Male Victims Don’t Cry: Real Men=No Pain!
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- čas přidán 11. 05. 2024
- Men feel less comfortable to admit to having been traumatized - it is perceived as a weakness, a deplorable and ridiculous vulnerability, effete and effeminate. If you have been victimized as a man, something must be wrong with you, maybe you are just stupid, gullible, and you had it coming (you deserve it).
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I m 6 ft 240 lbs . My narcissist was 5-6 120 . I was a loving friend and kind husband . My narcissist was emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially abusive . effeminate ? What ? I tried for ten years to get her the emotional help she needs for her toxic behavior .Then I left for self preservation . Enabling ? yes . staying to long ? yes. forgiving repeated abuse ? yes. I escaped the spell of my narcissist . I am more consciously aware than ever . I will never tolerate abuse in any form again. A real man can be victimized . I am out of the cycle of abuse . never again .🙏
It doesn't matter that you weight double. Only if you use that to physically protect yourself, then you're screwed. And she knew it well. And as a bonus, society tells you that you're a p***y to not be able to protect yourself. It's simple sadistic joy to them. They all want to see that spectacular moment when you ruin your life by doing unlawful things. But they only spend words for this show, they just bait, that's lawful and for free.
But anyways, this is how the world works, and much better to know about it, than just living in it cluelessly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m glad you’re here.
Continuous prayers worked for me, but only by praying with a contrite heart, cause I had nothing else to lose, so I gained it all back :) we are survivors not victims
A real man can indeed be a victim of a narcissistic woman. Glad you are out of it.
Men are not punching bags. Nobody is. Physical violence is never acceptable but our modern society seems to alow beating of men by women. It's even promoted in TV and movies. How many times have you seen a female slap a man in the movies when she is upset? That's learned behavior is it not? I've had one very violent even deadly narc girlfriend and a Borderline wife who both thought it was acceptable to assault men when it served them because they were of the belief they wouldn't get hit back.
I had a full blown narc girlfriend back in 89 when I was 19. I ended up moving into her place after a couple months. I caught her forging checks from my unused check books and when I confronted her she went nuts and started hitting me and pulling out my hair from behind when I tried to get away from her. I had long hair at the time. Yes, I was taught that "Real men" don't hit women. Ever. I just took the beating. So the second time I caught her doing it I tried moving out of her house and she first threatened that she would hurt herself and tell the police I did it. I got one load out and when I went back for the rest she stood in the doorway with a hammer in one hand and a knife in the other saying she was going to kill me if I left her. I ran for my truck and got out of there. I tried the police but they said it was a domestic issue and couldn't help me even with the violence and threats. So as a last resort I went to a place that supposedly helped people with "family violence." Apparently it was labeled as a family violence center for funding purposes but was for women only in practice. When swallowed my pride and told the interviewer my GF physically attacked me and threatened my life with a knife their response was that men are bigger than women so they are not in danger. I said what about threatening to kill me with a knife in her hand and a hammer in the other. They said that I was never in danger because I had the option to leave the situation. The point of the story is that in American society I can say that men who are victims have nowhere to go. Nobody to turn to. That was my experience.
I ended up homeless for a while because of this situation. I couldn't even go into my own home and police refused to escort me inside to get my clothes and ect. She also had my car. All I had was a work truck to use during this time.
I hatched a plan to get my car back. I knew what time she had a medical appointment so I was going to use my spare key to take my car out of the parking lot. On the day of her appointment I jumped in the car and it wouldn't start. She took the coil wire off and took it with her. She had help. Anyways I was bending over the engine looking and was attacked from behind by the crazy ex. She was beating the hell out of me in the parking garage. I was trying to get away and she was holding my hair and hitting me from behind. I wasn't defending myself and she was going absolutely nuts. I got a few steps up the stars going to the next level when I had enough. I turned around and for the first and only time I hit a woman I slapped her on the side of the head. Boy was that effective. She instantly stopped the assault and started crying. She was no longer the bully in charge. Anyways she bolted to the security office of the medical center and told the police there that I assaulted her. Moments later two young University of Utah police officers cuff and stuff me all the while talking smack about me being a woman beater and pathetic excuse of a man. I get to the police station and got interviewed by an older officer in charge. I told him what happened and he gave me a chance to prove it. There was pulled out hair on the back of my head and when I took my shirt off there were scratches and red marks all over my back but nothing on the front. When the officer reviewed the security video he saw what she did and dismissed the report. Since then I have changed my belief that woman should never be hit by a man. I agree with feminists that women should always be treated equally and I include defending oneself against physical violence perpetrated by woman. Men are not punching bags. Nobody is. Just make damn sure it's all on video and don't hit any more than you have to in order to stop the assault.
I had a similar experience with my first wife. As a woman can do no wrong prince charming I married a pretty single mom with a beautiful two year old. I was still a virgin and with orders for Vietnam tour of duty, i figured if i was killed in combat, she and the baby would be well provided. I knew her less than a month and married her only to see her go to supposedly iron out some issues with her “ex-boyfriend” and meanwhile he was causing untenable situation for me as an officer at the same duty station so i had her flown to my parents home…which the boyfriend sent letters to but were intercepted by my mother. Letters were how i had been cuckold idiot. A couple of months later in Vietnam i was informed by mom that my now divorced wife was two or three months pregnant before she married me. The intercepted letters had allowed me to divorce her but it took 31 days form marriage to divorce court to get an annulment rather than a divorce. She sent me two letters while i was in Vietnam trying to convince me to send her money (mom said the LBJ Great Society welfare was already doling out money to her) to care for little Erica and the new baby. When i ignored her, her last letter was that she hoped the V.C. would kill me. Theres more, as when i got 15 days leave to visit my family, discover she hadn’t even stayed with my parents, knocked me down, attacked me, when i told her i had letters that i was going to use in court of her duplicity, and later come back the next day in bandages to say to the judge that i had physically attack her, etc, etc. This woman was pathologically sick to end this nightmare experience true story.
So true .when I finally started to call the police for assistance instead of just leaving the violence for a night or two , I was told that everyone has problems and it was a he said she said .The female narc is a master manipulator that fools their victims and law enforcement with their looks and feminine charm They know that they can get away with the abuse ..So toxic. The best approach with these beings is to escape and go complete no contact for your own safety self preservation and emotional well being . thanks for your story .
Am I right in making the following statements/observations?
1. The tenor of life for a ‘normal’ person (one without a PD) is to orient themselves around truth
2. The tenor of life of someone with BPD is to block out reality but, to some degree, acknowledge that they do it and that it’s a problem
3. The tenor of life of a narcissist is to deny the truth that they block out reality, and in this way nothing they ever do is directly connected to truthful reality in their life
4. A person changes from state 1 to 2, or from state 2 to 3 when circumstances become difficult and they can’t cope with the pain
5. A person moves back from 3 to 2 when they practise acknowledging that they aren’t facing reality
6. A person moves back from 2 to 1 when they practise embracing the direct reality of their situation
Just assume that everyone will try to oppose and destroy any success or joy you have at some point as it will trigger their own insecurity. Then, you will be pleasantly surprised if they are genuine in their support of you if they don't attempt to tear you down. Going through life, trusting, and assuming that people are good is how so many blue-pilled people get destroyed.
So very true.
Great reminder and suggestion...
My brother was in an abusive relationship. Her behaviours suggest borderline or narcissist. Smearing him across all social media platforms whenever they had an argument. She cheated on him too. She also accused him of sexual assault and tried to push him down the stairs. He couldn't just walk away because she would have stopped him from seeing their children.
After he died, she got the majority of his money which left a small amount between his older children.
Obvs much more went on.
At least she can't hurt him anymore now
Absolutely true.
Double standards and utter hypocrisy all across the world. What women do so beautifully and artistically goes unnoticed.
Your misandry is noted.
This was spot on!! So many psychologists and psychiatrists claim that narcissism is more common among men and I don't believe that for a second. It's just expressed differently in men and women (more coverts among female narcs). The 50/50 % and also the claims about how it's expressed and that there is a strong gender bias against men here is spot on! Thank you Sam Vaknin!
Their "knowledge" dates back 25 years. Even the DSM 5-TR now agrees that 50% of narcissists may be women.
@@samvaknin Ah good to know! Thanks for the update and for all information!!
I don't think I have come across any on YT saying it's gender specific...
Amber Heard and JD trial.
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry..
People were calling out on these narc women...
Both men and women are/were calling them out!
I think when we try to lump genders, we lose out on the 'human'...
There is even a more difficult dimension for men when dealing with women's abuse, or even their less malignant competitive/ bullying behaviour. Indeed, many men will have experienced situations where they have been abused/challenged/degraded by a woman and have had their responses muted by social norms/ "reading the room". I have personally experienced and have seen others deal with women berating/belittling/bullying or simply passing rude or inconsiderate remarks to a man in a manner in which if it were a man doing so, social norms would allow for an escalation, potentially leading to violence. However, because it is a woman doing so, the man is in a lose-lose situation. If he doesn't react and simply lets her walk all over him, he is pathetic and can't stand-up for himself. If he retaliates in a way that may be construed as even slightly aggressive, it will be him that will become the aggressor due to the (mostly true) perception that he poses a greater threat to woman. Therefore, most men will simply have to back down unless someone else (and this especially helps if it is another woman to even the gender playing field), steps in to keep his reputation intact. It is a powerless and humiliating feeling, as you are essentially stuck with no good options, even though you know you could escalate this to a point where you'd "win" the contest. Of course doing so would most likely mean significant social, if not to mention legal consequences, and therefore not worth it for the majority of men. On the other hand, men who do not fear such consequences can do catastrophic damage to women (think the Afghan Taliban or Hamas and their criminals for recent examples), which serves to justify this double standard. I feel that, at least some women, if not many, consciously or unconsciously use this to their advantage in interactions with men and frankly I can't truly blame them as the alternative for women is...not great to say the least. It is truly a shame that courtesy and polite rational disagreements between, well anyone frankly, is becoming a thing of the past.
Thanks for your thoughts! Truly it's complicated.
Men and women.
Society has created very specific roles for them. So has biology.
There will always be an underlying power play/struggle/strategy.
And yes, Narcissists are not gender specific.
I went through hell as a man and I know now how it looks like.
Yes
And my brother commited suicide in 2021 after 20 long years of marriage to BPD wife
I don't know if this IS gender specific! I never thought it was.
My narc Mom made me feel SO damaged and managed to divide and rule!
Today with so much information (also thanks to this channel) I am able to heal and even reach out to my estranged siblings in a way, where I am able to tell my story as I see it today.
And at workplace, I have encountered a male narc who used report to me and tried every way to keep me happy while he abused his position to victimize the juniors. I had a very tough time to convince my superiors that he has to be removed and those days were pure emotional hell for me...
Some ppl, regardless of gender, says, I AM a victim, in every situation, and despite them really hurting ppl that are kind to them with abusive words and behaviour, they often get a free pass since ”they say they are victims”.
It is utter insanity really.
Our society can not accept men as victims of a female narcissist. The more masculine a man appears the less likely our society will understand, believe or accept him. I am viewed as a broken man by people who I have attempted to explain my situation to. Yes It was my fault for entering the relationship. It was my fault for having children with her and trusting her with my finances. Those were judgment errors but I didn't believe that she was mentally ill and evil. Should I have left at the first sign of abuse and just took the beating that our society delivers onto a man in this situation? Yes. Unfortunately I had no understanding of narcissists or psychology. I feared the shame and retribution I would have to go through. I thought the only way I could protect my kids was to stay and take the beatings. It's a cruel no win game for the male victim , you get a beating if you stay and you get a beating if you go.
Well said....from a woman who witnessed the behind closed doors brutal psychological castration of a stereotypical 'don't mess with' man, by a stereotypical 'reputable little lady.' Other men, like you, need to speak up. Abuse is abuse and there's never an excuse.
Same dilemma bro.. Well put.
Respect mate.
And also no idea what happens when you leave. She may even take the kids away from you or turn them against you. Drama drama.
I think hardest part is to confess to ourselves… it is not only about public confession and acceptance, but about self-accepting we are vulnerable - guess culturally men are thought to have self-expectations of strength more than women and first step is to admit to ourselves we are not as strong as we ‘shell’ be so we might be lying to ourselves not to feel a failure ?
For me, I stayed and endured (like a man, lol) because I could not accept that the woman (really girl) that I loved was the way she was - a hopelessly self-centered narcissist. My mistake was always seeing her potential, not her reality. Now I trust no one, least of all myself. I know the nature of humans now, primitive apes that we still are. Her legacy is a deep sorrow I now feel concerning the human race itself. Tears would not help, for reality remains. Is this strength or resignation? I do not know. Perhaps both.
Here's a song that came to mind:
Joe Jackson - Trying To Cry
czcams.com/video/hsCIP-0RpCQ/video.html
ABB / Always Believe their Behavior ,not what they try to sell you . biggest lesson for me personally .🙏
Just ruminate forever, and dig in your heels to the point of extremism when it comes to boundaries and goals.
One of the most hurtful things my ex wife borderline/ covert narcissist did was accuse me of rape. Many times after, she would initiate sex. I asked her, if you feel i raped you, why do you still have sex with me? She had no answer. When i had to move out because i couldn't take all the other abuse she dished out, she would sext my nude pics. I found out later during the divorce she went to the police to say i raped her. They never even questioned me and in the police report, they caught her lying. Did she get in trouble? Of course not! She used the same story that i raped her in divorce court. Luckily i had the pics she sexted me that were date and timed stamped. My attorney even told me her attorney didn't believe her!
Thank you for the video prof. Vaknin - Aga Koletsis
Thank you so much. I was in a relationship with a male covert borderline so you can imagine how the guilt and shame and victim blaming myself was tremendous. This helped me remember men are human just like women. Shame on these damaging social constructs. I watch your how to survive your borderline enchantress and may ask for them back if they commit to going back to therapy.
Me too 😅
male sheep for sacrifice
Everybody cries
WILL YOU REVIEW BABY REINDEER AND THE WOMEN MARTHA. HER ACTUAL REAL LIFE INTERVIEW
baby reindeer sounds interesting, not sure about this woman Martha person though
Shortest lecture ever. Where is the deep dive Vaknin? ;)
Those are all learned behaviors, my sons weren’t taught those behaviors...
What do you mean exactly?
Absolutely not. What is the fault of a man raised by narcissistic parents? He will never know that his childhood wasn't normal until he realizes he had been repeatedly trapped in abusive relationships. Not everyone is an expert in psychology or should become one. Sometimes they can never flip the trapped situation like a turtle. Turtles evolved to help other flipped turtles. Masculinity is a mask of fragility. You cannot strengthen someone by scolding them. Also, being kind is more important than being right.
I love men that are strong enough to not be afraid to show their vulnerable side.