Having children out of marriage and without a plan and without the proper finances is the most selfish thing a person can do. Several people have children to fill a void which is also selfish.
i know im asking randomly but does any of you know a method to log back into an Instagram account?? I was stupid forgot the password. I appreciate any help you can give me!
@chiquitaowens, Same with my people, I’m not black but I’m Mexican and all my family wants is cash. I got tired of trying to guide them. Once I shut down the ATM, they lost my phone number and trash talked me to anyone that will listen.
I feel like a lot of people have kids to justify their lack of progress. Society tells them that it's okay that you don't do or have anything because you are a parent. It's so easy to have a kid and not think about the tools needed to raise a healthy and happy child, Health insurance, college, nutrition, daycare, homework. I always think about what if I win the lottery and that scares me from actually playing. I don't want to take care of my mom, sister, brother, cousins, grandmother, aunts, and uncle, but I want to give them the tools to survive.
@Bea Landrin IF! If I was to win the lottery? I'd split it down the middle taking 1/2 for myself and the other half I'd Split it between my fathers side of the family and my mothers family! From there? '$The Chips Fall Where They May$.'
As a clinical social worker I would like to say that having a magic wand to solve people's problems rarely does anything for them. They have to do the work and EARN the benefit of the wisdom that comes with doing it themselves. An example of the magic wand's failure is most lottery winners end up broke again in 5 years. They did not learn/earn the wisdom and responsibility required to maintain their improved conditions.
In a lot of black families the one who is doing well they expect them to be the Social Worker for the family. It can be very stressful. You have to be there for everybody but no one can help you when you need it. Sometimes you have to save yourself and separate and give them space for a while for them to figure it out themselves.
the informer yes, they want you to be a social worker and expect financial assistance from you. I did the right thing and now you expect me to open my wallet??? No more! 😒
I was the black sheep in my family. Mama let me with sister and I was raped and molested starting at age of 7. I fought a lot and was determined to leave NYC and get a fresh start. I got married young in the military and made my mistakes. Once I made my mind up I wanted to elevate myself. I was often beat down by my immediate family. I knew I would have great success but it would require separation. Me being Caribbean the pressure to provide and make everyone happy was hard. I went to the Army and never looked back. My ex-husband didn't provide for my son then I entered a new relationship and had a daughter. The same thing again left to figure it out. I had to look hard at myself and figure out why I didn't feel worthy of love. I always worked hard and raised my children. I got my degrees and left military and opened two businesses. My husband met me & couldn't believe how much I went through. We came together and built our family. We now are a successful blended family. We own a three companies and I still don't talk to my family.
I stand by what I said. Walter's video was not speaking of 'all' families - he was speaking about his family in particular which is black. I agree, all families need work, but this was not what Walter's video was about. I come from a black family - I cannot speak to 'other' families because I am not included in other categoric families.
I always had two jobs to make ends meet I cant afford children!!! My cousin ask me why dont I have kids so I can have legacy. 😂😂 I told him to Please 🙏 Get out my ovaries!!!
I have 2 adult kids, and 1 has 2 kids and the other got out of prison last summer. I helped them as much as I could until I had to get on blood pressure medication. They never called until they wanted something. For the last 3 months, by the grace of God, thru prayer, these kids have done a 360! I am so happy that no one can take this joy away
How did u raise your kids though? We're u a struggling parent as well? U failed to mention that part I noticed. Maybe there actions or lack thereof are a direct reflection of how u raised them, u got account for your mishaps too - food for thought. But glad it's getting better
People who have kids have to understand that you have given up the right to be selfish once you procreate. You have to do what's best for the children. You have to want more for them than you had for yourself. The dysfunctional cycle repeats itself because they are emulating what they saw and experienced- which is dysfunction.
Sometimes I feel incomplete because I don't have any children yet, at the tender age of 34. I have those messy relatives that always wanna know, "girl when are you gonna have some kids?!" But then I always remind myself that I don't even have a "suitable" prospect to have a kid with. So what if the clock is ticking, and I'm not getting any younger....I do want at least one child, but then again not everyone is meant to be a parent.
Lynn Morris good for you for not rushing and being conscious to look for a suitable mate. i wished I know that before. Besides 34 is still young. You really have time like a few more years left.
Lynn Morris don't feel bad. I'm 35 and I don't have any kids either. I'm actually at a good point now to find someone with the right mindset and bring a child into this world and provide a good life.
Lynn Morris Girl, you are so right. Dont rush it. Take your time. I gotta say, as much as my husband and I love our kids, sometimes we think back to before we had them. SMH.. those were the days...
Over the past 50 or so years, social scientists have conducted hundreds of studies aimed at determining how people can get out of poverty, or stay out of poverty. Most of those studies came to the following conclusions: finish high school, get some type of full-time job after high school, wait until 21 to have children, don’t have children out of wedlock, have both parents in the home. When hundreds of studies come to the same conclusions, we need to pay attention to them. Duh.
I made sure that my grown kids made better life decisions than I did, and instill the same in my younger 3. I want them to excel and soar as high as they possibly go... I'm playing catch up with my life because of mistakes I made in my 20's... but I am on a mission to be prosperous in abundance.
Walter...even if u had a magic wand...it would only fix their problems just long enough for them to make SOME MORE bad decisions and end up in the same damn place u rescued them from.. I have a 2 rescue rule...I will rescue you twice but that 3rd time..I realize you CHOOSE to put yourself in bad situations and im gone leave you to it!!! Doesn't mean I don't care about you (friends & family) just means i'm going to let you live with the consequences of the decisions that you make!!! And I dont care what they say Walter..youre not negative.. you're responsible and practical...as am I, so i feel you!!!
OWLLARK1 This is so true!!! You can only help these type of people for so long before their next poor decision. They lack the critical thinking skills and accountability to examine previous bad decisions and to apply them to future potential outcomes.
Kids are a serious commitment that many people don't seem to appreciate. Once you have a child that's 21 years you must put aside for pure self sacrifice... To enact persistent devotion while putting your feelings aside to make sure that child makes it in life and that in itself is a gamble.
2017 had been the year where I have "minded my business and stayed in my lane"... it is exhausting to help people who don't want to make any real change in their lives....family especially. You are amazing Walter... keep being you.
You're partly correct. Having children before you are ready is the pathway to poverty for the parents and the children. Not having children in and of itself. People should wait until they are financially stable before having having children. That's why having children in one's teens and early 20s is the wrong answer. Additionally, there are too many single parents in black America. By definition, most single parents and their children will invariably experience poverty.
I feel the same way Walter. And you're right, it's not being selfish, that's just the TRUTH. I saw my mother struggle, and I never wanted to put any child through "not having enough" because of me not being able to provide. To me, that's wisdom. It just makes sense. People say, "the Lord will make a way", yes He will, but he also gives us intelligence & commonsense. You don't go jumping off of a cliff and then cry "Lord save me"............Yo Ass Gone DIE!
Awww Walter dont cry.. YOU ARE A super hero in others eyes because your not conforming to what every one else is doing. HELL IM WONDER WOMEN to alot of people. we Are RARE. we always want to help people who are not responsible because we have a big heart. But it can be exhaughsting especially if its not being received in a positive way or appreciated. love you walter have a great day❤
@ StayOn66 I hear you. but you can only help those who want it. People make their choices and have to live with them. Reach out all you want , but people have to reach back also.
Rodney Holmes thanks Rodney i appreciate your comment.. however i do reach out to people who Need my help or ask for my help.. but once i get them out of a hole then they never learn from their previous mistakes that got them there in the 1st place..they'll just keep repeating the same thing . so half the time i feel its $$$,time,energy advice waisted. but have a hard time with turning a few of them away. i have to show tough love i guess. thanks! much l❤ve 2 you😊.
@ StayOn66 I understand your pain. I've learned that people like dysfunction and disarray, and as a result I've been keeping my distance. And the effort, money, and most importantly, time ( since you'll never get it back ) IS wasted, and you ( not saying you particularly ) come away with that feeling who were being used. Because you were. and as a result, you withdraw and learn to love people from afar. But you have a positive spirit, and hopefully others will learn to appreciate that. Take care.
I'm a 49 year old educated woman with no kids. I was raised by my mom and dad and taught to wait to have children, get an education and a career. I did! I didn't get married because when asked, I wasn't ready, too focused on my career. After graduation, got a job and wanted to wait a few years to accrue time on my job. At 33 I became single. Thereafter, didn't get into a relationship I felt was worthy until I became 42. I am now 49. Missed out on having children and I regret it. So my views are now slightly different about having children. However, I believe a women should be financially stable and married but with ALL of the black men issues..........To have it all is not easy to have. I am now in a serious relationship for the past 4 years with a man who raised his two boys without a mother, therefore I am lucky enough to be a stepmom. I still wish I had children of my own though!
But if you did have children on your own what would you give them in return for such a decision? What would become of their futures? What purpose would they serve in the grand scheme of things besides just school, work, college and bills especially with high inflation, gas prices and the overall participation in working jobs with shitty pay with minimal benefits?
You said one thing that is surely true: having kids is a direct path to poverty. I can't even begin to imagine what I'd have if I didn't have them... 😂. Wouldn't trade them though!
Walter you have to give tough love sometimes. Turn your phone off at night so you can get a good night's rest. Put your health and sanity first. Ijs💖💖💖
I agree! I am a gay white man. I am not sure ethnicity is all there is to this problem. My sister, also white, had three girls she could not afford. They moved and moved and could she support them. Their father was a deadbeat who was in and out of jail, as well as suffering from alcoholism. All three nieces ended up in foster care. Currently,all three nieces have children and are repeating the same horrible pattern. My husband of 22 years and I, have no interest in having children because we would likely not be good parents. Our choice was to spare the world our poor parenting skills. Poverty always follows ignorant decisions to have children. P.S. My husband and I do not smoke, drink, or party. We are straight laced good honest men. We have zero debt. We are monogamous for 22 years. We are self made millionaires and godless atheists who know better than to have children. No way no how, and yet those who can least afford it, and are unbelievably irresponsible have more kids than rabbits. ''Tis sad indeed!
Awws don't cry Walter. I love how honest, raw, open, and transparent you are. I appreciate you showing your vulnerable emotional side. Black folks need to say no to dysfunction and do better.
Sir you are correct. I have seen similar stuff throughout my family. Also even a few coworkers. I want a kid or two, but since I am not in a position to support kids I am not making any.
I use to have this recurring dream. I'm in a tug of war. I'm pulling with all my strength.Arms, Back, Legs. Slowly getting to the mud. Then a little voice said turn around and look. I said, I can't I need to keep pulling.The voice said turn around and look. So I turn around and my family wasn't helping. I've been the only one trying.
Its hard being the "responsible one" in the black family. So many of our people dont try to better themselves. They dont feel bad about asking you every month for something. Then got the nerve to be making babies. Its a childish mindset.
This video resonates with me. I work as a nurse assistant and I see so many patients who have loved ones who stand constant vigil at their bedside and a sorrow in my heart bubbles up sometimes because I know for certain that God forbid something happens to me, I wouldn't have anyone doing the same. I have been their for so many people and give good care (according to my patients) to those I am assigned to but I have never received the same thing. It's heartbreaking.
jenean parker , keep doing what your doing sometimes a kind word from a health professional has been the only thing to save my life...thank you darling for your service
It breaks my heart to see this happening in my own family! I left NY and moved to DC for a fresh start and keep the destructiveness away from my day to day life. 😕
It's like your speaking to just me Walter. I'm going through the same thing with my younger brother and his children/ baby mama dram bullshit! it's stressing me out. I don't have children (well I do, she's a dog) nor a boyfriend. I don't do well under stress and drama. I told him I don't care at this point whatever choice he makes pertaining to any of that anymore! I had to literally blow up on him for him to see I was serious this go!
I think you are very positive. I believe you have a healthy mindset. It is sad that dysfunction is seen as functional in the black community so when someone says you should be able to take care of your children, financially, emotionally, etc. before you have them, they are scoffed at. There are black people who are still sane and support you. God bless.
I grew up as a child of a single parent who had 7 children. It was a difficult life for us and because of that, I never had a desire to have children until now, after I have already established myself. Parents have no idea what type of harm they cause to children when they bring them into the world unprepared. They create flawed children who grow into becoming flawed adults.
That's some weighty shit man but man it's real. My wife deals with that shit with her family all the time. Keep your head up because you're doing the right thing ; talking about it
You are 2000% correct about everything ... man I swear you spoke right out of my own life.... "i cant call anyone.. I don't have anyone to call.. its all on me.." Exactly.. "if I have an emergency, there is no one to call for that can help me.." FACTSSSSWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I do completely relate with your words as I often am able to. Like you, I too have to always think ahead to make sure I am taken care of. I had to renew my AAA membership and was conflicted because I haven't used the service in YEARS (only once since i've been driving) but I continue to pay for the service IN CASE I ever need it because I KNOW I have NO ONE I can call and depend on if I ever needed help.... but others know they can always call me. Like I have shared some time ago, there is a beautiful word called NO and I had to learn to use it more often then I wanted to... but I can not continue to be my family's personal ATM. I work too hard for everything I have and to not be a burden on anyone. Hang in there Walter!
Don't you think that would have been an important thing to add to the statement initially? Because as it stands, many are taking it out of context with disastrous results.
the informer the context was when there wasn't a lot of people. Lol Remember, what was called incest happened then but was no longer tolerated once the population grew.
I respect your decision not to have kids... However, you would be a great father due to the wisdom you have to pass on. Regardless, I guarantee you're having a positive impact on young men all over the nation. You certainly inspire me as I continue to raise my son to be a man. Thank you for the great videos... from out here in Seattle.
i feel you brother 100%, especially when dealing with family you have to distance yourself from all the negative bs that goes on, but when you do that then your looked at as the bad guy cause you have the common sense to not be around all of the foolishness. Keep doing your thing my brother, respect.
I have been binge-watching your videos over the last couple days. Its like sitting an talking with a friend. My dialysis treatment goes so fast listening an watching your videos. Ty keep them coming.
I didn't have any kids. I'm still trying to get out of poverty. I was homeless living in my car. This sounds so similar to my family. 'Life is a gift" "A baby is a blessing" while living in poverty struggling and suffering. Religion plays a big role in poverty.
Walter Lee Hampton II yes indeed. Thank you for taking the time to share with us your experiences in life. You are a blessing no matter what the nay sayers type in the comments.
Walter, your heart is in the right place. It is clear that you love your family. But sometimes, one must love oneself even more, especially during times like this. Being able to talk with your viewers about your situation is a great place to release the frustration instead of turning it all inward. Also, you and I totally share the viewpoint on children. I am female and I, too, have watched many 'have not much or nothing at all' folks have children. I did not want that scenario for me and I feel no remorse. I am still a kind, loving, considerate and intelligent human being. Who has also learned to 'fall back' whenever necessary, in order to self preserve. Walter, I like you and what you had to say. I get it. Hopefully, there is a 'have not' out there watching who gets it, too. 🙂
This was an excellent video. One of the surest ways to stay in a cycle of inter generational poverty is to have child when you lack the ability to care for them. The practice where we just have babies usually out of wedlock is a major part of what keeps so many of us poor. A friend of mine has a relative that had a baby with a man who lives with his parents and doesn't have a car. The baby daddy has a number of women in rotation. My friend's relative didn't see any of this before she had this clown's baby. We have magical thinking and think that god will wave a magic wand and everything will end up turning out well. I see grown adults who do the same thing. They may be married but have no job and no way of supporting a child. It is very selfish to bring children into the world that will not be adequately supported or cared for.
Walter, I know exactly how you feel.. For me, I've come to conclusion that not even a magic wand can fix dysfunction. Therefore, I focus on taking care of myself, my husband & our ONE child. For every body else, I can offer advice and/or the side eye. Enjoy your 4th & some good Netflix shows are Wentworth, Daughter of the South, Power, Flash, Arrow, Breaking Bad.
Walter, I’m watching this video for the second time. This is Education. People can learn all of Math and Science they can, but if they don’t know how to budget and take responsibility for themselves, these problems will persist. Again, thank you.
People can't handle the TRUTH. You made EDUCATED Decisions while some people let life happen to them. Keep doing and saying what you want. Happy 4th 🇺🇸
I had two kids young and did my best it took me 20 years to have my 3 child. And I love kids but being a parent is a serious undertaking!!! Even when they are in they 30 they still need help and advice and support.... so it don't make sense having kids to suffer!!! It not fair on these poor kids you got to be repossible and able to take care of yourself first. Walter you keep 💯 and love that about you great video too....
First four minutes of this video is exactly what I don't understand about these people that have babies with NO plan whatsoever so early in life, just no type of foundation. It's so close to home I'm doing every thing I can to not get personal but it really is sad and just so confusing how many people can't foresee how hard it's going to be to make it work especially when you're starting with ZERO, literally nothing to fall back on. Not saying it's not possible but why would some one ever want to stack those types of odds against themselves?
You are like a family member to me, because what you are talking about is something my father has drilled into my head over the years. Real is the only way to be, and the black community needs to realize that planning and sacrifice is needed in this life. We need more common sense! Great video.
I'm only a few minutes into the video, but I'm just gonna throw my opinion out there... To sum it up: People live outside their means. Whether that be through having kids they can't afford, getting themselves into debt, or whatever else. And THIS is where it all starts!!! IT'S A CYCLE PEOPLE! THERE'S A CYCLE IN SOCIETY WITH THE LOWER CLASS! WITH EACH PASSING GENERATION, THE KIDS SEE HOW THEIR PARENTS NEVER TRULY LIVED BUT MERELY SURVIVED, AND UNLESS THEY'RE WISE ENOUGH TO SEE THAT THEY'LL HAVE TO ESCAPE AND LEAVE ALL THE BULLSHIT BEHIND, THEIR LIVES WILL TURN OUT JUST LIKE THEIR PARENTS. WE NEED THE BREAK THE CYCLE AND IT STARTS WITH MY GENERATION! THE TEENS IN POVERTY NEED TO WISEN UP AND BREAK THE CYCLE! IS IT DIFFICULT?! FUCK YEAH IT IS! I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW! BUT AS DIFFICULT AS IT MAY BE, SOMEONE HAS TO BREAK THE CYCLE FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS! That's just my opinion tho lol
Another thing, I came to Atlanta with my Husband and got custody of his son. His ex-wife is the same way. She moves nonstop and the child has never had a stable home. She blames my husband for all her failures. He paid over 1k in CS and couldn't she couldn't keep a place. We decided it was best to put him with us. She still fights and gives us hell and now we will be back in court. She is mad she moved back to Atlanta and wants us to fly him every other weekend to Atlanta. Some people are addicted to the dysfunction.
Sending hugs to you dear. You've got the biggest heart. I can relate to you. People call me too when things go wrong. I have no one to come to my rescue either. You're not alone. ☹️
I don't have to tell you Walters please don't listen to the haters you know that you are just telling nothing but the truth and the best kind of truth from experience keep up the good work 😁😁
That's rough. I am very blessed to say that for the most part, everyone on both sides of my family have it together. I'm shocked at some things I hear about that goes on in folks families.
I have one cousin who I cannot stand. The bitch used my car without my permission, totaled it, didn't have insurance and refused to pay me back. THEN she tried to embarrass me and my mom at the court house when I took her to court the first time. Suffice to say, the hoe's license is suspended until she pays me my money AND Court cost fees. I disowned her.
Adam Christopher YOU DID THE RIGHT THING TEACH HER LESSON OF LIFE 101 IF I SEE PEOPLE CANT HELP THEMSELVES I DONT HELP THEM NOT BEING MEAN WHEN THERE EVER LEARN !
I grew up in a single parent household and it was rough. Housing and disgruntled landlords seemed to be my mum's downfall. She tried and she had health problems with her heart and lungs. It was one struggle after and another and people kept judging her for her ability to rationalize her decisions.
I love you Walter you are the friend in my head..I thank you for these video ..you have enlightening me in so many ways about Atlanta ..life ..HIV..etc etc..you are a positive person that others can learn from..your wisdom is everything..
I feel you Walter. You have a purpose in life. You are talking about things that are tough in our community. We have enough people NOT addressing problems we control 💯 percent. Keep up the good positive work. I hope to run into somewhere in Atlanta one day.
this is so true, I have no kids yet at 27 even though I want some. it is very difficult and expensive living in this capitalistic society especially with the economy being so unstable and unpredictable
there are also always those who have the kids and feel they are fine cause of one pretty good paying job........They hold on by that one thread......It can break.
I think your doing fantastic work trying too help black gay men and black communities! As I said I very much respect you and your videos really inspire.
Walter I live for your videos. I feel like I can relate so much and my family feels like I’m mean because I’m real about situations. Reason why I don’t want kids I don’t want to struggle!
Same experience here. I saw my friends have babies young when they were poor and involved in drugs. The kids have had a horrible life. They were just tools for attention used by their sick immature abusive mothers. If your life is shitty, use some effing birth control. Babies don’t make bad situations better they just suffer.
This is so me, I'm always there for the kids so many kids 🙌🏽 my friends and aunts have. This was very honest not negative at all. Sometimes honesty doesn't seem positive... to those who see life though rose colored glasses. I will always aim for improvement seek understanding from those who have achieved milestones I have yet to reach. Just to embody peace, balance, and embrace a calm heart & warm soul. 💓
Walter, I think your perspective on life is uplifting. I don’t see you as a negative person, but rather, as a realist who sees things for what they are. Love your videos, they’re like a mini-podcast of insightful wisdom.💕
Walter, keep posting your vids! There are people who may not be able to handle you being very candid, but too bad! I find your thoughts and opinions to be refreshing!
Keep telling the truth Walter. It's sad, but some people can't handle the truth. You have no idea of how many people your are helping through your messages. I agree, the bottom line is...we are oftentimes our worse enemy!! I had to edit this profile because I was just telling someone the same thing yesterday, if something happens to me, I have no one to help me... I am on my own. Keep up the great work!
Having children out of marriage and without a plan and without the proper finances is the most selfish thing a person can do. Several people have children to fill a void which is also selfish.
And the void is still there.
Torri Coco seems like most people have children just to have them
It truly is . It's also abuse
Ego is the reason some people have children
i know im asking randomly but does any of you know a method to log back into an Instagram account??
I was stupid forgot the password. I appreciate any help you can give me!
Crabs in a barrel mentality. Your family can be your worst enemy.
That's one of the hardest, and greatest lessons of life.
Very true. Why is that?
Spiritual warfare. Spiritual wickedness override blood.
Kay T 38 exactly
Kay T 38 that's why I don't deal with mine
Children may be a blessing but are you a blessing to your children? That's the real question. I'm sorry to say way too many parents are not.
That’s because you’re RIGHT!
Oooh, you took the words right out of my soul!
🎯🎯🎯 EXACTLY! People always ask themself if they want kids but never ask would a kid want them? Or the burden of life or this world for that matter…
Our people don't like to be called out on their shit Walter!!!!!
CHIQUITA OWENS thats why they still messed up
@chiquitaowens, Same with my people, I’m not black but I’m Mexican and all my family wants is cash. I got tired of trying to guide them. Once I shut down the ATM, they lost my phone number and trash talked me to anyone that will listen.
I feel like a lot of people have kids to justify their lack of progress. Society tells them that it's okay that you don't do or have anything because you are a parent. It's so easy to have a kid and not think about the tools needed to raise a healthy and happy child, Health insurance, college, nutrition, daycare, homework. I always think about what if I win the lottery and that scares me from actually playing. I don't want to take care of my mom, sister, brother, cousins, grandmother, aunts, and uncle, but I want to give them the tools to survive.
@Bea Landrin IF! If I was to win the lottery? I'd split it down the middle taking 1/2 for myself and the other half I'd Split it between my fathers side of the family and my mothers family! From there? '$The Chips Fall Where They May$.'
Wow! Your mom.
@@sarahchristopher436 yeah she's disgusting
If you don't want to help them and it bothers you so much then I wouldn't do it.
As a clinical social worker I would like to say that having a magic wand to solve people's problems rarely does anything for them. They have to do the work and EARN the benefit of the wisdom that comes with doing it themselves. An example of the magic wand's failure is most lottery winners end up broke again in 5 years. They did not learn/earn the wisdom and responsibility required to maintain their improved conditions.
Truth, this is it.
This is a perfect response.
In a lot of black families the one who is doing well they expect them to be the
Social Worker for the family. It can be very stressful. You have to be there for everybody but no one can help you when you need it. Sometimes you have to save yourself and separate and give them space for a while for them to figure it out themselves.
And sometimes you have to say goodbye forever.
@lilly S you said it all. The person who is doing well is expected to take care of everyone until they start doing bad themselves. Insanity!
the informer yes, they want you to be a social worker and expect financial assistance from you. I did the right thing and now you expect me to open my wallet??? No more! 😒
Lilly S AMEN !!!! SAY THIS AGAIN
Sounds like the story of my life and I have a bachelors degree in social work. I finally had start saying no. It's not my issue.
I was the black sheep in my family. Mama let me with sister and I was raped and molested starting at age of 7. I fought a lot and was determined to leave NYC and get a fresh start.
I got married young in the military and made my mistakes. Once I made my mind up I wanted to elevate myself. I was often beat down by my immediate family. I knew I would have great success but it would require separation. Me being Caribbean the pressure to provide and make everyone happy was hard.
I went to the Army and never looked back. My ex-husband didn't provide for my son then I entered a new relationship and had a daughter. The same thing again left to figure it out. I had to look hard at myself and figure out why I didn't feel worthy of love. I always worked hard and raised my children. I got my degrees and left military and opened two businesses. My husband met me & couldn't believe how much I went through. We came together and built our family. We now are a successful blended family. We own a three companies and I still don't talk to my family.
Wish I could hug you. Hope you're still doing well
I agree with 100% of what you said. Black families have a lot of work to do.
M Rae, let's not label " all black family's " as "needing work". I think we all "need work" black, white, male, female, gay and Straight!😀
I stand by what I said. Walter's video was not speaking of 'all' families - he was speaking about his family in particular which is black. I agree, all families need work, but this was not what Walter's video was about.
I come from a black family - I cannot speak to 'other' families because I am not included in other categoric families.
Jamie Hurt I totally agree
+M Rae ☝👊✊👋💪
I always had two jobs to make ends meet I cant afford children!!! My cousin ask me why dont I have kids so I can have legacy. 😂😂 I told him to Please 🙏 Get out my ovaries!!!
I have 2 adult kids, and 1 has 2 kids and the other got out of prison last summer. I helped them as much as I could until I had to get on blood pressure medication. They never called until they wanted something. For the last 3 months, by the grace of God, thru prayer, these kids have done a 360! I am so happy that no one can take this joy away
How did u raise your kids though? We're u a struggling parent as well? U failed to mention that part I noticed. Maybe there actions or lack thereof are a direct reflection of how u raised them, u got account for your mishaps too - food for thought. But glad it's getting better
People who have kids have to understand that you have given up the right to be selfish once you procreate. You have to do what's best for the children. You have to want more for them than you had for yourself. The dysfunctional cycle repeats itself because they are emulating what they saw and experienced- which is dysfunction.
Sometimes I feel incomplete because I don't have any children yet, at the tender age of 34. I have those messy relatives that always wanna know, "girl when are you gonna have some kids?!" But then I always remind myself that I don't even have a "suitable" prospect to have a kid with. So what if the clock is ticking, and I'm not getting any younger....I do want at least one child, but then again not everyone is meant to be a parent.
Lynn Morris good for you for not rushing and being conscious to look for a suitable mate. i wished I know that before. Besides 34 is still young. You really have time like a few more years left.
Lynn Morris don't feel bad. I'm 35 and I don't have any kids either. I'm actually at a good point now to find someone with the right mindset and bring a child into this world and provide a good life.
Lynn Morris Yes I know EXACTLY how you feel!
Roses 4me Thank you Roses! Great advice!
Lynn Morris Girl, you are so right. Dont rush it. Take your time. I gotta say, as much as my husband and I love our kids, sometimes we think back to before we had them. SMH.. those were the days...
Walter I think you are very positive! You are just a realist!!! People can't handle the real...
robert king jr he is both..a Realistic, Pessimist!
Yesssss.......
Over the past 50 or so years, social scientists have conducted hundreds of studies aimed at determining how people can get out of poverty, or stay out of poverty. Most of those studies came to the following conclusions: finish high school, get some type of full-time job after high school, wait until 21 to have children, don’t have children out of wedlock, have both parents in the home. When hundreds of studies come to the same conclusions, we need to pay attention to them. Duh.
I made sure that my grown kids made better life decisions than I did, and instill the same in my younger 3. I want them to excel and soar as high as they possibly go... I'm playing catch up with my life because of mistakes I made in my 20's... but I am on a mission to be prosperous in abundance.
Walter...even if u had a magic wand...it would only fix their problems just long enough for them to make SOME MORE bad decisions and end up in the same damn place u rescued them from.. I have a 2 rescue rule...I will rescue you twice but that 3rd time..I realize you CHOOSE to put yourself in bad situations and im gone leave you to it!!! Doesn't mean I don't care about you (friends & family) just means i'm going to let you live with the consequences of the decisions that you make!!! And I dont care what they say Walter..youre not negative.. you're responsible and practical...as am I, so i feel you!!!
OWLLARK1 This is so true!!! You can only help these type of people for so long before their next poor decision. They lack the critical thinking skills and accountability to examine previous bad decisions and to apply them to future potential outcomes.
Kids are a serious commitment that many people don't seem to appreciate. Once you have a child that's 21 years you must put aside for pure self sacrifice... To enact persistent devotion while putting your feelings aside to make sure that child makes it in life and that in itself is a gamble.
I can definitely relate to this. Keep the TRUTH coming.😍😍 This is a very realistic peril in the black community unnecessary kids=poverty
Tarwanza Williams agree, don't have kids if you are not ready to take care of them.
simonstuart2003 Thanks I am speaking from my personal everyday life & experience
Tarwanza Williams uhu zovi
2017 had been the year where I have "minded my business and stayed in my lane"... it is exhausting to help people who don't want to make any real change in their lives....family especially. You are amazing Walter... keep being you.
You're partly correct. Having children before you are ready is the pathway to poverty for the parents and the children. Not having children in and of itself. People should wait until they are financially stable before having having children. That's why having children in one's teens and early 20s is the wrong answer. Additionally, there are too many single parents in black America. By definition, most single parents and their children will invariably experience poverty.
Truth, it's sad this is well known but is still going on for stupid reasons.
I feel the same way Walter. And you're right, it's not being selfish, that's just the TRUTH. I saw my mother struggle, and I never wanted to put any child through "not having enough" because of me not being able to provide. To me, that's wisdom. It just makes sense. People say, "the Lord will make a way", yes He will, but he also gives us intelligence & commonsense. You don't go jumping off of a cliff and then cry "Lord save me"............Yo Ass Gone DIE!
😂
lmao
Awww Walter dont cry.. YOU ARE A super hero in others eyes because your not conforming to what every one else is doing. HELL IM WONDER WOMEN to alot of people. we Are RARE. we always want to help people who are not responsible because we have a big heart. But it can be exhaughsting especially if its not being received in a positive way or appreciated. love you walter have a great day❤
i listen to this man all the time just listen!!
@ StayOn66 I hear you. but you can only help those who want it. People make their choices and have to live with them. Reach out all you want , but people have to reach back also.
Rodney Holmes
thanks Rodney i appreciate your comment.. however i do reach out to people who Need my help or ask for my help.. but once i get them out of a hole then they never learn from their previous mistakes that got them there in the 1st place..they'll just keep repeating the same thing . so half the time i feel its $$$,time,energy advice waisted. but have a hard time with turning a few of them away. i have to show tough love i guess. thanks! much l❤ve 2 you😊.
@ StayOn66 I understand your pain. I've learned that people like dysfunction and disarray, and as a result I've been keeping my distance. And the effort, money, and most importantly, time ( since you'll never get it back ) IS wasted, and you ( not saying you particularly ) come away with that feeling who were being used. Because you were. and as a result, you withdraw and learn to love people from afar. But you have a positive spirit, and hopefully others will learn to appreciate that. Take care.
Rodney Holmes
thank you Rodney.. loved your perspective and advice.. greatly appreciated👍❤ take care luv.
I'm a 49 year old educated woman with no kids. I was raised by my mom and dad and taught to wait to have children, get an education and a career. I did! I didn't get married because when asked, I wasn't ready, too focused on my career. After graduation, got a job and wanted to wait a few years to accrue time on my job. At 33 I became single. Thereafter, didn't get into a relationship I felt was worthy until I became 42. I am now 49. Missed out on having children and I regret it. So my views are now slightly different about having children. However, I believe a women should be financially stable and married but with ALL of the black men issues..........To have it all is not easy to have. I am now in a serious relationship for the past 4 years with a man who raised his two boys without a mother, therefore I am lucky enough to be a stepmom. I still wish I had children of my own though!
But if you did have children on your own what would you give them in return for such a decision? What would become of their futures? What purpose would they serve in the grand scheme of things besides just school, work, college and bills especially with high inflation, gas prices and the overall participation in working jobs with shitty pay with minimal benefits?
I don't want kids to be honest. people hate me for that...
You said one thing that is surely true: having kids is a direct path to poverty. I can't even begin to imagine what I'd have if I didn't have them... 😂. Wouldn't trade them though!
Walter you have to give tough love sometimes. Turn your phone off at night so you can get a good night's rest. Put your health and sanity first. Ijs💖💖💖
I agree! I am a gay white man. I am not sure ethnicity is all there is to this problem. My sister, also white, had three girls she could not afford. They moved and moved and could she support them. Their father was a deadbeat who was in and out of jail, as well as suffering from alcoholism. All three nieces ended up in foster care. Currently,all three nieces have children and are repeating the same horrible pattern.
My husband of 22 years and I, have no interest in having children because we would likely not be good parents. Our choice was to spare the world our poor parenting skills. Poverty always follows ignorant decisions to have children.
P.S. My husband and I do not smoke, drink, or party. We are straight laced good honest men. We have zero debt. We are monogamous for 22 years. We are self made millionaires and godless atheists who know better than to have children. No way no how, and yet those who can least afford it, and are unbelievably irresponsible have more kids than rabbits. ''Tis sad indeed!
Awws don't cry Walter. I love how honest, raw, open, and transparent you are. I appreciate you showing your vulnerable emotional side. Black folks need to say no to dysfunction and do better.
your a good man walter
Sir you are correct.
I have seen similar stuff throughout my family. Also even a few coworkers.
I want a kid or two, but since I am not in a position to support kids I am not making any.
I use to have this recurring dream. I'm in a tug of war. I'm pulling with all my strength.Arms, Back, Legs. Slowly getting to the mud. Then a little voice said turn around and look. I said, I can't I need to keep pulling.The voice said turn around and look. So I turn around and my family wasn't helping. I've been the only one trying.
wow! what a dream to have and to have it often.
WOW X2!
U know people feel because u have no kids and a little savings you are there to save them friend feel the same way smh!
Its hard being the "responsible one" in the black family. So many of our people dont try to better themselves. They dont feel bad about asking you every month for something. Then got the nerve to be making babies. Its a childish mindset.
This video resonates with me. I work as a nurse assistant and I see so many patients who have loved ones who stand constant vigil at their bedside and a sorrow in my heart bubbles up sometimes because I know for certain that God forbid something happens to me, I wouldn't have anyone doing the same. I have been their for so many people and give good care (according to my patients) to those I am assigned to but I have never received the same thing. It's heartbreaking.
jenean parker , keep doing what your doing sometimes a kind word from a health professional has been the only thing to save my life...thank you darling for your service
It breaks my heart to see this happening in my own family! I left NY and moved to DC for a fresh start and keep the destructiveness away from my day to day life. 😕
It's like your speaking to just me Walter. I'm going through the same thing with my younger brother and his children/ baby mama dram bullshit! it's stressing me out. I don't have children (well I do, she's a dog) nor a boyfriend. I don't do well under stress and drama. I told him I don't care at this point whatever choice he makes pertaining to any of that anymore! I had to literally blow up on him for him to see I was serious this go!
Distance yourself.
Your videos are not negative. You tell the truth and people cant handle it.
exactly
I don't think you're being negative, I think you're being honest. Being genuine is a form of positivity.
I think you are very positive. I believe you have a healthy mindset. It is sad that dysfunction is seen as functional in the black community so when someone says you should be able to take care of your children, financially, emotionally, etc. before you have them, they are scoffed at. There are black people who are still sane and support you. God bless.
children are definitely not a blessing unless you have them correctly & the timing is right
I grew up as a child of a single parent who had 7 children. It was a difficult life for us and because of that, I never had a desire to have children until now, after I have already established myself. Parents have no idea what type of harm they cause to children when they bring them into the world unprepared. They create flawed children who grow into becoming flawed adults.
That's some weighty shit man but man it's real. My wife deals with that shit with her family all the time. Keep your head up because you're doing the right thing ; talking about it
You are 2000% correct about everything ... man I swear you spoke right out of my own life.... "i cant call anyone.. I don't have anyone to call.. its all on me.." Exactly.. "if I have an emergency, there is no one to call for that can help me.." FACTSSSSWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
heartfelt rant...love Walter
I do completely relate with your words as I often am able to. Like you, I too have to always think ahead to make sure I am taken care of. I had to renew my AAA membership and was conflicted because I haven't used the service in YEARS (only once since i've been driving) but I continue to pay for the service IN CASE I ever need it because I KNOW I have NO ONE I can call and depend on if I ever needed help.... but others know they can always call me. Like I have shared some time ago, there is a beautiful word called NO and I had to learn to use it more often then I wanted to... but I can not continue to be my family's personal ATM. I work too hard for everything I have and to not be a burden on anyone. Hang in there Walter!
One of the worst sentences ever put to pen and paper: be fruitful and multiply.
I HATE THAT SENTENCE!!!!
the informer Being Fruitful is not a problem if you are ready for it and responsible. the responsibility is the issue.
Don't you think that would have been an important thing to add to the statement initially? Because as it stands, many are taking it out of context with disastrous results.
the informer yea your right because most people don't read the scriptures before and after that one
the informer the context was when there wasn't a lot of people. Lol
Remember, what was called incest happened then but was no longer tolerated once the population grew.
You would be a great father Walter because you would take the responsibility seriously. You would be a good male role model for someone to look up to.
You are a very Intelligent Man!!
I respect your decision not to have kids... However, you would be a great father due to the wisdom you have to pass on. Regardless, I guarantee you're having a positive impact on young men all over the nation. You certainly inspire me as I continue to raise my son to be a man. Thank you for the great videos... from out here in Seattle.
i feel you brother 100%, especially when dealing with family you have to distance yourself from all the negative bs that goes on, but when you do that then your looked at as the bad guy cause you have the common sense
to not be around all of the foolishness. Keep doing your thing my brother, respect.
I have been binge-watching your videos over the last couple days. Its like sitting an talking with a friend. My dialysis treatment goes so fast listening an watching your videos. Ty keep them coming.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Walter you have described my whole child and what my siblings and I went through after my mother left our father.
I didn't have any kids. I'm still trying to get out of poverty. I was homeless living in my car. This sounds so similar to my family. 'Life is a gift" "A baby is a blessing" while living in poverty struggling and suffering. Religion plays a big role in poverty.
your talks get better and better. I listen to you every morning on my way to work
I LOVE YOUR TRUTH!!! *PRAISE BREAKKKKKK* 💯💯💯💯 SOME PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
you are making me cry right now because you're telling nothing but the truth
Hey Jenni don't cry!...Lets learn from this and grow as a race of people.
Walter Lee Hampton II yes indeed. Thank you for taking the time to share with us your experiences in life. You are a blessing no matter what the nay sayers type in the comments.
Walter, your heart is in the right place. It is clear that you love your family. But sometimes, one must love oneself even more, especially during times like this. Being able to talk with your viewers about your situation is a great place to release the frustration instead of turning it all inward. Also, you and I totally share the viewpoint on children. I am female and I, too, have watched many 'have not much or nothing at all' folks have children. I did not want that scenario for me and I feel no remorse. I am still a kind, loving, considerate and intelligent human being. Who has also learned to 'fall back' whenever necessary, in order to self preserve. Walter, I like you and what you had to say. I get it. Hopefully, there is a 'have not' out there watching who gets it, too. 🙂
This was an excellent video. One of the surest ways to stay in a cycle of inter generational poverty is to have child when you lack the ability to care for them. The practice where we just have babies usually out of wedlock is a major part of what keeps so many of us poor. A friend of mine has a relative that had a baby with a man who lives with his parents and doesn't have a car. The baby daddy has a number of women in rotation. My friend's relative didn't see any of this before she had this clown's baby.
We have magical thinking and think that god will wave a magic wand and everything will end up turning out well.
I see grown adults who do the same thing. They may be married but have no job and no way of supporting a child.
It is very selfish to bring children into the world that will not be adequately supported or cared for.
i get excited everytime you post a new vid. keep em coming
Walter, I know exactly how you feel.. For me, I've come to conclusion that not even a magic wand can fix dysfunction. Therefore, I focus on taking care of myself, my husband & our ONE child. For every body else, I can offer advice and/or the side eye. Enjoy your 4th & some good Netflix shows are Wentworth, Daughter of the South, Power, Flash, Arrow, Breaking Bad.
Walter, I’m watching this video for the second time. This is Education. People can learn all of Math and Science they can, but if they don’t know how to budget and take responsibility for themselves, these problems will persist. Again, thank you.
People can't handle the TRUTH. You made EDUCATED Decisions while some people let life happen to them. Keep doing and saying what you want. Happy 4th 🇺🇸
I had two kids young and did my best it took me 20 years to have my 3 child. And I love kids but being a parent is a serious undertaking!!! Even when they are in they 30 they still need help and advice and support.... so it don't make sense having kids to suffer!!! It not fair on these poor kids you got to be repossible and able to take care of yourself first. Walter you keep 💯 and love that about you great video too....
First four minutes of this video is exactly what I don't understand about these people that have babies with NO plan whatsoever so early in life, just no type of foundation. It's so close to home I'm doing every thing I can to not get personal but it really is sad and just so confusing how many people can't foresee how hard it's going to be to make it work especially when you're starting with ZERO, literally nothing to fall back on. Not saying it's not possible but why would some one ever want to stack those types of odds against themselves?
You are like a family member to me, because what you are talking about is something my father has drilled into my head over the years. Real is the only way to be, and the black community needs to realize that planning and sacrifice is needed in this life. We need more common sense! Great video.
This is one time I totally agree with you.
Walter, you are a Blessing. Your maturity and independence are great examples for your family and friends.
I'm only a few minutes into the video, but I'm just gonna throw my opinion out there...
To sum it up:
People live outside their means. Whether that be through having kids they can't afford, getting themselves into debt, or whatever else. And THIS is where it all starts!!! IT'S A CYCLE PEOPLE! THERE'S A CYCLE IN SOCIETY WITH THE LOWER CLASS! WITH EACH PASSING GENERATION, THE KIDS SEE HOW THEIR PARENTS NEVER TRULY LIVED BUT MERELY SURVIVED, AND UNLESS THEY'RE WISE ENOUGH TO SEE THAT THEY'LL HAVE TO ESCAPE AND LEAVE ALL THE BULLSHIT BEHIND, THEIR LIVES WILL TURN OUT JUST LIKE THEIR PARENTS. WE NEED THE BREAK THE CYCLE AND IT STARTS WITH MY GENERATION! THE TEENS IN POVERTY NEED TO WISEN UP AND BREAK THE CYCLE! IS IT DIFFICULT?! FUCK YEAH IT IS! I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW! BUT AS DIFFICULT AS IT MAY BE, SOMEONE HAS TO BREAK THE CYCLE FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS!
That's just my opinion tho lol
Another thing, I came to Atlanta with my Husband and got custody of his son. His ex-wife is the same way. She moves nonstop and the child has never had a stable home. She blames my husband for all her failures. He paid over 1k in CS and couldn't she couldn't keep a place. We decided it was best to put him with us. She still fights and gives us hell and now we will be back in court. She is mad she moved back to Atlanta and wants us to fly him every other weekend to Atlanta. Some people are addicted to the dysfunction.
thank u for sharing Walter. People don't like honest advice until situations get out of control keep up the great work.
Walter you are deep and honest. The world needs more people like you willing to say it, no matter how unpopular.
Sending hugs to you dear. You've got the biggest heart. I can relate to you. People call me too when things go wrong. I have no one to come to my rescue either. You're not alone. ☹️
I don't have to tell you Walters please don't listen to the haters you know that you are just telling nothing but the truth and the best kind of truth from experience keep up the good work 😁😁
Walter you're very smart .. Love it ✅
That's rough. I am very blessed to say that for the most part, everyone on both sides of my family have it together. I'm shocked at some things I hear about that goes on in folks families.
I have one cousin who I cannot stand. The bitch used my car without my permission, totaled it, didn't have insurance and refused to pay me back. THEN she tried to embarrass me and my mom at the court house when I took her to court the first time. Suffice to say, the hoe's license is suspended until she pays me my money AND Court cost fees. I disowned her.
Adam Christopher YOU DID THE RIGHT THING TEACH HER LESSON OF LIFE 101 IF I SEE PEOPLE CANT HELP THEMSELVES I DONT HELP THEM NOT BEING MEAN WHEN THERE EVER LEARN !
Adam Christopher
I grew up in a single parent household and it was rough. Housing and disgruntled landlords seemed to be my mum's downfall. She tried and she had health problems with her heart and lungs. It was one struggle after and another and people kept judging her for her ability to rationalize her decisions.
Hey Walter I've taught my grown folks the same thing Ur sharing with U tube ! 🤷♀️
I love you Walter you are the friend in my head..I thank you for these video ..you have enlightening me in so many ways about Atlanta ..life ..HIV..etc etc..you are a positive person that others can learn from..your wisdom is everything..
like always, great video & pure wisdom, I love you bro only because you are an amazing human being & please don't let anyone dim your LIGHT.
I feel you Walter. You have a purpose in life. You are talking about things that are tough in our community. We have enough people NOT addressing problems we control 💯 percent. Keep up the good positive work. I hope to run into somewhere in Atlanta one day.
this is so true, I have no kids yet at 27 even though I want some. it is very difficult and expensive living in this capitalistic society especially with the economy being so unstable and unpredictable
What other society (other than a capitalistic one) would you prefer to live in? Venezuela?
there are also always those who have the kids and feel they are fine cause of one pretty good paying job........They hold on by that one thread......It can break.
Your powerful message brought me to tears! You are a God-Sent! Thank you for your wisdom sweetheart!
I think your doing fantastic work trying too help black gay men and black communities! As I said I very much respect you and your videos really inspire.
Walter I live for your videos. I feel like I can relate so much and my family feels like I’m mean because I’m real about situations. Reason why I don’t want kids I don’t want to struggle!
Responsible, Reliable, good hearted person
Blessings to you bro.
I agree as well. I'm 30 no kids I know the responsibility that comes with them and you gotta be on point.
Same experience here. I saw my friends have babies young when they were poor and involved in drugs. The kids have had a horrible life. They were just tools for attention used by their sick immature abusive mothers. If your life is shitty, use some effing birth control. Babies don’t make bad situations better they just suffer.
Very sad situation for your great nieces and nephews it sounds like they are sadly a few steps away from being awarded to the state. ❣❣❣
This is so me, I'm always there for the kids so many kids 🙌🏽 my friends and aunts have. This was very honest not negative at all. Sometimes honesty doesn't seem positive... to those who see life though rose colored glasses. I will always aim for improvement seek understanding from those who have achieved milestones I have yet to reach. Just to embody peace, balance, and embrace a calm heart & warm soul. 💓
Walter, I love you.... I love you.....in a brotherly & sisterly way. God Bless You.
I know it is a boring thing to say, but you need to get your rest. Rest is very important, and this cannot be expressed enough.
Walter, I think your perspective on life is uplifting. I don’t see you as a negative person, but rather, as a realist who sees things for what they are. Love your videos, they’re like a mini-podcast of insightful wisdom.💕
Yes you are a superhero. Love your videos Walter. 💖💖💖
Thank You Joyce!
I think the reason I can sit and listen to you so much is because you remind me of my grandmother. She was a talker too. 😂
I am a new subbie and love your transparency...thanks for dropping jewels!!! Walter, continued blessings : )
Walter, keep posting your vids! There are people who may not be able to handle you being very candid, but too bad! I find your thoughts and opinions to be refreshing!
The only person who I knew I could lean on was my grandmother. She was the best person to me. She’s been deceased for about 6 years now.
Keep telling the truth Walter. It's sad, but some people can't handle the truth. You have no idea of how many people your are helping through your messages. I agree, the bottom line is...we are oftentimes our worse enemy!! I had to edit this profile because I was just telling someone the same thing yesterday, if something happens to me, I have no one to help me... I am on my own. Keep up the great work!