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Personality structure. 😁

Your honesty is so healing! Thank you! ♍ If you get depressed at the same time every year, it may be reflected/explained in your Astrology. ♍ If August/September is the issue, then Virgo probably rules your 8th or 12th house! ✨🤍✨ You'll get through this, and bounce back.

Crazy if you play it at 2x speed it sounds like normal talking speed...

Do people with AvPD “split” on people who try to get close to them? Like have hateful/annoyed/anxious feelings towards people who try to get to know them better or towards the idea of having to interact on a deeper-than-surface level?

The gratitude practice is often part of therapy (CBT) as well. I had to do it a few times now; making daily lists of the things that went well, that gave me even a small positive spark. But it doesn’t work for me. When I look at the list at the end of the day, I can’t stop my mind from going “ok, so that adds up to fifteen minutes of alrightness, leaving twentythree hours and fortyfive minutes of alwrongness”. So the little list that was meant to cheer me up, actually pushes me further down. I don’t seem to be able to beat the negativity bias that rules my life.

Love your short hair 😍

I am actually diagnosed with both SzPD and AvPD. I tried to figure out if I had SzPD or AvPD quite some time before my diagnoses and had never considered the possibility of having both because online people always talk about how to distinguish them. Nobody really talks about the experience of living with both (even though this is not even a rare comorbidity as far as I know). Watching your video, I again tried to reflect if maybe it is just AvPD and resulting depression that makes me schizoid but came to the conclusion "Nope". It makes sense for me to be diagnosed with both. The less depressed I am the more schizoid I become. But yes, they are quite similar and also quite different. But they can be comorbid which is kinda weird to live with to be honest. Can be really conflicting internally sometimes.

Hello, I have been diagnosed with AvPD a few years ago. And this disorder ruins my life. I feel like this disorder is seen as less severe than many yet it makes me/us highly dysfunctional… I struggle so hard with jobs, I always feel alienated, inadequate, like everyone thinks I’m the worst person. My family thinks I’m lazy but I am so depressed everything feels so difficult to perform and they’re probably disappointed because I struggle with keeping jobs/finding them. I feel like I’m a monster and I don’t deserve to live, I’m filled with shame because I’m unable to perform things everyone is supposed to do easily

13:49 Yes they're not opposites. The not caring bit that differentiates schizoid from avoidant....it's just a defense mechanism. The defense goes up and down too, depending on what I'm not-supposed to be caring about. Your theory that long-duration avoidant may lead to schizoid is compelling. I wouldn't bet against it. The emotions hiding under the surface are there, they're the best thing I've got left. Someone to make me cry (in a good way, like a free release of emotions) would be a gift. My empathy is my greatest possession. I pray I never lose it, and for more of it.

Nothing to do with A&A or this video but "Personality Disorder" is a horrible label no matter which one it is we're talking about. It's entirely from the perspective of the outsider not suffering from the affliction. They perceive a "personality disorder" when these conditions are often the best order a person can put themselves in. Avoidant or Schizoid, it'd be a dream come true to share time with someone else like that.

I have questioned it myself and I think more traits than you, perhaps because of being cheated on and betrayed in relationships. I can be be very trusting in a sense, but holding back a lot, feeling insecure, and comparing myself to other people. I doubt because I always feel like I'm not good enough for people, even when that defies logic and reality. That only pertains to romantic relationships though. I relate to the empathy piece being a strong point away from narcissism for myself

Its a character of isolation. I'm sorry. We need people. There is a point and you get comments. Good videos i like them they help.

I like art i want to see your art.

Its a prevasive pattern.

Hey, I was just checking to see if you had any new art work and came across this newer video. I’m not doing any social media anymore but this is more like checking in on and hoping the best for you and your world. I so much admire and, can I say, care bout you Maxine. There is nothing wrong with you. You know that, right? One of your most important points was talking about living for yourself. You must, to heal. You know what to do. Listen to yourself. Make as many of these videos as you need for yourself. Don’t worry about being a guru. People get something out of them. No apologies necessary. No master plan necessary. It’s what you get out of them that’s important. Your mention of weight gain and a low point clicked with me. It was a month or two back when I hit my rock bottom. Weight , isolation , anxiety meds, social issues at work at home etc., drinking , you name it. I know I seemed half crazy because I was. Whatever and whoever I was involved with I see only as a gift to getting me to an awakening point. Your work and being yourself was part of that. I am not writing this to portray me in a certain way. No ego BS. I’m responding to you because I care. You are a gifted and beautiful person. For some reason I had enough. No more. That was it. I got sooo mad at myself. Probably why i was trying to delete myself constantly. You know the saying - you are what you eat?- Well as simplistic as it sounds - you are what you think! - is also true. Whatever it is you think of yourself, you will find people that will agree with you. If it’s avoidance, you will find the box and get stuck in it. It’s a warm place, but the wrong kind of warm. You will come up with the justification for staying there. Through shame it will become self evident, but It’s all a lie you’re telling yourself. A set up. No matter what I or others say will not resonate until you are ready. It took me too long to get to this point. I hope yours comes earlier. That’s part of the reason I’m writing. There is nothing wrong with you and yes, I will probably say it again. With all you possess anyone would be lucky to know you. I just couldn’t take my BS anymore. 6-8 weeks ago I started on a path of no social media, no drinking , fasting, exercise and diet. Slowly lowered all meds to zero. I reached out to someone I deserved but always had denied myself. I just got back from a week spent with this friend. Doing all things I would have normally never done. Renting a new mustang convertible, screaming down the road. Swimming at the beach. Going to a musical, a black tie dinner. How bout a carriage ride. Living life without any net of any sort. Realizing I don’t need one. I never did. Earlier this spring I was holed up in my room on social media meds alcohol tons of bad food poor self care and living life through this filter. Afraid to take my trash out to the dumpster until nightfall. What happened? I told myself the truth. The important part here. Earlier in life was there abuse? Was there trauma? YES! Was it damaging ? YES ? Okay. But what now Maxine? How long do we let it lead the way? Each day we do, those people win the day again and again. Enough! From your words I know you see a life that you are not living. You deserve it. Nothing will change until you yourself believe you deserve it. Then the hard work begins. That’s where I am. But I know what is there now. My feet were in the water, not online. That is new for me. I am seeing a therapist because I don’t know how to handle happiness. Also new to me. Like someone coming out of a coma I have no muscle mass, equilibrium. My filters are gone. My nets are gone. It’s disconcerting but incredible. It’s hard to describe not having to feel guilty. WTF ? That 6 year old kid, before he was abused, found his way back somehow. He’s using the shame as a hammer. You are what you think. You deserve what you believe you deserve. That’s all. That’s it. Period. Anyone says anything else they are holding you down. Watch out for them. There is nothing wrong with you. 🫶🏻 As you said in this video, find that little girl. Take all the bad and put it back where it belongs. Forge the rest into a mallet. Just keep going. Whatever you do. You are so worth it. You are so impressive. I’m talking too much. All my best Maxine!!!! Ok 2 funny things. - I am in season 1 of Dexter as we speak he is on pause. Loving every minute of it. - My flight changed in Denver yesterday. I looked out the window to see if I could see you. No luck! Honestly I did. 😂

Thank you so much for the video. Again, it's like I'm hearing myself speak. It feels really odd when someone else voices some of the same questions and perspectives on love that I have as someone with this disorder. I've never had a "real" relationship in my life. A few people have asked me why I don't have a boyfriend and I cook up some reason in the moment, but in my mind I'm like, "Do you KNOW me? How could someone like me have a boyfriend?". Sounds dramatic but you know that's how undeserving of things we feel. Things that we expect "normal", mentally healthy people to have.

Yes, being popular for not being yourself is toxic. And you ARE very pretty right now. And better alone and content than surrounded by empty noise.

I know this video is old, but the thing about the dirt bike. Was your dad or mom impatient with you? I have that problem too of not wanting to try new things because of embarassment. My dad was very impatient and if I didn't get things right the first time he would get angry at me.

you can be less depressed because i am proof. you obviously think about it a lot. keep going.

Hi there! I've been following you channel for al long while and I came back to this video. I have struggled with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, low distress tolerance and a bunch of other stuff. Im diagnosed with recurrent depression and a personality disorder in observation (although it is clear to me and my therpaist that I do have it). But, now where to start. The DSM is quite problematic due to some disordders being less reasearched and understood than others, there can be significant comorbidities and overlaps in symptoms. I went through 4 psychological evalutations and we are still not sure what the problem is. If just look at the wikipedia article for SzPD you will find a lot of contraditcions between different diagnostic and treatment approaches. Personality and personality disorders are still poorly understood and its often very difficult to pinpoint what the problem is. Also as you said everybody is different so it is not uncommon for people with the same personality disorder to be completely different, everybody is unique. It usually takes a lot of work to decipher whats going on. There are lots of myths about people with SzPD. Many will report that they are not actually that indiferent to human interaction (some say it comes from fear, some say they truly are indiferrent, some find it unsafe and some boring and exhausting) or indifference to praise/criticism. Also lack of motivation and enjyoment in most activities and emotional expression (I've seen a lot of people with SzPD claiming that they just find human interaction and a lot of stuff boring and unintersting but at the same time posses deep passion and interest for some things. I watched your video on AvPD vs Covert narcissim. And yeah its a clusterfuck tbh. I can relate to all 3 to some extent. Or atleast I could at points in my life when I analyse my past. You mentioned how a person with AvPD when depressed might look a lot like a schizoid person. Ugh its so exhausting. Although I haven't received an offical specific PD diagnosis I like to describe myself as schizoid at the core. I was like that from childhood. Then I got bullied for being different which resulted in the development of AvPD and maybe some covert narc traits. What makes it event more complicated is that some psychoanalital theorists view some degree/expression of narcissim in schizoid patients. I apologize for this ramble. Currently trying to desperatly understand myself. Not sure if youre interested or have time for it. But id really like to see you hosting discussions about the topic with followers who are willing to participate. Share our experiences. I kinda find it fun and interesting despite the fact that these issues can be quite debilitating (I also believe these discussions could turn out quite funny and entertaining in a weird way due to personality dynamics but also therapeutic). I noticed you are quite into researching about all this stuff (not uncommon for people with SzPD xD). Sending you lots of suspected schizoid love and appreaction for what you do (I might be not that indefferent after all). I apologize again for my somewhat incoherent ramble but its all so confusing.

Girl, start a "Gratitude Journal". If you have a roof over your head, food in the refrigerator, a change of clothes and a dollar in your pocket, you are richer than 80% of people in the world.

I also felt narcissistic before... basically whenever I ask myself "why am I the only odd one here, sticking out like a sore thumb?" ... I mean, it is not like I am special... quite the contrary, yet I always manage to be the one that somehow fucks up.

Wow... I am 33 now and I never knew where my constant sorrow and my miserable self-image come from... I just today read about AvPD for the first time and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Hearing your words... the way you justify your flaws and try to rationally weigh your own pros and cons. I would have said exactly the same thing. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia long ago, but no mental health professional has ever said a word about this disorder to me. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It is so shockingly similar to mine.

this video and the comments below have been pretty helpful in helping me distinguish both personality disorders, and solidify my alignment with avpd, I really appreciate it! seems like the core revolves around rejection and judgement of an outsider, and while avoidants will respond with fearful attachment to it and obsessive attempts to avoid encounters with judgemental reactions, taking the blame on themselves, schizoids will instead respond with rejection of said outside judgement and blame, and completely disengage from any outsider’s perspective of reality, viewing it as flawed and not worth vulnerability, and therefore interest. it’s interesting to think about, considering they were once labelled as one singular diagnosis together a while back, and now are separated into different clusters altogether. (though, it makes sense to me that spd would be considered a cluster a schizotype now: both avoidants and schizoids have a core mistrust of the other’s judgement, but schizoids seem to actively reject the other‘s worldview and consider it as inherently suspicious and maybe even persecutory in nature? which aligns well with other schizotype-related disorders and its manifestations. schizoids just happen to not exhibit positive symptoms like hallucinations, delusions, mania and psychotic breaks, in contrast with the rest of them.)

I'm 29 and not diagnosed with it, but it seems to be the case looking back on my 20's. (teen years i don't count as that's rough for everyone) I had severe anxiety at a new job and life was hell around family and friends for years, my way to bounce back was consistent weightlifting combined with enough sleep, and healthy diet, no alcohol or fast food garbage. But it feels like i'm shouting the "potential remedy" (shit that works) into the void, as people are more interested in talking about and upvoting trauma dump comments, than actually grabbing hold of the problems and rising above them. Your body's health is your minds health, sitting still will factually waste away your muscles and bone density, and a myriad of other health issues, and elevate neuroticism and bad life choices that also affects people in your life, at some point we need to be better and set a positive example in the world, that's our duty to family, friends and society at large.

I can relate. Have you visited Adam Lane smith’s Channel?

Good video! The intentions of the people with the disorders are totally different, AVPD is only a protection mechanism, NPD is álso a mechnism, but use tactics (certain intentions and/or plans they consciously use). I read some times AVPD can go together with vulnerable narcissism in a person. Question for you about: Paranoid PD vs/& avoidant PD: (40 percent of the avoidant PD is also a paranoid PD) Is it maybe possible to make a video about 'Avoidant personality disorder & paranoid personality disorder' ? , because I'm almost 100% sure I have both disorders in my core, with the avoident a little bit more dominant. I wonder in what degree you see yourself also in many existing paranoid PD symptoms. So do you recognize many paranoid PD symptoms together with AVPD, or don't you recognize totally no paranoid PD symptom at all, while having an AVPD. This because you talked about that you as an avoidant trust people, I shocked when I heard you saying that, because I thought distrusting people is one of the core problems in avoidant PD, and I thought that fear of bad behaviour of others towards me, is ONE OF THE the main issues/problems of someone with avoident PD, I thought always. But because you said you trust others and have no trust issues, I was very surprised to hear that, because my main problem as someone with a very big AVPD, is trusting others and fear of others behaviours and intentions towards me. So I read all the personalities and found paranoid PD and recognize it full in myself, although I feel and see others are the problem and are bad towards me, while I know I have good intentions. I feel that all people in general are mean and with bad intentions. I can not imagine avoidant people can trust others and see others as good people, because the core is social anxiety. What's the difference, because in both disorders paranoid PD and Avoid PD you see social anxiety?

I literally just got diagnosed with both independently. I 100% agree with the theory

I think the going to the art gallery is huge. I couldn’t see myself doing that.. but now I might try 😳

i can believe i found a video of exactly what i was looking for. I have adhd too and have been trying to figure out if i have AvPD or BPD

Yes 12:17 to everything you said, I’m trying to figure out my body, mind & past. It’s tough to know what & where to start. I totally understand & hear you

I'm getting to where I don't think BPD is a real diagnosis. It's the new Hysteria and therapists are just emotional sex workers looking for an easy mark.

Are we the same person? Fuck

I have npd

The only thing i can't relate at all is that for you being in relationships is normal . While for me its the complete opposite honestly where i still have some friends but a relationship no you can forget about that being male having avpd ..

I appreciate you making a video , takes some courage to do that with this disorder . Hands off respect ! I have diagnosed avpd/bpd i am 34 , having this combination sucks great on levels i can't even explain . I love watching series and fantasising about being someone else but not me . I have not worked in over 10 years , no relationship etc . I am lucky i got a couple of good friends (luck) . I don't know where i am going cause its never ends , its like groundhog day over and over again . On top of that i have severe exisential depression/depersonalisation/derealisation/addiction.

Hey, we can have both. You got five traits, you got five traits as far as a clinician cares. I don’t even try to categorize myself. But they’re VERY similar, CPTSD, BPD, AVPD… all the research has done was make me stop caring if I met someone with NPD because at least they know what they want better than I do. 😅 Even ADHD and Autism and BPD and Addiction… they’re such similar experiences and results that I was joking about how confusing it is - they’re all just normal people! And my partner replied, “no one fits into a neat little box unless they’re dead” and shrugged at me. It was the perfect response. I’m more toward BPD and it’s not as though I don’t understand the things you’re saying. But we only need five. You don’t actually technically have to care about being abandoned physically OR self harm to have it diagnosed, unfortunately.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have avpd, although I did self diagnose with it until I learned a little more about it. I’ve spent far more time worrying that I’m a narcissist than I have that I have avpd. I decided I’m not a narcissist because of this idea of supply. Narcissists need to provoke a reaction out of people in order to feel powerful or important. Even if that emotion is anger or despair, doesn’t matter, negative supply is still supply. THIS I find abhorrent and I’ve never come close to seeing it in myself. If someone makes me mad, my problem is that I retreat and am a little too conflict averse, leaving problems unresolved, then the frustration builds up over time and comes out as anger. But not anger to control, anger to back TF off lol

Oh my God. I have AvPD as well and it's almost like hearing myself talk. I am so proud of you for talking about this. I can feel your pain. I'm terrified of getting a job, have never had a real romantic relationship. Appearing for interviews is terrifying for me and even though I manage to go to them, I experience debilitating anxiety for months or even years leading up to them. I don't know if I will ever get married because in my country, the woman goes to live with her husband's family, and they are usually quite judgy towards the DIL. Fuck this disorder. Hugs to you ☹️❤

Here's a doozie to chew on about self-esteem: It is too high self-esteem (arrogance, which we lie to ourselves about not having) that leads to the conclusion one deserves excessive amounts of praise and validation. And when we don't get it.... splat... we go from too high to too low self-esteem, and constantly repeat the cycle. We trick ourselves into a trap. We are choosing to focus on/identify with the too low self-esteem aspect, and missing out on the role our too high self-esteem/arrogance plays. Being aware of this and balancing this out helps big-time. Why is the tendency to avoid or deny this? Simple: it's easier for us to think that we have a more humble type of problem than an also arrogant problem. The more genuine our humility and the less lying to ourselves, the more we will see this and be able to rectify. Such is the irony: the humbler we are the more arrogance we will be able to perceive in ourselves. But we can then also work on it. Took me ages to figure this out. The trouble, or most of the delay, was caused by comparing to grandiose narcissists: "I'm not like them! I don't have the same problem! Theirs is arrogance not mine!" Not so. Just different way of manifesting arrogance. Example: one can be arrogant in talking a lot and not letting others speak versus one can be arrogant in remaining totally silent and thinking they don't deserve to hear you speak.

With APD we tend to maximize our negative qualities and minimize our positive ones. We also tend to conflate issues we dislike about ourselves as something someone else will dislike. It's part of the inferiority complex mindset that goes with our APD. It's also not fair to compare yourself to others and especially fictional characters in a romance novel. Just try to love yourself, perceived flaws and all. You are worthy of love, but it has to start with yourself.

i have this idea constantly , whats the point

Thank you for sharing. As someone who also suffers from this, listening to this is very helpful.

It's great to see you, wishing you all the best!!

I totally get it.

I was recently evaluated for Autism. I not only was diagnosed with Autism but several other things including AVPD and Major Depression. I also have ADHD. I have been searching for information on AVPD so I appreciate you having this channel. I am also an artist and I completely get the feeling of making art with and without an art community. I went through a MFA program which was amazing and when it was over it was so hard for me because it is like I am paralyzed to keeping in touch even though I want those connections with people. I found an amazing art community 2 years ago but last year I suddenly had to move and lost that community. I found another one- this is so much work! It is nowhere near the same but it is something. I am just fighting to stay here in the "want to exist" realm.

to anybody whos not going to dentist often enough , yeah , thats what gonna happen to you if you dont go , all kind of annoying issues and problems , its rly nto worth it , you need to fukking go , whatver youre avoiding its gonna be way worse at soem point

On BINGE EATING guys. A helpful tactic that I used (Not a miracle cure) was to avoid POWERFUL FLAVOURS. Example instead of a rich chocolate covered cookie search for a bland lower calorie cookie. The idea is that powerful flavours will push your food addiction into overdrive and you can't stop until you are full. A bland form of comfort food whatever it is will give you the feeling of snacking but not the urge to eat a truckload. If you are used to powerful flavours you will be disappointed with bland food but YOU CAN TRAIN YOUR TASTEBUDS to accept mild flavours. It takes time to adjust so be persistent.