Steven Seagal

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  • čas přidán 15. 03. 2020
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    Audio is from Cum Town, Episode 36 - Goatee Era Seagal (1/18/2017), with guest Ben O'Brien
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Komentáře • 13K

  • @ClangersTV
    @ClangersTV  Před 5 měsíci +136

    Nick Mullen: The Year of the Dragon - FULL COMEDY SPECIAL: czcams.com/video/VBlQBm5pReQ/video.html

    • @bong_water_chug5515
      @bong_water_chug5515 Před 5 měsíci +15

      Hell yeah dude

    • @youtubeviolatedme7123
      @youtubeviolatedme7123 Před 4 měsíci +3

      I don't know if I enjoyed Nick's or Stav's special better. Both probably make my top 10 specials of 2023 for sure though.

    • @Scott-fy7fm
      @Scott-fy7fm Před 2 měsíci +3

      This seagal review is one of my favorite videos on CZcams, it is absolutely hilarious, well done

  • @caseytodd7632
    @caseytodd7632 Před 2 lety +11625

    A lot of people don't know this, but Steven Seagal actually knows karate, taekwando, judo, jiu jitsu and many other types of dangerous words.

  • @MohammadObaid52
    @MohammadObaid52 Před 3 lety +16380

    Fun fact: Seagal has claimed once to be immune to any chokeholds. In order to prove it, he had a stuntman put him in a chokehold. Seagal promptly lost consciousness and also shit himself.

    • @ChucksSEADnDEAD
      @ChucksSEADnDEAD Před 3 lety +1336

      Good Ole Gene Lebell

    • @user-vs6oe8fl3m
      @user-vs6oe8fl3m Před 3 lety +303

      Hahahahahahahahhayahahahahahha

    • @JamesMooreMarketing
      @JamesMooreMarketing Před 3 lety +838

      No Gene also put him in a hold.
      There was a stunt man who's team complained Seagal was being too rough.
      When Seagal heard the stunt guy was some belt in an art form he told him put him in a choke and he get out of it.
      The stunt guys boss said go ahead and old steven could not get out of it and after a bit of straining he tapped and headed straight to the toilets 😂

    • @MohammadObaid52
      @MohammadObaid52 Před 3 lety +88

      @@JamesMooreMarketing Hahaha, thank you for the clarification on the story mate :)

    • @alexandermccarthy
      @alexandermccarthy Před 3 lety +411

      The true (skid) mark of a great warrior! 😁 😁 😁

  • @Mhammerable
    @Mhammerable Před rokem +614

    they should have cast him for Tropic Thunder and just told him it was an actual action movie

    • @incogn3gr0
      @incogn3gr0 Před 3 měsíci +31

      That would have been brilliant

    • @balefulbunny
      @balefulbunny Před 2 měsíci +11

      The idea of Big Seagull in that movie has my imagination running wild! Woulda been great!

    • @bob3007
      @bob3007 Před měsícem +3

      @@balefulbunny if reality ever gets reset, i vote @Mhammerable to be in charge lmaoo. my head is spinning with the possible hilarity that idea entails. SHANE GILLIS!!!! IF YOU READ THIS!!! steal this mans idea and make this a sketch lmao... a concept this good can't be squandered by the likes of... _network television_

  • @TheValorous
    @TheValorous Před rokem +2492

    "34, he isn't a.. young guy.."
    That got this 35 year old's eye a bit teary.

    • @spets4265
      @spets4265 Před rokem +186

      Don't feel bad, when I was 21 everyone older than 25 was 'ancient'. I can guarantee you its the same with the guys commentating.

    • @CrazyPlatinum92
      @CrazyPlatinum92 Před rokem +48

      I'll be 31 in a week...

    • @mikewood4242
      @mikewood4242 Před rokem +93

      @@spets4265 When I was 26 I was callled an "old man" by chicks 20 at the bar

    • @jellybean4049
      @jellybean4049 Před rokem +43

      I just turned 32 and people call me a kid still. Some woman said "Ahhh! Your still a baby." Little strange but I guess theses guys are all 20 - 24 or so.

    • @mikevandemark1993
      @mikevandemark1993 Před rokem +12

      They have 35 is middle aged 😂

  • @dslkjvoxicuyhgl4554
    @dslkjvoxicuyhgl4554 Před 4 lety +8803

    He's sniping from 5 feet away, shooting at a devout taliban islamist I'd presume, who is drinking liquor, out of a flask. it's amazing.

    • @lukeg452
      @lukeg452 Před 4 lety +219

      Why Would you ever hire him instead of vandamme

    • @TheSchematican
      @TheSchematican Před 4 lety +218

      Uteop He served two tours in Foreverever Land with Frank Dux bro. Jokes aside does the first bullet hit the flask and dent it? Lol

    • @lukeg452
      @lukeg452 Před 4 lety +38

      M Lo i thought it was some type of anti material rifle or some shit

    • @dslkjvoxicuyhgl4554
      @dslkjvoxicuyhgl4554 Před 4 lety +47

      @@TheSchematican Oh man, I'd forgotten about Frank Dux. Thank you for mentioning him. And it looked like it may have, which I imagine it wouldn't in real life, it would completely over penetrate and leave a very clean entry and exit.

    • @evanabbott2737
      @evanabbott2737 Před 4 lety +72

      I like how he needs to shoot the flask first....😁

  • @caffeinatedbuffalosauce883
    @caffeinatedbuffalosauce883 Před 3 lety +5202

    I love how the Muslim Islamist is drinking alcohol in his movie

    • @joeschmoe9154
      @joeschmoe9154 Před 3 lety +759

      You'd drink too if the only operations they sent you on were against Fat ass Seagal/

    • @hangukhiphop
      @hangukhiphop Před 3 lety +427

      Muslim Islamist? lol

    • @ridalger16
      @ridalger16 Před 3 lety +167

      @@hangukhiphop makes sense not every Muslim is a radical

    • @ridalger16
      @ridalger16 Před 3 lety +1

      Hahaha

    • @ginogatash4030
      @ginogatash4030 Před 3 lety +16

      @@hangukhiphop I was about to say exactly that.

  • @sebastianlightcap2764
    @sebastianlightcap2764 Před rokem +493

    "Well, it started with Glimmer Man and now it's progressed to the point where he just talks like a slave" had me dying laughing

    • @marthaw7664
      @marthaw7664 Před 3 měsíci +1

      Making movies in Moscow…….he is Шлях трафи

  • @Kgcottawa
    @Kgcottawa Před 8 měsíci +131

    “Fatly going around corners”
    Omfg I died from laughter

  • @geekers8644
    @geekers8644 Před 4 lety +4384

    the way he just says 'whats happenin' to a 5 year old romanian child killed me lmaoo

  • @bobvel7760
    @bobvel7760 Před 3 lety +13981

    I feel like Steven farts a lot on set and the crew just has to deal with it.

    • @ultrashortbus
      @ultrashortbus Před 3 lety +646

      "It's like I always say, we have to blow it and we have to blow it now"
      ~ Steven Seagal [On Deadly Ground, 1994]

    • @JimKuback2009
      @JimKuback2009 Před 3 lety +1043

      He did shit his pants once after claiming his aikido training made him impervious to being choked unconscious. Somebody called his bluff and Segal let him try. Dude choked Segal out and Segal shit in his pants.

    • @skelldoom4329
      @skelldoom4329 Před 3 lety +509

      Oh, thats a power fart. Thats how he asserts his dominance over the entire cast and crew.

    • @dinglegonzo
      @dinglegonzo Před 3 lety +204

      Sounds reasonable to assume that he farts on set.

    • @TheAceSpaceman
      @TheAceSpaceman Před 3 lety +352

      I think he's more the guy who shits with the door open and he even likes to talk while taking a shit...and he doesn't shit silent or normal, he might push and moan like a lot. But hey...he's the big star of the film.

  • @only1smally
    @only1smally Před rokem +245

    About every six months I check in on this masterpiece.

  • @ryh5169
    @ryh5169 Před rokem +140

    4:33 "Are you really as good as they ALL say you are" -- The fact she added "all" ("they say" wasn't enough -- no, it must be UNANIMOUS) is proof Seagal himself wrote that line

  • @djesun1
    @djesun1 Před rokem +6943

    Steven Seagal is the kind of guy that wakes up the entire family to let them know that he's going to bed

    • @lhaviland8602
      @lhaviland8602 Před rokem +149

      WHY IS THIS SO ACCURATE!?

    • @planes3333
      @planes3333 Před rokem +66

      ughhh "immm going ....to....bed...ok uhhhh🤣

    • @TheReelDealFilmReviews
      @TheReelDealFilmReviews Před rokem +1

      I’m na get me maaa slippers motherfuckers

    • @Prototheria
      @Prototheria Před rokem +53

      I'm totally ripping off RCR here, but I think it fits.
      Steven Seagull is the kind of guy that shits himself but keeps singing happy birthday.

    • @TheReelDealFilmReviews
      @TheReelDealFilmReviews Před rokem +1

      @@Prototheria I would love a pet Seagull called Steven Seagull 🤣. I have a Miniature Schnauzer called Arnold Schnauzernegger 😊. Yes I agree 😂

  • @Gumfondle
    @Gumfondle Před 4 lety +3789

    “Are you really as good as they all say you are?”
    “eryaghfjwnbs”

  • @jamespuffer2889
    @jamespuffer2889 Před rokem +33

    “He talks like a slave”
    My fucking sides are in orbit, I’m dying 😂

  • @awildwildwes
    @awildwildwes Před 9 měsíci +32

    "There's three human transactions in this movie"
    10/10

  • @UhYeahNoThanks
    @UhYeahNoThanks Před 3 lety +8193

    The fact Seagal choses to remain completely clothed during the sex scene says to me that he's aware of how he looks

    • @terrybird993
      @terrybird993 Před 3 lety +1446

      or the woman only agreed to do the scene if he was fully clothed... dudes a real sleaze ball...

    • @pingpongpogo
      @pingpongpogo Před 3 lety +1198

      Pretty sure the leather jacket is now a part of him.

    • @roberttimothy1338
      @roberttimothy1338 Před 3 lety +114

      Maybe just maybe he comes from the old school of thought that you don't get unclothed with a woman unless you are married to that woman. Dummy.

    • @thiagohenriquecoelhodesouz1795
      @thiagohenriquecoelhodesouz1795 Před 3 lety +380

      @@roberttimothy1338 LOL

    • @ralphfi9591
      @ralphfi9591 Před 3 lety +298

      Or may be his belly weight might physically prevent her from getting close

  • @Lulzorz125
    @Lulzorz125 Před 3 lety +5103

    I love the way he holds guns. The stock is like never in contact with his shoulder. He's so fuckin strong he just absorbs all the recoil with his limp wrists lmao.

    • @marcusg3824
      @marcusg3824 Před 3 lety +192

      I thought I was the only one who noticed. It’s amazing

    • @DONALDSON51
      @DONALDSON51 Před 3 lety +306

      Or the way he swaps sides with his rifle without a care for the empty cases that will fly into his face :)

    • @ken7165
      @ken7165 Před 3 lety +7

      🤣🤣🤣

    • @roblangada4516
      @roblangada4516 Před 3 lety +191

      He puts the stock over his shoulder like its an RPG, amazing.

    • @anonymousdoggo8982
      @anonymousdoggo8982 Před 3 lety +214

      You can shoot any gun that way no problem. Especially a 12 gauge..... No shouldering required. You barely hold the gun and your trigger finger absorbs all the recoil for best accuracy. All 65 year old ultra special undercover secret black ops guys know this.

  • @YouMakeItHappen
    @YouMakeItHappen Před 10 měsíci +94

    I listen to this probably once a month

    • @filmer197
      @filmer197 Před 10 měsíci +4

      lol me too,still funny :)

    • @drunkenmmamaster419
      @drunkenmmamaster419 Před 3 měsíci +1

      Same my favorite clip from CT

    • @threesixn1ne
      @threesixn1ne Před 2 měsíci +3

      I had a dividin' rods tells me there's gold in dem hillz.

    • @markusneulaniemi1704
      @markusneulaniemi1704 Před měsícem +1

      at least tenth time for me.. everytime I hear his name I wound up here

  • @discingaround
    @discingaround Před rokem +147

    40 years later he’s still flipping dozens of opponents by barely moving his finger, and sometimes he’s even seated. Some will say that it’s all staged and not real at all, but the Steven Seagal School of Pinky Fighting certifies each match so you know no cheating is happening. What an inspiration for us all.

    • @psplayer1344
      @psplayer1344 Před rokem

      It's really noble of them to do that. I'm just not used to the big guy looking out for me. Perhaps we should worship him as a god?

  • @anthonyrosa4973
    @anthonyrosa4973 Před 3 lety +1554

    HE KEPT HIS JACKET ON FOR THE SEX SCENE LMFAO

    • @nickmattio3397
      @nickmattio3397 Před 3 lety +65

      He’s got a lot of fun hidden things in his pockets

    • @adhhxgxhhg
      @adhhxgxhhg Před 3 lety +126

      It's a tactical move.

    • @brucewallace1600
      @brucewallace1600 Před 3 lety +2

      @@nickmattio3397 whoop. Like that

    • @joeschmoe9154
      @joeschmoe9154 Před 3 lety +19

      Good lord ,,, Do you really want to see him without a shirt?

    • @sloaneisenbart9347
      @sloaneisenbart9347 Před 3 lety +10

      prolly pulls it out through his underwear to pee

  • @thedillonsmith1
    @thedillonsmith1 Před 4 lety +6061

    I literally fell on the floor when I heard Seagal's voice and realized that they weren't exaggerating at all.

    • @norsemanbushcrafting1621
      @norsemanbushcrafting1621 Před 4 lety +209

      Proposition steve

    • @GochaProductions
      @GochaProductions Před 4 lety +243

      I thought he was fucking kidding when he said they sold her to a pedophile.

    • @chunyi1618
      @chunyi1618 Před 4 lety +2

      norseman bushcrafting ooo

    • @JB_inks
      @JB_inks Před 4 lety +38

      Did you literally fall on the floor?

    • @Parrskey77
      @Parrskey77 Před 4 lety +9

      man what the fuck am i missing with his movies XD

  • @siegoloko7981
    @siegoloko7981 Před 7 měsíci +55

    “Limp wristly firing the gun” is brilliant

  • @chrisbardolph264
    @chrisbardolph264 Před rokem +55

    I would have coughed an eyeball out of my socket from laughing if I was in the same room. "Weelll, I got a divining rod says there's GOLD in them hills!"

  • @no-zz3br
    @no-zz3br Před 3 lety +3083

    "fatly coming around a corner"

  • @nvm7438
    @nvm7438 Před 4 lety +4985

    Him wearing his sunglasses while sniping is the funniest thing ever

    • @falkenfluegel
      @falkenfluegel Před 4 lety +151

      They even had to retouch the reflection of the sunglasses. You could probably see the camera in the reflection or something.

    • @OldSchool82
      @OldSchool82 Před 4 lety +166

      not to the guy he fuckin shot from 50 yards away,he was thinkn "thats the coolest mutherfucker ive ever see"**** (pink mist.)

    • @chrisvig123
      @chrisvig123 Před 4 lety +17

      It’s so realistic come on 😀💩💩💩💩

    • @anthonymiller934
      @anthonymiller934 Před 4 lety +2

      @Southern Fun haha

    • @mikehawk1673
      @mikehawk1673 Před 4 lety +12

      Jules D lol that’s not super far fetched I’ve shot my scoped rifle with my glasses on

  • @thewardenofoz3324
    @thewardenofoz3324 Před rokem +85

    I gotta say, the editing here is top notch. When Nick switches gears, the clips also switch to match exactly what he's talking about.

  • @warframeees8013
    @warframeees8013 Před rokem +38

    The way he shoots the gun has me dying 😂

  • @caseytatum5837
    @caseytatum5837 Před 3 lety +1916

    steven seagal sounds like hes physically exerting himself just by talking

    • @Ramsey276one
      @Ramsey276one Před 3 lety +47

      HE EVEN LAGS LIKE A CHEAP COMPUTER!!
      XD

    • @johnt.campbell316
      @johnt.campbell316 Před 3 lety +16

      He is.

    • @aaronm97oh10
      @aaronm97oh10 Před 3 lety +14

      at this point in time - he's killing himself by simply talking outside of "slavery" accent

    • @Jeneric81
      @Jeneric81 Před 3 lety +1

      I can swear I saw a Seagal movie where it was obvious someone else was doing his ADR with a half assed impression.

    • @KEN-1991
      @KEN-1991 Před 3 lety +3

      No wonder why Seagal whispers everytime he talks,
      I can never hear a thing he’s saying most of the time.

  • @ZX-ou5op
    @ZX-ou5op Před 3 lety +2405

    "Fatly going around corners..."
    I'm fucking dead.

    • @morzus6027
      @morzus6027 Před 3 lety +2

      🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @M1tjakaramazov
      @M1tjakaramazov Před 3 lety +36

      “His body sucks...” 😂

    • @kevinshaw4569
      @kevinshaw4569 Před 3 lety +2

      can tell u do not know what respect is shure can tell your mom and dad did not teach u it

    • @mrdantruckerman
      @mrdantruckerman Před 3 lety +3

      One of the greatest lines ever said.lmao

    • @lucian5389
      @lucian5389 Před 3 lety +18

      @@kevinshaw4569 I bet you walk fatly

  • @chikitabowow
    @chikitabowow Před 10 měsíci +61

    7:35 I love that line so god damn much, "Fattily going around corners" made me cry laughing because it so encapsulates all of Steven Seagals movies from the last 30 years 🤣

  • @andrewmyles4712
    @andrewmyles4712 Před rokem +329

    Stav’s laugh around 4:15 is my favorite thing and brings actual joy to my life. That and my wife and daughter

    • @skarloeythomas5172
      @skarloeythomas5172 Před rokem +26

      That’s gay. Literally, so well done.

    • @D00dman
      @D00dman Před rokem +10

      I thought you were gay

    • @hydraliskin
      @hydraliskin Před 8 měsíci +2

      yeah its contagious :D

    • @Kevin-mx4vm
      @Kevin-mx4vm Před 7 měsíci +4

      Same, your wife and daughter.

    • @jaysalisbury193
      @jaysalisbury193 Před 6 měsíci +2

      I can only agree with half of that sentiment. If you could see my wife, you'd understand why 😢 Turns out a once solid 3 doesn't get any better after 10 years, 4 kids and 50lbs, unfortunately.

  • @paulmarchano7238
    @paulmarchano7238 Před 4 lety +3560

    The way Seagal holds his rifle is completely embarrassing.

    • @smuketherealbigboyman
      @smuketherealbigboyman Před 4 lety +411

      Paul Marchano “fatly going around corners”

    • @patrickstar6458
      @patrickstar6458 Před 4 lety +276

      "Stock propped up on his shoulder"

    • @jeremylim2421
      @jeremylim2421 Před 4 lety +258

      A little higher and he'll be holding it like a rocket launcher.

    • @NebMunb
      @NebMunb Před 4 lety +79

      I had to rewind every time he held a rifle, just to laugh at how bad it was

    • @theDudeOfDudes
      @theDudeOfDudes Před 4 lety +108

      The fact that it was still so out of control and flipping around in his limp hand when firing BLANKS was hilarious.

  • @jacksonmacpherson6101
    @jacksonmacpherson6101 Před 3 lety +3749

    Seagal is just the navy seal copypasta in human form.

  • @Jukkala
    @Jukkala Před rokem +99

    I've easily watched this video five times and it still cracks me up. Using "fatly" as an adverb is the best part.
    Edit: I find myself watching this every day. It's better than an anti-depressant.

  • @SwissSauce
    @SwissSauce Před 6 měsíci +17

    “the russian mafia sounds pretty reasonable” FUCKING GOLD

  • @NCRRanger7753
    @NCRRanger7753 Před 2 lety +2095

    "He's fatly going around corners." Lmfao 😂

    • @bluecheesehasmoldinit
      @bluecheesehasmoldinit Před rokem +50

      He's gotta be very careful with those corners. He might pop like the balloon he is.

    • @corygriffiths4394
      @corygriffiths4394 Před rokem +21

      Steven should be respected he’s the greatest Buffet Master of all time

    • @Simp_Zone
      @Simp_Zone Před rokem +4

      Sounds like yo mamma!

    • @legitbeans9078
      @legitbeans9078 Před rokem +16

      I feel bad for the corners. His weight could do some serious damage if and when he loses his balance while fatly moving near them.

    • @glenneric1
      @glenneric1 Před rokem +14

      Best adverb yet.

  • @quezbot3663
    @quezbot3663 Před 3 lety +2258

    "That means one of us has to die." Said Steven Seagal to the bacon double cheeseburger.

  • @Stravalnak
    @Stravalnak Před 9 měsíci +25

    I’ve only seen this video about 50 times and it already is one of my all time favourites.

  • @Kellylovescats576
    @Kellylovescats576 Před rokem +106

    You guys are hysterical. I could listen to this a 1000 times. 😂

    • @cardinalbeast24
      @cardinalbeast24 Před 8 měsíci +12

      It’s a podcast called Cumtown lol, has since turned into The Adam Friedland Show

    • @hardcoreclassicenjoyer
      @hardcoreclassicenjoyer Před 7 měsíci +1

      I've been back here twice in two days and a minimum of 5 times since I first watched it. It's pure joy

  • @Barbaroossa
    @Barbaroossa Před 2 lety +3177

    "he's just fatly going around the corner" - that's fucking brilliant, nearly shit myself laughing at this

  • @hamnchee
    @hamnchee Před 3 lety +1850

    Segal sounds like Robert Downey Jr as the black guy in Tropic Thunder.

  • @karnagilgamesh3095
    @karnagilgamesh3095 Před rokem +15

    "Just fatly going around corners." Incredible 😂 This guy's amazing.

  • @KPsTboy
    @KPsTboy Před rokem +42

    If they were ever to make a biopic of Steven Seagull he should be played by Danny McBride.

    • @itsconnorstime
      @itsconnorstime Před rokem +5

      McBride would have to put weight on.

    • @KPsTboy
      @KPsTboy Před rokem +1

      @@itsconnorstime Fair enough 😁

    • @Drazakhan_Dynasty
      @Drazakhan_Dynasty Před 4 měsíci +1

      SEAGAL: A Life. Starring: Steven Seagal.

    • @austincanady4670
      @austincanady4670 Před 6 dny

      @@Drazakhan_Dynasty guys, it should obviously be Will Sasso playing Steven Seagal in the biopic.

  • @deathknigt3000
    @deathknigt3000 Před 3 lety +1600

    Seagal really looked at a 6 year old and went “wus hapnen?” like she’s an old friend of his.

    • @dotson9118
      @dotson9118 Před 3 lety +123

      Alpha move

    • @tommygunmitvierm724
      @tommygunmitvierm724 Před 3 lety +167

      He was just geniunely confused about what was going on. His age is taking a toll on him.

    • @breadwilson9865
      @breadwilson9865 Před 3 lety +7

      I thought the same thing.

    • @frecklenuckle4450
      @frecklenuckle4450 Před 3 lety +28

      highkey autistic as fuck

    • @mrniceguy7168
      @mrniceguy7168 Před 3 lety +8

      I immediately had to pause and go to the comments section to see if anyone noticed that.
      That’s how I say hello to black guys at work

  • @GarrisonFall
    @GarrisonFall Před rokem +1884

    "Fatly going around corners". A brilliant description.

    • @MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis
      @MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis Před rokem +44

      Dude that was so fucking hilarious because then they show the scene and that is EXACTLY what’s happening. It’s such an apt description.

    • @DefendYoungstown
      @DefendYoungstown Před rokem +31

      ​@@MarieAntoinetteandherlittlesis yeah, just gut and gun barrel.
      A close second is where he's "limp-wristedly firing" and they show him just turn the gun like he's nonchalantly turning off an oversized water valve to shut off the yard sprinkler instead of actually participating in a firefight.

    • @jonathankeith6971
      @jonathankeith6971 Před rokem +10

      It’s seriously one of my favorite lines. I come back to it every time and still giggle.

    • @Flat_Earth_Addy
      @Flat_Earth_Addy Před rokem +4

      lol

    • @mandlakei3053
      @mandlakei3053 Před 3 měsíci +1

      😂😂😂😂😂

  • @subkreature
    @subkreature Před 10 měsíci +20

    Seagal also insists on this editing technique that involves removing frames in action scenes to make him appear to move faster and hit harder. I love it.

  • @rebeccageorgesisto8965
    @rebeccageorgesisto8965 Před rokem +18

    Oh my god…that discussion was one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a while. I was DYING

  • @DieForDethklok11
    @DieForDethklok11 Před 4 lety +1644

    he talks like robert downey junior in tropic thunder talking about the jeffersons

    • @anthonymiller934
      @anthonymiller934 Před 4 lety +23

      YES!! That's exactly the character I was thinking. Downey killed that role!

    • @M2Mil7er
      @M2Mil7er Před 4 lety +20

      and looks like Danny McBride has been playing him for the last 15 years,

    • @scottthomas9022
      @scottthomas9022 Před 4 lety +30

      @@M2Mil7er Now I want to make a Steven Segal Movie but swap out Danny McBride and not tell anyone. Put Segal in the credits, and on the poster. But when you see the movie it's Just Danny McBride

    • @Salamander676
      @Salamander676 Před 4 lety +1

      He's got a little Chicano twang in his voice too

    • @NickHunter
      @NickHunter Před 4 lety +8

      "whayddya mean 'you people'?"

  • @PanasonicTooth
    @PanasonicTooth Před 3 lety +1809

    I like that Steven Seagal either has or will see this video, and he'll inevitably say the words "Cum Town" out loud at some point.

  • @DodgaOfficial
    @DodgaOfficial Před rokem +65

    Steven Seagal is definitely the movie star of all time, every movie he makes is a movie and it really shows the imagery on screen

  • @sumpterino
    @sumpterino Před rokem +17

    7:34 I love that line so god damn much, "You see him sneaking into some building, fattily going around corners" 🤣

  • @pvanny
    @pvanny Před 3 lety +3514

    To use “Fatly” as an adverb genuinely kills me

  • @TukTukWorldwide
    @TukTukWorldwide Před 4 lety +2028

    "this is my sister"
    "WHATS HAPP'NIN"
    holy shit i nearly fell off my chair

    • @Tom135
      @Tom135 Před 4 lety +39

      "Stranger danger!"

    • @FridgeLoud
      @FridgeLoud Před 4 lety +3

      😂😂😂

    • @TheWatchFrogs
      @TheWatchFrogs Před 4 lety +5

      I was laughing so hard I started to cry hahaha

    • @afrocoolio25
      @afrocoolio25 Před 4 lety +36

      I about pissed myself. Wtf greets a little 6 or 7-year-old kid like that?

    • @Shadowboost
      @Shadowboost Před 3 lety +3

      @@TheSchematican the little sister? Open up, this is the FBI

  • @_TheDarkHalf
    @_TheDarkHalf Před rokem +7

    The accuracy of the voice impression before hearing him talk literally ☠️

  • @hardcoreclassicenjoyer
    @hardcoreclassicenjoyer Před 7 měsíci +7

    This is a roast for the ages. I come back to this from time to time out of pure joy.

  • @jennyanydots2389
    @jennyanydots2389 Před 3 lety +5269

    Seagal is very successful at being unintentionally hilarious. Imagine if he had even the slightest amount of self awareness, he'd be making a fortune as an action-comedy star.

    • @WorldWidePatriots
      @WorldWidePatriots Před 3 lety +151

      Glad I came back to see this comment.
      Do you think it would still be funny?or lose the magic of he knew and did it on purpose.

    • @jennyanydots2389
      @jennyanydots2389 Před 3 lety +219

      @@WorldWidePatriots Yes, I think it would still be funny if he became self aware and did it on purpose. It's not simply mocking himself that makes it amusing, it's mocking the fake tough guy persona and over the top absurd action movie genre that's amusing. Movies like the expendables still do just fine even though the actors and writers are aware of the self parody. By not being self aware he comes off as straight pathetic. Still funny, but, in a sad way that most emotionally healthy people tend to ignore, hence the lack of financial success and tendency for more of a mean spirited mocking then a good natured ribbing.

    • @FOUL_TROUBLE
      @FOUL_TROUBLE Před 3 lety +9

      by Seagal do you mean Tom Myers?

    • @6slice712
      @6slice712 Před 3 lety +2

      So very true 🤣 🤣

    • @swans184
      @swans184 Před 3 lety +18

      JCVD has done exactly that

  • @noaht5191
    @noaht5191 Před 3 lety +2572

    Steven Seagal is just living life doing what he wants, doing what he loves-Being fat and pretending to be a badass.

    • @TheChuckFina
      @TheChuckFina Před 3 lety +302

      It's the american dream.
      (Wipes tear)

    • @blyxx7450
      @blyxx7450 Před 3 lety +60

      Just like the rest of us lol

    • @noidontlikeu
      @noidontlikeu Před 3 lety +68

      @@TheChuckFina Russian, Serbian, and American dream

    • @arnaldogonzalez1678
      @arnaldogonzalez1678 Před 3 lety +24

      The ideal lifestyle

    • @Zach_Wiberg
      @Zach_Wiberg Před 3 lety +48

      While also human trafficking and money laundering.

  • @dslrjunkie
    @dslrjunkie Před rokem +10

    if Steven Seagal was a nurse he would wake up patients to give them sleeping pills at 2AM.

  • @oneandy2
    @oneandy2 Před rokem +10

    The old guy is Dale Dye, retired USMC captain. He sometimes plays minor roles in films but his primary thing is consultant/trainer. He's been involved in a TON of great stuff from Band of Brothers to Platoon. I'm amazed he lowered himself to this level. I hope he charged Segal a shitload of money.

    • @itsconnorstime
      @itsconnorstime Před rokem +1

      Being in the same room as him must have been a huge blow to Seagals ego.

  • @MeshuggahDave.
    @MeshuggahDave. Před 3 lety +1816

    I would bet money Segal watches his own movies, often.

    • @babymammoth34
      @babymammoth34 Před 3 lety +65

      I have very little difficulty believing he does.

    • @zyala
      @zyala Před 3 lety +158

      I remember one story of segal’s talent agent walking in to see him sobbing in front of computer. He asked Segal why and segal said, “I think I just read the best damn script ever written.” His agent replied “Hang on, I didn’t forward you any new scripts. Who’s this one by?” And Segal turns to him to whisper, “Me.”

    • @geneambas8714
      @geneambas8714 Před 3 lety +44

      @@zyala The story is from Rob Schneider

    • @Sandwich420
      @Sandwich420 Před 3 lety +4

      I bet he's never even seen a movie in his life

    • @MOON1388
      @MOON1388 Před 3 lety +4

      Narrating along the way

  • @jasoncampbell1507
    @jasoncampbell1507 Před rokem +2132

    'He's fully clothed and she's naked, he's still wearing sunglasses.' I had to grab a glass of water because I choked a little on my own laughing tears just now.

    • @Joecbg100
      @Joecbg100 Před rokem +36

      That's very Neil Breen of him

    • @lookronjon
      @lookronjon Před rokem +9

      He only wants to do himself.

    • @goodallbeckman944
      @goodallbeckman944 Před rokem +17

      I was watching at the bus stop and I legit dropped on my knees. Good shit

    • @davidpowell6098
      @davidpowell6098 Před rokem

      Easy ride, though, smack his arse, and ride the ripples. Job done.

    • @hansonjames3792
      @hansonjames3792 Před rokem +1

      @@Joecbg100😊😅

  • @publicindecencymaster
    @publicindecencymaster Před rokem +14

    3:08 old man impersonation is too funny 🤣

  • @decgar07
    @decgar07 Před rokem +5

    The fact people keep funding his movies is amazing and I'm so thankful to them.

  • @T33K3SS3LCH3N
    @T33K3SS3LCH3N Před 2 lety +3026

    This part cannot be said often enough: They used a body double whenever he had to walk stairs. They never show his face and he's noticeably thinner in those shots.

    • @jorgvonameln7819
      @jorgvonameln7819 Před 2 lety +148

      but the double has to wear a fat suit to look like old Stevie :)

    • @Brandon-bc1fz
      @Brandon-bc1fz Před 2 lety +74

      @@jorgvonameln7819 and has to walk slower to keep the same pace that Stevan would.

    • @maliant16
      @maliant16 Před 2 lety +84

      Please say this is a joke.

    • @RenegadeShepard69
      @RenegadeShepard69 Před 2 lety +61

      What, so he just never moves at any point in his life? Haha what a human sloth.

    • @DefendYoungstown
      @DefendYoungstown Před 2 lety +76

      "We need to send our *best* Special Forces guy, and he spends half the movie in a chair!"
      ... and the other half he apparently spends off set while the body double moves around a lot.

  • @grantvanosdel1747
    @grantvanosdel1747 Před rokem +3302

    That female actress deserves an oscar for keeping a straight face during that scene asking “if he’s as good as they say he is”

    • @iainrickwood2623
      @iainrickwood2623 Před rokem +160

      That 'female' actress; as opposed to those male actresses I guess

    • @TheReelDealFilmReviews
      @TheReelDealFilmReviews Před rokem +178

      I think the woman in the sex scene deserves an Oscar 🤣

    • @qupation7296
      @qupation7296 Před rokem +44

      @@iainrickwood2623 ey, listen. These days gender is a tricky topic. You COULD have a male actress. Don't ask me how please.

    • @yrudonking
      @yrudonking Před rokem +73

      @@TheReelDealFilmReviews she deserves free therapy for life

    • @pedrovara4712
      @pedrovara4712 Před rokem +22

      @@TheReelDealFilmReviews that woman deserves way more than that

  • @skelter1153
    @skelter1153 Před rokem +29

    He's very silly but he's a world famous,
    self made Millionaire.
    The immeasurable LUCK he's had
    throughout his career can't be overstated.

    • @YouTubeIsNotGood
      @YouTubeIsNotGood Před rokem

      You forgot to add Russian asset, because he wants his daddy Putin's approval

    • @Flood520
      @Flood520 Před 4 hodinami

      Some call it luck, some call it an entire lifetime of laundering money for the Russian Mafia.

  • @jayvavircek
    @jayvavircek Před rokem +7

    It’s amazing how many details these guys can remember and quote off the cuff

  • @MerkinMuffly
    @MerkinMuffly Před 3 lety +11744

    Don't mess with the Gravy Seals

    • @MrAdamske
      @MrAdamske Před 3 lety +121

      bringing a whole new meaning to 'hot insertion' xD

    • @FreqBand
      @FreqBand Před 3 lety +22

      gray seals ?

    • @ArcherOmix
      @ArcherOmix Před 3 lety +385

      Meal Team 6, Semper Pie brother

    • @plmokm33
      @plmokm33 Před 3 lety +70

      "The goddamn cook's a seal?!?!"

    • @Cocoponya
      @Cocoponya Před 3 lety +9

      Lmao

  • @uome20bukz
    @uome20bukz Před 2 lety +3069

    I swear I saw a scene somewhere not long ago from one of his recent movies where his character walks up some stairs, only it was an obvious stunt double. Literally used a stunt double to walk up some stairs.

    • @DavidLoveOfficial
      @DavidLoveOfficial Před 2 lety +74

      🤣🤣🤣

    • @eli3197
      @eli3197 Před 2 lety +28

      Do you know the name of the movie?

    • @Odinsday
      @Odinsday Před 2 lety +173

      Seagal is on the verge of having a heart attack every time he stands up. No wonder he has his stunt doubles do the walking for him.

    • @Yoda-em5mt
      @Yoda-em5mt Před 2 lety +15

      No that was when he was young and fat he climbed a stair thats one stair then sat down .

    • @uome20bukz
      @uome20bukz Před 2 lety +16

      @@Yoda-em5mt idk what you’re talking about but, no. Whatever you said is absolutely not what I’m talking about.

  • @nyceplayz8051
    @nyceplayz8051 Před rokem +7

    9:14 😂😂😂 he says to the little girl "wus hapnin'!?" 😂😂😂
    Oh, ow, my spleen 😂

  • @digitalta
    @digitalta Před rokem +2

    This is exactly what I needed for my sunday morning. Thank you!

  • @jonathankozenko
    @jonathankozenko Před 2 lety +2205

    My favorite quote about him is “With every movie he makes, his gut gets bigger and his audience gets smaller.”

  • @jamiecunningham7248
    @jamiecunningham7248 Před 4 lety +714

    "fatly going round corners" hahahahahahhahhaa

    • @scuba9273
      @scuba9273 Před 4 lety +11

      7:36

    • @scottcantdance804
      @scottcantdance804 Před 4 lety +8

      Yeah, I laughed my ass off at the invention of the adverb "fatly".

    • @hakont.4960
      @hakont.4960 Před 4 lety +7

      @@scottcantdance804 Best part is that the adverb really describes how he's moving.

  • @cparkes92
    @cparkes92 Před 25 dny +3

    7:37 "fatly going around corners"

  • @Aidanshaves99
    @Aidanshaves99 Před rokem +12

    This made me laugh so damn hard. I can’t thank you enough

  • @KidCorporate
    @KidCorporate Před 3 lety +1747

    Fun fact: dude I shoot with was an armorer on a few of his direct-to-landfill films, he said Segal would stack two McDonalds chicken sandwiches one on top of another then eat them both at the same time.

    • @bradleyruest6863
      @bradleyruest6863 Před 3 lety +162

      You’ve never stacked 2 McChickens and scarfed em down? Lol what a loser

    • @fazerfaze
      @fazerfaze Před 3 lety +44

      That's normal

    • @jthreefingers8445
      @jthreefingers8445 Před 3 lety +96

      Heard Steven Seagal is going on a diet. One cow instead of 2.

    • @ThjyuGaming
      @ThjyuGaming Před 3 lety +49

      Bruh McChickens hit different

    • @jthreefingers8445
      @jthreefingers8445 Před 3 lety +25

      @@ThjyuGaming And I'm sure it was just a snack.

  • @byteme9718
    @byteme9718 Před rokem +2934

    Seagal is the most convincing actor ever. In every movie he plays Steven Seagal perfectly, even the same voices are the same. He's a genius.

    • @Sofus.
      @Sofus. Před rokem +76

      Half of Steven Seagal's Film are dubded because he couldn't be bother to pronounce words properly.😂

    • @sigismund1617
      @sigismund1617 Před rokem +17

      ​@@Sofus. Yeah what is that all about?
      There's that vampire film wherein he speaks maybe 2 minutes, the rest is bad, bad dubbing.

    • @elithetruth23
      @elithetruth23 Před rokem +2

      😂😂😂

    • @elijahfreeman5299
      @elijahfreeman5299 Před rokem +5

      His range is extraordinary....

    • @connorcamron1308
      @connorcamron1308 Před rokem +7

      He’s been a trained thespian for 127 years

  • @strife9878
    @strife9878 Před měsícem +8

    The boys made it to Joe Rogan , I’m gay

  • @Gabagool93
    @Gabagool93 Před 8 měsíci +2

    I come back to this just about every month.

  • @Cracktaculus
    @Cracktaculus Před rokem +3279

    Much respect for this man of men.
    Former Meal Team 6, Gravy Seals AND Green Buffet.

  • @maat826
    @maat826 Před 4 lety +2393

    He craps these movies out for the foreign market. Seagal is literally and figuratively huge in Asia. They love the “black cowboy” voice

    • @stproducciones9140
      @stproducciones9140 Před 4 lety +548

      he's the last bastion for the classic american action heroes the world fell in love with. ain't that sad? foreigners want Arnold but all they get is Seagal

    • @chvishal
      @chvishal Před 4 lety +46

      maybe 20 years ago

    • @EliasPoint
      @EliasPoint Před 4 lety +239

      Super popular with older Filipino men here

    • @lkcdarzadix6216
      @lkcdarzadix6216 Před 4 lety +52

      @@EliasPoint true with older Filipino but the young or that saw his peak in 90s can't stand him

    • @keithklassen5320
      @keithklassen5320 Před 4 lety +58

      If you watch any animated Ghost In The Shell, the character Batou is based on him.

  • @randoman81
    @randoman81 Před rokem +6

    To add some stupid to the fire, my Romanian wife tells me a child is only worth about $50k euros there. LMFAO

  • @ColinFowler
    @ColinFowler Před 3 lety +540

    Neighbor: "This is my Sister"
    Seagal: "Whats hannenin"

    • @StewartLucrative
      @StewartLucrative Před 3 lety +16

      I read this comment before I saw that part of the video and it made it so much funnier.

    • @Binford-ei6ge
      @Binford-ei6ge Před 3 lety +6

      My future pick-up line for all eternity.

    • @phillipbailey70
      @phillipbailey70 Před 3 lety +3

      100% honestly - I laughed at this comment for over 30 seconds, and every time I re-read it I start again (laughing as I type even) 😆😂🤣

  • @Szeptun
    @Szeptun Před 2 lety +5758

    This clip was so good it made me listen to Cumtown podcast for around eight months which almost destroyed my life.

  • @MinnesoTenn
    @MinnesoTenn Před rokem +4

    Literally just wandered into this video and I am about to piss myself from laughing so hard. Commentary is spot on. Well done, fellas.

  • @kev1734
    @kev1734 Před měsícem +4

    This puts me into fucking tears EVERY time I watch it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @addictionhypnotherapist1241
    @addictionhypnotherapist1241 Před 2 lety +896

    Woman: “And this is my sister”
    Steven to 5yo child: “whazz hapnin”
    😂😂😂

    • @br0mouzone
      @br0mouzone Před 2 lety +60

      I died when I heard that

    • @Deadassbruhfrfr
      @Deadassbruhfrfr Před 2 lety +15

      Bro, I was in sitiches

    • @Pr3st0ne
      @Pr3st0ne Před 2 lety +10

      He sounds more like a Tom Segura impression of himself than he sounds like Steven Seagal lmao

    • @gregorteply9034
      @gregorteply9034 Před 2 lety +4

      So awkward.

  • @MrFredstt
    @MrFredstt Před 3 lety +362

    Steven doing a sex scene so half assedly while fully clothed is comedy gold

  • @psychochicken9535
    @psychochicken9535 Před rokem +3

    I don't know who these guys are, but I'm so glad I stumbled across this video! The retelling of these movies is like hanging out with your best friend.

  • @StickyBud9395
    @StickyBud9395 Před rokem +11

    I had never seen a Steven Seagal movie before , after watching these unintentionally funny movies , I'm hooked and I'm going to search for his movies , these are better than most real comedies .

    • @jesuschristiscallingyou953
      @jesuschristiscallingyou953 Před rokem +3

      Thing is he can act decently, but the always cheesy dialog and plots ruins his movies. I have to say, though, that the color grading in his movies is always good.

    • @einundsiebenziger5488
      @einundsiebenziger5488 Před 8 měsíci +1

      Your punctuation is the equivalent of the editing in S.S. movies.

    • @StickyBud9395
      @StickyBud9395 Před 8 měsíci

      @@einundsiebenziger5488 I'm not sure if you're aiming your remarks at me , if you're I don't really care what you say , I've have more important problems in my life , if your remarks aren't directed at me , then I need not have bothered replying , either way may I wish you peace , I'm a nice person sometimes .

  • @blenderguru
    @blenderguru Před 2 lety +897

    fatly going around corners

  • @shanem3843
    @shanem3843 Před 3 lety +1090

    Using the term "fatly" as an adverb is the funniest shit, and I die laughing at that part every time i watch this

  • @redhat7730
    @redhat7730 Před rokem +3

    Awesome video. 👌 thanks for watching these movies so others don't have to. Loved the narrating.

  • @Epoch11
    @Epoch11 Před 3 lety +719

    "fatly" that is the perfect word to describe anything that Steven seagal does

    • @4midable4ce
      @4midable4ce Před 2 lety +2

      😆😆7:35. That shit gave me the giggles.

    • @seltzer30
      @seltzer30 Před 2 lety

      fatly fart noise at 52s

  • @brussell639
    @brussell639 Před 3 lety +688

    "Are you really as good as they say you are?" You know he wrote that self-serving line himself.

    • @rigelc.hoffman2496
      @rigelc.hoffman2496 Před 3 lety +25

      Just how he wrote that unaware jewel:
      Sheffer: What happened to you Robert?
      64 year old Seagal on a chair: *I never went soft*

    • @jjjjackkk
      @jjjjackkk Před 3 lety +5

      @@rigelc.hoffman2496 he's not wrong, you can't go soft if you were never hard to begin with

    • @kevinshaw4569
      @kevinshaw4569 Před 3 lety

      like u and your mom and family show
      respect

  • @kimbonice
    @kimbonice Před 9 měsíci +3

    This is the video that got me into Cum Town. Thank you sir!

  • @HighLordBlazeReborn
    @HighLordBlazeReborn Před 2 lety +3716

    The more I hear about this guy, the more I'm convinced his entire career now is to be a front for money laundering.

    • @thomasp2516
      @thomasp2516 Před 2 lety +393

      He has shady dealings with Balkan countries. He is friends with Vladimir Putin and obtained the Serbian nationality in 2016. When I visited Montenegro I remember him being at the opening of a luxury resort. He's a sellout.

    • @brovid-19
      @brovid-19 Před 2 lety +91

      I am 1000% sure you can't prove that isn't the case

    • @niceserb84
      @niceserb84 Před 2 lety +28

      @@thomasp2516 Yea he Is Mongolian ...

    • @lilfairycupcake
      @lilfairycupcake Před 2 lety

      To stupid 2 be a front for anything.

    • @ezzar8165
      @ezzar8165 Před 2 lety +96

      Absolutely!! 😂😂😂
      There’s just something about him that REEKS of shadiness on so many levels.

  • @maximumcutsandreps5833
    @maximumcutsandreps5833 Před 3 lety +1269

    He talks like RDJ in tropic thunder.