another tip i use for eye contact is to look at the nose more than the eyes, sort of let your eyes go “out of focus.” this may not work for everyone, but it has helped me appear polite in social situations (ps, i think eye contact isn’t necessary, but a lot of neurotypicals do so they see it as polite, even tho you can be polite without using your eyes. idk why nts do this lol)
I got to learn a really easy way to do it in a little class progam thing for all of the neuro diverse/special needs kids, look at the bridge of the nose. That's it. That works. Unless the person I'm looking at is mad at me then I look away trying not to cry.
I like talking to people who have that little frown line between their eyebrows, so I can just look at that, instead of their eyes. That's why talking to people with a super-smooth forehead and aforementioned between-eyebrow area makes me anxious.
Protip for the active listening part: reference yourself and follow up with a question for them. You’re relating to them while still circling back to their current experience, signaling you’re not trying to center the conversation on yourself. Whether or not you’re intending to dominate a conversation, you can still end up leaving less space for a person to share their thoughts/feelings. My partner and I both have autism/ADHD and we have to navigate this a lot together.
People have just learned that if I'm looking around, I probably saw something move so I'm looking to see if it's important.....or I'm making sure it's not a bug lol
It took me a while before I realized that having a word limit and forgetting how to speak in any of the 3 languages I know is related to me being neurodivergent. Like, it was kinda obvious that it's related to overstimulation, that my brain just can't handle so much talking and shuts down. But I just brushed it off, thinking that it's just my stupid trait (especially seeing how my autistic gf doesn't have such a problem), and not the fact that my neurodivergency actually affect my *whole* brain and its functions, not just focus and memory.
Knowing you're capable of speaking fluently, yet you cannot force it out of you is so frustrating.. It makes me feel as if I'm stupider than I thought 😕
Ugh I know the nuerotypical insistence that nodding instead of talking is ignoring them when you're overstimulated drives me up a damn wall. If you've ever been to Walmart, I work there as a cashier so as you could imagine I can't really talk that much and yet no one cares lol
For pseudo- eye contact, I look where the nose meets the cheek under the eye. Close enough to seem normal, off enough to be able to focus on that spot and ignore the eye. Hot Tip: Typicals normally switch eyes after a while, so if you feel the right eye coming too close into the picture, switch to the other side of the nose.
6:45 Omg I'm a HELL for that! I keep feeling like food, then I bring it upstairs to eat, then I'm eating through it and suddenly be like "hm, no". Then I put it down, then I forget it exists. Or I don't even start eating it but my brain is like "hm, no" before I start, I store the food for later, and same result where I forget about it. Glad someone else relates! Geez I've felt horrible for being like this! Also, weird smells or sounds, I don't like them, they're so distracting. As for books, rarely I'm in the mood to read a book, but when I do, I read it for a few minutes then never get back to it.
Before I got diagnosed with ADHD my junior year of HS, my Dad thought I was just a bad child who was acting out for "no reason". This is despite me telling both my parents all the shit I had to go through at school with ** TW ** trauma, bullying, and Sexual harassment. sensory issues, bullying, and not feeling connected to my few friends, (And I had never dated anyone, nor did I throughout all of HS, so that was not a source of issues or joy), being misunderstood constantly, being sexually harassed (which the school did nothing about--but the Janitors and some security guards had my back, literally dragged away the boys harassing me during lunch), teachers bullying me, failing projects and such all because the technology failed, being thrown out of class for asking clarifying questions, etc. Like, even if I was not ADHD, I was still going through hell and being traumatized--which is enough to make ANYBODY act out. And before people get too worried, I have a therapist who is good for neurodivergents, and has been helping me with school and other life-related PTSD.
I feel like everyone is. Prolonged eye contact is creepy as hell and super uncomfortable. But, I guess the point is they had to make a calculated technique that looks natural
I usually look at a person's mouth when talking to them Also helps with comprehension, my brain can technically understand someone talking with just the noise, but it helps a lot to have a visual cue too
I always relate to things I've done in the past. Like in Rome. I told my mom the street near where we stayed reminded me of a street in my city where my mom works. I always do this. I always say: "Oh look it reminds me of this city I've been to last year with dad!". To which my mom gets mad because I'm comparing cities that have nothing to do with one another and I'm not truly enjoying my stay because I keep comparing things to lesser important cities or my city that I adore.
5:07 me and my friends do that. my two friends started it and end up having like actual conversations through them meanwhile i'm like lost in the dust, but I soon gotten into the mer talk to join them and I actually ended up merring back to the video xD
1:42, I have been using the term “Snorkelling” ever since I first watched this clip and I completely forgot where I found it until just now. Snorkelling is a great way for me to try and do eye contact but not get as overwhelmed by the intensity and weirdly invasive feeling I get. I have a prime example where I was talking with a neurotypical person that I was not very familiar with, for me I find it much harder to talk to people I do not know well. As those who are closest with me know I struggle with eye contact and do not force me to participate in it. However during this interaction I received the BEST compliment. I mentioned how I struggle with eye contact at some point in the conversation and how I use “snorkelling”. She said to me that: “Oh really? Wow that’s so cool. I couldn’t tell you were doing that… (and here’s the compliment) “It’s very natural.” AHHHH YESSS. I felt so proud of myself. Because ironically enough during that conversation I felt like it was a worse off performance than usual. So yeah, snorkelling is amazing!
Number 3, I do that! But with school.. I have a visual map of the layout of my town and of my school! So when I need to get to class, I think about the fastest/most effect route to get there. It’s super helpful, especially when I have to go somewhere else or do something else
0:44 I thought I was a genius child for figuring out that if I looked at different features on someone's face, it would make them think you were making eye contact. So anyways, I stare at the mouth. Movement makes my brain happy, and it's similar to reading subtitles during a movie/show.
fuzzy socks are so weird like i don't understand how people without sensory issues can wear them like ya it helps some people but to me its a sensory issue
help the one at 5:40 reminded me of the one time i had a conversation with my friend and the whole thing was just random noises and everyone else was so confused
9:15 this whole tiktok but this moment in particular hurts even harder when you're also raised by boomers that think millennials and zoomers are lazy, stupid and entitled no matter the individual or context. It makes you feel guilty for getting paid at all to do your job sometimes...
Also, part of being ND is that just because someone is aware of how these traits can be manipulated, doesn't mean those traits can be changed to stop the manipulation. My brain and soul might know how certain traits can be used against me and can see it happening, but the neurological and muscle memory holds onto those behaviors and responses for dear life and override everything no matter how much I "know better". It's like how you can have depression and be sad despite knowing on a surface level that you have nothing to be sad about. I'm not saying that people are at the total mercy of flaws in our bodies and systems, just that there's a reason why ND people can repeat cycles despite "knowing better".
1:15 I try sometimes to kinda unfoucus my eyes, like their face was a magic eye picture, then your just looking at a wobbly blur person and thats not so bad 😆
at 4:19 i do the exact same thing but i have a slow brain so i cant think of anything to say back to you in a convenient time so i just start a story or something that relates to it
I relate to the first one quite a lot, but figured that if I'm able to force out even one word no matter how hard it is, then it mights I'm not actually non-verbal at all or on the spectrum. I already know I'm neurodivergent, so an official diagnosis is hard to get with so many symptoms crossing over and I'm curious is this is another one that does. With that said, does this mean that it's still what going non-verbal looks and feels like, even if it's not objectively 100% impossible to say a one-syllable word from time to time?...
Disclaimer: I know a CZcams comments section isn't the epitome of objective fact and I'm not going to take answers anyone gives me as some kind of official diagnosis. I'm just asking since the example presents itself and am seeking opinions so that I can further refine my paths of research and self-discovery. I'm not also implying all neurodivergences are interchangeable. I just happen to have several conditions with a lot of overlap and want to know whether or not certain symptoms or aspects of a given neurotype can cross over into certain other ones.
H the emails. 2 of my inboxes are not opened for wvweeks and at least 4 weeks. I see notifications on them though! Most if the headers I have almost seen..
As an autistic person, I don’t really like the term “neuro-spicy”. It makes it seem like neurodivergency is this fun quirky thing and it’s not that at all.
i fucking need to know what the noise playing is at 5:44 bc it gave me shivers up my neck for some reason, have never been affected by a noise like this before it is so. its so fuck.
autistic people having trouble initiating tasks: 😣 adhd people having trouble completing tasks: 😵💫 me having autism AND adhd and having trouble initiating and completing tasks: 🤯
The first person perfectly describes what it's like to be over-stimulated and go selectively mute.
YES
Yepyepyep
The fact that neurotypicals actually look eachother in the actual eyeballs, is honestly one of the weirdest things I've ever heard.
THEY DONT IT WAS A LIE! eye contact is just looking at their ENTIRE face (according to my allistic friend)
another tip i use for eye contact is to look at the nose more than the eyes, sort of let your eyes go “out of focus.” this may not work for everyone, but it has helped me appear polite in social situations
(ps, i think eye contact isn’t necessary, but a lot of neurotypicals do so they see it as polite, even tho you can be polite without using your eyes. idk why nts do this lol)
same, I just go out of focus. people never notice.
I look at their lips so I can hear what their saying and occasionally look up to meet their eyes without missing too much of the conversation
i look at the space in between their eyes, ive heard it looks like youre making eye contact from their point of view
I got to learn a really easy way to do it in a little class progam thing for all of the neuro diverse/special needs kids, look at the bridge of the nose. That's it. That works. Unless the person I'm looking at is mad at me then I look away trying not to cry.
I like talking to people who have that little frown line between their eyebrows, so I can just look at that, instead of their eyes. That's why talking to people with a super-smooth forehead and aforementioned between-eyebrow area makes me anxious.
Protip for the active listening part: reference yourself and follow up with a question for them. You’re relating to them while still circling back to their current experience, signaling you’re not trying to center the conversation on yourself. Whether or not you’re intending to dominate a conversation, you can still end up leaving less space for a person to share their thoughts/feelings. My partner and I both have autism/ADHD and we have to navigate this a lot together.
I like the oscillating one, I do that too but I feel like I just look paranoid.
Try looking at thare nose
People have just learned that if I'm looking around, I probably saw something move so I'm looking to see if it's important.....or I'm making sure it's not a bug lol
I just look at their eyebrows! Fools them.
Isn't that how normal eye contact works? Or was i always doing that wrong?
@@Dani004able yes
Doesn't everyone hate having crumbs or dust under their feet?
YES! Didn't even think that could be a ND thing
Yessss
I do
Dear lord I despise that feeling-
Yep. Feels disgusting. I thought it was something everyone did though.
HOLY CRAP YES
It took me a while before I realized that having a word limit and forgetting how to speak in any of the 3 languages I know is related to me being neurodivergent. Like, it was kinda obvious that it's related to overstimulation, that my brain just can't handle so much talking and shuts down. But I just brushed it off, thinking that it's just my stupid trait (especially seeing how my autistic gf doesn't have such a problem), and not the fact that my neurodivergency actually affect my *whole* brain and its functions, not just focus and memory.
Knowing you're capable of speaking fluently, yet you cannot force it out of you is so frustrating.. It makes me feel as if I'm stupider than I thought 😕
Omg the first oneeeeeeee hurts me
Same, I could feel myself growing more stressed every time he had to repeat himself.
@@dragondaydreams5963 absolutely I felt the same thing. I was getting angry lol even tho I knew it was the same person 😂
Ugh I know the nuerotypical insistence that nodding instead of talking is ignoring them when you're overstimulated drives me up a damn wall. If you've ever been to Walmart, I work there as a cashier so as you could imagine I can't really talk that much and yet no one cares lol
For pseudo- eye contact, I look where the nose meets the cheek under the eye. Close enough to seem normal, off enough to be able to focus on that spot and ignore the eye. Hot Tip: Typicals normally switch eyes after a while, so if you feel the right eye coming too close into the picture, switch to the other side of the nose.
The last one hits me hard….
6:45 Omg I'm a HELL for that! I keep feeling like food, then I bring it upstairs to eat, then I'm eating through it and suddenly be like "hm, no". Then I put it down, then I forget it exists. Or I don't even start eating it but my brain is like "hm, no" before I start, I store the food for later, and same result where I forget about it. Glad someone else relates! Geez I've felt horrible for being like this!
Also, weird smells or sounds, I don't like them, they're so distracting.
As for books, rarely I'm in the mood to read a book, but when I do, I read it for a few minutes then never get back to it.
"Oh look, and email! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" is the reason I have 300 unopened emails in my box.
The spliting tasks is amazing ! Love it !
I am now and forever going to refer to myself as "neurospicy"
Before I got diagnosed with ADHD my junior year of HS, my Dad thought I was just a bad child who was acting out for "no reason". This is despite me telling both my parents all the shit I had to go through at school with ** TW ** trauma, bullying, and Sexual harassment.
sensory issues, bullying, and not feeling connected to my few friends, (And I had never dated anyone, nor did I throughout all of HS, so that was not a source of issues or joy), being misunderstood constantly, being sexually harassed (which the school did nothing about--but the Janitors and some security guards had my back, literally dragged away the boys harassing me during lunch), teachers bullying me, failing projects and such all because the technology failed, being thrown out of class for asking clarifying questions, etc.
Like, even if I was not ADHD, I was still going through hell and being traumatized--which is enough to make ANYBODY act out.
And before people get too worried, I have a therapist who is good for neurodivergents, and has been helping me with school and other life-related PTSD.
6:07 Someone please tell me that there exists a playlist of songs like these. The 'nice for neurodivergent people' sounds.
Wait not everyone is snorkelling ?
I feel like everyone is. Prolonged eye contact is creepy as hell and super uncomfortable. But, I guess the point is they had to make a calculated technique that looks natural
CONNOR. Stop being so on point. No, I lie, never stop. WAHHHH.
I usually look at a person's mouth when talking to them
Also helps with comprehension, my brain can technically understand someone talking with just the noise, but it helps a lot to have a visual cue too
Agreed 100%
The “snorkeling” example re eye contact is what I have been doing for years! I am going to use that term now!
How do you set boundaries with your brain?
I struggle with boundaries in general 😭
The one at 5:23, my first thought was to maah back lol then audibly laughed at the end🤣
same!!! did it on the first try
I always relate to things I've done in the past. Like in Rome. I told my mom the street near where we stayed reminded me of a street in my city where my mom works. I always do this. I always say: "Oh look it reminds me of this city I've been to last year with dad!". To which my mom gets mad because I'm comparing cities that have nothing to do with one another and I'm not truly enjoying my stay because I keep comparing things to lesser important cities or my city that I adore.
5:07 me and my friends do that. my two friends started it and end up having like actual conversations through them meanwhile i'm like lost in the dust, but I soon gotten into the mer talk to join them and I actually ended up merring back to the video xD
I audibly reacted when they did the noise.
hmmmmm
I also meh-ed back on the first try lmao
4:24 was one of my favorite out of all of these
for the eyecontact one i just grew my hairout to cover my eyes works like a charm... until my mom yells at me for not making eyecontact
This is the most relatable compilation I have ever found
1:42, I have been using the term “Snorkelling” ever since I first watched this clip and I completely forgot where I found it until just now.
Snorkelling is a great way for me to try and do eye contact but not get as overwhelmed by the intensity and weirdly invasive feeling I get.
I have a prime example where I was talking with a neurotypical person that I was not very familiar with, for me I find it much harder to talk to people I do not know well. As those who are closest with me know I struggle with eye contact and do not force me to participate in it.
However during this interaction I received the BEST compliment.
I mentioned how I struggle with eye contact at some point in the conversation and how I use “snorkelling”. She said to me that:
“Oh really? Wow that’s so cool. I couldn’t tell you were doing that… (and here’s the compliment) “It’s very natural.”
AHHHH YESSS. I felt so proud of myself. Because ironically enough during that conversation I felt like it was a worse off performance than usual.
So yeah, snorkelling is amazing!
I watch people's mouths, apparently no one notices... apart from when I'm at work, then I get customers staring at me waiting for eye contact :(
- look, an email!
- AAAarrrrgghHHH
*relatable*
5:42 does anyone know where I can find the audio to this? I need it!
Typed her username into TikTok, looked for this video, audio is Prickly Pufferfish by galen tipton 💖
@@katita46 OMG THANK YOU!
@@katita46 Thank you. It literally just tickled the inside of my brain. I cant explain it.
I don't know why it tickled my brain in a bad way 😰
@@fulicious2991 Yeah. It was like a terrible itch in my ear and down my neck. Not at all pleasant for me!
Number 3, I do that! But with school.. I have a visual map of the layout of my town and of my school! So when I need to get to class, I think about the fastest/most effect route to get there. It’s super helpful, especially when I have to go somewhere else or do something else
5:42 I can feel my brain slowly melting like candy floss on a rain
But like in a good way
The eye contact one is great!
Except I do aerial lessons and I don't know where to look when someone is hanging upside
How do people do it???!!😤
Definitely will be refering to myself as neurospicy. Maybe even neurospiced.
"neurospicy" is a lovely word!
That last one though! I feel that so much..
That last one broke my heart.
Snorkeling YES that's a great metaphor for what I do! Thank you!
crumby floor ballet got me lol-ing
that very first one.......... I relate sooo hard.
the maeh vibe check is so treu tho, I use that tactic a lot
0:44 I thought I was a genius child for figuring out that if I looked at different features on someone's face, it would make them think you were making eye contact. So anyways, I stare at the mouth. Movement makes my brain happy, and it's similar to reading subtitles during a movie/show.
5:50 felt like poprocks to my ears xD
fuzzy socks are so weird like i don't understand how people without sensory issues can wear them
like ya it helps some people but to me its a sensory issue
5:43 is what running water sounds like to me when I'm on mushrooms.
in fact what is that i need it.
I mean, I just look at the person's mouth more than I look at their eyes. Reading their lips also helps me with audio processing.
does anyone know where to find that amazing bop at 5:43
in terms of the eye contact thing, look at their noses or foreheads. they can't tell the difference
help the one at 5:40 reminded me of the one time i had a conversation with my friend and the whole thing was just random noises and everyone else was so confused
that is indeed the NDest of all ND behaviours
The first is very relatable
Oscillator here.
Is there a longer version of the bop?
5:42 That's weird, not a fan of that audio, way too much going on, that was stressful.
9:15 this whole tiktok but this moment in particular hurts even harder when you're also raised by boomers that think millennials and zoomers are lazy, stupid and entitled no matter the individual or context. It makes you feel guilty for getting paid at all to do your job sometimes...
Also, part of being ND is that just because someone is aware of how these traits can be manipulated, doesn't mean those traits can be changed to stop the manipulation. My brain and soul might know how certain traits can be used against me and can see it happening, but the neurological and muscle memory holds onto those behaviors and responses for dear life and override everything no matter how much I "know better". It's like how you can have depression and be sad despite knowing on a surface level that you have nothing to be sad about. I'm not saying that people are at the total mercy of flaws in our bodies and systems, just that there's a reason why ND people can repeat cycles despite "knowing better".
5:43 SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHATTHIS AUDIO IS I NEEEED TO KNOW
1:15 I try sometimes to kinda unfoucus my eyes, like their face was a magic eye picture, then your just looking at a wobbly blur person and thats not so bad 😆
Guys I’ve actually got a tip for people for once, rather than asking for help, so if you can’t look at a persons eyes, look at their ears
I’m sorry but all I could think about with the person at 3:28 is- why is your face blurry?
Like I am genuinely curious does anyone see it as well haha
2:44 THE NECK THING
at 4:19 i do the exact same thing but i have a slow brain so i cant think of anything to say back to you in a convenient time so i just start a story or something that relates to it
Talking’s so much work😭.
What is that bloop bloop rain type sound I need it but idk what it’s called help me lol
I relate to the first one quite a lot, but figured that if I'm able to force out even one word no matter how hard it is, then it mights I'm not actually non-verbal at all or on the spectrum. I already know I'm neurodivergent, so an official diagnosis is hard to get with so many symptoms crossing over and I'm curious is this is another one that does. With that said, does this mean that it's still what going non-verbal looks and feels like, even if it's not objectively 100% impossible to say a one-syllable word from time to time?...
Disclaimer: I know a CZcams comments section isn't the epitome of objective fact and I'm not going to take answers anyone gives me as some kind of official diagnosis. I'm just asking since the example presents itself and am seeking opinions so that I can further refine my paths of research and self-discovery. I'm not also implying all neurodivergences are interchangeable. I just happen to have several conditions with a lot of overlap and want to know whether or not certain symptoms or aspects of a given neurotype can cross over into certain other ones.
H the emails. 2 of my inboxes are not opened for wvweeks and at least 4 weeks. I see notifications on them though! Most if the headers I have almost seen..
5:42
pure over stimulation at 5:55
As an autistic person, I don’t really like the term “neuro-spicy”. It makes it seem like neurodivergency is this fun quirky thing and it’s not that at all.
1:12 same. It feels like an invasion of privacy, like why do people even do that???
I didn't know that watery sound could make me uncomfortable 😰
Wait 3:42 I thought that was how you were SUPPOSED to have conversations.
…oops.
i fucking need to know what the noise playing is at 5:44 bc it gave me shivers up my neck for some reason, have never been affected by a noise like this before it is so. its so fuck.
“Combo set”
Mood.
Lol
at 5:42 I don´t know why but this sound just makes me gag >_
autistic people having trouble initiating tasks: 😣
adhd people having trouble completing tasks: 😵💫
me having autism AND adhd and having trouble initiating and completing tasks: 🤯
That last one though!! 😂😂😂😂
Meh !
Meh !
@@leiferikson5479 Meh *- *
That "absolute bop" made my entire body cringe. It's horrible and ewww.
5:40