Ask Dr. Tony - April 2019
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
- Subjects Addressed in this Episode:
Personal Management Issues
- Drugs and Coping with Life - Starts at 2:40
Dealing with Change
- Changing Tasks - Starts at 6:30
Self-Esteem/Self-Identity and "Faking It"
- Finding Myself - Starts at 8:46
Intimacy, Dating, Sex and Marriage
- Discussing Issues - Starts at 11:08
- Dating Tips - Starts at 15:53
- Breaking Up with an Aspie - Starts at 17:47
Gender Dysphoria
- Find out "Why?" - Starts at 20:20
Meltdowns
- Tips to Diffuse - Starts at 24:54
Anxiety
- What's Causing? - Starts at 29:29
- Meds and School - Starts at 32:05
Living With Autism
- Is it Increasing? - Starts at 35:45
- Companion Animals - Starts at 38:32
- Autism and PTSD - Start at 40:37
Thriving with Autism
- Not. Giving. Up. - Starts at 42:14
Previous questions to Dr. Attwood have been incorporated into a book titled "Ask Dr. Tony", published by Future Horizons and is now available at a book store near you (or online).
I found that being a deep thinker and an Aspie, my anxiety was helped a lot by exploring the philosophy of Taoism. It helped me feel more relaxed and connected to the world, just the way I am. I now feel okay with how I am. I found doing some QiGong relaxation exercises also helped me tremendously with my anxiety. I understand that this will not help everyone but I have found it much more helpful for me, than medication.
Love this channel :)
I don’t mean to be overly commenting (as soon as I see a video I post) but these videos keep me hopeful!
I want to say that what you guys do is awesome. The resources are priceless. I look forward to any content you guys post. It has been such a help in my autism journey.
For that I am grateful!
Thank you, Jane Ann. We want everyone to thrive with autism... people with ASD's and NT's alike!
For anyone struggling with different types of addiction because of racing thoughts, exercise really helps!
I am a 72 year old autistic. I found out 3 years ago. It was a wonderful relief.
I am so pleased to see the return of Ask Dr. Tony! These videos have been a tremendous help to me, and even have led me to pursuing a diagnosis at age 38. The insight on "self-identity" (9:00) is wonderful. Many thanks to Dr. Tony and Autism Hangout!
This is amazing. Thank you so much! I especially appreciated the section on autism and C-PTSD, as that's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Please keep us updated on research and findings :)
Even though Dr Attwood's advice has not "helped" me per se, these videos are reassuring and calming. So, thank you.
I find these videos so incredibly helpful! I’m going to make my meltdown thermometer for myself today. it’s also so encouraging to hear Dr Atwood talk about how common my symptoms and experiences are and provide wise advice. Also, thank you for including the inspirational letter at the end!
Hi Dr. Tony, I so appreciate your thoughtful response to the transphobic parents’ question. As an Aspie who is also transgender, I have some suggestions as to how to discuss the subject in the future in a way that is the even more respectful to the transgender community.
First, if someone says they are transgender, please use the name and pronouns they designate. In this case, you were using “he” instead of “she”. This can be harmful as it furthers the idea that we are truly the gender we were assigned at birth, instead of the gender we actually are. Using the wrong pronoun insinuates that a transgender girl is really a defective boy, which is not true at all.
As an influential expert in the field of Autism, YOU have the potential to make a huge impact to benefit the transgender community (as Autism and transgender commonly go hand-in-hand). Next time, if a parent brings up concerns about their transgender child, please use the pronoun the child uses instead of the one they are being forced to use by the rest of society. It will be so validating to an already-marginalized group of people. Thank you!
I'm really not trying to be combative here, but you are aggressively asserting your worldview and trying to emotionally leverage others into going along with it. If me accepting your self-identity requires me to deny my own sense of reality, I'm not going to accept it. What you should be trying to do is persuade people instead of assuming yourself to be in the right and "educating" people about how you want to be treated. I really hope you can address your identity issues by some means other than getting the rest of the world to treat you differently.
@@manlyadvice1789 what do you mean by "denying reality"??? We are talking about gender, not genitals. Noone is denying the fact that pre transition trans women have male genitals. Regardless, their gender is still female cause gender is a social construct.
Btw I love how you say "I'm not trying to be combative" and then go on to say a trans person simply existing is denying reality lol
@@Jean-Berry Gender doesn't exist except only as a euphemism for biological sex, which is how that use of the term was popularised in the first place. It was borrowed from linguistics. Words have gender. Animals have sex. Minds don't have either one.
If I tell people that I'm a straight, White, Christian man, everyone immediately knows which of those descriptors is the gender. A gender is an identifier that correlates to biological sex. If we remove the correlation to biological sex from the definition, gender becomes an identifier without a meaning. By that use, it can mean anything and that's how we end up with the genderfluid BS and the Apache attack helicopters who laugh at it. The word has become nothing more than a placeholder in a social game such that people try to invent themselves instead of discover themselves.
If gender is a mental identity separate from biological sex, then the extent to which someone's gender deviates from their biological sex is the extent to which that person mentally deviates from observable reality. Deviation from reality is a decent definition for "crazy," but, in this case, it's a self-chosen craze. It's mostly a social fad that will change with time. (This is separate from gender dysphoria, which is a rare neurological condition.)
What we should be telling all young people is that they shouldn't expect to really know or understand themselves until they're at least 30 years old and they shouldn't build a self-identity by comparing themselves to others in the first place. Just be the best version of yourself that you can imagine and let the pieces fall where they may. A life built around social identities is not a good life, regardless of how that's done.
The purpose of my first comment was only to remind the OP that there are other people in the world and we all have our own points of view. I don't appreciate my point of view being rejected and neglected any more than the OP does or you do. We're all in this together and we need to respect each other equally wherever possible, which means nobody gets to "win." You can't really say your point of view is more correct than someone else's unless you can demonstrate that it is, which I don't think is possible when we're dealing with social identities.
I get what youre saying but as an autistic person myself...the thought of (in my head) just casual conversation shouldnt have that extra anxiety of now being expected to remember to change your speech when conversation is already extremely difficult task...I'd feel a lot of demand avoidance feelings keeping in, I think that there ought to be another way where both parties can come to agreement just truth is ..not everyone is going to like or respect anyone the first time of meeting....and sadly some people just frankly don't give a damn ...not that it's ok because it's kinda lame that people have that attitude but, they can live how they want. You cant expect everyone to comply. That is true no matter who you are...in those situations I believe it would be of some help to address why it matters that the person sees of you? Finding peace within yourself and not letting others view of you hurt your spirit... Why does the wrong pronoun bother you? How you feel inside shouldn't be controlled by others. Easier said than done, these are just some of the things I've been quarreling within myself....
In the 90s I was diagnosed by a 3 day study at The UofA as having ADHD, They also siad I was most likely dyslexic. THAT diagnoses changed my life. It helped me to forgive myself because it helped me to understmd that the way I was couldnt be helped and wasnt my fault. You see, I always have felt like something was wrong with me. I have always felt out of place in most situations. I suspect that I am on this Autism/aspergers spectrum. In my life, I can say, have been very successful all kinds of aspects in my life. Again. finding out that there might be an explaination for many of my 'lacks' would give me further insights to not condemn myself so heavily. Also, to possibly releave some of the depression that I have, as well as anxiety that I face each day. So, I really understand why so many want to have a diagnoses. It offers them forgiveness of themselves.
So grateful for these thank-you very much ❤️
Hello Dr. Attwood, I'm 50 year old female and I have my first therapist appointment to move toward a diagnosis on May 2nd. I've been in and out of therapy most of my life for what I always thought was depression, but now I'm convinced it's Aspergers / ASD. One therapist mentioned Borderline but it was not an official diagnosis. Until I found out about it (via one of your videos, in fact!) no one including myself had ever even considered ASD. It was never even mentioned! It's opening up so much of my life that I have explanations for why things fell out as they did all the way back to my childhood. I've had a rough life alone for so long, I've never been able to sustain a healthy romantic or friendship relationship, the "wrong planet" idea is totally my life. I'm hoping so much that finding Aspergers will let me finally find people I can relate to and the help I need to truly improve my life. Thank you so much for your work!
That comment about SSRI's helped so much! Yes, yes, yes! I haven't been diagnosed as being on the spectrum. Most of my therapists said they refused to diagnose me because it wouldn't change the treatment they would choose. One swore up and down I couldn't possibly be on the spectrum. The final one diagnosed me with OCD, Tics and probable ADD and explained these commonly occur together, especially if there is a genetic component, (which in my case I fully suspect there is a strong genetic component). But based on everything I have studied I still strongly believe I am also on the spectrum. It explains so much. I have been put on several different SSRI's over the years, and every last one of them made me go out of my mind. My medical team's response to that was to first tell me to wait out the full 6 weeks and to then accuse me of not taking my medication properly and to then keep doubling my dose and then finally change to a new SSRI and repeat the entire process again. It is so cathartic to hear that 50% of the people on the spectrum have a similar reaction to SSRI's. There's actual medical evidence that maybe it wasn't just me being an insubordinate patient.
This was the best! I love the Q&A concept so so helpful.
My local autism org knows NOTHING about adults on the spectrum, or how or where they can get a diagnosis, and there are ZERO services for us...any and all services are for “school age children”.
This Dawkins guy seriously kicks ass. He understands Aspergers quiet well and is not a drug monopol preacher. Bestly Recommended. And as Selfish Gene is the best book to pinpoint the ideas of Asperger Hamilton, sometimes another man as Dawkins as Conan Doyle as Tony Atwood is needed to make genious public.
I actually prefer the times where no one got diagnosed and I was just shy and awkward. Passed my all life trying to hide and now people can label me and I can see that my “qualities” aren’t mine, is Asperger qualities, all fake and that my “faults” can never be improved because is a brain disease. Realising that I have this it’s been truly soul crushing, I don’t even want to go out anymore, I just hate myself, but I’m happy that someone is making a life out of bringing awareness for this disease. I don’t even get what’s be point of bringing awareness, it has no cure.
Thanks for that insight. Thought provoking.My 16 yr old son is HFA about to get diagnosis but is in denial. All the best
It's not a "brain disease". It's a necessary divergence of neurological evolution.
Don’t call it a disease. It is a neurological difference. That’s why we have the term neurodiversity.
@@pmorgaine20 what do you mean by this?
I feel the opposite; an enormous sense of relief that I have been diagnosed. Now I’m not struggling to fit in or change my patterns of behaviour because they are a part of what makes me “me”, and no longer something to be ashamed of. In the past I was morbidly conscious of my differences, and was fearful of losing my sanity. I alternated between blaming myself and my family for the way I was, and that caused further problems with relationships.
Diagnosis was a shock, initially; but it has provided me with an explanation, a sense of relief from pointless and damaging struggles, and assoicated coping strategies that allow me to live a relatively happy and rewarding life.
Great video as usual! Thanks so much for your content - I've learned so much that will both help me & my support network 🐱✌️🙏💯🌱❤️
my biggest issues with Aspergers for me is my volume of my voice and the tone of my voice I have trouble trying to get it right either I am too loud and harsh or too soft and lack of harshness I need in my voice sometimes I hit a pitch that really hurts ears other times people can't even hear me ( I had a therapist tell me it more likely because I can hear myself fully so the tone and volume just can't be control)
Just an idea...
Your phone may have an app that measures sound decibels. Could you download the app and use it when you talk so that you are able to See how loud your voice is? Just a thought.
I have always had this problem. I am ussually too loud.
My partner says, "you're getting too excited"....I say to myself, "it's like talking to the internet."
This stream is great. It’s what I wish Asperger forums were like but alas.
"find a local autism association" me: 😊 "become friends with them" me: 😬
Thank you Sirs, second viewing for sure as usual. Persist take on challenges indeed yes, then somehow learn to forgive those that wrong you, somehow.
Dating for me is a big issue, because I'm not expected to make the first move. But my autistic ways put everyone off, apparently people perceive me as distanced from them. I'm 24 and I've never been even in a short relationship, not even close, not even on one date. No one has ever either reciprocated my interest or showed an interest in me. I've lost all hope for ever being married.
I feel for you. Dont lose hope. My 16 yr old son has just been diagnosed with HFA.. Future relationships are a big worry.
I have had similar issues. It is difficult to hear constantly that I am aloof. If I don't like you or I am interested, I will tell you. Also, I never realized just how physical other people are. They crave touch. I don't. It has made relationships hard.
jealousharibo it’s not all it’s cracked up to be
I often listen to your hangouts and try to understand my son with ADHD and ASD. My son has much trouble with school and often refuse to go there for periods of different duration, unfortunately homeschooling doesn't exist in Sweden where we live :( I so much wish we would have that alternative. Ten years of schooling is obligatory in Sweden and my son's absence from shool causes us trouble because we are responsible by law to make sure that he attends school.
Hello. I am sorry to hear about these difficulties. I believe that education should be inspiring for children, not a stress. Have you talked to your son and asked him, which bits he finds difficult to deal with? Is it the social side? Is it bullying and teasing? Is it focussing in a busy classroom? I think it might help as a starting point to ask what your son feels he needs from his education and then negotiate with the school to obtain the sort of education he needs. Might they be open to a suggestion that he only attends for half days and then brings work home? It would show the authorities that you are trying to comply with the law but will need cooperation to ensure your child receives a good education.
Could he be allowed some quiet refuge within the school for when he is feeling stressed? I think the goal should be to help your son begin to realise that there can be a pleasure in learning new things and a small amount of positive experience may build his confidence in himself and his ability to learn. The school teacher who deals with my five year old doesn't scold when the child gets things wrong. The teacher immediately gives the child another go and praises perseverance in the face of difficulty. The commonest thing I hear is the child saying to herself, the teacher's phrases like..."You can do it" and "I think you have worked very hard. Well done. Let's have another go tomorrow" signalling that it is time to rest and recuperate after some learning and before the child gets overwhelmed. Perhaps some of these strategies might help your son. I do hope that your son's school situation improves.
tip for a lot of people but it also helps aspies lower the amount of sugar u eat in foods. i noticed this helps me a lot physically and mentally. look at ur overall food also. omega 3 zinc vitamin c are things i lack and need more off if i look at my body and listen to my mental stuff. omega 3 capsules i take each day and helps me to concentrate and sleep well with out it i get tired and over whelmed much easier.
In the DSM 5 Anger, hypervigilance, Startle response, Sleep difficulties etc are described as PTSD - NOT autism. I would say, many autistics actually suffer from C-PTSD and their reactions to sensory overload are actual Fight/Flight/Freeze/FAwn related Stress responses because their Window of Tolerance is way narrower than in Neurotypical people.
Therapists who work with Autistics need to be aware of Trauma/Abuse by Dark Triad People/C-PTSD too and trained in all of that.
I see a tendency of Cognitive Dissonance in Autism experts, they tend to ignore the trauma aspect in autistics and just label it all as autism, which is a great disservice to autistics..
What is dark triad?
Thank you Dr.Tony, you are amazing!! Our son is 28 and was diagnosed at 5 years old. How can we help him with or through the "I don't Know" answers that he gives when he is the only one who can answer the question at the time. He still doesn't like a lot of questions and you can see the stress show on his face when asked to many questions and/or the same questions. I do realize that it has to do with his anxiety but how can we help them through it?
Thank you,
nydia
Curiously enough, I have gotten along very well with cats since early childhood. My wife even accuses me of being a "cat magnet", and yes, I am on the spectrum.
I have seen people describe, in gentle humour, being on the spectrum as "Cat software" running on "Human" hardware
stress is a major issue
Nail on the head!
I am on the spectrum, newly diagnosed. You had a speech I listened to...was eye opening!
I live in Texas and I am convinced that it is the absolute worst place to get a diagnosis. The people in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex are overwhelmingly negative which makes it impossible to find a job. I am lucky enough to have an accepting and headstrong neurotypical support group, but despite this I still find myself in overwhelming dispair. Moving is out of the question.
I forgot to mention I am 23
TX is bad for us. Good to know. I was looking to move there. Hope you find someplace better.
We cop with Truma by poetry or painting or music
I am a very-very late diagnosed aspie with a bag full of earlier misdiagnoses - some unpleasant ones. I have known about my autism since 2013 (at 60). I actually knew two years before, due to inofficial dx´es.... but I still have a problem convincing myself, that I have a RIGHT to identify with this first coherent explanation ever. I still hide a bit. Am I alone in this?
I tend to not tell people unless they have a very good understanding of autism and can keep a secret, as people historically haven't always reacted to it in the most ideal way. If you have the diagnosis and believe that it fits, you definitely shouldn't hold back in identifying with it, although whether or not you decide to tell your surroundings is a personal decision, I think, that doesn't only come down to your "right" to the diagnosis. As an aside, my dad is the biggest aspie in history, but we didn't find out until he was 64, which was when I was diagnosed (he doesn't officially have a diagnosis, but it's so obvious that it's hilarious - if the universe made any sense, they'd put a picture of my dad in the DSM-V in place of the article on ASD lvl 1 xD).
I have give. I see no other option. None of it is worth it
What to do if Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist gaslights/uses client lack of knowledge of topic. Changed prices of sessions three times. Encourages just get it off your chest, talk about it. Be specific. 45 Minutes generally cut a couple of minutes shorter.
When asked for help understanding subjects during conversations says doesn’t give tips, or skills. Says questions are so large not enough time to reply. When asked the cause of the problems says your mother and father. Screaming at client,
when i was a teenager and onwards, many people thought i was gay, as i couldn't read what was happening and i didn't understand what to do.
Hey Tony, you need to catch up with the Autistic language most of us use. We don't "have" Autism, we are Autistic. Also, "Aspergers" hasn't been diagnosed for 6 years in Australia.
Dr. Attwood: When can you make up a differential diagnosis between asperger's and bipolar disorder? What you said about ASD people getting irritable from SSRIs--the DSM is now using that as a criterion to diagnose BD and it shouldn't be, it should be a differential for ASD.
time sync didn't know that term, that is correct
Cats can be excellent companion animals.
My daughter is 7 shes always been an over exaggerating and is hard to dress do hair and to please? She has crying spells for nothing and can act rude towards people or just shun them. She has meltdowns and needs hard rocked then she does calm, she lines all her toys up plays on her own in fairy land plays mostly with animal figures, can lye still on her side straight as a poker and be quiet and slightly rock, thinks, crawls and acts like a cat or some days a fox even at school, she has no patience, she can only play with one friend, won't let me touch her hair to brush doesn't care if she's dirty or looks a mess, sensory issues the lot, but not been diagnosed also has selective mutism. She loves all animals and collects slugs and butterfly's and puts them in a box home to try to keep. She is easily aggitated, and is to when her brother comes in and just says help she says "no stop".
How do I ask a question?
April, we have 29.3.19 yet
Dr. Tony, regarding the parents of the 45 year old psychiatric nurse in a relationship for 17 years. What the hell??? These "parents" need to realise she's way past their need for control. Red flags there for narcissistic, infantilising parenting.
Please can someone help me - how can you get a diagnosis for aspergers/autism? I know I have anxiety but beginning to suspect I might have aspergers. I found one pyschologist who does diagnosis but they were going to charge over $1000 which I can't afford. Where can you go for a diagnosis? Can a regular GP do this? I am in Australia where we have medicare to cover visits to the dr. It seems very unfair that someone can't get pyschological help without it costing a fortune
Find the autism association closest to you. This site should tell you. (raisingchildren.net.au/autism/therapies-services/services/asd-associations). Then contact that association and ask for a list of professionals in your area that could test you.
@@autismhangout Thank you. I will give that a try. I don't know if I have autism or not - but I have alot of anxiety and trouble with socialising and relationships. It would be great to get some help.
Hey bro I heard you like offline storage
why is this video not available in my mother language
Should two people with Autism marry and have children? My sister and her Husband has four children, 3 of their children have been diagnosed with Autism. According to a Genetic Dr, Both my sister and her husband caries two different types of a Autism Gene. So my niece has a Autism Gene which she caries from my sister and my two nephews caries the Autism Gene from my Sister and her husband and have a double dose of Autism. Both of my Sons have also been Diagnosed with Autism. One with High functioning autism and my older son Asperger's. Autism is strong in my family.
Robert Roser epigenetics is wrong. Period.
Always remember we must repent of our sins (sin is transgression The Law Of Yahuah The Father in Heaven. The Law are The Books: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, & Deuteronomy). We must repent of our sins and Have Belief On Yahusha The Messiah. HE Died and Rose three days later so that we can be forgiven of our sins!
Come to HIM🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
Should 27 yr old girl, have autism test
Dr. Attwood -> Neurotypical != True... Dr. Tony has to be on the spectrum for sure, he simply knows too much and he is "obsessed" with he's work. XD
@@theartyyvonnemixedmediaart7259 Yeah... I know. My initial comment was produced on the basis of personal opinion and light hearted humor.
Courageous Commenter haha okay! I wasn’t sure!!
"My" psychologist, who have met Attwood and participated a course with him says the same :-) They were teasing each other..."Aspiiiie" :-D
You don't get it Tony, gender is a construct
Hey autism hangout. When are we likely to see a new episode with Professor Atwood?
Also, have you ever thought of releasing these as an audio podcast? A lot of autistic people (like me) listen to podcasts to occupy our minds and take away anxiety. I think these sessions would be really popular as an audio podcast.