DM's, What line of yours had you going, "I can't believe I'm actually saying this"? #2

Sdílet
Vložit
  • čas přidán 24. 04. 2022
  • DM's, What line of yours had you going, "I can't believe I'm actually saying this"? #2
    Put your stories in the comments below they could be in our next video! If you have your own video ideas submit them to us on Reddit at r/MrRipper
    Stay tuned for more awesome DnD content!
    / mrripperstream
    / mrripper
    / mrripperyt1
    / discord
    Source
    / dms_what_line_of_yours...
    #mrripper #dnd #dndstories
    Stay tuned for more awesome DnD content!
    D&D players, what way did you use a "useless" spell in a good way? #2
    D&D Players, What was your best "Wait...what?!" moment?
    What's the biggest mind-f**k you've seen during a DND campaign?
    What's your worst loot stories?
    What's the saddest death that you have ever encountered while playing D&D?
    What's the funniest way you spoiled a important plot element in your campaign?
    DND players, what was your funniest “rolled a 1” moment?
    DMs, What is a plotline you've always wanted to run?
    Ever had another PC kill your character?
    DND Players, What is the coolest character you have ever played?
    DND players, what was your funniest “nat 20” moment? (r/askreddit)
    DND players, what’s your best Stories of Rope? (r/dndstories)
    D&D Players, what's the most screwed up thing you've ever done in a game?
    What's the worst TPK you've experienced?
    D&D Players, what's the most screwed up thing you've ever done in a game?
    DND Nope Moments #1
    What’s your best Tarrasque story?
    What's the funniest thing PC's latched onto?
    What is the most unexpected damage you've ever done as a PC or DM?
    What is the smallest way your DM has driven home how "evil" a villain is?
  • Zábava

Komentáře • 361

  • @jdat6960
    @jdat6960 Před 2 lety +347

    "Yes, you can seduce the door." Roles 16 "The door does not reply.

    • @ericb3157
      @ericb3157 Před 2 lety +29

      reminds me of something i read on a fan-story website...
      some people were playing D&D over internet chat while drunk or tired.
      one guy was trying to fix a broken door, but kept failing.
      someone else TRIED to say, "how can you F**K up so badly while trying to fix a door?
      i don't know what he ACTUALLY said, BUT this led to one character getting stuck with the nickname "doorf**ker"!

    • @somegoodsoup7008
      @somegoodsoup7008 Před 2 lety +12

      "This door is top high leveled"

    • @Aegisoftheshine
      @Aegisoftheshine Před 2 lety +5

      I had this happen once it was a talking door and he rolled a net 20 with 20 charisma it was very funny to watch our dm try to figure out what to do he later seduced an alligator

    • @ajtcj1356
      @ajtcj1356 Před 2 lety +3

      “The silence treatment”

    • @Kartoffelkamm
      @Kartoffelkamm Před rokem +4

      On a 20, I'd just make the door a mimic, have it fall for the character, and then it would try and stay with the character.

  • @florians9949
    @florians9949 Před 2 lety +428

    “When the dice are on the players side, crzy things can happen.”
    After seeing another party weaponizing Hutt porn, I can beleive that.

    • @eliasainsworth9436
      @eliasainsworth9436 Před 2 lety +8

      How many times have you seen this?

    • @florians9949
      @florians9949 Před 2 lety +15

      @@eliasainsworth9436 Not enougth. One time I saw a guy jumping from an airship onto a gryphon rider, wrestel the rider and tamed the beast.

    • @eliasainsworth9436
      @eliasainsworth9436 Před 2 lety

      @@florians9949 That is quite insane, with I could play DND with you guys.

    • @jellyfish9402
      @jellyfish9402 Před 2 lety +4

      Someone won a staring contest with the sun.

    • @charloscorto338
      @charloscorto338 Před 2 lety +5

      A-Another?

  • @jefthereaper
    @jefthereaper Před 2 lety +40

    "If you guys get another dragon addicted to cocaine"
    Man that has to be a very different kind of dragon hoard he's sleeping on.

    • @michaelkowal3230
      @michaelkowal3230 Před 9 měsíci +4

      The fact that it says "another dragon" means that the group has done that at least once before

  • @emberthefox4951
    @emberthefox4951 Před rokem +19

    The one about weaponizing Hutt porn had me bursting out in laughter. Imagine trying to gun down a rebellion only for the display to suddenly show the grossest porn in the galaxy.

  • @srphtygr
    @srphtygr Před 2 lety +59

    "You can now run faster than a Porsche 911 Turbo!"
    Same character later ended up dislocating both of our bard's shoulders as he accelerated while holding the bard's shirt

  • @iainbeasley9414
    @iainbeasley9414 Před 2 lety +46

    "You manage to convince the Lich that you are one of his undead commanders"
    he lies about his name as well and calls himself Pickolas Cage

  • @magenstaffarts
    @magenstaffarts Před 2 lety +226

    "...your tiefling dad is more well-endowed than even the bard who owns the tavern. Congrats, we all know how he's pleasing his triton wife."
    "No you may not in fact dribble the dwarf like a basketball."
    "Roll Constitution at disadvantage to see if you can in fact drink a dwarven bard under a table after having drank with your parents."

  • @petervoros262
    @petervoros262 Před 2 lety +95

    "Let me sum it up: you want to shoot at the guy, who is a good 500 metres away, while you're at the top of a 30 meter tall pine tree, with a twohanded plasma rifle, while holding onto the tree with nothing but your thighs. If you still think it's a good idea, roll to-hit."
    It was a Fallout campaign I GMd, and got capsized pretty early, but it did produce some memorable moments, as I made no effort to curb sillyness. And by the way, this loon actually crithit the guy.

    • @adaelion3772
      @adaelion3772 Před 2 lety +6

      of course the tree-humper got a crit. lol

  • @instantpurple1282
    @instantpurple1282 Před 2 lety +295

    "You successfully burn down the orphanage with the octopus mob boss inside." I was DMing, please don't ask about this headache.
    Edit: Alright, fine. I was DM'ing a a party of two rogues. Their job was to investigate suspicious happenings of seafood and drugs around this "Cartel." I introduced a few nuns that ran this orphanage for some flavor and interesting content. Fast forward an hour and they're beating up this boss and his goons. The fight was really going the party's way, so the boss tried to flee. He ran out of a backdoor and into an alley that led to the orphanage hoping to use a hostage to buy his escape. When he ran in the rogues followed soon behind. I really wanted this guy to survive as a mustache twirling pawn for the BBEG. But when the rogues got to the door, they barred it and lit the place up like a Christmas tree. *WITHOUT checking to see if little orphan Annie was still inside the fucking building.* Anyway, the boss was turned into Yanagidako and one orphan died (I rolled a d4) the reason these two lil fuckers didn't get caught? The orphan was new to the orphanage and had no records, they succeeded their stealth checks against the guards and got away...And that ladies and gentlemen, is how two rogues committed war crimes and got away with it. Now if you'll please excuse me, I have another headache.

    • @Sgtnolisten
      @Sgtnolisten Před 2 lety +13

      Too bad. I’m asking about this headache

    • @eliasainsworth9436
      @eliasainsworth9436 Před 2 lety +22

      Is it weird to say, I've heard this before. Except one of the players was soon killed by one of the orphans later in game.

    • @kenshy10
      @kenshy10 Před 2 lety +12

      That.
      That's not necessarily bad.
      You didn't say if the orphans were in the orphanage. It could just be the loss of a home.

    • @some_goomba
      @some_goomba Před 2 lety +7

      Hi.
      How's your headache?

    • @instantpurple1282
      @instantpurple1282 Před 2 lety +5

      @@some_goomba Better now. Thanks.

  • @disableddragonborn
    @disableddragonborn Před 2 lety +43

    5:00 I love when these stories audibly *break* the narrator. Hearing the exact moment that the narrator realizes the joke/punchline makes infinitely funnier.

  • @theorichalcumspider7755
    @theorichalcumspider7755 Před 2 lety +86

    "Please stop making Goblins your sex slaves." I stopped DMing that group.

    • @mrshadowcristal
      @mrshadowcristal Před 2 lety +8

      I had a party member who kept abducting goblin slaves, though uh, what he did to those pour souls was worse in some ways. He used one as a shovel to dig the pour bastard's grave right in the middle of town. The goblin reasonably did not survive this ordeal.

    • @GZilla311
      @GZilla311 Před rokem

      @@mrshadowcristalI was about to ask if he was still alive. That answered two questions.

    • @YouW00t
      @YouW00t Před rokem +3

      Do you happen to still have that group's contact info? Asking for a friend.

    • @everythingsalright1121
      @everythingsalright1121 Před rokem

      Horny group it seems

    • @alexutreras-rivera6059
      @alexutreras-rivera6059 Před rokem +3

      One of the main sources of income for my party is intercontinental sex trafficking, so maybe we have different standards for our tables...

  • @Sgtnolisten
    @Sgtnolisten Před 2 lety +64

    “Please stop rolling for dick size.”
    2d4 plus charisma modifier for medium sized species. Add (or subtract) a d4 from the roll for each size level higher or lower.

    • @Sgtnolisten
      @Sgtnolisten Před 2 lety +2

      For tiny, absolute minimum is a fifth your character’s size.

    • @ericb3157
      @ericb3157 Před 2 lety +1

      THAT sounds vaguely familiar...

    • @Sgtnolisten
      @Sgtnolisten Před 2 lety

      @@ericb3157 there was one story (maybe in a mr ripper video, don’t remember) where the players dragonborn barbarian wanted to know size and one of the players said the 2d4 plus charisma. I added the additional bits to make it more rule sound-y.

    • @knutandersson4606
      @knutandersson4606 Před 2 lety

      I'd go with 3d4 as the base because adding a modifier implies the possibility of a negative dick.

    • @daveshif2514
      @daveshif2514 Před 2 lety

      rolling for dick size is my preferred method of deciding who is the leader of the party

  • @eliasainsworth9436
    @eliasainsworth9436 Před 2 lety +105

    I think my favorite story was the first one, it was hilarious.

    • @florians9949
      @florians9949 Před 2 lety +13

      It’s thins kind of story where you want to vizualise what is happening but your brain knows that he won’t survive this.

    • @Raziel312
      @Raziel312 Před 2 lety +10

      @@florians9949 You: I wanna visualize what Hutt porn is like!
      Your 🧠: Hello darkness, my old friend 🎶

    • @florians9949
      @florians9949 Před 2 lety +3

      @@Raziel312 I am the darkness. *proced to put back ‘edglord for dummies’*

    • @eliasainsworth9436
      @eliasainsworth9436 Před 2 lety +2

      @@florians9949 Could I perhaps borrow that book, I might need it for our game tomorrow. I am terrible at writing villains.

    • @florians9949
      @florians9949 Před 2 lety +2

      @@eliasainsworth9436 No! mine! CHREEE!

  • @knutandersson4606
    @knutandersson4606 Před 2 lety +23

    "You want to, _tame_ the Grick?" I had already described it as a betentacled rock-snake with a beak.
    Fucking Nat 20's man.

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones Před 2 lety

      Nat 20 means fuck all outside of combat

    • @knutandersson4606
      @knutandersson4606 Před 2 lety +1

      @@oz_jones I didn't want to ruin the sanctity of that roll, especially considering they wasted 200 gold and 15 minutes to plan the strategy.

    • @badflamer
      @badflamer Před rokem

      @@oz_jones lol, sure if you want to be a chud.
      Most DMs understand the benefit of honoring nat20s for extra narrative fulfilment.

    • @ericb3157
      @ericb3157 Před 5 měsíci

      reminds me of a video by "puffin forest" where one of his players Polymorphed a KRAKEN into a CAT, then later made friends with it!

  • @omarg1471
    @omarg1471 Před 2 lety +222

    Last session our group killed a character we weren't supposed to kill and my druid who was wild shaped into a giant snake decided to just Vore it to hide the evidence... that's my lowest point rn tbh

    • @travisbishop782
      @travisbishop782 Před 2 lety +3

      Damn, that's messed up.

    • @thebronyhoodpony5627
      @thebronyhoodpony5627 Před 2 lety +21

      😂I mean it works , I just summon bugs to eat the evidence never thought of eating it myself but thanks for the idea

    • @sapphiredraggytheflygon8521
      @sapphiredraggytheflygon8521 Před 2 lety +6

      Oh yeah, that reminds me, I need to play a Dragonborn vore Druid sometime

    • @travisbishop782
      @travisbishop782 Před 2 lety +1

      @@sapphiredraggytheflygon8521 Ha! Nice!

    • @sspectre8217
      @sspectre8217 Před 2 lety +7

      Well now you know one of the Druid’s fetishes, congratulations!

  • @rosecarlene7275
    @rosecarlene7275 Před 2 lety +152

    “I know what I said earlier, but yall can’t romance the capitalist skeleton” (and shortly after) “YOU CANT FUCK THE SKELETON CAPITALIST”
    “Roll for sandcastle building I guess?”

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones Před 2 lety +8

      Was the sandcastle roll just straight INT or did you use Performance? Assuming you played 5e

    • @rosecarlene7275
      @rosecarlene7275 Před 2 lety +4

      @@oz_jones it was performance. And they got a nat 1 lmao

    • @plantainsame2049
      @plantainsame2049 Před 2 lety

      What game was this

    • @rosecarlene7275
      @rosecarlene7275 Před 2 lety +1

      @@plantainsame2049 dnd

    • @modmaniamadness713
      @modmaniamadness713 Před 2 lety

      @@rosecarlene7275 no idiot like how many campaigns ago... or what it's name was, if it had one.

  • @Seannessy
    @Seannessy Před 2 lety +23

    For me it's gotta be
    "You cast the spell, piss and shit flying everywhere."

  • @TheKoriKasai
    @TheKoriKasai Před 2 lety +6

    "you have successfully vored the corpse. Roll constitution"

  • @travisbishop782
    @travisbishop782 Před 2 lety +31

    DM: So, are you going to cross the gap?
    Me: (looking at my character sheet)No, i going to brew some tea!
    DM: Wait, what?
    Me:(not having great luck with rolls) Yes, my wizard is going brew some tea!
    DM: Okay, roll for it.
    Me: rolls a 19.
    DM: "Well, after making your dank-ass looking tea, it turned out really great, and healed the party members who drank it for 10 hp."

  • @ericb3157
    @ericb3157 Před 2 lety +17

    "so, you dug a pit trap for a flying creature?"
    -that reminds me of a scene in the Yu-Gi-Oh manga where "jonouchi" (joey wheeler) tried to use a "spiked pit" trap card against a flying creature...
    it LITERALLY knocked him on his butt!

  • @underpaidcor
    @underpaidcor Před 2 lety +80

    Had this happen last night. Party enters a room with a chest clearly guarded by some soon to be animated objects, one of which is a piano and some other instruments. Naturally the party members start playing their hearts out and all fail their performance checks spectacularly until it is the clerics turn on the piano. Nat 20, ok you start shredding like Elton John, everybody gets a laugh and out of respect for the nat 20 I gave the cleric proficiency on the piano. Eventually the party opens the chest triggering the furniture in the room to spring to life and attack. The cleric asks if he can talk the piano into joining their side because they just had such a tender moment together. Sure why not, try to sway the mindless animated piano. Nat 20. Heavy sigh, ok you have successfully seduced the piano.

    • @ericb3157
      @ericb3157 Před 2 lety +7

      reminds me of a fan-story where someone made friends with "the living gazebo" monster...

    • @parkpakh7775
      @parkpakh7775 Před rokem +3

      What the f…….

  • @mamas_answers2924
    @mamas_answers2924 Před 2 lety +5

    “Yes, you can bite the wizard’s rat familiar.” The rat had a single hit point. It died and disappeared.

  • @larreization
    @larreization Před 2 lety +31

    I posted this under your first video on this topic a few hours ago, so I repeat it here. :-D
    (sigh) "Aaaaaalright, just give me a second, I need to figure out if an Owlbear can be impregnated by a horse." (Session 0)
    "So... So you basically want to have explosive diarrhea in front of the king to 'prove a point'?"
    "Congratulations, you successfully drowned the fish."
    "... I don't care for your nat 20, you cannot slam a revolving door!"
    "One does not simply stole the church's bell." (That was actually a player)
    "(...) and while you'r at it, add the princess to your inventory." *everyone stares* "Ah, no, wait, I mean-" *frantic scribbling*
    "No, it is absolute not considered lawful good to slay soldiers with their own queen as a makeshift weapon."
    "FFS, Frank, this is NOT an Anime, you can NOT have a magical chainsaw that turns you into a magical girl, so CUT IT OUT!"
    "Well, if you put it that way, zombies in fact can fall into alcoholism."
    "I don't think painting your toenails pink will help you with that bounty..." (PC to another PC)
    "You've successfully overthrown the commandstructure of the schoolyard." (In a fantastc spin-off-session in where we all played our characters but are transported to a modern japanese-inspired school. Think of Isekai Quartett.)
    "I thought it was clear, but now you force me to mention the princess is only around 12, so..."
    "Yeah, the bandit's captain is most definitly impressed by your crude drawn d*ck on the toiletdoor."
    Edit: It was all from one campaign, order is loosly timely.

    • @CodaBlairLucarioEmperor
      @CodaBlairLucarioEmperor Před 2 lety +2

      Was the chainsaw thing a pun on purpose or accidentally? (cut it out)

    • @larreization
      @larreization Před 2 lety +4

      @@CodaBlairLucarioEmperor Well, the pun was on purpose, but since some german phrases cannot be translated literal into english without loosing the context. He said "Lass es, sonst säge ich dich ab!" wich would literally translate to "Stop it, or I'll saw you down!" Since the meaning of this phrase is to punish someone very hard verbaly in german, it won't make the cut in english. I remembered my english teacher back in school who often would use the phrase "cur it out!" if someone is pulling shenanigans during the lessons. So I decided to translate more freely. :-D

    • @CodaBlairLucarioEmperor
      @CodaBlairLucarioEmperor Před 2 lety +2

      @@larreization Cut it out in English essentially means to tell someone to stop doing something usually aggressively so I'd say that works.

    • @larreization
      @larreization Před 2 lety +2

      @@CodaBlairLucarioEmperor Oh, okay, my english isn't that proficient to tell the exact difference, but i'm glad to *ahem* make the cut.

    • @casteanpreswyn7528
      @casteanpreswyn7528 Před 2 lety

      @@larreization in Pathfinder you're magical girl with a chainsaw player could literally build that character, no problem.

  • @meisterschwert
    @meisterschwert Před 2 lety +27

    I'm trying to find a way to make an NPC talk about how they have "Dino DNA" as an elaborate reference to Yu-Gi-Oh! GX.

    • @liberationnation3924
      @liberationnation3924 Před 2 lety +1

      Or Dino Squad

    • @aidanorellano2800
      @aidanorellano2800 Před 2 lety

      or jurassic park

    • @meisterschwert
      @meisterschwert Před 2 lety +3

      @@liberationnation3924 but i'm referencing a full quote: "On a routine dig for dinosaur fossils, a landslide broke out and nearly broke my leg in two! The doctors had to operate quick, so they used the dinosaur bone I found to save my leg! ever since, I've had what's known as Dino DNA."

    • @Sgtnolisten
      @Sgtnolisten Před 2 lety

      My Dragonborn Paladin comes from a village hidden within a mountain’s cave system, and while it’s never been relevant to the story I always had a background backstory for his village in that they had creation myths based around dinosaurs, and that that’s the reason why my character is so fascinated and loves dinosaurs.
      Maybe you could do something similar

  • @ArcherFudge
    @ArcherFudge Před 2 lety +13

    I was DMing for some of my friends once. I decided since they were new, we would do some basic fighting before the campaign so they could get the hang of things. They were off the rails. One kept trying to summon magic axolotls (she rolled a damn nat20 so i let her) and then once successful start "world war III with axolotls" in the hopes that the little tiny goblin they were attacking could get caught in the crossfire in the warzone and one kept trying to summon floppas. The one summoning floppas had TERRIBLE luck. She only rolled more than like a 10 once or twice the entire session. I said she had to roll a nat 20, because she wasn't playing a magic user and summoning animals was above her paygrade (the other girl was a druid so i let her summon the axolotls). I basically just said that she knew a floppa call to get their attention. She got tunnel vision. Every turn, she didn't attack the goblin, even after her teammate died, she just tried to tame floppas. No floppa. So, i said, she had done this so many times she had angered the entire species and now all floppas hate her and when she tries to call for one, it will bite her and run off, and she'll loose hp.
    TL;DR
    I had to say "ok. Now the entire speices of floppa hate you and they bite you every time you summon them. Now can you please attack the goblins instead of trying to summon floppas?"

  • @horesfan400
    @horesfan400 Před 2 lety +11

    "You may have poisoned your ally, but at least you can use that elixir against the mammoths" Me while GMing Ironsworn.

  • @hippos93
    @hippos93 Před 2 lety +6

    'We made friends with the rat collective, so they can seize the means of production.' explaining what we did that didn't involve murder last night to the city guard.

  • @dreamingwolf7521
    @dreamingwolf7521 Před 2 lety +4

    I remember realizing a fun way to kill enemies regardless of how strong they were, generally. My character had a Bag of Devouring and could cast the spell Polymorph. So, when confronted by an enemy I would sometimes just polymorph them into a painted turtle, walk up to them, and stuff them into the Bag of Devouring. They would be consumed by the horrible entity and undoing the polymorph would not save them from that. So I just had a bag I fed turtles too and the DM didn't know how to stop me

  • @azreon25
    @azreon25 Před 2 lety +7

    The first story broke me 🤣

  • @C0matoasted_
    @C0matoasted_ Před 2 lety +21

    "Good lord, As you try to convince the principal with your mischievous deeds he stares for a quick moment and nods his head at you subtly enough only for you to notice."
    My player rolled a Nat 19 trying to convince their school principal to have intercourse, It was their first time playing and it was a oneshot. I also had them roll a performance check and I remember that they rolled a nat 18. Thats how we ended the oneshot and I could not have been more surprised-

  • @CodaBlairLucarioEmperor
    @CodaBlairLucarioEmperor Před 2 lety +8

    That space baby is either a reference to the latest season of Rick and Morty or they predicted Morty and Summer's giant space baby.

  • @thescowl6971
    @thescowl6971 Před 2 lety +8

    Man, I wish I was half as creative as these guys.

  • @FormulaFox
    @FormulaFox Před 2 lety +8

    Fucking hell, the zombie flesh cooking reminded me of my best friend's worst D&D experience. It came to a head as a result of the EXACT SAME CHOICE OF ACTION.

  • @ericb3157
    @ericb3157 Před 2 lety +3

    "you have killed the kraken with your tree" reminds me of a VERY old text adventure:
    "congratulations! you have successfully killed a dragon with your bare hands! unbelievable, isn't it!"

  • @Kishandreth
    @Kishandreth Před 2 lety +4

    Totally stealing this story to add here because it's perfect:
    After being told by the NPC they could have a magical statue that changes it's face to reflect whomever is looking at it from a short distance if they take it with them as they leave. There were a few failed strength checks and the druid decided to try talking to the statue to convince it that it wanted to go with them and should make itself lighter.
    "roll persuasion"
    "nothing happens, it's a bust."

  • @Crispybacon7734
    @Crispybacon7734 Před 2 lety +5

    "So, you want to kill the prisoners, that you just freed, and use their blood to summon a devil?"
    "Yes."
    "Ok. While this is happening what are you doing."
    "I'll watch."

  • @somedudewithaniqof2795
    @somedudewithaniqof2795 Před 2 lety +3

    "well there goes the multiverse..."

  • @mamafatcakes1234
    @mamafatcakes1234 Před 2 lety +3

    That ending was so wholesome ❤️

  • @srirachasalad
    @srirachasalad Před 2 lety +3

    in a campaign I was co-DMing for, a character tried to betray the party by poisoning one of his allies. this was later into the campaign so the person whom he tried to poison survived, but barely.
    the person who tried to betray was surrounded by 4 high level characters. ended up saying "you get past them, but you're going to take 10 opportunity attacks." he did not survive those attacks

  • @numbskull9481
    @numbskull9481 Před 2 lety +4

    A comment for the quote at 10:30
    Had a big dumb barbarian Tortle also try to cook and eat a dead zombie's rotting flesh, it did not end well lol. He also made a bat kabob after killing a bunch of bats, impaled on his morningstar of a weapon.

  • @thod-thod
    @thod-thod Před 8 měsíci +1

    _sigh_ “You approach the Dread King and ask him for his autograph.”

  • @HikariHellion
    @HikariHellion Před rokem +1

    The very first story in this video is still one of my favorite stories on the entire channel 🤣

  • @skylerwolf4998
    @skylerwolf4998 Před 9 měsíci

    This whole video is just the narrator dying over people having to say stupid things and I LOVE IT. God I love DnD Reddit, because you will always find something funny.

  • @jdat6960
    @jdat6960 Před 2 lety +3

    Player: "I want to piss in the corner"
    Old wereraven: 😳

  • @angelaoneal5169
    @angelaoneal5169 Před 2 lety +3

    Wait! Did someone else make their awakened shrub in Rime of the Frostmaiden a bartender? That's what my player's did when I ran that campaign.

  • @takedownmg5096
    @takedownmg5096 Před 2 lety +3

    I once played back in school and I was a cleric and we had just killed some goblins. I, for no dang reason decided to skin them. Afterwards one of my party wanted to wear the skin (wtf?). So the DM said "You now blinded from the goblin's blood" so we had a blind wizard and a crazy cleric. Fun times :).

  • @texgum833
    @texgum833 Před 2 lety +4

    "you successfully seduce the guard and the homeless person next to him"

  • @Dragon359
    @Dragon359 Před 2 lety +5

    High/low rolls can make even the best laid plans either amazingly executed, or having things go down in a blaze of glory. Amazing stories though, in their own strange right. xD

  • @comunistbanana
    @comunistbanana Před 2 lety +2

    In my DND group text between sessions:
    *Posts picture of a dice tray with 45d6 in it, rolling 179 in total.*
    "That's how much poison damage the horse does"

  • @ThePariahDark
    @ThePariahDark Před 2 lety +4

    "No, you can't have sex with the Myrkul pristess, it would make you fall" (talking to a paladin)
    His response "I ain't gonna marry her, I just wanna bang her"
    "No, cooperating with evil in any way is against your code."

  • @jefthereaper
    @jefthereaper Před 2 lety +2

    "Roll to see if the mustard gas gave you superpowers"
    *Natural 20*
    "Congratulations! You are now super dead, becaurse its mustard gas.

  • @bloodydarkangel936
    @bloodydarkangel936 Před 2 lety +1

    He runs straight into the flaming wall of mayonnaise

  • @Goldie299
    @Goldie299 Před 2 lety +1

    "yes... your ostrich hits the blight mamba" - me, dm for one of my recent games

  • @emmalinesky2578
    @emmalinesky2578 Před 2 lety +2

    After the post with the back story of Cotton-eyed Joe, I started jamming out to the song Cotton-eyed Joe

  • @josiaharaki7310
    @josiaharaki7310 Před 2 lety +2

    That cotton Eye Joe joke hit home...

  • @BlackRainRising
    @BlackRainRising Před 2 lety +6

    One I had a "dm" say that that was more of a "I can't believe he said that and we have to hear it" was we were fighting a troll I think, he goes to swing and rolls a nat 1, dm with low levels of creativity just says "he swings so hard he trips, falls, and impales himself to death on his own dick" -_-
    One I as a DM did have to say to my players was basically "you eat the meatball, save vs. orgy" when the alchemist created hallucinogenic aphrodisiac meatballs and shared with everyone, he was just mixing stuff together and didn't know what he made so ... savings throws were made.

    • @ashleg8350
      @ashleg8350 Před 2 lety +2

      That
      is my new "Mistakes were made" phrase.

  • @chaospatriot76
    @chaospatriot76 Před 2 lety

    "Congratulations, traveling at Mach 1, you have completed around a week's worth of travel in a few minutes. On the upside, the party has been reunited. On the downside, your cart begins to fall apart and catch fire."

  • @unculturedweeb4240
    @unculturedweeb4240 Před 2 lety +2

    I do not envy the drones that have to clean up all that puke.

  • @Veksyn
    @Veksyn Před 2 lety

    "Okay...the ophanim is now joining in, and also singing "The Song that Never Ends"

  • @mithmoonwalker
    @mithmoonwalker Před 5 měsíci

    "I roll to intimidate the rock" - Tiefling Paladin

  • @tagzspurlock9821
    @tagzspurlock9821 Před 2 lety +1

    "No you can't steal a goblin" thats mine

    • @tagzspurlock9821
      @tagzspurlock9821 Před 2 lety

      They did not want to Kidnap a goblin they wanted to steal one

  • @kuromatsu1539
    @kuromatsu1539 Před 9 měsíci

    "You now have resistance against windmills"

  • @Tucanae
    @Tucanae Před 10 měsíci

    “You throw the woman WITH FLAMING HAIR into the pile of flame glass. You are vaporized instantly.”

  • @dtgamerk9670
    @dtgamerk9670 Před 2 lety

    "You are a very athletic corpse" - DM

  • @crowsenpai5625
    @crowsenpai5625 Před 2 lety

    “You can’t play Pokémon with the dead villagers.”
    Necromancer “what? Sure you can. Watch this!”

  • @o.5command
    @o.5command Před 2 lety

    DM. "Ugh..... You successfully manage to launch the turask at the god."

  • @sethcole9154
    @sethcole9154 Před rokem

    "How many days has it been?"
    "... It's been three hours."

  • @tttITA10
    @tttITA10 Před 2 lety

    4:59 - Okay, this was beyond good.

  • @ericb3157
    @ericb3157 Před 5 měsíci

    oh, i just remembered a gag in an old videogame RPG, i think it was "the dark heart of Uukrul":
    i told my characters to listen at a door to see if they can tell if there are monsters lurking...
    "one character puts his ear to the door, BUT another one Breaks Wind loudly..."

  • @jailor-a8698
    @jailor-a8698 Před měsícem

    I had once a Tiefling warlock with 20 charisma cheese through a campaign using Thaumaturgy and an illusion spell. The finished lost mine of Phandelver without even knowing about the thieves, went in and out of the goblin castle with the dwarf, and he convinced 4 bugbears that he was an upper Devil and got them to join the party. When they arrived at the boss, he saw the 4 bugbears and surrendered. I had say, "You successfully took over all of the minions of this wizard, you now have 200 goblins, a goblin king, a tribe of bugbears, and the wizard as your bitches."

  • @nikoladedic6623
    @nikoladedic6623 Před 2 lety +1

    Wow, so much mustard this time.

  • @justsomeghost8440
    @justsomeghost8440 Před rokem

    “U H H H, mmmmm, okkkkk, you release the soul stealer- (homebrew monster)”

  • @RobCrowley85
    @RobCrowley85 Před rokem

    That fucking mayonnaise one got me good 🤣

  • @ashred4951
    @ashred4951 Před 2 lety

    “Ok, you rolled a ten, so the plesiosaur doesn’t learn ALL the lyrics to Hamilton but he gets the gist.”

  • @josiahhager6069
    @josiahhager6069 Před 2 lety

    "The titan falls over dead after being bludgeoned with his own testicles"

  • @yusharider
    @yusharider Před 2 lety

    "No, Seikatsu is not star level."
    "Listen. I'm not being a weirdo, it's plot relevant!"
    "Unnatural tentacles, if you will."
    "So basically I'm emotionally blackmailing this child."

  • @rikusauske
    @rikusauske Před 2 lety

    "... And as you peg the dhampir, spoony steve yells "crikey! Right in me down under!"

  • @the_matad0r342
    @the_matad0r342 Před 7 měsíci

    This one is on CZcams. No it doesn't involve me, but still worth noting.
    *Getting a magical flute's properties* "This is a rat flute. It makes rats come." *moments later* "TO YOU!"

  • @ellowthere
    @ellowthere Před rokem

    'You make 5 people sick with the deformed doll'

  • @ImTotallyTown
    @ImTotallyTown Před 2 lety +2

    *dramatic sigh* "You somehow manage to charm chthulu and you get married 4 years later, and you keep the magical healing cow[don't ask] as a pet and live happily for the rest of time and then some."

    • @mushroomkrakowski2161
      @mushroomkrakowski2161 Před 2 lety

      Now I want to hear how he/she married freaking cuthlu

    • @ImTotallyTown
      @ImTotallyTown Před 2 lety

      A really high charisma check. Flat 30 to be specific. And the wizard helped using subtle illusions to enhance attractveness.

  • @disableddragonborn
    @disableddragonborn Před 2 lety +1

    "You stab the goblin on a wheelchair." As a person in a wheelchair, the use of "on" instead of "in" seems to me like it would imply stabbing the wheelchair itself.

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones Před 2 lety

      Maybe they were playing a swashbuckler?

  • @RevokFarthis
    @RevokFarthis Před 2 lety

    "After 5 minutes; your greatest foe, *the door* lays slain before you."

  • @LEWS316
    @LEWS316 Před rokem

    The That guy of our Dark Conspiracy group.on seeing a roboguard mark 2 (basically "R2D2 with a taser and tear gas spray)
    "Well yes you (my sisters electronics expert) could hack it, and yes you (my mercenary) could blow it apart. But i think we would be better off trying to persuade it to join us!".
    Context the RG2 is basically a metal box on tracks with very little intelligence it responds to stimuli such as seeing a firearm its scanners see or you being in a restricted area and can only say pre programmed phrases IE "This is a restricted area leave now before Corporate Security are called" or Hand up!"

  • @kurisu7885
    @kurisu7885 Před 3 měsíci

    "If you guys get another dragon addicted to cocaine...." I want to know more! I need this story!

  • @bobwalsh3751
    @bobwalsh3751 Před 2 lety +1

    Actually you technically COULD use mayonnaise as a lubricant, but I can think of about 100 liquids, and a few solids, I'd sooner use.

  • @thedumbone7786
    @thedumbone7786 Před 2 lety

    Yeah im sure that a gas station would have styrofoa- YOU'RE MAKING NAPALM! AGAIN

  • @ShadowEclipex
    @ShadowEclipex Před 5 měsíci

    Listening to this I have decided to have a simple counter in place for if my party tries stuffing someone in a bag of holding.
    "You put him in the bag of holding. Unfortunately you failed to notice that he had his own bag of holding/portable hole on his person and you have now made a rift into the astral plane!"

  • @jaydenleveille8181
    @jaydenleveille8181 Před 2 lety

    "It's not a dog." After a player tried to convince me to let them talk down a giant two headed snake. It was after another player shot it with a pistol and they'd taken a few swings.

  • @SamWeltzin
    @SamWeltzin Před 2 lety

    Got a few fun ones from our group's Discord server:
    "You have destroyed life for no reason."
    "Even if these things succeed, they can't succeed."
    "It turns around and ass-blasts this fucking T-Rex."
    "He gets chili dog sauce in her wounds. Because of that failed first aid, she breathes her last."

  • @LionSinGamin
    @LionSinGamin Před 2 lety

    Not me but a dm we had.
    The party was walking through a cave full of glowing mushrooms to illuminate everything and came across a stone door around 20ft in diameter.
    Player “I roll to intimidate the door”
    *rolls a nat 20
    Dm: “suddenly a face appears on the door, screams in horror, and slings itself open”

  • @thundertwonk1090
    @thundertwonk1090 Před 7 měsíci

    "Roll a d8 for length and a d4 for girth" *rolls an 8 and a 1*

  • @pulsefel9210
    @pulsefel9210 Před 2 lety +4

    there are so many wtf methods to kill things in the game i wonder just how the world even gets bad guys in the first place that arent themselves using these things? like oh a pit trap? nah, pit trap that drops you into a bag of holding. lich waiting in its throne room while the party arrives so he can monologue? nah lich welcomes the party with two skeletons holding bags of holding and wishes them good luck as the skeletons try putting one in the other!
    overall....bag of holding is an evil evil device and should be used as such!

  • @Reverence561
    @Reverence561 Před 5 měsíci

    Wishing for only victory one must be willing to bite the D. Proverbs of Tuo the Tortel monk.

  • @justsomeghost8440
    @justsomeghost8440 Před rokem

    *party enters a room, it’s filled with 20 barrels of rum, party asks if they can make a POOL out of it, I say “roll for initiative” and they get a NAT 20, so I say “ok soo…you dig a hole and pour the rum into it-“ party proceeds to drown eachother, i as the DM say “uhh, ROLL FOR DROWNING EACHOTHER-“

  • @adrian0alabaster
    @adrian0alabaster Před 2 lety +1

    "I don't care if you are a cleric you cannot revive the princess by 'sleeping' with her corpse"

  • @Void_The_Necromancer
    @Void_The_Necromancer Před 9 měsíci

    Necromancer here, so you took my minions..

  • @michaelmann7816
    @michaelmann7816 Před 8 měsíci

    Ngl, the "roll to see how much your parents love you" bit makes me think of the time my group had someone make an "I'm not stupid" roll to notice that they were trying to recruit the guy whose house we robbed last session... do I really need to say that that roll, too, was a nat 1?
    That was, I think, (it was a looooooong time ago, before 4e, I think...) the second session. The rest of the campaign was about as much of a 70 car pile-up as you might expect from that start. Fun, but a total pile-up.

  • @ARCCommanderOrar
    @ARCCommanderOrar Před 2 lety +1

    Oh boy. That first one

  • @pichupower101
    @pichupower101 Před 2 lety

    As a player: Let’s NOT choke a grandma using a baby.

  • @jonathandeboer9368
    @jonathandeboer9368 Před rokem

    I have a similar story to the second one: We were up against the BBEG (more the final boss, I guess you could say), a jabberwocky. The jabberwocky is asleep, and the party decides: "Hey, we have a transmutation potion! What's it do?" It had a chance of changing the consumer into either a giant toad, or a giant dragonfly. Our rogue sneaks up on it, then rolls a really good sleight of hand to make the jabberwocky drink the pot without waking up. It turned into a dragonfly, which the entire party teamed up on to shove it into our bag of holding. It could fit, but took up all the space. Once the potion wore off, the jabberwocky regained its initial size, destroying the bag of holding from the inside, and sending itself to the astral plane. We voided the *ENTIRE* final boss fight with a bag of holding. New campaign, our DM won't let us have a bag of holding.