Ask Dr. Tony - January 2022
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- čas přidán 17. 01. 2022
- 1/18/2022 - Happy New Year, autism friends! Here's the latest from Dr. Tony. Lots of inquires in the following categories: Aversion to Change, Making and Keeping Friends, Bullying and Empathetic Attunement.
Here are the specific questions addressed in this session along with their respective starting times:
Aversion to Change
- Overcoming Christmas - Starts at: 1:27
- I'm in a rut. How do I get out? - Starts at: 5:26
- Mother-in-law moving in! How to prepare for change? - Starts at: 10:05
Making and Keeping Friends
- Is not making friends ok? - Starts at: 12:02
- What to look for in a friend - Starts at: 13:42
- How does someone with autism find a roommate? - Starts at: 18:03
Bullying
- Approaching the issue in a school in France - Starts at: 19:14
- And more... is it all about ASD? - Starts at: 25:32
- Is being bullied necessary for an ASD diagnosis? - Starts at: 29:41
Empathetic Attunement
- Feeling versus displaying - Starts at: 31:38
- What are the other channels... the 6th sense? - Starts at: 34:54
Living with ASD
- Geliophobia is no laughing matter - Starts at: 40:58
I bought a new computer and I'm still figuring my way around. My sincere apologies on the placement of the cursor (on/near Tony's face) in this episode. When filming, I'm looking at the computer screen through the cameras and missed its presence until I was in edit. I will be more mindful next time. If it gets too annoying, just look away and listen to Dr. T. You'll quickly find his voice is as expressive as his face and body language. Thanks as always for your patience.
To submit a question for possible inclusion in future Ask Dr. Tony episodes visit www.autismhangout.com
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I'm not a writer myself, but if anyone would like to write that book on empathetic attunement, I would love to help out as much as possible! I was the person asking the question and I'm really glad it was answered so thoroughly :) Thanks aswell to Craig for moderating these videos!
Hi Micha. I am also interested in the attunement issue. I am the person, who commented on the risks involved in the project. I think for safety, it would be a great idea if Dr Tony could provide a secure access web space for contributors to discuss the work. I am thinking perhaps a wiki, if you know what that is. If Dr Tony didn't have the inclination to do this, I could look at my own internet web-site and set up secure access there.
@@scorpiotech123 Hi Elaine, that's great! I also think that it wouldn't hurt to persue this from a more scientific angle.
A secure web space might be too much to ask from Dr Tony, but I'm sure we could set that up ourselves :)
It would be awesome if we found some more people here that are willing to join in!
Go for it, Micha! There are MANY successful Aspie writers out there. If you want a short list, look at the folks that submitted short (600 word) essays to the book Been There. Done That. Try This! (Jessica Kingsley Publishing). Rounding them up for a similar effort here, with someone else drawing in the conclusions might be a successful approach (among many options)! There genuinely needs to be more collective works from the Aspie Mentor/autism community. CLEARLY the brainpower is there! :)
@@michasengotta2295 Hi Micha. Looks like autismhangout has offered you a list of already published authors from the "Try This" authorship. Best you focus your attention on them as they already know how to do this. Good luck with your project. I hope, you are very successful. I look forward to seeing your work in print.
@@scorpiotech123 Hey Elaine, thanks for your kind words :)
I'm actually a software developer by trait and I'm not a writer and certainly not a native speaker, but I will try my best on this either way. If you're still interested in contributing ideas or alike, I would love to stay in touch!
Dear viewers. I've purchased a new computer (and separate monitor) and I'm still figuring my way around. My sincere apologies on the accidental/unintentional placement of the cursor (on/near Tony's face) in this episode. While filming, I'm looking at the computer screen through the cameras and missed its presence until I was in edit. I will be more mindful next time. If you stand back a bit from your monitor, it's less visible. If it gets too annoying, just look away and listen to Dr. T. You'll quickly find his voice is as expressive as his face and body language. Thanks as always for your patience.
Bit of advice: you should not be recording him with a screen recorder at all.
This is not due to the mouse pointer, but rather to video quality: some video data gets lost trough transmission (which is also limited by bandwidth), leading to, potentially, lower quality (in both audio and images).
It'd be better to edit together two separate recordings and for Attwood to record himself in the room, and then send the video as a file (which would not lose any data).
Your cursor arrow is perfectly positioned to poke Tony in the nose. 🤪
😂
Mine was the question about being in a rut! Thank you for calling it eloquent 😭 and I’m so glad you picked mine to answer 🥺 Yes I am in the US, california specifically and have recently applied for SSDI due to my clinical depression so hopefully I’ll be able to put time into volunteering while I don’t have to worry about making money if I’m approved. I have no idea if “welfare companions” are a thing here but that would be nice to have since I feel like my parents and the few friends I have are tired of me relying on them to get me out of the house 😅 I wish autism counted for some sort of supplemental income due to difficulties with socializing and the burnout it brings…
Mint deluxe, my goodness, your question summed up my life to an absolute tee!! My heart goes out to you as the struggle and the judgements that come along with it are so real. I am 34 from the UK. I was 32 when I moved out of my parent’s for the first time and now at 34 my Bf and I have just bought our first house (he did all the paperwork and legal stuff as many meltdowns happened on my side!)
I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that somewhere along the line you’ll see some positive changes as small as they may be. Sending you so much love from the UK x
Africa here, glad to hear from you. Still reading the books you recommended for my young adult. Lots of insights for me. Have a wonderful year ahead!
Regarding bullying, sometimes the teachers are worse than the children. Watch out for that as they try to cover this up by shifting blame back onto the child or parents in a variety of ways.
My third grade teacher was a classic bully. She could throw a temper tantrum bigger than any kid. Intimidated most of the kids in class. One or two of boys took advantage of her, though. When she was on a rant, she often forgot to assign homework. This was the goal. Their parents couldn't beat them for failure to do homework, if none was assigned! I didn't learn about the parent angle until 10 year High School reunion.
I want to join Craig in thanking Dr. Tony for sharing his expertise in this way of answering viewer questions. I'm grateful for all that I'm learning here. You're both doing great work.
Thank you for all the great videos.
I love these videos, I get so much out of them!!! Happy birthday Dr Tony!!!
Happy Birthday, Dr. Attwood! Thank you so much for all you have been doing for us!
Hi from France 👋
Thanks for your interviews of Dr T! 🙏
Thank you so much for this!❤🙏🏻😊
Thanks for the video 😊
thanks these are helping us understand my Aspergers issues
You made me smile with your comment "they should work with the police". I thought so too. Somehow, it's a shame we don't, because some of us walk through life like sentinels; most of the time dormant or somenelent, but, for exemple, it happen you cross the path of someone, someone terribly dangerous .You can feel it, even coming from your back, similar to a dark cloud [in extrem cases] . You freeze, all your body is sending strong signals, danger, danger (not fear or paranoia)you feel it the stomach, almost start to cry, you want to shout loud "it's him, it's him you are looking for, stop him"or something close to that. But the crowd don't see, don't feel what I do. So you keep it for you. [With the exception of him /her.;The more dangerous they are, the more they're likely to recognize/ look at you, and only you, by the way].
That's it, like animals with accute instinct, they know that you know and they pass, disappearing; anonymous among the anonymous.
The useless gift, I call it.
If you talk, the only people who seems to get it are mystics; fanatics , guru type, in short mentally ill people. Better to quickly give up.
I'll add that there's patterns/synchronicity who can be regonized in chemicals reaction between humans/animals. It's very musical in a sense. I don't know how to explain it well, sorry. But if the patterns are odd enough (threatening lies, danger, huge or small differences) I will understand and my alarms bells will start to ring.
Oh my gosh...The first question about Christmas makes me glad that my family has our own Christmas routine and we stay at home and have a more peaceful time...we actually do this with all holidays. I wouldn’t be able to handle it otherwise. There are already six people living in our house, myself, my three younger brothers, and our parents. With me and my three younger brothers all on the spectrum, going places would be too much of a hassle and I probably would go back to doing what I did when I was younger, which is refuse to get out of the car. So I couldn’t even imagine doing anything else for the holidays.
People, I thought were my friends, were told that I was dead. It was two years before I realised what had happened. I don't blame them, but their lives have moved on and mine has collapsed. Imagine what happened, when I went back to visit them. People were too scared to speak to me, because they thought I was a ghost. They had expressions of horror on their faces. I didn't want to go back and scare them again. I am a dead person, where they are concerned.
That’s awful! However, if you feel some of those friendships had/have value, I would think it would be worth the effort.
@@scorpiotech123 So sorry to learn that, Elaine. I hope you next find some place that appreciates you!
Thanks, a really good and helpful video, always enjoy theses, I’d like to say to the person talking about moving away from home, and having difficulty with change not took me 7 attempts before I was able to succeed in living independently away from family home, and then only possible with a great deal of support from my Mum. I wasn’t diagnose at that point in my life, so didn’t understand my struggles were linked to ASD. Now I live independently and happily on my own, still struggle with change, but can do it with right help. Ps the curser arrow, was very distracting, right over Tony’s mouth! He kept swallowing it!😆🙃
I like the audio quality 🙂
these people are legends. As a neurotypicalish you have contextuished what I need to know. I am a Chameleon by the way. sorry abou=t the spelling. LOL
Paused vid. At 23:35 I was bullied at school. I remember another girl suggesting I ignore the bullies. She said if I did, they would get tired of trying to get a reaction out of me, and quit. I unfortunately said, I can't ignore them! I had no idea how to not react when they were making me either cry or get mad myself until I looked like the agressor.
I don't know if it's the same in France as it is here in Germany where I live, but here home schooling is illegal, at least as far as I know. I don't have kids myself, so don't know all the details. I'm sure there are other options available for cases involving illness or disability.
The peer group applaud bullies and laugh at the victim. They often devise even more and worse 'pranks'. This is how almost all neurotypicals characterize bullying, teasing and even sexual assault. Bullies accuse the victim of not having a sense of humour and say really mean things, and use the 'get-out-of-jail-free' card of 'We were only teasing.'
my suggestion a lot of persons with neurodevelopmental problems as serious as autism or deeply traumatized people are looking for an outlet for their accumulated frustrations, just like animals do. They often fake or compensate for their weak self.
Normal people with emotional intelligence and good mental health do NOT do that and do NOT participate.
(My borderline mother bullied me with a lot of psychological lifelong damage because she was NOT in a "normal" state. and recruited two siblings for her psychological "crime", cuz both were too young and weak.)
Binary labels are confusing.
I have empathetic attunement so much I used to think it was extra sensory perception! I think that's another reason I hate crowds, apart from the sensory overload. I would love to know if anyone has had any success in tuning out this information.
Would not like too . Prefer to know when people are faking and lying or or
I definately feel other peoples feelings strongly
Monty Python greatest movie quote ever: "he's not the Mariah, he's a very naughty boy!" Discuss.
Hey, is Dr Tony okay? There's been no episodes since February. I hope everyone is okay
Thanks for asking. He’s good! Currently he’s in Europe giving talks. Later this month we’ll record another show. It’ll be up around 1st of July.
Be careful about writing about extreme empathic attunement. Because there is a requirement for strong evidence, just empathic attunement is not enough. Knowing something to be true or false this way is dismissed as a magic trick at best, or may cause you to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital as a delusional person at worst.
It is surprisingly easy to get committed to a mental hospital, but extremely difficult to lose a diagnosis after a period in a psychiatric hospital and you are not allowed to decline medication. You lose your human rights, as can be seen in the current high profile cases in the UK.
We simply need some awareness to tease out messages of the outside-world from inner-creations of our extraordinary gifted brain. Sense of realitIES is not as simple .
But there is a path.. a cautious one.
Anyway HSP are recognized for the known senses.
What i do: i compare with the animal-world there are a lot of extra senses, Echo Radar (bats), electrical-sensors (sharks), magnetic field (birds' navigation), polarized light (desert's ants), not forgetting the sense of smell, which is disabled by humans and by some insects one million times more sensitive...
Do we share the sensory reality with our dogs?
A bit of delusion is a wide spread experience.. typically human.. but this makes this book impossible... Which frame to filter out delusions?
.
New borns lose their perfect pitch.. what else do they lose?
Language-specialists have studied how awareness and communication of a given experience die out, through the absence of language embodying it.
Ex in an indian language, there is one word for the colors: green, red and brown.. The speakers lose the ability to distinguish the 3 colors accordingly.
So i will not try to convince any not HSP person, but i am certainly exploring further possible senses... towards animals for ex. This is a thing i could share with my mother . we had the same genes...
Dr Tony says you are more likely to be bullied if you are alone. I don't think that this is necessarily true. If the group you are with are all bullies or there is one dominant bully in the group, then you are more likely to be bullied. The nice people in the group won't stop a dominant bully, even if they don't agree with it.
100 per cent agree!! This happened in my class at school. Though I didn't find out until decades later.
No meds
hi would you mind removing the cursor off the screen next time? i find it distracting. thank you x
It was unintentional, an accident. Apologies.
Is development disability linked with sexual development ?
I am not sure, that I understand the question, but I shall try to answer.
If you are referring to the development of secondary sexual characteristics at puberty, the normal range is quite wide.
If you feel, that I have misunderstood your question, then please ask again in a different way.
@@scorpiotech123 the efficiency of secondary sexual parts in use like breast feeding cant last for more that 3-6 month and stops and no sexual desire and other thins like slow nail growth .
@@wildfire3989 I am still not sure I understand your question. Are you saying that the normal sexual development is different from the things, which you are describing? Most animals of the same size as man breast feed their young for about six months and their sexual desire is limited to the breeding season. It does not really make sense physiologically to want sex more often. I think the media oversell the importance of sex in order to make people feel inadequate and sell them products to increase their sex drive. Some people have very low sex drives throughout their lives, but it doesn't make them abnormal.
Please write again if I still haven't answered your question properly.
@@scorpiotech123 2 years is the normal breast feeding what if the beast cant make more milk after 3 months?. you cant compare man with animals animals cares more about food! No sexual enjoyment with ASD at all is due to development disabilities ?
@@wildfire3989 In view of the fact that you consider humans to be different from animals, I shall discuss humans. Where did you get two years from for breast-feeding?
No sexual enjoyment has many other causes and you would have to rule those out, before definitively ascribing it to development disorder. There is a simple solution to having no sexual enjoyment:
Don't have sex, go and do something that does give you enjoyment instead.
get him a microphone ...
he describes children not like people because of there voice (lout/sharp/etc)
GET A MICROPHONE pls...