Should You Hold On to Your Marriage?
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- čas přidán 21. 02. 2023
- On today’s show, we hear from
- A woman hoping to get on the same page with her husband
- A mom coping with her daughter’s mental illness amidst the sudden loss of her husband
- A man wondering if he should leave a marriage he’s regretted for 13 years
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The way a man can fake a relationship is terrifying
Umm, women can fake pretty well too.
It's definitely not a gender- based trait.
Lol women are much better at that
We as a species realllly need to start just saying “people can be…” . Stop specifying men women, old people, young people. It’s humans. Some humans can a, b or c.
Could you imagine scrolling CZcams and coming across this video and hearing your husband's voice saying these things? I'd be devasted...yet, relieved to hear the truth.
Relieved? I'd feel stressed as all get out and completely shocked bc I wouldn't have seen it coming. No way I'd feel relieved unless I didn't care about them.
As far as “relieved” goes, it’s mixed… and I think Sarah conveyed that. It’s not traditional relief, but usually people don’t live in a hole. Often they feel the expanse and don’t know what to call it until they know the truth. Sounds like Ryan told her and she wants to stay together. I feel for her, I can’t imagine her self esteem is high with the way he’s withheld parts of himself from her knowing he’s always had regrets and hasn’t been attracted to her in the way he wanted to be attracted to a woman he married. I hope he chooses to see her in a different light, that they both forgive and reframe what love truly is in a marriage. Attraction, at least physical attraction is so fleeting and often temporary, to a degree. Bodies age, grow gray and damaged by life’s ups and downs… but if they can age together, and the experiences create a bond as a unit… if they can choose each other and see the value in creating something different and uniquely them, they might just be stronger and better than they’ve ever been. That’s the hope. The relief comes from the truth that was veiled and yet felt. Golly, I feel for them both. I wish there wasn’t a way in which I relate. Oy, I need to call John and get on the show. I love that guy, wise and funny, real and empathetic. Encouraging to watch this show. It would be nice to hear his input on my life too, I think that every time I listen.
I just wanna see a photo of this man with the audacity to say he’s not attracted to his wife and spent the last 14 years and having 3 kids with her. Poor woman. I feel awful for her.
That would freaking suck..
Oh man. My heart would literally break into pieces 💔
The way she lost her breath when asked about his name breaks me
Ryan has stolen years from his wife by not being honest.
Ryan - Men, if you are not physically attracted to the person you’re about to marry DON’T MARRY HER! Don’t let your family, friends, culture, religion persuade you. She may have money, good personality, etc. but it will NEVER work in the long run if you are not physically attracted to her.
Amen
John handled the call with Ryan perfectly. He saw right through his language and got to the truth - he doesn’t love her. I hope his wife realizes she deserves better and leaves.
If his wife saw this call, this can be her exit out of the marriage.
Because there HAVE been good times and they were connected and they have kids … she wants to push through and heal their marriage.
He wants someone else to make the call so he doesn’t have to be RESPONSIBLE. He WANTS someone else to tell him what to do. If someone else tells him what to do the results are on them and not him … he gets to be free.
Ryan is the type of man that murders you in your sleep because he doesn't have the courage to divorce you. He put all his unhappiness on his wife. I certainly would not want to be married to him. He's a beta that blames everyone else. Gross.
@@melanieb2132That sounds accurate about that guy.
She won't so he has to grow a pair and do it
Ryan doesn’t deserve his wife. He should divorce her so she can be loved properly. I can only imagine how she must feel, heartbreaking!
He has chosen to use her for 14 years and now he is in the discard stage and he has a new supply. Just guessing.
Devastating but most likely true
AHHHHHHH!!! That guy Ryan wants permission to leave his wife. She deserves better. LEAVE HER. Stop wasting her time. Own up to it man. I’m giving you permission, YOUR WIFE DESERVES TO BE ADORED AND LOVED AND IT AIN’T YOU. Do her a favor and leave.
yeah, don't worry about your kids
It sounds like Ryan settled for someone he doesn’t want just to have the title of marriage. That’s not right and it’s unfair for his wife. He is wasting both his and her time.
Wow omg wow...as someone who's husband did tell me after 13 years...I've not been honest with you for 13 years...I don't love you like a man should love there wife..and later he said..due to our physical location...I would have broken up with you at the start if I had the money to help you move Back home(after I gave up my life to move to Middle of nowhere) I was absolutely relivded he told me the truth...becouse it ment my many years of working on ur marriage to no evail...wasn't my fault...I was never going to be prosperous because I didn't have a true partner ship....SET THE POOR WOMAN FREE RIGHT NOW...SHE DESERVES TO BE TRULEY HAPPY.
I hope your life is better now 🙏💞 sending you love and respect 🙏
Speaking on the financial side of things, this is why it’s important for breadwinners to carry life insurance. Being left to care for 5 kids as a single mom is a huge financial burden as well as everything else going on.
Same goes for the non breadwinner with life insurance. Because if the stay at home parent dies, there's a cost to cover for child care or for the other parent to step away from the bread winning job.
Ruth, child of the most high God i pray the Lord will be graceful to you and show you and your family mercy in your time of grief
My husband is emotional an available avoidant---- he drag me behind his car 5 years ( together 17 years 2 kids 4/9) last 2 years I got very depressed... because of all ... I left him .... I feel better... I deserve better... I don’t have family or support system but I’m going to be ok for my kids...
Yes ... We are woman hear me roar lol
Oh Ruth… 💔 I’m so sorry and will be praying for you! My husband passed away many years ago. I understand.. 🙏🏻 Much love to you! (Great and spot on advice Dr John!) 👍💙
Ryan wants out he just doesn’t have the courage to do it.
Yes, I think Ryan wants out and wants the other woman, but just in case it doesn't work with the other woman, he wants his wife back to fall back on so he's afraid to leave her in the first place.
Men never consider just being alone. He’s such a coward.
The cheating husband sounds like a real jerk. "I was "led" to have an affair".. maybe if he wasn't always looking at other women ( I'm guessing they're mostly online women he's referring to ) he might try being present long enough to see that he probably has a good wife who actually cares about him. He sounds weak minded, and weak willed, I'm sure he's no picnic to live with either especially while he's off cheating. It makes no sense.. if his life is "so boring" why doesn't he do something to make it better with his wife instead of just stepping out on her with some homewrecker at work? While he thinks she's better looking I can pretty much imagine she's not ,and even if she is, she's a total wreck. No one that is decent would cheat with a married man period. I'm guessing the reason people make decisions for him all the time is because he doesn't seem to be able to think for himself. He seems like he just hems and haws and doesn't really know what he wants.
Ryan is so passive aggressive lol. Just leave her dude. I can’t believe he’s with someone for over 10 years and is sitting there saying he never wanted to be with her. You should’ve left a long time ago…
It’s not fair to her. She was definitely led on by him smdh.
People delude them self in to thinking it will get better if we put in more effort...and if there's kids...most mothers don't want to distroy the family home.
He’s lazy. It’s much easier to stay put than to make a change.
Maybe he was waiting for something better to come along… he likes what she does for him and doesn’t want to let go of that until he has someone else pick up the slack…
I kinda think he has a responsibility to the kids.
On the other hand, if he isn't going to remove the barriers to love the mother of his children, he should probably leave. Resentment is a terrible cancer
There are speed bumps in marriage you will get over them if you keep moving forward and don't look back
The last call…I’m always so thankful and glad to hear these kinds of raw and real conversations/confessions. There are some really brave people out there to get on a show like this and share those details. We normally hear from the “victims” of those situations and no the ones committing the hurts. John handles it amazingly well and I’m thankful for anyone who gets on this show and share their heart, no matter how that looks.
The first conversation I related with the second caller was the first person I cried for on this show. My heart was truly broken for her and I pray the healing journey is going well for her.
He was attracted enough to her to take 15 years from her and have 3 kids with her. Not even just 1 💀
How sad that Ryan doesn't trust his own abilities and treated his wife so poorly. His wife has the self worth so low that she would stay where she isn't valued. He doesn't need to be in a marriage and she needs some mental health work to build herself up again. Wish them both well.
My heart breaks for the woman who lost her husband 🤦🏽♂️
I can imagine losing my wife to tragedy. We pray for old age and natural causes
Physical attraction fades, we lose our looks much faster than our personality. I’m not saying physical attraction isn’t important but it’s not the most important thing.
Oh the first caller about the household habits upsetting each of us. For years my husband would criticize me for not doing the dishes the way he wants. Ended up with me avoiding time together with this chore. I felt the big picture was more important, and he keeps picking
on me for tasks.
That is awful for what happened to this woman really sorry for your loss .
The cultural communication difference can be a huge factor in a marriage. My husband is Colombian, and his family has a *very* different style of communicating than my Californian, soft-voiced family. I was sitting with his mom once, and the youngest brother came into the room, and they started having a conversation in Spanish that I would have sworn was some kind of furious argument. I started to sink into the couch, since I thought they were having a heated discussion. When the son left, I cautiously asked if there was a problem, and my mother in law tilted her head, and said, “no, I was just telling him the weather was supposed to change later, and he could put a tarp over the wood pile”…it was nuts. My husband and I have had to figure out how to talk to each other over our 13 years of marriage, and it can make things very difficult when you don’t realize how vastly different communication styles can be.
Ohhhh so true!!! I grew up speaking Spanish and interrupting is just part of the way they speak in Central America and it’s not “rude”. My husband gets so frustrated with my comments through his statements. It’s really hard to not a say a word until his statement is completely over. Usually I don’t know it’s not over because he takes really long pauses between words.
😂
Dr John, You made Ruth chuckle (casseroles in fridge guy😂)
I bet that made her feel good in that moment, you’re awesome ❤
The second caller was so composed and she seemed so amazing. Didn't deserve to lose her husband.
My heart breaks for Ryan's wife 💔
The worst decision is indecision
Wow. The last caller is a worthless human being. He blamed his wife, not his fault he had an affair. He was not attracted to her even before the marriage. He has no balls or integrity. He used the poor woman for over 10 years and had kids with her. He's trash.
I felt like Ryan did at one point w my wife early in our marriage. Never cheated, but I still loved her even though I thought the grass was greener - and what I think influenced my thoughts is I honestly believed I was better than her. Didn’t consciously think that, but I think on a subconscious level.
As time passed and she proved time and time again that she is the woman who always loved and respected me, yet challenged me to be my best self, a better husband and father. Now I can’t breathe without her.
It’s funny how when you act in love even though the heart isn’t always in it, eventually the heart follows if you let it.
Ruth, not being able to say her husband’s name out loud quite yet broke me😢. Such a well-handled call.
Oh Ruth! I am so sorry! I lost my husband suddenly like you. The one thing that I also felt is that :
When I felt very sad and sat in that feeling without trying to fight it … something unexpected would pop! I would notice things around me for the first time! Like the way the rays of sunshine seats in the room where I am. Or if I was outside , people with smile seems to radiate more than the other and were inspiring…. It felt like the universe was tikkling me 😊 I also had a sunshine Husband telling me that everything was going to be okay ! I am so touched by the people around you showing up for you … you are not alone !!! Big hug from a big (fat) lady ❤
Yes!!! I'm from Jersey so true😂
One must consider the type of personality you are dealing with too when communicating. You may be talking to the wind.
Ruth’s family sounds amazing! God bless you all.
I love how you say you're sorry. Thank you for that
@The Dr John Delony Show. I usually get mad at how short or how it's not a safe place for the men to call the show, but today i want to make a full stop and thank you for making it a safe place for Ryan, thank you for airing this call, so much to learn, thank you for chewing the inside of your mouth Dr John instead of a new hole for Ryan.😂🤯
That Ruth call! It felt good to hear a good update from an old caller but then that bomb she dropped...WOW
Heart broken for her
And now I'm crying in my work truck. Thanks John 🥴
As someone who grew up in New Jersey, yelling is often out of love lol
That is not creepy for somebody to leave casseroles in her fridge! If he has permission to come in and drop it off, that is fine! I'm from the South. When I was growing up and somebody died, everybody took food to the house. My father died suddenly when I was 14. We found out on a Wednesday evening, and that very night, my house was filled with food and people. I'm 50 years old now, and I still remember the comfort that brought me that night when I went to bed. All those people loved us, and I'm so glad they were there. That food and visiting happened for the next few days, and it's our loss that we don't really do that anymore. I would think every time she or one of those kids sees a casserole that man brought over, they would remember that he loves them. They still have people, and there is still good. It's not creepy; it's loving.
I applaud you John for the Ryan call.
But he's not attracted to her. Why be with someone your not attracted to???
I never understood that and still don’t. Women generally can feel when someone isn’t attracted to them. I bet his wife caught up on that.
But the standard of attraction changes so do you keep changing your partners every time you desire something attraction. You can admire and be attracted to someone but that doesn't mean that person is for you or you need to act on your attraction.
John's assuming it's another women, but it sounds like it could be a man.
So for 10 years he was just forcing himself to have s3x with her? It worked for home for 10 years…
These things happen when people are brought up in very strict religious households. Sex is "dirty" even in marriage, there is no accommodation for dating in any real sense, it's similar to a courtship. Preventing young people to abstain from all sexual experiences, and any real dating coupled with a culture of young 20s marriage on top of divorce being similar to murder as a sin... this is what zealous religion does
I wish we could see these peoples photos during the call 😂
i was thinking this during the call with indecisive ryan
Dr. John - If you’re taking requests, would you please do an interview with Dr. Robert Glover, the guy who wrote No More Mr. Nice Guy? Last caller desperately needs to read that book, so many guys I know operate on the nice-guy people-pleasing that only ends in deep resentment & shame.
I’d love to see what a physical catch Ryan is to have the audacity to claim he’s never been attracted to his wife. WOW. I bet women are clawing down his door. 😒. His poor wife.
Wished we would have a Delony in Europe to call. I've so many questions about relationships and marriage.
Delony gets callers from Europe all the time, feel free!
He's had calls from all over the world ❤ You'll just have to call in the middle of the night 🥰 Please do! I'm sure he'd love to talk with you!!
The audience is a bit too big for me 🙈 But I am thinking about writing so he can read it in the show.
He always chose the safety of being with someone he never really liked much(its like an emotional safety mechanism) and now hesbored af because he saw the other side, and now he wants the other thing. Best believe he will want this safety when he would be inevitably done with that new girl. Some people are just takers.
Yes he was hoping John would support him leaving the wife
Because the marriage covenant is only about physical attraction…. 🙄
Hello Dr Delony and fans
I’ve never realized this before…. But the shows intro/outro music sounds like Kings of Leon. I don’t know why…. It just does.
Thumbs up just for the Green Day lyrics!! ❤
Story 2.
No, we don't choose how we feel. We choose how we act on it, but we don't have to choose how we feel.
Ryan is weak. He wants his cake both ways. He’s passive aggressive. Fake. Superficial. I didn’t like him.
Same. He’s a weak beta coward to the max degree. Love Dr. John, but he was too easy on this guy.
I feel like Ryan trying to make it work with the wife is like beating a dead horse...
They both need to go their separate ways. I feel really bad for the wife, she deserves so much better than what he can provide her...
it would be better if both parties were on the call to hear both sides :)
Everyone says this, but it can be difficult to get the other involved , sometimes even dangerous.
Last caller get in touch with your spiritual side! His wife should say we will be friends for the family that’s it.
Last caller is most likely Mormon. He’s been living his life the way he was expected to without ever considering what he truly wants and what an authentic life looks like for him. I’m not blaming Mormonism, but this scenario plays out in these holier than thou religions regularly. He doesn’t know what he wants because he’s been told his whole life what a good life looks like rather than creating that for himself on his own.
Whew, that first relationship sounds like mine 💀
'That's creepy on top of weird' :D !!!
Ms. Ruth, ❤❤❤
🙏🙏🙏🌹🌹🌹✝️✝️✝️😭😭😭
I think this woman;s partner is gaslighting her.
Listen to this videos a lot. Strange almost all women callers has the same voice and says " ahhhm" the same way
I think so and all so the men callers all sound the same
I don't know if you will see this Dr D. Cultural differential might be the word you are looking for instead of mismatch
You can’t force attraction, though
I skimmed the comments and didn't see anything... Regarding the update and continuing to dig for a diagnosis, it made think of my 'autoimmune condition' and not having a complete diagnosis. If anyone has any beneficial input, I would be super grateful.
I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease several years ago and I really questioned it. I researched, got 2nd and 3rd opinions and did the following things.
1) not only reduced my stress but got professional help and learnt to control my stress and work on triggers.
2) got back to basics: fresh air, exercise, lot of water etc... so I cleaned up my life
3) I really looked in to nutrition and the mirco nutrients my body needed. Started taking the vitamins that were recommended, vitamin C & D, K2 etc basically building up my immune system.
From my research for me and my condition I learnt they (medical researchers) now consider my particular auto immune disease is actually a nutritient deficiency and has nothing to do with my immune system. Doctor get training in diet but very little on nutrition. Don't know if this helps you, but from my own personal experience I'm glad I took the reins and dug deeper. I haven't been on medication of any kind in over 5 years. So now my specialists are thinking I was diagnosed.
@@vickifreeman02 Thank you. I appreciate the response. I have had a similar experience. Thank you, again.
Ryan's story is exactly why women have to make men jump through many many hoops in the dating phase. If he doesn't really want you badly enough he won't make the cut, simple.
John always seems to be encouraging divorce with no consideration of kids and the likelihood of bad coparenting.
Kids should be everyone's top priority when divorce looms and he never mentions that.
not at all
Bruv, i want to give you a call and talk about my situation but I don’t want my girlfriend to know how I feel about her
I have the best advise IMHO, and I am going to post this on every one of these videos. Men, when you are dating and/or contemplating marriage, if the woman you are with had a bad relationship with her father run for your life NO MATTER WHAT. You'll be thanking me later.
stupid
Ryan needs to grow a pair and leave his wife cuz he clearly doesn't want her and refuses to let her go cuz she wants to make things work😐she deserves better
What does a schizophrenic teenager have to do with marriage
The horse 🐎 kicking kids was so funny.
(-28:17 min mark) WAIT, What? She chooses → to feel a certain way all on her own?
And it has nothing to do with his treatment of her?
There IS absolutely an impact, that someone can have on another.
If a person is neglectful the partner will feel neglected ~ If they are treated with kindness and respect that evokes a feeling too!
I will never understand that no-one has an impact on how we will feel, loved/happy/sad/frustrated, we choose that feeling?
Dude, I CALL Bull Crap !!
When we are treated poorly or hurt by another person's irresponsible behavior ie: a bully, etc etc ---- that will have a negative impact on us (just like the 3rd callers wife),
we cannot deny how we feel about it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Ruth is off the hook regarding the impact that someone close to her had on her feelings? C'mon dude!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3rd caller now needs Deloney, to tell him what to do ~ so he's still can't make his own decisions. Waiting for someone else to tell him what to do ---
he might even have a porn problem b/c he's got sight/eye issues. Wish Deloney would have asked him that !
Wonder what Ryan looks like…
She subpoena you or wanted to hang out during her tough challenges 😕😔 really sad not just for clout but for real reasons i regret to say that im sorry my hesrt does go out for uh 😊 god bless
that last man is a big piece of garbage. he ruined his wife life. she could have met someone who really appreciated her. she has luggage thanks to him.
Być żonatym tylko po to by utrzymać status " Jestem żonaty /Jestem w związku ?
Nigdy w życiu bym się nie posunęła aż do tak desperackiego aktu być w związku dla publiki być żonatym , mężatką dla publiki.
Dude! Leave! You can't have it both ways.
If she has two jobs, shouldnt he be supportive and pick up the slack? I feel like something was not said here...
Ryans wife has no self esteem AT ALLL brooo it breaks my heart
boxing gloves
Does rock, paper, and stone solve problems. Only for children. If only it would be that simple.
get a divorce NOW!
Yes.
Yes.
Barring abuse, of course... If at all possible, grow up as partners and stick with it.
Ride it out.
Make changes to everything else in your life if you have to. Move across country or whatever investments you need to make this work even just a little better. Do it. Make the changes. It could be worth it. Give it 1-3 more years and if it still sucks at least you figured it out and won't wonder if you could have changed it. By then you'll be certain or amazed at how capable you two are of turning things around.
My folks almost divorced at least 3 times that we know of. Guess what - they just celebrated their 50th anniversary.
You will want to divorce. Goes with the territory of long term.
You might want to cheat (especially men - ladies, pay attention)... Or step pit other ways in addictions or overshoppong... Or whatever...
But clean it up and commit and then recommit if nothing more then at least to skipping that appointment at the divorce lawyer's office. When you get there - and you will - likely when you have a growing young family and are most vulnerable... Know you'll want to show up there to get your spouse's goose. But skip it. The lifetime you could miss out on might not be worth it.
My g-ma had 2 lifetimes. From her 20's to his 60's with 5 kids she had by Hubby Love #1 (pancreatic cancer got him - until death) and then from that to her '90's with her 2nd husband, who happened to be their best friend since college who'd been widowed a decade without even dating anyone until my g-ma was on the market after her 1st hubby's death. Yeah we wondered, too. That was the age though of real friendship and a sense of comraderie and taking care of one another's families. The men had been to top schools schools together, served in. The military, traveled extensively together for companionship with another couple raising their kids at the same time in the same way...
In the spand of a 50 + year lifetime, as yourself if it's really worth reducing each of your estimated individual economic value by 2/3's?
One 3rd for you, one for your spouse and one for the lawyers or legal divorce system.
If you're in a house worth $600,000, do you want a rental worth $200,000?
Sucks to boil it down to that but building wealth is always more comforting than separating it.
Know that staying together can stabilize over time if you realize it's about more than simply individual happiness and you're both able to make mature changes necessary.
It not, by all means - have had it. Rip each other to shreds instead. Maybe that's a better long term strategy for those in true misery.
But put things in perspective.
As long as you do that first, you'll be fine with whatever decision you make.
Well said!! 👏 👏👏
Yes!!!! You are spot on.
10:10
So her husband has an abundant mindset and she has a lack mindset.
There is, she has anger issues. Just like the movie anger management with Adam Sandler. She's a female Adam Sandler.😆
The second caller is why women should work. 5 kids, wow! How devastating!
So tea cup lady just needs to stop being a mean girl.
Is she reading a script???
Marriage is a lie.. worst
Thing I did three times
You just got the wrong guy
Not for me 💕👍🇱🇷
I mean… whats the common denominator
The problem has a face lol
Toxic woman for sure!