another statistic of former kid with narcissistic parent
Yes, generational trauma is a common theme. I hope you have found some peace and healing ❤️
Hugs to you! 🫂 You are not alone. ❤
It's rocks you when you finally see it and begin to heal.
I LOVE The Stoic channels and info. I just found them a week or so ago. I am on the path to healing.
I JUST found this!
At the age 58, I've been slowly on the path to heal.
I finally see it!
Wow. I just ran into his work at 55, I wish I had found him many many years ago.
This one sent me right in to dissociation ...ive been in that state much of my life...so sad. Im the sole survivor of my core family...my siblings died young from addiction. My last relationship was constant triggering. I am sober...but still trying to manage the fallout from cptsd. Thank you for covering this in such depth....its hard to hear but helps me understand.
Thanks for sharing. ❤️💪🙏🏻
Me too, it’s a long journey trying to come back from such trauma 💜
Very sorry to hear about your losses.
All four of us, (myself being the oldest of four) are now disabled from the abuse and neglect of our parents. Such devastation from ignorance and the horror of childhood trauma.
I do truly hope you are doing well today
❤❤❤
Tim your talks are often part of my day. I've learned so much from you. You're making a great difference in the world. Thank you.
Omg! I have cptsd and in the last 4 years experienced a series of losses, deaths, life changes, betrayal of my husband, teenagers, job loss, covid, and quite a few other stressors… my lord! This is exactly what it felt like, I just didn’t have the words to describe it!
Right there with you love! It’s not easy is it? It does somehow put me at ease, though to hear it put into words, and I can relate to every single thing this man says.
Exactly how i feel. Putting it into words and we arent crazy is relief enough to put in the work. At least for me. @@littlesparrow7645
I escaped by reading. I started to read at age 4, it kept me alive.
Me to
Yes. Reading is an escape for me..
I'm glad this is getting more mainstream attention. Most of the resources I've found on dissociation focus on the extreme end of the spectrum; DID. I've found little practical references or teachings that address the more common levels that most in modern America experience to at least some degree. If you get lost in thoughts or live in your head (either in the past or future), you're dissociating.
I have more self awareness now and can see myself doing it. Whenever I get in story mode, I know I'm stressed or triggered. But geez, with Covid, I think most people are living in survival mode.
It's a hard habit to break, I've done it for decades. Distracting myself with the phone is another one that I do a lot. Mindfulness practices and trying to stay present and aware have helped a lot.
Blessings, intentions you find the healing path that works for you. Remember, there are many ways up the mountain. You don't always have to crawl through the briars. Be gentle on yourself. Your tender heart matters.
Beautifully written ❤ thank you
Interesting how the blood gets redirected to limit the amount of blood loss… I wondered why my legs and arms suddenly go cold and I can’t think straight, lots more healing to do here love your talks thank you
Agreed!! I've never heard it explained this way. When I was in 6th grade, I remember my hands and feet being so cold that some of my classmates in good fun said, "omg your a ghost/must be dead" cuz my hands were so cold. I was curious... Because surely it wasn't poor circulation like from smoking or something.
This makes so much sense!!
I have had Derealization and depersonalization most my life and I’m far far far from a sociopath! There are millions of us and we are the most sensitive and caring people on the planet
I’m 49 and dealt with derealization from about 15-19. I didn’t know what it was and just try to deal with it (often times with drugs and alcohol ultimately making it worse). I was fine throughout my 20’s and 30’s and out of nowhere it reared it’s ugly head again when I was about 38. A couple years of trying to deal with it I finally brought it up to a therapist who diagnosed my ailment. All those years I had no idea there was a name for it and that I wasn’t the only one. I pray your life is full of peace and happiness and the strength to endure this life 🙏
Wow, I completely ‘Deer in the headlights’ froze. I did not know that was a form of dissociation!
This man is a gift from God. ❤❤❤
THIS is what I have been saying for many years... feels like my thoughts don't connect to 'me' or to my heart... like my brain knows but heart doesn't....
Yes. That's how it's been. Things I know, but don't know. I wish I knew what happened to me that caused all the trauma symptoms I have. Maybe it's just the bipolar since I've always had it.
Hi, I've been in therapy for 43 yrs and I will be in it until I die. This really helps to understand the whole of it!!!c-ptsd, did with amnesia and multiple personality disorder. I need to get better for me and for my children and the people I love!
Faster EFT has had the biggest quickest changes for me and you can do it on yourself. I’ve been to many therapy sessions and could never stop the old ways creeping back whenever there was a stressful time, until I found Faster EFT you can heal yourself best of luck
@@luciantempest1291 what's eft?
@@angelafeldman5903 Emotional Freedom Technique - there’s the traditional tapping on certain points and Faster EFT is a lot quicker and does visualisation with inner child as well
Where can I learn more about faster eft?
I haven't found that very helpful.
Even EMDR was only effective the first time, out of 12 treatments.
Everything. Everything is so true and I relate to all of it… I’m sorry world 🌎… I didn’t mean to hurt those that I’ve met or love… I knew my childhood was terrifying, but I didn’t know I was so messed up 😮
Starting with right now, I will try so much harder to just stay present 💝 I am safe now. Thank you Jesus! ✝️
Dissociation has been a major part of my life
Thank you 🌿🕊️
I literally fall out of my body I dissasosciate so bad🤦♀️ It's the weirdest thing. It just looks like I've passed out and often get pseudo seizures. Thank you for this video Tim, I love hearing the science behind of this.
Listening to this instead of escaping. Thank you for creating this video ☺️
Wow this has described me so well...it's like every video applies directly to me 😭
When I freeze, my mind is terrified. It doesn't go anywhere.
I've lived 35 years disassociated, the only time I'm not disassociated is when I'm drunk.
Me too, about 29 years since I was 4. I drift in and out, I have moments where I'm integrated in my body, I feel like crying I thank God when it happens because it feels so good. People take the way they feel for granted not realizing the horror of stuff like long term dissociation
@@hitoshura2800 there is a good book you may consider getting ...... Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thrivjng by Pete Walker. I don’t think the guy is a Christian and maybe a little been towards New Age but Incredibly helpful to me, and I hope it will help you
Try getting Pete Walkers book complex ptsd from surviving to thriving it is an incredibly helpful book. If that doesn’t help there’s a man named Gabor Mate on you tube that I think may be just what you need.......all free on CZcams
Yeah pastor Tim's a real special guy! He has a way of explaining very complex things it's easy to understand.😊but in far more depth than anybody I've ever heard!
THIS was my entire life, for 40 years.
Same here.,
Me too 🙌 😂🎉
💯💯💯💯💯
The only way I was able to break free from disassociating and binge eating disorder is been doing since I was a child was by having an anesthetic procedure called a Stellate Ganglion Block in 2021. It numbs the vagus nerve for about 6 hours. My PTSD score went from the high 80's down to the 20's!
Unfortunately, once I stopped doing both I realized I no longer wanted to be a people pleaser and that I had married a controlling, avoidant man. So after 31 years of marriage we are getting divorced.
I have been working hard in personal therapy, EMDR, and a DBT group to learn everything I missed while I was being emotionally and physically abused and manipulated and lied to as a child.
Hi Tim. I want you to know I had too many news stuff in my feed and it was affecting my attitude so I made a conscious effort to change what I listen to.
And then God put you in my feed. After years of therapy I have never understood until I heard you. At 62, it’s not too late. I’ve forwarded your videos to my family and friends.
I just wanted you to know how God moves and the huge impact you have had on us!!
I realized I do disassociate to the mild degree when some people engage with me e and I’ve stopped-today, and hopefully it will become a new habit to better connect!!
THANK YOU!!!❤❤❤❤
I am here in England. Will have to share these to some of the NHS people here for their education. Great videos
I’m also English. I have tried. They don’t care.
@@KJ-pu8dw I have found many of the doctors here caring. Much more than I ever found in the US. For the docs in the US it's all about the money. Since that is not so here in the UK you tend to have those that gravitate to the proffesion people that get into it to help people in the first place.
God bless, I pray you find peace and healing.
Thank you! (Edit) It was abuse. My alters Katerina and Caitlyn are wonderful for me. Katerina is the responsible representative, Caitlyn is Virgo and loves to turn up the music and clean house but I don't know her as well. They only come out when it isn't safe to be me, but it takes time. It's a great thought experience that has truly saved me.
He said flee inward to escape outward. I think it's reversed. Flee outward to escape inward. Going outside of yourself to escape the pain inside. This guy's awesome though.
It's actually flee inward to escape the outward pain since you cannot flee physically.
I kind of felt like crying throughout this whole video. Like this is the clarity I have been looking for my whole life ❤
The most amazing thing is that advertisers can figure out your behavioural patterns to figure out which state you're in and show you different ads that you're most likely to click on based on your state.
I was washing dishes and 2 girls came in my kitchen, I said who are you? Mom were yr kids, I said I don't have any children and the looks on their faces concerned me and I asked why are you girls my children? They answered and I started breaking back into reality and I hugged them and said yes your my children , mommys brain pretended to be somebody else! My poor babies! 😢
I'm a mom too and it's weird to be a mom and dissociate for me, when I didn't have kids I didn't even realize I dissociated I thought I had selective memories and chose to zone out but it hit me as soon as I had kids it was more than that and I found out what it was from watching CZcams no joke
Like remembering your parent's are both dead. Very surreal at times.
This is just so helpful...gaining understanding of my behavior and the cause is making healing possible. Thank you so much.
This also helps me understand the behaviour of both of my.parents, in particular my mom. Thank you for this!
He’s nailed it yet again DID here have been trying to intergrate since 2010
Hi!! I’ve been working on my integration since 2019.🥹 It’s such an intense process. I totally agree. This man is the only person I’ve heard aside from my therapist-God bless her-that really gets it.
I was not present in the past , but with a lot of practice for years ,I am getting much much better ...
Healing happens so slowly and gradual through time .
Thank you so much...
Thank you, Tim. This talk fits with how I have experienced dissociation.
It was life changing the day I understood it isn’t “just the way I am” which is a huge relief. It was coping mechanisms I built before I could rationally or logically utilize data to get my perspective in proper relation to what the event was.
My perspective not reality.
Not being a “victim” or blaming type of person, I just let the dissociation slide and destroy every relationship in my life as I walked away from the claustrophobic feeling of feelings.
Praise God He led me through and showed me how I built the behaviors so I can remove them.
Dissociation is hard to get past.
My life is a sanctuary where only I exist unless the need to make money forces me out and that is a stress to interact like a normal human when I just want to be alone.
Please folks, set yourself free and live fully in the present with the people around you. We are humans and should not be tethered to our childhood perceptions
Relistening to this video and I have to say, Tim Fletcher describes what it is like to dissociate with such understanding and sensitivity.
So much informative.. I grew up with a v high level covert narc mom and i had that freeze and dissociative survival mechanism...Cmg out of it now after 40+ is so freeing...Healing is still going on it is a lifetime reprogramming myself...as I am safe now...this knowledge is so to the point thank you so much
Thanks Tim - I have both spontaneous and intentional DID. I am happy to be a resource and help in whatever might be helpful for those who want to understand more as survivors, lay people, support people, therapists, etc. Lots of hope for this form of mental injury but many generally don’t have the information and understanding needed. Thanks for bringing this video forward.
Thank-you Tim
"Yesterday" (50yrs. ago) when I was young .
This is me from 2017 to 2023, without a doubt. Still struggling right now but doing better.
A very interesting presentation Jim, thank you. I have DID and although I’ve been getting help it still breaks through. I can feel my sensible brain going off line and this self destruct impulse overtake me, but my ability to ask for help goes as I descend into the brain stem, I act out and go into dangerous situations. You describe it very well and that is empowering to people like me.
Thank you, I have CPTSD. Been doing EMDR therapy and have had amazing results.
Wow, this is EXTREMELY helpful! Thank you!
My body always tells me when im in the presence of narcissistic people... And you can call it trauma but for me, i rontvreact to the sensations in my body but i definitely pay attention to them bc people who have not had my expwroence have to learn the hard way.. yes trauma may have happened and not everything is avwarning its important yo know the difference between when you are prohevting and when your body is warning you... It feels like they are saying that the signals you get from your body are all blown out of proprtion but its simply not true. Your body can pick up past similarities and apply them to the present moment but ive lwarned to trust myself when my body tells me thst im not comfortable in certain emvironmemts...im not wrong, traima is not wrong. The normies like to tell us we are craxy because we havent all had the same experiences. Hope that makes some type of sense. Its so hard to type on my phone, i get to tired to go back and reword everuthing
So helpful to many, we all need these.
54:23 WOW - great message. Loved the Joseph story of overcoming difficulties in life .thanks for the hope.❤
Awesome explanations. I would love to meet this man.
Time thank you so much for making these videos. God has used you so much to hring me healing-- thankyou maybe God Bless you and your ministry
I want to thank you for making this video. I don't think anybody could explain this any better and you help me understand myself more than I thought possible. I'm going to think hard on what you shared with us. The whole world needs to hear this.
Yes!!! thank you. The indicators of sliding into dissociation a-k 100% resonates.
Thank you for sharing such wonderful content. I find your work enlightening and helpful. You are putting much healing out there in the world. God Bless you and keep you (always )❤
Thank you Sir! 🙏I've been looking for you for 30 yrs! After multiple Therapists YOU have nailed every single issue I've fought with internally since I was consciously aware.
Getting drunk is a form of dissociation
Yeah that weird feeling like I don’t recognize my own hands. This was bad during the pandemic. Life in many areas was so bad, the pandemic was just too much. I had serious ongoing health issues, bad relations with family. Yeah. It was not a good time. Isn’t happening anymore but I did back away from lots of stuff. As well as that maladaptive dreaming, I did not know that was a thing. Depersonalization was the weirdest sensation. Really happy it’s not hopping anymore. It’s hard to explain to others. It was like I was watching a movie…..
I never even knew there was a term for feeling like you’re outside of your body watching yourself. It’s pretty freaky.
1 15:40 Vicarious trauma- being the person who the child describes their experiences to, who visualizes themselves or loved ones in that scenario
Thank you 🙏🏻
@TimFletcher you, my friend, are a God send.
Much Love 🙏🏻💕
Working in retail gives people this condition.
😂That is hilarious 😂
Wow, you sound so ignorant
😂😂😂
There is truth to this, imo. But in a way, the detached, rapidly changing, and task-at- hand relating that retail and service work entails worked for me, lol! The pain lies in the demands of the cognitive transitions required to perform their duties by multi-tasking. That is an ever larger part of such work due to employers wanting more productivity from one employee than should be reasonably expected for quality performance. It results in a viscous cycle of feelings of incompetency and stress. I think that may be because it interrupts the cognitive flow that simple, repetitive, machine like activities allows - in short, the familiar state of detachment between one's inner and outer self.
All this work is very precious, thank you very much.
Not being present - this is me and also my mother and brother.
I love you Tim Fletcher. thank you
You a gift to the world. Absolutely love your videos! Thank you so much ❤
I am 53 and have battled all my life to understand WHY I was so dysfunctional. I have resisted counseling cause of trust issues. This helps a lot. I wish I had heard it 25 yrs ago. Thanks
The kind and thoughtful presentation is valuable.
Brilliant teacher for sure. Great explanation. Thank you so much.
This is 100% me. So upsetting g. I can never be present long w my kids. Seeking a divorce bc the presence of my husband is so anxiety producing. He’s such a nice guy, but he’s been locked in fear all the time. I guess we both have.
Pot of gold. Thanks so much!! ❤
I m so grateful to have found this channel. Amazing talks!
Thank you Tim, now I am recognising needs of myself and my kids due to prolonged trauma❤
Thank you very much to share your knowledge. It is a blessing for me. I was beat up by my father under the authority of my mother so i had no one to relate to. Respect from France.
There is a Korean dorama about DID, called "Kill me Heal me". Definitely worth watching...
i love that show
First time listener. Wow..this is very helping me make sense of everything. Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you 🙏
thank you so much for helping me heal myself ❤
Thank you
Great analysis, explanation
Amazing information
Thanks!
Sometimes I listen and cry. I am 42.....I makes me sad that I have lived my whole life this way....I never got help really....I mostly thought it was normal to....suffer and survive like this. 😢
Great video
Im in so mych terror so much pain from what my evil mother did to me im so so afraid terrified part of me wants to lash out so bad at her its taking 40 year's to feel how much i hate her how do i please un hate my life long abuser
You mother was probably narcissistic. A by product of her own complex trauma. I had this with my mother.
I recommend Stoicism Philosophy. Also this channel and book: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. All about CPTSD and recovery
get out of triggering situation and create a safe and healthy present day and your body will give you a chance to recover. Also taking responsibility for what's happening in your life now that you're not being forced into doing things you can't control
I, too have so much hate for my abuser. I know she must've been abused herself but she always said she had fantastic parents & ipbeinging, but would never talk about it. I cannot find forgiveness for this utterly evil person who ruined the lives of everyone who came into contact with her. She ruined her two sons' lives - i'm married to one of them - the other has been totally brainwashed by her, believes every word that came out of her lying mouth, is now a narcissist himself & refuses to have anyrhing to do with us - which suits me fine, but it's the sadness of it all - it was all so unnecessary. She got to her husband in the end, brainwashed him, too.
I married out of one dysfunctuonal family & into another as my father was a very violent overt narcissist, my mother was the week enabler who was very cruel to me as it was the only bit of power she could wield in the family, one of my own brothers was the golden chikd, & i was the scape goat. In my husband's family, his mother was the manipulative covert narc, his brother the golden child, & he himself was the scape goat.
Between us, my husband & i brought such pain & baggage into the marriage. But, thanks to sites like this & amazing people like Tim Fletcher, we are learning.
It feels like my whole life has been a battle as i'm the only one standing up & telling the truth, & i'm tired.
I was in constant fight/flight mode as i never knew what i'd walk into at school with girl gangs after me, or what i'd be walking back to at home with my father's violence towards my mother & i. My brain & body finally gave up several years ago & i got M.E., fibromyalgia & other things - i couldn't get out of bed for three years. The dissociation episodes were truly frightening & still are but are getting less, as are the flashbacks & panic attacks, as most of the people who caused me such harm have now passed away, but we are still dealing with the fall out, like after a nuclear attack. I'm waiting for therapy to begin. I just wish i didn't have such hate inside me. I don't have hate for my father - just mostly indifference which is what i wish i had for my husband's mother.
Like the level of hatred I have for my Narcissistic, Nazi bros., who threw a coup of Mom's Estate.
I didn't know such intense hatred existed. Or how sick they are.
They lost it all, 2 people died and my life and health feel like I'll never really recover.
I've come a long ways.
thank you
Thank you so much 🤍
I got so severe that I felt literally nothing. All of my morals were just nonexistent. I didn’t do anything that went against them because I started trying to get help when I got to the point I probably could have gone out and committed a felony and felt nothing 😂 I laugh because that’s the exact opposite of who I am. I have never done any sort of crime, I obey the law, I fear God, but I got to the point where I felt nothing. I was so detached from everything, wrong, right, feelings…
It’s great to know that you can heal. No one is too far gone. You can get help. And know that if you don’t like who you’ve become, it’s not you. It’s a trauma response. You are not what you fear; you just need help healing.
Hey. How are you doing now?
But if there's nobody helping and you give up trying to find help, your stock in the cycle... till you can't take it anymore...
@@Relayzy1 That's where I am, but it's not coming soon enough. You just slowly fade into a smaller and smaller version of yourself, a tacit compliance as move along with the current that carries as those parts of you that would deem you worthy of choosing a destination are atrophied and out of practice. I can see why people subconcious or even semi-conciously look for traumatic events to awaken them out of this shame/death/dissociation sprial.
Very helpful
17:00 - Complex Trauma - Is the sense of on going dangers. Maladaptive responses - Requires change.
Careful Tim. I’m in a major period of burnout mentally, emotionally and spiritually and many physical issues that have rendered me disabled. Need to do better teaching on narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. I’m also just over a year late dx ASD. The way you discussed and described those things makes me feel like crao. I have no skill and or freedom to feel my emotions. Likely sa. Plus I’m ACA. THANKS
What do I do about this stuff. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everything. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be so broken. I don't want to do this. I don't want to deal with it.
Hi. How are you now?
Maybe, start with some EMDR (for Vet's PTSD, originally). To at least, get you started.
I hope to look into RTT. If I can find a Therapist.
You aren't broken. Don't let them put that into your head. It's just learning to listen to the body without reacting and try to tell yourself you love yourself when you feel like you have yourself ❤ hope you're doing better
I literally went on an ayahuasca retreat and that last session seems to have really helped hugely with the dissociation.
Not only that, but my sensory processing disorder seems completely better. I cannot explain this, I want to study to become a neuroscientist so I can figure it out.
Thanks
It seems dissociation is a symptom, defence mechanism, not root cause. Ask why would I dissociate like going into dreaming or avoidance or ADHD? Perhaps because I perceive world dangerous, to be afraid of.
Yes
People tell me that I am so chilled when things happen that would make them so mad etc. Unfortunately they don't realise that I dissociate when I am in a stressful situation so that I don't have a panic attack. I can feel it happening and it soothes me.....inside I feel...its okay, we can shut this down now to protect you. I will then feel exhausted, go home, sleep for a full day afterwards. Alternatively I could rage but I am afraid of that side of myself, so i default to shutting down. I suppose it could be a disorder.