Ask Dr. Tony - September 2019
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
- Subjects Addressed in this Episode:
Getting a Diagnosis
- Apprehension - Starts at :58
- ASD and Anorexia - Starts at 3:27
- ASD and Borderline Personality Disorder - Starts at 6:59
Making and Keeping Friends
- Dealing with Toxic People - Starts at 13:13
Empathetic Attunement - Starts at 16:49
Getting and Keeping a Job - Starts at 19:04
Depression
- Self Injurious Behavior - Starts at 20:38
Sensory Issues
- Sensitive to Electronics and More - Starts at 27:08
Gender Dysphoria - Starts at 30:55
Intimacy Dating, Sex & Marriage - Starts at 33:33
Dr. Attwood Comments on Greta Thunberg - Starts at 42:45
You can submit a question to Ask Dr. Tony at: www.autismhangout.com.
Previous questions to Dr. Attwood have been incorporated into a book titled "Ask Dr. Tony", published by Future Horizons and is now available at a book store near you (or online).
I listen to Tony when I feel like noone around me understands me. It's really helpful to hear somebody who's basically in my head 😂
Me too! At 6am. His voice and the content are soothing for some reason, even if he’s excited. I guess it’s som sort of stim/selfsoothing
me too :) if you like him, give Sarah Hendrickx a try too. She's got presentations all over youtube as well.
Oh my god me too 😅it’s either one of my special interests, or a way to self soothe. I’m not entirely sure which
So do I. When I feel lost and alone in my head, I am assured to hear people talking about what I experience with compassion and understanding, not judgement.
I'm in this club too. Feeling misunderstood by everyone right now. I wish I could get his opinion.
I don't know if you'll get this message Tony!....But just want you to know, I'm an undiagnosed "Aspy"...And feel so fortunate to have seen and listened to your words of wisdom. You are such a warm and sunny soul, on a dark and wintery night. The world needs people like you!...I would love to meet you one day. You have a friend in life in me. Sunshine, happiness, hope and truth is what I see . Well done for overcoming all of the challenges put before you.
Thank you so much for this program. I love it. I'm amazed at the knowledge Dr Tony has about ASD. It's almost as if he gets in the ASD person's head. I even wonder sometimes if he is on the spectrum! His understanding of ASD is astonishing. I am 60 and got my diagnosis last year. My 16-year-old daughter also got hers last year. My 12-year-old got his when he was 5. And to top it up, my hubby received his this year!
We are learning so much as an all-Aspie family. ASD has been one of my main special interests from early last year. I am in fact writing a book that I am hoping to publish soon. My goal is to raise awareness especially for parents and anyone working with kids. I have met quite a few teenagers on the spectrum experiencing serious difficulties that are not aware they are. Their parents are also not aware and this in my opinion, can cause even greater difficulties later in life.
Please do not stop making these videos. I've gotten so many answers from you. 👍
Most of my life my closest friends turned out to be toxic frenemies. I dropped them like a hot potato once I realised, but the experience made me trust people even less and chipped away at my self confidence even more. It helps to know that it's due to my Autism that I kept picking the wrong friends over and over. (The controlling, needy, dominating, user types).
Me too. I found studying body language and psychology to be extremely helpful in giving me a laundry list of red flags to look for so I can identify people like that and now I know when to walk away. Check out bodylanguagesuccess dot com and study up on Cluster B personality disorders and abuse psychology. There's also a great CZcams channel called Jim Can't Swim that reviews criminal psychology and body language in police interrogations. Really fascinating stuff!
@@m0L3ify Thanks for the info, I'll look them up.
@@crescendo2441 An interesting side-effect of being able to read faces now is going back through old family photos and seeing for the first time how angry my sister was at my mother when taking her picture -- an expression I used to mistake for a forced smile. Knowing what I do about our family, it all makes perfect sense, but I was totally oblivious to it back then. The situations the photos were taken in were relaxed and casual socially. Everyone seemed fairly happy, but clearly my sister was not. It really surprised me. I wonder what else flew right over my head? My family is kind of toxic. Maybe it's better not to know.
I have had a similar experience. I've lost most of my friends I once had now, and was quite reclusive but I'm finally getting help / an assessment. One of my 'friends' however I often thought was narcissistic, but maybe he was struggling and I didn't see it. Regardless he kept teasing / humiliating me so I gave up on him. All my friends so far I have made from shared interest in certain subjects so as I moved away I just forgot about them.
Oh wow!…it’s such a relief to know others are very sensitive to electricity.
I’ve always said that I love power outages…that feeling of calm.
Thank You both, so much, for all that you’re doing to educate people…you are true gems.
Dr. Tony Atwood is a national treasure in my mind 🙌💗😊
❤️❤️❤️👌
I absolutely love these videos. I hope you keep making them. I wish to be like Tony Attwood when I grow up.
I can cope with (almost) everything that life throws at me, now I understand why I am the way I am. Now, instead of wasting energy either trying to change myself into something that I’m not or disguising the real me (whoever she is), I can think about developing coping strategies for the stressful periods and benefitting from my “strengths”. These videos have been the saving of me, especially now when I am going through a difficult period, and I’m frightened of “going off at the deep end” and making things worse.
I never talked in class until I took college classes for becoming a teacher and the instructors said we had to talk at least two times every class in order to get participation points to pass! Omgosh! That alone taught me how to talk in class...tooooo much.
One of the things that I struggle with is how to educate my daughter about the social intricacies and warn her about the hazards... Frenimies, manipulators, abusers, toxic relationships etc without discouraging her from making friends or becoming cynical
Gentlemen, BRAVO! Not only was the information brilliantly presented, the outlined contents with the time line makes for easy reference. This is invaluable as I can reference where a specific topic is, or share w a friend w for a specific topic . Thank you both!
Alright, my doc and my mom believed I was anorexic. BUT my alexithymia made it IMPOSSIBLE to explain how awful the chewy steak made me feel, at the dinner table in front of my parents and baby sibling. It was painful that "I am not anorexic" was not enough... what I needed was help getting over food textures, and parents realizing I was having mild, chronic bowel issues due to dairy and meat. Instead, I was to do as I was told & chew the meat until it dissolved in my mouth. I had trouble swallowing food. I have a connective tissue disorder, possibly EDS. I could not describe the pain I felt due to my hypersensitivity (to touch, taste, smell, sight, sound). It was traumatic. Please discuss this type of (avoidant) eating disorder! I hated being skinny and teased. I wanted to fit in. Puberty did not change that need... I was always treated like an alien and felt like one too.
😢 so sorry you went through this.❤❤❤
I went through the same thing and now my son is suffering with it. I’m still underweight at 42 and no dietician or resource I’ve used has ever worked for me. I’m too rigid to change my habits, it seems.
@@KerryLynn-qr5ju I understand. I am still struggling! Comorbidity of other health issues makes it hard to have an appetite.
What about confusing autism and childhood PTSD and emotional abuse? I was abused in childhood and when I take the emotional abuse and PtSD quiz, I almost get a perfect score. Can you have both autism and PTSD or can PtSD symptoms be confused as autism spectrum disorder? I have a fear of rejection and trouble keeping relationships and seem to attract either narcissists or bullies and have severe anxiety and depression. I have no friends. I stay home all the time with my dogs. I can’t keep a job and usually run out of retail jobs on either the first or second day. I have trouble keeping jobs. I also do not like noises and can’t live next to most people and cant understand jokes and sayings without taking them literally. I also have a series of ongoing areas of special interests that I study deeply, usually an area of art and design, animals, the Bible or other special things. I cant keep friends and dont like small talk and find talking to most people boring and I tend to give really long lectures that I enjoy more than talking to them about trivia or stupid stuff. I don't know if my symptoms are based on my abusive childhood and abusive marriage, or if I am autistic.
Yes you can have both
The power cut is so relatable. I love it because with my hearing aids, I hear these things and don’t realize how exhausting it is until it is silent.
The subject of emotional attunement was something I really needed. Thank you. I had a similar situation with a recent land lord. She would often share some heavy things with me. Although she would put a humorous spin on things, I felt what it was underneath and it became very hard to interact with her. I didn't understand why it was so darn difficult for me to handle it and why I'd frequently be distraught.
I love the way you say ’Grrrrroup therapy’. It just makes sense!
I’ve just discovered numerology as a career. It’s so awesome 👏
It’s also helping me to understand people while delving into my favorite thing ever-Numbers
Brandy Alexander - how cool... can I ask how you’ve made it a career?!? I’m so interested!!
How interesting. Where does one get training for numerology?
I never thought there was really anything to numerology.
My mom had both ASD and malignant BPD and the symptoms of each did overlap a little (like overfriendliness and boundary issues,) but were generally fairly distinct from each other. I can see how an inexperienced clinician unfamiliar with ASD might confuse the two, but really if you know both, it's pretty hard, imo. Another thing to keep in mind is that clinicians don't generally diagnose personality disorders like BPD in children -- including teenagers -- so an unstable sense of self as a teenager isn't going to be diagnosed as BPD even if it is. It would have to persist into adulthood. That being said, having watched my BPD sister grow up with a very unstable sense of self, it's not really the same as ASD since it involved a constant flux of invented selves more than imitation. Someone with ASD would be mimicking, not inventing a new self every week that was completely unrelated to, and often contrary to, what everyone else was doing. I also haven't seen people with ASD have a totally different "self" for each of the people they have to deal with in their lives that required a lot of destructive lying and deception to maintain. Both have to wear a mask, but there's not nearly as much difference between the mask and the inner person when you have ASD.
Insofar as substance abuse is concerned, this isn't going to be immediately diagnosed as impulsivity. Impulsivity is going on a shopping spree without looking at your budget, suddenly deciding to get married after dating for a few weeks, knowing the garage door spring is tricky and warning everyone it was dangerous but then breaking your thumb because you needed it open NOW and forgot, or suddenly buying a plane ticket to visit a friend in another state without checking your finances, asking the friend if it's ok to visit, or checking with work to make sure you can get vacation time. Basically jumping into something without any regard for the consequences and not thinking about it until after it's done. This is not a typical trait of ASD and, in fact, quite the opposite of routines. Most people with ASD wouldn't be walking home from work in Manhattan and suddenly decide to take a carriage ride in Central Park on a whim. It wouldn't follow the routine and would be immensely stressful.
Regarding BPD paranoia, it's not based on past trauma or real experiences, it's based on fantasy. It's a form of psychotic thinking. For instance, my sister has paranoia but they're about things that aren't real. She developed paranoid thoughts about me based on things that never happened and nothing can convince her of this even when there's evidence. It's a form of psychosis, not PTSD from real past events.
Hopefully this helped shed some light on the differences between ASD and BPD in case anyone was concerned. If you have a therapist who is convinced that ASD and BPD are similar, they don't understand Cluster B personality disorders. Anyone who does would quickly see that ASD isn't the same.
I was diagnosed with BPD as a teenager. Maybe it depends where you live. They were wrong too. I am no longer diagnosed with it.
For the sensory issue with electronic wave, I think noise canceling headphones can help. Because the mechanic of the noise canceling headphones is to creat an opposing wave to cancel the noise.
Regarding sensory sensitivity to electromagnetic radiation: It may seem extreme, but something called a 'Faraday Cage' can potentially block this out once it's electronically connected to an earth point. This is a mesh box (Room sized, can be constructed within a room) which surrounds on all 6 sides. It won't affect auditory sensitivity though.
First time I see adequate professional explanation. Thank you doctor. Many parents around of the world are looking for professional help for their children. Please share with us what we should expect from our kids in the future? Do you know a good professional Aspergers therapists
in NY, NY. I know you are living in Australia, but maybe you have connections with different professionals?
Thank you so much for this amazing interview! I've been diagnosed with BPD a year ago and didn't feel right with the diagnosis. A lot of things matched, but the reasons behind them didn't at all. I'll know in a week whether it could be ASD, but I'm pretty sure it is... Dr. Tony explained it so well! Thanks again 🙏
Was almost diagnosed with BPD! Took years until it was discovered ASD. Good luck to you!
@@the6ixthkind thank you very much 🙏
I too enjoy power outages! I had my childhood bedroom at the far end of the house from all large appliances. I also appreciated the chance to wander the fields on my parents farm, well away from sources of electrical sounds. I was doing that 1 day when I was in grade school , and suddenly realized I was hearing an electric hum.
Thank you both for such valuable help and information!👈
Thank you so much for the episode. Loved it and shared!
It is an interesting program, things has changed since this was recorded in 2019, when it comes to insights of Greta I can tell as a Swede.
Thank you. Very much.
I missed out on this....It had landed in the spam. Glad to have been rummaging around and found it! Glad to hear that part about friends.
I have to put my extractor fan on each night to drown out external noises coming from everywhere drives me mad
Have you tried asmr or 40 Hertz sound videos?
I would not be comfortable layering sounds like that. I wear the noise canceling headphones my brother used to use when running a chainsaw.
I enjoy the small chuckles!
Amazing ! Thank you !!
This was very informative, thank you!
loved every second of it
What about Ashburger and adhd and also has turma brain injury how do I communicate with my 21 yrs son that dose want doctor for his tbi and I don't know how to claim down because I have acural learning disability
I love him
Hi, I have a quesion. I have aspergers and ever since, I cry over everyhing. Is this an aspie thing and if yes, why?
Feline713 I used to have emotional lability when I was younger and a teen. Would cry at the drop of a hat for any confrontation and perceived confrontation or being in trouble. Some of this is parenting and childhood related (and being undiagnosed). I found what helped what accepting and telling my self to cry harder- it would validate me enough and I’d actually cry less than if I was repressing or suppressing my emotional experiences. Over time and through uni placements I’d get quite good at telling people through tears and hiccups that I couldn’t control it and wanted to speak but couldn’t express myself, and it wasn’t unusual (so as not to startle them or make them angry). I cry much less now at almost thirty ~ from an autistic female diagnosed late by Tony :-) hope that might be helpful?
@@jessp3021 I remember most of my life, I would emotionally meltdown with anything I couldn't understand and neurotypicals would go in for the kill. I am much older now and discovered that praying for serenity is about finding a life that gives me kindness and very simple. Just to be involved in things that treat me kindly and leave if for the day if it doesn't.
Empathetic attunement...I called myself an emotional/social chameleon lots of times. It's exhausting...
So how do you know if you have both ASD and BPD?
I dont differentiate btwn sexes. I view ppl as ppl. I have always felt androgynous myself. I'm polish/Italian, 5'4", 110 lbs, light blond hair, green eyes, natural 32E, and a perfect shaped butt. But still I've not fully felt all female. I believe my testosterone has been slightly higher than usual for females bc ive nvr gained weight, even after 6 kids. I just turned 45 on May 28th and I don't look it. Although my oldest will be 27 yo on July 19th. I'm demisexual and have been single more than not. I believe that theres a connect btwn asp & demi.
Comment from an ASD with BPD 12:00
BPD love kind of teddy bears and can flip out when the therapeut changes the colors of the walls (Dr Brewer psychiatrist made a comment on that: "keep your office the same!" ) I did flip out one day ..
i would say no rituals as "processed activities" but clinging to objects, colors etc
Interesting comparison that helps see how an ASD with BPD can blend the two sets of traits woth one another.
in my experience i would like to add that
ASD is genetic. Nature
BPD is traumatic. Nurture.
Abuse neglect over a long time as from birth leading to a dysregulation of the emotional system and of the reward learning system (slot machine parenting. No predictability, no congruence)
So how ought an autistic treat themselves in thinking about themselves? Any ideas that might stick and cause a better internal life.
Please NEVER do negative self-talk. For example, "I'm so stupid" or calling yourself idiot/useless/ugly/worthless etc. Never. These will lead you down the path of major depression and suicide. Be nice, forgiving and loving to yourself and do positive self-talk.
Social justice ! Yes!!
Ps. I recalled a day during grade school when I was at least an eighth of a mile from the road past our family farm. I suddenly realized I was hearing an electric hum. The only source of that sound I could find was the power cable strung on poles next to the road! This was not a high voltage line, just a standard rec line.
I wish you could remove all the things on the table in front of the Apple monitor as it is very distracting watching Tony.
Sorry. They are my comforts... made for or given to me by loved ones, several who have since passed.
Lol I was thinking the same
Tony's voice, through Skype, hurts my ears, literally.
karapalin Sorry for you but you can turn down the volume and turn on the subtitles.
@@lina987 I have the volume on very low, helps somewhat.
I am sensitive to sounds too...the subtitles things works well. Another is to either get a brilliant set of speakers or headphones. Anything you can get the sound to modify, namely, turn down the treble and turn up the base. Not massively. Just sit and play with it.
There is a feedback whenever a person uses a computer to transmit sound. Not everyone can hear it. Another way is to identify and mentally tune out the sound on purpose.
And yes this reply is totally asd...
@@agoogler9251 I bought a new pair of headphones, and if I have the volume down low, it's not that bad.
A 5 year old has suicidal ideation? Come on. How would a 5 year old know about suicide? And a 5 year old can articulate, "Please don't interrogate me?" Come on.
When I was 5, I TRIED ON PURPOSE TO CATCH WHAT I BELIEVED WAS A FATAL DISEASE!! I did think about dying. I did understand there was no coming back from that. I was ok with that.
Bud of mine wished he was dead at 8 so I wouldn't be much more surprised. It's a miracle what garbage parents can do to someone.