Steven Seagal has to be joking. He barely moves in this | So Bad It's Good #84 - Cartels

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  • čas přidán 10. 09. 2024
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Komentáře • 2K

  • @JasonBrant
    @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +77

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    • @johndillermand4053
      @johndillermand4053 Před 2 lety +7

      You're sponsored, it's official, you're about to blow up and I'm all for it

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +7

      Let's hope!

    • @scopedog9197
      @scopedog9197 Před 2 lety

      Mommy has nice big legs for the commercial...mmmmhmmmm

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +4

      WIll do, thanks!

    • @classyredneckcinema9327
      @classyredneckcinema9327 Před 2 lety +1

      @@JasonBrant hey I think u guys might laugh ur butts off on belly of the beast it's litterly the most ridiculous segsl film ever made he litterly starts out doing a superman pose on a bag thing and they just use stunt doubles constitently doing back flip kicks jumping kicks making people fly it's dumb and u get decent martial arts because Byron Mann is in it

  • @megabsupreme
    @megabsupreme Před 2 lety +1036

    Wow. Steven Seagal just gets bigger and bigger, he forces his attentions on scantily clad women, everyone treats him like he's dangerous despite his inability to move off a chair or reach behind himself, and his speech is unintelligible to human beings. Seems he's slowly morphing into Jabba the Hut.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +85

      He's approaching Orson Welles proportions.

    • @Neville60001
      @Neville60001 Před rokem +72

      @@JasonBrant, but with _none_ of Welles' talent.

    • @brianweatherman1207
      @brianweatherman1207 Před rokem +34

      Don't talk about Jabba that way! He deserves more respect than that.

    • @KaaneDragonShinobi
      @KaaneDragonShinobi Před rokem +26

      And is also involved with organized crime, don't forget that

    • @thomasmccabe1859
      @thomasmccabe1859 Před rokem +20

      @@JasonBrant He’s becoming a farrago of Orson. A Welles farrago.

  • @stephenbachman132
    @stephenbachman132 Před rokem +151

    There is only 3 things a Steven Segal movie needs.
    1. Opening scene at a Strip Club where all the girls love Steven Segal.
    2. Everyone complements Steven on how great he is at everything.
    3. Steven Segal in 1 action scene

    • @cade377
      @cade377 Před rokem +7

      I think his action sequence in this one was getting up from the table. To be fair though, I haven't watched the whole video.

    • @MrJdsenior
      @MrJdsenior Před rokem +2

      @@cade377 I'll fill you in, he sat down once. Full disclosure, I couldn't get through but a few minutes of this. The guys were OK, but watching Stevie Seagul...can't do it.

    • @backupnoname
      @backupnoname Před 9 měsíci +1

      That would be the best Duke Nukem parody

    • @stevehyperdriver
      @stevehyperdriver Před 3 měsíci

      By “action” I assume you mean he gets out of a chair

  • @angiadcock8196
    @angiadcock8196 Před 10 měsíci +69

    “He SOUNDS fat,” is my favorite descriptor for Steven Seagal all time. 😂

  • @CutlassOutdoors
    @CutlassOutdoors Před rokem +100

    I’m a colonel in the DEA Army, stationed in Romania. And in all honesty, I’m also a double agent for two cartels, because it makes just as much sense as the rest of my life.

    • @cvspvr
      @cvspvr Před 11 měsíci +12

      the dea army? so that's who's fighting the war on drugs

    • @billymania11
      @billymania11 Před 4 měsíci +3

      And I get all the chicks too.

    • @timdavidson8191
      @timdavidson8191 Před 4 měsíci

      ​@@cvspvrbut aren't drugs winning?

  • @lukemarshall1260
    @lukemarshall1260 Před 2 lety +84

    I don't think he's given up on acting, he just thinks his slow mumbling is badass. Delusion is a hell of a thing.

  • @Timmichanga361
    @Timmichanga361 Před 2 lety +469

    Every line of dialogue Seagal delivers like it's his last breath....Like no one has told him to take a breath before he starts talking

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +33

      🤣 🤣

    • @ddg9952
      @ddg9952 Před 2 lety +12

      I dont know what the hell he's going for with that voice and line delivery, but with that belly, this is one of the best Brado impersonations i have ever seen!

    • @thefatman69dude
      @thefatman69dude Před 2 lety +1

      that's just how he breathes. lol

    • @TruOnyxfire
      @TruOnyxfire Před 2 lety

      Hey! Lay off Steven! I'd like to see YOU say lines with a mouth full of food and your cheeks stuff full like a chipmunk hoarding nuts.

    • @johnbrennan592
      @johnbrennan592 Před 2 lety +9

      He must be pushing four bills by now

  • @ddg9952
    @ddg9952 Před 2 lety +980

    Seagal's dedication to his craft is on the level of Matt Damon, Charlize Theron, Chris Helmsworth, etc. He put on 50 lbs for his roles, but unlike those pussies, he keeps it on. I hereby nominate him for the Golden Glob!

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +134

      He stays in character year round.

    • @JDelwynn
      @JDelwynn Před 2 lety +97

      When a good actor puts on weight for a role, Seagal puts on weight for every role and doesn't lose it, because Steven Seagal never loses!

    • @killtyrant
      @killtyrant Před 2 lety +28

      @@JasonBrant
      Round. Got it.

    • @brianlujan7089
      @brianlujan7089 Před 2 lety +20

      and he doesn't maintain the 50...he adds ANOTHER 50lbs each time

    • @jonathanallard2128
      @jonathanallard2128 Před 2 lety +18

      And in Sniper Special Ops he passed all the courses and boot camp to become an ACTUAL Gravy Seal.

  • @billm8958
    @billm8958 Před 2 lety +356

    I can't believe I'm going to answer this question seriously - but here goes. The DEA is a stand-alone agency. They might work in coordination with the army - but they would wear one uniform or the other, they wouldn't wear both like that. There is something called DEA "FAST" but again - one uniform or the other. This is also way more thought that Segal put into this.
    I regret all the decisions in my life that lead me to watching this movie.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +42

      Thanks for the info.

    • @not-a-bot
      @not-a-bot Před 2 lety +45

      I came to the comments for this comment 👏

    • @sasavulic1236
      @sasavulic1236 Před 2 lety +1

      or maybe "writers"got confused and mixed up DEA drug enforcement administration,with DIA defense intelligence agency,US military's version of CIA.

    • @joquin4618
      @joquin4618 Před 2 lety +4

      lol 😝

    • @dbs311
      @dbs311 Před 2 lety +32

      And to answer another question asked earlier in the review, with the DEA being a non-DoD federal agency, they do not use any DoD Officer/Enlisted nomenclature for position/rank. More than likely, in this context, the "DEA" agents would be 1811 (Special Agents) and would follow the typical movie format of calling each other "Special Agent".

  • @DJPebs522
    @DJPebs522 Před 2 lety +40

    In the Seagal Cinematic Universe, DEA stands for "Drug Enforcement Army". That might help clear up some confusion.

  • @n1kolodian
    @n1kolodian Před 2 lety +58

    "He just sounds fat!" That one got me LMAO.

  • @chrisingram9798
    @chrisingram9798 Před 2 lety +245

    For the record- gsp didn’t knock Sensei Segal down with that punch. He actually knocked Segals snack pack pudding out of his hand and the Sensei fell down trying to protect his pudding pack.

  • @EmlynBoyle
    @EmlynBoyle Před 2 lety +821

    Honestly, your Seagal content alone is more entertaining than Sensei Penguin's entire crapography. Good one guys.

    • @anthonythanghe4755
      @anthonythanghe4755 Před 2 lety +66

      “Sensei Penguin “ I fucking lost it at that.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +70

      Much appreciated. Doesn't take a lot of effort to be more entertaining than Sifu.

    • @MinscFromBaldursGate92
      @MinscFromBaldursGate92 Před 2 lety +13

      @@anthonythanghe4755 WADDLE

    • @ArtVandelayOfficial
      @ArtVandelayOfficial Před 2 lety

      If any of you dweebs met him you'd swallow your tongue with nerves
      Wouldn't say anything like your comments here

    • @wingerding
      @wingerding Před 2 lety +1

      There's a couple decent ones.

  • @Weirlive
    @Weirlive Před 2 lety +223

    I can't wait for a Segal movie where he isn't even on screen.. they have him on a zoom call as the expert

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +45

      That has to be his next role.

    • @andrewmccormack4295
      @andrewmccormack4295 Před 2 lety +10

      Or,they organize a zoom call and forget to make the connection with him...

    • @Nico42048
      @Nico42048 Před 2 lety +9

      And he somehow still kicks all the ass and saves the day. He really stopped caring completely after what, Glimmer Man ? On deadly ground ?

    • @MarekGodzimirski
      @MarekGodzimirski Před rokem +2

      @@JasonBrant next movie he should fight diabetes.

    • @coolingindaboot6853
      @coolingindaboot6853 Před rokem +1

      @@andrewmccormack4295 or just a regular phone call but the service gets cut before segal answers

  • @petesancer9317
    @petesancer9317 Před 2 lety +241

    As a Major Colonel Army DEA Sgt Commander, I appreciate this movie’s accuracy with ranks.

    • @boydcochran4692
      @boydcochran4692 Před rokem +26

      Thank you for your service lol

    • @Brad-lt2re
      @Brad-lt2re Před rokem +45

      Thanks for your service in the zombie wars

    • @achillesikillyezz8604
      @achillesikillyezz8604 Před rokem +6

      lmao

    • @adepja
      @adepja Před rokem +35

      As a Colonel Captain CIA Marine Seal paratrooper I agree

    • @joenoble5469
      @joenoble5469 Před rokem +22

      As a Private Master Sgt Chief of operations Navy air force Captain of the DEA I agree also.

  • @lambda3374
    @lambda3374 Před 8 měsíci +13

    Seagal has become a real life South Park character

  • @Lemminjoose
    @Lemminjoose Před 2 lety +419

    As much pity as I feel for you guys having to sit through these, I love Seagal Sundays. Your pain brings us all immense joy. Thanks guys.

  • @breadmeister
    @breadmeister Před 2 lety +226

    I'm always surprised at how Seagal can naturally talk in slow motion.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +23

      It's almost impressive.

    • @R0gueM
      @R0gueM Před rokem +6

      @@JasonBrant almost as impressive as it is painful. That’s pretty impressive.

  • @Blutteufel
    @Blutteufel Před 2 lety +69

    A few years ago, Seagal finally lost the last vestiges of control over his ego and claimed that he could whomp JCVD. That would be like a sponge vs. a nuclear bomb.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +21

      He beats GSP in this, which is hysterical.

    • @megatronjenkins2473
      @megatronjenkins2473 Před 2 lety +1

      @@JasonBrant lol, but that's scripted!

    • @alucard624
      @alucard624 Před 2 lety +16

      JCVD could mop the floor with Seagal's candy ass. Seriously, that would be the quickest fight in history.

    • @Clemppu
      @Clemppu Před 2 lety +7

      Anything is possible! Sifu could probably absorb any hit with his huge organic mass and just direct the kinetic energy back. That's the aim of Aikido, right? 😆

    • @jkdbuck7670
      @jkdbuck7670 Před 2 lety +19

      Seagal vs JCVD LOL. Before the fight, JCVD takes a bump of coke. Seagal takes a bump of shortening.

  • @Parallelwurlds
    @Parallelwurlds Před 10 měsíci +17

    As a 97 year old lieutenant colonel in the army DEA I appreciate this movie’s accuracy

  • @samueltheprideofafrikarobi9319

    Luke Goss made a legitimately solid "hired killer" movie in 2012 called Interview with a Hitman. And if you're at all familiar with video game movies, then I can tell you that the film was the best Hitman (Agent 47) movie that wasn't officially a Hitman movie. Goss looked, acted and moved the way a real Agent 47 would. His suit even resembled the video game icon's suit. If they'd given him a red tie and a barcode on the back of his head, it would have been perfect.

    • @meisterproper8304
      @meisterproper8304 Před rokem

      I didn't knew this existed

    • @samueltheprideofafrikarobi9319
      @samueltheprideofafrikarobi9319 Před rokem +1

      @@meisterproper8304 You should definitely check it out friend. It's a more quiet and contemplative film than actiony. But when the action does happen, he's 100% Agent 47....but not. LOL.

    • @meisterproper8304
      @meisterproper8304 Před rokem +3

      @@samueltheprideofafrikarobi9319 I found it on Amazon prime but only in german. Maybe a vpn could work. I hate how Amazons always cheaps out on language licenses

    • @samueltheprideofafrikarobi9319
      @samueltheprideofafrikarobi9319 Před rokem +2

      @@meisterproper8304 Yeah, I've never been the biggest fan of streaming for reasons exactly like that. Lack of language options, the ability for the streaming service to drop movies from circulation for a bunch of different reasons, the fact that you never truly own anything digitally. But that's neither here nor there I suppose. I have the physical DVD that I picked up quite a few years ago. I don't remember how much I paid for it, but I know it was fairly inexpensive. I'm hesitant to suggest grabbing it off of Amazon or eBay because even if it is cheap, I wouldn't want you to invest money on a gamble.

  • @darkzer0670
    @darkzer0670 Před 2 lety +34

    I was in the Army and no, the DEA is a completely separate federal agency so there's no way they would be wearing shirts with the stripes.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +16

      Are you suggesting this movie is incompetent?

    • @peterv1318
      @peterv1318 Před 2 lety

      Exactly. But sometimes they work with army in war zones. Army is more for showing them the area and backup.

    • @PRC533
      @PRC533 Před 2 lety

      @@peterv1318 They also call themselves marshals because fuck it why not.

    • @peterv1318
      @peterv1318 Před 2 lety +1

      @@PRC533 DEA is it’s own agency. Marshals are their own agency. The badge they have on this show are marshal badges not DEA.

    • @PRC533
      @PRC533 Před 2 lety +4

      @@peterv1318 I know that, I was making fun of the movie. The majority of the USMS is staffed with Deputy United States Marshals (DUSM), the actual Marshals are the ones who run entire regions. So the common mistake of just saying marshal shows their ignorance. That and the fact that a deputy's badge is silver while a Marshal's is gold. Also, USMS is a plain clothes agency unless they are on a warrant op or doing prisoner transport. Nobody wears badges all over their clothes like that, especially not on a protective detail. I could nitpick this all day because I was a DUSM, but these are just the most glaring issues.

  • @tschak909
    @tschak909 Před 2 lety +123

    Thanks to all these Seagal movies, I'm waddling around the house mumbling in his voice.

  • @ryantune3325
    @ryantune3325 Před 2 lety +19

    According to IMDB, George ST. Pierre was not paid to be in this movie with money. In exchange for his performance, GSP wanted Steven Seagal to teach him the same secret front kick that Steven taught to Anderson Silva.
    Makes sense, really. As an actor, you couldn't pay me to be in one of Seagull's movies either.

    • @JCIce007
      @JCIce007 Před 2 lety +5

      Wouldn't it be easier to just study footage Silva doing the kick and copy him?
      It's not like there's magic words or secret chi powers involved...or is there?

    • @user-bw7se2zg7b
      @user-bw7se2zg7b Před 2 měsíci

      I respect St Pierre as a fighter and sportsman but his choice of acting roles is questionable.

  • @abnerbipps9255
    @abnerbipps9255 Před 2 lety +22

    It's really impressive they found a maternity style plate carrier for him in this one.

  • @TheDjcobra2001
    @TheDjcobra2001 Před 2 lety +22

    He's not fat, he's gravitationally challenged.

  • @DansBuddhaBodega
    @DansBuddhaBodega Před 2 lety +34

    "He shot the guy with the family"
    " I don't care about that shit"
    Happy Father's day everyone!!!!!

  • @foolwriter
    @foolwriter Před 2 lety +201

    I've always respected Luke Goss as a working man's action star, and for solid work with Guillermo Del Toro (Blade 2 & Hellboy 2). It's kind of a shame to see him carrying Segal, but somebody's gotta do it.

    • @Varnicus
      @Varnicus Před 2 lety +38

      Rumour has it most of the film's budget went to a good back brace for Luke to carry Seagal.

    • @DiscoFinalBoss
      @DiscoFinalBoss Před 2 lety +18

      R.I.P. to his back. Carrying sensei penguin as a commenter so nicely put it can’t be healthy for anyone.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +27

      As long as the check clears, I guess.

    • @megabsupreme
      @megabsupreme Před 2 lety +23

      Luke is so underappreciated. The Blade & Hellboy sequels really showcased his value as an action movie sympathetic villain.

    • @glencurtis6052
      @glencurtis6052 Před 2 lety +17

      I can't watch Luke Goss and not see him as a singer in an 80s boy band in the UK 🤣

  • @coltbusick6644
    @coltbusick6644 Před 2 lety +93

    I literally jumped out of my chair when Sifu got hit. I hope GSP didn’t hurt his hand punching that solid wall of steel and honor 🥺

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +29

      Probably punched off the spray tan.

    • @JCIce007
      @JCIce007 Před 2 lety +10

      @@JasonBrant he tans with an air of confidence rarely seen in this day and age.

  • @ltee1233
    @ltee1233 Před 2 lety +29

    I love how there whole commentary is “I have no clue what’s going on” really sums up segals whole career

  • @robertmcallister4688
    @robertmcallister4688 Před 2 lety +21

    Your videos are like watching myself & my friends 30-ish years ago. Someone would rent the worst movie available, then after work we'd congregate at someone's place to drink/smoke/whatever and roast Segal, cheer on Troma anti-heroes, laugh at no-budget 80s horror...
    I love it. Helps fill the insomnia void.

    • @jamie.777
      @jamie.777 Před 9 měsíci

      Ever watch "combat shock " 😲 . 😂it's a troma film about a Vietnam vets with a mutant "agent orange" baby. The Vietnam Jungle flash back scenes were filmed in New Jersey, I believe we see 😅some foliage 😂.

  • @CowboysCreed
    @CowboysCreed Před 2 lety +185

    I’m starting to think Steven Seagal may be the world’s greatest troll.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +34

      Imagine if this was all a troll. It would be masterful.

    • @robertflores7819
      @robertflores7819 Před 2 lety +8

      That’s like Andy Kaufman levels of troll.

    • @Clemppu
      @Clemppu Před 2 lety +9

      Well he definitely fits the physical size of a massive troll...

    • @MinscFromBaldursGate92
      @MinscFromBaldursGate92 Před 2 lety +1

      He's fat like a River Troll Hag.

    • @jesusgarcia1145
      @jesusgarcia1145 Před 2 lety +1

      A cave troll from the looks of it.

  • @DansBuddhaBodega
    @DansBuddhaBodega Před 2 lety +287

    Just found out Steven Segal threw himself a big birthday party in Russia. In march.... and invited nearly all of the oligarchs the world has placed sanctions on. It makes watching you guys tear him apart, and laugh at the joke that is master fat ass that much sweeter. He stopped caring after glimmer man. Keep up the good work!!!!

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +37

      Thanks! Was Glimmer Man the turning point?

    • @Rich77UK
      @Rich77UK Před 2 lety +20

      You have got to br kidding. Wasn't it proven he is as Russian as Joseph Stalin? (Who was Georgian not Russian).

    • @robotrix
      @robotrix Před 2 lety +56

      @@Rich77UK He helps them launder money and he's a movie star. They don't care if he's Martian.

    • @williamnantz5604
      @williamnantz5604 Před 2 lety +6

      @@JasonBrant I think so, too. Glimmer Man was a pretty fun movie...... no question, his last

    • @Valkris84KT
      @Valkris84KT Před 2 lety +25

      Glimmer Man was the start of all black clothes and voice Seagal. Barely threw a punch and mostly shot ppl. Than in Exit Wounds was the start of Pure Leather Coat Seagal and probably the last watchable film with a decent supporting cast

  • @archer1949
    @archer1949 Před 2 lety +41

    26:14. I like how Seagal magically lost 200 pounds while falling. I guess it would have been awkward to broach the subject of extra padding on the stunt double to match the previous shot.

    • @923crono
      @923crono Před 2 lety +9

      If Seagal actually fell, it would have caused an earthquake beyond all form of reality

  • @pronubcentral
    @pronubcentral Před 2 lety +6

    "I was not born on a turnip truck and I was not born at night"
    That line killed me the most.
    It's I didn't just FALL OFF the turnip truck!!!
    I was born at night but not LAST night!!!!!
    Screw you Steven Segal!!!!

  • @dullahan7677
    @dullahan7677 Před 2 lety +2

    From the thumbnail it looks like Seagal is trying to smuggle in a few kilos of product, himself. Gives a whole new meaning to the term "plate carrier".

  • @butkusfan23
    @butkusfan23 Před 2 lety +25

    I know his performances have gone downhill for a solid 20 years now, but at this point, Segal can hardly even sit up on his own. It’s almost like he has to be propped up with sticks and someone pulls his strings to make his mouth move so he can mumble his lines. He seriously sits there like Pizza the Hut from Spaceballs. What a turd. Thanks for the hilarious vid guys 😂

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +5

      Pizza the Hut 🤣

    • @TheJoker-jk4dp
      @TheJoker-jk4dp Před 2 lety

      @@JasonBrant Seagal does get beat up in a movie that he did with Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson knocks out Seagal with a punch. I believe the movie is called “Chinese Salesman”. You should do a review on that movie.

    • @JCIce007
      @JCIce007 Před 2 lety

      @@TheJoker-jk4dp guarantee they filmed the end of that fight without Seagal on set. And I would bet without him even seeing the defeat in his script.

    • @TheJoker-jk4dp
      @TheJoker-jk4dp Před 2 lety

      @@JCIce007 I don’t know about the script but there was a double for Seagal when Mike Tyson knocks him out. Also keep in mind Seagal has had stunt guys doubling for him even when he wins a fight in his movies. He even had a double when he was just standing in a scene. He’s been doing that several years now. Either way I’m sure he didn’t like it that Mike Tyson beat him in that fight scene. I’m pretty sure he knows about that now. Seagal is a joke. He should just retire already.

    • @tobiasrieper8360
      @tobiasrieper8360 Před 2 lety +1

      @@TheJoker-jk4dp My theory is that Seagal made sure the stuntman took the hit just in case Tyson actually connected and decapitated him.

  • @thomasdehetre300
    @thomasdehetre300 Před 2 lety +52

    When you said someone got you all a Steven Segal shirt I literally assumed it was one Segal size shirt that all of you could fit in at the same time

  • @Jon-ld3jl
    @Jon-ld3jl Před 2 lety +11

    based on his track record of truthfulness, the only thing i can say for certain after watching this movie is that Steven Segal was in fact born at night, on turnip truck, and not in michigan, or moscow, or saigon, or a Cherokee reservation, or any of the million other places he claims to be from.

  • @bencooper6983
    @bencooper6983 Před 2 lety +89

    I've been an MMA fan for nearly 20 years and GSP is my fave fighter, to see him in this movie and get his ass kicked by the human draft excluder to that extent was upsetting to me

    • @alexandermccarthy
      @alexandermccarthy Před 2 lety +2

      It's a huge door that needs Sensei Penguin as a draft excluder! I'm thinking a medieval castle, perhaps.

    • @nicolec7290
      @nicolec7290 Před 2 lety +2

      I agree. Is acting is terrible. It can’t be that hard to say a short line like ( we have to go. )

    • @MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis
      @MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis Před rokem +4

      Same. GSP was actually good in Captain America- I wonder how he got here? I bet his agent owed somebody a favor and the agent is like “please do it, please. I’ll make sure you get a good payday.” And he payed off his favor by having GSP do this shitty movie. I keep telling myself that.

    • @josephhubisz8610
      @josephhubisz8610 Před rokem

      Draft excluder - Karl Pilkington

    • @youdontseeanoldmanhavinatw4904
      @youdontseeanoldmanhavinatw4904 Před měsícem

      Karl Pilkington is amazing​@@josephhubisz8610

  • @jimmypenrose1401
    @jimmypenrose1401 Před 2 lety +11

    Steven Seagal never jokes. He may not be moving much on-screen; but he was faster than Usain Bolt at the craft services table. Those donuts never stood a chance!

  • @eduardodiaz9942
    @eduardodiaz9942 Před 2 lety +89

    As always, Sifu Seagal steals every scene he's in. He's so rotund he's the only thing you can see.
    Also, I need to check the astral chart of the date when the scene where Seagal gets hit was shot. Pretty sure you need the planets to align for that to happen.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +10

      🤣 A celestial event definitely occured during that moment.

    • @vineethonkan
      @vineethonkan Před 2 lety

      I've noticed that guys like this have such a complex about them that they cannot film themselves getting hurt. I've seen it in all of Michael jai whites movies as well.

    • @marciwhitton6351
      @marciwhitton6351 Před 2 lety +1

      Sifuud Seagal.

    • @BenetteG
      @BenetteG Před 2 lety +2

      @@marciwhitton6351 sea food?

    • @davidmullen6011
      @davidmullen6011 Před rokem

      I noted that Seagal's glasses didn't even leave his face...

  • @lobokurg2786
    @lobokurg2786 Před 2 lety +14

    As someone that's still in the Army, I can say that I have never seen that uniform, and have never heard of the DEA operating inside the Army. CID is the internal Army investigation agency, and I imagine they would also handle any Drug related cases. The Army does have alternative tops called Combat Shirts, but they don't look like that.
    HOWEVER, I've never had a drug problem. Ask Private Hicks stationed with the airborne at Fort Bragg, he seems like the guy to ask.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +6

      Are you suggesting this movie is inaccurate?

    • @lobokurg2786
      @lobokurg2786 Před 2 lety

      A liberty or two may have been taken.
      I can assure you that no amount of cocaine would have made Seagal move more. In fact I'm convinced that the only reason he got hit in the movie was because they shot the scene in secret using his stunt double while he was busy snorting a line off a hooker's ass.

    • @peterv1318
      @peterv1318 Před 2 lety

      @@JasonBrant - the badge’s aren’t even correct.

    • @TCFan25
      @TCFan25 Před 2 lety

      You mean Cpl Hicks - USCM (decd)?

    • @JCIce007
      @JCIce007 Před 2 lety

      @@TCFan25 you mean Game Over'd.

  • @law3014
    @law3014 Před 2 lety +16

    Thats how you know GSP truly is the goat, even Seagal, in all his egotistical glory realised GSP not landing a punch on him would be ridiculous lol

  • @ALAH13
    @ALAH13 Před 2 lety +23

    He walks with an aire of confidence rarely see in this day and age.

    • @karldicker1702
      @karldicker1702 Před 2 lety +1

      That's what's i always thought was cool about him many years ago.

    • @roringusanda2837
      @roringusanda2837 Před rokem +1

      He literally waddles around like a penguin...an overweight penguin with bad knees and a few fused spinal vertebrae...

  • @samuelbrown3405
    @samuelbrown3405 Před 2 lety +13

    You guys referring to Seagal as Sifu made me laugh way harder than it should have

  • @MrDiggityaus
    @MrDiggityaus Před rokem +3

    5:38 GSP doesn’t seem to be wearing glasses. Do you think they only had one set of glasses and the actors shared them haha 😂 😂

  • @jbrat122
    @jbrat122 Před 2 lety +41

    The prance waddle when he walked up on GSP was the most sissy walk I’ve ever seen. Absolutely magical man 🤣

    • @Tonysr
      @Tonysr Před 2 lety +3

      Best use of the word Sissy in ages.

    • @jbrat122
      @jbrat122 Před 2 lety +1

      @@Tonysr 🤣🤣🤣

  • @markh3271
    @markh3271 Před 2 lety +4

    "They recorded Segal standing up" after the knuckles cracking joke. BEST LINE EVER!

  • @froggygirl329
    @froggygirl329 Před 2 lety +17

    I'm thinking it's time these guys spoke to a lawyer about compensation for the pain and suffering they endured from Steven Seagal.

  • @Mindfuel777
    @Mindfuel777 Před rokem +7

    Bobby Weisau has his own continuity in the Seagal-verse

  • @rickyd-lux9067
    @rickyd-lux9067 Před rokem +11

    24:40 That's not even acting. That's Goss' sincere reaction to Seagal trying to deliver his lines.

  • @chadmartin1779
    @chadmartin1779 Před 2 lety +12

    This channel is such a hidden gem. I’ve been binging for days.

  • @rladams65
    @rladams65 Před 2 lety +11

    I love how your co-hosts always know the plot (as thin as it may be) - and Jason is always lost because he doesn't read the screen text or pay attention to the exposition.

    • @jcdenton2187
      @jcdenton2187 Před rokem

      It's a Seagal movie, I honestly can't blame him lol

  • @newera3757
    @newera3757 Před 2 lety +4

    How dare you? Sansei Steven Seagul and his mastering of ancient art of bullshido are legendary.

  • @SephirothPhenyx
    @SephirothPhenyx Před 9 měsíci +4

    "I don't know what is illegal in Romania. Nothing?" - Jason Brant LMAOOOOOOO Bro, Ï just walked into my home from the coffee shop and had this playing in the background. Ï stepped foot into my home to this. HAHAHAHAHAHA you fellas are amazing, thank you so much for the genuine good times and laughs. Ï hope more success, happiness, prosperity, good health and all that good shit finds you all. Cheers

  • @robertflint4115
    @robertflint4115 Před 2 lety +19

    I was having a bad day and just found out my wife was sleeping with best friend and wants a divorce, my truck has a flat, my dog "Rocko' died last night, and only beer in fridge is stupid Heineken NA. Hopped on youtube to watch some "Brazilian wax" demonstration videos ; ) and stumbled (or should I say - "waddled") across your video's and you guys (and gal) rock. Your "Seagalisms" are epic. So thank you for that little ray of sunshine on this cloudy day. Rock on !!!!

    • @megatronjenkins2473
      @megatronjenkins2473 Před 2 lety +13

      Dude, your life is a country song.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +8

      You're welcome. I hope none of what you just said is true.

    • @robertflint4115
      @robertflint4115 Před 2 lety +5

      @@JasonBrant 25 years ago my ex did sleep with my best friend, divorce me, take my dog and son, and my house which I owned before we got married from buying it from my parents. the house I grew up in as a child, she took it. worst of all was paying her child support while my son lived with me - shared parenting LOL...anyhow just busting balls and having fun (though I do check out those Brazilian wax videos ;) ) would love to party with you all one day, rock on man. The Griz

    • @Isaac-muntz
      @Isaac-muntz Před rokem

      Dude that's rough hope all is good now 🤙🏼

  • @tristanganas2682
    @tristanganas2682 Před 2 lety +28

    You guys are so awesome, I honestly thought we would have only gotten that Friday video but here we are yet again. This has now become my most fav channel on CZcams

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +2

      Thanks, Tristan! That means a lot.

    • @tristanganas2682
      @tristanganas2682 Před 2 lety +2

      @@JasonBrant you probably tired of my ass always commenting😂😂

    • @megatronjenkins2473
      @megatronjenkins2473 Před 2 lety

      @@tristanganas2682 my mighty Decepticon Army drops its 2 cents every week🤣🤣🤣

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety

      Never!

  • @caseyhanson5031
    @caseyhanson5031 Před 2 lety +18

    You guys deserve a medal for sitting through some of these movies. A medal similar to a Purple Heart, no offense to the vets.

  • @ethanboyd7843
    @ethanboyd7843 Před 2 lety +3

    I heard he now lives in a Stalingrad CARTEL. It's a Hotel with bay doors in which carts are used to move the guests in and out for bathing and feeding.

  • @ericduan19
    @ericduan19 Před 2 lety +27

    In his post-00s movies, Seagal is just like "that guy" in an airsoft game - the guy who's overweight & unfit to do any physically demanding moves, but still tries to imitate some SWAT/special forces maneuvers, eventually turning themselves into a joke.
    Seagal needs to stay in his lane.

  • @bal5884
    @bal5884 Před 2 lety +24

    I'm thinking Seafood is trolling us all at this point 😅
    Luke Goss was big over here in the 80s (UK) with a band called Bross, my big sister adored them and I had to listen to their music on repeat when I was younger.
    Another great episode Jas 👍

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +2

      Thanks! He would be the greatest troll in history.

    • @bal5884
      @bal5884 Před 2 lety +2

      @@JasonBrant 😅 A daily supply of Krispy Kremes had me in stitches 😅

    • @alucard624
      @alucard624 Před 2 lety +5

      Goss wasn't too bad in the Death Race prequels.

    • @bal5884
      @bal5884 Před 2 lety

      @@alucard624 Not seen them mate

    • @TheGMan91100
      @TheGMan91100 Před 2 lety

      Did you ever get famous? Did you ever get your picture in the paper?

  • @frankly7761
    @frankly7761 Před 2 lety +10

    Belly Of The Beast was a hilarious Seagal flick. I remember the slow motion cutting the arrows with his sword with a sex scene where the love interest acts like kissing him would be like kissing a donkey's butt. For sheer hilarity is Urban Justice in which he tries talk like he's from the hood. It is glorious to behold. The man has basically gone the David Carradine/Jan Michael Vincent 90s route.

    • @Neville60001
      @Neville60001 Před rokem +1

      At least Carradine was able to still do martial arts in movies and on TV (the _Kung Fu_ sequel show); Segal can't really do any martial arts anymore, at all.

  • @jordanpaterson9043
    @jordanpaterson9043 Před 2 lety +6

    There's one thing that seagal does consistently well and that is waddle around like a footless penguin loaded up on pound cake

  • @jaymac7203
    @jaymac7203 Před 2 lety +2

    Your impressions of Seagal mumbling had ne in tears loool 😭😭🤣🤣🤣

  • @valkirie19
    @valkirie19 Před 2 lety +3

    You don't know how many more Steven Seagal movies you can do, until you do them 🤣😂

  • @jasoncrandall73
    @jasoncrandall73 Před rokem +6

    Let's just appreciate the dedication of Steven Seagal to want to entertain us with well made action movies well into his 70s. 👍😉🙄😜

  • @Humongous420
    @Humongous420 Před 2 lety +7

    Jason I just added Seagull to my movie I am making...I am cutting uo American Ninja to make my own movie about a friend of mine becoming a black ninja 🤣 I added Seagull and I am SO EXCITED because the one and only Redeye Reviews is voicing him for me!! 🤣 This is in NO WAY promoting my pile of garbage film 😉 Just been working on it and watching you guys torture yourselves. Thank you so much for all you folks do! Absolutely LOVE this channel

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +2

      Thanks, bud. That project sounds absolutely insane. How far are you into it? Congrats on getting Redeye to help - that's killer!

    • @Humongous420
      @Humongous420 Před 2 lety +2

      @@JasonBrant thank you man! It all started as a meme joke I made for my buddy who is a comedian in NYC. There is a trailer you can check out if you would like to. I am about 20 min into it, pasting heads over faces 1/10 of a second at a time! I have so much time into this 🤣 I started editing videos and doing audio, voice work about 3 months ago and this has become so much more than a meme with a story razzing my buddy 🤣🤣 I would LOVE to show you the final version when it's ready if you want a laugh in return for the many laughs you have brought us fans.

    • @megatronjenkins2473
      @megatronjenkins2473 Před 2 lety +2

      RedEye is doing his Seagull voice in a fan movie?!? SHUT UP AND TAKE MY ENERGON!!!!

    • @The_ZeroLine
      @The_ZeroLine Před 2 lety

      Is this going to be a fat seagull with a little karate headband doing kung fu 🥋 moves with its wings?

    • @wingerding
      @wingerding Před 2 lety

      How were you able to cast Seagal? I thought he only acted for himself these days.

  • @cade377
    @cade377 Před rokem +3

    "Not only do I not know... I don't give a sh*t" should be the tag line on EVERY Seagal movie.

  • @XenoLife
    @XenoLife Před 2 lety +1

    Your mate with the red glasses looks like a chaotic version of an evil Steve Jobs :D

  • @cearny7856
    @cearny7856 Před 2 lety +8

    Funny how the "Bobby Wiseau" guy is actually a pretty well-established film & theater actor as well as a TV host in Romania :-)) man's got bills to pay, I guess.
    Big respect for Luke Goss, the man basically fireman carries this kind of movies he ends up acting in.

  • @fokker1138
    @fokker1138 Před 2 lety +8

    10:47 Baldy has a drop leg mounted at his knee, for those times you only need to get the pistol out fast when seated. They look like a bunch of people who bought "Special Forces" costumes at Spirit Halloween. I love how they spend the entire movie guarding this guy with just pistols with a single mag and empty backpacks.
    31:30 That moment when Brian almost made you spit out your beer.

  • @dmichael7144
    @dmichael7144 Před 2 lety +6

    Watching you guys watch Seagal movies is like watching torture ASMR, but with no gore!

  • @markgrehan3726
    @markgrehan3726 Před rokem +1

    Seagals new signature move really should be the belly flop, and he just asphyxiates the bad guys to death as he lies across their chests slowly crushing their lungs.

  • @ericparker308
    @ericparker308 Před 2 lety +10

    Love this episode. I usually watch these on patreon but I must admit......I am loving the way you do your sponsorship stuff. You and Lady Erin are friggin hilarious.

  • @soulknife20
    @soulknife20 Před 2 lety +7

    Luke Goss also played Prince Nuada in Hellboy II Golden Army. Guy is a legit good actor. GSP sure as heck can't act.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +4

      I liked him in Blade II.

    • @da90sReAlvloc
      @da90sReAlvloc Před 2 lety

      @@JasonBrant he's good as Frankenstein creature in hallmarks Frankenstein

  • @danielemerson312
    @danielemerson312 Před 2 lety +7

    The 2018 documentary "When the Screaming stops" is about Luke Goss and his brother Matt, and their boy band Bros. It is occasionally poignant, but more often inadvertently hilarious. Like a real-life Pop version of Spinal Tap, but where the protagonists aren't aware that they are in a comedy.
    When Bros were big, I utterly loathed them, but "When the Screaming stops" is great, and I even kind of sympathise with the twins. Give it a watch.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +2

      Will do.

    • @mew10521
      @mew10521 Před 2 lety

      What did the band go through? Any of them turned to drugs?

    • @tobiasrieper8360
      @tobiasrieper8360 Před 2 lety +1

      @@mew10521 Worse. One of them went on to star is sh*tty Seagal movies.

    • @mew10521
      @mew10521 Před 2 lety

      @@tobiasrieper8360 thats....that's not....too bad

  • @hansgraichen8051
    @hansgraichen8051 Před 2 lety +4

    Thank you for your sacrifice as the Goatee Segal martyrs. You are saving thousands from the trepidation encased in the celluloid excrement that is the soul of Goatee Segal films. You show us all we need to see so that we too do not to need to suffer. You are philanthropists of the highest pedigree.

  • @AlmostAndre777
    @AlmostAndre777 Před rokem +2

    He wasn't born at night? 😆 🤣 😂
    I think he meant
    " I was born at night but not last night"

  • @gypsy4659
    @gypsy4659 Před 2 lety +1

    The best bit of this show is watching these poor guy's suffer through Seagull movies. Always a guaranteed giggle.

  • @jaybenton7716
    @jaybenton7716 Před 2 lety +8

    In case you didn't know, Luke Goss was in the 80s band BROS with his brother. They were a big thing in the UK, not sure about elsewhere.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +2

      I was trying to say that, but Brian shushed me because Bobby was on screen.

  • @thesephisloth1886
    @thesephisloth1886 Před 2 lety +6

    How many martial arts lessons do you think Sensei tried to give GSP and GSP being the nice guy he is just went along with it and thanked him?

  • @Mayelito7
    @Mayelito7 Před 2 lety +12

    One of the painful parts of watching Seagal movies with you guys is struggling along with you, trying to figure out what’s going on, and never getting a definitive answer… just waddling and mumbling… 😂😂😂

  • @usmc29er44
    @usmc29er44 Před 2 lety +2

    "When did he stop caring about acting" Spot on Truth!

  • @BronxBastard730
    @BronxBastard730 Před rokem +1

    Steven Seagal has his own gravitational fields , it pulls entire grocery stores right into his gullet

  • @akuma6446
    @akuma6446 Před 2 lety +4

    Am I the only one who heard “Informer” by Snow start playing when he put on those gaudy glasses!?

  • @Rich77UK
    @Rich77UK Před 2 lety +4

    Luke Goss and his brother Matt where a boy band "Bros" (pronounced as its spelt) in the 80s (lateish). Matt sings in Vegas but Luke disappeared for some years to retrain as an actor. He can fight and was in Blade 2, the bad elf Prince in Hell boy 2, the Death race sequel/prequels and some more. He's a pretty decent chap in real life.

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +2

      I've liked him in the movies I've seen him in.

  • @stuartblack9258
    @stuartblack9258 Před 2 lety +5

    🤣 so glad i found this channel 🤣 i have i new found appreciation for the mammoth mountain that is Master Sifu Seagal! Instead of not wanting to watch the epic piles of steamy turd that are Steven Seagal movies ive realised with your help he was actually making comedies all this time ! You guys & girl!! Are absolutely hilarious thankyou so much for the content 👍 keep up the good work love from the U.K 🇬🇧 and yes unfortunately Luke Goss was one half of two brothers in a boy band in the uk called BROSS!! You need to watch one of there music videos plenty of fun to be had!🤭

  • @GibbonHUN
    @GibbonHUN Před 7 měsíci +1

    When you're in a Seagal movie, you know your career has gone horribly wrong.

  • @1sam-ef
    @1sam-ef Před rokem +2

    Steven Seagal is a REAL "Stand-up" guy!

  • @steveclark9280
    @steveclark9280 Před 2 lety +5

    I was on vacation for over 2 weeks so just getting caught up on your last 3 vids. One is a Barbarians movie and another is a Seagal one, it does not get any better than that! Thanks Jason, Brian & Erin. You guys just keep putting out great enjoyable content.

  • @adv2ht
    @adv2ht Před 2 lety +7

    Dont remember how I stumbled across this channel but im glad I did. Hilarious content man keep it up.

  • @JimBrodie
    @JimBrodie Před 2 lety +5

    Having been well exposed to Luke Goss and his twin brothers' boy band 'Bros' back in the mid-late 80's; To see him start a career in acting, i honestly expected the worst. Surprisingly i found i enjoyed his performances in the Death Race remakes and Interview with a Hitman.
    It looks to me like he's the only one propping this up. Quite the achievement really. =]

  • @Mattastrophic1
    @Mattastrophic1 Před 2 lety +1

    WOW, Seagal's lazy line delivery has hit an even lazier low. He sounds like the crew was working his lungs with an old set of bellows. "I dibnt fawl obb a turnip truck. I ate my way off dat muberbucker"

  • @pross6525
    @pross6525 Před rokem +1

    The Sensi of senceless mumbling playing the badass lol never gets old. Y'all might need bourbon with this movie

  • @ravendark_7250
    @ravendark_7250 Před 2 lety +5

    I am waiting for the day when they just deepfake Segal's head onto someone who doesn't sweat while standing still.

  • @ctakitimu
    @ctakitimu Před 2 lety +3

    Luke Goss was Prince Nuada in HellBoy too, and has some great martial fighting scenes, and also Steven mumbles in cursive. I was hoping to see more of the blonde woman :)

  • @thomaspearson6215
    @thomaspearson6215 Před 2 lety +7

    new recruit is Luke Goss, made lots of movies , hellboy 2, blade 2 etc. he was a pop singer with his twin bro in 80s, known as Bros
    best known song , when will i be famous . another great review people , i've just watched the first group of seagal's 1st movies , you can see his decline as he does less and less work and leaves it to doubles and stuntmen .

    • @mareklame8589
      @mareklame8589 Před 2 lety

      czcams.com/video/NvQTTA9raJU/video.html "When Will I Be Famous"

    • @JasonBrant
      @JasonBrant  Před 2 lety +2

      His decline is insane.

    • @thomaspearson6215
      @thomaspearson6215 Před 2 lety

      @@JasonBrant i believe at the top of his popularity in movies he was getting 11, million per picture , but there was another action star who was receiving 20 million per picture , i'm not sure who , and seagal thought that this other actor was receiving that much then he should be getting the same but the studio turned him down , he must have thought screw it and did less work .

  • @dingdingdingdiiiiing
    @dingdingdingdiiiiing Před 2 lety +1

    I bet most of the budget goes for catering, which is the only reason Seagal even makes movies. He sits through most of the scenes and when they feed him, his 5 course meal 6 times a day, they just place a full table in front of him and come back in an hour.

  • @mattleuty6916
    @mattleuty6916 Před 2 lety +2

    Every line of dialogue he delivers is like Cheyen stoking, in other words using his last death breath's to get through the script.