Codependency - Narcissism
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- čas přidán 3. 07. 2023
- Narcissists are all about manipulating others to ensure their own needs are being met. Lack of self confidence, compassion and tools results in narcissists using manipulation, coercion or control to ensure they get what they need in order to be/feel good enough, smart enough, valuable.
#narcissism #complextrauma #complextraumaawareness #timfletcher #codependency #shame #addiction #recovery #fyp
If a narcissist tosses you aside, it might mean they know you can't be manipulated. Job well done.
I know, right?
Or, that you are useless. Well done.
Or they have found a better source of supply. You were always on the way out remember.
makes sense , ty , i needed that
Never thought of it like that.. thanks
It's hard not to take it personally, but they're incapable of loving,once you accept this, it makes moving on easier
It’s worth pushing that message. They are incapable of love and similar feelings. They learn how to pretend. Almost as if they are missing part of their human soul, much like a birth defect.
Just so you know, he had described a narcissistic person, not a narcissist. And they're not willing to be loving, but they are capable of the emotion of love.
It's much easier to move on once you understand.
or they play favorites .. choose whom they love, among children, among grandchildren .. praising some, critical to others ..
be willing to take, love yourself, take care of yourself .. then, love others as you would love yourself .. then, others will treat you better .. do not let anyone step on you .. good ones will treat you as good as you treat them; them narcs feel like you owe them love & service, even if it hurts you. set boundaries, or no contact sometimes/ always ❤
@@audreyheart2180 bingo! Could not agree more! I've chosen to simply do not engage. When I get married I'm going to have very, very few at my wedding.
Absolutely a narcissist will manipulate.
Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behavior, but never discuss their disrespect that triggered you.
Yes my girlfriend does exactly that early in our relationship i use to question my own sanity every day was a wtf day.
They set you up to take their fall. No thanks, narcy fool. Someone bigger and more selfish will be after you soon. That's what you wanted for me.
Spot on! You know they're wrong, but you can't tell them that they're wrong. They talk in circles. Extremely frustrating and aggravating.
WELL SAID!!
👏👏👏 Always the victim and everything is always everyone else’s fault.
“After all I’ve done for you, you owe me and I will hold it over you to induce disproportionate guilt so that you will be how I want you to be.” is the underlying, unspoken message
Even when they are not allowed to inflitrate your life or do anything for you there will still be guilt tripping and accusations of how they tried to help only to receive hate and anything you've shared with them will be used against you.
And sometimes spoken message. It was so heartbreaking to see someone who I thought was genuinely kind show me and tell me outright that they were manipulating. :C
My mother held my wedding over my head, she thought because she paid for it, that meant I had to stay in contact with her. My husband and I were originally going to get married in a courthouse, but she insisted on paying for a wedding. Then held it over my head.
Wow 🤯 I didn’t know you knew my family?😅
I mean in a way though you do so much for someone that you feel they at least owe you something. Some women just take and take and discard you for next one.
This is very true. Once you say no, they become violent. Leave them immediately and don’t give second chances.
Once u understand them u can meet there needs . They still need love
@@gloriavis Wake up
@gloriavis Really?? How can anyone meet their needs when they are an empty shell of a bottomless pit. How much of yourself are you willing to lose to put up with their crap. Once you know who they really are, get away from them and fast!!
@gloriavis HOW did you come to understand them and how did you come to know they loved you?
@@aahmonddelite690 we spent all day and everyday together without any problems
They are shells of ppl. They copy others’ emotions. It’s quite creepy to witness. You gotta be very careful and guarded with what you tell them. 😢😮
I witnessed it firsthand with one of my husband's. He copied what he saw in other people.
The problem is most people don't understand that actual NPD sufferers don't actively think about these things, it is pathological maladaptive behaviors they are exhibiting, the love bombing and then yo-yoing of affection is innate in them not something they plan, they are broken people.
Conversation I once had:
"I just tell people what they want to hear".
"Really? Even if it's negative, about another person, and it's not even true?"
"Yep!"
I got in my car to drive off, but stopped, and went back inside.
"There's a word for that, you know! B****!"
He had fear in his eyes.
My ex is a narc, we have a child together.
I'm very intentional with what I tell him. Thankfully they're also predictable - he's about to realize the hole he's put himself into due to his ego.
I discovered the person calling me a narcissist even before I knew what that meant, had been taking my achievements & life experiences & telling people it's theirs! I only realized they were serious 3rd time I overheard it.
This same person would come out of the shower & blame the low waterpressure/shampoo for shampoo in their hair.
Would this be a narcissist in your opinion?
My favorite weapon....100000000% IGNORE THEM!!! Works every time. 😊😊😊
💯 Can't give them any attention or pay them any mind. It's helped me stay at peace even when they tried to make my life hell.
And their giving, giving, giving HAS to be made known to the world so the narcissist can be admired even more. I wish I never fell for their con and let them get close to my family.
True, on the rare occasion they do something nice for someone, they have to let everyone know it.
They even take food from food pantries and programs to help others and then pass them out to “friends” and take credit. My mom does this on the regular. It sickens me.
@@pickledpepper6576 I get it. My narcissist exfriend bought a few fish supposedly for my birthday, came to cook it in my house to stink MY house up, told me to take pictures of her washing them and cooking (so she had proof of how wonderful she is).😂
true
Very often their so called acts of being a hero and a martyr are pathological lies.
A narcissist may or may not want "things" from you. Some just want to hurt you and shut down ANY/ALL security/stability you have for yourself and or your family.
Jealous creeps in and they can't take it that you have a good life.here comes the mind games and abuse.
Especially when everything seems perfect
It is a "long game".
@ericscruggs
A full-blown narcissist wants a victim, so they do want something.
@erinscruggs5...
So, wanting you as a victim is not on your list? They want a victim. That "is" wanting something from you. They wouldn't be with you if you have nothing to give. You know that they have a hole to fill, right? A hole they can't fill themselves. So, how much do you know about full-blown narcissists? Have you ever been abused by one? Do you want to?
Have you ever been with a covert narcissist? Do you want one?
Excellent point
It is one short-con after another, but it's really all about one never-ending long-con of chaos, deceit, shame, etc.
They never seem to run out of supply. I am amazed at all the people who stick by them. They complain, yet stay connected.
@@kathyparker2409
It's cowardice, but especially in a small town, it's purely for self-preservation.
Living with them is not living life.
SHAME...NARCISSISTIC PEDOPHILIA INCESTUOUS, CHEATING LIARS...ARE THE WORST
👁️👁️ Narcissists have been practicing their manipulation and deception, since they were young children. Compassionate and empathetic people create narcissistic people. Because we excuse their bad behavior, or accept their excuses for their bad behavior. Narcissists will openly brag, that if you stay with them, then you deserve whatever they do to you.
They get their needs met by ignoring you and passive aggressive behavior and your like wtf is wrong with you, then they rage out about a need that they never even communicated. Its nuts!!!
Right you set boundaries and they get offended and maybe insult you
Yep. Witness here.
Perfect. I know someone's looking through the comments for the millionth time, seeing the same equivocal thing said by almost everyone, then wondering if those yes-amen comments are all on the same page only because they come from a type of delusional people.
Find out for yourself, continue looking, but I hope you don't waste your time like I did: All of these comments point to the same patterns, ones you can find in people, in narcissists.
If you communicate to your partner explicitly that you want them to ask you about your sadness, then that likely means that you have noticed they never asked at the moments where it would be normal to ask. You've had your toes stepped on by them, they might say sorry, but then they move on and pay no attention. When you ask for help, they're inexplicably busy. You should look your suspicions in the eye and trust your gut.
100 percent
Once you fall for a psycho like that, the damage is great. Despite experience in all sorts of areas, I had too much trust in a narcissist and all I can say is: I couldn't handle such a severe disappointment. I now see that you shouldn't get involved with psychopaths. The problem is that you can't recognize these people - they camouflage themselves to infinity.
Psychopaths and narcissists aren't the same thing
@@Sledgehammers_Nail but you can call narcisssists psychopath, or? I do this. Its the strange real, that you handle with people who are definitly out of normal behaviour, but lie to you as if they were
@@deeman1 Clinically they aren't the same thing. They're both mental disorders
@@Sledgehammers_Nail yes that is right. I meant a narciss, who is so fixed on his madness to promote himself meets the criteria of psychopathy. I heard you, but I'm defining it for myself because it's morbid. Like a compulsion to constantly bite his nails, the sick narcist has to get everyone to support him and work for him. The nice guy (me) notices (ed) that too late. Therefor, it hurts to give my time away for sick brains.
100% correct. I lived with a Toxic narcissist and nothing was their fault, they never ever make mistakes. They never ever lose any game, competition etc.😊
They NEVER say they are sorry! They NEVER apologize for anything, cuz of course nothing is ever their fault cuz they never do any wrong!!
They only apologize when they absolutely have to in order to get their way, and the apologies are generally backhanded and condescending
It's called Manipulation, and they are ALWAYS THE poor Mistreated Victim of everything.
Do you mean that they think they never lose or do they actually never lose?
@@cynthiapercy they never lose in their minds. It’s always someone else’s fault. 💯 of the time.
Totally true. It's sickening to think I spent a wasteful 9 years with a passive-aggressive covert narcissistic husband and all the energy I put into this relationship just to be abused psychologically, emotionally and financially. It was a waste of my precious time and not worth it. No amount of money is enough to pay me for what I went through, just to be chipped away at. These type are no good for any human being. It's a very unhealthy relationship all around.
However long it takes its always worth it when you get away you will never suffer another one for the rest of your lifetimes. Some people never ever get away and most of all the narc never gets away from themslves
I know me too I just want to start bawling my eyes out son of a b****, a liar your description of your life with this passive aggressive covert narcissistic husband took abuse and then he robbed me in the end it's so disgusting the son of a b**** should have been in prison for almost choking me to death
If you don’t mind can you tell me by example what exactly did he do?
Same experience but mine was a covert Christian narcissist. Still healing 😢
10 here
The worst thing you can make a child feel is shame.
Let your message Ring Out !!! People, especially usable ones, need to hear this and THINK !!! They are targets for narcissists !!
I hope that those people get the help they need. I recognize that I have narcissistic traits and I’m working on it. Please lord help me
If you believe in one and only GOD, it could be that you actually not a Narcissist BECAISE THEY ARE PURE EVIL. Go to a psychologist and let them check it out/help you BECAUSE sometimes abusers while scared of being exposed put all the blame on their victim in order to confused them and to get victims total submission as the result.
@@mrsshahid5117i feel like this comment kinda dismissed a little what this person was saying here. i think it’s important to remember that narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder and that doesn’t equal “pure evil”. there are several different types of narcissist and a strong percentage of them abuse others with malicious intent but a lot of them are seriously experiencing delusions and aren’t even aware of the realities that they inflict. don’t forget that some people with narcissistic traits want to work on themselves. i think it’s good to speak about it this way instead of strongly generalizing them all as evil.
@@lemonheadalisa5402 That's exactly right and narcissism is mainly caused by unresolved childhood trauma anyway, which has nothing to do with Satan, or demons, or being evil!
I came across a compassionate therapist called Dr Mark Ettensohn and his channel is aptly named Heal NPD. He's assisting highly narcissistic individuals to do their healing work.
I want to add that it's sad reading comments from supposedly empathetic people stating that he's excusing them and they mustn't be "real" narcissists, as they can NEVER change.
I totally "get" their anger and underlying pain, yet it's a good thing if someone is playing a huge part in making the world a safer place. ❤
Cluster B personality disorders are genetic and the root of most monster myths. @@lemonheadalisa5402
My narcissistic once told me he hates being like he is and his mind sabotages him all the time and that he wants to be more involved in his loved ones lives. He hates always being the bad man. He hates every one avoiding him.
This is why I’m suspicious of anybody who appears to like me too much. I know a honeypot when I see one.
🎉lmao for real having a close relationship with Jesus is so important. Someone kissing your butt is an enemy. I remember a narc and flying monkey were like "omg it's sarahhhh" when I entered the room but they had their own scheme of how to use me. Other people thought wow you're so popular. I'm like no you don't know what's going on
I'm sure things get missed.
😂honey pot.
Same. Especially with people who hardly know you. It's all so phony and fake.
And thats why you will never be with someone who truly likes you a lot , because being liked a lot is a reason for you to reject people. Find the mistake.
Hint: The problem here is that all these mentioned signs are not exclusively part of narcisstic personalities. Some can just like you a lot. This happens, you know?
My mom says that exact thing, she does not do anything for anyone without getting something back in return , word for word she says that.
This was the family dynamic i grew up in. I knew this as a young child. It caused me much despair and hopelessness.
Same
Same, but thanks be to Christ, I'm still here because HE became my living hope....❤
So sad.
What a devastation of a marriage.
Wasted 20 years, now I'm separated from him, gun shy and warped and he is lonely and messed up for life. It's hard when you truly love your narcissist and have to move on. Like leaving a sinking ship 🚢 with a wounded family member that you can't possibly save.
This dude speaks so much truth, every word he speaks just hits home and gives so much clarity 🙌
I've been in a relationship with narc for almost 2 years. It took me years to understand that was a gift too. He trigger my growth
You chose to get into that mess, you chose to stay, you chose to leave.
That was a splendid description of a narcissist! Described perfectly!
I've dealt with a lot of narcissistic people,it socks when you realize what they are doing.
Thank you for your comments about narcissists, it definitely opened my eyes!
Thanks for opening my eyes.
Why are you responding to yourself like that?
@nanettemerritt2819 You didnt work it out the first time? Didn't spot the red flags? I had dealings with a narcissist over a period of 3 years. Never again, i know what to look out for now. They're not human, you can't communicate with them or reason with them. All you can do is walk away because the alternative will get you arrested.
Yea. I know it. I wish we could be open about our shame so others don’t have to suffer.
You just described 95% of all humans
Not true. There are plenty of altruistic people who get pleasure out of serving others. There are self sufficient people who go out and get what they want and don’t need to manipulate others to get it.
It takes years to see this too sometimes! 🤦♀️🙏
The only issue I have with these sort of definitions of NPD as being characterized by toxic shame and unmet emotional needs that they attempt to meet indirectly is that…. this describes basically everyone with CPTSD who went through severe developmental abuse and neglect who has not started healing. This is how you function when your mind develops in a situation where your needs are not only not met but you are punished for openly expressing needs.
When you are abused in your developmental years by your main attachment figures, you develop a core sense of shame and worthlessness. You try to hide that sense of core worthlessness by people pleasing or wearing a mask or lying to hide the “monster” that you were told you were. Can this be considered a type of manipulation? Yes. But it’s not malicious manipulation aimed at “winning” at the expense of others, it’s a survival adaptation aimed at staying safe from further abuse. I mean, even things like struggling to take responsibility in some situations can be understood as adaptive if you learned through repeated violence and neglect that you will suffer immensely if you make a mistake.
Of course people with CPTSD need to take responsibility to unlearn these behaviors as they become aware of these patterns. However, I think that definitions like this have a way of lumping in people who trying to do better, are not malicious, who have empathy and who are able to consciously acknowledge that they feel worthless but still struggle to unlearn the strategies they had to learn to survive abuse together with people who fundamentally lack empathy and who view others as tools to psychologically protect them from having to acknowledge their core sense of worthlessness.
Basically, defining narcissism this broadly - people who use indirect methods to meet emotional needs because of toxic shame - basically results in survivors of developmental abuse and neglect being unfairly labeled as having NPD.
Patrick Teahan (also here on CZcams) has a good video differentiating between the two. Narcissists show manipulative behaviors aimed at securing supply to protect their ego. Non-narcissists with CPTSD may have “manipulative” behaviors that can look somewhat similar but the aim is not narcissistic supply to shield them from acknowledging their flaws, it’s safety.
While we understand, how the narcissist feels and needs supply, we do not consent to such misuse of our own bodies and minds, they have not given life and they do not have the rights to get their needs met in such a harsh and harmful manner to the victim, they need to seek help but it’s too hard for the supply addict, they manipulate because it’s easier to use and abuse, they are not blind they can see how painful the abuse is for their victims. But they don’t care they need it for survival,
Marvelously explained! I think my husband is too ,and I should have left him along time ago ,then I cried out To Jesus ,He heard me ,came into my heart and gives me so much strength to stand this ,to stand the pain ,his pain...and praying and fasting and be patient until Jesus will visit him too and will be healed...otherwise the world will be filled with trowed away narcicists...they can only be healed by Jesus for His Glory and His Holy name eternall!!
Yes Patrick’s video is good. Contrasts the two personalities very well.
I can't thank you enough for your amazing articulated words. 💯🙏🙏
Every person with a cluster-B personality disorder has had cptsd, cluster-B personality disorders are the brain rewiring to pathological maladaptive behaviors built by trauma as a means of survival.
I have an older brother who is a narcissist. Has been since he was a kid. As I put it, he was the center of his own universe and everyone else orbited around him or were ejected out into space. He never did anything for anyone without getting payback for his kindly deed. Best thing you can do is realize they want to play you for their own gain. You then either accept it or accept the rejection.
Honestly dealing with this as well. I've pretty much become numb to anything he does. It's just a shame that my mom is still pulled in sometimes. But usually me, my mom and dad can usually see the game he's playing.
My dad and I don't play his game. Unfortunately my mother tends to, which clearly stresses her out. Honestly we're all getting on the same page lol, I just got there first.
You are exactly right . I know I lived with one for 36 yrs. Never again . I learned about it after I left . Thank you for telling everyone . God bless .
Thanks for putting this in this clear, concise way.
Oh so every politician, royalty and power- broker ever. Got it.
stock brokers and investment bankers are actually highly likely to be NPD.
They only want what they want, your needs do not matter. They are takers and users, they are not being loveing.
Wow. This man, like the other very FEW humans doing it, is bringing such NECESSARY info, awareness, for me enlightenment about narcissism...
It's absolutely priceless and almost unexplainable to feel this closure via a CZcams short. 🙏
They could NEVER love you more than they love themselves… and they don’t
This is my husband 100%!!!!!!! I was bamboozled in the beginning ... he "appeared" loving, kind, etc .... little did I know it was all grooming. 10 years of "marriage" .... this video hits home.
@@rossgipson644
This is exactly what they tell everyone isn’t it, even your own family members.
Same.. Same 😢
Same.
My daughter is dealing with a man like that and it is killing me .and it has an emotional effect on her . He goes away for weeks or months until he thinks she is moving on and then he pops up again . He is moving from woman to woman and he cares nothing for any of them . He is one of the most cruel people i have ever met . If i was a man i would be in jail . There should be a law where this kind of treatment of others mental health is punished . Physical or mental abuse is awful .Please pray for my sweet girl she needs 🙏 to walk away from his abuse.
You probably drove her right into his arms. Take accountability
She probably does have at least one narc parent. The person abused by a narc parent will lots of times run right into someone’s arms just like they left with the exception that if the parent is covert then they might run to overt etc.
My mom is covert and I ended up with an overt for 5 years when I was a young adult.
Sorry about your daughter but I agree with the above comment that you might wanna look at yourself OR a strong childhood caregiver too.
Most mentally stable people can spot a narc early.
A lot of vulnerable victims of narcs will keep running into them until their eyes are opened.
I do have sympathy for the fact that narcs are that way due to their own traumas but we have to stop feeling sorry for others at the expense of our own happiness.
Damn he just described my mother and my ex. 😮💨😮💨🔥🤦🏽♀️💯
mine too
Nicely done. I think this describes most people in the 'elite' class and the CEOs, Presidents, Directors, VPs, etc.
Narc parents play the long game narc spouses put you on cloud 9 in the clouds feeling like he best thing on earth until they flip the switch smoke and mirrors. If you leave they hoover until they realize youre done.
Perfect. As simple and elegant as it can get. After 5 years of personal study, this presentation proves to be the best I’ve heard. You’re describing a very shallow person I know in entirety. What a relief. Thank you very much.
James
Sums up my husband and how his devouring mother raised him due to her deep insecurities, shame and guilt and personal issues. Cycle stops with our son though; I am going to raise a secure, independent and most importantly, God-fearing man.
Perfect! 🙏Thank you! Knowledge is power! Saves you from heartache and disappointment! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Such an easy to understand explaination!
I totally agree with you and I've heard many explanations! 😊
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
It's because they don't actually know how they feel, they have shielded themselves from their own true feelings by building the grandiose facade of self worth and importance, and their negative reactions come when this facade is attacked or they get close to their own actual feelings, it isn't conscious descions though it is pathological reactions.
They are the way they are is because they either felt neglected or was neglected I childhood, so in adulthood they're on a mission to get back when they feel they should have had in youth, and is why they have so many "friends" or supply to get what they need from each friend or supply, be it money from some, intimacy from another, and so on. That's the manipulation they learn to perfect at a young age and by the time they go out into the world, they have learned HOW to get what they feel they deserve.
..
@@Sumoniggroaint that the truth… i told this person they were being disrespectful from a completely emotionless stand point.. and they started insulting me telling me im crazy for setting boundaries… the mf even called me gay cause i didnt let her walk all over me 😂
This is the nicest man I have ever heard speak about narcissists. He understands that they are our family members not demons. It still really hurts, but at least we can try to forgive them for being human. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. If you have to go no contact or low contact than do so. Forgiveness just means not wanting revenge. Karma or God will hold them accountable.
No..they are definitely demons. Don't be fooled
WOW WOW WOW Thank you !! It's been a long journey dealing with a narcissist Mother. I'm now 53 years old and I am blown away it took me this long to LEARN what she is and why she is the way she is. I thank you!!
This is all so phenomenally, profoundly TRUE.
What is a narcis afraid of deepdown?
The more I learn about narcissists the more I realize that I should’ve left a long time ago. 😢
It's not too late to leave. Just have a safe plan to get away and go no contact.
Leave...Knowledge is power. Otherwise, you can not blame anyone if u stay knowing the truth
As a mother of a narcissist I have never seen the giving side of my child. Because they count on my motherly love no matter how bad they treat me. True I love them and always will but I will not let them near me without a third person there to protect me from them and their manipulations and cruelty. It is difficult knowing you brought a narcissist into the world.
Narcissism isn’t born, it’s trained. experience leads someone to become one.
So where did they get it from? It’s true that someone’s in-born temperament makes them more susceptible to narcissistic behavior, but it’s still a learned trait. Either your spouse is a narcissist, or there’s more to the story.
I am so sorry I feel the same but I don't have friends . The only person my mom. God 🙏 help us all
Narcissism isn't born, it's a mal adaptive behavioural response to childhood trauma. Dr.Peter Levine talks about big T trauma and small t trauma. It's actually a spectrum disorder, with narcissism being healthy self esteem and malignant narcissism, fake ego. Low self esteem also a result of trauma ( I was sexually abused and traumatized by my abuser) makes people pleasers who aren't able to set strong boundaries and enable the narcissists. Commonly called Flying Monkeys
My dad is narcissistic and didn't visit my grandparents for 6 years they didn't do anything for him 😢 , my grandpa called me to tell him to visit them but he says i want to punish them , my grandpa died last year 😢😢
Oh my god! You just described every employer I ever had 😂😂
I like that word ...GIVING TO GET. THAT IS THE KEY 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Sad but true!
A narc lined up my replacement while we were together, and she really thought she won a prize. I was angry he'd exposed me to risks. I was upset he was shirking his responsibilities to our family. But I have never, never felt anything but relief that she redirected his focus.
❤❤absolutely!! They will be soooo nice during this time of grooming.
Ah, the love bombing stage. Then follows the devaluation and indifference culminating with the discard. But wait, there's more! When you least expect it, they'll hoover you and worm their way back into your life with the whole cycle repeating itself. Ask me how I know!
@@sand0077 I'd like to believe you've learned and don't let the parasite back in. That is what they are, parasitic in nature. 4 years to unravel the reason behind the chaos etc. I didn't discover what narcissism was until after I left. Now it's very clear what I was dealing with. Once you know, go. No turning back or you're a fool.
@@sand0077till you put that legal paperwork on 'em. Protection orders and police reports. Then they stop.
@@sand0077till you put that legal paperwork on 'em. Protection orders and police reports.
It's true - when people get to know a narcissist they don't want to meet their needs - or even have anything to do with them. And with good reason
Amen!! Thank you. ❤
Wow! This is so powerful when you realize you know one and can now understand what they are and what they're intentions are.
Yes excellent, thank you.
Except the ones on the extreme end of the spectrum, the psychopaths. There’s no deep anything. No injury. No shame.
Narcissists are Very emotionally broken people. Hurt people, hurt other people.
Sometimes, sometimes not. I grew up with an alcoholic dad, and that hurt, but the abuse from the toxic narc in my life was far worse. I grew up vowing to never hurt anyone like I was hurt, and if I did, I genuinely apologized. Some hurt people hurt others, some hurt people never want to hurt anyone else because they know how it feels
They might be hurt people but abusers hurt people . Most narcissists are abusers. There are plenty of hurt people that don't hurt others.
There's a lot of people in this world who have been hurt and even traumatized and these same people do not go around manipulating, pathological lying, running smear campaigns, intentionally inflicting harm and even more trauma onto others, so therefore that saying about how hurt people hurt people is just another gaslighting and enabling excuse.
I agree with you. I was abused when I was a kid, by my brother and alcoholic dad, mom was the narc, I was scapegoated and you can bet your life I grew up never wanting to hurt people. Meanwhile, the biggest abuser I've ever known always wore a happy face, every one thought she was "so positive" but she was darkness to the core, did a lot of damage to people. SOME hurt people hurt other, NOT all hurt people do this
@@nmHispana
Excellently explained 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This man just answered and uncovered a few people of their behavior patterns!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This is one of the best explanations of highly narcissistic individual's behaviour I've heard and must've watched hundreds of videos by now!
It clearly states what happened with the last sociopathic man I got caught up with, who bluntly admitted his deception in the end.
Needless to say, I wouldn't want him back, even if he did his healing work, as well as reimbursed all the money he owes me. ❤
Were they ever questioned about their deceptiveness and constantly deny it/ tell you they would never do anything to hurt you or leave you? I’m almost certain the person I’ve been talking to is a narcissist I just want to know if they are to the core this ruthless to deny being a cheater, liar etc.
He hadNO right to waste mine, and other's time or joy and happiness, I have much more Important things to accomplish in life. I had to face my own demons, andTHEY can do their own too!
Truth, best explanation yet.
They are nice to you when other people are around to trick everyone. And they build your ego up if they think they might lose you.
The problem is thinking they do these things consciously, they don't it is all done subconsciously.
Spot on!! And when you figure them out and end the relationship, they can’t handle it.
So sad the way that narcissists are created 😢. So scary to have a feeling of not knowing if someone will drop you any moment too.
NPD seems to be created in a similar manner as BPD, a fear of abandonment it is just different routes to the same goal. They are both often the most prevalent personality disorders and are misunderstood because the actions they take to insure they have what they need are often the most socially toxic. Histrionics and antisocials tend to be outcasts so the socially toxic behaviors aren't as observed or experienced.
Wish I had known this at least 10 years ago
You just described my mother to a T. Except the “give, give, give” part lol. She thought putting food on the table and having a roof over our heads (but ignoring us otherwise) should be enough for us to feel as though we owed her our entire lives.
Absolutely correct. My family had the nasty and prolonged experience of the narcissistic smear campaign from a man who didn’t like that he was removed from a coaching position because he was bullying people. He was angry that “after all the work I’ve done” and “all the time I’ve given” he was removed from a position he really loved. His first comment was that he felt humiliated, even though he was treated more than fairly in the process of considering the allegations (which were corroborated by not only the facts but the narc himself) and given opportunities to change his behaviours. But instead, he took the revenge approach. We finally had to get a court order against him. He totally lied about facts, made up stories, harassed every authority he could through the complaints mechanisms and was told the same thing each time “You don’t have any proof of your claims and there is plenty of evidence you did engage in bullying and they had a right to let you go.” He didn’t like that, so proceeded to take action against a number of people and authorities that didn’t see things his way (they were inept, corrupt, unprofessional, negligent, etc). On each occasion, his actions failed at the last door because each time the defending party was going to use the lies he told as proof of his combative and disruptive behaviour and his unreasonableness. This man kept at it by using third parties to try to bring down the people who “let him go”. He never worked out that it was him. Whatever shamed him to the point he had to belittle others to feel good about himself is a really sad thing. But once a narc is off and running, then everyone needs to get the hell away from them because they are literally monsters.
My mom is a narcissist. Oh, she’s so loving when I’m doing what she wants.
exactly.
😂 I suppose you like it when people are doing what you like as well.
"Giving to get". This was brought home to me by a family member I've since gone NC with. Everything, I finally realized, they did for me became a debt, payment due at their whim. Emotional blackmail. I bailed.
That's exactly right thank you for teaching & sharing this! 🙏🏾
Very Astute & Right on the Money ! God bless you for sharing. ✝️
Listen people... FACTS💯🎯
"In their minds, they are being loving"
Do narcissist know they are narcissist or do they think all humans are the same as them?
Definitely the latter. If projecting were an Olympic sport they’d bring home the gold every time
They genuinely believe that their method is love. They feel all the euphoria of giving and showing but they simply don't have the capacity for love. It's a malfunction in their brains, they can't help it. Despite what some say, a genuine diagnosable narcissist doesn't enter relationships with the intention to hurt. They believe 'this is the one'. However, they will manipulate people who don't matter to them eg colleagues, family, lovers that have fallen short of their fantasy ideal etc
I don’t agree fully. Mine knew all along he was a liar & deceiving me - even one of his relatives knew what he was like but didn’t tell me! 10 years of marriage later, he’s having 3 affairs, love bombing them all and discarded me in the cruelest way. Totally know what he’s doing, just to get his ‘supply’ fix & get what he can out of these other women just like he did to me & keep me trauma bonded so I wouldn’t end the marriage … WELL I DID!! Thanks to God showing me everything & giving me the strength to keep him locked out. Divorce underway & healing my childhood traumas ❤️🩹🙏🏾 I will get there! We will get there if we trust God! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
They lack the capacity to truly innerstand what they are and that they are the cause of their own frustration and dysfunction/disorder. The world owes them in their eyes. They cannot heal, forgive, repent, or realise what they do. They are literally demonically possesed for life amd dont/cant change themselves.
In their minds its probably a little of both. They are really good at spotting the vulnerable, and they won't try to manipulate til they find your weakness.
This is the first time I listen to the most accurate définition of what à narcisist is and are up to
So perfectly said.
This guy is such a genius! This describes my bf to a "t." Soon to be ex bf!!
It’s been 2 months. Is her your ex yet?
@@SoundBoss5150 he sure is.
@@beatrixbrennan1545 eyyy!! Good for you, sister 😎
Yay♡
You go girl!
Yes giving yo get back they have ulterior motives 😢
I've been there, done that!! He lost because he wished he still had me, and it would be a cold day in hell before that happened. God is good!!
💯🎯
Thanks for sharing this post!
Absolutely true.
or they play favorites .. choose whom they love, among children, among grandchildren .. praising some, critical to others ..
be willing to take, love yourself, take care of yourself .. then, love others as you would love yourself .. then, others will treat you better .. do not let anyone step on you .. good ones will treat you as good as you treat them; them narcs feel like you owe them love & service, even if it hurts you. set boundaries, or no contact sometimes/ always ❤
Co-dependants do that too. I've been guilty of manipulation to get my needs met. Before doing the trauma work and healing work I would have heard something like this and been like oh yeah others do that I don't do that. Now I know. I was full of shame. Had no idea. It's a process of uncovering. So grateful for this channel a
There are so many people like this. That's sad to be like that.
They are awful people I now have trust issues.😢
For me, it's for the best. There are a lot of narcs out there, a lot of narc enablers too.
Hurts when they give you all that love and you never really know if it was a facade or not… never dating a woman ever again i stg😂
Instilling the sense of ‘obligation’, is their intention. In their minds…they are being loving. And love, to them…means compliance, which is why the sense of obligation…must first be obtained. Giving…to get. Not giving…because they actually love the person.
NPD's don't know what love is because they never experienced it growing up, they only see the transactional nature of it the give and take so they have developed a maladaptive view of it, a lot of the time this is done subconsciously they aren't actively planning it but pathologically express these behaviors.
Thank you for presenting the correlation between narcissistic and codependent behavior
An absolutely outstanding way of describing of narcissistic behavior.
First explanation that helped!😮
By this definition, I would classify most people as narcissists
Wao!!!!!! Tim you are so good at this ! This statements are just so helpful for people that are trying to figure out what’s going on.
Thank you sir. You have an amazing way of explaining things so accurately. APTTMH💜🔥✝️
Imagine this as a mother. Yeah, it's worse than the described and he's underplaying the evil they are. Satan is not a friend.
What is said by Hoobey sounds exaggerated until you've seen it for yourself. It really is at a shocking depth of evil. It's the moment it clicks. You see that they really knew what it would do to you, and that they not only could do that consciously every step along the way, but enjoyed it, and succeeded in their plans to get away, plans they had since long before you even met. Plans thet adapted along they way, with information they subtly gathered and disguised as casual interest.
My mother grinned with wide open eyes as the men of crisis services laughed at my misery. She called on me for 'being out of control' after she and my stepfather collaborated to make me feel as unimportant as possible, right after they could see that they had succeeded to inspire me with a feeling of trust and love. They had done so for years. Inspire me with hope only to perfectly tear it down in the most casual ways. Imagine promising to be there, crying with you, hugging you and then the next day pretending like nothing ever happened, only to do the same inspiration over and over again, just so they could legally have you picked up and put into a mental asylum. I recorded their actions, and have had others verify that I am not crazy, including medical professionals. This is what narcissists are like. Every single narcissist will do this level of evil to you, and I have had decades of fierce experiences to learn that there is no changing them. They are off the world, there is no one home in those eyes, to them, you do not exist.
@@namachem1961 I saw a video where a psych said their partner is not a victim in the relationship, but rather a co-conspirator. My stepfather Kow tow'd to my mom whenever she got irate. When him and I were alone, he was great, but when the 3 of were together and she wanted to start a fight, he'd jump to her side and go off on me. I watched her many times start a fight with him by lying about what my brother or I said. He'd argue with her and when my brother or I said we never said that and love him, she'd get irate and stepdad would turn is anger towards my brother and I. Co-conspirator, not a victim.
Several times after she'd start a fight between stepdad and brother, she'd turn away and have a big grin on her face. Every time I called her on it, she's lose it. Her anger and shouting was fierce. Instead of stepdad putting her back into her place and protecting us, he'd turn his anger towards us. Again, not a victim, but a co-Conspirator.
Great talk
Truth. Thank you. ❤
It took me 34 years to realize my brother is not just a bully but a narcissist as well, for this exact reason. I realized he can be kind when he wants to be, until he learns what it is that hurts you. Than the narcissist uses that a little at a time, seeing how much they can get away with until you finally break. But because you love the narcissist so deeply do the the misguided kindness, you let them back again and again until one day…you don’t.
Truth