How Parents' Standards Still Affect Us ft. Natsumiii
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- čas přidán 30. 07. 2024
- Healthy Gamer Coaching, developed by Dr. K: bit.ly/3nLuJzC
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Zug zug! For today's interview, Natsumiii joins Dr. K in having a lovely and authentic chat about her upbringing and her parents influence on her mental health. Why do we sometimes feel guilty on our days off? Why do we not feel good enough even if we put in all of our effort?
Check out Natumiii's channel and thank her for coming on the stream: / natsumiii
00:00:00 Intro Clip
00:00:17 Anxiety From Streaming
00:11:56 Growing Up and Piano
00:22:35 Making Parents Proud
00:37:52 Parents Aren’t Perfect
00:48:46 Pushing Yourself, Talking to Parents About Feelings
01:00:40 Streamer Psychology, Wendy’s Brother
01:15:58 Meditation, Creator Coaching
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
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I think this interview hit close to home for Dr. K
Asian parents, man. 😥
Was thinking the exact same thing.
@@borgwardd24 they are chines not asian.
@@godofbuffs8899 ah yes China, the country not part of Asia
@@godofbuffs8899 lol... bro look at a map or somethin
Wendy is one of the people that if i see them crying ill cry with them. Shes so cheerful and bubbly that seeing her in her vulnerable state makes me feel her emotions.
She's really hurt and just trying to hold back her tears
bro i wish i could feel empathy. ik its normal, physically i cannot however know its a blessing pls
@@oxpulat i think your aware of it. You wanting to feel is enough for me to know that you have it.
It's called "empathy", man.
A lot of the time, people who seem very happy with their life can also be very sad. Lotta repressed memories....
You all probably dont care at all but does someone know of a method to log back into an instagram account..?
I stupidly forgot my password. I would love any assistance you can offer me
I have been learning a lot about accountability lately. Sociology and psychology together are proving that a lack of accountability (i.e. lack of apology, mutual understanding, restitution) will leave a wound unable to heal and lead to anger, dehumanization, and shame on both sides. Both on a family level and on a societal level. Accountability is required for healing.
Hmm... I really relate with this one, being an Asian myself. I always felt like I wasn't good enough. I remember when I showed my parents my paintings in my mid 20's and first thing asked me was how much I was gonna make off that. And how their friend's children who are like lawyers and doctors who paid their parents to go on vacations or buy car or buy house for a present. And I remember feeling pretty fucking stupid, holding my damn painting. I still struggle feeling proud of my paintings. I've done over 100 pieces and I still haven't sold one lol. And my parents still tell me to quit art shit, and get a real job(I do have another job for money). I'm never good enough.
Are you me? :'c
Maybe you should try and sell some of them. Your painting overall will get more value, when one of your painting gets high regards. It could also be good to have other people evaluate your paintings, especially investors that buy paintings as a hobby (or as in my country to safe money). Your parents were probably concerned about your future happiness, since a lot of people equates monetary gain with happiness and don't know if you will get a happy life as painter based on that fallacy.
@@dennis981 right. Logical this makes sense. My older brother encourages me to do the same. He'd say things like, "look at this painting, it's horrible, and they still sell their stuff. Yours look so much better." etc. And again, logically, I agree with that, but I guess I still need to get over the "I'm not good enough" huddle I seem to be stuck in. I'm opposite of Wendy in the sense that, I become paralyzed instead of motivated to action. I would self-sabotage and binge drugs just so I don't have to feel being myself. It's complicated I guess. I've been thinking about seeing a therapist for couple years now, but as Asian, that's a taboo lol. Ofc I understand it's helpful and good thing to see therapist, but the programming I received as a child still comes up every time I seek one, and tells myself that it's shameful and that I'm weak and the cycle of unworthiness and self loathing continues. x_x
@@stendaalcartography3436
Your brother sounds very supportive. Being Asian myself, I also felt resistant to talk to a therapist, but I hear that my brother talk to one, and I felt a lot better about talking and working with a therapist and I signed up for one.
I don't think you necessarily have to seek therapy to get better, and i don't think there's one way to reach that point. I just want to say I hope that you won't have to feel not good enough about yourself or your art.
I hope you won't have to feel bad or not good enough, and the world will be a better place for it. And maybe I'm just saying words that I need to hear, but I don't think anyone deserves having to feel bad about themselves or feel insufficient or broken.
Hey I looked up your art and I think it’s really gorgeous! Is anything on your website gallery for sale? I’d happily buy one! I’ve been looking to find cool independent artists so I can finally fill my empty walls.
I was there for this stream! I was so appreciative of Wendy's authenticity, openness, and willingness to discuss her emotions. it helped me reframe or even kind of put actual words to some of my issues. the work that happens on stream really helps me through my own working process and just wanted to leave a comment on how thankful I am for these streams! :) and even though these aren't official sessions, I'm also learning how to talk to clients (being a counseling student). It's like watching an artist at work with Dr. K
Exactly.. he is an artist
When Wendy cried, I cried😔 She’s so sweet and kind. It’s so heartbreaking to see her sad🥺
This interview was so special for me. It hit so hard at points where I had to stop to take a deep breath not to cry.
The expectations of parents after years of repeating them and how that expectation is there even when they changed and actively tell you to take care of yourself is so real. This talk helped me realize that.
Thanks Dr. K for your work and Wendy for opening up so much emotionally and personally for this conversation to happen.
EDIT: Ill take your advise. Ill cry next time
Dont resist crying, its good for you!
Just cry, don't hold back next time. Watch and let it go through you
CRY
me at the beginning of any dr k video: this wont be relatable but lets take a look
me 5 minutes into any dr k video: why am i crying
Literally me
"It doesnt have to come with blame, but it does have to come with accountability."
BOOM.
at minute 26 when she said her dad only wanted her to be happy. the exact same thing happened to me a few days ago and it completely shattered my mind because during all of high school he kept telling me to go into law school to make money or i wouldn't survive. and 3 years later when i confess to him saying i dont wanna do it anymore im studying animation he says "its ok i will always support you" i was so confused bc until that moment he never said that
As much as I smiled at 38:00, I fucking cry at the rest of the segment.. I can tell Dr K holds this close to his heart because he goes on a looooong rant which he normally doesn't do.
This doesn't come from studying. It comes from experience.
Interesting. I think the whole 'not feeling good enough' being a motivating force to get people to succeed really depends on the child. For some kids it can be a motivator to keep trying but for others, it can lead them to feeling incredibly depressed with no sense of self worth and underachieving because they feel it's pointless.
To add on since it was addressed later, I don't think it's just about expectation. A lot of asian parents expect kids to succeed, and when those kids don't meet their parents' expectations, they're told they're not trying hard enough, even when they're trying as hard as they can. Then they feel hopeless. So it's not the expectation. I do think people give up because of hopelessness though.
0:20 what a great way to start off a convo
23:23 Ah yes the classic asian parent way to express pride. Only my sister ever achieved the feat of getting mentioned to relatives.
ouch I felt that
The part where Wendy said she couldn't do her masters made me cry even tho I was just a spectator
Anyone else think DisguisedToast would be a good person for this?
definitely but i doubt he'll ever do it..he seems a very provate individual
I would prefer a non-streamer tbh
He said that he would never do it public because he would've cryed
@@kevinyino8789 Very true, he would bawl. Toast really seem to be the type who have a very witty and easygoing appearance but actually quite sensitive within.
On the OTV Podcast, Toast said he thought he wouldn't be able to do the session justice because he has an online personality and an offline personality. So since he said he wouldn't show the other side of him online with so many people watching, he felt like he wouldn't do it justice.
Didn't know who Natsumii was but she seems to be a really nice person, i really liked the interview and it really hits home
It's not just Asian patents who are like this. Im from Ireland and this is one of the most relatable sessions I've listened to.
My dad had a severely abusive teacher through school and his dad.. well I'm not completely sure what his dad was like but from a picture of him I've seen, it looks like he was a hard man.
All of this took it's tole on my dad and in kind, I feel like it set my dad up for a particular type of parenthood which I turn effected me negatively. Always not feeling good enough, refusing to bend (initially), but then coming around to an alternative way of thinking for a short period of time.
This one was a tough one for me. Cried multiple times. Something about the struggle Asian countries have has resonates with me. As an Irish person, we've had our own historical troubles which we still kind of suffer through.
Love you Dr K! Hope this wasn't too hard on you
there were many moments in this where alok was tearing up:( being a mental health professional, i imagine, must be quite emotionally taxing at times. i hope he’s doing well!
I watched this stream and it resonated really strongly with me. I had to come back to this video yesterday because I was taking a much needed day off and was feeling guilty about it lol
I relate to every single word Natsumii says, to this day I'm trying to learn to tell myself that what I'm doing is enough
Thanks for being vulnerable Wendy. This really hits home. ❤️
But do they love you, or their idea of what will make you successful? It seems for mental stability + success it is essential to nurture self love and understanding, which develops into actually determining what/how success is for you. Forcing the idea of success causes people to reside deeper into their own self, it feels like they end up loving the shell over the actual person.
yeah... i felt that a lot.
feeling like i can't ever relax because i "should" be doing more all the time then being exhausted and only feeling satisfied if i've hit that point. parents never being proud or if they are.. i don't think myself something to be proud of because i can do so much more but choose not to.
:(
I'm a 23 yr old dude rearing up at how much I can relate to this with my parents and grades, god damn this one hit close
I clinked immediately when i saw it in my subs feed. This is gonna be a great interview because ive met soooo many people who have suffered from this kind of situation.
Glad I saw this!
38:00 I instantly smiled at this. Not because of anything sinister, but because I can tell Dr K is self aware of this with his own kids. I often ponder about this because my parents "did a number" on me growing up too. Yet at the same time, I love them so much that I feel the need to protect them.
This was great!
I feel like I've learned so much
Crazy good interview, as always
When she started crying saying she felt bad... I felt that 😿
Thank you for giving the words that clarify a lot of things dr k. And Wendy, you're so open and kind :) love your story and I could relate a lot. I hope you manage to find balance and I hope you're doing well
thanks for sharing wendy, can extremely relate to you. i end up being burnt out (work/school) or injured (fr exercise) from pushing myself way too hard.
Always good to hear that we never are alone on our problems. Just made it out of a 12 month injury after pushing myself to hard in sports and university.
Keep your head up!
the intro already got me tearing up
uh oh
how could dr k manage of handiling all of these stories and remain sane and mentally well those talk are so heavy
Your channel is awesome 👌. Wendy was awesome in this interview
12:37 The smirk on Dr K's face when she finish saying "I had like two schools basically" is it me or did someone else saw that was the moment he might have thought "Jackpot! Here is the source of her feeling of not enough" ^^
I think it's possible he related to it as well, but I dunno.
@@Inressa Yes it's possible ^^ What makes me think even more the "jackpot" thing because he also related to that and knows "what it is" if you know what I mean ^^
We'll never know for sure because we don't know what goes in his head unless he tell us xD but because I tent to read a lot of people gestures even when I don't realize the smirk made me automatically react to this ^^
@@LeoniaCunha careful though because it seems like your are projecting (not necessarily bad but could be inaccurate and lead to false conclusions) ;)
This was so nice reading this before it happened. Thank you friend
@@oliverbeck6839 hmm can you explain why from your pov you see me projecting? Really curious to know why you and what made you think that! Maybe I can learn something from this, so you know my curiosity is sincere ^^
You need to get Valkyrae on. We can finally break the cat cycle then.
I feel so much for Natsumiii, I feel the same as her on working and rest
Man I'd really love to talk to Dr. K. I feel like he could pull out some deep dark secrets that I don't even know about myself lol
My experience is that every councellor and therapist has that power. They ask you questions for 5 minutes and if your are somewhat open and honest they find this point and you are crying wondering wtf happened haha
So my point is just go visit a councellor if it's somehow possible for you and if you are curious for your dark sides.
I hope her best, I see myself in her a lot... (I think talking to the mom is actually the key to unlocked this)
This feels like I am looking through the window eavesdropping on a person and his therapist.
I relate so much to this video.
Didnt expect to have this conversation hit this close to home for me. Thank you
"Problems with motivation is often hopelessness" 😮
This hit different for all of us with immigrant parents
Out of all the talks Dr. K has had with people, whether they be streamers or just regular people, I didn't expect the one I would relate to the most(so far) would be Wendy.
Did you by any chance did a human transmutation in the past.. and it didn't go well and now your soul is bound to your profile picture?
@@clowdfish Ah, I don't like to talk about the incident... :(
450K subs Pog
watching dr k vids cuz i can't afford actual help>>>>>>
I was following along with the meditation and noticed myself stalling on my spine around my shoulders before you even asked Wendy if she stalled anywhere. Wonder if that means anything.
I think i cried more than both of them combined
@@ezaf5989 okay chad level 1000
damn i am kinda early. I actually did my schoolwork ahead of time this first week so its nice to have leisure time.
1:09:08 I talk about “this stuff” a lot. It’s not only cathartic, but it also relieves anxiety and allows us to seek fundamental concepts that can explain why we act in certain ways.
I’m also extremely disappointed that Dr. K. And Wendy gave up on the “B-U” technique, and I’m very curious as to what it is and its purpose.
I feel like a timetable and a routine might help- with rest time penciled in
I really relate to this 100% of this applies to me and I don't know how to feel about it
Cool seeing a new meditation tech
Asian 17 this hit very close to home and I cried.
Very early squad rise up!!!!
When I was thinking how much I could relate to her, FEELING STRESSFUL RELAXING, and then she said her parents are Chinese... THIS FEELING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE
I feel like this twitch partner stuff could be partly due to Ethan Evans :) It's really cool that they offer it.
As a first generation american to immigrants... I relate to this too. I'm glad that Dr K realizes that asian parents are about the same as Nirgerian parents! My parents are from Jamacia but as we all know, basically from Nigeria and West africa via slave trade. And even though we have been in Jamacia for decades, the mentality around working hard is the same.
I'm glad she's talking about this today bc I worked so hard and was so productive that I got mentally ill and had to get therapy. :(
cats are perfect Covid animals
since they don't need to go outside
and are generally low maintenance
At the risk of asking a question that's been asked many times - I'm kinda wondering if Dr. K has watched ATLA? Seems like he would either really like it or really be bored with it I'm not sure.
That meditation... damn
I know about her from destiny's CC, cool to hear more about her
I wanted to watch this and relate but my parents weren't that nice as hers so now I'm crying in my car
Nice
GJ WENDY
the moment you realise Dr. K is also an Asian dad, and that you're listening to an Asian dad who evolved into his wise asian dad form. Did he own a convenience store at some point?
Both my parents never said "I love you" or "I'm proud" or something alike to me... Never. I'm 36 and not even Asian ;)
WENDEEZNUTS!!!!!!!!!!
1:11:00 detachment sounds like "knowledge of mind and body" in the Mahasi path of insight model.
The sound after the "buh" is in your head btw :p
Dr Wondy :3
I think Dr. K accidentally made this more about her dad because of his own biases and his own experience. Also, it's weird coming from a past knowing my mom didn't love me and wasn't proud of me and the thing that he is giving advice on here is like the best thing is being reassured that she was actually always loved even though she didn't know it. Like she could heal even if she couldn't talk to her dad and he couldn't reassure her but because she can this is the much easier and faster and better path to healing and it just kinda sucks for those of us who has truly abusive parents who were so damaged that the path to healing is so much more of a... Difficult one.
I think Dr. K accidentally made this more about her dad because of his own biases and his own experience. Also, it's weird coming from a past knowing my mom didn't love me and wasn't proud of me and the thing that he is giving advice on here is like the best thing is being reassured that she was actually always loved even though she didn't know it. Like she could heal even if she couldn't talk to her dad and he couldn't reassure her but because she can this is the much easier and faster and better path to healing and it just kinda sucks for those of us who has truly abusive parents who were so damaged that the path to healing is so much more of a... Difficult one.
Oh i hadn't gotten to like 1:06:15 yet where they kinda start the conversation where Dr. K wonders about the more extreme toxic parents who don't expect you to be better? But i think some really abusive parents like my mom still kinda expect you to do better even though they don't really love you or feel proud of you. They might like even say they love you but. still.
This made me want to go practice my piano
Love love love Wendy 🤗
I have this exact same issue
As a first generation Nigerian American... I can safely say that I clicked on the right video😭
Dr K is literally trying not to cry every 5 seconds
I have just realised that i was using similar thing to this meditation technique to cope with mine head-neck pain. thats wierd
i love wendyyyy
NGL, DR. K looking freeesh
I usually follow along with the meditation but this one i just couldn't get the hang of..feelsbadman
1:05:12 - I would click on that video title! XD
The concept of hippie asian parents sounds very funny for some reason, ngl...
I didn't know much about her ive only heard the cover of dreamy night but now i i feel like i become fan of wendy knowing her backgroud.
日本から応援してます!頑張って!
We need some Latino immigrant kids representation on this show. The AOE needs to happen and I think there could be a lot potential there
Dr. Wondy meets Dr. K
Okay this title sounds juicy
Nvm it sounds like Wendy’s parents were still loving and capable of change
Waaaaah!
Wendys face is so round and cute 😍
nigerian, can confirm
FeelsStrongMan.. not nigerian, indian here can also confirm
hope everything is well/better for you!
Same brother. Same.
All the while Wendys parents were watching the stream
Can we get Fuslie or Valkyrae next... Ooooh Corpse!
Rae would do it %100.
Fuslie would too.
Corpse is very questionable, but I feel like he would honestly
Holy m. That hits me like a truck. I was smiling at the beginning till I had to stop the video and cry. I felt so stupid ._.
Doctor Wondy and Dr K :D
I'd like to see if there's any weird correlation between cat owners and having certain psychological traits (or trauma?)
@Fureori yeah, and that feels obvious to us cat people, but the people who dont like cats find that part unpleasant. like compare what you said to the classic dog-owner point that a cat is "a miniature tiger that lives in your house" or whatever. there may be something based in personality that determines that.
I don't remember what study it was, but back at Uni I found a study that concluded with a negative correlation between owning cats and having a specific personality type/trait.
People like to describe it with words like tough love, but I think the aspects of parenting more common and accepted in my parent's culture includes willingness to use physical violence, wllingness to insult children, unwilingness to express positive thoughts about children to them and lack of inhibition to express anger that is directed at children. I believe these "methods" are damaging and the opposite of love, but feel free to say your beliefs even if you disagree.
Yeah I agree the violence against children in the name of cultural norms is BS but a lot of societies would run on shame or fear so maybe that's where it fits in
54:15 Dr K out of context
KEKW