I wish i could speak to u ! I'm dealing with a husband who is got me . He's definitely a p.l.I'm 15 years in and just coming to terms with this is what he is. U have no idea what ive been through.
You can't play with a liar. If you feel uncomfortable speaking to them about their lying; show them with your actions: I know you are a liar and I won't tolerate your behavior. And the only way that can be communicated through behavior is to keep your distance, permanently. Be emotional distant at all times, even if you must communicate with them. We must learn to protect our energetical bodies.
YES!!! I have family members who are pathological liars and believe the lies they tell to the point of toxicity! They'll try to hurt you when they cannot use you for their antics. People tell me I'm wrong and should overlook them, I tried, then it lead to "gaslighting". My advice is to STAY AWAY!
I lived with my manipulative grandmother who would constantly play two ends against the middle & cause family drama. When confronted with her BS she would deny, deny & deny some more, twist words, use selective memory, etc. When she couldn’t worm her way out, she’d cry, blame her advanced age, failing memory, poor hearing, etc.
Ditto. Blaming advanced age, poor hearing, failing memory are typical ones I get from a 74 year old friend. Don't have an answer for you and I guess these things may not be answered here. You can't distance yourself necessarily from family. I think some type liars who lie about insignificant things just do it out of a compulsivity. They may have low self-esteem and think they have to lie to sound or be thought of as better. Try telling her you love her as she is and she does not have to 'exaggerate'.
She knows what she is talking about. Few therapists really understand how dangerous pathological liars are. She clearly gets it and every bit of this advice WORKS. I know from experience. Too bad I had to learn on my own.
The thing i realise is that they lie because they themselves do not know how to handle the truth. Afraid to speak their mind or afraid to be rejected. It is actually very sad. I help reminding myself that they are just nit as aware of the pain they cause others with their behaviour. Holding space for their learning process while holding strong boundaries works best for me. And also to not fool myself into expecting better from her. That is like buying bread at the butcher shop and i have made this mistake many times. Its time to look within and see what keeps me to do that actually so i can grow more strong and take my power back.
@@zion367 From what I understand, while that's true for some people who prefer to lie in order to avoid or hide the truth (and just do it more often than most), actual PATHOLOGICAL liars usually don't have a very clear motive. It's more of a compulsion that eventually turns into a habit. They may not actively try to lie. They may not even realize they've been lying until someone points it out.
When it’s someone you love you just want to believe them but you know there lies it’s really messed my head up and finding hard to trust anyone lost family and friends to
1.How do you hold them responsible For thier behavior. 2. Distancing is not always easy. You may see them again in the streets, sometimes you even work with these type of people. Well I m just going to respect them in public and just show love and walk away and distance yourself. Without anger more time away because they are very disrespectful and just live in complete denial.
This is GREAT Advice. I’d like to add some to this which is this: Some situations with pathological liars call for simply limiting personal involvement to the extent of giving an almost sterile and basic interaction with. Sometimes one never know how or what triggers the individual who’s hired on as “an expert witness” might have and turn against you. I’ve been in that type of situation on a crappy Home Depot job years back. I’ve been through that with family members and so-called friends becoming attacked and hated by a few. That kind of messiness actually caused me to question myself on more than one occasion. I’ve learned to better look and listen from a safe distance with my cutting off all who betrayed me. A lot of these types give off an aura of being messy and pathological liars. A SURE sign in my opinion is when someone gives the air of having histrionic personality disorder. One with stronger than average narcissistic features are really a treat! ☠️ A coworker from that Home Depot gig eventually got fired for pulling some shady mess (stealing/fraud). Could you do a video on Histrionic Personality Disorder in both male and female?
Hey thanks a ton for the great vid! I have a friend I've known for a few months, I met him through my life long friend and after a cupple months of knowing him I confronted my buddy about the guys lies. It made no sense they were lies that meant nothing. About dumb things that just weren't true. I mean this guy is an expert at everything and had a answer for everything but is a horible liar. I just sit and nod. I only believed his bs because I give awkward or different people the benefit of the doubt. But my buddy said that this has been how he has been since they met but it got worse over time. He is truely a kind guy and his lies seem to have no real goal. I think that he has very bad self esteem issues and doesn't think his life experience is enough so he has to make stuff up. We have been planning to confront him but I don't even know if its a good idea. I really am not concerned about him hurting me I could care less. I'm worried about his mental health and want to help him pull himself out of this hole more then anything. It can't be good for relationships and staying happy. Would appreciate any tips.
You're welcome!! Glad this was helpful. I suggest confronting as a last resort and only if you can back up your claim with details he can't wiggle out from. I wouldn't necessarily nodd and go along if he is lying. I would engage him as you usually do until you spot the lies. Once you do I would pull back on the conversation. Neutralize your position in conversation. He'll feel that and likely stop, try to force you to engage, or confess.
Oh lord !!!!! Nail on the head ! So accurate to the tee ! 18-48 and now he’s trying to get an injunction of all the evidence I have threatening and blackmailing my livelihood to erase my life story while he lives his life with no remorse saying it’s his ‘ choice’ but yet wants to control mine and change the truth of the past..... so disturbing .... like a world where you just go WHAT !!!!! You mean you can do more !!!!! ??!!! And the answer is ‘Yes they can ‘ And you wish cameras were capturing this abnormal being 24/7 . Sorry for the long post but boy do I need to vent . This video couldn’t be more accurate! Thank you 🙏
I love your videos!!! These videos really relates so much to my life as an Assistant Vice President of a small company (I’m nobody one of like 10). My co- avp is a pathological liar. However you give me so much good advice to tell my subordinates.
Thank you! Glad this was helpful. 🤗 It's difficult working in an environment like this. You truly have to "fight back" with knowledge. It's something I had to do many years ago in a similar environment.
thank you for this video. i just left a relationship with a pathological liar, and i’m struggling because i really loved him. i had a feeling that the things he was telling me weren’t true, but it took awhile to get proof. i kept confronting him with things and he would just talk his way out of it. for example, he told me he owned a company and that he was traveling to romania for work. i finally met his mother and his best friend, and they confirmed that he’s an employee not an owner, and that he did not go to romania. i broke up with him, but my head is still messing with me. i miss him a lot and keep trying to convince myself that somehow i can still be with him or that i can deal with the lies.. or that i’m going to get him to start being honest. it’s the worst! how do i get out of this cycle?
Yes. I think people with illness is still deserve to be loved. But we have to ignore anything they said. And start planning and count everything on ourselves, which is might not ideal in time we really really need help but we can not count on them at anything. So if we focus on our own life, we have to leave them one day for better partner. But for a temporary we can just ignore everything they said. Because none will be executed.
We've as a family just come to this realization about my sister in law and just as we tried to stage an intervention she said shes pregnant and now my brother is locked into this 😭
You are a god send and I'm subscribing. Thank u so much for...just being a real person. Seriously thank u. I am a first time father with someone I didn't know was this way. I'm broken and I really really needed this
Welcome to the channel!! And thank you. You're welcome. I'm glad this was helpful. Feel free to join me live on Fridays after 6pm. This Friday, 6:50pm, I will be discussing family abuse cycles. It may be helpful. I answer questions, discuss the topic, and the chatbox is rather supportive to say the least.
@Kendall Greer run man i finally moved out an got my own place. It wasnt easy an it expensive but way worth it. Ive so stress free now its crazy i dont realize just hoe much a drain these people are untill u leave from them permanently. Thank god. Hope it works out for u. Merry Christmas!
I'm so sorry. The first thing to do is possibly put yourself through therapy to learn how to manage her and figure out her personality with a professional behind you. If not this, you may want to look for ways to point out (with evidence) her lies. She would then be forced to explain the proof of her lie. You may be able to then suggest treatment.
Thanks again these are so very easily digestible bites of not just info but also strategies! These strategies really help a lot for dealing with trauma too!
What happens when that person doesn’t respect boundaries or uses guilt trips to manipulate you & turns out they’re abusive & have a history of domestic violence & protective order violations.
Acts like we trust their talkings. If he is abusive, move to another place that no one knows will be better. It is so heartbroken, if we become like a fugitive just to prevent something bad happened. Even we have to lose friends that might be related to them.
I had a phone conversation with my sons physiotherapist she said something to me and then lied saying she never said that and then ignored me putting my son in danger I don't trust her as far as I can throw her so I am going to put in a formal complaint my son has severe disabilities so he can't speak for himself she adjusted something in his chair then lied saying she didn't that's very dangerous to me it's beyond lying... but I was very upset n stressed 😪 she even had me thinking I was overreacting and questioning myself.. this video is very good I just wish I had recorded the conversation now but I've kept texts as evidence
If any of this is what you say it is, I'm sorry this has happened. It sounds like there is a disconnect between you and this woman. Thankfully you didn't record the conversations because that would be illegal and potentially cause more harm to you than her. I wish you the best with your son.
@Aumlove, that's incorrect. It's called "wiretapping law." If it is done to a professional you could serve more time if they press charges. Perhaps the laws are different in your state? Bottom line: it's wiretapping and not admissible in court. We just have to be careful and wise.
I am in Europe and in Spain it's ok unless you keep it to yourself and not post it online or share it with others as long as you are joined in the conversation.
No disrespect and there is a lot of good info here. We differ on one point though: we advise that when you are dealing w liars...communicate as much as you can in writing and screenshot. Talking w liars allows them to benefit from untrackable communication and control the narrative. Liars will say something then say they did not say it and worst they will say you said what they actually said. If you don't have wriiten or recorded proof...you will be at their mercy. And the worst of liars will setup a campaign against you then triangualte narratives and the truth-teller will often look like the unstable person while the liar manipulates and orchestrates. It is awful. So as much as you can, get what the liar says in writing...it will not fully protect you from them, but it will give you a better fighting chance against the lies.
Appreciated this view. Anything to help and educate. We just have to be careful not to promote calculating behaviors in response to the pathological liar. That can backfire as well. Just know many pathological liars are sociopaths and are getting what you say in writing too! Thanks for contributing.
I just keep my boundaries up I'm around a ton of liars. I've hated it at work.....I at one time worked with a woman who said they could ruin my life......I found out why all the fawning .
So pathological liars shouldn't be treated like regular human beings? If everyone is distancing themselves from them then how are they supposed to get help. From my understanding, pathological lying is a defense mechanism formed from traumas. Most of these people aren't intentionally trying to hurt others. I was hoping this video would give me information on how to help that someone in my life who's a pathological liar, not cut them out. I know that's not the only way.
I think you bring up a good point. Everyone is different so there may be hope for some individuals who engage in pathological lying. This video, however, is about those individuals who have developed an identity of lying behavior to the point of it becoming pathological. These individuals often lie for no apparent reason, have little guilt or remorse, and continue to lie even when their lives are being impacted by it. These individuals have personality disorders or character traits that make them more susceptible to lying behaviors as well as deception. But yes, there are some who may not fit this description.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Tamara, thank you. One question? Can therapy succeed with such a person when they are totally unreliable and cannot speak honestly about themselves? How to help them therapeutically when this is the case?
I tried to cope with my family, then it turned into "gaslighting" me. Please be careful, they'll exacerbate your mental wellness. This video is on point!
Thank you so much for your tips. My self just out from this toxic relationship with before i thougt my bestfriend. And don't know why she can make me feel guilty to ignore her. But thanks to this tips sayin, that i am deserve to make boundaries.
I have a cousin who is literally spreading lies about me for no aparant reason. It's hella weird. She also lied about being terminally ill like four times over the last 15 years and basic experiences that are not worth lying about
my sister is an expert she will hear the point you made and question I asked her she will come back in seconds and ask the same think in a demomic powerful way like What did you say it's the same thing I asked her when I heard her (always comes defending her mom) which leaves me confused like wtf just happened I am sure I asked a validated question or she said something under her breath she reaponds with a fear ful way to get out of it when it involves mom. who stirs things up by acussing us by saying things like you hate me both of you..over doing coffee for us and acts defensive saying things like I'd rather die than be here. I just replied You're Jelous. and the younger took it up. You know what I mean. hm 🙇🏽♀️ it's hard to look for signs from unvirse during this take. just keep it moving.
his cousin works at my local post office and each time i block him and go no contact my mail gets lost and withheld , its frustrating . I filed a complaint last time this time ill have to go to police
Oh my. That's very frustrating. I once had a client go through this. Very unnerving and they could get into a lot of legal trouble doing this if you can prove it.
I’ve had to unfortunately encounter 2 different women . Both of which I noticed are very good at portraying a very Personable and sweet façade . So you’re guard is down and don’t even see it coming then they tell the most Horrendous lies and they don’t mind lying straight to your face if they know they’re going to get in trouble 👿 . Yea proof of communication because they will literally destroy you with lies . Smh evil 👿
In my case I can't do that because here she is wife of my brother and we live in same house. And I have to deal with her on daily basis for day-to-day chores.
The collateral damage that these liars create is horrible. And no matter the circumstances they take NO responsibility. They use the line...."I don't lie, I exaggerated the story to make it funnier". or. out right crap comes out of their mouth.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean. If you mean to learn the "techniques" I'm not sure sticking around this toxic individual is worth that. If you mean stick around them to get more information on who they are, I'm still not sure it is worth it because you're likely to become the target at some point.
I'm sorry. I would suggest psychotherapy for you to learn skills to manage them. Perhaps you can find a therapist who is skilled at teaching ways around these people.
This is a great question! I would say the first step would be to create some distance between you and that coworker. You should probably do it slowly so that they don't notice what is happening. If that is not possible and you need to get away immediately, I encourage leaving the job or deciding to take a strong stand against the person and endure whatever retaliation you may have to endure. It's never easy.
I'm sure it is difficult. It's always difficult to deal with such siblings. You may have to put up firm boundaries to protect yourself as you try to continue loving him.
I'm having an issue with a friend and money... claiming she has none and isn't getting her money, but I've found loads of things that are so wrong. How do I go about cutting her out without feeling guilty for walking away?
That's a question I cannot answer without more details and with limited research in the field overall. The sad reality is that we don't know too much about pathological lying and need a lot more research done. One thing that might be helpful to you is figuring out what the motivation is for lying and the triggers to his lying.
This is a great question that requires a new video! But I often suggest in these cases to have little to say and to find opportunities to avoid them. If you can avoid the person or the group such as a church home, then you may find it helpful to share and discuss only shallow or surface level things and to keep all personal communication at a minimum.
Hey Tamara, thanks for your video. It was really helpful and I will definitely use your advices that you have suggested! I have a problem with my family member - it is my mom. I am not sure if I can characterise her as a ''full'' pathological liar because to me it seems ( from your video and other video I have seen) that pathological liars tend to be more dominant in conversations/some situations? Today I heard how my parents were arguing ... because of my mom lying again. My dad started shouting at her but she was kinda quiet and tried to explain what she meant. Like she is trying to convince him of her made-up ''truth'' but it does not seem really convincing and she keeps going on and on lying - I would describe it like she is drowning in her lies or try to quickly come up with something ( I am aiming on the situation that happened today when they were arguing). My dad really shouts at her so I think that does not really help her, sometimes he does not let her speak or finish, but that is because he is frustrated or, he know she is lying again, haha. And in the end she always say - yes you are right, but I don't think she means that. She also lies to look smart, like she knows everything, she lies to look funny in front everyone. I have told her she has to stop this, because she will look like and idiot in the end. But did not took my advice. What do you think I should do in my situation? How should I change her or stop her from lying? You have mentioned distancing, but since it is my mom, that is not really an option for me. Thanks in advance for your time and answer! Have a good day :) K
Try telling her in a quiet moment that you love her just the way she is and that she does not have to fib or exaggerate or use any other mechanism for you to love her. Ask her if you can use a hand signal or something to cue her when you detect she is about to fib again and with a smile at the same time, maybe disarm her.
I will not abandon someone because of their mental instability. There has to be a better way. Ignoring the problem will not help the next person who falls into their trap.
It may not be the result of a "mental instability" but rather a personality disorder that cannot be medicated and always treated. At that point, protecting yourself is key. It's only when you get tired enough that you make the needed moves to move on.
@@TherapistTamaraHill The issue is I will not be manipulate by this specific person. I've watched time and time again everyone abandon him. I do not think he is a bad person, but I do believe he has a mental disorder that is compelling him to lie. Which has caused him to have a very lonely life. Most lies are not manipulative, only that he "saw this" or "did that"
Hey, my father is one he lied about my mother and grandparents all the time. But he recently said my mother cheated on him and everything else, Ive started ignoring him it’s not working though as he keeps messaging me and it feels crap ignoring one of my parents that’s why it’s so hard anyone have any advise/ been through it also? (I’m 13 btw just in case that matters)
You're way too young to be exposed to this stress. He should not be messaging you to trash your family members. That is toxic. Parents should not be bringing their children into their adult drama and should not be labeling and name calling the other parent. I hope you and your family can get therapy.
@@e_i_e_i_bro thanks, I’ve stopped getting in contact with him when he called me and I said that I don’t wanna talk to him,l. His response was “have a good life being lied to by everyone” but yeah thanks
Videos from your channel on this topic have been coming up for me alot. I wonder why. Seems like a bad thing. I do have family that says all kinds if things about me, but I feel like this is in my feed for some other reason. On topic, the thing that always gets me around dishonest people I’m close to is that even when the wolf is at their door, you might still be there sometimes knowing they’re not capable of even understanding dishonesty or being honest or real or you know by the time it comes up it wouldn’t make a difference what they knew. To me, sometimes you kind of resent the people who lie about you or who manipulate you with lies and it can really get under your skin, especially for people you don’t want to feel that way about. It would be nice if people were more real and honest and less manipulative.
After doing a lot of reflection on myself and my family, I have recognized that I am/have been a pathological liar. It stems so deep that I have been deceiving myself for so many years. Now that I have truly recognized it and know where it came from, I am going to start working on changing my character/soul altogether. I'm sick of all of the lies, all of the manipulation, all of the deceit, that's not who I want to be anymore. I have damaged many people and severed many relationships. Do you have any advice for a person trying to get better or cure themselves of this disorder? I have been doing it so long that I am not entirely sure where to start.
Let's put this way....some of the nicest women I've worked with were abused divorced women. ..not that you had to be but women catch on to the head games they played out
My grown stepdaughter is one but her dad doesn't see it. Unfortunately she's going to be in the house forever, using everyone like an ATM and nothing i can do other than ignore her.
I'm sorry! This is tough. It's sad when the other parent doesn't see it. Eventually, her behavior will come knocking at his door. He can't not see it for long.
This is a great question! It all depends on the specifics of your case but I often encourage families to develop a very open relationship with the child and build on that bond so that the child can learn to advocate for themselves when at the pathological liar's/the other parent's house. In other words, if you have a strong relationship with the child they are less likely to keep things from you if the pathological liar/other parent twists facts, etc. Another approach may be to try to get things confirmed as much as you can. It's tough.
I am realizing my purpose. To save two of my four children. No mother should have to turn her back on her children. A sacrifice that no mother should have to make, but understand the test. Powerful things are happening in my life in real time, right now. It's a miracle from God to have not given up on me, and showed me I Am Worthy!
Catherine Wacker I’d be interesting in talking with you as I’m going through a divorce with someone I believe to be a pathological liar. Married for 7 years and my memory can be horrible at times so when she would always have a story I would believe her until I started to write things down or make a greater effort to memorize situations to confront with facts. Slowly I started to realize she was wrong and making up stories that normally put me in the wrong or bad light in other words. I found out some things in her past that she kept secret, like other ex husbands I knew nothing about and some pretty crazy stories to go along with them that blew my mind. Anyways, I’d be interested to talk with you if willing!?!?
@@TherapistTamaraHill could you please make a video with more info on this? I’ve been going through the same thing for 5 years now and I’m very afraid that my child will grow up to be like his father who seems to lie for no reason, little to big lies, a lie is a lie. and I’m afraid my kid will think lying is okay because his dad does it. I hardly even recognize his dad, it’s as if it’s gotten worse over the years and he’s a whole different person. it’s extremely scary and dangerous at this point.
First off...LOVE the glasses. Are those used to block computer light? I've seen some like it. Great topic as always. I feel like "fawning" can be included in this topic or the topics you have spoken about on narcissists. Perhaps you have discussed it in many forms already?
Thanks so much!! I cant see ALL of my screens throughout the day without them. Lol And you are right! I have discussed fawning but not in a direct way.
Behavior management might be helpful. That would be something like "family-based" therapy where the therapist comes to your home and the child's school to provide observations of behavior and behavior tools for everyone. Another thing would be to look at the people who are around the child ("the models"), peers, and young family members the child could be immolating. Lastly, it may be helpful to consider the motivation for the lying. Why is the child lying? Are they in need of attention? Are they looking for approval? Are they afraid?
I'm sorry Oscar. This is tough because he's so close. I would start by refraining from discussing certain things with him or inviting him into your space where he can manipulate or harm you, intentionally or unintentionally. In other words, the less a pathological liar knows about you including your weaknesses the better. Any amount of information can be used against you or manipulated. It might be best in your case to slowly distance and choose what you will share with him.
Hey Tamara, could you be consulted with a situation I'm in dealing with a pathological liar and to give you a headsup I'm kinda broke right now but just wanna know if you would be generous enough to help me with this situation
I said to the liar After 7 months of no talking I don't want to talk to u All u do is lie The responded Why do u care I care because if u lie u can never speak to me their is no point This is a relative This person even believes their own lies
The person in my life who is a compulsive liar actually believes his lies and lives in this alternate reality of his own making where his lies are real. It appears he lies to manipulate others and he feels that he is entitled to whatever anyone else has, he plays the victim and will double down on the lies to protect himself from criticism or failure. He will NEVER admit that he lied. Instead he lashes out at me and projects onto me by saying that I lie and have a horrible memory and I’m the toxic one and everyone else thinks those things about me too. I know that is a defense mechanism and what he’s saying about me isn’t true but it is still unhealthy to be anywhere near this person because he is also a thief and has anger issues. Is there any way to make a person like this see that they are ill and need professional help?
Sadly, there isn't. Most pathological liars do not think there is a problem or they see and hear about the problem from others but do not care. It's a sad situation because they are hurting others -- sometimes for no apparent reason -- and doesn't seem to care because the next lie is right around the corner. The only help most pathological liars get is when they are either in the middle of losing everything, losing their job, losing their reputation, or are court-ordered to treatment. It's a grim picture for most pathological liars.
I’m in such a crappy situation. My friend has been lying about her age for about a year now saying she was “17” when in reality she just turned 14. My other friend who gave me proof and clarified her true age, doesn’t want me to use her as proof to call her out. So now I have no way of confronting her because if she denies it. I have no public proof to provide. Any suggestions?
I don't get it, first the recommendation is to have proof of communication like texts, emails etc then the recommendation is to talk to the liar??? again I don't get it
The suggestion is to use any one of these tools. The decision to choose is yours. You can actually do both too. One doesn't necessarily cancel out the other.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you so much! I can't believe I wrote this two months ago. Now I found myself in a bad situation with this person ( the liar). I kept my distance for about 6 weeks, but unfortunately I ended up going for a date with him last week, second day he kissed me, then he disappeared the entire weekend and I said to my self that's it, unfortunately I have a "commercial" bond with him that needs to be solve, so I called him in reference to that, he acted like I was the one that ghosted him... I gave him a chance to see me on Tuesday (at that point I was thinking about not loosing my money/commercial bond) so we got together, I was clear we're going to be friends, next day the texting was full of lies so I told him #goodbye I can't stand your lies anymore, do not reach out to me anylonger.. (all this in a very gentle manner) he sounded very disturbed, I guess he wasn't expecting that. I told him I'll be waiting for the our business to be over as well. 1️⃣. Honestly, although I have such a sense of relief I do feel bad because I got emotional hurt with this person, I'm trusting God to help me. 2️⃣. Something that I realize is that I cannot blame him for everything, "it takes two to tango" as he was lying to me all this time and I knew he was lying I never told him anything nor confronted him, I simply let him continue with the lies. I guess the flirting and the "attention" got me and my excuse to tolerate that was our business but no, it wasn't... #God bless you richly and give you more wisdom🙏❣️
That's tough. I think this is when educating yourself and getting yourself psychotherapy is important. If you struggle with him and he is really impacting your life, support and boost yourself through psychotherapy and education on this topic.
@@TherapistTamaraHill it is affecting our relationship, the other day I cought him on a lie and called him out and he got furious. He kept saying that it is not a lie and kept expanding it. The more he kept expanding the lie the more it didn't make sense. He got so mad that he hasn't spoken to me in days.
The best way to get this across would be to say absolutely nothing and to refuse to respond no matter how persistent the individual is. Silence often works better than explanation.
If this video was helpful, please like, share with those it may help, and comment. 😊
Thank u for making this video
You're welcome!
I am riveted by your videos. I have been sucked in by a creative Pathological liar recently. I m so sorry I did not find your videos earlier
I wish i could speak to u ! I'm dealing with a husband who is got me . He's definitely a p.l.I'm 15 years in and just coming to terms with this is what he is. U have no idea what ive been through.
Yes yes, they do want to destroy you that's why they're lying
You can't play with a liar. If you feel uncomfortable speaking to them about their lying; show them with your actions: I know you are a liar and I won't tolerate your behavior. And the only way that can be communicated through behavior is to keep your distance, permanently. Be emotional distant at all times, even if you must communicate with them. We must learn to protect our energetical bodies.
YES!!! I have family members who are pathological liars and believe the lies they tell to the point of toxicity! They'll try to hurt you when they cannot use you for their antics. People tell me I'm wrong and should overlook them, I tried, then it lead to "gaslighting". My advice is to STAY AWAY!
I just essentially typed the same thing before seeing this line of commentary! 😎
@@LADYDIVAful I can relate with you and having a complete crisis of conscience
The worst situation is when they become so involved in their lies, they begin to truly believe the false world they created.
I lived with my manipulative grandmother who would constantly play two ends against the middle & cause family drama. When confronted with her BS she would deny, deny & deny some more, twist words, use selective memory, etc. When she couldn’t worm her way out, she’d cry, blame her advanced age, failing memory, poor hearing, etc.
Ditto. Blaming advanced age, poor hearing, failing memory are typical ones I get from a 74 year old friend. Don't have an answer for you and I guess these things may not be answered here. You can't distance yourself necessarily from family. I think some type liars who lie about insignificant things just do it out of a compulsivity. They may have low self-esteem and think they have to lie to sound or be thought of as better. Try telling her you love her as she is and she does not have to 'exaggerate'.
These people are dangerous for real they triangulate and come out smelling like roses.
I don't disagree!
Happening right now. She has made me out to be horrible to everyone I have contact with. It's frustrating.
I'm sorry Michelle. Hang in there. It will back fire.
She knows what she is talking about. Few therapists really understand how dangerous pathological liars are.
She clearly gets it and every bit of this advice WORKS. I know
from experience. Too bad I had to learn on my own.
thank you! 🙂
i love this thus, my mom has this and its extremely hard to talk with her, and it breaks my heart thta i never can belive her
It is heartbreaking when believing a loved one is difficult. We should be able to believe our loved ones above anyone else, especially our mothers.
My mum also lies easily. Its very hurtful. I feel for you.
The thing i realise is that they lie because they themselves do not know how to handle the truth. Afraid to speak their mind or afraid to be rejected. It is actually very sad. I help reminding myself that they are just nit as aware of the pain they cause others with their behaviour. Holding space for their learning process while holding strong boundaries works best for me. And also to not fool myself into expecting better from her. That is like buying bread at the butcher shop and i have made this mistake many times. Its time to look within and see what keeps me to do that actually so i can grow more strong and take my power back.
@@zion367 From what I understand, while that's true for some people who prefer to lie in order to avoid or hide the truth (and just do it more often than most), actual PATHOLOGICAL liars usually don't have a very clear motive. It's more of a compulsion that eventually turns into a habit. They may not actively try to lie. They may not even realize they've been lying until someone points it out.
@@catinabox3048 hmmm.... interesting... Thanks for your reply.
Distancing is perfect!
It’s ruining my trust in relationships because of how many lies I’ve heard...
This is a absolute wonderful video..Extremely helpful! Thank u kindly
You're welcome! Thanks for watching.
When it’s someone you love you just want to believe them but you know there lies it’s really messed my head up and finding hard to trust anyone lost family and friends to
1.How do you hold them responsible
For thier behavior.
2. Distancing is not always easy. You may see them again in the streets, sometimes you even work with these type of people. Well I m just going to respect them in public and just show love and walk away and distance yourself. Without anger more time away because they are very disrespectful and just live in complete denial.
In response to 1) the PL I dealt with would argue for hours. There just was not enough time in the world for me to hold him responsible.
This is GREAT Advice. I’d like to add some to this which is this:
Some situations with pathological liars call for simply limiting personal involvement to the extent of giving an almost sterile and basic interaction with.
Sometimes one never know how or what triggers the individual who’s hired on as “an expert witness” might have and turn against you.
I’ve been in that type of situation on a crappy Home Depot job years back. I’ve been through that with family members and so-called friends becoming attacked and hated by a few.
That kind of messiness actually caused me to question myself on more than one occasion.
I’ve learned to better look and listen from a safe distance with my cutting off all who betrayed me.
A lot of these types give off an aura of being messy and pathological liars. A SURE sign in my opinion is when someone gives the air of having histrionic personality disorder. One with stronger than average narcissistic features are really a treat! ☠️
A coworker from that Home Depot gig eventually got fired for pulling some shady mess (stealing/fraud).
Could you do a video on Histrionic Personality Disorder in both male and female?
Hey thanks a ton for the great vid! I have a friend I've known for a few months, I met him through my life long friend and after a cupple months of knowing him I confronted my buddy about the guys lies. It made no sense they were lies that meant nothing. About dumb things that just weren't true. I mean this guy is an expert at everything and had a answer for everything but is a horible liar. I just sit and nod. I only believed his bs because I give awkward or different people the benefit of the doubt. But my buddy said that this has been how he has been since they met but it got worse over time. He is truely a kind guy and his lies seem to have no real goal. I think that he has very bad self esteem issues and doesn't think his life experience is enough so he has to make stuff up. We have been planning to confront him but I don't even know if its a good idea. I really am not concerned about him hurting me I could care less. I'm worried about his mental health and want to help him pull himself out of this hole more then anything. It can't be good for relationships and staying happy. Would appreciate any tips.
You're welcome!! Glad this was helpful.
I suggest confronting as a last resort and only if you can back up your claim with details he can't wiggle out from.
I wouldn't necessarily nodd and go along if he is lying. I would engage him as you usually do until you spot the lies. Once you do I would pull back on the conversation. Neutralize your position in conversation. He'll feel that and likely stop, try to force you to engage, or confess.
Omg the guy I’m dating just lie for no reason
triangulating blew my mind, that's exactly what I experienced
Oh lord !!!!! Nail on the head ! So accurate to the tee ! 18-48 and now he’s trying to get an injunction of all the evidence I have threatening and blackmailing my livelihood to erase my life story while he lives his life with no remorse saying it’s his ‘ choice’ but yet wants to control mine and change the truth of the past..... so disturbing .... like a world where you just go WHAT !!!!! You mean you can do more !!!!! ??!!! And the answer is ‘Yes they can ‘ And you wish cameras were capturing this abnormal being 24/7 . Sorry for the long post but boy do I need to vent . This video couldn’t be more accurate! Thank you 🙏
I love your videos!!! These videos really relates so much to my life as an Assistant Vice President of a small company (I’m nobody one of like 10). My co- avp is a pathological liar. However you give me so much good advice to tell my subordinates.
Thank you! Glad this was helpful. 🤗 It's difficult working in an environment like this. You truly have to "fight back" with knowledge. It's something I had to do many years ago in a similar environment.
thank you for this video. i just left a relationship with a pathological liar, and i’m struggling because i really loved him. i had a feeling that the things he was telling me weren’t true, but it took awhile to get proof. i kept confronting him with things and he would just talk his way out of it. for example, he told me he owned a company and that he was traveling to romania for work. i finally met his mother and his best friend, and they confirmed that he’s an employee not an owner, and that he did not go to romania. i broke up with him, but my head is still messing with me. i miss him a lot and keep trying to convince myself that somehow i can still be with him or that i can deal with the lies.. or that i’m going to get him to start being honest. it’s the worst! how do i get out of this cycle?
same situation it hurts to the core.
❤ are u still in?
Yes. I think people with illness is still deserve to be loved. But we have to ignore anything they said. And start planning and count everything on ourselves, which is might not ideal in time we really really need help but we can not count on them at anything. So if we focus on our own life, we have to leave them one day for better partner. But for a temporary we can just ignore everything they said. Because none will be executed.
Thanks Támara. 🎯💯🎤
Welcome 😊
We've as a family just come to this realization about my sister in law and just as we tried to stage an intervention she said shes pregnant and now my brother is locked into this 😭
You are a god send and I'm subscribing. Thank u so much for...just being a real person. Seriously thank u. I am a first time father with someone I didn't know was this way. I'm broken and I really really needed this
Welcome to the channel!! And thank you. You're welcome.
I'm glad this was helpful.
Feel free to join me live on Fridays after 6pm. This Friday, 6:50pm, I will be discussing family abuse cycles. It may be helpful. I answer questions, discuss the topic, and the chatbox is rather supportive to say the least.
my room mate is a pathological liar an he triangulating on me an my girl friend trying to get us to turn on each other its such a drain.
That's awful. It's never easy living with such a person.
@Kendall Greer run man i finally moved out an got my own place. It wasnt easy an it expensive but way worth it. Ive so stress free now its crazy i dont realize just hoe much a drain these people are untill u leave from them permanently. Thank god. Hope it works out for u. Merry Christmas!
Wish i knew this before. Living with one will surely destroy you specially when you know nothing about it..hayssss.. thanks for the info
You’re welcome 😊
Very much enjoyed your two part analysis on pathological lying. Thank you.
You're welcome! Thank you!!
This video is so helpful and reassuring! Thank you for giving strategies to deal with pathological liars. Exactly what I needed to know.
You're so welcome!😊 Thanks for watching.
Your first video and this video are very apt. Supposing the pathological liar happens to be my wife of 14 years. How do i deal with that.
I'm so sorry.
The first thing to do is possibly put yourself through therapy to learn how to manage her and figure out her personality with a professional behind you. If not this, you may want to look for ways to point out (with evidence) her lies. She would then be forced to explain the proof of her lie. You may be able to then suggest treatment.
Do you have a video on how to raise a child that is a pathological liar?
That's such a good topic! I might offer some tips on that in a future video.
Dont know this woman but i will remember her forever this the help i need
😊Thank you. Good to know this was helpful!
@@TherapistTamaraHill my brother is a pathological liar i was about to get violent before i seen this im found looking for help
I understand the frustration. Glad this helped.
Thanks again these are so very easily digestible bites of not just info but also strategies! These strategies really help a lot for dealing with trauma too!
Thanks Jan Jan!! I'm really glad these videos help. 😊
jeez this video made me terrified of pathological liars lol
I'm sorry! But yes, they are scary.
They just deserve our dead silence forever
My grandmother used to say "never answer a fool...."
@@TherapistTamaraHill so true ma'am
What happens when that person doesn’t respect boundaries or uses guilt trips to manipulate you & turns out they’re abusive & have a history of domestic violence & protective order violations.
Acts like we trust their talkings. If he is abusive, move to another place that no one knows will be better. It is so heartbroken, if we become like a fugitive just to prevent something bad happened. Even we have to lose friends that might be related to them.
I had a phone conversation with my sons physiotherapist she said something to me and then lied saying she never said that and then ignored me putting my son in danger I don't trust her as far as I can throw her so I am going to put in a formal complaint my son has severe disabilities so he can't speak for himself she adjusted something in his chair then lied saying she didn't that's very dangerous to me it's beyond lying... but I was very upset n stressed 😪 she even had me thinking I was overreacting and questioning myself.. this video is very good I just wish I had recorded the conversation now but I've kept texts as evidence
If any of this is what you say it is, I'm sorry this has happened. It sounds like there is a disconnect between you and this woman. Thankfully you didn't record the conversations because that would be illegal and potentially cause more harm to you than her. I wish you the best with your son.
It's not illegal to record conversations if you are joining the conversation. Only when you are not part of the conversation.
@Aumlove, that's incorrect. It's called "wiretapping law." If it is done to a professional you could serve more time if they press charges. Perhaps the laws are different in your state?
Bottom line: it's wiretapping and not admissible in court. We just have to be careful and wise.
I am in Europe and in Spain it's ok unless you keep it to yourself and not post it online or share it with others as long as you are joined in the conversation.
love your videos
Thank you Joe! Welcome to the channel and thanks for watching !
thanks and youre really pretty
@@joerome1648 thank you 💖
The best way to deal with them is "Don't"!!!
The best way is to go NO Contact, then get ideally 7 hrs sleep per night so you don't feel lost or broken.
Man, thank you very much, this liar is my mother, and she won't dtop ruining lives... If I were not myself, i could be dead rn
No disrespect and there is a lot of good info here. We differ on one point though: we advise that when you are dealing w liars...communicate as much as you can in writing and screenshot. Talking w liars allows them to benefit from untrackable communication and control the narrative. Liars will say something then say they did not say it and worst they will say you said what they actually said. If you don't have wriiten or recorded proof...you will be at their mercy. And the worst of liars will setup a campaign against you then triangualte narratives and the truth-teller will often look like the unstable person while the liar manipulates and orchestrates. It is awful. So as much as you can, get what the liar says in writing...it will not fully protect you from them, but it will give you a better fighting chance against the lies.
Appreciated this view. Anything to help and educate. We just have to be careful not to promote calculating behaviors in response to the pathological liar. That can backfire as well. Just know many pathological liars are sociopaths and are getting what you say in writing too!
Thanks for contributing.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thanks for reading and responding. Appreciate the channel.
❤mine has gotten stufd in writing to screw me so I know.
I just keep my boundaries up
I'm around a ton of liars. I've hated it at work.....I at one time worked with a woman who said they could ruin my life......I found out why all the fawning .
Very very sneaky. If their lips are moving they are probably lying.
Very true. That's their pattern.
So pathological liars shouldn't be treated like regular human beings? If everyone is distancing themselves from them then how are they supposed to get help. From my understanding, pathological lying is a defense mechanism formed from traumas. Most of these people aren't intentionally trying to hurt others. I was hoping this video would give me information on how to help that someone in my life who's a pathological liar, not cut them out. I know that's not the only way.
I think you bring up a good point. Everyone is different so there may be hope for some individuals who engage in pathological lying. This video, however, is about those individuals who have developed an identity of lying behavior to the point of it becoming pathological. These individuals often lie for no apparent reason, have little guilt or remorse, and continue to lie even when their lives are being impacted by it. These individuals have personality disorders or character traits that make them more susceptible to lying behaviors as well as deception. But yes, there are some who may not fit this description.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Tamara, thank you. One question? Can therapy succeed with such a person when they are totally unreliable and cannot speak honestly about themselves? How to help them therapeutically when this is the case?
I tried to cope with my family, then it turned into "gaslighting" me. Please be careful, they'll exacerbate your mental wellness. This video is on point!
Thank you! And thank you for driving this point home.
Sally, Apologies I didn't see this sooner.
No. I often see little success with these individuals. They often dont see what they do wrong!
Thank you so much for your tips. My self just out from this toxic relationship with before i thougt my bestfriend. And don't know why she can make me feel guilty to ignore her. But thanks to this tips sayin, that i am deserve to make boundaries.
You're welcome!! This is good to hear. Very glad this is helpful.
I have a cousin who is literally spreading lies about me for no aparant reason. It's hella weird. She also lied about being terminally ill like four times over the last 15 years and basic experiences that are not worth lying about
Thank you for these!
My pleasure! You're welcome!
my sister is an expert she will hear the point you made and question I asked her she will come back in seconds and ask the same think in a demomic powerful way like What did you say it's the same thing I asked her when I heard her (always comes defending her mom) which leaves me confused like wtf just happened I am sure I asked a validated question or she said something under her breath she reaponds with a fear ful way to get out of it when it involves mom. who stirs things up by acussing us by saying things like you hate me both of you..over doing coffee for us and acts defensive saying things like I'd rather die than be here. I just replied You're Jelous. and the younger took it up. You know what I mean. hm 🙇🏽♀️ it's hard to look for signs from unvirse during this take. just keep it moving.
his cousin works at my local post office and each time i block him and go no contact my mail gets lost and withheld , its frustrating . I filed a complaint last time this time ill have to go to police
Oh my. That's very frustrating. I once had a client go through this. Very unnerving and they could get into a lot of legal trouble doing this if you can prove it.
perfect video
Thank you!! Glad this was helpful
Is it possible for a social worker to be a pathological liar?
Facts !...great video..! Thanks..
You're welcome!
I've watched a few videos & I Love your hair
Thank you 😊
I’ve had to unfortunately encounter 2 different women . Both of which I noticed are very good at portraying a very Personable and sweet façade . So you’re guard is down and don’t even see it coming then they tell the most Horrendous lies and they don’t mind lying straight to your face if they know they’re going to get in trouble 👿 . Yea proof of communication because they will literally destroy you with lies . Smh evil 👿
In my case I can't do that because here she is wife of my brother and we live in same house. And I have to deal with her on daily basis for day-to-day chores.
Thank you !🙏
Welcome!🙂
The collateral damage that these liars create is horrible. And no matter the circumstances they take NO responsibility. They use the line...."I don't lie, I exaggerated the story to make it funnier". or. out right crap comes out of their mouth.
How if the pne who had PL is our spouse? And we want to keep this marriage?
Is it a good idea to stick around for a while to see what you can learn from this type of person?
I'm not sure exactly what you mean. If you mean to learn the "techniques" I'm not sure sticking around this toxic individual is worth that. If you mean stick around them to get more information on who they are, I'm still not sure it is worth it because you're likely to become the target at some point.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you for answering my question.
@@loverunsdeep6382 absolutely. You're welcome.
Hey, Tamara can you talk about the ideology of fawning as it relates to flight ,fright, freez
" fawning"
Hi Carmelo, Long time no see!
Sure can. Will include in our discussions this month.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Great to see you as well😁 thank you
What do you do if it's your spouse?
How to deal with the pathological liar:
Step 1: Don't.
My mom and a coworker are prime examples. I love my mother though.
What if the pathological liar wants to stop being a pathological liar?
Thats a lie
😬😆
Then you should simply stop lying?
This is so true! Thank you for the info
You're welcome! Thanks for watching.
My mom and sister are both they have raised there kids with the same things and I need to learn to coop with them
I'm sorry. I would suggest psychotherapy for you to learn skills to manage them. Perhaps you can find a therapist who is skilled at teaching ways around these people.
How do you distance yourself if the person that is the manipulator/liar is your daughter that has a whole host of physical and mental disorders?
So what if you have proof but they still denise it .then what
Show the proof! You can't argue facts.
Hard to tell the difference between lies and sub-clincal delusions.
How do you deal with a pathological liar at work you can't avoid?
This is a great question! I would say the first step would be to create some distance between you and that coworker. You should probably do it slowly so that they don't notice what is happening. If that is not possible and you need to get away immediately, I encourage leaving the job or deciding to take a strong stand against the person and endure whatever retaliation you may have to endure. It's never easy.
What if that person is your brother? I’m trying to have a decent family relationship with him, but he makes it impossible 💀
I'm sure it is difficult. It's always difficult to deal with such siblings. You may have to put up firm boundaries to protect yourself as you try to continue loving him.
I'm having an issue with a friend and money... claiming she has none and isn't getting her money, but I've found loads of things that are so wrong. How do I go about cutting her out without feeling guilty for walking away?
What will i do if my husband is pathological liar?
That's a question I cannot answer without more details and with limited research in the field overall. The sad reality is that we don't know too much about pathological lying and need a lot more research done. One thing that might be helpful to you is figuring out what the motivation is for lying and the triggers to his lying.
thank you a lot! :)
You're welcome 😊
What if you can't distance yourself like at a job or church
This is a great question that requires a new video!
But I often suggest in these cases to have little to say and to find opportunities to avoid them. If you can avoid the person or the group such as a church home, then you may find it helpful to share and discuss only shallow or surface level things and to keep all personal communication at a minimum.
Hey Tamara, thanks for your video. It was really helpful and I will definitely use your advices that you have suggested! I have a problem with my family member - it is my mom. I am not sure if I can characterise her as a ''full'' pathological liar because to me it seems ( from your video and other video I have seen) that pathological liars tend to be more dominant in conversations/some situations? Today I heard how my parents were arguing ... because of my mom lying again. My dad started shouting at her but she was kinda quiet and tried to explain what she meant. Like she is trying to convince him of her made-up ''truth'' but it does not seem really convincing and she keeps going on and on lying - I would describe it like she is drowning in her lies or try to quickly come up with something ( I am aiming on the situation that happened today when they were arguing). My dad really shouts at her so I think that does not really help her, sometimes he does not let her speak or finish, but that is because he is frustrated or, he know she is lying again, haha. And in the end she always say - yes you are right, but I don't think she means that. She also lies to look smart, like she knows everything, she lies to look funny in front everyone. I have told her she has to stop this, because she will look like and idiot in the end. But did not took my advice. What do you think I should do in my situation? How should I change her or stop her from lying? You have mentioned distancing, but since it is my mom, that is not really an option for me. Thanks in advance for your time and answer!
Have a good day :)
K
Try telling her in a quiet moment that you love her just the way she is and that she does not have to fib or exaggerate or use any other mechanism for you to love her. Ask her if you can use a hand signal or something to cue her when you detect she is about to fib again and with a smile at the same time, maybe disarm her.
I will not abandon someone because of their mental instability. There has to be a better way. Ignoring the problem will not help the next person who falls into their trap.
It may not be the result of a "mental instability" but rather a personality disorder that cannot be medicated and always treated. At that point, protecting yourself is key. It's only when you get tired enough that you make the needed moves to move on.
@@TherapistTamaraHill The issue is I will not be manipulate by this specific person. I've watched time and time again everyone abandon him. I do not think he is a bad person, but I do believe he has a mental disorder that is compelling him to lie. Which has caused him to have a very lonely life. Most lies are not manipulative, only that he "saw this" or "did that"
just distance your thought s dont go down tgeir rabbit hole
Hey, my father is one he lied about my mother and grandparents all the time. But he recently said my mother cheated on him and everything else, Ive started ignoring him it’s not working though as he keeps messaging me and it feels crap ignoring one of my parents that’s why it’s so hard anyone have any advise/ been through it also? (I’m 13 btw just in case that matters)
You're way too young to be exposed to this stress. He should not be messaging you to trash your family members. That is toxic. Parents should not be bringing their children into their adult drama and should not be labeling and name calling the other parent. I hope you and your family can get therapy.
@@e_i_e_i_bro thanks, I’ve stopped getting in contact with him when he called me and I said that I don’t wanna talk to him,l. His response was “have a good life being lied to by everyone” but yeah thanks
Videos from your channel on this topic have been coming up for me alot. I wonder why. Seems like a bad thing. I do have family that says all kinds if things about me, but I feel like this is in my feed for some other reason. On topic, the thing that always gets me around dishonest people I’m close to is that even when the wolf is at their door, you might still be there sometimes knowing they’re not capable of even understanding dishonesty or being honest or real or you know by the time it comes up it wouldn’t make a difference what they knew. To me, sometimes you kind of resent the people who lie about you or who manipulate you with lies and it can really get under your skin, especially for people you don’t want to feel that way about. It would be nice if people were more real and honest and less manipulative.
After doing a lot of reflection on myself and my family, I have recognized that I am/have been a pathological liar. It stems so deep that I have been deceiving myself for so many years. Now that I have truly recognized it and know where it came from, I am going to start working on changing my character/soul altogether. I'm sick of all of the lies, all of the manipulation, all of the deceit, that's not who I want to be anymore. I have damaged many people and severed many relationships.
Do you have any advice for a person trying to get better or cure themselves of this disorder? I have been doing it so long that I am not entirely sure where to start.
Let's put this way....some of the nicest women I've worked with were abused divorced women.
..not that you had to be but women catch on to the head games they played out
But he keeps texting, calling and knocking on my door
My grown stepdaughter is one but her dad doesn't see it. Unfortunately she's going to be in the house forever, using everyone like an ATM and nothing i can do other than ignore her.
I'm sorry! This is tough. It's sad when the other parent doesn't see it. Eventually, her behavior will come knocking at his door. He can't not see it for long.
I have a topic, what's worse when an man is an physical cheater or Spiritual cheater with your family , with mental mind manipulation.
Do you have any information about how to do this when you have small children with the liar and share custody ?
This is a great question! It all depends on the specifics of your case but I often encourage families to develop a very open relationship with the child and build on that bond so that the child can learn to advocate for themselves when at the pathological liar's/the other parent's house. In other words, if you have a strong relationship with the child they are less likely to keep things from you if the pathological liar/other parent twists facts, etc. Another approach may be to try to get things confirmed as much as you can. It's tough.
I am realizing my purpose. To save two of my four children. No mother should have to turn her back on her children. A sacrifice that no mother should have to make, but understand the test. Powerful things are happening in my life in real time, right now. It's a miracle from God to have not given up on me, and showed me I Am Worthy!
Catherine Wacker I’d be interesting in talking with you as I’m going through a divorce with someone I believe to be a pathological liar. Married for 7 years and my memory can be horrible at times so when she would always have a story I would believe her until I started to write things down or make a greater effort to memorize situations to confront with facts. Slowly I started to realize she was wrong and making up stories that normally put me in the wrong or bad light in other words. I found out some things in her past that she kept secret, like other ex husbands I knew nothing about and some pretty crazy stories to go along with them that blew my mind. Anyways, I’d be interested to talk with you if willing!?!?
@@TherapistTamaraHill could you please make a video with more info on this? I’ve been going through the same thing for 5 years now and I’m very afraid that my child will grow up to be like his father who seems to lie for no reason, little to big lies, a lie is a lie. and I’m afraid my kid will think lying is okay because his dad does it. I hardly even recognize his dad, it’s as if it’s gotten worse over the years and he’s a whole different person. it’s extremely scary and dangerous at this point.
First off...LOVE the glasses. Are those used to block computer light? I've seen some like it.
Great topic as always. I feel like "fawning" can be included in this topic or the topics you have spoken about on narcissists. Perhaps you have discussed it in many forms already?
Thanks so much!! I cant see ALL of my screens throughout the day without them. Lol
And you are right! I have discussed fawning but not in a direct way.
My roommate has made my life miserable. When her mouth opens and breath comes out it's a damn lie. Now I loathe her.
I'm sorry.
I did have to laugh at your straight to the point comment. But it's true. When their mouth moves it's a lie.
What would you suggest if you had a young child with one?
Behavior management might be helpful. That would be something like "family-based" therapy where the therapist comes to your home and the child's school to provide observations of behavior and behavior tools for everyone. Another thing would be to look at the people who are around the child ("the models"), peers, and young family members the child could be immolating. Lastly, it may be helpful to consider the motivation for the lying. Why is the child lying? Are they in need of attention? Are they looking for approval? Are they afraid?
What if the pathological liar is my son? How can a father distance from a son?
I'm sorry Oscar. This is tough because he's so close. I would start by refraining from discussing certain things with him or inviting him into your space where he can manipulate or harm you, intentionally or unintentionally. In other words, the less a pathological liar knows about you including your weaknesses the better. Any amount of information can be used against you or manipulated. It might be best in your case to slowly distance and choose what you will share with him.
Thank you - Yes, you are correct, he does that. Many thanks for your response and advice.
Hey Tamara, could you be consulted with a situation I'm in dealing with a pathological liar and to give you a headsup I'm kinda broke right now but just wanna know if you would be generous enough to help me with this situation
Sure. Feel free to email me contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. If it's not too involved I would be happy to help.
Do they don't take thr other person seriously?
I wish I would have watched this video a year ago.
I said to the liar
After 7 months of no talking
I don't want to talk to u
All u do is lie
The responded
Why do u care
I care because if u lie u can never speak to me their is no point
This is a relative
This person even believes their own lies
🤦♀️🤦♀️
The person in my life who is a compulsive liar actually believes his lies and lives in this alternate reality of his own making where his lies are real. It appears he lies to manipulate others and he feels that he is entitled to whatever anyone else has, he plays the victim and will double down on the lies to protect himself from criticism or failure. He will NEVER admit that he lied. Instead he lashes out at me and projects onto me by saying that I lie and have a horrible memory and I’m the toxic one and everyone else thinks those things about me too. I know that is a defense mechanism and what he’s saying about me isn’t true but it is still unhealthy to be anywhere near this person because he is also a thief and has anger issues. Is there any way to make a person like this see that they are ill and need professional help?
Sadly, there isn't. Most pathological liars do not think there is a problem or they see and hear about the problem from others but do not care. It's a sad situation because they are hurting others -- sometimes for no apparent reason -- and doesn't seem to care because the next lie is right around the corner. The only help most pathological liars get is when they are either in the middle of losing everything, losing their job, losing their reputation, or are court-ordered to treatment. It's a grim picture for most pathological liars.
What if the pathological liar is your bf or gf?
The same rules apply!
I’m in such a crappy situation. My friend has been lying about her age for about a year now saying she was “17” when in reality she just turned 14. My other friend who gave me proof and clarified her true age, doesn’t want me to use her as proof to call her out. So now I have no way of confronting her because if she denies it. I have no public proof to provide. Any suggestions?
Paedophile?
How can you get your own back on them karma
I really need help please how can I contact you?????
Hi Rabia, feel free to email me at the email address in the description box of my videos. You should find it in the most recent videos.
I don't get it, first the recommendation is to have proof of communication like texts, emails etc then the recommendation is to talk to the liar??? again I don't get it
The suggestion is to use any one of these tools. The decision to choose is yours. You can actually do both too. One doesn't necessarily cancel out the other.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you so much! I can't believe I wrote this two months ago. Now I found myself in a bad situation with this person ( the liar). I kept my distance for about 6 weeks, but unfortunately I ended up going for a date with him last week, second day he kissed me, then he disappeared the entire weekend and I said to my self that's it, unfortunately I have a "commercial" bond with him that needs to be solve, so I called him in reference to that, he acted like I was the one that ghosted him... I gave him a chance to see me on Tuesday (at that point I was thinking about not loosing my money/commercial bond) so we got together, I was clear we're going to be friends, next day the texting was full of lies so I told him #goodbye I can't stand your lies anymore, do not reach out to me anylonger.. (all this in a very gentle manner) he sounded very disturbed, I guess he wasn't expecting that. I told him I'll be waiting for the our business to be over as well.
1️⃣. Honestly, although I have such a sense of relief I do feel bad because I got emotional hurt with this person, I'm trusting God to help me.
2️⃣. Something that I realize is that I cannot blame him for everything, "it takes two to tango" as he was lying to me all this time and I knew he was lying I never told him anything nor confronted him, I simply let him continue with the lies. I guess the flirting and the "attention" got me and my excuse to tolerate that was our business but no, it wasn't...
#God bless you richly and give you more wisdom🙏❣️
What if this person is my dad
That's tough. I think this is when educating yourself and getting yourself psychotherapy is important. If you struggle with him and he is really impacting your life, support and boost yourself through psychotherapy and education on this topic.
@@TherapistTamaraHill it is affecting our relationship, the other day I cought him on a lie and called him out and he got furious. He kept saying that it is not a lie and kept expanding it. The more he kept expanding the lie the more it didn't make sense. He got so mad that he hasn't spoken to me in days.
@@julim4026 I'm sorry. He obviously wants to believe his lie. Your best bet is to step back and disengage from his lie. He'll sense when you move on.
my ex, does not have a conscience. He worked in le, and has used it to his advantage.
Very sad. Perhaps he is a sociopath and not just a pathological liar.
Thank you! How do you say “I know you are a pathological lying narcissist and I don’t want to see you or speak to you ever again”
The best way to get this across would be to say absolutely nothing and to refuse to respond no matter how persistent the individual is. Silence often works better than explanation.
You got a bunch of liers out here
True. We do. Sadly, even people we would never expect.