Playing Time- Parents: Dealing With The Painful Issue Of Your Child's Playing Time
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- čas přidán 13. 07. 2012
- What do you do when your child-athlete has to sit the bench? Learn how to handle the unfairness of playing time! www.competitivedge.com
Dr. Alan Goldberg, internationally known peak performance consultant and director of Competitive Advantage specializes in helping athletes across all sports at every level, bust slumps and overcome performance fears and blocks. Dr. G's website, www.competitivedge.com offers thousands of pages of FREE resources including mental toughness questionnaires for athletes, parents and coaches, articles on every aspect of coaching and parenting in youth sports, as well as a mental toughness blog. - Sport
Coaches show favoritism towards the most talented, the ones who Dads are buddy with coaches or the ones who family donates the most to the schools
Is that why Danielle Collins sat on the bench at the U of FL women's tennis team?? She transferred to U of Virginia and won the women's NCAA's in singles! Politics plays a HUGE role in sports, talented or not.
In most cases this is not accurate
Not all coaches. Don't lump the good ones under that same shitty umbrella. Not fair.
It’s called daddy ball. Coaches play their kids. Everyone else gets the scraps. Just how youth sports is.
What if it isn't the kid ? What if a Coach is biased? Hard work means nothing if you can't get a fair shake either way.
Fantastic video. Perspective is key. Unfortunately many parents are too emotional, whilst only concerned for their child - not team. I quit coaching, as I no longer have the time or patience to respond to - "hey, I don't want to tell you how to coach....... but.......". Too many lazy parents who never help, but quick to criticise.
Michael,
Sadly this is often true with some parents! They are blinded by their own child's performance and lose sight of what the team needs! For many it is a thankless (but crucially important job) in terms of teaching athletes how to become good human beings in the world while learning to perform better in their sport. You get plenty of criticism and very little positive feedback!
I've only had a few such parental complaints. Each time, I've given the player the opportunities to show me I'm wrong. One quit despite my efforts to encourage the player to keep playing. One went to other teams only to have the parents kicked out by the league. So, it's not always the coaches.
One approach I take, especially after a complaint, is to let the player prove it and repeatedly. Of course, you don't want to discourage the good kids whose parent is out of line but sometimes you just need to give them the opportunity to learn. I'll record the opportunities as well on a go pro and follow up with the parent and player post game and the parents are more subdued.
Don’t understand how you get better if you don’t apply all your training in a team /real game!!!!!!
I took a new varsity team this year that had dad-coach problems the previous year. Two dad coaches whose underclassmen daughters were the only underclassmen varsity players, and starters.. so parents were upset about playing time (or not being in varsity) and perceived favoritism and wanted a real coach. First year with me, best record and won state, and no problem/complaint about playing time, but a few parents who didn’t make Varsity made me learn a lot in my first year in a big school.. the lengths they went in wanting to convince me that their underclassmen kids should be in varsity (very unrealistic expectation) opened my eyes of what ‘parent-bias’ looks like.. The previous coaches’ daughters were 2 of my top 3 players. So maybe the dad coaches were not showing favoritism 😮 but regardless, that’s a place a coach should not be.. if I make a kid at any point, there is no way I’d have him/her on a team I coach.. dual-roles are detriments to performance and development..
I think parents are very biased towards their own kid’s ability, but of course that is natural and not a fault. But coaches who do favoritism are infinitely worse, they have limited skills in coaching, managing people and individuals, technical/tactical understanding and creativity in their sport, and deserve all the sh*t they get lol.
If your child is not getting enough playing time and you have communicated that with the coach and suspect favoritism or lack of coaching skills, look for a different team. If the problem is your kid’s friends are on that team, that’s tough but you have to make a choice. In that case, talk to the director and make your case. Coaches who do favoritism or lack knowledge don’t deserve to be in that position.
The players who often go to another team typically experience the same results. Not always, but typically. If it's a matter of numbers on a team, then it can be a great move. I've also seen parents do that and bounce from team to team and making excuses and blaming each coach for their same problems.
I'm very careful to learn why a parent wants their player to leave another team and tryout for one of my teams. I go to games and watch them and the parents to observe what's actually happening.
I see this guy's point but it's NOT always because a child isn't good enough!! If you have to pay hundreds of dollars for your child to play sports and they sit on the bench the entire time that is complete BS!! The kids practice before the season starts so if a coach KNOWS they're not going to play certain players then they need to just let the parents know and they can make a determination then.
Im a volleyball coach and I am running into issues. I have kids that work hard , learning the game, and getting better. The other half are dropping balls and not getting better so I benched them one game. The parents were not happy but at the same time the kids are not putting any work in outside of practices. We have been doing this since august and some are getting worse. How can I put these kids in? It’s not fair to the rest of the team who wants to win.
@@trifectamarc6705 I see your point. That sounds like a difficult situation to be in. My daughter was team captain last year and now this year her and the rest of the seniors are primarily benched while the freshmen and sophomores are playing 90% of the time. No, they're not any better than my daughter or the other seniors which is what puzzles me. We have district and non-district games on our schedule so If you have non-district games on your schedule then maybe you can put them in for a little while during those games? I know I wouldn't want to be a coach because of issues like this. It might be beneficial to sit down and talk with the players that seem to be getting worse and with their parents so they'll know what's going on. Maybe there is something going on behind the scenes that is causing this.
@@trifectamarc6705 let the parents know, refund them the money….some will leave and some will stay….everyone is happy. Just don’t drag the kid and family whole season and waste their time and money (unless this is free). Ultimately, the goal is a scholarship, but they can’t gain experience sitting on the bench nor a scholarship
@@thomaslopez2427 thank you for bringing up the financial part. Even local park district teams are crazy expensive now. Not too mention the gas money to get to practice and games. I shouldn’t have to pay to watch my kid not participate. If that’s the case I might as well donate the money to a good cause. There should be trial period where the coach has them practice a month before the season starts. Then the coach can tell parents what the playing time situation might look like for their child. If the parents aren’t happy, then give them their money back or don’t charge the parents until they make a decision.
@@trifectamarc6705 then do you feel parents should get their money back if their kids don’t play? Why should they pay to watch their kids not play? You can’t tell me that it’s not shitty. Every time they don’t play a certain amount of a game then parents should get a certain amount back. Why should those parents subsidize the other kids that do play? This isn’t something that can be written off on taxes.
I get where everybody is coming from in these comments. But at the end of day, sports cost so much money nowadays. Even local park district teams. Not too mention the cost of gas to drive to practices and games just to see your kid not play? I think it should be setup where if your child plays under a certain amount of time throughout the season, you should get some of your money back. It be like paying for a 60 minute massage and it only lasts 10 minutes. Kids sports isn’t a charity, i can’t write those fees off on my taxes. You’re going to want your money back for the other 50 minutes. Im not paying for my kid just to participate in practice. Parents need to start asking for their money back in those cases, I know I’m going too.
Travel basketball is very competitive and costly. It costs $1500 to join a team and $150 for gear. Not to mention airfare, rent a car, hotel, food and paying to go watch (easily can cost $300 plus for a weekend and you have 2 games per month which is like $600 per month additional). I think if it wasn’t so costly, more parents wouldn’t be as upset with no playing time. Heard volleyball costs more. There is a lot of politics like daddy ball, coaches training kids for money who ultimately get to play more. I am not against daddy ball, but at least know how to coach. Mine didn’t even know the basic movements like baseline drive…baseline kick. I am sure there are still good coaches out there, but seems like it has turned into a business where they charge $50 plus an hour for training. Seriously, why do they need new gear every year? We bought gear and left ..they wanted to buy the gear back for half the price we bought it for so they could sell it back for full price to the next kid. It’s not about development, it’s business.
If your work ethic has been undermined time and time again, you go to another team where you get a chance
I love the part where he says check your emotions at the door parents
It is not uncommon that parents in this situation do not want to hear that their player struggles with general awareness and focus without even addressing athleticism and skills. For example, the player repeatedly has trouble knowing he's being called to go onto the field, trouble getting into position regulary, or just difficulty being ready and aware a game is happening from play to play season after season. Moreover, when offered courses of action to develop the sport's skills, there's often an excuse. Others have reported the same experience with the player. However, especially in rec league, I'll play the eager player who is willing to listen, try, and is coachable over the star athlete who has an attitude. If a player is eager but unable to function at a fundamental level, it's much harder to do.
My son is struggling with little playing time on his travel baseball team. I know it hurts him to only see one at bat during a game (the team has 13 really good young players on it). He is disappointed to tears some games and it hurts me to have to tell him to stay in the game, be ready, cheer his teammates on, and show good body language because he just doesn't want to hear it at this age (he is 11). He struggles with the body language part, and I'm not sure how to get it they to him how important that is in the coaches decision for the next game. Any advice?
Keep grinding and pray your kid gets more competitive beats others out eventually. Look at getting on a less competitive team. It's tough I know, but most really competitive coaches want the weak to get off the team and replace them with stronger stock. It's just life. We are not all cut out to be top level athletes.
Coaches love kids who are competitive, upbeat, and take instruction well. I’ll play a kid with less talent if he does those three things over a more talented kid who lacks those three. Youth sports is about instilling positive values that translate into the real world work environment. Dealing with disappointment and be passed over is part of being an adult and having to work for a living.
I agree that coaches play favoritism.
Coaches play favoritism and always play the entitled kids.
What if for several games your kid is the only one not getting ANY play time? What if she was already encouraged to and talked to the coach? Whether they win or lose they end up not playing my daughter even on a 3 set match of volleyball.
Unfortunately there are a lot of coaches out there who are less than "optimal!" They are unfair, have favorites and sometimes act out there issues on the kids. In these situations, it's important to monitor very closely your daughter's self-esteem and stress level and if you feel that this is really taking a toll on her self-image and love for the game, then it would be time to find another more favorable environment for her to play in with a better coach!
Find a coach that believes in her and you will see a major difference in her confidence. Steph Curry needed only 1 coach to believe in him (Davidson coach) and look at him now.
I hear a lot of parents complaining about parent time but do your kids actually put the work in outside of practice? I don’t believe a senior will get benched over a freshman unless your kid is getting outworked. You guys need to stop it smh
My son’s hs baseball coach has a single win in nearly 3 seasons and yet only plays his favorites. No pinchers, no pinch runners. When finally pulls a pitcher he’ll just swap him with the shortstop or some of player already starting. Sometimes the is no hope and no amount of trying harder is going to change that
Yeah all this work harder B's is just something they say to excuse these coaches for their politics
@@VWorldWideor maybe the team doesn’t have the skill set at all to win no matter who is out where.
Yah what about when the coach starts to insult your child on the field in front of everybody and makes him cry ... hes 7 and his first year and today i pulled him from the team after the coach told him " wake the f**k up ...this is why you dont f**king play"
I say to all the parents that has kids on travel teams and their kids not playing much or not at all it's just because that team have really good players on that team or the coach is just playing who he wants too play it's other teams out there that will fit your child need and development skills trust that they didn't just make one travel team
Yah but in my situation . My 7 year old son just started football this season and the seasons over next week. You can't get fundamentals when you're on
Its absolutely ignorant as a coach to allow any kid on the team to have zero play time in a game. This is youth sports.
I'm sorry I've been coaching Youth sports for 30 years this guy has some great points but how many you teams has he actually coached also you cannot get better sitting on the bench you have to participate in order to get better this idea that the coach decides who plays also could means he decides who he teach most coaches are not going to spend very much time instructing a kid that he's not going to play 12 and under should be mandatory play this ensures that the kid has an opportunity to develop I would never coach in a League that did not mandate play every every athlete needs the opportunity to improve you can only achieve that by trial and error Youth Sports was not designed with that mindsetr would win at all cost mentality it is danger when most of these individuals are not qualified to decide who plays and who does not I believeit is sending the message that no matter how hard you work you never will deserve to enter the game that is a select mindset when it all cost which is threatening the very fabric of our society Youth Sports was designed to teach the kid to take pride in their community build yourself esteem build character it was never designed for what it has actually turned into which is a business and win at all costs mentality again if it's 12 and under it should be about development on and off the field
Funny how everyone in the comments watched the video then commented something dumb and emotional with zero perspective.
Every parent should coach two seasons.
If your child isn't getting playing time and you are paying, they need to drop a tier or 2. It's not like professional sports where you get paid whether the coach plays you or not. In this case you are paying. Don't pay if you don't play. Drop a level. Or two.
Put your emotions aside? Hell no. What you have if your kid isn't getting played is a practice pylon that you are paying for, subsidizing other kids on the team. Don't pay if your kid isn't good enough to play.
Channel their disappointment into hard work? How about give up and join a different team at a more appropriate level. Kids can only develop so fast and sitting on the bench at too high of a level doesn't help them.
It's a lot different if you are getting paid to play pro, you do what your employer pays you to do and then cash the cheque. Also high level sports like High School and College, the coach is obligated to do everything he/she can to win, including favoring the best players. But for most of us we are paying to have the young ones play some sort of recreational sport, not sit on the bench. By nature most sports are competitive, but if it gets to the point where the coach is so driven to win that certain kids don't get to play, he's lost sight of the objectives of kid's sports, the primary one being to have fun, followed by physical and emotional development. Neither of these is accomplished on the bench.
If your kid isn't getting played, drop a level. They are on the wrong team.
Art Vanden Berg I’ll just say in short. I was a starting left side from grade 7-9 and then when I hit senior high I was the youngest and shortest.. so obviously had to work my way up skill wise/experience wise. I sat on the bench and proved to my coach I was the best server during practices.. since I never had the mentality of “why am I here if I don’t play?” The best athletes make the coaches look, and ones who don’t have that need to work towards it. My coach then used me EVERY SET to serve for a specific player and it was a very beneficial season.
Some great life lessons here for kids. Don’t work hard quit. Don’t be a good teammate quit and be selfish. That’s definitely the type of kid I want on my team.
@@zackattack366 I don’t think that’s the right message, but if the point of say youth sports is to develop players and continue to learn and love the game riding the bench even on a loss isnt good.
I get where everybody is coming from in these comments. But at the end of day, sports cost so much money nowadays. Even local park district games. Not too mention the cost of gas to drive to practice and games. I think it should be setup where if your child plays under a certain amount of time throughout the season, you should get some of your money back. I’m sorry, but it be like paying for a 60 minute massage and it only lasts 10 minutes. This isn’t a charity. You’re going to want your money back for the other 50 minutes. Im not paying for my kid just to participate in practice.
@@mb6381 you’ve commented like 8 times on this one video and I think it’s time for your kid to find a new hobby lol
This guy said a whole bunch of nothing his b*tch ass looks like he can’t lift 100 lbs trying to tell parents to basically shut up and deal with the fact the coach wants to win more than he wants to create winners. I shouldn’t be paying money n time to watch my kid on the bench if that’s the case then Parents need to pay as much as their kid get to participate I bet they will play the kids then just for the money
If you are only a support player why bother??