Capitalist A$MR

Sdílet
Vložit
  • čas přidán 11. 10. 2017
  • You have a visit from Caucasian Businessman ©®™ who brings to you what he brought to market: the most exquisite Capitalist Tingles ©®™ to help you relax, sleep and experience the finest in Capitalist A$MR ©®™.
    00:02:30 Capitalist A$MR Eligibility Questionnaire ©®™
    00:10:44 Calming Capitalist Hand Motions ©®™
    00:15:25 Capitalist Trigger Words (Now with Flash Cards!) ©®™
    00:23:40 Capitalist Money ©®™
    00:29:38 Capitalist Wallet ©®™
    00:31:58 Barry, EVP of Capitalist Operations ©®™
    00:36:00 Capitalist Tie ©®™
    00:38:28 Capitalist Suit ©®™
    00:41:08 Capitalist Cheese in a Can ©®™
    00:44:40 Capitalist Bottled Water ©®™
    00:50:23 Capitalist Smart Phone ©®™
    00:54:12 The Chains of Capitalism ©®™
    00:58:45 Capitalist Bubble Wrap ©®™
    01:03:37 Capitalist Dollar Sign Balloon ©®™
    The Copyright, Unregistered and Registered Trademark symbols are Copyright, Unregistered and Registered Trademarks of Capitalism, Inc LLC. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized use or reproduction will result in a history lesson of the positive impact of Capitalism on society and the planet.
    Be a good capitalist and support my work on Patreon if you're old enough and have enough spare capital to your name, otherwise save your money and work on enriching your own life: ► bit.ly/1EZgmNi
    You can listen to selected works outside of CZcams:
    Spotify ► bit.ly/1V23U60
    CDBaby ► bit.ly/1AUt3Jj
    iTunes ► apple.co/1xIHLNd
    Google Play ► bit.ly/1vPUJgF
    And others like Deezer, Rhapsody, etc!
    Podcasts:
    EphemRadio ► apple.co/2afSkZQ
    Arkham Sanitarium ►apple.co/2alraeV
    Social Media:
    Facebook ► / ephemeralrift1
    Twitter ► / ephemeralrift
    IG ► / e.rift
    What is ASMR? It is both a sensation and a medium.
    ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response and is the current, non-scientific name given to the feeling characterized as a pleasurable tingling sensation felt in the head, scalp, back and other regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, and/or cognitive stimuli, such as crinkling bags, hand movements, whispering, personal attention or watching someone perform a task. It's like goosebumps, but much more pleasant.
    ASMR videos are meant to intentionally help induce this sensation, also referred to as "tingles", but also provide a relaxing, calming, soothing, therapeutic and even entertaining experience for the viewer.
    Many people who do not experience ASMR still enjoy the videos for their calming and sleepy effect.
  • Komedie

Komentáře • 6K

  • @SuperCommando48
    @SuperCommando48 Před 6 lety +1624

    "Why are you watching a businessman in a suit whisper to you?"
    "Tax evasion."

    • @eascide
      @eascide Před 6 lety +12

      Taxes? FO’ MEEE?!?!?!?! LEMME GET MR WHISPER TELLING ME TO BUY SHIT IN MY EAR OVER HERE
      FUCK YOUR TAXES

    • @YeaBuddibq
      @YeaBuddibq Před 6 lety +3

      "Marine Crops" 🤣🤣

    • @connellnaysmith6577
      @connellnaysmith6577 Před 6 lety

      Cuz we can

    • @oggiedog911
      @oggiedog911 Před 6 lety +1

      Idk what’s better, that joke or the fact that I’m number 420 to like it and I’m super high...

    • @inflatablemattress2
      @inflatablemattress2 Před 6 lety +1

      YeaBuddibq Untied status Marin crops

  • @khoirulanam9141
    @khoirulanam9141 Před 4 lety +7754

    "Money cant buy happiness, But poverty cant buy anything"

  • @meatgod7690
    @meatgod7690 Před 4 lety +3839

    When you get your first pay check.

  • @pineskulltree
    @pineskulltree Před 4 lety +1441

    Villagers when they see you with a pack of emeralds:

  • @catoonz
    @catoonz Před 5 lety +9535

    Capitalist ASMR: 1M views
    Communist ASMR: 1.1M views.
    Cold War II: *Starts*

    • @GrandOvertureLaughter
      @GrandOvertureLaughter Před 5 lety +226

      NOT ON MY WATCH
      FOR THE MOTHERLAND SCREW THIS

    • @pisinwallax9432
      @pisinwallax9432 Před 5 lety +313

      Capitalism always wins.

    • @Nick-nl8tu
      @Nick-nl8tu Před 5 lety +34

      TRUMP SUPPORTER not so fast

    • @oteletampis7513
      @oteletampis7513 Před 5 lety +141

      @@pisinwallax9432 if ephemeral rift was the leader of the ussr maybe capitalism would have lost

    • @xanshen9011
      @xanshen9011 Před 5 lety +91

      TRUMP SUPPORTER Capitalism and Communism is 2 sides of the same coin. Global National Socialism is the only answer to true world peace.

  • @paperjokesstudios1238
    @paperjokesstudios1238 Před 5 lety +3873

    *Mr.Krabs has joined the chat*

  • @dingledongus
    @dingledongus Před 4 lety +1710

    As a wise crab once said "Money money money money"

  • @pedrojuan8050
    @pedrojuan8050 Před 4 lety +711

    0:43 brits explaining themselves to the natives

    • @seatray_real
      @seatray_real Před 3 lety +71

      What natives of UK colonies think:
      "i am buisnessman"
      What they get:
      "listen to relaxing sound of my *ak47* "

    • @kenny5577
      @kenny5577 Před 3 lety +18

      Lol as a Brit this is actually funny

    • @PeterGriffin-jq7vf
      @PeterGriffin-jq7vf Před 3 lety +24

      As a funny this is actually Brit

    • @aforasmr807
      @aforasmr807 Před 3 lety +14

      @@seatray_real Eh? Are you saying the brits used AK47’s to colonise? 😂

    • @TheKaunonster
      @TheKaunonster Před 3 lety +2

      As a brit I approve also

  • @CyanSkydeXBOX
    @CyanSkydeXBOX Před 6 lety +2654

    Mr Krabs goes to sleep to this.

    • @diegog.8635
      @diegog.8635 Před 6 lety +25

      Skyler 777 It is DE WEY to go to sleep, after all.

    • @diegog.8635
      @diegog.8635 Před 6 lety +18

      Sir Noba How can you tell i haven't been, already?
      BTW i'm PRETTY sure this guy had a Ugandan Knuckles picture when i made the comment

    • @sirnoba5507
      @sirnoba5507 Před 6 lety +37

      oh, well it is only slightly more forgivable. we won't sterilize you, but we still sending you to the gulag.

    • @GyozenPrime
      @GyozenPrime Před 6 lety +3

      I think u mean mr kreebs

    • @user-ni3es6ej6x
      @user-ni3es6ej6x Před 6 lety

      )

  • @Velursal
    @Velursal Před 5 lety +4930

    *_You need to pay $5.00 to watch this video._*

    • @dustchain
      @dustchain Před 5 lety +50

      I shall not

    • @kxmode
      @kxmode Před 5 lety +78

      Microtransactions confirmed!

    • @uhhcallmejefe
      @uhhcallmejefe Před 5 lety +21

      Boooiwonder why’d you put a dot in and leave out 4 zeroes

    • @Velursal
      @Velursal Před 5 lety +11

      Friendly Fred because i’m an idiot

    • @saffron6870
      @saffron6870 Před 5 lety +2

      Fair

  • @nerkdurgen5574
    @nerkdurgen5574 Před 4 lety +3634

    I feel like I'm getting relaxed and scammed at the same time.

    • @314pwr
      @314pwr Před 4 lety +90

      Call it a Relaxing scam

    • @RyanGV
      @RyanGV Před 4 lety +45

      That's how your supposed to feel

    • @NomadTheProtogen
      @NomadTheProtogen Před 4 lety +63

      They help you sleep then put a million ads in your dreams.

    • @hakaandavor2789
      @hakaandavor2789 Před 3 lety +8

      Ryan G.V. *you’re

    • @spenceroni1738
      @spenceroni1738 Před 3 lety +4

      Your getting scammed energy and gaven relaxation

  • @mr.finance4401
    @mr.finance4401 Před 4 lety +1125

    Me: *falls over*
    My friend: are you ok?
    Me: yeah i just scraped 16:04

  • @Oh_God_not_him_again
    @Oh_God_not_him_again Před 5 lety +1217

    Leaked Footage: EA headquarters meeting

    • @Blase_
      @Blase_ Před 5 lety +8

      *looking through the comments sees good EA meme 👌🏽😂*

    • @oskarboman9308
      @oskarboman9308 Před 5 lety +3

      Edit it to : Plotwist...

    • @u121386
      @u121386 Před 4 lety +1

      Yes, Excellent....

  • @justintansley3988
    @justintansley3988 Před 6 lety +815

    16:04 When i find 1$ on the road

  • @vancejacks473
    @vancejacks473 Před 4 lety +486

    Thank you for the Pink Floyd "Money" Intro. A true man of culture indeed.

    • @genericspacemarine6698
      @genericspacemarine6698 Před 3 lety +18

      ngl i expected the rest of the song to play

    • @legopop382
      @legopop382 Před 3 lety +1

      @@genericspacemarine6698 same

    • @pimpsonparade
      @pimpsonparade Před 2 lety +8

      I think the cash register sound is what tipped me off. Creatively, I don't think there is another ASMR channel on the same level as Uncle E.

    • @gamecop2191
      @gamecop2191 Před 2 lety +1

      @@pimpsonparade no way he’s one of a kind. Top tier upper echelon. Honestly he kinda goes beyond ASMR

    • @ranenyeo126
      @ranenyeo126 Před 2 lety +1

      Took me 5 replays to realise that he was singing the bass riff . I think I may be a bit tone deaf

  • @undermedian8558
    @undermedian8558 Před 4 lety +329

    Not gonna lie he looks like someone from a Mafia City Ad

  • @themanwithcereal7998
    @themanwithcereal7998 Před 6 lety +642

    "How much is in your wallet?"
    Me: I can't afford a wallet

    • @b.jr.7816
      @b.jr.7816 Před 6 lety +1

      The Man With Cereal Top Kek 👍

    • @elvirajanblack1714
      @elvirajanblack1714 Před 6 lety +24

      The Man With Cereal yet you can afford cereal

    • @deadangel03
      @deadangel03 Před 6 lety +1

      I agree

    • @deadangel03
      @deadangel03 Před 6 lety

      Elvira Jan Black how do u not afford cereal? Or a wallet lol wut

    • @cjones4518
      @cjones4518 Před 6 lety +1

      The Man With Cereal The breakfast is strong here.

  • @lildrace8357
    @lildrace8357 Před 6 lety +355

    Him: I am Caucasian business man
    Me: shut up and take my money

  • @henryy9227
    @henryy9227 Před 3 lety +2198

    Doctors hate him
    Surveys look for him
    Women want to be with him
    Caucasian rich man

    • @oliverbluebug
      @oliverbluebug Před 3 lety +99

      *caucasian business man

    • @henryy9227
      @henryy9227 Před 3 lety +31

      @@oliverbluebug what's the difference

    • @oliverbluebug
      @oliverbluebug Před 3 lety +10

      Simple idk nothing,, it’s just not what he said

    • @MB-qf2gq
      @MB-qf2gq Před 3 lety +6

      Why Caucasian?

    • @henryy9227
      @henryy9227 Před 3 lety +52

      @@MB-qf2gq because surveys are racist

  • @Furijex
    @Furijex Před 4 lety +844

    Joseph Stalin left the game

  • @Crdential
    @Crdential Před 6 lety +404

    “How much is in your bank account”
    Me-“not a lot after this”

  • @fabiancovarrubias8710
    @fabiancovarrubias8710 Před 5 lety +974

    "I am caucasian business man"
    I love it

  • @ameme8277
    @ameme8277 Před 4 lety +262

    I have no money in my wallet. Who even has that anymore? Everyone knows the best way to flaunt your wealth is through carrying a sack of gold bars to use in place of dollars.

    • @blitzkrieg7353
      @blitzkrieg7353 Před 4 lety +13

      The real capitali$t life

    • @NerdStuffing
      @NerdStuffing Před 3 lety +7

      Nah real capitalists wear a suit made of gold, diamond, silver, platinum, antimatter, californium, and taaffeite. I'd say majority antimatter with the rest being decorations.

    • @Macbook3
      @Macbook3 Před 3 lety +2

      Ancapistan

    • @WaterDragonGames4
      @WaterDragonGames4 Před 3 lety +4

      guys, the gold bars, go get them.

    • @presochoclo6982
      @presochoclo6982 Před 2 lety

      @@NerdStuffing obamium suit

  • @lcs684
    @lcs684 Před 4 lety +118

    When mom lets you keep the change

  • @FoxyWhispersASMR
    @FoxyWhispersASMR Před 4 lety +646

    “How much is in your bank account right now?”
    *Silence*

  • @captainfart231
    @captainfart231 Před 6 lety +557

    He startin humming “Money” by Pink Floyd I lost my shit 😂😂

    • @Harald_Haselnuss
      @Harald_Haselnuss Před 6 lety +1

      Captyon when ?

    • @fjp1247
      @fjp1247 Před 6 lety +15

      Eric von Hof It's in the beginning if the video with the cash register noises.

    • @Harald_Haselnuss
      @Harald_Haselnuss Před 6 lety

      FJP 124 OK. Thanks.

    • @ianthe2131
      @ianthe2131 Před 6 lety +1

      Sounded kinda like Black Dog to me tho?

    • @luken2o223
      @luken2o223 Před 6 lety +2

      Grab your cash with both hands and make a stash.

  • @ninjaboyx9177
    @ninjaboyx9177 Před 4 lety +603

    "How much is in your wallet or purse right now?"
    Around $700k.
    "Wow, that's a lot."
    Yeah, but that's not all. You need to multiply to get the true amount.
    "By how much?"
    0.

  • @Little-Houn2273
    @Little-Houn2273 Před 3 lety +28

    45:58
    that short guy from the Lorax: write that down, WRITE THAT DOWN.

  • @mohnjayer
    @mohnjayer Před 6 lety +1851

    This guy usually has a wedding ring on and I can never stop thinking about what his wife thinks about him doing not just asmr, but pretty esoteric, weird asmr. Please do a Q&A with her so she can explain what she tells her friends that you do in your free time.

    • @mr.nazareth4501
      @mr.nazareth4501 Před 6 lety +213

      she probably helps edit or something
      or she could be into it hey i don't judge

    • @toniahtiainen6839
      @toniahtiainen6839 Před 6 lety +10

      Yeah😂

    • @yomamastacos2123
      @yomamastacos2123 Před 5 lety +39

      Commenter McCommentFace well if she lets him put their son in occasionally, im sure she's fine with all of the ASMR stuff

    • @MrFlyersfan28
      @MrFlyersfan28 Před 5 lety +76

      Commenter McCommentFace it’s not that weird compared to others, also with the amount of money he makes off CZcams I’m sure his wife is fine with it

    • @vladf9708
      @vladf9708 Před 5 lety +5

      Why do you care Bob sagat

  • @karateka9541
    @karateka9541 Před 6 lety +781

    "Hello. I am Caucasian Businessman." Nice to meet you, I'm French Baguetteman. I look forward to capitalising on many baguettes.

    • @lunarbishop3633
      @lunarbishop3633 Před 6 lety +28

      Underrated comment

    • @StriderOwO
      @StriderOwO Před 6 lety +58

      Well hello French Baguetteman, I am Italian Pastaman. I'm sure you can guess what I plan on doing.

    • @mawgans.9646
      @mawgans.9646 Před 6 lety +40

      Karateka95 Hello, I am portuguese what-the-fuck-do-portuguese-do man, I intend on trying to force you wealthy capitalists to fund my wtf does portugal do birth control for pastel nata campaign.

    • @eascide
      @eascide Před 6 lety +26

      Hello, I am Colombian Drugman (not actually). I'm excited for you guys to start foaming from the mouths at my 300$+ drugs.

    • @GoliMeadow
      @GoliMeadow Před 6 lety +29

      Hello, I am Canadian Syrupman. I shall help you recognize the best Maple syrup for only 199.99$

  • @JohnDoe-sq7fy
    @JohnDoe-sq7fy Před 4 lety +444

    Am I the only one that realized that rift was humming the song “money” by Pink Floyd in the beginning???🤙🤙🤙 such a good song

    • @gefagnis
      @gefagnis Před 4 lety +5

      Yes it’s a good song

    • @mrd4616
      @mrd4616 Před 4 lety +2

      I realized it too.

    • @maxdurk4624
      @maxdurk4624 Před 4 lety +1

      John Doe Ohhh shit, good call

    • @matthewmatthew8263
      @matthewmatthew8263 Před 4 lety +1

      THANK YOU, I thought I was the only one that noty

    • @geordiepelt3862
      @geordiepelt3862 Před 4 lety +10

      I think anyone who knows pink floyd knew it was money he was humming

  • @frankparent463
    @frankparent463 Před 3 lety +37

    "What is your net worth?"
    Me "Laughable"

  • @papastummyfuzz9281
    @papastummyfuzz9281 Před 6 lety +262

    "How much is in your bank account right now?"
    breathes heavily* sniffles*
    "How much is in your wallet or purse?"
    bursts into tears*

  • @datboihans8109
    @datboihans8109 Před 6 lety +1448

    The irony if this video was demonitized

    • @Deuce-xj2xl
      @Deuce-xj2xl Před 6 lety +3

      Major Callofguy heyoo

    • @Justin-un7nx
      @Justin-un7nx Před 6 lety +111

      Communist youtube does not approve

    • @levvy3006
      @levvy3006 Před 6 lety +61

      They should put an add every 5 minutes for the full capitalist experience

    • @insignificantindividual
      @insignificantindividual Před 6 lety

      youtube doesnt like people talkin shit

    • @excuseme1975
      @excuseme1975 Před 6 lety

      Capitalism will fall...
      Fascism
      Communism
      F
      O
      R
      L
      I
      F
      E

  • @gr3enmachin369
    @gr3enmachin369 Před 3 lety +107

    24:10 Did... did he just break the 4th wall? He always acts like we are actually there in person in his roleplays.

    • @distant1334
      @distant1334 Před 3 lety +26

      "I wish you where here and you could smell this"
      Don't seem out of line for Mr Caucasian Businessman

    • @ihavenocreativity2666
      @ihavenocreativity2666 Před 2 lety +5

      @@distant1334 Maybe he said "I wish your ear could smell this" but that wouldnt make sense lol

  • @vertorix8899
    @vertorix8899 Před 4 lety +721

    Nobody:
    Native Americans: ...
    Europeans: 0:44

    • @fatjuicytaco
      @fatjuicytaco Před 4 lety +75

      Also Europeans: 25:55

    • @st3fan735
      @st3fan735 Před 4 lety +6

      Im european but frome balkan

    • @dimebag_jack105
      @dimebag_jack105 Před 4 lety +5

      @@st3fan735 European*

    • @st3fan735
      @st3fan735 Před 4 lety +3

      @@dimebag_jack105 thanks my bad.

    • @DuKbuK2
      @DuKbuK2 Před 4 lety +5

      @@dimebag_jack105 don't be a grammar nazi

  • @cashewbutter943
    @cashewbutter943 Před 6 lety +573

    Batman, Superman, Caucasian Businessman

  • @lieutenantstriker3536
    @lieutenantstriker3536 Před 6 lety +508

    *wakes up*
    "Oh crap he took my wallet."

    • @luken2o223
      @luken2o223 Před 6 lety +15

      Lieutenant striker Prick took my money too. Never sleep in front of a capitalist.

    • @AJ-dx6bn
      @AJ-dx6bn Před 6 lety +5

      Maybe he's an *jew*

    • @meero0090
      @meero0090 Před 6 lety

      yeah welcome to college loan

  • @godsmacker6324
    @godsmacker6324 Před 4 lety +56

    41:10
    Me to my mom at the supermarket

  • @trilogymango
    @trilogymango Před 4 lety +41

    when your mom forgets to ask for the change when she sends you into the store to buy something

  • @MikeyGryder
    @MikeyGryder Před 5 lety +488

    That pink floyd intro was 10/10

    • @dub7222
      @dub7222 Před 5 lety +19

      GRAB THAT CASH WITH BOTH HANDS AND MAKE A STASH

    • @oneidachic
      @oneidachic Před 5 lety +8

      Moneh..............

    • @istmiregalwieichheiss
      @istmiregalwieichheiss Před 4 lety +7

      Best comments ever

    • @couyonotaku4724
      @couyonotaku4724 Před 4 lety +7

      I thought for a minute I hit the wrong video and was gonna jam for the next like 7 mins

    • @brandonk130
      @brandonk130 Před 4 lety

      BatboyGamingz For real though

  • @RolRetro
    @RolRetro Před 4 lety +23

    “ I am Caucasian business man “
    What a... *very* nice name sir

  • @withtheworks
    @withtheworks Před 2 lety +32

    My earbuds died right as he was answering the "what's most important in life" question and I genuinely thought he cut the audio to leave us in suspense

  • @StyxDescension
    @StyxDescension Před 6 lety +670

    Hello.
    I am caucasian business man.

  • @fuckchocouch
    @fuckchocouch Před 6 lety +672

    Let me start off by saying this video is bullshit since I didn't have to insert my credit card at the beginning

    • @vx1297
      @vx1297 Před 6 lety +44

      But you did give him that sweet sweet ad revenue©®™.

    • @ifeelcoke4347
      @ifeelcoke4347 Před 6 lety +1

      VX he doesn't do ads though

    • @IvanSN
      @IvanSN Před 6 lety +5

      Retaliation Nation Jamstone
      I got an ad before the video began. 🤔

    • @pikkkkaro
      @pikkkkaro Před 6 lety +1

      DatGanjaSmuggla

    • @kingnothing3523
      @kingnothing3523 Před 6 lety +5

      Not on this video, but if you want the Premium® Capitalist Tingles Package™, that will be five payments of $59.99 with a $21.99 down payment and $15.99 for S&H.

  • @milo4279
    @milo4279 Před 3 lety +34

    *This video has an official stamp of approval from the government of the United States of America*

  • @endermage77
    @endermage77 Před 4 lety +492

    After taking in the sum totality of views on Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism, I have deduced that all possible economic systems are fundamentally broken
    Because the people in them are also fundamentally broken. Can't be trusted to maintain a fair and orderly society where they don't tip the game's scales out of whack for their own short-term benefit.

    • @alternativefursdenken911
      @alternativefursdenken911 Před 4 lety +67

      One man, one problem. No man, no problem. - Josef Wissarionowitsch Stalin

    • @Spoofurr
      @Spoofurr Před 4 lety +2

      What about a resource based economy??

    • @mariamaita6950
      @mariamaita6950 Před 4 lety +42

      I think one of the reason capitalism is so successful until now is that it's WAY easier to get rid of a shitty leader than in a communist society, mainly because communist countries have no election. Imagine if China or Vietnam could actually elect their leaders, who knows how it would ultimately play out?

    • @dragoni1873
      @dragoni1873 Před 4 lety +7

      Well mabey your right that all three fail but from what I know sozialism is the best system
      Edit:I am wrong just ignore what I said

    • @bradensiegal1085
      @bradensiegal1085 Před 4 lety +8

      drAgONi 187 apparently you aren’t from China, Hong Kong, Russia, any of the former USSR countries, Germany, or Venezuela.

  • @Xaronos
    @Xaronos Před 5 lety +343

    36:33 Didn't know Reaper is into ASMR

    • @Jynx-iu9rg
      @Jynx-iu9rg Před 4 lety +20

      Well he needs some way to relax after a long day of terrorism.

    • @DerrickRoseCanFly1
      @DerrickRoseCanFly1 Před 4 lety +5

      Too edgy for you?

    • @Jynx-iu9rg
      @Jynx-iu9rg Před 4 lety +3

      @@DerrickRoseCanFly1 that's been my favorite voiceline since it came out.

    • @zachdurocher1166
      @zachdurocher1166 Před 3 lety +1

      @@Jynx-iu9rg Yer makin' a chicken out of a feather!

    • @ddlcfan5539
      @ddlcfan5539 Před 3 lety

      @@zachdurocher1166 da gummit

  • @thiccomniman
    @thiccomniman Před 5 lety +884

    “I am Caucasian Businessman.”
    Is that your name or something?

    • @catoonz
      @catoonz Před 4 lety +60

      I’m Businessman, Caucasian Buisnessman...

    • @secretpotato9495
      @secretpotato9495 Před 4 lety +2

      @Games With Nicwtf is /s

    • @jimmmyjohns2853
      @jimmmyjohns2853 Před 4 lety +20

      The names businessman, Caucasian businessman

    • @GAIUSJAKE
      @GAIUSJAKE Před 4 lety +8

      @@secretpotato9495 it means sarcasm.

    • @SancrusGloria
      @SancrusGloria Před 4 lety +1

      The people, as it were, "Caucasian" - this is the option of "white" ... just the Caucasian race occurs pre-Caucasian plain.

  • @boykoyanchev
    @boykoyanchev Před 4 lety +43

    I flippin loved the "Money" - Pink Floyd reference at the start of the video. Thank you Papa E, very cool.

    • @ahuman2695
      @ahuman2695 Před 3 lety +2

      You're the only comment that addresses the fact he hummed the guitar riff from the song

    • @kushalg4279
      @kushalg4279 Před 2 lety +1

      That's a bass riff, my favourite bassline

  • @robertlucas1435
    @robertlucas1435 Před 2 lety +10

    Finally, the correct system.

  • @Pianoman1234321
    @Pianoman1234321 Před 6 lety +199

    What if there were a video where we fail the questionnaire and we are told we can't watch the video, and so the whole rest of the video is just a black screen and silence

    • @pikkkkaro
      @pikkkkaro Před 6 lety +24

      PLEASE INSERT CREDIT CARD TO WATCH VIDEO

    • @CorruptPianist
      @CorruptPianist Před 6 lety +1

      Pianoman1234321 I was thinking the same thing omg

  • @hardcorealpha7924
    @hardcorealpha7924 Před 5 lety +226

    "one of the most challenging parts of meditation, is having our ad loudly interrupt your ASMR video" -Headspace, 2018

  • @ianmlclm7044
    @ianmlclm7044 Před 4 lety +8

    Since I started watching this every evening, my sales increased x3 times. Thank you!

  • @99Kap
    @99Kap Před 3 lety +11

    Fun fact: money shown in film and tv usually looks strange because its illegal for anyone other than the government, even a prop company, to print bills that look too similar to the real prints.

  • @vievitelair
    @vievitelair Před 6 lety +243

    34:05 *chillin watching the video*
    *mom opens the door* :
    -MOM IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!
    -pack your stuff and leave.

  • @justrandomman2415
    @justrandomman2415 Před 6 lety +391

    The battle between comrade yuri and Caucasian businessman has begun

    • @absolutexo1387
      @absolutexo1387 Před 6 lety +7

      Just stop it hurts

    • @hextaco3140
      @hextaco3140 Před 6 lety +12

      mickbutts21 The Third No one asked for your opinion.Shut the fuck up.Let the dude comment whatever he wants...

    • @davisgreenlee7676
      @davisgreenlee7676 Před 6 lety +4

      mickbutts21 The Third I live in the motherland and is no free country here comrade

    • @nickolasvenancio8553
      @nickolasvenancio8553 Před 6 lety +8

      I don't understand the hate for this comment
      :/
      I think that comment has been really funny

    • @retrowaveastronaut5226
      @retrowaveastronaut5226 Před 6 lety

      👁️

  • @riyansss6422
    @riyansss6422 Před 3 lety +13

    His voice is magic 🔥🔥🔥
    So many tingles 🌸

  • @highgamingkush1853
    @highgamingkush1853 Před 2 lety +3

    Man I can’t get enough of this I just thought I would comment because 8 months ago I left one saying how much I watch this and I literally have been watching it almost everyday to sleep . actually the only video that gives me tingles Thank you so much for this gem I love you for it man🙏

  • @sg4380
    @sg4380 Před 6 lety +916

    Now we're fucking cooking

    • @WondrousLanternProductions
      @WondrousLanternProductions Před 6 lety +36

      Um, hello, wake up, man! He's been cooking this type of shit for years! He's a fucking legend!

    • @puts-toes-in-mouth9123
      @puts-toes-in-mouth9123 Před 6 lety +9

      Star Gamer gravy in the kitchen now everybody lookin

    • @sidmichael2693
      @sidmichael2693 Před 6 lety +3

      Nic Damore just pass the boy a spatula

    • @thelonecookie3592
      @thelonecookie3592 Před 6 lety +17

      *puts on yellow hazmat suit and closes all the curtains*
      "Wait what? What do you mean it's not that type of cooking?"

    • @prokrasty294
      @prokrasty294 Před 6 lety +1

      Cooking books

  • @griffindemetrius6746
    @griffindemetrius6746 Před 6 lety +209

    "How much is in your wallet right now"
    Me "about 37 dollars, why"?
    *Pulls out gun* "hand it over"

    • @xtoxiicness3908
      @xtoxiicness3908 Před 6 lety +5

      WhoIsMaxi OHHH!!!! That would make for a pretty cool/interesting plot twist.

    • @bigbrexitdad879
      @bigbrexitdad879 Před 6 lety +7

      that would be socialist ASMR

    • @conelrad22
      @conelrad22 Před 6 lety +9

      *WHATS IN YOUR WALLET*

    • @definedparadox
      @definedparadox Před 6 lety +2

      CZcams Service Channel only a couple pennies and a subscription to Spencer’s.

    • @dalton6171
      @dalton6171 Před 6 lety

      WhoIsMaxi I would watch that video if it existed.

  • @sly_cat
    @sly_cat Před rokem +6

    I love that he’s humming money by Pink Floyd

  • @SportsurgeDotNet
    @SportsurgeDotNet Před 4 lety +10

    As a financial advisor myself, some of these questions are spot on. Good on ya!

  • @Its_THEDARE
    @Its_THEDARE Před 5 lety +248

    You know he's high quality capitalist when his pencil is ticonderoga

    • @WrexShepard
      @WrexShepard Před 4 lety +9

      Alexander Tomilov they’re not as good as they where when I was a kid anymore. I used some recently that all had an off center lead. That’s like the worst flaw a pencil can have. Impossible to sharpen without breaking the lead constantly.

    • @darthrevan533
      @darthrevan533 Před 3 lety +10

      @@WrexShepard its not lead its graphite

    • @WrexShepard
      @WrexShepard Před 3 lety +15

      God yeah no shit dude. People still call it the “pencil lead” colloquially.

    • @diobrando151
      @diobrando151 Před 3 lety +3

      Is this some American joke that I'm too English to understand
      Sealy tho wtf Latin was that

  • @noobjo.mp4196
    @noobjo.mp4196 Před 5 lety +200

    are you feeling it now, mr krabs?

  • @highgamingkush1853
    @highgamingkush1853 Před 2 lety +6

    I need to just say this is the only video that gives me tingles I’ve watched this almost every night for about two years now .best asmr video 😴🛏

  • @kiri7678
    @kiri7678 Před 4 lety +51

    Alternative title: Tom Nook does ASMR

  • @arborbonenstiel6665
    @arborbonenstiel6665 Před 6 lety +69

    Nice Floyd reference

  • @Antunes762
    @Antunes762 Před 5 lety +1187

    *Communism wants to know your location*

    • @mediocrepresident8040
      @mediocrepresident8040 Před 5 lety +27

      EA head quarters

    • @C4rl0s011
      @C4rl0s011 Před 4 lety +3

      NOT today.

    • @rustythekey1908
      @rustythekey1908 Před 4 lety

      Kailer Gibes XDDDDDD

    • @fatjuicytaco
      @fatjuicytaco Před 4 lety

      Well Communism can have my country, but the rest of my address was evenly distributed in tiny pieces of information so that in order to find me, one has to talk to every single citizen of North Korea.

    • @boblinthegoblin3602
      @boblinthegoblin3602 Před 4 lety +2

      Holy shit man the likes are 666 that’s some illegal communist shit

  • @Pax_Luca
    @Pax_Luca Před 10 měsíci +1

    Ah yes, the calming capitalist hand motions! My favourite! 😌
    I love this man so much 😂❤️

  • @axlh.1827
    @axlh.1827 Před 3 lety +3

    Watching this while buying stuff on amazon and eating fast food, gotta get tingles while I consume

  • @andrewryan1946
    @andrewryan1946 Před 6 lety +1611

    I’m afraid I’m going to have to nationalize this channel for the good of the people, and throw you in the ASMR Gulag (where we subject you to reformation by nails down a chalkboard and plates scraped by forks), Comrade Bourgeois Rift.
    Seriously though, you never run out of ideas, and it’s great. You should try a Bureaucratic ASMR involving mountains of sweet, sweet legal paperwork!

    • @dusksentry5836
      @dusksentry5836 Před 6 lety +32

      why gulag? isn't Andrew Ryan suppose to hate communists as well?

    • @douglaszavala428
      @douglaszavala428 Před 6 lety +12

      Don't forget about comrade Yuri

    • @SuperSoulTiger
      @SuperSoulTiger Před 6 lety +18

      lots of paperwork you say? well, i guess a german(y) roleplay would be in order then! we really don't joke with our bureaucracy, there's a form for everything, dear heavens.
      but jokes aside, it's a great idea!

    • @HardcoreBaconGAMES
      @HardcoreBaconGAMES Před 6 lety +9

      Nice BioShock name my dude.

    • @andrewryan1946
      @andrewryan1946 Před 6 lety +20

      Yes, hence the satirical highlight of communism's brutality

  • @jasoncarr7468
    @jasoncarr7468 Před 6 lety +160

    He seriously suits any character

  • @megivujnovac8813
    @megivujnovac8813 Před rokem +2

    I remember when this video first came out and I didnt know what he was humming. Now, few years later, deeply in Pink Floyd I am amazed

  • @mikhajarvenen352
    @mikhajarvenen352 Před rokem +3

    After this video I opened my business

  • @zosoart
    @zosoart Před 6 lety +401

    'Without money you can't buy happiness'

    • @crusadrian5010
      @crusadrian5010 Před 5 lety +9

      I mean, joy and happiness are two different things.
      I think there's a lot of truth to that if you take a step back.

    • @4eg215
      @4eg215 Před 5 lety +1

      Sike

    • @bluecreeper6161
      @bluecreeper6161 Před 5 lety +1

      And without happiness, you will die alone...forever

    • @thatrandomasmrgirl9709
      @thatrandomasmrgirl9709 Před 5 lety +23

      True, if I didn't have money, I couldn't buy my chicken nuggies

    • @DaddyDex420
      @DaddyDex420 Před 5 lety

      🤔🅱️

  • @irradiated6126
    @irradiated6126 Před 6 lety +693

    46:00
    *_O’HARE PURIFIED AIR, FRESHNESS TO GO_*

  • @gggo1789
    @gggo1789 Před rokem +7

    This business man talks so good I almost forgot he was starving kids at work in his factories lol. But this was very relaxing and funny, thank you Ephemaral Rift 👍

  • @chrisholmes4684
    @chrisholmes4684 Před 4 lety

    *you have acquired my attention*

  • @obadiahpear
    @obadiahpear Před 6 lety +2764

    T R I ☭ ☭ E R E D

    • @FranceBall-qq7ef
      @FranceBall-qq7ef Před 6 lety +33

      j. b. How u get the Soviet symbol

    • @obadiahpear
      @obadiahpear Před 6 lety +50

      FranceBall 35428 look up Soviet Union symbol and then copy and paste what comes up.

    • @communistrussia127
      @communistrussia127 Před 6 lety +110

      j. b. Cyka blyat gulag for you

    • @geezus3
      @geezus3 Před 6 lety +6

      FranceBall 35428 if you’re on a Mac I think you can get it on the special keys command

    • @redoxam
      @redoxam Před 6 lety +18

      Trashy Potato ...wtf?

  • @ArticulateDesignASMR
    @ArticulateDesignASMR Před 6 lety +1101

    Cheese in a can.... There is nobody else on this planet that can say this over and over and somehow still make it sound relaxing af!!

    • @vicentetemes5793
      @vicentetemes5793 Před 6 lety +4

      Articulate Design ASMR I couldn' say it once without hulking out.

    • @darkcodes9748
      @darkcodes9748 Před 6 lety +3

      Articulate Design ASMR I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS!!!!

    • @AuxCordUnplug
      @AuxCordUnplug Před 6 lety +3

      The fucking cheese in a fucking can...

    • @aryakidding8613
      @aryakidding8613 Před 6 lety +1

      What does "a cheese in a can" mean ?

    • @vicentetemes5793
      @vicentetemes5793 Před 6 lety +4

      See, in the beginning our god and saviour Khek made cows and sheep and snuff. Then, the glorious european peoples enslaved the cows in order to obtain the milk. One fateful day, Cheesius Maximus left a brik under the couch for a couple of years, and then his mom walked in and asked "what is that smell college has changed you you used to be such a nice boy". Later that very month, he had to eat the entire thing on a dare, and he thought it tasted "trés bon" (archeoologists still argue on the meaning of this sentence), and he went on to found France.
      Then filthy americans came and decided to create a disgusting abomination of nature called "Wisconsin".

  • @ibrahimahadov5703
    @ibrahimahadov5703 Před 4 lety +1

    SUPER Video ❤❤❤

  • @guyzero9
    @guyzero9 Před 3 lety

    Caucasian business man...I love this channel

  • @austinpeterson6419
    @austinpeterson6419 Před 6 lety +116

    "How much is in your bank account?"
    Me: "Ummm. I think I have 10¢."
    "How much is in your wallet?"
    Me: "It looks like a moth and lint."

    • @ashleydowell97
      @ashleydowell97 Před 6 lety +1

      Austin Peterson me the last few days before payday

    • @okyep
      @okyep Před 6 lety +6

      I always keep a moth in my wallet who's better protected someone who has pepper spray or someone who will fling a dead moth at you

    • @LaDyLuCk2900
      @LaDyLuCk2900 Před 6 lety +1

      Lasting Fame I have a hilarious image of the attacker screaming and flailing trying to get the moth off them

    • @pikkkkaro
      @pikkkkaro Před 6 lety

      Lasting Fame valid point there bro

    • @brookeconsole5719
      @brookeconsole5719 Před 6 lety

      I recommend spiders for those kinds of situations.

  • @thelonecookie3592
    @thelonecookie3592 Před 6 lety +717

    This comments section:
    25% Decent people having a laugh at the satire of the video
    5% People who are communist and are generally triggered
    40% People who are capitalist and are taking this too seriously
    10% People who use this a platform to say "Well this proves *XYZ*"
    50% Ephemeral Rift Fans
    10% ASMRtists who came to see their uncle for a visit
    5% People who don't properly understand how percentages work.

    • @Cultureghost
      @Cultureghost Před 6 lety +70

      The Lone Cookie i get the feeling that last percent is a bit higher mate

    • @CyanTeamProductions
      @CyanTeamProductions Před 6 lety +5

      I love satire of capitalism XD. Its so much worse than communism. Watch badmouseproduction's video on capitalism's death toll.

    • @thelonecookie3592
      @thelonecookie3592 Před 6 lety +45

      thewalrus cat
      4 topics:
      Mao
      Kim Jong Un
      Stalin
      Starvation in Communist states

    • @CyanTeamProductions
      @CyanTeamProductions Před 6 lety +1

      Capitalism makes them look like fucking Anarchists. I assume you have not watched the video.

    • @thelonecookie3592
      @thelonecookie3592 Před 6 lety +58

      thewalrus cat
      Capitalism - rich get richer, poor have an opportunity to get richer due to enterprise, although some fall through and become poorer
      Communism - everything is owned by the state, no enterprise, no creativity, no entrepreneurship, populace kept in check by fear, hunger or political pressure

  • @maxx9137
    @maxx9137 Před 4 lety

    This video makes me hungry, so I keep coming back to it

  • @deeperthantheabyss624
    @deeperthantheabyss624 Před 2 lety +5

    Comunist ASMR: You rob bank
    Capitalist ASMR: Bank rob you
    Fascist ASMR: There is no bank

  • @OcarinaOftimeFan2020
    @OcarinaOftimeFan2020 Před 6 lety +187

    I used to have trouble sleeping and having trouble on the job, but now with Capitalist Tingles©®(tm), I can become a benefited member of society and fellow capitalist! Thanks Caucasian Businessman©®(tm)!

    • @theroyalcourt8225
      @theroyalcourt8225 Před 6 lety +3

      Ocarina Gaming
      What about Communist tingles
      Tingles for everyone regardless of job or class
      Cause there is no class

    • @a_stupid_channel.
      @a_stupid_channel. Před rokem

      @@theroyalcourt8225 Nah communism sucks

  • @legoyoda324
    @legoyoda324 Před 6 lety +481

    It's free real estate

    • @bluecreeper6161
      @bluecreeper6161 Před 5 lety

      jadan shank hook me up with that free capitalist Estate

    • @hydra__yt
      @hydra__yt Před 5 lety +1

      i don't think "free" and "capitalism" go together

    • @hydra__yt
      @hydra__yt Před 5 lety

      @BlueSkyBox what did i say wrong

    • @hydra__yt
      @hydra__yt Před 5 lety +1

      @BlueSkyBox "food" and "successful communism" don't go together

    • @MrHans-iy5lq
      @MrHans-iy5lq Před 5 lety

      *order 66 executed*
      Palpatine looks at the jedi temple and thinks :
      It's free real estate

  • @siroctopus2652
    @siroctopus2652 Před 4 lety +1

    I got an ad for paid surveys at the start of this video, ER is fantastic

  • @santiagoalonso1281
    @santiagoalonso1281 Před 3 lety

    i just love this sound quality

  • @idk-yy6og
    @idk-yy6og Před 5 lety +123

    ER:what kind of car do you drive
    Me:hotwheels

    • @Painfullish
      @Painfullish Před 3 lety +2

      Nah i'm driving on lego car and i fallen in a river from lego city

    • @Painfullish
      @Painfullish Před 3 lety +3

      Also i drive minecraft minecart

    • @octopie6887
      @octopie6887 Před 3 lety +1

      69 likes noice

  • @portsouth
    @portsouth Před 6 lety +1976

    Now do facist asmr. If anyone can do it it's you rift. (I didn't mean that in a bad way)

    • @Play-visionDe
      @Play-visionDe Před 6 lety +162

      Portsouth facist asmr? Like, "Like my tingles or die!" xD

    • @vincentrieck7687
      @vincentrieck7687 Před 6 lety +170

      PlayVision No like " The Jews are the problem" kinda fascist

    • @kat-po8vx
      @kat-po8vx Před 6 lety +18

      lmfao why

    • @jackcole1014
      @jackcole1014 Před 6 lety +114

      lol agreed. "Tingles for the nation"

    • @gooksanon7167
      @gooksanon7167 Před 6 lety +218

      Facism is not nazism lmao

  • @pauldrieux
    @pauldrieux Před 2 lety +2

    Hi its me 5 years later realising he was singing the guitar intro of money from The Dark Side of the Moon ... yeah a bit late on that one

  • @surrenderskate8458
    @surrenderskate8458 Před 4 lety

    Nice one. Good

  • @nat1110
    @nat1110 Před 6 lety +612

    For tho$e on mobile:
    00:02:30 Capitalist A$MR Eligibility Questionnaire ©®™
    00:10:44 Calming Capitalist Hand Motions ©®™
    00:15:25 Capitalist Trigger Words (Now with Flash Cards!) ©®™
    00:23:40 Capitalist Money ©®™
    00:29:38 Capitalist Wallet ©®™
    00:31:58 Barry, EVP of Capitalist Operations ©®™
    00:36:00 Capitalist Tie ©®™
    00:38:28 Capitalist Suit ©®™
    00:41:08 Capitalist Cheese in a Can ©®™
    00:44:40 Capitalist Bottled Water ©®™
    00:50:23 Capitalist Smart Phone ©®™
    00:54:12 The Chains of Capitalism ©®™
    00:58:45 Capitalist Bubble Wrap ©®™
    01:03:37 Capitalist Dollar Sign Balloon ©®™
    Tingle On!!

    • @supahotfire9824
      @supahotfire9824 Před 6 lety +15

      Nathan Hill yes I love you bro keep being great

    • @bookmulch7379
      @bookmulch7379 Před 6 lety +52

      You provide a free service. I would normally thank you but you are a disgrace to capitalism

    • @domobrah2671
      @domobrah2671 Před 6 lety +18

      Each like gives you 10 cents, courtesy of Like n' Pay 💰

    • @SnoFitzroy
      @SnoFitzroy Před 6 lety +9

      F🅾r tho$e on mo🅱ile

    • @Squiggypie
      @Squiggypie Před 6 lety +3

      Thanks man. I appreciate it.

  • @kingofmemes2417
    @kingofmemes2417 Před 6 lety +844

    are you feeling it now mr.krabs!?

    • @xtoxiicness3908
      @xtoxiicness3908 Před 6 lety +2

      The Septillion Brotherhood OHH YEAH MR KRABS!!
      AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    • @TheCappuccino04
      @TheCappuccino04 Před 6 lety +3

      Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?

    • @okxyfaith18
      @okxyfaith18 Před 6 lety

      king of memes 😂

    • @alpha597
      @alpha597 Před 6 lety +1

      Hey Patrick what am I now?

    • @MaiPoirot
      @MaiPoirot Před 6 lety

      king of memes aaahh I love him ❤

  • @jonathanmercier3100
    @jonathanmercier3100 Před 4 lety

    Very good, I enjoy this video©®™

  • @fer73792
    @fer73792 Před 2 lety +5

    Lets have a moment to thank this man for buying alot for an asmr vid

  • @ASMRTRENT
    @ASMRTRENT Před 6 lety +820

    I can’t relax when I’m laughing so hard. You are one witty SOB. Love your work.

    • @Wooky810
      @Wooky810 Před 6 lety +1

      ASMR TRENT z

    • @LowOnAmmo
      @LowOnAmmo Před 6 lety +25

      When someone says SOB I think "Son of Bitch". Not Son of *a* bitch. So in my head you were gramatically correct until the SOB part. Then you sounded a middle eastern oil tycoon who had to learn English for his buisness ventures.

    • @LowOnAmmo
      @LowOnAmmo Před 6 lety +4

      Harold I know it's just how I read it. Good information though, thanks.

    • @son_gokuo3044
      @son_gokuo3044 Před 6 lety +11

      Sir Derp The Pug Lord haha you got owned.

    • @LowOnAmmo
      @LowOnAmmo Před 6 lety +1

      DEADPOOL CARNAGE ohh how humorous.