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10 Reasons Why I Thought I Was Autistic - Part 1 (Diagnosed at 49)
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
- Join me while I share with you 10 reasons why I thought I could be Autistic, which led to my seeking a diagnosis at the age of 49. I could share loads of other reasons too, but I'll save them for another video.
Let me know if you can relate to the reasons given here, or if there's some you can't relate to as an Autistic person.
Part 2 is now available at • 10 Reasons Why I Thoug...
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#actuallyautistic #autismacceptance #asd
All highly relatable; and I think the aversion to musical groupthink is connected with the preference for routine, in that it takes so much time and effort for us to find and maintain comfort that, once we establish that something actually works for or appeals to us, we can't stand being expected to continue compromising ourselves for the sake of convention. Honestly it feels like 99% of my autism is about enduring the discomfort of things I know I can't expect myself to be able to tolerate; in fact I think it was the realization I can no longer endure that perpetual discomfort which led to my diagnosis.
It was the same for me tbh. Anxiety has been such a huge part of my life and I reached the stage where I *had* to know if it was related to being autistic 🧡
1) Social Issues - check
2) Telephone - check (a common problem is that I start or ending abruptly, not being able to do the ‘small talk’ to begin with or know how to taper off ?? and I can often feel people on the other end feeling uncomfortable. i.e. with friends I get to the point of what the call is about, without asking how they are, etc).
3) Light sensitivity - check to some extent, but noise sensitivity is more an issue for me. (Having said that when we moved into our newly built house 10+ years ago and we turned on the house lights at night, I found that the builders had put in all cold-white light bulbs, not warm-light. I felt stressed and physically ill. I told my husband that I couldn’t cope with the cold-white and I felt physically ill. He didn’t understand (or believe?). I tried to out up with it but eventually started crying and then sobbing and had a complete melt down. We had to go out and buy new light bulbs the next day to replace every one in the house. The relief I felt when I turned on the lights and they were warm-white!!!)
4) Tiny noises - check
5) Difficulty with hierarchal structures…
6] Rules and regulations - yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Get super stressed when people suggest I don’t follow the rules or others I am with don’t follow the rules.
7) Stims - check
8) Eye contact - I have learned how to do this quite well over the years, but I’m still quite uncomfortable about it and wonder whether I’m doing it right/enough/too much.
9) Employment - check, especially that ‘feeling in trouble with authority’…..
10) Routines - check. I don’t like going away on holidays, Hate it. Always get depressed to some extent being away from hime and from my routines, interests, etc.
Having said that, I have a spreadsheet with hundreds of examples of all my social issues, sensory issues, special interests, etc. etc. I just turned 60 and have an autism assessment booked in September.
Thanks for sharing, and all the very best with your assessment! 🧡
I've been on a healing journey since 2018. Last year, at 59, I realized I was neurodivergent and cried for 3 days...of relief. Everything has always been so difficult for me, and I 'went dark' for many years.
I had an assessment last year and the psychologist diagnosed ADHD but couldn't give me an autism diagnosis because of my Mum's memories of me as a child 🙄
I've spoken to many people since and have come to learn the assessment used in my area of the world are extremely out of date. I relate to all these examples and so many more.
Good luck with your assessment and healing!
Let me know which Autistic traits you can relate to - and which ones you can't 🧡
I've been referred for an autism diagnosis at 59. I'm waiting on this, but I keep thinking, I can't be autistic. But I've done a number of the self testing things available etc, and watched so many videos, including yours, it just all rings true, and explains so much, but I guess I'm still in denial. My son has recently been diagnosed, and again it all makes so much sense. But still I can't believe it, for me at 59.
It's such a lot to take in - all the best with your assessment 👍
I got diagnosed as autistic 2 weeks ago after knowing for a while and i relate to all of those traits. Its been an up and down time since the diagnosis but videos like yours are helping me relate to others, thanks.
Congrats on your diagnosis. I hope it slowly helps you to reframe things 🧡
Gosh listening to you feels like me ❤️ I'm 52 waiting for autism assessment. Thank you so much for sharing, I've found listening to you really resonates with me ✨💓
You're very welcome, Kate - I'm glad you found it useful. All the best with your forthcoming assessment 🧡
I relate with all. I have been self diagnosing for over a year but would go through imposter syndrome, just thinking I wasn't, that I was just quirky like everyone would say about me. I finally am seeking a diagnosis and should get the results this week.
I feel with perimenopause, my sensory issues are heightened to a whole other level that it's annoying. When I'm on a walk on nature trails, I smell death, it's unavoidable because the smell is so strong but my husband says he doesn't smell it. I also experience the stereo hearing where I hear everything and I can't zero in on what my husband is saying. I used to work in a hearing aid company where I was an electronics technician, I had to test every piece I made to make sure they worked. Well I loved this one where it would zero in on whatever was near and fade the background noise. I always said I would get that one if I ever needed hearing aids. haha
Aww, all the best with your assessment results. It's a very nerve-racking time, I know! 🧡
Well, I listened to this while I was in the bath and I’m sure my neighbours must have been wondering what was happening as I ‘oh my goodness’ and ‘yes, absolutely’d my way through your video! I was diagnosed at 37 and almost every one of your traits is either an exact match, or a near as could be, to mine. I hate societal structure and how it discriminates against those it views as lesser, but 100% love a rule (I can’t drive the wrong way in a car park 😅). When you talked about phone calls and how the context affects wether or not they’re comfortable or not, that’s when I decided we’re related 😂 off to watch part 2 and be even more floored by the similarities!
Haha! Hello, cousin! 😆 Aww, I'm glad you were able to relate so much, Daisy. It certainly helps in terms of my own imposter syndrome! 😁
Oh yes I can relate to so many of these. Without writing a book, I'll (try to) narrow it down a bit! Phone calls - very stressful, mostly in casual conversations with people I know. The ad hoc nature of them makes me sweat, literally. Avoiding them has also undeniably caused friendships to dwindle and disappear altogether. I feel so bad about it. In particular, I have a much loved penpal in Wales since we were 12. I could so easily reconnect with her on Instagram or Facebook, but this fear of "calling" turned fear of communicating has me frozen. What do I say? I know she'll understand but the fear is still there.
Rules is a big one too. I am a rule follower and when I see someone not following them, yet I always do, I get angry. Why do "they" get to do such and such? Why do they think they have better rights than I do? I also had a parking incident at the airport. It was hard enough to navigate to employee parking (I worked for an airline). There was construction and I parked in a spot they said I shouldn't have. I came back from my event to not only a ticket, but a derogatory, nasty handwritten note on my car. I fought this as best I could, producing my pass, the ticket and note, yet my company didn't seem to care to support me and I was told I had to pay. No big deal to them but I was so distraught for too long.
My sound sensitivity used to be bad. A common example we hear from many autistic people is hearing lights (fluorescent) and that was significant for me as a kid. Also balloons (hated parties for that reason!) and anything sudden. (Un)fortunately a few years ago I experienced hearing loss to go along with tinnitus, so I wear hearing aids. They have a white noise feature that plays the sound in my ears to mask unpleasant sounds, and my tinnitus.
Ok I'll stop here, but there are no examples you mentioned that I can't relate to! So grateful once again to have found other people like me 🤗
Oh crikey, I'm tearing up at this Heidi as I can relate so much to it all! I'm just so thankful to at last know that other people have gone through all of this crap too (and I know my NT friends would think I was completely nuts if I tried to offload this stuff onto them) And I'm sorry for your hearing loss combined with tinnitus - that's really tough 🧡
@@CreativeAutistic I feel like it's always a sort of "offloading" too, but it shouldn't be. Our experiences in life are valid. It's great that our tribe has each other to talk to, as it seems we all understand how hard it is to find out words, and find people who KNOW. The challenge is gauging whether the "outside world" is truly listening, or brushing it off due to outdated criteria, perceptions, stereotypes. My company's disability insurance group is pushing back on approving my claim. This is their business to do so! Yet they told me they have to review mental health related claims MORE closely than physically visible claims. That doesn't seem fair! They should be the first to understand that this is no less real than a broken leg. My doctor has provided all the information they requested to validate my recent diagnosis. I'd being crying every day for no particular reason, forgetting everything including how to spell (as a language geek, I am the last person to misspell words), not recognizing words altogether, forgetting where I am, the list goes on. I could not continue working in this state and needed this time off. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty, as if I'm making this up, and feel compelled to return to work because they refuse to acknowledge this. I'm SO frustrated right now I'm about to throw my phone in this pond 🤬.
My hearing and tinnitus is really no big deal now that I'm thinking about it. My aids have superpowers and I love wearing them! The tinnitus is only bothersome when it's perfectly quiet and I've taken them out.
Oh crikey, this is a mega stressful situation. It's just SO offensive and dismissive of people with mental health illnesses. I can only hope they see sense and approve your claim. 🧡
Thank you for discussing the phone issues!
I’ve lost touch with every single person from my past because of this.
Not on any Christmas card list anymore either.
Our actions make our decisions for us, I guess. I just wish I could stress to those people that I am the problem-they tried their best.
I'm so sorry to hear this, Harriet. I think much more awareness of what autism is, and how we all experience it differently, is desperately needed 🧡
Eye contact is actually an act of agression, something that neurotypicals often engage in, and I don’t think that we should adapt to this sort of behaviour more than necessary.
But the one thing that made me realise that something was wrong (or ”different”) was my inabillity to have a normal conversation. Even to this day, being 50+, I don’t know how and when to initiate or finising a conversation. If I have something that I wish to say, it may come out suddenly and out of context, I might even change subject in the middle of a sentence.
It also takes me some time to process interaction with other people. When I was a teenager and a girl was hitting on me it could take me two days to figure out what was going on. I remember once when two girls invited me for a threesome, you can imagine their surprise when I declined, haha. On the more serious side, I think that this whole thing with social interaction is a major reason why autistic people so often are lonley. Even a small deviation from the unwritten rules is enough to make other people avoid you. (Yet they may willingly engage with a socially skilled psychopath, but that belongs to a different discussion).
Oh yes coffee shops and anywhere with clattering plates, cups etc and lots of people in a cramped space is definitely a level of hell. And now I understand why, I thought I was just being an arse for disliking the places. I now carry loops ear plugs to help me in situations like this.
Ha, me too! Ah, that’s a good idea - I should look into getting some loops 👍
Yes, I can hear my eyes blink if I have earbuds in - seems to be 2 different distinct sounds - I think one sound is other muscles and not the eyelids
Thank you for talking about using alcohol as a way to dull overstimulation. It wasn’t until I got sober that I was clear headed enough to see my autism
You're welcome 🧡
Well done Lizzie, I can easily relate to all 10 of the autistic traits that you mentioned in your video with some of details of my experience being a little different than yours, but overall I know exactly what it is like to have these traits and I'm sure that other viewers will be able to relate as well. It really does help me to hear other people share things about themselves that up to just 2 or 3 years ago I thought were only my own personal challenges. Thank you for your video. I really did like.
Thank you so much. And yes, it's just so helpful to know we're not alone in all of this 🧡
Yes, I prefer in person to phone. Phones are nerve racking. Texting and email is def best. That way we can process what we read and what we want to reply.
Yes, I think this is easier for many autistic people
i have the exact issue with the phone.. i lost a friend because of it (long distance). I dislike the 'idea' of it, leading up to it (is a BIG deal! lots of anxiety) once I'm talking it's not 'so' bad but maybe I'm lying to myself because when I get off of the call ... i feel soooo drained and I don't want to do anything else the rest of the day. Same with calling family. My family do not believe in my diagnosis
...and now that I think of it, that friend sort of made fun of me because 'obviously' I am not autistic. (so not real loss with that friendship)
People don't understand what ASD is and I am not verbally gifted enough to explain it.
I have only fairy lites and lamps (most have yellow bulbs).
I hear everything and ringing ears (tinnitus). When more than one person speaks i almost feel like breaking out in tears, i just try to hold it together and focus as hard as i can on the person talking to me, but it's almost impossible...and wears me out so much.
Anyway, i can relate to you so much.. I wish i had autistic friendships.
I'm so sorry about these experiences with your friend and family. And yes, I can really relate with not being able to really explain what ASD is, so I'm just trying to avoid talking about it to people I know in real life (and we have yellow bulbs downstairs - I love them!) 🧡
@@kkm312 Why do you think you can judge me? It's not an excuse and I didtn't treat my 'friend' without consideration. She didn't respect my not wanting to talk on the phone or my anxieties. Also she didn't want to do video chatting or emails. You know nothing about what you are saying. As I said, my 'friend' lives long distance it would be a 30 hour drive to a cafe.
Why put ugliness here?!
@@kkm312 Shaming someone with autism, is unhelpful and could be detrimental. Comments like this are a real problem. @librarian1701-D Do not listen to this, it's just someone reacting to their own shame. You have every right to choose your friends that will accept you for who you are.
@@RainyIvyLiving thank you i'm stil shaking from the negativity, but I will move on. Bullies don't deserve my time or thoughts... That comment comes from a lot of ignorance of the ASD experience.
I only caught the first part of that awful comment but I've blocked this person. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that - I wish CZcams had better controls for this kind of stuff 🧡
Yes i can relate to all of it lizzie, iv'e lost contact with a lot of people by not answering the phone. A woman who helped me a great deal in yet another job i was struggling in was phoning me a lot after i couldn't carry on in the job, and i never answered the phone or returned the unanswered calls. It was years ago but i still feel bad about it now because she didn't deserve that. Also over the years people asking for my phone number and me feeling unable to say no and so giving it to them when i didn't want to at all. Then they keep phoning🙄 . Yes acoustics in a lot of places are truly awful all the different sounds are like a constant drilling in my skull. Thanks lizzie 🙋♂️
I'm glad I'm not on my own. I've felt a lot of guilt about this over the years too! 🧡
About the rules and hierarchies issue.
For me, it makes a lot of difference how this is actually defined.
I find rules as patterns to organize our life logical and natural. Otherwise everything would be mayhem, right? Imagine we had no rules for traffic lights or the side of the road we're driving on.
I am also okay with hierarchies as a roles model. Someone, for example, has to enforce rules, and not all can do it, otherwise it's chaos again. Also it makes sense that in a complex work place someone with more experience or special qualifications decides for others how things are done.
I'm also willing to give respect to distinguished persons in some area if I understand what great of a job they've been doing or how skillful they are.
However, I am quickly having a problem if it goes beyond those reasonable limits.
If someone expects me to perform some show of respect that has nothing to do with the situation, just because they want to feel superior.
Or if a rule can not be logically explained and is just a willful way to enforce a way of something onto others.
Or if people get into directing positions who don't have the qualifications, and they refuse to listen to feedback from "below".
I am also okay, if there's no rules or structure or hierarchy, if that's what the social situation decides.
However, I get *really* mad, if there are invisible rules that are expected to be followed anyway - and maybe not by everyone equally.
Or if there's a supposed rule, but then no one actually follows or enforces it.
So basically, for me to be okay with rules and hierarchies, I have to agree with them making sense to begin with, and they have to continue to make sense.
In a way, one might say then, that I'm *not* okay with rules and hierarchies after all. 😂
Well, eventually it comes down to if I agree with that stuff. And this gets more important the more I'm personally influenced by it.
Haha! I really like your thought process here! I'd pretty much agree with it all 🧡
Thank you for your video. I can relate to stiming for anxiety to calm me down. Rubbi g my tongue from side to side on the inside of my bottom lip. Watching the patterns on my spinning toys.
High sensory issues are another problem. I can hear things others can't, and also trying to hear in a noisy place.
It can be just so overwhelming! 🧡
Speaking of sounds, it's pretty impossible to read a book at a park for all the distractions. (from wind, birds etc) Must be extremely focused and interested in the book to even have a chance.
Im enjoying your channel- i am waiting for my diagnosis.
Thank you! I hope the diagnosis process goes well for you 🧡
@@CreativeAutistic thank you.
I can relate to most of them. Also late diagnosed here (in Norway at age 37) and high masking. Specially phone calls, have instant panic as a reaction when someone calls me if I am not prepare. Almost never takes the call then. I prefer mail and messages instead. Also like routines and can stress about one task out of routine of a whole day 😅. Sensory issues, I am jumping high when hearing sudden loud noises etc. I also wear sunglasses all year around when outside 😊
Argh, unexpected phone calls are the worst. It's so comforting to know I'm not alone with all of this! 🧡
I can relate so much. I recently got my diagnosis at age 50 and I am still processing it. Mostly I relate to what you said about phone calls. I believe that for me it is harder to understand people on phone sometimes, also the surprise when anyone is calling and that I am not prepared is a big problem. It is easier for me to hear and register what people say when I can see them. Lights are also hard for me. I need the right balance ans right kind of lights. If there is too little I become sleepy. If there is too much I become stressed. Hierarchies are also just weird to me. For me everyone is equal. Rules are important because without them we would have complete Chaos. I grew up between two countries and chose to move to the more autism friendly country when I was a young adult. In Finland people don't expect so much close contact and it is ok to seem shy. That helped me relax a lot after living and going to school in Germany. My mother is from here so it was not such a big step. It also helped me start all over after years of being bullied at school. Still social situations continued to be difficult. A feeling of confusing is something that is with me in almost all social situations. My best friends seem all to be neuro spicy. Thank you for you videos! I am slowly watching them one after the other. ❤
Thank you for sharing, Eva, and congrats on your diagnosis 🧡
This is a fantastic video - thank you. I especially related to what you said about hierarchy and employment. (P.S. Have you seen the news about the REM performance?)
Oh, man, I've not been able to stop looking at Instagram Reels since yesterday! R.E.M. has been a special interest of mine since I was 16, and to see them all together like this, particularly with Bill there, is just unreal. You can really feel the love and respect they still have for each other 🧡 🧡 🧡 🧡 (and thank you!)
@@CreativeAutistic I keep meaning to give the early REM albums a proper listen. I love all the hits, though I think my favourite song is Daysleeper. Or maybe Nightswimming. No, actually, it's Sweetness Follows! Yes, it's great that Bill was there as well. I thought the last time they performed was earlier than 2007. Either way, it's a special day when the original band come together.
Oh, I love all of those songs. I can't choose as there are so many that mean a great deal to me. I'd SO love for them to reform but totally get why they choose not to - but what a special gift they've given us with their one last performance (I only wish they'd chosen a different song but, hey, you can't have everything)
I relate to most of them. Off the top of my head problems with noises loud and small, stimming, problems working etc.
One I don't relate to is the phone. I like talking to my neurodivergent friends on the phone. I have problems with calling for appointments and businesses.
The other one is schedules. I rebel against schedules I think due to my ADHD side.
Yes, I think a lot of autistic people struggle with calling for appointments, etc. 🧡
I got 9.5 out of your ten. I can talk on the phone to my friends, especially the autistic ones for around three to four hours but hate talking to functionaries. I do avoid eye contact but then again, if I need to, I can also out stare anyone.
I have some other unusual ironic abilities as well. Like many other autistic people, I hate playing ball sports because it's difficult for me to calculate the arrival time of a ball when catching it and I don't care which team wins either. Yet, there was a game we played in school about once a year called poison ball, where the object of the game was to dodge the ball as people through them at you. I never lost this game. Lol, one year everyone actually gave up.
Your dislike of hierarchy is interesting (brace yourself, pet topic approaching, but I'll keep it down to a few paragraphs) and as you may or may not know, you're not alone in this as there is an entire philosophy called anarchism where people make rules according to who the rules effect rather than people just sitting on top of a hierarchy passing them down from above. No kings and queens, etc. Each village makes their own rules. And no one makes rules for any village but their own and they do it collectively. That's as simple as I can put it but there are many books written on this subject.
I think most autistic people can be really difficult to brain wash because we tend to think for ourselves and the desire to fit into a group is not strong enough for us to simply go along with that ever nonsense a group is into. Like if a group worship a god called Noop and all run around in a circle being silly on Friday because their leader says Noop likes that, we'll usually be, nope I can't be an idiot just to be a part of this and where did Noop come from in the first place.
Though, some autistic people do join religious hierarchies, but I suspect that is usually because they'll take anyone. No social skills needed. And religious talk is also super blunt, so easy to do. For or against.
In fact, I'd say, the perfect blunt conversation is two autistic people arguing about the existence of gods. Lol, my family is divided on this and both sides can argue in the bluntest terms until the cows come home.
I've gone off on a bit of a tangent, but it all gets back to artificial constructs of hierarchies and why most autistic people dislike or/and call them out as nonsense.
Ah, this is so interesting. I did learn a little about anarchism at college but I really don't know enough about it. One to look into at some point! 🧡
We knew I was autistic, it was just a matter of waiting for a doctor to agree women can have autism too 😅
Misogyny in the medical world is such a massive issue. I'm glad you found a doctor willing to listen 🧡
You're the first person I've heard mentioning the bubbles and clicks in the mouth!
I wasn't really aware I did it until my partner mentioned hearing tiny noises. Turns out I do it all the time 😆
So relatable!
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Hii, here to learn more about if I may be autistic. I can already relate to the first point but my ADHD made me comment already 😂
Oh my word, I did the same with the concert.😅
Haha! Welcome 🧡
I just went thru this process too and needed a DX in order to "know". I think the older you get, the more important to the individual it is to get that professional diagnosis, due to the number of years spent trying to figure oneself out. Yet I'm finding many who are ok self diagnosing, since simply finding professionals who have established experience with adults is not easy, and costly... plus there's so much diversity among us! However you go about it, and what your conclusion is, just know you are in supportive company!! Much love ❤
@@heidimj1380 aww, thank you so much for this comment. I feel warm and fuzzy inside 😍
@@CreativeAutistic 💚🫶