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Commenting for the algorithm: i hope you hear all the people who day they love you, because even i checked in a few weeks ago and wondered if you were okay. We care about you. Mentally and parasocially

Thank you for taking the time to update your audience. I can tell it’s hard for you to talk about, but I was personally worried for you! I also shared these feelings when I got pregnant unexpectedly. I have 3 wonderful sons, but nothing went as planned. If I’m being honest, motherhood is SO much harder & different than I ever expected it to be, but that doesn’t mean you are failing if you feel that way. It’s okay to change plans. And if you don’t, it’s okay to not feel that it’s easy. You’re going to be a wonderful mother no matter what happens. Sending lots of love to you, many congratulations, and prayers that your sorrow turns to joy ASAP! 💛

I just want to say that while being thrilled for 9 months may be normal for pregnancy, it is also 100% normal to be exhausted, depressed, and scared. And you can be happy about the baby at the same time as you grieve for the life you will no longer have. None of it means that you can't be a wonderful mother. Even though you seem overwhelmed in this video, you light up talking about your baby. Take care of yourself and the baby and try not to stress about the things beyond your control. I found out I was pregnant two days before my husband was let go, so I understand about the financial stress, but it all worked out in the end. The twins (!) are all grown up now, I'm still married to their dad, and we're all fine. God blessed us in the midst of everything, but that doesn't mean everything was easy. Hard times are part of life, but there can be better times ahead. 😊

Congratulations 🎉 pregnancy is such an amazing thing but it is amazingly huge use of energy mental emotional physical. Pretty much all of weeks 6-16 I just call it a night at 7pm. Also dealt with a fair amount of anxiety and large babies (which caused some stress around them reverting to their genetic body type of shortish and slimish) Prayers for a healthy journey for you and baby and that your village would raise up around you and support you in this life change. ❤

Congratulations on the baby! Please, don't worry. It's just life that happens. It's great that you have plans and goals for your own life and family. However, sometimes life surprises you, sometimes happily, like you and your husband when you got pregnant. At the same time, the plans changed. Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, and that's when you might cry. You are tired because you are pregnant. You are worried about the future: Can you be a good mother, how will you manage to have children, the financial situation also worries you. I think these thoughts are very familiar to all of us women who have been starting a family. It's a wonderful idea that you've decided to make vlogs because sewing clothes doesn't seem like a good idea to you. I'd love to watch vlogs about your life and how you prepare your home for a baby. However, remember to rest and give yourself and your family time. Take it easy. Vlogs are probably interesting to your followers. They can be jagged and full of life, just like this video. You don't have to be perky if you don't feel like it, at least not for our followers. Once again congratulations on the baby. I hope everything goes well. 💖💖💖

Oh beautiful mama, I feel this so deeply. I always desired to have a brood of children. I've struggled with depression since my teen years and it was the absolute worst during my pregnancy. By the end of it, I was certain we'd need to give our baby up for adoption, sure I couldn't care for our child because I could barely care for myself. You are more than capable. It may take some time and it may take getting on medication to balance the hormones. Try not to do it on your own. Find a friend or mentor that can walk with you during your hard days. I made it through, my baby is now nearly 11 and while it's not always easy, it's doable, and it's so worth it. As for having a list so long of things you desire, I've only learned recently of making my lists on priority order. I've learned to put the bare minimum things I want or need on one list. Then make a list for a "good" result, and another for a "great" result. That way, I'm not trying to get everything all done at once and will be happy with what I'm able to accomplish. Lastly, don't feel obligated to create what you think we want to watch, or what you had planned on doing months or even years ago. We all change with the season we're in. I think I can speak for most of your followers by saying we enjoy watching what you enjoy doing. It was so obvious you had found joy in knitting the baby clothes you made. It was joyful to watch you share them. Do what brings you joy. And if it's just a few minutes showing off things you've made, or a chatty tea time, then that's enough. 🩵

I worked hard to become pregnant at 30, and struggled through the whole thing. It wasn't the joyful experience for me that everyone thinks it's supposed to be. That in itself was difficult. Two weeks after my daughter was born, I got up one morning and it was like a switch flipped, and suddenly I felt like myself again. You are not alone! Sending hugs, and asking that you give yourself grace to move through this period of your life as best you can. While it is true that having a child changes everything, I found that my new life was very workable with my baby, and didn't look back at my before life. Wishing you and Caleb all the best!!

Mariah - I went through something very, very similar with my first. Inability to cope, everything was awful, thoughts (and action...) on self-harm...worst experience of my life. After I had my daughter it GOT BETTER. Slowly, but it did. My husband and I both had to grow A LOT, and we did. It was NOT FUN, but we are better for it. And my daughter (and now son) are the lights of my life. How you react to being pregnant NOW means nothing about how you will be as a mom to your boy (and any others you may or may not have). And look into state/federal programs for help. NO SHAME. We would have been utterly lost without it.

Such a great job on the embroidery 😍

Sending a big virtual hug to you. All life changes are hard, and pregnancy is hard as well. As many others have said: The way you're feeling is not uncommon, so you are not alone, and you are not wrong for how you feel! Maybe my impression is faulty, but you seem to put a lot of pressure on yourself. Making all the clothes, no daycare, later homeschool, tending to the animals, all while also doing paid labour. To me, it sounds quite stressful. I was glad to hear that you also went out and just bought a couple of clothes! Please remember that you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Your baby will be loved and that's the most important thing :)

Regardless of why you feel like shit, you are allowed to feel like shit and not have to force yourself to pretend otherwise or hide it. Nor do you have to feel that "well, I don't have it as bad as x, y, z" or "I'm pretty good all things considered". You're allowed to feel bad, feel worried or scared, and take the time you need to get up out of it.

I'm usually a watcher and not a commenter, but yours are videos I watch repeatedly as I try to figure out something I want to sew for myself, and I appreciate you. I felt the need to comment after watching this video, as I'm happy to see many other people have. You are very talented and strong. Please be sure to give yourself grace. Having a baby is complex, and your honesty in this video is appreciated. You deserve to feel all the feelings and have no guilt about them. you are experiencing a significant change, and there is a massive difference between intellectually processing information and expectations and emotional processing. Please be kind to yourself. T

Pregnancy can be so hard, and first time motherhood is hard, but as a first time mom myself of a one year old - it does get better. I think it’s better once the baby arrives, you’re able to experience the most love you’ve ever known, and that’s what gets you through dealing with everything else. There is definitely an identity shift that happens becoming a mother, but you are strong and you will become even stronger. It will take time, but you will find the balance of what works for you and your family. Please try to give yourself some grace - you’re going to get through this and you’re going to be an amazing mother. ❤

Hi Mariah, I see your gratitude and its a beautiful thing. I haven't been fortunate enough to have kids and that's okay, so I can't talk about what pregnancy is like, however I do know when I was hoping to have kids that I was just like you, building up in my head how great it was going to be, how joyful I was going to feel, how easy motherhood was going to come to me. It was a painful thing to not see that fulfilled, and I know you're so in love with your baby already, I can see that. Let's face it, we build these things up in our heads, and then we blame ourselves when it doesn't happen how we thought, and we think we must be wicked or have done something wrong. Our minds are difficult places sometimes, and hormones can make things seem so strange, I know that happens to me at least. So I just wanted to say, that you will get through this and you can give yourself grace, because you do deserve a pat on the back. I'm convinced from all the years of watching you, that you will be just the kind of mother you always hoped.

Sweet lady, the only thing you have to do is look after yourself, we'll be there for you when you want to upload a video, never mind what you show us, a walk around the garden or feeding your animals, or even a day doing cleaning and cooking, a chatty mending vlog, I wish I could just give you a Big gentle hug from me and everyone who watches you, you are doing great and being pregnant is hard but you will be ok, never doubt that you will be a good mum, talk to your dr and ask your midwife ask for help. Sending prayers and hugs. ❤

Be gentle with yourself dear one. Your body is experiencing something new and it is trying to adjust. You are growing a new life! You will get through this. Don’t expect perfection of yourself. Get as much rest as possible. Your body needs it. Let the house get messy; that is not as important as your health. Those of us who have had children completely understand what you are going through. It can be scary, but you are doing a great job Mom!

Mariah, you are in the midst of a very tough time and I know it feels terrible. I'm going to share a bit of my own story. I got married in 2020 (none of my immediate family nor my friends could be there), I was living across the country from all my friends and family now, and I got pregnant four months into our marriage. My pregnancy wasn't as bad as yours, but my second trimester was the worst. When my first son was born I had terrible attachment problems. I didn't feel he was my son and I struggled so hard with postpartum depression and no matter what I did I couldn't make breastfeeding work. I felt useless and was sure I was a terrible wife and mother. Now, I have three children (all on purpose I must add) and my eldest isn't even three yet. I do a ton of sewing for myself and for other people. I also intend on homeschooling and continuing to be a stay-at-home mother. Why I tell you this is to show you that it can be hard. You may not feel better when you give birth (my midwives have always referred to the first three months postpartum as the fourth trimester) and you may continue to feel like crap for a while. HOWEVER! It absolutely does get better. Some drugs may be involved but that's nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds like you may need to have more iron if you are that tired. Give yourself permission to be a little under the weather right now. Not all pregnancies are the same and your hope for more children isn't something that has to be dashed away because this pregnancy is hard. You lit up when you talked about knitting for your child, so foster the things that give you joy right now. Also, don't stress about the baby room if you don't get it done as you envisioned. They won't know it if it looks boring. Mine are all sleeping in the same room right now and there are absolutely zero decorations since they don't care. I will pray for you and I sincerely am wishing you all the best right now. God bless!

Pregnancy is wonderful, but can definitely be stressful. Knowing your life is going to change can be a big adjustment, and adding a baby is a huge adjustment. Hormones can mess with you and make you feel like you're overreacting to things that shouldn't be a big deal, or sap your energy, or give you mood swings, etc. I had a mild pregnancy and still had emotional breakdowns at times. Newborns especially are a lot of work and stress, as much as you love them. For the first few months you'll just be trying to get by, but it does get better. As the baby gets into a more consistent routine you can learn to work around that routine to get other things done, whether it's work or chores or hobbies. Each pregnancy is different and each baby is different, but I'm so glad I get to be a mom. My baby brings me so much joy with his cheesy grins and adorable giggles and little army crawl.

I am so happy for you! I just had my first baby last year and pregnancy was definitely harder than I thought it would be. Pregnancy and motherhood does change your life and yes you might not be able to do all the things you love to do, but it is just a stage. Eventually you’ll be able to sew more and you’ll be able to teach your children to sew. I hope you can show yourself some grace during this period of change. I know God will be with you. I’ll be praying for you. I love seeing what you make and getting chicken updates, but I’m even happier that you are following God’s mandate to fill the earth and that you will be able to enjoy your little baby. Emotions will be crazy. But I pray it will pass and that you can find joy. I will be around to watch whatever video you post and however often you do post.

Congratulations and also my sympathies. I did throwing up for almost 8 months so I feel you on being plunged into a kind of temporary chronic illness that you weren’t prepared for. Try to be kind to yourself. Sometimes you just don’t have enough energy to give to the projects you want when you’re ill. Hang in there and hopefully if you end up having more kids the process won’t be as bad. I got very ill at the end of the first time and had to take a much longer break before having a second kid than I wanted. But the second time was much less painful than the first. I hope you’ll have it easier than that, but try to be prepared for your body to refuse to follow your plans. 🫂

Babies are both stressful and absolutely wonderful. It can be a hard season of life, and the best season of life. You are creating a whole entire person with nothing but your own body! Anything on top of that is a bonus. You're doing amazing things, even when you're napping. From a mama of 3 boys under 3, I have been where you are, it does get better! My first was 89th percentile, second was 60th percentile, and the third was 99th percentile (9 lbs 6 oz born at 38 weeks!) Babies are unpredictable, and they do what they want when they want. And every pregnancy is so different, and every birth is so different. Your next (if you still want another) could be completely opposite from what you're experiencing now. I do have a wardrobe tip for you- look for clothes you can NURSE in if you're planning to nurse your little one. Maternity clothes aren't designed for nursing, and it's so frustrating to have to buy a whole new wardrobe for pregnancy and then another to nurse and then another when your body figures out what it's going to do after baby. The hinterland dress from sewliberated is great for pregnancy and nursing and after if youre interested in a sewing project for yourself! Congratulations, and best wishes for your pregnancy and life with baby!! ❤

Early motherhood is hard.

I would love to see an embroidery machine video! You will make it out the other side of this. You have it in you to figure out your future. Don't judge yourself for not meeting the expectations you made without the knowledge you have now! Everyone is different. I hope you feel better soon 💕

<3<3<3 Wish I could give you a big hug (but wouldn't because I am a stranger to you haha). your candor is appreciated, I am sure your patreons understand, I can understand why you are not feeling goo about it though. But I will assure you, this will pass! I am currently pregnant with my fourth (due end of sept) so I am just a little bit ahead of you this time....now that I have gone through 4 1st and 2nd trimesters I am amazed by how challenging, mentally and physically they can be, and how different each time is. For me, and I suspect you are much the same, the hardest part is being typically so effective in life and then literally not having the energy to do ANYTHING, especially in the 1st trimester when the baby isn't even big enough to feel move yet....how can this tiny thing take me down so much, how can I possibly step it up and be an awesome mom when I can't even handle this seemingly invisible thing? And then you do, it's amazing, you just take it one day at a time and show up and do the best you can and miraculously discover so many gifts and strengths that you didn't even know were possible. And you make many mistakes too, and children are so resilient. And you just do it and it is hard but it's the best hard thing. And it's ok to feel down because it is hard and it's important to feel that, then when you can you got to pull yourself back up. It's so hard to see the end when you are in the thick of it. And then a year goes by and you think "Wow that blew by so fast! I could do it again that was just a wisp of time." it's crazy. And if I can say one more thing (sorry for rambling) it's that out of my four pregnancies two of them have had the insane fatigue, but two were pretty chill, so please don't be afraid to have more babies out of fear of how the pregnancy will go because we truly never know! Whatever content you are able to and chose to produce I look forward to (especially making doll and kid stuff!) Big congratulations on your beautiful baby boy <3

Is ok, not feeling the way you think you should. Planning is important but need to be aware that babies do not care about your plans and it might fall apart ( your plans) but that is ok, you will find a new rithym of doing things, don't give your self hard time for not doing things the way you other people do. If you feel crappy is fine, you are not a bad persson or lazy or any bad adjetive you might add. Every pregnancy is different and experiences vary.

It's going to be okay Mariah 💗. You have a lot of love and support. Praying for you. 🙏

Every day, first thing, declare 5 things that you are grateful for. Simple as hot water and so on. Realize that control & perfection are illusions.

you should do a video about all the clothes you made that you are actually wearing, I am dying to know

Oh bless you, Mariah! Don't be so hard on yourself, sweetheart 😊. Being pregnant is a HUGE deal, physically and mentally. All those hormones, all those changes. I've had 3 kids (and now I have 7 grandchildren!) so I've had 3 pregnancies and 3 labours. Every single experience has been completely different. The first pregnancy I felt nauseous every morning for 7 months. The second time and third times were nothing like that. All girls, all healthy, all roughly the same birth weights, but different experiences. Just because this one is difficult, doesn't mean the next one (or two or three) will be the same. Don't put expectations on yourself, just trust in God and listen to your body. If you need to rest, rest. If you feel the urge to scrub the house from top to bottom (it's a thing, believe me), do that. If you want to eat raw cabbage, eat raw cabbage... Your body generally knows what it needs, so listen to it. All will be well. Nothing is more wonderful than holding your baby in your arms, and that love is miraculous whether it's your first baby or your second or your third, or... All will be fine. Sending you a big virtual hug 🫂

Thank you for sharing and being so honest. I always appreciate when true pregnancy stories are shared. Thank you for being vulnerable. We'll do our best to support you in this stressful time. Edit: Just signed up for paid membership via Patreon!

Oh Mariah, I just want to reach through the screen and give you a hug! You are not a trash person! I don't have the experience to talk about pregnancy at all, but it strikes me that fatigue is bound to make anything a million times harder. Being tired erodes all our mental and physical resources and resilience, so no wonder you're finding things tough. I also get the impression that CZcamsr burnout is a real and significant issue, especially for creatively themed channels. I don't know if you saw Hazariel's recent video on that from her perspective? I totally get (on a much more minor level) the strangeness of getting what you want and feeling really sad about it. It happened to me when I was finally able to move in with my boyfriend after 2 years long distance. We signed on a flat rental and I gave notice on mine, and when I picked up the keys to the new place I just cried and cried. I couldn't understand why I was so sad when I'd wanted this so hard. I think it was some mourning for the old flat - the first I'd ever had on my own, and I'd lived there 8 years. The life change of becming a parent is so big, it's why I'm paralysed by the decision about whether to do it at all. I think a vlog-style approach is a good tactic. From the outside I get the impression they're a little less complex and time-consuming to manage, and I can see your enthusiam for the various baby projects shining through. Finally, as a Brit, it horrifies and angers me that healthcare costs are something you have to worry about and battle with while you have so much else to deal with. It's so totally unjust.

Love and hugs. You are building a baby it’s a lot of work for your body. Top priorities are naps and eating really nourishing food. This too will pass. The tough and the good stuff x

I’m 4 months with my first right now and I get the fatigue, depression, and feeling like you aren’t doing things right. You are doing great, and I know that sounds like a placative, but you ARE doing great. May God bless you and keep you, your husband, and your son safe and healthy. The Lord provides. ❤

I will watch and like your videos regardless of what you post. What you are going through is really hard so try to be kind to yourself.

Mariah - Please take a deep breath and know that the subscribers of your channel care about you. You need to take care of yourself and your mental health during this change of life. Don't feel that you're alone through this challenging time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Patricia

There are no “promises” you make while pregnant that anyone should hold you to after your baby comes. Sometimes all you want to do is sit there and stare at your Baby sleeping on your arms.

My heart goes out to every pregnant and postpartum woman who's struggling with the fear of not feeling grateful enough while being miserable. Give yourself grace. I know it doesn't look like it right now, but it'll pass. Thank you for being so honest and showing the world it's not always sunshine and rainbows. You'll be a great mom.

finding mental health support can take different forms based on what you need and what's practical and available for you personally. especially it can help to have someone to talk to, who's both nonjudgmental and who can help you figure out what else you need. paying for that can be helpful or a hardship, and so can having someone unpaid in that role. Regardless, i wish you the best.

Also those baby pants are absolutely adorable! So cute!

Congratulations!!! And I hope post-pregnancy goes much smoother for you and brings you (and Caleb) a lot of joy. Please be willing to give yourself time to adjust to all this change… The anxiety of doing something you’ve never experienced before, added to the pressure of meeting the productivity mark you hoped to, sounds like it’s becoming a self-perpetuating spiral 😞 Please take care! Also, you’re probably all over this, but I hope you’ve checked your iron levels out. Some of what you’re describing sounds a lot like my experiences with low iron, and I know I was *staggered* to realise how much iron requirements increased during pregnancy when I was researching high iron foods.

I’m expecting #2, due September so a little ahead of you. In the first tri I was sooooo tired I couldn’t even lift my knitting needles. I’ve not touched sewing or spinning since either! But this is last baby for me so I’m already excited about sewing my clothes after. Lean into wanting to make baby clothes, cute small projects! The energy and mojo will come back over time, you’ll find your routine and it’ll be ok.

Nothing changes you more as a person than pregnancy and motherhood. It's hard, and not in the way you think it will be. All the normal feelings you have are turbocharged by the hormones flooding your body. Be kind to yourself, this is a big life change and you just have to lean into it and ride the wave. Rest, do what you can and don't beat yourself up about all the things you're not doing. Be honest with your healthcare providers about how you're feeling, and get help if you need it. X

I had wondered what you'd been up to... Thank you for posting this update. Im also pregnant and have struggled way more than I ever anticipated. I have to say that reading these comments makes me feel seen in the best way. Thank you for opening up and giving others a platform to share their struggles so we dont have to feel alone. Big hugs for you, mumma. We got this 💪

It’s hard to be pregnant. Much harder than people think. You are not alone in this. I had a quite hard pregnancy and even harder first year with my children. But it got better for me when I could sleep all night again. Pregnancy and children changes one’s whole life. And that in many ways that is impossible to understand before and. Just take care of yourself Without any demands. You are producing a human and that is HARD WORK. My to boys are now 13 and 11 years old. And they gives me so much joy. / Sara Paulsson Sweden

I belive you can never realy prepare for pregnancy and motherhood. The fealings are just so deep and overwhelming. It may seem bad right Now but it will get better inf few weeks, months or years. Me and my husband had rough times especialy after birth od our son And it took us years to get sh.t together and it Is fine. You will be great and caring mother and you will care for your kids as best as you can. It doesnt have to bez perfect, life always changes our plans... It is fine, just try to take care of yourself too...

❤ 🎉 take care of yourself and your new little one! FYI 😅I tried to sew a lot clothes/ blankets/ diaper covers while pregnant (and the first 2 years of each of my little ones).... yeah. Did not work out as I planned on. 😂 Work together, you'll find your balance!

The painful truth -- and I am sure you are already aware, but perhaps a reminder would be timely -- is that everybody makes mistakes and we all fail. There will be times when you will come up short of expectations, whether they be your expectations or someone else's. You're going to fall down. And then you will have to get back up (maybe with some helping hands), dust yourself off, and keep trying. It's just a part of being human. And it is every bit as important to forgive yourself for being human as it is forgive other's for their shortcomings. Please remember that last part when you're feeling down on yourself! Parenting is a hard job and even great parents don't get it right 100% of the time. I can think of a few particularly consequential mistakes my own parents made raising me and my siblings, but we all -- my siblings and I -- still love them dearly and the whole family always gets together every year to share a too-large Thanksgiving meal set to the backdrop of laughter and pointless arguments. My point being that your kid is going to love you through your inevitable mistakes (as scary as that thought can be), your husband is there to support you in sharing that parenting role, and my guess is that the three of you have other family members and/or friends willing to lend a hand from time-to-time if you feel overwhelmed. I'm not sure if that was helpful, though I hope it was. For what it's worth, from the tiny sliver of your life I've seen from this side of the camera, I think you're going to be an amazing mom. I hope you find some encouragement that makes the upcoming trials and changes in your life more manageable, especially from your friends and family. Anyway, congratulations on your expected baby boy! Sorry to hear that the pregnancy has been difficult on you. And let hubby know that the comments section decided we need a surrogate hugger because our arms won't reach and we've volunteered him as tribute.

I want to give you a really big hug because you sound so down. Pregnancies are rough, not just on your body but also on your mind, and that's when everything is going smoothly. You've been dealing with so much on top of your pregnancy that it's not surprising that you're not feeling your best. And that's okay. I want to tell you that it's okay to feel rough. Changes are hard, you're going through a massive change right now and it makes sense that you're scared of the changes that you know will be coming in a couple more months. And that's totally okay too. As far as I know, especially for a first child, that's pretty normal. Knowing it's normal probably won't make you feel better right now, but it's not something to be ashamed of, it's not something to beat yourself up over. The changes are coming hard and fast right now, especially because so much else is happening, which makes them even more scary. Just because everything is overwhelming right now doesn't mean it will always be like that, things will get better. I've been following you for a few years now because you've got such comfortable content and I think I'd love to see your creative vlogs and progress on what you've been doing. Not so much on a project-by-project basis but more on a 'this is what I've been working on since the last video' basis. You might even be able to use parts of that to then (when you've got the energy and time) make start-to-finish project videos. I'd love to see what you're doing with the nursery or the doll clothes you've made or baby projects and anything else you're doing creatively (even if it isn't sewing), and I also love to know how you're doing, how your animals are doing and all those things. The heart of your channel is you, that's why I keep coming back, because I like the type of videos you make. So, please make sure to take care of you and I'll be happy to watch whatever you decide to make next!

Pregnancy depression is common. (Pregnancy brain where your mind feels foggy or just plain stupider is also common and can last 2+ years.) This is all normal. Good luck.

I'm not trying to be rude but please make sure you have a postnatal depression plan. This just means to make sure you have discussions about medications where necessary and make sure you have someone whom you can trust to help you with the baby at an instant. Someone who will answer the phone and rush to be there. The post depression can come out of nowhere and can get really hard to see through/past without help. It's okay to ask for help..