Is it normal to feel scared to start hormones?| FTM

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  • čas přidán 1. 09. 2019
  • Hia you lot! Earlier this evening I got a message on Instagram from a person who was quite worried, since they wanted to start on testosterone, but as they were getting closer to HRT, they got more and more nervous and anxious. They asked if this is something I experienced, and they asked how I knew I wanted to start testosterone regardless. I decided to make this video to try to answer these questions! I hope it was helpful! :) Sending love x
    Feel free to like, comment, share and don't forget to subscribe! (Only if you want to of course)
    You can also find me here:
    Twitter:
    / kovukingsrd
    Instagram:
    / kovukingsrd
    Music blog:
    kovu.music.blog
    My second channel (where I post more chatty videos)
    / @kovuisamythicalone-ho...
    Our Facebook group (feel free to join!) :
    groups/72887...
    Younow:
    www.younow.com/Kovuisaunicorn...
    You made some merch designs and they’re on clothes now :D
    merchyy.com/collections/kovu-...
    I uploaded some of my old songs to SoundCloud some time ago:
    / kovumakingmusic
    My P.O. Box in case you’d like to write me something :D -
    Kovu Kingsrod
    Post box 98
    1664 Rolvsøy
    Norway
    Email (business only please) :
    Kovu.kingsrod@hotmail.com
    If you have any questions, please comment down below!
    (But here are some answered anyway:)
    A little about me:
    Kovu Kingsrod (pronounced k-oh-vu). Yes, like the guy from the Lion King. Legally, my surname is spelt with the Norwegian letter "ø", but I usually drop it online ;) I’m a 17 year old guy from Fredrikstad, Norway. I was born the 6th of September 2001. I usually just film with my phone and editing in iMovie :)
    Have a great week! x
    - Kovu
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Komentáře • 241

  • @local2515
    @local2515 Před 4 lety +405

    I really needed this man... thank you so much. I've been struggeling with this since I came out because suddenly it was... real

    • @jackyates7866
      @jackyates7866 Před 4 lety +19

      Hey, fam. I am with you. My first HRT appointment is tomorrow and I am real nervous. I came out 100% in february, though I have been out with friends for 3 years. It just feels fast, but I know who I am. And like there is way too many reasons why I should move a head then there is to stay where I am

    • @Ainator_
      @Ainator_ Před 3 lety +13

      Did you have phases where you tried so hard to be a female because you were scared being trans wasn't real?

  • @LeonBell
    @LeonBell Před 4 lety +83

    Staying alive to start on T is a mood

    • @elliottlupin
      @elliottlupin Před 3 lety +9

      Same tho, or just staying alive to come out, in my situation.

  • @jayyylin
    @jayyylin Před rokem +62

    I just had my first T shot today and I sat there with the nurse teaching me how to inject myself, syringe in hand, about to do the injection for like ten minutes, panicking. It was just horrible anxiety, wondering if my hesitance meant I wasn't really trans. I'm 18 and I've known I was trans for maybe 8 years now. I always wanted to go on hormones, but somehow, yeah, it was just too real with that syringe in my hand. A lot of change is happening in my life at the same time and it's hard to talk to anyone about my fears with regards to HRT since I definitely can imagine people saying, "if that's the case then maybe you're not trans." It's scary, but I know I never was a girl, and I always wanted a more masculine body. Thank you for making this video, it is very reassuring knowing I'm not alone.
    1.5 year update: I am doing very well :) I started passing pretty early on after starting T (I think in no small part because I had a pretty low voice to begin with and it only got lower, I'm a bass singer now) The one thing that sucks is I have a bunch of acne now, which I didn't really have much of during my first puberty, but other than that I am chilling. Body fat redistribution, higher muscle mass, more masculine face, voice drop- I lucked out and got all of that pretty quickly. Best of luck to all who are just starting on T :) you'll do just fine!

    • @katsuma859
      @katsuma859 Před rokem +2

      its been 9 months, how do you feel now? :)

    • @ShawnCoe3
      @ShawnCoe3 Před 5 měsíci

      It’s been a year, how are you doing?

  • @cameron3038
    @cameron3038 Před 4 lety +245

    low key convinced kovu is a mind reader. yesterday i was having doubts about if i should follow through with hrt because i’m scared mostly of the unknown.
    i know the side effects of T but the outcomes are different for everybody so my hopes won’t necessarily be in my end results, if that makes sense.

    • @randomsids6831
      @randomsids6831 Před 4 lety +2

      Same with me it was perfect timing

    • @dylanteper378
      @dylanteper378 Před 4 lety

      Lmao same

    • @yamfmama8234
      @yamfmama8234 Před 4 lety +2

      I am now aswell HIGH KEY convinced, I wanted to come out this week and start testosterone but I have WAAAY too much anxiety

  • @michvanderzant9509
    @michvanderzant9509 Před 4 lety +243

    I'm scared af since I'm starting a new school year tomorrow with my name and pronouns and stuff. I don't even know what bathroom to go to

    • @michvanderzant9509
      @michvanderzant9509 Před 4 lety +15

      @Jay Music I'm going to see my mentor tomorrow and ask her if she knows what's best, maybe I can use the teachers toilets until I've started T

    • @behindthemask2399
      @behindthemask2399 Před 4 lety +4

      I'm proud of you! This is a step that feels so far away for me now, but I'm glad you are out in school. I'm sure it'll be great. And if not, that's ok, you've learned sth new.

    • @michvanderzant9509
      @michvanderzant9509 Před 4 lety +3

      @@behindthemask2399 people are actually surprisingly more acceptive then they may seems

    • @williamlieske4503
      @williamlieske4503 Před 4 lety +1

      Oh my fucking god same, started school abt a month ago, starting my transition and I was so so nervous, it's fine no tho

    • @roibrown9252
      @roibrown9252 Před 4 lety +2

      Whichever you're more comfortable with, or gender neutral toilets of possible.

  • @lucasdaniels2037
    @lucasdaniels2037 Před 4 lety +87

    I'm terrified that after T I'll completely regret it or something dramatic like that. What if I go on T and hate the way it changes my body. And having these thoughts makes me think like maybe I had just somehow convinced myself i'm not trans. I have similar thought about top surgery in the future. I feel like i'm going insane.

    • @puddinpants5790
      @puddinpants5790 Před rokem +6

      What did you end up doing? I feel the same way.

    • @kayden-kp2jo
      @kayden-kp2jo Před rokem +4

      ​@Puddin Pants feeling the same way lately, its quite scary. Hope you're finding your path

    • @emelmarin8004
      @emelmarin8004 Před rokem

      Then maybe you really shouldn't be fucking with your body and shit.
      My fucking God you confused little thinks are the reason why people like us who REALLY feel this way are viewed badly. Ffs if you have doubts then fuck off and stop commenting on videos about this to try to get complete strangers opinions. It's so stupid. And I hope you didn't.

    • @zboss257
      @zboss257 Před rokem +3

      I feel like this all the time and I’m terrified to start it but I really wanna. Did u ever start it? Did you stop feeling that way?

    • @timothyadams-li1hc
      @timothyadams-li1hc Před rokem

      Girl be careful I had a male fall for me and have his spirit soul blessed or cursed too always look the same when he reincarnated he breathed he’s spirit out and possessed me the first day of my life I changed into a real male I grew an actual real penis and testies all he wants too do is attack other males and beat them too death you have too be very careful males are very violent towards other males this guy is even good and he still wants too quite literally kill other males from female side now this is from the male side it is dangerous because most males are woman bashing kid fuckers the problem is this if I didn’t know you where trans and saw you as male and was in attack mode I’d attack it’s dimensional there are literal hell dimensions where we train to kill other males at any cost we can’t help it they torture us and make us extremely violent all we have too do is open our third eye it grants us access here from a hell dimension where I am training to kill all the enemy males it has gotten out of hand somebody please kill me I don’t want too do this anymore

  • @l.ghosttmiilk6016
    @l.ghosttmiilk6016 Před 4 lety +100

    I'm hypersensitive and I have very bad anxiety. I'm very scared that the changes will trigger me/ are uncomfortable. But I'm 19 now and I just can't handle the dysphoria anymore.

    • @japercorn8513
      @japercorn8513 Před 3 lety +4

      Hey, I know this is old but I relate so much. How are you now?

    • @l.ghosttmiilk6016
      @l.ghosttmiilk6016 Před 3 lety +6

      @@japercorn8513 Hey! I'm 21 now and my dysphoria got so much better. I took testosterone for a few days but realized I wasn't prepared for the side effects. What really helped me was accepting myself more and focusing on my other problems.

    • @japercorn8513
      @japercorn8513 Před 3 lety +4

      @@l.ghosttmiilk6016 Very good to hear!! Thank you for replying and I wish you all the best!

    • @pii28
      @pii28 Před 8 měsíci +1

      ⁠@@l.ghosttmiilk6016it's been some time and I'm curious, how are you now? 😄

    • @black.static
      @black.static Před 5 měsíci

      @@l.ghosttmiilk6016So did you detransition? I’m curious to hear how this played out for your identity

  • @eyyaye3749
    @eyyaye3749 Před 4 lety +109

    I feel afraid, my head keeps telling me im gonna regret taking T but im very confident in my choice, i go by he/him pronouns around my friends and when i registered for high school i asked if they could use my preferred name and pronouns. And it makes me really happy, i always feel the best when im wearing baggy shirts that make me look flat chested, and i hate being called a girl. I really do believe i am trans, but i always have doubts, and it sucks. I have been denying it for about a year now, but recently i have come to terms with it and i really want to take T, im a little scared but also super excited for the voice drops and height change and body change.

    • @monomonito929
      @monomonito929 Před 2 lety +5

      hello how's it been? did u start t?

    • @eyyaye3749
      @eyyaye3749 Před 2 lety +19

      @@monomonito929 oh man i forgot this comment existed- thank u for replying haha, im glad to say im happy as a trans man and i met with gender specialists 2 months ago after being on a year long waiting list, im actually starting hormone blockers this month, they said we need to have more meetings before we can talk about T, but yeah, im super excited, and telling form this comment, its cool to see how far i've come lol

    • @monomonito929
      @monomonito929 Před 2 lety +5

      @@eyyaye3749 i'm so happy for u! i hope everything goes amazing

    • @channingb5014
      @channingb5014 Před rokem +1

      @@eyyaye3749 u started them yet?

    • @Jupiterwonders
      @Jupiterwonders Před 7 měsíci

      @@eyyaye3749hey, update about your transition and taking T?

  • @Oridore_
    @Oridore_ Před 4 lety +224

    Auto-subtitles : Testosterone ? Did you ment "*SAUCE HEROIN*" ???

  • @boyish-rat
    @boyish-rat Před 3 lety +20

    my doctor is prescribing me testosterone next week and i’m terrified. this made me feel so much better and way less anxious

  • @itsreagan2512
    @itsreagan2512 Před 4 lety +24

    Even the thought of taking T as a trans male shakes me to the core. I know it’s something that I want. Something that I really want but I’m still scared. This video helped a lot...as always. Lots of love❤️

    • @alexh6767
      @alexh6767 Před 4 lety

      Did you take T? How do you feel now?

  • @danielhelf1993
    @danielhelf1993 Před 4 lety +40

    Everyone tells me that it could be a phase and I am a very overthinking person so I'm now very afraid of maybe regretting transition in a few years. I know who I want to be but I feel like I'm never gonna be "sure enough" you know?

    • @ion_likeu
      @ion_likeu Před 4 lety +3

      daniel uwu omg same I’m having these thoughts right now

  • @orion4739
    @orion4739 Před 4 lety +64

    Dude this game in such good timing I just came out today and can finally start testosterone in October but now I’m really scared and doubting myself.

    • @noahtheys8298
      @noahtheys8298 Před 4 lety +4

      Congratz both of you! I came out 6 months or so ago, and will be starting T in October ! Can't wait :)

    • @roibrown9252
      @roibrown9252 Před 4 lety +2

      Congrats!

    • @orion4739
      @orion4739 Před 4 lety +1

      Jay Music thanks and congrats to you too!

    • @orion4739
      @orion4739 Před 4 lety +2

      Noah Theys that’s amazing!and thank you!

    • @orion4739
      @orion4739 Před 4 lety +1

      Rilyn Boii aw dont worry it’ll get better.

  • @jp-pd6ne
    @jp-pd6ne Před 4 lety +10

    I am a 17 year old ftm pre-t. I have an appointment to start testosterone soon, but lately I’ve been wondering if testosterone is even right for me. I always hear about how trans guys felt a strong need to start T and how they don’t think they could’ve lived without it. However, I don’t exactly feel like that. I want T because I feel like it would transform me more into something that I’ve always felt I’ve been, but I don’t find it absolutely essential. I can easily pass for a guy and I’m also living a happy life. I also feel that if T wasn’t an option for me, I could continue to live a happy life. I just don’t want to never start T and miss out on being something that feels more like me. But I also don’t want to start T and then realize that I shouldn’t have started it and that I was happier before T. I’m just really scared and confused rn ugh plz help

  • @jukadeshmorr255
    @jukadeshmorr255 Před 3 lety +18

    i love how real kovu is with this stuff. most of the trans people i watch never really talk about any doubt or nervousness towards transitioning. a lot of people don’t talk about this stuff so it’s really nice to hear someone who had a rather successful transition say that it’s normal to have these thoughts. thank you kovu

  • @Jan-cs8ki
    @Jan-cs8ki Před 4 lety +23

    I can't explain how much this video means to me. I am pretty close to starting T. I could start in a month or in a few months. I had so many moments where I'd be in the clinic in another city or at home after the gender therapy session and I'd be freaking out because everything felt so real. Often, I ask myself why I'm doing this. This is why it's important to have your reasons and hold onto them. I don't want to stay this way and if I let doubt and fear hold me back, I will feel stuck until the end of my life. Change is scary for a lot of people and medical transitioning is a very personal and significant change so of course it's normal to think about it a lot. One really has to look inside themselves and make peace with their feelings and needs. Also, I keep reminding myself that the change is gradual. There are many transition videos and it's amazing to see someone pre-T and then one year on T in 5 seconds, but it isn't like that in real life so it's all good, our minds can adjust hahah. I appreciate discussions like this.

    • @mileslovesyou4144
      @mileslovesyou4144 Před 2 lety +2

      I know this is from like 2 years ago but this comment (along with the video) helped me and calmed my nerves, thank you so much. It's hard to remember that the changes are gradual, and I often forget that lol

  • @_A86
    @_A86 Před 4 lety +28

    I struggle with change as well....but i need to do it if I want to look the opposite of my gender

  • @loganturner-mannix2223
    @loganturner-mannix2223 Před 4 lety +27

    I just came out to parents recently and said that they want to help me in the process. This makes me feel so much better. I definitely will show this to my moms. Update: I start transition therapy this Tuesday!! Thank you so much for giving me support, even if you don’t know it. You are an extraordinary person and I hope one day I can can give you a hug and thank you for all you’ve done for me in person.

    • @imfizz2775
      @imfizz2775 Před 2 lety +1

      What age did you start hrt ?

  • @zachwright200
    @zachwright200 Před 4 lety +40

    Like your haircut Kovu and hope your doing well! :)

  • @bigfanofthings4553
    @bigfanofthings4553 Před 4 lety +41

    Dude I completely understand that and truthfully you've made me feel better about binding, I got my first chest binder and I love it to pieces but it's so scary to know that one mess up can really hurt you. I was debating on whether or not I should continue to bind and I've decided that I will but I'm going to keep an open mind about when and how and if I feel like I need a break I'll take it. Thank you so much and I wish the best of luck to you and any other trans peeps that may come across this comment.

  • @daniellyons2588
    @daniellyons2588 Před 3 lety +8

    I’ve put off taking T for almost 5 years because of my anxiety and health issues. Thank you for this. It’s so helpful to know I’m not alone 💓

  • @micky2708
    @micky2708 Před 4 lety +22

    Hey Kovu, I’m in a similar position with top surgery. Change scares me but I’ve been getting more and more dysphoric over the last two years to the point where this these past two weeks I’ve been the most suicidal I’ve ever been. I’ve written out pros and cons and for me I think pros outweigh the cons (plus there are more of them). While at the same time I still struggle with the idea that it’ll be something I’m voluntarily doing, putting myself through a long recovery, I know I can’t keep living like I am

  • @PisforPu55y
    @PisforPu55y Před 4 lety +13

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS It's honestly not okay that doubts or fears are frowned upon in the trans community because it's totally okay to have them!! I felt like I may not he trans or I'm just a trender myself because I feel that way and I thought so until my gender therapist (I have no idea if thats the right term for it, she helps trans people and studied psychology) told me thats perfectly alright and normal and I was blown away bye that, struggling with that kind of feelings seemed so unnormal

  • @Nico-pw3mr
    @Nico-pw3mr Před 4 lety +51

    I feel so much dysphoria and I‘m struggling with myself so much that the only things I can think about are Testosterone and Top Surgery. That‘s why I‘m not scared at all (at the moment!) also because I just started Therapy and I literally can‘t wait anymore😩

  • @TransFemGamerGodess
    @TransFemGamerGodess Před 3 lety +12

    Ok im a mtf transgender and this helped me thx. I been having tons of anxiety over this

  • @oliver.121
    @oliver.121 Před 4 lety +20

    Honestly kovu, thank u so much, these are exactly the sort of doubts that i was having and hearing someone that is already in testosterone talking about it is so relieving and so relatable. It's very brave of you, and so helpful for the community. Thank u so so much.

  • @asherwilliams8725
    @asherwilliams8725 Před 4 lety +16

    Thank u I really needed this Im currently on the road to starting HRT and have 2 out of 5ish appointments completed. Its weird I definately want the changes and everything else but at the same time im also anxious about the changes

  • @TheWhitepantheress
    @TheWhitepantheress Před 3 lety +5

    I'm 37 and start T on thurs and this video really helped me out. Thanks man.

  • @Morgan-Wesley-Parker
    @Morgan-Wesley-Parker Před 2 lety +3

    Just started T a couple hours ago, I was terrified and I still am but I’ve always felt this way so I know I made the right choice, glad I’m not alone in feeling this way!

  • @joshuamcc5422
    @joshuamcc5422 Před 3 lety +3

    I got my prescription today and I felt so afraid I didn’t understand why I wasn’t overjoyed, this helped me thank you!

  • @scoutandrews7833
    @scoutandrews7833 Před 4 lety +8

    You really don’t know how much I needed this right now. Thanks.

  • @ScorpionChild91
    @ScorpionChild91 Před rokem +2

    This video is wonderful. The way you spoke about these feelings was very comforting. I was on the path to starting T when I was a teenager and ended up backing out. I’ve continued struggling for over ten years and now I’m back on the path. Everyones journey is different.

  • @1fynn866
    @1fynn866 Před 4 lety +7

    I really needed this. Really much.
    If everything is fine, I'll start Testosterone tomorrow.
    And right now I'm so scared, because I'm questioning myself so much right now. I don't know if it is the right decision that I made (to start Testosterone at the age of 16. Not being trans!) And I am so anxious and haven't talked to anyone about it, because I'm scared that people would say that I'm not trans or block my HRT.
    I'm scared of the change, because I'm scared what will happened if I don't like the changes? What if I don't like the ways my voice changes or if I don't like the way I look.
    But on the other hand I know that it'll help me, because I can't leave my bed atm because I'm so dysphoric. And I recorded 30 Minutes just randomly ranting about my voice dysphoria in english (not my forst language).
    And even though I'm scared, I think I'm ready for Testosterone. I'm just anxious, because thats something I've worked for nearly 2 1/2 years and I'm scared what would happen if that rwason for living isn't there anymore. Not gonna lie, the last year sometimes only the thought of Testosterone kept me alive.
    Anyways that was a very long rant about being anxious and so, but yeah. I really needed it Kovi

  • @nimblepixel404
    @nimblepixel404 Před 4 lety +8

    Thank you so much for this, I have an hrt apointment coming up in October and I felt really alone in these feelings about it. This video really helped me feel less alone.

  • @mycurrenthyperfixations
    @mycurrenthyperfixations Před 4 lety +3

    i love how every time you upload a video is about something i need to talk about with someone but i don't know how. thank you :)

  • @savjustus7982
    @savjustus7982 Před 4 lety

    Kovu thank you so much for all of your videos. You always seem to help me feel confident in myself and to calm my overthinking. Remember to do what’s best for you and love yourself as much as we love you :) 💕💕

  • @elijah6074
    @elijah6074 Před 3 měsíci

    God.. I start T soon and it suddenly feels so surreal. This video and comment section gave me so much comfort. I’m so happy to be apart of this community

  • @luitheinsnape5072
    @luitheinsnape5072 Před 4 lety +2

    I really needed this video since I'm starting T tomorrow. I always relate so much to all the topics and experiences you talk about, so I'm very thankful for you posting these vids. Changes in general have always made me anxious even if it wasn't a bad life change. But then I realised that what I truly need is that: a lot of changes. I'm still a bit scared, but that isn't gonna stop me from making my life better

  • @kincso9564
    @kincso9564 Před 4 lety +10

    Your hair is so cool. 💓 Love u so much i hope u had amazing day. U give me positive energy in every day. Thank u x

  • @spencerfantastic
    @spencerfantastic Před rokem +1

    Thank you so much for this. It always feels like when people talk about their HRT journey, it seems like they're totally confident about it and don't have any doubts. It's good to know that this is a totally normal thing

  • @ilovetotri23
    @ilovetotri23 Před 4 lety

    Love and Peace! Thanks Kovu for all you do!!

  • @emilix9476
    @emilix9476 Před 4 lety +4

    This is so important!! both for people who end up deciding they don't want/need testo
    AND for people like me who are well into HRT and I feel much happier and much more comfortable and still, because of other people's opinions, I'm often very anxious regarding How. Many. People. tell you (me) that you'll change your mind.
    Thank you so much Kovu for reminding me that this hormone isn't making me someone I'm not, it's helping me recognize myself in the mirror.

  • @Jake-pu9gp
    @Jake-pu9gp Před rokem

    I’ve been out for about 8 years now, and have had top surgery, but haven’t had T for a lot of the reasons you talked about. It’s a lot, coming to terms with this kind of change- it’s also so scary because you can’t exactly separate yourself from it as its happening. So, I held off for awhile now, but the dysphoria is creeping back in. So I went out looking for a video, and I’m so glad I’ve found yours. I think it’s time, and I think I’m ready. I appreciate the reassurance about taking my time with things, and I’m glad I did. But I just wanted to say thank you for talking about this. ❤️

  • @exist444u
    @exist444u Před rokem

    thank you so much for making this video, kovu

  • @littlesailor1533
    @littlesailor1533 Před 4 lety +22

    a year and seven months? are you for real? it feels like only 6 months ago o.o

  • @user-il1cf6iv8v
    @user-il1cf6iv8v Před 3 lety +7

    I haven’t started therapy yet but I’m already in doubt. I want a deeper voice but at the same time, I’m scared. I don’t want to regret taking hormones later in life, I reallt don’t know what I should do. I’m also worried about if I won’t identify as trans later in life, I really feel that’s who I am but what if it’s something else?

    • @imfizz2775
      @imfizz2775 Před 2 lety +1

      Bro same I’m scared

    • @user-il1cf6iv8v
      @user-il1cf6iv8v Před 2 lety

      @@imfizz2775 ahh too bad :/ it’s so frustrating to feel this way

  • @marx0208
    @marx0208 Před 3 lety

    I'm just gonna say THANK YOU Kovu, I needed this.

  • @rumpeltoez5716
    @rumpeltoez5716 Před 4 lety +1

    Watching these videos really helps so much. Thank you... Really, thank you.

  • @nyxrhapsodos7251
    @nyxrhapsodos7251 Před 4 lety +3

    Thank you for addressing this! Im going through this atm!

  • @toiletwater6945
    @toiletwater6945 Před 3 lety

    I really needed to hear this so thank you for making this. I’m pretty close to taking testosterone and I’m really excited about it but I’ve also had some doubts and have even been a little scared. But your video reassured that it’s ok to be scared which is why I’m so thankful. I don’t want anxiety I make me not do something I know I need.

  • @prayersonfire
    @prayersonfire Před 2 lety

    you’re incredible, i needed this so much

  • @paxomil4057
    @paxomil4057 Před 4 lety +4

    I’m starting T today! I’m 14 I’m so excited!

  • @jonathan.the.fox7
    @jonathan.the.fox7 Před 3 lety

    Damn Kovu, I really have to thank you! I am starting testosterone in less than a week and I was litterally freaking out if it would be the right choice and after watching your video, that really helped me to calm down since it is perfectly normal to be anxious about that. I feel less scared now and actually pretty confidend in becoming the man I have always wanted to be! :) Thanks!

  • @aloistrancy4020
    @aloistrancy4020 Před 4 lety

    thank you very much for the video... I texted you too so I needed this video so damn much! Thank you so much Kovu! 💙 You help me a lot

  • @adriyanjayasuriya1921
    @adriyanjayasuriya1921 Před 2 lety

    This one really helped me bro. I was afraid of starting HRT and I thought is it normal to feel this way. Your video is life saving.

  • @over00lordunknown12
    @over00lordunknown12 Před 4 lety +4

    I think the date just clicked over to September 6th in Norway, so happy 18th birthday Kovu!

  • @bencoggins633
    @bencoggins633 Před 4 lety

    Thank you so much for this video, no one else has spoke about this. I start hrt tomorrow and now I can’t really sleep cause I’m conflicted but this made me feel better

  • @randomguy-ki1bt
    @randomguy-ki1bt Před rokem

    thank u so much! this helped me kinda calm down and know that it’s normal to think this way..I wasn’t doubting or anything but I was getting kinda scared bc it’s happening so fast now and my mind just went crazy

  • @user-hp2ww5in3n
    @user-hp2ww5in3n Před 4 lety +2

    God I felt scared of course! Because I thought that maybe I would regret my decision later but now 2 years on hormones, I'm not afraid any more!

  • @maksuke
    @maksuke Před 4 lety

    your videos help me a lot, thank youu🥺

  • @jessieweary6130
    @jessieweary6130 Před rokem

    This is SOOOOOO HELPFUL!

  • @jonahridsdale7320
    @jonahridsdale7320 Před 2 lety

    I'm just about the start T and feeling a lot of these things right now. Made me feel much more at ease to know others feel the same!

  • @kiiamarie3881
    @kiiamarie3881 Před 3 lety

    Omg I reeaaaalllyyy needed to see this. 🙃 thank you.

  • @fuhue
    @fuhue Před 4 lety

    I love your hair! It looks so *fluffy* -

  • @leoreddy2635
    @leoreddy2635 Před 2 lety +1

    It’s like this was made for me. Thank you so much

  • @iffy7287
    @iffy7287 Před 4 lety +5

    OMFG BRING ME THE HORIZON ILYSM

  • @mutilated_hand_pro
    @mutilated_hand_pro Před 4 lety +3

    Thank you for this video it gives me more confidence, I am trans non binary and it has been a rough ride with my parents trying to accept me, and I got in a lot of trouble when I cut my hair. My hair was really long like down to my butt long and I chopped it so about my ear (thank god for taking Cosmotaligy during summer) and my parents are slowly trying to acknowledge that I am me and so thank you for being and amazing person and for just being you

  • @behindthemask2399
    @behindthemask2399 Před 4 lety +7

    This was the perfect timing for me rn. I can very often relate to your videos A LOT and this is really helpful, thank you. I'd be interested in how you deal with not being able to describe your feelings (if you ever get that). In my mind, I may know exactly why I'm feeling sad/angry/bad in general, but I just can't find the words, so others can understand it, too. Sometimes it makes me feel invalid, like I'm just copying other people and I'm not ACTUALLY feeling that way. Like I'm just obsessing over sth so much that I start to imagine that I feel like this myself. Like I'm just faking it. Do you think it's possible to fake sth so well, that not even you can decide, if it's real?

    • @emilylandis863
      @emilylandis863 Před 4 lety +3

      Seriously your comment is so relatable. I'm so scared I'm just faking it so well that I actually believe it's true when it's not actually.

  • @chaotic_enby2625
    @chaotic_enby2625 Před 3 lety +3

    Thank you so much for this video, this has helped me a lot I really needed to hear this. I'm transmasculine nonbinary and I too don't want to be a huge big muscly hairy man like you described, I felt like that made me a fake, like I was a trender because I don't want to be hypermasculine. I feel all you said so much, I really want T but I am really nervous about it, I too know that I can't stay like this, I feel so incredibly dysphoric about my voice and my fat distribution and all of those things. When reading lists of the effects of T I feel like I really really want this, but then later I feel doubts because I don't want to become this hypermasculine buff mandude, and I'm scared that this means I won't be happy on T or that I don't ... deserve (?) T. So thank you so much for this video.

  • @connorlyn3708
    @connorlyn3708 Před 3 lety +3

    Thank you so much for this. I start t tomorrow and was really freaking out but this made me feel so much better.

  • @Finn-ic3yj
    @Finn-ic3yj Před 4 lety +1

    Happy birthday kovu!

  • @elultimoprimate20
    @elultimoprimate20 Před 4 lety

    Thanks for making this video. I really needed it.

  • @nikkijara1295
    @nikkijara1295 Před 4 lety

    I totally needed to hear all this

  • @jayhasnolife1515
    @jayhasnolife1515 Před 4 lety

    I haven’t watched your videos in so long your voice is sooo deep now

  • @peaches3296
    @peaches3296 Před 4 lety

    this video was much needed, thank you

  • @ConstableOdo78
    @ConstableOdo78 Před 4 lety +4

    while i do feel really anxious about transitioning, taking hrt and all that jazz, i’m kind of more scared about coming out and transitioning socially?? i want to start transitioning asap but also feel like i need time to think, and i want my family to accept me. i try to make up excuses and tell myself i’m not trans, even though my dysphoria gives me literal panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. i hate it, i wish i wasn’t trans

    • @joeyross4357
      @joeyross4357 Před 4 lety

      You can try searching for flat chest subliminals here and start using some to change your chest to start with since it's even done by girls who just want to be flat.

  • @sam-feet.paws.hooves4564

    I totally relate to this. My anxiety was huuuuge, when it was time to start T. I also talked to my therapist about it and she also said, it iOS very normal because it is a big step and it brings on changes.

  • @evelinke
    @evelinke Před 4 lety +1

    Thank you for making me understand. Also, great haircut.

  • @alainabledsoe4503
    @alainabledsoe4503 Před 3 lety +1

    Thank you this made me feel normal and helped a lot :)

  • @shalight5623
    @shalight5623 Před 3 lety

    This made me feel better as im starting T this week so i have been extremely anxious but this video definitely made me feel better

  • @crazycat1166
    @crazycat1166 Před 4 lety

    Thank you for this video. I've just requested to be seen by gendercare in order to be prescribed testosterone and I'm starting to get anxious about it. Some of my family members have suggested that if I'm anxious I must not be 100% sure so I should hold off. But I've been "holding off" for almost a year and my feeling of being certain about wanting it hasn't changed in that time. It's just that now it's close to becoming a reality of actually starting T the fears are creeping in. Not that I'm scared of regretting it because I'm as sure as I can be that it's the right choice. But more that there are a lot of unknowns. Everyone's body reacts differently to hormones so there really is no certainty on what will happen at what point, and that for me is a bit scary. Thanks for acknowledging that it's OK to be scared 😊

  • @leyteris8076
    @leyteris8076 Před 2 lety

    Thank you for this video I feel so much better

  • @Chrisbchillin16
    @Chrisbchillin16 Před 8 měsíci

    I needed this, been feeling like maybe I’m not really trans but deep down I know I am. So thank you

  • @einjans
    @einjans Před 4 lety

    thank you, I really needed to hear that.

  • @BenjaminL.M
    @BenjaminL.M Před 20 dny

    This is exactly what i needed and the question feels like they just took my thoughts from my brain. I really want T and I love all the changes I will bring me, but I'm scared that I wont feel like me anymore with how my voice will sound different. i like the other changes and I do want a deeper voice 100%, but I'm scared it will get TOO deep or that I just wont sound the same, even though I've watched and listened to so many other peoples timelines on how their voice changed. I keep on going back and forth to 100% to 50% on board and it scares me. I think maybe that I should wait but it makes me sad to think about having to wait even longer while still having this voice/body. i want to do micro doses for this reason so if I regret it I wouldn't have changed too much. but either way I hope to get T this year or the next!

  • @zanderpeterson7760
    @zanderpeterson7760 Před 3 lety +1

    I just scheduled my first appointment with the UCSF gender clinic in March. Holy crap. I'm terrified. I'm scared that because I have so much anxiety, I might not want to transition. This video helped a lot, thanks.

  • @leomay8239
    @leomay8239 Před 4 lety

    Thanks man I really needed this

  • @kaylinparrish2067
    @kaylinparrish2067 Před rokem

    i needed to hear this

  • @allisonbell6686
    @allisonbell6686 Před 4 lety +1

    Omgosh this is helping so much rn

  • @alatsus
    @alatsus Před 9 měsíci

    i'm starting t in about 5 weeks. i'm really excited about it, but i guess the fear of the unknown is scary. idk i feel confident in my choice regardless. i want a deeper voice and my growth plates haven't fused yet, so i'm excited at the possibility of getting taller. regardless of what i want in the future, i know taking t will make me feel a lot more comfortable in myself, and that's ultimately what matters most to me.

  • @Joshua_likes_dogs
    @Joshua_likes_dogs Před 4 lety +1

    I felt the same before starting T! It's okay. :)

  • @heysheepdog
    @heysheepdog Před 4 lety

    This is so great. I met my new therapist who might help me in the future with this sort of thing but after I just got worried I wouldnt be ‘trans enough’ for hrt

  • @joel4541
    @joel4541 Před 4 lety +3

    "scared of not recognizing myself", damn i feel this so hard!
    Scared to put something into my body which naturally "shouldn't" be there..something that will probably make me go bald cause my brother already is...
    Scared it will mess up my organs..scared of the unknown...fuck, nobody should have to make this decision. It's awful.

    • @esleanoeoe9922
      @esleanoeoe9922 Před 3 lety +1

      Hi! Unless your male side of the family has something with organs and testosterone.. you'll be fine

    • @joel4541
      @joel4541 Před 3 lety +1

      EsLean Oeoe You sure? Noone can know that. Testosterone has a different affect on each body..

    • @esleanoeoe9922
      @esleanoeoe9922 Před 3 lety +1

      @@joel4541 as far as you do the tests you need to do, testosterone wont affect you. Of course it affects everyone in a different way, but that's talking about the changes and the speed they appear. The only disease that testosterone can give you is a genetic illness that runs in the men of your family, for example hypertension, but it wont mess up your organs unless you don't treat them as any normal disease.

    • @joel4541
      @joel4541 Před 3 lety +1

      @@esleanoeoe9922 I'm really worried about needing a Hysterectomy. Not all trans dudes need to get it done, but some do and i do not want to be one of them. And in that case it's one or the other, take it out or stop T.

    • @esleanoeoe9922
      @esleanoeoe9922 Před 3 lety

      @@joel4541 Pretty sure you'll have it only if you had pre existing diseases in there, like polyquistic disease

  • @dionysianmystery
    @dionysianmystery Před 4 lety +2

    I havent watched you in a very long time and DANG your voice changed

  • @brighgeal8117
    @brighgeal8117 Před rokem

    I feel EXACTLY the same. I know deep in my gut that I want it, that I won't regret it. But I'm still terrified.

  • @Leon-cq2uj
    @Leon-cq2uj Před 4 lety +1

    Lmao this is exactly where I am right now. I live in the UK and finally decided to use private healthcare because I'd been waiting 16 months and felt like I needed to get started. Yesterday I got a response saying I could schedule an appointment with them a few weeks from now. WEEKS! After over a year of waiting this almost felt like short notice and suddenly I'm overcome with a wave of fear and dread and anxiety. I got so used to having nothing happen that I kind of stopped expecting anything to happen, which caused me enough distress to go private but now that I've got the offer in front of me I'm almost reluctant to accept it. Most trans people only really want to talk about how excited they are to start medically transitioning so it's a real comfort to hear someone talk about how they were scared too. I'm going to ask for a later appointment to give myself more time to mentally prepare for it and calm down properly. This video has really helped me to feel like it's okay and normal to be scared. A lot of changes come with transitioning and yeah that's scary! I'm sure I'll feel better once I get there and settle into a new normal and realise it's not a bad thing and hopefully even better (and less dysphoric) than the normal I'm living in now. Thank you for sharing your experience :)

    • @rileyno2615
      @rileyno2615 Před 3 lety

      Leon Boorman we are literally in the same place rn

  • @spicylemonades
    @spicylemonades Před 4 lety

    Thank you for this video :)

  • @AP-of5kj
    @AP-of5kj Před 11 měsíci

    i needed this so much, thank you. i have my first t shot tomorrow and am having some doubts

  • @sicksickBacon
    @sicksickBacon Před 10 měsíci +1

    i am so glad i found this. i already knew kovu existed but i mean im just considering it really hard. i really wanna go on hrt but like him, im not too good with change and im not "completely" trans, im gender fluid. but i think it would be so much easier being feminine with a more "male" body. though i have just recently had these thoughts. im thinking "aw shit what if i regret it?" but i think everyone thinks that, right? i realy realy want a deeper voice, i want bottom growth... my discomfort isn't as bad as other peoples but that shouldn't matter. everyone is different. also, im worried about what my family will think of me. my mom always calls me her "beautiful little girl" and i feel like if i change my body it'll hurt her... and everyone else... but __i__ want it. but it just feels selfish i guess.

    • @sicksickBacon
      @sicksickBacon Před 10 měsíci

      hey if whoever you are read this and you feel the same id love to hear from you. id like to talk to someone similar to me.

  • @2bfrank___
    @2bfrank___ Před 7 měsíci

    thank you for this - starting T is so hard