It's difficult to explain to outsiders how mentally exhausting & painful it is to be caught up in survival mode. When we are in that state, the world shrinks very quickly!
I hate it. I know my brain goes off line when I get triggered, so I shut my mouth for fear of saying something “wrong” (standing up for myself). This lava builds up under the volcano and then I eventually erupt because the self betrayal of not saying anything is too painful. These explosions are not strategic or planned. They just happen when the limbic brain can’t take anymore with no regard to the result of my mind and body. The limbic brain has had enough and it takes over regardless of if it hurts my career, relationships, body etc. We need loving, nurturing relationships to let our nerves feel safety so we can get out of fight or flight. Tough to do in a world gone mad. Leads to loneliness in my case because I’m getting good at letting go of the unsafe, but not finding the safe. We need to develop an immune system to keep unsafe people out. We need to learn to stand up for ourselves with the cortex so the limbic brain doesn’t have to do it. The limbic brain sends messages (emotions), the cortex is for strategy and execution, organizing details and nuance (higher order thinking). We need to create a life for ourselves where we are not in constant flight or fight stress and anxiety.
“It was in the past. It’s doesn’t matter now. Everything is great. We love you.” -my family telling me to stop talking about the abuse because my parents don’t like it 🤪
When nosy neighbours get through the cracks into the family unit, they criticise and make judgements on the children according to their behaviour, which isn't who they really are. .Children in these families have no voice. Only adults can have a voice, including those outside the family unit who are somehow more believable than the children who struggle to make sense of the family they were born into. So unfair.😢
I have a couple of "friends" who try to do just this. That doesn't work in my house. I've been a single mom forever and have young adult children with severe cPTSD, ADHD and ASD. I'm trying to help them get help through counseling because they really NEED to heal enough to manage life on their own. People's opinions of them based on their behavior only is not helpful.
@@contentedspirit9022sounds like you are very consistent and doing a great job, although it would be lonely. I'm sure you'll win as you sound like a great mum.💖
@@elizabethash4720 I wouldn't go that far. I try as best I can, but nobody is perfect and I don't have many of the answers id like to have in order to help them. I want to see them get healthy and be bold enough to step out in faith and learn how to live life as they go. Too much fear being spread amongst our young people, plus there being a society that's a "Me, me, it's all about me". Young people don't realize they only see what the celebrities, social media gurus, and those in the public eye, WANT them to see. Too much fake. Everyone makes mistakes and parents should love their kids enough to allow mistakes to be made while telling them it's ok, and working to teach them how to do the things they need to be successful living on their own. Mistakes are going to happen - it's what helps you learn. Be there to help them when they make those mistakes. Teach them it's ok AND expected. It's a parents job to be available for when they need encouragement, options that might work better than what they tried, and having them try again. Doing it for them won't help them learn. I want my kids to learn while I'm still here to help get them on the right path to success and self-confidence.
Wonder how this will go over if ever have to go to a nursing home in old age. I figure I will be helping them prepare things, picking up after the workers.
Disassociating, limited eye contact, spacing out. All responses to cope with extreme anxiety coming directly at you. No one’s body or brain is meant to handle years of tension or stress. Shutting down is survival. The goal is begin to allow other peoples emotions to happen, by allowing yours. A different response from childhood. You can create space for big emotions. I’ve found memories, girls, traumas I’ve suppressed coming up randomly now to process. Grieved a girl I liked 15 years ago. Allow yourself space.
Ive been listening to sleep affirmations for new self identity (which means new thoughts and emotions and ability to maintain my perspective), wim hof breathing exercises, 15min daily meditation or walks in nature. All tools to help your body and nervous system return back to safety mode, and then everything suddenly become easier. Be it dealing with the pain, reality or people. Hope that helps x
It's difficult to explain to outsiders how mentally exhausting & painful it is to be caught up in survival mode. When we are in that state, the world shrinks very quickly!
I hate it. I know my brain goes off line when I get triggered, so I shut my mouth for fear of saying something “wrong” (standing up for myself). This lava builds up under the volcano and then I eventually erupt because the self betrayal of not saying anything is too painful. These explosions are not strategic or planned. They just happen when the limbic brain can’t take anymore with no regard to the result of my mind and body. The limbic brain has had enough and it takes over regardless of if it hurts my career, relationships, body etc. We need loving, nurturing relationships to let our nerves feel safety so we can get out of fight or flight. Tough to do in a world gone mad. Leads to loneliness in my case because I’m getting good at letting go of the unsafe, but not finding the safe. We need to develop an immune system to keep unsafe people out. We need to learn to stand up for ourselves with the cortex so the limbic brain doesn’t have to do it. The limbic brain sends messages (emotions), the cortex is for strategy and execution, organizing details and nuance (higher order thinking). We need to create a life for ourselves where we are not in constant flight or fight stress and anxiety.
Very well put
“It was in the past. It’s doesn’t matter now. Everything is great. We love you.” -my family telling me to stop talking about the abuse because my parents don’t like it 🤪
When nosy neighbours get through the cracks into the family unit, they criticise and make judgements on the children according to their behaviour, which isn't who they really are. .Children in these families have no voice. Only adults can have a voice, including those outside the family unit who are somehow more believable than the children who struggle to make sense of the family they were born into. So unfair.😢
I have a couple of "friends" who try to do just this. That doesn't work in my house. I've been a single mom forever and have young adult children with severe cPTSD, ADHD and ASD. I'm trying to help them get help through counseling because they really NEED to heal enough to manage life on their own. People's opinions of them based on their behavior only is not helpful.
@@contentedspirit9022sounds like you are very consistent and doing a great job, although it would be lonely. I'm sure you'll win as you sound like a great mum.💖
@@elizabethash4720 I wouldn't go that far. I try as best I can, but nobody is perfect and I don't have many of the answers id like to have in order to help them. I want to see them get healthy and be bold enough to step out in faith and learn how to live life as they go. Too much fear being spread amongst our young people, plus there being a society that's a "Me, me, it's all about me". Young people don't realize they only see what the celebrities, social media gurus, and those in the public eye, WANT them to see. Too much fake. Everyone makes mistakes and parents should love their kids enough to allow mistakes to be made while telling them it's ok, and working to teach them how to do the things they need to be successful living on their own. Mistakes are going to happen - it's what helps you learn. Be there to help them when they make those mistakes. Teach them it's ok AND expected. It's a parents job to be available for when they need encouragement, options that might work better than what they tried, and having them try again. Doing it for them won't help them learn. I want my kids to learn while I'm still here to help get them on the right path to success and self-confidence.
Wonder how this will go over if ever have to go to a nursing home in old age. I figure I will be helping them prepare things, picking up after the workers.
This makes sense
Wow!
Disassociating, limited eye contact, spacing out. All responses to cope with extreme anxiety coming directly at you.
No one’s body or brain is meant to handle years of tension or stress.
Shutting down is survival.
The goal is begin to allow other peoples emotions to happen, by allowing yours.
A different response from childhood.
You can create space for big emotions.
I’ve found memories, girls, traumas I’ve suppressed coming up randomly now to process.
Grieved a girl I liked 15 years ago.
Allow yourself space.
How do I get out of it. It's driving me insane
Ive been listening to sleep affirmations for new self identity (which means new thoughts and emotions and ability to maintain my perspective), wim hof breathing exercises, 15min daily meditation or walks in nature. All tools to help your body and nervous system return back to safety mode, and then everything suddenly become easier. Be it dealing with the pain, reality or people. Hope that helps x
I know all of this, now how do I fix it!!😣