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Well said, and optimistic, very good.

Avoid criticism

Avoidants don't make many bids.

Yeah rite! Ppl is you have to work at marriage, and work at work too. Then that is why it is not working! This ole' cuut don't have a clue. Ppl marriage is play! "Work" will kill your sexual energy, and that is why the average working man neglects his wife's sexual needs by simply working to provide for her. You don't make marriage work. Marriage is not meant to be work! If it is then what is work (8 hours a day)? Marriage is guided strictly by our libidos. It plateaus for 3 decades starting at 20-30-40-50. Each plateau requires the woman to have an hour more sexual intercourse with the same man her husband. So anything this guy says is pure malarky! To a woman all that (subconsciously) matters is how much he packin' and how long can he last? And pills do not give you skills. The latter (I call) a sex skill set. (P.S. did you know that the enzymes released in full intercourse (when she reaches orgasm) they are elements for the "fountain of youth" (to avoid midlife crisis in men) so marriage done right cause you to look younger - I look 9 years old! Lmao)

I just love how Dr. Julie & John Gottman are both such clear, eloquent, and calm speakers. I love listening to their lectures - even just as examples of speeches!

Thanks for sharing this videos I thought a good relationship only need love but am convinced that it needs more than just love but it needs both parties working together

This really help thanks because I was in a relationship and all we did was argue and I kept wondering why or where is the problem thanks for sharing

I like this very amazing and informative, I listen over and over again , I like the way you put the relationship, master as opposed to disaster , these little things can either break or make relationship as you so put it. Thank you

I like when you say most people respect science.

This is a fantastic.

Amazing, someone who doesn't think needing is taboo -- all my adult life I've despised the pop psychology adage "you don't need anything/anyone, you just WANT" -- please!

Now see My friend got MAD at the TRUTH..... and then began taking jabs at me in spirit!

Staying at home shouldn’t mean you’re the default parent. That just means you’re the parent while they’re at another job. When they get back home they should be prepared to share the load. Working outside of the home does not excuse you from parental responsibilities.

Brilliant - thank you. I have been married to the same lady for 56 years. You have explained a lot of why we have survived and highlighted areas where we can improve. Thank you again. Alan Cox

Your channel has become a part of my routine.

A: Awareness T: Tolerance T: Turning Towards U: Understanding N: Non-defensive listening E: Empathy

Everyone should be made to watch all of this & do a program on all this before allowing marriage! ❤

How do I know if it’s too late

I think it is important to note, and it can't be overstated, that what she said has nothing to do with resolving any issue or problem. It's all about "lasting relationships". So when she gets to step 3, "I need you too...", the spouse's response to that need, whether they do it or not, has no bearing on the health of the relationship. They say as much in other videos when they point out that up to 70% of problems in marriages are unresolvable and that it is the connection that is being made in the discussion that is important. The issue isn't the issue. Y'all draw your own conclusions on whether not paying the bills will lead to a lasting relationship.

Of the 90% that were predicted, what percentage stayed married vs divorced?

2:17

You could really help if you teach psychoanalyst like how u teach teachers. Psychologists want us to mimic death_ sick world for sick people

Be veryvery wise when yielding. The Jean Vanier spirit had been activated into the biosphere like a virus Jesus is your Only Answer for this sickness

thanks

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Here is the secret to great sex... oh we're out of time never mind.

Some aren't even open to dialogue unless a guaranteed complete change in behavior/desire/characteristic/interest/preference is known and stated beforehand.....

The absolute best lesson, besides instilling the golden rules & GOD! ❤️😇👥🫂🇺🇸🌎⚖️🔔🌟🔥✨ is saying ‘I’m sorry’ ~ to teach ~ FORGIVENESS!! Without forgiveness there would or WILL BE ~~~ NO: real, heartfelt, genuine & bona fide ~~~~ AGAPÉ LOVE!! ❤️ And that my friends, is what every human around this world 🌎 NEEDS & WANTS!! Everything, absolutely EVERYTHING!!!, starts in the home with life lessons to become the best version of yourself you can be! Thank God we ALL have 24 hours a day, 365 days a year in a lifetime to get it right! But don’t wait too long! You will WASTE your precious time on this earth! 🩷

So basically, if you were going through a rough patch, then make a mistake, even if you try a repair attempt, you're doomed? What's the takeaway there? I guess it sounds like the emotional bank account needs to be rebuilt, then make another repair attempt later.

Well done.

What does it mean if you freeze at open ended questions? It’s like I get overwhelmed and don’t know what to say. Just shut down

This is great. Thank you for sharing.

This stuff only works if both people agree to abide by the rules. Most people act out of emotions at the time..if someone doesn’t want to see your point of view, it doesn’t matter how you phrase it. I’ll keep trying to use this stuff and see if things get any easier.

0:00-0:15 this part made me cry when I hear this negative phrase on my situation. 😢

Men "Accepting Influence" ...'Happy wife, happy life'. Lol

An extremely rare commenter here... What can get complex real fast is when one or both partners are neurodiverse, and one partner has Pathological Demand Avoidance. If the bid is an ask/request/demand, the demand/bid can trigger an automatic threat or anxiety (fight, flight, or freeze) response causing panic. It is not necessarily as simple as choosing to pay attention to the partner's bids, as it's not a choice or on purpose that the neurodiverse person may respond to a bid with rejection and turning away. Then, you have one who feels rejected and frustrated and one who goes into fight or flight response, adding layers to the other partner's bid-rejection. Let's be aware of bids being an easy way to improve a neurotypical relationship, but let's also consider expanding our awareness and recognize that neurotypical ways of doing something do not work for neurodiverse relationships, and can actually cause more distress and harm than improvement.

All of which a Covert Narcissist would have.

I'm so happy for you that you had such a positive experience.

I’m watching this over and over until it really sinks in that I don’t deserve to be criticized in this manner. It’s also not my job to teach another adult how to communicate in ways that aren’t harmful.

Meh.

My weakest point : let them speak! Be attentive and present and slow down, take time to measure the stuff words cannot express. I am too busy..

THANK YOU DR GOTTMAN!!!!! I did a little takeaways video for my main learnings from you -- czcams.com/video/jrHX78m9qr8/video.html

This misses the mark on what being the default parent means, at least today. It doesn't necessarily mean that you, the typically cisgender heterosexual woman, are a stay at home mother and homemaker and may not want to be. It could mean you're working the double shift of being a working parent and the one who not only performs the lion's share of the physical labor but also carries the mental and emotional load of managing the household and childrearing. It's being the one the school always calls when the kid is sick, the one who takes the kid to the doctor, buys the clothes, fixes the boo-boo and tantrum and meals... regardless whether the other parent is present. And it's not just about the other partner not doing their share--it's the societal expectation that you are the one who automatically (ie by default) are, and should be, the one handling those things.

This is really FANTASTIC... Thanks...

Can you also do a video on HOW contempt builds? And the impact of chronic defensiveness, stonewalling, and failure to share influence?

Can partners really change? If a partner has a pattern of turning away, defensiveness, and stonewalling can this be a learned or changed pattern?

Marriage vlog czcams.com/video/aX53F-C9xO4/video.html

Masterclass, thank you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

some people don't like complaints either - they can't handle being told they are not perfect