How to avoid making impulsive decisions in the moment đ€ đ€
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 3. 06. 2024
- -- Transcription --
(Thank you Hyrulistic for the transcription help!)
[Note: this video is primarily spoken dialogue with displayed text only during the beginning, matching what Jess says. Visual elements are not described at this time]
Jess speaking:
We know ADHD-ers tend to struggle with Executive Function Challenges, but did you know that there are actually two Executive Function systems:
Hot and Cold.
When emotional stakes are high, our Hot Executive Function comes into play.
Our Hot Executive Function tells us how we should feel based on the current situation and to behave accordingly.
It's essentially our knee-jerk reaction.
Our Cool Executive Function, on the other hand, uses abstract logic and critical analysis.
That means when we're using our Cool Executive Function, we're making decisions based on data, information, or logic, rather than emotion.
Usually the best decisions are made when we take all of this information into account: Our emotions and the data and information.
So a cool brain hack for making better decisions is to take note of how we're feeling in the moment, and then wait for our Cool Executive Function to kick in when we're calm, cool, and collected, so that we get the data and information we need to make a good decision overall.
[end of video]
-- Transcription --
[Note: this video is primarily spoken dialogue with displayed text only during the beginning, matching what Jess says. Visual elements are not described at this time]
Jess speaking:
We know ADHD-ers tend to struggle with Executive Function Challenges, but did you know that there are actually two Executive Function systems:
Hot and Cold.
When emotional stakes are high, our Hot Executive Function comes into play.
Our Hot Executive Function tells us how we should feel based on the current situation and to behave accordingly.
It's essentially our knee-jerk reaction.
Our Cool Executive Function, on the other hand, uses abstract logic and critical analysis.
That means when we're using our Cool Executive Function, we're making decisions based on data, information, or logic, rather than emotion.
Usually the best decisions are made when we take all of this information into account: Our emotions and the data and information.
So a cool brain hack for making better decisions is to take note of how we're feeling in the moment, and then wait for our Cool Executive Function to kick in when we're calm, cool, and collected, so that we get the data and information we need to make a good decision overall.
[end of video]
Youâre fucking phenomenal!! Great videoâŠthen to add transcripts; for those times Iâm wanting to listen & my brain just doesnât work that way at the moment. THANK YOUâ„ïž
What is the source for this terminology? I'd like to take this into my therapy session this week because I think it's a good visualization tool but I'm not sure where to start with creating those pause buttons, but I have a feeling my therapist might be able to run with this imagery concept. It's surprisingly helpful to have someone leaning towards more creative centered thinking because it means we speak closer to the same language. đ
I love transcripts. Helps me understand soo much easier when I lose focus
Omg this is so helpful to be able to read it without the visuals thank you for this
I watched it 3 times and still couldn't fully take it in and then I saw this. You are the best. You really do understand our struggle.
I have a two week rule on purchases for this reason. Anything I want, I put into a list to buy two weeks from now. If its that urgent that I can't and I have to buy it, then I'm not making the decision in the moment, its actually important. If I still want it in two weeks, I actually want it. If I don't, it just gets forgotten about. Spoiler, about 70% of these impulses now get forgotten about!
That's amazing! I love that idea so much!
I do something similar, but I take photos of the things instead. Then if I come back to the photo, or remember the thing, later and still want/need then I will buy it. Taking a photo helps me calm the "I want it now" and the "but what if I regret not buying it" or the "did I really need and want to buy that" haha
On that note, Prime Day is July 12 - 13th, and I have been gathering data on an electric bicycle to order then if they are on sale.
That's SUCH a good way to approach it. We're looking at getting a new TV which is going to cost ÂŁÂŁÂŁ and I'm finding it so hard not to just buy it right away. We're not 100% sure it's the right TV but we want/need a new TV and so I want to get it to tick it off the list.
I do a simular thing. I put online purchases on the wishlist of the website (with the heart icon). Then I often forget about it and then the next time I come to that website, I either order it or remove from the list. I do this to save on deliver costs, but it has as nice extra that it lowers impulse shopping.
As an ADHDer, I used to constantly make knee jerk reactions. I became self-aware of this and now I donât make any decisionsâŠat all! đ ADHD at its best(worst)
RIGHT?! It's such a hard balance!
Putting the pro in procrastination đ
For buying things, Iâve been taking pictures of what I want instead of buying it then and there. Itâs prevented a lot of purchases lol. But yeah Iâve found thatâs a good idea, i guess it helps bring me to that cool place
I'm going to try this! I really struggle with impulsive spending
I started to do that too, it helps a lot!
OHHHH that's super smart! I love it!
That is a great idea..
@@sophiecourt5006 omg same, ive baught up to 5 things JUST this week that i didnt need đđ«
I often would refer to myself as âslowâ and I was refering to my decision making..
I am not slow, I just take my time in all things.
I am supersonic as far as my feelings. I take a min.. Or leave the room cry, whimper and then come back..
I am so grateful for this resource..
I love that you talked about emotion and rational thought being both important.
When it comes to talking about executives, are there the _junior executive_ and _senior executive_ functions? Your sense of humor with this is appreciated.
Your series of videos have been most helpful. Thanks!
Great timing! I legit just had to remind myself to take a breath 4-5 times today. Not because I was super emotional or anything. I was just wired and jazzed and trying to do too many things at once. I stopped to think about how I was feeling in the moment and slowed down. I was able to function and make better decisions. :)
There's also the occassion that we happen to be in a constant hot executive function or working by default on it, or it gets auto launched when specific combination of elements happen (example: a difficult situation and a specific person crossing paths with us in the middle). When we get aware of hot and cold EF, these events turn more frequent.
For me I think it's when it mixes with my anxiety .I don't sit well with waiting or uncertainty or uncomfortable situations. So I make impulsive decisions to try to comfort myself or give myself some sort of grounding.And I often change my mind,it's infuriating for everyone,including me. But atleast I can see it more clearly now. This chanel has really helped and it's helpful to
read about everyone's experiences sharing!
@@SuperSuziepoo omg this is me most of the time it frustrats me some much!
Wait? Take note!? During stressful and/or emotional situations. You know we have ADHD right? đ
Ik this is why stores like to make things time limited so they can tap into that "hot" emotion based headspace so people are more likely to buy
This is why when I'm shopping, I keep an item in my cart that I really want in the moment, wait awhile, then take some time to think about if I actually need/still want the item (:
I knew that it was good to not make decisions when emotional and to have a waiting time with purchases to avoid impulse buying, but now I knew why. Thanks!
Also, I love that you add the transcription, because sometimes I just don't have the brain capacity available to process spoken English. Reading it slow then helps.
I am rlly spontaneous but in the last couple of years i am actually telling people like let me think about this for like a couple of days if its about something bigger then just having dinner (even when im super excited for some bigger requests people ask me). So basing my decisions on hot and cool is working better everytime and this short actually confirms my feelings about how/why im making decisions
Thank you Jessica for dropping some more very useful knowledge. I actually had to do this today so I avoided saying something while being upset.
This explains so much. When I'm angry at someone I tend to just lash out then leave. And when I'm alone I'm able to calm down and think the situation through.
Thanks
Wish lists in Amazon and the Watch list in eBay are great for stepping back and walking away for a while to consider (and also for seeing what tat we almost spent our money on).
Recently, I've become aware of the relief I often feel when someone outbids me on eBay.
I love when you explain things like this that make so much unexplainable behaviors of mine (and others') fall into place and suddenly make sense. Mind. Blown. Thank you!
I love watching your videos as it helps me understand my best mate better as I'm Autistic and she is ADHD and although great mates and have some things in common we can also be polar opposites - especially with this. She is definitely a "hot" decision marker - she booked and went on a plane on holiday with 2 days notice, she will also wake up one morning and fully redecorate a room - whereas I only ever make changes, plans or purchases after a long time of logical thinking and plan every detail. I'm sure there is a sensible balance between us lol
Iâve been paying more attention to how my impulsivity works and I think itâs really funny how my brain just goes, âI want to do this⊠okay Iâm gonna go do this I donât care about anything else right now.â
any chance you could go a little more into this? specifically how it compares to neurotypical executive function? I am autistic and I follow this channel out of both interest and wanting to better understand a number of my friends and family who have ADHD. understanding executive function has always bean a difficult point for me, I mostly get it but I would love a bit more here if you could
If there's tension involved, I've learned to hold my tongue unless I have to say something. Online, it can help to type something up, read it. Let it sit, then decide whether or not you want to post it after a couple of minutes.
Some reason you keep making these at the perfect times for me. I and starting to believe all ADHDers are living mirrored lives and I have no proof to suggest the contrary. lol
Itâs funny because hot decisions I know arenât best so I wait for cool. But if I use cool I know I will never make a descision because I already overthought way too hard
To find balance with this is my bigest struggle. Thank you for putting it into words
This is great - I'm averse to impulsive reactions but often that means I ignore my emotions *too much* then wonder why my decisions don't make me happy.
My struggle is patience. Once something has gone past the mental time limit I've given something, I will push play/send/buy/whatever. I do pretty good when problems arise, as I can break it down into small chunks I can attack one at a time. Keep up the good work on your videos!
Am so bad for impulsive decisions, watched your video earlier today relating to buying things and so impulsive on that to. But (41) and only realising that my ADHD has a child I hadn't grown away from it watching your videos and how to deal, work with things and genuinely get by has been a great help. I mentioned on another video about being told I had a personality disorder aparently I have had one for ages and no one medically told me, with the realiasation of this and your videos am starting to learn I need to be more patient with myself.
Whenever I get upset about something (and due to issues from childhood where I diffuse the conflict and make it seem like everything is good go cry about it then convince myself things are good) I always walk away and write down exactly everything that I'm feeling. When I'm calm I'll go through the notes, pick apart my logic and the whole situation and come back to the issue later. I'm still struggling with this as it's always better to be honest and say there is something wrong but you need a moment. But I'm only 22 and I got diagnosed 2 years ago! It's a process and this video is awesome thank you for reinforcing my logic on reacting to situations
There are so many signs you stated that I did not realize were ADHD. I am 32 this year and was just diagnosed in January. I hit a burn out from over working and over compensating. Almost every single one that was touched on hit home for me.
This short sums up about 30 years of my psychotherapy sessions. Jess, youâre doing good stuff here. Donât let up :)
I made a point of "practicing" the act of waiting, even if it was just "okay, 15mins of study then you can have chocolate if you still want it then" and often the notion had passed. It was a bit like training any other muscle, and it's still very difficult! But now I can say "okay, this item is on sale, but the sale runs for 2 weeks" and take some time to weigh up the pros and cons of buying the thing.
having bpd we experience something called splitting, which seems to be a sort of conflict between the "hot" and "cool" executive function systems, almost kind of "arguing" with each other. it's a strange experience and hard to deal with but being aware of that split helps us approach things
While discussion workplace accommodate with my psychiatrist, I mentioned that I struggle with executive dysfunction, like tasks initiation and time blindness. He said no, no, no, executive dysfunction isn't indicated as part of ADHD. đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđđđđđđ what the flip flap. This is why we struggle so much. Thank you for informing us so much better than our psychiatrists do. đ
I always remember that the DSM is a work by committee, and your psychiatrist obviously needs to remember this too! đ€
That makes a lot of sense to me!!! I always think of my self like, in how to act, like the cold and critic part of me and the emotion part of myself that is more sensitive and an empath!
In DBT this is a mindfulness strategy called wise mind. Very đ
Thatâs why Iâm so indecisive, I can make a decision that I want to do something then over the next few days I will analyze it so much that I talk myself out of it.
Clicking this video was an impulsive decision, and my cool system also thinks it was a good one ;)
As always, your tips are so helpful. And great reminders for me to stop scrolling and get back to workđ
Thank you, Jessica. Keep being youđ
You're welcome! Glad you liked it!
I tend to wait for the cold executive function to kick in by asking do I need this, will I regret this, can I do this? and then when it finally kicks in, I make a decision (sometimes cold is too late so don't give me too much credit and I do something drastic). When the cold function do kick in the decision is not immediate because my hot executive function is still arguing, "but we can make it work!" I have this internal dialogue where my brain debates the pros and cons. Sometimes the answer is "Yes, we can make it work." Sometimes its "No, its impossible to do so or the consequence is not worth it." Or "It can work later, so lets work with the now so we can make it work later." Needless to say, this impulsivity control was achieved with years of self-awareness even before I got diagnosed with ADHD and last minute or impromptu decisions doesn't allow me to wait for the cold to kick in or sometimes I just totally ignore the hot function especially at work. I look like I have good executive function but I just trained myself to wait for a bit by making it a habit and eventually becoming a personality trait. I recently learned to ask for more time too by asking "how long can you wait for a decision?" It surprised me on how many people at work would say, in 2 days, end of the week, or end of workday and i didn't have to drop everything to work on their asks. PS works at home too e.g. kids asking to go with friends, or spouse needing help with deciding on something. PPS write their answer down and make note of it so YOU dont forget. infodump
I impulsively clicked on this video. I think it wound up working out okay!
I figured this out maybe last year and use this exact method. It works so well, when I know that Il cool down in 1-2 days and only then will I see if Im still interested in said thing :D
Too late already quit my job and walked home lol
The internet definitely has increased the amount of people reacting with âhotâ executive function. Itâs expected that after an issue happens you have an instant opinion, otherwise youâre âuninformedâ. Sales and adverts intentionally have a âstockâ or time limited sales, so you feel you need to buy the thing you probably donât need.
THANK YOUUU my psych said to never make decisions when I am stressed but now I actually get why :)
Oops I just spent $105 when I meant to spend $45 literally thirty minutes ago.
I even had a list đ
OOF. Been there. Literally just a month ago. 𧥠It's so hard! I've started to stare at the ceiling or floor when I walk thru a store so I can't side-eye something I likely do not actually need. đ©
- Harley, Community Manager
@@HowtoADHD I was distracted because I was chatting with my brother's manager, not realizing in the moment that I was buying much more than I needed/could afford to spend due to how positive and friendly the interaction was. If my roommate were with me, they would have made a soft comment to point out what I was doing... but I went solo for my errands today.
don't fret ... I went out looking at houses yesterday, put in an offer ! It was perfect ... almost.and then after I cooled down I realised the 4 flights of stairs really are going to be a problem,and . . .. my finances are not quite ready ... nearly but not quite. Now I need to undo the hotheaded mistake. ... !
Oooh. This is pretty interesting. It would explain why I always try to maintain my emotions when under stress.
I literally love you
Awesome tip!
I tend to just go off my emotions and just say whatever or do whatever based on how Iâm feeling at that second in time
This is excellent. Again, thanks Jessica.
I need you as my best friend.
Thank you.
This is why when Iâm going through a hyper focus I write things down. Like right now Iâm hyper focusing on getting a dog. Which we want. So Iâm meeting my need right now by. Researching it obsessively, but I also wrote goals that needed to be completed before we can get one, so I can let my rational brain remind me when I get really emotional and craving one.
iâm getting more and more certain that i have adhd after watching a lot of different channels that talk about it
This immediately made me think of giving people estimates. Cold me is like "yeah I can get 6 weeks of work done in the next 48 hours while I have 30 other things that need to happen! No prob, I got ya! Hot me is like "I might have time to get to your 5 minute task in 8 months, if I hurry"
I wish i could remember this in the moment i am making the wrong decision
I'VE NOTICED THIS AND I'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO THIS. 25YO, DIAGNOSED AT 4YO, STILL SUPER TRICKY. I LOVE HAVING TERMS TO USE AND UNDERSTAND AND I PLAN ON REMEMBERING TO WAIT BEFORE THE SMARTER THOUGHTS AND CHOICES KICK IN. THANK YOU!!
Audio made it really hard to focus on this one. As always, much love & appreciation tho. đ€
I needed this 2 impulses purchases ago đ
The pressure of having to make a decision usually freezes me in place (procrastination?) and I end up in a thought spiral.
I'm known for being a calm person, but people don't know just how loud our ADHD minds are.
Youâre so pretty and you say such helpful things
This is great, in theory. Iâll definitely get a lot of personal use out of knowing this. But unfortunately when other people are involved and expect you to be able to make sudden decisions in the heat of the moment (and of course it has to be the RIGHT decision), they donât have the patience to wait until your brain does what it needs to do. Sigh. But this is at least somewhere to start in figuring out how to work with my own brain. Thanks, Jess!! đ
Yes !!! Amen to this !
Dude. This was good to hear. Like I really needed that && it helps make some stuff make some more sense
That was insightful. Thank you lady â€ïž
When I am sick, my first symptom is always both executives go on vacation. My self-imposed rules when this happens are: not allowed to do anything with money and not allowed to make any decisions of significance. Yes, the first is a subset of the second, but money must be explicitly banned at these times, so...
Also, I have a separate game save in KSP for when I'm sick too.
That's why I sleep on important decisions... or before reacting to something that might have consequences down the line... if I feel pressured to make a decision or give a response - I will even go "off-line" for a day or two until I am ready to respond in my own best interest.
Thank you. This help a lot.
Reasons I try to put things in a shopping cart and then DONT buy them right away! I give it a few days at least, or even a week or two. If Iâm still thinking about The Thing, thereâs a high likelihood I actually want and and Iâm not just drawn in by FOMO or a flash sale. Bonus points if after waiting The Thing is in fact on sale, and you know you still want it!
Being in wise mind. DBT therapy really helped me.
Me over here like, your thermometer is upside-down...
I have gone the other way and canât make a decision due to overthinking it to death
I always thought using pure logic to come to my decisions was the way to go. But then my feelings get caught up in it. Also key is using strategies like decision matrices.
Easier said than done, but worth a try
I have a policy to sleep on a decision.
I remember specifically go to a computers part store, got and ready to purchase new computer components.
The store carried a lot more than just computer parts.
I walked around the store looking at other items and after a while came to the decision that I didn't really need the equipment and needed to not spend the money instead.
There are other things that I have literally waited until the next day before acting on, and most times ended up deciding against doing whatever it was.
Hahaha listened to this 4 times
Nice input tnzzzx
What does it look like when the "cool" executive functioning system kicks in?? How long can I expect to be waiting for that? Or is there some technique to trigger that system to kick in??
Having a plan in advance helps. As many here have noted, shopping is often on impulse so being able to put it in a cart and then wait to see if you really need it is good. Also, writing out a list of pros and cons can help if emotions are clouding your cold function. I have more issue with my hot function, where I often donât know how I feel about decisions, or if I do, my old function overrides it, so I donât really have a knee jerk which can be problematic if I donât have enough information to go on.
I tend to 'sleep on it' if its a light decision, or if its a decision that is bigger I wait for a few weeks to make sure it isn't a rash decision
Impulse decisions relieve bordom and lonelyness.
True! But sometimes it also makes us dip into money we don't really have or makes us react impulsively in a way that ends up hurting others. So it doesn't hurt to sometimes double check. So like many things there are varying degrees of severity. :) But absolutely! Sometimes there are impulsive decisions that we can indulge in to help relieve the boredom and such!
Huh. This is really interesting and the idea of hot/cold brings things into perspective for me. When I'm in a situation alongside someone else who's really stressed out and I'm trying to balance their emotional energy, I am quite the cool cucumber. However, my emotions try to convince me I need to be the hero and I can forget to take care of myself. My cucumberhood has its limits. Sooooo... I'm a cucumber that will turn into a pumpkin at midnight? (Never abandon a metaphor!)
Aaaaah Not me having just impulsively stuffed an extra taco bell order for dinner.
Oh well, we'll try tomorrow!
Relatable! Enjoy dinner!!
I need this
When your cool executive function is horribly dysfunctional, and you know what the logical or right choice is, but you can't motivate yourself to do it unless you're in 'hot' mode where you're more likely to not make those rational decisions....đ
I figured this out a while ago but sometimes still messed because of other people.
Other people can answer questions right away. I need time. I usually post pone and answer / follow up with them later.
But sometimes other people rush me đ€Źđ€Źđ€Źđ€Ź
I know it sounds random but I hope you are getting good enough sleepâĄ
See, what I do is I tell my sister about the impulsive decision I want to make and then she says "that's stupid, you don't need _________" and then I still want to buy/do the thing but I feel like an idiot and it's easier to refrain.
I saw this thing in the store today and I really wanted it, but instead if going and buying it immediately, I carried it around with me and once I got to checkout I realized "I really don't need this and it's made cheaply, so it could also break easily." I also realized not buying that cheap thing saved me $3
I can't get past the thermometers being upsidedown.
I agree with this SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH
I'm impulsive because I don't/ cant think things through.
Example.
I ordered breakfast in the morning instead of fasting because I remembered eating at a breakfast place and it sounded good right then and now.
I was also at work when I did this by the way lol
Tell them you'll take it down, and then... Leave it there.
I know this but unfortunately I don't have people to remind me this. And I had to make a purchase and something set me off emotionally prior to making the purchase and I went through making the purchase anyway so even though I knew I should have cooled down 1stđȘ
Good tip to make use ofâ€ïž
Hope it helps!
I have banned myself from buying anything online and don't sign up for anything...eg.charities (people pleaser)
I take note of what I want then leave it on the fridge for a week and talk about it with my partner... before purchasing...
It's saved us LOADS of money...
My hot executive function can be really terrible sometimes, so I have to make a mistake with my hot executive function at least once so that way I can use my cold executive function to use A. what I did, and B. the reaction it got, as data points.
Thank you!
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Do you have any advice on how to wait? Like⊠my impulse control is minimal đ and often I donât stop to think about waiting- I just DO IT. And it causes a lot of shopping issuesâŠ.
I can't make important decision. I would procrastinate and overthink until I'm exhausted. and whatever I choose, I think I should have gone the opposite way. I overanalyse. I might have ADD. This leads me to depression.
I have to watch these videos at least 4 time to make sure I heard it cause I space out alot.... why adhd why
Whatâs the advice for arguments where hot is on and doesnât get a chance to cool,because the other person keeps rambling on? I struggle a lot to get my thoughts together when being hounded, but the person doesnât listen when I tell them theyâre not letting me speak or listening.