Do All Asexuals Think the Same? | Spectrum
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- čas přidán 4. 06. 2024
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0:00 Ridge Wallet sponsorship
1:08 Intro
1:41 Even though I'm asexual, I still experience attraction
2:48 I masturbate on a regular basis
4:48 I find sex repulsive
6:36 I am a virgin
9:35 I feel invisible to the LGBTQ+ community
12:50 I am still exploring my sexuality
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I'd love to see some representation with pansexuals because I feel a lot of people have misconceptions about what it's like to be pansexual or they just don't know what it is.
Thank you for all the work you put into your videos. As your viewers we are always asking for more from you when we should really be thanking you.
i don't know if god exists. how can a person say that he believes in god without ever having seen him? I think in fact god doesn't exist.
I wonder how many of them are on the autism spectrum.
@@DA-js7xz You mean the participants?
Being asexual is like being born without a sense of smell but everywhere you go, people are spraying perfume in your face and when you ask them to stop bc it's irritating, they get huffy and respond with, "don't lie to me, I can clearly see that you have a nose. Everyone has a nose and so everyone can smell things and besides you just haven't found the right scent yet". And then you want to scream. This analogy is not mine btw, I just found this pinterest and wanted to share it.
This describes it perfectly
So asexuality is a product of low libido?
@@groundzero1041
No there are aces who have a high libido, asexuality is mostly about not experiencing sexual attraction
Excellent comparisons
That is a perfect example
Bruh, I hate it when others say, "If you love me, you'd have sex with me." Like, you don't even have to be ace to NOT want to have sex with someone right then. Celibacy, too. It's so manipulative. Blech.
Well for some people that is the reflection of love. And it is hurtful that their partner doesn't want to be intimate. I guess in this case it's better to break up than to have both people suffer from being forced into a form of the relationship they don't want.
@@marinaborzova8943 but in a threatening sort of way that’s not okay, giving ultimatums when it comes to someone body is wrong
@@marinaborzova8943 Saying anything like this, regardless if the person even realizes it, is a form of emotional manipulation. This is why communication is extremely important. Physical touch is a love language, but that doesn't give you the right to touch someone whenever you want. If you have to guilt someone into having sex with you; you are NOT a good person. plain and simple.
It’s suppose to show intimacy. Saying you don’t want that interaction makes your relationship less intimate for some people.
@@steph1212ful It's not a threat. It's just an ultimatum. 5ex is VERY important to some people. Aces will never understand that so the ace can just say no and end the relationship... They're not being forced.
Lol. I'm asexual, not aromantic. I still want a healthy relationship, but no sex.
this.
literally this. a lot of people confuse being ace with being aro
What does Zuko think about that tho
Yaassss!!!!!!
Me too. If I were to tell people I’m asexual, I fear they will think I don’t want to do romantic things either
I’m a mom and nurse. My daughter showed me this video… I’ve shed tears. I’m speechless… I’ve always thought there is something WRONG WITH ME!?!!! They saw I’m ASEXUAL
What's relief to find out I'm not the only older person who never knew what my own deal was!
Ohmigosh your daughter made you realise your orientation thats so cute
i’m happy for you!!!
Well yes there is evolution wise but you had a kid so that's a pass
Im pretty sure my mom is asexual as well as she told me she's never felt sexual attraction. She only did it with my dad because that's what she thinks is the duty of a wife. And while she said she doesnt mind it, she doesn't find it appealing either. You're not alone :) she's in her late 50s as of this comment
I actually think there's more wives/husbands out there who feel the same way but there just never was a word for it back then and people just went with the flow of what's considered the social norm.
Everyone is dressed like they’re characters in Life is Strange
Wow I am watching a playthrough right now and drawing a picture based on the game as I watch this and suddenly I see this comment, it’s so true
I hate to be the one to say it, but based on what they are wearing it didn’t surprise me.
STTTAWP💀💀 It should be: “ Do all Asexuals DRESS the same?”cuz i was vibing with all our their outfits
STOP because I was just watching the True Colors trailer 😭😭😭
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA LMAO NOW I CAN UNSEE THAT!
The most annoying thing about being ace/grey-ace etc, is not knowing what attraction is supposed to feel like. so often I sit there like, was that attraction or do I want to look that cool??
I felt that on so many levels as an aro person. Attraction is confusing and janky. Am I attracted to said person, or does their outfit just aesthetically please me? If i've never felt attraction, how would I tell the difference? Shits complicated lol
@@NikkiBudders so relatable
Yes, exactly. It's so hard to understand and explain the absence of something.
Totally agree! For me, it was important to learn the word "Allosexual", as most people take feeling sexual attraction for granted and the more an experience is common and felt as abvious, the most difficult it is to find a description of it! It is much easier, paradoxically, ti find online people who share about their asexual experiences seeking help and advice than finding a perfectly normal (intending it as, conforming to the norm) person describing what sexual attraction feels like for most people!
I’m not ace but my best friend is and we have conversations like this all the time. Lol I have always wondered what it feels like not to have attraction.
As a bi woman, I really sympathize with the feeling of being invisible to the LGBT+ community, I can only imagine it's 10x worse for asexual individuals. It's not a "wHo HaS bEeN mOrE oPpReSsEd" contest, we all deserve a seat at the table.
Exactly! It's infuriating to see that many LGBT+ folks measure your worth in the community by how much you've been oppressed. It's not a competition.
exactly! Invalidation, ignorance, and invisibility stings just as much as oppression does. Frankly, it turns into discrimination because people treat you different once you tell them. They don't understand and/or they try to fix it, and it just changes the whole dynamic between you and them. We can even get outright hate, just like the rest of the LGBTQ+ community
before i was ace, i used to identify as bi and i completely agree with your point.
@@ESCL2004 all while stating oppression Olympics is not real
i will never understand the oppression arguement either because in a lot of places conversion therapy against aces is still legal and some still consider it a mental illness! it scares me to know that if I disclose my sexuality in certain places that I could have horrible experiences under the guise of conversion therapy
Makaila saying she is not repulsed by other people having sex but she can't see herself doing it... that is me
Yeah that's literally me. Its called sex-neutral and it's just kinda, I don't want it but I'm not sex-repulsive.
I am repulsed by the thought of myself in a sexual situation, but I don't mind other people having sex, I just don't want to see or hear or know about it.
I identify that was sex-repulsed :)
I would probably do it to make babies, cause I know I want kids. but other than that, I’ve never cared for it.
@@snowbird1381 I could see myself doing it to make my partner happy and/or to have a child. Also, I've always sort of had a gotta try everything once kinda mindset lol. But I don't really see what the big deal is. Like people being sad and ashamed if they're not having it, dating just being a means to an end in regards to it. I don't understand that at all.
Same. I 'm not completely against maybe trying it once, if I ever date or something, but also it sounds kinda... Icky. I don't really touch people a lot normally. And sex is just like, touching x10 with various bodily fluids involved.
“I don’t get it, but I respect it”
^ literally how it should be for most situations
Ikr
This! I was going to comment this too! Sometimes I feel like I'm not ace enough and that my sexuality is too complicated and that maybe people wouldn't want to be with me once I try to explain it to them. There have even been other ace people that told me they don't think I'm ace because I don't fit their brand of what asexuality looks like but I love having the ace label and I feel like it works for me so if we could just normalize more "I don't get it, but I respect it" that would be great
Literally my thought process on a lot of things. If you don’t get it just respect it. And if you can’t respect it then say nothing
100%
I'm a racist
I think the worst thing about ace and lgbtq+ relations is feeling alienated by a community for people who feel alienated.
It's probably because of the people fetishizing and oversexualizing the LGBTQIA+ community, that Aros and Aces aren't seen as valid members of the community.
@@lakynpayne6476 I think you really hit the nail on the head actually
@@Jovviial just taking the words of an old mentor and putting some life experience to them
Surprise surprise, lgbtq+ are not perfect people, they can be as intolerant as the ppl they criticize.
I've never felt part of it personally. Heck, most people still think the A is for ally.
Its like being in a room of people who all have a different type of stuffed toy, and everyone's all excited about the diversity of these stuffed toys that they have so much fun with, but you don't have a toy so you get left out.
Being ace is really weird... Like, everybody looks exactly the same to me. I have no concept of what is attractive. Like, I *know* when someone is conventionally attractive, but it's a surface level observation, like the color of someone's shirt. I'm glad that there are other people who get it, though :)
same tho
omg you have just explained my exact same thoughts about attractiveness!
You’ve put it into words
agree
I'm asexual and that's exactly how I described my experience with attraction. I dunno if it's universal or common for asexuals, that's just my experience. I literally don't ever FEEL like somebody is attractive. I can know that they'd look conventionally attractive, but there is just no emotional connect. Logically, they're attractive. Emotionally, you'd be about the same as a fire hydrant for me, there's just so little attraction. Not that somebody looks like a fire hydrant, just that that's the same emotional response for me. It's like you said, an observation and not much else. Once I became open about it (I was scared that I'd hurt people's feelings if I was or that my opinions would be valued much less if at all) I started figuring out I was asexual. Again, I don't speak for all asexuals, I didn't even KNOW there was anybody else who experienced that besides me
bro ace people are so chill and respectful, the world needs more of people like that
Thank you for saying that! as an ace person that really means the world
aww thanks a lot,youre such a sweet person♡
hi
As an ace who’s scared to be open publicly about it, thank you for this
@@Pelos02 hi
„I don’t get it but I respect it“ love that
Asexuals are just virgins that wanna feel special 🤦♂️
@lizey why me?
@@goddosyourself7970
Yeah that's why many a asexuals have had sex and are in relationships.
@@richardsantanna5398 what are you talking about lol?
@@samhithabharaneetharan6184 because they can't get sex lmao
As an asexual, I generally don’t think it’s important to tell people that I am one. But representation is important. We exist and we need to let more people take us seriously.
What about if or when someone gets into a relationship?
It definitely is a weird situation! I am “out” to myself and close friends but I never know when in a relationship/friendship to explain this to people
@@deborahi6310 What about it? Asexual is a lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of cable of love.
@@deborahi6310 i think that in general the most important thing is to be open with your partner, so that the other person can be aware of your feelings and boundaries. After that, i think it depends on the person: some asexuals are repulsed by sex, some asexuals don't actively desire sex but are still open to it, some can have sex because they seek an intimate connection or because they want to make their partner happy.
In the end, every relationship is different! The only key part is being open, communicate, don't force someone/be forced to do somey you're not ready for!
Especially since telling people means having to then explain it and sometimes even defend your own existence. I deffo get that! . recently now I’m around people who are more open minded and if I have the energy and feel safe I do bring it up if my experience is relevant to the convo more so to make people aware that aspec is a thing and educate people about asexuality and the ace spectrum if they wanna know more. Mainly so someone some day won’t have to explain it when they tell someone. The first time I told someone and they knew what it was and understood it already was honestly everything to me.
“Sex is an activity”
Absolutely. I’d rather watch a movie or go to dinner but that doesn’t make those activities more or less intimate or valuable to a relationship.
?
exactly
@@ABC-sz7rd ?
All depends on your type of relationship. But for most people, sex is by far more important than those other activities in a relationship.
From Sex Education:
Florence (Asexual teenage girl)- "I don't want to have sex at all. I think I might be broken."
Jean/Gillian Anderson (Sex therapist)“Well, some asexual people still want romantic relationships, but don't want the sex bit. And others don't want either. You know, sexuality is fluid. Sex doesn’t make us whole. And so, how could you ever be broken?”
Even though I am not asexual, this hit me SO HARD I burst into tears... It's INSANE how sexualized everything is and how it's still SO taboo, don't think I'll ever understand why that is, I want to, but I don't think I can, it's just so alien to me to think that sex isn't something that should be talked about openly or accepted.
😅i really enjoyed that episode
I don’t think u should talk about it that openly 😭
@biibiib buubuub what’s the discourse?
@@chuusenberg519 why not? Sex is just another fun activity. Everyone (well most people) does it. I don’t understand why so many people are uncomfortable talking about it. Some of my friends have sex with a person but can’t talk about sex and their preferences with THAT person. It’s important and fun to talk about it
@@SchweinerSchinkler throwing up, y’all talk enough please stfu
Being asexual is even worse when you come from a very traditional family. I was recently called selfish by my aunt for not wanting to have a baby because I don't want to have sex. The amounts of arguments I have with my family about my asexuality is draining.
I feel you... stay strong!
The thing about being from traditional families is that you have to try and educate them on these things and it can get really messy. So I feel you 🥲
I'm my mom and dad's biological only child and sometimes I do feel bad about how they probably will never have bio grandchildren
My daughter came out to me as demisexual recently. She once asked me if I really wanted grandchildren, my ansyhad been well when you are a lot older and feel like you are ready for them. This took place a few yrs ago. Recently when she came out to me as demi/asexual she asked me if I was willing to accept furry grandchildren bcs she felt she didn't want to have children herself. I told her I would accept whatever she wanted to give. Her body, her life, her choice. I reminded her that I'm her mom and support her thru anything and everything. It just saddens me when I read about other kids experience with their own families not accepting them fully. For all of you kiddos that feel alienated from your own family, I love you and accept you. Hope this helps someone.
@@yorlinzelaya7021 you sound like a great mom! thank u this means a lot 💓
I admire Isaac. He was not scared of having a different oppinion and staying true to it, even if the mayority of the rest had the absolutly opposite answer. And he still is very respectfull with others opinions
I mean, those weren't even really opinions in this video that debate. Almost all of them were experiences. You can't argue with someone about an experience of theirs.
@@dodominoe4461 well, I think that opinions are largely formed by experiences
@@wasitjustadream2345 Well, I don't think that. Opinions are largely formed by the people around us and one's empathy and therefore willingness to change an opinion.
Same! And I identify as demisexual so it was great to hear his views
As someone who identifies as asexual and doesn’t experience any sexual attraction or a need for sexual pleasure, I do not think he is asexual. He is demisexual which is starting to be considered as another sexual orientation and not a part of a asexualality.
You don't realize how important sex and sexual attraction is to our culture until you realize you're asexual. I am an aroace with an extremely low libido and I have a borderline fear of sex and being seen as sexual which affects me every single day.
I'm aroace too, I have a fear of sex too. In my church a lot of people are kind of given the idea from childhood you get married then have kids, I have been so afraid of that. But now knowing that if I want to have kids I don't have to have sex, I can just adopt has been so freeing. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you need to do something with YOUR body that you aren't comfortable with.
My first sign that I'm Ace (that my friends were confused of), before I knew I'm Ace, is that I cried when my friends mentioned the basic concept of sex and how kids are made.
@@SunIsLost I dunno... Ace isn't defined by the FEAR of having sex. It's the lack of attraction that would cause that desire, that shouldn't make them cry though.
@@eleriamirayse6859 i mean it definitely can insinuate asexuality though. like, being so terrified of spiders that you pass out whenever you see one definitely makes you arachnophobic, but passing out at the sight of spiders isn’t a requirement to be considered arachnophobic. it’s just an extreme form of it. a rectangle is a type of square but a square is not a rectangle. you know? they’re just expressing what personally alerted them of their asexuality, which is definitely not an end-all-be-all sign that will apply to everyone, but still valid for them personally.
(sorry for the long comment 😅)
Im aro ace as well and can relate so much to this!
My ex did the whole "if you love me you'd do this" and it's very manipulative and so gross and that moment hit hard for me because it's still the same for me when I truly think about it. It's so very damaging and has since shifted everything I ever thought about relationships and the possibility of me being in a relationship. I 100% agree with what Chenelle said about being upfront about things only to have the turnaround at some point. It's very hard to find truly accepting people who won't get angry or manipulative after so it's become easier not to even try.
ngl i came to this video because i had a similar experience in the past and i'm trying to figure out if my repulsion to sex is because of that or something else
I feel like even outside of a relationship sphere it's so hard to find people who won't turn on you when you show them who you are. I don't know why it's so common for people to be manipulative. I hate that.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I went through a similar experience. I also joke with my current boyfriend that I'd probably be a virgin till I met you if I had met more people who weren't manipulative and I had met him first. I am Asexual but I will have sex because I can appreciate that it's something I can do for him if I choose that. Never pressured me once 😊 still think sex is weird, and I'd rather chill, but I'm happy to do that for him every now and again
I believe virginity is not something that can be taken without one's consent. People who have been assaulted (including coercion!) are allowed to call themselves virgins. Losing one's virginity requires having sex. Sex requires consent. If there's no consent, then it's not sex.
Man thought you was on a whole different trail at first . But i respect this and i know some people might need to hear this
Exactly!!!
and if you think about it like this. if someone steals your car, you're still going to say it's your car despite the fact that another person has it. why? because it was taken against your will and is very much still yours. however when you sell your car or you give it away willingly, then it is no longer your car.
i agree but i think its someones own choice how to define their virginity.
@@hunnie6715 The car/stealing metaphor is perfect!
I almost cried hearing their story about being coerced into sex because they are scared for their partner to leave 🥺😕
I am ace, but sex neutral( mostly) , still, i am not ok with engaging too often. Like ,i can enjoy physical things about sex ( like the intimacy, the skin to skin contact, orgasms are fine...tho i don't find them that mindblowing as sexual people seem to do) but i can only be ok with it once in a while ( like a tv show that when you are watching is entertaining but you don't like it enough to watch it everyday) like maybe, once or twice a month or so. At the same time I do go through periods of time in which i just feel borderline repulsion . Now, until this year i didn't know i was ace, but i knew how i felt about sex, and i explained it to my last ex. But he kept pushing to have sex everytime we met, every week.
Like, he would not meet me in public spaces when he knew there would he no privacy and no way to try to get me to have sex. In a vacation of 8 days he tried to push for it everyday, i sometimes gave in just to not argue because he would scoff and act annoyed when i said no and when i asked him to not react like that he went with the " you have to take my side, i can't control to be frustrated when i want to and you say no and it being visible" or " you could at least help me out even if you don't want me to do pleasure you"( tf, i am telling you when i see i don't feel like it, it means i don't feel like anything remotely sexual). The breaking point was an event that i am bot going to describe, because it might not be violent but it was gross and i feel gross remembering it. I didn't realize what i was being actually going through until after breaking up with him, and the more i thought it, the more i realized how bad the situation truly was. I am just glad i got out before it got really violent.
Worst part? He was my friend for 6 years, i believed him to be a great person who treated women with a lot of respect by how he behaved with me and other girl friends of him. I had talked to him many times how i felt about sex because i talked to him about why i broke up with my ex before him and it was related to that. He told me he didn't care that much about sex either, that he could live without it.
Now i feel like there is no one i can trust and that if i ever date again i need it to be with another ace person, but i don't know any( except my bestfriend , who is like a sister to me) and it sometimes worries me that i will never meet one because i would like to have a lasting romantic relationship at some point.
Me too. So much pain could be avoided if asexuality was talked about more. And then people have the audacity to say we dont face any hardships
Its a very relatable story for many, especially teen girls. I remember having an assembly in high school for just girl's about this very topic. It's a type of emotional manipulation and non-violent rape. Very sad.
They're partner has every right to leave. Just because you're not interested doesn't mean you have a right to hold your partners need hostage.
@@NineToFiveGamerUC0079 there is a difference between just leaving because of an incompatibility, and using the threat of leaving your partner to coerce them into doing something that you can see they don't really want to do/ feel comfortable with.
“If there’s an asexual in media, they’re usually just broken.” That part!
The people close to me who know about how I feel about sex have called me weird and asked me what’s wrong with me. Like nothings wrong. I’m relatively normal just like you.
I’m so grateful for this conversation because it’s an an It's an answer I was never looking for but just happened to discover. I feel so understood, seen and normal. I never would've thought other people I've never met could describe so precisely what I feel and
experience.
If someone calls you weird for something you can't change about yourself then their opinion isn't truth. I'm standing with you as an Asexual. And if the world calls you weird then I'm weird too, we can be weird together :)
Also a word of advice to those who think they might be ace/aro (coming from an asexual). If you feel sexual or romantic attraction towards a fictional character, YOU CAN STILL BE ASEXUAL!! I can't explain it very well but it's more like you're attracted to the idea?? But if you haven't felt attraction for a real life person (idk if celebrities count bc I've never had a celebrity crush) then you're a part of the asexual spectrum.
I believe celebrities fall under the category due to the impersonalness of it and lack of actually knowing them in person
@@theoneandonlysassmasterkenobi That could literally go with any person on earth
for a while I thought I was bi because of fictional characters but I have never gotten a crush on anyone real, not even celebrities. so yea im are/ace
Why did i feel so called out by this comment 😅😂
I don’t know whether I’m on the ace spectrum or just straight with no/low libido. But I don’t really care enough to figure it out if that makes sense.
I have been wondering for this for a long time but thank you for your answer. I am starting to wonder if I am really asexual or aromatic or both. I have many 2d crushes but not so much on the ppl I know. There are times I find ppl physically attractive but that's it. I think I had few "crushes" but they are very short-lived. The only strongest "crush" I have is more so an infatuation but I am content with being his friend. Or I'm just a straight who still doesn't have a full understanding of asexuality.
Being a gay asexual, I often feel invalidated by the gay community since there is such a strong emphasis on sex. “You just haven’t found the right person”, “you just haven’t had good sex” are things I’ve heard many times over. Often times I crave physical touch in the form of cuddles, hugs and kisses but nothing more than that. And apparently that is really hard for other gay men to understand and respect. The pressure and obligation to have sex often weighs really heavy on me when feeling attracted to someone. Being romantically or physically attracted to someone is not synonymous to being sexually attracted to them and desiring sex. I think this is often misunderstood-my physical and romantic attraction gets misinterpreted as being sexual attraction and I often get coerced into having sex which just leaves me feeling kind of icky honestly.
Very well said !
Sending you some love and positive thoughts.
You’ve stated a lot of what I have experienced. But I often put my foot down. I don’t want it and it’s not happening so go get your kicks elsewhere. Stay strong.
This i feel this too, and they always say that you just haven't meet the right person to have sex, but but all i want is only cudling 😭
I'm so sorry that the community is putting you through that. You deserve to be respected, you're valid (I'm a biromantic asexual who also craves cuddles, hugs, and kisses but nothing more than that), you sound like a great guy, and there is never an obligation for you (nor anyone of any sexuality since we all have a right to have our individual boundaries respected) to have sex. Last Friday at a party I actually had a gay friend tell me about his experiences with other guys attempting to coerce him to have sex, and how he feels that too many people in the gay community view sex as a means of validation (that's some terrible irony given your experience). He's not asexual and the pressure is still too much....Don't let anyone make you think that the pressure is "normal" or make you feel bad for not having sex when they're the ones trying to coerce you. The way society (in many, many countries) has handled the topic of sexuality has made it so hard for asexual people to try to educate others about our orientation, but if you try to communicate your asexuality and boundaries to people but they aren't open to it then...tell them to go do themselves because they don't deserve to do you.
@@joshuamaurits6366 I cuddled with someone the other day about 3 or 4 months ago. I also kissed them which I am now regretting as every day or two they want me to come to their house to make out and/or cuddle and I am like NO.
I finally told them yesterday that I am sorry if I gave them the wrong impression as that was not my intent and hope that they could find their kicks elsewhere and not to waste their time hoping that I will crack and give in
ivan needs to be protected. it’s unfortunate, but that’s not just being “coerced” into sex. its borderline sexual assault/rape, if not entirely just that. i hope ivan’s doing okay now. im wishing all the best for them
Sometimes in relationship you need to make choices. He chose to sacrifice his physical comfort to please his partner and stay with her. It is maybe not the best choice but he is an adult, and as an adult, you need to take responsibility for your choices and admit that sometimes you just can’t have it all.
@@rachidbogota6019 this is just ignorant. You should never have to coerce someone into sex, if it’s not a yes from the start you need to drop it. She straight manipulated him, it’s abusive behavior period & victim blaming is not it. Even if he was an adult that would be the case but he also flat out said he was 17 too
@@rachidbogota6019 this was a horrible comment
@@rachidbogota6019 he was 17 when that happened -_-
@@rachidbogota6019 lmao you're the same person that encouraged conversion therapy on aces/aros, and now you're going against male victims and asexual victims, your argument is invalid.
to everyone else who sees this comment, don't bother to argue with this girlie over here, she literally thought asexuality is a mental illness lmaoooo
When someone revealed they were demisexual, I felt so happy. I just discovered I’m a demisexual but it’s so hard for me to find other people like me out here. The amount of stuff I was able to relate to on this video in general warms my heart
YOU AND ME BABES YOU AND ME 🧘♀️🧘♀️🧘♀️
Agahsvdhdh same I'm with U ❤️❤️
I’m a demisexual as well. It’s nice to know there are others.
I’m demi too :) 🖤💜🤍
I’m demiromantic ace, if that counts!
i'm almost 40 and the word "asexual" wasn't a thing growing up. i've spent decades trying to change, convert myself, be "normal"...kind of ruined my sense of self and my life tbh. i've wasted SO much time because i thought i was supposed to. if i just had one person, ONE person say "maybe you're asexual and that's ok" when i was younger...who knows. i know you're not supposed to look to the past, but it freakin hurts and if someone happens to come across this comment and relate and feel a little less alone then that would be awesome
Im only 20 and can’t imagine what you’ve been through but I was always terrified growing up that I’d have to be “normal” one day. I’m so glad you’ve found your self now, we’re not alone and we never were :)
This is why sex ed needs to include the entire sexuality spectrum. How many "frigid" (mostly) women were asexual?
How many people married and had a family just because it was expected of them?
35 and just learned about this. Replaying things from my childhood makes so much sense. How I reacted to certain situations. What I’ve felt comfortable and uncomfortable with. Better late than never. Glad to have community and people who can relate. ❤
@@imjoceagirl better late than never is absolutely true! I’m glad you found out and welcome to the community :)
I was so lucky that i found the term asexual when i was young, and before i could hurt myself even more than i already had. its kind of sad that no one told me the label. i found it on my own. it was just amazing luck i saw those colors. I was curios so I looked it up and was like "Holly balls, this is me" (sorry if my writing doesn't make sense, I'm currently sleep deprived)
It’s so nice to be able to see other people who ACTUALLY understand. The girl who said their partners threw tantrums because they didn’t get a kiss - I feel that so deeply
just get your cheeks clapped, there no such thing as asexual
@@Said-zl2xc i think you clicked on the wrong video dude, just accept that not everyone is the same or feels the same
I thought asexual only means not wanting to have sex? I'd also be fine with that if my partner doesn't like it. But no kisses?
@KØI_Flow couldn’t have said it better 🤩
i don't know if god exists. how can a person say that he believes in god without ever having seen him? I think in fact god doesn't exist.
Here you go--some types of attraction:
Romantic attraction: a deep emotional interest or connection that isn’t purely physical or sexual in nature.
Sexual attraction: the desire for intimately physical or sexual contact with someone.
Sensual attraction: a desire to touch or be touched that isn’t necessarily sexual in nature. (for example, hugging or kissing a family member)
Aesthetic attraction: the ability to admire someone’s appearance without the need or desire to have physical, sexual, or romantic contact with them.
Platonic attraction: the nonsexual or nonromantic desire to be in a relationship with someone; friendships, for example, are often platonic.
For example, somebody can be asexual and also bi-romantic
Get this comment to the top pls
@@cranberry_sauce194 I'd love that. Learning about the types of attraction is what helped me figure out I am asexual, biromantic, and sex-neutral....not bisexual (which never felt like it fit me but was the closest word I had for AWHILE)
There's another type, I cannot remember what it's called, it's a lot less known, but it essentially means you wanna like cuddle with someone, but it's not really romantic or platonic, and kind of falls outside the barriers. I think it starts with an A or P.
@@beatm6948 Alterous attraction? Queerplatonic?
*Me seeing so many asexuals in one place:*
"Oh my goodness, we actually exist!! I'm not just making it up or having something inside me that is broken!" 😀💜
Thank you for making this video.
It's so nice to see people I can relate with!!
I felt the same way seeing this! we're not broken and we're valid!
The feeling of safety I get from those people is insane.
Does anybody else feel less sure when they watch videos like these and go into the comments? Like, 90% of the time I live my life confident in who I am, but then I go on a spree of watching ace content, and it just throws me for such a loop, especially in the comment section.
Asexuals not being oppressed? In a society where sex sells and we are fuelled by this, you can feel completely sidelined. My family wanted me to be a lesbian so bad just because it would “explain” things. Eventually my mum found out about asexuality and was like “oh! This is you!” And my family became really understanding. Then I got into relationship in my mid-30s and now everyone is confused haha 🤘
I'd argue while sex sells, there is also a lot of "purity culture" around us. Abstinence is pushed on every person I've met at a young age, told sex was bad, "if you have sex you'll get pregnant and die" sorta dealio.
I dont think aces are oppressed because oppression would imply they lacked rights, legality, opportunity or faced discrimination. Which they dont anywhere in the world, and they actually are uplifted in purity cultures.
asexuals are not oppressed
You’re not oppressed nobody cares about y’all. There’s not history of your oppression, no systems in place to make you fail, no slurs for you. You’re just disabled people who victimize yourselves. It’s called fear of intimacy, go to therapy.
@@jasminetoupin7761 Nah, people can be outcasted because they're deemed as prude.
@@jasminetoupin7761 I feel like while that’s true, once you grow up, traditional people will want you to have children and continue your “legacy”. It’s ridiculous that once you hit twenty, things, are totally flipped upside down and you’re looked at weirdly for not having s*x.
I always wanted to know asexual people like me i think it's gonna be really cool because i feel really alien
Ditto
We have an asexual friend and he is just doing fine, we are all aware of his personality. We chill
Same here!
I feel invisible bc like rarely anyone kno what this sexuality is or won't even consider it one😭
AGAAAAASHIII
8:00 - I got way more emotional than I thought I would. Sucks that happened to him.
@Tyler B #2 you're hella funny
@Tyler B #2 LOL
@Tyler B #2 you sexually identify as not funny
@Tyler B #2 you’re using my logic against me by saying you’re an inanimate object? you’re embarrassing yourself lmao
@Tyler B #2 it's not absurd.
To all asexual people out there, you are welcome in the LGBTQA community! We need you and your voices and you are valid
Thank you my friends who are gay and bi said I'm not and treated me like i was an alien was rlly sad
@@alita99 you deserve a safe space to be yourself and you are valid in your identity. Hopefully you can find some friends or support in the community.
ily :)
@@alita99 don’t let that toxic minority bring you down. I’ll be your friend if you need one💕
Small tweaking of words, because honestly, it really bugs me: we are part of the community.
We aren't welcome, because being welcome means needing approval, plus it doesn't make us feel like we belong. If we are welcome in the community, we are guests, and can be kicked out
10:40 the “you haven’t tried it yet” hit me hard, being asexual myself, it has always been that way my parents say they support if I’m gay, bi, etc… but they just don’t understand I just don’t want to experience s3x I just don’t see the point but it’s always them saying we support you but you should try it first you’ll change your mind but that isn’t the point. Anyone else?
swear we didn't plan the matching denim jackets
(source: i’m mike in the vid lol)
Nice!
Ahahah
Lol I love the jackets! You look adorable 😊
Every gay has the denim jacket
Lmao nice 😈🙌🏼
you should do a middle ground with asexuals vs aromantics. that would be super interesting
And have one aroace just standing in the middle awkwardly
@@lexi219 lmao it we’d just be confused
@@lexi219 that person would be me lmao (despite being more greyacearo/demisexual demiromantic)
Aroace: *sitting on a chair and eating some popcorn* Go ahead, I'm just gonna listen
agreed! that would be super interesting. and also include multiple ace-specs like this episode did.
Even as a non-asexual, I can sympathize that our society is so sexualized. I've been privileged enough to go on a date with an asexual person and while our ideals on a relationship weren't in sync, I learned something about a community I don't usually encounter.
That's really cool that you were open and able to learn something! I feel like that's such a great opportunity to learn and grow, just taking time to talk to someone that isn't like you.
Thanks for your kindness
“Being lgbt isn’t just being oppressed” really hit home for me. I float somewhere on the aroace sprectrum, never had a relationship and have never had the desire to have one or sex. That can be pretty isolating especially when you don’t want to intrude in a space where you feel like you don’t belong. I acknowledge the struggle that LGBT people have had to go though and I’ve never had that hardship but it was nice to hear that we belong in that space a of different experience with sexuality ❤️
So many of these people also just showed they are also aromantic
ORORORORO!!! I spend half of my day sleeping! ORORORO!!! Then I sometimes get up and tell you that I am a famous content creatorORORORORO!!! Please don't sleep while driving, dear ella
@@AxxLAfriku Please no one else give this guy clout. He's an attention seeker who's been spamming these kinds of comments for over 4 years.
@@AxxLAfriku u good?
@@AxxLAfriku I don't think it humanely possible to make that noise
Asexuals are just virgins that wanna feel special 🤦♂️🤭
The first time I tried to tell a friend I'm demisexual, they assumed I had been raped because otherwise why would I feel that way. The hyper sexualization of our culture is just too much sometimes.
Oh dear. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you're friend didn't mean what they said but if they did, I'm so sorry for you. Society is to blame about brainwashing us into thinking the there are certain things that are "right" for us. I hope you're doing ok
@@akanetori388 Thank you so much for the support. Unfortunately, she pretty much did mean it and that person and I have not been friends for some time now. It's a sad fact that many people share a similar story though. Makes you that much more appreciative of people who aren't like that.
I'm demisexual too, I'm so sorry that your friend said that, dude. It's really rough when the majority of society romanticize having sex and just alienates people who think differently about it. People being attracted sexually and people not being attracted sexually are things that can exist at the same time, it sucks that people just don't listen.
@@ares7625 Thank you :)
yes
The worst thing from my mom is just “your standards are too high. Just try it. Stop turning people away. Make up your mind (because I’m also Bi identifying)” and it’s just like no that’s not…that’s not it
@@SctsceDuwn That is _super_ creepy.
I love the ace spectrum. Being ace has really opened my eyes to see all the different ways people feel attraction. I feel romantic attraction and want to hold hands, cuddle and maybe even kiss. But it doesn't go past that. Some Asexuals even enjoy having sex, but just don't feel the actual sexual attraction part. My best friend is demi and she loves sex. But she just has to have that deep emotional connection to someone first.
I've also found ace spectrum people are just the friendliest and kindest people out there.
Please try to hold hands, cuddle and maybe even kiss another asexual. With an allosexual, it does go past that.
We're so chill cuz we never gotta worry about being sexually attracted to our besties and having that tension. Ah, a carefree life for me 😎 /j
Are demisexual people part of the ace spectrum?
the amount of excitement just from “wow look all of those people are like me!!!” really makes me realize that there isn’t enough ace representation and how as an ace person, i often feel alone or forgotten. it sucks to live in a world where no one really knows about, cares about, or accepts who i am. and then the lgbt community (the place that advertises acceptance and pride for who you are) turns around and does the exact same thing that the straights do. i hope after watching this video, allosexuals will start respecting us and fixing the ignorance and misconceptions that many of them have about people on the ace spectrum.
@@username6357 How we think like what? Can you elaborate, I'm not sure I understand your question.
@@username6357 Ahh ok. In terms of expressing love, a lot of us can show that through physical contact still but more so with cuddles or kissing rather than sex. Then again, everyone expresses these things in different ways. There are some aces that enjoy sex as well there's just a lack of sexual attraction. As it's a specteum, it's all very complex and everyone's experiences are different. I really appreciate your effort in understanding it better cause it's quite confusing when you first look into it. I myself learned quite a lot since I first heard about it, such as different types of attraction, the difference between sexual attraction and libido etc. If you do have any questions I wouldn't mind answering and a lot of what I learned was actually from the faq at r/asexuality if you want to look into it further. Have a good night/day!
Right! I started genuinely smiling at this video :)
I wonder how old are you ? Have you experienced in life ?
What kind of "care" and "acceptance" are you looking for and what happens after that?
I feel like asexuality is over looked. I’m so glad they made this episode.
I'm not asexual at all, but I find the hypersexualized nature of pride events really off-putting. It pisses me off. We've tried so hard to prove that we are more than just sex acts but are in fact complex multifaceted beings just like anyone else, but here we are reducing ourselves to sex acts (not that sex acts are bad! But we are more than that! Also it tends to zoom in on cisgender gay male sex so its highly exclusionary in that way). Granted it's been at least a decade since I've been to a pride, so things may have shifted, but that's definitely one of the reasons why I was turned off it. It was so cisgender gay male centric, and hypersexualized. Asexual folks are valid.
That makes so much sense! and thanks for saying we're valid, means a lot
@@wemadeyouasweaterlee Of course!
Yeah I see all these people basically in lingerie often holding hands or kissing their partner, meanwhile I'm the ace that sticks out like a sore thumb. I can only imagine what this oversexualisation means for sexrepulsed aces. Imagine knowing there is an event that might support you but you can't go because everything there would trigger you. It must be so isolating.
@@LibraryofAcousticMagic3240Hey! Sex-repulsed ace here. Honestly, yeah. It can feel so isolating sometimes- Everyone experiences this one thing and you realize you don’t. It can be really annoying. Thank you for seeing that, it’s really refreshing ^^
"not that sex acts are bad"; this part, imo, ought to be more emphasized.
The community should stop fighting this. There is nothing wrong with these people and we shouldn't push our sexualized views on them just like heterosexuality shouldn't be pushed on us. Just let people be themselves.
I totally agree! Everyone should be allowed to be who they are, and we should just respect that! Also, thank you for standing up for people like me. Even just leaving this comment and taking the time to say this makes a different for everyone who sees your words. You leave an impact!
i’m demisexual and every time i explain it to a potential boyfriend they assume i’m only demisexual because i’m a virgin or they think something is wrong with me/i’m weird. it’s nice to have a video of like-minded people sharing their experiences and knowing that i’m not the only one who is demisexual or on the asexual spectrum because where i’m from i don’t know any one who is. there may be people who are and i just don’t know about it, but it just feels like i’m alone and weird
Being a grey-ace aswell I feel left out alot of the times especially when they talk about their crush or girlfriend/boyfriend, since most of my friends are straight before when I came out to they about my sexual orientation I remember makeing stuffs up like how I had a crash on this particular girl and how I wish I could date her... It was stressful... It still is especially with new people 😅
Evan Edinger also has a couple nice videos on his demisexuality... Amongst other amazing content
demisexual here! you're definitely valid, we're not weird we're part of the spectrum
I am just like you, trust me you are never alone!
@@bekah10213 i’ll have to check those out, thank you!
My sister is asexual and people invalidate her identity all the time and it infuriates me. I am so glad this video was made, so perhaps people can become more understanding and informed.
@Joe Mama ok buddy im sorry you're so sad and insecure you felt the need to try to pick a fight over something that has nothing to do with you. i hope you can heal yourself. try therapy lil buddy
@Joe Mama bby boy, you need to rethink what factual information is. Asexual is a universally accepted sexuality. It's okay though, baby boy. I'm sending warm hugs
@Joe Mama lol go see how many rocks u can eat
@Joe Mama get to eating those rocks mate stop all the talky talky and start ingesting minerals
@Joe Mama about 4% of the world population is asexual...do they just not exist now?
My niece is ace, but not aromantic. I cried privately when she came out because I know how much she wants to find true love with a partner, but it could be difficult finding a partner who is accepting. She's had her heart broken a few times and has been coerced before and it just hurts my heart. I want her to have everything she wants because she's just amazing. ❤
Aw, I really hope your niece can find what she's looking for! No one should EVER have to feel coerced into something they don't want to do or will hurt them emotionally or physically. Keep holding out hope for her! If she's amazing, I know that it will be worth waiting for someone amazing for her.
She can definitely find a partner, but she needs to be okay with polygamy/polyamory. The partner can love her but will have sex with other people.
@@TomikaKelly Not all allosexval partners will have ṣẹx with other people
that invisible to the lgbtq+ community made me so sad, and honestly a bit disappointed in our community. as a gay gender questioning kid, i am so sorry- if any aces are reading this, you are so valid. i really really hope we can be better to you all, feeling alienated by a community for people who are alienated is a feeling none of you deserve. :(
oh! and if theres anything i/we can do to help with representation, id REALLY love to help :)
Agreed. Sometimes our own community is disgusting on how they treat others in their own community.
@@2tired4_urshit61yeah, it's really sad to see our community, the place where people should feel the most accepted, isn't very accepting.
Even comments like the comment you wrote are making a difference. You really made me feel accepted and belong, and I don't feel that way usually. Thank you (:
@@almamaimonderazon5794 I'm glad!! I'm genuinely so sorry you don't feel welcome and accepted usually, and I really hope we can change in the near future :)
I'm very glad they had a greysexual and a Demi bc as a demisexual there are days inside the ace club that you feel like an outsider. The Asexual community is a spectrum like the LGBT community is, if they don't see us at least we see one another. I hope all the aces are doing great today! Have a slice 🍰
Hi I am also a demi
Asexual is such a huge label, not just for people who are 100% asexual. It's a spectrum! (:
All made up AND nonsense.😘
@Sumeyo Hassan I hope you're doing great as well! You are valid and you are loved! 💕
@@allthingsbeautybyash Yes! Another demigod haha I hope your day is wonderful! You are valid and you are loved- have a splendid rest of your day/night/afternoon
"I think it's hard for (the LGBTQ community) to include the sexuality that is the absence of that." So true! And really, everything that Makaila said there was facts. It shouldn't be a contest of oppression but rather a celebration of being different.
Edit: Just wanted to remind some people that there's an A in LGBTQIA+ for a reason.
Spot on !
For real lol they are just virgins that wanna feel more special
And that it's ok to be different from everyone else
Asexuals aren't part of the LGBTQ community, unless they're a gay/lesbian/bisexual asexual person then they're just a straight person who's not into sex.
@@goddosyourself7970 You're just clearly uneducated, what's wrong with feeling little-to no sexual attraction towards others? I just would rather cuddle with someone and binge movies or shows than worry about sex. Sex in our society us so normalized and appears to be a must for every relationship to work which is not true.
I feel sad for the person who was coerced in sex. Also, Asexuals, you are our community. You are still a part of us.
Thank you! that means SO much. My heart feels so warm from looking at all of the wonderful comments. I feel seen and heard!
I LOVE what Sara is saying at 6:05 because it's exactly what I'm feeling. I love the sensations of sex but I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, even my sexual partners (even if I found them beautiful or nice in an aesthetic pov), and I feel so frustrated to explain this sometimes because a lot of people don't make the difference. I feel like a lot think that asexuality is just "not wanting or liking sex", but no, it's about attraction to your partner, not the act itself. Asexuality is a spectrum (as the video shows). So yes, sex positive asexuals (like me) exists, and it's so hard to be understood because some people are like "oh but you like sex so you can't be asexual".
I'm really glad that asexuality is more talked about though!!! Thank you for the video, it was really nice
Thank you for this ,always thought I was just weird for not dating ,not romantically catching feelings for a person and not being interested in intimacy. Asexuality is only shunned because people assume its human instinct to want someone . But Realistically Most ACE people sinply enjoy being friends with everyone & perfectly fine with not being able to relate to everyones idea of what “Normal” is .
Hi Troyce. I love you Troyce
Hey Troyce
Ah, so aro/ace?
TROYCEEE HEYYYYYYYYY
So true! I was so confused in my younger days and felt a slight disconnect from people because I didn’t understand their experiences nor did they for mine. Also I’m a huge fan! love the unique content you upload
One of the most interesting episode of Spectrum so far
True
You haven't even watched it. It's been 3 minutes since it was posted.
Have you even finished it yet tho? It's been 6 minutes not even half of the video since it was posted
It was posted a few seconds before you commented lmao
@@shaded389 Nah, these verified people just comment anything to get more attention and likes.
„It feels time consuming. I mean I‘ve go TV shows to watch.“
I feel that😂
As a closeted ace (to my family at least) this video made me legit cry b/c it gets so frustrating when you constantly feel that you're broken and you see how society hypes up the norm of a relationship as falling in love and subsequently having sex so you inherently think something is wrong with you. It gets so hard at times
“if i have an urge, i can eat 🤷🏽♂️ “ same sis
@Tired : highly likely LOOL
An apple a day keeps the horny away
💯💯💯😂😂
What
Oh
i never realized how painful this can be for people... made me sad
It hurts us a lot ... we're always invalidated and erased ... it does a lot of harm to peoples' sense of self worth and esteem.
It hurts it more when people force and guilt us into Sex.
@@KyleEvra Yeah and corrective rape is also very real and a horrible thing among the aspec community.
@@KyleEvra then don't date.
@@erenjaeger1738 are you really blaming a victim of sexual assault for being sexually assaulted
As a demiasexual, the "I masturbate on a regular basis" question made me laugh. Yeah, pretty often. But it's mostly because I'm bored, or stressed. Like some form of self-medication. I do not crave sex, and if my fiancée would've been present, it's very likely that rather than initiate sex with her, I just wouldn't have masturbated even.
That's very sweet of you. (I hope I'm respecting your boundaries here.)
I’m 29 and I only am just discovering this about myself and it’s like a lightbulb has gone off and explained so much about myself to me and has now explained so much to my husband who has always been so amazing with how I’ve struggled with this topic throughout our marriage.
I'm 20, and I just learned this about myself. Thankfully I know before I have dated anyone, I am grateful your husband is understanding! I am also grateful you were able to learn this about yourself! when we learn more about ourselves it makes life so much more clear and beautiful!
Why the hell did I cry my eyes out when Reggie said they wish they weren't ace. I felt that way for so long, like I broke down in my room alone thinking I wasn't normal, why am I like this, that I'm broken as a human and that pain mixed with those questions and thoughts was overwhelming for a long time. I'm glad I've come to terms with myself and finding a best friend who is also ace it's been much better.
you're not broken, if someone loves you they will respect you, and u deserve that respect
there's nothing wrong with being ace, ur not hurting anyone or urself it just kinda is that way
yes u can tell im really bad at being nice to people
anyways i hope ur feeling better rn
@@peppermint5117 I am feeling much better now but regardless thanks for the concern and sweet words, it truly means a lot. Thanks again.
That’s because you’re not normal
Yeah it’s very exhausting being married 9 years having 5 kids and now since we’ve had kids and we’re done having kids I again no longer want to at all.. but hes just finding out my sexuality because so am I 🥲😑😂 he still loves me and is cool with it, but it’s exhausting for me to even do it 1 time a month.
It's not normal, but it's also not something that should keep you up at night.
Some people suck. Even knowing you're ace and don't want sex, they keep pushing the line thinking they'll "change your mind". Give them an inch and they think they deserve a mile. Never feel guilty for saying "no" and getting away from that situation!
I hate that too! like sex isn't everything, y'know-
@Orochimaru I identify as Asexual but panromantic. I feel romantic attraction towards other people regardless of their sex or gender, but I never feel any sexual attraction.
When I was younger, I felt like everyone were just faking or drastically exaggerating their want to be intimate with a person, especially if it's someone they just met or have never even spoken to.
Only you can find out if you're Asexual or not, but I hope my little story helped you on some way😊
@@skissors those people are bad but sex is very important if done right to build a relationship and intimacy. Just because there bad people using it against you doesn’t make that thing bad.
No reason to date an “asexual” Person there are plenty of people that want to have sex on this planet
@@hopelesslyoptimistic8231 i don't think they are saying it's bad, just that society has created this idea that it is essential for relationships and no matter what you will be expect to have sex, when we know that's not true for many people
Wow this video was so interestig and honest about true opinions.
I'm asexual and I think I am an hardore zero sex. Which should be really rare.
No attraction, no desire, no needs... It would have zero diffrences in my life if sex never existed.
It's hard to other people, even lgbtq+ to understand my position about sex.
I see it as unuseful and a bit disgusting. I sometimes feel attacked by all this omnipresent sexualisation in our modern society.
Almost Every series have sex scene including nowadays. It personally bothers me but I have to live with that. It's alsways remember me that I miss something that 99% people on the world have: sex interests.
I’m a similar way- I didn’t realize people could actually feel sexual attraction and thought it was a whole lie people made up to try and trick themselves people into liking it. There really should be more options for us sex-repulsed aces out there.
I think if I grew up seeing ONE (female) fictional character who didn't fall in love, have a dramatic first kiss, or tear off their clothes after a slow burn I would feel less like an amoeba.
I grew up thinking I'm just a prude.
Lol, for me it was growing up and not understanding why my friends called me "the innocent one" and then I figured out I was simply ace...
For me, that character was Merida from Brave. She had no love interests and just wanted to be a person. She liked being free, while seemingly everyone around her wanted her to be married. She was finally someone who I felt represented by, same heritage and hair colour. I can always rewatch that movie and feel like I relate to a Disney Princess for once, I’ve always thought that she would be Ace or Aro/Ace.
“If we don’t have the word we feel so broken” the day that I came out to myself I was LIBERATED. Once I started identifying with that word so much of my past made sense. It’s still not super fun to be ace but it feels so good to feel normal
I completely understand your experience. It is so important that nowadays there are terms to describe different sexual orientation! When people "complain" about the uselessness of the existance of so many different terms to define sexuality, I like to remember them that one of the main reasons those labels exist is not to go "Hi, this is my name and this is my extremely specifically defined sexual orientation, nice to meet you!", But to be able to look for people who share your same perceptions and experiences and feel part of a certain community! This is especially important for less common sexual orientations, as it is quite likely not to meet in person people who share your orientation or not to know that they identify that way!
I also agree on the "not super fun part"... I'm still not sure about my personal orientation, however I would still hope that feeling sexual attraction is not impossible for me...
I'm so happy you found the word and the community of people! :) It is so unfortunate that so many of us don't know the word exists and i feel so much for the people who live their entire lives feeling broken
YES. I am 39 yes old and found the word just a couple of months ago, and suddenly I AM FREE, and my marriage is better than ever.
@Alesha Morris THATS INCREDIBLE it’s so nice to hear from an older person who is asexual as we need variations in this community of people. I am only 16 but I know for a FACT that I am on the spectrum of asexuality (yea it’s a whole thing I found my label a few weeks ago and I am so happy I found it!!!) I do hope you have a great day or year ✨
YES EXACTLY I WISH I COULD RT ON YT
As an ace aro it’s so annoying to hear “you just haven’t found the right person” it just dismisses our identity/feeling
IKR my ma and sister often say that to me when talking about sex and love with them. It’s so disheartening
If the person who says that to you is heterosexual or homosexual then you could respond like, "You're bisexual, you just haven't found the right person of the sex that you're not attracted to yet" and hope they realize how ridiculous they sounded
@@LiquidDiamondFlute YES
As an ace person who still has romantic attraction, i tell people that I'm ace but then they don't understand that ace people can still be romantically attracted to people
Another runner up for this is "how can you stand being alone all the time" 🙄
"It just seems so time consuming, to do regularly... like I got TV shows to watch" truest sentence I've ever heard.
Also wholeheartedly agree on the notion that "an urge" is more of an annoyance, and an "ugh, this again?" That is exactly how I engage with it
It's so annoying when you're family doesn't believe that asexuality is a thing and they still have certain expectations of you. I've personally found it hard to find someone to date being ace because idk if the other person will be ok with it, and Im also still trying to figure out if I'm aro or not (+ since I don't experience sexual attraction towards random people, the only way I could date someone would be a friendship turned romantic). But my parents want me to get married and to find someone eventually and it's hard to tell them that that might never happen even if I want it to.
I wish they had been able to find someone over 30. Older aces exist, but many of us over the average Tumblr age bracket are coming late to the word. I think it could be so beneficial for young aces, and those questioning, to see older aces, happily married aces, happily 40 yr old virgin aces, aces with kids. It's affirming to be able to see comfortably aspec people in all sorts of satisfying lives.
And how there's a lot more of us who had sex even though we didn't want to because we didn't know asexuality was really an option or had a lot of internalized acephobia. I had what i guess I'd call sex at age 23 and again at age 29 but I am a sex-averse ace and wish I could've just been a virgin for life.
This is so true! When I talked to my mom about being demisexual and what that entails, we found out that she feels the same way as I do.
Older ace here! Been with the other half for 10 years :) it would have been good to see more representation
Oh this is so true!
Um.. one of my fears as an ace is that would I really have to 'give in' to sex in the future with a significant other? Is there a possibility I wouldn't have to? Will I find a partner that's gonna stick through with me despite this?
Um yeah, this episode is great (yay more ace visibility!) though there's always room for improvement and I wish there were older aces in the episode. ☺
@@latias426 Of course you’ll find someone, there is someone for everyone. ☺️
Now you should do "do all aromantics think the same"
edit: mom im famous
What's the difference?
@@juliafranco6057 asexual means little to no sexual attraction, aromantic means little to no romantic attraction.
PLEASEE
Yes please!!
@@mo-xi9it aren't those terms intertwined
It's so nice seeing Asexual representation here. They are often left out of conversations about LGBT+.
I’m 30 and finally realized within this last year that I am asexual. Being able to put a word to it does help others understand although I know the lack of wanting sex (without it being a word) had always existed in me. I let my husband know at the beginning of our relationship that I was very disinterested in sex although we did have sex (I mainly did it just to appease him and the relationship) and because of that, he felt it wouldn’t be a problem in the future. We married and had a baby and we’ve been together for 6 years….. I have to FORCE myself to be affectionate towards him and it kills me. He feels rejected and thinks it’s his fault… his needs don’t get met and he cheats on me (several times). I’ve offered divorce (because I won’t take the cheating) but he refuses to leave me but I don’t want to have sex anymore. I feel so terrible when it happens like im being raped…. I just want it to end. He won’t let me out of the marriage and I feel like we’re both trapped.
oh no, sorry to hear that. Hope things get better for you! xx
i feel like most of these ppl are aroace, cause like some of them said that they wouldnt want to date someone that they find attractive which is kinda completely opposite to me. im ace but im completely open to a romantic non-sexual relationship yknow
Sammeeeee
Same!
same
same I'm a homoromantic asexual (and sex-repulsed)
@@feryn3811 oh sick!!! im panromantic ace :]
When Reggie said, "there's moments where I wish I wasn't asexual." I felt that on a spiritual level. Me too Reggie. Me too. But I'm glad I found the community that made me feel loved, supported, and accepted just for who I am❤️
😑
much love for yʼall ❤️
I hate it. I feel like I am trapped within my body. Unable to see the world and communicate through touch. Unable to show my passion for someone holistically.
Same honey, when I first realized I was ace I wished I could change myself because society is so focused on sex! I thought I would be missing out because I don’t feel that attraction. Learning to love myself as an ace tho and realizing there is so much more to life/relationships outside of just sex. I hope you find that too.
Yes!!! Its horrible because while I believe with all my heart that asexuals are valid and that asexuals are whole, at the same time I still feel like I'm missing out on something in life by being ace. Like society tells us sex and sexual attraction is this magical thing, so although I don't want to have sex at all I wish I was someone who did want to have sex because I feel like it's a part of normal human experience most people find wonderful that's been taken away from me
It made me quite emotional to hear Reggie talk about the “not having a word for it” thing. I don’t know why, but I guess that most-if not all-ace people have felt broken at some point. I guess that it made me sad, because when someone is gay and figuring it out, the exploration of their emotions is hard, but they already have a term to arrive to in the end. Whereas, when someone is ace, they have to go looking for the term, too. I didn’t know about asexuality for a long time, and when I found out about it I couldn’t believe it at first-at that point, I still believed that aesthetic attraction equaled sexual attraction. Eventually I understood, and I realised that I was ace too.
This would have been so much easier if our sexuality were represented just a bit more. Not even knowing all the details, necessarily, but just knowing it’s there. Lately, ace representation has been more frequent in media (Todd from “Bojack Horseman” is an excellent example), and I have been very open and spreading awareness to everyone who’s willing to hear, with the intention of making it less of an alien concept to as many people as possible. I hope that someday the term “asexual” will be as present in people’s minds as “gay”, “lesbian”, or “bisexual”. I hope that future teenagers will struggle less because of the progress our community made, that they will spend less or no time at all thinking they’re broken. Less time alienated and ignored, even by the lgbt community itself. We can do it, fellow order of the black ring, together we can. 🤍♠️💜
As a 25 year old who's never been in a relationship, I thought I was crazy for not dating.
It's not that I don't find guys attractive it's just that I don't necessarily want to date them. It's been hard explaining this to people because they automatically think you lesbian. I did think I was lesbian for awhile but I don't find girls attractive. So it's nice to hear this and be like "oh my goodness I totally agree with you" and "I'm not the only one"
It's nice to finally have a label and know you not the only one
My best friend is asexual and I don’t fully understand it. I appreciate this topic being brought up and I will continue to gain more knowledge
you sound like a good friend :)
The best way I can explain it is that, imagine a gender you're not atracted to (ig this doesnt work if you're bi/pan lol), when you see an attractive person from that gender, do you feel anything? You might think yeah they're hot, but would you want to have sex with them? Not really... then imagine you feel that way towards everyone
it’s okay man haha i still don’t even know if i am or not 😂😂
@@jauume thank you for explaining asexuality like that, makes a lot of sense now :)
I wish there were more friends like u my friends r like "u r just overthinking"
Where are all my fellow asexuals at? 🙋🏼♀️ We are valid and not everything has to be about sex
Yesss hii
Helloo
Cake, cake, cake, and friendship. Have no fear -- we will never abandon you for a partner!
True dat!
Heeeey
This was very interesting. I identify as gay and i don't personally know any asexual individuals so I have no idea what that experience is like.
I imagine it must be tough in such a sex driven society
it is, especially for dudes because the word virgin is literally used as an insult which is pretty tough
Missed an opportunity to ask about cake, garlic break, dragons and Denmark
dang i feel so bad for the guy that was coerced by his gf, she sounds so shitty and toxic. i hope he's doing better now :((
Wouldn't he also be "toxic" for attempting to keep her in a relationship that doesn't satisfy her needs, especially since he never planned to? Get a clue.
@@anonymousbo0318 nah how is it toxic to try to work out a relationship with a girl he obviously liked? didn't you listen to him? she obviously had the upper hand in the relationship because she threatened to break up with him, knowing that would make him give in. also how do you know he never planned to? he could've still been questioning himself
Is it a he or a she
@@anonymousbo0318 it’s not toxic to want sex. It’s toxic to emotionally blackmail your partner into having sex with you
@@hyunsuk We can't blame his gf tho cauz remember that they dated when he was still 17 which means they're minors who are still developing their understanding of relationship and sex life. But still...if she loved him so much why force him to do it? isn't relationship supposed to ask validation and permission if he/she/they are comfortable or ready enough to do it. Isn't she supposed to respect his decision?? Either way, they are still kids at that time
As an ace that “maybe I’m bi” moment hit so hard because I figured if I am not strongly attracted to either I must be attracted to both.
i feel this so much too as a panromantic ace 😣
i thought i was pan for the longest time fnfnfjfjfj because i felt the same (nothing) towards everyone
I thought I was straight until high school I started questioning if I was bi. But I was like “no way because I don’t think I’d have sex with a girl”. Then I realized I didn’t want to have sex with guys either and I just felt pressured by society 🥴 now I identify as biromantic asexual :)
relatable. thats it. im truly aroace. i dont think i can deny this any further.
Omg exactly cuase like i find both good looking but i would not date thme or fuck them
When Chenelle mentioned kissing I hadn't really thought of kissing as necessarily sexual. I understand that it can be sexual, but I've always seen kissing as intimate before it is sexual. You can give a kiss on the cheek(sometimes lips depending on the culture) everybody from a partner, a stranger in greeting, a parent, a sibling, a child, a friend, etc., in a completely non-sexual way that still imparts an emotional intimacy. To reiterate, intimate/intimacy is ***not*** inherently sexual, rather "sexual" is a qualifier added to these words(sexual intimacy). Though the video also seemed to mix the terms aromantic and asexual with a lot of their responses, which they might not see as different but they very much are, and so this might be where the personal definition of kissing is getting mixed up.
The different cultures thing is so true! Where I live kissing and even hugging is just reserved for partners, close friends and family.
(I just wanted to comment how kissing can certainly be repulsive to asexuals before I remembered I'm aroace and have literally no idea if it's a romance or a sex thing. )
Have a nice day!
i do want a romantic relationship but without sex. i do consider myself asexual and i guess i could say i’m “new” in the community so i’m still learning more about myself. thanks for this video!
I’m “new” too and am still learning about myself - not sure if I’m Grey or Demi
This hit really close to home, especially when the person shared about how they were forced to do something that they didn’t want to do. That’s what I’m scared of the most as a Demisexual person who is just trying to feel normal in the dating world but also just be myself and find someone who will understand that.
@Tyler B #2 Man I need to get sun glasses to block out some of this nonsense right here. Thank Goodness I’m not brainwashed, you can go now, byeeee 👋
@@Kai-gl4hz lmao
that's exactly how i feel
@@lauravgo It feels nice to feel like we’re not alone-
i don't know if god exists. how can a person say that he believes in god without ever having seen him? I think in fact god doesn't exist.
Can you do a "Do All Aromantic People Think the Same?" that would be delightful and educational to watch.
yes pleeeeaaassseee
Yesssss
I found the attraction question annoying when that guy blended romantic and sexual attraction tbh
What does that mean?
@@natsumi9331 you lack romantic attraction
i feel so seen i’m gonna cry😭😭 thanks everyone participating in this video for validating my and, i’m sure, many other people’s feelings
i only found the term when i was eighteen, which is very recently, and ever before that i’d always felt there was something wrong with me
I hate the idea of "you need to leave your comfort zone" or "you need to try new things". NO, YOU DON'T. If you know what you like/dislike, YOU KNOW. You don't need to prove it to anyone.
Completely related to when that person said about how they don't want to be sexual but sometimes wish they were, just to fit in with society. I always think that not being ace would make things so much easier, from conversations with friends to being in a relationship. However, I am learning to accept that this is who I am, and it indeed makes me happy to be this way, so I shouldn't have to change to fit society's standards.
I feel this. I go back and forth about where I am on the ace continuum. Sometimes I think I am just extremely particular about who I am attracted to and have dated a LOT of people and it's really effing rare that I feel enough attraction to get much out of kissing or being sexual. There was awhile where I had this big revelation about being ace and things made sense for a few days until I had multiple people invalidating my experience. I wonder if dating and finding a partner would be easier if I felt attraction more. When I think about how much I relate with many of the sentiments in this video and compare myself to the norm and see myself as being broken because I don't experience attraction like many people do and the idea that finding a partner should be a major goal in one's life and I sometimes can't tell if it's what I really want or what I've been conditioned to want so I feel that lack...it's heartbreaking. :( I wish it was easier to accept myself regardless of the reasons why I am the way I am. I wonder how things would have been different if I knew that ace was a thing when I was 10! I'm 32 now and hadn't really grasped the term fully until this past couple years.
"if we don't have the word we feel so broken". I first heard about asexuality at 21. When I first read the definition, and instantly recognized myself in it, I cried tears of joy, because for the first time, I realized that I wasn't missing a piece.
I am not a virgin, I've had several long-term relationships, but despite all this, I still identify as gray-ace because every single day further confirms that this is who I am and that I cannot change it.
I was at the verge of tears watching this video, because I've never met anyone like myself in real life, and seeing so many asexuals in one video is so rare. Thank you Jubilee!
I felt the same my dude, I’m glad you know that there are people like you out there and that you know that you’re not broken, that’s amazing progress 💕
I found out a 21 too! I'm also aromantic, which I found out little after. Before that I tried to date, and I even tried to sleep with someone because I just felt so broken that I had this thought that it would fix me. Luckily I ended up backing out, I don't know what would have happened to me, mentally, if I had gone through with it. Just the thought was enough to give me anxiety attacks for months afterwards.
I remember reading the definition that day and just.. Everything clicked. There was a word, which means there's a community. I'm not alone, this just happens to some and it's ok. Of course there's times I wish I wasn't asexual or aromantic. I want to find someone to share my life with, someone to stay by my side who will accept the fact that I'm just looking for companionship, and I know it'll be hard. But having a community to fall back to just makes it all much more bearable.
I feel the same. It must be awesome to be in a room full of people who actually understand you, and it warms my heart.
I remember first reading that definition and just having that huge a-ha moment! Crazy feeling
For me it was in a Gay alliance at school that I found my place. I know we don't all speak of her but I didnt know much of the LGBTQ+ Community until Caitlyn Jenner. And then it was in the community that I knew the tree existed and that there seemed to be a whole group of my species in the world lol.
I feel for them as someone on the other side of things. I'm a porn and sex addict. I started viewing porn when I was 9 and by the time I was in my early teenage years I realised how bad it had actually gotten. A little after I became sexually active I felt myself craving more and more sex with different parthners. I knew something wasn't right but I was too ashamed to share with anyone. Now I'm 21 and I'm one month clean from both pornography and sex. I finally found the coursge to share about my problem with my loved ones and ask for help. A lot of people don't believe porn and/ or sex addiction to be real much like the way many people dimiss asexuality. I can relate a lot to asexuals in the way we both feel misunderstood and unseen.
I wanna give Ivan and Reggie a hug they’re fully speaking the struggles of asexual people and show some of the dirty that comes with it props to them honestly, everyone else as well but them especially
I love how Sara says that asexual is purely about attraction. Yes, thank you. So many people seem to think that if you’re asexual then you don’t want s*x or that you don’t participate in it. But all that matters is the attraction. The action doesn’t define the attraction.
Could you maybe elaborate on that? This part of the vid stuck with me and I’ve been trying to understand it a bit more/see how much it might apply.
@@maellea8437 Sure, I’d be happy to. So as an asexual person myself, something that I’ve had to learn to do is to separate attraction from the act of having s*x. Your sexuality is based on which genders you are attracted to. But you can participate in s*x with someone and not be attracted to them. For example, a gay man could have s*x with a woman. But that doesn’t make him not gay. Because he wasn’t attracted to her. Basically, the action does not change the attraction. And the attraction is what matters. We can’t define sexuality by all the people we’ve slept with. We define it by who we’re attracted to.
@@rawr1131 I really can't understand this. Is sex just another activity to do with people? Do you make sure your partner understands before you do it? I have a hard time imagining wanting to use my body and other peoples' bodies this way.
@@argusfleibeit1165 I’m a little confused. Overall, sex is an action. Yes, it can be an expression of love or desire. It can even just be a means of satisfying one’s needs. My point is it doesn’t require attraction.
Okay, this is more to the aromantic side though. Asexuality is more that you don't want to have sex with someone but you might want to have a romantic relationship with them. You just don't feel sexual attraction .
I am an ace, but no aro. I love connecting with people on an emotional level. I like hugs, holding hands, feeling comfort and giving comfort. I like going on dates, even kissing is okay for me. I just can't see myself sleeping with anyone. I don't feel sexual attraction to people and it took me a lot of time to understand that it is okay.
I feel the exact same ! ❤️
I feel the same way mostly. Has it been easy for you to find partners who are okay with your preferences? I've found it impossible. especially online dating. Guys constantly try to push you past your boundaries and when you tell them about you're aceness they are no longer interested in you. at least this has been my experience.
MEEEE
This is me!! The one thing I struggle with is that I’m still strongly attracted to men, so it’s like...what am I supposed to with this part of myself yk?
@@withpeacelove366 Same here. There were some guys who showed interest in me at first. But when they figured out that I am ace, they changed completely. I think many of them just don't understand that this is also normal. They always think something is wrong with me/ it is from a trauma etc. I hate it :(
When the person said "sometimes I wish I wasn't ace" it hit me so hard. I still have so many things to learn about asexuality but I always thought I was straight purely because of romantic attraction towards the opposite sex, but only found out that isn't what straight actually meant last year when I came across an ace video. It was a really jarring awareness, and the realisation of what this meant made it harder to accept. Who would want to date me? Who would be alright to not want children, to never kiss or have sex?
Living in a world that puts sex on a pedestal, I had to make peace to possibly never date anyone, and have no firm relationships because of the high expectations of engaging in this act. The idea of deep intimacy is near impossible for me even at a young age, that for the first time I resonated with a bunch of strangers.
A supposed close friend actually once said to me last year that to never have sex even at age 40 (something along this age) is extreme, and to have too much sex is also extreme. I regretted coming out to them about it. Fair to not understand, but dismissing asexuality doesn't make it nonexistent.