Hurricanes, Reproductive Rights, Ivermectin: Did Anything Happen During Our Break?

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  • čas přidán 6. 09. 2021
  • Stephen returns from hiatus wearing something he's calling a "mustache," and uses his monologue to get caught up on all the major news that happened during Late Show's hiatus. Did you hear about that talking duck?
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    Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
    ---
    The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
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Komentáře • 6K

  • @nicolascleroux4231
    @nicolascleroux4231 Před 2 lety +846

    Ned Flanders did a great job stepping in for Stephen tonight.

    • @lumsdelj
      @lumsdelj Před 2 lety +15

      why does this comment not have more likes! This is great:D

    • @homerj.simpson7562
      @homerj.simpson7562 Před 2 lety +27

      Shut up, Flanders! :D

    • @lumsdelj
      @lumsdelj Před 2 lety +18

      @@homerj.simpson7562 Okey dokely lmao

    • @myrafinch5769
      @myrafinch5769 Před 2 lety +4

      🤣😂

    • @tktru
      @tktru Před 2 lety +19

      Hi diddly ho neighborinos welcome to the Late Show

  • @HylianFox3
    @HylianFox3 Před 2 lety +607

    So basically, the TX abortion law posits that unconstitutional laws are perfectly fine, as long as they're enforced by civilian bounty hunters and not the feds or police. Right?
    Because that's not opening a huge can of worms...

    • @greeneyedlady5580
      @greeneyedlady5580 Před 2 lety +19

      Bingo!

    • @halibaitor
      @halibaitor Před 2 lety +19

      Is there anything in that "law" that limits them to just one suit per abortion, or are multiple suits allowed?

    • @0g0dn0
      @0g0dn0 Před 2 lety +67

      People should accuse these accusers of getting abortions and use the new law to do it with impunity. Get paid to narc on narcs. Because obviously just running a case on hearsay is good enough down there. Ensure that the entire rotten law is destroyed by its own vagueness.

    • @NomadSoul76
      @NomadSoul76 Před 2 lety +52

      There is hope that there may be a supreme court precedent against this. Yes, Roe v Wade itself is still precedent, but it looks like the supreme Court is willing to play along with the dodge they used in Texas to get around it.
      But they may have just steered straight into a different precedent that forbids exactly this. It involves a supreme Court case about a state law that gave churches the ability to veto liquor licenses being awarded to businesses near them. In 1982 the supreme Court decided that's such laws were illegitimate because they delegate power which the government is supposed to possess and use to ordinary citizens, and that ordinary citizens are not in a proper position to make those decisions.
      The case was argued by a lawyer named Lawrence Tribe and if you follow the legal world that name may ring a bell. He has brought the case which is still a standing supreme Court precedent to everybody's attention and it's possible the doj could use it to go after the Texas law.
      Would I trust our current Supreme Court to uphold that precedent? Let's say I won't be taking any bets. But they relied upon the trick that was used in this law to justify not striking it down despite the fact that it violates Roe v Wade. A supreme Court decision which specifically targets that very trick may force them to accept the case, and if they do they're going to have a hard time arguing against it.

    • @BrentMB79
      @BrentMB79 Před 2 lety +4

      Speaking of unconstitutional you should probably dig a little deeper into Roe v Wade

  • @crumbum2
    @crumbum2 Před 2 lety +20

    My special lady friend gave me permission to grow a 'pandemic mustache'. After a year's growth she's calling me Snidley Whiplash. Glad to see Colbert finally jumping on board.

  • @splatula
    @splatula Před 2 lety +16

    Now that Trebek is gone, his moustache finally has the closure to move on.

  • @colpidium
    @colpidium Před 2 lety +256

    So, does this new Texas law mean that men have to pay child support starting at the sixth week of pregnancy too?

    • @goodmorninggilw2836
      @goodmorninggilw2836 Před 2 lety +4

      .... supreme court justice Evie.... I like that. In fact I am quite confident that there would be better results if that was the case. I am not even kidding there. Anyways I miss Evie
      And I wish that she was either the supreme court justice to replace the rapist or the local constable because I think she would be way cooler than most cops. I called it right didn't know with the cop comment? You look like my father's old partner from the PD

    • @palmereldritch_6669
      @palmereldritch_6669 Před 2 lety +6

      Call me crazy, but I doubt it. All I can say is, I'm glad I'm in New Mexico.

    • @bilmoe5856
      @bilmoe5856 Před 2 lety +1

      Amen!

    • @LuckkyCanuck
      @LuckkyCanuck Před 2 lety

      Perhaps they should if you happen to have been knocked up by a complete dead-beat.

    • @lynnebarrett9912
      @lynnebarrett9912 Před 2 lety +6

      No. The woman got herself pregnant. She's to blame. SHE is 100% responsible for LIFE. I say sue Abbott and the state of Texas for child support. THEY insist women have babies, they can pay. Won't happen.

  • @moebiusjdx7288
    @moebiusjdx7288 Před 2 lety +228

    There seems to be a caterpillar loose in Stephen's studio... His professionalism while that thing rests on his upper lip is rather impressive.

    • @wizardsuth
      @wizardsuth Před 2 lety +4

      William Shatner has coped with a much larger furry creature on his head for at least five decades.

    • @MrOoarg
      @MrOoarg Před 2 lety

      Man, people always got stuff to say on others' grooming habits.

    • @crehenge2386
      @crehenge2386 Před 2 lety

      he has nonprofessionalism though...

    • @PraiseTheFSMonster
      @PraiseTheFSMonster Před 2 lety

      I've never seen an albino caterpillar before

  • @Liviathan
    @Liviathan Před 2 lety +56

    I thought he was gonna say: "There's a talking duck in Australia. Wow, that is huge news for anyone who's never heard of Aflac."

    • @HipHopSlam
      @HipHopSlam Před 2 lety +4

      that's a good one! - they need to hire you for his writing team

    • @Liviathan
      @Liviathan Před 2 lety +2

      @@HipHopSlam thank you! that’s my dream job 😭

    • @HipHopSlam
      @HipHopSlam Před 2 lety +2

      @@Liviathan well you should pursue it then - seriously - I suggest you make a short list of jokes/quips (starting with your wonderful Aflac one) of missed (joke) opportunities out of each monologue for the past week or the upcoming week - and email to the Late Show and/or tag it on all social media - anything to gain attention and you could very well land your dream job - good luck!

  • @mindyourself7063
    @mindyourself7063 Před 2 lety +99

    A resemblance/image of John Bolton crossed my mind and it was frightening. No no this time.

  • @jameswaters3939
    @jameswaters3939 Před 2 lety +39

    I vote "No" to the moustache, but I recognize your right to choose.

  • @raviamodernepic
    @raviamodernepic Před 2 lety +685

    Be honest, you are going for the Jeopardy job, aren't you? 😂

    • @jscotthatcher380
      @jscotthatcher380 Před 2 lety +17

      i was thinking the same thing. 😹

    • @FirestoneX
      @FirestoneX Před 2 lety +8

      Noooo. thats MatPats dream!!!!

    • @nfspbarrister5681
      @nfspbarrister5681 Před 2 lety +4

      @@FirestoneX hell yeah. That job should landed by Nerd!!

    • @robertrichard6107
      @robertrichard6107 Před 2 lety +5

      That's what I thought, never noticed it 'til he mentioned it, but he'd have to dye it like Alex Trebec, but looks like Liam Nelson wants the job now.

    • @ethanweeter2732
      @ethanweeter2732 Před 2 lety +2

      Not sure that is a primo job right now. Considering Mike is just an executive producer now and no longer the host.

  • @davidcashin1894
    @davidcashin1894 Před 2 lety +83

    I'm just thinking his wife either really love him or hasn't seen it yet..............?

    • @MichaelLonetto
      @MichaelLonetto Před 2 lety +4

      He’s inspired me. I give it a week before my wife says “What are you doing?” 😉

    • @gozzilla177
      @gozzilla177 Před 2 lety +2

      @@MichaelLonetto keep us updated lol

    • @terrybonnell2086
      @terrybonnell2086 Před 2 lety

      Isn't Stephen gay?

    • @gozzilla177
      @gozzilla177 Před 2 lety

      @@terrybonnell2086 No he is married to his wife and has like 3 kids 😆

  • @athgowla687
    @athgowla687 Před 2 lety +136

    republicons: 'We can not pay covid aid to people, think about the deficit!'
    Same republicons: "Let's pay legal fees and give $ 10 000 to all the people snitching on each other."

    • @joyhopkins4072
      @joyhopkins4072 Před 2 lety +1

      DON'T WORRY ABOUT TEXAS
      BIDEN IS A KILLER
      AFGHANISTAN
      OPEN BORDERS DURING A PANDEMIC WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?
      OVER 200K ILLEGALS WITH COVID TB HAVE CROSSED OVER MIXED WITH TERRORISTS
      HE IS A KILLER
      KILLING KIDS ADULTS WITH COVID FROM THE BORDER
      AFGHANISTAN HE IS A MURDERER
      COMING TO YOUR TOWN
      COUNT ON IT!!

    • @rockdinosaur8619
      @rockdinosaur8619 Před 2 lety +14

      @Gorge Jonezs Wow that comment made zero sense - congrats.

    • @elegantgypsyrose5328
      @elegantgypsyrose5328 Před 2 lety +19

      @@joyhopkins4072 stop yelling. It doesn't make any or better sense when you do. If you have a point I can't find it in your run on BABBLING SPEW.

    • @joyhopkins4072
      @joyhopkins4072 Před 2 lety

      @@elegantgypsyrose5328 Then you are has braindead has the killer Corpse in the WH.
      Read Girl Read

    • @elegantgypsyrose5328
      @elegantgypsyrose5328 Před 2 lety +14

      @@joyhopkins4072 ummm, 2 masters degrees. Trust that I can both read and write... My comment stands. And...just letting you know..this is my final response to you..I've better things to do... Lionesses do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep

  • @DanimeCafe
    @DanimeCafe Před 2 lety +342

    Stephen's "Commissioner Gordon" cosplay is PERFECT!

    • @AJeziorski1967
      @AJeziorski1967 Před 2 lety +13

      I was thinking Howard Stark …

    • @Abedeuss
      @Abedeuss Před 2 lety +14

      DAMN IT, I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN
      Wait, wrong mustached guy.

    • @danielnugent7046
      @danielnugent7046 Před 2 lety +7

      Do we seriously not realize he's talking John Jonah Jameson here?

    • @benyedlin2521
      @benyedlin2521 Před 2 lety +4

      @@Abedeuss no youve got it right, way more JJ jameson than gordon, sorry DC fans

    • @benjimann4438
      @benjimann4438 Před 2 lety +1

      It's an impersonation, not cosplay.

  • @vash121086
    @vash121086 Před 2 lety +274

    Honestly your mustache was not my first thought. I was thinking where the heck have you been for the last two weeks!? I'm glad your back. I've been needing a good laugh and you don't disappoint. I'm glad you had a fantastic vacation.

    • @juscuz1093
      @juscuz1093 Před 2 lety +2

      I only clicked cause the mustache 🤣

    • @kevinbarr9003
      @kevinbarr9003 Před 2 lety +6

      I thought he was eating sugar cookies before the show.

    • @donaldsaigh8785
      @donaldsaigh8785 Před 2 lety +3

      Yeah, we need to be reminded on a nightly basis that everything in the observable universe is Trump's fault.

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia Před 2 lety +1

      Want a really good laugh?
      Watch the 1942 USDA video *Hemp For Victory* and then have a good heartfelt chuckle at all of the lives that have been destroyed in the war on drugs.
      What's *Hemp For Victory,* you didn't ask? It's how America was able to survive World War II and all of you were born in this "free" country where you can get shot randomly at any moment in public. That's funny.

    • @sempressfi
      @sempressfi Před 2 lety +1

      I had just taken my contacts out and couldn't see it and was confused for the first few seconds 😆

  • @bestgirlchie534
    @bestgirlchie534 Před 2 lety +31

    Dear America, please keep up the good work.
    In these trying times during the pandemic it helps the rest of the us to look to your shining beacon on the hill and think to ourselves ‘things may be dark, but at least we haven’t done that yet’

    • @corneliusdinkmeyer2190
      @corneliusdinkmeyer2190 Před 2 lety

      Yep, we’re really on the cutting edge😉

    • @calinasagilitypartner4444
      @calinasagilitypartner4444 Před 2 lety

      You scare me! Lol.

    • @veramae4098
      @veramae4098 Před 2 lety

      Ohhh, you're ruthless!

    • @claudiawenzel7923
      @claudiawenzel7923 Před 2 lety +1

      Don't jinx it. During the US elections I thought "They have 330 million people to choose from and THAT is what they came up with??" Then I found out the leading German candidates.....

  • @QJMalecki
    @QJMalecki Před 2 lety +12

    Exactly the moment he joked about people wondering what the hell’s going on with his upper lip, I had my phone pulled in close, looking hard at it like, what the hell is that, then busted out laughing at his joke.

  • @maruad7577
    @maruad7577 Před 2 lety +51

    When I was a child I asked our family doctor why he grew a mustache. He replied he started it when he was a young man because he wanted to look older. I told him he didn't need it anymore then.

    • @charlenemack7040
      @charlenemack7040 Před 2 lety

      👍 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 😎

    • @deborahfreedman333
      @deborahfreedman333 Před 2 lety +3

      Many years ago, our family went on a raft trip down the Colorado River, and my father found it impossible to shave in the cold river water. By the time the week long trip was over, he had a full beard like a Hasid. The minute we returned to civilization, my mother demanded he shave. He returned from the bathroom, minus the full beard, but with a mustache. Mom told him to finish the job, but he said he rather like the moustache, and asked my opinion. I told him it was fine, that he looked just like his father. He quickly made himself cleanshaven.

  • @hikintrailsndrinkinales
    @hikintrailsndrinkinales Před 2 lety +605

    Y’all were only off for 2 weeks?!?!? God that felt like an eternity!!!! We need you to help us stay sane in this effing hellscape!!!

    • @janetbeebe6578
      @janetbeebe6578 Před 2 lety +10

      Right

    • @christiecrawford1653
      @christiecrawford1653 Před 2 lety +9

      YES!

    • @SomeGirlSomewhere
      @SomeGirlSomewhere Před 2 lety +15

      Wow it really did feel so so so much longer uggg Dark times consistently indeed. Can't do that to us Stephen!!!

    • @fancifulfilly
      @fancifulfilly Před 2 lety +10

      I agree with y'all. Two weeks without Stephen does feel like an eternity. You have been our rock, Stephen, our beacon of sanity and voice of reason (and humor) though an incredibly trying time--the past 18 or so months. You're like our anchor to a past that still made a fair bit of sense, in a world gone mad. I'm really not sure we would've made it this far without you. You and Evie (sp?) deserve a little down time as much as anyone, but don't forget about us semi-lost souls so in need of familiar faces that remind us of all that is still good.

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia Před 2 lety +9

      What you need to do is watch the 14-minute 1942 USDA film *HEMP FOR VICTORY* and end the war on drugs to defund the police, empty the for-profit prisons, reduce pollution, replace fossil fuels, end deforestation and stop climate change.
      *CHANGE THE FUCKING HELLSCAPE!*

  • @TheStorm119
    @TheStorm119 Před 2 lety +8

    Oof, that handmaids tale joke at the end is rough.
    Funny, but freaking dark.

  • @laineyturner3785
    @laineyturner3785 Před 2 lety +20

    Actually Stephen, you’re giving off a strong John Bolton vibe.

  • @HOTD108_
    @HOTD108_ Před 2 lety +806

    Stephen's just trying out his John Bolton costume in early preparation for Halloween.

    • @thechumpsbeendumped.7797
      @thechumpsbeendumped.7797 Před 2 lety +25

      That’s a monster costume too gruesome even for Halloween.

    • @ladymorrigan5950
      @ladymorrigan5950 Před 2 lety +20

      The mustache does bring John Bolton to mind. 🥸😬

    • @billcasey9672
      @billcasey9672 Před 2 lety +4

      Ew. Rather have Cthulhu in translucent speedos, shakin' his fishy Lil' moneymaker.

    • @DM-lk5ym
      @DM-lk5ym Před 2 lety +5

      THAT's who he reminds me of with the stache. Knew it was someone who worked in law...

    • @joesdi
      @joesdi Před 2 lety +1

      😂

  • @FreakoftheAngels
    @FreakoftheAngels Před 2 lety +205

    From a distance his mustache makes it look like Stephen snorted his grandfather’s ashes

    • @TzadikTheManic
      @TzadikTheManic Před 2 lety +5

      Oh my - it also looks like a caterpillar enjoying its silver years crawled right up to snuggle beneath his nostrils

    • @jonathanaman6573
      @jonathanaman6573 Před 2 lety +2

      …or a lot of cocaine!

    • @FreakoftheAngels
      @FreakoftheAngels Před 2 lety

      @@jonathanaman6573 maybe if it was expired cocaine and expired cocaine turned gray ish

  • @enigel1969
    @enigel1969 Před 2 lety +97

    Stephen could grow a mustache on his forehead and still be the greatest guy ever! The fact the acknowledges the Supreme Court of Evie makes him even more so.😉

    • @eMPee584
      @eMPee584 Před 2 lety +1

      @Stephen: please accept this challenge. It will further crush your opponents.

    • @evanpatterson7098
      @evanpatterson7098 Před rokem

      He could have a nose stache & still be awesome!!😂😂l

  • @DoodleThis
    @DoodleThis Před 2 lety +10

    I mean…. I wouldn’t mind seeing Stephen playing Jim Gordon in a more comedic role like in the Harley Quinn show

  • @stevecampbell9670
    @stevecampbell9670 Před 2 lety +179

    I remember when Jon Stewart grew his beard and his little girl told him that his kisses felt like punishment.

    • @xl000
      @xl000 Před 2 lety

      The 911 firefighter?

    • @cassynicole7615
      @cassynicole7615 Před 2 lety +2

      😂😂😂😂❤️ that's adorable!

    • @jeaniebird999
      @jeaniebird999 Před 2 lety +7

      @@xl000
      He's more like a fighter _for_ firefighters.

    • @greeneyedlady5580
      @greeneyedlady5580 Před 2 lety +2

      @@xl000 Jon Stewart is the previous (excellent) host of the Daily Show, a frequent guest on this show, an endless crusader to make sure that Congress takes care of the 911 first responders, a very funny guy, and an awesome human being.

    • @nedludd7622
      @nedludd7622 Před 2 lety

      @@greeneyedlady5580 Trevor Noah is the current(excellent)host of the Daily Show. The Tonight Show just had Trevor Noah on so I expect that Stephen will soon follow.

  • @alysland4340
    @alysland4340 Před 2 lety +322

    “If you must have a moustache, let it be a real moustache - a thing of beauty such as mine.” - Advice from Hercule Poirot

    • @justinklenk
      @justinklenk Před 2 lety +8

      GREAT quote, thank you... You're a scholar and a gentle... uh, Lady. 👍🙏

    • @philippa5004
      @philippa5004 Před 2 lety +4

      👌

    • @TzadikTheManic
      @TzadikTheManic Před 2 lety +12

      Ah a quote/reference to the greatest fictional detective of all time - your comment cheered me up :) Additionally instead of getting to bed all I want to do now is watch Agatha Christie on PBS..

    • @earldawley5632
      @earldawley5632 Před 2 lety

      L🥙🥙

    • @earldawley5632
      @earldawley5632 Před 2 lety

      Ll

  • @rodrigoibarra1588
    @rodrigoibarra1588 Před 2 lety +17

    Looking at his moustache makes me think about how much he dyes his hair.

    • @nyperillo
      @nyperillo Před 2 lety +1

      I didn't even notice it because it's so Gray!!

  • @paulcoy9060
    @paulcoy9060 Před 2 lety +5

    With a mustache like that, he could land a gig hosting "Jeopardy".

  • @somethingclever4563
    @somethingclever4563 Před 2 lety +122

    FINALLY!!
    Didn't realize how much I depend on this to wake up to in the morning until it was gone lol

  • @DanimeCafe
    @DanimeCafe Před 2 lety +659

    When he made the joke about being a cop it dawned on me, he's cosplaying auditioning for Commissioner Gordon on the next Batman movie!

  • @LoveyourzAF
    @LoveyourzAF Před 2 lety +2

    Not sure why, but his knocking on the camera lens was very satisfying. Fourth wall, for what.

  • @desertflower3996
    @desertflower3996 Před 2 lety +3

    Legend has it there's a Navy Pilot with a Mustache that reigns over all others.

  • @canislupus6591
    @canislupus6591 Před 2 lety +82

    Texas, my german grandfather would be so proud of you. The essence of NS and GDR melted into one law. Wow

    • @LowLight420
      @LowLight420 Před 2 lety +3

      Coming up next, Joy Division.

    • @ryarod
      @ryarod Před 2 lety

      Remind me what NS and GDR are? Sorry, history ignorant I am.

  • @LaurenHB_ZA
    @LaurenHB_ZA Před 2 lety +203

    At least 90% of Africa has yet to be vaccinated due to lack of supply. So hearing that America's thrown out millions of vials of vaccine is... not great.

    • @grmpEqweer
      @grmpEqweer Před 2 lety +5

      Right.

    • @jasonbolding3481
      @jasonbolding3481 Před 2 lety +1

      Blame the vaccines not being open source. So super irionically blame bill gates

    • @biocapsule7311
      @biocapsule7311 Před 2 lety +15

      They really should just release the patents, before further mutations render it useless.

    • @gutspipola8886
      @gutspipola8886 Před 2 lety +3

      And big pharma laughs all the way to the bank. But wait… the guys who make ivermectin are gonna get rich selling their medicine!!!! What??? They are not getting mandated by the president!! The vaccine is gonna make them billionaires with no liability if something goes wrong! Ivermectin is super cheap!!!

    • @Pedroleum100
      @Pedroleum100 Před 2 lety +6

      I think it's not just the US, but the whole richcountriesphere where vaccines are thrown away.

  • @libertas5005
    @libertas5005 Před 2 lety +6

    "I went on a vacation and I didn't shave. Then I shaved this part down here." - This is how every moustache story begins, guys know.

  • @jontattum1476
    @jontattum1476 Před 2 lety +4

    with alex trebek gone, I find stephen's stache to be a welcome sight.

  • @user-nf9xc7ww7m
    @user-nf9xc7ww7m Před 2 lety +135

    10:41
    Deputising people to spy is similar to the stasi "neighbourhood watch" in the DDR (East Germany). Thought texas hated communism...

    • @Cancun771
      @Cancun771 Před 2 lety +5

      Nazi Germany: Blockwarte

    • @delphi-moochymaker62
      @delphi-moochymaker62 Před 2 lety +4

      They weren't as well armed as Texans.

    • @zesty9815
      @zesty9815 Před 2 lety +5

      So now Texas is offering $10,000 bounties to scalp taxi drivers who take you to the clinic. Good ol' Texas.

    • @maremaarten
      @maremaarten Před 2 lety +4

      I would call it fascism.

    • @jujuryan9632
      @jujuryan9632 Před 2 lety

      Just for the record, the DDR was a socialist regime

  • @whoaskedforthisbs
    @whoaskedforthisbs Před 2 lety +91

    Evie has to be the single most patient woman on EARTH 🤣

  • @lucasharvey8990
    @lucasharvey8990 Před 2 lety

    Thanks for the video, Colbert.

  • @vertigo4567
    @vertigo4567 Před 2 lety +6

    I still remember when Colbert shaved his entire head when he met troops in iraq, his first episode back after that he worse a giant hard plastic wig. ahhh good memories

  • @jennifersohn1
    @jennifersohn1 Před 2 lety +95

    Damn…I live in Bali. We’re working like hell to get everyone vaccinated in Indonesia. Total pop is about 275 million. We would LOVE to have all the covid vaccinations that apparently many peeps in America don’t want. 😡😡😡😡

    • @jennifersohn1
      @jennifersohn1 Před 2 lety +15

      @@naq211
      Wow…what a hateful sentiment.
      Why?

    • @nfspbarrister5681
      @nfspbarrister5681 Před 2 lety +11

      @@jennifersohn1 "muh freedom fook everyone" attitude of United Stated of 'Murica, that's why.
      I swear those dimwits will be the end of us human someday.....

    • @flagrarus
      @flagrarus Před 2 lety +14

      @@naq211 You do realize having entire continents without access to vaccines while (the unsalvagable part of) Americans would rather kill themselves with fake treatments peddled to them by radio hosts than believe in the liberal conspiracy known as modern medicine will only prolong the pandemic due to new variants? Probably not, since you don't even know the difference between "then" and "than"

    • @ceceliawight7059
      @ceceliawight7059 Před 2 lety +2

      The US just lets it expire and throws life saving vaccines away.

    • @ArcaJ
      @ArcaJ Před 2 lety +14

      We really should look into shipping these doses to other countries. I would rather they go into arms than into the trash.

  • @KaotoTempest
    @KaotoTempest Před 2 lety +72

    "Be a government informer. Betray your family & friends.
    Fabulous prizes to be won." Red Dwarf 1992

    • @ricklovelaec6442
      @ricklovelaec6442 Před 2 lety +5

      Isn't that a communist thing, of turning in your neighbors,

    • @beverly719
      @beverly719 Před 2 lety +3

      @@ricklovelaec6442 both

    • @monkeyman193
      @monkeyman193 Před 2 lety +5

      No you've made me start daydreaming about Fiji again.

    • @mrg0th1er83
      @mrg0th1er83 Před 2 lety +6

      @@ricklovelaec6442
      No. It’s an Authoritarian thing.
      Communism is about the economy.

    • @R.M.MacFru
      @R.M.MacFru Před 2 lety +1

      @@ricklovelaec6442 it was also a fascist thing. That was a thing in Nazi Germany before and during WWII.

  • @gulshanbatra7611
    @gulshanbatra7611 Před 2 lety

    absolutely fantastic, spot on!

  • @shelmn
    @shelmn Před 2 lety +2

    Absolutely idiotic looking mustache situation. Looks like John Bolton lol

  • @aaronsarchive82
    @aaronsarchive82 Před 2 lety +192

    When he first appeared, I honestly thought Stephen had a milk mustache.

  • @baknights14
    @baknights14 Před 2 lety +95

    He didnt forget to shave he's secretly getting ready for audition to play commissioner Gordon in an upcoming batman film

  • @evanpatterson7098
    @evanpatterson7098 Před rokem

    I love your Wolford Brimley stache.😂😂

  • @MM-vv8mt
    @MM-vv8mt Před 2 lety +1

    Stephen + Stephen's 'stache = Manny Pep, of Pep Bros fame!

  • @christinediaz2
    @christinediaz2 Před 2 lety +185

    Deputizing private citizens to enforce laws for bounties, reminds me of slave patrols ferreting out runaways in the 1700 and 1800s.

    • @janewilson2421
      @janewilson2421 Před 2 lety +10

      Smacks of the KGB to me..

    • @artpatten1279
      @artpatten1279 Před 2 lety +2

      The "private attorneys general" concept is also at work in the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act.

    • @nmarbletoe8210
      @nmarbletoe8210 Před 2 lety +1

      @@artpatten1279 there's a little KGB in everyone lol

    • @davidtee5367
      @davidtee5367 Před 2 lety +9

      apparently redditors and tik tokers have been spamming the tip hotline for a few days now. i hope some of them built bots to play madlibs with the email body so an algorithm can't filter them out. that or use lorem ipsum as the body, that ought to be tough to filter

    • @travis419
      @travis419 Před 2 lety +4

      That is probably what they mean by making America great again.

  • @kit2770
    @kit2770 Před 2 lety +132

    When the world gets crazy, an unexpected mustache is always welcome.

    • @lisbethbird8268
      @lisbethbird8268 Před 2 lety +5

      Well, I don't know, I'd say it's more like a diversion. A sorely needed deflection of attention. A grounding in real life, where mustaches can grow in secret. And where Evie gets ultimate authority, may she prosper. So you're right now that I'm thinking about it....

    • @charmaineberry5663
      @charmaineberry5663 Před 2 lety

      Noooooooooo

  • @alanmundy1536
    @alanmundy1536 Před 2 lety +6

    I thought the reference to The Handmaid's Tale was spot on. This had already occurred to me and indeed the Republican Party sees the Handmaid's Tale as a blueprint for the future.

  • @carltonbuscemi8945
    @carltonbuscemi8945 Před 2 lety

    Tuned in FOR the stache!!! Love it

  • @toadjiang7626
    @toadjiang7626 Před 2 lety +587

    "Pro-life conservatives are like comic book collectors: Human life only holds value until you take it out of the package, and then it's worth nothing." - Trevor Noah

    • @maxhydekyle2425
      @maxhydekyle2425 Před 2 lety +13

      They're hypocritical when it comes to abortion because they believe in government overreach in the case of abortions, but don't in every other case. I trust and understand people who are pro-choice and anti-vaccine mandates. That's at least logically consistent.

    • @TooBadThatDidntKillMe
      @TooBadThatDidntKillMe Před 2 lety +65

      _"Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? They're all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you're born, you're on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They don't want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're fucked."_ - George Carlin

    • @beewithab6122
      @beewithab6122 Před 2 lety +10

      Actually prolife conservatives do much more charity and philanthropist work compared to liberals. And there is tons of data to support this.

    • @maxhydekyle2425
      @maxhydekyle2425 Před 2 lety +31

      @@beewithab6122 A lot of that charity money is to the church though.

    • @beewithab6122
      @beewithab6122 Před 2 lety +4

      @@maxhydekyle2425 And the Church does many Charity work. They also provide the most to secular charities as well.

  • @thedocklighter
    @thedocklighter Před 2 lety +493

    Texas is known as the lone star state: prophetically, a fitting rating.

    • @Aco4k
      @Aco4k Před 2 lety +44

      Texas has ted Cruz and Greg Abbott..... Between the Single digit IQ number they share the state is a joke.

    • @taintedstrike7513
      @taintedstrike7513 Před 2 lety +41

      God.. Texas sucks so bad.. Just kick it out of the union and finally give statehood to Puerto Rico. That way, we don't even need to change the flag.

    • @heatherc2939
      @heatherc2939 Před 2 lety +11

      Texas just wrote it's GOP death knell. Purple ..... BLUE 2022!

    • @cmdraftbrn
      @cmdraftbrn Před 2 lety +17

      theres a reason its rated one star.

    • @Loki_Yogi
      @Loki_Yogi Před 2 lety +27

      I'm a Texan and I couldn't be more ashamed and embarrassed with the political party here, that I used to fervently support. Then I started informing myself.
      But most importantly... I stopped making excuses for the GOP. 🙏

  • @Aloha_XERO
    @Aloha_XERO Před 2 lety

    I was just about to comment what is that on his face … then at the exact same time Steven says, “I’m sure you’re wondering what up with my lip” … lol 😂

  • @Theloversconjure
    @Theloversconjure Před 2 lety +6

    Ahh- he has the mustache because it disguises him a little when he’s on vacation. Smart. 😊

  • @FF-yf4iw
    @FF-yf4iw Před 2 lety +26

    Watching his monologues is such a joy for me! I check my feed, click the vid, tap "like" before it starts, get comfortable and let the delight to happen 😊

  • @BuildinWings
    @BuildinWings Před 2 lety +1122

    Stephen looks like he works for the Time Variance Authority.

    • @mnomadvfx
      @mnomadvfx Před 2 lety +27

      Or the hat people from The Adjustment Bureau.

    • @chaoticcranium
      @chaoticcranium Před 2 lety +35

      I hope Stephen was able to do plenty of jet skiing while on break.

    • @asecretone
      @asecretone Před 2 lety +13

      *WOW*

    • @dewitthobson2279
      @dewitthobson2279 Před 2 lety +6

      Nah, it just looks like he has dirt on his upper lip.

    • @JMajik24
      @JMajik24 Před 2 lety +13

      get that man a jetski!

  • @A.Fort.
    @A.Fort. Před 2 lety

    You gotta go greyer up top for the full Agent Mobius look, Stephen!

  • @Tainoinhawaii
    @Tainoinhawaii Před 2 lety

    Thank you

  • @Gigi-fv9ky
    @Gigi-fv9ky Před 2 lety +135

    The 'stache makes Stephen look like the reincarnation of Alex Trebek. 😀

    • @ChristineCAlb1
      @ChristineCAlb1 Před 2 lety +6

      Nah, Stephen’s cuter than A. Trebek! Lol!!!

    • @SayAhh
      @SayAhh Před 2 lety +5

      Exactly what I was thinking. Jeopardy still doesn't have a host, after all.

    • @creolo7
      @creolo7 Před 2 lety +2

      Too soon

    • @Tamidewa
      @Tamidewa Před 2 lety +2

      That crossed my mind too

  • @sernasich
    @sernasich Před 2 lety +18

    Dear Lord... 15 million? That's twice what we need in my country

    • @poorthing
      @poorthing Před 2 lety +6

      It is absolutely criminal

  • @lightwarrior1
    @lightwarrior1 Před 2 lety

    Thanks 😃🌼💗

  • @GrantBrett
    @GrantBrett Před 2 lety +3

    In Feb. 2, 1996, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) published an announcement in “The Pharma Letter” explaining that ivermectin had officially been approved for non-veterinary use - meaning it was ok for humans. “In the USA, the Food and Drug Administration has approved Merck & Co.’s Stromectil (ivermectin) for its first non-veterinary use, the chemotherapy of two parasitic infections, strongyloidiasis and onchocerciasis, in humans,” the FDA revealed. “Ivermectin has been used in humans in other countries since 1987, and has been used to treat more than 5.2 million people worldwide.”

  • @PILLGATESUBEEZY
    @PILLGATESUBEEZY Před 2 lety +71

    The stash is like the first time we seen Wilson's face from Home Improvement.

    • @crh18
      @crh18 Před 2 lety +2

      oh man! only viewers of a certain age will know what this is without looking it up!

    • @JenneeAmell
      @JenneeAmell Před 2 lety

      @@ichijofestival2576 It was in the finale of the show when they came out for their curtain call as I recall.

  • @milliewoo337
    @milliewoo337 Před 2 lety +100

    Lol “wanna see my talking duck?” John Batiste’s face on the cutaway…

  • @danteattenborrough4686
    @danteattenborrough4686 Před 2 lety +1

    Commander Abbot's next move is to secede and change their name to Gilead.

  • @GoliathsChamp
    @GoliathsChamp Před 2 lety +1

    Everyone with the same arguments against each other. I just wanted a hug

  • @Eramiserasmus
    @Eramiserasmus Před 2 lety +135

    Well, Texas has proven the 1-star rating is true.

    • @PraiseTheFSMonster
      @PraiseTheFSMonster Před 2 lety +7

      It's funny to me how arrogant Texans are about being Texans. They actually think they're stronger and better than all the other states, when in reality everyone knows it's full of backwood hicks prouder of their guns than anything else.

    • @mori1bund
      @mori1bund Před 2 lety +4

      @@PraiseTheFSMonster Sounds *exactly* like what the rest of the world thinks of Americans. 🤣😅

    • @dontaylor7315
      @dontaylor7315 Před 2 lety +3

      @@mori1bund @Jesus
      I'm a Texan and you are both correct.

    • @whocares2087.1
      @whocares2087.1 Před 2 lety +2

      @@dontaylor7315 Are you trying to depress me? 😱

    • @dontaylor7315
      @dontaylor7315 Před 2 lety +1

      @@whocares2087.1 Sorry, that was kinda thoughtless of me. Being Texan in times like these means I'm fighting depression every day and I guess I forgot about the danger of bringing other people down with me.

  • @cavemanlawyer5608
    @cavemanlawyer5608 Před 2 lety +75

    He asked what the hell is going on with his upper lip as i said to myself, “did he grow a fuckin white mustache?!” And i lost my shit. His timing gets me every time

    • @cavemanlawyer5608
      @cavemanlawyer5608 Před 2 lety +1

      @Gerardo Franco 😂 hell yeah!!

    • @mlghelp2day
      @mlghelp2day Před 2 lety +6

      I was very surprised when I saw that awful looking thing. It looks like a milk mustache! 🤣🤣🤣

    • @tommymcweedface229
      @tommymcweedface229 Před 2 lety +4

      I'm old, so I thought of Captain Kangaroo.

  • @Frank183847572828
    @Frank183847572828 Před 2 lety

    The Good, the Bad and the Mustache with Clint eastwood, a classic.

  • @horaciolerda
    @horaciolerda Před 2 lety

    It will help when doing a Bolton impresion

  • @jayczzzya
    @jayczzzya Před 2 lety +19

    That moustache did a good monologue. I miss Stephen though.

  • @thedirty530
    @thedirty530 Před 2 lety +25

    That court needs a few more seats in it!

    • @jonbar2027
      @jonbar2027 Před 2 lety

      czcams.com/video/Cp7SePV4BbU/video.html

    • @ericminch
      @ericminch Před 2 lety +6

      Or just three justices impeached for perjury.

  • @corneliusdinkmeyer2190

    That was exactly what was on my mind! There’s a mustache on your lip!

  • @nathancrossen2224
    @nathancrossen2224 Před 2 lety +13

    "We like the mustache!"
    "I'll shave it off in front of you"
    "It looks terrible! Get rid of it!"

  • @wizardsuth
    @wizardsuth Před 2 lety +55

    Wouldn't nearly all of these proposed anti-abortion civil suits be rejected for lack of standing? How is a Starbucks barista harmed if a customer has an abortion?

    • @juresichj
      @juresichj Před 2 lety +25

      Except they wrote the law so that those people do have standing, for no apparent legal reason. It is insane. I keep thinking that 1000 different people could sue you, even if you actually just had a period, and you will have no way to fight them.

    • @shadrach6299
      @shadrach6299 Před 2 lety +4

      Depends. Is the Starbucks barista Catholic?

    • @davisbradford7438
      @davisbradford7438 Před 2 lety +23

      I'm thinking that the Texas department of transportation is aiding in access to abortion. I as a private citizen can now sue them for making roads to other states and clinics.

    • @samcroft7084
      @samcroft7084 Před 2 lety +10

      @@davisbradford7438 I'd contribute to your legal fees just to see what happened.

    • @davisbradford7438
      @davisbradford7438 Před 2 lety +5

      @Serpentine Sword nice

  • @Fiat_Lux_23
    @Fiat_Lux_23 Před 2 lety +52

    "If I owned Hell and Texas, I would rent Texas and live in Hell."
    - General P. H. Sheridan

    • @RealengoPrimordialDemon
      @RealengoPrimordialDemon Před 2 lety +7

      Hell don't sound so bad after all the demons moved to Texas.

    • @nirmalapersaud7589
      @nirmalapersaud7589 Před 2 lety +1

      .

    • @lostbutfreesoul
      @lostbutfreesoul Před 2 lety +3

      @@RealengoPrimordialDemon ,
      That made me pause for a moment and I had to wonder:
      Just whom else would the Devil Rent Texas too?
      Very acute observation there!

    • @ilenastarbreeze4978
      @ilenastarbreeze4978 Před 2 lety

      @@RealengoPrimordialDemon na theres tons of republicand in hell

    • @RealengoPrimordialDemon
      @RealengoPrimordialDemon Před 2 lety

      @@ilenastarbreeze4978 they're living in Texas or in other red states.

  • @LeshAran
    @LeshAran Před 2 lety

    Stephen is finally going full Phil Ken Sebben and I'm here for it.

  • @Brittneyrenay
    @Brittneyrenay Před 2 lety

    I cannot do this with your mustache. It's driving me soooo nuts. 🤯 omfg Ditka

  • @jaantorv4991
    @jaantorv4991 Před 2 lety +53

    So glad you're back. And despite Boltonizing your face, I'll still watch.

  • @cctomcat321
    @cctomcat321 Před 2 lety +68

    The question I had in mind is more of a, "how far is America going to fall before a snap occurs?"

    • @julius_the_python
      @julius_the_python Před 2 lety +11

      There won't be a snap. The fall of Rome will be like boiling a frog, slow enough that people just put up with it til it's too late.

    • @altrusianwolfdog2564
      @altrusianwolfdog2564 Před 2 lety +3

      @@julius_the_python Just a matter of justification and preparation crossing paths now..not all of us are unaware.

    • @delphi-moochymaker62
      @delphi-moochymaker62 Před 2 lety +1

      The GOP wishes this. Then marital law is implemented, and guns get removed. Individual rights are suspended at that point.

    • @annesamson5489
      @annesamson5489 Před 2 lety

      @@delphi-moochymaker62 America is done just LOOK this guy Colbert has been a real player toward it hopefully at least him and his
      zombie fans are happy

    • @Impromptuinterviews
      @Impromptuinterviews Před 2 lety +2

      I'm going with we shall see utter dystopia in the coming months. 10 million people we're just kicked off unemployment and pandemic unemployment as the Delta variance surges due to bad advice from the CDC that the vaccinated could remove their masks in most settings. Which they attempted to reverse precisely eight weeks later. We have exponential spread of covid-19 and new variants are coming our way and being created in those who become infected with the current variant. So I don't see a snapping back from this in the next hundred years.
      I truly predict that we will try for revisionist history and attempt to erase covid-19 and our response to it from the history books for the good of the children. I for one will never forget and will continue to fight the good fight to stop the spread not just slow it. And I wish more people could see beyond their own hubris and stop spreading this disease and the misinformation about how there are so many Simple Solutions so they can do what they want to do and not worry about spreading covid. The only solution that has any chance of working at stopping the spread of covid-19 is becoming Regional until there is no new cases for a minimum of 30 days. Properly isolating people who have covid and throwing the honor System out the damn window. Accepting that the vaccine is not the magic bullet or solution to this problem and that it is just one tool in the Arsenal to stop this disease. We have wasted 18 months instead of utilizing 90 days.
      When will we create a plan to stop covid? How many millions have to die of covid before we try to stop the spread

  • @sadewolfkitten
    @sadewolfkitten Před 2 lety +35

    If you'd've asked me before seeing this, I would have chosen no stache. Yet curiously, I find myself in the pro-stache camp. It's different, but I like it.

    • @gabriellehellenbrand898
      @gabriellehellenbrand898 Před 2 lety +3

      That’s funny, I feel the opposite way. I think it’s cause his hair is dark, and the mustache is so white I can barely see it!

  • @adrianparra7810
    @adrianparra7810 Před 2 lety

    You look Great jefe !! Love the stash !!

  • @freefalln
    @freefalln Před 2 lety +47

    Nobody does Colbert like Colbert!! So glad to have you back!

  • @Crocogator
    @Crocogator Před 2 lety +67

    Ah, classic vacation hair. And a classic kids in the hall skit.
    "THE BEARD STAYS, YOU GO."

    • @Olive_O_Sudden
      @Olive_O_Sudden Před 2 lety +2

      "What you're about to see may terrify you."
      "The beard! Ahhhhhhhhh! (pause) Ahhhhhhhhh!"

  • @skougi
    @skougi Před 2 lety +5

    Ivermectin comes from a golf course in Japan. Few generations removed or so, but yeah. It has a fascinating history. :)

    • @brendanh8193
      @brendanh8193 Před 2 lety +1

      Yeah, I know it's comedy, all the jokes about Ivermectin. But I do think that he is adding to the undermining of the science as a whole by taking sides before the evidence is definitive. From a scientific viewpoint, the jury is still out, with conflicting evidence available for both sides.

    • @chertfoot1500
      @chertfoot1500 Před 2 lety

      ​@@brendanh8193 Yes, I am finding the research equivocal. 6/10 review papers said "yay" and four said "neigh" but none said "harmful"

    • @chertfoot1500
      @chertfoot1500 Před 2 lety

      Have you seen the Nobel accptance speach? Quirky and fascinating.

  • @petertrivino7876
    @petertrivino7876 Před 2 lety

    I freaking love the mustache.

  • @jstnsmutek
    @jstnsmutek Před 2 lety +32

    I was half expecting him to jump in a 77' Pontiac Trans Am and run from the Smokey's

  • @gordonx145
    @gordonx145 Před 2 lety +11

    my wife watching with me said " call me when he gets rid of that face decoration "

    • @jonbar2027
      @jonbar2027 Před 2 lety

      czcams.com/video/Cp7SePV4BbU/video.html

  • @lindaaphillippi7015
    @lindaaphillippi7015 Před 2 lety

    I love the 'stash!

  • @samh1520
    @samh1520 Před 2 lety

    I really REALLY want to use mascara to darker it up a little lol

  • @N1ghtStalkerNL
    @N1ghtStalkerNL Před 2 lety +122

    Nothing reinforces the idea that the modern GOP is getting their inspiration from 1940's Germany quite like introducing the Gestapo in Texas.

    • @doctorale666
      @doctorale666 Před 2 lety +11

      Use tax money (your money) to turn people against each other, oldest trick in the book.

    • @MrYago-xd7um
      @MrYago-xd7um Před 2 lety +4

      Probably for the best they see boofing sheep meds as german efficiency.

    • @krejados1
      @krejados1 Před 2 lety +12

      @@nikhilnewse3318 Just like a GQPer, with all that name calling, bad grammar and incorrect stats. At least you got the decade right.

    • @jordinagel1184
      @jordinagel1184 Před 2 lety +14

      @@nikhilnewse3318 - Restrict guns, not ban them.
      - Who was it again that has been decrying any kind of criticism of himself as “fake news?”
      - Remind me again which is the most-watched “news” network in America? I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with “box screws” and is about as deserving of being called a news channel as Twitter.
      Also, as an actual German, I can tell that you don’t understand jack shit about what took place in Germany in the interbellum period (or at least you have no idea how to apply that). Lies ein verdammtes Geschichtsbuch, du Backpfeifengesicht.

    • @smiller2044
      @smiller2044 Před 2 lety +7

      @@nikhilnewse3318 which Democrats? Last checked, Dems want sensible gun reform. Similarly to how Australia handled their gun measures. Yet, Texas Republicans speak freedom & liberty by limiting freedom & liberties of women. No judicial review? Fuxk the Constitution 📜

  • @papwithanhatchet902
    @papwithanhatchet902 Před 2 lety +145

    “What the Texas” should be a saying in response to anything stupid.

    • @MissPickles1980
      @MissPickles1980 Před 2 lety +14

      They're out-Floridaing Florida

    • @dcthomas8959
      @dcthomas8959 Před 2 lety +2

      Hah, yeah.

    • @joycej9415
      @joycej9415 Před 2 lety +1

      Thanks I am gonna use it!

    • @altrusianwolfdog2564
      @altrusianwolfdog2564 Před 2 lety +1

      nothing funnier than people crying about not being able to murder their babies in a state they don't even live in...

    • @lisaburnette6850
      @lisaburnette6850 Před 2 lety +7

      @@altrusianwolfdog2564 that was just ignorant.

  • @lbthompsonjr.3913
    @lbthompsonjr.3913 Před 2 lety

    Never knew I needed to see Colbert in a mustache

  • @valeriavalencia9529
    @valeriavalencia9529 Před 2 lety

    He just looks like 'the hot dad' in cartoons 😂💕

  • @mjb7015
    @mjb7015 Před 2 lety +52

    CZcams literally interrupted the mustache news flash for a commercial about electric razors. That's either spooky, or genius. Or both.

    • @badpanda1532
      @badpanda1532 Před 2 lety

      Had the hiding the vaccine bit interrupted by a Cheetos commercial.

    • @RyanThomas-rl5hk
      @RyanThomas-rl5hk Před 2 lety

      I got the razor commercial too.

  • @matthewblough5088
    @matthewblough5088 Před 2 lety +79

    Miss having Evie on the show, take her over the audience all day long.

    • @charlenemack7040
      @charlenemack7040 Před 2 lety +1

      👍

    • @rondajones7526
      @rondajones7526 Před 2 lety +6

      Same, I actually enjoyed her candid laughter over the loud audience

    • @jla3bc
      @jla3bc Před 2 lety +2

      Me, too.

    • @erikagray9883
      @erikagray9883 Před 2 lety +3

      Yes. The audience is obnoxiously loud and grating.

    • @thn348
      @thn348 Před 2 lety +1

      Me too. I miss her giggling.

  • @gerikucinski2427
    @gerikucinski2427 Před 2 lety +1

    I’d describe the mustache as having a Sully Sullenberger vibe.

  • @jmr9923
    @jmr9923 Před 2 lety

    Keep it Stephen!