I can't imagine going to counseling with my narcissistic mom. She would charm the counselor, act very meek and cry until the counselor takes her side unconsciously and directs all the suggestions and correction toward me. And that's what my mom would get out of it: I got corrected, and the counselor agreed with her.
If the counselor is worth their salt they’ll see through it. I went to a counselor by myself for a few months before bringing my narc mom and she was very helpful
I tried against my GUT that told me NO . well she threw me under the bus in 2nd session and was not there bc she actually cared to work things out . The therapist also sided w her despite me being the one that reached out and telling her about my abuse from mother. I fired the therapist and then had to forgive myself for putting myself in that situation fully knowing my narc mother did not want to heal things w me or take any accountability for my abuse !
That’s super helpful - now understanding not all principles work in all cases because the desired outcomes/goals are not the same for each person in the situation
Same. My Mom's fur would be up and I'd be "disrespecting her and being mean and talking down to her". There's no reasoning. She'd shut it/ ME down in a flash.
NARC MOM DOES NOT HAVE EMPATHY AND HAS A HARSH INTERNAL CRITIC she will hear IM EVIL when you try and get her to care about you. the only thing you can do it withold attention and supply until she is willing to concede on respecting you and listening to your limits. likely she won't so be prepared to agree with a strategy with your sisters to do the same thing. like say "mom if you dont listen i will leave the room until you are willing to listen" if everyone reinforces this dynamic she will get nothing from behaving badly.
The caller wants to rule the roost, live rent free, and make rules for others. She needs to move out and get a day job. What is actually happening is that the young girls are ready to leave the nest, and being trapped together is not good for the women. It's time for the oldest to get an apartment and a day job. The second daughter is probably not far behind. The youngest and Mom will probably have a peaceful existence once the of age estrogen is out of the house. The caller is just slandering Mom to the public for a perceived fault. She actually has a personal problem and is just pulling away...but doing it with no money. She prefers quiet but can't afford to pay for it in having her own place.
the older sister can get away and has lived away. the younger sisters have to fight flight freeze or fawn likely. the older sister avoids conflict, the dad freezes likely or runs way.
likely the NARC MOM will look for a weak link in the chain of sisters to triangulate each other and put you in roles, such as scapegoat, goldenchild. flying monkeys. you will need to be in agreement with teh sisters to make this work or you will get marginalized or manipulated or punished. they will need to maintrain control and supply at any cost.
I can't imagine going to counseling with my narcissistic mom. She would charm the counselor, act very meek and cry until the counselor takes her side unconsciously and directs all the suggestions and correction toward me. And that's what my mom would get out of it: I got corrected, and the counselor agreed with her.
If the counselor is worth their salt they’ll see through it. I went to a counselor by myself for a few months before bringing my narc mom and she was very helpful
I tried against my GUT that told me NO . well she threw me under the bus in 2nd session and was not there bc she actually cared to work things out . The therapist also sided w her despite me being the one that reached out and telling her about my abuse from mother. I fired the therapist and then had to forgive myself for putting myself in that situation fully knowing my narc mother did not want to heal things w me or take any accountability for my abuse !
That’s super helpful - now understanding not all principles work in all cases because the desired outcomes/goals are not the same for each person in the situation
My mother wouldn't even let me get the first two words out once I start to suggesting these great tips. So, I don't know.
Same. My Mom's fur would be up and I'd be "disrespecting her and being mean and talking down to her". There's no reasoning. She'd shut it/ ME down in a flash.
@@margot_polo I know that's right!
NARC MOM DOES NOT HAVE EMPATHY AND HAS A HARSH INTERNAL CRITIC she will hear IM EVIL when you try and get her to care about you. the only thing you can do it withold attention and supply until she is willing to concede on respecting you and listening to your limits. likely she won't so be prepared to agree with a strategy with your sisters to do the same thing. like say "mom if you dont listen i will leave the room until you are willing to listen" if everyone reinforces this dynamic she will get nothing from behaving badly.
Now, we talking Dr. Cloud, talking about narc mothers. You're on my street now, lol. I happen to share a place with my mother and it's hard! Help!
Thank you
The caller wants to rule the roost, live rent free, and make rules for others. She needs to move out and get a day job.
What is actually happening is that the young girls are ready to leave the nest, and being trapped together is not good for the women.
It's time for the oldest to get an apartment and a day job.
The second daughter is probably not far behind.
The youngest and Mom will probably have a peaceful existence once the of age estrogen is out of the house.
The caller is just slandering Mom to the public for a perceived fault. She actually has a personal problem and is just pulling away...but doing it with no money. She prefers quiet but can't afford to pay for it in having her own place.
the older sister can get away and has lived away. the younger sisters have to fight flight freeze or fawn likely. the older sister avoids conflict, the dad freezes likely or runs way.
likely the NARC MOM will look for a weak link in the chain of sisters to triangulate each other and put you in roles, such as scapegoat, goldenchild. flying monkeys. you will need to be in agreement with teh sisters to make this work or you will get marginalized or manipulated or punished. they will need to maintrain control and supply at any cost.
Yes, make a pact to defend each other one the mom attacks one of you. Shell get the message
Now Grayrocking??????i am confused.
Dr Henry, you interrupt your callers way too much! Let them speak!
O brother 🙄
This guy is a joke.